June 23, 2025 • 32 mins
Links:
Free 5 Day Educational Email Course - https://www.innerconfidence.com/start
NewBrew: https://www.drinknewbrew.com/
Intro:
Most guys lose women not because they said the wrong thing — but because they gave up their power without realizing it.
In this episode, I answer real questions from the IC Community about how to keep rotation girls invested, avoid slipping into the boyfriend zone, leverage female friendships for social proof, and deal with hot girls who play the game better than you.
This is the real dating game — no fluff, no pickup lines, just hard truths and high-leverage strategies. If you don’t control the frame… you will lose the girl.
Timestamps:
00:00 Dating Journey and Self-Improvement
03:19 Navigating the Friend Zone Dilemma
09:40 Curated Exclusive Party Strategies
12:06 Greek Life Inclusivity Dynamics
16:47 Curated Parties for Safe Socializing
19:37 "Gender Economics in Bar Culture"
21:25 Post-Party Balcony Romance
24:58 "Introducing the Hot Crazy Matrix"
27:25 The Art of Manipulative Charm
31:46 "Join High-Status Social Circle"
Connect w/ Robbie:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/robbie_kramer/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@robbie.kramer
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey guys, welcome back to the Inner Confidence Podcast, the
show that helps you go from goodto elite in your dating life.
In this episode, I'm answering real questions from the guys
inside the IC community, guys who are putting in reps, making
moves and running into the same exact challenges that most men
face when they're trying to level up.
You're listening to the Inner Confidence Podcast.
(00:20):
My name is Robbie Kramer, I've been a coach since 2007 and I've
helped countless men rapidly achieve all their social and
dating goals. My mission is simple, to help
you position yourself to meet stunning women, make awesome
friends in route to becoming themost confident and attractive
version you can possibly be. I'm absolutely obsessed with
giving you the most leveraged ways possible to win the game.
(00:41):
So stick around, let's go. I'll share a personal story, the
awkward phases I went through inmy own personal development and
what shifted for me over time. A few of you might be in the
exact same phase right now. Well, I went through some
interesting stages in my development.
So in the beginning I was just like, I just want a girlfriend,
right? Just give me anything So I could
(01:04):
like, you know, have someone or feel not lonely.
And then I was able to like, youknow, get dates, wasn't getting
a lot of second dates. Then I was able to get second
dates and 3rd dates, but only from girls who wanted me to be
their boyfriend. And then the only way that sex
would happen is if they felt like there was some sort of
(01:27):
commitment happening, right? And then as I got more
attractive and boosted my, you know, sexual market value, more
girls were willing to have like casual relationships, especially
when I got in better shape, right?
Basically when I was in, when I was overweight, like the only
girls I was ever banging were like a girlfriend who was like,
(01:50):
OK, this guy's maybe not the hottest guy, certainly wouldn't
choose him for a one night stand, but he makes a good
boyfriend and he'll take care ofme and that sort of thing.
I get, I get it, I get it, I getit.
Basically your your product. As your product gets better you
you basically are able to offer less commitment and still have
sex. Exactly.
And then, you know, during that phase, I might be able to keep a
(02:11):
rotation girl around for like 3 months, right?
A casual sort of thing. And then three months or four
months would go by and then she'd be like, all right, well,
I want more. And then it would kind of blow
up. But then as I continued to get
even better, I realized I was keeping rotation girls around
for years. And they just, they, they
understood that like, OK, Robbie's never going to commit
(02:34):
to me, but sex is great. I have a great time with him.
He takes me amazing places. His his friends are cool.
My life is just so much better by being a part of Robbie's
life. Why would I not continue, you
know, doing all the things real quick.
If you're a divorced guy trying to figure out modern dating, I
put together something special for you.
(02:55):
It's called the social funnel method.
And it's a 5 day free e-mail course I made just for guys like
you. Guys who want to date high
quality women and build a lifestyle that actually feels
good again. You'll learn exactly what works
today, not ten years ago, and how to stand out in a world of
dating apps, ghosting, and Instagram.
Head over to innerconfidence.com/start to get
(03:16):
step one sent straight to your inbox.
It's totally free. Go do it now and let's rebuild
your dating life in the right way.
The next question is from a guy in the group.
And that's how to friend zone a girl that you're interested in,
but she's already kind of put you in the friend zone, but she
keeps wanting to hang out with you.
And I'll explain the actual question in a second, but how do
(03:36):
you kind of do that without making things weird?
Somebody texted me a guy who used to be in the Group A long
time ago. He asked me, Robbie, at what
point would you say it's too late to put a chick into social
circle? And he lists that she's an ex
colleague. She has a boyfriend and we went
out for drinks the other night me and her and had a great time,
lots of touching. She dressed to the absolute
(03:59):
nines. She friend zoned me first.
I didn't make a move on her but I did say I wanted to kiss her
and I like her more than a friend and she genuinely wants
to do things with me like friendstuff, festivals etc.
And he said I said to her jokingly I don't accept the
friend zone and to call me when she breaks up with Herman.
She continues to like all my stories every time I post.
(04:21):
Would it be still possible to hang out with her as a friend
and utilize her in social circle?
How could I ask her to hang out again or just leave it two extra
pieces of it? He says she seems bored as fuck.
She seemed genuinely upset when I told her I would be moving
away and she said she has no friends or a social circle,
prefers to be friends with guys as they're less bitchy.
You're saying he, he, he wants to be friends with her Now
(04:43):
that's that's the. He's wondering if he should
utilize her for his social circle, if there's any value of
being her friend given she has aboyfriend but she really likes
hanging out with him and she's very flirtatious when they hang
out. But he's obviously in the friend
zone and he's not going to be getting out of it anytime soon.
It doesn't. It's not like he really wants to
(05:04):
like, screw over the other guy. He doesn't really want to try to
sleep with her, Not while she has a boyfriend, right?
I'm assuming? Right, he's just wondering if if
she would be a valuable sort of player in his social circle.
I think so, sure. I mean if you know for
preselection or whatever, right?Possibly.
Sure. Yeah, I think given the fact
that she's hot and she wants to hang out with him and she has a
(05:29):
boyfriend, I, I think that's actually great for social circle
because it, it forces him to effectively, you know, use her
to attract other women and then build pre selection.
The only one downside is that she seems like she, she prefers
hanging out with guys and she doesn't have a lot of female
friends. I've seen that with certain
types of girls where, you know, they kind of chum it up with
(05:51):
guys and it's usually because they, they kind of have
turbulent relationships with girls.
They don't get along that well with other girls.
Sometimes they're, they're really competitive and that can
be the the reason, obviously, you know, a better girl for that
sort of thing would be a girl who has lots of cute friends,
but she would still provide value from pre selection
(06:14):
standpoint. And so, yeah, I, I think it's
always good to have female friends.
So it's like, why not? But that would be the the
drawback, I would say Now this next part is gold if you care
about meeting women in real life.
One guy asked about how to find parties and events with a better
ratio of girls to guys. And I break down the real method
for scouting these spots even when they're not publicized.
(06:36):
When it comes to finding places with good ratios, right, where
there's at least 5050 girls and guys, very, very difficult
because men are very incentivized to go out because
they want to go get laid. And women are not as
incentivized to go out because obviously it takes a lot more
for them to get made-up and dressed and do other things and
(06:57):
find a friend. And then they don't really care
that much about going out and getting laid.
Maybe if they're, you know, in the special cycle of the month.
But primarily maintaining a ratio is kind of a dirty job.
It's something that people don'tlike to talk about and advertise
because not only are you maintaining a ratio, but you're
doing a, a version of face control, right?
(07:20):
Where you're trying to only let pretty people in, especially
women. Because these establishments
understand that if beautiful women are at the place, guys
will come and spend money. And same with sort of private
parties. Everybody wants beautiful women
and they want guys who are rich.That's what every party and
every nightclub bar is going for.
(07:40):
So to maintain that, right, Likethat's a bouncer's job, right?
The bouncer's job or the doorman's job is to be very
selective about who they let in,but make it not seem like that,
right? They they, they need to pretend
that that's not happening. Obviously some countries are
more hardcore about it, like. Here it's like less PC about it.
(08:01):
And so other places there's a, it's more political, correct.
So you can't really do that thing here.
It's just like they're not that PC, so.
No, in Eastern Europe, they're just like we call it face
control. And if you don't have a pretty
face, you're not getting in as awoman, right?
Because what incentive is it if the guy shows up to that place
and there's a bunch of ugly girls or or just guys, the guys
(08:23):
aren't going to spend money there.
So when it comes to private event, like so this is true of
bars and clubs and in the US, they don't call it face control,
right? But like they'll do.
I've seen all sorts of girls getturned away for like ridiculous
things like, oh, you have the wrong outfit on and the outfit.
There's nothing wrong with the outfit, right?
And then they're like pressing like why, why, why, right.
(08:44):
You know, there was like a womana lot of the time in the US, you
have these female door door women or door girls, right?
And it's, and it's better for them to turn away the ugly girls
because you know, it's female, female versus a, a door guy
doing it, then he could get in trouble for harassment or God
knows what the hell. You know, someone might complain
(09:04):
about if it's if it's a man at the door.
But here you see that a lot in the US at the more exclusive
venues when they're trying to maintain the ratio.
So if if you're looking for private parties that maintain a
ratio, like you're just not going to find them because first
of all, they're not going to advertise for them.
And if they do advertise like that, it just looks, it looks
(09:26):
grimy, it looks gross, right? Like if somewhere on the
advertisement it says we maintain a solid ratio of men to
women. Like you just look fucking like.
Flyer. I showed you a flyer.
I know. But anything that says that
that's the giveaway that is probably going to be bad because
(09:49):
they have to say it, right? Like the way that I maintain
this during my events or events I went through was we were very
careful about who saw the list. And then we would only give
details about where the party was to specific people that were
invited. And we were careful also that
the invited people knew that they were not welcome to bring
(10:11):
random people who weren't on thelist, right?
So when people would ask me, hey, can I bring a friend, it's
not like I would want to say, are they a girl or the guy,
right? I would say, well, you can add
them to the group and I can let you know if we have space.
So you're doing all of this sortof undercover signaling to to
try to curate the right crowd. Yeah.
(10:32):
I'm not sure you're going to find like basically you have to
know high value guys and then they have to invite you.
And if you don't know high valueguys yet, then you got to go out
and you got to meet them and yougot to demonstrate that you're
high value. Or you can host parties and then
high value guys will find you. But yeah, I don't think there's
any value in like searching. I mean you, you maybe I mean
(10:53):
you. Tell me, have you found any by
searching it? Just usually I mean.
The the last one of the parties we went to that actually me went
to in Warsaw, Poland, was we went to a really cool party.
It started out looking kind of bad because it was like women
who are like close to 40. It started looking kind of bad.
(11:15):
And then after an hour or so, that kind of crowd cleared out
and a different crowd came in and it was like everyone was
really young. Everyone was college age.
And it was like a, you know, a lot of.
Well, how'd you find the party? What?
What was it? It was a.
Friend of mine, but what? What?
So you were invited. Yeah, I was invited.
But like one of the girls there told me that like it was
(11:36):
organized by her university department.
So anytime these university departments like the law school
or whatever organizes something with the other department in the
university there they kind of collaborate and all the time
becomes like this college party.And she says she only goes to
the parties that her faculty, they call it faculty invites,
(11:58):
you know, has organizes. So specifically there the
university program creates theseparties and then the girls would
go to them. Well, by default, if you have a
university, odds are it's going to be already pretty much 5050
and there's like, you know, an understanding that it's going to
(12:18):
be the right sort of people within the university.
So it's a, it's a very warm sortof social circle event, which is
which is awesome. Same as like, you know, if if
you go to a frat party and you're in the frat, you know,
there's not other guys getting in who aren't either in that
frat or very close friends of guys in the frat.
And you know, it's going to be abunch of sorority girls, right?
(12:39):
Frats figured this out a long time ago.
So that's the whole Greek life in in university.
It's like the whole reason to bein a frat is to get access to
women. And I think that was one of the
big mistakes that I didn't realize that as a guy in
college. I didn't realize that's what
really what they were for. I was too naive to understand.
But that's why frat guys who whounderstand the value of being in
(13:02):
a frat usually have really good social skills in game by the
time they graduate college because they understand these
dynamics that are really deep level.
That's the only like thing I remember like kind of more
recently, which there was a goodratio of like, you know, a lot
of young girls and it was fun, was like it was organized by the
university. Right.
(13:22):
So for a guy like you, you know,you're, you're a, a more
sophisticated, you know, you fitin with the university crowd.
So I would try to go to those events all the time.
I would try to even potentially teach a course at a university
if you can, right? And then now you have status
(13:42):
amongst a bunch of young, beautiful girls who, you know,
look up to their professor or, or the, the guy teaching the
course, the guest, the guest professor or the guest lecturer,
right? Have you ever considered doing
any of that 'cause you're you'rea great writer and.
Yeah, I mean, there was a time where like, like someone want
invited me to the faculty in journalism in Bucharest and
(14:03):
there's all these girls and I got to talk.
Journalism is all hot chicks too.
Maria's a journalist by that. That's what she got her degree
in journalism. Like it's it just attracts young
beautiful girls and not a whole lot of guys.
Yeah, but I remember the girl who I'm at the party, university
party, she says she only goes tothe parties that are organized
(14:27):
by that group. She doesn't go to like a club or
just right. She's an intellectual type of
girl. She has no interest in
nightclubs. She wants to go to curated high
status events only. Why would she go to a random
shitty club where any fucking dildo can get in?
Like if the club doesn't have bottle service and a door guy
and a very hard scrutinizing sort of entry process like hot
(14:49):
girls don't go there. There's usually one or two clubs
in the city. A city like Bucharest anyways
that are that are good and the rest are kind of crap.
Obviously New York or LA, you probably have more like 5 or 6
or 7. And they each have their own
kind of one night per week, right?
Hide on Fridays and Bootsy Bellows on Mondays, right?
And they kind of make sure that they don't step on each other's
(15:10):
toes and they try to make all their money on that one night.
So it's, it's a crazy environment, but.
It's just interesting because like, it's always like I meet a
girl and they know about this stuff or they go to this stuff,
you know? Like it's rare you meet the, you
know the guy. Well, that shouldn't be
surprising at all because the girls are the ones getting
invited. So yeah, they're going to know
everything. Like if you want to know what's,
what's a cool place to go out inthe city, Like you ask hot
(15:32):
girls, you don't ask fucking guys.
Because even guys who are, you know, good looking or whatever,
like there's there's nothing to signal that they know great.
They're good looking doesn't mean they they have a good game.
It doesn't mean they know what'sgood, Right.
There's like a 5% or 1 to 5% of guys that you meet might have
any clue about where to go or what to do, right?
(15:53):
And and they don't want you to know that they know, because why
would they want you there unlessyou know, they think you could
do something for them? So I just think there's there's
also something so interesting about like the ratios.
If it's more women than men, then the women want to mingle
with like people there. But if there's a lot more guys,
(16:13):
like they stick to their friend group, they don't want to, you
know, it's just like kind of this human nature that I see.
Oh, totally. Well, yeah.
And, and I, you posted that and I, I talked about that a lot in
the in the blue belt content, just this sort of
counterintuitive idea that men want a great ratio of women to
men. Like we want to be in an
(16:34):
environment where there's more women.
So wouldn't women want to be in an environment where there's
more men? The answer is no.
Hell no, because if that's the case they're getting too much
attention. Women love to compete with other
women for high status men and sonow you don't have any
competition. Women don't like to be harassed
and approached by random guys. They want to be approached by
(16:55):
the right guys, right? So if you curate a crowd where
it's very few men and tons of women, they feel comfortable and
they feel safe. And then they also feel more
excited because they understand that the only guys who got into
that party are the sort of guys that they want.
There's more of this idea of like honor amongst men, right?
Like if you get in a fight with a guy, like usually you don't
(17:16):
try to kick him in the balls immediately unless he's about to
kill you right there. It's like we're gonna, you know,
we're, we're gonna, we have a code that we live by, but women
don't live by that code. When they get in a fight,
they're pulling hair, they're scratching like they, there is
no code of, of operating procedure right.
When the gloves come off, it gets real ugly real fast.
(17:38):
So in those environments where they're competing for men, like
they will be brutal competing with other women.
Obviously it's not going to go to to a fight, although
sometimes, but you know, as a guy, it's like if you see
another guy talking to a girl, you're probably not real
inclined to let go and just likeinterject and, and cut in.
But like women have no problem like walking over and, you know,
(17:59):
trying to steal a guy away. So it's, it's a much different
environment. I'm not saying all women, of
course, but like, I think there's less of a threat of
violence. Like if a woman does something
that another woman doesn't like,the odds are that the woman is
not going to react violently. So there's less danger there,
right? Versus if you as a man do
something to a random guy that he might not like, then the the
(18:19):
stakes are higher. So that could account for it
right there. Yeah, there's definitely a
comfort level of them. Like I noticed like I went to a
Kiev club many, many years ago, it was like 70% women and there
was like hot chicks and it was smile at me.
It would never smile at me if itwas like if it wasn't 70% women,
right? You know what I mean?
It's just like, well, they're, they're running the joint.
(18:41):
They're comfortable, kind of. They can do things like that to
God. And they want attention.
They want guys to come and buy them drinks and have a nice
conversation. Yeah.
I mean, when I went out in Kia for the first time, I thought I
was in Disneyland. I'm like, whoa, my God, what is
going on? There's so many beautiful women
here. There's very few guys.
The women are are smiling at me.They're they're easy to
approach. Some are approaching me.
(19:03):
It's like, this is heaven on earth.
That's why I moved there. So Robbie, I thought about this
mathematically as well too. So places that have very high
percent of men, right, like really bad, like a high ratio of
men. So the example was Alphabet
City. A friend of mine wanted to meet
up and he's like, oh, let's go to this sports bar in Alphabet
City. So like an Irish bar and you're
(19:24):
going to watch hockey. I'm like, what the fuck?
Like that's horrible. Really, really bad, right?
Like dive bar. And like, he, he want to drink
beer. Like, yeah, it's going to be all
dudes drinking beer, watching hockey, right?
And it's relatively cheap, right?
It's it's like an Irish dive bar.
And so sort of the cost of the drinks and cost for the guys is
relatively low because it's almost all guys, right?
(19:45):
And you know, you can imagine ifa, if a place is 70% women or a
lot more women or whatever, right, the cost for the guys is
going to be a lot higher becausegenerally guys are the ones
paying for it. Women don't don't often pay for
things. So if it's if the ratio is a lot
of women, somehow the guys that are in there are paying even
(20:05):
more money, a lot more money like, oh, it's a table and the
tables for four grand or whatever, right?
Like and so. It's like, at the end of the
day, like these venues have different strategies for making
money, right? Like the Irish dive bars, like,
yeah, yeah, it'll be all dudes, but it's $5 beer, right?
That's right. But but, but the fancy place,
(20:26):
like, I don't know, it's a lot of women, $4000 table or
whatever. Right.
If you guys haven't tried New Brew and you're sick of alcohol
or you want something that stillmakes you feel kind of the same
effects of alcohol but way better without any hangover,
check out New Brew. My buddy invented this stuff.
He was a big drinker and now he doesn't drink at all and this
(20:46):
stuff really does the trick. I can only drink one of these
and and then I'm pretty effed up.
So they work. There's no cannabis, there's no
booze. It's kratum leaf and Kava root,
so very good. Drinker responsibly and go to
the link in the description. Drink new brew.com and grab
yourself some of that stuff. Then we get into a situation
(21:08):
that comes up a lot. So you're casually seeing
someone, but suddenly you find yourself acting like her
boyfriend or she's trying to getyou to act like her boyfriend.
Which girls are very good at getting you to do that?
And one of the guys in the groupshares a moment where things
started to blur and we unpack how to reset that frame.
And just clearly into me. We have a good time.
I I really liked it too. And then after the party
(21:29):
finished, we went to another bar.
I met this other guy and then the 2 girls, the guy and me.
We went back to my place, we played Jenga and then eventually
I put her out on the balcony andthen we made out hard and had a
kissing and she had her hand on my Dick and was putting my hand
on her pussy and was trying humping her on the balcony and
everything. At some point eventually she's
(21:50):
like oh I have to go home and call a taxi or something like
that. Few questions, but one is
basically I'm I'm feeling like I'm slipping a little bit into
the the boyfriend frame with her.
For example, one thing that she was saying is that she's having
a birthday party in one month and she wants to do a picnic but
she's looking for someone come with her because all of her
friends have boyfriends and she doesn't want to be the only
(22:11):
single hanging out front of couples.
And then also just based on other conversations and she's
like I'm stupid into the boyfriend frame a bit.
Yeah, I mean, you kind of signaled that unfortunately with
the whole not banging her when she asked for condoms the first
time, she might have thought like, oh, this guy wants to be
my boyfriend because he's not, he's moving slow.
I don't know if there if, if that really matters, if there's
(22:31):
a lot you can really do about that, right?
Because she's if all of her friends are typically or if, if
they're all in relationships like she said.
And that's going to make her really want a boyfriend.
And most girls want a boyfriend anyways, right?
They don't really want to have abunch of casual sex with random
guys. So I'm not sure there's a lot
you can do to sort of get her out of the I want because my
(22:53):
boyfriend frame. I mean, that's good that she
wants is your boyfriend. So I would just stick to the
rules of how we sort of manage those casual relationships and
you know, once you do hook up with her, just maintain the
boundary so she doesn't get too close too soon.
Like my read is also that I can't do much right now.
I basically have to wait until Ihooked up with her two or three
(23:15):
times and then have the whole relationship conversation.
Yeah, that's. Probably the way to go the
question is now like how can I sort of engineer something to
see her again where it doesn't seem like I'm asking her on a
date? I already have something she
forgot her earrings at my place and she actually already asked
me when she can come pick them up.
(23:35):
Perfect. She pulled the George Costanza.
I don't know if you guys watch Seinfeld, but that was his move.
He would leave an item at at thegirls place knowing that he
could invite himself back. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, clever. And then the whole, you know,
dry humping and kind of being quite explicit on the balcony.
Was that a good thing or should I kind of keep the the next
(24:00):
time? Yeah, I mean, that's a great
thing. Why?
Why didn't you not try to bang her on the balcony?
You know she had her hand on your Dick?
It was it was it a sort of private enough balcony where you
could have had sex on it? I mean, there was a balcony and
sorry, a window, right attached to the balcony and on the other
side of the window was her friend and the other guy sitting
(24:21):
so. Not as good.
Well did you try to then move her to your bedroom or anything?
I she kind of asked for the liketo go back in and get a taxi
before I was have been a bit quicker on.
That one do you have a standard method you use to pull girls
back into your bedroom? I talked about this in the last
(24:42):
podcast. You should definitely listen to
it because it kind of covers social dynamics where you're
pulling girls from events and and then trying to get them back
into your room. The title is more about club
game, but that's only a small piece of it.
Is it you just come up with somekind of excuse so.
Yeah, like one thing that I would usually use is I, I I'd
(25:02):
say I wanted to show them a specific YouTube video.
You know, one I used a lot was the hot crazy matrix.
So I'd bring up the fact that like, oh, have you ever seen
that, that hot crazy matrix video?
And a lot of time they'd be like, no big what you haven't
seen that? Like that's crazy.
I have to show it to you. It's it's all about their
there's this hotline, there's this crazy line and it kind of
shows you like as a girl, the hotter you are, the crazier you
(25:24):
are. And I don't know you, you're
obviously, you know, very good looking.
I'm not sure how crazy you are, but if you're not crazy, then
you're a Unicorn. So anyways, let's go watch the
video. I'll show you real quick.
And then I got to kick you out. Got to get my beauty sleep
right. So that's how I would pull her
into my room. We'd then we'd start watching
the video. And the great thing about that
video is it kind of the framing is kind of puts the girls in
(25:46):
their place a little bit too, right?
Because it's, it's all about social dynamics and it shows
that you understand that sort ofstuff.
And and then it's pretty easy tojust, you know, start making out
and hook up. Yeah.
OK. All right.
I'm going to try to make some. And finally, someone asked
whether hotter girls tend to usemore push, pull, and teasing.
I'm going to give you my take onwhy that happens, what it really
(26:07):
means, and how to keep your coolwhen it does.
I have another question. Yeah.
So with this girl thing I realized like she's, she's good.
Like she. Different girl, same girl.
It's the same girl, just more general, like she's pretty good
at kind of playing with me, likethe way she's flirting and kind
of teasing and using push pulling, that kind of stuff.
(26:31):
And I'm wondering, is it something you will notice in
general that hot girls just better game themselves to kind
of try to get more out of the guys stay with?
So the question is, do you do you notice that hot girls tend
to be better at push, pull and teasing and kind of playing with
(26:52):
guys? Yeah, you know, getting some
kind of advantage out of the guys.
Yeah, definitely. Hot girls are masters at these
power games, right? Push, pull is.
It's all a power dynamic, right?Who likes the other person more?
So you're signaling, oh, actually, I don't like you as
much as you like me, right? Because whoever, whoever is in
(27:14):
the position of being more adored or whoever likes who
more, right? That person has a huge advantage
in the relationship because theyhave to do way less work.
The person who's more invested does way more work.
So that the trick is coming across like you're slightly less
interested than than you really are.
And hot girls understand this toa very high level.
(27:34):
I mean, they kind of learn it even when they're little girls,
when they're cute little girls, they understand that they can
just, like, ask for things and they'll get it.
Even Texas, my dog, understands this.
Like he knows how to turn on thecuteness and the charm and he
knows if he's cute, he's going to get a treat or he's going to
get whatever he wants and peopleare just going to be really nice
(27:55):
to him. Like, he loves strangers, right?
He's a big fluffy Husky. I've never met a dog who likes
strangers, Random people, He'll just go right up, like try to
lick them try. And then he just gets food,
right? So he completely understands if
I'm nice to people, I get food and I'm going to be as cute and
nice as possible, right? And then he doesn't care about
(28:15):
me. He's a Dick to me because he
knows I'm gonna give him food. He literally like when I call
him, he won't even come. He's a fucking asshole.
But he loves new people because they might give him new food.
So but. Girls on dating apps love.
Him too, yeah, that's why you guys all have photos of them on
your. Profile so they're giving
(28:38):
virtual. Food all the time.
Yeah, I mean, these these girls get it really early on.
They're like, OK, I can just do a little bit and get all this
shit from them. And they know how to weed guys
out. They know how to test them to
see who's full of it and who's who's the real deal.
I'd also say hotter girls, they have a much bigger freedom to
(28:59):
walk away. Like they they, they don't care.
They don't care that much. They really don't care.
It's like whatever, 10 other guys that want them as well
because they're hot. So like, you know, like they can
set a pretty, you know, low bar for walking away.
If they don't get what they want, walk away.
Right, like any good negotiator,right the, the, the winner is
the guy who's willing to walk away or the person who's willing
to walk away. And hot girls, they can, they
(29:21):
can walk away from every deal cuz they, it's endless deals
coming their way at least for a period of time, right when
they're in that window of the most desirable, it's just
Infinity deals. So they're only going to take
the absolute best of the best and easy, easy game for them.
Orion Taraban talks about that the, the please know games as a
man, you have to get really goodat, at winning.
(29:43):
Please know, you know, and womenare already, you know, they're,
they're very comfortable being in, in the position of, of no,
it's just their default position.
And most of us got please know, please know is it's just a very
rudimentary improv game where one person is the asker and one
(30:04):
person is the giver, right? So when it comes to sexual
dynamics, the woman is the giverof sex and the man is the asker,
right? So the guy has to keep saying
please, please, please. And her job is to say no, no,
no, no, no. The winner wins when he gets her
to say yes, right? And so guys do all sorts of
things to get the girl to say yes.
Like you, you know, all of your wooing and charming and luring
(30:25):
and this, that and whatever. And it's the girl's job to keep
trying to scam you and say no, no, no, no, no.
So as a guy, the better you can get at that game, the better
that is game, right? You have to not care, You know
that it's her job to say no. Guys who are like scared of
rejection, they'll go, Oh my God, no.
Like that's default. That is just life.
So you know, if you're not willing to get a no, like you
(30:48):
have no shot. It's the guy who's willing to
get the most Nos and doesn't care is going to get the most
yeses. One thing that I want to try
more is kind of holding up the tension that's existing as long
as I possibly can without pushing for sex in the future,
because I feel that's just my myedge right now.
Yeah. I mean, that's the ultimate move
(31:10):
for a man is if you can signal to her that you don't actually
care if you have sex with her ornot.
It's like, OK, it'd be fun. I'd be down, but I don't care.
I have plenty of other people that are interested in that.
And you're welcome to say yes, you're welcome to say no.
That that is the most attractivesort of position a woman can be
(31:31):
in with a guy. I remember hearing a story about
a Playboy model who ended up choosing her husband because he
didn't get turned on during a photo shoot when she was naked.
He just didn't care and it droveher crazy because every other
guy you know lost their shit butbut not him.
So that's the whole play in the long game thing.
Out of all the guys I know, the only ones who managed to
(31:53):
consistently win the game are those who built and invested in
a high status social circle. You can certainly approach women
and try your luck on the apps ifyou're a Chad, but those
strategies simply don't work consistently to attract top tier
women and awesome friends in your life.
But for most guys, the idea of building a social circle can
feel overwhelming, so they continue to hunt for women in
their usual ways and end up settling for a girl they were
(32:14):
never really that excited about in the 1st place.
To avoid this fate, join our community and instantly plug
into a highly vetted social circle of cool dudes to network
and navigate your journey with. You already know it's hard to
find wing men because the good ones don't stay in the game very
long. Many of our members travel
together, end up living together, build amazing circles
and even businesses together both in the West and in many of
the best locations around the globe with gorgeous women and
(32:36):
low cost of living. I'm extremely careful who I let
into this community, but if you feel like you make a good fit,
you can apply to join the links in the description.
Hey guys, welcome back to the Inner Confidence Podcast, the
show that helps you go from goodto elite in your dating life.
In this episode, I'm answering real questions from the guys
inside the IC community, guys who are putting in reps, making
moves and running into the same exact challenges that most men
face when they're trying to level up.
You're listening to the Inner Confidence Podcast.
(00:20):
My name is Robbie Kramer, I've been a coach since 2007 and I've
helped countless men rapidly achieve all their social and
dating goals. My mission is simple, to help
you position yourself to meet stunning women, make awesome
friends in route to becoming themost confident and attractive
version you can possibly be. I'm absolutely obsessed with
giving you the most leveraged ways possible to win the game.
(00:41):
So stick around, let's go. I'll share a personal story, the
awkward phases I went through inmy own personal development and
what shifted for me over time. A few of you might be in the
exact same phase right now. Well, I went through some
interesting stages in my development.
So in the beginning I was just like, I just want a girlfriend,
right? Just give me anything So I could
(01:04):
like, you know, have someone or feel not lonely.
And then I was able to like, youknow, get dates, wasn't getting
a lot of second dates. Then I was able to get second
dates and 3rd dates, but only from girls who wanted me to be
their boyfriend. And then the only way that sex
would happen is if they felt like there was some sort of
(01:27):
commitment happening, right? And then as I got more
attractive and boosted my, you know, sexual market value, more
girls were willing to have like casual relationships, especially
when I got in better shape, right?
Basically when I was in, when I was overweight, like the only
girls I was ever banging were like a girlfriend who was like,
(01:50):
OK, this guy's maybe not the hottest guy, certainly wouldn't
choose him for a one night stand, but he makes a good
boyfriend and he'll take care ofme and that sort of thing.
I get, I get it, I get it, I getit.
Basically your your product. As your product gets better you
you basically are able to offer less commitment and still have
sex. Exactly.
And then, you know, during that phase, I might be able to keep a
(02:11):
rotation girl around for like 3 months, right?
A casual sort of thing. And then three months or four
months would go by and then she'd be like, all right, well,
I want more. And then it would kind of blow
up. But then as I continued to get
even better, I realized I was keeping rotation girls around
for years. And they just, they, they
understood that like, OK, Robbie's never going to commit
(02:34):
to me, but sex is great. I have a great time with him.
He takes me amazing places. His his friends are cool.
My life is just so much better by being a part of Robbie's
life. Why would I not continue, you
know, doing all the things real quick.
If you're a divorced guy trying to figure out modern dating, I
put together something special for you.
(02:55):
It's called the social funnel method.
And it's a 5 day free e-mail course I made just for guys like
you. Guys who want to date high
quality women and build a lifestyle that actually feels
good again. You'll learn exactly what works
today, not ten years ago, and how to stand out in a world of
dating apps, ghosting, and Instagram.
Head over to innerconfidence.com/start to get
(03:16):
step one sent straight to your inbox.
It's totally free. Go do it now and let's rebuild
your dating life in the right way.
The next question is from a guy in the group.
And that's how to friend zone a girl that you're interested in,
but she's already kind of put you in the friend zone, but she
keeps wanting to hang out with you.
And I'll explain the actual question in a second, but how do
(03:36):
you kind of do that without making things weird?
Somebody texted me a guy who used to be in the Group A long
time ago. He asked me, Robbie, at what
point would you say it's too late to put a chick into social
circle? And he lists that she's an ex
colleague. She has a boyfriend and we went
out for drinks the other night me and her and had a great time,
lots of touching. She dressed to the absolute
(03:59):
nines. She friend zoned me first.
I didn't make a move on her but I did say I wanted to kiss her
and I like her more than a friend and she genuinely wants
to do things with me like friendstuff, festivals etc.
And he said I said to her jokingly I don't accept the
friend zone and to call me when she breaks up with Herman.
She continues to like all my stories every time I post.
(04:21):
Would it be still possible to hang out with her as a friend
and utilize her in social circle?
How could I ask her to hang out again or just leave it two extra
pieces of it? He says she seems bored as fuck.
She seemed genuinely upset when I told her I would be moving
away and she said she has no friends or a social circle,
prefers to be friends with guys as they're less bitchy.
You're saying he, he, he wants to be friends with her Now
(04:43):
that's that's the. He's wondering if he should
utilize her for his social circle, if there's any value of
being her friend given she has aboyfriend but she really likes
hanging out with him and she's very flirtatious when they hang
out. But he's obviously in the friend
zone and he's not going to be getting out of it anytime soon.
It doesn't. It's not like he really wants to
(05:04):
like, screw over the other guy. He doesn't really want to try to
sleep with her, Not while she has a boyfriend, right?
I'm assuming? Right, he's just wondering if if
she would be a valuable sort of player in his social circle.
I think so, sure. I mean if you know for
preselection or whatever, right?Possibly.
Sure. Yeah, I think given the fact
that she's hot and she wants to hang out with him and she has a
(05:29):
boyfriend, I, I think that's actually great for social circle
because it, it forces him to effectively, you know, use her
to attract other women and then build pre selection.
The only one downside is that she seems like she, she prefers
hanging out with guys and she doesn't have a lot of female
friends. I've seen that with certain
types of girls where, you know, they kind of chum it up with
(05:51):
guys and it's usually because they, they kind of have
turbulent relationships with girls.
They don't get along that well with other girls.
Sometimes they're, they're really competitive and that can
be the the reason, obviously, you know, a better girl for that
sort of thing would be a girl who has lots of cute friends,
but she would still provide value from pre selection
(06:14):
standpoint. And so, yeah, I, I think it's
always good to have female friends.
So it's like, why not? But that would be the the
drawback, I would say Now this next part is gold if you care
about meeting women in real life.
One guy asked about how to find parties and events with a better
ratio of girls to guys. And I break down the real method
for scouting these spots even when they're not publicized.
(06:36):
When it comes to finding places with good ratios, right, where
there's at least 5050 girls and guys, very, very difficult
because men are very incentivized to go out because
they want to go get laid. And women are not as
incentivized to go out because obviously it takes a lot more
for them to get made-up and dressed and do other things and
(06:57):
find a friend. And then they don't really care
that much about going out and getting laid.
Maybe if they're, you know, in the special cycle of the month.
But primarily maintaining a ratio is kind of a dirty job.
It's something that people don'tlike to talk about and advertise
because not only are you maintaining a ratio, but you're
doing a, a version of face control, right?
(07:20):
Where you're trying to only let pretty people in, especially
women. Because these establishments
understand that if beautiful women are at the place, guys
will come and spend money. And same with sort of private
parties. Everybody wants beautiful women
and they want guys who are rich.That's what every party and
every nightclub bar is going for.
(07:40):
So to maintain that, right, Likethat's a bouncer's job, right?
The bouncer's job or the doorman's job is to be very
selective about who they let in,but make it not seem like that,
right? They they, they need to pretend
that that's not happening. Obviously some countries are
more hardcore about it, like. Here it's like less PC about it.
(08:01):
And so other places there's a, it's more political, correct.
So you can't really do that thing here.
It's just like they're not that PC, so.
No, in Eastern Europe, they're just like we call it face
control. And if you don't have a pretty
face, you're not getting in as awoman, right?
Because what incentive is it if the guy shows up to that place
and there's a bunch of ugly girls or or just guys, the guys
(08:23):
aren't going to spend money there.
So when it comes to private event, like so this is true of
bars and clubs and in the US, they don't call it face control,
right? But like they'll do.
I've seen all sorts of girls getturned away for like ridiculous
things like, oh, you have the wrong outfit on and the outfit.
There's nothing wrong with the outfit, right?
And then they're like pressing like why, why, why, right.
(08:44):
You know, there was like a womana lot of the time in the US, you
have these female door door women or door girls, right?
And it's, and it's better for them to turn away the ugly girls
because you know, it's female, female versus a, a door guy
doing it, then he could get in trouble for harassment or God
knows what the hell. You know, someone might complain
(09:04):
about if it's if it's a man at the door.
But here you see that a lot in the US at the more exclusive
venues when they're trying to maintain the ratio.
So if if you're looking for private parties that maintain a
ratio, like you're just not going to find them because first
of all, they're not going to advertise for them.
And if they do advertise like that, it just looks, it looks
(09:26):
grimy, it looks gross, right? Like if somewhere on the
advertisement it says we maintain a solid ratio of men to
women. Like you just look fucking like.
Flyer. I showed you a flyer.
I know. But anything that says that
that's the giveaway that is probably going to be bad because
(09:49):
they have to say it, right? Like the way that I maintain
this during my events or events I went through was we were very
careful about who saw the list. And then we would only give
details about where the party was to specific people that were
invited. And we were careful also that
the invited people knew that they were not welcome to bring
(10:11):
random people who weren't on thelist, right?
So when people would ask me, hey, can I bring a friend, it's
not like I would want to say, are they a girl or the guy,
right? I would say, well, you can add
them to the group and I can let you know if we have space.
So you're doing all of this sortof undercover signaling to to
try to curate the right crowd. Yeah.
(10:32):
I'm not sure you're going to find like basically you have to
know high value guys and then they have to invite you.
And if you don't know high valueguys yet, then you got to go out
and you got to meet them and yougot to demonstrate that you're
high value. Or you can host parties and then
high value guys will find you. But yeah, I don't think there's
any value in like searching. I mean you, you maybe I mean
(10:53):
you. Tell me, have you found any by
searching it? Just usually I mean.
The the last one of the parties we went to that actually me went
to in Warsaw, Poland, was we went to a really cool party.
It started out looking kind of bad because it was like women
who are like close to 40. It started looking kind of bad.
(11:15):
And then after an hour or so, that kind of crowd cleared out
and a different crowd came in and it was like everyone was
really young. Everyone was college age.
And it was like a, you know, a lot of.
Well, how'd you find the party? What?
What was it? It was a.
Friend of mine, but what? What?
So you were invited. Yeah, I was invited.
But like one of the girls there told me that like it was
(11:36):
organized by her university department.
So anytime these university departments like the law school
or whatever organizes something with the other department in the
university there they kind of collaborate and all the time
becomes like this college party.And she says she only goes to
the parties that her faculty, they call it faculty invites,
(11:58):
you know, has organizes. So specifically there the
university program creates theseparties and then the girls would
go to them. Well, by default, if you have a
university, odds are it's going to be already pretty much 5050
and there's like, you know, an understanding that it's going to
(12:18):
be the right sort of people within the university.
So it's a, it's a very warm sortof social circle event, which is
which is awesome. Same as like, you know, if if
you go to a frat party and you're in the frat, you know,
there's not other guys getting in who aren't either in that
frat or very close friends of guys in the frat.
And you know, it's going to be abunch of sorority girls, right?
(12:39):
Frats figured this out a long time ago.
So that's the whole Greek life in in university.
It's like the whole reason to bein a frat is to get access to
women. And I think that was one of the
big mistakes that I didn't realize that as a guy in
college. I didn't realize that's what
really what they were for. I was too naive to understand.
But that's why frat guys who whounderstand the value of being in
(13:02):
a frat usually have really good social skills in game by the
time they graduate college because they understand these
dynamics that are really deep level.
That's the only like thing I remember like kind of more
recently, which there was a goodratio of like, you know, a lot
of young girls and it was fun, was like it was organized by the
university. Right.
(13:22):
So for a guy like you, you know,you're, you're a, a more
sophisticated, you know, you fitin with the university crowd.
So I would try to go to those events all the time.
I would try to even potentially teach a course at a university
if you can, right? And then now you have status
(13:42):
amongst a bunch of young, beautiful girls who, you know,
look up to their professor or, or the, the guy teaching the
course, the guest, the guest professor or the guest lecturer,
right? Have you ever considered doing
any of that 'cause you're you'rea great writer and.
Yeah, I mean, there was a time where like, like someone want
invited me to the faculty in journalism in Bucharest and
(14:03):
there's all these girls and I got to talk.
Journalism is all hot chicks too.
Maria's a journalist by that. That's what she got her degree
in journalism. Like it's it just attracts young
beautiful girls and not a whole lot of guys.
Yeah, but I remember the girl who I'm at the party, university
party, she says she only goes tothe parties that are organized
(14:27):
by that group. She doesn't go to like a club or
just right. She's an intellectual type of
girl. She has no interest in
nightclubs. She wants to go to curated high
status events only. Why would she go to a random
shitty club where any fucking dildo can get in?
Like if the club doesn't have bottle service and a door guy
and a very hard scrutinizing sort of entry process like hot
(14:49):
girls don't go there. There's usually one or two clubs
in the city. A city like Bucharest anyways
that are that are good and the rest are kind of crap.
Obviously New York or LA, you probably have more like 5 or 6
or 7. And they each have their own
kind of one night per week, right?
Hide on Fridays and Bootsy Bellows on Mondays, right?
And they kind of make sure that they don't step on each other's
(15:10):
toes and they try to make all their money on that one night.
So it's, it's a crazy environment, but.
It's just interesting because like, it's always like I meet a
girl and they know about this stuff or they go to this stuff,
you know? Like it's rare you meet the, you
know the guy. Well, that shouldn't be
surprising at all because the girls are the ones getting
invited. So yeah, they're going to know
everything. Like if you want to know what's,
what's a cool place to go out inthe city, Like you ask hot
(15:32):
girls, you don't ask fucking guys.
Because even guys who are, you know, good looking or whatever,
like there's there's nothing to signal that they know great.
They're good looking doesn't mean they they have a good game.
It doesn't mean they know what'sgood, Right.
There's like a 5% or 1 to 5% of guys that you meet might have
any clue about where to go or what to do, right?
(15:53):
And and they don't want you to know that they know, because why
would they want you there unlessyou know, they think you could
do something for them? So I just think there's there's
also something so interesting about like the ratios.
If it's more women than men, then the women want to mingle
with like people there. But if there's a lot more guys,
(16:13):
like they stick to their friend group, they don't want to, you
know, it's just like kind of this human nature that I see.
Oh, totally. Well, yeah.
And, and I, you posted that and I, I talked about that a lot in
the in the blue belt content, just this sort of
counterintuitive idea that men want a great ratio of women to
men. Like we want to be in an
(16:34):
environment where there's more women.
So wouldn't women want to be in an environment where there's
more men? The answer is no.
Hell no, because if that's the case they're getting too much
attention. Women love to compete with other
women for high status men and sonow you don't have any
competition. Women don't like to be harassed
and approached by random guys. They want to be approached by
(16:55):
the right guys, right? So if you curate a crowd where
it's very few men and tons of women, they feel comfortable and
they feel safe. And then they also feel more
excited because they understand that the only guys who got into
that party are the sort of guys that they want.
There's more of this idea of like honor amongst men, right?
Like if you get in a fight with a guy, like usually you don't
(17:16):
try to kick him in the balls immediately unless he's about to
kill you right there. It's like we're gonna, you know,
we're, we're gonna, we have a code that we live by, but women
don't live by that code. When they get in a fight,
they're pulling hair, they're scratching like they, there is
no code of, of operating procedure right.
When the gloves come off, it gets real ugly real fast.
(17:38):
So in those environments where they're competing for men, like
they will be brutal competing with other women.
Obviously it's not going to go to to a fight, although
sometimes, but you know, as a guy, it's like if you see
another guy talking to a girl, you're probably not real
inclined to let go and just likeinterject and, and cut in.
But like women have no problem like walking over and, you know,
(17:59):
trying to steal a guy away. So it's, it's a much different
environment. I'm not saying all women, of
course, but like, I think there's less of a threat of
violence. Like if a woman does something
that another woman doesn't like,the odds are that the woman is
not going to react violently. So there's less danger there,
right? Versus if you as a man do
something to a random guy that he might not like, then the the
(18:19):
stakes are higher. So that could account for it
right there. Yeah, there's definitely a
comfort level of them. Like I noticed like I went to a
Kiev club many, many years ago, it was like 70% women and there
was like hot chicks and it was smile at me.
It would never smile at me if itwas like if it wasn't 70% women,
right? You know what I mean?
It's just like, well, they're, they're running the joint.
(18:41):
They're comfortable, kind of. They can do things like that to
God. And they want attention.
They want guys to come and buy them drinks and have a nice
conversation. Yeah.
I mean, when I went out in Kia for the first time, I thought I
was in Disneyland. I'm like, whoa, my God, what is
going on? There's so many beautiful women
here. There's very few guys.
The women are are smiling at me.They're they're easy to
approach. Some are approaching me.
(19:03):
It's like, this is heaven on earth.
That's why I moved there. So Robbie, I thought about this
mathematically as well too. So places that have very high
percent of men, right, like really bad, like a high ratio of
men. So the example was Alphabet
City. A friend of mine wanted to meet
up and he's like, oh, let's go to this sports bar in Alphabet
City. So like an Irish bar and you're
(19:24):
going to watch hockey. I'm like, what the fuck?
Like that's horrible. Really, really bad, right?
Like dive bar. And like, he, he want to drink
beer. Like, yeah, it's going to be all
dudes drinking beer, watching hockey, right?
And it's relatively cheap, right?
It's it's like an Irish dive bar.
And so sort of the cost of the drinks and cost for the guys is
relatively low because it's almost all guys, right?
(19:45):
And you know, you can imagine ifa, if a place is 70% women or a
lot more women or whatever, right, the cost for the guys is
going to be a lot higher becausegenerally guys are the ones
paying for it. Women don't don't often pay for
things. So if it's if the ratio is a lot
of women, somehow the guys that are in there are paying even
(20:05):
more money, a lot more money like, oh, it's a table and the
tables for four grand or whatever, right?
Like and so. It's like, at the end of the
day, like these venues have different strategies for making
money, right? Like the Irish dive bars, like,
yeah, yeah, it'll be all dudes, but it's $5 beer, right?
That's right. But but, but the fancy place,
(20:26):
like, I don't know, it's a lot of women, $4000 table or
whatever. Right.
If you guys haven't tried New Brew and you're sick of alcohol
or you want something that stillmakes you feel kind of the same
effects of alcohol but way better without any hangover,
check out New Brew. My buddy invented this stuff.
He was a big drinker and now he doesn't drink at all and this
(20:46):
stuff really does the trick. I can only drink one of these
and and then I'm pretty effed up.
So they work. There's no cannabis, there's no
booze. It's kratum leaf and Kava root,
so very good. Drinker responsibly and go to
the link in the description. Drink new brew.com and grab
yourself some of that stuff. Then we get into a situation
(21:08):
that comes up a lot. So you're casually seeing
someone, but suddenly you find yourself acting like her
boyfriend or she's trying to getyou to act like her boyfriend.
Which girls are very good at getting you to do that?
And one of the guys in the groupshares a moment where things
started to blur and we unpack how to reset that frame.
And just clearly into me. We have a good time.
I I really liked it too. And then after the party
(21:29):
finished, we went to another bar.
I met this other guy and then the 2 girls, the guy and me.
We went back to my place, we played Jenga and then eventually
I put her out on the balcony andthen we made out hard and had a
kissing and she had her hand on my Dick and was putting my hand
on her pussy and was trying humping her on the balcony and
everything. At some point eventually she's
(21:50):
like oh I have to go home and call a taxi or something like
that. Few questions, but one is
basically I'm I'm feeling like I'm slipping a little bit into
the the boyfriend frame with her.
For example, one thing that she was saying is that she's having
a birthday party in one month and she wants to do a picnic but
she's looking for someone come with her because all of her
friends have boyfriends and she doesn't want to be the only
(22:11):
single hanging out front of couples.
And then also just based on other conversations and she's
like I'm stupid into the boyfriend frame a bit.
Yeah, I mean, you kind of signaled that unfortunately with
the whole not banging her when she asked for condoms the first
time, she might have thought like, oh, this guy wants to be
my boyfriend because he's not, he's moving slow.
I don't know if there if, if that really matters, if there's
(22:31):
a lot you can really do about that, right?
Because she's if all of her friends are typically or if, if
they're all in relationships like she said.
And that's going to make her really want a boyfriend.
And most girls want a boyfriend anyways, right?
They don't really want to have abunch of casual sex with random
guys. So I'm not sure there's a lot
you can do to sort of get her out of the I want because my
(22:53):
boyfriend frame. I mean, that's good that she
wants is your boyfriend. So I would just stick to the
rules of how we sort of manage those casual relationships and
you know, once you do hook up with her, just maintain the
boundary so she doesn't get too close too soon.
Like my read is also that I can't do much right now.
I basically have to wait until Ihooked up with her two or three
(23:15):
times and then have the whole relationship conversation.
Yeah, that's. Probably the way to go the
question is now like how can I sort of engineer something to
see her again where it doesn't seem like I'm asking her on a
date? I already have something she
forgot her earrings at my place and she actually already asked
me when she can come pick them up.
(23:35):
Perfect. She pulled the George Costanza.
I don't know if you guys watch Seinfeld, but that was his move.
He would leave an item at at thegirls place knowing that he
could invite himself back. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, clever. And then the whole, you know,
dry humping and kind of being quite explicit on the balcony.
Was that a good thing or should I kind of keep the the next
(24:00):
time? Yeah, I mean, that's a great
thing. Why?
Why didn't you not try to bang her on the balcony?
You know she had her hand on your Dick?
It was it was it a sort of private enough balcony where you
could have had sex on it? I mean, there was a balcony and
sorry, a window, right attached to the balcony and on the other
side of the window was her friend and the other guy sitting
(24:21):
so. Not as good.
Well did you try to then move her to your bedroom or anything?
I she kind of asked for the liketo go back in and get a taxi
before I was have been a bit quicker on.
That one do you have a standard method you use to pull girls
back into your bedroom? I talked about this in the last
(24:42):
podcast. You should definitely listen to
it because it kind of covers social dynamics where you're
pulling girls from events and and then trying to get them back
into your room. The title is more about club
game, but that's only a small piece of it.
Is it you just come up with somekind of excuse so.
Yeah, like one thing that I would usually use is I, I I'd
(25:02):
say I wanted to show them a specific YouTube video.
You know, one I used a lot was the hot crazy matrix.
So I'd bring up the fact that like, oh, have you ever seen
that, that hot crazy matrix video?
And a lot of time they'd be like, no big what you haven't
seen that? Like that's crazy.
I have to show it to you. It's it's all about their
there's this hotline, there's this crazy line and it kind of
shows you like as a girl, the hotter you are, the crazier you
(25:24):
are. And I don't know you, you're
obviously, you know, very good looking.
I'm not sure how crazy you are, but if you're not crazy, then
you're a Unicorn. So anyways, let's go watch the
video. I'll show you real quick.
And then I got to kick you out. Got to get my beauty sleep
right. So that's how I would pull her
into my room. We'd then we'd start watching
the video. And the great thing about that
video is it kind of the framing is kind of puts the girls in
(25:46):
their place a little bit too, right?
Because it's, it's all about social dynamics and it shows
that you understand that sort ofstuff.
And and then it's pretty easy tojust, you know, start making out
and hook up. Yeah.
OK. All right.
I'm going to try to make some. And finally, someone asked
whether hotter girls tend to usemore push, pull, and teasing.
I'm going to give you my take onwhy that happens, what it really
(26:07):
means, and how to keep your coolwhen it does.
I have another question. Yeah.
So with this girl thing I realized like she's, she's good.
Like she. Different girl, same girl.
It's the same girl, just more general, like she's pretty good
at kind of playing with me, likethe way she's flirting and kind
of teasing and using push pulling, that kind of stuff.
(26:31):
And I'm wondering, is it something you will notice in
general that hot girls just better game themselves to kind
of try to get more out of the guys stay with?
So the question is, do you do you notice that hot girls tend
to be better at push, pull and teasing and kind of playing with
(26:52):
guys? Yeah, you know, getting some
kind of advantage out of the guys.
Yeah, definitely. Hot girls are masters at these
power games, right? Push, pull is.
It's all a power dynamic, right?Who likes the other person more?
So you're signaling, oh, actually, I don't like you as
much as you like me, right? Because whoever, whoever is in
(27:14):
the position of being more adored or whoever likes who
more, right? That person has a huge advantage
in the relationship because theyhave to do way less work.
The person who's more invested does way more work.
So that the trick is coming across like you're slightly less
interested than than you really are.
And hot girls understand this toa very high level.
(27:34):
I mean, they kind of learn it even when they're little girls,
when they're cute little girls, they understand that they can
just, like, ask for things and they'll get it.
Even Texas, my dog, understands this.
Like he knows how to turn on thecuteness and the charm and he
knows if he's cute, he's going to get a treat or he's going to
get whatever he wants and peopleare just going to be really nice
(27:55):
to him. Like, he loves strangers, right?
He's a big fluffy Husky. I've never met a dog who likes
strangers, Random people, He'll just go right up, like try to
lick them try. And then he just gets food,
right? So he completely understands if
I'm nice to people, I get food and I'm going to be as cute and
nice as possible, right? And then he doesn't care about
(28:15):
me. He's a Dick to me because he
knows I'm gonna give him food. He literally like when I call
him, he won't even come. He's a fucking asshole.
But he loves new people because they might give him new food.
So but. Girls on dating apps love.
Him too, yeah, that's why you guys all have photos of them on
your. Profile so they're giving
(28:38):
virtual. Food all the time.
Yeah, I mean, these these girls get it really early on.
They're like, OK, I can just do a little bit and get all this
shit from them. And they know how to weed guys
out. They know how to test them to
see who's full of it and who's who's the real deal.
I'd also say hotter girls, they have a much bigger freedom to
(28:59):
walk away. Like they they, they don't care.
They don't care that much. They really don't care.
It's like whatever, 10 other guys that want them as well
because they're hot. So like, you know, like they can
set a pretty, you know, low bar for walking away.
If they don't get what they want, walk away.
Right, like any good negotiator,right the, the, the winner is
the guy who's willing to walk away or the person who's willing
to walk away. And hot girls, they can, they
(29:21):
can walk away from every deal cuz they, it's endless deals
coming their way at least for a period of time, right when
they're in that window of the most desirable, it's just
Infinity deals. So they're only going to take
the absolute best of the best and easy, easy game for them.
Orion Taraban talks about that the, the please know games as a
man, you have to get really goodat, at winning.
(29:43):
Please know, you know, and womenare already, you know, they're,
they're very comfortable being in, in the position of, of no,
it's just their default position.
And most of us got please know, please know is it's just a very
rudimentary improv game where one person is the asker and one
(30:04):
person is the giver, right? So when it comes to sexual
dynamics, the woman is the giverof sex and the man is the asker,
right? So the guy has to keep saying
please, please, please. And her job is to say no, no,
no, no, no. The winner wins when he gets her
to say yes, right? And so guys do all sorts of
things to get the girl to say yes.
Like you, you know, all of your wooing and charming and luring
(30:25):
and this, that and whatever. And it's the girl's job to keep
trying to scam you and say no, no, no, no, no.
So as a guy, the better you can get at that game, the better
that is game, right? You have to not care, You know
that it's her job to say no. Guys who are like scared of
rejection, they'll go, Oh my God, no.
Like that's default. That is just life.
So you know, if you're not willing to get a no, like you
(30:48):
have no shot. It's the guy who's willing to
get the most Nos and doesn't care is going to get the most
yeses. One thing that I want to try
more is kind of holding up the tension that's existing as long
as I possibly can without pushing for sex in the future,
because I feel that's just my myedge right now.
Yeah. I mean, that's the ultimate move
(31:10):
for a man is if you can signal to her that you don't actually
care if you have sex with her ornot.
It's like, OK, it'd be fun. I'd be down, but I don't care.
I have plenty of other people that are interested in that.
And you're welcome to say yes, you're welcome to say no.
That that is the most attractivesort of position a woman can be
(31:31):
in with a guy. I remember hearing a story about
a Playboy model who ended up choosing her husband because he
didn't get turned on during a photo shoot when she was naked.
He just didn't care and it droveher crazy because every other
guy you know lost their shit butbut not him.
So that's the whole play in the long game thing.
Out of all the guys I know, the only ones who managed to
(31:53):
consistently win the game are those who built and invested in
a high status social circle. You can certainly approach women
and try your luck on the apps ifyou're a Chad, but those
strategies simply don't work consistently to attract top tier
women and awesome friends in your life.
But for most guys, the idea of building a social circle can
feel overwhelming, so they continue to hunt for women in
their usual ways and end up settling for a girl they were
(32:14):
never really that excited about in the 1st place.
To avoid this fate, join our community and instantly plug
into a highly vetted social circle of cool dudes to network
and navigate your journey with. You already know it's hard to
find wing men because the good ones don't stay in the game very
long. Many of our members travel
together, end up living together, build amazing circles
and even businesses together both in the West and in many of
the best locations around the globe with gorgeous women and
(32:36):
low cost of living. I'm extremely careful who I let
into this community, but if you feel like you make a good fit,
you can apply to join the links in the description.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com