February 20, 2023 • 45 mins
Granger Smith Podcast Episode 176: It seems a bit narcissistic that God would create us just for his own glory. Isn't he basically seeking attention? It may seem that way, but God is our only source of life. Given that context, is it selfish or narcissistic for the source of life to give himself away to us? Join me and my friend Bernie as we chat about this topic and more!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
My purpose is to glorify God. How narcissistic must he
be if he creates beings and then their purpose is
to glorify him, like when you first look at it
on the surface, that's what it sounds like. I don't
really want to worship a god like that. What's up, guys,
(00:30):
Welcome to the podcast, Episode one hundred and seventy six,
And this is a special one because we got back
an amazing guest of mine, multi multi timer, and back
Bernie Calcote. And if you're watching on YouTube, you'll notice something.
If you're not, if you're listening on Spotify or Apple
or something, you won't notice. But he is now a
(00:51):
mountain man. Yeah, he's got a beard. I'm embracing my
inner Will Brown, no haircut, not shit, you are that guy,
I do remember. You'd be friends now the way you look.
You'd be friends with my friend Marv, who's a pastor.
He's a mennnight pastor in South Carolina and he listens
(01:12):
to this podcast every Monday. Really really good dude. And Marv,
yeah his name is Marvin. You're starting to look like
a midnight pastor with this beard. Shout up to what
we do on this podcast with Bernie. He helps me
a lot because we just answer your questions. And Bernie
has been answering my questions for about twenty years. When
(01:34):
I have a problem, I reach out and I'm like, hey, birds,
I got a problem, or it doesn't even have to
be a problem, just just a scenario walking through life,
walking through life. And so that's what we do with you.
And you email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
We're gonna get to this inbox. I told Bernie, I
have no idea what's coming up like that. There's no planning,
(01:55):
there's no notes flying blind, we don't have no special
quotes that we're just gonna out there. Our minds are
empty right now. Yeah, all right, So first question, Brenda
gets it and it says this, Hey, granger I really
enjoy your podcast. I'm from West Virginia. I was married
(02:15):
in two thousand and six, got divorced in two thousand
and eight. My ex husband died in twenty twenty. I
consider myself single, not divorced. Now. I have a relationship
with God and I've been praying for a godly man.
Can you please tell me what to do? There is
not a singles group in our church. I don't know
(02:36):
what I could do. Thank you for everything to do. God,
bless Brenda. Brenda from West Virginia, married, married in six,
got divorced in eight. He died in twenty. He died
in twenty twenty. So she considers herself single, not divorced.
Now that's just a mentality she's going with here. But
(02:59):
the question, it sounds like, is how do I get
a man? She's lonely? Yep, because two thousand and six
a long that's a long time. Or two thousand and
eight when she divorced. Oh sorry, I got divorced two
thousand and eight. Still okay, So still we're talking a
(03:19):
long time, sixteen years something like that. Fifteen years. So
I have a relationship with God, she says. I've been
praying for a godly man, she says, And then she
asked me, and you, Bernie, but what can I do?
There's not a singles group at church. I don't know
(03:41):
what to do. Okay, what you got for Brenda Brenda?
So again, we don't prepare for these questions. I'm just
kind of praying beforehand that hey, Holy Spirit, give us
the words, bring to mind the things you want. These
people to hear and us to hear as well through
(04:04):
this because I think this podcast ministers to Griz and
I both so. Pastor John Piper says that God is
most glorified through us when we are most satisfied in Him.
If you have a relationship with God and you are
in his word and you read that the purpose of
our life is to glorify God with our lives, right,
(04:29):
and if that is the most evident when we are
most satisfied in Him, I think maybe that not that
having a partner, and you know, a companion is a
bad thing by any means, but maybe just kind of check, like, man,
(04:51):
am I most satisfied in him? Is he fulfilling? Is
his grace sufficient? Is he enough? Or am I looking
to fill a part of that with this companion? Maybe
you answer, yes, God is enough. He's sustaining me. He
sustained me for the last however sixteen years or however
(05:11):
long it's been. But you know, you do feel this
loneliness and you desire for companionship, which can be a
godly thing and can be a great, you know thing.
As far as the practical, how do I do that?
I've just been so out of the game so long.
(05:33):
I have no I have no idea how you do
it these days. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it,
and I want to kind of reinforce what you said,
because that's not that's not the first thing that came
to my mind when you went to the piper, most
glorified thing. I love that, and I think that's a
that's a great answer kind of for anyone with any question.
And so let's look, let's kind of dissect that and
see what that looks like. Because to some people that
(05:55):
comes across is like, my purpose is to glorify godd
How narcissistic must he be if he creates beings, and
then their purpose is to glorify him, Like when you
first look at it on the surface, that's what it
sounds like. I don't really want to worship a god
like that, that a narcissistic god just wants attention, literally
(06:19):
creates people so that they will give him attention. I
don't I don't like that. I don't like that thought.
That's what some of you might be thinking. So let's
unpack it and see what, like where that goes, and
maybe dig deeper into what that could mean for our lives,
because the ultimate, the ultimate gift that you get from
that is your own joy and hope and love and peace.
(06:44):
These are fruits that you get as a result of
your worship to your creator. Okay, so let's unpack that
a little further. I've told I did a sermon one
time and looked at it like this. I grew up
a huge George Strait. You know that, Bernie, Yes, So
imagine I used to go to these concerts by myself
(07:05):
when I was a teenager, and I would sit in
the very center of the second row, right in the middle,
and just I would go there, and I would camp
out the night before to get the tickets, and then
I would wait in these ridiculous lines and I would
get in at noon. George Strait didn't go on till
about eight pm, and I'm there in the building at noon,
(07:27):
and I would go there. So imagine this scenario, and
we're going to play this out. Imagine I go in there,
do all that, and I get there and there is
a camera stand right in front of my seat, and
George Strait comes out, and I'm just like, well, this
is not what I expected. So I started daydreaming kind
(07:47):
of lose my interest in the concert, and what am
I going to do? There's a camera right here, George
Strait in front of seventy thousand people. He's playing to everyone,
and he looks at me and he says, you move
the camera so you could see me. Look to me,
focus on me. That's why you came, that's why you're here.
(08:13):
So in that scenario, then would George Strait be narcissistic
to say that to me? Would he be some evil,
creepy guy that is just wanting to get glory from everyone. No,
that's actually the most selfless thing he could do. In
that scenario, when all these people are there, he looks
to me and goes, I'm gonna give you glory by
(08:35):
you giving me glory, I will give you hope, I
will give you peace. I will give you unbelievable joy
in this concert. Look to me, move all obstacles out
of the way. So that's what happens. God does that
so that we could be we could share in that glory.
He doesn't need any more from us, but he wants
(08:55):
to selflessly give it back to us so that we
could share in it as adopted kids. That's unbelievable. If
you unpack it that way, that's the depth behind what
Bernie is saying. God is most glorified in us when
we are most satisfied in Him. So, Brenda, that starts
the whole conversation, that starts probably every question we have today.
(09:19):
Can you say that, are you satisfied in Him? Because
if you are, then you go, God, I'm single. I
want somebody. But if that's not in your designs, that's
not in your plan for me. Let me just focus
on you. Let me just continue to glorify you, regardless
of who else is in my life. Okay, that's that
(09:42):
part that's done. Now let's get practical, Brenda. You say,
I've been praying for godly man, can you tell me
what to do? There's not a singles group in our church?
Is that the only church? First question? Yeah? Is it
the only church? But also like, surely there's other ministries
(10:04):
within that church. Surely there's other kind of hobbies, desires
and gifts that God has given you to be able
to serve your community or whatever. Go do those things
and just you know, listen to that still small voice
that's saying, Hey, there's this orphan care ministry that I'm
(10:26):
gonna lay on your heart and you're gonna like start
to push into that and you respond one day at
a time, you say, yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna serve here.
I'm gonna serve here. It could be you know, like
some running group, or it could it could be anything
that you just listen to that voice and you walk
in the spirit in that and then all of a sudden,
this dude shows up and he's he's kind of listening
(10:49):
to the same spirit, and you guys are all of
a sudden kind of walking next to each other, not
in order to find each other, but in order to
listen to the voice of God and walk in it.
But then you realize you're walking right next to each other,
and then it's like, Hey, I have a companion in
the work that God has put before us. I think
(11:09):
a lot of times these relationship questions can really be
just self focused, and relationship be self focused instead of Hey,
what if we found somebody that would co labor with
us in the work that God puts in front of us.
That's that's what it's about, So maybe give that a shot. Brenda.
(11:33):
Start looking around at those opportunities, like what is God
put in front of you and then start doing, and
then look to your left and right and see who's
with you. So good, reach out, serve others. Don't get
caught sitting on the couch waiting for your church to
provide you with a singles group. Right, all right, next
question here, Well we can go to this one. I like, guys,
(11:55):
I have no idea what these are about to say,
but it says easy question. Hey, my name is Joseph.
I'm fifteen. I live in Port Angelus, Washington. Thank you
for helping me get through when I broke my leg.
I was listening to your podcast in the hospital. I
was wondering if there's a way to make your voice
deeper or higher pitched. What kind of exercises are there? Yeah? Ye,
(12:18):
God blessed. So fifteen is a time that's kind of
the time you start asking me. You're like, hey, man,
everyone's got a deep voice, but me, what do I do?
Hey Grader? Yeah, yeah, Hey, that's his nature, isn't it? Like?
I don't know at some level, Joseph, if you're the
voice pro like just gonna happen. If you're talking about singing,
(12:40):
maybe you're talking about singing. That's a little different. But
if you're talking about speaking, that's just gonna happen. You.
Have you heard yourself in a while. I have listened
to you from old tapes, But have you heard yourself
talk from twenty five years ago? No, I've listened to
you two or five years ago recently, because there's one
on one of your albums. Oh no, is that one
(13:01):
where you're out talking? Oh? Yeah, yeah, what's a homeless guy? Yeah? Yeah,
So when you listen to yourself twenty years ago, all
of us our voices are different. It's almost not even
the same person. It's weird. Harrison Ford. I was listening
to him talk the other day. That guy's voice is
so deep now and it wasn't necessarily like that when
(13:21):
he was han solo. Wow, so we change, Joseph, your
voice is going to change naturally. The more you use it,
the more that muscle gets stronger. And uh, just don't
worry about it. If you're talking about singing, you exercise it.
Just like you want to be a runner, you would
exercise your legs. If you want to be a singer,
you exercise your vocal cords. Oh, look at this one
(13:45):
subject line, mark of the Beast. Hey, grangem twenty nine
years old, live in Indiana. So we're sitting around a campfire,
and I'd like to hear your thoughts on the Mark
of the Beast. Revelations thirteen explains it how the end
of times will be near and nobody will be able
to buy or sell without worshiping the anti Christ. The
number is sixty six six also plays a role in
(14:07):
the end times. And it's all a little confusing to me.
I'm young. I have a hard time comprehending comprehending revelations
with an s on the end. Would love to hear
your thoughts. God bless and that is Did he say
his name? He just said he's twenty nine. Yeah, email
says jer So we'll call you Jeremy. Jeremy. Okay. It's
(14:31):
actually really nice that Bernie's sitting here because he could
go a totally different direction. And you're you're open to
I'll let it. Let you do whatever you want to
do here. This is not my special okay, Okay, Well
then we'll just walk through this together. Here's the deal, Jeremy.
There was actually was a time when I was in
high school. I was really into this stuff, Like I
(14:52):
would get into it, and I would listen to these
they left behind, Yeah, like the left behind times that
was around that that era in the nineties. But what
I have come to learn over these years, especially the
recent years, of really diving into the New Testament, diving
into Revelation, diving into Daniel and Isaiah and the different
(15:17):
apocalyptic stories, the apocalyptic narratives that we see in the Bible,
And what I'm about to say is probably going to
make you. Maybe it's going to make some people not
want to listen to the podcast anymore because it's boring.
But at a lot of modern day scholars will say
(15:37):
that a lot of that stuff that was prophesied in
Revelation has already happened, that that Nero was part of that.
All this plan when Jerusalem was that the the Israelites
revolted in sixty six AD right against the Romans because
(15:58):
of the oppression, because they were taxed heavily. It was
it was a terrible environment in the sixties AD. And
so the Israelites got together with all these revolutionists and
they revolted, and Rome crushed them over the course of
four years, and in seventy a d the temple in
(16:19):
Jerusalem was demolished, just like Jesus prophesied. The religion was crushed.
They built a pagan temple on that mount right there
where the where the Jerusalem Temple was, where the Second
Temple that Solomon was. They they then kicked everyone out
that wanted to worship the Yahweh God. They they they
(16:44):
made it illegal to sacrifice, illegal to obey the Sabbath,
illegal to circumcise. Jews were dispersed, It was completely crushed.
In fact, there was one more small revolt in one
thirty five a d. When that was crushed, Israel no
longer was a state. They're gone until crazy nineteen forty three.
(17:10):
All this time goes by, right, so two thousand years
go by. Anyway, Most modern day scholars now will say
that all this mark of the Beast stuff, all this revelation,
end of times, all that stuff that John was talking
about the apostle was already fulfilled. And the destruction of
the temple, destruction of Israel, the dispersion of the people.
(17:32):
That is really boring because so many of us want
to just be like, oh, this mark of the Beast,
here's it come, here it comes. I remember when they
said it was credit cards you know when that first
came out. Now it's all you know, it's the vaccine
that was it for a while. And we know this.
I could tell you this about the end of times
for sure. When Jesus came, the end of times began.
(17:54):
Then he ushered in the end of times phase this,
this is the last of days. When Jesus came, right,
he became the new Covenant, he became the once and
for all sacrifice. So no longer that people have to
kill lambs and dove and lay them on an altar
and cook them and oxen. Jesus became the once for
(18:18):
all sacrifice for all humans that would receive him as
their lord and savior. So, Jeremy, if we just focus
on that and stop digging into maybe what was six
six six market the beast to buy and sell and trade?
What if that already happened, and you need to be
(18:39):
focused on the savior that made the once and for
all sacrifice in the end of times, which is right
now that we're living in. People say we're living in
the end of Times. Yeah we are. We always have
been for two thousand years. Once again, so boring like
this doesn't get any clickbait on a podcast. No, that's
not what people want to hear. People want to say.
(19:00):
They want me to say, yeah, I heard that President
Biden might be the anti Christ. At the end of
the world is coming when you lie seventeen yeah, yeah.
So I'm sorry that burst some bubbles and that might
actually create some people talking and wanting to fight against
me on that. And you're totally welcome to I'm not
(19:24):
totally right about this. This is all speculation. No one
really knows, but modern scholars really believe that this stuff
that John's talking about already happened. I can tell you
this for sure. And I'm not talking about the apocalypse
and the end war. I'm not talking about that. I'm
talking about six sixty six. What we need to know
(19:46):
is this, and this is the truth. For thousands of years,
people have thought maybe their generation is the last one
and that the rapture is coming. If you believe in raptured.
There's people that don't believe in rapture. But ninety nine
infinite percent chance you will die, Jeremy before any of
(20:10):
this happens, and me and Bernie and everyone listening to
this podcast will die a human death and not be
raptured because it's not our time. So if that's the odds,
if that was a Vegas odds, I would say, if
that's my Vegas odds, I'm putting all my bets on
Jesus as my savior that I will meet him after
(20:31):
an earthly death, and I put my trust in him
as the once and for all sacrifice. And I'm not
looking to the sky for some crazy apocalypse burning that's
gonna happen. Not yet. Yeah, dude, that is impressive. Let
me just say, did y'all know that he knew all that?
(20:52):
Like that's I knew you were a history buff, but
you're like, you know and once again, and dude, that's impressive.
I didn't know that stuff. So Jarre, thank you for
putting the question so Gris could enlighten us a little.
(21:15):
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(23:06):
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com slash Granger. All right, back to the podcast, diving
(24:16):
into another question. If you want to talk to me
and Bernie, email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. We'll
put it in the queue. We have no notes, nothing
in front of us. We're just walking through it like
a couple buddies sitting around a campfire. Like that last
question said, I like that. Next question subject says need advice.
The email says, Hey Granger, my name is James, I'm eighteen.
(24:37):
I'm a senior in high school this year. I emailed
you two weeks ago and asked if I should try
talking to my ex girlfriend I still had feelings for.
Turns out, we both felt the same way. We've talked
for about a week and a half, and she told
her parents and they pretty much told her that they
didn't want her talking to me because they didn't want
it to hurt her again. And we both feel like
(24:58):
we've changed. I heard a lot since the last time.
She's only seventeen, so I respect her parents, but I
also feel like she is old enough to make these
kind of decisions. Any advice would be great, thanks again,
ye James eighteen A little piece here. You said, I
want to respect her parents, but I also feel like
(25:21):
she is old enough to make these decisions. Then you
don't respect her parents. Start with that. You might want to,
but you don't. You don't really want to. What'd you think?
Burns James? James, James. So it's just a couple old
(25:43):
guys over here. Okay, you're sitting around the campfire with
some old guys, all right, with daughters with daughters, and
I grizz has said this many times on this podcast,
and every time we get something from somebody fifteen sixteen,
seventeen eighteen, I always just think and remember what you say,
just be eighteen. Like, these kind of things can take
(26:07):
so much of your time and attention that could be
spent on making really good memories with friends and you know,
going places, building new friendships. So yeah, apart from her parents,
I would be interested to know why the parents don't
want her to hang out with you other than like
(26:29):
you hurt her before, I guess, and they don't want
her to get hurt again. But you've matured. Yeah, So
practically speaking, I would say this, and I've said this before, James,
You're to me. Your only card to play is you
talk to the dad and you just say you man up. James.
(26:53):
You're an eighteen year old. You're old enough to go
into the Marine Corps. You're old enough to call on
the phone the dad. I'd say, Sir James, here, I
know you're a busy guy, and I don't want to
bother you, but I would love to be able to
go to lunch with you or coffee and have a
discussion with you. Manda man. Now hopefully he says sure,
(27:18):
let's do it, and you get together and you say, Sir,
I have feelings for your daughter. I would love to
be able to Dater. I understand that you have concerns
about me, and understand that that's because you love her,
and I admire that, and so I do not want
to do anything behind your back. So I wanted to
(27:38):
have lunch and maybe to discuss some of your concerns
if I could answer any questions. Bottom line is I
care about your daughter and I would love to be
able to dater and I would like your permission. Yeah,
if you can do that, you are going to start
to earn some respect from the parents for sure. Yeah,
(28:00):
I don't know if you can do that. That's tough
for an eighteen year old. I wouldn't have done that
at eighteen. Yeah. The only other card you have is
forget her. Forget her dude. Yeah, be eighteen options B eighteen.
Next question, interesting subject here, pastor let me down. So
(28:20):
my wife and I finally found a church that we love.
We were baptized and joined his members two years ago.
Church is four years in. We were voted in by
six people. Then four of the six have left the
church now, including only six members. We recently purchased a
large building and get about sixty five people on average. Sunday,
our pastor emailed my wife asking us to become members.
(28:44):
We already were. Then he blamed someone else for the
mix up and said that it was his fault. We
decided to step back and watch online and do our
own worship at home as a family. I feel horrible.
I've been friends with him and my wife with his
but his response also said that we have a responsibility
as members to show up to church. There are other
(29:07):
issues we pushed through, but this one has finally pushed
us away. I have a feeling we won't be going back.
It seems like they're pushing for new members, for money
and for a new building. Should we try. They haven't
even attempted to contact us. Only one member called me
Anonymous Wisconsin. I love how your voice y'all. Notice his
(29:30):
voice changes sometimes once he gets halfway into an email
and he starts talking like they may be from Wisconsin. Right,
that's the radio show coming out on the podcast? Yeah,
I love it, so I think the very end it says,
please let me know if you respond. I don't catch
all the podcasts. That kind of says something about the
(29:53):
personality as well. Yeah right, yeah, yeah, very This is
about me getting something kind of consumer focused. I'm not
gonna give as much as I'm gonna look to get, right,
is that thing I'm gonna let you go off? This person? Well,
I'm the good cop, so I'm not gonna go off
(30:15):
as much as Granger will go off. All right, did
we get a name? Did we get a name? It's anonymous? Okay, Wisconsin,
we'll Wisconsin. I I I'm not going to dismiss your
claim because there are a lot of churches out there
that just don't have great leadership. They don't have the
holy spirit they you know, you know that that's that's true.
(30:40):
But I do feel like you're being a little bit
selfish here. I feel like you are kind of getting
hung up on maybe some like some response that the
pastor had and basically saying we're not going to go
back because he responded a certain way, and you're and
(31:00):
from there, like a critical spirit can start to be
like a cancer, and not just for a community, but
in your own mind, like you start to spiral and
then you're all of a sudden critical of you know,
his wife, and you're critical of why they're having new members.
I think you probably need to check your own heart
in this situation. And then next I think you need
(31:24):
to probably sit with your wife and the pastor and
his wife. You said you guys are friends, y'all need
to sit and like sit in the conflict. Guys. Conflict
is not something to avoid. It actually can bring clarity
and it can make things stronger. So quick side note.
(31:45):
I'm running this weekend early early in the morning, still
dark out, so I just have a head lamp and
I'm in the woods. I don't know really where I am,
and I start to hear a noise, and then all
of a sudden, that noise starts to get a little louder,
and it's coming towards me. And again it's dark except
from my head lamp, and I just hear all of
(32:07):
this wrestling. It's kind of getting louder. It's come, and
so I start to get a little scared. I'm not
gonna lie, and then all of a sudden, this little
bunny rabbit runs across the trail right in front of me,
a little cute, little bunny rabbit, and I gotta stop.
I was like bunny. I had to catch myself. But
then I realized, like it was just a bunny. The
(32:28):
point is, whenever we keep things in the dark, a
lot of times they can be a lot bigger than
we think they are, and in our minds they can
be a lot bigger. It may just be a small
little bunny rabbit. If you just sit and talk, be honest,
bring some light to the situation. Because once my light
saw what it was, it was just a bunny rabbit.
(32:48):
Wasn't that big a deal? So Dn, that is so good.
That is amazing. Did you think about that that I
got scared of a bunny rabbit or did you think
of that story in your way here, like I'm gonna
find a way to use that coming here here. No,
absolutely not, Man, Bernie, that's so good. That's what you
would tell me. If well, I will, I will say
that after I started running again, I started analyzing what
(33:12):
I just went through, and that's what the thought came
to me was, Hey, that thing was so scary when
it was in the dark and you didn't know what
it was. But once you saw it, you know, there's
nothing to be afraid of. Yes, yeah, I think we
all that's a good word for all of us right there.
(33:33):
So Anonymous Wisconsin, you think this is a country club?
A lot of people do. Man, it is church a
country club to you? Or is it a youth select
baseball team? And you're mad at the coach? I mean,
that's what this email sounds like. It doesn't sound like
(33:53):
someone that's that's that's part of a life giving community
that shares in a life giving faith that's outward reaching.
That doesn't sound like that. It sounds like you're mad
at the country club owner because you've been a member
at this country club for four years and he just
gave your locker away and you're so you're going to
(34:15):
go to another country club. In fact, you're just gonna
build your own country club in your own backyard. That's
kind of what this sounds like. And I want to
kind of read back the scenario to you. You were
part of the at that church at the beginning. You
joined two years ago and the church is only four
years in, so you've been half of the life of
(34:35):
the church. You've been there and you're in way before
they had sixty five people in there. And then the
pastor is trying to do his due diligence, not defending him,
just stating the facts. He's doing his due diligence and
reaching out to people members of the congregation. He stumbles
upon your name and your wife's name. He reaches out
(34:57):
to you and he says, I would like you for
you two to become members. Now, let's stop right there.
Like we're in a court case right now, we're just
we're laying out to the to the jury what's happening here.
The pastor doing due diligence and going down the list
of people that have attended the church, and he's trying
(35:18):
to get membership from the people, which is a good thing.
We want to be members of a body so that
we could then help with communication, help help delegate serving,
like who's good at the media team, who's good at music,
who's good it admissions, Let's delegate. So that's why we
need members, and the pastor needs to understand who's a
(35:39):
member and who's not. But he reaches out to you
and ladies and gentlemen of the jury. He didn't know
you guys very well, y'all aren't very very prominent people
in the church because he accidentally called you to ask
you to be members and he didn't know you. Yeah,
in a church of sixty five people, I bet you
(36:00):
dollars to donuts that you are not participating actively in
the community. There's no way, no way, you're not serving
in probably any capacity. You're not. You're likely not in
any kind of small group that is missional in any way.
Otherwise he would look and see your name. Oh, they
shouldn't be on this list. Just talk to them yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
(36:23):
So this this is a huge problem with the corporate
church in the West. Yeah, consumer consumer based. Yeah, we
are just going to like you said, it's a country club.
It's another thing that it's an affiliation, but it misses
completely misses the biblical intention of the church. So yeah,
(36:44):
it's like mister and missus anonymous. Oh, of course they're members.
I just talked to them on Wednesday at the whatever.
So the appropriate response from you could have been, hey, pastor,
this is this is actually a little embarrassing, but we
actually are members, and we just haven't been very active.
That's why. That's why our names came up and you
(37:06):
didn't recognize us. But we need to be held accountable.
We need to we need to be more, be there
for you more. And so I'm sorry that there's this
embarrassing mix up. But instead your response was instead, man,
forget it, We're just gonna go online. The pastor didn't
even know us. How dare he not even know us?
(37:29):
That guy's got a lot on his mind. Once again,
I'm not defending him. Like Bernie said, they're are corrupt pastors.
Of course, I'm not defending him. I'm just laying out
the facts for the jury here. You don't have a
very good case to convince Bernie and I that you're
really good standing members of this small body church here. Well,
and for your own just for your own spiritual growth
(37:51):
and maturity and connectedness to a community. If you're gonna
have those things. And this is for anybody, include me
and Granger, Like, we are going to have to be
people of grace and patience. I don't know why, as
believers in Jesus who came and displayed perfectly God's grace
(38:15):
unmerited favor, Like we should be a people more than
anybody on the face of the earth that sees somebody
doing something that doesn't deserve our favor or our grace.
And we were like looking for areas to be like, oh, hey,
I forgive you, It's all good, it's all good, Like
(38:35):
let's give grace instead. A lot of times we can
just become very critical and judgmental. But it's the opposite
of the Gospel. So this is true probably for your marriage,
any relationships that you're in. We just need to be
people that are full of grace, full of patience, and
full of forgiveness. Yea one hundred percent. If it's going
(38:57):
to be a healthy relationship, a healthy community, a healthy tchaper. Yeah, yeah,
let's let's play. Devil's advocates say this pastor should have
known you, then you could also respond in a way
that says, pastor, buddy, we just saw you Sunday. We
are members. You've got a lot on your plate. How
could I help serve you to take some of this
(39:19):
this membership status stuff off your plate. We would love
to help serve you in that way. One more thing here,
you say at the end, I have a feeling we
won't be going back. It seems like they're pushing for
new members for money for the new building. Okay, let's
take just that. Imagine being a pastor. I'm not, Bernie's not,
You're not. There's pastors listening. Is that wrong? Is that
(39:45):
wrong for him to be seeking more of his of
his flock and a better building for his flock. I
don't think that's there's nothing wrong. I mean, as long
as it doesn't become as idol. And that's what he's
worried about, and that's he's he wasting all this energy
and it's not shepherding the current flock that he has.
I understand. But we can't look at that as a
(40:07):
bad thing, that he wants a bigger, better building for everyone,
with better facilities. As long as he's content. You understand
the balance here. But this is another issue that you
can come forward and say, pastor, we feel like there
is a lot of effort going into new people so
(40:28):
that we could have a new building. How could we
help you shepherd the current people so that they don't
feel forgotten, so that they don't feel lost. Me and
my wife would love to be able to do that
and to cultivate what's already here, Like these are ways
that you could serve forward instead of recoiling back and saying,
you know what, I got to feel in this one
(40:50):
just pushed us away for good. Yeah, we could go
on this one for a while, but yeah, you gotta
check yourself, I think, and we all need to, you know,
where we're kind of at with those kind of relationships.
Let's hit another one. We don't have a lot of
time in this break, but we could hit one more.
(41:11):
Here says dating on deployment. Hey granger, I'm currently deployed
overseas with the Army, and me and this girl started
a relationship right before I left. I put the situation
in plain text before I left, and she felt confident
that we could do it. We're two months in now
and she's having doubts. We've been friends for four years
now I'm scared a loser? What do I do? Love
(41:34):
the podcast, Thanks for the advice. PS. Saw you in
North Lawrence, Ohio for country Fest. Christopher, first of all,
thanks for your service. Appreciate you emailing and listening and
being a fan of music. What we got for this guy? Burns?
He's I mean, and then like the first rule of deployment, like,
(41:54):
don't start a relationship right before you know you're gonna
get deployed. Yeah, I mean, thank you for your service, Like,
don't think only me missed that, but I you know,
I guess it's neither here nor there. He's in the
situation he's in. But yes, so the people that are
not in this city situation, let's make that a unwritten rule.
Probably don't get into a relationship right before you leave.
(42:17):
But if you do, like Chris, let's talk about it.
He said, I put my situation in plain text before
I left, and she felt confident that we could do it.
But here's here's the deal. Until you're in it, you
don't know. You can feel confident like I think I can.
But until that, you know, the six months goes by,
(42:37):
the seven months and she's still hasn't seen you, then
you don't know how she's going to react. That's a
good point. Ask me right now, if I could climb
Mount Everest, Yeah, can you climb out? Every dude? You
know I could, bro I'll do it. You want to
go tomorrow? Yeah? Right, I promise you. I get half
a day in and I'm stopping. Yeah. But if whenever
(42:59):
you're not in it, you're over confident, you're like, of
course we can fight, do anything. Let's go. So let's
let's wrap this up by saying, practically, what could he
do to not lose her? That's what he's worried about. Ultimately,
there've been friends and he doesn't want to lose her.
I can tell you how. Let's first of all, say
how you can lose her. Here's how you can lose
(43:21):
her by smothering or by saying, please, I don't want
to lose you. Please? What can I do? Please? Please?
You better not be Are you seeing somebody else? Is
this about another guy? Hey? Why didn't you pick up
your face time at three o'clock? You you missed? You're
seeing something? You know? Like, that's the way loser. The
way to not lose her, I think is by saying
(43:41):
I get it. It's hard to know ahead of time
what a deployment would be like. So I really care
about you and I really feel like I could do it.
But if you can't, I would suggest we hit the
brakes a little bit back away. Let's I'll give you
some space. If you need me, you know where to
find me. I think another thing you could do is
(44:05):
I'm guessing there's other folks that you're deployed with that
maybe are deeper into a relationship and maybe have been
through a deployment and figured out how to do that,
and maybe ask their advice, ask them the situation. They'll
be able to, you know, give you some advice. It's
very different than you know, me and Gris, but yeah,
(44:26):
maybe ask them and they may say, yeah, dude, you
probably if you're just this much in and you're already
feeling this, you probably need to give her the space
and you know, do a granger set. But maybe they'll
have something else for you. I don't know. Appreciate you,
Chris and all of y'all. Thanks for listening. We'll see
you next Monday. GigE, thanks for joining me on the
Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys, you could
(44:47):
help me out by rating this podcasts on iTunes. If
you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little
like button and notification spell so that you never miss
anytime I upload a video. If you have a question
for me that you would like me to answer, email
Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. Ye
My purpose is to glorify God. How narcissistic must he
be if he creates beings and then their purpose is
to glorify him, like when you first look at it
on the surface, that's what it sounds like. I don't
really want to worship a god like that. What's up, guys,
(00:30):
Welcome to the podcast, Episode one hundred and seventy six,
And this is a special one because we got back
an amazing guest of mine, multi multi timer, and back
Bernie Calcote. And if you're watching on YouTube, you'll notice something.
If you're not, if you're listening on Spotify or Apple
or something, you won't notice. But he is now a
(00:51):
mountain man. Yeah, he's got a beard. I'm embracing my
inner Will Brown, no haircut, not shit, you are that guy,
I do remember. You'd be friends now the way you look.
You'd be friends with my friend Marv, who's a pastor.
He's a mennnight pastor in South Carolina and he listens
(01:12):
to this podcast every Monday. Really really good dude. And Marv,
yeah his name is Marvin. You're starting to look like
a midnight pastor with this beard. Shout up to what
we do on this podcast with Bernie. He helps me
a lot because we just answer your questions. And Bernie
has been answering my questions for about twenty years. When
(01:34):
I have a problem, I reach out and I'm like, hey, birds,
I got a problem, or it doesn't even have to
be a problem, just just a scenario walking through life,
walking through life. And so that's what we do with you.
And you email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
We're gonna get to this inbox. I told Bernie, I
have no idea what's coming up like that. There's no planning,
(01:55):
there's no notes flying blind, we don't have no special
quotes that we're just gonna out there. Our minds are
empty right now. Yeah, all right, So first question, Brenda
gets it and it says this, Hey, granger I really
enjoy your podcast. I'm from West Virginia. I was married
(02:15):
in two thousand and six, got divorced in two thousand
and eight. My ex husband died in twenty twenty. I
consider myself single, not divorced. Now. I have a relationship
with God and I've been praying for a godly man.
Can you please tell me what to do? There is
not a singles group in our church. I don't know
(02:36):
what I could do. Thank you for everything to do. God,
bless Brenda. Brenda from West Virginia, married, married in six,
got divorced in eight. He died in twenty. He died
in twenty twenty. So she considers herself single, not divorced.
Now that's just a mentality she's going with here. But
(02:59):
the question, it sounds like, is how do I get
a man? She's lonely? Yep, because two thousand and six
a long that's a long time. Or two thousand and
eight when she divorced. Oh sorry, I got divorced two
thousand and eight. Still okay, So still we're talking a
(03:19):
long time, sixteen years something like that. Fifteen years. So
I have a relationship with God, she says. I've been
praying for a godly man, she says, And then she
asked me, and you, Bernie, but what can I do?
There's not a singles group at church. I don't know
(03:41):
what to do. Okay, what you got for Brenda Brenda?
So again, we don't prepare for these questions. I'm just
kind of praying beforehand that hey, Holy Spirit, give us
the words, bring to mind the things you want. These
people to hear and us to hear as well through
(04:04):
this because I think this podcast ministers to Griz and
I both so. Pastor John Piper says that God is
most glorified through us when we are most satisfied in Him.
If you have a relationship with God and you are
in his word and you read that the purpose of
our life is to glorify God with our lives, right,
(04:29):
and if that is the most evident when we are
most satisfied in Him, I think maybe that not that
having a partner, and you know, a companion is a
bad thing by any means, but maybe just kind of check, like, man,
(04:51):
am I most satisfied in him? Is he fulfilling? Is
his grace sufficient? Is he enough? Or am I looking
to fill a part of that with this companion? Maybe
you answer, yes, God is enough. He's sustaining me. He
sustained me for the last however sixteen years or however
(05:11):
long it's been. But you know, you do feel this
loneliness and you desire for companionship, which can be a
godly thing and can be a great, you know thing.
As far as the practical, how do I do that?
I've just been so out of the game so long.
(05:33):
I have no I have no idea how you do
it these days. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it,
and I want to kind of reinforce what you said,
because that's not that's not the first thing that came
to my mind when you went to the piper, most
glorified thing. I love that, and I think that's a
that's a great answer kind of for anyone with any question.
And so let's look, let's kind of dissect that and
see what that looks like. Because to some people that
(05:55):
comes across is like, my purpose is to glorify godd
How narcissistic must he be if he creates beings, and
then their purpose is to glorify him, Like when you
first look at it on the surface, that's what it
sounds like. I don't really want to worship a god
like that, that a narcissistic god just wants attention, literally
(06:19):
creates people so that they will give him attention. I
don't I don't like that. I don't like that thought.
That's what some of you might be thinking. So let's
unpack it and see what, like where that goes, and
maybe dig deeper into what that could mean for our lives,
because the ultimate, the ultimate gift that you get from
that is your own joy and hope and love and peace.
(06:44):
These are fruits that you get as a result of
your worship to your creator. Okay, so let's unpack that
a little further. I've told I did a sermon one
time and looked at it like this. I grew up
a huge George Strait. You know that, Bernie, Yes, So
imagine I used to go to these concerts by myself
(07:05):
when I was a teenager, and I would sit in
the very center of the second row, right in the middle,
and just I would go there, and I would camp
out the night before to get the tickets, and then
I would wait in these ridiculous lines and I would
get in at noon. George Strait didn't go on till
about eight pm, and I'm there in the building at noon,
(07:27):
and I would go there. So imagine this scenario, and
we're going to play this out. Imagine I go in there,
do all that, and I get there and there is
a camera stand right in front of my seat, and
George Strait comes out, and I'm just like, well, this
is not what I expected. So I started daydreaming kind
(07:47):
of lose my interest in the concert, and what am
I going to do? There's a camera right here, George
Strait in front of seventy thousand people. He's playing to everyone,
and he looks at me and he says, you move
the camera so you could see me. Look to me,
focus on me. That's why you came, that's why you're here.
(08:13):
So in that scenario, then would George Strait be narcissistic
to say that to me? Would he be some evil,
creepy guy that is just wanting to get glory from everyone. No,
that's actually the most selfless thing he could do. In
that scenario, when all these people are there, he looks
to me and goes, I'm gonna give you glory by
(08:35):
you giving me glory, I will give you hope, I
will give you peace. I will give you unbelievable joy
in this concert. Look to me, move all obstacles out
of the way. So that's what happens. God does that
so that we could be we could share in that glory.
He doesn't need any more from us, but he wants
(08:55):
to selflessly give it back to us so that we
could share in it as adopted kids. That's unbelievable. If
you unpack it that way, that's the depth behind what
Bernie is saying. God is most glorified in us when
we are most satisfied in Him. So, Brenda, that starts
the whole conversation, that starts probably every question we have today.
(09:19):
Can you say that, are you satisfied in Him? Because
if you are, then you go, God, I'm single. I
want somebody. But if that's not in your designs, that's
not in your plan for me. Let me just focus
on you. Let me just continue to glorify you, regardless
of who else is in my life. Okay, that's that
(09:42):
part that's done. Now let's get practical, Brenda. You say,
I've been praying for godly man, can you tell me
what to do? There's not a singles group in our church?
Is that the only church? First question? Yeah? Is it
the only church? But also like, surely there's other ministries
(10:04):
within that church. Surely there's other kind of hobbies, desires
and gifts that God has given you to be able
to serve your community or whatever. Go do those things
and just you know, listen to that still small voice
that's saying, Hey, there's this orphan care ministry that I'm
(10:26):
gonna lay on your heart and you're gonna like start
to push into that and you respond one day at
a time, you say, yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna serve here.
I'm gonna serve here. It could be you know, like
some running group, or it could it could be anything
that you just listen to that voice and you walk
in the spirit in that and then all of a sudden,
this dude shows up and he's he's kind of listening
(10:49):
to the same spirit, and you guys are all of
a sudden kind of walking next to each other, not
in order to find each other, but in order to
listen to the voice of God and walk in it.
But then you realize you're walking right next to each other,
and then it's like, Hey, I have a companion in
the work that God has put before us. I think
(11:09):
a lot of times these relationship questions can really be
just self focused, and relationship be self focused instead of Hey,
what if we found somebody that would co labor with
us in the work that God puts in front of us.
That's that's what it's about, So maybe give that a shot. Brenda.
(11:33):
Start looking around at those opportunities, like what is God
put in front of you and then start doing, and
then look to your left and right and see who's
with you. So good, reach out, serve others. Don't get
caught sitting on the couch waiting for your church to
provide you with a singles group. Right, all right, next
question here, Well we can go to this one. I like, guys,
(11:55):
I have no idea what these are about to say,
but it says easy question. Hey, my name is Joseph.
I'm fifteen. I live in Port Angelus, Washington. Thank you
for helping me get through when I broke my leg.
I was listening to your podcast in the hospital. I
was wondering if there's a way to make your voice
deeper or higher pitched. What kind of exercises are there? Yeah? Ye,
(12:18):
God blessed. So fifteen is a time that's kind of
the time you start asking me. You're like, hey, man,
everyone's got a deep voice, but me, what do I do?
Hey Grader? Yeah, yeah, Hey, that's his nature, isn't it? Like?
I don't know at some level, Joseph, if you're the
voice pro like just gonna happen. If you're talking about singing,
(12:40):
maybe you're talking about singing. That's a little different. But
if you're talking about speaking, that's just gonna happen. You.
Have you heard yourself in a while. I have listened
to you from old tapes, But have you heard yourself
talk from twenty five years ago? No, I've listened to
you two or five years ago recently, because there's one
on one of your albums. Oh no, is that one
(13:01):
where you're out talking? Oh? Yeah, yeah, what's a homeless guy? Yeah? Yeah,
So when you listen to yourself twenty years ago, all
of us our voices are different. It's almost not even
the same person. It's weird. Harrison Ford. I was listening
to him talk the other day. That guy's voice is
so deep now and it wasn't necessarily like that when
(13:21):
he was han solo. Wow, so we change, Joseph, your
voice is going to change naturally. The more you use it,
the more that muscle gets stronger. And uh, just don't
worry about it. If you're talking about singing, you exercise it.
Just like you want to be a runner, you would
exercise your legs. If you want to be a singer,
you exercise your vocal cords. Oh, look at this one
(13:45):
subject line, mark of the Beast. Hey, grangem twenty nine
years old, live in Indiana. So we're sitting around a campfire,
and I'd like to hear your thoughts on the Mark
of the Beast. Revelations thirteen explains it how the end
of times will be near and nobody will be able
to buy or sell without worshiping the anti Christ. The
number is sixty six six also plays a role in
(14:07):
the end times. And it's all a little confusing to me.
I'm young. I have a hard time comprehending comprehending revelations
with an s on the end. Would love to hear
your thoughts. God bless and that is Did he say
his name? He just said he's twenty nine. Yeah, email
says jer So we'll call you Jeremy. Jeremy. Okay. It's
(14:31):
actually really nice that Bernie's sitting here because he could
go a totally different direction. And you're you're open to
I'll let it. Let you do whatever you want to
do here. This is not my special okay, Okay, Well
then we'll just walk through this together. Here's the deal, Jeremy.
There was actually was a time when I was in
high school. I was really into this stuff, Like I
(14:52):
would get into it, and I would listen to these
they left behind, Yeah, like the left behind times that
was around that that era in the nineties. But what
I have come to learn over these years, especially the
recent years, of really diving into the New Testament, diving
into Revelation, diving into Daniel and Isaiah and the different
(15:17):
apocalyptic stories, the apocalyptic narratives that we see in the Bible,
And what I'm about to say is probably going to
make you. Maybe it's going to make some people not
want to listen to the podcast anymore because it's boring.
But at a lot of modern day scholars will say
(15:37):
that a lot of that stuff that was prophesied in
Revelation has already happened, that that Nero was part of that.
All this plan when Jerusalem was that the the Israelites
revolted in sixty six AD right against the Romans because
(15:58):
of the oppression, because they were taxed heavily. It was
it was a terrible environment in the sixties AD. And
so the Israelites got together with all these revolutionists and
they revolted, and Rome crushed them over the course of
four years, and in seventy a d the temple in
(16:19):
Jerusalem was demolished, just like Jesus prophesied. The religion was crushed.
They built a pagan temple on that mount right there
where the where the Jerusalem Temple was, where the Second
Temple that Solomon was. They they then kicked everyone out
that wanted to worship the Yahweh God. They they they
(16:44):
made it illegal to sacrifice, illegal to obey the Sabbath,
illegal to circumcise. Jews were dispersed, It was completely crushed.
In fact, there was one more small revolt in one
thirty five a d. When that was crushed, Israel no
longer was a state. They're gone until crazy nineteen forty three.
(17:10):
All this time goes by, right, so two thousand years
go by. Anyway, Most modern day scholars now will say
that all this mark of the Beast stuff, all this revelation,
end of times, all that stuff that John was talking
about the apostle was already fulfilled. And the destruction of
the temple, destruction of Israel, the dispersion of the people.
(17:32):
That is really boring because so many of us want
to just be like, oh, this mark of the Beast,
here's it come, here it comes. I remember when they
said it was credit cards you know when that first
came out. Now it's all you know, it's the vaccine
that was it for a while. And we know this.
I could tell you this about the end of times
for sure. When Jesus came, the end of times began.
(17:54):
Then he ushered in the end of times phase this,
this is the last of days. When Jesus came, right,
he became the new Covenant, he became the once and
for all sacrifice. So no longer that people have to
kill lambs and dove and lay them on an altar
and cook them and oxen. Jesus became the once for
(18:18):
all sacrifice for all humans that would receive him as
their lord and savior. So, Jeremy, if we just focus
on that and stop digging into maybe what was six
six six market the beast to buy and sell and trade?
What if that already happened, and you need to be
(18:39):
focused on the savior that made the once and for
all sacrifice in the end of times, which is right
now that we're living in. People say we're living in
the end of Times. Yeah we are. We always have
been for two thousand years. Once again, so boring like
this doesn't get any clickbait on a podcast. No, that's
not what people want to hear. People want to say.
(19:00):
They want me to say, yeah, I heard that President
Biden might be the anti Christ. At the end of
the world is coming when you lie seventeen yeah, yeah.
So I'm sorry that burst some bubbles and that might
actually create some people talking and wanting to fight against
me on that. And you're totally welcome to I'm not
(19:24):
totally right about this. This is all speculation. No one
really knows, but modern scholars really believe that this stuff
that John's talking about already happened. I can tell you
this for sure. And I'm not talking about the apocalypse
and the end war. I'm not talking about that. I'm
talking about six sixty six. What we need to know
(19:46):
is this, and this is the truth. For thousands of years,
people have thought maybe their generation is the last one
and that the rapture is coming. If you believe in raptured.
There's people that don't believe in rapture. But ninety nine
infinite percent chance you will die, Jeremy before any of
(20:10):
this happens, and me and Bernie and everyone listening to
this podcast will die a human death and not be
raptured because it's not our time. So if that's the odds,
if that was a Vegas odds, I would say, if
that's my Vegas odds, I'm putting all my bets on
Jesus as my savior that I will meet him after
(20:31):
an earthly death, and I put my trust in him
as the once and for all sacrifice. And I'm not
looking to the sky for some crazy apocalypse burning that's
gonna happen. Not yet. Yeah, dude, that is impressive. Let
me just say, did y'all know that he knew all that?
(20:52):
Like that's I knew you were a history buff, but
you're like, you know and once again, and dude, that's impressive.
I didn't know that stuff. So Jarre, thank you for
putting the question so Gris could enlighten us a little.
(21:15):
This podcast is brought to you by Fabric by Gerber Life.
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Policies issued by Western Southern Life Assurance Company not available
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And next this show is sponsored by better Help. And
you heard Bernie and I talking about this today on
today's episode. When you're at your best, you could do
great things, but sometimes life gets you bogged down. You
feel overwhelmed, you feel like you're not showing up in
(23:06):
the way that you want to. There's no shame in
talking to a therapist about this. It could be a
great way to start filling better mentally with a professional.
But then you think, well, who would I talk to?
That sounds expensive and I gotta lay on a couch
and tell a guy all of my problems. Hang on
a second. There's a really good option instead. It's called
(23:27):
better Help. It's flexible, convenient, affordable, entirely online. You just
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with a licensed therapist, and then you could switch at
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additional charge, once again, completely online, the privacy of your
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(23:50):
can you ask for? This is the easiest, simplest setup
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off your first month. That's Better Help hg LP dot
com slash Granger. All right, back to the podcast, diving
(24:16):
into another question. If you want to talk to me
and Bernie, email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. We'll
put it in the queue. We have no notes, nothing
in front of us. We're just walking through it like
a couple buddies sitting around a campfire. Like that last
question said, I like that. Next question subject says need advice.
The email says, Hey Granger, my name is James, I'm eighteen.
(24:37):
I'm a senior in high school this year. I emailed
you two weeks ago and asked if I should try
talking to my ex girlfriend I still had feelings for.
Turns out, we both felt the same way. We've talked
for about a week and a half, and she told
her parents and they pretty much told her that they
didn't want her talking to me because they didn't want
it to hurt her again. And we both feel like
(24:58):
we've changed. I heard a lot since the last time.
She's only seventeen, so I respect her parents, but I
also feel like she is old enough to make these
kind of decisions. Any advice would be great, thanks again,
ye James eighteen A little piece here. You said, I
want to respect her parents, but I also feel like
(25:21):
she is old enough to make these decisions. Then you
don't respect her parents. Start with that. You might want to,
but you don't. You don't really want to. What'd you think?
Burns James? James, James. So it's just a couple old
(25:43):
guys over here. Okay, you're sitting around the campfire with
some old guys, all right, with daughters with daughters, and
I grizz has said this many times on this podcast,
and every time we get something from somebody fifteen sixteen,
seventeen eighteen, I always just think and remember what you say,
just be eighteen. Like, these kind of things can take
(26:07):
so much of your time and attention that could be
spent on making really good memories with friends and you know,
going places, building new friendships. So yeah, apart from her parents,
I would be interested to know why the parents don't
want her to hang out with you other than like
(26:29):
you hurt her before, I guess, and they don't want
her to get hurt again. But you've matured. Yeah, So
practically speaking, I would say this, and I've said this before, James,
You're to me. Your only card to play is you
talk to the dad and you just say you man up. James.
(26:53):
You're an eighteen year old. You're old enough to go
into the Marine Corps. You're old enough to call on
the phone the dad. I'd say, Sir James, here, I
know you're a busy guy, and I don't want to
bother you, but I would love to be able to
go to lunch with you or coffee and have a
discussion with you. Manda man. Now hopefully he says sure,
(27:18):
let's do it, and you get together and you say, Sir,
I have feelings for your daughter. I would love to
be able to Dater. I understand that you have concerns
about me, and understand that that's because you love her,
and I admire that, and so I do not want
to do anything behind your back. So I wanted to
(27:38):
have lunch and maybe to discuss some of your concerns
if I could answer any questions. Bottom line is I
care about your daughter and I would love to be
able to dater and I would like your permission. Yeah,
if you can do that, you are going to start
to earn some respect from the parents for sure. Yeah,
(28:00):
I don't know if you can do that. That's tough
for an eighteen year old. I wouldn't have done that
at eighteen. Yeah. The only other card you have is
forget her. Forget her dude. Yeah, be eighteen options B eighteen.
Next question, interesting subject here, pastor let me down. So
(28:20):
my wife and I finally found a church that we love.
We were baptized and joined his members two years ago.
Church is four years in. We were voted in by
six people. Then four of the six have left the
church now, including only six members. We recently purchased a
large building and get about sixty five people on average. Sunday,
our pastor emailed my wife asking us to become members.
(28:44):
We already were. Then he blamed someone else for the
mix up and said that it was his fault. We
decided to step back and watch online and do our
own worship at home as a family. I feel horrible.
I've been friends with him and my wife with his
but his response also said that we have a responsibility
as members to show up to church. There are other
(29:07):
issues we pushed through, but this one has finally pushed
us away. I have a feeling we won't be going back.
It seems like they're pushing for new members, for money
and for a new building. Should we try. They haven't
even attempted to contact us. Only one member called me
Anonymous Wisconsin. I love how your voice y'all. Notice his
(29:30):
voice changes sometimes once he gets halfway into an email
and he starts talking like they may be from Wisconsin. Right,
that's the radio show coming out on the podcast? Yeah,
I love it, so I think the very end it says,
please let me know if you respond. I don't catch
all the podcasts. That kind of says something about the
(29:53):
personality as well. Yeah right, yeah, yeah, very This is
about me getting something kind of consumer focused. I'm not
gonna give as much as I'm gonna look to get, right,
is that thing I'm gonna let you go off? This person? Well,
I'm the good cop, so I'm not gonna go off
(30:15):
as much as Granger will go off. All right, did
we get a name? Did we get a name? It's anonymous? Okay, Wisconsin,
we'll Wisconsin. I I I'm not going to dismiss your
claim because there are a lot of churches out there
that just don't have great leadership. They don't have the
holy spirit they you know, you know that that's that's true.
(30:40):
But I do feel like you're being a little bit
selfish here. I feel like you are kind of getting
hung up on maybe some like some response that the
pastor had and basically saying we're not going to go
back because he responded a certain way, and you're and
(31:00):
from there, like a critical spirit can start to be
like a cancer, and not just for a community, but
in your own mind, like you start to spiral and
then you're all of a sudden critical of you know,
his wife, and you're critical of why they're having new members.
I think you probably need to check your own heart
in this situation. And then next I think you need
(31:24):
to probably sit with your wife and the pastor and
his wife. You said you guys are friends, y'all need
to sit and like sit in the conflict. Guys. Conflict
is not something to avoid. It actually can bring clarity
and it can make things stronger. So quick side note.
(31:45):
I'm running this weekend early early in the morning, still
dark out, so I just have a head lamp and
I'm in the woods. I don't know really where I am,
and I start to hear a noise, and then all
of a sudden, that noise starts to get a little louder,
and it's coming towards me. And again it's dark except
from my head lamp, and I just hear all of
(32:07):
this wrestling. It's kind of getting louder. It's come, and
so I start to get a little scared. I'm not
gonna lie, and then all of a sudden, this little
bunny rabbit runs across the trail right in front of me,
a little cute, little bunny rabbit, and I gotta stop.
I was like bunny. I had to catch myself. But
then I realized, like it was just a bunny. The
(32:28):
point is, whenever we keep things in the dark, a
lot of times they can be a lot bigger than
we think they are, and in our minds they can
be a lot bigger. It may just be a small
little bunny rabbit. If you just sit and talk, be honest,
bring some light to the situation. Because once my light
saw what it was, it was just a bunny rabbit.
(32:48):
Wasn't that big a deal? So Dn, that is so good.
That is amazing. Did you think about that that I
got scared of a bunny rabbit or did you think
of that story in your way here, like I'm gonna
find a way to use that coming here here. No,
absolutely not, Man, Bernie, that's so good. That's what you
would tell me. If well, I will, I will say
that after I started running again, I started analyzing what
(33:12):
I just went through, and that's what the thought came
to me was, Hey, that thing was so scary when
it was in the dark and you didn't know what
it was. But once you saw it, you know, there's
nothing to be afraid of. Yes, yeah, I think we
all that's a good word for all of us right there.
(33:33):
So Anonymous Wisconsin, you think this is a country club?
A lot of people do. Man, it is church a
country club to you? Or is it a youth select
baseball team? And you're mad at the coach? I mean,
that's what this email sounds like. It doesn't sound like
(33:53):
someone that's that's that's part of a life giving community
that shares in a life giving faith that's outward reaching.
That doesn't sound like that. It sounds like you're mad
at the country club owner because you've been a member
at this country club for four years and he just
gave your locker away and you're so you're going to
(34:15):
go to another country club. In fact, you're just gonna
build your own country club in your own backyard. That's
kind of what this sounds like. And I want to
kind of read back the scenario to you. You were
part of the at that church at the beginning. You
joined two years ago and the church is only four
years in, so you've been half of the life of
(34:35):
the church. You've been there and you're in way before
they had sixty five people in there. And then the
pastor is trying to do his due diligence, not defending him,
just stating the facts. He's doing his due diligence and
reaching out to people members of the congregation. He stumbles
upon your name and your wife's name. He reaches out
(34:57):
to you and he says, I would like you for
you two to become members. Now, let's stop right there.
Like we're in a court case right now, we're just
we're laying out to the to the jury what's happening here.
The pastor doing due diligence and going down the list
of people that have attended the church, and he's trying
(35:18):
to get membership from the people, which is a good thing.
We want to be members of a body so that
we could then help with communication, help help delegate serving,
like who's good at the media team, who's good at music,
who's good it admissions, Let's delegate. So that's why we
need members, and the pastor needs to understand who's a
(35:39):
member and who's not. But he reaches out to you
and ladies and gentlemen of the jury. He didn't know
you guys very well, y'all aren't very very prominent people
in the church because he accidentally called you to ask
you to be members and he didn't know you. Yeah,
in a church of sixty five people, I bet you
(36:00):
dollars to donuts that you are not participating actively in
the community. There's no way, no way, you're not serving
in probably any capacity. You're not. You're likely not in
any kind of small group that is missional in any way.
Otherwise he would look and see your name. Oh, they
shouldn't be on this list. Just talk to them yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
(36:23):
So this this is a huge problem with the corporate
church in the West. Yeah, consumer consumer based. Yeah, we
are just going to like you said, it's a country club.
It's another thing that it's an affiliation, but it misses
completely misses the biblical intention of the church. So yeah,
(36:44):
it's like mister and missus anonymous. Oh, of course they're members.
I just talked to them on Wednesday at the whatever.
So the appropriate response from you could have been, hey, pastor,
this is this is actually a little embarrassing, but we
actually are members, and we just haven't been very active.
That's why. That's why our names came up and you
(37:06):
didn't recognize us. But we need to be held accountable.
We need to we need to be more, be there
for you more. And so I'm sorry that there's this
embarrassing mix up. But instead your response was instead, man,
forget it, We're just gonna go online. The pastor didn't
even know us. How dare he not even know us?
(37:29):
That guy's got a lot on his mind. Once again,
I'm not defending him. Like Bernie said, they're are corrupt pastors.
Of course, I'm not defending him. I'm just laying out
the facts for the jury here. You don't have a
very good case to convince Bernie and I that you're
really good standing members of this small body church here. Well,
and for your own just for your own spiritual growth
(37:51):
and maturity and connectedness to a community. If you're gonna
have those things. And this is for anybody, include me
and Granger, Like, we are going to have to be
people of grace and patience. I don't know why, as
believers in Jesus who came and displayed perfectly God's grace
(38:15):
unmerited favor, Like we should be a people more than
anybody on the face of the earth that sees somebody
doing something that doesn't deserve our favor or our grace.
And we were like looking for areas to be like, oh, hey,
I forgive you, It's all good, it's all good, Like
(38:35):
let's give grace instead. A lot of times we can
just become very critical and judgmental. But it's the opposite
of the Gospel. So this is true probably for your marriage,
any relationships that you're in. We just need to be
people that are full of grace, full of patience, and
full of forgiveness. Yea one hundred percent. If it's going
(38:57):
to be a healthy relationship, a healthy community, a healthy tchaper. Yeah, yeah,
let's let's play. Devil's advocates say this pastor should have
known you, then you could also respond in a way
that says, pastor, buddy, we just saw you Sunday. We
are members. You've got a lot on your plate. How
could I help serve you to take some of this
(39:19):
this membership status stuff off your plate. We would love
to help serve you in that way. One more thing here,
you say at the end, I have a feeling we
won't be going back. It seems like they're pushing for
new members for money for the new building. Okay, let's
take just that. Imagine being a pastor. I'm not, Bernie's not,
You're not. There's pastors listening. Is that wrong? Is that
(39:45):
wrong for him to be seeking more of his of
his flock and a better building for his flock. I
don't think that's there's nothing wrong. I mean, as long
as it doesn't become as idol. And that's what he's
worried about, and that's he's he wasting all this energy
and it's not shepherding the current flock that he has.
I understand. But we can't look at that as a
(40:07):
bad thing, that he wants a bigger, better building for everyone,
with better facilities. As long as he's content. You understand
the balance here. But this is another issue that you
can come forward and say, pastor, we feel like there
is a lot of effort going into new people so
(40:28):
that we could have a new building. How could we
help you shepherd the current people so that they don't
feel forgotten, so that they don't feel lost. Me and
my wife would love to be able to do that
and to cultivate what's already here, Like these are ways
that you could serve forward instead of recoiling back and saying,
you know what, I got to feel in this one
(40:50):
just pushed us away for good. Yeah, we could go
on this one for a while, but yeah, you gotta
check yourself, I think, and we all need to, you know,
where we're kind of at with those kind of relationships.
Let's hit another one. We don't have a lot of
time in this break, but we could hit one more.
(41:11):
Here says dating on deployment. Hey granger, I'm currently deployed
overseas with the Army, and me and this girl started
a relationship right before I left. I put the situation
in plain text before I left, and she felt confident
that we could do it. We're two months in now
and she's having doubts. We've been friends for four years
now I'm scared a loser? What do I do? Love
(41:34):
the podcast, Thanks for the advice. PS. Saw you in
North Lawrence, Ohio for country Fest. Christopher, first of all,
thanks for your service. Appreciate you emailing and listening and
being a fan of music. What we got for this guy? Burns?
He's I mean, and then like the first rule of deployment, like,
(41:54):
don't start a relationship right before you know you're gonna
get deployed. Yeah, I mean, thank you for your service, Like,
don't think only me missed that, but I you know,
I guess it's neither here nor there. He's in the
situation he's in. But yes, so the people that are
not in this city situation, let's make that a unwritten rule.
Probably don't get into a relationship right before you leave.
(42:17):
But if you do, like Chris, let's talk about it.
He said, I put my situation in plain text before
I left, and she felt confident that we could do it.
But here's here's the deal. Until you're in it, you
don't know. You can feel confident like I think I can.
But until that, you know, the six months goes by,
(42:37):
the seven months and she's still hasn't seen you, then
you don't know how she's going to react. That's a
good point. Ask me right now, if I could climb
Mount Everest, Yeah, can you climb out? Every dude? You
know I could, bro I'll do it. You want to
go tomorrow? Yeah? Right, I promise you. I get half
a day in and I'm stopping. Yeah. But if whenever
(42:59):
you're not in it, you're over confident, you're like, of
course we can fight, do anything. Let's go. So let's
let's wrap this up by saying, practically, what could he
do to not lose her? That's what he's worried about. Ultimately,
there've been friends and he doesn't want to lose her.
I can tell you how. Let's first of all, say
how you can lose her. Here's how you can lose
(43:21):
her by smothering or by saying, please, I don't want
to lose you. Please? What can I do? Please? Please?
You better not be Are you seeing somebody else? Is
this about another guy? Hey? Why didn't you pick up
your face time at three o'clock? You you missed? You're
seeing something? You know? Like, that's the way loser. The
way to not lose her, I think is by saying
(43:41):
I get it. It's hard to know ahead of time
what a deployment would be like. So I really care
about you and I really feel like I could do it.
But if you can't, I would suggest we hit the
brakes a little bit back away. Let's I'll give you
some space. If you need me, you know where to
find me. I think another thing you could do is
(44:05):
I'm guessing there's other folks that you're deployed with that
maybe are deeper into a relationship and maybe have been
through a deployment and figured out how to do that,
and maybe ask their advice, ask them the situation. They'll
be able to, you know, give you some advice. It's
very different than you know, me and Gris, but yeah,
(44:26):
maybe ask them and they may say, yeah, dude, you
probably if you're just this much in and you're already
feeling this, you probably need to give her the space
and you know, do a granger set. But maybe they'll
have something else for you. I don't know. Appreciate you,
Chris and all of y'all. Thanks for listening. We'll see
you next Monday. GigE, thanks for joining me on the
Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys, you could
(44:47):
help me out by rating this podcasts on iTunes. If
you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little
like button and notification spell so that you never miss
anytime I upload a video. If you have a question
for me that you would like me to answer, email
Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. Ye
Host
Granger Smith
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