In today's episode of God, Sex, and Money Raul and Vivian are joined with Alison Armstrong, a writer of many life changing books and a relationship expert. Since 1991 she has been studying men and relationships. Today we try understanding both men and women’s perspective when it comes to men going through a midlife crisis or a tunnel in their lives.
Topic: Going through a tunnel as a man can be difficult. The journey has to consist of healing, communicating, standing up and that's what men have to stand for.
(6:14) A midlife crisis is a sacred time not a terrible one. Men get made fun of because it is so misunderstood. Going through the tunnel is sacred, everyone goes through it.(9:49) There is a certain cultural view on men that sees them as defective, broken, or that they misbehave. They are seen to not be trusted with anything precious or with delicate things. With that view on them people begin to think that the world would be a better place if it were run by women.(10:25) Back in the day there was this impression that women had to have a man but she doesn't need him. You have to have someone but also need to be dependent on yourself and self sufficient. That was reality then. (11:33) What if women were trying to attack men and they are on the defense? What if by trying to reveal the con-artist women think men are what they really do is just provoke men enough to see the real person they are. It's like kicking down a dog and then being surprised when getting bitten by the dog or when it ran away. (13:45) A lot of times what's seen is women are emasculating men and they get to the point of not wanting to be in a relationship anymore and they see being single as a lot easier. (14:05) Women are emasculating men so much that they don't realize what they are doing or even when it's happening. It's become so normal that women aren't aware of it. (14:35) A woman who fails to put a man in his place is viewed as a slacker to other women. They think you aren't doing your part and you shouldn't allow those things to happen.(15:19) Our culture makes us believe that men should just be given enough power to be handy, and not powerful. (17:06) What if a man is like a Ferrari they look good, they're strong, finely tuned, well designed but they have flat tires and no gas, then it would do nothing for you. That's how we relate to the empowerment of men, not giving it. You have the looks but not the power you want. (18:00) Women don't want to be out of control. It's an instinct to want to control what the result is and how the result is produced and that's when they disempower men. Women do the same thing to themselves and other women. What happens if in a partnership, the person who needs something is also controlling the person giving it? If you're getting everything you need is that enough power for you or do you need to control how it's given to you? Is it enough to let them give you something in the way that's empowering for them and works for them. (20:04) You need to trust each other enough to communicate what you want but let the other person do it the way they need to. An element of partnership is accepting not to have huge expectations and having clear communication of what your partner wants from you. Don't have the expectation of being disappointed because they gave you what you wanted but in a way you weren't planning on. (22:20) Are women resistant on having to change themselves when they see their partners have changed? Do women want to control because they want to dictate how fast their growth is? Is it wrong to assume that women are resistant with change because they don't want to be left behind.(23:35) Human beings experience safety depending on our mental state. When we feel safe there is confidence and awareness that we are getting the best from a person. The access to being productive is being trusted and respected. (25:2