July 21, 2025 • 12 mins
Links:
Book a call: https://www.innerconfidence.com/community
Get NewBrew: https://www.drinknewbrew.com/
Timestamps:
00:00 Addressing Struggle and Inner Pain
03:41 Struggling with Self-Esteem and Dating
06:48 Priceless Wisdom, Health Investment
11:24 "Join High-Value Social Circles"
Connect w/ Robbie:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/robbie_kramer/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What do you do when the journey starts to break you?
When everything you've invested,time, energy, money starts to
feel like a waste? When instead of getting more
confident, you just get more bitter?
Well, that's what we're going tounpack today.
And this is not some shallow advice like 5 tips to get over a
dry spell. This is about real pain.
The kind that many guys in our community feel, especially in
(00:21):
the Inner Game section of our discord.
And this week, one of the guys dropped what might have been the
most honest post we've had in a long time.
He let it all out. Anger, jealousy, resentment,
hopelessness. And what followed was one of the
most supportive and insightful threads we've had in a long time
as well. Today I'm going to read through
that message word for word and then walk you through the
responses from guys who have been through it and made it out
(00:44):
the other side. By the end of the episode, if
you're going through something similar, you're going to feel
seen. Hopefully, you're going to feel
understood, and you're going to have a way forward.
You're listening to the Inner Confidence podcast.
My name is Robbie Kramer, I've been a coach since 2007 and I've
helped countless men rapidly achieve all their social and
dating goals. My mission is simple, to help
(01:04):
you position yourself to meet stunning women, make awesome
friends in route to becoming themost confident and attractive
version you can possibly be. I'm absolutely obsessed with
giving you the most leverage ways possible to win the game.
So stick around, let's go. So let's get into it.
Here's what he wrote. I've been feeling terrible these
last few weeks. My journey to get better with
girls has added a lot of anger to my life.
(01:25):
The last three dates I've had were disappointing.
Not even because I'd really likethe girls.
Two of them were 6 is at best. And the fact that I can't even
hook up with a six after doing 2dating programs, spending
hundreds of hours on approaching, studying material,
upgrading my style, doing hundreds of day game approaches,
and putting a big chunk of my bank account into this?
That's been a brutal realization.
(01:46):
Every day on Melrose I see tall,attractive guys walking with hot
girls and I feel uncontrollable resentment.
Even my friends I day game with,they're tall, attractive, and
they get more matches, more numbers, more dates, and more
sex. Even though we do the same
number of approaches, even though they dress worse than me,
they don't even clean their shoes.
They've never taken a dating course.
(02:06):
They text like crap. One of them opens with, hey
Sarah, it was nice meeting you today and he's hooking up with
girls all the time. He does fewer approaches than I
do. He has no social media.
He hosts no events, He does no night game, only day game.
I've even seen attractive girls give him their number without
him even asking. It's driving me crazy.
(02:27):
Every day I get rejected or ghosted and I can't lie to
myself anymore. I can't say everyone's
experience is the same because it's clearly not.
I hate that because I wasn't born the right way, I have to
work 10 times harder just to geta date with a woman I don't even
find that attractive. Meanwhile they're sleeping with
hot girls with way less effort. And I know I'm not the only one
going through this. You know, in my late 20s.
(02:48):
I'm sure other guys in the groupfeel it too, but I've lost the
ability to stay positive. I feel stuck, I feel heavy.
The only change I've made is that now I can force myself to
do direct approaches consistently.
Even then it still takes me overan hour just to do 3.
I chicken out on 70% of the girls I see.
My numbers are bad and a lot of girls still react scared when I
approach, even when I give space, even when I talk at a
(03:10):
normal volume. And the few that I do go on
dates with, most have been 6 is at best.
And all this effort is slowly making me more depressed.
I keep wondering is this even worth it?
Is hooking up with a girl I findattractive once every few months
really worth all the time and money?
This journey has been more negative than positive for the
last year and a half and is taking a toll.
I'm living with constant frustration and disappointment.
(03:31):
It's messing with my focus. I get lost in angry resentful
thoughts I wake up in in the middle of the night.
I can't fall back asleep, just kind of stewing in it.
Even people around me have noticed.
They've said I seem less happy than usual.
I don't feel like being social and I'm scared I'm becoming some
bitter asshole. Therapy hasn't helped so I don't
even know what to try next. Trying to get girls has
destroyed myself esteem. I started this to build
(03:53):
confidence, but I feel worse about myself now.
If this is making me hate myself, how can I expect
results? Am I an idiot for continuing?
Is the payoff even worth it? Should I stop until I feel
emotionally better? But if I quit now then all the
time and effort really was a waste and I don't know what to
do. I feel so stuck.
So that was what he wrote and this guy has been in the program
(04:14):
for about a month and a half andbeen really focused on day game
obviously. So then the brotherhood showed
up and the first guy replied. Every single word you said is
relatable. You're in the right place bro.
It took me 15 years longer than I had hoped to get my career
wire wanted. I'd send out 100 resumes and
nothing. I already had the credentials,
it didn't matter. Then one day, boom, offers from
(04:35):
Google, Amazon, all the top companies.
Dating's the same. You're not digging a hole for
scraps, you're hammering a wall.And when it breaks, you'll be
flooded. The frustration, the
contradictory advice, all of it relatable.
This stuff doesn't make sense because human mating isn't
logical. It's instinctual.
It's irrational. I'm an animal lover, but I eat
meat. How do you wrap your head around
that? The contradiction lives in all
(04:56):
of us real quick. If you're a divorced guy trying
to figure out modern dating, I put together something special
for you. It's called the Social Funnel
Method and it's a 5 day free e-mail course I made just for
guys like you. Guys who want to date high
quality women and build a lifestyle that actually feels
good again. You'll learn exactly what works
today, not ten years ago, and how to stand out in a world of
(05:16):
dating apps, ghosting and Instagram.
Head over to innerconfidence.com/start to get
step one sent straight to your inbox.
It's totally free. Go do it now and let's rebuild
your dating life in the right way.
Another guy said. Patience bro, and props for
being so transparent. That takes courage.
One of the senior guys added. Never compare yourself to a
natural. You'll think it's because he's
(05:39):
tall or better looking, but it'snot that.
It's energy and energy takes years to develop.
Some guys got it young because they modeled.
Maybe a dad or an older brother figure who crushed it.
I personally had a roommate likethat.
He was a 65 surfer, charming. The guy gave zero fucks.
His parents were cool and attractive.
He won the genetic lottery and the environmental lottery.
(06:01):
But years later, after thousandsof approaches, losing weight,
boot camps, coaching, I was sleeping with hotter girls than
he was, and way more of them. The biggest mistake I made back
then was comparing myself to him.
So remember, it's not your height, it's your energy, and
you're building it slowly. Every interaction counts.
Sure, quitting might mute the pain temporarily, but the ache
(06:24):
that's gonna come back because deep down you'll know you could
be doing something about it. You're doing the hardest form of
game which is direct cold approach and it really sucks but
it does transform you. So stop comparing yourself to
Unicorn naturals. Look at the average guy.
Look around at most people. Not hot, not in shape, not
getting laid. Even sixes think they're nines
(06:46):
now. And that's just the dating
market and you care. That's not a flaw, that's
actually your age. Me personally, I spent over 80K
on this and I consider the best investment I ever made.
If God offered me a billion dollars to erase my brain and
forget everything I've learned about women's seduction, I'd say
no. Speaking of good investments,
drinking less booze and more newbrew.
(07:08):
This stuff is amazing. My wife drinks this on the golf
course. I don't drink it on the golf
course because it it actually ispretty strong, but it's no
booze, no cannabis. It's a euphoric seltzer.
It's made from kratom leaf and Kava root.
New brew. Have it, try it, you'll love it.
No booze. And my buddy Justin and Simona
(07:29):
started the company. So very good stuff.
So getting back, another member added.
Brother, if you were truly ugly and hopeless, we'd tell you.
But you're not. You're a good looking dude.
Your issue is inner game and vibe.
And that's good news because that's fixable.
We've all had days where we're walking around for hours and
didn't approach. Don't overthink techniques.
(07:49):
Focus on the reps Entertain yourself.
Try to give zero fucks. Get around to other guys, come
to the next immersion. That's when things accelerate.
Another guy put it pretty bluntly.
This isn't a solo sport. The key is to hang with the
guys. One of the more introspective
guys chimed in. Most dating groups focus on
outer game. Ours, it's inner confidence.
That's why not everyone sticks around.
It's not easy, you actually haveto change.
(08:11):
That's also why it works. Therapy helped me too and I can
connect you with someone if you're open to it.
Another guy broke it down like this.
Listen, you're stuck in a shit cycle.
Frustration which leads to resentment which leads to bad
vibe which leads to bad results and more frustration and girls
pick up on the vibe. It's everything you are, not
your thoughts. There are guys shorter and less
(08:32):
attractive than you who crush. But the cycle works the other
way too. Winning leads to confidence,
which leads to better vibe, which leads to better results.
So what's the easiest way to jump start that?
Change your environment. There's a bunch of guys in the
group that are down in Colombia.Come join us.
The vibe is different. Girls are warmer.
You'll get out of your funk. There's also guys in Eastern
Europe, same deal. There's guys all over the US.
(08:54):
The point is, don't do this stuff alone.
Come up to SF, I'll hit up the pavement with you.
Let's go. Give yourself permission to stop
brute forcing. Sometimes the car's not moving
because it needs fuel or the engine needs fixing, not because
you need to hit the gas harder. Try a boxing gym.
Try something physical, something that gives you agency
and wins. Fix your lifestyle, your sleep,
(09:15):
your diet, your health, and the rest will follow.
You probably learn more than yourealize.
You just can't access it right now.
But you will, And one day you'regoing to look back with pride,
which naturals will never get. So don't compare yourself to
them. Compare yourself to who you were
yesterday. That's it.
Your comeback story can start today.
Another guy chimed in after listening to the Sunday call.
He said you're getting one date with a six every 30 approaches.
(09:38):
Dude, I've done hundreds and never gotten a single date.
I'd kill for those results. You're way further along than
you think. That's the progression.
No approaches leads to approaches, but no numbers leads
to numbers but no sex leads to dates but no sex leads to
eventually sex. But you're on step 4:00 and
you're doing it in LA. One of the hardest markets, be
proud of that. Another guy jumped in.
(09:59):
He said I did over 200 approaches before I got my first
date. Day games.
Not even about dates. It's about building a thick
skin, learning to not give a fuck.
I do it for fun now. Even if I get ignored it
sharpens me. Who knows, maybe one day it'll
hit. Another guy chimed in.
I used to record my approaches. It helped me relive the winds,
help me remember names and stay sharp on follow-ups.
My average was one date and 50, but I had wings that made it
(10:22):
fun. You're charming.
It's just a matter of time and eventually it's going to start
working out. The original poster responded
all this about a day later and he said sorry I left you all
hanging, I needed a day. I read everything, thank you,
and I'm a bit embarrassed I let it all spill out like that, but
your responses brought me comfort.
Every insight hit, the stories, the advice, the encouragement.
I'm going to go visit some of you guys in Columbia.
(10:43):
I'm going to coordinate soon. And yes, I'd like that therapist
contact. Thank you for giving me space to
vent. I hope I can return the favour
someday. So that right there is why the
IC community exists. Sometimes you're the one holding
the flashlight, other times you're the guy in The Cave
looking for the next step. But both rules matter.
Both are part of growth. And if you're listening to this
and you feel anything like what this guy described, you're not
(11:05):
broken, you're just in the mud. And if you keep going, you're
going to rise up. So lean in, don't isolate.
And if you're stuck, change yourenvironment, join the group,
link with guys, reset your mind.You're not alone.
So thanks for listening. Out of all the guys I know, the
only ones who managed to consistently win the game are
those who built and invested in a high status social circle.
You can certainly approach womenand try your luck on the apps if
(11:26):
you're a Chad, but those strategies simply don't work
consistently to attract top tierwomen and awesome friends in
your life. But for most guys, the idea of
building a social circle can feel overwhelming.
So they continue to hunt for women in their usual ways and
end up settling for a girl they were never really that excited
about in the 1st place. To avoid this fate, join our
community and instantly plug into a highly vetted social
(11:46):
circle of cool dudes to network and navigate your journey with.
You already know it's hard to find wing men because the good
ones don't stay in the game verylong.
Many of our members travel together, end up living
together, build amazing circles and even businesses together
both in the West and in many of the best locations around the
globe. With gorgeous women and low cost
of living, I'm extremely carefulwho I let into this community,
but if you feel like you'd make a good fit, you can apply to
(12:08):
join the links in the description.
What do you do when the journey starts to break you?
When everything you've invested,time, energy, money starts to
feel like a waste? When instead of getting more
confident, you just get more bitter?
Well, that's what we're going tounpack today.
And this is not some shallow advice like 5 tips to get over a
dry spell. This is about real pain.
The kind that many guys in our community feel, especially in
(00:21):
the Inner Game section of our discord.
And this week, one of the guys dropped what might have been the
most honest post we've had in a long time.
He let it all out. Anger, jealousy, resentment,
hopelessness. And what followed was one of the
most supportive and insightful threads we've had in a long time
as well. Today I'm going to read through
that message word for word and then walk you through the
responses from guys who have been through it and made it out
(00:44):
the other side. By the end of the episode, if
you're going through something similar, you're going to feel
seen. Hopefully, you're going to feel
understood, and you're going to have a way forward.
You're listening to the Inner Confidence podcast.
My name is Robbie Kramer, I've been a coach since 2007 and I've
helped countless men rapidly achieve all their social and
dating goals. My mission is simple, to help
(01:04):
you position yourself to meet stunning women, make awesome
friends in route to becoming themost confident and attractive
version you can possibly be. I'm absolutely obsessed with
giving you the most leverage ways possible to win the game.
So stick around, let's go. So let's get into it.
Here's what he wrote. I've been feeling terrible these
last few weeks. My journey to get better with
girls has added a lot of anger to my life.
(01:25):
The last three dates I've had were disappointing.
Not even because I'd really likethe girls.
Two of them were 6 is at best. And the fact that I can't even
hook up with a six after doing 2dating programs, spending
hundreds of hours on approaching, studying material,
upgrading my style, doing hundreds of day game approaches,
and putting a big chunk of my bank account into this?
That's been a brutal realization.
(01:46):
Every day on Melrose I see tall,attractive guys walking with hot
girls and I feel uncontrollable resentment.
Even my friends I day game with,they're tall, attractive, and
they get more matches, more numbers, more dates, and more
sex. Even though we do the same
number of approaches, even though they dress worse than me,
they don't even clean their shoes.
They've never taken a dating course.
(02:06):
They text like crap. One of them opens with, hey
Sarah, it was nice meeting you today and he's hooking up with
girls all the time. He does fewer approaches than I
do. He has no social media.
He hosts no events, He does no night game, only day game.
I've even seen attractive girls give him their number without
him even asking. It's driving me crazy.
(02:27):
Every day I get rejected or ghosted and I can't lie to
myself anymore. I can't say everyone's
experience is the same because it's clearly not.
I hate that because I wasn't born the right way, I have to
work 10 times harder just to geta date with a woman I don't even
find that attractive. Meanwhile they're sleeping with
hot girls with way less effort. And I know I'm not the only one
going through this. You know, in my late 20s.
(02:48):
I'm sure other guys in the groupfeel it too, but I've lost the
ability to stay positive. I feel stuck, I feel heavy.
The only change I've made is that now I can force myself to
do direct approaches consistently.
Even then it still takes me overan hour just to do 3.
I chicken out on 70% of the girls I see.
My numbers are bad and a lot of girls still react scared when I
approach, even when I give space, even when I talk at a
(03:10):
normal volume. And the few that I do go on
dates with, most have been 6 is at best.
And all this effort is slowly making me more depressed.
I keep wondering is this even worth it?
Is hooking up with a girl I findattractive once every few months
really worth all the time and money?
This journey has been more negative than positive for the
last year and a half and is taking a toll.
I'm living with constant frustration and disappointment.
(03:31):
It's messing with my focus. I get lost in angry resentful
thoughts I wake up in in the middle of the night.
I can't fall back asleep, just kind of stewing in it.
Even people around me have noticed.
They've said I seem less happy than usual.
I don't feel like being social and I'm scared I'm becoming some
bitter asshole. Therapy hasn't helped so I don't
even know what to try next. Trying to get girls has
destroyed myself esteem. I started this to build
(03:53):
confidence, but I feel worse about myself now.
If this is making me hate myself, how can I expect
results? Am I an idiot for continuing?
Is the payoff even worth it? Should I stop until I feel
emotionally better? But if I quit now then all the
time and effort really was a waste and I don't know what to
do. I feel so stuck.
So that was what he wrote and this guy has been in the program
(04:14):
for about a month and a half andbeen really focused on day game
obviously. So then the brotherhood showed
up and the first guy replied. Every single word you said is
relatable. You're in the right place bro.
It took me 15 years longer than I had hoped to get my career
wire wanted. I'd send out 100 resumes and
nothing. I already had the credentials,
it didn't matter. Then one day, boom, offers from
(04:35):
Google, Amazon, all the top companies.
Dating's the same. You're not digging a hole for
scraps, you're hammering a wall.And when it breaks, you'll be
flooded. The frustration, the
contradictory advice, all of it relatable.
This stuff doesn't make sense because human mating isn't
logical. It's instinctual.
It's irrational. I'm an animal lover, but I eat
meat. How do you wrap your head around
that? The contradiction lives in all
(04:56):
of us real quick. If you're a divorced guy trying
to figure out modern dating, I put together something special
for you. It's called the Social Funnel
Method and it's a 5 day free e-mail course I made just for
guys like you. Guys who want to date high
quality women and build a lifestyle that actually feels
good again. You'll learn exactly what works
today, not ten years ago, and how to stand out in a world of
(05:16):
dating apps, ghosting and Instagram.
Head over to innerconfidence.com/start to get
step one sent straight to your inbox.
It's totally free. Go do it now and let's rebuild
your dating life in the right way.
Another guy said. Patience bro, and props for
being so transparent. That takes courage.
One of the senior guys added. Never compare yourself to a
natural. You'll think it's because he's
(05:39):
tall or better looking, but it'snot that.
It's energy and energy takes years to develop.
Some guys got it young because they modeled.
Maybe a dad or an older brother figure who crushed it.
I personally had a roommate likethat.
He was a 65 surfer, charming. The guy gave zero fucks.
His parents were cool and attractive.
He won the genetic lottery and the environmental lottery.
(06:01):
But years later, after thousandsof approaches, losing weight,
boot camps, coaching, I was sleeping with hotter girls than
he was, and way more of them. The biggest mistake I made back
then was comparing myself to him.
So remember, it's not your height, it's your energy, and
you're building it slowly. Every interaction counts.
Sure, quitting might mute the pain temporarily, but the ache
(06:24):
that's gonna come back because deep down you'll know you could
be doing something about it. You're doing the hardest form of
game which is direct cold approach and it really sucks but
it does transform you. So stop comparing yourself to
Unicorn naturals. Look at the average guy.
Look around at most people. Not hot, not in shape, not
getting laid. Even sixes think they're nines
(06:46):
now. And that's just the dating
market and you care. That's not a flaw, that's
actually your age. Me personally, I spent over 80K
on this and I consider the best investment I ever made.
If God offered me a billion dollars to erase my brain and
forget everything I've learned about women's seduction, I'd say
no. Speaking of good investments,
drinking less booze and more newbrew.
(07:08):
This stuff is amazing. My wife drinks this on the golf
course. I don't drink it on the golf
course because it it actually ispretty strong, but it's no
booze, no cannabis. It's a euphoric seltzer.
It's made from kratom leaf and Kava root.
New brew. Have it, try it, you'll love it.
No booze. And my buddy Justin and Simona
(07:29):
started the company. So very good stuff.
So getting back, another member added.
Brother, if you were truly ugly and hopeless, we'd tell you.
But you're not. You're a good looking dude.
Your issue is inner game and vibe.
And that's good news because that's fixable.
We've all had days where we're walking around for hours and
didn't approach. Don't overthink techniques.
(07:49):
Focus on the reps Entertain yourself.
Try to give zero fucks. Get around to other guys, come
to the next immersion. That's when things accelerate.
Another guy put it pretty bluntly.
This isn't a solo sport. The key is to hang with the
guys. One of the more introspective
guys chimed in. Most dating groups focus on
outer game. Ours, it's inner confidence.
That's why not everyone sticks around.
It's not easy, you actually haveto change.
(08:11):
That's also why it works. Therapy helped me too and I can
connect you with someone if you're open to it.
Another guy broke it down like this.
Listen, you're stuck in a shit cycle.
Frustration which leads to resentment which leads to bad
vibe which leads to bad results and more frustration and girls
pick up on the vibe. It's everything you are, not
your thoughts. There are guys shorter and less
(08:32):
attractive than you who crush. But the cycle works the other
way too. Winning leads to confidence,
which leads to better vibe, which leads to better results.
So what's the easiest way to jump start that?
Change your environment. There's a bunch of guys in the
group that are down in Colombia.Come join us.
The vibe is different. Girls are warmer.
You'll get out of your funk. There's also guys in Eastern
Europe, same deal. There's guys all over the US.
(08:54):
The point is, don't do this stuff alone.
Come up to SF, I'll hit up the pavement with you.
Let's go. Give yourself permission to stop
brute forcing. Sometimes the car's not moving
because it needs fuel or the engine needs fixing, not because
you need to hit the gas harder. Try a boxing gym.
Try something physical, something that gives you agency
and wins. Fix your lifestyle, your sleep,
(09:15):
your diet, your health, and the rest will follow.
You probably learn more than yourealize.
You just can't access it right now.
But you will, And one day you'regoing to look back with pride,
which naturals will never get. So don't compare yourself to
them. Compare yourself to who you were
yesterday. That's it.
Your comeback story can start today.
Another guy chimed in after listening to the Sunday call.
He said you're getting one date with a six every 30 approaches.
(09:38):
Dude, I've done hundreds and never gotten a single date.
I'd kill for those results. You're way further along than
you think. That's the progression.
No approaches leads to approaches, but no numbers leads
to numbers but no sex leads to dates but no sex leads to
eventually sex. But you're on step 4:00 and
you're doing it in LA. One of the hardest markets, be
proud of that. Another guy jumped in.
(09:59):
He said I did over 200 approaches before I got my first
date. Day games.
Not even about dates. It's about building a thick
skin, learning to not give a fuck.
I do it for fun now. Even if I get ignored it
sharpens me. Who knows, maybe one day it'll
hit. Another guy chimed in.
I used to record my approaches. It helped me relive the winds,
help me remember names and stay sharp on follow-ups.
My average was one date and 50, but I had wings that made it
(10:22):
fun. You're charming.
It's just a matter of time and eventually it's going to start
working out. The original poster responded
all this about a day later and he said sorry I left you all
hanging, I needed a day. I read everything, thank you,
and I'm a bit embarrassed I let it all spill out like that, but
your responses brought me comfort.
Every insight hit, the stories, the advice, the encouragement.
I'm going to go visit some of you guys in Columbia.
(10:43):
I'm going to coordinate soon. And yes, I'd like that therapist
contact. Thank you for giving me space to
vent. I hope I can return the favour
someday. So that right there is why the
IC community exists. Sometimes you're the one holding
the flashlight, other times you're the guy in The Cave
looking for the next step. But both rules matter.
Both are part of growth. And if you're listening to this
and you feel anything like what this guy described, you're not
(11:05):
broken, you're just in the mud. And if you keep going, you're
going to rise up. So lean in, don't isolate.
And if you're stuck, change yourenvironment, join the group,
link with guys, reset your mind.You're not alone.
So thanks for listening. Out of all the guys I know, the
only ones who managed to consistently win the game are
those who built and invested in a high status social circle.
You can certainly approach womenand try your luck on the apps if
(11:26):
you're a Chad, but those strategies simply don't work
consistently to attract top tierwomen and awesome friends in
your life. But for most guys, the idea of
building a social circle can feel overwhelming.
So they continue to hunt for women in their usual ways and
end up settling for a girl they were never really that excited
about in the 1st place. To avoid this fate, join our
community and instantly plug into a highly vetted social
(11:46):
circle of cool dudes to network and navigate your journey with.
You already know it's hard to find wing men because the good
ones don't stay in the game verylong.
Many of our members travel together, end up living
together, build amazing circles and even businesses together
both in the West and in many of the best locations around the
globe. With gorgeous women and low cost
of living, I'm extremely carefulwho I let into this community,
but if you feel like you'd make a good fit, you can apply to
(12:08):
join the links in the description.
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