Thinking about that woman in Kentucky

The woman came by a little later and said, “How’s your breakfast, dear?” I said, “It’s wonderful,” though actually it was rather mediocre, but I didn’t want to cause her anxiety because — this is going to sound pathetic but forgive me — her “hon” had given me a very warm feeling deep inside. Me, a published author who once got a terrific review in the Times and who’s attended luncheons at the American Academy of Arts and Letters, but neither the Times nor the Academicians ever called me “hon” and she did and it means something to me.Garrison KeillorJason Keillor, EngineerJason Keillor, Original Music

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Episode Transcript

(00:07):
I was down in Frankfort, Kentuckylast week and sat in a cafe one
morning, and a fortyish woman ina white uniform approached and said, what
can I get you? Hunt?And I, being a Northerner, was
rather touched because female food service workersup north don't go around hunting male customers.

(00:34):
I've been deared a few times,but only by women older than I,
and they may have deared me fromdementia. Once a white person in
Minneapolis friended me and I almost spilledmy coffee. Notice that I don't refer
to them as a waitress. Thes ess is a diminutive. It's a

(00:58):
patronizing relic of male dominance. Sheis a weight person, even though that
term could be mistaken as weight personw E I g HD, meaning a
fat lady. But anyway, femaleservice personnel in Minnesota do not address a
man ashn or any other term ofaffection, and if he addressed her as

(01:25):
han, he could be arrested,handcuffed and taken downtown. I'm fine with
that. We live in a changingworld and I try to go with the
flow. But I can admit toyou, my dear read May I call
you dear I must admit that Hantouched me, and I also admit that

(01:49):
I overtipped her, and the hunningwas a factor in that it made me
feel like it was nineteen fifty eightagain, and Jerry Lee Lewis was on
TV playing stand up piano on GreatBalls of Fire, back when rock and
roll was more fun before it wastaken over by alienated loaners. I ordered

(02:13):
biscuits and gravy for breakfast, southernfood. I wanted to fit in.
I didn't want other patrons to lookat me and see my bowl of artisanal
granola and think that man wants toconfiscate our guns and teach our grandchildren about
chance gentrification. And the woman cameby a little later and said, how's

(02:36):
your breakfast, dear. I said, it's wonderful, though actually it was
rather mediocre. But I didn't wantto cause her anxiety because and I know
this is going to sound pathetic,but forgive me. Her calling me hun
had given me a very warm feelingdeep inside me. A published author who

(03:02):
once got a terrific review in TheNew York Times and who has attended luncheons
at the American Academy of Arts andLetters, in New York, but neither
the Times nor the academicians ever calledme hun. And she did, and
it means something to me. Iam a privileged white Anglo male, privileged

(03:29):
in that my parents loved each otherand they didn't drink, and I got
a decent basic education in the publicschools. And I grew up fundamentalist,
which once you're done with it,life gets much easier. And I attended
a land grant university back when youcould pay your tuition with a part time
job. And I got into radioby virtue of the fact that I was

(03:51):
the only applicant for the job.And the woman who waited on me probably
didn't have those advantages. Maybe thehun was an appeal for kindness by a
woman who'd suffered indignities and felt exploitedand trodden upon. Maybe she hates her

(04:11):
job. Maybe her younger, nogood brother got to go to college and
she didn't, even though she's smarterthan he is by a long shot.
And look how he messed up hislife. As it says in Ecclesiastes,
the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong,
neither yet bred to the wise.But time and chance happeneth to them all.

(04:34):
In other words, were not sodifferent from the mouse who scurries through
the underbrush only to feel the clawsaround his neck and hear enormous wings flap,
and suddenly he's fifty feet in theair being delivered to the eagle's kiddows.

(04:57):
But I'm not looking over my shoulder. I am pledged to cheerfulness.
I was supposed to die twenty yearsago, but surgeons got to work and
my sentence was commuted. And Iam very grateful, and you would be
too. But a cup. Onebeautiful thing about getting old is the irrelevance.

(05:19):
It's a troubled world, and myimportance in it is very slight,
not like when I was young inthe center of the Solar system. And
now I enjoy the world more thanever, including biscuits and gravy in Kentucky,

(05:40):
home of Mitch McConnell. You begood, Mitch baby, lighten up,
Kitta, and I advise all ofyou to live longer. Smile at
the woman who serves you breakfast,and don't order biscuits and gravy. Bran
flakes with Barry's is much better foryou. Want to see Garrison in person.

(06:09):
There are plenty of chances as hecriss crosses the country doing fun packed
shows solo or with other Prairie Homefavorites. Track his schedule under the events
tab at Garrison Keeler dot com