The Real Reason Moms Dominate OnlyFans

This week on Holly Randall Unfiltered, I sat down with the unstoppable Holly Jane—aka “the Costco Mom Next Door.” She's a mother of four, a widow, a Mormon, and now an incredibly successful content creator with 90M+ monthly Instagram views and a thriving OnlyFans career. We talked about how a viral news segment led her to the adult industry, her unapologetic hustle, building a personal brand with 12 different IG accounts (!), and the brutal reality of losing her husband while holding her family together. Oh, and she definitely didn't hold back about that one neighbor and the HOA drama...

We also dove deep into the loneliness epidemic, parasocial boundaries, faith after excommunication, and the power of owning your identity—whether that's in lingerie on the porch or launching a memoir about surviving addiction in your family. This is a conversation about empowerment, grief, judgment, resilience, and starting over when it feels impossible. Holly Jane is hilarious, real, and completely fearless. You're gonna love this one.

Watch the uncut version with bonus Q&A exclusively on Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/c/hollyrandallunfiltered
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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, did you know that you can actually find me
naked online? Yes, I'm a photographer, director, podcaster, and in
my secret life, I actually have a platform with all
of the spicy content that you didn't think I made.
I know it surprised me too. If you're curious about
what happens when I'm in front of the camera instead

(00:21):
of behind it, head to my OnlyFans OnlyFans dot com
slash Holly Randall. It's raw, it's sexy, and it's totally uncensored.
That's OnlyFans dot com slash Holly Randal. But don't say
I didn't warn you.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
You were listening to a pleasure podcast. For more from
our sex podcast collective, visit Pleasure Podcasts dot com.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
Hello everybody, Welcome back to Holly Randall Unfiltered. I am
very excited for my guest today. I actually only just
met her last week, so this is a very like
last minute, kind of serendipitous interview. But I think it's
going to be one that you're really going to enjoy.
She is a MoMA for a widow, a Mormon, and
a content creator who is passionate about empowerment, honesty, and

(01:23):
her faith. Welcome the Costco Mom next Door Holly Jane Johnson.

Speaker 3 (01:28):
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (01:29):
I'm really excited.

Speaker 3 (01:30):
Yeah, it's so nice to I mean, obviously another Holly.
You know, it was meant to be.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
It was meant to be clearly, like all Hollies are great.

Speaker 4 (01:39):
So you kept popping up on my feed on Instagram. Yeah,
out of nowhere. I don't think we even have any
followers in common. Just the algorithm pushed you to meet.
And then I saw you. I recognize your hair. I
was like, that's her. She has this beautiful, curly hair. Andy,
it's her. I'm going to talk to her.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
So so we went to it was the ABN House
party last week and I was and yeah, she came
up to me and she was like, I've seen you
on Instagram. I'm like, yes, me, yes, And then yeah,
we started talking and she said she was in town
and you know she you've never done a podcast before?

Speaker 4 (02:14):
Is that?

Speaker 3 (02:14):
Oh? I have you have done? Okay? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (02:16):
And I was on The Daily Blast Live. It's a
it's a live talk show.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (02:20):
So I've done some podcasts, just not recently, but just
not any good ones, just not any good ones.

Speaker 1 (02:25):
Yes, this is the first so I thought it would
be really fun to have her come on. And you
have a really interesting story, so definitely want to get
into that. So I guesslet's talk about your when you
launched your adult career. That was back in twenty twenty one.
It was yeah, okay, so tell me what inspired that move.

Speaker 4 (02:43):
I knew I wasn't happy, you know, I think any well,
a lot of people that work like the nine to five,
they're like, how do I get out of this?

Speaker 1 (02:50):
Right?

Speaker 4 (02:51):
And I knew that I wanted to be in the industry.
I just didn't know where I fit in, and it
wasn't on the forefront of my mind. I just had
a baby and I was on attorney. We'd leave and
I'm watching I'm sitting there watching TV and somebody it
was miss Poindexter.

Speaker 3 (03:08):
You know who Miss Poindexter is. The name is so Fune. Okay.

Speaker 4 (03:10):
So her kids they were asked to leave their Catholic school,
like they could no longer attend because someone outed the mom,
Miss Poindexter. So it was a big thing. She was
all over the media and this segment came on and
they were talking about.

Speaker 3 (03:27):
It, and she did she was she and me, she's
an OnlyFans. Okay, yeah, she's an O F model.

Speaker 4 (03:32):
So I saw this and they mentioned the money that
she makes and like a little bit in a in
like a family friendly way to explain what she does.
And I had never heard off before. So I grabbed
my phone, like sitting there, I'm like, put the baby
down and grab my phone. And it was just the
like aha moment, like oh this could be where I
fit in.

Speaker 3 (03:53):
Yeah, and yeah.

Speaker 4 (03:54):
It was that instant like, oh, this is something, and
so I immediately started to research and I put my
whole plan into action, and that's really it. I just
took off from there.

Speaker 3 (04:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
And that is right when Only Fans was really hitting
its trajectory, because it's right after the pandemic and all
those stories were really coming out about how much people
were making and all of those stories about like people
who had this regular day job or was this regular person.
Then all of a sudden they tried this this thing,
and you know, Only Fans has really changed the landscape

(04:30):
of the adult industry so much, because before you had
to be a porn star and you had to be
hired by a director and you had to do a
scene and you got a one time check and you know,
you generally had to do a bunch of different shoots
to even get your name up there, and you didn't really.

Speaker 3 (04:46):
Have that much control over your career or your.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
Image, and you definitely didn't have that direct connection with
your fans.

Speaker 3 (04:53):
That only fans brings you.

Speaker 4 (04:55):
Right, Yeah, you didn't own your content.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
You weren't.

Speaker 4 (04:58):
I mean, you could be a somewhat of a brand
right in that realm, but really you can decide what
your brand looks like, who you want to be name
the price of your content. I mean, you own all
of the rights. You can do whatever you want, you
can get creative with it. And so I really like that,
And you know, I think not everyone obviously can make

(05:21):
it on only fans. It takes a lot of work,
and a lot of people think that we just take
pictures and we make all of this money. But there's
a lot of behind the scenes work that goes into that.
And I'm a very driven person. So I just knew
I will be that person. Will I will be that
mis poindexter. So I was really exciting and I just
stuck with it.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
Were you a sexual person growing up or was that
something that you embraces a totally new side of yourself.

Speaker 3 (05:47):
Oh I always was. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (05:48):
Yeah, even you know, growing up, like as you're in
high school and you're talking with your friends about what
you want to do, like if you want to go
to college. I had no interest. I was like, I know,
I'm going to work for myself, make my own schedule, right,
Like I just had this. You know, everyone thought I
was in La La Land. I remember Jenny McCarthy and

(06:09):
Carmen Electra. Those were my idols. I'm like, they're doing
something right, they look like they're having a lot of fun.
They're in magazines. I wanted to model, so of course,
like I got married, I had kids, and I just
thought that's not possible.

Speaker 3 (06:24):
But that's what I wanted to do well.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
And the great thing about only Fans is that it
really opens up that space for you to find that
audience that is looking for like that attractive woman next
door that feels more attainable than like a Carmen Electra right.

Speaker 4 (06:41):
Right, yeah, yeah. People want to think that exactly, that
it's obtainable that the mom that they see at the
grocery store that they could have a chance with her.

Speaker 1 (06:51):
I mean, for me, like that's been such an interesting
thing to see in on the Internet, and then even
more so with personal content platforms like OnlyFans, because you know,
I've been in the adult industry for it'll be twenty
seven years in September, and so I started when it
was very much controlled by the distributors, and so you know,
the only content that people had access to was you know,

(07:15):
well VHS's, yeah, and then like DVDs that they bought,
and then like magazines that they bought. So they were
very much there wasn't a lot of feedback from the
audience to the distributor, right, They just whatever porn they
got was what they consumed. And then when the Internet
really opened up this opportunity for people to really seek
out the things that they were into, you saw like
this shift like Mills did not exist fifteen twenty years ago.

(07:40):
Like why when you were like twenty eight, you were
like done, your career was over.

Speaker 3 (07:47):
That makes sense.

Speaker 4 (07:47):
You didn't have the feedback from the audience, like you said,
and so you just assumed what they wanted to see,
and that assumption was, you know, they're getting older, no
one's interested in this. And then now that we have
the feedback, what's the.

Speaker 3 (07:58):
Number one search.

Speaker 1 (08:00):
I know, it's crazy, so you want to see it's
been really cool to see, like how you know pigeonholed.
Everybody was in porn before where literally you know I
girls would come in for gosies. Yeah, and I would
send their pictures to the magazines for approval and they'd
be like, how old she?

Speaker 3 (08:17):
And I'm like, uh, well, twenty eight. They'd be like,
just toold? Can you imagine? It's like too old? Yeah,
you're still a baby.

Speaker 1 (08:24):
You're still so young, I know, right, And now it's like,
you know, you can be in your fifties, in your
sixties and some people are doing.

Speaker 3 (08:33):
Like incredibly well.

Speaker 1 (08:34):
Yeah, and it's also enabled I think women to come
into the industry at a later age when they are
in a better place to make decisions like them yeah, yeah,
you know what I mean. Yeah, Like they've thought about
it and they know what they want in life and
they're ready to establish boundaries. I think sometimes when you
come into eighteen Yeah.

Speaker 4 (08:56):
Yeah, I also think too. You know a lot of men,
and what's different about of is that you're connecting with
the fans, and they are seeking more than just the content.
They're seeking the connection and the relationship and that's why
they're there. They want to talk to you, they want
to connect with you, and they're into you. They want

(09:17):
to know everything about you. And so if if that's true,
which which it is, then they maybe if they're older themselves,
then they want someone around their same age that they
can connect with.

Speaker 3 (09:31):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
I think that the reason that it exploded so much
during the pandemic was obviously, like people were so isolated,
people were so lonely, and this is a way for
them to connect with other people. And you know, you
really saw like how important that connection was to two fans,
and that's It's just it's crazy because I remember when

(09:52):
only fans first came along. Yeah, and I signed up,
and I just because I wanted to grab my username, right,
I didn't want anyone to take it. But I didn't
like think anything of it. I mean, like I'll be
the first to admit, like I didn't think it was
going to go anywhere.

Speaker 3 (10:04):
I was wrong.

Speaker 1 (10:06):
Yeah, And and just to see the way it's exploded,
it was, I don't know, I feel like it was
something that like I don't think anyone.

Speaker 4 (10:12):
Saw it coming, right really, Yeah, which is kind of crazy. Yeah,
everyone was sort of surprised by how well this is
going and taking off.

Speaker 1 (10:19):
Yeah, so tell me how you built an audience, because
you know, a lot of women who got on OnlyFans
at least like from my industry already had a following,
right like because they were doing adult movies. But you
came you were a mom, and you know you didn't have.

Speaker 4 (10:34):
I had no I had a Facebook that I posted
on maybe once a year because the family wants to
see pictures of the kids, right like. That was the extent,
and I was never on there. I just occasionally would
go on post that picture. Leave. I had never used TikTok, Twitter, Instagram.
It was just that Facebook. So part of that, you know,
when I saw miss Poindexter and I was like, Okay,

(10:56):
this is what I'm going to do. I spent about
a month to two months putting together a business plan
because this is a business, and getting the LLC and
writing out that plan. And part of that plan was
I knew because I did my research, Oh you can't
just go onto OnlyFans and type in blonde milf right,

(11:17):
There's really no internal traffic. So a lot of the
business and the success of the business depends on marketing.

Speaker 3 (11:24):
Yourself.

Speaker 4 (11:25):
So I had to open all of these accounts, and
I opened multiple on Instagram and multiple Twitters, and I knew, okay,
I need as many eyeballs on me as possible. So
I spent several months just posting like crazy, just working
really hard to build my presence on all of these
different platforms. I would sit on you can't really do

(11:45):
this anymore and go anywhere with it. But I would
sit on TikTok for like an hour just on live
building a fan base and pushing them over to my Instagram.
And I'm a nut. I wake up at like seven
am and I pose I post it noon. I post
at the same time every day, multiple times a day
on all of my twelve accounts, and I'm just very

(12:06):
consistent with it. Like my religion now, my new religion
is posting on Instagram.

Speaker 1 (12:12):
Yeah, so you say you have multiple accounts. Why did
you open multiple accounts? And like, are they different from
each other in anyway? No, I'm starting with the batch creating.

Speaker 3 (12:22):
So I will.

Speaker 4 (12:23):
Let's say I'm in a swim suit and I'm just
you know, posting, you know, in a picture or just
make a cute reel in that swimsuit. I'm going to
make a twelve in that swimsuit so that I don't
have to reinvent the wheel. And okay, what am I
doing for the next one. It's just it's quick, you know,
It's a seven second reel, and then I bust out
the next one. It's I'll batch create. Since I post

(12:46):
three times a day, I'll get you know, in another outfit,
and we'll do that in three outfits so that I
have that content for the day, and I and I
will do this. I'll do about a week's worth of
content and just kind of repeat that process. And why
twelve accounts is because, like I said, I need to
have as many eyes on me as possible, and these
accounts don't perform the same. You could open an Instagram

(13:09):
and you could be frustrated and think I only get
you know, five thousand views on all of my reels.
You could open another account and for some reason, I'm
getting in thirty days, I'm pulling in like ten million views.
And so I knew and I saw very quickly. Okay,
some of these accounts are kind of duds. Some are performing. Okay,

(13:30):
I have one that performs well, well, you know, in
this industry, Instagram is not our friend, and your account
can go down, and you've put all of your eggs
in one basket in this account, so I better have twelve.

Speaker 1 (13:43):
So do you have a theory as to why certain
accounts do better than others? Do you think it's just
like an algorithm like chance? Yeah, exactly, yeah, right, A
lot of it is luck. Yeah, yeah, because I have
found that I started helping a couple of girls like
start new Instagrams, and I have found that I struggle

(14:04):
with getting some posts above like a certain number, like
some will do really well and then others won't. And
I can see like the ones that Instagram is pushing
out to the non followers versus the followers only, and
it seems like the sexier it is, the more Instagram
will choke the traffic.

Speaker 3 (14:22):
Yeah. True, And I'm like, how you get past that barrier?

Speaker 1 (14:24):
Do you have to get to a certain number of
followers and then it's just like at that point, it's
just the like an exponential growth like that's yes, yes,
my own personal account, I already like over eight hundred thousands.
That's different, but starting from scratch, like I haven't done
that since the beginning of Instagram.

Speaker 4 (14:42):
It's yeah, it's really difficult. Yes, you're right, but also
without pushing the limits. So some think, oh, I have
five million followers, I can do whatever I want. Well,
you turn around in a thong and you're going to
find out real quick you can't do whatever you want
then to fly the posts. So it's there's a balance.

Speaker 1 (14:59):
You know.

Speaker 4 (14:59):
I have an account, my main account. I think for
the last thirty days. You know how it shows like
your views for the last thirty days, I met ninety
million views.

Speaker 3 (15:09):
That's a lot.

Speaker 4 (15:09):
Yeah, ninety million views, and the last thirty days on
that account. Another account is at like fifteen million. So
that's why I have these accounts because I'm going to
get lucky on one.

Speaker 1 (15:21):
Okay, interesting, and they're none that you like give up on. No,
you're just like never, I'm going to keep. I believe
in all of you. I believe your children. Yes, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 4 (15:31):
I believe in you, and I just treat them as
though this next post is going to go viral and
eventually something will.

Speaker 3 (15:38):
So you just have to.

Speaker 4 (15:39):
I think people get frustrated and they give up, and
you can't. You have to just yeah, you can't, you
have to, Yes, you just have to maintain that delusion
that this next post is going to do it, this
next post is going to do it, because eventually it will.

Speaker 3 (15:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
Yeah, So do you post the same exact Do you
do a different post for each Instagram?

Speaker 4 (16:00):
I do because Instagram doesn't want you to spam, so
they don't want you to take this real that you
posted on this account and post it on another make
a different reel. But they're pretty identical. Maybe in this
one I went like this with my hair instead of
instead of just standing there. You know, their captions are different.

Speaker 3 (16:15):
I don't.

Speaker 4 (16:15):
Usually I don't really believe in captions. I don't my
main account try to find it. I mean, okay, you
maybe find on a collap maybe I don't know. Two
captions out of like a hundred, I don't. I don't
think it makes the difference. No one reads, no, No
one looks at that. No, so hashtag well no, don't
even bother.

Speaker 1 (16:34):
No one cares about that, cares will be there on
TikTok though hashtags matter, I.

Speaker 3 (16:39):
Think, so, yeah, yeah I do.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
Do you guys know you were taking a social media
class today? I'm sorry, these the questions I want to know.

Speaker 4 (16:47):
So I think a lot of people want to know
why do you do what I Some guys will ask,
They're like, wait, why am why am I seeing like
twelve of you. I'm like, because a girl's got to
do what a girl's gotta do.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
Yeah, So tell me about when you first opened your
only fans, Like, do you remember the first piece of
content that you shared on there?

Speaker 4 (17:05):
Embarrassing photos?

Speaker 3 (17:06):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 4 (17:06):
I look back and I'm like, those are so low quality, embarrassing,
like horrible lighting. I probably had like some terrible filter
on it, you know. I just yeah, I don't repeat
those photos. And then video. I don't know why, because
I could have made so much more money, so so
much sooner. I think the first one was just like

(17:28):
a like a beaja facial video.

Speaker 3 (17:31):
Oh that was your first video? That was No, that
was my first.

Speaker 4 (17:34):
Boy girl, OK. And I think I waited like six
months to post it because I was like, I can't
give them everything at once.

Speaker 3 (17:41):
We have to trickle this out. Yeah, absolutely, he.

Speaker 4 (17:44):
Like build up the interest.

Speaker 3 (17:45):
You know.

Speaker 4 (17:46):
It was just a solo video of myself probably terrible.
Sorry it's gotten better, I promise, but yeah, just a
solo video, you know, like five minutes solo. I think
I did that right out the gate, Like first week
it was like, Okay, we're doing this. Yeah, and then
I think, yeah, they got that j video. And then

(18:08):
I think I waited like a year to have a
true boy girl video and then it was.

Speaker 3 (18:13):
On after that, After that it was very easy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:15):
Yeah, So how how did you build up your only fans?
Like where, like how long did it take for you
you got to a point where you're like, Okay, I'm
making serious money because I mean, you know, you hear
all these stories about oh my god, all we hear
is the people that are making millions of dollars on
their only fans, two hundred thousand dollars a month, whatever

(18:36):
it is.

Speaker 3 (18:36):
But a majority of creators are.

Speaker 1 (18:39):
Making no more than two hundred dollars a month, right, So,
and it's so hard for people to push past yeah,
that that drop off?

Speaker 3 (18:49):
Right, how did you get past that?

Speaker 2 (18:52):
So?

Speaker 3 (18:52):
I think I was.

Speaker 4 (18:53):
Two months in when I quit my job. I was
recruiting nurses for a dialysis company. Okay, I had a
great job, and I just was like done with you
because I spent two months building, building my social media,
opening the only fans, and I want to say, at
two months in, I was probably making about maybe made

(19:16):
like about like seven thousand at that point, which at
the time was like, oh, we're quitting. Why would I
do this anymore? And I knew I was at that
point where I needed to give my full attention to it.
It can't or it can't grow. I'll always only make
this because this is all I can do, because there's

(19:37):
a lot that you have to put into growing on OnlyFans.
And so I quit and then I knew, Okay, I
now have the time to open more accounts and to
truly dedicate myself to this. So you know, people aren't
that aren't making the money. It's because they think, you know,
while I'm hot, I can post and just people are
going to come.

Speaker 3 (19:55):
Well, no one knows who you are, who are you? Right?

Speaker 4 (20:00):
It's very competitive on social media, So you not only
have to figure out how to set yourself apart, but
you have to have a drive, you have to be
you have to be a workhorse.

Speaker 3 (20:10):
You should treat it like a full time job. It is.
It's a business.

Speaker 4 (20:13):
Like you know, if you were opening a restaurant, would
you show up, you know, twice a week and not
advertise and expect that people are going to come in and.

Speaker 3 (20:20):
You're going to win a Michelin award.

Speaker 2 (20:21):
No.

Speaker 4 (20:22):
Yeah, you have to get in there. You have to
market yourself. You have to make it known that you're here.

Speaker 1 (20:28):
What if you found works the best for you on
only Evans content wise more just like maybe overall strategy.

Speaker 3 (20:36):
Keep things very personalized on their voice notes.

Speaker 4 (20:39):
You know, I want them to know that I'm here,
it's me, and so like good morning messages, good night messages,
you know, using personalizing it, I you know, not short
in the messages. So you know, even if you're not
spending today, you're going to want to spend with me

(21:02):
because you're going to get to know me and like me,
and then you're going to want to support me because
I'm just a genuine, normal, nice person and it's not
always the hustle. Yeah, you know, I take the time
like how are you today?

Speaker 3 (21:17):
What are you up to?

Speaker 4 (21:19):
You know, I have those conversations. So I think that's
important and that works really really well.

Speaker 1 (21:24):
Do you have any issues with like fans who aren't
good at respecting boundaries or who kind of think you're
in a relationship that you're not in, and like how
do you manage that.

Speaker 4 (21:37):
I don't really have that problem. I think, I mean,
people get upset when they come on and find out like, oh,
this isn't bumble, this isn't bumble. I can't I can't
meet you right now right right, I can't do that
and we can't talk about that that. I would say
that's the biggest problem.

Speaker 1 (21:56):
Yeah, but generally your fans are pretty good at like
understandingies and you don't.

Speaker 3 (22:02):
I've had I've had a couple, You've had some issues.

Speaker 4 (22:04):
A cuckoo on me, Oh what happens everyone's found to
come up?

Speaker 3 (22:10):
I think, yeah, I think you know, they just think that.

Speaker 1 (22:16):
It's more and more connected than we are, and you know, yeah,
they think that it's going to go to the next level.

Speaker 3 (22:24):
Right, And I'm and I have a kid, and I like.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
Write, I do care about you as a person, and
like I do want to know how your day is going,
and but I like, we're not going to be together. Yeah,
but it's sad though, you know, like loneliness is an epidemic,
and I see that in a lot. I see that
in a lot of men. I see that in a
lot of cat fishing. I get a lot of cat fishing.

Speaker 3 (22:45):
Do you get that? Oh fakes of me? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (22:47):
Oh yeah all the time. And it's like yeah, they'll say,
you know, we've been talking on What's Happened. I'm like,
so if I have a subscription site where I get
paid when you come on and talk to me, why
would I be on What's happ for free? Like why
would that happen? On what planet? And on What's happened?
You know, when I'm busy just chatting for kicks and giggles.

Speaker 1 (23:09):
Like No, Unfortunately, I think like a lot of times
that guys who buy into that are not necessarily people
who are going to think.

Speaker 3 (23:16):
Logically.

Speaker 1 (23:18):
So it's just like it's it's unfortunate and they and
they send a lot of money to these scammers, and
it's just like and it makes me sad because I'm
just like you, just that is not that money to me.

Speaker 3 (23:31):
Right exactly? Yeah, can give it to me tips?

Speaker 1 (23:34):
Oh yeah, send you a custom at least like fake
promises moving in with you?

Speaker 3 (23:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (23:41):
I think the biggest frustration though, is maybe someone come on,
coming on and not respecting my time and value because
I value myself in my time, so you know, oh,
can you do it for this? No, because one of
us is going to have to sacrifice, you or me,
and it's not going to be me when I'm the

(24:02):
one making the content and you know you want me
to do something for you, but you're asking me to
make the sacrifice. Yeah, and you're trying to woo me
and you want my attention. Yeah, if you were dating
a woman, is that how it would go?

Speaker 1 (24:17):
No?

Speaker 4 (24:17):
Yeah, so why are you You're supposed to be like
showering me with me with attention, love, money, gifts, and
you are wondering why I'm not giving you my time?

Speaker 1 (24:30):
Yeah, yeah, get it together, you know. I sometimes I
do say to guys, I'm like, this isn't a flea market.

Speaker 3 (24:36):
We are not here to haggle.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
Yeah, exactly, get out of here. But I will say that, like,
and I'm sure you have this experience too. Most of
the guys are like awesome, like so respectful, yeah, really supportive,
and I feel, you know.

Speaker 3 (24:51):
So grateful.

Speaker 4 (24:51):
Ninety seven percent Yes, yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:53):
Yeah, absolutely just always it a couple of bad yeah.

Speaker 3 (24:56):
Those yeah, exactly. Most of you guys were great. Yes,
I love you.

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You deserve to feel amazing. Start today. Okay, so you
were only thirty four when you became a widow. How
did you manage to survive that loss, especially with four kids?

(27:10):
That must have been like so incredibly difficult. I can't
even imagine.

Speaker 3 (27:15):
Yeah, no, it was.

Speaker 4 (27:19):
I had a good group of friends, and I had
at the time the support of the church, and so
they did things that I couldn't and leading up to
his death as well, like they brought meals every day
for months. I didn't have to think about cooking or
food in the house because they brought it or they'd

(27:40):
be like, oh, let me take the kids to their
sports activities because some days I just like couldn't. I
just couldn't. Yeah, write it was really difficult. Yeah, but
you know, like I think when something like that happens,
you know, leading up to it, you think like there's
no way I can get through this, I can't do this,
and then somehow you do.

Speaker 1 (28:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (28:03):
But yeah, I'm not going to say it's easy, but yeah,
somehow you just you do. You do go into survival mode.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
Yeah, I mean, don't you don't know what you can
get through until you face with it. Yeah, and especially
when you have kids, it's like you have to.

Speaker 3 (28:16):
You have to. You have to get through it. There's
no choice. You don't. You don't have a choice, right
you know. Yeah, so you said that.

Speaker 1 (28:24):
So you were in the Mormon Church then at the time,
and so they really like gathered around you and like
supported you. That must have been one of like for me,
I'm not a religious persons. In fact, I was raised atheist,
but I love the way that the church creates a
community of people that really come together and support each other. Yeah,
And I think that that's something that is missing in society.

Speaker 4 (28:46):
Definitely, these days. Yeah, everyone is just like for themselves.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
Yeah, like we don't really like people don't have something
that centers them, Yeah, and something to like focus around.
And even though I'm not religious, I see how like
that has value with the church. So that must have
been you must have been felt like so grateful for that, Like.

Speaker 4 (29:07):
Yeah, definitely. I mean they even came to me and said, Okay,
we know that you can't do this, so just tell us,
like what flowers you Like? They did absolutely everything for
the funeral. They paid for it, they put the service together.

Speaker 3 (29:19):
I showed up. Did your faith help you get through that?

Speaker 4 (29:22):
It did because I felt like, Okay, I'm going to
see him again because I you know, I really believe that.
So I'm like, okay, I'm going to see him again.
So I had that comfort. I knew, okay, he's with God. Now.
I had that comfort, and so that helped me quite
a bit, just knowing like he's a piece I don't
need to have any guilt about that, and that you know,

(29:44):
for me, like everything is going to be okay.

Speaker 1 (29:47):
That's another thing that I actually makes me a little
bit jealous about people who have faith like that. That
truly like feeling that comfort and thinking that you're going
to see that person again, yeah, or that they're they're okay,
that their spirit like resides somewhere. Yeah, because you know,
when my father died, like that was like the worst
thing for me. Yeah, and I didn't have that.

Speaker 3 (30:11):
That he was just gone.

Speaker 4 (30:13):
Yeah yeah, yeah, you know what I mean, Like there's
just nothing right.

Speaker 3 (30:15):
Like he's gone, right, and I'm never going to see
him again.

Speaker 1 (30:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (30:18):
I think whether you're religious or not, and if you
don't have that, you can know that, well, they're not
physically suffering, right, They're not suffering whether you believe or not,
you know, in the other stuff or not. Regardless of
what you believe, they're not suffering. Yeah, and so you
don't have to carry that burden, Right's.

Speaker 1 (30:38):
The idea of non existence to me, is like the
most terrifying thing ever.

Speaker 4 (30:42):
It is. It's strange.

Speaker 3 (30:43):
Yeah. Yeah, I like sit in the dark and think, well,
if you've gone through that, yes, you do.

Speaker 4 (30:49):
You think about those things because it is strange to
know someone your whole life and to have someone be
constant and then they just don't exist. It's strange and
it's not something that you think about unless it happens
to you, right, yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:04):
So now you ended up being excommunicated from the church
that yeah, right, So what happened there?

Speaker 4 (31:13):
So I think it was I told you I was
on that talk show, The Daily Blast Live.

Speaker 3 (31:17):
Well that aired.

Speaker 4 (31:19):
I don't think they're on the air anymore, but I
think they aired in like twenty states and it was
this live talk show, and then that was put on
YouTube and so it circulates.

Speaker 1 (31:31):
And so you went on that talk show about your career, Yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 (31:34):
I think I was.

Speaker 4 (31:35):
You know, after being featured in the New York Post,
they contacted me and said, hey, we'd like to have
you as a guest on our show.

Speaker 3 (31:43):
Would you like to do that? I'm like sure, So
I did, And.

Speaker 4 (31:46):
Then after it was televised, they put it on YouTube.
Someone I don't know who, someone in the church saw
that and said recognize you and they sent that to
the bishop of the church. And so I got a
text one morning and this was after another article had
come out in the New York Post, and I thought, oh,

(32:08):
he saw it.

Speaker 3 (32:08):
I had a text at.

Speaker 4 (32:10):
Like five thirty am. I need to meet with you.
It's important. Can you come and meet me at the church.
I've never had a text like that in my life,
so I knew who knows, and so of course I'm like,
I'm really busy. Can we just talk about this over text?
And he's like, it's really important, I'd rather do this

(32:30):
in person. And so I avoided him for a while
and then I decided, Okay, he's going to see me
in attendance this Sunday. Let's just rip the band aid off.

Speaker 3 (32:40):
So I did.

Speaker 4 (32:40):
I let him come over, and we had the most
awkward interaction conversation ever. You know, he's not really into
social media, right, and I don't know if he has Instagram,
but he certainly doesn't know anything about the adult industry. Well,
it's still none of his business. And I still, you know,
I don't see anything wrong with if I were on

(33:04):
the other side of the business, as you know, an
adult in adult entertainment film star. But he assumed that's
what it was, and he went off on some spiel,
some tangent about how you know, like negative that is
and you know, not not great for you know, myself
or my family. I didn't correct him. I just sort

(33:25):
of like the smile and nod like a yea, yeah.
He gave me an ultimatum. He said, you can't do
this and be a member of the church. It just
doesn't work. Those two things just don't coexist. You can
have your career and your life, or you can come
and attend and be one of us, basically, And he

(33:49):
asked me if that's you know, do you want to
still attend and do you want to be a member?
And is this what you want? And I said yes,
you know, I just wanted to think.

Speaker 3 (33:58):
I just wanted him out of my house.

Speaker 4 (34:00):
I'm thinking towards the end of the conversation, I'm thinking,
wait a minute, why are wait, why are you here
right now?

Speaker 3 (34:07):
Why did I let you come over again?

Speaker 4 (34:10):
But you're conditioned from a young age because in the
Mormon Church, you have to you you attend an annual
meeting where you're asked questions about you know, your faith
and if you still have the same beliefs that you
did and if you've been living a pure life to

(34:30):
get permission to go to the Mormon temple, So you
can't just walk into the Mormon Temple. You have to
have the recommendation from the bishop, and so you know
you're you're if you're a member, then you're used to this.
You're used to asking for permission and wanting and needing acceptance,

(34:51):
and so that's why. To anyone else, they're like, you know,
why did you let him in your house? Like that's
none of his business. But if you're used to that
and having those conversations, then it's just sort of a
knee jerk reaction to say, Okay, dad, yeah, you know,
go over, we'll talk about it.

Speaker 3 (35:05):
Right.

Speaker 4 (35:07):
But yeah, Towards the end of that conversation, I'm like,
wait a minute, this is really strange. This is not normal.
Why are you here? This is none of your business.

Speaker 3 (35:15):
You know.

Speaker 4 (35:16):
I when I'm in attendance on Sunday, which I am
every Sunday, I act normal, like I dress conservatively, I'm nice,
I sit quietly and I listen and then I leave
and I go home. So where it led from there
was he wanted an update. Like every couple of weeks,

(35:37):
he was texting me like, Hey, I'd really like to
have an update from you. Where are we at with things?
Because he wanted to know are you still continuing your
shenanigans on on OnlyFans or have you changed your ways?
And of course I haven't changed my ways, making bank
make a lot.

Speaker 3 (35:54):
Of money, don't you. I don't you have to give
ten percent of your income to the Mormon you but.

Speaker 4 (36:00):
It's frowned upon, not too Yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:02):
So if he wants his ten percent, then maybe he
should let you do only right.

Speaker 4 (36:06):
Yes, right, yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah, I thought it was
dirty money.

Speaker 3 (36:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (36:14):
So you know, he's really after me, wanting an update,
and I didn't want to give it to him because
I wanted to just do my thing and like leave
me alone. Right. So I was moving to another state,
and it was known because I was asking for help
to carry furniture and do things and so, not him,

(36:34):
but other members in the church. So you know, the
talk happened that Okay, she's moving, and he didn't want
this to be I think what happened is he didn't
want this to be another bishop's problem, because when you move,
you have a record number you have, you have a
record with the church. So if I move and I attend,
they're going to ask, okay, what's your member I d

(36:55):
and then they're going to find out and then we
have to have that conversation. So I think he just thought,
let's just close business here. You're not doing what you're
supposed to be doing. Your Instagram's still there, your account's
still there, your your link is still in your bio,
and so I'm just going to make the call. And
so he took away my membership.

Speaker 3 (37:16):
So he excommunicated you. Yes, yeah, you know.

Speaker 4 (37:19):
It says in the letter, which I did get an
official letter, that you know, I'm still welcome to attend,
but I can't take part in sacrament. I can't attend
the temple. I don't have any of the same privileges.
So you're allowed to sit there in the pew and
be shamed if you'd like to still attend, you know,
if you'd still like to show up and have everyone

(37:40):
stare at you because it's quiet, like if somebody passes
gas two hundred, people are going to know. Like it's
quiet when you pass that bread in that water. Everyone
is looking around, and everyone takes the bread in the water.
But if I'm not allowed to, it's going to be noticed.

(38:00):
Right if I don't, it's like I'm not, come on,
this isn't I'm excommunicated.

Speaker 3 (38:05):
I'm out. Yeah, yeah, So what did you do after that?

Speaker 4 (38:08):
I moved and then I just I just went about
my life and I started recently thinking about going back
because I just wanted to like regroup, you know, restart
my life, which I wasn't moving because of that. I
wanted out of bad weather. But I'm glad I'm away.

(38:29):
I mean, I don't want.

Speaker 3 (38:29):
Those people as neighbors, right. Yeah, So.

Speaker 4 (38:34):
I'm now because my kids, you know, they grew up
attending every Sunday and it's kind of weird. It's like
there's this hole and things are just different. And so
I've thought about, well, maybe I do just go back
and then I fight for my membership. I'm just not
really sure what my move is going to be, but
that's the potential.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
How did you tell your kids that you were excommunicated?
Do they know why?

Speaker 4 (38:57):
My older daughter does, The younger one thinks we've been
busy and.

Speaker 3 (39:02):
I mean we're just not true.

Speaker 4 (39:05):
Yeah, yeah, you know, and she's you know, busy with
her friends, and you know, probably now is like, well okay,
well actually I'm happy we're not.

Speaker 1 (39:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (39:12):
I have study's free now.

Speaker 4 (39:13):
Yeah, it's free. Now I can play roadblocks.

Speaker 3 (39:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
So did you think about like getting like when you
got into only fans? Do you think about the church
running out? Like neighbors finding out that stuff I did,
but it.

Speaker 4 (39:29):
Was worth it to me to just because I knew
I believed in myself. I knew that I was going
to be at the top on OnlyFans when like day one,
I was like, it's happening. That's just who I am.
I do something and I want to take it to
the top.

Speaker 3 (39:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (39:45):
So I thought about it, but I thought I would
rather deal with that and have those consequences than not
pursue what I want to do.

Speaker 3 (39:55):
And do you feel like it's been worth it?

Speaker 4 (39:56):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (39:57):
Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
Yeah, it has been excommunicated from the church. Is that
shaking your faith at all? Or is it as strong
as ever?

Speaker 3 (40:04):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (40:05):
I just think it's you know, it's hypocritical because everyone sins, right,
this is a sin, but and he sends too. He's
not perfect, he's human. So for him to decide that
my sin is greater, that it's worse than his, for
him to decide, well, I'm the judge and the jury
and your sin that's dirty, mine is not. So I

(40:26):
can still hold my position. That's hypocritical. And you're not
the You're not Jesus like.

Speaker 1 (40:32):
No, right, So you feel like maybe the organization around
the Mormon church, like the people are perhaps not running
it the way that they're misled, but you still have
a strong faith, like staring Jesus and the message and
all that.

Speaker 4 (40:50):
Definitely, Yeah, none of that has changed. I just think
that he's a little flawed, Yeah, and that the system
is a little flawed.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
Do you think that you would be welcomed back in
a different church with the from pastor.

Speaker 4 (41:01):
That's what I'm considering, Like maybe I can say my
piece and we can.

Speaker 3 (41:06):
Come to an understanding. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:08):
Yeah, potentially free only fans memberships for everybody.

Speaker 3 (41:12):
Yeah, hey, I'll show you a.

Speaker 4 (41:14):
Peak three month subscription.

Speaker 1 (41:17):
So you've also been reported to your HOA and judged
by your neighbors. Yeah, so you're getting it from all sides. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (41:25):
I have a funny story about my neighbor. Okay, crazy,
I want to hear it. Yeah, so this loon that
she's behind me, so we share a fence, and so
here's my porch, and then her house is here. So
I'll go out there and I'll make reels. I'm not
doing anything crazy. I'm just being cute in my bikini
sometimes lingerie. But like from a distance, you couldn't tell

(41:46):
the difference between my lingerie top and a bikini because
it's just like maybe it's a maroon full coverage, like
not sheer top and panty.

Speaker 1 (41:57):
I'm assuming that the fence is not super high and
it's not like opaque like you can see through it.

Speaker 3 (42:02):
Obviously you can't.

Speaker 4 (42:04):
But so my house is sit My house is like
kind of on a it's it's it's above, it's above.

Speaker 3 (42:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (42:10):
So she's look when she looks, I'm up and her
house is down here, gotcha. So I can see down
onto her porch, she can see up to mine. So
I'm out there one day and you know how you
could just feel someone's eyes, right, I had my little
tripod and I'm just you know, basically being cute Sie
in the camera and I'm not like bouncing around and
doing anything weird. I felt eyes. So I look over

(42:33):
and she's, you know, she's definitely staring at me. And
so I thought, it's just your imagination, a holly. So
I did what I needed to do, and I'm like,
we'll see again. So but it's been several minutes and
I look and she's still staring at me, and I'm like, Okay,
don't think it's my imagination. I have like one more

(42:54):
real to do. So a couple minutes go by and
I look up again and she's still staring at me.
I think she was thinking, like, if I give her
the evil eye, she'll just she'll be uncomfortable and she'll
go inside. So I went inside because I'm done. Like
that was my purpose. I needed to make some cute reels.
Take a couple of pics on my deck. I'm going

(43:14):
back inside. So I did, and I'm in a bikini.
Take my bikini top off, and I'm in my I'm
in my dining room in my house. I take it
off and I set something down and I looked over
and she's still staring at me. And she's like she's

(43:34):
like this on her counter, and she's like, I mean
it's kind of hard to see because there's a glare.
I can definitely tell her she's staring at me. And
so of course I'm like, now I'm staring at you
because I'm thinking, wait, why are we staring right now?

Speaker 3 (43:48):
Right? Is that? What UD thinking?

Speaker 1 (43:50):
Right?

Speaker 3 (43:50):
Why is this going up? What's going on?

Speaker 4 (43:53):
Like yeah, yeah, And then she grabs her phone. Come
to find out, she called the neighbors to say that
I'm like to complain that I made eye contact over
the fence line at her, and that I went in
my house and took my top off for her, like
wanting her to watch me, that I like seductively took

(44:14):
it off, and that I'm basically like, right, yes, you're
the peeping tom.

Speaker 3 (44:22):
Yeah, so she I'm.

Speaker 1 (44:23):
So sorry, officer, but I had my nose pressed against
her window in the middle of the night and then
she got undressed in front of me, and yeah, you know,
but she's the perpetrator.

Speaker 4 (44:33):
Yes, yeah, you're the peeping tom. I know. And I
don't know who she's blown in the neighborhood that they
all like, oh, you know, like I thinks she's the
victim because she saw me naked.

Speaker 3 (44:46):
You're looking at my window.

Speaker 4 (44:48):
Yeah yeah, So she's talking crap to all the neighbors
about how like I'm this pervert and she called someone
called the age away m hm and made complaints that
I'm outside in my bikini and I mean, it doesn't
bother me.

Speaker 3 (45:02):
It's just so did the age A call you? No,
they didn't, that would because we're I.

Speaker 4 (45:08):
Know, isn't that crazy?

Speaker 3 (45:10):
Like what do you think?

Speaker 4 (45:11):
They're the morality police for the neighborhood, Like, what do
you think they're going to do?

Speaker 3 (45:14):
Oh, no, she's in a bikini. So are you you
have a pool lunatic? Yeah? Yeah, so how is that?

Speaker 4 (45:20):
We just like no one talks up no one. Yeah,
I'm just like, no one wants to talk to me.
I'll drive through the neighborhood or walk and people are like,
They're like so uncomfortable, it's so weird.

Speaker 3 (45:35):
Like make you feel like you want to move.

Speaker 4 (45:36):
I'll do whatever, Like I'm not uncomfortable and I have
zero shame, but I have to for the sake of
my kids. I have to go to our neighborhood pool
like at like seven am because my kids there will
be consequences for them if I cause a stir, So
I have to keep a low profile. And like, I

(45:57):
only want to move because I'm like, okay, I just
need my own pool so that I don't have to
get up at seven am to make reels. If i'd
sit noon or you know, whatever I want to do
at my pool, I can do. But I have to
just keep the low key profile because of the kids.
So because of that reason, yes, but not because I
like care what they think or I'm like what you're boring,

(46:19):
Like you don't have a life. You think I want
to hang out with you anyways, No, we have nothing
in common.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
Has this affected you're like anything with your kids? Do
they have struggles at school or anything like that? Does anyone, Like.

Speaker 4 (46:33):
You've just been a couple of uncomfortable, like tough conversations
like why do you have to do this? Mom? I'm like,
you like those shoes, lying's house, you like the vacation,
That's why?

Speaker 2 (46:43):
Right?

Speaker 4 (46:43):
Yeah, right, they could take it back, change things, but overall,
like they have all had trouble, like you know, like
like it hasn't caused them. They haven't had issues themselves
prior to moving. Yes, my older daughter was bullied. I
popped up on TikTok. I was live on TikTok and

(47:04):
one of her friends did see, and of course they
went to my Instagram and then it was.

Speaker 3 (47:09):
All bad from there. They can't get on to OnlyFans,
but they can see the link.

Speaker 4 (47:13):
They can see what I do, and so they did
give her a hard time and that was during middle
school and that was awful. Since moving, though, we really
haven't had those issues. But she knows about the neighbor
thing and I think there is one other kid in
the neighborhood. And he saw me with a tripod in
my front door and he put two and two together

(47:35):
and he didn't raz her about it. He just asked
about it. So thankfully that's been okay. Yeah, so it's
it's okay. But there have been a couple of conversations,
like I said, like, why do you have to do this, mom,
because you like money as much as I do.

Speaker 1 (47:49):
What we have to do my daughter, I like it.
My daughter starts public school this year, and I'm like,
I don't know, I just it's funny because so you know,
with public school, they ask for all kinds of volunteer
help from the parents and stuff like that. And one
of the positions was a photographer, like class photographer, and

(48:10):
you know, I'm a photographer. I'm a very good photographer,
and I know a lot about photography and I you know,
And so my husband was like, oh, you should, you
should do that, like you because he was also like,
if you're not the photographer, all you're gonna do is
criticize whoever becomes the photographer.

Speaker 3 (48:26):
Right, Like that's true. But then I was thinking about it.

Speaker 1 (48:30):
I was like, the problem is is that at some
point someone's going to eventually find out what I do
and it's going to be weird, and a parent's going
to complain, and then a teacher is going to have
to come to me and be like, hey, sorry, we
found out that you shoot porn. We cannot allow you to,
you know, be the class photographer for like the preschool,

(48:52):
which is like insane amazing.

Speaker 3 (48:54):
Saying like, what do you think I'm going to do?
Show them my work? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (48:58):
I mean it's like, first of all, it's it's all
in a public space. It's at the school, yeah, right,
Like And second of all, to think that I'm like
some sexual deviant is is bananas? Yes, Like it's you know,
I mean And if anything, I was saying about this
the other day, if anybody understands consent and bodily autonomy,
it's me.

Speaker 4 (49:18):
Yeah, you know, like people don't like the.

Speaker 1 (49:20):
Adult industry is we are very especially like you know,
at the level that I work at, we're very concerned
with consent and like, you know, autonomy, And I'm very like, yeah,
I'm very aware of those things.

Speaker 3 (49:34):
And like the fucking children, like.

Speaker 4 (49:36):
Right, this is quiet exactly. It's if suddenly you don't
have a brain, and like, like, you can't. Can't you know,
be professional? Right, it's just because of what you do, right, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (49:47):
And it's just like, and it's sad because I knew
I was going to come up against this at some
point and it hasn't happened yet.

Speaker 3 (49:52):
This is the imaginary thing that's coming up in my head.

Speaker 1 (49:54):
But I'm just like, I know, if I put myself
in that position, I feel like it's going to backfire
on me and then it's going to be really hurtful.

Speaker 3 (50:03):
Yeah, you know.

Speaker 1 (50:04):
Yeah, And I just like I don't want to put
myself in that position. So yeah, I think I'm going
to have to let somebody else take shitty photos of
the kids and.

Speaker 3 (50:12):
I'll just have to judge from back here. Yeah, not
where you put that light lady.

Speaker 4 (50:17):
Right, Yeah, you could just say you could just say
to her. I mean two things, One you could you
could take the chance, or two you could go to
her and be like, hey, I couldn't. I was too
busy to take this on, but hey, I I took
some photography classes and I can give you some tips.

Speaker 3 (50:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (50:35):
Yeah, but it's gonna be an interesting world to navigate.
But I mean, you know, I do live in LA.
People are a lot more open here.

Speaker 3 (50:42):
They are. It's very real different.

Speaker 1 (50:44):
Yeah, I haven't really like faced too much vitriol for
what I do. It just I've never I've never navigated
this road.

Speaker 3 (50:52):
As a mom.

Speaker 4 (50:53):
Yeah, yeah, you know right.

Speaker 1 (50:55):
And it's like I grew up in this industry as
the daughter of pornographers. I mean that's what my parents.
There was no backlash, right, well, but the Internet didn't exist. Oh,
you're right, you're right, people about you know. I mean
if somebody, first of all, if you knew who Susan
Randall was, then you were like a big fan of porn,
like to know who the photographer was.

Speaker 3 (51:16):
You know then yeah, so that was like not common.

Speaker 1 (51:20):
But to recognize her like you know, at an event,
like then you're like crazy super fan, Like that's so uncommon.
But now you know, everybody's on the internet. I mean
you found me because I pucked up on your instagra. Yeah,
you know, and the way phones talk to each other.
Who knows that I'm just going to be like next
to a mom. And then just like it does recommend yeah,

(51:42):
people that are near you.

Speaker 3 (51:43):
Yes, it does.

Speaker 4 (51:44):
When you first post something, it pushes out to those
in your local area. It does well, then it goes further. Yeah,
so yeah, your neighbors are seeing your stuff.

Speaker 3 (51:53):
You know, my neighbors are cool.

Speaker 1 (51:55):
Like the neighborhood that I live in is like this
eclectic kind of like school art community full of a
lot of people in the entertainment business. They are totally fine,
they are awesome. I have no worries about that.

Speaker 3 (52:05):
It's just maybe those moms.

Speaker 1 (52:06):
It's the school environment that I'm concerned about. Yeah, maybe
I'm just I don't know, maybe I'm just boring.

Speaker 4 (52:12):
We'll find out.

Speaker 3 (52:13):
Yeah, yeah, I'm normal. I know we're normal. I know
talk about Dix a lot, but I won't do that at.

Speaker 4 (52:21):
School, right, I promise.

Speaker 1 (52:27):
What would you say to women, especially moms who feel
conflicted about embracing their sexuality.

Speaker 4 (52:32):
Say, like, as far as like wanting to be in
the industry, Like if someone is hesitant, I feel.

Speaker 1 (52:38):
Just like embracing your sexuality in general, just like being
a sexual woman. You know, it doesn't necessarily have to
mean that you're in the industry. Maybe just you know,
deciding to like forage into like role play with your
husband or maybe letting your husband take sexy pictures of you,
or taking sexy pictures of yourself or your husband. It
doesn't have to be anything public facing, but just like

(52:58):
getting out of that place where you think like a
woman always has to be pure and demure and you
want to think that Apparently I don't know those people.

Speaker 3 (53:08):
I hear they're out there.

Speaker 4 (53:09):
I know, I hear they're out there. Yeah, I think
it's good for your self esteem. I think that maybe
uncomfortable at first, not for me, but for some Apparently
it's uncomfortable to you know, to get in lingerie or
to take sexy pictures, even if you're not going to
post them, and that's not your intention. Yeah, it's it's
something that will become comfortable and then you'll feel more

(53:31):
comfortable in your own skin. And I think to be
intimate you need to first and for that to go
well right for you to enjoy yourself, you do need
to feel comfortable with yourself. If you don't feel attractive,
then you're not gonna have a good time. So I
think that that can really help, you know, just kind
of if there's something that a woman wants to do,

(53:52):
like wants to start wearing lingerie or wants to start,
you know, taking pictures, or having her husband take pictures,
or you know, being more vocal in the bedroom, you know,
like any of those things.

Speaker 3 (54:02):
But those are self esteem builders.

Speaker 4 (54:03):
So I think, you know, just go for it and
then slowly you'll get more comfortable and then those boundaries
will be pushed a little more.

Speaker 1 (54:12):
What advice would you give to moms who want to
get into the industry but are maybe afraid of judgment
or just feel like maybe they're too old or they're
too late to the game.

Speaker 4 (54:21):
Yeah, well, you're definitely not too late, because I think
I've said twice so far in this podcast that MILF
is the number one searched That's that's the number one
search is MILF.

Speaker 3 (54:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (54:32):
Guys like a mature, experienced woman that knows what she wants.

Speaker 3 (54:37):
They like it.

Speaker 4 (54:37):
It's attractive. Confidence is attractive. So it's not necessarily you know,
twenty years old it's attractive anymore. It's it's the confidence
knowing what you want and going out and doing it
that guys like that.

Speaker 3 (54:52):
They love it.

Speaker 4 (54:53):
I think, you know, be ready to work hard, because,
as I said, this is not easy. So it's like
starting any other business, so you have to get your
act together. But if you have your act together and
you're willing to work hard and work smart and do
your research and be comfortable putting yourself out there. I mean,

(55:15):
the sky's the limit for your career, and there really
isn't an age limit, So I say do it. And
if you're worried about what people are going to think,
you do have to weigh that out, you know, am I.
You have to just be prepared and just know that
at some point you're going to face that that backlash
or family members could be upset with you and not
want to talk to you. You have to be okay

(55:37):
with that. I personally made the decision that if that happens,
I'm good like you. If you're going to say that
you know, for some reason you don't think I'm the
same person anymore, just because I do this for a living,
then I don't need to talk to you and we're okay.

Speaker 1 (55:52):
What would you tell your former freshly grieving self one thing,
considering where you are to.

Speaker 4 (56:00):
I've never been asked that question. I never really thought
about that my former grieving self. What would I tell myself?
Maybe that I didn't believe.

Speaker 3 (56:08):
Then that I know now.

Speaker 4 (56:11):
That what I think my weaknesses are now are going
to become superpowers later.

Speaker 1 (56:18):
And you.

Speaker 4 (56:20):
That time will reveal how that's going to work. So
the things that are hard now and where my weaknesses are,
that those that'll actually excel in those areas, and that
I'll take where I'm weak and what I'm going through
and the tragedies that I'm going through and somehow that
will open up more doors for me and more opportunities

(56:44):
and that really good things will happen. And I never
believed that, Like for example, it actually opened up the
doors for me to do this right. I never thought
that I would fit into this industry or that I
would have a window of opportunity to do it, and
so I decided to which did help rebuild my self
esteem and to show myself that, oh I'm capable of

(57:07):
a lot of things on my own, and I can
do anything I want to do, which gave me the
confidence to write a book. I just wrote a book
and I just recorded the audible about my experience with
my husband. Okay, yeah, so I wrote a book for
those going through a similar process. It's it is a memoir,

(57:27):
but it's also like a self help book. So I
just finished that and I never thought that I would
be able to do that, or that I'd be in
a good enough place.

Speaker 3 (57:36):
To do it. So do you have a title for
it yet?

Speaker 4 (57:40):
I do, I haven't launched it yet. It's the hardest help.
So helping a loved one through alcoholism.

Speaker 1 (57:49):
Oh wow, yeah, that's awesome. You know I'm seven years ober,
are you okay? So I have trudged that road.

Speaker 3 (57:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (57:59):
Well, And so my book is for this like the
spouse or the family member because as you know, like
they need to learn how to help you, but not
in a controlling way, like it has to be a
sub so for them to have the tools to support you.

Speaker 1 (58:15):
Yeah, right, No, I put my family through hell yeah,
and my husband too. My husband and I actually met
when I was because I had seven years and then
I relapsed and I was took me like normal four years,
yeah to get back, and I was struggling in my
relapse trying to get sober again when I met my husband,
And I don't know why he stayed with me, because

(58:35):
I was not.

Speaker 3 (58:36):
The best version of myself at the time.

Speaker 1 (58:38):
But I don't know. He said that he saw something
in me. He was like, this is the only thing
that is wrong with you. And he's like, I know,
you can overcome it, and he's like without you know,
you're perfect otherwise, and he stuck with it.

Speaker 3 (58:50):
And I just celebrated seven years a week ago.

Speaker 4 (58:52):
Wow, that's awesome.

Speaker 3 (58:53):
Another seven years, so yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, so cool.
You can get you can do it too, well, that's amazing.

Speaker 1 (59:02):
Do you know where people will be able to get
the book or should they just follow you on social media?

Speaker 3 (59:06):
Pell me on social.

Speaker 4 (59:07):
Media because I'll definitely have updates. I haven't mentioned it
at all on social media because it's you know, I
spent a year preparing for this, and I just that's
why I'm in LA. I was recording the audible. Okay,
I just finished that, and so it's out in September,
and so when I have the website up, which I'll
have about a week of the website up and then

(59:28):
we'll do pre orders and I'll have that available. It
comes out in September to mid September.

Speaker 3 (59:33):
It'll come out.

Speaker 1 (59:34):
Yeah, well, by the time this episode actually comes out,
like on all the platforms, it'll be more than a
week from now.

Speaker 3 (59:42):
So it sounds like your website will probably probably.

Speaker 4 (59:44):
Yeah, the hardest help dot Com and and can just
follow me on Instagram because I'll have updates on there.

Speaker 3 (59:50):
Fantastic. Well, Holly, thank you so much for joining us.

Speaker 1 (59:54):
Oh, I do have one Patreon question for you that
I don't I don't want to skip over.

Speaker 3 (59:58):
We'll just include it as a bon and this segment.

Speaker 1 (01:00:01):
Normally I do a separate segment for Patreon questions, but
lucky you guys, you're going to get this one for free.
And if you're a Patreon member, you can send in
questions for my guests as well. So this one is
from Strawberry Mew okay, and he asks, how is your
understanding and approach to identity and authenticity evolved over the
last two years.

Speaker 4 (01:00:21):
I always from the date from day one, because you know,
entering into this business, I did follow some other creators
and models and I noticed, okay, some have like a
character or you know, they're like in this niche, this
is my niche. And I thought, you know, I'm just
coming in as Holly and we're going to have a

(01:00:41):
good time.

Speaker 3 (01:00:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:00:43):
So I yeah, I never did that. I just came
in as myself, like if I in the morning, just
wake up and my hair's a mess. But you know,
I'm nude, and I think, well, they won't care. I
snap a pick and I post it. You know, I've
I really from day one decided that they're going to
kind of see everything, and that's how I want it

(01:01:05):
to be. So I kind of want it to be
sort of like blog like, hey, I just woke up
and my hair's crazy.

Speaker 3 (01:01:10):
Good morning.

Speaker 4 (01:01:11):
Yeah, and then you know, midday, I'm more done up,
and this is what I'm wearing, and these are the
reels I'm making. This is what I'm doing, and so
I look cuter and you know, and then before bed
it look kind of crazy again, but here it is.

Speaker 3 (01:01:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:01:26):
So I've just from day one, I made that decision
that they're coming here to see me, and they're real me.

Speaker 3 (01:01:33):
So here you go.

Speaker 1 (01:01:35):
Yeah, so you really like take people through your whole
day on only fans, and it's like it's almost like
a journal, like a vog Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:01:43):
Yeah, absolutely, yeah, And I'll post. I'll just and it
doesn't matter what I look like. I'll take a little
video and say, you know, well maybe in the morning
and say, well, this is what I'm doing today. I
hope you're having to just talk to the camera like
you know, they're standing here in front of me. That's
what I'm doing today, and this is the plan. And
I hope you're having a good day. Message me, and

(01:02:03):
I'm still answering messages even though I'm doing blah blah blah.

Speaker 3 (01:02:06):
Right, and then I'll just fucking away. I'm getting on
a video first thing in the morning without a filter, like.

Speaker 4 (01:02:13):
Yeah, and then you know, later in the day, maybe I'm,
you know, at the pool and I'll you know, snap
a selfie and I'm at the pool and it's just yeah,
exactly what you said, like like a blog.

Speaker 1 (01:02:22):
Yeah, I cannot get myself into like that habit. Like
I know that that's like the thing that people want
to see and that's what gets you. But you gotta
know you got it, Like and I'm just like I
cannot get myself into that mindset.

Speaker 3 (01:02:36):
I just I don't know, I just can't.

Speaker 1 (01:02:37):
Yeah, I'm just like it's I think it's just like
a you just have to get yourself in that headspace
or I need to like hire someone to follow me just.

Speaker 3 (01:02:46):
Take pictures of me, because I just like I won't
do it.

Speaker 4 (01:02:49):
Yeah, I think, you know, in the beginning, it was like, Okay,
I have to schedule this and then eventually it just
sort of becomes the habit.

Speaker 3 (01:02:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:02:57):
Yeah, I should probably also try not to have like
six other.

Speaker 3 (01:03:02):
Jobs, right, Yeah, you're like a little too much. That
also makes it difficult. Yes, you have a lot on
your plate.

Speaker 1 (01:03:09):
Yeah, anyways, and this podcast is one of them. Thank
you guys so much for watching it. So, Holly, can
you let everybody know where they can find you online?

Speaker 3 (01:03:18):
Please? Yes?

Speaker 4 (01:03:22):
Well, let's see, I'll rattle off two of my instruments.

Speaker 3 (01:03:26):
Instagram.

Speaker 4 (01:03:27):
You know, it's the real Holly j So, the real Holly.

Speaker 3 (01:03:32):
With a J.

Speaker 4 (01:03:33):
That's one of my main accounts. Holly dot Jane dot
Johnston is one of my accounts, and the other one
is is it Holly Holly dot Jane Underscore XO or
Holly dot Johnston Underscore XO.

Speaker 3 (01:03:49):
One of those? And then what about your only fans?

Speaker 1 (01:03:53):
It's your direct only fans length if they just want
to go straight there.

Speaker 4 (01:03:57):
My handle on OnlyFans is blush When I say this,
Holly Jane loves six' Nine Oh, spicy and My twitter
Is Holly jane four sixt'.

Speaker 3 (01:04:10):
Nine SO i GUESS i don't need to ask you
what your favorite position.

Speaker 4 (01:04:12):
Is thank you one of them at least for the.

Speaker 1 (01:04:17):
Play and you guys can find me On instagram At Holly.
RANDALL i also started a Modeling. Instagram AS i was
Telling holly earlier That i'm bad at, updating it's, Exo holly,
snaps it's just so work on That i'm gonna give

(01:04:37):
it to.

Speaker 3 (01:04:37):
Her she's gonna do it.

Speaker 1 (01:04:41):
Otherwise i'm On twitter At Holly, randall and of course
you can go to hollylinks to get access to all
of my, Platforms, patreon dot, Com, Slash Holly, randall and.
Filtered to support this, podcast watch these interviews streamed, live
and thank you guys so much for being. Here thank
you for your, support AND i will see you you
on the next.

Speaker 3 (01:05:00):
One mm

Speaker 2 (01:05:07):
Hmm