I Got Paid $200 to F* in Public - Arabelle Raphael Wildest Scene Ever**

Arabelle Raphael joins Holly for a raw, hilarious, and deeply honest conversation about her 15-year journey in adult entertainment. From her first “Public Disgrace” scene (where she was paid $200 to have sex in a crowded public bar!), to co-founding sex worker support groups and teaching The Art of the Blowjob, Arabelle unpacks the realities behind the fantasy. They dive into industry trauma, healing, censorship, fetishes, and even culty tantra massages that involve speaking in tongues. This is one of the most thought-provoking and surprising interviews we’ve ever done—don’t miss it.

Thirsty for the good stuff before it drops? Slide into patreon.com/hollyrandallunfiltered for early access, live interviews, and all the raw, unfiltered madness we can’t post anywhere else. It’s where the fun really starts.
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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You were listening to a pleasure podcast. For more from
our sex podcast collective, visit pleasure Podcasts dot com.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
Hello everybody, Welcome back to Holly Randall Unfiltered Today. I'm
joined by the inevitable Arabel Raphael, A true original in
the adult industry with over fifteen years of experience, Arabel
has done it all, mainstream indie art, activism, and even TNTRA.
She's a performer, painter, writer, and sex educator whose work

(00:47):
blurs the lines between erotica and expression. From co founding
grassroots sex worker support groups to leading workshops on pleasure
and empowerment, Arabella brings a deeply thoughtful, often radical perspective
to sex, healing and creativity. This one's smart, sexy, and
full of surprises. So let's dive in. Hi, Hi, how

(01:10):
are you good? You're welcome. I'm just really glad that
I was able to pronounce inimitable while in the intro,
because I, yeah, we were struggling with that word before
we started recording. I'm like, why did I pick such
a hard word. So, before we actually dive into her

(01:33):
origin story and all the questions I have lined up
for her, We're going to do something a little bit different.
We're going to do this or that with her so
we can get to know Arabella and kind of a
different level. I've never done this before. We're going to
see if this is fun, if you guys like this,
if this works, if it's seamless. So we've got twenty

(01:54):
six of these, all right, so you ready, let's do it? Okay?
Work or play way? Love? Friendship?

Speaker 3 (02:04):
Love, because that includes friendship.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
I like money or happiness happiness because happiness is money.

Speaker 4 (02:14):
No, it's real though, cats are dogs both bisexual.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
Already we were trying to be sweet. I'm sorry. I
like both morning or evening morning salty or sweet salty.
Do you watch shows one episode or a time or
do you binge the whole season? I like to binge.
Do you shower at night or in the morning both?

(02:47):
Oh you're clean, yeah, or you're very dirty, which is
why you need to shower twice a day. Would you
rather fly or have super strength?

Speaker 3 (03:01):
Ooh?

Speaker 2 (03:04):
Fly? Okay? Would you rather find your dream job or
win the lottery? M a dream job? The lottery doesn't
last for a lifetime. Usually, you know you're seeing like
those documentaries like Everybody Who Wins the lottery ends up
being like the most miserable person really.

Speaker 3 (03:21):
And then they take attack.

Speaker 4 (03:22):
I just like, I'm just like, it's not gonna set
you up for I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (03:25):
I don't know how much they give. I wish did
they give? It depends on what you win. Yeah, yeah,
uh physical strength or mental strength? Mental strength? Yeah, you
probably have a lot of mental strength just to work
in this industry. You already have that already. Are you
more of an introvert or an extrovert? Mmmm?

Speaker 3 (03:46):
Ah, depends on the crowd, makes sense, Yeah, night out
or night in?

Speaker 2 (03:52):
Night? In expensive presence or homemade presence? Homemade? Do you
kill bugs you find inside or take them outside?

Speaker 3 (04:01):
Just spiders kill?

Speaker 2 (04:02):
Spiders? Spiders killer?

Speaker 3 (04:03):
Sorry?

Speaker 2 (04:05):
Do you prefer driving or flying? Driving? Would you rather
travel to the past or to the future? Oh?

Speaker 3 (04:14):
Past, because I know what I'm dealing with.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
Where would you travel to the past? You have like
an era that you would like to go to? Just
a shop.

Speaker 4 (04:23):
I would go to the Secondies so I can get
all I want. I like, that's my era.

Speaker 2 (04:29):
I could also just go to a thrist. I could,
But you know, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 4 (04:36):
People ask that all the time. I'm like, I don't know,
I don't no idea.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
Seventies, I go back to like literally like the Roman era,
like I go so far.

Speaker 3 (04:45):
By genk there No, absolutely not.

Speaker 2 (04:47):
Well yeah, I mean it depends on how like if
you were rich or poor.

Speaker 3 (04:51):
Yeah, except but even then they were gnarly.

Speaker 5 (04:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:54):
No, well, I mean like the bath toys to day,
the Romans were big on the Roman baths.

Speaker 6 (05:02):
Yeah, yes, but you so that wouldn't have worked out either,
I mean the MIDI okay, so the medieval like if
you're talking about like England, like in the medieval times, yes,
they did not bathe that much, especially because.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
It was cold. Yeah, but the Romans they bathed a lot.

Speaker 3 (05:21):
If you were wealthy, wealthy, wealthy woman. I guess I
was a man.

Speaker 2 (05:27):
Yeah, Unfortunately you kind of want to be a man,
Like if you lived in the past, you were much
better off being a man exactly.

Speaker 3 (05:33):
That's why I like going super back is not bad.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
Yeah, I just I'm like I wouldn't live there. I'm
just like hang out like maybe like you're not even there.
You're just like walking around like seeing everything, like no
one can see you. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I
don't think like I would want to participate. I would
just want to see how everything is, like like just

(05:56):
like a ghost. Yeah you know what I mean. Yeah,
because also like the butterfly effect, like every little thing
you do could like affect the future. And then maybe
you're never born.

Speaker 4 (06:06):
So what if even just like your breath, because you
have like, let's say, germs that they didn't have.

Speaker 2 (06:15):
Now we're getting into like a weird time this. Yeah,
this is going off on a tangent. I did not Sorry,
all right. Do you prefer social time or alone time?

Speaker 3 (06:26):
I'm social? I like social.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
Are you more of a thinker or a doer? Thinker
street smarts or book smarts. I'd say a little bit
of both. Learn by watching or learn by doing? Doing
fresh food or fried food? Fresh? Are you more cautious
or bold? Bold? Cannonball into the pool or dip a

(06:49):
toe in first cannonball? Okay, yeah, I guess that kind
of goes with the bold. Would you rather sleep in
late or take a long nap midday?

Speaker 3 (06:58):
I wish I could sleep in and I can't.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
I don't even know.

Speaker 4 (07:03):
I'm like, can't I just wake up at like seventy,
Like no matter what no matter what.

Speaker 3 (07:07):
So I guess I would like to sleep in. Okay,
sounds nice.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
All right, now we're going to get into the good stuff. Okay,
so let's talk about how you got into the industry.
You've been in the adult industry for over fifteen years.
How did your journey begin?

Speaker 4 (07:23):
Oh, I guess at first it was like a model
on Model Mayhem.

Speaker 2 (07:28):
Oh my god, Model may Yeah, I remember that sich
still exist, I think so I was talking to somebody
about this the other like in one of my previous
episodes I can't remember which. I got in a fight
with Model Mayhem once appropriate, I think towards the end
because I think I booked somebody for Playboy and they

(07:49):
accused me of booking them for porn but I wasn't.
I booked them for Playboy. But because I think I
also shot adult, they like thought I was booking I
don't know, and I got in this big fight with
them and they tried to ban my account. I can't
remember what came of it that checks out, But yeah,
I got I got a lot of great like models
off of Model Mayhem. Like it was really great in
its day. It was.

Speaker 4 (08:10):
It was a great place to like get started, especially
if you didn't know what you were doing.

Speaker 3 (08:15):
And in a way it was also a bad place to.

Speaker 2 (08:17):
Get started, especially if you didn't know what you were doing. Yeah,
a lot of grey. Yes, if you guys don't know
what that is, it's called a guy with camera so creamy. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (08:28):
So I think it started there kind of and I
was just interested in like nude modeling, and as I
started doing that, it was more and more curious.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
More and more curious to do more and more risky stuff.

Speaker 4 (08:41):
And then I think I got booked for was it
for kink dot com?

Speaker 3 (08:46):
And at the time, I was like it was for
Public Disgrace And I was.

Speaker 2 (08:49):
Like, damn girl, you jump and that is a call
into the pool.

Speaker 4 (08:57):
So at the time I was like, hey, I don't
do boy girl, so like blah blah blah, because like yeah,
and they were like okay, okay, and then I never
heard from them, and then they hit me up again
and they're like, oh, well you can just be an extra.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
So then so then we do the scene and you'll
explain to those who don't know what Public disgraces because it.

Speaker 4 (09:19):
Was a thing that now like you could never do
and that's why it doesn't exist anymore. But basically, back
in the day, you kink would go into a public
place and they usually before start shooting, just like let
people know that there would be like a porner being shot,
so people could choose to like be there or not,
and they would do a whole scene heavily based on

(09:43):
like public humiliation and that kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
In public.

Speaker 4 (09:46):
Where would they go They went to, like from the
experience I had, was in a bar, okay and yeah,
and they would just come in.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
They're like, soh you know, if you're down, yeah, if not.

Speaker 4 (09:55):
You should leave, and they make everybody sign model releases
or like, and people could decide if they were would
wear a mask or not, and then they would hire
two people to like actually engage with the model like
full like with like food exchange, but everybody else in
the crowd, random people could touch you, right, And I
was hired to be the extra person that could do

(10:18):
the thing.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
But at the time the director had.

Speaker 4 (10:22):
Some beef with the star of it, and so the
whole game was like, how do you publicly disgrace like
an attention or I'm not calling her that That is
what they pitched it as.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
Give her no attention.

Speaker 4 (10:37):
So her entire public disgrace was having to watch me
get fucked in public, which I had not really planned
on and all this, and they were like boy girl,
and I like, at the time, I was so young
and I just wanted to do good and whatever, and
I was like sure, I like threw all of my
leg it rolls out the window. Yeah, and I was
like okay. So, like her public disgrace was me getting
fucked in public for most of the time.

Speaker 2 (11:01):
That wow, it's so messy. Okay, so so mess So
her public disgrace was her watching you. Yeah kind of
she got fun because the director didn't like her.

Speaker 4 (11:12):
They were she was fucking with her. Yeah, yeah, like
it was. It was a it was a different era.
It was a different era. Porn is so different than
it used to be. I mean, you you know this,
and so you know, did you get paid nothing? You
get paid like two hundred dollars to get fucked by James.

Speaker 2 (11:34):
Dean in public? Oh no? Yeah no, So like it's
like insane.

Speaker 4 (11:41):
And then I came home, I got kicked out of
my house because like my boyfriend at the time was
like it's like old man Biker was like, no, it's imporn.
Saved my life though I almost married an old man
biker and instaid I did that sketchy shit and it
really ended up better for me than the other way.

Speaker 2 (11:58):
That's spending how life works. Yeah, yeah, you were like,
it's pretty funny, and so then that was that. It
was weird.

Speaker 4 (12:04):
So like the first thing I ever did, I'm not
even credited, Like, I'm pretty sure it's so embarrassing.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
Now I'm pretty sure.

Speaker 4 (12:10):
It says blah blah blah blah, gets you know, cocked
by big titted nobody.

Speaker 2 (12:14):
Like it's so bad. It's so bad.

Speaker 4 (12:16):
And that was my first experience important and I don't
know what kind of mental illness I had at the
time that I continued going to do port after that
because it was like a pretty shitty.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
First experience, but I was like sure.

Speaker 4 (12:28):
And at the time, James Dean was with Joanna and
so then through him, I met Joanna and tattooed girls.
So I met Joanna Angel and then I started to
get connected and then started to do more and more.
And at the time he was working with kids like
full time, and I realized I was like, this is
gonna like this will like nanny nanny. I was a
bilingual nanny, so I would like, raise your kids and

(12:49):
teach them French, right, And I was like, this is
gonna like bite me in the ass some day.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
It's a problem. Yeah, this is gonna be a problem.

Speaker 4 (12:54):
So I quit, and all of a sudden, I was like, oh,
like you know, and girls like me weren't getting a
ton of work. I didn't even live in La So
I started dancing at the Lusty Lady, which is a
pretty iconic. Yes, do you know about the Lustie I've
heard about it.

Speaker 2 (13:08):
So it was a unionized.

Speaker 4 (13:11):
Co op, a peep show or you put it a
little baller in then the like window would go up
and you'd see a dancing naked girl. Like that doesn't
exist really anymore. I think there's probably maybe one somewhere. Yeah,
but yeah, that's kind of a thing of the past. Yeah.
And then I like fell into all kinds of different
like weird, sketchy sex and your stuff to make ends me.

(13:33):
And that was kind of how I started. Wow, yeah,
really a wild entry.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
And so what was your mindset while you were in
this early part of your career. Were you just like
I need the money, fuck it, and you just kind
of like did you like turn yourself off a little bit,
or like how did you like mentally handle it or
did it not feel like a big deal at the time.

Speaker 3 (13:57):
So there were a couple of things going first.

Speaker 4 (13:59):
I was really naive to like what the world thought
of sex work, so I was like very like it
was pretty dumb when everybody thought was like turned around
and was like she wasn't raised right, she's bad.

Speaker 2 (14:10):
I got shunned.

Speaker 4 (14:11):
I really was in shock because I was just like
I grew up in the Bay Area and free love
and like feminism and whatever, and so I really like
didn't think that it would be so taboo coming from
such a liberal place, but it was very taboo. Yeah,
people were not down, So it's naive. I really needed
to make money, Like I knowun was like squatting, right

(14:34):
because I like lost my home.

Speaker 2 (14:38):
And like was pretty just like I don't.

Speaker 4 (14:40):
Even a really rough time in life in general, So
I don't know. And a part of me also had this,
like I have I have mixed feelings about this idea
of like associating sex work to like empowerment, and I
kind of had that false notion of like this is
a feminist act, and I don't I necessarily think it's not.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
But I no longer feel this way about sex work.

Speaker 4 (15:03):
I feel like it's empowering because I make a good
living and I can take care of myself and in
that way, but I don't think the actual work itself
is really I think it's a job.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
I think it.

Speaker 4 (15:15):
Can be really cool and whatever, and I think sometimes
it's not.

Speaker 2 (15:19):
Like I just like, I.

Speaker 4 (15:20):
Don't love branding it as like some like feminist act,
even though I don't think it's necessarily anti feminist. I
think it's I think it's actually more neutral than that.
More on, it's way more nuanced than that. Yeah, exactly.
And I know, like a lot of the like sex
positive people want to be like, oh, yes, this is
an empowering act, and I'm like yes and no. Yeah,

(15:41):
you know, but I definitely came from that maybe that
and maybe that fed that for me for a little bit,
but yeah, that changed.

Speaker 2 (15:48):
Over the years.

Speaker 4 (15:49):
I have had more nuanced relationship with the work, which
is funny because I love the work more than i've
ever have too. So yeah, but yeah, so that that
was the start on the mind frame. It was a
really messy, messy time.

Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah, it sounds like you've had a complicated relationship with it,
Yeah for sure, which is like you kind of like
come to this conclusion. That's interesting because I've obviously talked
to so many people that feel like it is really empowering,
and you know, I even receive criticism from people about
having this show that like that I'm I only talk

(16:23):
about the positive aspects of sex work and not the negative,
and which is actually not true. Like I let people
tell their stories in whichever way it is, and I've
definitely talked about like the negative side, and I let
people just like everyone has a different story totally. So
I'm always interested to talk to people who you know,
have a different perspective on it, because i think what's

(16:44):
empowering to people is is different for everyone. Right, It's
like whatever you feel makes you feel powerful, and it
doesn't have to be the same for everyone. So that's
like really interesting to me, Like where what do you think.
I'm just interested to hear a little bit more about
like how you arrived at that conclusion.

Speaker 4 (17:01):
Yeah, I mean, it's just that it's nuanced, right, And
I have had moments in this industry and this is
not the case for me at this point because I'm like,
there's a lot that goes with I think a lot
of privilege also changes the kind of experience that you
have in the industry, so that's a big part of it.
But yeah, I've had moments that I felt like the

(17:24):
least empowering. Definitely have had like bad experiences like on
set or doing other kinds of sex work that felt
definitely any kind of like power ripped away from me.
And at other times, like I am a like sexually
creative person. I do believe that like what we make
when we get to can be art. I do believe

(17:45):
it's like self expression. And I don't think there's anything
wrong with like sex, you know, and being sexual, and
I think like women are you know, growing up for me,
I was definitely like very much chastised for like being
sexual and I'm like a child, you know, it was

(18:06):
just like not it was really weird messages. So like
in those ways, I you know, getting to do that
making what I do, I call the shots. I like,
I love what I do now and I get to
do whatever I want and it's like completely on my terms.
I love my job. But like it wasn't always that way,
and a lot changed.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
I was just gonna say, like, do you feel that
maybe you had this feeling about sex work because the
industry itself has changed, like women, I mean creators. I
mean like that word creator is a new term, right,
Like that didn't exist fifteen years ago. You were a
porn star or a model, and now you're a creator,

(18:47):
which suggests an autonomy and a control over your own product,
which you did not have before.

Speaker 4 (18:54):
Well now, like okay, you know, and not everybody, not
everybody like makes a really good living off of only fans.

Speaker 3 (18:59):
Yes, I'm glad I do.

Speaker 4 (19:01):
I also was making stuff like in twenty fourteen, before
Only Fans ever started, I was making my own stuff
on my own, so that.

Speaker 2 (19:10):
Always kind of gave me.

Speaker 4 (19:11):
It gives you more room to like say no to
any gig you don't want to take, you know, when
you're not.

Speaker 2 (19:16):
And I think this is like every kind of work.

Speaker 4 (19:18):
Yeah, because like you can feel degraded everywhere.

Speaker 3 (19:22):
It's not unique to sex work.

Speaker 4 (19:24):
It's so funny, so like my fiance is like in
music industry and if you want to talk about like
fucked up industries so much, so much worse.

Speaker 2 (19:31):
So much work so bad over there.

Speaker 4 (19:33):
Yeah, so but yeah, I think I think degradation and
not feel empowered and being forced to do things you
don't want to do for work is not unique to
sex work. And yeah, with if you have like things
like OnlyFans or any other thing that like supplements your income,
you have the freedom to not work for anything you
don't want to. You know, you don't feel pressure to

(19:55):
do anything you don't want to do. There is so
much more freedom. I've had so many like different life
things where like I've had to change the way I've
worked so many times within the years I've been.

Speaker 2 (20:06):
Around, and I'm super grateful that I've been able to.
But yeah, it's.

Speaker 4 (20:13):
Creating and having like your own in your income that's
not reliant on studios or whatever like really makes a
big difference.

Speaker 3 (20:23):
Yeah, it's huge.

Speaker 2 (20:24):
How old were you when you got into porn's.

Speaker 3 (20:27):
Twenty twenty twenty twenty years.

Speaker 2 (20:30):
Twenty Okay, so you were like two years after turning eighteen.
Because I'm curious, how do you feel about the age
of being able to get into porn age of consent?
I should get I should say, like this is such
like a controversial topic, like so many people believe that
you shouldn't be eighteen, you should be at least twenty
one or twenty five. And then I've had seen other

(20:52):
people argue that that's a privileged way to look at it.
You know, some people need like the you know, it's
like survive sex work, like they need to get in
at eighteen because like that gets a out of a
bad situation. So I've heard both sides, and I just
think it's not interesting.

Speaker 4 (21:08):
So I think corny is a little different than other
kinds of sex work in this way. Yeah, I don't
find porn to be as survival because it's actually it
takes quite a bit of time to make money what's
important versus like escorting or stripping or like other forms
I like, I don't like any kind of like anyone
deciding like for me, what's what I can and can't do.

(21:30):
So I am hesitant to be like you have to
be a certain age to do it. But do I
think that it would be cooler if like you understand yourself, more,
understand your boundaries, more know yourself better.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
Also, like your brain is fully.

Speaker 4 (21:44):
Like formed and for making a decision that will follow
you for the rest of your life, Like I do
think people I think it's better for people to do
when they're older. I think it's your Your experiences will
be better. I think you will actually fully understand the
decision in New York making. But yeah, I'm hesitant to
ever be like, you know, there should be a law

(22:06):
to like whatever, because I just don't feel like people
should be making our decisions for us.

Speaker 2 (22:10):
Yeah, and also like for me, I just feel like
if society has decided that eighteen is when you're an
adult and that's the age of consent for all the
other things that you can do at eighteen, and that's
the age of consent, like to make an exception for porn,
I think is a slippery slope and that's dangerous, agreed.
And do I think eighteen year olds are children? I do?
I do? I do I do?

Speaker 4 (22:30):
And I like definitely like as I've gotten older, I
get booked or I was because I kind of don't
really do much studio anymore. But I while I was,
I was doing so many mommy things, and I definitely
had like moments of like, oh, I feel like I'm
on set with a child, like and like you know,
and I have like complicated feelings about it, but I'm
like well, they're here. I'm glad that i'm their co star,

(22:54):
and I'm going to make sure that i'm a good
experience for them.

Speaker 2 (22:57):
And I would check in and whatever and just kind
of whatever.

Speaker 4 (22:59):
But I felt like I was like playing their mom,
but then like being their Mama's Nah. I'm just like, oh,
you're like you're very young, and I don't know. I
was thinking about myself at eighteen. I was so stupid.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
And messy and whatever, and so you know.

Speaker 3 (23:15):
I do see it, and I'm just like, I hope
you're okay.

Speaker 4 (23:17):
Yeah, And it's not necessarily like because because I feel
like all entertainment is like that and beyond just porn.
I think it's just like a hard business period, and
I think it's like, yeah, it's hard for young people,
especially when you don't really know who you are. You know,
you don't know what you like, you don't know there's
so much of you that you don't know, but you

(23:38):
think you know everything. Yeah, just a messy, messy Yeah,
it's a messy combo of stuff. But like, yeah, yeah,
I think I think once we start to restrict things,
it gets.

Speaker 2 (23:51):
Messy and dangerous. Absolutely, summer is in full swing, which
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life easier by getting harder with blue Choo. Okay, so
Arabella you have done a lot of advocacy work. You
co founded BOS in twenty eighteen. I know you're not
working with them anymore, but you also helped organize the
Oakland Sesta FOSTA protests back when that was outlawed. So
tell me a little bit about the advocacy work and

(25:18):
maybe explain to people who don't know what cesta FASTA is,
because I think that there's still a lot of people
who don't understand it, and I think that in light
of the recent Supreme Court ruling upholding the Texas age
verification laws, people should maybe be a little bit more
educated on what the adult industry is facing in terms
of like government suppression.

Speaker 4 (25:39):
Cesta FOSTA was a bill that passed in twenty eighteen
where it basically made websites liable for kind of a
specifically and kind of anything that happened on them, specifically
around sex trafficking. The problem is that so many different
things can fall under that umbrella, and so when you

(26:01):
people were voting for it, they were like, of course
sex trafficking bad.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
Yeah, sex trafficking is like such a like sexy thing
to get behind, because obviously nobody wants sex trafficking. Yeah,
but like so many people lump any sex work under
sex trafficking.

Speaker 4 (26:17):
Yeah, and so like basically, if there was anything to
be found like a sex trafficking, you could face, you
could like hold like Facebook, libel or YouTube or whatever
whatever site it was facilitated on. But what kind of
happened is that it then made every wipe website basically

(26:38):
uh censor and wipe sex workers off of every platform
because they didn't want them.

Speaker 2 (26:46):
Like, I mean, it didn't work for everything, but like
sure they.

Speaker 4 (26:50):
Tried, yeah, and like the biggest the people who took
the biggest hit was I'm gonna use this as a
good example. It's Backpage, which was a website that it
was for mostly lower income in person sex workers, escorts, prostitutes,
whatever term you want to use.

Speaker 2 (27:09):
To be able to advertise on.

Speaker 4 (27:12):
And even like the police when they like took it down,
they were like, hey, this is actually how we find
people who are trafficked. And there were lots of lawyers
who are also were like, hey, this is how I
can actually like stay in touch.

Speaker 2 (27:21):
So the people who are at the most risk and
they were.

Speaker 4 (27:24):
Getting hurt were then like getting like falling deeper underground,
and like the only ways that people could find them
or contact them was through that site.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
So can you explain how backpages worked and like how
that was beneficial to the law in terms of like
helping sex workers.

Speaker 3 (27:40):
Yeah, I mean it was helping trafficked people.

Speaker 4 (27:43):
Sorry the traffic, but it also helped sex workers also
stay safe. So this was a website where you could
for very little money put up an ad and get clients. Right,
so instead of like say having to work the streets
or or just like not being able or having to
freestyle going into bars or whatever, it added a level

(28:05):
of safety for a lot of sex workers.

Speaker 2 (28:07):
So when it disappeared, a lot of it forced a.

Speaker 4 (28:10):
Lot of people to do work that was more at
risk of like you know, rape, death, that's all those things.
Arrest and like it helped if anybody was actually being
like trafficked and being advertised, that's how police would use
that site to find people who were being like forced
So basically people who are being trafficked and consensual sex

(28:31):
workers all paid for this and the nothing it didn't
help anybody, didn't help anybody, and it just hurt people.
I got people into more dangerous situations and yeah, period,
and people were lost.

Speaker 2 (28:44):
It also had like like a community like forums and
stuff where sex workers could talk to each other and
they could also flag problematic clients. So that was not Backpage.

Speaker 4 (28:56):
But this law then like sites like bad date lists
and all those things also went down. So yeah, so
it was like backpayment at a lot of different sites
went down, a lot of different advertisements and like a.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
Lot of sites where like people would yeah, report bad dates.

Speaker 4 (29:10):
If there's anybody that like experienced violence or anything like
that with a client, they could report that number. And
then like people who were engaging in that kind of
work could like you know, screen people that way and
see if there had been any reports. So it just
did a lot more. I mean, it just only did harm.
I don't think anything positive came out of it. What

(29:32):
was interesting is like all the like more accessible like
all the websites that were made for like like I
mean there's a class thing, like the fancy sites never
went down, like you know, yeah, the sites were with
the like the more high end workers like didn't go down.

(29:52):
It was all like to me, it was like war
on like poor sex workers.

Speaker 2 (29:56):
Why do you think that that is the case. I
don't know.

Speaker 4 (29:59):
I don't that I have no idea, I mean poverty,
Like we don't we hate poor people. It's true, this
country hates poor people. Yeah, and so it is interesting
that that like and those are the people who you
know paid the price.

Speaker 2 (30:15):
For those people.

Speaker 4 (30:16):
I think you know a lot of people who had
the means adapted and like went and like advertised elsewhere
and were able to like keep working. And it's always
like the poorest who yeh who.

Speaker 2 (30:28):
I guess any have money you can pay for like
good lawyers, right to kind of our lawyers.

Speaker 4 (30:33):
There's other like I said, the websites that people were
advertising on that were like very expensive to advertise on
are still there. You could make your own website you
learn seo. There's a million different ways if you have
the money to do that. But you know that's not
not everybody has that, So yes, that's a fosta like
and then it created also just a huge amount of

(30:55):
censorship too. So now like sex educators, like people who
were just like talked about sex, they would also like
get censored on all platforms because everybody's afraid to get
sued for trafficking. Right, there's a large like ramifications for
a bill that didn't even help the people who they
were claiming to help.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
Right, Yeah, right, I mean there's a lot of we
see that so much with you know, organizations like Nicosi
and Trafficking Hub. I mean they dress up this you know,
conservative religious right movement and we want to protect women
from sex trafficking, and they really use that as a

(31:41):
trojan horse to shut down porn exactly.

Speaker 4 (31:43):
I mean as a woman from Exodus who literally posted
Layla Michels, Yeah, posted her video like a part of
her like video, this was child pornography, like on like Twitter,
like it's just insane, and like there were numerous people
who had worked with them who then like you know,
came out and said that they were like completely shafted.

(32:06):
Learning kind of the background of how like anti trafficking
laws and organizations worked really made me question everything else
because it sounds good, but it's not. It's not helping
with people who are and it's hurting a lot of
people who are like consentually doing the work.

Speaker 2 (32:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (32:26):
But yeah, so we put on that that march into
Oaklos me and Maxine Holloway who still runs boss I
that's it's it's it's hard work.

Speaker 2 (32:39):
And I think it was.

Speaker 4 (32:42):
Activism and like especially I think in like, identity based
activism gets like very messy and tricky. Uh, And so
I like did not have the like I didn't I
didn't have it in me to keep going. Yeah, but
like we started, we put on you know, we set
up a thing.

Speaker 2 (33:01):
We had like emergency like funds for people.

Speaker 4 (33:05):
I think they just shut that program down recently, but
for years they were just like if you didn't have
a place to sleep, you didn't have a you know,
you needed groceries, you need to feed your kid whatever, like,
you were sent like a couple hundred dollars to help
in in your.

Speaker 2 (33:21):
Time of need. So that was a thing. They helped
people get housing.

Speaker 4 (33:26):
There's a lot of different stuff, education, sharing resources. But yeah,
so we put on the Oakland Contingent because it was.

Speaker 2 (33:34):
A national I think actually it was a national thing.

Speaker 4 (33:37):
There were a couple like people marches like internationally, but
it was like obviously it was a US law.

Speaker 3 (33:42):
So but yeah, we did the Oakland March.

Speaker 2 (33:46):
So switching gears, I want to talk a little bit
about you know, being an ink model. Yes, you won
porn Hub's Best Ink Performer. That must have been been
pretty awesome. How did that feel for you?

Speaker 3 (33:59):
It was nice. Yeah, yeah, it was nice. I've been
nominated a whole bunch, but I won one.

Speaker 4 (34:05):
Thing for directing forever ago, but it was a tie
at av Yeah, have you ever heard of that? I
haven't exactly, And I was just like, okay, So after
years of performing, it was nice to finally just.

Speaker 3 (34:17):
Be like, hey, you know what, Yeah, here here you go.

Speaker 2 (34:21):
Do you feel like having many tattoos was ever like
a barrier for you for getting work? Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 4 (34:28):
It's not like that anymore when I was doing mainstream
this last time around, because I did it on and
off and sometimes I just worked for specific companies whatever.
But like I really didn't have a hard time at
all getting work.

Speaker 3 (34:41):
But that was, you know, it was not the case
when I first started.

Speaker 5 (34:44):
You know.

Speaker 2 (34:44):
Yeah, it was super hard.

Speaker 4 (34:46):
And if you did have a lot of tattoos, you
had to do the most.

Speaker 3 (34:51):
Yeah, you think about it.

Speaker 4 (34:52):
You can think of like the Bonnie Rottens or like whatever,
like right you. Yeah, if you were heavily tattooed, you
had to stick like five dicks.

Speaker 2 (34:59):
In your butt and like and do the most. And
it was it was.

Speaker 4 (35:03):
Hard and you could only fit one category. So if
you were tattooed. You needed big fake tips, or you
couldn't be like brown, or you could be whatever you
could would only be weird in one way, if that
makes sense. Yeah, Or you had to like if you
were heavily tattooed, you need to look like a Barbie
or like there was just not a lot of you
can be curvy and tattooed, you know, like because people

(35:25):
will be like, well there.

Speaker 2 (35:26):
Was this person, this person person.

Speaker 4 (35:27):
I'm like yeah, and like they there were very very
thin did the most extreme had a lot of plaxic
but you had you had to fit in these like
specific boxes, which I think like non tattooed people have
a little bit more space.

Speaker 3 (35:40):
But that's I think it's way different now. Yeah, you know,
I think.

Speaker 4 (35:44):
There's still a little bit of something here and there.
You can't always get gigs. There's some companies that don't
want to shoot you, but like you can sell and
make really good money being tattooed.

Speaker 2 (35:55):
Yeah. I think also, like the audience is younger, The
demographics for excu's younger, and they're more accepting of tattoos.
I find that people who generally don't like tattoos are
older people, So I think that that has changed also
very much. Do you believe that porn can be a
legitimate art form in any way? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (36:15):
Yes, I think a good performer is af I mean
that's why I like the word performer, Like you are.
It's a performance and that does not mean there's no
like genuine like chemistry or whatever. But like, not everybody
is interesting to watch. Not everybody is good at this,
And I think it is creative and I think there is.

(36:37):
It's like a like to call it a it's like
a non scripted ballet almost, Yeah, how you read each other.

Speaker 2 (36:45):
And my mother used to always say it was like
a dance. Yeah, but it is it totally is it is.
I mean it's all about like body movement, like body
awareness and.

Speaker 4 (36:55):
Yeah, and I mean you're photographer, the way you shoot
it also can be I think, yeah, it definitely can
be in our form. And it can also be like
you know, McDonald's just like food. Food can be Michelin Star,
you know, beautiful whatever, and you can get McDonald's. It's
the same and portnt you know, Like, I think it's
a wide range. But can it be like an art
form and something like truly beautiful or just like yes,

(37:17):
can it mean something?

Speaker 3 (37:19):
Yeah, Like I think it can be all those things
for sure.

Speaker 2 (37:22):
Yeah. I mean I've definitely I've shot thousands of Born
scenes and you know, I've definitely walked away from scenes
and I've been like that was fucking amazing, you know
what I mean. And there's been lots of where I
was like, Okay, we're done. Yeah, you're like, or like
I've watched them, I'm like, yeah, five more minutes the doggy, Yeah,
it's just like painful exactly. Yeah, there's somewhere you're just

(37:45):
like I just like if you're watching and you're like,
oh my god, yeah, what the fuck skipping.

Speaker 4 (37:52):
And just being like, oh, I'm just like I love
the world, I love my job and whatever, because it
just like I knew I created something awesome.

Speaker 3 (37:59):
And yeah, there's other times where you're like, oh, that's
another one.

Speaker 2 (38:04):
You've also wanted to talk about healing and sex work,
So can you talk about how the industry has shaped
or challenged your own healing journey?

Speaker 4 (38:12):
Well, I think being able and this is not this
is not everybody, but for me, like it gave me
the access to like do so much healing. I mean
financial independence, you know, pace for therapy, has stuff.

Speaker 2 (38:27):
Like health insurance.

Speaker 4 (38:28):
Yeah, like it really like you know, helped me access
like to get a lot of the help I needed.

Speaker 2 (38:35):
What I believe like money buys you that this is
the most important thing is freedom. Agreed, Yeah, huge, I
agree with you in that huge.

Speaker 3 (38:42):
Yeah. And I think to pretend like it doesn't is
a life.

Speaker 2 (38:47):
Yes, it's not fair.

Speaker 4 (38:48):
Yeah, And I think it's interesting because I think a
lot of people like to talk about like all the
dark things and mental health stuff within the industry, but
I've also been able to like do so much healing
and take the time. I think it's also like really
accessible work to Let's say you have a chronic illness,
whether it's mental or physical. Like if you work right,

(39:11):
it's a really great job for that, Like because you're
not working a nine to five, you can take the
type if you know what you're doing and you're prioritizing yourself.
Because this could be done in a lot of different ways.
And I've done the work in a lot of phrase
where I've definitely like hurt myself and then found ways
to like really take care of myself with it. But yeah,
it gives you the time the resources to really care

(39:32):
for yourself if you want it to.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
Be like that.

Speaker 4 (39:37):
I think the hard thing with healing in this industry
is mostly the way.

Speaker 2 (39:42):
The world treats you. Yeah, you know.

Speaker 4 (39:45):
And you know, for me, like online comments or whatever
it used to be, it was used to be so
hard for me.

Speaker 2 (39:52):
I had such a hard time with it. You know.

Speaker 4 (39:56):
I would think about a comment and I would like
think about it for ever, and like days and days
I would let it ruin my days or whatever. And
so like if you don't build like that mental strength,
like I think it can really like be really really
harmful and the world, you know, like navigating like friends, family,
all that stuff. So I feel like it's less the

(40:18):
industry and the work itself, but like the way people
respond to you can be super hard on your mental health.
I do think that we work out like shooting porn
is working out with bad form.

Speaker 2 (40:33):
It is. I just gotta, I just gotta say it.

Speaker 3 (40:35):
So what I.

Speaker 4 (40:36):
Recommend everyone performing is like you need to take care
of your body, Like after you shoot, you need to stretch,
You need to like fix yourself because.

Speaker 2 (40:46):
Doing this all the time is actually really you know,
I know, like because you want to always arch your
back because it's a beautiful shape. But actually when you
work out, you don't you want to like engage your
core and like tuck your tailbone in, which looks terrible
on not like God. So that's the number one thing
I'm pay true.

Speaker 4 (41:04):
I'm paying for it now, like I'm in PTA and
I'm like, oh years, yeah I did this. I think
there's so many ways you can navigate through this industry
and you couldn't. You can go like through a hard,
like dark I guess, path, but like you can also
use it to really like enrich your life. And I'm
so grateful I have the work that I have that's

(41:25):
like really made it possible for me to to.

Speaker 2 (41:30):
Get there, I guess. But yeah, take care of your bodies,
yeah yeah.

Speaker 4 (41:35):
And I think this is other thing is like when
people first start im porn, they think they have to
do everything all at once and they burn themselves out
like crazy, and you don't have to do that.

Speaker 2 (41:44):
Like I blew up really late in my.

Speaker 4 (41:49):
You know, in my in my career, like it took
a long time for me to like, you know, get
where I wanted to be, and you know, it was
a slow burner and that was okay, and then it
worked out, and guess what, I'm like able to make
the same more sometimes more than people who are like
burning themselves out completely. So I think it's also like
kind of checking in with yourself and like knowing that

(42:11):
you don't need to actually you don't have to do
all the things all the time, And I think it's
really important when you work with your body to listen
to it.

Speaker 2 (42:21):
You write up the idea of fetish as being good
or bad. What are your thoughts on how the industry
and society labels certain kinks?

Speaker 4 (42:28):
You know, I used to, he said, I danced around
this for so long where I was like, first I
was like, all fetishes are good, and then I was like,
I don't know, this is pretty bad.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (42:39):
Now I'm just like, ah, yeah, where I'm just like, okay,
if you have a place to go work whatever you
have to work out that's safe and consensual, maybe like
do it. I don't, you don't necessarily, I like, I
don't want to do every fetish that's out there, you know,

(42:59):
But like I think in the end, it's good. I know,
I see a lot of my friends who are like
really into age play, like it's so much crap.

Speaker 3 (43:05):
Online.

Speaker 4 (43:06):
Yeah, and like most my friends like that recently is
a good example. And she's like, I'm like, She's like,
I'm a woman in my thirties. I'm obviously not a
teenager right now. She's like, you know, like I like
age play, but I'm obviously like of age and you know,
and I used to be like, oh, all race play
is bad. And while I don't want to partake in it,

(43:28):
who am I going to like tell like, you know,
specifically talked about like black black people in the industry,
because it's like such a thing, right, like you might
have tell black people how do they should yeah process
their stuff?

Speaker 3 (43:40):
Yeah, it's like really actually not for me to say.

Speaker 2 (43:44):
I don't want to parson the ticket. Yeah, I feel
the same way, Like I don't want to have anything
to do with that. But I've had a lot of
black performers come on and tell me how they feel
about it, and I just I love to hear people's
perspective and their stories and my eyes have been open
and I learned so much about it from them. But yeah,
I'm not about to tell black people, trans people, anybody

(44:06):
like how they're going to live their life because I
have no idea what they're going through exactly.

Speaker 4 (44:10):
I do think porn is like such a reflection of
like our own societies, right, Like we live in America,
racial tensions, forever.

Speaker 2 (44:17):
There's inter racial is the is the most watched in
the Red States. Yeah, there's the most racism. Yeah, oh,
the emotions.

Speaker 4 (44:24):
Like all the trans stuff too, and so like I
think porn is like a direct like reflection of what's
going on. Yes, politically and culturally, yes, good and bad. Yes,
you know, and that's a weird and interesting thing to watch.
And then they'll be like it's porn. I'm like, it's
the country, this is this is you guys. Yeah yeah, yeah,

(44:47):
I have like complicated feelings about it, and I definitely
choose to engage how I choose too. But I used
to be a lot more like like weirdly like leftist authoritarian,
like you go so left that you become like authoritarian.

Speaker 2 (45:02):
Oh yeah, and I'm that becomes like very much like
they're right, yes, dude. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (45:07):
So I've been like going through a really like intense like.

Speaker 2 (45:11):
No, this you didn't go that far left or not
doing us any favor. No, It's like I know a
lot of people who were left that went right because
they felt like the left went to left and they
were like, I feel like I'm being punished for being
middle and so now I'm going to vote Republican and

(45:32):
I'm just like, yeah, it's fact. Everybody is losing their mind.

Speaker 3 (45:36):
No, I used to be very much I used to
idn't fly as a radical.

Speaker 4 (45:39):
And while I'm still like I think, I'm like, I
think I'm still like a socialist and whatever whatever I'd like,
there's something like deeply wrong with like I don't know
the way the left moves and it's been my own
like kind of I've had an identity crisis recently because
I'm just like, I don't like, I don't know, I
don't know what to call myself anymore.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
But this is not it for me either.

Speaker 4 (46:02):
But so I used to be very much like, you
can't do this, you can't do that, and I'm like,
who the fuck am I to judge? And who am
I like to say? Like, what's what's wrong right for
other people? So the way I approach fetish is now
is greatly changed to the way to approach it when
I was younger.

Speaker 2 (46:21):
I definitely have my own personal opinions about things, but
I always believe that everybody has a right to whatever
they want to do as long as it doesn't affect
other people and how they live their lives. I mean,
that's what this fucking country is supposed to be about. Yeah,
not really what it's about right now, but we won't
get into it. Yeah, well we so tell me about

(46:44):
your time working at a Tontra studio and speaking in
tongue A story, right, Yeah, I do.

Speaker 4 (46:53):
So this was when I was like I first moved
to La and I was like shooting porn full time.
But this is like over a decade ago, and so
this is like pre Arabella gets all the work she wants.
So I was like broke, and you know, I did
that really embarrassing thing where you supported man.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
And I was like, never do that, but I'm going
to go do this right now.

Speaker 4 (47:17):
So I'm like supporting my partner. Yeah I married him.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
Sometimes sometimes my current husband just want to point that out.

Speaker 4 (47:26):
Sometimes, you know, if they're really doing if they're bringing it,
it's a different story.

Speaker 2 (47:32):
But this was not the case.

Speaker 4 (47:35):
But anyway, so like I'm supporting somebody, I'm like whatever,
not working enough. So I you know, start to look
around and there's like like massage slash contra place in
La the people are from and so I go work
there and it's.

Speaker 2 (47:51):
Like run by this lady. So like it's a really interesting.

Speaker 4 (47:55):
A lot of the other goo massage like spots that
mostly like have white women because that is also very
different scenes and different owners. So like a lot of
those spots specifically are very like usually by like kind
of woo woo white ladies who like you know, like

(48:17):
there's like crosses and Buddhas and like Krishna.

Speaker 2 (48:21):
And whatever else, like religious salad is happening. We don't
know which one to pick.

Speaker 4 (48:26):
They're Shamans and whatever. They're like them all into yahuasca.
They're either an aa or Hiawaski drinker. But there's like
these two extremes.

Speaker 2 (48:34):
I've said, I've met a.

Speaker 3 (48:35):
Lot of them and there's the point in my life.

Speaker 2 (48:37):
So but those like they they are part of these dudes,
yeah yeah.

Speaker 4 (48:42):
On this one, and they're like some of none all
of them, but some of them are like kind.

Speaker 2 (48:46):
Of cold tea. Like there's some weird vibes going.

Speaker 4 (48:50):
Uh. But uh, this one place and I was there
and you know, I called it sex work, and everybody
was like oh no, we're you know, you're a goddess.

Speaker 3 (48:59):
You're like a tantric goddess. You're not. Like a second,
I'm like, I am touching dicks for money. I don't
know why.

Speaker 2 (49:04):
I'm like, this is sex work.

Speaker 4 (49:07):
But I was doing a double where she was like
training me in contra with the owner.

Speaker 3 (49:14):
So we're like in session and.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
Guys laying down, hands are on him.

Speaker 4 (49:20):
I think at some point he starts like just sobbing,
like intensely, and I was like, okay, you know people
touch I mean you get massages, like regular massages and
people cry, right, so like touched us a lot, not
so crazy, right, But so he's sobbing and sobbing and
saying he's having hard time, and then all of a sudden,
like the owner starts like, you know, like speaking in tongues,

(49:43):
which I've never experienced before. I was raised Jewish. We
don't do that holding a snake, but like blah blah bah.

Speaker 3 (49:52):
Holding a snake, yes exactly, So yes, she's holding.

Speaker 4 (49:58):
A snake, speaking in tongues and just going and I'm
just like, you.

Speaker 5 (50:05):
Know, you're just where you just like yeah, just like
I don't know what's going on, and what's crazy is
when she stops, he responds to her back and he's
all shot and I'm just like, ahh, so fucking weird.

Speaker 4 (50:23):
And they're sobbing and they're speaking in tongues and it's
just happening, and it takes forever, and like at some point,
I'm like holding him and he's like, you're the mother.
I'm like, okay, I'm the mother. So I'm like, I'm
like twenty two. This man is like fifty something. I'm like, okay,
I'm your mom.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
You know, I'm just like little That was a foreshadowing.

Speaker 4 (50:46):
Rehearser and I'm holding this man and finally he nuts
and then we go into the.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
Bathroom nuts casually throw that in there.

Speaker 4 (50:55):
Took forever, you know, go into the bathroom and like
you know, and we clean up and she turns to me.

Speaker 2 (51:02):
The first thing she says to me, she looks at
me and.

Speaker 4 (51:03):
She's like, God, I thought he was never gonna be done.
He was never gonna finish. And I was just like,
that's all you have to say to me. You guys
were like speaking in tongues, some almost sobbing uncontrollably is
like a weird.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
One of the it's one. And I've done so much
sex work.

Speaker 4 (51:17):
I've been so many weird experiences, weird stories.

Speaker 3 (51:21):
But that definitely is like in the top that's in.

Speaker 2 (51:23):
The top three. You know. It's just like, and this
is what this bitch.

Speaker 4 (51:27):
Wants to say to me is just like God, I
thought he would never finish.

Speaker 2 (51:30):
And I'm just like, wait, I'm sorry, I need to
know when he came. Did he like orgasm in tongues?
I don't remember. I don't think so. I don't think
that would be would have so good.

Speaker 4 (51:40):
I'm just gonna but it's just like.

Speaker 2 (51:44):
At first, I was like, Okay, she's nutty, and then
I was like, what is this. He's responding in tongues
and I've never I've never experienced that. Wow, Wow, that's amazing.
Oh my god. Fuck. And he should be like a
scene in a movie.

Speaker 4 (51:59):
Or I'm like writing, so I'm working on a book
of like short story. I love like absurdity gives me
joy if like I have a philosophy in life, it's
like the absurd Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what keeps me going. Yeah,
because you can enjoy and laugh at the darkness and
the light right like it's and I think.

Speaker 2 (52:20):
You have to have that kind of personality honestly, just
survive important, you have to have that kind of like
dark humor, because let's be honest, like this career is
kind of ridiculous.

Speaker 1 (52:30):
It is.

Speaker 2 (52:30):
It's so weird.

Speaker 4 (52:31):
Yeah, it's great and it's weird and it's also ridiculous exactly,
and so like I love that. So I want to
I'm making I'm writing like a collection of short stories
of like just like absurd absurd moment. I love that
in life, And that's definitely I love that.

Speaker 2 (52:45):
Now you mentioned a gang bang trajectory.

Speaker 3 (52:48):
Oh yeah, is that?

Speaker 2 (52:49):
What do you mean by that?

Speaker 4 (52:51):
Actually we were talking about like empowerment and important.

Speaker 2 (52:53):
This is a great example.

Speaker 4 (52:55):
Okay, great, So first gang bang I ever experienced, Like
I it was such a horrible experience for me, like
and it was like it was a rape fantasy one
so like and while I'm doing it, I'm like, oh,
I consented to getting raped, Like that's what.

Speaker 2 (53:13):
It felt like. That was one of those things that
maybe should have stayed a fantasy.

Speaker 3 (53:16):
Oh yeah, yeah, well it wasn't even mine.

Speaker 2 (53:19):
But I didn't know.

Speaker 4 (53:19):
I just really I didn't know, and I was young
and did not know you know, really what I was
getting myself into it.

Speaker 2 (53:25):
Oh it was a rape fantasy scene. Yeah, it's your
fantasy that you were No. I just was like, that's different.

Speaker 3 (53:32):
Yeah, it was. It was like a hardcore gang bang.

Speaker 2 (53:35):
And I didn't I didn't know. I just didn't know.

Speaker 4 (53:37):
And I had done like BDSM yeah, and like I
was fine with that. So like it was just like
the unknown and like hmmm, I and I had like
I had consented to being marked, like everything was on
a I think there was one guy that was a
little too rough, but for the most part like it,
you know, like I don't no one was trying to

(53:58):
hurt me. But like I like, I mean I remember
crying during it and not even know. I didn't even
know I was crying. Like it was just like such
a horrible experience. And I remember leaving I was black
and blue for day, Like.

Speaker 2 (54:10):
Why was it such a horrible experience? Was it the
way they were treating you? Was it how hard they
were Like, was it the things they were saying to you? Everything?
I think it was everything.

Speaker 4 (54:19):
Yeah, I think it was, like you know, there was
a lot of degradation in it, and I definitely learned,
like I'm not into degradation. I will do that to
someone else all day. Yeah, but like I'm not into
it though. Yeah, this was more for me. I think
how hard it was going and whatever, and like there
was so much going on. Also, like there was one
male talent who like threw a hissy fit during This

(54:39):
is a side note, but it's just funny. During he
was like the other guy's getting into my light and
I'm like, bitch, you're on a five guy game.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
Bang.

Speaker 4 (54:46):
No one cares about you. Like you are not a person.
You are a dick. That is all you are, U
diva life. It was really funny, like this guy now,
like I have a soft spot from but at the
time I was like I et you because I'm like hanging.

Speaker 2 (55:06):
On by like a thread, like you know.

Speaker 4 (55:09):
I definitely like was like it felt like a traumatic experience,
and so I was like, okay, never doing a gang
bang and like you know, like never doing it again.
Really bad like Weeks Black and Blue, like could barely
like swallow, like it was god super rough. And so
like years later I went back to that same site
and it was a new director and I was like, hey,

(55:31):
like I had a really bad.

Speaker 2 (55:33):
Experience like doing this, Let's do it again? Yeah, I
kind of. I was like, I was.

Speaker 4 (55:38):
Like, would you be open to like giving me like
a different experience.

Speaker 3 (55:44):
She was like, yeah, totally, and.

Speaker 2 (55:46):
So like she let me pick everybody. It was.

Speaker 4 (55:51):
It was like an Alice in Wonderland. It seemed really fun.
I picked everybody. I did it, and like the vibe
was I'm a slut, which was so much more fun
than like I don't want this for me, like, and
it was such a different experience. So it's probably one
of my favorite scenes of all time still, Like it
was such a completely different experience and it was like

(56:13):
really healing, I think for me to have like the
same kind of scenario and the same like for the
same company, feel in control.

Speaker 2 (56:20):
I feel in control.

Speaker 4 (56:21):
And like felt like celebrated and felt so good.

Speaker 3 (56:27):
And then the third time I was like, this is boring.

Speaker 4 (56:30):
So I've like experienced all things, and now I do
a ton of like blowbanks for Darko because of Darko
and I vibe and so like I do a ton
of them now. But it's really funny to like go
from horrific amazing kind of boring.

Speaker 2 (56:47):
Ran the goldilocks of like gang bangs, you know this
one's too hot, this, this one's just right.

Speaker 3 (56:58):
Yes, that's so funny.

Speaker 2 (57:02):
Oh my god, oh my god, that is so good.
I love that. All right. So my last question for
you is about an event that you are hosting Sunday,
August third on zoom Ye called the Art.

Speaker 7 (57:17):
Of the Blowjaw. Yes, can you tell us about that? Yeah?
So that's like my that's my specialty. That's what I'm
famous for, you know. So that's that's what I'm good at.
I make things disappear. I am a magician.

Speaker 3 (57:32):
Magician.

Speaker 2 (57:33):
It's true, though, I like it's kind of insane.

Speaker 4 (57:34):
I didn't know I was so good at this until
I was like making those of like self producing like
BJ clips, and then they like slowly I like started
going like you're a scored SA.

Speaker 2 (57:46):
Yeah, I know, no one told me.

Speaker 4 (57:48):
I'm also like offended all the guys I slept with
before this and weren't just like you are amazing, because
apparently I'm amazing.

Speaker 3 (57:55):
But yeah, so that's what I'm really good at.

Speaker 4 (57:57):
And a lot of the time when I work with
other folks, they're like intimidated or whatever, or people think
they can't like they think there's only one way to
give a blowjob or whatever. And so I thought that, like,
you know, I one really enjoy it when I'm really
good at it, and I think I'm nice enough, so I'm.

Speaker 3 (58:14):
Like, okay, I should like teach a class.

Speaker 4 (58:16):
So it's for like this website called Aeroid of Films,
and they like host a bunch of different workshops, and
so I'm going to do one, and I'm going to
teach anybody that wants to learn how to like give
good head and have fun doing it, because I think
that's like the number one thing.

Speaker 2 (58:32):
If you're not having fun, it's gonna be good. Yeah.
I love that. And the thing is is that, you know,
there's a lot of women that feel giving head is degrading. Yeah,
and I think that people need to change their experience
around that.

Speaker 3 (58:47):
I have a spin with that.

Speaker 2 (58:49):
Mmm.

Speaker 3 (58:49):
I find giving a blowjob to be very very powerful.

Speaker 2 (58:52):
I think so too.

Speaker 3 (58:53):
Yeah, I can destroy your life.

Speaker 4 (58:57):
I think I can make you come either.

Speaker 3 (59:01):
Way though, like you are, like I can.

Speaker 4 (59:04):
You can really hurt feel really good, and that is
in my hand. So I think actually getting a blowjob
is pretty vulnerable to put like your entire sexual organ
in someone else's mouth. So if you look at it
that way. Yeah, it really is different. It could be
a really different gig. And yeah, and I'm like, okay,

(59:25):
like let me see if I can like make you dance,
like yeah, I think it's it's a really fun and
doesn't have to be that way, so yeah, I want to.

Speaker 2 (59:33):
Yeah, I agree with you. That's exactly how I feel
about it. Yeah yeah, right, yea much. Yeah, and it's
very much in your control, like more so than sex
like that that is literally all you, Like you're doing
all the work. Oh yeah, so that's great. So I'm
assuming are you going to have a guy there with
you or are you doing it on a dildo.

Speaker 4 (59:53):
I just want to teach people that, like you don't
also have to like know how to like swallow swords
to give a good hud too, because I think that's
also commedt misception.

Speaker 2 (01:00:01):
People look at porn.

Speaker 4 (01:00:02):
And they're like, I have to be able to like
throw something, yeah, to deep throat, to like give good
head inless not necessarily it either, so it'll be fun
to do.

Speaker 1 (01:00:11):
Well.

Speaker 2 (01:00:11):
I love that that sounds like maybe I'll tune in.
I personally think I'm also great at blowjobs. You never know,
I mean where I'm every day. I'm learning new things
every day. You know, you're never You're never a master. No,
A student of life, yes, exactly, a student of life,
student of blowjobs. That's me. All right, well, Arabell, thank

(01:00:33):
you so much. It's been so great to have you.
I do have a bunch of Patreon questions for you.
Let's do it two three pages. Holy moly, we'll be
doing that, of course in a separate segment, available only
for my Patreon members. If you're not a member, why
aren't you? Hello? Go to patreon dot com slash Holly Randall.

(01:00:55):
Unfiltered memberships start at only five dollars a month. It's
like less than a cup of coffee at Starbucks, so
check it out. Otherwise, Arabell, can you tell everyone where
they can find you online? Yeah, you can find me.

Speaker 3 (01:01:09):
I'm gonna say my whole name, say o long say
it so.

Speaker 4 (01:01:14):
I have an only fans and an Instagram at A
R A B E L L E R A p
h A E L.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
It's a long, long name.

Speaker 5 (01:01:25):
People.

Speaker 2 (01:01:25):
I know that people get it wrong. They like to
put in a at the end. This is a bad choice.

Speaker 4 (01:01:30):
It sounded really cool, but like it's not for like
Popular Consumption and I'm on Twitter at mommy Arabell and yeah,
you should check out my only Fans.

Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
And then where can people go to find the link
to sign up for the Art of the Blowjob? Will
you just just have that link like on your socials?
It's on my socials.

Speaker 3 (01:01:50):
I need to I should put it in my like
Arabel dot com.

Speaker 4 (01:01:53):
Like, actually you're reminding me of this, but it's linked
on my Instagram and my Twitter right now, okay, more,
I will put.

Speaker 2 (01:02:01):
It By the time this episode comes out, it will
be linked there properly. And you guys can find me
on Instagram at Holly Randall, on Twitter or x at
Holly Randall. I also have an OnlyFans which I like,
never plug but it's at Holly Randall or OnlyFans dot
com slash Holly Randall. I have a free one too,

(01:02:23):
OnlyFans dot Com slash Holly. Otherwise, you can go to
hollylinks dot com to find all of my links in
one place. Thank you guys so much for watching and
I will see you next week.