Hops and Box Office Flops

Equilibrium centers on post-World War III society, Libria, where emotions have been outlawed. Daily, citizens must take scheduled injections of Prozium II to ensure they don't begin to feel. Violators are handled with prejudice.

If that sounds familiar, it should. Equilibrium, despite a few nifty action scenes, is highly derivative of better dystopian fiction. One of its few innovations—enforcement agents trained in the art of gun ...

The Running Man, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, resembles the Richard Bachman (Stephen King) novel it was based on in name only. Naturally, since its lead is the "Austrian Oak," it is a testosterone-fueled action movie with a light sprinkling of dystopian allegories.

That said, it crushes both of those elements. Certainly, The Running Man's dire warnings may feel satirical, but viewed through a contemporary lens, they are wildly p...

When it was released in 1982, few could've predicted Blade Runner would become the cultural landmark that it did.

Sure, it was well reviewed at the time and remains so, but it was generally slept on by audiences. Time has only seen the appreciation for it grow.

Its cult status is well deserved. Blade Runner is a masterpiece of the genre—a truly seminal science fiction film. Buoyed by Rutger Hauer's masterful performance as replican...

Jury Duty was one of the last gasps in the fading stardom of Pauly Shore. Son of the legendary Mitzi Shore, Pauly was briefly—and inexplicably—a Hollywood thing in the 90s.

With his dopey, laissez-faire  chic, he headlined a string of movies, most of which weren’t very good. Jury Duty falls into the unfortunate section of his filmography. A riff on 12 Angry Men, the movie centers on one dipshit juror, who refuses to render a verdic...

Nothing But Trouble is so bizarre that it's hard to believe it exists. The brain child of Dan Aykroyd, it is a menagerie of his wildest ideas and characters.

And, since he wrote, directed, and produced it, there was nobody on set with enough clout to have him rein it in a little. Ghostbusters this is not.

Despite that, Aykroyd should be commended for going all in on his ideas. When your film involves a prosthetic nose shaped like t...

In Find Me Guilty, Vin Diesel stars as "Fat" Jackie DiNorscio, one of several defendants in a federal racketeering trial. That trial was the longest Mafia trial in American history. That conceit is interesting in and of itself, but the fact that DiNorscio served as his own attorney really puts it over the top.

Using original court transcripts throughout, DiNorscio makes for a compelling movie character. And Diesel's portrayal of hi...

Gotti is the dramatic retelling of the rise and fall of one time New York Mafia kingpin John J. Gotti. Historically, mob stories have been excellent cinematic fodder. That is not the case here.

Produced by Junior Gotti, the son of the late head of the Gambino Crime Family, this film lacks a compelling narrative. And since it is told non-linearly, most of the proceedings are a jumbled mess.

Thus, for those unfamiliar with Gotti's jo...

Land of the Lost is the second reboot of a niche TV show from the 70s. With a far bigger budget and a cast of comedy all-stars—including Will Ferrell and Danny McBride—one would think the big screen version would elevate the odd source material.

Alas, it could not. Land of the Lost is an unfunny slog through a pseudo prehistoric parallel dimension. It is one filled with a vengeful T-Rex, horny lizard-like aliens, and a deluge of as...

Waterworld was Kevin Costner’s massive swing at post-apocalyptic adventure. As the film’s gruff lead, the Mariner, Costner is essentially just a seafaring Mad Max, wandering the oceanic wasteland trying to survive.

If that sounds cool, then you’ll probably love it. And for the most part, it is pretty damn awesome. What made Waterworld such an easy target for critics and the public was its massive budget and oft rumored issues durin...

Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins is based on The Destroyer series of pulp novels. Clearly inspired by James Bond, the character takes an American spin on the cloak and dagger antics of black ops.

Unlike Agent 007, though, Remo Williams—at least in his big screen incarnation—is not the most compelling character. And by modern sensibilities, it doesn't help that his trainer—an elderly Korean marital arts master named Chiun—is an a...

Sahara was meant to be the next big adventure franchise—an Indiana Jones for a new era. Its main character—Dirk Pitt played by Matthew McConaughey—was the lead in a series of novels by Clive Cussler.

The material was there to be mined, but the audience was not. Despite its inspiration, Sahara could not match the popularity of the novels.

Grossing just $119 million worldwide, it took quite the hit at the box office, especially since...

Speed Racer, based on a popular Japanese Manga and cartoon from the 1960s, is a CGI explosion of high speed hijinks.

Directed by Lilly and Lana Wachowski, it embodies much of what made the series so beloved. That works to its benefit and detriment. For those unfamiliar with Speed Racer's inspiration, there is a barrier to entry. Essentially, this is an eccentric film based on an eccentric property.

And the sheer amount of colors an...

Alita: Battle Angel, based on a popular Manga series, is a cyberpunk action film from Robert Rodriguez.

Full of CGI and over the top fisticuffs, Alita: Battle Angel is quite often visually dazzling. It truly feels like an anime come to life. Where it fails is its storytelling.

The titular Alita is not a particularly compelling character, and her romance with Hugo is even less interesting. Such a shortcoming generally doesn't matter...

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is a somewhat successful live-action adaptation of the beloved GI Joe cartoon and toy line. It's a big, loud, dumb, and, at times, very fun action film.

Most of the adjectives above will come as no surprise for fans of Stephen Sommers–he of The Mummy and The Mummy Returns fame.

The DNA of what made those films such enjoyable adventure romps is here. Unfortunately, so is his penchant to go too far over the ...

The Last Airbender—the 2010 version written, produced, and directed by M. Night Shyamalan—is an affront to cinema. Yes, it is that bad; and no, it is not worth wasting more brain power writing about.

Now, sit back, douse the Fire Nation's flames with a Tropic Force IPA from Voodoo Ranger, and practice that water bending! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, and Chumpzilla are riding our magical sky bison like it's a ...

Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom is the abandoned child of a now-defunct cinematic universe. Pushed multiple times and released far after James Gunn's announcement of his new DCU, the writing was on the wall, or in the sand, for the King of Atlantis' fate. And, yet, the studio still felt they needed to tinker with it to death.

The fingerprints of studio meddling are all over Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom. The editing is slap dash, and t...

Madame Web is Sony's latest vapid entry in their ever burgeoning catalogue of films centering around the villains of Spider-Man.

And, yes, like Morbius, that hero is nowhere to be seen. In fact, since the film largely takes place in 2003, he hasn't even been born yet.

Our heroine here is Cassandra Webb, an EMT born with powers she has yet to realize she's been given. The how and the why of that truly need to be seen to be believed.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania was the bite-sized hero's attempt to elevate the stakes of his solo outings. With Kang—the MCU's big bad in waiting—as the film's central villain, it was meant to serve as a narrative intro for the next Avengers team up.

Alas, that appears like it is not to be. Even before Jonathan Majors, the actor portraying Kang, ran afoul with the law, Quantumania's poor reviews and lagging box office flashed w...

The Flash, despite the character's powers, took forever to speed its way to the big screen. Originally announced as part of DC's film slate in 2014, it would be nine long years before it was finally released.

During that time, numerous directors and writers were attached and then detached from the project. Ultimately, amid numerous legal troubles, Ezra Miller would return to star and IT's Andy Muschietti would direct.

Based loosel...