A pound and a half? Really? Why?

Welcome to Garrison Keillor’s Podcast. We plan to release one podcast per week (sometimes more). Feel free to comment and share with friends.“I’m not opposed to legalization; I think it’s crazy to lock people up for wanting to be stupid, and if your doctor prescribes marijuana, goody-gumdrops for you, but when I smell marijuana smoke, I get away from it as quickly as possible before some pothead on a skateboard and wearing headphones comes crashing into me. Getting high lowers alertness.Go back and read Beat poetry written in dim smoke-filled rooms and most of it is less interesting than the average computer manual.”Garrison Keillor Jason Keillor, Engineer Jason Keillor, Original Music

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Episode Transcript

(00:07):
It's weird for a guy from thesixties to read about my beloved Minnesota on
the verge of legalizing marijuana, allowingpossession of a pound and a half for
people twenty one and over, openingan agency to license shops, setting an

(00:31):
eight percent sales tax erasing the convictionsof old dopers. When I was in
college, I went to parties wherepeople sat in dim apartments, doors locked
an eye out for the cops.The grateful dead on the turntable and illegality

(00:54):
was a big part of the appeal. We were rebels in the cause of
higher consciousness. Soda lacked the reliablecriminal element to supply quality refer and our
stuff was like mulch. And theeuphoria was mostly the stupefaction you get from

(01:15):
holding your breath. We would havegotten more euphoria by riding a good roller
coaster. The big thrill was lookingaround the room and wondering who might be
an undercover cop. I'm not opposedto legalization. I think it's crazy to

(01:36):
lock people up for wanting to bestupid. And if your doctor prescribes marijuana,
goodie gum drops for you. Butwhen I smell marijuana smoke, I
get away from it as quickly aspossible before some pothead on a skateboard and

(01:57):
wearing headphones comes crashing into me.Getting high lowers alertness. Go back and
read beat poetry written in dim,smoke filled rooms, and most of it
is less interesting than the average computermanual. Alan Ginsberg was a very sweet

(02:22):
man, and I went to acouple of his readings, and I learned
that it was good to sit nearthe exit, that fifteen minutes of allan
chanting was sufficient. I preferred beerparties, which often led to hilarity and

(02:44):
camaraderie and guys singing surfer songs andthe sloop John B. And I saw
her standing there, whereas marijuana ledto pretentious inwardness and contemplation of oneself as
a rainbow or a rubber duck orrhubarb. This is an old man talking,

(03:08):
and my experience tells me that introspectionis short sighted, and that the
great thing is to make yourself usefulto other people. I saw an ophthalmologist
last week whose waiting room was fullof rambunctious kids and who does surgery to

(03:34):
repair crossed eyes, and it wasclear how much she loved kids and their
noise, and it was the happiestwaiting room I ever was in. I
went to see her about my doublevision, which caused me to take a
bad fall and bang up my kneeand have to walk around with a cane.

(03:58):
And when I walked into the waitingroom of laughing children, I felt
a sort of blessedness. And thenshe put me through the eye chart drills,
and I looked at a light whichI saw as doub on and she
experimented with strips of lenses to maketwo lights one and pasted a plastic prism

(04:26):
on my right lens that made theworld clearer. And now I can walk
down the street and see the worldwhole. The world is as beautiful as
ever, though we live in astrange time of outrages, political fevers,

(04:46):
a dysfunctional Congress intent on partisan thwacking, while basic governmental obligations go unaddressed because
they don't make life its flash,and Bell's ding House. Republicans seem focused
on paranoid conspiracies, compared to whichRichard M. Nixon was an honest and

(05:13):
upright public servant worthy of having astatue of him in a public square if
I thought ahead ten or twenty years. I could easily despair for the country,
But at my age, one livesin the present, and so the
encounter with the ophthalmologist looms large inmy experience. She is smart and funny

(05:42):
and kind, and she accomplishes goodin this world. And I doubt that
she got there by having out ofbody experiences. She paid attention in school
and somehow became fascinated by the humaneye and attained skills to make a huge

(06:05):
difference in the lives of little kids. Clarity, I am grateful for aunt.
I don't need head trips or expansionof consciousness. The best minds of
my generation were not destroyed by madness, starving, hysterical naked, angel headed

(06:32):
hipsters looking through a fix. Someof them became heart surgeons and ophthalmologists,
and thanks to them, I walkin the park and look at the beautiful
people and love America for the goodnessand fascinating varieties of individualism all all around.

(07:00):
Thank you, doctor science. Cheerfulnessit's a simple virtue that can turn
the tide in gloomy times. It'salso the title of Garrison Keeler's new book,
Funny, thought Provoking, Whimsical It'san uplifting read and a great gift
cheerfulness. Check it out at Garrisonkeelerdot com