January 2, 2025 • 33 mins
Have you ever felt that instant spark of friendship with someone new? That’s exactly what happened when comedian Damian Callinan met Cal Wilson in the early 2000s.
In this episode of Little Love Stories, we remember the vibrant Kiwi comedian, Cal Wilson, who passed away nearly a year ago. Damian reflects on their friendship, their collaborations on shows like Skit House, and the honour of being the MC at both her wedding and funeral— a role he describes as among the most important in his life.
Despite the pain of losing her, Damian shares the joy of hearing other people's "Cal Wilson Moments" that help keep her memory alive.
You can read Damian's full Little Love Story here.
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CREDITS:
Host & Producer: Grace Rouvray
Guest: Damian Callinan
Audio Producer: Leah Porges
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
You're listening to a Mother a Mia podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We
have recorded this podcast on the Gatagul people of the
Eor nation. We pay our respects to their elders past
and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and
Torus s right islander cultures.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Hi, It's Grace from This Glorious Mess introducing hot Pod Summer.
It's one hundred hours of curated listening across the Muma
Mea network, just for you to escape the chaos and
enjoy with the kids at home and the weather warming up.
We're going to share some episodes of Little Love Stories.
Little Love Stories is an open hearted conversation with someone
(01:01):
who has love to share that love can be anything,
a time in someone's life, a person, or even an object.
It's all about discovering the magic everywhere you look. So
I hope you enjoy this episode of Little Love Stories.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
I love you how you live with them?
Speaker 1 (01:22):
From Mamma Mia and This Glorious Mess. Welcome to Little
Love Stories. I'm Grace Rufrey. Have you ever met someone
new and felt that undeniable spark, Not a romantic one,
but the spark of friendship like a lightning strike. It
tells you this person is going to play a special
role in your life. Well, that's exactly what happened when
(01:43):
Damian Callanan met Cal Wilson in two thousand and one.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
You're one of the few responsible ones, can you look
after Cal Wilson? And Cal was standing next to her,
and she was this little bouncy blonde with significant trousers
and complicated shoes and all sorts of things going on,
but just a baming heart.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
It's been almost a year since the world lost the vibrant,
glowing spark of the ever funny kiwek comedian Cal Wilson.
Cal and Damien went on to collaborate on comedy shows
like ski House and live performances across the country. Damien,
who had the honor of being the MC at both
Cal's wedding and her funeral, what he calls one of
the most hotant gigs of his life, says that amidst
(02:23):
the pain of losing her, the moments that bring him
joy is hearing the countless stories people feel compelled to
share with him, and he's gathered an endless collection of
cal Wilson moments.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
So even in death.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
Kelle is kind of bringing people together and people, as
you say, randoms or vocals. When I was doing media
after she first died away, I'd have producers like on
the line saying I had one experience with Cal.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
And it was this.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
The most interesting one was a producer who said, I
was actually a flight to Adelaide Kelsey next to me,
and she was just tepping around a computer for the
first twenty minutes and then she's laid a computer shut
and second in the pock and said, I'm so sorry,
who are you?
Speaker 5 (02:58):
What do you do?
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Cal had a way of making people feel like her
best friend, with so much room in her heart to
share herself with friends, whilst also cherishing the deep love
she had for her husband, Chris and their son Digby.
When someone's life touches so many it can feel unjust
and unfair to lose them. But that's not the part
Damien chooses to focus on.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Why. That's not how I think about life.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
I think if you get into the cruelties and disappointments
with that angle, then you're always going to live in
disappointment and grief. I kind of go wan me why
I was so close to her and how fortunate I
was to have her in my orbit.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Cow brought immeasurable joy to Damien's life. Decades of friendship
have now become memories full of warmth and the pang
of grief. Yet it's those stories, connections, and even the
silly little jokes that keep her legacy alive. But before
we get there, here's some love that people want to
share today.
Speaker 6 (03:59):
The person that fills my cup is my nine year
old sister, Ellie May. Every time I see her, even
when she's being annoying and grumpy, I just she lights
me up and I just want to spend time with
her and give her a hug and be a good
sister to her.
Speaker 7 (04:15):
So it's not so much a person that fills my cup,
but my dog fills my cup. Every time I walk
through the or he's so happy to see me and
I could be gone for a minute to put something
in the rubbish, been outside, or get something from my car,
or a whole day at work and he's just ecstatic
and it's just for me because I'm there, and it
makes me feel so special and I love him.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
He's the best.
Speaker 8 (04:36):
I love catching up with my friend al no matter
what we're doing because she has the most vibrant, positive,
uplifting energy, and as soon as I see her, I'm
having a good day.
Speaker 9 (04:47):
I've known my friend Claire since we were eleven years old.
We live in different hemispheres and have done for the
last getting on for twenty years. Having said that we
are so close, we have very long like hours and
hours long WhatsApp call catch ups every couple of months,
(05:08):
and we revert to being eleven years old. I don't
think we've actually grown up at all. She is the
one person in my life who can be guaranteed to
absolutely make me barely laugh.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
I do nothing.
Speaker 9 (05:21):
Yeah, she absolutely fills my cup and I can't wait
till the next one.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Damien, you start your story by procrastinating this task.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
Sorry, I'm just going to go to put the kettle on.
So I start everything by procrastinating. Everything starts with procrastinating. Absolutely,
I'd already done that. I'd already written a piece about
her after she passed away in a lead up to
the funeral, and there was a way of me kind
of throat clearing a bit to know what to say,
knowing that there were going to be a lot of
(05:55):
people saying things. But I still had to introduce myself
and my relationship with Cal before handing over the keys,
if you like, so, I think because I'd already gone
through that, and then I was asked to write this,
I thought, Okay. My first instinct was I may would
just use that you had a look at it and
we talked about it, and I went, no, do the
right thing by your friend. Talk about what it's like now,
(06:16):
what it's like a year later, and what has changed.
And it's actually quite howful to do that in a way.
And I don't think there's been many deaths in my
life that I have processed as much as Cal's because
we have such a close band of friends that have
come together, which I alluded to in the article. I'm
(06:36):
much closer to now having made that decision to then
sit down and go, well, what do I think Now?
You have to open up some doors that you're not
sure if you want to or not.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
That was the tricky thing, because some things are in
a box and you go not yet, I need to
get through today. Whatever tasket is it, whatever thing, and
that just needs to be in the box for a
little bit.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
When hell did pass away, I was on tour but
the show that I'm about to tour now double feature,
which is about grief. Largely, it's Mum and Dad's story
through the eyes of her not in year old self.
We found this diary on the night of Dad's funeral
that we didn't know existed, that charted at the beginning
of their relationship, and it's a beautiful, romantic snapshot of
(07:17):
post War War two Australia, but also a window in
to a version of my mum. I never possibly knew
I was going.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
To get to know.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
So I was performing that show, so it was obviously
my grief scepters were pretty wide open, and I'd have
to lie. I didn't have to, but yeah, obviously only
I was very ill finding out that it was about
to end, and we're basically told we're allowed to come
and say goodbye. I had to drive from Warnable to
(07:47):
Melbourne and fly to Sydney, spend five hours and I
see you with all the nearest and dearest. Then I
got back on the plane that night, slept for three hours,
and Zilla drove me down to Warnable and did eleven
am Mattinee.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Everything went wrong.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
I want to go back to the beginning because like
all good love stories, and a friendship is a love story.
I would love you to tell the story of when
you met Cal Wilson.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Cal and I met at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.
It was opening night party and I suspect the year
was around two thousand on. My show was quite early,
and I was also in a venue that was adjacent
to the Lower Town Hall, which was the old Festival Club,
and I kind of got there unfashionably early and it
(08:31):
was kind of like standing and Susan Proven, the festival director,
spotted me in the corner and she marched up and
she said, dam mc callum, you're one of the few
responsible ones.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Can you look after Cal Wilson?
Speaker 4 (08:42):
And Cal was stand next to her, and as I
described in the piece, she was this little bouncy blonde
with significant trousers and complicated shoes and all sorts of
things going on, but just a beaming heart. And we
just started talking. And you know, you have those we
call them instant friends, because became a parent straightaway that
(09:04):
we had a lot in common, but there was just
not an ounce of awkwardness and wide ranging it went
from hilarity to sharing secrets. Relationship fails and we just
talked for the whole night. When neither of us moved
from that corner, people came in and out of our
order a little bit, but my memory is that we
were largely uninterrupted, and then throughout that festival we just
(09:27):
kind of just kept catching up.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
And yeah, you continued to both work on your own careers,
but you always seem to find a way back to
each other through other projects. What are the projects that
you did work on together.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
Well, the main one which really solidified the friendship was
Ski House, which was a Channel ten sketch comedy show.
I think we'd done one season and col wasn't in
the cast, and then we got a second season and
Cal was invited to join, and that's what prompted her
to move to Australia. She had done other things in
Australia was a bit back and forth, but this was
that Okay, well I'll move over for this. So we
(10:01):
had that and then we tended to just constantly get
passed together on the Melburne Comedy Festival road show over
those years, even if it was just for a week
or kind of a combination of things that in that
period that just we're just so pleased to be together. Yeah,
we just played so much together. We're just I makeing
its sound that the friendship was just play. It wasn't,
because there was no one in the world more capable
(10:25):
of responding to other people's problems. In those years too,
in the first decade of this millennia, I went through stuff,
you know, my mum's tragic accident and end of relationship
quite close to it, and cal was just always she
knew exactly what to do and how to support you
and not judge sometimes when you're in those situations, the
(10:47):
tricky ends of relationships where there's some murky things from
all parties, she go, I'm here for you, and so
I'm here to celebrate you and what's going on and
whatever decisions you make. She had like every tap that
a friend needs, every appliance. It's like it's it's like
a brilliant coffee machine. Can you know, can make express though.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
It's like you need to party, I'm there, you need
to cry on my shoulder, one hundred percent everything.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
So I think that's what made her so special. And
you know I was there for her too, But I
do feel like she supported me in more vulnerable moments.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
A lot of her.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Earlier life bumps, if you like, preceded our relationship PELI.
Once she moved to Australia, she had I mean, I'm
not you know, I can't get inside her head, but
it was more clear sailing. Their thirties and forties were
more clear sailing than her twenties.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
What do you.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Think makes friendship chemistry? Is it a lightning in a
bottle situation? Is it the same amount of silliness or
is it just made by two people who are open
with each other to lean all in. What makes friendship
chemistry like yours and cow so magic.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
It's a good question.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
I think in our world, play is the way in
really and call and I have that in spades and
would just instantly go into it. I was out last
night with Emily Taheny, great comic actress, and am I
really close. I've done her since you first started performing.
She's the sister of Fianna Lachlan who Founa and I
used to work closely together and we have that play too.
(12:20):
And we saw each other at a dinner party on
the weekend, and then we went to a band together
last night and it was just like, oh, you know
those people just come back to and it's just in
between each song where we're just start having a conversation
in a different accent in response to that particular song.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
But with Cal, it was it was that, but also.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Could just flick at flicker sweech too serious and not
that Emily and I don't have that as well.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
It's a combination of factors.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
You said you can't get into Cal's head, but your
little love story is kind of trying to get into
Cal's head. Yeah, you talk about wanting to call, which
is one of the most relatable reflexes in grief. It's cruel.
It's one of the most cruel parts of it, the
desire to tell them something that only they will specifically understand.
What are some of the reflexes that you have today
or the things that you want to tell her.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Look, I went through them a little bit in the article,
but it was hard to articulate all of them. The
one that was the hardest to articulate, which I didn't
write about, this is a friend. This is a friend
thing like, this is not my need, but it's like
I wanted to know that Chris and Digbio OK, and
that we're kind of all around them in different ways,
(13:25):
and we can't be there all the time, but that
in their own ways they're coping really well. It's been
horrible to watch in some ways.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
We had a.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
Working bee the other day on because it's home, and
it was joyous having everyone around, and I remember driving home,
as it said, I would have just loved to have
been there to hear all that banter. And we've got
an extraordinary amount done in six or seven hours, because
I know that would be her biggest worry by miles,
like I know she'd be worried for all of us
and leaving your family behind. And I know she can't
(13:58):
hear or see you or feel, but if there was
something out there, I would really want to reassure that
they're okay and we're looking after them.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
When losing a friend with such depth and connection, it's
so incredibly hard to go through because they're a part
of your They're a part of your every day. But
friends are often referred to as the forgotten grievers because
there is an assumption that what you're going through is
less and you, as one of Cal's best friends, and
(14:34):
having been involved in her life for so long, you've
kind of become this conduit for people to share their
grief of cow with you, and you've held space for
quite a lot of people to do that, which I'm
sure has been beautiful and painful and all those things
wrapped up into one. But there are some incredible connections
that have come out of it, like cal is still
placing her magic everywhere. What are some of those stories
(14:57):
or connections that have emerged in the past year.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
Well, the first one was I met Brodi Connell on
the night at Ice you saying goodbye and for the listeners,
Bridy and your wonderful host Grace. At the time, we're
about to create a play called The Planet and other
plans with Hot House Sea.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
I knew Brody was, but I then two weeks.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
Later bizarrely got contacted by Color Conway, the artistic director
of Hot House, who had recently been connected on other things.
She'd seen my show and she said, would you do
this play? I said, I'm pretty busy, sent me the
script and it was written by yourself and Briety, and
it was about grief.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
And well, of course I'm doing it.
Speaker 4 (15:38):
So that was the first one to create these substantial
relationships which will be lifelong and then there's been many
little ones, but kind of most recently, we've connected strongly
with Andrew Huellen, who is the artist who painted Cal's
Archibald portrait that won the Packers Prize before got sick.
(15:59):
It was in that year though, and so her painting
then was part of the touring exhibition and it became
a bit of a pilgrimage really for people to go
directly up. I was on the Mornington Peninsula Gallery and
we all went down and it's an exquisite painting, it
really is.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
It's listeners. You would have seen it before.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
Yeah, it was actually used as the painting on the
front of the magazine and it was used for that emotions.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Yeah, it's colorful, it's got her beautiful hair dress, it's stunning.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
It's stunning, and it captures her, captures all the hers.
So even in death, Hella is kind of bringing people
together and people, as you say, randoms or vocals. When
I was doing media after she first died away, I'd
have producers like on the line saying, oh, I had
one experience with Cal and it was this, you know,
Probably the most interesting one was a producer who said
(16:46):
I was actually a flight to Adelaide, kelsity next to
me and she was just tapping around a computer for
the first twenty minutes, and then she just laid a
computer shut and stuck it in the pocket and said,
I'm so sorry, Who are you and what do you do?
Everyone's connection with col is indelible. There was not a
one off, you know. Circumstances have now dictated that I
have heard possibly a hundred.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
Of those stories.
Speaker 4 (17:07):
You know, even after a show, her interaction with someone
or people just go I felt like I knew her
particular magical quality to still be connecting people.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
You call these moments in your little love story a
cow Wilson moment, and then everyone has one, and Damien,
my sister even has a cow Wilson moment from a
comedy buy in Melbourne. My cow Wilson moments are now
just through you and Brandy and I get to hear
about this person that I never got the chance to
meet three people like you, which is so lovely and
(17:39):
it's just from the outside looking in. Cow just seems
to be one of those people that bought brightness and
was completely unforgettable. Can you talk to me about the
joy of her mixed with the why her that grief
brings out.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
I mean, the joy of her is abundantly clear. I mean,
she was a very She was a wonderful performer and
had that ability on stage which everyone does to make
you feel like a friend is talking to you that
were just catching up. And she did that through crowd
work a little bit. She'd get people's stories based on
a thing that she was working on. As my favorite
(18:15):
kind of crowd work where people feel completely open that no,
they're not going to get disparaged or.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
That's the public col. The private col is much the same.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
She walks in a room on every two of US
comedy Vessel, Rocho and Buddy, and everyone knows her and
loves her. She'll fight a fight, like you know, she
holds her ground when people are being dig which I
loved about it too. She was feisty, but only when
it was required. But her first instinct was always incredibly
optimistic and welcoming the why her. That's not how I
(18:46):
think about life. I think if you get into the
cruelties and disappointments with that angle, then you're always going
to live in disappointment and grief and unresolved grief. It's
same with Korea, like why not me? Why didn't I
get that all? That's like, you've just got to push
(19:07):
that stuff away and just deal with the good things
that you've got. And so with col as devastating as
it was, I kind of go why me? Why I
was so close to her? And how fortunate I was
to have her in my orbit that we met that night.
The circumstances threw us together in a unique situation that
(19:27):
allowed us to talk endlessly for a long period of time.
I could have chosen to end it, but I just
didn't want to because this is fabulous. I guess that's
my approach to grief.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
You also talk about in your letter that you mceed
both Cal's wedding and a funeral, and you called it
one of your proudest gigs. How did you carve out
space for your own grief in a space where you
were also facilitating others that day?
Speaker 4 (19:52):
Being asked to do something like that, you have to
divorce part of yourself, which is almost impossible. Her death
was suddent for most people because her illness was kept secret.
Because no one knew what was wrong. It was a
mystery illness. What it was wasn't revealed until the days
before she passed away. The more kind of tragic the death,
the kind of harder it is to control the grief around,
(20:14):
and it heightens grief as well as the fact that
Carl was incredibly loved and popular and important in some
new people's lives. So look, you can't completely prepare yourself.
You know, I knew that she would like better be levity.
I think that's one of my great skills as a performer,
that I can move between light and shade with deafness,
(20:35):
because I do that in my shows I'm used to.
You can go from the funniest moment in the show
to the saddest moment of the show, but you've got
to move back to the comedy quite carefully, take steady
steps of the audience. And I kind of shocked. So
I guess I had those skills. But on the day,
you just you don't know how each person's going to
how they're going to cope. And one of Cal's brothers
(20:58):
had to deliver the words of her parents because they
couldn't fly out from New Zealand to be there, so
they were watching it on strain and he was almost
inconsolable trying to deliver those words.
Speaker 5 (21:13):
But in the middle of that, I had to go
and move the microphone to get.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
It closer to closer to him. So you just find
yourself institute, how am I doing this? This man is just.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Bereft and I completely feel but I had to kind of,
you know, not remove my empathies because I was doing
it very gently and he knew me, so I was
able to kind of comfort him in a moment. But yeah,
there's a combination of your own grief, the technicalities of
what's happening, and writing the moment. So I was constantly
(21:46):
coming on after it. I'd like at him, see coming
on after each one. I'm working out what does the
audience need, acknowledging the emotion of what just happened, and
then just giving them a.
Speaker 5 (21:56):
Little just a little valve release.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
And I felt like I did that well.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
I wrote of it this and the piece, and I
guess it was the moment that caught me the most
was it was very tricky because it was on the
first floor and the coffin had to leave doesn't just
go out the door. It had to wait at the
lift lobby, and I had no idea that there was
going to be thirty or forty people going with cal.
But I had to hold the other people because the
reception drinks were happening on the other side of the room,
(22:23):
so they couldn't walk through the coffins. So I kind
of flagged that with them and I said, look, can
one of you just let me know when it's okay
to let people go? So I had to just stand
and I became the entire focus. Then I forgot though,
what happens when it coffin leaves church. It's the cork
out of the bottle. But normally what happens is that
(22:46):
people's congregations start to follow, so they don't really have
time to emote, say oh, we're getting out and we're going.
In this instance, they all just sat there and as
they left the room completely just disintegrated.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
I was watching dear friends literally.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
Collapse on the ground in grief and wrapping their arms
around each other and just complete raw grief that just
cascaded through the room, and I just had to stand
like a bollard.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
Holy I got the word to let people go.
Speaker 4 (23:24):
That was by far the hardest moment I had to
control my grief at that moment, like it was I think.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
If I had got if I had gone, like, I
don't know what would happen. Was holding that, yeah, just
holding it. And then once people started to move, thankfully.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
There were toilets just kind of at the back of
where I was, and I just walked into the bathrooms
and just stood.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
I knew it'd it to myself. People were going the
other way, and I just howled.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
I was able to kind of just like, yeah, you
know when it's like there are those moments where you
just have the full throttle.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Release yeah, shoulder cryes, I called them.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
Oh, absolutely, just it's not coming out of partsy body.
It shouldn't come out or before. And it was so
kind of abrupt, it was like just like the top
off the volcano. And then I had to kind of
compose myself a little bit and go back into the room.
I did do a bit in and about cals frustrating
ability to always be empathetic all circumstances, and so exhorted
(24:27):
everyone to write, You've got to be more like Cal Wilson.
Since she just passed away, I've been doing that. I've
bought seventeen copies of the Big Issue a crowdfunded a
comedian show who I don't really rate.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Cal's last job was bake Off, and you say in
your letter that you've still not watched it because, and
I think the reason you haven't is one of the
most beautiful quotes about grief that I've ever heard. You said,
it's because the joy of seeing her shine is still
outweighed by the pain. So I wanted to know what
are the days or the moments where the joy of
Cal outweighs the pain.
Speaker 4 (25:13):
Look at the moment, it's when I'm talking about her
with my friends and recalling moments. That's the time she
feels the most alive to me. Because You'll always have
new Cal anecdotes tell and we relish in hearing them.
I have watched some clips of her. I remember when
I started working with you and Bridy. Bridy sent me
(25:34):
a couple of clips of her working with Cal on
whose line is in any way Australian version. So I
kind of went through and found some sketches from Skihouse
of Cal and I together, and I found that kind
of company, just going oh yeah, we did that one,
did that one and shared them with Bridy. I found
that easy. I think it was more because it was
a more historic version of Cal. It's the more recent
(25:56):
ones I think are the artist to watch. And I
did try and watch the previous season of The Bakeoff.
I did watch one episode, but I found it incredibly.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Hard seeing them so full and moving and bright is confronting.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Bakeoff is interesting too because it was a bit of
a drained job for her and it's what she was
working on when she got sick. And as we know,
this second season with her as one of the host
has just started to air. This is a beautiful story.
Earlier in the year, I was trying to find ways
to get Chris out about doing things, says, making sure
(26:33):
Digby was all right. Nothing thinking about him and Call
and I have very similar music tastes. Both had a
great love for New Zealand independent music, Flying Nun Records
and so on, and we are constantly introduced music to
each other. It was actually a band that I really
wanted I spoke to Cal about and she hadn't heard
of him and my guy, I can't believe you don't
know the orb Weavers, and I just kept going to
(26:55):
message her to send her a linked songs that she
got sick and I never did so now now the
orb Weavers are like I just I love them. It's
like the band that I didn't share anyway. Chris is
a DJ. He does kind of like beats. He hosts
a show like Internet Dolph Music, you know, but kind
of slightly the chill end of Dolf. So our music
(27:17):
convergence is quite separate, but there's like little middle grounds. Anyway,
there was this German jazz band called connic Rose touring
Australia and I was listening to him and going.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
You know what, I reckon?
Speaker 4 (27:27):
That might be summer in the middle of Chris and
my interest. So I told him and I said, they
played at the Jazz Lab in Brunswick. Do you want
to go anywhere?
Speaker 3 (27:35):
Yeah? Yeah, let's do that. So we went. I could
tell he was really pleased.
Speaker 4 (27:39):
You know, to be out about doing it and it
was a new experience both and they were fantastic. But
just before they started, it was very dark in the
jazz Lab and there was a couple sitting next to
us and Chris land.
Speaker 5 (27:49):
Ode and he said, do you reckon that?
Speaker 4 (27:51):
Warm was on bake Off and I said, mate, I've
only watched one episode, finding it hard. He said, yeah, same,
and I said, so I can't tell any sort of
Google showing a phone.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Do you reckon that to her? And I think it is?
Speaker 4 (28:02):
Said should I say it? And I said, yeah, yeah,
I think that would be lovely. So he leaned around.
Of course he had to start by saying, Hi, are
you off, bakeoff? And she went and oh yeah, And
I could tell by the face that she was quite.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
Pleased to be recognized.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
But then the next question, well, the next thing I
had to be said was ah, Gor Wilson's husband, And
then I just this woman's face just and then they
hugged for about a minute and then cried, and then
we all sat down together, and of course she started
to reveal more wonderful stories about Cal.
Speaker 5 (28:34):
During the season, her husband, who was with her his.
Speaker 4 (28:37):
Brother had passed away. Cal organized a card and checked
in with her every day. She said, she was just
incredibly kind and because this woman, like a lot of people,
not close enough to know the full story, and just
hearing him the shock of it, but then never being
able to connect to the story of what happened to her.
And then Chris very graciously, as he often does, He's
(28:59):
very open talked about what had gone on, so she
got the full picture, and we spent the whole night
with this couple watching a band somewhere in the middle
of our music interests.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
It's when you hear stuff like this where you, like
Calm Wilson, you're.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
A witch, absolute witch.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
And you orchestrated it this whole thing, didn't you.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
And I don't think it's over. I think that's just
going to be throughout my life. It's just going to
be little things. She's just planted ready to happen.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
One of the cruel parts of grief is torturing yourself
and looking at last messages. But you and I'm only
laughing because I know what the answer to this question is.
You and cal shared a last message that I guess
perfectly captures your friendship, a very mature game that you
have with each other. Could you tell me the game
(29:46):
that you have and then also what your last message was.
Speaker 4 (29:49):
She introduced me to what is colloquially known as the
cock game. It's very simple and very mature game where
the abbreviation often a Creek sign is ck rather than
full Creek word. Very simply, you just replace ck with
cock and joy ensues. So it leads to things like
(30:11):
nine mile cock, Mother's cock. So my wife saw the
Holy Grail in California, big cock, some of my favorites.
Considerable cock, it's dainty, two muckcock, just one letter away
from being brilliant, but still two muckcock. Oh punk Bill's cock.
(30:32):
Cal and I, whenever we saw one, we would usually
just text the name. If it could stop and take
a photo, we would faithful cock. There's so many and
again spread a course. I've got a couple of other
friends who play the game will send it to me.
But it was very much a call, and I think
I believe she talked about it in one of her shows.
It was not just a secret, but it was certainly
very much a call, and I think so. Yeah, So
(30:53):
the last message I texted Cal was circular cock.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
We had a couple of exchanges.
Speaker 4 (30:59):
She was just before she was basically sedated, Just a
couple of exchanges about looking after the cats and things.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
But yeah, it was like circular.
Speaker 5 (31:06):
Cock, a mental love heart from her.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
Do you know it's beautiful day Grace. I talked about it.
Speaker 5 (31:12):
At the memorial, and a lot of people saw the memorial.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
I now have random people reach out to me on
whatever social media when they've come up with a found
a cock name or just a weird Australian place name
that fits in that Uber did say on the time,
on the day of the memorial that we should try
and get a creek named after her Cow's cocks Cock
Tum Ballard was there and he saw me at the
(31:35):
Comedy Republic afterwards and he said, I know someone on
marraban and Council dat we can make this happen.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
Is that the perfect legacy?
Speaker 3 (31:45):
I think so.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
I don't want it to be a shitcock, though I
wanted to. I don't want to just be like such
a drain coming out of an industrial part of Westwoods Gray.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
It's got to be a good cock, good cock all right.
If anyone from the council is listening, any council, any
council will take anything.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
She probably tour he to every council.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
So Col Wilson Cox of Australia and there's just one
in every state.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
Where it could be. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (32:11):
Yeah, at the end of the year they get a
ribbon for be the best col cock.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Now, the question that we ask at the end of
every little love stories is what does love mean to you.
Speaker 4 (32:24):
I think the ultimate happiness comes from being surrounded by
as much love as possible. But to do that, you
have to love yourself. You have to love things that
are hard to love, people that are hard to love,
situations that are hard to love, because if you just
take the love shrinks. And Cow was kind of the
(32:45):
embodiment of that, surrounding herself with love, and she left
all that love behind. So I think that is, you know,
my definition of it, and there's different kinds of love within.
That's passion and commitment and adoration that I have you
with my partner. As I get older, I think that
all the other loves are just as important.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Danie, thank you for coming on Little Love Stories and
sharing your love for Cal and letting me into all
of these stories of Cal. It's just been a pleasure
to listen.
Speaker 4 (33:14):
To my pleasure, Grace, and it was a delight to
share them with you.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
You can read Damien's full Little Love Story essay, which
will be dropped into our episode show notes. If you
have a story you'd like to share with us, we
would love to hear it. We're always on the lookout
for great stories and new perspectives around this glorious mess
site no matter where you come from and who you are.
To submit your story, you can leave us a voice
note or email us. All the details will be in
our show notes. Little Love Stories is produced by me
(33:42):
Grace Reorey with audio production by Leah Porge's. If you're
looking for something else to listen to, Mumma Me who
is presenting one hundred hours of summer listens from meaningful conversations,
incredible stories, fashion, beauty, and a bit of silliness. There's
a link to more things to listen to in the
show notes
You're listening to a Mother a Mia podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We
have recorded this podcast on the Gatagul people of the
Eor nation. We pay our respects to their elders past
and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and
Torus s right islander cultures.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Hi, It's Grace from This Glorious Mess introducing hot Pod Summer.
It's one hundred hours of curated listening across the Muma
Mea network, just for you to escape the chaos and
enjoy with the kids at home and the weather warming up.
We're going to share some episodes of Little Love Stories.
Little Love Stories is an open hearted conversation with someone
(01:01):
who has love to share that love can be anything,
a time in someone's life, a person, or even an object.
It's all about discovering the magic everywhere you look. So
I hope you enjoy this episode of Little Love Stories.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
I love you how you live with them?
Speaker 1 (01:22):
From Mamma Mia and This Glorious Mess. Welcome to Little
Love Stories. I'm Grace Rufrey. Have you ever met someone
new and felt that undeniable spark, Not a romantic one,
but the spark of friendship like a lightning strike. It
tells you this person is going to play a special
role in your life. Well, that's exactly what happened when
(01:43):
Damian Callanan met Cal Wilson in two thousand and one.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
You're one of the few responsible ones, can you look
after Cal Wilson? And Cal was standing next to her,
and she was this little bouncy blonde with significant trousers
and complicated shoes and all sorts of things going on,
but just a baming heart.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
It's been almost a year since the world lost the vibrant,
glowing spark of the ever funny kiwek comedian Cal Wilson.
Cal and Damien went on to collaborate on comedy shows
like ski House and live performances across the country. Damien,
who had the honor of being the MC at both
Cal's wedding and her funeral, what he calls one of
the most hotant gigs of his life, says that amidst
(02:23):
the pain of losing her, the moments that bring him
joy is hearing the countless stories people feel compelled to
share with him, and he's gathered an endless collection of
cal Wilson moments.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
So even in death.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
Kelle is kind of bringing people together and people, as
you say, randoms or vocals. When I was doing media
after she first died away, I'd have producers like on
the line saying I had one experience with Cal.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
And it was this.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
The most interesting one was a producer who said, I
was actually a flight to Adelaide Kelsey next to me,
and she was just tepping around a computer for the
first twenty minutes and then she's laid a computer shut
and second in the pock and said, I'm so sorry,
who are you?
Speaker 5 (02:58):
What do you do?
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Cal had a way of making people feel like her
best friend, with so much room in her heart to
share herself with friends, whilst also cherishing the deep love
she had for her husband, Chris and their son Digby.
When someone's life touches so many it can feel unjust
and unfair to lose them. But that's not the part
Damien chooses to focus on.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Why. That's not how I think about life.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
I think if you get into the cruelties and disappointments
with that angle, then you're always going to live in
disappointment and grief. I kind of go wan me why
I was so close to her and how fortunate I
was to have her in my orbit.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Cow brought immeasurable joy to Damien's life. Decades of friendship
have now become memories full of warmth and the pang
of grief. Yet it's those stories, connections, and even the
silly little jokes that keep her legacy alive. But before
we get there, here's some love that people want to
share today.
Speaker 6 (03:59):
The person that fills my cup is my nine year
old sister, Ellie May. Every time I see her, even
when she's being annoying and grumpy, I just she lights
me up and I just want to spend time with
her and give her a hug and be a good
sister to her.
Speaker 7 (04:15):
So it's not so much a person that fills my cup,
but my dog fills my cup. Every time I walk
through the or he's so happy to see me and
I could be gone for a minute to put something
in the rubbish, been outside, or get something from my car,
or a whole day at work and he's just ecstatic
and it's just for me because I'm there, and it
makes me feel so special and I love him.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
He's the best.
Speaker 8 (04:36):
I love catching up with my friend al no matter
what we're doing because she has the most vibrant, positive,
uplifting energy, and as soon as I see her, I'm
having a good day.
Speaker 9 (04:47):
I've known my friend Claire since we were eleven years old.
We live in different hemispheres and have done for the
last getting on for twenty years. Having said that we
are so close, we have very long like hours and
hours long WhatsApp call catch ups every couple of months,
(05:08):
and we revert to being eleven years old. I don't
think we've actually grown up at all. She is the
one person in my life who can be guaranteed to
absolutely make me barely laugh.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
I do nothing.
Speaker 9 (05:21):
Yeah, she absolutely fills my cup and I can't wait
till the next one.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Damien, you start your story by procrastinating this task.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
Sorry, I'm just going to go to put the kettle on.
So I start everything by procrastinating. Everything starts with procrastinating. Absolutely,
I'd already done that. I'd already written a piece about
her after she passed away in a lead up to
the funeral, and there was a way of me kind
of throat clearing a bit to know what to say,
knowing that there were going to be a lot of
(05:55):
people saying things. But I still had to introduce myself
and my relationship with Cal before handing over the keys,
if you like, so, I think because I'd already gone
through that, and then I was asked to write this,
I thought, Okay. My first instinct was I may would
just use that you had a look at it and
we talked about it, and I went, no, do the
right thing by your friend. Talk about what it's like now,
(06:16):
what it's like a year later, and what has changed.
And it's actually quite howful to do that in a way.
And I don't think there's been many deaths in my
life that I have processed as much as Cal's because
we have such a close band of friends that have
come together, which I alluded to in the article. I'm
(06:36):
much closer to now having made that decision to then
sit down and go, well, what do I think Now?
You have to open up some doors that you're not
sure if you want to or not.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
That was the tricky thing, because some things are in
a box and you go not yet, I need to
get through today. Whatever tasket is it, whatever thing, and
that just needs to be in the box for a
little bit.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
When hell did pass away, I was on tour but
the show that I'm about to tour now double feature,
which is about grief. Largely, it's Mum and Dad's story
through the eyes of her not in year old self.
We found this diary on the night of Dad's funeral
that we didn't know existed, that charted at the beginning
of their relationship, and it's a beautiful, romantic snapshot of
(07:17):
post War War two Australia, but also a window in
to a version of my mum. I never possibly knew
I was going.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
To get to know.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
So I was performing that show, so it was obviously
my grief scepters were pretty wide open, and I'd have
to lie. I didn't have to, but yeah, obviously only
I was very ill finding out that it was about
to end, and we're basically told we're allowed to come
and say goodbye. I had to drive from Warnable to
(07:47):
Melbourne and fly to Sydney, spend five hours and I
see you with all the nearest and dearest. Then I
got back on the plane that night, slept for three hours,
and Zilla drove me down to Warnable and did eleven
am Mattinee.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Everything went wrong.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
I want to go back to the beginning because like
all good love stories, and a friendship is a love story.
I would love you to tell the story of when
you met Cal Wilson.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
Cal and I met at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.
It was opening night party and I suspect the year
was around two thousand on. My show was quite early,
and I was also in a venue that was adjacent
to the Lower Town Hall, which was the old Festival Club,
and I kind of got there unfashionably early and it
(08:31):
was kind of like standing and Susan Proven, the festival director,
spotted me in the corner and she marched up and
she said, dam mc callum, you're one of the few
responsible ones.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Can you look after Cal Wilson?
Speaker 4 (08:42):
And Cal was stand next to her, and as I
described in the piece, she was this little bouncy blonde
with significant trousers and complicated shoes and all sorts of
things going on, but just a beaming heart. And we
just started talking. And you know, you have those we
call them instant friends, because became a parent straightaway that
(09:04):
we had a lot in common, but there was just
not an ounce of awkwardness and wide ranging it went
from hilarity to sharing secrets. Relationship fails and we just
talked for the whole night. When neither of us moved
from that corner, people came in and out of our
order a little bit, but my memory is that we
were largely uninterrupted, and then throughout that festival we just
(09:27):
kind of just kept catching up.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
And yeah, you continued to both work on your own careers,
but you always seem to find a way back to
each other through other projects. What are the projects that
you did work on together.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
Well, the main one which really solidified the friendship was
Ski House, which was a Channel ten sketch comedy show.
I think we'd done one season and col wasn't in
the cast, and then we got a second season and
Cal was invited to join, and that's what prompted her
to move to Australia. She had done other things in
Australia was a bit back and forth, but this was
that Okay, well I'll move over for this. So we
(10:01):
had that and then we tended to just constantly get
passed together on the Melburne Comedy Festival road show over
those years, even if it was just for a week
or kind of a combination of things that in that
period that just we're just so pleased to be together. Yeah,
we just played so much together. We're just I makeing
its sound that the friendship was just play. It wasn't,
because there was no one in the world more capable
(10:25):
of responding to other people's problems. In those years too,
in the first decade of this millennia, I went through stuff,
you know, my mum's tragic accident and end of relationship
quite close to it, and cal was just always she
knew exactly what to do and how to support you
and not judge sometimes when you're in those situations, the
(10:47):
tricky ends of relationships where there's some murky things from
all parties, she go, I'm here for you, and so
I'm here to celebrate you and what's going on and
whatever decisions you make. She had like every tap that
a friend needs, every appliance. It's like it's it's like
a brilliant coffee machine. Can you know, can make express though.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
It's like you need to party, I'm there, you need
to cry on my shoulder, one hundred percent everything.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
So I think that's what made her so special. And
you know I was there for her too, But I
do feel like she supported me in more vulnerable moments.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
A lot of her.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
Earlier life bumps, if you like, preceded our relationship PELI.
Once she moved to Australia, she had I mean, I'm
not you know, I can't get inside her head, but
it was more clear sailing. Their thirties and forties were
more clear sailing than her twenties.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
What do you.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Think makes friendship chemistry? Is it a lightning in a
bottle situation? Is it the same amount of silliness or
is it just made by two people who are open
with each other to lean all in. What makes friendship
chemistry like yours and cow so magic.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
It's a good question.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
I think in our world, play is the way in
really and call and I have that in spades and
would just instantly go into it. I was out last
night with Emily Taheny, great comic actress, and am I
really close. I've done her since you first started performing.
She's the sister of Fianna Lachlan who Founa and I
used to work closely together and we have that play too.
(12:20):
And we saw each other at a dinner party on
the weekend, and then we went to a band together
last night and it was just like, oh, you know
those people just come back to and it's just in
between each song where we're just start having a conversation
in a different accent in response to that particular song.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
But with Cal, it was it was that, but also.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Could just flick at flicker sweech too serious and not
that Emily and I don't have that as well.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
It's a combination of factors.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
You said you can't get into Cal's head, but your
little love story is kind of trying to get into
Cal's head. Yeah, you talk about wanting to call, which
is one of the most relatable reflexes in grief. It's cruel.
It's one of the most cruel parts of it, the
desire to tell them something that only they will specifically understand.
What are some of the reflexes that you have today
or the things that you want to tell her.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Look, I went through them a little bit in the article,
but it was hard to articulate all of them. The
one that was the hardest to articulate, which I didn't
write about, this is a friend. This is a friend
thing like, this is not my need, but it's like
I wanted to know that Chris and Digbio OK, and
that we're kind of all around them in different ways,
(13:25):
and we can't be there all the time, but that
in their own ways they're coping really well. It's been
horrible to watch in some ways.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
We had a.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
Working bee the other day on because it's home, and
it was joyous having everyone around, and I remember driving home,
as it said, I would have just loved to have
been there to hear all that banter. And we've got
an extraordinary amount done in six or seven hours, because
I know that would be her biggest worry by miles,
like I know she'd be worried for all of us
and leaving your family behind. And I know she can't
(13:58):
hear or see you or feel, but if there was
something out there, I would really want to reassure that
they're okay and we're looking after them.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
When losing a friend with such depth and connection, it's
so incredibly hard to go through because they're a part
of your They're a part of your every day. But
friends are often referred to as the forgotten grievers because
there is an assumption that what you're going through is
less and you, as one of Cal's best friends, and
(14:34):
having been involved in her life for so long, you've
kind of become this conduit for people to share their
grief of cow with you, and you've held space for
quite a lot of people to do that, which I'm
sure has been beautiful and painful and all those things
wrapped up into one. But there are some incredible connections
that have come out of it, like cal is still
placing her magic everywhere. What are some of those stories
(14:57):
or connections that have emerged in the past year.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
Well, the first one was I met Brodi Connell on
the night at Ice you saying goodbye and for the listeners,
Bridy and your wonderful host Grace. At the time, we're
about to create a play called The Planet and other
plans with Hot House Sea.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
I knew Brody was, but I then two weeks.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
Later bizarrely got contacted by Color Conway, the artistic director
of Hot House, who had recently been connected on other things.
She'd seen my show and she said, would you do
this play? I said, I'm pretty busy, sent me the
script and it was written by yourself and Briety, and
it was about grief.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
And well, of course I'm doing it.
Speaker 4 (15:38):
So that was the first one to create these substantial
relationships which will be lifelong and then there's been many
little ones, but kind of most recently, we've connected strongly
with Andrew Huellen, who is the artist who painted Cal's
Archibald portrait that won the Packers Prize before got sick.
(15:59):
It was in that year though, and so her painting
then was part of the touring exhibition and it became
a bit of a pilgrimage really for people to go
directly up. I was on the Mornington Peninsula Gallery and
we all went down and it's an exquisite painting, it
really is.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
It's listeners. You would have seen it before.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
Yeah, it was actually used as the painting on the
front of the magazine and it was used for that emotions.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Yeah, it's colorful, it's got her beautiful hair dress, it's stunning.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
It's stunning, and it captures her, captures all the hers.
So even in death, Hella is kind of bringing people
together and people, as you say, randoms or vocals. When
I was doing media after she first died away, I'd
have producers like on the line saying, oh, I had
one experience with Cal and it was this, you know,
Probably the most interesting one was a producer who said
(16:46):
I was actually a flight to Adelaide, kelsity next to
me and she was just tapping around a computer for
the first twenty minutes, and then she just laid a
computer shut and stuck it in the pocket and said,
I'm so sorry, Who are you and what do you do?
Everyone's connection with col is indelible. There was not a
one off, you know. Circumstances have now dictated that I
have heard possibly a hundred.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
Of those stories.
Speaker 4 (17:07):
You know, even after a show, her interaction with someone
or people just go I felt like I knew her
particular magical quality to still be connecting people.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
You call these moments in your little love story a
cow Wilson moment, and then everyone has one, and Damien,
my sister even has a cow Wilson moment from a
comedy buy in Melbourne. My cow Wilson moments are now
just through you and Brandy and I get to hear
about this person that I never got the chance to
meet three people like you, which is so lovely and
(17:39):
it's just from the outside looking in. Cow just seems
to be one of those people that bought brightness and
was completely unforgettable. Can you talk to me about the
joy of her mixed with the why her that grief
brings out.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
I mean, the joy of her is abundantly clear. I mean,
she was a very She was a wonderful performer and
had that ability on stage which everyone does to make
you feel like a friend is talking to you that
were just catching up. And she did that through crowd
work a little bit. She'd get people's stories based on
a thing that she was working on. As my favorite
(18:15):
kind of crowd work where people feel completely open that no,
they're not going to get disparaged or.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
That's the public col. The private col is much the same.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
She walks in a room on every two of US
comedy Vessel, Rocho and Buddy, and everyone knows her and
loves her. She'll fight a fight, like you know, she
holds her ground when people are being dig which I
loved about it too. She was feisty, but only when
it was required. But her first instinct was always incredibly
optimistic and welcoming the why her. That's not how I
(18:46):
think about life. I think if you get into the
cruelties and disappointments with that angle, then you're always going
to live in disappointment and grief and unresolved grief. It's
same with Korea, like why not me? Why didn't I
get that all? That's like, you've just got to push
(19:07):
that stuff away and just deal with the good things
that you've got. And so with col as devastating as
it was, I kind of go why me? Why I
was so close to her? And how fortunate I was
to have her in my orbit that we met that night.
The circumstances threw us together in a unique situation that
(19:27):
allowed us to talk endlessly for a long period of time.
I could have chosen to end it, but I just
didn't want to because this is fabulous. I guess that's
my approach to grief.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
You also talk about in your letter that you mceed
both Cal's wedding and a funeral, and you called it
one of your proudest gigs. How did you carve out
space for your own grief in a space where you
were also facilitating others that day?
Speaker 4 (19:52):
Being asked to do something like that, you have to
divorce part of yourself, which is almost impossible. Her death
was suddent for most people because her illness was kept secret.
Because no one knew what was wrong. It was a
mystery illness. What it was wasn't revealed until the days
before she passed away. The more kind of tragic the death,
the kind of harder it is to control the grief around,
(20:14):
and it heightens grief as well as the fact that
Carl was incredibly loved and popular and important in some
new people's lives. So look, you can't completely prepare yourself.
You know, I knew that she would like better be levity.
I think that's one of my great skills as a performer,
that I can move between light and shade with deafness,
(20:35):
because I do that in my shows I'm used to.
You can go from the funniest moment in the show
to the saddest moment of the show, but you've got
to move back to the comedy quite carefully, take steady
steps of the audience. And I kind of shocked. So
I guess I had those skills. But on the day,
you just you don't know how each person's going to
how they're going to cope. And one of Cal's brothers
(20:58):
had to deliver the words of her parents because they
couldn't fly out from New Zealand to be there, so
they were watching it on strain and he was almost
inconsolable trying to deliver those words.
Speaker 5 (21:13):
But in the middle of that, I had to go
and move the microphone to get.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
It closer to closer to him. So you just find
yourself institute, how am I doing this? This man is just.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Bereft and I completely feel but I had to kind of,
you know, not remove my empathies because I was doing
it very gently and he knew me, so I was
able to kind of comfort him in a moment. But yeah,
there's a combination of your own grief, the technicalities of
what's happening, and writing the moment. So I was constantly
(21:46):
coming on after it. I'd like at him, see coming
on after each one. I'm working out what does the
audience need, acknowledging the emotion of what just happened, and
then just giving them a.
Speaker 5 (21:56):
Little just a little valve release.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
And I felt like I did that well.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
I wrote of it this and the piece, and I
guess it was the moment that caught me the most
was it was very tricky because it was on the
first floor and the coffin had to leave doesn't just
go out the door. It had to wait at the
lift lobby, and I had no idea that there was
going to be thirty or forty people going with cal.
But I had to hold the other people because the
reception drinks were happening on the other side of the room,
(22:23):
so they couldn't walk through the coffins. So I kind
of flagged that with them and I said, look, can
one of you just let me know when it's okay
to let people go? So I had to just stand
and I became the entire focus. Then I forgot though,
what happens when it coffin leaves church. It's the cork
out of the bottle. But normally what happens is that
(22:46):
people's congregations start to follow, so they don't really have
time to emote, say oh, we're getting out and we're going.
In this instance, they all just sat there and as
they left the room completely just disintegrated.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
I was watching dear friends literally.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
Collapse on the ground in grief and wrapping their arms
around each other and just complete raw grief that just
cascaded through the room, and I just had to stand
like a bollard.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
Holy I got the word to let people go.
Speaker 4 (23:24):
That was by far the hardest moment I had to
control my grief at that moment, like it was I think.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
If I had got if I had gone, like, I
don't know what would happen. Was holding that, yeah, just
holding it. And then once people started to move, thankfully.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
There were toilets just kind of at the back of
where I was, and I just walked into the bathrooms
and just stood.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
I knew it'd it to myself. People were going the
other way, and I just howled.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
I was able to kind of just like, yeah, you
know when it's like there are those moments where you
just have the full throttle.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Release yeah, shoulder cryes, I called them.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
Oh, absolutely, just it's not coming out of partsy body.
It shouldn't come out or before. And it was so
kind of abrupt, it was like just like the top
off the volcano. And then I had to kind of
compose myself a little bit and go back into the room.
I did do a bit in and about cals frustrating
ability to always be empathetic all circumstances, and so exhorted
(24:27):
everyone to write, You've got to be more like Cal Wilson.
Since she just passed away, I've been doing that. I've
bought seventeen copies of the Big Issue a crowdfunded a
comedian show who I don't really rate.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Cal's last job was bake Off, and you say in
your letter that you've still not watched it because, and
I think the reason you haven't is one of the
most beautiful quotes about grief that I've ever heard. You said,
it's because the joy of seeing her shine is still
outweighed by the pain. So I wanted to know what
are the days or the moments where the joy of
Cal outweighs the pain.
Speaker 4 (25:13):
Look at the moment, it's when I'm talking about her
with my friends and recalling moments. That's the time she
feels the most alive to me. Because You'll always have
new Cal anecdotes tell and we relish in hearing them.
I have watched some clips of her. I remember when
I started working with you and Bridy. Bridy sent me
(25:34):
a couple of clips of her working with Cal on
whose line is in any way Australian version. So I
kind of went through and found some sketches from Skihouse
of Cal and I together, and I found that kind
of company, just going oh yeah, we did that one,
did that one and shared them with Bridy. I found
that easy. I think it was more because it was
a more historic version of Cal. It's the more recent
(25:56):
ones I think are the artist to watch. And I
did try and watch the previous season of The Bakeoff.
I did watch one episode, but I found it incredibly.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Hard seeing them so full and moving and bright is confronting.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Bakeoff is interesting too because it was a bit of
a drained job for her and it's what she was
working on when she got sick. And as we know,
this second season with her as one of the host
has just started to air. This is a beautiful story.
Earlier in the year, I was trying to find ways
to get Chris out about doing things, says, making sure
(26:33):
Digby was all right. Nothing thinking about him and Call
and I have very similar music tastes. Both had a
great love for New Zealand independent music, Flying Nun Records
and so on, and we are constantly introduced music to
each other. It was actually a band that I really
wanted I spoke to Cal about and she hadn't heard
of him and my guy, I can't believe you don't
know the orb Weavers, and I just kept going to
(26:55):
message her to send her a linked songs that she
got sick and I never did so now now the
orb Weavers are like I just I love them. It's
like the band that I didn't share anyway. Chris is
a DJ. He does kind of like beats. He hosts
a show like Internet Dolph Music, you know, but kind
of slightly the chill end of Dolf. So our music
(27:17):
convergence is quite separate, but there's like little middle grounds. Anyway,
there was this German jazz band called connic Rose touring
Australia and I was listening to him and going.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
You know what, I reckon?
Speaker 4 (27:27):
That might be summer in the middle of Chris and
my interest. So I told him and I said, they
played at the Jazz Lab in Brunswick. Do you want
to go anywhere?
Speaker 3 (27:35):
Yeah? Yeah, let's do that. So we went. I could
tell he was really pleased.
Speaker 4 (27:39):
You know, to be out about doing it and it
was a new experience both and they were fantastic. But
just before they started, it was very dark in the
jazz Lab and there was a couple sitting next to
us and Chris land.
Speaker 5 (27:49):
Ode and he said, do you reckon that?
Speaker 4 (27:51):
Warm was on bake Off and I said, mate, I've
only watched one episode, finding it hard. He said, yeah, same,
and I said, so I can't tell any sort of
Google showing a phone.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Do you reckon that to her? And I think it is?
Speaker 4 (28:02):
Said should I say it? And I said, yeah, yeah,
I think that would be lovely. So he leaned around.
Of course he had to start by saying, Hi, are
you off, bakeoff? And she went and oh yeah, And
I could tell by the face that she was quite.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
Pleased to be recognized.
Speaker 4 (28:14):
But then the next question, well, the next thing I
had to be said was ah, Gor Wilson's husband, And
then I just this woman's face just and then they
hugged for about a minute and then cried, and then
we all sat down together, and of course she started
to reveal more wonderful stories about Cal.
Speaker 5 (28:34):
During the season, her husband, who was with her his.
Speaker 4 (28:37):
Brother had passed away. Cal organized a card and checked
in with her every day. She said, she was just
incredibly kind and because this woman, like a lot of people,
not close enough to know the full story, and just
hearing him the shock of it, but then never being
able to connect to the story of what happened to her.
And then Chris very graciously, as he often does, He's
(28:59):
very open talked about what had gone on, so she
got the full picture, and we spent the whole night
with this couple watching a band somewhere in the middle
of our music interests.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
It's when you hear stuff like this where you, like
Calm Wilson, you're.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
A witch, absolute witch.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
And you orchestrated it this whole thing, didn't you.
Speaker 4 (29:18):
And I don't think it's over. I think that's just
going to be throughout my life. It's just going to
be little things. She's just planted ready to happen.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
One of the cruel parts of grief is torturing yourself
and looking at last messages. But you and I'm only
laughing because I know what the answer to this question is.
You and cal shared a last message that I guess
perfectly captures your friendship, a very mature game that you
have with each other. Could you tell me the game
(29:46):
that you have and then also what your last message was.
Speaker 4 (29:49):
She introduced me to what is colloquially known as the
cock game. It's very simple and very mature game where
the abbreviation often a Creek sign is ck rather than
full Creek word. Very simply, you just replace ck with
cock and joy ensues. So it leads to things like
(30:11):
nine mile cock, Mother's cock. So my wife saw the
Holy Grail in California, big cock, some of my favorites.
Considerable cock, it's dainty, two muckcock, just one letter away
from being brilliant, but still two muckcock. Oh punk Bill's cock.
(30:32):
Cal and I, whenever we saw one, we would usually
just text the name. If it could stop and take
a photo, we would faithful cock. There's so many and
again spread a course. I've got a couple of other
friends who play the game will send it to me.
But it was very much a call, and I think
I believe she talked about it in one of her shows.
It was not just a secret, but it was certainly
very much a call, and I think so. Yeah, So
(30:53):
the last message I texted Cal was circular cock.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
We had a couple of exchanges.
Speaker 4 (30:59):
She was just before she was basically sedated, Just a
couple of exchanges about looking after the cats and things.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
But yeah, it was like circular.
Speaker 5 (31:06):
Cock, a mental love heart from her.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
Do you know it's beautiful day Grace. I talked about it.
Speaker 5 (31:12):
At the memorial, and a lot of people saw the memorial.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
I now have random people reach out to me on
whatever social media when they've come up with a found
a cock name or just a weird Australian place name
that fits in that Uber did say on the time,
on the day of the memorial that we should try
and get a creek named after her Cow's cocks Cock
Tum Ballard was there and he saw me at the
(31:35):
Comedy Republic afterwards and he said, I know someone on
marraban and Council dat we can make this happen.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
Is that the perfect legacy?
Speaker 3 (31:45):
I think so.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
I don't want it to be a shitcock, though I
wanted to. I don't want to just be like such
a drain coming out of an industrial part of Westwoods Gray.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
It's got to be a good cock, good cock all right.
If anyone from the council is listening, any council, any
council will take anything.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
She probably tour he to every council.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
So Col Wilson Cox of Australia and there's just one
in every state.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
Where it could be. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (32:11):
Yeah, at the end of the year they get a
ribbon for be the best col cock.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Now, the question that we ask at the end of
every little love stories is what does love mean to you.
Speaker 4 (32:24):
I think the ultimate happiness comes from being surrounded by
as much love as possible. But to do that, you
have to love yourself. You have to love things that
are hard to love, people that are hard to love,
situations that are hard to love, because if you just
take the love shrinks. And Cow was kind of the
(32:45):
embodiment of that, surrounding herself with love, and she left
all that love behind. So I think that is, you know,
my definition of it, and there's different kinds of love within.
That's passion and commitment and adoration that I have you
with my partner. As I get older, I think that
all the other loves are just as important.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Danie, thank you for coming on Little Love Stories and
sharing your love for Cal and letting me into all
of these stories of Cal. It's just been a pleasure
to listen.
Speaker 4 (33:14):
To my pleasure, Grace, and it was a delight to
share them with you.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
You can read Damien's full Little Love Story essay, which
will be dropped into our episode show notes. If you
have a story you'd like to share with us, we
would love to hear it. We're always on the lookout
for great stories and new perspectives around this glorious mess
site no matter where you come from and who you are.
To submit your story, you can leave us a voice
note or email us. All the details will be in
our show notes. Little Love Stories is produced by me
(33:42):
Grace Reorey with audio production by Leah Porge's. If you're
looking for something else to listen to, Mumma Me who
is presenting one hundred hours of summer listens from meaningful conversations,
incredible stories, fashion, beauty, and a bit of silliness. There's
a link to more things to listen to in the
show notes
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