January 1, 2025 • 18 mins
Is gaslighting a toddler ever okay?
We are divided on this episode of Parents Anonymous - which might just be our most outrageous yet.
From failed homework to divorce celebration we are dishing out our judgement-free judgement on your biggest parenting confessions and sharing ours as well.
Please share your shameful secrets by leaving us a voice note, email us at tgm@mamamia.com.au or for super shame super anonymous you can pop them in this form.
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CREDITS:
Host: Annaliese Todd & Stacey Hicks
Producer: Grace Rouvray
Audio Producer: Lu Hill
Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
You're listening to another MIA podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Mumma Mea acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We
have recorded this podcast on the Gatagul people of the
Eur Nation. We pay our respects to their elders past
and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and
torrest Rate islander cultures.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Hi, it's Anal's Todd here from this Glorious Mess, introducing
hot Pod Summer, one hundred hours of curated listening across
the Mummamere network, just for you to escape the chaos
and enjoy with the kids at home and the weather
warming up. We've got episodes of Parents Anonymous to share.
(01:03):
Parents Anonymous is part game show, part church confessional. You
share your deepest parenting shame and myself and Stacey Hicks
rate you, but the worst parenting wins the most points,
so really you can't lose. And if you want more,
there's a link in the show. Enjoy Parents Anonymous. Welcome
(01:28):
to this Glorious Mess. I'm Analyst Todd, single parent to
two tween aged sons, and despite the busy schedule, I
still managed to prioritize and fit in impromptu dance sessions
around the living room I love.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
That for you. And I'm Stacey Hicks.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
I'm the deputy editor at MMA MIA and the mum
of a three year old girl who looks exactly like
her dad.
Speaker 5 (01:49):
Which is just rude the worst when that happened.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
But she has inherited my daggy dance moves and insane
clumsiness from me, so Apple doesn't for far.
Speaker 5 (01:59):
Good luck to her.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Yes, So welcome back to Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Yes, so you know the deal by now, but just
in case you've somehow found yourself here for the first
time and I am wondering what exactly is going on.
Parents Anonymous is part church confessional, part game show where
you tell us your confessions and get the guilt of
your chest, and we give you points based on our
very serious grading system.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
Some would say, yes, we do like to kick off
with a little confession of our own, because it would
just be awful for us to sit here on our
high heel looking down and rating people's confessions without disclosing
one of our own. Yeah, coming up, my sons have
a dance recital like an official. The school is making
(02:41):
them do it. This is not something voluntary. They have
to do it. Oh, okay, otherwise they.
Speaker 5 (02:45):
Wouldn't do it.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
And I am more invested and excited about this than
any other extracurricular sporting achievement that they've ever done in
their life.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Of course you are you are.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
I'm a dance mom, Jenna of this place, so of
course you are excited.
Speaker 5 (03:02):
I'm a dance mom.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Finally, after nine and twelve years of raising sons, I
finally get to be a dance mom.
Speaker 5 (03:08):
I love Thank you.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
Okay, Well, I actually think that that's great. There's nothing
to confess there. That's just fabulous and it just aligns
with who you are.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
Yeah, unpaired, that's what I mean.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Because the confession is because the anting is more about
me than them, and they like sport more so it's
kind of not ideal parenting.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Well, they need to learn to give back to their mum.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
Well, yeah, it is about me. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
So look, I think that's great. I think you get
a nine out of ten. Thank you, absolutely fine, thank you. Okay,
now I'll confess mine. Okay, So my daughter three learning
to ride a bike, or I'm trying to teach her
to ride.
Speaker 5 (03:44):
A bike with training wheels.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
With training wheels, yeah, just a pedal on a bike,
like she doesn't get the concept of pedaling on a bike.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
But as you know, I'm a tall gal. She's also
very tall, so leaning.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Down to hold the little bike quite annoying and uncomfortable
for me.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
And she winsered a lot if I let go.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
So I saw a hack and I now do this
when I'm too tired to take her to a park
to teach her to ride her bike, I just put
the little training wheels. You just prop them up on
some shoes or some books, and they just sit and
pedal and the bike doesn't go anywhere in your living room,
and you just put on a little YouTube video of cycling.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
And that's how she's pattle on a bike.
Speaker 5 (04:22):
That's kind of a bit like a spin class.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Yeah, she's doing a spin class at home.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
That's genius.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
While I said on my phone, it's heaven. Oh that's brilliant,
And I wish I'd thought of green time.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
But it's a movement like peloton.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Yeah, yeah, she's on a peloton.
Speaker 5 (04:36):
Aligned she's having a great time. This show.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
It doesn't exist without your guilty confessions, Like we love
hearing them from you. It is our source of joy.
It is in our other very bleak world that we
coexist in, so we would love to hear from you.
You can completely stay anonymous. Yeah, we'll read out the
confessions for you. No one will ever know. It cannot
(04:59):
be traced back to you and all of the anonymous and.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
You're trying really hard not to say the word is I.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Still can't say anonymity. All of the confession options are
in the show notes. There's a link there and you
can please share with us overshire.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
Yes, and Analys and I have both submitted anonymous confessions
before to test the theory and haven't known that the
other one did that, not even our producer Grace that
they were us.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
So and it works, we promise it does.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
And on today's show, our mystery confessions are called homework
only punishes parents, divorce, celebration, relater toy homicide.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
I love that one. It's very law in order.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
As for you, confession number one, I am going to
read out on behalf of our anonymous person. I wish
schools didn't give homework because it's actually just yet.
Speaker 5 (05:50):
Another job for parents.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Maybe some parents like that time with their child, but
I would rather spend time with them doing literally anything else.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
I'll be honest.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
The main reason I hate it is because it makes
me feel very stupid, like where have all my basic
maths or geography skills gone? The other night, I helped
my seven year old with their homework, only to realize
the next day that we did half of it completely wrong.
Speaker 5 (06:16):
I really can't be bothered redoing it.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
I have my own actual paid work homework to do.
Can't they do homework in class and just call it work?
Speaker 5 (06:28):
Preach, preach and praise, be love this.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
I would just like to say that my children are
still in primary school. Yea, we are a homework free
school kind of a person.
Speaker 5 (06:43):
Drink.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Can I enroll my daughter at your children's school immediately.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
Because it's beautiful and you know, when they're little, they
don't need to do extra things high school. I'm very
scared about next year because that will get real what
I realized in the very traumatic period of our lives,
which was lockdown. I realized in that time that I
don't have year two level maths skills.
Speaker 5 (07:10):
It is beyond me.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
I'm sure that I'm in the same boat because I
struggle with basic basic math skills.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Here, I don't think that we are meant to help
our children with homework. I think the whole point is
a resilient skill that they should know how to do
it themselves or ask Siri, ask chat GBT. There are
many resources available to them, unlike there were to us
in the days of encyclopedia, where they could actually fact
(07:40):
check this.
Speaker 4 (07:41):
So you're just removing yourself from the homework scenario entirely,
like don't go to mum, no, go to Siri. Yeah,
I like it. Well that's going to be my strategy too. Look,
I think that this person is just saying what every
single parent is thinking. I'm not at this point, yes,
but I know I'm going to feel the same way.
I barely know the answers to the questions that my
(08:02):
three year old ask me now, like why does it
take the fans so long to stop spinning?
Speaker 1 (08:06):
I don't know, darling, I'm not.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
The Newton law of physics.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
All right, I'll send it to you next time. Then
what do the powerpoles do? Like?
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I never give her a proper answer. I just kind
of make up.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
That's fine, cause remember we've talked about this before for
before five no core memories.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
Okay, okay, So I can just lie absolutely now until
she's five.
Speaker 5 (08:26):
I love that. For me, it's fine.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
But yeah, I think this person's just saying what we
all think. Like they're going to school. There are trained
professionals who are teaching them this stuff. They are much
better at it than us. That's why we are not teachers.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
No, And when in doubt, as Siri, yep, what are
we rating it? I don't even think it's a confession.
I think it's just a chat yep, that I would
have with you with any other friend.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Ye.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
So are you deducting points for this? Or are you
adding points for this?
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Add points to it because not many people would admit
to it. Yeah, yeah, but it's what we're all thinking
and saying. So I'm going to give this eight series
out of ten.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Love that.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
I'm just going to go rogue and instead of going
with the point system, go with the grading system. Ah good,
And she gets an AS.
Speaker 5 (09:11):
Okay, which is really good. That is really good.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Okay. So this one says.
Speaker 4 (09:25):
I love being divorced because every second weekend.
Speaker 5 (09:28):
Relatable on ground from me.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
I love being divorced because every second weekend I get
time to myself and away from the kids. Don't get
me wrong, I adore my children. But the forty eight
hour window of peace is like a mini vacation. I
can actually finish a cup of coffee while it's still hot,
or binge watch something that isn't animated. The guilt creeps
in sometimes, but then I remember the chaos that awaits
(09:53):
on Monday morning. Honestly, those weekends might just be saving
my sanity.
Speaker 5 (09:59):
Aligned to proof.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Now, this one isn't from me, because I actually have
fifty to fifty custodys, So I.
Speaker 5 (10:05):
Don't say breaks another confession. No, I have more breaks
than this person.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Okay, okay, forty eight hours is the perfect break.
Speaker 5 (10:14):
There's two chunks. I get.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
One of them is forty eight hours, and then I
get them back again, and then the next chunk is
I would say it's too long. It's the five nights,
six days, and I'm at the very end of that.
This is my last day today. I do miss them
after that giant stretch. Sure, it's a lot, but the
forty eight hours is a refreshing reprieve.
Speaker 5 (10:38):
She gets half her life back.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
I mean, you said, I looked like I'd had work
done when I came back from one weekend away from
my child.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
So I thought well, she's jumped on the bowie train.
She's glowy and fresh, and yeah, this is.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
Why you look younger than meat even though you're older
than meat, because you get weekends alone sometimes.
Speaker 5 (10:57):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
This is why I figured it out.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
Okay, I need to chat to my husband, and I think, Look,
it's natural to feel guilt because we do feel like
we want to be around our kids all the time,
but now so drive us nuts. So it's fine to
have your time alone. I think i'd go as far
as to say, you're probably the envy of a lot
of your friends that you get a little bit of
that regular me time, and you probably go back in
as a lot better mum because you've had a little
(11:21):
bit of time out.
Speaker 5 (11:21):
You do, you have way more patience.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Yeah, so what are we rading this one?
Speaker 5 (11:26):
Oh? I mean, she's just on brand.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
She's great, she's in her glow up era, she's loving life,
and she's relatable. And I'm going to give her nine
stilettos out of ten.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
Yeah, I'm giving her ten weekends away out of ten.
Love it for her.
Speaker 5 (11:42):
Good on you, all right, let's bring it home space.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Confession number three toy homicide. I accidentally drove over my
toddler's beloved scooter, and I'm still hoping he won't notice.
I've stashed the mangled remains in the garage and will
put it in the red bin on bin night when
(12:13):
he is asleep.
Speaker 5 (12:15):
He seems to be obsessed with.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Another toy at the moment, so I hope he doesn't
remember how he loved the scooter. If he asks, I'm
totally blaming my partner. Don't even care. Okay, bit to unpack.
Speaker 5 (12:34):
M red bin. Would we recycle?
Speaker 3 (12:37):
That's probably the most pressing matter.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Do you think that's the most important? Can we recycle
the scooter?
Speaker 5 (12:45):
Okay? So I don't think so, all right, putting that
to the side.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
I think the toddler will notice at some point scooter's
a pretty big thing in their day, Like let's go
to the park.
Speaker 5 (12:57):
I want to scoot there.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
Yeah, but they're little goldfish at this age. Like, honestly,
my daughter will be gone to get a teddy and
come back later with ten different items that were nothing
to do with what she was getting at the first time.
Speaker 5 (13:07):
Scooter is a mode of transport.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
Yeah, true, true, it's quite a big item, but you
know what she giveth. She can take it away, like
she probably bought that scooter with her money.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Yes, she can say it's gone. Now we're moving on
to the next thing.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
I love as well, the pre planned lie, like you
could just pretend you don't know where it is, but
there's actually pre meditated lying and blaming of the partner.
Speaker 5 (13:33):
That's quite intense.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
She could even do one of those chalk outlines on it,
like a dead body on the driveway.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
It's a scooter. Yeah, the last place that was seeing
daddy did this.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
Maybe she should write a confession in his handwrite it
coerce a confession out of him.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Well, I think out of the three that we've heard today,
I feel like this is the best worst.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Oh yeah, definitely, because.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
You've completely murdered one of the favorite toys, which we've
discussed is a mode of transport and something that they
probably won't forget about, like a little toy car that
you push along with your hand. This is a mode
of transport. I think this is the best worst one
because there's also a premeditated lie ready to go where
we're blaming the child's are the parent.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
I want details of how she's blaming him, Like is
she going to say he run it over intentionally, or
is she going to come up with another way that
the scooter disappeared, dropped from the sky. The possibilities endless.
I feel like she should be more creative here. I
don't think she needs to blame the partner. I think
she can come up with some other way that it disappeared.
Blame it on him, toddler, don't remember, I won't traumatize him.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Yes, but that's why I think this is the best.
Worst part is blaming the other parent. Yeah, okay, all right,
let's let's play this out.
Speaker 5 (14:48):
Okay, how would this go down?
Speaker 3 (14:49):
So if you're the toddler yep, and I am the
murdering scooter parent.
Speaker 5 (14:55):
Okay, how would the conversation go?
Speaker 1 (14:58):
In a pepper big voice, Mummy, where's my scooter?
Speaker 3 (15:04):
Unfortunately, I've got some bad news. You need to come
and sit down because your dad murdered your scooter. It
was on purpose, it was intentional. He didn't like the
schoo In fact, I'm not sure if he even likes you,
and so we've got no one to blame but dad
(15:27):
on this. It's got nothing to do with me. You
can go and see your dead mangled scooter. It's in
the garage, and it's got chalk outlining it like a
murdered body.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
And assigned confession next to it from your dad.
Speaker 5 (15:38):
From your dad. Rip.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Look, I think he's thrown in a bit of unnecessary drama.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Maybe using the word murdered. It's not a great idea
to explain it.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
To the toddler.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Yes, but because we set it up the actually, because
we set up like a true crime. So that's where
I went, murdered scooter.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Case closed the end. Okay.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
So now that you've suggested that we tell the toddler
that the scooter was murdered by the toddler's father, yes,
and created a rift in the family and a crime scene,
I feel like we should role play my tactic, which
is blaming it on the toddler.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
Gaslighting, gas lighting the toddler a much more whole Okay,
I'll be the toddlers. Okay, Okay, Mummy, where's my scooter?
I don't know why that the todd has become a
little chav but a bit more company than.
Speaker 5 (16:35):
Mummy. Where's my scooter? Where's my scooter?
Speaker 1 (16:38):
What scooter?
Speaker 5 (16:40):
Oh? Like, there's the scooter, the red scooter. I used yesterday.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
You have so many toys and belongings that it's hard
for me to keep track of all the things you have.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
You're so lucky. Look at all the other things you
have to play with.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Now, I want the scooter, okay, But if you're insisting
on the scooter, you think you left it in the garage.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Is that where you think you left it, Darling.
Speaker 5 (16:59):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
I'm a toddler. I don't have memory recalled. But I
just want my scooter.
Speaker 4 (17:03):
I think you left it in the garage. So why
don't we just go out there and have a look
and see if we can find it. Okay, so let's
go out there. Cut scene, Peter Patter. I probably had
to carry you because you've tracked a tantrum mid mid
journey to the garage.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
As you'll see, no scooter. I definitely have a scooter
and I want to use it now.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
Oh, honey, you probably imagined that you had a scooter.
You know how you imagine the monsters under your bed,
You imagine that they'll come to get you. I think
you've imagined the scooter.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
But look, if you're really, really.
Speaker 4 (17:38):
Good for the rest of the year, Santa might bring
you a scooter and then you'll have a.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Scooter to blame you.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Yeah, yours is better because I do. I feel ghasly,
like I literally just I wasn't sure.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
I feel crazy.
Speaker 5 (17:53):
Yes, okay, gaslighting works.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Yeah, sadly.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
I think that the murdering excuse was actually less traumatizing
than ghasoline. Yeah, more honest, except for the blaming of
the day added lie, which we agree.
Speaker 5 (18:07):
Was amazing.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Giving this one.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
I think this one is getting. It's my highest squad.
It's the worst.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
It's the best. Worst of the.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Day because of the blaming of the other parent is
so weird. But I'm here for it. I admire it,
and for that, I'm going to go ten murdered scooters
out of ten.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
I'm going to go ten Dundun's out of ten. So
if you've got a confession, we would love to hear it.
Please send us your secret shame. All the details are
in the show notes.
Speaker 5 (18:35):
See you next time, you next time.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
If you're looking for something else to listen to, Mama
Miya is officially presenting one hundred hours of summer listens,
from meaningful conversations to incredible stories, fashion, beauty, and more.
There's a link in the show notes
You're listening to another MIA podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Mumma Mea acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We
have recorded this podcast on the Gatagul people of the
Eur Nation. We pay our respects to their elders past
and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and
torrest Rate islander cultures.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Hi, it's Anal's Todd here from this Glorious Mess, introducing
hot Pod Summer, one hundred hours of curated listening across
the Mummamere network, just for you to escape the chaos
and enjoy with the kids at home and the weather
warming up. We've got episodes of Parents Anonymous to share.
(01:03):
Parents Anonymous is part game show, part church confessional. You
share your deepest parenting shame and myself and Stacey Hicks
rate you, but the worst parenting wins the most points,
so really you can't lose. And if you want more,
there's a link in the show. Enjoy Parents Anonymous. Welcome
(01:28):
to this Glorious Mess. I'm Analyst Todd, single parent to
two tween aged sons, and despite the busy schedule, I
still managed to prioritize and fit in impromptu dance sessions
around the living room I love.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
That for you. And I'm Stacey Hicks.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
I'm the deputy editor at MMA MIA and the mum
of a three year old girl who looks exactly like
her dad.
Speaker 5 (01:49):
Which is just rude the worst when that happened.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
But she has inherited my daggy dance moves and insane
clumsiness from me, so Apple doesn't for far.
Speaker 5 (01:59):
Good luck to her.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Yes, So welcome back to Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Yes, so you know the deal by now, but just
in case you've somehow found yourself here for the first
time and I am wondering what exactly is going on.
Parents Anonymous is part church confessional, part game show where
you tell us your confessions and get the guilt of
your chest, and we give you points based on our
very serious grading system.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
Some would say, yes, we do like to kick off
with a little confession of our own, because it would
just be awful for us to sit here on our
high heel looking down and rating people's confessions without disclosing
one of our own. Yeah, coming up, my sons have
a dance recital like an official. The school is making
(02:41):
them do it. This is not something voluntary. They have
to do it. Oh, okay, otherwise they.
Speaker 5 (02:45):
Wouldn't do it.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
And I am more invested and excited about this than
any other extracurricular sporting achievement that they've ever done in
their life.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Of course you are you are.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
I'm a dance mom, Jenna of this place, so of
course you are excited.
Speaker 5 (03:02):
I'm a dance mom.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
Finally, after nine and twelve years of raising sons, I
finally get to be a dance mom.
Speaker 5 (03:08):
I love Thank you.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
Okay, Well, I actually think that that's great. There's nothing
to confess there. That's just fabulous and it just aligns
with who you are.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
Yeah, unpaired, that's what I mean.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Because the confession is because the anting is more about
me than them, and they like sport more so it's
kind of not ideal parenting.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Well, they need to learn to give back to their mum.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
Well, yeah, it is about me. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
So look, I think that's great. I think you get
a nine out of ten. Thank you, absolutely fine, thank you. Okay,
now I'll confess mine. Okay, So my daughter three learning
to ride a bike, or I'm trying to teach her
to ride.
Speaker 5 (03:44):
A bike with training wheels.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
With training wheels, yeah, just a pedal on a bike,
like she doesn't get the concept of pedaling on a bike.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
But as you know, I'm a tall gal. She's also
very tall, so leaning.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Down to hold the little bike quite annoying and uncomfortable
for me.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
And she winsered a lot if I let go.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
So I saw a hack and I now do this
when I'm too tired to take her to a park
to teach her to ride her bike, I just put
the little training wheels. You just prop them up on
some shoes or some books, and they just sit and
pedal and the bike doesn't go anywhere in your living room,
and you just put on a little YouTube video of cycling.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
And that's how she's pattle on a bike.
Speaker 5 (04:22):
That's kind of a bit like a spin class.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Yeah, she's doing a spin class at home.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
That's genius.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
While I said on my phone, it's heaven. Oh that's brilliant,
And I wish I'd thought of green time.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
But it's a movement like peloton.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Yeah, yeah, she's on a peloton.
Speaker 5 (04:36):
Aligned she's having a great time. This show.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
It doesn't exist without your guilty confessions, Like we love
hearing them from you. It is our source of joy.
It is in our other very bleak world that we
coexist in, so we would love to hear from you.
You can completely stay anonymous. Yeah, we'll read out the
confessions for you. No one will ever know. It cannot
(04:59):
be traced back to you and all of the anonymous and.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
You're trying really hard not to say the word is I.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Still can't say anonymity. All of the confession options are
in the show notes. There's a link there and you
can please share with us overshire.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
Yes, and Analys and I have both submitted anonymous confessions
before to test the theory and haven't known that the
other one did that, not even our producer Grace that
they were us.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
So and it works, we promise it does.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
And on today's show, our mystery confessions are called homework
only punishes parents, divorce, celebration, relater toy homicide.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
I love that one. It's very law in order.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
As for you, confession number one, I am going to
read out on behalf of our anonymous person. I wish
schools didn't give homework because it's actually just yet.
Speaker 5 (05:50):
Another job for parents.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Maybe some parents like that time with their child, but
I would rather spend time with them doing literally anything else.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
I'll be honest.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
The main reason I hate it is because it makes
me feel very stupid, like where have all my basic
maths or geography skills gone? The other night, I helped
my seven year old with their homework, only to realize
the next day that we did half of it completely wrong.
Speaker 5 (06:16):
I really can't be bothered redoing it.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
I have my own actual paid work homework to do.
Can't they do homework in class and just call it work?
Speaker 5 (06:28):
Preach, preach and praise, be love this.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
I would just like to say that my children are
still in primary school. Yea, we are a homework free
school kind of a person.
Speaker 5 (06:43):
Drink.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Can I enroll my daughter at your children's school immediately.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
Because it's beautiful and you know, when they're little, they
don't need to do extra things high school. I'm very
scared about next year because that will get real what
I realized in the very traumatic period of our lives,
which was lockdown. I realized in that time that I
don't have year two level maths skills.
Speaker 5 (07:10):
It is beyond me.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
I'm sure that I'm in the same boat because I
struggle with basic basic math skills.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Here, I don't think that we are meant to help
our children with homework. I think the whole point is
a resilient skill that they should know how to do
it themselves or ask Siri, ask chat GBT. There are
many resources available to them, unlike there were to us
in the days of encyclopedia, where they could actually fact
(07:40):
check this.
Speaker 4 (07:41):
So you're just removing yourself from the homework scenario entirely,
like don't go to mum, no, go to Siri. Yeah,
I like it. Well that's going to be my strategy too. Look,
I think that this person is just saying what every
single parent is thinking. I'm not at this point, yes,
but I know I'm going to feel the same way.
I barely know the answers to the questions that my
(08:02):
three year old ask me now, like why does it
take the fans so long to stop spinning?
Speaker 1 (08:06):
I don't know, darling, I'm not.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
The Newton law of physics.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
All right, I'll send it to you next time. Then
what do the powerpoles do? Like?
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I never give her a proper answer. I just kind
of make up.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
That's fine, cause remember we've talked about this before for
before five no core memories.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
Okay, okay, So I can just lie absolutely now until
she's five.
Speaker 5 (08:26):
I love that. For me, it's fine.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
But yeah, I think this person's just saying what we
all think. Like they're going to school. There are trained
professionals who are teaching them this stuff. They are much
better at it than us. That's why we are not teachers.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
No, And when in doubt, as Siri, yep, what are
we rating it? I don't even think it's a confession.
I think it's just a chat yep, that I would
have with you with any other friend.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Ye.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
So are you deducting points for this? Or are you
adding points for this?
Speaker 3 (08:53):
Add points to it because not many people would admit
to it. Yeah, yeah, but it's what we're all thinking
and saying. So I'm going to give this eight series
out of ten.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Love that.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
I'm just going to go rogue and instead of going
with the point system, go with the grading system. Ah good,
And she gets an AS.
Speaker 5 (09:11):
Okay, which is really good. That is really good.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Okay. So this one says.
Speaker 4 (09:25):
I love being divorced because every second weekend.
Speaker 5 (09:28):
Relatable on ground from me.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
I love being divorced because every second weekend I get
time to myself and away from the kids. Don't get
me wrong, I adore my children. But the forty eight
hour window of peace is like a mini vacation. I
can actually finish a cup of coffee while it's still hot,
or binge watch something that isn't animated. The guilt creeps
in sometimes, but then I remember the chaos that awaits
(09:53):
on Monday morning. Honestly, those weekends might just be saving
my sanity.
Speaker 5 (09:59):
Aligned to proof.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Now, this one isn't from me, because I actually have
fifty to fifty custodys, So I.
Speaker 5 (10:05):
Don't say breaks another confession. No, I have more breaks
than this person.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Okay, okay, forty eight hours is the perfect break.
Speaker 5 (10:14):
There's two chunks. I get.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
One of them is forty eight hours, and then I
get them back again, and then the next chunk is
I would say it's too long. It's the five nights,
six days, and I'm at the very end of that.
This is my last day today. I do miss them
after that giant stretch. Sure, it's a lot, but the
forty eight hours is a refreshing reprieve.
Speaker 5 (10:38):
She gets half her life back.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
I mean, you said, I looked like I'd had work
done when I came back from one weekend away from
my child.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
So I thought well, she's jumped on the bowie train.
She's glowy and fresh, and yeah, this is.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
Why you look younger than meat even though you're older
than meat, because you get weekends alone sometimes.
Speaker 5 (10:57):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
This is why I figured it out.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
Okay, I need to chat to my husband, and I think, Look,
it's natural to feel guilt because we do feel like
we want to be around our kids all the time,
but now so drive us nuts. So it's fine to
have your time alone. I think i'd go as far
as to say, you're probably the envy of a lot
of your friends that you get a little bit of
that regular me time, and you probably go back in
as a lot better mum because you've had a little
(11:21):
bit of time out.
Speaker 5 (11:21):
You do, you have way more patience.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Yeah, so what are we rading this one?
Speaker 5 (11:26):
Oh? I mean, she's just on brand.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
She's great, she's in her glow up era, she's loving life,
and she's relatable. And I'm going to give her nine
stilettos out of ten.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
Yeah, I'm giving her ten weekends away out of ten.
Love it for her.
Speaker 5 (11:42):
Good on you, all right, let's bring it home space.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Confession number three toy homicide. I accidentally drove over my
toddler's beloved scooter, and I'm still hoping he won't notice.
I've stashed the mangled remains in the garage and will
put it in the red bin on bin night when
(12:13):
he is asleep.
Speaker 5 (12:15):
He seems to be obsessed with.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Another toy at the moment, so I hope he doesn't
remember how he loved the scooter. If he asks, I'm
totally blaming my partner. Don't even care. Okay, bit to unpack.
Speaker 5 (12:34):
M red bin. Would we recycle?
Speaker 3 (12:37):
That's probably the most pressing matter.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Do you think that's the most important? Can we recycle
the scooter?
Speaker 5 (12:45):
Okay? So I don't think so, all right, putting that
to the side.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
I think the toddler will notice at some point scooter's
a pretty big thing in their day, Like let's go
to the park.
Speaker 5 (12:57):
I want to scoot there.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
Yeah, but they're little goldfish at this age. Like, honestly,
my daughter will be gone to get a teddy and
come back later with ten different items that were nothing
to do with what she was getting at the first time.
Speaker 5 (13:07):
Scooter is a mode of transport.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
Yeah, true, true, it's quite a big item, but you
know what she giveth. She can take it away, like
she probably bought that scooter with her money.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Yes, she can say it's gone. Now we're moving on
to the next thing.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
I love as well, the pre planned lie, like you
could just pretend you don't know where it is, but
there's actually pre meditated lying and blaming of the partner.
Speaker 5 (13:33):
That's quite intense.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
She could even do one of those chalk outlines on it,
like a dead body on the driveway.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
It's a scooter. Yeah, the last place that was seeing
daddy did this.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
Maybe she should write a confession in his handwrite it
coerce a confession out of him.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Well, I think out of the three that we've heard today,
I feel like this is the best worst.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Oh yeah, definitely, because.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
You've completely murdered one of the favorite toys, which we've
discussed is a mode of transport and something that they
probably won't forget about, like a little toy car that
you push along with your hand. This is a mode
of transport. I think this is the best worst one
because there's also a premeditated lie ready to go where
we're blaming the child's are the parent.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
I want details of how she's blaming him, Like is
she going to say he run it over intentionally, or
is she going to come up with another way that
the scooter disappeared, dropped from the sky. The possibilities endless.
I feel like she should be more creative here. I
don't think she needs to blame the partner. I think
she can come up with some other way that it disappeared.
Blame it on him, toddler, don't remember, I won't traumatize him.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Yes, but that's why I think this is the best.
Worst part is blaming the other parent. Yeah, okay, all right,
let's let's play this out.
Speaker 5 (14:48):
Okay, how would this go down?
Speaker 3 (14:49):
So if you're the toddler yep, and I am the
murdering scooter parent.
Speaker 5 (14:55):
Okay, how would the conversation go?
Speaker 1 (14:58):
In a pepper big voice, Mummy, where's my scooter?
Speaker 3 (15:04):
Unfortunately, I've got some bad news. You need to come
and sit down because your dad murdered your scooter. It
was on purpose, it was intentional. He didn't like the
schoo In fact, I'm not sure if he even likes you,
and so we've got no one to blame but dad
(15:27):
on this. It's got nothing to do with me. You
can go and see your dead mangled scooter. It's in
the garage, and it's got chalk outlining it like a
murdered body.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
And assigned confession next to it from your dad.
Speaker 5 (15:38):
From your dad. Rip.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Look, I think he's thrown in a bit of unnecessary drama.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Maybe using the word murdered. It's not a great idea
to explain it.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
To the toddler.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Yes, but because we set it up the actually, because
we set up like a true crime. So that's where
I went, murdered scooter.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Case closed the end. Okay.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
So now that you've suggested that we tell the toddler
that the scooter was murdered by the toddler's father, yes,
and created a rift in the family and a crime scene,
I feel like we should role play my tactic, which
is blaming it on the toddler.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
Gaslighting, gas lighting the toddler a much more whole Okay,
I'll be the toddlers. Okay, Okay, Mummy, where's my scooter?
I don't know why that the todd has become a
little chav but a bit more company than.
Speaker 5 (16:35):
Mummy. Where's my scooter? Where's my scooter?
Speaker 1 (16:38):
What scooter?
Speaker 5 (16:40):
Oh? Like, there's the scooter, the red scooter. I used yesterday.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
You have so many toys and belongings that it's hard
for me to keep track of all the things you have.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
You're so lucky. Look at all the other things you
have to play with.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Now, I want the scooter, okay, But if you're insisting
on the scooter, you think you left it in the garage.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Is that where you think you left it, Darling.
Speaker 5 (16:59):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
I'm a toddler. I don't have memory recalled. But I
just want my scooter.
Speaker 4 (17:03):
I think you left it in the garage. So why
don't we just go out there and have a look
and see if we can find it. Okay, so let's
go out there. Cut scene, Peter Patter. I probably had
to carry you because you've tracked a tantrum mid mid
journey to the garage.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
As you'll see, no scooter. I definitely have a scooter
and I want to use it now.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
Oh, honey, you probably imagined that you had a scooter.
You know how you imagine the monsters under your bed,
You imagine that they'll come to get you. I think
you've imagined the scooter.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
But look, if you're really, really.
Speaker 4 (17:38):
Good for the rest of the year, Santa might bring
you a scooter and then you'll have a.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Scooter to blame you.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Yeah, yours is better because I do. I feel ghasly,
like I literally just I wasn't sure.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
I feel crazy.
Speaker 5 (17:53):
Yes, okay, gaslighting works.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Yeah, sadly.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
I think that the murdering excuse was actually less traumatizing
than ghasoline. Yeah, more honest, except for the blaming of
the day added lie, which we agree.
Speaker 5 (18:07):
Was amazing.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Giving this one.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
I think this one is getting. It's my highest squad.
It's the worst.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
It's the best. Worst of the.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Day because of the blaming of the other parent is
so weird. But I'm here for it. I admire it,
and for that, I'm going to go ten murdered scooters
out of ten.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
I'm going to go ten Dundun's out of ten. So
if you've got a confession, we would love to hear it.
Please send us your secret shame. All the details are
in the show notes.
Speaker 5 (18:35):
See you next time, you next time.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
If you're looking for something else to listen to, Mama
Miya is officially presenting one hundred hours of summer listens,
from meaningful conversations to incredible stories, fashion, beauty, and more.
There's a link in the show notes
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