July 4, 2024 • 16 mins
Welcome to a brand new podcast from This Glorious Mess called Little Love Stories.
Little Love Stories is an open-hearted conversation with someone who has love and gratitude to share, whether it's about a person, an object, or an event.
In this first episode, This Glorious Mess co-host Annaliese Todd shares the love story she wrote to herself. No one plans on becoming a single parent, but through this journey of self-discovery, Annaliese is breaking down stigmas and finding love for herself as she navigates the dark days.
Little Love Stories explores gratitude through written form and heartfelt conversation. The world is full of little moments of love and magic—it's time we started to notice them.
Want more This Glorious Mess? Click here.
You can read Annaliese's full essay here.
Got a Little Love Story you want to share? We’re listening! Send us a voice message or email us at tgm@mamamia.com.au
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CREDITS:
Host & Producer: Grace Rouvray
Guest: Annaliese Todd
Audio Producer: Lu Hill
Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
So much.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges
the traditional owners of the land. We have recorded this
podcast on the Gadigul people of the Eora Nation. We
pay our respects to their elders past and present and
extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander cultures.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Hello help, I have a teenager listeners. My name is
Grace Rufray. I'm the producer of Mamma MIA's parenting podcast,
This Glorious Mess. I'm dropping into your ears to let
you know about a new podcast offering that we have
just launched, and it's called Little Love Stories.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Little Love Stories.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Is an open hearted interview with someone who has some
love to share, whether it's about a person, an object,
or an event. Little Love Stories explores gratitude through written
form first and then in the form of a love letter,
and that letter becomes a heartfelt conversation. And there's such
a wide range of stories that we have coming up.
(01:17):
There's the poignant with a love letter to breast post
mistectomy stories with heart writing to a mother who's no
longer with us and pivoting a full one eighty two.
Some silliness sharing a love letter to a therma mix
for making parenting just that little bit easier. It shows
that the world is full of so many little moments
of love and magic, and it's just up to us
(01:39):
to start noticing them. The very first episode of Little
Love Stories, which you are about to hear, is from
our This Glorious Mess host, Analise Todd. Analise is a
single mother to two tween boys and it certainly hasn't
been easy for her to transition to this new lifestyle.
But she had a moment recently that gave her some
hope and even a little bit of perspective. This is
(02:02):
Little Love Stories by This Glorious Mess. I love you
have you live with your From Mamma Mia and This
Glorious Mess. Welcome to Little Love Stories. I'm Grace ru Ray,
the producer of This Glorious Mess, and if my voice
sounds familiar, you may have heard me on Mumma MEA's news.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Podcast, The Quickie.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
As I've gotten older, I've enjoyed hearing stories about bravery.
When we're young, bravery is really only marketed to us
as physical strength or maybe standing up to the bad
guy or the bully or these sensationalized Hollywood ideas of bravery.
But with age and experience, I realized bravery comes in
many forms and unexpected moments. Our story today is our
(02:49):
very own host of this glorious mess. Annalise Todd, our
wise cracking and open hearted writer, podcaster and single mum
of two. There has been such a stigma for so
many years about single mums. It's portrayed us as negative.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
I don't take this position lightly or responsibility lightly, to
just normalize that this is what a family can look like.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
But Analie's Todd isn't just deep in the throes of parenting.
She's been demonstrating strength to her two sons in some
less obvious ways. Oh well, here's an opportunity that I
can give this to my sons. Now, I can show
them that women can be strong and brave and capable.
So I was really drawn to today's little love story
as it asked the question, how do you instill and
(03:34):
teach respect to people children, even when you're still learning
how to respect yourself.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
But first, here's.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
What a little bit of love sounds like today?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Oh my god, what's the word excellent?
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Question?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
I want to get my answer right.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
Okay, what does love mean to you?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Safety?
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Support, passion, support, adoration, comfort.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah, safety, intimacy and.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Heart stressful. Interesting and I'm.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Eating sexy, communicating.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Dedication, compromise and trust.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Warm, full and safe, Anlys, I've been looking forward to
this conversation. Welcome to little love Stories. You have so
many stories, but this one, it's a pretty important one
for you right now.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Yeah, it is.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
I think it's important for me and I think I
love sharing single parents stories and voices. You wanted to
redefine what it is to be a single parent, or
at least the perceived perception of what it is to
be a single parent. What do you feel like those
perceptions are. I mean, look at the fifties, they weren't
even allowed out of the house. And I think there
has been such a stigma for so many years about
(05:05):
single mums.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
It's betrayed as negative.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
And I don't take this position lightly or responsibility lightly
to just normalize that this is what a family can
look like and it's okay, And it's actually not all
doom and gloom, and it's far from it. Silver linings
to any situation in life.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
So I'm just.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
Happy to share it and be here with your beautiful,
soothing voice.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
So your little love story essay, it's full of vivid
examples of your life as a single mum. It begins
with you describing your unique commune life as you call it. Yes,
I can confirm I have been to the commune. So
you had a moment Analie where your perspective of being
a single parent. I won't say it started to change immediately,
but it opened up the possibility for change. Can you
(05:49):
taught me through that trigger point what happened and how
it started to evolve.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I had a.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Beautiful friend over who'd been a single mom for many,
many years, and she also has two sons very similar
ages to mine, and so I was very much sort
of leaning in on her because, especially in those early times,
you just lean in on other single parents because they
just get it.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
It was like a.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
Friday night, we'd had a commune dinner, and of course
I can never get the TV or internetworking in my house.
It's just a permanent pain point, and we were try
trying to set up the TV. It was just so frustrating,
But obviously I was trying to hide in front of
the kids and my girlfriend she was just so calm
under pressure, and her little boy, I think he would
(06:33):
have been gosh nine. He just said, my mum will
figure it out. She can do anything, and she did
figure it out. In that moment, I just saw this
hope for a positive that can come out of the
experience for children of divorce, because, of course, when you
(06:53):
have kids, and especially if you separated, the first thing
you think about is inflicting pain and trauma and how
it's going to impact them and the blueprint of their life.
But in that moment, I saw a positive from the
child's perspective of how he viewed his mum, that faith,
and how he viewed her as so strong and capable
and brave, and I thought, oh, well, here's an opportunity
(07:15):
that I can give this to my sons. Now I
can show them that women can be wrong and brave
and capable, and I can make them feel very connected
with women, and that's hopefully going to set them up
for relationships, whether it's romantic or any women in their lives.
I felt like, great, they can have that connection and
that respect to women.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
In another part of your essay, you talk about how
you would never have chosen this life but then you
go on to speak about how it's given you identity.
Could you read that part out for us?
Speaker 4 (07:46):
Yes, nobody has kids thinking they will only see them
half the time. It's incomprehensible, even nearly two years on.
I miss them when I'm not with them. It goes
against the very instinct we form from the moment they're
planked on our chest to sniff their heads and kiss
(08:07):
them good night every night. When I'm with them, there's
a feeling of wholeness that I don't have when.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
They're not there.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
But I didn't get a choice, so I'm choosing to
make the best of it, and I do like many
things in life that test us, that breaks down the
very fiber of our being. When we do manage to
rebuild ourselves back together again, it can be the making
of us. And I would go as far as saying
that as a single mum, I am a more present,
(08:35):
better parent than I was before. And for that, and
for all the reasons above, I can only have gratitude
for all the silver linings that brings.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
When you're reading parts of your article out, it kind
of hit you in a different way.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
What did it bring up?
Speaker 3 (08:50):
And what are you feeling now.
Speaker 4 (08:52):
In order to function in fifty to fifty custody, you
have to be able to compartmentalize. When I'm with my kids,
I'm all in, But when I'm not with them, I
have to be able to have a wall because it's
just too painful. No one has kids thinking they'll only
see them half the time.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
It's a grief And we know so much about these
silver linings of your beautiful commune life, But can.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
You talk us through a few of those think.
Speaker 4 (09:20):
It's so important to caveat because I get a lot
of feedback from single mums when I talk about my
experience who don't get breaks, who have soul custody. I
cannot speak to them and their experience because that would
be the kind of relentless, exhausting experience that I can't
even imagine, and most of us couldn't fathom doing that
on your own.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Twenty four seven.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
For those of us who do get breaks, it's kind
of like a double life.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
You know.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
When I'm in mum mode, I'm all in, But then
when I don't have my kids, I get to be
really selfish. For the first time in ten years, I
was able to be selfish and I think that's such
a foreign concept, particularly for mums, to be able to
have the freedom and the luxury to be selfish. Well,
let's dig into what you've found about yourself through having
(10:09):
this time to rediscover who you are. What are the
parts about your identity that you've discovered by being a
single parent. I love not being someone's wife.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
I do.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
I love it, I absolutely love it, and I will
never be someone's wife again. I just don't want that label.
I was so young when I got married, and I
feel like at forty, I finally can focus on me
and my career and I've got the time and space
to do that.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Now.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
I can go to the gym, I can go to
the beach and read a book. This is when I
don't have my kids, obviously, I go out a lot
with friends, and I feel like I refound joy, you know,
like that character and inside out too, the function of
joy that takes over your brain. And I feel like
she was lost and she was lost in the back
brain for a long time and she's back and it's
(10:59):
just I feel joy in life again. And how do
you put that joy that you've found back into parenting?
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Do the two go hand in hand, they definitely do.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
And it goes back to having the breaks because I
don't see them, so I get rested and I have
that time and space to be selfish. So when I
am with them, I'm just so grateful for all of
the time that I have, and I just cherish every second.
I don't take them for granted anymore. I truly believe
I took them for granted. I used to be like
(11:28):
ough parent burnout and I'm tired, and I just want
to go out with my friends. Well now I would
like to see them more and I can't. So when
I'm with them, I just breathe them in, yes, creepily.
When they're asleep, I'll just walk past and sniff their
heads as will you do that with small children that
aren't yours? I know I am a head sniffer. It's
a beautiful smell. It's intoxicating.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
We've heard all about the duality of balancing roles as
a single parent, but next up we hear the importance
of reclaiming personal time and identity. Annalie's the final part
of your essay talks about who you are, defining yourself
as Now, could you read that out for us? I
(12:08):
am good at filling my social calendar, but have also
gotten good at being on my own, and I am
proud of that. Being single and having half my time
to myself, I got my identity back. But more than that,
there's a strength and resilience ingrained in my new identity.
When I am with my kids, I cherish every second
(12:30):
I get with them. I have more patience and am
just so appreciative of the time I do have with
them that I used to take for granted. I've become
a fun mum and I'm way more relaxed. I don't
sweat the small stuff like ice cream for dinner.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Sure, I mean sometimes picnick in front of the Telly
watching Age Inappropriate Reality TV?
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Definitely. We love doing that.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
And we get to do activities together now that I
enjoy doing with the kids, And even though I see
them less, I don't feel like a spectator on the
sidelines anymore.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
What age inappropriate Reality TV? Did you watch?
Speaker 4 (13:07):
The Real Housewives of Sydney is our favorite? Yes, that's
probably our favorite. We just finished Young Sheldon. We've just
started modern family.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Like.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
We just have these little rituals and things that we
do together. Now that all three of us just enjoy
and just love so much.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I can see it now.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
There's this beautiful spark and this energy as you're talking
about it. So what is the most exciting part of
this part of your journey and rediscovering yourself? I think
the biggest misconception about a marriage ending is that your
life ends when your marriage does. And one part of
your life definitely ends, that's dead, but it's also this
new opportunity for a new life and a new story,
(13:46):
and you get to write that story. I'm just very
excited about my current story and where it's going to
go next. I'm just excited if someone is listening and
they're a single parent and they're holding that sense of
shame or failure that, as you've said, one part of
their life is completely over. What do you want them
to take away from this or what do you want
them to start to work towards. I guess their thought
(14:09):
process around how they see themselves and relationships.
Speaker 4 (14:12):
If anyone's early on in the journey, there's so many
beautiful bits of advice I've been given. One of them
is nothing as permanent. Everything's temporary, So no matter how
bad it feels in that moment, it literally won't feel
like that forever. And then the other beautiful piece of
advice that someone gave me was, don't focus on the
light at the end of the tunnel. Just look out
(14:33):
for the glimmers while you're in it, and then at
some stage you'll wake up and you'll realize that you're
back in the light without even realizing it, and you're
living and loving life, and the light's actually brighter than
it was before.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
It really is similar to that beautiful grief metaphor. I
don't know if you've seen it, where there's like a
ball and over time people think the ball gets smaller,
but it's actually the space around it that gets bigger.
So that divorce or that separation could always be a
pain point, but you're always going to find more space
around it, and you're going to find space for the
joy to come in or for new opportunities and new experiences.
(15:08):
And it sounds like that's something that you've really found
in your life over the past two years.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
Yeah, it's just time. It just takes time and building new, beautiful,
positive memories.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
We always end love stories with the question what qualities
do you hold most dear about love now? And what's
that for you, Annalise.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
To feel safe with love.
Speaker 4 (15:29):
It's light and it's joy, and there's a doctor Sue saying,
which I love.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
We're all a little weird.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
And life's a little weird and when we find someone
whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with
them and fall in mutual weirdness and.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Call it love. I love mutual weirdness.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Mutual weirdness.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
That's our whole office, isn't it It is? That's why
I love coming to work every day. We're all just
being weird.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Oh, Annalise, Thank you so much for sharing your little
love story and having this conversation today. Annalise is very
clever and you can hear her on this glorious mess
every week, and her full little love story essay will
be dropped in our episode show notes.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Thank you so much, Thank you for having me, Gracey Grace.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
If you have a story you'd like to share with us,
we'd love to hear it. We're always on the lookout
for great stories and new perspectives. To submit your story,
you can leave us a voice note or email us.
All the details will be in our show notes. If
(16:32):
you loved this podcast, you can listen to more of
this glorious mess. There's a link in the show notes.
So much.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges
the traditional owners of the land. We have recorded this
podcast on the Gadigul people of the Eora Nation. We
pay our respects to their elders past and present and
extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander cultures.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Hello help, I have a teenager listeners. My name is
Grace Rufray. I'm the producer of Mamma MIA's parenting podcast,
This Glorious Mess. I'm dropping into your ears to let
you know about a new podcast offering that we have
just launched, and it's called Little Love Stories.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Little Love Stories.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Is an open hearted interview with someone who has some
love to share, whether it's about a person, an object,
or an event. Little Love Stories explores gratitude through written
form first and then in the form of a love letter,
and that letter becomes a heartfelt conversation. And there's such
a wide range of stories that we have coming up.
(01:17):
There's the poignant with a love letter to breast post
mistectomy stories with heart writing to a mother who's no
longer with us and pivoting a full one eighty two.
Some silliness sharing a love letter to a therma mix
for making parenting just that little bit easier. It shows
that the world is full of so many little moments
of love and magic, and it's just up to us
(01:39):
to start noticing them. The very first episode of Little
Love Stories, which you are about to hear, is from
our This Glorious Mess host, Analise Todd. Analise is a
single mother to two tween boys and it certainly hasn't
been easy for her to transition to this new lifestyle.
But she had a moment recently that gave her some
hope and even a little bit of perspective. This is
(02:02):
Little Love Stories by This Glorious Mess. I love you
have you live with your From Mamma Mia and This
Glorious Mess. Welcome to Little Love Stories. I'm Grace ru Ray,
the producer of This Glorious Mess, and if my voice
sounds familiar, you may have heard me on Mumma MEA's news.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Podcast, The Quickie.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
As I've gotten older, I've enjoyed hearing stories about bravery.
When we're young, bravery is really only marketed to us
as physical strength or maybe standing up to the bad
guy or the bully or these sensationalized Hollywood ideas of bravery.
But with age and experience, I realized bravery comes in
many forms and unexpected moments. Our story today is our
(02:49):
very own host of this glorious mess. Annalise Todd, our
wise cracking and open hearted writer, podcaster and single mum
of two. There has been such a stigma for so
many years about single mums. It's portrayed us as negative.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
I don't take this position lightly or responsibility lightly, to
just normalize that this is what a family can look like.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
But Analie's Todd isn't just deep in the throes of parenting.
She's been demonstrating strength to her two sons in some
less obvious ways. Oh well, here's an opportunity that I
can give this to my sons. Now, I can show
them that women can be strong and brave and capable.
So I was really drawn to today's little love story
as it asked the question, how do you instill and
(03:34):
teach respect to people children, even when you're still learning
how to respect yourself.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
But first, here's.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
What a little bit of love sounds like today?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Oh my god, what's the word excellent?
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Question?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
I want to get my answer right.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
Okay, what does love mean to you?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Safety?
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Support, passion, support, adoration, comfort.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah, safety, intimacy and.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Heart stressful. Interesting and I'm.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Eating sexy, communicating.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Dedication, compromise and trust.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Warm, full and safe, Anlys, I've been looking forward to
this conversation. Welcome to little love Stories. You have so
many stories, but this one, it's a pretty important one
for you right now.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Yeah, it is.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
I think it's important for me and I think I
love sharing single parents stories and voices. You wanted to
redefine what it is to be a single parent, or
at least the perceived perception of what it is to
be a single parent. What do you feel like those
perceptions are. I mean, look at the fifties, they weren't
even allowed out of the house. And I think there
has been such a stigma for so many years about
(05:05):
single mums.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
It's betrayed as negative.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
And I don't take this position lightly or responsibility lightly
to just normalize that this is what a family can
look like and it's okay, And it's actually not all
doom and gloom, and it's far from it. Silver linings
to any situation in life.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
So I'm just.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
Happy to share it and be here with your beautiful,
soothing voice.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
So your little love story essay, it's full of vivid
examples of your life as a single mum. It begins
with you describing your unique commune life as you call it. Yes,
I can confirm I have been to the commune. So
you had a moment Analie where your perspective of being
a single parent. I won't say it started to change immediately,
but it opened up the possibility for change. Can you
(05:49):
taught me through that trigger point what happened and how
it started to evolve.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I had a.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Beautiful friend over who'd been a single mom for many,
many years, and she also has two sons very similar
ages to mine, and so I was very much sort
of leaning in on her because, especially in those early times,
you just lean in on other single parents because they
just get it.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
It was like a.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
Friday night, we'd had a commune dinner, and of course
I can never get the TV or internetworking in my house.
It's just a permanent pain point, and we were try
trying to set up the TV. It was just so frustrating,
But obviously I was trying to hide in front of
the kids and my girlfriend she was just so calm
under pressure, and her little boy, I think he would
(06:33):
have been gosh nine. He just said, my mum will
figure it out. She can do anything, and she did
figure it out. In that moment, I just saw this
hope for a positive that can come out of the
experience for children of divorce, because, of course, when you
(06:53):
have kids, and especially if you separated, the first thing
you think about is inflicting pain and trauma and how
it's going to impact them and the blueprint of their life.
But in that moment, I saw a positive from the
child's perspective of how he viewed his mum, that faith,
and how he viewed her as so strong and capable
and brave, and I thought, oh, well, here's an opportunity
(07:15):
that I can give this to my sons. Now I
can show them that women can be wrong and brave
and capable, and I can make them feel very connected
with women, and that's hopefully going to set them up
for relationships, whether it's romantic or any women in their lives.
I felt like, great, they can have that connection and
that respect to women.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
In another part of your essay, you talk about how
you would never have chosen this life but then you
go on to speak about how it's given you identity.
Could you read that part out for us?
Speaker 4 (07:46):
Yes, nobody has kids thinking they will only see them
half the time. It's incomprehensible, even nearly two years on.
I miss them when I'm not with them. It goes
against the very instinct we form from the moment they're
planked on our chest to sniff their heads and kiss
(08:07):
them good night every night. When I'm with them, there's
a feeling of wholeness that I don't have when.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
They're not there.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
But I didn't get a choice, so I'm choosing to
make the best of it, and I do like many
things in life that test us, that breaks down the
very fiber of our being. When we do manage to
rebuild ourselves back together again, it can be the making
of us. And I would go as far as saying
that as a single mum, I am a more present,
(08:35):
better parent than I was before. And for that, and
for all the reasons above, I can only have gratitude
for all the silver linings that brings.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
When you're reading parts of your article out, it kind
of hit you in a different way.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
What did it bring up?
Speaker 3 (08:50):
And what are you feeling now.
Speaker 4 (08:52):
In order to function in fifty to fifty custody, you
have to be able to compartmentalize. When I'm with my kids,
I'm all in, But when I'm not with them, I
have to be able to have a wall because it's
just too painful. No one has kids thinking they'll only
see them half the time.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
It's a grief And we know so much about these
silver linings of your beautiful commune life, But can.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
You talk us through a few of those think.
Speaker 4 (09:20):
It's so important to caveat because I get a lot
of feedback from single mums when I talk about my
experience who don't get breaks, who have soul custody. I
cannot speak to them and their experience because that would
be the kind of relentless, exhausting experience that I can't
even imagine, and most of us couldn't fathom doing that
on your own.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Twenty four seven.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
For those of us who do get breaks, it's kind
of like a double life.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
You know.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
When I'm in mum mode, I'm all in, But then
when I don't have my kids, I get to be
really selfish. For the first time in ten years, I
was able to be selfish and I think that's such
a foreign concept, particularly for mums, to be able to
have the freedom and the luxury to be selfish. Well,
let's dig into what you've found about yourself through having
(10:09):
this time to rediscover who you are. What are the
parts about your identity that you've discovered by being a
single parent. I love not being someone's wife.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
I do.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
I love it, I absolutely love it, and I will
never be someone's wife again. I just don't want that label.
I was so young when I got married, and I
feel like at forty, I finally can focus on me
and my career and I've got the time and space
to do that.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Now.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
I can go to the gym, I can go to
the beach and read a book. This is when I
don't have my kids, obviously, I go out a lot
with friends, and I feel like I refound joy, you know,
like that character and inside out too, the function of
joy that takes over your brain. And I feel like
she was lost and she was lost in the back
brain for a long time and she's back and it's
(10:59):
just I feel joy in life again. And how do
you put that joy that you've found back into parenting?
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Do the two go hand in hand, they definitely do.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
And it goes back to having the breaks because I
don't see them, so I get rested and I have
that time and space to be selfish. So when I
am with them, I'm just so grateful for all of
the time that I have, and I just cherish every second.
I don't take them for granted anymore. I truly believe
I took them for granted. I used to be like
(11:28):
ough parent burnout and I'm tired, and I just want
to go out with my friends. Well now I would
like to see them more and I can't. So when
I'm with them, I just breathe them in, yes, creepily.
When they're asleep, I'll just walk past and sniff their
heads as will you do that with small children that
aren't yours? I know I am a head sniffer. It's
a beautiful smell. It's intoxicating.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
We've heard all about the duality of balancing roles as
a single parent, but next up we hear the importance
of reclaiming personal time and identity. Annalie's the final part
of your essay talks about who you are, defining yourself
as Now, could you read that out for us? I
(12:08):
am good at filling my social calendar, but have also
gotten good at being on my own, and I am
proud of that. Being single and having half my time
to myself, I got my identity back. But more than that,
there's a strength and resilience ingrained in my new identity.
When I am with my kids, I cherish every second
(12:30):
I get with them. I have more patience and am
just so appreciative of the time I do have with
them that I used to take for granted. I've become
a fun mum and I'm way more relaxed. I don't
sweat the small stuff like ice cream for dinner.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Sure, I mean sometimes picnick in front of the Telly
watching Age Inappropriate Reality TV?
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Definitely. We love doing that.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
And we get to do activities together now that I
enjoy doing with the kids, And even though I see
them less, I don't feel like a spectator on the
sidelines anymore.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
What age inappropriate Reality TV? Did you watch?
Speaker 4 (13:07):
The Real Housewives of Sydney is our favorite? Yes, that's
probably our favorite. We just finished Young Sheldon. We've just
started modern family.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Like.
Speaker 4 (13:15):
We just have these little rituals and things that we
do together. Now that all three of us just enjoy
and just love so much.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I can see it now.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
There's this beautiful spark and this energy as you're talking
about it. So what is the most exciting part of
this part of your journey and rediscovering yourself? I think
the biggest misconception about a marriage ending is that your
life ends when your marriage does. And one part of
your life definitely ends, that's dead, but it's also this
new opportunity for a new life and a new story,
(13:46):
and you get to write that story. I'm just very
excited about my current story and where it's going to
go next. I'm just excited if someone is listening and
they're a single parent and they're holding that sense of
shame or failure that, as you've said, one part of
their life is completely over. What do you want them
to take away from this or what do you want
them to start to work towards. I guess their thought
(14:09):
process around how they see themselves and relationships.
Speaker 4 (14:12):
If anyone's early on in the journey, there's so many
beautiful bits of advice I've been given. One of them
is nothing as permanent. Everything's temporary, So no matter how
bad it feels in that moment, it literally won't feel
like that forever. And then the other beautiful piece of
advice that someone gave me was, don't focus on the
light at the end of the tunnel. Just look out
(14:33):
for the glimmers while you're in it, and then at
some stage you'll wake up and you'll realize that you're
back in the light without even realizing it, and you're
living and loving life, and the light's actually brighter than
it was before.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
It really is similar to that beautiful grief metaphor. I
don't know if you've seen it, where there's like a
ball and over time people think the ball gets smaller,
but it's actually the space around it that gets bigger.
So that divorce or that separation could always be a
pain point, but you're always going to find more space
around it, and you're going to find space for the
joy to come in or for new opportunities and new experiences.
(15:08):
And it sounds like that's something that you've really found
in your life over the past two years.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
Yeah, it's just time. It just takes time and building new, beautiful,
positive memories.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
We always end love stories with the question what qualities
do you hold most dear about love now? And what's
that for you, Annalise.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
To feel safe with love.
Speaker 4 (15:29):
It's light and it's joy, and there's a doctor Sue saying,
which I love.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
We're all a little weird.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
And life's a little weird and when we find someone
whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with
them and fall in mutual weirdness and.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Call it love. I love mutual weirdness.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Mutual weirdness.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
That's our whole office, isn't it It is? That's why
I love coming to work every day. We're all just
being weird.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Oh, Annalise, Thank you so much for sharing your little
love story and having this conversation today. Annalise is very
clever and you can hear her on this glorious mess
every week, and her full little love story essay will
be dropped in our episode show notes.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Thank you so much, Thank you for having me, Gracey Grace.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
If you have a story you'd like to share with us,
we'd love to hear it. We're always on the lookout
for great stories and new perspectives. To submit your story,
you can leave us a voice note or email us.
All the details will be in our show notes. If
(16:32):
you loved this podcast, you can listen to more of
this glorious mess. There's a link in the show notes.
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