January 30, 2024 • 39 mins
On today's episode of Girl Gang the Podcast, I chat with Yola Robert and Marta Pozzan. As co-hosts of I AM REAL, Yola and Marta dive deep about mental health with guests and their personal journeys of overcoming obstacles.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to girl gang, the podcast.
I'm your host, Amy.
Well, and the founder of girlgang.
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Thank you so much for tuning in.
(00:41):
Hi, this is Yola.
Thank you so much, Amy, forhaving us on.
I am the co-host of, I am reloadMarta.
I also have a podcast calledAIESEC at life and I'm also a
journalist and in Ms.
Marta, I'm a writer and actor asa content creator and I'm
co-hosting the podcast.
I am real.
So Amy, I know we've connected alot offline and I first off I'm
(01:06):
so thankful that I found Martaand we're doing, I am real, but
I moved to LA when I was 19.
I didn't know a single soul.
I moved from Kansas and I'mgrowing up in Kansas was really
difficult for me because I'mEgyptian, as you know, and there
(01:29):
are no Egyptians.
I don't know if you went throughthere on your food tour, but
there are not very manyEgyptians there.
So I got bullied and ostracizeda lot for being adoption amongst
other things that happened at areally young age that were super
traumatizing.
And it took a lot for me to getout of a state of being
(01:56):
constantly suicidal anddepressed and not wanting to
live.
And one of the things I alwayswanted to do is move to LA and I
thought LA was it.
And Martin, and I share thatkind of, you know, yeah, we
thought, I mean, I'm not gonnaspeak for Marta, but I thought
it was like LA was like heavencompared to the hell I was
(02:18):
living in.
And so when I, as soon as Icould, I moved out here and it
was really difficult, adifferent kind of difficult,
difficult that I knew would havewould reap benefits at the end,
not the kind of difficult that Iwas enduring as a child, but it
was very difficult.
And I felt like I sucked at somany things.
(02:40):
And I moved out here with astartup.
Um, it was an app and, uh, uh, avirtual closet app with AI that
would put outfits together foryou.
And this was in 2013, 14.
So it was a little bit ahead ofits time to be quite honest.
And I see a lot of apps orcoming out now that are using,
(03:01):
using some of the sametechnology that I had built into
my app, but it ended up failing.
I ended up becoming homeless andI was sleeping on friend's
couches for months and they werebuying me food for me.
I couldn't even afford to buy myown food.
I mean, I think I had like$19 inmy bank account.
(03:22):
So, but it's a very similarstory.
A lot of people that move to LAshare.
However, I knew that I couldn'tmove back to Kansas.
Like anything was better thanthere even being homeless in LA.
And I figured out one of thestrongest skillsets I actually
(03:44):
had was writing and people wouldalways ask me to do copywriting
ghost writing, right for them,you know, ad copy everything.
I even like ghost wrote people'sbooks.
And that's how I started to makemoney to get out of that like
really poor state.
And then a few months later, Iended up working for a venture
(04:07):
capitalists that I had pitchedfor my startup.
And I became his marketing slashbusiness development director.
And I started to realize howeveryone sucked at life at some
point, you know, in one way oranother, and no one was perfect
(04:27):
and all the, the, the, the waythe media portrayed, how
everyone was, all the successfulpeople just woke up one day and
became successful and becamemillionaires and billionaires.
That was all a lie.
Everything was a lie.
And I kind of went on thismission to expose that.
And that was kind of my pitch toForbes.
(04:48):
It took me two years to get evena reply from a Forbes editor by
the way.
But when I did get the chanceto, it was by luck actually that
I was at a, a Bumble event andone of the Forbes women editors
were there.
And I went up to her.
I was like, I deserve to writefor Forbes.
And she was taken aback and Ikind of pitched her my idea of,
or my angle of my column.
(05:09):
And they tested it for a fewmonths and it did well.
So I'm still writing theretoday, but I want, and so as I
started writing for Forbes, evenmore, it became more and more
apparent that these people weidolize are not perfect and they
failed so many times, but it'sthe way they pivoted.
(05:31):
And we're able to take thosefailings and learning lessons
and turn them into, uh,successes was what made them
successful.
So that's why I started mypodcast.
I suck at life and it'sconversation with, you know,
celebrities, entrepreneurs,influencers, thought leaders,
(05:52):
experts on how to essentiallynot suck at life, or, you know,
take your, overcome yourfailures and take your learnings
to turn them into positives.
And through that, I started torealize that I wasn't as open
about my mental health and Ineeded to be because I had gone,
(06:15):
even though moving to LA washelped quite a bit because I was
in a different environment.
I was still struggling withthings and I was still
struggling with trauma fromchildhood that I was still
working through, but I wasn'tsharing it.
So I, because of my podcast andthe, in the, you know, the
(06:35):
community I had built, Irealized I needed to be more
open about it.
And I started being more openabout it in my writing as well.
So I would say like mid 2018,early 2019 is when I started to
really share more of my mentalhealth journey and it's become
my why and my purpose, like, nomatter what I do, I consider
(06:58):
myself a storyteller, whether itbe through writing podcasting
content, um, speaking, whateverit is, I'm telling stories.
My why my purpose is to helppeople who are suffering from
mental health and who are goingthrough this journey, understand
(07:23):
that they are in control oftheir own narrative and that,
and to also make other peopleaware that mental illness is not
a sickness and it can actuallybe your super power if you make
it, if you take control of thatand you allow it to be your
super power.
And so Marta and I ended upmeeting at an event, a dinner,
(07:47):
she was hosting for a brand onetime and we just kind of stayed
in touch.
And we realized we were, youknow, shared very similar, uh,
backgrounds or the way we kindof, we both started therapy in
our teenage years.
We both had this kind of, weneeded to escape our own
(08:07):
environment and take control ofour lives and our narratives.
And we were both starting toshare our stories publicly.
And so we started a, we, weMarta started a panel with a
basic space called iron real,and she asked me to come speak
with her.
And it did really, really well.
So that's where the, I am realstory started, but Martel I'll
(08:30):
let you take it from here.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
My first job was as a ghostwriter, just like, uh, Yola
is actually, uh, for vanityfair.
I was in Milan.
I was going to college.
I was 19.
My major was, um, literature inphilosophy, Italian literature
and philosophy.
And I was so bored cause I thinkI was, my high school was very
(08:53):
tough and I had teachers wereactually professors.
I felt like I did all the workin high school.
And like college was, felt likeso easy and just didn't feel
like I was learning a lot.
So I was born in, I needed toget, I wanted to find a job.
Um, so I was, I got hired towrite for this journalist of
vanity fair, to write, you know,uh, for her, without using my
name.
(09:13):
And then I kind of became herassistant and then I kind of
became a host for vanity fair.
Cause they had just started,that was 20, 20, 10, 29, I
think.
And I think they just startedtheir YouTube channel.
So that would make me host theselike little fashion segments
doing fashion week in Milan.
And it felt like a dream job,like kinda like the devil wears
(09:35):
Prada, but like no money.
Like I was getting paid 500bucks a month, which for 19, I
guess, I mean, it was fun.
I don't know it was, it was anexperience.
It was an adventure, but Icould've gotten hired and like,
you know, have that be my actualjob more like as an editor
eventually, maybe I just nevercared to live in Italy.
I never liked it there.
(09:55):
I know it was a beautifulcountry, but I just never liked
it.
Like for me, for me, it justdidn't work for me.
And I've always wanted to livein LA since I was 12.
And I don't know why, I don'tknow what was here that I could
do or like I just, I had, no, Ididn't have a specific vision of
what I was going to do, but Ijust knew that the place where
I'm supposed to live as here.
(10:17):
So I, um, and I came to visitand I took it UCLA, um, summer
class in 20, I was 18 or aboutto turn 18.
So then I actually physicallywas here for a while and I, that
gave me time to realize, yes, itis where I want to be.
But then I had to go back tocollege and Emory.
(10:37):
So I graduated really likequickly, even six months before
the actual term, I think, causeI just wanted to get out of it.
And I either, I thought I had topay extra to get out of it
sooner, something like that.
I don't remember, but somethingwhere they were like, okay, like
I had to say that I was, that Ineeded to leave earlier, like
leave school earlier.
So I did and um, came to, I wentto London for an MFA in creative
(11:00):
writing that I'd never finishedand I'm like, I'm done.
I have a BA I'm good.
I don't need more than this.
And I just couldn't even handlereading or holding a book for so
long because I was so fed upwith school.
Cause I think in Europe, I don'tknow about here, but like it was
just like, it was a lot and itwas very like, it didn't feel
practical at all.
It was just like, uh, I'mstudying and learning, but it
(11:22):
wasn't like, I didn't know, kindof[inaudible] with what I
studied because philosophy isvery just in your, in your head
and like you're thinkingthoughts and whatnot, but it's
like, what's my job, you know?
So I, um, and I didn't know thattime.
Well, my job would be, I justhad an idea, but I didn't really
fully know.
And when I came to LA and wentto acting school for a year,
(11:45):
actually just like last week,the school that I went to ask me
to be in their commercial for,to promote the school.
And I'm like, I don't know aboutthat.
Cause I didn't have a good timeand I hated it.
It was just so, you know, actorsare so anxious all the time and
being around a bunch every day,there's just so much like one
thing is to see them atadditions and that's already a
lot of pressure, but beingaround actors every day for a
(12:08):
year and a half, every four, Ithink I had to go to school six
days a week.
And it was like, like a properprogram.
And I was like, it was verychallenging because I, I like to
be alone a lot.
And that was the opposite ofbeing alone a lot.
I was always with people anddoing these crazy, you know,
acting method, acting exercisesthat were just very intense.
(12:29):
So it was quite tragic in thebeginning.
But um, then I, I actually,through the school, I booked a
commercial car commercial.
I don't remember what was itlike Ford?
I think so.
Yes.
And they're in like, you know,doing this commercial and the
director was like, Oh, like,you're really cool.
(12:50):
I like your sense of fashion.
You should meet my wife.
And I'm like, okay, likeinteresting.
And who's your wife and his wifewas Jamie King.
Um, and so kind of like JamieKing helped me so much with a
lot of the, everything in LAwhen I first moved to LA because
she, I was her assistant for afew months.
She got me a work visa.
I met so many people throughher, so she was kind like my
mentor for a few years.
(13:11):
And um, actually I got signed tonext models through her and uh,
was able to start working onthese like, you know, fashion,
beauty, um, social mediapartnerships.
And that's how I started doingthat full time.
So I kind of left the actingaside while I was booking a lot
of commercials.
Cause that's how I started.
So they would just, when you doone thing and they know you for
(13:33):
that, they keep paying you forthat.
So I was doing a lot of that andit wasn't like, I didn't like it
that much commercials were verylike, like dry.
You don't really get to playreal characters.
And um, so I figured I wasmaking money with like social
media posting and with brandsand I just kept doing that full
time.
And only a couple years ago, Istarted getting back into the
(13:54):
acting thing cause I booked acouple of roles in feature
films, through friends andpeople that knew me.
And then I started writing againand I, co-wrote a short film
that got, um, into an Oscarqualifying film festival last
year.
And um, I'm S I'm writing, Iwrote another one I'm working on
a couple more things that Iwrote and that I'm gonna act in.
So I feel like the whole, youknow, the journey kind of like,
(14:17):
you know, took me to back towriting in a way, which is how
it started, but not writing formyself writing stories now.
But at that time it was writingabout bags or shoes or designers
because she was a fashioneditor.
Right.
So, um, so yeah, and now I'mhere again writing, but um, for
my own stories and for myshorts.
And so, um, and the mentalhealth stuff is something that
(14:41):
I've been dealing with my entirelife.
I had, um, eating disorders,anxiety, panic attacks as a
teenager and as a kid.
And I never talked about ituntil last year.
I think 2020 was when I reallywell, 2019 I guess, opened up
about it all.
And now I think brands like toendorse these stories too, and,
(15:02):
you know, share and work withtalents that can share these
kinds of things and talk aboutthese kinds of things.
So I am, I'm happy that I, mysuffering brought me to, you
know, make money or I talk aboutit and help other people along
with making money and, um,sharing my life and uh, hearing
(15:23):
from people's stories.
Um, so it's all, it's allcreative, uh, life creative
process, creative journey,everything is creative for me.
Everything has to do with makingart either it's visual or words
written or audio, whatever itis.
So I say, yeah, that that's,that's my mission, I think.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
And it probably feels so good to just being so aligned
with a purpose that goes back toyour childhood.
And I think that's something allthree of us when we first
connected that I just felt likesafe chatting with you guys,
panic attacks, especially as akid like you.
Um, for me personally, I wouldjust like, feel like I was
literally dying.
I would be so scared I wasdying.
(16:04):
And if I wasn't scared of that,it would just be these like
hyper level fears you couldn'trelate to.
And I think what's so importantabout what you ladies are doing
with, I am real and especiallynow is I think, um, the majority
of people, even if they didn'tgrow up with anxiety or
depression or, you know, tryingto work on their mental health,
(16:25):
everyone kind of got kicked intogear and realizing that the
future isn't guaranteed and kindof learning, needing to pivot
the last year.
So I think there's a lot ofpeople, even if they didn't grow
up with it or if they don't havea chemical imbalance, a lot of
people are dealing withcircumstantial, depression and
anxiety.
And I mean, if you're like inyour twenties or thirties and
feeling these things for thefirst time, it can be really
(16:46):
scary.
Like I know people that are ourage that like straight up think
they're having a heart attackand then they're like, Oh, it's
a panic attack.
I like just people going throughthese things for the first time.
So I applaud you both forfiguring out what your voice is
and being brave enough to stepinto that and encouraging other
people to talk to it.
And people like me, like insteadof me feeling like a weirdo, I
feel empowered to share stuff ina safe space.
(17:08):
So I think it's like reallycool.
What you both are doing with, Iam real.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Yeah.
Thank you.
I mean, and same to you.
I, I think it's interestingbecause now more than ever
people can relate to each otheron this level versus what you
were saying.
When we were like younger, she'dbe like, Oh, you're being
overdramatic.
It's just in your head.
Like when I would get panicattacks, like, I'd be like, I
can't breathe.
I can't breathe.
And my dad would be like,stopping a child you're being
(17:37):
childish.
Or like, you know, like theywould always brush it off.
And I, I can relate to havingthe heart attack part because I
made my parents get me like EKG.
Cause I thought I had problems.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
And my first panic attack that I remember was when
I was four.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Yeah, I was, I was 13 and my fear was to vomit in
front of everybody.
So I would simulate my body wasstimulate all the feelings you
feel when you're about to throwup.
And I felt like I needed toleave whenever I was around
people.
I had to leave cause I had to gothrow up.
But it was all in my head.
I didn't have to throw up atall, but so that brought me to
not eat.
Cause I was like, if I eat, thenI'll throw up.
(18:16):
Can you imagine thinking that?
So I was confusing, being hungryfor being nauseous.
I lost like 30 pounds and allthis process.
And I didn't tell anybody aboutit.
I was, I don't know what it was.
I didn't name it until I was 19.
And I started doing someresearch on Google and I, and I
read, and there's a name forthis kind of like panic attack
(18:37):
related to vomiting.
And I was like, like, that'swhat I have.
And, and then I started goinginto therapy.
I was, I was going to therapyalready when I was 17, but I
eat, I couldn't even bring upthe whole panic attack thing
cause I, I didn't even name ityet.
I was like, wait, I have thesethings, but I don't know what it
is.
And um, and then it, when Ithink they went away around like
(18:59):
21, 22.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Yeah.
Amy have you.
I'm curious because this yearand two are not this year and
2020 after the pandemic, I hadtwo big panic attacks.
Like the ones I used to get whenI was a kid.
Did this year.
Did you experience thoserecently at all?
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Honestly, fortunately, asrecently as last night, I still
(19:24):
deal with them a lot, but I feellike just, um, being able to
understand what they are forwhat they are, you can get
through them.
Um, and I like, there's a lot oftriggers.
I'm sure you guys know this too.
And, or like know, probably knowsome of your triggers.
And it's like, when I do mytriggers, like for me, one is
caffeine and I had a debt orsomething coming up Tuesday.
(19:48):
So I had like coffee and aCelsius yesterday, which is
really rare.
And then it way on, I woke upand was like, Googling like
heart palpitations.
How many people does this happento at 32 years old?
And it's like, okay, your brainis playing a trick on you.
And so then I kind of just tryto, like, I listened to a little
meditation app.
I kind of free myself from thesensation and realize like, you
(20:08):
know, a lot of it is in my head.
It's normal for a heart to beatfast when you have a lot of
caffeine and you're used to likeseven or eight hours of sleep,
um, if you stayed up till 2:00AM working and you don't usually
do that, you know, lack of sleepcaffeine, that kind of stuff are
triggers to me.
So I still get them very often,but the biggest thing and just
like when we were younger, like,I didn't know what the word
(20:30):
panic attack was.
And when I first had anxiety,like, especially with the
misdiagnosis, if you're justlike getting rid of Lin or
Adderall and being encouraged tofocus, but people aren't
explaining to you like, Oh, whenyou feel these like pins and
needles, or if you're liketerrified of death and like
don't want to go to school.
Cause you're like thinking aboutsomething bad on the way there.
Um, when you don't really knowwhat they are.
(20:50):
I used to just think when I wasyounger, like, Oh, I'm so happy
I survived and got on the otherside of whatever this feeling
was, but yeah, last year theydefinitely high-end.
And then, um, my husband has upLepsy and unfortunately we had a
few like episodes that got us tothe hospital last year.
And so I think just like thevisual traumas of that are big
triggers too.
So that's what I'm currentlyworking on is identifying
(21:13):
triggers, working on meditationand just kind of like breathing
through it.
And the moment you start to getlike a crazy Google, like manic
search going have all thesesymptoms be like, okay, this
isn't happening to you put thephone down, just breathe.
It's going to be really for likea couple hours.
Yeah.
You kind of have to do that.
Um, and you have to understandonce you understand your panic
(21:35):
attacks here, you know, what youneed to do to, uh, what tools
you need to use to get throughthem.
So, yeah, and even like, I usecannabis and CBD a lot to calm
down, but sometimes like weedcan be a trigger.
So I think it's all our bodiesand our mental state are always
changing from outsidecircumstances and just the way
we feel about ourselves and kindof what we're working through.
(21:57):
So I like to just kind of alwaysdo like emotion and emotional
audit on myself and just kind offigure out what I can handle at
that moment and be okay that itmight change something that
might be a tool.
It might actually be a triggertwo months later if you're like
in a, you know, anxious andinsecure state and like don't
want to be in your head a bunch.
(22:17):
So what are some of the toolsyou, you ladies utilize like
kind of pushing through lastyear and do you feel like this
lighter, brighter state comingthrough as the world is starting
to operate again and maybe moreopportunities are coming?
Speaker 2 (22:31):
I feel like I've developed tools and methods to
calm anxiety without really evenknowing that I was doing it.
And one of these things would bejust laying like, um, on your
back on the floor, not even onyour bed, on the floor or like
if you have marble floors in thebathroom, because I think that
when it's cold, it's kinda likewould make me feel like I'm
(22:51):
waking up again.
I'm kinda like, you know, bringthat feeling of like being alive
or being in my body.
And then I would do the tappinglike this on my, on my chest.
You can do it on your shouldersand you can do it on your, I
think, yeah, just like this, butI, um, cause I do EMDR.
So, um, even if it's not mytherapist doing it on me and my
(23:14):
knees or when she does the, um,the eye thing, I think just with
a tapping, it's almost like a, Idon't know, it has a calming
sensation.
I don't know.
It makes me feel like I'm likebreathing better meditation
apps, podcasts on mental health.
Um, maybe I'll just make a drinksometimes.
Maybe that's not a good one, butlike, I don't know each other
(23:36):
for hours, hours.
Um, yeah.
And just like really trainingyour thoughts cause it's all in
the head at the end of the day.
And I think
Speaker 1 (23:46):
If you can really like, you know, supervise your
thought.
Yeah.
And similarly, I mean, I, Idon't do EMDR, which I need to
try it, but I do go to therapy.
I personally, it's not right foreveryone, but I had to get back
on medication this year.
Um, just cause it wasunmanageable without it.
(24:08):
I couldn't do basic functions,like brush your teeth or put the
dishes away.
So that's when you know, it's,um, something to look into if
you've been on it before andsomething to talk to your
psychiatrist about.
Um, and then definitelymeditation and reading, like
really reading a lot of booksabout, um, the conscious mind
(24:31):
and understanding how our brainworks.
Um, the more I understand howthe brain works, the more I'm
able to control.
And just as Marta said,supervise those thoughts.
Uh, occasionally I will use CBDand really having people in my
(24:51):
life that I can rely on to bethere for me when I do get
anxious or I do get depressedsuch as Marcia.
Um, my boyfriend, my sister, um,you know, my mom, just having
those people be there likeunconditionally for you.
And I think it's reallyimportant.
That's the hard thing about thepandemic is you're not around
(25:12):
these people regularly anymore,but even just letting them know
even just the phone call or aFaceTime can make such a big
difference.
Um, and talking through thosefeelings.
Cause sometimes like forinstance, I'll call Marta and
I'm like, I'm anxious.
She was like, she talks methrough like what the source is
(25:32):
from.
And after the call I'm like,okay, I feel better.
Like we really like unpacked itand like, and went from being
like a bunch of squiggly linesin my head to one straight line
and it's like exiting my body.
So sometimes I like to draw outmy anxiety, um, and put it, you
(25:55):
know, draw out where like howit's coming from, where it's
coming from and the source andhow it's going to leave my body.
I've never really shared thatwith anyone.
But I do that sometimes.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Yeah.
I mean, I'm kind of blown awayby that, as you were saying that
I was picturing like thefreedom.
I could feel doing that exerciseone time because there's a lot
of things that like, I pictureit like layers since we really
are the only speech I can have afeeling on a feeling.
And so a lot of the times, youknow, maybe this like surface
this surface level anxiety, ifyou can just figure out how to
(26:32):
like map visually to where it'sstemming from.
I mean, it's like chipping awayat it.
I love that.
And I'm definitely going to trythat.
Thank you so much for sharingthat.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
Yeah, it's weird.
Cause it's like, I learn thisthe way I map it out as like
something I learned in marketingclass and college, um, kind of
when you're mapping out like acampaign when you have the over
had campaign and then he hasdifferent legs and each one of
those areas have different legsto it.
(27:02):
Um, but sometimes doing that,you realize, and then from there
you can be like, Oh, okay, Ineed to take each little piece
apart.
It's like reverse engineeringessentially.
Um, how you need to get back toequilibrium
Speaker 3 (27:22):
And especially like you can kind of figure out,
maybe there's some basic thingsthat you can work on, not all
heal the anxiety.
Um, like there's one I wasthinking about the other day,
like, especially in depressiveStates, you know, it's sometimes
hard to just like get up andshower and especially in the
pandemic there's, there was ahandful of times where three or
four days would go by and Iwould obviously like, not feel
(27:42):
about myself.
And so I just consumed by buyinglike every single skincare
product and like going above andbeyond to be like, I'm just
going to like, like reneweverything.
And it's like, okay, all of thisis great, but if you don't just
get up and shower in the morningevery morning, like that's where
it's stemming from all thatother stuff is amazing.
And it's great for self care,but no matter how much of that
you do, it's just kind of liketrying to escape the, uh, just
(28:06):
like that, that fear of needingto get up and just keep going
when you have those likeparalyzing feelings.
So I feel like doing itvisually, it would be like a
really healthy way to get tothose places for like myself and
a lot of people and see like,where is this coming from?
Like where is this shitstorm ofseven layers of chaos in my
brain coming from where's thecore?
And like, how can we just startto get there?
(28:27):
And it might take a while, butit'd be more hopeful.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
I'll try to do a video of like how I do it and
I'll send it to you
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Please.
I would love to do that.
Um, yeah, that sounds like anamazing tool to have in the
toolkit for sure.
I definitely want to touch on tothe mentorship side, um, Marta
and how, I mean that like ourcore at girl gang is women can
reach their highest potentialtogether.
And so the idea of, you know,someone just like going to bat
(28:57):
for you and you would haveprobably like gotten to those
places anyways, it just might,you know, help get you there
quicker and meet more peopleexperiencing that on the other
side.
Do you feel like that helps onceyou to advocate for other women
and like see where you can getthem ahead in what you do
Speaker 2 (29:11):
For sure.
I feel like too to become who Iam, I've always looked at people
and tried to like do what theydo and be how they are.
And we minister speciallybecause I am a born female.
So I would always like findlike, who should I be?
Like, who should I, you know,whose career whose life should I
like, you know, try to like, um,recreate or I feel like it's
always been really important tohave these like, um, I call them
(29:34):
idols, but it's more than that.
It's not like, I don't, it's notlike I'm like a S like a pop
star or anything like that.
It's like someone that feel likereally represents you and that
you just like, listen, you know,like look up their story and
learn from, I like always likeGoogling people's like, uh,
backgrounds and like, how dothey get to book that movie?
Like, how does she get to getthat job?
So I always do so much researchon that because I feel like you
(29:57):
can learn so much from people'sstories.
And each story is so unique.
Um, but I've always found peoplethat will mentor me over my
life.
Not just as like an at a careerlevel, at a personal level, I'd
always find these surrogateparents or surrogate and like,
you know, like teachers orwhatever they, they role, they
would play in my life.
(30:18):
And I've always spent so muchtime with like older people when
I was a kid, I'd always thinkthat it was so important to hear
the adults out and to be like,okay, I'm young.
But like, what if I work aheadand think about as, as if I was
an adult already, even rightnow, like, I've always like
tried to like learn more than Ishould maybe at my age, or like,
(30:39):
just absorb as, as much as Icould do to process everything
faster.
I had this idea that I wanted tobe a little adult, even when I
was like still a kid.
And I think having that desireto learn from people that, you
know, and you feel no more orcan share, you know, insightful
things with you.
(31:00):
It's just always been veryimportant to me.
And even now with my writing, Ihave this dear friend, her name
is Michelle.
And she, she wrote this moviethat Holly Berry directed her
first directorial tribute ever.
And when I write anything, Ialways like, you know, run it by
her.
And I'm like, cause I'm so shyabout my writing because I'm not
known for that.
(31:20):
Although that's what I went toschool for.
I always share it with her andyou know, just her notes or her
vision or her, and every timeshe has some feedback, it's
always very helpful.
And it's always like, um, Idon't show any piece of writing
with it before I show it to her,you know, as anybody else.
So I feel like I've always beenlooking for these, you know,
(31:41):
protective, like, you know,bigger figures that can like
teach you and guide you throughlife.
So think it is very essentialfor me.
It has been me and I'm sure itcan be for, for anybody else.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
I love that.
Yeah.
I think it's really cool to justalign with people that you look
up to and you aspire to be likein one way or another, and you
can kind of, I don't know, justco-create your own existence
with people that are alreadydoing things you want to do.
Um, so I love that instead ofbeing maybe scared or letting
our egos get in the way whereit's like, no, I just want to be
like the brightest delight inevery room or like threatened by
(32:16):
other people's success.
I've always felt the same way asyou.
I love learning about people'sstories, getting inspired by it,
and then just directly evenasking them like, how did you do
that?
That's so cool.
And it goes such a long way init.
It just, I feel like it benefitseveryone.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
People appreciate that because it shows that
you're eager to learn and toknow, and, and it makes them
feel respected.
And it's a nice feeling.
So I, and I appreciate whenpeople ask me like how I did
this or that, and I try toalways respond and it can only
help.
So yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Yeah.
I definitely, I think whenfinding a mentor role models
that you can work with, like thebest way to do it is to, um, to
really make them feelappreciated, make them feel
human and not like you're justtrying to take something from
them.
Or, you know, I think sometimeswe go to these people and we
(33:08):
feel like they're larger thanlife.
And we forget they're, they'reonly human just like us.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
I never thought that about anybody.
And maybe that's why I think Iget to meet important people
because I always think about theperson before I think about
their job or what they're knownfor.
And most people treat them aslike super humans or it's not
the right approach.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
That's the key, they're human, just like us.
And, um, you know, we can learnfrom each other.
I learned from, I know, mentormen.
Yeah.
My mentors have learned from meand I've learned from my
mentees.
Like it's not a one-way streetfor sure right now is a really
interesting time.
Cause you can literally kind ofreshape yourself and rebrand
(33:51):
yourself to be whatever you wantto be.
I think in a way the pandemichas taken away all these like
boxes where you need to fit intothis box and this box and you
can't draw outside the lineseven more, even though we
shouldn't put ourselves intoboxes.
And so I think, you know, if youare wanting to change a careers
(34:11):
or add parallel careers orprojects to what you're doing,
it's the perfect time to do so.
It's also a great time to testand mess up and to figure out
what's working and what's not.
So it's definitely a time to,it's a time to take advantage of
because even though things arestarting to open up, people are
(34:35):
still home for work.
At least I don't see people likegoing back to offices yet.
Um, at least like in LA and likein California and New York and
people are still, you know,y'all are going out to eat and
stuff there aren't like bigevents happening or work trips
or anything.
So I think it's definitely atime to take advantage of like,
(34:56):
if you want to write that book,write that book.
If you want to become a contentcreator, create content.
When I start a podcast, start apodcast.
If you want to start a newbusiness and build a new
community, do that.
And there are so many differenttools that you can use, um, to,
(35:16):
to a reasonable cost online tostart those things.
And you can AB test and playwith things, you know, try
things out and start small.
If it doesn't work, Hey, you cantry something else.
This is my motto, throw at thewall until something sticks and
something will eventually stick.
Yes.
I love that.
(35:36):
I'm like at this kind of
Speaker 3 (35:38):
The last couple of months, only real difference in
my professional life has beenlike, my emails have started
trickling in again, which it'snot even that crazy.
I just feel like it's like, I'mso used to not doing things that
even doing a little bit, his I'mjust like kind of trying to
re-imagine like, wait, who am I?
Like, I don't have to approachthese things the same way as I
(35:58):
did in the past, I can set upboundaries.
Like there is a healthy amountof like, I don't know, having
that time for yourself.
Um, and so I've just calledthis.
I feel like it definitely alignswith what you're saying, Yola.
I'm just calling it like myflailing season.
I'm just going to kind of flailand see what ends up working
out.
And if I can like land with bothfeet on the ground grade, but if
I don't, everyone else has somuch going on in their life, the
(36:20):
last thing they're going to dois be consumed at judging what I
tried and didn't succeed at.
So, yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
And the thing is, is that a lot of times you like
what you ended up trying and ifit fails, it turns into
something else you didn't eventhink about when you originally
started.
So it never hurts to try.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
Yes.
You're not going to get to thedestination if you don't take
any steps.
And it just might be like leftand right instead of forward
sometimes, or maybe a coupleback, but I completely agree.
And I think that ego shows up indifferent ways than one of them,
which I really found out thelast couple of years is being
scared to try things is aversion of the ego because you
don't want to be looked at asnot something working out.
(37:00):
But I feel like every time I'vedone something and it hasn't
worked, it's led to the nextthing.
And it's, it's just led to amuch fuller life that actually
leads to destinations that areworth it.
But you can't like protectyourself from little hiccups and
falling over and changing.
So, um, yeah, I would say anyonethat's listening that has just
spent this time doing a lot ofreflecting and maybe setting up
(37:22):
some awesome goals.
Like I feel like now is the timeto really take some time with
yourself, continue to figure outwhat your one and just like try
some stuff and yeah, exactlywhat you said, like try the
podcast if you love following abunch of bloggers, but I've
always been scared to start one,just like do it.
Why not?
Um, so I think this can kind ofbe like, we've been in
Caterpillar mode for a while, soI'm would love to see some
(37:45):
butterflies come out of thisinstead of being, you know,
scared to scared if it doesn'twork out or to be judged.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
So absolutely thank you.
Speaker 3 (37:54):
You ladies so much for taking the time to chat
today.
If you can let our listenersknow where to find out more
about you and where to listento.
I am real.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
They can check me out.
Mark was on, on Instagram andtick-tock and our podcast.
I am real it's available onApple music and Spotify, and you
can connect with me at Yolarobber on all
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Hot forums.
And you can also check out, Isuck at life on all platforms as
well.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Perfect.
And I loved your clubhouse theother day.
If anyone's on clubhouse, setyour notifications up for Yola
as well.
I can't wait
Speaker 1 (38:29):
Doing so many.
It's insane.
Clubhouse is another crazy placeyou should just jump
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Into because it's the wild wild West, but it's going
to be, I think, a game changerfor different industries.
Yeah.
And you can learn so much.
I have just like mynotifications set up for all on
you.
And I'm so inspired by and theone I got to like jump in and
listen to the other day wasgreat.
So yeah.
Um, definitely tune in anyonelistening that's on clubhouse
(38:57):
and yeah.
Anyone on it, that's like signedup and hasn't dabbled in it in
general.
It's a great place to getinspiration, I think.
Um, so yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
Thank you so much for tuning in.
If you liked this episode,please take a moment to leave us
a review.
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(00:21):
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Thank you so much for tuning in.
(00:41):
Hi, this is Yola.
Thank you so much, Amy, forhaving us on.
I am the co-host of, I am reloadMarta.
I also have a podcast calledAIESEC at life and I'm also a
journalist and in Ms.
Marta, I'm a writer and actor asa content creator and I'm
co-hosting the podcast.
I am real.
So Amy, I know we've connected alot offline and I first off I'm
(01:06):
so thankful that I found Martaand we're doing, I am real, but
I moved to LA when I was 19.
I didn't know a single soul.
I moved from Kansas and I'mgrowing up in Kansas was really
difficult for me because I'mEgyptian, as you know, and there
(01:29):
are no Egyptians.
I don't know if you went throughthere on your food tour, but
there are not very manyEgyptians there.
So I got bullied and ostracizeda lot for being adoption amongst
other things that happened at areally young age that were super
traumatizing.
And it took a lot for me to getout of a state of being
(01:56):
constantly suicidal anddepressed and not wanting to
live.
And one of the things I alwayswanted to do is move to LA and I
thought LA was it.
And Martin, and I share thatkind of, you know, yeah, we
thought, I mean, I'm not gonnaspeak for Marta, but I thought
it was like LA was like heavencompared to the hell I was
(02:18):
living in.
And so when I, as soon as Icould, I moved out here and it
was really difficult, adifferent kind of difficult,
difficult that I knew would havewould reap benefits at the end,
not the kind of difficult that Iwas enduring as a child, but it
was very difficult.
And I felt like I sucked at somany things.
(02:40):
And I moved out here with astartup.
Um, it was an app and, uh, uh, avirtual closet app with AI that
would put outfits together foryou.
And this was in 2013, 14.
So it was a little bit ahead ofits time to be quite honest.
And I see a lot of apps orcoming out now that are using,
(03:01):
using some of the sametechnology that I had built into
my app, but it ended up failing.
I ended up becoming homeless andI was sleeping on friend's
couches for months and they werebuying me food for me.
I couldn't even afford to buy myown food.
I mean, I think I had like$19 inmy bank account.
(03:22):
So, but it's a very similarstory.
A lot of people that move to LAshare.
However, I knew that I couldn'tmove back to Kansas.
Like anything was better thanthere even being homeless in LA.
And I figured out one of thestrongest skillsets I actually
(03:44):
had was writing and people wouldalways ask me to do copywriting
ghost writing, right for them,you know, ad copy everything.
I even like ghost wrote people'sbooks.
And that's how I started to makemoney to get out of that like
really poor state.
And then a few months later, Iended up working for a venture
(04:07):
capitalists that I had pitchedfor my startup.
And I became his marketing slashbusiness development director.
And I started to realize howeveryone sucked at life at some
point, you know, in one way oranother, and no one was perfect
(04:27):
and all the, the, the, the waythe media portrayed, how
everyone was, all the successfulpeople just woke up one day and
became successful and becamemillionaires and billionaires.
That was all a lie.
Everything was a lie.
And I kind of went on thismission to expose that.
And that was kind of my pitch toForbes.
(04:48):
It took me two years to get evena reply from a Forbes editor by
the way.
But when I did get the chanceto, it was by luck actually that
I was at a, a Bumble event andone of the Forbes women editors
were there.
And I went up to her.
I was like, I deserve to writefor Forbes.
And she was taken aback and Ikind of pitched her my idea of,
or my angle of my column.
(05:09):
And they tested it for a fewmonths and it did well.
So I'm still writing theretoday, but I want, and so as I
started writing for Forbes, evenmore, it became more and more
apparent that these people weidolize are not perfect and they
failed so many times, but it'sthe way they pivoted.
(05:31):
And we're able to take thosefailings and learning lessons
and turn them into, uh,successes was what made them
successful.
So that's why I started mypodcast.
I suck at life and it'sconversation with, you know,
celebrities, entrepreneurs,influencers, thought leaders,
(05:52):
experts on how to essentiallynot suck at life, or, you know,
take your, overcome yourfailures and take your learnings
to turn them into positives.
And through that, I started torealize that I wasn't as open
about my mental health and Ineeded to be because I had gone,
(06:15):
even though moving to LA washelped quite a bit because I was
in a different environment.
I was still struggling withthings and I was still
struggling with trauma fromchildhood that I was still
working through, but I wasn'tsharing it.
So I, because of my podcast andthe, in the, you know, the
(06:35):
community I had built, Irealized I needed to be more
open about it.
And I started being more openabout it in my writing as well.
So I would say like mid 2018,early 2019 is when I started to
really share more of my mentalhealth journey and it's become
my why and my purpose, like, nomatter what I do, I consider
(06:58):
myself a storyteller, whether itbe through writing podcasting
content, um, speaking, whateverit is, I'm telling stories.
My why my purpose is to helppeople who are suffering from
mental health and who are goingthrough this journey, understand
(07:23):
that they are in control oftheir own narrative and that,
and to also make other peopleaware that mental illness is not
a sickness and it can actuallybe your super power if you make
it, if you take control of thatand you allow it to be your
super power.
And so Marta and I ended upmeeting at an event, a dinner,
(07:47):
she was hosting for a brand onetime and we just kind of stayed
in touch.
And we realized we were, youknow, shared very similar, uh,
backgrounds or the way we kindof, we both started therapy in
our teenage years.
We both had this kind of, weneeded to escape our own
(08:07):
environment and take control ofour lives and our narratives.
And we were both starting toshare our stories publicly.
And so we started a, we, weMarta started a panel with a
basic space called iron real,and she asked me to come speak
with her.
And it did really, really well.
So that's where the, I am realstory started, but Martel I'll
(08:30):
let you take it from here.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
My first job was as a ghostwriter, just like, uh, Yola
is actually, uh, for vanityfair.
I was in Milan.
I was going to college.
I was 19.
My major was, um, literature inphilosophy, Italian literature
and philosophy.
And I was so bored cause I thinkI was, my high school was very
(08:53):
tough and I had teachers wereactually professors.
I felt like I did all the workin high school.
And like college was, felt likeso easy and just didn't feel
like I was learning a lot.
So I was born in, I needed toget, I wanted to find a job.
Um, so I was, I got hired towrite for this journalist of
vanity fair, to write, you know,uh, for her, without using my
name.
(09:13):
And then I kind of became herassistant and then I kind of
became a host for vanity fair.
Cause they had just started,that was 20, 20, 10, 29, I
think.
And I think they just startedtheir YouTube channel.
So that would make me host theselike little fashion segments
doing fashion week in Milan.
And it felt like a dream job,like kinda like the devil wears
(09:35):
Prada, but like no money.
Like I was getting paid 500bucks a month, which for 19, I
guess, I mean, it was fun.
I don't know it was, it was anexperience.
It was an adventure, but Icould've gotten hired and like,
you know, have that be my actualjob more like as an editor
eventually, maybe I just nevercared to live in Italy.
I never liked it there.
(09:55):
I know it was a beautifulcountry, but I just never liked
it.
Like for me, for me, it justdidn't work for me.
And I've always wanted to livein LA since I was 12.
And I don't know why, I don'tknow what was here that I could
do or like I just, I had, no, Ididn't have a specific vision of
what I was going to do, but Ijust knew that the place where
I'm supposed to live as here.
(10:17):
So I, um, and I came to visitand I took it UCLA, um, summer
class in 20, I was 18 or aboutto turn 18.
So then I actually physicallywas here for a while and I, that
gave me time to realize, yes, itis where I want to be.
But then I had to go back tocollege and Emory.
(10:37):
So I graduated really likequickly, even six months before
the actual term, I think, causeI just wanted to get out of it.
And I either, I thought I had topay extra to get out of it
sooner, something like that.
I don't remember, but somethingwhere they were like, okay, like
I had to say that I was, that Ineeded to leave earlier, like
leave school earlier.
So I did and um, came to, I wentto London for an MFA in creative
(11:00):
writing that I'd never finishedand I'm like, I'm done.
I have a BA I'm good.
I don't need more than this.
And I just couldn't even handlereading or holding a book for so
long because I was so fed upwith school.
Cause I think in Europe, I don'tknow about here, but like it was
just like, it was a lot and itwas very like, it didn't feel
practical at all.
It was just like, uh, I'mstudying and learning, but it
(11:22):
wasn't like, I didn't know, kindof[inaudible] with what I
studied because philosophy isvery just in your, in your head
and like you're thinkingthoughts and whatnot, but it's
like, what's my job, you know?
So I, um, and I didn't know thattime.
Well, my job would be, I justhad an idea, but I didn't really
fully know.
And when I came to LA and wentto acting school for a year,
(11:45):
actually just like last week,the school that I went to ask me
to be in their commercial for,to promote the school.
And I'm like, I don't know aboutthat.
Cause I didn't have a good timeand I hated it.
It was just so, you know, actorsare so anxious all the time and
being around a bunch every day,there's just so much like one
thing is to see them atadditions and that's already a
lot of pressure, but beingaround actors every day for a
(12:08):
year and a half, every four, Ithink I had to go to school six
days a week.
And it was like, like a properprogram.
And I was like, it was verychallenging because I, I like to
be alone a lot.
And that was the opposite ofbeing alone a lot.
I was always with people anddoing these crazy, you know,
acting method, acting exercisesthat were just very intense.
(12:29):
So it was quite tragic in thebeginning.
But um, then I, I actually,through the school, I booked a
commercial car commercial.
I don't remember what was itlike Ford?
I think so.
Yes.
And they're in like, you know,doing this commercial and the
director was like, Oh, like,you're really cool.
(12:50):
I like your sense of fashion.
You should meet my wife.
And I'm like, okay, likeinteresting.
And who's your wife and his wifewas Jamie King.
Um, and so kind of like JamieKing helped me so much with a
lot of the, everything in LAwhen I first moved to LA because
she, I was her assistant for afew months.
She got me a work visa.
I met so many people throughher, so she was kind like my
mentor for a few years.
(13:11):
And um, actually I got signed tonext models through her and uh,
was able to start working onthese like, you know, fashion,
beauty, um, social mediapartnerships.
And that's how I started doingthat full time.
So I kind of left the actingaside while I was booking a lot
of commercials.
Cause that's how I started.
So they would just, when you doone thing and they know you for
(13:33):
that, they keep paying you forthat.
So I was doing a lot of that andit wasn't like, I didn't like it
that much commercials were verylike, like dry.
You don't really get to playreal characters.
And um, so I figured I wasmaking money with like social
media posting and with brandsand I just kept doing that full
time.
And only a couple years ago, Istarted getting back into the
(13:54):
acting thing cause I booked acouple of roles in feature
films, through friends andpeople that knew me.
And then I started writing againand I, co-wrote a short film
that got, um, into an Oscarqualifying film festival last
year.
And um, I'm S I'm writing, Iwrote another one I'm working on
a couple more things that Iwrote and that I'm gonna act in.
So I feel like the whole, youknow, the journey kind of like,
(14:17):
you know, took me to back towriting in a way, which is how
it started, but not writing formyself writing stories now.
But at that time it was writingabout bags or shoes or designers
because she was a fashioneditor.
Right.
So, um, so yeah, and now I'mhere again writing, but um, for
my own stories and for myshorts.
And so, um, and the mentalhealth stuff is something that
(14:41):
I've been dealing with my entirelife.
I had, um, eating disorders,anxiety, panic attacks as a
teenager and as a kid.
And I never talked about ituntil last year.
I think 2020 was when I reallywell, 2019 I guess, opened up
about it all.
And now I think brands like toendorse these stories too, and,
(15:02):
you know, share and work withtalents that can share these
kinds of things and talk aboutthese kinds of things.
So I am, I'm happy that I, mysuffering brought me to, you
know, make money or I talk aboutit and help other people along
with making money and, um,sharing my life and uh, hearing
(15:23):
from people's stories.
Um, so it's all, it's allcreative, uh, life creative
process, creative journey,everything is creative for me.
Everything has to do with makingart either it's visual or words
written or audio, whatever itis.
So I say, yeah, that that's,that's my mission, I think.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
And it probably feels so good to just being so aligned
with a purpose that goes back toyour childhood.
And I think that's something allthree of us when we first
connected that I just felt likesafe chatting with you guys,
panic attacks, especially as akid like you.
Um, for me personally, I wouldjust like, feel like I was
literally dying.
I would be so scared I wasdying.
(16:04):
And if I wasn't scared of that,it would just be these like
hyper level fears you couldn'trelate to.
And I think what's so importantabout what you ladies are doing
with, I am real and especiallynow is I think, um, the majority
of people, even if they didn'tgrow up with anxiety or
depression or, you know, tryingto work on their mental health,
(16:25):
everyone kind of got kicked intogear and realizing that the
future isn't guaranteed and kindof learning, needing to pivot
the last year.
So I think there's a lot ofpeople, even if they didn't grow
up with it or if they don't havea chemical imbalance, a lot of
people are dealing withcircumstantial, depression and
anxiety.
And I mean, if you're like inyour twenties or thirties and
feeling these things for thefirst time, it can be really
(16:46):
scary.
Like I know people that are ourage that like straight up think
they're having a heart attackand then they're like, Oh, it's
a panic attack.
I like just people going throughthese things for the first time.
So I applaud you both forfiguring out what your voice is
and being brave enough to stepinto that and encouraging other
people to talk to it.
And people like me, like insteadof me feeling like a weirdo, I
feel empowered to share stuff ina safe space.
(17:08):
So I think it's like reallycool.
What you both are doing with, Iam real.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Yeah.
Thank you.
I mean, and same to you.
I, I think it's interestingbecause now more than ever
people can relate to each otheron this level versus what you
were saying.
When we were like younger, she'dbe like, Oh, you're being
overdramatic.
It's just in your head.
Like when I would get panicattacks, like, I'd be like, I
can't breathe.
I can't breathe.
And my dad would be like,stopping a child you're being
(17:37):
childish.
Or like, you know, like theywould always brush it off.
And I, I can relate to havingthe heart attack part because I
made my parents get me like EKG.
Cause I thought I had problems.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
And my first panic attack that I remember was when
I was four.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Yeah, I was, I was 13 and my fear was to vomit in
front of everybody.
So I would simulate my body wasstimulate all the feelings you
feel when you're about to throwup.
And I felt like I needed toleave whenever I was around
people.
I had to leave cause I had to gothrow up.
But it was all in my head.
I didn't have to throw up atall, but so that brought me to
not eat.
Cause I was like, if I eat, thenI'll throw up.
(18:16):
Can you imagine thinking that?
So I was confusing, being hungryfor being nauseous.
I lost like 30 pounds and allthis process.
And I didn't tell anybody aboutit.
I was, I don't know what it was.
I didn't name it until I was 19.
And I started doing someresearch on Google and I, and I
read, and there's a name forthis kind of like panic attack
(18:37):
related to vomiting.
And I was like, like, that'swhat I have.
And, and then I started goinginto therapy.
I was, I was going to therapyalready when I was 17, but I
eat, I couldn't even bring upthe whole panic attack thing
cause I, I didn't even name ityet.
I was like, wait, I have thesethings, but I don't know what it
is.
And um, and then it, when Ithink they went away around like
(18:59):
21, 22.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Yeah.
Amy have you.
I'm curious because this yearand two are not this year and
2020 after the pandemic, I hadtwo big panic attacks.
Like the ones I used to get whenI was a kid.
Did this year.
Did you experience thoserecently at all?
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Honestly, fortunately, asrecently as last night, I still
(19:24):
deal with them a lot, but I feellike just, um, being able to
understand what they are forwhat they are, you can get
through them.
Um, and I like, there's a lot oftriggers.
I'm sure you guys know this too.
And, or like know, probably knowsome of your triggers.
And it's like, when I do mytriggers, like for me, one is
caffeine and I had a debt orsomething coming up Tuesday.
(19:48):
So I had like coffee and aCelsius yesterday, which is
really rare.
And then it way on, I woke upand was like, Googling like
heart palpitations.
How many people does this happento at 32 years old?
And it's like, okay, your brainis playing a trick on you.
And so then I kind of just tryto, like, I listened to a little
meditation app.
I kind of free myself from thesensation and realize like, you
(20:08):
know, a lot of it is in my head.
It's normal for a heart to beatfast when you have a lot of
caffeine and you're used to likeseven or eight hours of sleep,
um, if you stayed up till 2:00AM working and you don't usually
do that, you know, lack of sleepcaffeine, that kind of stuff are
triggers to me.
So I still get them very often,but the biggest thing and just
like when we were younger, like,I didn't know what the word
(20:30):
panic attack was.
And when I first had anxiety,like, especially with the
misdiagnosis, if you're justlike getting rid of Lin or
Adderall and being encouraged tofocus, but people aren't
explaining to you like, Oh, whenyou feel these like pins and
needles, or if you're liketerrified of death and like
don't want to go to school.
Cause you're like thinking aboutsomething bad on the way there.
Um, when you don't really knowwhat they are.
(20:50):
I used to just think when I wasyounger, like, Oh, I'm so happy
I survived and got on the otherside of whatever this feeling
was, but yeah, last year theydefinitely high-end.
And then, um, my husband has upLepsy and unfortunately we had a
few like episodes that got us tothe hospital last year.
And so I think just like thevisual traumas of that are big
triggers too.
So that's what I'm currentlyworking on is identifying
(21:13):
triggers, working on meditationand just kind of like breathing
through it.
And the moment you start to getlike a crazy Google, like manic
search going have all thesesymptoms be like, okay, this
isn't happening to you put thephone down, just breathe.
It's going to be really for likea couple hours.
Yeah.
You kind of have to do that.
Um, and you have to understandonce you understand your panic
(21:35):
attacks here, you know, what youneed to do to, uh, what tools
you need to use to get throughthem.
So, yeah, and even like, I usecannabis and CBD a lot to calm
down, but sometimes like weedcan be a trigger.
So I think it's all our bodiesand our mental state are always
changing from outsidecircumstances and just the way
we feel about ourselves and kindof what we're working through.
(21:57):
So I like to just kind of alwaysdo like emotion and emotional
audit on myself and just kind offigure out what I can handle at
that moment and be okay that itmight change something that
might be a tool.
It might actually be a triggertwo months later if you're like
in a, you know, anxious andinsecure state and like don't
want to be in your head a bunch.
(22:17):
So what are some of the toolsyou, you ladies utilize like
kind of pushing through lastyear and do you feel like this
lighter, brighter state comingthrough as the world is starting
to operate again and maybe moreopportunities are coming?
Speaker 2 (22:31):
I feel like I've developed tools and methods to
calm anxiety without really evenknowing that I was doing it.
And one of these things would bejust laying like, um, on your
back on the floor, not even onyour bed, on the floor or like
if you have marble floors in thebathroom, because I think that
when it's cold, it's kinda likewould make me feel like I'm
(22:51):
waking up again.
I'm kinda like, you know, bringthat feeling of like being alive
or being in my body.
And then I would do the tappinglike this on my, on my chest.
You can do it on your shouldersand you can do it on your, I
think, yeah, just like this, butI, um, cause I do EMDR.
So, um, even if it's not mytherapist doing it on me and my
(23:14):
knees or when she does the, um,the eye thing, I think just with
a tapping, it's almost like a, Idon't know, it has a calming
sensation.
I don't know.
It makes me feel like I'm likebreathing better meditation
apps, podcasts on mental health.
Um, maybe I'll just make a drinksometimes.
Maybe that's not a good one, butlike, I don't know each other
(23:36):
for hours, hours.
Um, yeah.
And just like really trainingyour thoughts cause it's all in
the head at the end of the day.
And I think
Speaker 1 (23:46):
If you can really like, you know, supervise your
thought.
Yeah.
And similarly, I mean, I, Idon't do EMDR, which I need to
try it, but I do go to therapy.
I personally, it's not right foreveryone, but I had to get back
on medication this year.
Um, just cause it wasunmanageable without it.
(24:08):
I couldn't do basic functions,like brush your teeth or put the
dishes away.
So that's when you know, it's,um, something to look into if
you've been on it before andsomething to talk to your
psychiatrist about.
Um, and then definitelymeditation and reading, like
really reading a lot of booksabout, um, the conscious mind
(24:31):
and understanding how our brainworks.
Um, the more I understand howthe brain works, the more I'm
able to control.
And just as Marta said,supervise those thoughts.
Uh, occasionally I will use CBDand really having people in my
(24:51):
life that I can rely on to bethere for me when I do get
anxious or I do get depressedsuch as Marcia.
Um, my boyfriend, my sister, um,you know, my mom, just having
those people be there likeunconditionally for you.
And I think it's reallyimportant.
That's the hard thing about thepandemic is you're not around
(25:12):
these people regularly anymore,but even just letting them know
even just the phone call or aFaceTime can make such a big
difference.
Um, and talking through thosefeelings.
Cause sometimes like forinstance, I'll call Marta and
I'm like, I'm anxious.
She was like, she talks methrough like what the source is
(25:32):
from.
And after the call I'm like,okay, I feel better.
Like we really like unpacked itand like, and went from being
like a bunch of squiggly linesin my head to one straight line
and it's like exiting my body.
So sometimes I like to draw outmy anxiety, um, and put it, you
(25:55):
know, draw out where like howit's coming from, where it's
coming from and the source andhow it's going to leave my body.
I've never really shared thatwith anyone.
But I do that sometimes.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Yeah.
I mean, I'm kind of blown awayby that, as you were saying that
I was picturing like thefreedom.
I could feel doing that exerciseone time because there's a lot
of things that like, I pictureit like layers since we really
are the only speech I can have afeeling on a feeling.
And so a lot of the times, youknow, maybe this like surface
this surface level anxiety, ifyou can just figure out how to
(26:32):
like map visually to where it'sstemming from.
I mean, it's like chipping awayat it.
I love that.
And I'm definitely going to trythat.
Thank you so much for sharingthat.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
Yeah, it's weird.
Cause it's like, I learn thisthe way I map it out as like
something I learned in marketingclass and college, um, kind of
when you're mapping out like acampaign when you have the over
had campaign and then he hasdifferent legs and each one of
those areas have different legsto it.
(27:02):
Um, but sometimes doing that,you realize, and then from there
you can be like, Oh, okay, Ineed to take each little piece
apart.
It's like reverse engineeringessentially.
Um, how you need to get back toequilibrium
Speaker 3 (27:22):
And especially like you can kind of figure out,
maybe there's some basic thingsthat you can work on, not all
heal the anxiety.
Um, like there's one I wasthinking about the other day,
like, especially in depressiveStates, you know, it's sometimes
hard to just like get up andshower and especially in the
pandemic there's, there was ahandful of times where three or
four days would go by and Iwould obviously like, not feel
(27:42):
about myself.
And so I just consumed by buyinglike every single skincare
product and like going above andbeyond to be like, I'm just
going to like, like reneweverything.
And it's like, okay, all of thisis great, but if you don't just
get up and shower in the morningevery morning, like that's where
it's stemming from all thatother stuff is amazing.
And it's great for self care,but no matter how much of that
you do, it's just kind of liketrying to escape the, uh, just
(28:06):
like that, that fear of needingto get up and just keep going
when you have those likeparalyzing feelings.
So I feel like doing itvisually, it would be like a
really healthy way to get tothose places for like myself and
a lot of people and see like,where is this coming from?
Like where is this shitstorm ofseven layers of chaos in my
brain coming from where's thecore?
And like, how can we just startto get there?
(28:27):
And it might take a while, butit'd be more hopeful.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
I'll try to do a video of like how I do it and
I'll send it to you
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Please.
I would love to do that.
Um, yeah, that sounds like anamazing tool to have in the
toolkit for sure.
I definitely want to touch on tothe mentorship side, um, Marta
and how, I mean that like ourcore at girl gang is women can
reach their highest potentialtogether.
And so the idea of, you know,someone just like going to bat
(28:57):
for you and you would haveprobably like gotten to those
places anyways, it just might,you know, help get you there
quicker and meet more peopleexperiencing that on the other
side.
Do you feel like that helps onceyou to advocate for other women
and like see where you can getthem ahead in what you do
Speaker 2 (29:11):
For sure.
I feel like too to become who Iam, I've always looked at people
and tried to like do what theydo and be how they are.
And we minister speciallybecause I am a born female.
So I would always like findlike, who should I be?
Like, who should I, you know,whose career whose life should I
like, you know, try to like, um,recreate or I feel like it's
always been really important tohave these like, um, I call them
(29:34):
idols, but it's more than that.
It's not like, I don't, it's notlike I'm like a S like a pop
star or anything like that.
It's like someone that feel likereally represents you and that
you just like, listen, you know,like look up their story and
learn from, I like always likeGoogling people's like, uh,
backgrounds and like, how dothey get to book that movie?
Like, how does she get to getthat job?
So I always do so much researchon that because I feel like you
(29:57):
can learn so much from people'sstories.
And each story is so unique.
Um, but I've always found peoplethat will mentor me over my
life.
Not just as like an at a careerlevel, at a personal level, I'd
always find these surrogateparents or surrogate and like,
you know, like teachers orwhatever they, they role, they
would play in my life.
(30:18):
And I've always spent so muchtime with like older people when
I was a kid, I'd always thinkthat it was so important to hear
the adults out and to be like,okay, I'm young.
But like, what if I work aheadand think about as, as if I was
an adult already, even rightnow, like, I've always like
tried to like learn more than Ishould maybe at my age, or like,
(30:39):
just absorb as, as much as Icould do to process everything
faster.
I had this idea that I wanted tobe a little adult, even when I
was like still a kid.
And I think having that desireto learn from people that, you
know, and you feel no more orcan share, you know, insightful
things with you.
(31:00):
It's just always been veryimportant to me.
And even now with my writing, Ihave this dear friend, her name
is Michelle.
And she, she wrote this moviethat Holly Berry directed her
first directorial tribute ever.
And when I write anything, Ialways like, you know, run it by
her.
And I'm like, cause I'm so shyabout my writing because I'm not
known for that.
(31:20):
Although that's what I went toschool for.
I always share it with her andyou know, just her notes or her
vision or her, and every timeshe has some feedback, it's
always very helpful.
And it's always like, um, Idon't show any piece of writing
with it before I show it to her,you know, as anybody else.
So I feel like I've always beenlooking for these, you know,
(31:41):
protective, like, you know,bigger figures that can like
teach you and guide you throughlife.
So think it is very essentialfor me.
It has been me and I'm sure itcan be for, for anybody else.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
I love that.
Yeah.
I think it's really cool to justalign with people that you look
up to and you aspire to be likein one way or another, and you
can kind of, I don't know, justco-create your own existence
with people that are alreadydoing things you want to do.
Um, so I love that instead ofbeing maybe scared or letting
our egos get in the way whereit's like, no, I just want to be
like the brightest delight inevery room or like threatened by
(32:16):
other people's success.
I've always felt the same way asyou.
I love learning about people'sstories, getting inspired by it,
and then just directly evenasking them like, how did you do
that?
That's so cool.
And it goes such a long way init.
It just, I feel like it benefitseveryone.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
People appreciate that because it shows that
you're eager to learn and toknow, and, and it makes them
feel respected.
And it's a nice feeling.
So I, and I appreciate whenpeople ask me like how I did
this or that, and I try toalways respond and it can only
help.
So yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Yeah.
I definitely, I think whenfinding a mentor role models
that you can work with, like thebest way to do it is to, um, to
really make them feelappreciated, make them feel
human and not like you're justtrying to take something from
them.
Or, you know, I think sometimeswe go to these people and we
(33:08):
feel like they're larger thanlife.
And we forget they're, they'reonly human just like us.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
I never thought that about anybody.
And maybe that's why I think Iget to meet important people
because I always think about theperson before I think about
their job or what they're knownfor.
And most people treat them aslike super humans or it's not
the right approach.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
That's the key, they're human, just like us.
And, um, you know, we can learnfrom each other.
I learned from, I know, mentormen.
Yeah.
My mentors have learned from meand I've learned from my
mentees.
Like it's not a one-way streetfor sure right now is a really
interesting time.
Cause you can literally kind ofreshape yourself and rebrand
(33:51):
yourself to be whatever you wantto be.
I think in a way the pandemichas taken away all these like
boxes where you need to fit intothis box and this box and you
can't draw outside the lineseven more, even though we
shouldn't put ourselves intoboxes.
And so I think, you know, if youare wanting to change a careers
(34:11):
or add parallel careers orprojects to what you're doing,
it's the perfect time to do so.
It's also a great time to testand mess up and to figure out
what's working and what's not.
So it's definitely a time to,it's a time to take advantage of
because even though things arestarting to open up, people are
(34:35):
still home for work.
At least I don't see people likegoing back to offices yet.
Um, at least like in LA and likein California and New York and
people are still, you know,y'all are going out to eat and
stuff there aren't like bigevents happening or work trips
or anything.
So I think it's definitely atime to take advantage of like,
(34:56):
if you want to write that book,write that book.
If you want to become a contentcreator, create content.
When I start a podcast, start apodcast.
If you want to start a newbusiness and build a new
community, do that.
And there are so many differenttools that you can use, um, to,
(35:16):
to a reasonable cost online tostart those things.
And you can AB test and playwith things, you know, try
things out and start small.
If it doesn't work, Hey, you cantry something else.
This is my motto, throw at thewall until something sticks and
something will eventually stick.
Yes.
I love that.
(35:36):
I'm like at this kind of
Speaker 3 (35:38):
The last couple of months, only real difference in
my professional life has beenlike, my emails have started
trickling in again, which it'snot even that crazy.
I just feel like it's like, I'mso used to not doing things that
even doing a little bit, his I'mjust like kind of trying to
re-imagine like, wait, who am I?
Like, I don't have to approachthese things the same way as I
(35:58):
did in the past, I can set upboundaries.
Like there is a healthy amountof like, I don't know, having
that time for yourself.
Um, and so I've just calledthis.
I feel like it definitely alignswith what you're saying, Yola.
I'm just calling it like myflailing season.
I'm just going to kind of flailand see what ends up working
out.
And if I can like land with bothfeet on the ground grade, but if
I don't, everyone else has somuch going on in their life, the
(36:20):
last thing they're going to dois be consumed at judging what I
tried and didn't succeed at.
So, yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
And the thing is, is that a lot of times you like
what you ended up trying and ifit fails, it turns into
something else you didn't eventhink about when you originally
started.
So it never hurts to try.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
Yes.
You're not going to get to thedestination if you don't take
any steps.
And it just might be like leftand right instead of forward
sometimes, or maybe a coupleback, but I completely agree.
And I think that ego shows up indifferent ways than one of them,
which I really found out thelast couple of years is being
scared to try things is aversion of the ego because you
don't want to be looked at asnot something working out.
(37:00):
But I feel like every time I'vedone something and it hasn't
worked, it's led to the nextthing.
And it's, it's just led to amuch fuller life that actually
leads to destinations that areworth it.
But you can't like protectyourself from little hiccups and
falling over and changing.
So, um, yeah, I would say anyonethat's listening that has just
spent this time doing a lot ofreflecting and maybe setting up
(37:22):
some awesome goals.
Like I feel like now is the timeto really take some time with
yourself, continue to figure outwhat your one and just like try
some stuff and yeah, exactlywhat you said, like try the
podcast if you love following abunch of bloggers, but I've
always been scared to start one,just like do it.
Why not?
Um, so I think this can kind ofbe like, we've been in
Caterpillar mode for a while, soI'm would love to see some
(37:45):
butterflies come out of thisinstead of being, you know,
scared to scared if it doesn'twork out or to be judged.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
So absolutely thank you.
Speaker 3 (37:54):
You ladies so much for taking the time to chat
today.
If you can let our listenersknow where to find out more
about you and where to listento.
I am real.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
They can check me out.
Mark was on, on Instagram andtick-tock and our podcast.
I am real it's available onApple music and Spotify, and you
can connect with me at Yolarobber on all
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Hot forums.
And you can also check out, Isuck at life on all platforms as
well.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Perfect.
And I loved your clubhouse theother day.
If anyone's on clubhouse, setyour notifications up for Yola
as well.
I can't wait
Speaker 1 (38:29):
Doing so many.
It's insane.
Clubhouse is another crazy placeyou should just jump
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Into because it's the wild wild West, but it's going
to be, I think, a game changerfor different industries.
Yeah.
And you can learn so much.
I have just like mynotifications set up for all on
you.
And I'm so inspired by and theone I got to like jump in and
listen to the other day wasgreat.
So yeah.
Um, definitely tune in anyonelistening that's on clubhouse
(38:57):
and yeah.
Anyone on it, that's like signedup and hasn't dabbled in it in
general.
It's a great place to getinspiration, I think.
Um, so yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
Thank you so much for tuning in.
If you liked this episode,please take a moment to leave us
a review.
It helps us out so much.
Remember to had to grow gang thelabel.com to redeem your 20% off
discount with code girl gang.
Take a moment to remind thefemales in your life that they
inspire you and support yourlocal girl gang.
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