November 27, 2024 • 26 mins
Is everyone tired?
It's getting to that time of year where everything starts to get a bit hard. It may be the last week of November but it feels like the year has been dragging and the silly season can bring out some season overwhelm.
On this episode of parenting podcast This Glorious Mess, Annaliese and Tegan turn to Lauren Thornborough, co-founder of The Village—a network designed to empower and support parents—to explore how to manage the mental load and combat end-of-year burnout.
Plus Sarah Marie solves a tricky dilemma on the school run.
Like what you heard? You can listen to more of This Glorious Mess wherever you get your podcasts.
THE END BITS
Join the Month of MOVE
Get $30 off a Mamamia subscription and get unlimited access to our feel-good exercise app.
Head here to get a yearly subscription for just $39. and use the code MONTHOFTGM
Got a message for Sarah Marie? We’re listening! Send us a voice message, email us at tgm@mamamia.com.au
We’ve compiled all the best resources for new mums in a free newsletter. Join the mailing list.
CREDITS:
Host: Tegan Natoli, Annaliese Todd and Sarah Marie Fahd
With thanks to Lauren Thornborough from The Village.
Producer: Grace Rouvray
Audio Producer: Lu Hill
Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.
Become a Mamamia subscriber: https://www.mamamia.com.au/subscribe
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
So much.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
You're listening to another Mia podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We
have recorded this podcast on the Gadigul people of the
Eor nation. We pay our respects to their elders past
and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and
torrest Rate islander cultures.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Hello, this is Teakindatolly and Annaly's Todd from this Glorious Mess.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
Now.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
We know that you have older kids, but we wanted
to share an episode with you because it is universal.
It really is this time of year, end of year,
the overwhelm, the juggle, the struggle. It's real.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
We're being dragged over the finish line of twenty We're twenty.
Speaker 5 (01:04):
Ling, we're dragging, we're gripping. Whatever it is you're doing,
let's do it together. We have a wonderful episode which
we're sure you'll love.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
And it's not just us winging about being tired.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
We actually have a professional and expert who knows a
lot more than us. It's Lauren Thornborough the Village, and
she's got some practical advice of how to actually get
you over the line of twenty twenty four and just
smooth sailing into twenty twenty five.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
We hope you.
Speaker 5 (01:30):
Enjoy Hello and welcome to this glorious mess. We're embracing
the chaos together, ditching the judgment. I am taking the
tolly and I'm slowly but surely working my way throughout
every Christmas concert, finale, school presentation, friend, family, Christmas shindig.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
There's still a bloody month to go. Oh I'm Annaly's todd,
I'm burnt out, I'm present, and I'm dragging myself across
the finish line.
Speaker 5 (02:06):
Oh well, that seems right on point, because today on
the show, we're tired, and I don't think we're alone.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
It's getting to that time of year.
Speaker 5 (02:13):
Where everything starts to get just a bit hard. It's
the last week of November, but it feels like this
year has been dragging on and maybe, just maybe you're
feeling a little bit overwhelmed.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
How are you feeling, Anale? I have been feeling like
this since Halloween. Hmmm, this year particularly.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
I don't know what.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
And so many of my girlfriends have said the same
thing that this year everyone has felt end of year
burnout since October. It's like Term three should have been
the end of the year.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Please and thank you, because you know how term four
is always a right off.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
It's like your kids go for all, everyone so much
on for them. There's so much on for us. We're
not even there yet.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
There's so much want to go and so muchot to do.
Speaker 5 (03:03):
Oh my god, And I just try and pretend that
I'm going away in December. So when people are like
you've got this catch up or work this or that
this and that this, I'm like, can we just do
it in January when things are a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Calm and you've got no plans? Like, what's the rush of.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
Block out December? Yeah, tend you're away.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah that's what I do. Yeah, you could photo shop
yourself into holiday photos, post.
Speaker 4 (03:28):
Them on Insta. No one will know.
Speaker 5 (03:31):
And also like, because my kids are January babies, I'm like,
no one should have children in December because they're never
getting a party, or if they do, hardly anyone can
come to it. Our poor kids, our poor kids. Everyone's
away or busy doing busy stuff. So we are going
to talk to someone who might be able to help us.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Please. Lauren Thornborough.
Speaker 5 (03:51):
She co founded a company called the Village, which builds
a network to empower and support parents.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
And as always we'll hear from our friends Sarah Marie.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
But first, here's what's happening in my group chat.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
It's that time of year where you start thinking about
Christmas presents, of course, and like teachers, there's all different
types of teachers, aren't there. There's the school teachers, there's
the daycare teachers, there's the dance teachers, the whatever teachers.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
But for your kids, maybe to.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Poor coaches or whatever. I don't know what you always do.
Speaker 5 (04:21):
Anyway, I was starting to ask my group Chad, what's
some ideas for teachers school teachers? So apparently the department
look at me. I'm getting all historical historian over here.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
The Department of Education Code of Conduct specifies that it
needs to be under fifty dollars and cannot be cash.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Oh that's fun, sponge nanny state.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Isn't it.
Speaker 5 (04:43):
Teachers don't pay them enough at less you let them
get a good gift, thank you. Yes, So some schools
will not let teachers keep gifts from individual families. Above this,
some will look come on, they've.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
Got to declare it like a healthcare professor.
Speaker 5 (05:00):
So if it is, the teacher would have to declare
it to the department and fill out a form. But
the way to get Merry Christmas, here's some more admin like,
you don't do enough?
Speaker 2 (05:14):
It was fifty one dollars. Here's a form. Who are
you to know the value of the gift? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (05:20):
Sorry, thank you? How much did this cost?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Sorry?
Speaker 5 (05:23):
Before I can accept this to you just taking an
inventory of all the gifts receiving Christmas receipt? Can you
ask your mum to bring in the receipt? I know
whether I have to declare.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
It or not.
Speaker 5 (05:34):
But there is a way which most classes and families
do it, and it's the you know, the group together.
Speaker 4 (05:40):
There's the lea is the only way?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Someone for you? You'd be like Nicole has got this
Nicole of the school and the class is always on
to add your photo, You add your note and then
send your money and just popular pay Apple pay and
it's done for you.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
Thank you, Nicole, Thank you Nicolet.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
So they don't have to declare that they don't if
being over fifty dollars, they don't because it's a grouped together.
Speaker 4 (06:09):
This is the only one.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
Are they going to sit down with the number of
kids in the class and divide it by fifty. I
don't know, but god, let's hope not. But we did
get some extra points from a teacher in terms of
what to give what not to give. Look, I'm surprised
her candle didn't. I was going to say she would
have been on that you do not give us another
(06:30):
efving candle. But she did say please no mugs or
plastic things. I'm not sure what plastic things really.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Mean, but things from like Sheen or like Timu.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Yeah, plastic, yeah, like just bits and bops, pick and knack,
a brick, a bracket. Yeah. Plants are also great, that's lovely.
Homemade things are the cutest. And her best gift ever
was a class compiled a book of art pictures from
the year and they all signed it and it was
her favorite gift. But look, I think teachers deserve things.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
Yeah, like the do the group present? Yeah.
Speaker 5 (07:15):
Okay, So it is still only the end of November.
How are we going to get through the next month?
Speaker 4 (07:21):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (07:23):
Why does it feel like this last two months drags
on so long? I feel like I am mentally and
physically broken. It's beyond mental load, it's burnt out. It's
like the car has no petrol, but it's just being
pushed along like Dodge carts. But then you want to
(07:45):
know the worst thing, You're about to go up an incline,
so the car's run out of petrol and you're about
to push it up the incline. Because I feel like
at the moment, this is when it actually gets busier,
like this is the hectic part. Like this is like
the lead up to Christmas or the even more presentations
and school concerts, and you don't do the dance concerts,
but I've got the dance concerts.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
And then there's like work things. Oh the Christmas pot
the one that hasn't organized because they're my bloody businesses.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
That's worse.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
It's even worse.
Speaker 5 (08:16):
And then like if you do Christmas, do you decorate
the house and get a tree? And oh, god forbid,
you're going on a family holiday at some point of
the breaks. I bet you're the one planning that too,
you know, like there it just is relentless and.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
This is a really silly little thing. But I even
found the admin of getting in all of the end
of your appointments for the maintenance because it's very busy,
you know, like the hair appointments and getting the wax and.
Speaker 5 (08:42):
Yeah, bits and pieces, and because they get very busy
because everyone's trying to do the same thing before, they've.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
Got to time your hair growth. It's just too much.
Speaker 5 (08:53):
It's so much, and not to mention, like as I
said before, being a business owner, this is our busiest
time of year. So like we're busy trying to be.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Busy, yes, to make money, correct, Yes, and then it's like, oh,
hold on, there's seventy five other things I need to
do as well.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Do you know what's ridiculous?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
I could not even secure and this was, you know,
weeks and weeks ago. We tried to lock in in
a two month window frame catch up with my girlfriends
and our kids for Christmas, like a Christmas catch up
with my core village. Yes, there was fifty different poles
we could not secure one day. So we're just not
(09:32):
doing it. Oh, we're grinching it because it was too hot.
I love a pole for a Christmas end of your thing.
I'm actually missing out on two of my main girl
group lunches, like I'm missing them. I'm sad I'm missing them,
but at the same time, I'm like, oh my gosh,
like it's one less thing I need to do. But
is it that you block out previous years or does
(09:54):
this year just feel like.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
Tinsel on high octane.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Every year, baby every year? Or maybe I don't know.
Speaker 5 (10:01):
Maybe for me, the kids are getting busier, whereas like
when they're at daycare and they have one end of
your daycare party and that's it. Yeah, it's like school
is hectic at end of years. I feel like you
really dodge a bullet with boys in the sense that like,
although my eldest has his end of year six graduation formal,
that's cute and dance and I'm obviously insufferably excited.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Oh my gosh, you got a date.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
I can't reveal his personal life.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Oh but like did they do that these days?
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Yeah, they ask someone to go with they.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Still do they give them like a flat I think
it's like Connell and Maryann from normal people. They don't
actually interact in public, but like that's what all you, dick.
It's like the kid you never talked to, but like, oh,
we're going together, but we won't actually one photo together
when we get there, and then we'll spend the rest
(10:53):
of the time with our friends and not even communicate
and our parents will froth over it. Yeah, great days,
all right.
Speaker 5 (11:07):
Despite all our bitching and moaning and whinging.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
I'm sick of it. I'm sick of saying I'm tired.
I'm sick of it.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I'm sick and tired. I've a lesbian second.
Speaker 4 (11:19):
I need help do throw me alive.
Speaker 5 (11:22):
It's taken us till the end of November to find it.
But she's here and she's going to give us some advice.
She's going to help us through because Lauren Thornborough is
a mum of two and the co founder of the village,
and she is a big believer in parents finding a community.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Yes to help is the mental load? This is like
something that you might granted yourself.
Speaker 6 (11:45):
Ah.
Speaker 5 (11:46):
So we've got Lauren here today and we have got
some questions for her.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
So Lauren, hello, Welcome to this glorious mess.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
We are hoping that you can help us be less
of the mess more of the glorious.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Because mental load, it's evolved, hasn't it? We feel it?
But can you explain how and why?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
So?
Speaker 7 (12:07):
Search terms for mental load actually have been increasing since
twenty seventeen, which, if you think about it, kind of
coincides with the rising cost of living and then if
you dig into that a bit more, Ever in history
have we had so many working parents in the workforce.
The Australian Bureau of Statistics has said that seventy three
(12:30):
percent of couple households have both parents working in some capacity. Yeah,
and that's increased ten percent in the last nine years.
You know, we used to have a scenario where the
men would go out to work, the women would stay
at home. We would raise the kids in the village.
Speaker 5 (12:46):
Until they get to school age or something, and we
would share the physical and the mental load of raising kids.
Speaker 7 (12:55):
Where does that go? Women statistically take on the mental load.
So seventy eight percent of women either always taken on
or taken on in some capacity. Wow, so you know
our brains are.
Speaker 5 (13:09):
Full, Yes, the brain string, there's none left. So what
are some of the things that you've seen contribute to
the mental load? Like, when you're talking about this mental load,
what does that look like?
Speaker 7 (13:20):
Anticipating the planning and the scheduling, anything to do with
household chores, events or family needs. So if you think
about it, it's did I r s VP to that party?
You know, when am I going to do my washing
this week? You know what dentists appointments do I have
coming up? Have I cut the kids' hair recently like.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
A dentist for a while.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
My kids fringes down to their bottom lip. They need
gout so bad.
Speaker 7 (13:51):
But then but then match that right with working, yes
on top, on top, and then unpaid care, like, that's
something else to consider here. So on average, women do
four hours of unpaid care the day and men do three.
And women are doing three hours of childcare and men
are doing two. So intertality, women are doing more paid
(14:13):
and unpaid work collectively than what men are. I'm tired
just thinking about that.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I've got anxiety. I would comfortably say that because we
talk about mental load blurring into burnt out. Yes, I
feel like I'm here, I'm at burnout. Yeah, how do
you know the difference? Like, how do you get out
of burnt out? Back to managing the mental load?
Speaker 7 (14:38):
I mean, I don't know about getting out of burnout,
but there's certainly tactics that you can the ones that
are you are in control of of, And then there's
one sort of structural in society that need to change.
So in terms of what you can control like communication
with yourself and your partner. Maybe that's not necessarily your
case on a least, but to talk about in totally
(15:00):
what are you managing together? What's yours, what's theirs? Write
a list?
Speaker 4 (15:05):
Yeah, yeah, I need to do if you.
Speaker 7 (15:07):
Can't write a list, because I thought about that and
I'm exhausted at the prospect of putting a list on
my mental load list. There's this brilliant book called fair
Play that Eve Rodsky wrote, and she has cards so
you can visually see the things that are on your
list and you can use that as a talking point
or a way to structure your mental load. So I
(15:27):
like to think about it in three buckets, right, what
do I need to do today? What's vital today?
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Micro break it down. It feels less just today. I
feel less anxious thinking about just today.
Speaker 5 (15:38):
And I feel like once you achieve one thing, then
everything else seems less overwhelming.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Yeah, I got that done, So okay, that's the less
they're going to do. Yeah, so we break down by
today and then what's next?
Speaker 7 (15:49):
Set a reminder for the next thing. I love my
phone calendar invites. My husband always jokes that you know, oh,
you've invited to take your pill this evening.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Well, you don't want me to forget that.
Speaker 7 (16:03):
But yeah, like find ways to remind yourself later, or
is it really necessary right now?
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Like am I gonna lie on my deathbed and.
Speaker 7 (16:10):
Think, Oh, I should have organized one hundred and fifty
play dates for my kids versus nine hundred Finding ways
to be in control of it and hack your way
out of it. So I have a friend of mine.
She just does washing on Wednesdays.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
That's it, so you don't have to think.
Speaker 7 (16:27):
Don't have to think about it six other days of
the week. You know. I find a successful toy, I
just buy that toy for every birthday party thereafter.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
For the rest of it, I must. I've got go
tos for birthday parties. It's like you're all getting the
same thing.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
I'm at cash stage.
Speaker 7 (16:42):
Yes, even pay for parking if that helps you get
to work in a less stressful way, if.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
You can, and then cut back in other ways. Yeah, delegate,
I buy a coffee. You know, you can bring your
own lunch.
Speaker 7 (16:53):
Yeah, but it takes structure, I guess. But it's so
important because burnout is one thing, but mental load has
been linked to mental health issues. So increase in anxiety,
increase in depression. You know we are getting less sleep. Yes,
the people that take on the mental load because you're
up thinking about all the things.
Speaker 5 (17:15):
And I think that very famous viral video of Maggie
Dent talking to Kate Richie about how our mother's mind
at night ticks that along at two am, thinking about
oh did I give them my kid enough broccoli? Or
did I got to book my eyebrows in for a wax?
And you know the men.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Are sitting there going, is that what you guys like do?
Like that's the mental load, especially of a mother. It's
almost like, I feel like getting it out of our
head could benefit us so much. I'm a big pen
and paper girl, so I carry around a notepad. I
love my phone and reminders and calendars and stuff like that,
but I love to just have something physically in front
(17:53):
of me that I can cross off or add two,
that I can see next to whatever I'm doing, because
to get it out of my head. So if I'm
thinking about it, rather.
Speaker 5 (18:03):
Than go oh god, you know like we did before
the dentist, We've got to do that, pop it down.
So then I'm like, Okay, now it's out of my
head and onto the pay this.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
And also I like the idea of the cards because
then once you've achieved it, you can set on fire.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
Burn it.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
No more mental burn out because I've just burnt all
the tasks.
Speaker 5 (18:22):
Bethany Frankel, I know she used to be like one
of the Housewives of New York. Yeah, I love her too,
and she's wonderful business onman, but she's obsessed with organization.
And similarly to what you said, like what's on your
to do bucket?
Speaker 2 (18:35):
In your to do to bucket?
Speaker 5 (18:36):
Yep, you know, when she's talking about organization, she's like,
pick one draw for the day. When you're like, Okay,
I need to sort my house out or I've got clutter,
I've got mess she's like, don't be like I'm going
to clean the whole kitchen today. Give yourself one draw
and say today I'm going to clean that draw, and
then the next day do that cupboard. Like, just go
one bit at a time and eventually you'll get there.
(18:57):
Probably by the time you finish it all, we'll be messaging.
But like, I like the compartmentalizing it because I think
it breaks it down into smaller, more achievable things as
opposed to this huge mountain swimming and drowned crap that
we've got to get through well sort out.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Yeah, so break it down. What do I have to
do today? Write everything down in a list or on
car See I'm really learning here.
Speaker 7 (19:22):
Delegate if you can. Oh, oh, that's a good one,
because there's notion of maternal gatekeeping. I hate that terminology,
but it's that women are responsible for the nutritional outcomes
of the household. You know, they're responsible for the way
kids look as they walk out the door, Like how
many times have you heard, oh, dad must have dressed them.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
Anyway, I can.
Speaker 7 (19:48):
So like get a meal delivery service if that takes
that mental load off your plate of it. There's so
much pressure when driven a little bit by social media.
Let's be honest to adhere to these kind of crazy standards.
Take the pressure off.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Yeah. It's funny because I think outsourcing used to be bougie,
Like I feel like if someone else was doing your
washing or you were getting meals delivered, that's fancy, you know,
whereas now there are affordable outsourcing and if not by
doing maybe one of those weekly meal things like Hello
Fresh or something like that it's saving money on groceries,
it's more convenient, it's delivered you to do all this
(20:26):
sounds like an ad, it's not. But what I'm saying is,
once upon a time, outsourcing was a more expensive and
sometimes not an option for a lot of people. But
sometimes now I think, if it's saving your time so
that you're able to.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
Work more or be more present, be more present, is it?
Is it a luxury? I don't think it is.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I think it's something that we need to actually cope
with this load or even like bringing the village into it,
something that is on my mental load list that I
haven't done. I'm going to start doing it next year.
Is I've talked with my girlfriends about doing like meal
prep and mimosa days, where like everyone gets together on
a Sunday and you cook up a massive thing of
(21:06):
bolonnaise and maybe you do a shepherd's pie with the
other mints, and everyone's chopping and it's literally like you know,
many hands like and it's fun because it's social. Everyone
brings ingredients, drag and so it's you know, it's cost effective,
it's social and meal prepping.
Speaker 7 (21:21):
Yeah, great idea. I mean, I think we need the village.
There was a reason why we had a village for
so long.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Yeah, it's not going.
Speaker 7 (21:28):
To help with the mental low, but it's going to
help with the mental health issues associated around it, right,
Like how good does it feel to share dump vent
whatever it might be two girlfriends, two therapists, and you
know from a working capacity, like find your village at work,
people that are like, I'll take that meeting. I'll give
(21:49):
you the notes afterwards, so you don't have to add
it to your list. Like there is so much value
in community that I think we've kind of underestimated up
until this point.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
I'm feeling better. How are you feeling? And Elise, I'm
just You've got a plan of attack one day at
a time. I'm going to write my giant list and
then I'm going to micro break it down and just
think about each day because I really do need to
get I think we all do. And Lauren, do you
have any other final tips for our listeners today to
get through the rest of this year, across this silly season,
(22:21):
across the school holidays that we've got coming up. Any
words of wisdom?
Speaker 7 (22:26):
There is no shame in asking for help.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Oh I love that?
Speaker 7 (22:30):
And relying on the village or just deprioritizing things that
are not important. Putting yourself first.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
Self care is.
Speaker 7 (22:38):
One thing that goes a lot in terms of when
people are working, childcare, unpaid work. It's that long list again.
But you need to prioritize yourself because if you're not
putting your own oxygen mask on, then you can't help
others around you.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yeah, boundaries and saying no yes. Love that well, Lauren,
thank you so much for joining us today. You have
been a wealth of knowledge, and I'm feeling my load
a little lighter.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
I'm feeling less anxious.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Okay, good, good, great good. We're gonna go often, right, listen.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
Some hiatt Sarah Marie.
Speaker 6 (23:21):
Hi, Sarah Marie, Am I in the wrong here? My neighbor,
who is just a neighbor, she's not a friend, doesn't drive.
She said to me that she's scared of driving and
she isn't taking any lessons or trying to get her license.
So she asked me if I would drive her child
to school for a few weeks, as our kids go
to the same school. It's now been a year and
(23:43):
I feel stuck with this responsibility because even when my
kids are sick, I still have to do the school run.
I feel frustrated and over it, especially with all the
added time I have waiting around for them each morning.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling fed up?
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Look? No, you're not unreasonable for feeling fed up.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
And I think what's making you fed up is it
sounds like you're having to wait for her child. So
if it's making you late, that's unacceptable because you're doing
them a favor. Secondly, if your children are sick, that
is not on you to take her child to school,
because your children are your response ability. There's no way
you would have me taking someone else's kids to school
if my kids were sick. So maybe you should just
(24:26):
alter it where rather than being like, hey, I'm not
going to take your kids to school, the kid goes
to the same school as your kid, it's not actually
that bad a thing to do, especially if your kids
enjoy having that child with them in the carts like
a little thing for them. I would just be like, hey,
we need to leave it this time. Just be very
clear with your boundaries. Anytime after that, we've actually got
to go because I've got things to do.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
You don't need to explain yourself more than that, we
need to leave it this time. We can't be late.
If we're late, I'm sorry. I've got to go and
stick to that. If the kid is late, be like,
we're leaving now and just go. And if your kids
are sick, just tell her, hey, little ones are sick.
I won't be able to take your little ones to
school today.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Just put your foot down and have your boundaries.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
I don't think she would be non understanding to that.
I think on your neighbor's point, she just thinks it's
fine that there is no issues, especially if you haven't
communicated that to her or you haven't put your boundary up.
She probably just thinks it's great. Kids enjoy going to school,
they go to school together. I've got my neighborhood drives
the kids like. She's probably thinking nothing of it. So yeah,
(25:30):
I don't think there's a problem driving. Just set your
boundaries up and make sure you're not late. You're not
having to inconvenience yourself for someone else's children. It's not
your child, and she'll be able to sort her own
kid out. I'm sure she has other ways She's been
taking her kids to school before you did it, so yeah,
don'd be scared to set your boundaries there.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Thank you for listening to this glorious math. We hope
you've enjoyed the episode, and if you've loved it, please
be sure to leave us a rating or a review.
And if you have a dilemma that you'd like Sarah
and Marie to solve, you can leave us a voice
note by following the link in the show notes, or
get in touch at TGM at mamamea dot com dot au.
This episode was produced by Grace Rubray with audio production
(26:14):
by Lou Hill.
Speaker 4 (26:15):
See Ya, see you next time.
So much.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
You're listening to another Mia podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We
have recorded this podcast on the Gadigul people of the
Eor nation. We pay our respects to their elders past
and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and
torrest Rate islander cultures.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Hello, this is Teakindatolly and Annaly's Todd from this Glorious Mess.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
Now.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
We know that you have older kids, but we wanted
to share an episode with you because it is universal.
It really is this time of year, end of year,
the overwhelm, the juggle, the struggle. It's real.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
We're being dragged over the finish line of twenty We're twenty.
Speaker 5 (01:04):
Ling, we're dragging, we're gripping. Whatever it is you're doing,
let's do it together. We have a wonderful episode which
we're sure you'll love.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
And it's not just us winging about being tired.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
We actually have a professional and expert who knows a
lot more than us. It's Lauren Thornborough the Village, and
she's got some practical advice of how to actually get
you over the line of twenty twenty four and just
smooth sailing into twenty twenty five.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
We hope you.
Speaker 5 (01:30):
Enjoy Hello and welcome to this glorious mess. We're embracing
the chaos together, ditching the judgment. I am taking the
tolly and I'm slowly but surely working my way throughout
every Christmas concert, finale, school presentation, friend, family, Christmas shindig.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
There's still a bloody month to go. Oh I'm Annaly's todd,
I'm burnt out, I'm present, and I'm dragging myself across
the finish line.
Speaker 5 (02:06):
Oh well, that seems right on point, because today on
the show, we're tired, and I don't think we're alone.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
It's getting to that time of year.
Speaker 5 (02:13):
Where everything starts to get just a bit hard. It's
the last week of November, but it feels like this
year has been dragging on and maybe, just maybe you're
feeling a little bit overwhelmed.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
How are you feeling, Anale? I have been feeling like
this since Halloween. Hmmm, this year particularly.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
I don't know what.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
And so many of my girlfriends have said the same
thing that this year everyone has felt end of year
burnout since October. It's like Term three should have been
the end of the year.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Please and thank you, because you know how term four
is always a right off.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
It's like your kids go for all, everyone so much
on for them. There's so much on for us. We're
not even there yet.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
There's so much want to go and so muchot to do.
Speaker 5 (03:03):
Oh my god, And I just try and pretend that
I'm going away in December. So when people are like
you've got this catch up or work this or that
this and that this, I'm like, can we just do
it in January when things are a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Calm and you've got no plans? Like, what's the rush of.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
Block out December? Yeah, tend you're away.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah that's what I do. Yeah, you could photo shop
yourself into holiday photos, post.
Speaker 4 (03:28):
Them on Insta. No one will know.
Speaker 5 (03:31):
And also like, because my kids are January babies, I'm like,
no one should have children in December because they're never
getting a party, or if they do, hardly anyone can
come to it. Our poor kids, our poor kids. Everyone's
away or busy doing busy stuff. So we are going
to talk to someone who might be able to help us.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Please. Lauren Thornborough.
Speaker 5 (03:51):
She co founded a company called the Village, which builds
a network to empower and support parents.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
And as always we'll hear from our friends Sarah Marie.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
But first, here's what's happening in my group chat.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
It's that time of year where you start thinking about
Christmas presents, of course, and like teachers, there's all different
types of teachers, aren't there. There's the school teachers, there's
the daycare teachers, there's the dance teachers, the whatever teachers.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
But for your kids, maybe to.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Poor coaches or whatever. I don't know what you always do.
Speaker 5 (04:21):
Anyway, I was starting to ask my group Chad, what's
some ideas for teachers school teachers? So apparently the department
look at me. I'm getting all historical historian over here.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
The Department of Education Code of Conduct specifies that it
needs to be under fifty dollars and cannot be cash.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Oh that's fun, sponge nanny state.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Isn't it.
Speaker 5 (04:43):
Teachers don't pay them enough at less you let them
get a good gift, thank you. Yes, So some schools
will not let teachers keep gifts from individual families. Above this,
some will look come on, they've.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
Got to declare it like a healthcare professor.
Speaker 5 (05:00):
So if it is, the teacher would have to declare
it to the department and fill out a form. But
the way to get Merry Christmas, here's some more admin like,
you don't do enough?
Speaker 2 (05:14):
It was fifty one dollars. Here's a form. Who are
you to know the value of the gift? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (05:20):
Sorry, thank you? How much did this cost?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Sorry?
Speaker 5 (05:23):
Before I can accept this to you just taking an
inventory of all the gifts receiving Christmas receipt? Can you
ask your mum to bring in the receipt? I know
whether I have to declare.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
It or not.
Speaker 5 (05:34):
But there is a way which most classes and families
do it, and it's the you know, the group together.
Speaker 4 (05:40):
There's the lea is the only way?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Someone for you? You'd be like Nicole has got this
Nicole of the school and the class is always on
to add your photo, You add your note and then
send your money and just popular pay Apple pay and
it's done for you.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
Thank you, Nicole, Thank you Nicolet.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
So they don't have to declare that they don't if
being over fifty dollars, they don't because it's a grouped together.
Speaker 4 (06:09):
This is the only one.
Speaker 5 (06:10):
Are they going to sit down with the number of
kids in the class and divide it by fifty. I
don't know, but god, let's hope not. But we did
get some extra points from a teacher in terms of
what to give what not to give. Look, I'm surprised
her candle didn't. I was going to say she would
have been on that you do not give us another
(06:30):
efving candle. But she did say please no mugs or
plastic things. I'm not sure what plastic things really.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Mean, but things from like Sheen or like Timu.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Yeah, plastic, yeah, like just bits and bops, pick and knack,
a brick, a bracket. Yeah. Plants are also great, that's lovely.
Homemade things are the cutest. And her best gift ever
was a class compiled a book of art pictures from
the year and they all signed it and it was
her favorite gift. But look, I think teachers deserve things.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
Yeah, like the do the group present? Yeah.
Speaker 5 (07:15):
Okay, So it is still only the end of November.
How are we going to get through the next month?
Speaker 4 (07:21):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (07:23):
Why does it feel like this last two months drags
on so long? I feel like I am mentally and
physically broken. It's beyond mental load, it's burnt out. It's
like the car has no petrol, but it's just being
pushed along like Dodge carts. But then you want to
(07:45):
know the worst thing, You're about to go up an incline,
so the car's run out of petrol and you're about
to push it up the incline. Because I feel like
at the moment, this is when it actually gets busier,
like this is the hectic part. Like this is like
the lead up to Christmas or the even more presentations
and school concerts, and you don't do the dance concerts,
but I've got the dance concerts.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
And then there's like work things. Oh the Christmas pot
the one that hasn't organized because they're my bloody businesses.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
That's worse.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
It's even worse.
Speaker 5 (08:16):
And then like if you do Christmas, do you decorate
the house and get a tree? And oh, god forbid,
you're going on a family holiday at some point of
the breaks. I bet you're the one planning that too,
you know, like there it just is relentless and.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
This is a really silly little thing. But I even
found the admin of getting in all of the end
of your appointments for the maintenance because it's very busy,
you know, like the hair appointments and getting the wax and.
Speaker 5 (08:42):
Yeah, bits and pieces, and because they get very busy
because everyone's trying to do the same thing before, they've.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
Got to time your hair growth. It's just too much.
Speaker 5 (08:53):
It's so much, and not to mention, like as I
said before, being a business owner, this is our busiest
time of year. So like we're busy trying to be.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Busy, yes, to make money, correct, Yes, and then it's like, oh,
hold on, there's seventy five other things I need to
do as well.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Do you know what's ridiculous?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
I could not even secure and this was, you know,
weeks and weeks ago. We tried to lock in in
a two month window frame catch up with my girlfriends
and our kids for Christmas, like a Christmas catch up
with my core village. Yes, there was fifty different poles
we could not secure one day. So we're just not
(09:32):
doing it. Oh, we're grinching it because it was too hot.
I love a pole for a Christmas end of your thing.
I'm actually missing out on two of my main girl
group lunches, like I'm missing them. I'm sad I'm missing them,
but at the same time, I'm like, oh my gosh,
like it's one less thing I need to do. But
is it that you block out previous years or does
(09:54):
this year just feel like.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
Tinsel on high octane.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Every year, baby every year? Or maybe I don't know.
Speaker 5 (10:01):
Maybe for me, the kids are getting busier, whereas like
when they're at daycare and they have one end of
your daycare party and that's it. Yeah, it's like school
is hectic at end of years. I feel like you
really dodge a bullet with boys in the sense that like,
although my eldest has his end of year six graduation formal,
that's cute and dance and I'm obviously insufferably excited.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Oh my gosh, you got a date.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
I can't reveal his personal life.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Oh but like did they do that these days?
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Yeah, they ask someone to go with they.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Still do they give them like a flat I think
it's like Connell and Maryann from normal people. They don't
actually interact in public, but like that's what all you, dick.
It's like the kid you never talked to, but like, oh,
we're going together, but we won't actually one photo together
when we get there, and then we'll spend the rest
(10:53):
of the time with our friends and not even communicate
and our parents will froth over it. Yeah, great days,
all right.
Speaker 5 (11:07):
Despite all our bitching and moaning and whinging.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
I'm sick of it. I'm sick of saying I'm tired.
I'm sick of it.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I'm sick and tired. I've a lesbian second.
Speaker 4 (11:19):
I need help do throw me alive.
Speaker 5 (11:22):
It's taken us till the end of November to find it.
But she's here and she's going to give us some advice.
She's going to help us through because Lauren Thornborough is
a mum of two and the co founder of the village,
and she is a big believer in parents finding a community.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Yes to help is the mental load? This is like
something that you might granted yourself.
Speaker 6 (11:45):
Ah.
Speaker 5 (11:46):
So we've got Lauren here today and we have got
some questions for her.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
So Lauren, hello, Welcome to this glorious mess.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
We are hoping that you can help us be less
of the mess more of the glorious.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Because mental load, it's evolved, hasn't it? We feel it?
But can you explain how and why?
Speaker 1 (12:07):
So?
Speaker 7 (12:07):
Search terms for mental load actually have been increasing since
twenty seventeen, which, if you think about it, kind of
coincides with the rising cost of living and then if
you dig into that a bit more, Ever in history
have we had so many working parents in the workforce.
The Australian Bureau of Statistics has said that seventy three
(12:30):
percent of couple households have both parents working in some capacity. Yeah,
and that's increased ten percent in the last nine years.
You know, we used to have a scenario where the
men would go out to work, the women would stay
at home. We would raise the kids in the village.
Speaker 5 (12:46):
Until they get to school age or something, and we
would share the physical and the mental load of raising kids.
Speaker 7 (12:55):
Where does that go? Women statistically take on the mental load.
So seventy eight percent of women either always taken on
or taken on in some capacity. Wow, so you know
our brains are.
Speaker 5 (13:09):
Full, Yes, the brain string, there's none left. So what
are some of the things that you've seen contribute to
the mental load? Like, when you're talking about this mental load,
what does that look like?
Speaker 7 (13:20):
Anticipating the planning and the scheduling, anything to do with
household chores, events or family needs. So if you think
about it, it's did I r s VP to that party?
You know, when am I going to do my washing
this week? You know what dentists appointments do I have
coming up? Have I cut the kids' hair recently like.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
A dentist for a while.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
My kids fringes down to their bottom lip. They need
gout so bad.
Speaker 7 (13:51):
But then but then match that right with working, yes
on top, on top, and then unpaid care, like, that's
something else to consider here. So on average, women do
four hours of unpaid care the day and men do three.
And women are doing three hours of childcare and men
are doing two. So intertality, women are doing more paid
(14:13):
and unpaid work collectively than what men are. I'm tired
just thinking about that.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I've got anxiety. I would comfortably say that because we
talk about mental load blurring into burnt out. Yes, I
feel like I'm here, I'm at burnout. Yeah, how do
you know the difference? Like, how do you get out
of burnt out? Back to managing the mental load?
Speaker 7 (14:38):
I mean, I don't know about getting out of burnout,
but there's certainly tactics that you can the ones that
are you are in control of of, And then there's
one sort of structural in society that need to change.
So in terms of what you can control like communication
with yourself and your partner. Maybe that's not necessarily your
case on a least, but to talk about in totally
(15:00):
what are you managing together? What's yours, what's theirs? Write
a list?
Speaker 4 (15:05):
Yeah, yeah, I need to do if you.
Speaker 7 (15:07):
Can't write a list, because I thought about that and
I'm exhausted at the prospect of putting a list on
my mental load list. There's this brilliant book called fair
Play that Eve Rodsky wrote, and she has cards so
you can visually see the things that are on your
list and you can use that as a talking point
or a way to structure your mental load. So I
(15:27):
like to think about it in three buckets, right, what
do I need to do today? What's vital today?
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Micro break it down. It feels less just today. I
feel less anxious thinking about just today.
Speaker 5 (15:38):
And I feel like once you achieve one thing, then
everything else seems less overwhelming.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Yeah, I got that done, So okay, that's the less
they're going to do. Yeah, so we break down by
today and then what's next?
Speaker 7 (15:49):
Set a reminder for the next thing. I love my
phone calendar invites. My husband always jokes that you know, oh,
you've invited to take your pill this evening.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Well, you don't want me to forget that.
Speaker 7 (16:03):
But yeah, like find ways to remind yourself later, or
is it really necessary right now?
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Like am I gonna lie on my deathbed and.
Speaker 7 (16:10):
Think, Oh, I should have organized one hundred and fifty
play dates for my kids versus nine hundred Finding ways
to be in control of it and hack your way
out of it. So I have a friend of mine.
She just does washing on Wednesdays.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
That's it, so you don't have to think.
Speaker 7 (16:27):
Don't have to think about it six other days of
the week. You know. I find a successful toy, I
just buy that toy for every birthday party thereafter.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
For the rest of it, I must. I've got go
tos for birthday parties. It's like you're all getting the
same thing.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
I'm at cash stage.
Speaker 7 (16:42):
Yes, even pay for parking if that helps you get
to work in a less stressful way, if.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
You can, and then cut back in other ways. Yeah, delegate,
I buy a coffee. You know, you can bring your
own lunch.
Speaker 7 (16:53):
Yeah, but it takes structure, I guess. But it's so
important because burnout is one thing, but mental load has
been linked to mental health issues. So increase in anxiety,
increase in depression. You know we are getting less sleep. Yes,
the people that take on the mental load because you're
up thinking about all the things.
Speaker 5 (17:15):
And I think that very famous viral video of Maggie
Dent talking to Kate Richie about how our mother's mind
at night ticks that along at two am, thinking about
oh did I give them my kid enough broccoli? Or
did I got to book my eyebrows in for a wax?
And you know the men.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Are sitting there going, is that what you guys like do?
Like that's the mental load, especially of a mother. It's
almost like, I feel like getting it out of our
head could benefit us so much. I'm a big pen
and paper girl, so I carry around a notepad. I
love my phone and reminders and calendars and stuff like that,
but I love to just have something physically in front
(17:53):
of me that I can cross off or add two,
that I can see next to whatever I'm doing, because
to get it out of my head. So if I'm
thinking about it, rather.
Speaker 5 (18:03):
Than go oh god, you know like we did before
the dentist, We've got to do that, pop it down.
So then I'm like, Okay, now it's out of my
head and onto the pay this.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
And also I like the idea of the cards because
then once you've achieved it, you can set on fire.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
Burn it.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
No more mental burn out because I've just burnt all
the tasks.
Speaker 5 (18:22):
Bethany Frankel, I know she used to be like one
of the Housewives of New York. Yeah, I love her too,
and she's wonderful business onman, but she's obsessed with organization.
And similarly to what you said, like what's on your
to do bucket?
Speaker 2 (18:35):
In your to do to bucket?
Speaker 5 (18:36):
Yep, you know, when she's talking about organization, she's like,
pick one draw for the day. When you're like, Okay,
I need to sort my house out or I've got clutter,
I've got mess she's like, don't be like I'm going
to clean the whole kitchen today. Give yourself one draw
and say today I'm going to clean that draw, and
then the next day do that cupboard. Like, just go
one bit at a time and eventually you'll get there.
(18:57):
Probably by the time you finish it all, we'll be messaging.
But like, I like the compartmentalizing it because I think
it breaks it down into smaller, more achievable things as
opposed to this huge mountain swimming and drowned crap that
we've got to get through well sort out.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Yeah, so break it down. What do I have to
do today? Write everything down in a list or on
car See I'm really learning here.
Speaker 7 (19:22):
Delegate if you can. Oh, oh, that's a good one,
because there's notion of maternal gatekeeping. I hate that terminology,
but it's that women are responsible for the nutritional outcomes
of the household. You know, they're responsible for the way
kids look as they walk out the door, Like how
many times have you heard, oh, dad must have dressed them.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
Anyway, I can.
Speaker 7 (19:48):
So like get a meal delivery service if that takes
that mental load off your plate of it. There's so
much pressure when driven a little bit by social media.
Let's be honest to adhere to these kind of crazy standards.
Take the pressure off.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Yeah. It's funny because I think outsourcing used to be bougie,
Like I feel like if someone else was doing your
washing or you were getting meals delivered, that's fancy, you know,
whereas now there are affordable outsourcing and if not by
doing maybe one of those weekly meal things like Hello
Fresh or something like that it's saving money on groceries,
it's more convenient, it's delivered you to do all this
(20:26):
sounds like an ad, it's not. But what I'm saying is,
once upon a time, outsourcing was a more expensive and
sometimes not an option for a lot of people. But
sometimes now I think, if it's saving your time so
that you're able to.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
Work more or be more present, be more present, is it?
Is it a luxury? I don't think it is.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I think it's something that we need to actually cope
with this load or even like bringing the village into it,
something that is on my mental load list that I
haven't done. I'm going to start doing it next year.
Is I've talked with my girlfriends about doing like meal
prep and mimosa days, where like everyone gets together on
a Sunday and you cook up a massive thing of
(21:06):
bolonnaise and maybe you do a shepherd's pie with the
other mints, and everyone's chopping and it's literally like you know,
many hands like and it's fun because it's social. Everyone
brings ingredients, drag and so it's you know, it's cost effective,
it's social and meal prepping.
Speaker 7 (21:21):
Yeah, great idea. I mean, I think we need the village.
There was a reason why we had a village for
so long.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Yeah, it's not going.
Speaker 7 (21:28):
To help with the mental low, but it's going to
help with the mental health issues associated around it, right,
Like how good does it feel to share dump vent
whatever it might be two girlfriends, two therapists, and you
know from a working capacity, like find your village at work,
people that are like, I'll take that meeting. I'll give
(21:49):
you the notes afterwards, so you don't have to add
it to your list. Like there is so much value
in community that I think we've kind of underestimated up
until this point.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
I'm feeling better. How are you feeling? And Elise, I'm
just You've got a plan of attack one day at
a time. I'm going to write my giant list and
then I'm going to micro break it down and just
think about each day because I really do need to
get I think we all do. And Lauren, do you
have any other final tips for our listeners today to
get through the rest of this year, across this silly season,
(22:21):
across the school holidays that we've got coming up. Any
words of wisdom?
Speaker 7 (22:26):
There is no shame in asking for help.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Oh I love that?
Speaker 7 (22:30):
And relying on the village or just deprioritizing things that
are not important. Putting yourself first.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
Self care is.
Speaker 7 (22:38):
One thing that goes a lot in terms of when
people are working, childcare, unpaid work. It's that long list again.
But you need to prioritize yourself because if you're not
putting your own oxygen mask on, then you can't help
others around you.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yeah, boundaries and saying no yes. Love that well, Lauren,
thank you so much for joining us today. You have
been a wealth of knowledge, and I'm feeling my load
a little lighter.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
I'm feeling less anxious.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Okay, good, good, great good. We're gonna go often, right, listen.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
Some hiatt Sarah Marie.
Speaker 6 (23:21):
Hi, Sarah Marie, Am I in the wrong here? My neighbor,
who is just a neighbor, she's not a friend, doesn't drive.
She said to me that she's scared of driving and
she isn't taking any lessons or trying to get her license.
So she asked me if I would drive her child
to school for a few weeks, as our kids go
to the same school. It's now been a year and
(23:43):
I feel stuck with this responsibility because even when my
kids are sick, I still have to do the school run.
I feel frustrated and over it, especially with all the
added time I have waiting around for them each morning.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling fed up?
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Look? No, you're not unreasonable for feeling fed up.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
And I think what's making you fed up is it
sounds like you're having to wait for her child. So
if it's making you late, that's unacceptable because you're doing
them a favor. Secondly, if your children are sick, that
is not on you to take her child to school,
because your children are your response ability. There's no way
you would have me taking someone else's kids to school
if my kids were sick. So maybe you should just
(24:26):
alter it where rather than being like, hey, I'm not
going to take your kids to school, the kid goes
to the same school as your kid, it's not actually
that bad a thing to do, especially if your kids
enjoy having that child with them in the carts like
a little thing for them. I would just be like, hey,
we need to leave it this time. Just be very
clear with your boundaries. Anytime after that, we've actually got
to go because I've got things to do.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
You don't need to explain yourself more than that, we
need to leave it this time. We can't be late.
If we're late, I'm sorry. I've got to go and
stick to that. If the kid is late, be like,
we're leaving now and just go. And if your kids
are sick, just tell her, hey, little ones are sick.
I won't be able to take your little ones to
school today.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Just put your foot down and have your boundaries.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
I don't think she would be non understanding to that.
I think on your neighbor's point, she just thinks it's
fine that there is no issues, especially if you haven't
communicated that to her or you haven't put your boundary up.
She probably just thinks it's great. Kids enjoy going to school,
they go to school together. I've got my neighborhood drives
the kids like. She's probably thinking nothing of it. So yeah,
(25:30):
I don't think there's a problem driving. Just set your
boundaries up and make sure you're not late. You're not
having to inconvenience yourself for someone else's children. It's not
your child, and she'll be able to sort her own
kid out. I'm sure she has other ways She's been
taking her kids to school before you did it, so yeah,
don'd be scared to set your boundaries there.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Thank you for listening to this glorious math. We hope
you've enjoyed the episode, and if you've loved it, please
be sure to leave us a rating or a review.
And if you have a dilemma that you'd like Sarah
and Marie to solve, you can leave us a voice
note by following the link in the show notes, or
get in touch at TGM at mamamea dot com dot au.
This episode was produced by Grace Rubray with audio production
(26:14):
by Lou Hill.
Speaker 4 (26:15):
See Ya, see you next time.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.