Unmotivated or Unable? How to Tell the Difference

In this follow-up to our popular episode “What to Do When Your Partner Lacks Motivation,” we dive deeper into an important listener question: How do you tell the difference between a lack of motivation and a lack of ability in your partner?

At first glance, these two challenges can look the same—lack of movement, stalled growth, avoidance. But understanding what’s really happening changes everything. In this episode, we break down the differences between someone who won’t move forward (lack of motivation) and someone who can’t (lack of ability or skill) and what it means for your relationship.

We share personal stories, examples from our work with couples, and practical ways to recognize the difference—so you can respond in a way that creates connection instead of frustration.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

⏳ [01:30] – The energetic difference between lack of motivation and lack of ability (and why it matters)

⏳ [04:30] – How lack of motivation shows up as stagnancy, avoidance, and numbing behaviors

⏳ [05:45] – What lack of ability looks like—movement, effort, clunky attempts, and vulnerability

⏳ [7:40] – Why imperfect attempts still build connection and intimacy

⏳ [10:45] – How motivation shows up when someone is pushing their personal edge

⏳ [13:30] – The importance of appreciating progress, even if it’s not perfect or complete

⏳ [20:00] – Why expecting your partner to think and act like you is a relationship killer

⏳ [21:15] – The truth about real relationships: effort and caring matter more than perfection

🎁 Download My Free Course: First Steps to Rebuilding Trust 

If you’re navigating broken trust in your relationship, whether you’re the one who broke it or you’ve been deeply impacted by it, this free video course can help. 

📋Join me in the Courageous Together™ Program 

If you’re looking for structured guidance, support, and a clear roadmap for recovery, check out my Courageous Together Program—an online course and support system designed to help couples rebuild trust and connection. Inside, you’ll get:

✅ A structured healing roadmap

✅ Live Q&A sessions with me

✅ Exclusive video lessons and worksheets

✅ Confidential and secure access

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About Geoff Steurer:

I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, relationship educator, and coach with over 20 years of experience. I am the co-author of, "Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity", the host of the weekly podcast, "From Crisis to Connection", and have produced workbooks, audio programs, and online courses helping couples and individuals heal from the impact of sexual betrayal, unwanted pornography use, partner betrayal trauma, and rebuilding broken trust. As a leader in the field, I am a frequent contributor on these subjects at national conferences, documentaries, blogs, magazines, and podcasts. I also write a weekly relationship advice column available on my blog. I founded and ran an outpatient sexual addiction and