What Now? Carla Fernandez & Renegade Grief

In this episode of Grief Out Loud, we welcome back Carla Fernandez, co-founder of The Dinner Party, to talk about her new book, Renegade Grief, in which she explores the question: "Now what? What are we supposed to do after someone dies?" Carla reflects on the death of her father, the unconventional paths she’s taken to process her grief, and how The Dinner Party came together from a desire to create non-traditional spaces for young adults navigating loss.

In this conversation we delve into the dominant narratives around grief — and how the few that do exist may not fit for most of us. From potluck meals to altar building, Carla shares creative ways people can honor their grief and build community at the same time.

We discuss:

• The inspiration behind Renegade Grief and why Carla wished this book existed when her dad died.
• How traditional grief support spaces often don’t work for young adults.
• The origin story of The Dinner Party, and how one dinner with friends who “get it” can change everything.
• Why food, memory, and grief are so deeply intertwined.
• The myth that grief gets “easier after the first year” — and why year two can be even harder.
• Grief rituals and care practices for both early grief and the long haul.
• Creating identity-based grief spaces, like LGBTQ+ and BIPOC tables, and why specificity matters in grief support.
• Finding joy, creativity, and unexpected connection through grief (without forced positivity).

Carla Fernandez is the co-founder of The Dinner Party, a community-driven organization that brings together grieving young adults for potluck dinners and meaningful conversations about life after loss. Her new book, Renegade Grief, is a practical and heartfelt guide to building personal rituals and support networks that meet you where you are — not where society says you should be.

Resources Mentioned:

• Renegade Grief (out March 11, 2025)
• The Dinner Party - Peer grief support for 20 to 45 year-olds
• The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances O’Connor
• The Smell of Rain on Dust by Martín Prechtel
• The Death of My Two Fathers - Documentary by Sol Guy

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