Trust Isn't Built How You Think

When trust has been broken, the recovering partner often feels pressure to prove they can be trusted again. They may follow instructions perfectly, track progress, and work hard to “get it right.” But instead of bringing closeness, all that proving can backfire—turning the betrayed partner into an audience who feels pressured to respond with gratitude or forgiveness before they’re ready.

In this episode of From Crisis to Connection, Geoff and Jody unpack why proving often stalls healing and what it means to shift from proving trust to providing safety. They share:

• Why performance-based proving creates pressure and can feel transactional

• How providing safety relieves pressure and supports the betrayed partner’s nervous system

• Why safety—not proof—creates the soil where real trust can grow

• How couples benefit when the focus shifts from evidence to presence

• Practical ways betrayed and recovering partners can move forward at their own pace

The conversation highlights a simple but powerful reframe: trust isn’t what builds safety—safety is what builds trust.

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Download the Free Resource: You, Me, Us - A Way Forward After Betrayal

When betrayal has shaken your relationship, it can feel impossible to know where to begin. This free 15-minute video and companion worksheet will help you steady yourself, support your partner, and begin caring for the relationship between you. Get your copy here.

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Join the Courageous Together™ Program

Courageous Together™ isn’t just another course, it’s a trauma-informed roadmap that holds both of you in the healing process. If you’ve ever wondered “Where do we even start?” After betrayal, this program gives you the clarity and structure you need. It meets the betrayed partner’s need for safety while guiding the recovering partner toward real accountability, creating a path forward that neither of you has to figure out on your own.

You’ll have access to:

• A structured healing framework with step-by-step guidance

• Video lessons and worksheets to build safety, accountability, and connection

• The option to join live group circles and support calls with me

• A private, secure community of others walking the same path

Learn more and join us inside Courageous Together: www.geoffsteurer.com/courageous-together

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If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need it. And don’t forget to leave a review! We’d love to hear how this podcast is supporting your healing journey.

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Watch on YouTube

Prefer video? You can watch full episodes of From Crisis to Connection on our YouTube channel: youtube.com/@FromCrisistoConnectionPocast.

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About Geoff Steurer: I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS) with 25+ years of experience helping individuals and couples heal from the devastation of sexual betrayal and broken trust. I am the founder of the Courageous Together program, co-host of the From Crisis to Connection podcast, and co-author of Love You, Hate the Porn. My work integrates trauma-informed care, attachment theory, and practical tools for creating lasting safety and connection. I’ve been married to my wife, Jody, since 1996 and we are the parents of four children.

About Jody Steurer: Jody is the co-host of the From Crisis to Connection podcast, where she brings her thoughtful, common-sense perspective to conversations about healing, trust, and connection. She earned her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Brigham Young University and is an ACA-certified coach. Jody has years of experience in corporate training, small business leadership, and family life, an