November 8, 2024 • 21 mins
Links:
Robbie's Texting Course: https://www.innerconfidence.com/texting
Free Download of The Dating Protocol: https://www.innerconfidence.com/newsletter
Apply For The IC Community: https://www.innerconfidence.com/community
Timestamps:
- 05:50 Dating coach inadvertently enters cohabiting relationship.
- 08:30 Boost Instagram presence; engage with followers actively.
- 12:08 Met a girl; helped her; met wife.
- 13:30 Realized mismatched intentions with Anya, avoided heartbreak.
- 16:06 Join our vetted community for social success.
- 19:22 Be authentic and self-aware in dating.
Connect w/ Robbie:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/robbie_kramer/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@robbie.kramer
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/innerconfidence
Thank you for tuning in, and I look forward to helping you build your inner confidence and achieve success!
Book a call with Robbie: https://calendly.com/robbiekramer/strategy-call
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Have you ever found yourself dating someone casually, only to
realize she wants something moreserious and you feel trapped?
Or maybe you're worried about starting a casual relationship
because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but you also
don't want to settle? Well, if that's you, you'll want
to tune into this week's episode.
We're going to discuss the common mistakes guys make when
they date only one girl casuallyand then feel pressure to get
serious. We'll also cover how to attract
(00:21):
the person you truly want, not just someone you're settling
for. I'm going to share strategies on
maintaining honesty and integrity in casual
relationships and how to manage expectations from the get go.
This episode is for anyone looking to navigate the dating
world without leaving anyone on or doing things immorally.
You're listening to the Inner Confidence podcast, home to the
Social Funnel Method. My name is Robbie Kramer, I've
(00:43):
been a coach since 2007 and I'vehelped over 1300 digital nomads,
expats and remote workers build an amazing social and dating
life abroad. My mission is simple to help you
position yourself to meet stunning women and make awesome
friends enroute to becoming the most confident and attractive
version you can be. I have an intense.
Hatred for fluff? And useless advice that you
can't take action on. So tune in each week to learn
(01:05):
the most effective and implementable strategies to
level up your game. So stick around.
Let's go. Let's start with square one,
which for most guys means learning to date casually and
building confidence through realworld experiences.
I get that casual dating is often looked down on, but it's
actually where most men develop essential skills.
I had a client recently who was struggling with guilt around
(01:26):
casual dating after watching a Jordan Peterson video.
Peterson talks about how casual sex can harm yourself and
others. But here's the thing, that
advice works if you're already kind of been there, done that.
But it's different if you're just starting out.
You don't want to skip the experience of dating casually
because it's where you learn to handle rejection, set
boundaries, find your standards,and ultimately raise your
(01:48):
standards. But here's the key.
Don't treat casual dating like afree for all.
Being upfront about what you want and not leading anyone else
on is essential. If you're seeing a girl who
wants a relationship, be honest that you're keeping things
light. And that doesn't mean being, you
know, presumptuous and announcing this on the first
date. Of course, there's a ton of
nuance to communicating what you're looking for, and most of
(02:09):
that communication is done non verbally through your actions
and cadence of communication. Time spent together.
More to come on that in a second.
Because the problem isn't casualdating, it's when you blur the
line. Then you send mixed messages.
So get clear on your standards, be upfront, keep things drama
free by managing expectations correctly.
And when done right, casual dating actually builds
(02:30):
confidence and helps you grow into the kind of guy who
attracts better matches over time as you gain experience.
A common pitfall is getting too attached or letting things get
more serious without really meaning to.
Here's my If it's casual, keep it casual by seeing her no more
than once a week. And keep the digital
communication, texting, IGDM, that sort of thing to three
times a week. And no, that doesn't mean
(02:52):
literally 3 texts only per week.It means you roughly have three
conversations or three correspondence, you know, total
per week. You shouldn't be texting every
day. That will also signal you want
something more serious. This helps you avoid sending out
the wrong signals and keeps the attachment low.
Seeing her more than once a weekis a big no no because 9% of the
(03:12):
time she will assume things are progressing toward a
relationship, even if you didn'tintend that.
Think of it this way, the more time you spend with her, the
more she'll expect. And if you're still meeting
other people and building your dating life, it's on you to keep
the boundary strong. Texting and seeing her too much
will create a sense of commitment, even if you're not
there emotionally. And if you're getting lazy,
(03:34):
maybe seeing her because it's easier than meeting new girls,
that's your sign to put effort back into keeping your options
open. It'll keep you from making long
term decisions out of convenience, which we all know
can lead to messy breakups and tons of guilt later.
So actually this reminds me of something that's made a big
difference in my own routine, especially when I need to stay a
little sharp and focused. It's this little shot called
(03:55):
Magic Mind. I'm going to take one now.
I've been using this stuff for about 3 months now and it's
really become part of my day. I use it every day in, in, in,
day out, day in and day out. Before that, I would, you know,
drink one every so often. I've been drinking for a while,
(04:16):
but I found that using it every day, it really has a much bigger
impact. I usually take it in the morning
around this time, kind of, you know, 1011 before I dive into
most of my work calls. And honestly, it's like a mental
switch flips on. And what's cool about it is it's
more than just caffeine. It's a mental performance shot.
It's packed with adaptogens, nootropics, and that really
(04:38):
keeps me dialed in and keeps me from crashing, you know, during
the day when I need to be on. And I found that since I've
started using it, I'm not just productive, but I'm also way
more focused and calm. And that's been huge because
like a lot of guys listening, I've got a lot on my plate
coaching, building my community,recording these podcasts,
spending time with my wife, playing golf.
I have a pretty full, you know, plate most of the time.
(05:00):
What I noticed is I'm able to stay kind of in that zone a lot
longer without burning out. So if you're looking for
something to help with focus andif you feel like your attention
wanders, I definitely recommend giving magic mine a shot.
I know you guys trust that I only talk about stuff I
genuinely use and believe in, and this has become a staple in
my life. You can check it out by using my
link. It's magicmine.com/inner
confidence and use the code inner confidence 20 for 20% off.
(05:25):
And if you're serious about boosting your mental
performance, I think you'll really like it.
So I learned this lesson about about keeping things casual the
hard way in my kind of mid to late 20s.
And that happened because I let a casual sort of rotation girl
slide into the role of monogamous girlfriend.
And before I knew it, I'd spent three years in a relationship
(05:45):
that didn't really align with what I truly wanted.
So let me tell you the story of how that happened.
So I was living with a buddy whowas also a, a dating coach and
our, you know, agenda was to go on tons of dates and get better
at this stuff, stuff and, and have fun together.
And inevitably I met a girl who's really awesome and we
(06:06):
started hanging out. You know, she wanted to hang out
more. And I got a little lazy and
complacent and rather than like going out with my buddy and
being a good wing man, I didn't want to disappoint her.
So, you know, she'd asked me, Yo, what are you doing tonight?
I'd be like, oh, well, yeah, I don't really have plans, so
let's hang out. And before I knew it, you know,
she was staying at my house two or three nights a week and we
(06:29):
were texting every day. And even though I would like,
you know, flat out tell her, listen, I'm, I'm, you know,
trying to stay single. I'm a dating coach.
It was even easier because I waslike a dating coach And I, I can
explain to her that I needed to stay single for my business.
And within about six months, shehad effectively moved in because
(06:51):
it, it didn't matter that my words were saying I didn't want
something serious. My actions were saying I did.
And then it basically became a situation where, you know, I
really liked her. I loved her.
She loved me too. But I was, I had so much stuff
that I wanted to do as a single guy.
I wanted to travel. I wanted to have these crazy
novel experiences, you know, that I saw other guys having.
(07:12):
I remember watching the the HughHefner documentary and thinking,
man, I really want that. And but I felt trapped in this
relationship. And if it was a different time,
you know, I probably would have put a ring on that girl if I had
done those things I wanted to do.
But I hadn't and that sabotage the relationship.
So what should have been just a casual fun sort of thing if I
had stuck to my boundaries became a three-year thing was a
(07:33):
very difficult breakup, especially for her.
You know, as guys, we have the gift that time's on our side,
right? We, we don't, we can, we can
start a family kind of as old aswe want to, as long as our, our
swimmers are working, right? We, we don't have a, a period in
our life where we can only get pregnant like women can, you
know, and that needs to happen for them really before they're
(07:55):
40. So they've got their 20s and
their 30s to find that guy to start a family.
And we don't have that biological shot clock as bad.
Of course, we kind of have it because we don't want to be like
the old grandpa to a bunch of young kids, although some guys
say they prefer that. But it's not nearly the same as
a woman. So it's really looked down upon
in society to like waste a woman's time during that
(08:17):
essential period when her value on the sexual marketplace is the
highest. And that's what will happen if
you don't take what I'm saying to heart, you know, And I've
been there, I've done it. Don't waste a bunch of time in a
relationship that you never really want in the 1st place.
Have the balls to to keep thingscasual and to set those
boundaries. Hey, so real.
Quick, I've decided that 2024 isthe year that I really try to up
(08:39):
my social media game and more specifically, my Instagram.
And I think you should too. I'll be sharing thoughts,
lessons and ideas there almost every day and I'd love to
interact with you and help you grow.
So if you're active on Instagramalready, and you should be
because Instagram is be a late online dating platform in a way
that most of your communication with beautiful women is going to
(09:00):
funnel, then shoot me a follow link via the show notes.
I'm at Robbie under score Kramer.
Let me know what you're working on and if there's any way I can
help. All right, back to the show.
So once you've got your casual dating skills down and you're
able to frequently get dates, the next level up is improving
the quality of your matches. And the best way to do that is
by building a social circle thatnaturally supports your dating
(09:20):
life. I refer to this process as
farming and you're not ready to farm until you can hunt.
You've got to prove that you canhunt yourself because you're
going to need that charisma, theconfidence and masculinity
developed from hunting to successfully attract high value
men and women into your social life.
Obviously you already have a social circle, but ask yourself,
does it consistently bring you high quality matches?
(09:43):
Well, probably not, or you wouldn't be listening to this.
But you're in the right place because this is my bread and
butter as a coach. A social circle full of fun,
socially active people, especially attractive women,
creates pre selection. It signals to other women that
you're already in demand. That's also called make choice
copying. In the more scientific world.
It's women want to date other guys that hot women want to
(10:03):
date. Just like you're going to choose
Coca-Cola over the generic brandin the store because you know
Coca-Cola, you know it's good. So here's the thing.
Every guy I talk to says they want to build a social circle
full of wifey quality women. You know, women who take care of
themselves physically. They spend their time in the
gym, they prefer reading than going to a nightclub.
They don't get overly drunk. They're not going to cause
headaches and drama in your life.
(10:24):
But having a social circle full of these women is a pipe dream.
It doesn't exist because a social circle full of
introverted homemakers doesn't happen.
Those people don't socialize to be in a social circle.
So that perfect girl you want isprobably in a committed
relationship right now and the only way you're ever going to
(10:44):
meet her is to 1st meet her fun party girlfriend who loves to
socialize. I playfully refer to these girls
as party hoes. I love party hoes.
I'm a party ho. We're all just fun party hoes.
So you befriend this girl and one day when your dream girl
breaks up with her dude, the party ho girlfriend you have
will invite that dream girl out and she'll meet you and your
(11:05):
crew and voila, now you've got your look at her.
Now you've got your chance at this perfect sort of wifey girl.
But remember, this girl almost never goes out because she just
goes from one relationship to the next relationship.
She's only being dragged out by her party hoe friends.
You want to befriend as many funparty hoes as possible if you
want a social life that keeps you connected and bringing new
high quality leads in. So this doesn't mean filling
(11:27):
your social circle with drama. What it means is creating a
social circle that has energy, fun, and a balance of people who
aren't overly invested in settling down.
So when you do this right, the pre selection effects comes into
play. Women see you surrounded by
others, you're enjoying yourself.
They're naturally, you know, drawn to you.
And it's not about flaunting casual relationships.
(11:47):
It's about letting your social value speak for itself.
This approach works because it shows women that you're
comfortable in social situationsand you're valued by others,
which naturally boosts attraction.
So this was exactly the approachthat led me to meeting my wife
and the handful of the prior amazing relationships I had with
models and what I would consider, you know, very drop
dead gorgeous women. Before I got married, I was in
(12:10):
Kiev surrounded by a fun social circle when I met one of my
wife's friends. And this girl was, you know,
amazing, very beautiful and alsokind of like a fish out of water
that she was in this environment.
And she just didn't really seem like a party hoe.
So I kind of took her to side and I was like, hey, listen, if
(12:31):
some other guys are like creeping on you, just tell them
you're with me and, you know, I'll fend off the creeps or
whatever. And so that, you know, I was
safe for her. And I never tried to like make a
move, but I knew that I knew that I could and she would like
me. And I made the conscious
decision to not hook up with herbecause I knew one day she'd
probably introduce me to some other high quality girls just
(12:52):
like her. That's exactly what happened
within about a month or two. It was during Kovid, like I
said, I was in Kiev and my friend honest she, she said,
hey, I'm with my friend Masha. We want to come over and smoke
hookah because she would always just come over and smoke shisha
hookah, whatever you want to call it at my place.
And I, I responded to her text. So I'm like, actually, you don't
(13:14):
want to come over. I just got diagnosed with Kovid.
And she responded, oh, we're notafraid of COVID.
We'll come anyways. So they did.
And when Maria walked in the door, I was like, Oh my God,
this Masha was you know, her hernickname.
I was I was like, wow, this is like, you know, she could be the
one, right? I had that feeling instantly
(13:35):
because guys, you know, we fall in love or at least in lust at
first sight. And you know, I had a great
reputation with Anya because I wasn't the creep that that tried
to hook up with her, even thoughI knew that I probably could.
I, I knew that she was giving mesignals of interest.
I just also knew that she would probably want a relationship and
the vibe in the chemistry just wasn't right with her.
(13:56):
And I knew I wouldn't want a relationship and I would just
want to hook up and I didn't want to break her heart.
I had done that to a lot of girls before and you know, I I
told myself, like, you know, you're getting plenty of casual
sex. There's no reason to like make
that happen with a girl who's probably not interested in
casual sex. So Merle, the story is keep it
(14:16):
in your pants if you want to meet the hot friends of the
girls. So sometimes, right, if if
you're dealing with, like I said, a fun, cool party hoe and
you and you hook up with her, nobig deal.
Like she hooks up with guys all the time.
That's just kind of what happens.
So that's the beauty of having one of these social circles
filled with fun hot girls is you're you can cross everything
off your your sexual bucket list.
You can have all the fun you want to have and then you're
(14:38):
still positioning yourself to one day meet that perfect
introverted wifey who just wantsto play golf with you all day.
It doesn't preclude you from meeting that girl, right?
Pre selection doesn't care if a man is a man whore.
It takes something for a guy to be a man whore.
It's easy for a girl to be a slut, but for a guy to be a
stud, that is hard. There's a whole Jim Jeffrey
(15:00):
stand up on it. You know, it takes effort to be
a stud. You got to have a fake job and
smooth talker and charisma and all the other stuff he says in
it. But it takes nothing to be a
slut. You just have to be there.
Because it's easy to be a slut. It's bloody hard to be a stud.
(15:20):
To be a stud, you have to dress nice, be witty, have good shoes
and a fake job. To be a slut, you have to be
there. If you want help navigating the
world of of hunting and eventually transitioning to
farming, I invite you to join our community.
(15:40):
Out of all the guys I know, the only ones who managed to
consistently land eights and up are the guys who have built a
social circle. You can certainly approach women
and use the apps to get laid, but those strategies simply
don't really work on top tier women.
Think about it. She's hot, she has hot friends,
and hot girls get invited to high status events almost every
single night. So when it comes time to get
ready for your date, do you think she's going to show up or
(16:01):
flake last minute when her girlfriend texts her to come to
some awesome thing? As if she's going to choose the
random dude on Hinge or the guy who chased her down on the
street over her social circle. No chance.
If you're getting tons of flakes, this is the reason.
But for most guys, the idea of building a social circle,
especially if you're traveling or in a new city, can feel
overwhelming. So they continue to hunt for
women in their usual ways and they end up settling for a girl
(16:24):
they were never really that excited about in the 1st place.
To avoid this fate, join our community of aspiring
international Playboys and instantly plug into a highly
vetted social. Circle of cool dudes.
To network and navigate your journey with You already know
it's hard to find a wing man because the good ones don't
really stay in the game very long.
They get married, life goes on, right?
Many of our members travel together, they end up living
(16:44):
together, and they build amazingsocial circles in the best kept
secret locations around the globe with gorgeous women and
low cost of living. I'm extremely careful who I let
into this community, but if you feel like you'd make a good fit,
you can learn more about the social funnel method to
consistently land top to women and apply to join our community.
The link is in the description. Now let's get back to the show.
For those of you listening who might be saying that all sounds
(17:07):
good, Robbie, but I'm an introvert.
I don't like to go out and all this sounds like a big headache.
I get it. I'm also an introvert, believe
it or not. My journey to inner confidence
consisted of learning to hunt, which taught me the skills to
enjoy connecting with people a lot more.
And once I knew what to do, I actually started to enjoy social
gatherings a lot more than I didbefore.
You know, introverts also need to be around people.
(17:29):
It only sucks when you don't know how to properly engage with
others and how to win in those environments.
So don't jump to conclusions that this sucks, because it
doesn't. If I put you at a table with six
hot girls who are interested in sleeping with you, if you made
the right moves, and two other close guy friends who felt like
brothers, would that be a bad time?
(17:49):
If your answer is yes, you're better off joining a monastery,
taking a vow of celibacy and solitude in Tibet, somewhere
like that, and forget about this.
But you know, show me a guy who doesn't want 6 hot girls at his
dinner table and two of his bestfriends.
I'll probably show you a liar. So I think a big reason
introverted guys avoid social situations is they dislike
(18:10):
drama. They dislike tension, which were
all things I dislike too. But drama and tension are
inherent in any dynamic social circle.
The key is knowing how to managethem.
A lot of guys get sucked into the gossip or they feel the need
to be involved in every issue. But here's a pro tip, just stay
above it. A lot of drama is just social
testing, and the best way to pass those tests is by staying
(18:31):
calm and not getting involved inevery little conflict.
But when things cross the line, you know someone's disrespecting
you or crossing a boundary, that's when you got to step in.
You got to defend yourself when necessary, but don't let the
small stuff pull you in. Like most of the time, staying
cool and collected in the face of drama will earn you more
respect, especially with women. And finally, a reminder through
all of this, stay true you to who you are.
(18:51):
You know, if you're naturally more grounded or laid back,
don't feel the need to force a flashy persona.
Remember, authenticity is what'struly attractive in the long
run. And a lot of my clients say the
reason why they work with me, they're like Robbie, you just
seem like a normal guy. You're not like this, you know,
weird dating coach pickup guy. You're just like in every man.
And that's exactly who I always was when even though I had a
(19:13):
social circle filled of, you know, models in Ukraine and LA
and New York, I didn't just do this in Ukraine all over the US
before that. San Diego, Arizona.
Women will pick up on it if you're trying to be something
you're not, and it usually backfires.
So focus on being the best version of yourself, not someone
else's idea of what's cool or alpha or trying to be a big time
(19:34):
extrovert. If you're not, That's going to
wrap up today's episode. We've covered the progression
from casual dating, learning to set boundaries, and levelling up
by eventually building a social circle that naturally supports
your dating life life. Remember, the goal is to grow
into a guy who's confident, selfaware, and doesn't need to hide
his intentions. You know, you can get tons of
awesome casual sex from really hot chicks that want casual sex
(19:57):
if you learn how to position yourself correctly to them and
turn yourself into a guy that isalso very attractive that they
want to do that with. And a lot of that's going to
come from, you know, getting in shape.
Going to the gym, learning how to fight, you know, it's not
just like learning social skills, it's it's kind of like
being a beast in life too, right?
And then build a social life that aligns with your goals.
(20:18):
Don't let the little things derail your progress.
So if you're ready to join a community, guys doing the same,
hit the link, apply to join the IC community, jump on a call
with me. And until next time, keep
building that confidence and I'll see you in the next
episode. I hope you enjoyed the episode.
If you're a regular listener andyou're digging our content, do
me a favor, leave us a five starreview.
It's how other people learn about the show and how we can
(20:39):
spread the word. If you don't feel like it's
worthy of five stars, just go ahead.
Don't leave any review at all. And I want to let you know that
we've opened up a few slots in our exclusive community.
We're accepting applications to join our select group of men and
experience the radical power of accountability.
Step up your game, cross everything off your sexual
bucket list, and become a beast at accomplishing all of your
goals. To learn more and apply, go to
(20:59):
innerconfidence.com slash community.
Have you ever found yourself dating someone casually, only to
realize she wants something moreserious and you feel trapped?
Or maybe you're worried about starting a casual relationship
because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but you also
don't want to settle? Well, if that's you, you'll want
to tune into this week's episode.
We're going to discuss the common mistakes guys make when
they date only one girl casuallyand then feel pressure to get
serious. We'll also cover how to attract
(00:21):
the person you truly want, not just someone you're settling
for. I'm going to share strategies on
maintaining honesty and integrity in casual
relationships and how to manage expectations from the get go.
This episode is for anyone looking to navigate the dating
world without leaving anyone on or doing things immorally.
You're listening to the Inner Confidence podcast, home to the
Social Funnel Method. My name is Robbie Kramer, I've
(00:43):
been a coach since 2007 and I'vehelped over 1300 digital nomads,
expats and remote workers build an amazing social and dating
life abroad. My mission is simple to help you
position yourself to meet stunning women and make awesome
friends enroute to becoming the most confident and attractive
version you can be. I have an intense.
Hatred for fluff? And useless advice that you
can't take action on. So tune in each week to learn
(01:05):
the most effective and implementable strategies to
level up your game. So stick around.
Let's go. Let's start with square one,
which for most guys means learning to date casually and
building confidence through realworld experiences.
I get that casual dating is often looked down on, but it's
actually where most men develop essential skills.
I had a client recently who was struggling with guilt around
(01:26):
casual dating after watching a Jordan Peterson video.
Peterson talks about how casual sex can harm yourself and
others. But here's the thing, that
advice works if you're already kind of been there, done that.
But it's different if you're just starting out.
You don't want to skip the experience of dating casually
because it's where you learn to handle rejection, set
boundaries, find your standards,and ultimately raise your
(01:48):
standards. But here's the key.
Don't treat casual dating like afree for all.
Being upfront about what you want and not leading anyone else
on is essential. If you're seeing a girl who
wants a relationship, be honest that you're keeping things
light. And that doesn't mean being, you
know, presumptuous and announcing this on the first
date. Of course, there's a ton of
nuance to communicating what you're looking for, and most of
(02:09):
that communication is done non verbally through your actions
and cadence of communication. Time spent together.
More to come on that in a second.
Because the problem isn't casualdating, it's when you blur the
line. Then you send mixed messages.
So get clear on your standards, be upfront, keep things drama
free by managing expectations correctly.
And when done right, casual dating actually builds
(02:30):
confidence and helps you grow into the kind of guy who
attracts better matches over time as you gain experience.
A common pitfall is getting too attached or letting things get
more serious without really meaning to.
Here's my If it's casual, keep it casual by seeing her no more
than once a week. And keep the digital
communication, texting, IGDM, that sort of thing to three
times a week. And no, that doesn't mean
(02:52):
literally 3 texts only per week.It means you roughly have three
conversations or three correspondence, you know, total
per week. You shouldn't be texting every
day. That will also signal you want
something more serious. This helps you avoid sending out
the wrong signals and keeps the attachment low.
Seeing her more than once a weekis a big no no because 9% of the
(03:12):
time she will assume things are progressing toward a
relationship, even if you didn'tintend that.
Think of it this way, the more time you spend with her, the
more she'll expect. And if you're still meeting
other people and building your dating life, it's on you to keep
the boundary strong. Texting and seeing her too much
will create a sense of commitment, even if you're not
there emotionally. And if you're getting lazy,
(03:34):
maybe seeing her because it's easier than meeting new girls,
that's your sign to put effort back into keeping your options
open. It'll keep you from making long
term decisions out of convenience, which we all know
can lead to messy breakups and tons of guilt later.
So actually this reminds me of something that's made a big
difference in my own routine, especially when I need to stay a
little sharp and focused. It's this little shot called
(03:55):
Magic Mind. I'm going to take one now.
I've been using this stuff for about 3 months now and it's
really become part of my day. I use it every day in, in, in,
day out, day in and day out. Before that, I would, you know,
drink one every so often. I've been drinking for a while,
(04:16):
but I found that using it every day, it really has a much bigger
impact. I usually take it in the morning
around this time, kind of, you know, 1011 before I dive into
most of my work calls. And honestly, it's like a mental
switch flips on. And what's cool about it is it's
more than just caffeine. It's a mental performance shot.
It's packed with adaptogens, nootropics, and that really
(04:38):
keeps me dialed in and keeps me from crashing, you know, during
the day when I need to be on. And I found that since I've
started using it, I'm not just productive, but I'm also way
more focused and calm. And that's been huge because
like a lot of guys listening, I've got a lot on my plate
coaching, building my community,recording these podcasts,
spending time with my wife, playing golf.
I have a pretty full, you know, plate most of the time.
(05:00):
What I noticed is I'm able to stay kind of in that zone a lot
longer without burning out. So if you're looking for
something to help with focus andif you feel like your attention
wanders, I definitely recommend giving magic mine a shot.
I know you guys trust that I only talk about stuff I
genuinely use and believe in, and this has become a staple in
my life. You can check it out by using my
link. It's magicmine.com/inner
confidence and use the code inner confidence 20 for 20% off.
(05:25):
And if you're serious about boosting your mental
performance, I think you'll really like it.
So I learned this lesson about about keeping things casual the
hard way in my kind of mid to late 20s.
And that happened because I let a casual sort of rotation girl
slide into the role of monogamous girlfriend.
And before I knew it, I'd spent three years in a relationship
(05:45):
that didn't really align with what I truly wanted.
So let me tell you the story of how that happened.
So I was living with a buddy whowas also a, a dating coach and
our, you know, agenda was to go on tons of dates and get better
at this stuff, stuff and, and have fun together.
And inevitably I met a girl who's really awesome and we
(06:06):
started hanging out. You know, she wanted to hang out
more. And I got a little lazy and
complacent and rather than like going out with my buddy and
being a good wing man, I didn't want to disappoint her.
So, you know, she'd asked me, Yo, what are you doing tonight?
I'd be like, oh, well, yeah, I don't really have plans, so
let's hang out. And before I knew it, you know,
she was staying at my house two or three nights a week and we
(06:29):
were texting every day. And even though I would like,
you know, flat out tell her, listen, I'm, I'm, you know,
trying to stay single. I'm a dating coach.
It was even easier because I waslike a dating coach And I, I can
explain to her that I needed to stay single for my business.
And within about six months, shehad effectively moved in because
(06:51):
it, it didn't matter that my words were saying I didn't want
something serious. My actions were saying I did.
And then it basically became a situation where, you know, I
really liked her. I loved her.
She loved me too. But I was, I had so much stuff
that I wanted to do as a single guy.
I wanted to travel. I wanted to have these crazy
novel experiences, you know, that I saw other guys having.
(07:12):
I remember watching the the HughHefner documentary and thinking,
man, I really want that. And but I felt trapped in this
relationship. And if it was a different time,
you know, I probably would have put a ring on that girl if I had
done those things I wanted to do.
But I hadn't and that sabotage the relationship.
So what should have been just a casual fun sort of thing if I
had stuck to my boundaries became a three-year thing was a
(07:33):
very difficult breakup, especially for her.
You know, as guys, we have the gift that time's on our side,
right? We, we don't, we can, we can
start a family kind of as old aswe want to, as long as our, our
swimmers are working, right? We, we don't have a, a period in
our life where we can only get pregnant like women can, you
know, and that needs to happen for them really before they're
(07:55):
40. So they've got their 20s and
their 30s to find that guy to start a family.
And we don't have that biological shot clock as bad.
Of course, we kind of have it because we don't want to be like
the old grandpa to a bunch of young kids, although some guys
say they prefer that. But it's not nearly the same as
a woman. So it's really looked down upon
in society to like waste a woman's time during that
(08:17):
essential period when her value on the sexual marketplace is the
highest. And that's what will happen if
you don't take what I'm saying to heart, you know, And I've
been there, I've done it. Don't waste a bunch of time in a
relationship that you never really want in the 1st place.
Have the balls to to keep thingscasual and to set those
boundaries. Hey, so real.
Quick, I've decided that 2024 isthe year that I really try to up
(08:39):
my social media game and more specifically, my Instagram.
And I think you should too. I'll be sharing thoughts,
lessons and ideas there almost every day and I'd love to
interact with you and help you grow.
So if you're active on Instagramalready, and you should be
because Instagram is be a late online dating platform in a way
that most of your communication with beautiful women is going to
(09:00):
funnel, then shoot me a follow link via the show notes.
I'm at Robbie under score Kramer.
Let me know what you're working on and if there's any way I can
help. All right, back to the show.
So once you've got your casual dating skills down and you're
able to frequently get dates, the next level up is improving
the quality of your matches. And the best way to do that is
by building a social circle thatnaturally supports your dating
(09:20):
life. I refer to this process as
farming and you're not ready to farm until you can hunt.
You've got to prove that you canhunt yourself because you're
going to need that charisma, theconfidence and masculinity
developed from hunting to successfully attract high value
men and women into your social life.
Obviously you already have a social circle, but ask yourself,
does it consistently bring you high quality matches?
(09:43):
Well, probably not, or you wouldn't be listening to this.
But you're in the right place because this is my bread and
butter as a coach. A social circle full of fun,
socially active people, especially attractive women,
creates pre selection. It signals to other women that
you're already in demand. That's also called make choice
copying. In the more scientific world.
It's women want to date other guys that hot women want to
(10:03):
date. Just like you're going to choose
Coca-Cola over the generic brandin the store because you know
Coca-Cola, you know it's good. So here's the thing.
Every guy I talk to says they want to build a social circle
full of wifey quality women. You know, women who take care of
themselves physically. They spend their time in the
gym, they prefer reading than going to a nightclub.
They don't get overly drunk. They're not going to cause
headaches and drama in your life.
(10:24):
But having a social circle full of these women is a pipe dream.
It doesn't exist because a social circle full of
introverted homemakers doesn't happen.
Those people don't socialize to be in a social circle.
So that perfect girl you want isprobably in a committed
relationship right now and the only way you're ever going to
(10:44):
meet her is to 1st meet her fun party girlfriend who loves to
socialize. I playfully refer to these girls
as party hoes. I love party hoes.
I'm a party ho. We're all just fun party hoes.
So you befriend this girl and one day when your dream girl
breaks up with her dude, the party ho girlfriend you have
will invite that dream girl out and she'll meet you and your
(11:05):
crew and voila, now you've got your look at her.
Now you've got your chance at this perfect sort of wifey girl.
But remember, this girl almost never goes out because she just
goes from one relationship to the next relationship.
She's only being dragged out by her party hoe friends.
You want to befriend as many funparty hoes as possible if you
want a social life that keeps you connected and bringing new
high quality leads in. So this doesn't mean filling
(11:27):
your social circle with drama. What it means is creating a
social circle that has energy, fun, and a balance of people who
aren't overly invested in settling down.
So when you do this right, the pre selection effects comes into
play. Women see you surrounded by
others, you're enjoying yourself.
They're naturally, you know, drawn to you.
And it's not about flaunting casual relationships.
(11:47):
It's about letting your social value speak for itself.
This approach works because it shows women that you're
comfortable in social situationsand you're valued by others,
which naturally boosts attraction.
So this was exactly the approachthat led me to meeting my wife
and the handful of the prior amazing relationships I had with
models and what I would consider, you know, very drop
dead gorgeous women. Before I got married, I was in
(12:10):
Kiev surrounded by a fun social circle when I met one of my
wife's friends. And this girl was, you know,
amazing, very beautiful and alsokind of like a fish out of water
that she was in this environment.
And she just didn't really seem like a party hoe.
So I kind of took her to side and I was like, hey, listen, if
(12:31):
some other guys are like creeping on you, just tell them
you're with me and, you know, I'll fend off the creeps or
whatever. And so that, you know, I was
safe for her. And I never tried to like make a
move, but I knew that I knew that I could and she would like
me. And I made the conscious
decision to not hook up with herbecause I knew one day she'd
probably introduce me to some other high quality girls just
(12:52):
like her. That's exactly what happened
within about a month or two. It was during Kovid, like I
said, I was in Kiev and my friend honest she, she said,
hey, I'm with my friend Masha. We want to come over and smoke
hookah because she would always just come over and smoke shisha
hookah, whatever you want to call it at my place.
And I, I responded to her text. So I'm like, actually, you don't
(13:14):
want to come over. I just got diagnosed with Kovid.
And she responded, oh, we're notafraid of COVID.
We'll come anyways. So they did.
And when Maria walked in the door, I was like, Oh my God,
this Masha was you know, her hernickname.
I was I was like, wow, this is like, you know, she could be the
one, right? I had that feeling instantly
(13:35):
because guys, you know, we fall in love or at least in lust at
first sight. And you know, I had a great
reputation with Anya because I wasn't the creep that that tried
to hook up with her, even thoughI knew that I probably could.
I, I knew that she was giving mesignals of interest.
I just also knew that she would probably want a relationship and
the vibe in the chemistry just wasn't right with her.
(13:56):
And I knew I wouldn't want a relationship and I would just
want to hook up and I didn't want to break her heart.
I had done that to a lot of girls before and you know, I I
told myself, like, you know, you're getting plenty of casual
sex. There's no reason to like make
that happen with a girl who's probably not interested in
casual sex. So Merle, the story is keep it
(14:16):
in your pants if you want to meet the hot friends of the
girls. So sometimes, right, if if
you're dealing with, like I said, a fun, cool party hoe and
you and you hook up with her, nobig deal.
Like she hooks up with guys all the time.
That's just kind of what happens.
So that's the beauty of having one of these social circles
filled with fun hot girls is you're you can cross everything
off your your sexual bucket list.
You can have all the fun you want to have and then you're
(14:38):
still positioning yourself to one day meet that perfect
introverted wifey who just wantsto play golf with you all day.
It doesn't preclude you from meeting that girl, right?
Pre selection doesn't care if a man is a man whore.
It takes something for a guy to be a man whore.
It's easy for a girl to be a slut, but for a guy to be a
stud, that is hard. There's a whole Jim Jeffrey
(15:00):
stand up on it. You know, it takes effort to be
a stud. You got to have a fake job and
smooth talker and charisma and all the other stuff he says in
it. But it takes nothing to be a
slut. You just have to be there.
Because it's easy to be a slut. It's bloody hard to be a stud.
(15:20):
To be a stud, you have to dress nice, be witty, have good shoes
and a fake job. To be a slut, you have to be
there. If you want help navigating the
world of of hunting and eventually transitioning to
farming, I invite you to join our community.
(15:40):
Out of all the guys I know, the only ones who managed to
consistently land eights and up are the guys who have built a
social circle. You can certainly approach women
and use the apps to get laid, but those strategies simply
don't really work on top tier women.
Think about it. She's hot, she has hot friends,
and hot girls get invited to high status events almost every
single night. So when it comes time to get
ready for your date, do you think she's going to show up or
(16:01):
flake last minute when her girlfriend texts her to come to
some awesome thing? As if she's going to choose the
random dude on Hinge or the guy who chased her down on the
street over her social circle. No chance.
If you're getting tons of flakes, this is the reason.
But for most guys, the idea of building a social circle,
especially if you're traveling or in a new city, can feel
overwhelming. So they continue to hunt for
women in their usual ways and they end up settling for a girl
(16:24):
they were never really that excited about in the 1st place.
To avoid this fate, join our community of aspiring
international Playboys and instantly plug into a highly
vetted social. Circle of cool dudes.
To network and navigate your journey with You already know
it's hard to find a wing man because the good ones don't
really stay in the game very long.
They get married, life goes on, right?
Many of our members travel together, they end up living
(16:44):
together, and they build amazingsocial circles in the best kept
secret locations around the globe with gorgeous women and
low cost of living. I'm extremely careful who I let
into this community, but if you feel like you'd make a good fit,
you can learn more about the social funnel method to
consistently land top to women and apply to join our community.
The link is in the description. Now let's get back to the show.
For those of you listening who might be saying that all sounds
(17:07):
good, Robbie, but I'm an introvert.
I don't like to go out and all this sounds like a big headache.
I get it. I'm also an introvert, believe
it or not. My journey to inner confidence
consisted of learning to hunt, which taught me the skills to
enjoy connecting with people a lot more.
And once I knew what to do, I actually started to enjoy social
gatherings a lot more than I didbefore.
You know, introverts also need to be around people.
(17:29):
It only sucks when you don't know how to properly engage with
others and how to win in those environments.
So don't jump to conclusions that this sucks, because it
doesn't. If I put you at a table with six
hot girls who are interested in sleeping with you, if you made
the right moves, and two other close guy friends who felt like
brothers, would that be a bad time?
(17:49):
If your answer is yes, you're better off joining a monastery,
taking a vow of celibacy and solitude in Tibet, somewhere
like that, and forget about this.
But you know, show me a guy who doesn't want 6 hot girls at his
dinner table and two of his bestfriends.
I'll probably show you a liar. So I think a big reason
introverted guys avoid social situations is they dislike
(18:10):
drama. They dislike tension, which were
all things I dislike too. But drama and tension are
inherent in any dynamic social circle.
The key is knowing how to managethem.
A lot of guys get sucked into the gossip or they feel the need
to be involved in every issue. But here's a pro tip, just stay
above it. A lot of drama is just social
testing, and the best way to pass those tests is by staying
(18:31):
calm and not getting involved inevery little conflict.
But when things cross the line, you know someone's disrespecting
you or crossing a boundary, that's when you got to step in.
You got to defend yourself when necessary, but don't let the
small stuff pull you in. Like most of the time, staying
cool and collected in the face of drama will earn you more
respect, especially with women. And finally, a reminder through
all of this, stay true you to who you are.
(18:51):
You know, if you're naturally more grounded or laid back,
don't feel the need to force a flashy persona.
Remember, authenticity is what'struly attractive in the long
run. And a lot of my clients say the
reason why they work with me, they're like Robbie, you just
seem like a normal guy. You're not like this, you know,
weird dating coach pickup guy. You're just like in every man.
And that's exactly who I always was when even though I had a
(19:13):
social circle filled of, you know, models in Ukraine and LA
and New York, I didn't just do this in Ukraine all over the US
before that. San Diego, Arizona.
Women will pick up on it if you're trying to be something
you're not, and it usually backfires.
So focus on being the best version of yourself, not someone
else's idea of what's cool or alpha or trying to be a big time
(19:34):
extrovert. If you're not, That's going to
wrap up today's episode. We've covered the progression
from casual dating, learning to set boundaries, and levelling up
by eventually building a social circle that naturally supports
your dating life life. Remember, the goal is to grow
into a guy who's confident, selfaware, and doesn't need to hide
his intentions. You know, you can get tons of
awesome casual sex from really hot chicks that want casual sex
(19:57):
if you learn how to position yourself correctly to them and
turn yourself into a guy that isalso very attractive that they
want to do that with. And a lot of that's going to
come from, you know, getting in shape.
Going to the gym, learning how to fight, you know, it's not
just like learning social skills, it's it's kind of like
being a beast in life too, right?
And then build a social life that aligns with your goals.
(20:18):
Don't let the little things derail your progress.
So if you're ready to join a community, guys doing the same,
hit the link, apply to join the IC community, jump on a call
with me. And until next time, keep
building that confidence and I'll see you in the next
episode. I hope you enjoyed the episode.
If you're a regular listener andyou're digging our content, do
me a favor, leave us a five starreview.
It's how other people learn about the show and how we can
(20:39):
spread the word. If you don't feel like it's
worthy of five stars, just go ahead.
Don't leave any review at all. And I want to let you know that
we've opened up a few slots in our exclusive community.
We're accepting applications to join our select group of men and
experience the radical power of accountability.
Step up your game, cross everything off your sexual
bucket list, and become a beast at accomplishing all of your
goals. To learn more and apply, go to
(20:59):
innerconfidence.com slash community.
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