September 8, 2025 • 47 mins
Links:
Book a call: https://www.innerconfidence.com/community
Get NewBrew: https://www.drinknewbrew.com/
Timestamps:
00:00 Body Positivity and Height Bias
06:07 Dating Challenges in Small Cities
08:13 "Balancing Attraction Criteria"
11:03 "Level Up: 10 Actionable Steps"
14:32 Meeting Fashion Minimums for Success
19:18 Confident vs. Nervous Attraction
22:24 Mastering Conversation for Attraction
24:06 "Master Conversation and Instagram Skills"
27:16 Curated Instagram for Online Dating
32:02 "Effective Dating Confidence Strategy"
33:21 "Remote Work for Passport Bros"
37:56 "Traditional Masculinity vs. Feminism"
39:52 Don't Pedestalize Her
42:22 Authentic Life Beats Fake Image
46:20 "Join Elite Social Circles"
Connect w/ Robbie:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/robbie_kramer/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@robbie.kramer
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/innerconfidence
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
So let's get real for a second. Most men are wildly delusional
about who they think they can date.
Guys see a hot girl on the Instagram and think, yeah, I
could pull that. No, you couldn't.
Not the way you are right now anyways.
Because she's not dating SomeoneLike You.
She's dating someone above you. Or, to put it bluntly, she's
(00:20):
dating up. And here's the uncomfortable
truth no one wants to say out loud.
Women date up. Men date down.
That's how the system works, that's how it's always worked.
If you're the kind of guy that wants to date women that turns
heads, you're not going to do itby finding the right one or
being a good guy. You're going to do it by
becoming the guy she dates up too.
(00:42):
So in today's episode, I'm goingto breakdown why the dating
market is rigged against guys who don't level up, the 10 step
framework to level up and finally match the women you
want, and how our IC community gives you every tool, system and
support to climb fast. So if you're tired of being
ignored by the women you're the most attracted to, this episode
will piss you off and light a fire under your ass.
(01:04):
I've got my wife here, Maria, tofan the flames of that so.
He put me just say everything involved.
Don't be mad with me. So let's dive in.
You're listening to the Inner Confidence podcast.
My name is Robbie Kramer, I've been a coach since 2007 and I've
helped countless men rapidly achieve all of their social and
(01:26):
dating goals. My mission is simple, to help
you position yourself to meet stunning women, make awesome
friends in route to becoming themost confident and attractive
version you can possibly be. I'm absolutely obsessed with
giving you the most leverage ways possible to win the game.
So stick around, let's go. The delusion is real.
You know what the average guy looks like?
He's 30 something, slightly out of shape with average social
(01:49):
skills, wearing whatever was on sale at H&M or Zara scrolling IG
thinking if I just match with a nine I could make her fall for
me. Bro, she's not even seeing your
message because in her mind you're invisible.
And this isn't a self esteem issue, this is reality.
Hot women, especially in major cities, have tons of options.
(02:10):
They get approached by verified guys, rich guys, guys with
yachts, with ABS, with status, with personality, with cool
lives. They're not dating sideways,
they're only dating up. That's why men who think they
can date up without putting in the work are just as delusional
as women who think they deserve a millionaire after three
divorces, a bunch of kids, and no time in the gym.
(02:30):
Obviously women are delusional too.
The whole 65 Blue Eyes trust fund, that's a delusion, but
they do kind of believe that. Now here I agree with that
because like where I think womenare delusional is that all of
them want 65, which is like the girls who are A55, you're going
to be fine with the 55, you know, foot man or 5-6, you know.
(02:55):
But in the same time, those samewomen talk about body positivity
actually something you can change, you know, if you're
obese, like, you know, it's a body positivities.
And those same women when it's come to skinny women, they shame
them. So it's only body positivity
(03:16):
when it's about obese people. But when it's a skinny women,
there is no body positivity anymore.
You know, they're actually shaming them.
That's I think the delusion and what I think for women, it's
like you shouldn't judge things you actually cannot change, like
(03:36):
your height. Actually my aunt and ankle.
My my aunt is so much slower than my ankle and it was never a
problem, you know, so for me in like I actually never had a a
thing that like that's a big issue.
You're only an inch taller than me and I wear high heels almost
every time we're going out. So I'm almost always taller than
(03:59):
you and it's never been an issue.
And even like even if it would be an issue, it would be not for
me. It would be like for you, you
know, like a lot of guys are insecure that the woman is
taller. So like I would be actually
like, that's not my fault that I'm taller than you.
So like you know and. Here's a pro tip, If you're
(04:19):
shorter than a girl and you don't mention anything about it
and you don't actually care, andyou think it's hot that she's
taller, she won't care that you're shorter.
It's only a problem if you thinkit's a problem.
I was very short in middle school.
I didn't grow until like my junior year of high school.
And I've always been attracted to, like, taller girls.
And I actually like when a girl's taller than me.
(04:41):
And I've learned at a young age that like, women don't actually
care. They say that they care, but
what they care about is confidence.
It's yeah, but it's they. Want to feel small in a man's
arm? Yeah, it's it's.
No, Yeah, it's like. Who thinks she cares, but she's
understand herself. Because a lot of women take that
that like that quote literally. Like I want to be small in the
(05:02):
man's arms. It doesn't mean that.
They want to feel that it. He needs to be taller, like a
lot of women, like takes it literally.
And they're like, yeah, he needsto be only 5-6.
I'm like, babe, you're not goingto find anybody.
Sorry. You know the.
Reality of the situation is women actually do have the
luxury of being delusional because there's always guys who
(05:27):
are going to line up to be with most girls even if they're ugly.
You know, because women control the sexual marketplace.
They decide when sex is happening or not.
If you do the math on a big city, so like let's say you live
in, I don't know, Kansas City, for example, right?
And the population of Kansas City, if I had to guess, was
maybe like 5 million. Maybe it's smaller, I don't
(05:47):
know. But you, you start subtracting
like first of all, 50% men, 50% women.
Now you got 2.5 million and thenit's single women.
So you that's another 50%. So now you got 1.25 million.
And then it's women who aren't, you know, overweight.
Now you've got a very small percentage.
It keeps dwindling down and downand down, right?
(06:07):
And that's why as a guy, if you're not in one of these big
cities, you're in trouble because from the flip side, if
you're a woman and you're waiting for leads to come in,
right, you're the one pulling through the leads, you've got a
lot more options on the top end.Whereas guys, if you're in a
very small market like Costa Rica, for example, where it's
whatever, 5000 people in the whole city, and even though a
(06:29):
high percentage of them might behot girls, they're transient,
they're not staying. And the end of the day, if
you're looking to date, there might be only like half of a
girl on average that you're going to be able to land if
you're looking for a girlfriend.So I saw a Twitter post recently
and I'll reference that in the show notes if you guys want to
dig in more to the data. But women have a drastic
(06:50):
advantage when it comes to the first initial meeting because
they're the selectors and men are the pursuers.
If women are delusional, they'restill gonna have people wanting
them. If men are delusional, they're
just not gonna have anything. Yeah, yeah.
But there is so many more problems on both sides, you
know, but for men, you know, even just going to let's say
(07:13):
Instagram and the the recent thing, like there was a video of
Selena Gomez and she's bigger right now than she was before.
But she in a good way, she's notlike bigger, like she's obese or
anything. And you know, I go to the
comments and there would be men writing, whoa, she really got
fat. And you go to his profile and
(07:34):
he's bigger than her. So you know like you are
expecting a woman being skinny and that and that and looking
good but you are in the same time aren't looking good.
So if you want her to be skinny I mean she wants 6 pack from
you. So it's like it's not working
one way or another. I.
(07:55):
Don't have a six pack? You're with me.
I don't have a six pack either. You're skinny.
But I was fat when we met. You weren't fat, you were
slightly bigger than now. But that's, that's what I'm
saying, it's, it's not so much about looks for women, right?
Men are very visual. Men are typically all about
looks, right? If she doesn't have a certain
level of physical attractiveness, she's
(08:16):
immediately going to be disqualified.
But luckily for us, women have amuch broader set of criteria
that they look for. So if you might be bad in one
area, you can make it up in another area.
Right? If you're not 6 packed chiseled
guy with the most beautiful Greek God like qualities you can
make up for by being funny and rich, that I'm either one of
those. But you can do you can make up
(08:39):
in one column for the other. And and women see it as a whole
package and they're typically looking for not just a hot body
to sleep with. Now, if you were trying to just
get laid and meet women and, youknow, Thailand and do the whole
sort of casual dating thing, then yeah, you need to be in
really good shape. I wanted to do that when I was
in like, you know, my mid 20s. I wanted to basically be like
(09:01):
the player that goes to bars andpick up girls, but I was fat and
it wasn't easy. You just wanted to be.
I tried and failed that if. You wanted to be in shape and go
get laid, but you were fat. No, I wanted to get laid, but.
And yeah, obviously I wanted to be in better shape, but that was
hard. What was easier was trying to
use a bunch of pick up lines to pick up girls at bars, which I
(09:23):
spent many, many, many hundreds of nights doing over the course
of pretty much 25 till 29. And then luckily I had a buddy
say, hey, you're fat, lose weight.
And then I lost weight. And that whole process became so
much easier because again, like women, especially when they're
looking for casual short term dating, won't date down, right?
(09:46):
Like they're just looking to hook up.
You have to be a guy who's in good shape.
Yeah, you have to be hot, Right?Exactly.
But if they're looking to date, you don't necessarily have to be
hot. No, you're right.
Yeah, that's the problem for a lot of men who they just you
know, they don't want to be in relationship where actually the
girls will be more thinking of the whole person, not just the
(10:10):
the physique, right, But they most of men just want to feel
like a casual hookup. So sorry, you actually need to
look very good. You're, you know, you're are
against so many like male modelsor like fitness coaches.
I don't think most guys just want casual hookups.
They say that they do, and of course they'll take that over
nothing. Most guys, if you ask them, you
(10:31):
know, and I talk to guys all thetime and who give me the honest
truth. They really all want a really
relationship. They all want their dream girl,
right? They all want misses, right?
In the meantime, yeah, they wantas much fun and casual stuff as
possible, but they'll take the casual stuff over nothing at
all, whereas women will forgo the casual stuff while searching
(10:51):
for a relationship. You know, that's kind of the
difference, I think if you're really looking for a husband,
you're not going to waste your time, you know, banging, you
know, the towel boy at the resort.
Exactly right. You don't want your numbers to
go up, and you're smart anyways.So you know, the good news is
you can level up, right? You don't have to be born with
it. You can build it.
(11:12):
You can build a body. You can build your vibe.
You can build a wardrobe, your career and network a life that
makes you that guy. But you can't do it by accident,
of course. So we're gonna break down this
into 10 very real, very actionable steps.
So here are those 10 steps to level up #1 fix your body first.
I think we kind of covered this.You know, women are visual too.
(11:34):
Being strong, lean, and healthy is the fastest status signal.
It's not because of aesthetics, it's really because of
discipline, right? Like if a woman sees the guy in
shape, it's not like, Oh my God,it's a lot.
It says so many things about himthat he was able to get in that
shape. This.
Character, exactly. The character just more just
more about being masculine, likewomen are attracted to masculine
(11:56):
guys. So nothing you can do with that.
And I think that's what's so unattractive about people who
are overweight. It's, it's a personality flaw in
the end. It's not like, oh, you're
shallow. It's basically saying that like
I don't have the faculties to take care of my body, which is
and it's. Like the most important thing to
take care of there is. The only thing you actually
(12:16):
have, Yeah. Right.
Exactly. And if you can't take care of
that, it shows you have a lack of agency.
You don't have control over the things that you should have
control over. No, but it's also the problem
like, you know, like I don't want to date.
Like let's say I have my discipline and all the things
like why would I ever date person who doesn't have a
discipline? Like our lifestyles will be so
(12:39):
different than like I want to date someone with who our
lifestyles are very similar. In the IC community, we give
accountability for that. We put you fatties on weight
loss bets and we make sure that you either lose weight or you
lose all your money, which meansyou're going to lose the weight.
I've never actually put a clienton a weight loss bet who didn't
lose the weight because we make it too painful and too expensive
(13:02):
for you to not lose. Weight and shameful.
I mean, the shameful doesn't even matter.
Like I always knew growing up when I was overweight, if I was
just an actor and got a a role in a movie that forced me to be
have a six pack, I'd have a six pack because I had a good enough
reason. No, but that's why all people
are fat, because they're like, oh, I need that good enough
reason. They never have.
It because it's never urgent enough.
(13:22):
I was 215 lbs and I told my buddy if I wasn't 168 lbs which
we decided was what would have me at like under for 15% body
fat. If I'm not 168 by January 15th I
owe you 5 grand and I didn't have 5 grand to lose back then
so I lost the weight. Wasn't that hard.
Took exactly enough motivation. Step 2.
Build a personal style that signals value.
(13:45):
Your style is your branding. Ditch the logo, tease the bad
fitting jeans. Wear clothes that fit, flatter
and elevate you. And that's a big piece of your
job. In the program, you do the
fashion makeovers for the guys and again, it's not about like
following the trends or trying to be superficial.
I don't really even like the trends.
(14:05):
Most of the times it's more about classic that's timeless
and that just fits you well, your exact body shape, you know,
because a lot of, you know, fastfashion, they just don't fit
you. You look like an idiot and that
OK, you're following fashion, but you actually look like an
idiot and like all the girls whoactually know something about
fashion and it's most of the girls they will they'll see
(14:28):
true. OK the cool story bro you're
trying this trend but you look like an idiot.
You have to meet the minimum threshold right?
Like if you clearly can't put anoutfit together, you're going to
get so disqualified that even ifyou have a lot of the other
stuff right, if you look homeless, seem like no, I like,
sorry, you're out right, But if you at least dress OK, right, if
(14:49):
you put at least a minimum viable amount to get you by
again, if you're good looking orif you're really funny or if you
have money or you have high status, you'll get a pass on not
being the most fashion forward guy in the world, right?
It's you're trying to hit a minimum threshold.
If you're really into fashion, if it's an expression for you,
if you like it, most guys hate it until they kind of understand
(15:11):
it and they actually see it as kind of fun and cool and
interesting. You know, you get more
interested as you improve at it.It can become an expression.
But I think, yeah, as soon as you know what fits you right and
and you know the brands that fits you right, you just kind of
see it, yeah. For me, I know that All Saints
fits me well, so I pretty much buy all my stuff from there.
(15:32):
You know, girls know if you datehot girls because they know that
guys who dress well are either gay or they've dated hot girls
because straight guys don't really know how to dress.
Because that was just to say, it's so funny.
Exactly. So if you dress well, she's just
going to assume you date hot girls and that's good for you
real quick. If you're a divorced guy trying
to figure out modern dating, I put together something special
(15:52):
for you. It's called the Social Funnel
Method and it's a 5 day free e-mail course I made just for
guys like you. Guys who want to date high
quality women and build a lifestyle that actually feels
good. Again, you'll learn exactly what
works today, not ten years ago, and how to stand out in a world
of dating apps, ghosting, and Instagram.
Head over to innerconfidence.com/start to get
(16:13):
step one sent straight to your inbox.
It's totally free. Go do it now and let's rebuild
your dating life in the right way.
So Step 3 is learning social calibration.
You're not losing girls because you're ugly, you're losing them
because your vibe is off. You're too eager, you're too
stiff, you're too boring, you'retoo bland in inner confidence.
We role play, we record your conversations, we give feedback
(16:36):
until your vibe is elite. And the vibe is one of the more
difficult things to change because first.
Then get me started. You have to understand that your
vibe is off. You have to understand why it's
off, and then you have to do thehard work about changing it.
And that is not a overnight process, right?
(16:59):
First of all, no one in your life is going to give you
feedback on having a bad vibe unless it's like your mom or
your sister. And in that case, you're not
even going to listen to them because you're like, yeah,
whatever, just my mom or my sister.
They don't know any better, right?
So guys are very delusional whenit comes to their vibe.
You know, it's like the douchebag is a douchebag for a
reason because nobody has ever told him he's a douchebag, or a
(17:19):
lot of people have told him he'sa douchebag, but he doesn't
believe it or he doesn't care and he's just fine being a
douchebag, right? So that's the thing that takes
the most sort of ego. This one.
Would be a douchebag. Douchebags.
Yeah, they do, until they realize maybe it's hindering
them, I guess, right? But that's The thing is a lot of
like douchebags. But it's the same like a Karen,
(17:39):
you think Karen, they're just all of a sudden the Karen, they
choose to be that person. Well, a lot of the times they're
they're, they don't know right They.
Don't they don't know that they're Karen?
Probably. OK.
I mean. Yeah, I think, you know, you're
acting horribly, Ben. The biggest thing I see for guys
who struggle with women is they're way too careful, right?
(18:02):
And they're, they're too bland. They, they don't know how to
show a fun, dynamic personality.So they end up just kind of
slinking away and not showing anything at all.
The guy who is actually the douchebag, the loud over the top
guy, he does get laid because there are some girls who just
don't care. They think he's hot or they're
also douchebagettes, and they like that.
(18:23):
Yeah, I just made that up. It's a French pastry douche
baguette. So that's the other thing.
Got to laugh at your own jokes, even if they're not funny,
right? That's all about being a douche
baguette. As I said, you can change it.
It doesn't necessarily, like, have to take forever.
It just takes being willing to look in the mirror and having
(18:45):
somebody that you trust point those things out and giving you
the right sort of exercises to fix it and.
But I think for most of the guysthat I see especially like your
new clients, all of them are very good people.
They're just like so nervous. Yeah, like that's what I not
even like a certain behavior. They're they have a nervous.
(19:09):
Like they just do scared and nervous.
Be around beautiful women. Yeah, you know.
Exposure therapy thing too, right?
But that, yeah, that's so that'swhat's a turn off.
You know, like all girls, you know, they don't want to admit
that they don't like want to be with the player, but the player
is very confident and charming and everything and it's what
(19:31):
makes them attracted because they know he's getting all the
women. They get that like masculinity
and attraction. But when the guy is like so
nervous and like doesn't know what to do, how to speak to,
it's immediate like, no, you're not masculine enough for me.
Like I well. It's more fundamental than that.
Like it's very hard to be comfortable around somebody
(19:53):
who's uncomfortable. You literally don't want to be.
There. Yeah, you're right.
Like you feel like. I feel like a lot of the times
when like, a guy approaches me on the street and when he's so
nervous it makes me like, sweat because I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't want to be rude because I see he's like, nervous.
But I also like, I like, don't care.
I'm gonna leave. So the emotions are contagious.
Yeah, right. If someone's like gross and and
(20:17):
a nervous wreck, like you're gonna feel that, you're gonna
feel anxiety, right? If you, if you hang out with
someone who's just like a ball of anxiety gives you anxiety.
So you don't want to hang aroundthose people.
You want to hang around people who are having a good time and
fun and cool, right. So no guy is going to be that
when they're scared of hot girls.
(20:37):
What'd you say? I.
Was like oops, see I'm not very fun.
Most of the time you're fun, so it takes exposure to get like
that around women you're attracted to.
Because when you're young and you're scared of hot girls
because you don't have a lot of experience, like, yeah, you're
going to be a nervous wreck. But the only way to get over
that is to get actual time around hot girls.
(20:59):
Which is make friends. You don't need to chase every
pussy. You can't, you know, like that's
that's the biggest problem with guys.
They just cannot. Well, they've been told
unfortunately by too many onlinedating gurus that Friendzone is
the worst place ever and you should never They get offended
(21:20):
if the girl wants to be friends.Right.
It's just so stupid. Like if you're a friend, like
friends with hot girls, you learn what they are and how they
behave and you become very chilled.
What's the biggest dating hack out there in the.
Company of hot girls. If you're not able to who date
(21:41):
hot girls, at least if you can befriend hot girls, you're going
to get reps and exposure to hot girls and then they won't be so
intimidating. But it's also like not befriend
that friend who is like waiting for her to break up was the
boyfriend and rebound was, you know, like an actual friend, you
know, not be like they're simping and like I'm here
waiting for you, you know, not that type of friend, like an
(22:02):
actual friend, just like. Well, it's easier said than
done. Most guys don't think they
should and we're here to tell you that yes, you should
actually try to be honest to Godfriends with hot women and it's
only going to make your life better and.
And they're going to introduce their hot girlfriends to you and
doesn't mean like to you as likedating or anything, but you're
(22:23):
going to be surrounded by you'll.
Have more hot women in your lifeand that's that's if you can't
get hot girls and you can't get any girls to be your friend.
If you can't even get in the friend zone then you know your
vibe is really having issues, right?
Certainly things that can be fixed, but that should give you
feedback on where you're at. So Step 4, develop verbal game
(22:44):
that sparks chemistry. So if your banter is weak or
your convo is surface level enforced, she's out.
Flirting is a skill. Just like sales and IC.
We give you proven frameworks. We give you texting breakdowns,
real time coaching and conversation skills.
Is is probably the great equalizer.
That was the thing I realized inmy late 20s where I was like, if
(23:08):
I could just get really good at conversation, I think I can
outgun all of these good lookingChads because I had a lot of
interesting stuff going on in mylife.
I was travelling a lot. I had this weird job.
I had the the sort of fodder to have great conversations.
I just needed to know how conversations really worked and
(23:28):
what women were interested in conversations.
And there's a, just like martialarts, right?
There is a process of submittingyour opponent, right?
If we're doing jiu Jitsu, my, mygoal is to get you in an armbar
or a headlock, get you to tap out, right?
And I see conversations in that same sort of way.
You're having this conversational flow where you're
(23:50):
getting her hooked on you. You get to that submission point
where she's like, oh, I didn't think this guy was this this
way, but now I'm realizing he's actually really cool and I'm
getting attracted to him as we're talking, right?
And most guys have never developed that, will never
develop that just rely on the dumb, dumb conversation skills
they never bothered to learn. Maybe they got from their
(24:10):
friends and family. But there is absolutely a way to
become a conversational beast. And it's probably one of the
fastest and easiest ways to leg up.
And it makes you more interesting to literally every
single person you talk to. So if you don't do that, you're
just, you're always at a massivedisadvantage.
The next step is master Instagram as a funnel.
(24:33):
And guys who don't have Instagram are gonna, you know,
put their nose up at this. But if you don't have Instagram
these days, you're really operating with two hands tied
behind your back because women will stalk your Instagram.
If it doesn't show lifestyle status and social proof, you're
pretty much out. I mean, maybe it's for Ukrainian
girls like that, but in America everybody is more chilled.
(24:55):
But like, I if I don't know thisperson, I'm not gonna go on a
date with them. Maybe they're serial killer and
they're gonna kill me. There's like so many situations
like this. I'm watching in like a Tinder
date and up to be some serial killer or like.
It's a safety thing you're checking.
It yeah, it's like because when you have an Instagram and you
have like several friends taggedand the friends have a real
(25:18):
account and there is locations and maybe your work or maybe
this, it makes you like understand that oh, this person
is real. This person working there,
they're living there, they're having this group.
Of trying to do online dating, especially without Instagram.
I mean, good luck. You know, it's like for me
completely, I like, I know a lotof girls that I actually think
(25:40):
it's stupid. I'm not like blaming, but like
going with guys that they've never met.
It's like, you know, it's a Russian roulette.
You can get lucky and you can never come back, which is.
Yeah, if you're going on a blinddate.
It's, it's so stupid. But yeah, Instagram for me, it
just really important to understand, OK, this guy is
(26:01):
actually legit. He's not some like.
And the hardest thing for guys is understanding like how what,
what the hell do I even do on Instagram?
How do I start Instagram? Do I just post a bunch of photos
that I have? Like are the photos good?
So that's, that's one of the biggest things that we help
clients do right off the bat when they sign up, we have them
try to get their ass down to Southern California and we do a
(26:23):
photo Instagram shoot for them. It also serves for online dating
but take you out, make sure you have the right clothes for at
least six different shots and then we shoot.
You I'm gonna tell you all your clothes suck and we're gonna go
buy new ones. Sometimes guys have decent
stuff. No, no, actually, yeah, you have
more clients that I'm like, actually we just love the
(26:45):
wardrobe. Pieces you're missing, right?
Maybe you you have a few pieces that work and you need a few
more, but we're smart about it. We make sure to save as much
money for you as possible. So you have.
But it depends on what budgets you have.
You know, I'm just asking like, tell me your budget.
There is no problem with the budget you guys.
Go to Zara some. Guys go to.
Armani. Yeah, anywhere you want, it's
(27:07):
for me, doesn't I do not care and you know it's you can have a
style does not matter of your money in your wallet.
But you leave with a curated IG,which is a base for building the
rest of your IG in the future, clothes that you know you can
wear on a date to a party, like it's all set up for you.
(27:30):
So you're not doing any sort of guesswork.
You're not just posting random photos of yourself on Tinder and
thinking, are these good enough?That's kind of like a must do if
you're new to online dating and you're just going to give it a
shot. Like I was just on a sales call
with a guy who is, you know, still in the process of a
divorce, been married 20 years. His fashion was like, he doesn't
(27:50):
understand anything, right? His photos is don't exist
because it's just all photos of his kids and maybe him and his
wife. So he literally has zero photos.
His fashion's not there at all. Like if he tries to go online
and get dates on Tinder, he has zero chance, 0.0 chance because
none of his photos are going to look good.
Girls are going to immediately disqualify him.
(28:11):
It's going to tell the algorithmthat his profile's garbage and
he's not going to get shown to anyone.
You know that stuff matters how how good your profile is in the
get go dictates your success in the future.
So we got a dog who's crying here who needs to go out.
But the thing what I, you know, notice is that all the clients
(28:36):
that you have in the group, whenthey meet them in real life,
they're just amazing, wonderful people and they're so fun and
everything. But if you would look it through
like a online dating, you would be like, who are these people?
You would never even notice themfrom?
Oh. Yeah, they look way worse than
they are. Ever.
You know, So that's like really important.
(28:57):
Like nowadays, it's like so unfortunate that like you need
to go through all this. Well, so fun might be a stretch.
They get fun after a while. Summer fun.
Yeah, yeah. No, I'm just saying like overall
was like all the. More too much time behind a
computer. Yeah, yeah.
So obviously, but I'm just saying that they are all good
people. Well, yeah, obviously they're.
(29:17):
Great guys, they're desirable guys that women would be lucky
to date, but they are not marketing themselves well.
Exactly their product. Is like it's a great product,
but it's covered in in. Like shit, you know, it's like
no one wants to buy it even though it's.
You have a beautiful chocolate, like a, an amazing French or
(29:37):
Swiss chocolate and it's coveredin dog shit and you're like, why
isn't anyone interested in my chocolate?
Right? So that's, that's the packaging,
it's the marketing. That's all important.
That's what we do in the group. So step 6 is build a social
circle that sells you. It's not about cold approaching
100 girls. It's about creating environments
where girls come to you and we teach you that in IC event
(30:00):
hosting, how to orchestrate amazing parties, playing games
at the parties that improve the vibe, all the inner circle
dynamics. And if you don't do that, if you
just do the whole approaching and online dating thing, you
basically, you eat what you killand you have nothing else to
show for it, right? It's the old way of operating as
a civilization. What did we do before we had
(30:22):
farming? We haunted and you go out, you
kill a Buffalo, you eat a Buffalo and that's it.
But it's also like how we are, we're living all this time, you
know? Well, let me finish my metaphor.
Nowadays. Nowadays we're smart enough to
realize that we can grow so muchfood that we don't need to spend
all of our time hunting for animals, right to to get fed.
(30:45):
We can now have time to do all the other things that, you know,
humans want to do to be happy. And the same thing goes for
dating, right? Like you can spend all your time
on Tinder or approaching girls in the mall and you're only
going to get what you get from that.
But if you build a social circlearound the things that you
actually like doing around a hobby or another, you know,
activity where you get to meet cool people that are in do your
(31:06):
thing, that's going to be the best form of leads for your
dating life. And even if it's not, you still
have fun doing the thing you wanted to do anyways, so it's a
free roll. But what I wanted to say is that
people for all this time of existence, they were only
meeting each other through like actually.
Yeah, there was no hunting before.
(31:27):
Social circle there was no such a thing as an online dating.
So it's just something that's very natural, especially for
women like how you meet your husband.
Oh, it was my friend's friend orit was blah, blah, blah.
It's always through some, you know, social circle and like
it's and why is that? It's because you can trust if
(31:47):
it's your friend's friend, you know, you can trust this person
because it's your friend's friend, obviously, right?
So it's for women? Pre vetted it's it's a safety.
Yeah, it's a safety thing. And I think nowadays it's it's
still the most. It's the best dating funnel
there is. Yeah, it always has been, and it
always will be. So the other stuff, you know,
(32:09):
it's a fad. It's a trend.
I mean, there's certainly something to be said about
approaching women in real life to build your confidence.
You know, that is the fastest way to get over all sorts of
your anxieties and insecurities as you just get comfortable with
rejection and realize it's no big deal.
But you need to be doing that ina structured way where you don't
just get completely pounded withrejection because then you're
(32:31):
just going to reinforce all these negative beliefs about
yourself. You need to do that in a
controlled environment where youhave the right tools, the right
conversations to actually get positive responses, to build
some confidence, and then that'sgoing to carry over into your
social circle as you build it. So that's what we do in the
group. It's not just Willy nilly go out
and get rejected. It's go do social freedom
exercises and do things to buildyour confidence and get you past
(32:53):
your fears really. So that brings us to step 7,
which is raise your income and location freedom.
It's not gold digging, it's justwhat women find attractive.
They're attracted to ambitious guys with freedom, with options.
Many of our members are remote workers or guys leveling up
professionally. They're moving to places around
the globe where there are betterlooking women like Ukraine pre
(33:18):
war and a low cost of living. The biggest thing you can do as
a guy being a passport bro is isa real thing.
Now I'm not saying everyone should be a passport bro because
most people can't do it right because of their work, but you
absolutely could if you're smartenough.
Negotiate a remote job at your current job, or find a way to
(33:39):
offer so much more value to yourboss that he has to agree to let
you be remote at least some of the time.
And then show him that you're just as successful working
remote as you are in the office.And eventually you'll have the
freedom to kind of go where you want to go.
And if your dating market sucks,you can leave.
If you're working in a warehouse, there is no days off
(34:00):
on them. You're working in a warehouse.
You can look to see what are theproblems in this warehouse.
What's the no? But if you are like working
physically. No, you can say what?
Is working. You're physical working.
Someone needs to still be doing their job.
In this warehouse, there is a thing that's being made and this
process is bad. I keep seeing this process.
(34:21):
I know a way to fix it. I solve that problem and I tell
the owner, hey, I just solved this problem, which is going to
save you so much money. I'm the only one who can
implement it. So you need to give me a raise
in the management position. I no longer want to work in the
warehouse, or I can go take my technology to somebody else.
So you, you have to be creative and you have to solve problems.
(34:41):
But when you do, you will be rewarded if you'd negotiate
correctly. And then you can negotiate these
remote work positions. My very first job was working
for an investment bank. I had to show up to the office
between 9:00 and never all right.
That was that was what my boss told me, except my job was to
raise money. So it made sense when I told
(35:02):
them, hey listen, my job is to raise money from rich people.
Who the hell am I going to meet in the office?
I can only cold call so many people.
But guess what? I'm really good at golf.
And who plays golf? Rich guys do.
So buy me a Country Club membership, I'll go golfing and
I'll bring in clients. He said, well, I'm not going to
do that yet, but I'll give you Monday and Friday off where you
don't have to show the office. You can just go to the to the
(35:23):
course and see if you can meet guys that way.
And if that goes well, we'll talk about the Country Club.
So I did that and I brought in some investors just from golfing
because I was good enough to, you know, have a good
reputation. And then I got the Country Club
membership. So if I can do that in finance,
people can do that in any job. But there are a lot of jobs that
you cannot work remote. It's what I'm trying to tell you
(35:44):
and there is obviously it's not only there's.
Always a solution. Or you can quit that job, do a
new one. I'm just saying, OK.
Now think creative doctors in the planet Earth.
Because everybody's remote. Oh come on, I'm not talking to
every single person. There's how many guys are
watching this, right? Like.
No, I'm just saying there is a lot of guys who are watching
(36:04):
that they cannot. Their jobs are only physical.
So I want you to tell them that they can still be successful
dating, having a job 9:00 to 5:00.
It's like I just don't see the most of people actually do not
work, work remote. And I and I think most of people
(36:25):
are watching this who cannot work remote.
And I think they also need to. Disagree but.
To hear the solution. It doesn't change anything you.
Can I know? I know.
But I do disagree. I think that if anyone's
creative enough and ingenuitive enough, there's no reason you
need to trade your time for dollars.
And if you're not trading your time for dollars, then you're
not basically, you know, chainedto a location.
(36:48):
So I think there's always a way to level up, but that's a, it's
a different conversation we could debate about later.
All right. Step 8 is learn female
psychology, not just pick up lines.
You got to understand how women feel attraction, how they test
men, how they fall in love. And this is something that guys
really, really, really don't understand.
If they just understood this, the rest of this would be way
(37:10):
easier. But the the common zeitgeist of
knowledge when it comes to understanding women has men
completely confused on purpose. Women don't want men to
understand women, right? That way they can say, oh,
you're hot and you're not right.It's a way that they filter.
They are intentionally elusive, doing things that don't make
(37:32):
sense, not keeping their word, not behaving like men do, having
way like more emphasis on emotions, like women test you
unconsciously. They do all sorts of things to
throw curveballs. They don't even realize they're
doing it. And if you don't know what the
hell is going on, you're just going to end up a simply nice
guy. You're going to get divorce
raped. Sorry, that's what happens.
(37:55):
What are your thoughts? You know, but I think I was
someone was saying that like it goes all the way to the times
when they were actually fightingand like all the stripes women
were really needed to find someone who is strong, right,
Because if they come to you, like you wanted someone to
protect you, right? So it's still like you want
(38:17):
someone masculine and you want someone who will protect you
even though now and like feminism and all those women say
there is no. Just the next ruse to get.
But it's also like when someone will come to your home, you're
going to send your men with the gun to fight those invaders.
You know, it's like you're feminists still.
You like actually like to be like going with the man with the
(38:39):
gun. You know you're immediately not.
Feminist anymore? It's like men and women should
be totally equal and have the same thing.
Except when you're drafted to gofight in the war, yeah.
Ohh, no, I'm actually fine. Yeah, like.
I don't need to vote anymore. Obviously that's an extreme
example, but but yeah, everyone wants feminism until it kind of
hits them in the face that, oh, maybe maybe this is a isn't a
(39:01):
good deal for us. Yeah, right.
So, yeah, that's a great example.
So in the community, I think oneof the most valuable parts is we
decode your actual interactions,your text threads, your
screenshots. You can record audio of your
dates, you can record video of your approaches.
We can basically decode everything you give us and we
(39:23):
can show you like, oh, this is where you're losing frame.
This is where you're acting likea nice guy or a simp.
This is where she lost attraction.
You're going to actually see, wow, if I just change a few of
these behaviors and, and change my vibe a little bit and say
that instead of this, you're going to radically change your
results and it's not going to happen overnight.
But I've seen guys make pretty dramatic progress in three to
(39:45):
six months. Dramatic.
Yeah. Step 9.
I feel like we kind of covered this, but it's become unreactive
to hotness, right? If you pedestal her, you lose
her. High value men see beauty every
day and they don't really flinch.
It's not that big of a deal. A hot girl there, a hot girl
here. If you never see him, then it's
a big deal. But if you did what you said,
befriend them and find a way to have beautiful women in your
(40:06):
life, you no longer will be completely flustered and
uncomfortable around her. And then that's.
A great way to signal like oh, Iactually do.
No, but it's like, you know, it's like in the way of a
superior man In the book, women think they want you to put them
on the pedestal, but as soon as you do, they understand that
(40:27):
they lost the attraction. So they actually don't even
understand that till it's too late.
Well, women want to date up. That was the whole thing of this
podcast. No, but it's not if.
You want if you feel like you'reabove him if you're on the pen.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
You're, you're saying no, yeah, you're no longer up.
You're right. But also women want to date men
with purpose. It's what's attractive man had
(40:48):
that has purpose. That's like once you know to
like achieve all these things, that's very confident.
That's what makes you attractiveto this.
But if this man literally does not work because all he does is
like, you know, doing, spending time with you, then.
Yeah, well, that's not quite pedestal.
That's like a guy with without apurpose, basically doing
(41:10):
whatever he can to make you happy.
But yeah, I guess that's kind ofthe same thing.
If she only dates up and you puther above, she's gonna quickly
realize that she needs to find somebody who's more up.
And that's how guys typically lose girls.
They get them in the first placebecause they got the girl to
think that they were up. And then they're like, oh, I
wanted this is she's my perfect dream girl.
(41:32):
Then they it's like they guys fall in love with this romantic
idea of getting a girl who's like too hot for them.
And then they maybe they succeedand they put her on the pedestal
and they lose her. So it's brutal.
I mean, ask me how I know. I've been there before.
It sucks, but that's why you never want to have that sort of
mentality of like, Oh my God, ifI can just get lucky with this
(41:52):
girl, then my life is going to be purpose.
You're going to lose a girl. She's going to figure it out
that. Yeah, but it's also where the
phrase comes. You both should feel lucky.
Yeah, if one of you feels lucky and another one doesn't, those
relationship are not going to last.
Yeah, well, it needs to be a balanced investment, right?
You You should both feel lucky to be dating the other person,
(42:12):
but you shouldn't feel lucky to have gotten them.
Oh, no, yeah. Like it's what I meant, yeah.
Step #10 is build a life that's too fun to fake right?
Going on trips, parties, deep conversations, new friends.
Make your life something she wants to join, not something you
fake to impress her. We see that a lot on Instagram.
Guys thinking, oh, if I just curate a perfect IG, then she'll
(42:36):
like me. And it's like girls have kind of
figured that out that like a guycan throw together 5 or 6
photos, do a photo shoot and he's not actually living a cool
life. And remember what we talked
about when we do our photo shoots, that's just the base.
You actually have to then do cool shit, and it's not so much
about posting it on your grid, but in your stories.
You have to show that you have alife worth inviting her into.
(42:58):
If she has a cooler life than you, she won't want to be with
you. That simple.
She has to feel like she is signing up for a better
lifestyle. So in our community, guys
traveled together, they parted together, they build lifelong
friendships, meet women togetherso.
But it's also, you know, it gives me an example of what you
just said. I don't know if we we can say
it, but your client will call him ex wanted to fly a girl in
(43:23):
and she herself making money. She flies business class just
herself. That's what's comfortable for
her. She doesn't fly economy and it's
normal if she pays for her for it, it's normal.
He wanted to fly her economy class and she said, sorry, I
only fly business class. And for him it was an inch issue
(43:47):
because why would you fly? Why would you fly economy if you
oh, business if you can fly economy and we will have all
this money to do XYZ and it's going to be much better
experience. And here, look, describe all the
activities we will do this or you fly only business class.
And she yeah. And she's like, I'll, I'll take
(44:09):
business class. And it was like such a losing
attraction because, yeah, the girls are not going to day down.
Like if I am myself making enough money, let's say.
I think she also had some. You're accustomed to that
lifestyle like. It's, it's my lifestyle.
I'm it's, it's, it's, it's not like a luxury for me to fly
business class. It's just my daily basis what I
(44:29):
do and the same if I'm like eating out in this type of.
Restaurant, you have a guy convincing you that you know the
money is better spent on elsewhere.
You're just like, he's not the guy.
Yeah. He's not the guy and it's not
about digging at all. Like you don't have gold to dig.
You know to to start with. He's being a miser.
No, I'm not saying about him. I'm just saying the guy.
(44:50):
It's not about him. I'm just saying a lot of the
guys. I'm saying it is about him.
No, but. Yeah, guys who complain about
gold diggers, they're not gold diggers.
Phrase the guys, yeah, who complain about the gold diggers,
they don't have any gold to dig.So and the guys who have gold to
dig, they don't care because youknow, they get the things in
return too. Yeah, that's that's very true.
(45:13):
So the cold truth, the dating market isn't broken.
You're just not competitive yet,and the girls you want aren't
going to lower their standards because you're nice or you're
trying hard, but they will date you when you become the kind of
man who doesn't need them. And that's the path we take
inside the Inner Confidence community.
It's not just about learning tactics.
It's about surrounding yourself with men who push you, support
(45:34):
you, and hold you accountable. Because that kind of brotherhood
is how you really get better fast.
One of the only ways to get better fast.
My honest opinion at all times. You always get a unfiltered
Maria. But you would like?
So if this episode hit you in the gut, good.
It was supposed to. But don't just feel called out.
(45:56):
Get called in. If you're ready to stop being
invisible to the women you want and start becoming the man they
chase, hit the link in the show notes, fill out the quick
application, and if you're a good fit, you'll get on a call
with me personally. We'll map out your leveling up
plan and show you how our program can help you skip years
of trial and error. You can't date up, but you can
(46:16):
rise up. So let's get to work.
Bye. Out of all the guys I know, the
only ones who managed to consistently win the game are
those who built and invested in a high status social circle.
You can certainly approach womenand try your luck on the apps if
you're a Chad, but those strategies simply don't work
consistently to attract top tierwomen and awesome friends in
your life. But for most guys, the idea of
(46:38):
building a social circle can feel overwhelming, so they
continue to hunt for women in their usual ways and end up
settling for a girl they were never really that excited about
in the 1st place. To avoid this fate, join our
community and instantly plug into a highly vetted social
circle of cool dudes to network and navigate your journey with.
You already know it's hard to find wing men because the good
ones don't stay in the game verylong.
Many of our members travel together, end up living
(46:59):
together, build amazing circles and even businesses together
both in the West and in many of the best locations around the
globe. With gorgeous women and low cost
of living, I'm extremely carefulwho I let into this community,
but if you feel like you'd make a good fit, you can apply to
join the links in the description.
So let's get real for a second. Most men are wildly delusional
about who they think they can date.
Guys see a hot girl on the Instagram and think, yeah, I
could pull that. No, you couldn't.
Not the way you are right now anyways.
Because she's not dating SomeoneLike You.
She's dating someone above you. Or, to put it bluntly, she's
(00:20):
dating up. And here's the uncomfortable
truth no one wants to say out loud.
Women date up. Men date down.
That's how the system works, that's how it's always worked.
If you're the kind of guy that wants to date women that turns
heads, you're not going to do itby finding the right one or
being a good guy. You're going to do it by
becoming the guy she dates up too.
(00:42):
So in today's episode, I'm goingto breakdown why the dating
market is rigged against guys who don't level up, the 10 step
framework to level up and finally match the women you
want, and how our IC community gives you every tool, system and
support to climb fast. So if you're tired of being
ignored by the women you're the most attracted to, this episode
will piss you off and light a fire under your ass.
(01:04):
I've got my wife here, Maria, tofan the flames of that so.
He put me just say everything involved.
Don't be mad with me. So let's dive in.
You're listening to the Inner Confidence podcast.
My name is Robbie Kramer, I've been a coach since 2007 and I've
helped countless men rapidly achieve all of their social and
(01:26):
dating goals. My mission is simple, to help
you position yourself to meet stunning women, make awesome
friends in route to becoming themost confident and attractive
version you can possibly be. I'm absolutely obsessed with
giving you the most leverage ways possible to win the game.
So stick around, let's go. The delusion is real.
You know what the average guy looks like?
He's 30 something, slightly out of shape with average social
(01:49):
skills, wearing whatever was on sale at H&M or Zara scrolling IG
thinking if I just match with a nine I could make her fall for
me. Bro, she's not even seeing your
message because in her mind you're invisible.
And this isn't a self esteem issue, this is reality.
Hot women, especially in major cities, have tons of options.
(02:10):
They get approached by verified guys, rich guys, guys with
yachts, with ABS, with status, with personality, with cool
lives. They're not dating sideways,
they're only dating up. That's why men who think they
can date up without putting in the work are just as delusional
as women who think they deserve a millionaire after three
divorces, a bunch of kids, and no time in the gym.
(02:30):
Obviously women are delusional too.
The whole 65 Blue Eyes trust fund, that's a delusion, but
they do kind of believe that. Now here I agree with that
because like where I think womenare delusional is that all of
them want 65, which is like the girls who are A55, you're going
to be fine with the 55, you know, foot man or 5-6, you know.
(02:55):
But in the same time, those samewomen talk about body positivity
actually something you can change, you know, if you're
obese, like, you know, it's a body positivities.
And those same women when it's come to skinny women, they shame
them. So it's only body positivity
(03:16):
when it's about obese people. But when it's a skinny women,
there is no body positivity anymore.
You know, they're actually shaming them.
That's I think the delusion and what I think for women, it's
like you shouldn't judge things you actually cannot change, like
(03:36):
your height. Actually my aunt and ankle.
My my aunt is so much slower than my ankle and it was never a
problem, you know, so for me in like I actually never had a a
thing that like that's a big issue.
You're only an inch taller than me and I wear high heels almost
every time we're going out. So I'm almost always taller than
(03:59):
you and it's never been an issue.
And even like even if it would be an issue, it would be not for
me. It would be like for you, you
know, like a lot of guys are insecure that the woman is
taller. So like I would be actually
like, that's not my fault that I'm taller than you.
So like you know and. Here's a pro tip, If you're
(04:19):
shorter than a girl and you don't mention anything about it
and you don't actually care, andyou think it's hot that she's
taller, she won't care that you're shorter.
It's only a problem if you thinkit's a problem.
I was very short in middle school.
I didn't grow until like my junior year of high school.
And I've always been attracted to, like, taller girls.
And I actually like when a girl's taller than me.
(04:41):
And I've learned at a young age that like, women don't actually
care. They say that they care, but
what they care about is confidence.
It's yeah, but it's they. Want to feel small in a man's
arm? Yeah, it's it's.
No, Yeah, it's like. Who thinks she cares, but she's
understand herself. Because a lot of women take that
that like that quote literally. Like I want to be small in the
(05:02):
man's arms. It doesn't mean that.
They want to feel that it. He needs to be taller, like a
lot of women, like takes it literally.
And they're like, yeah, he needsto be only 5-6.
I'm like, babe, you're not goingto find anybody.
Sorry. You know the.
Reality of the situation is women actually do have the
luxury of being delusional because there's always guys who
(05:27):
are going to line up to be with most girls even if they're ugly.
You know, because women control the sexual marketplace.
They decide when sex is happening or not.
If you do the math on a big city, so like let's say you live
in, I don't know, Kansas City, for example, right?
And the population of Kansas City, if I had to guess, was
maybe like 5 million. Maybe it's smaller, I don't
(05:47):
know. But you, you start subtracting
like first of all, 50% men, 50% women.
Now you got 2.5 million and thenit's single women.
So you that's another 50%. So now you got 1.25 million.
And then it's women who aren't, you know, overweight.
Now you've got a very small percentage.
It keeps dwindling down and downand down, right?
(06:07):
And that's why as a guy, if you're not in one of these big
cities, you're in trouble because from the flip side, if
you're a woman and you're waiting for leads to come in,
right, you're the one pulling through the leads, you've got a
lot more options on the top end.Whereas guys, if you're in a
very small market like Costa Rica, for example, where it's
whatever, 5000 people in the whole city, and even though a
(06:29):
high percentage of them might behot girls, they're transient,
they're not staying. And the end of the day, if
you're looking to date, there might be only like half of a
girl on average that you're going to be able to land if
you're looking for a girlfriend.So I saw a Twitter post recently
and I'll reference that in the show notes if you guys want to
dig in more to the data. But women have a drastic
(06:50):
advantage when it comes to the first initial meeting because
they're the selectors and men are the pursuers.
If women are delusional, they'restill gonna have people wanting
them. If men are delusional, they're
just not gonna have anything. Yeah, yeah.
But there is so many more problems on both sides, you
know, but for men, you know, even just going to let's say
(07:13):
Instagram and the the recent thing, like there was a video of
Selena Gomez and she's bigger right now than she was before.
But she in a good way, she's notlike bigger, like she's obese or
anything. And you know, I go to the
comments and there would be men writing, whoa, she really got
fat. And you go to his profile and
(07:34):
he's bigger than her. So you know like you are
expecting a woman being skinny and that and that and looking
good but you are in the same time aren't looking good.
So if you want her to be skinny I mean she wants 6 pack from
you. So it's like it's not working
one way or another. I.
(07:55):
Don't have a six pack? You're with me.
I don't have a six pack either. You're skinny.
But I was fat when we met. You weren't fat, you were
slightly bigger than now. But that's, that's what I'm
saying, it's, it's not so much about looks for women, right?
Men are very visual. Men are typically all about
looks, right? If she doesn't have a certain
level of physical attractiveness, she's
(08:16):
immediately going to be disqualified.
But luckily for us, women have amuch broader set of criteria
that they look for. So if you might be bad in one
area, you can make it up in another area.
Right? If you're not 6 packed chiseled
guy with the most beautiful Greek God like qualities you can
make up for by being funny and rich, that I'm either one of
those. But you can do you can make up
(08:39):
in one column for the other. And and women see it as a whole
package and they're typically looking for not just a hot body
to sleep with. Now, if you were trying to just
get laid and meet women and, youknow, Thailand and do the whole
sort of casual dating thing, then yeah, you need to be in
really good shape. I wanted to do that when I was
in like, you know, my mid 20s. I wanted to basically be like
(09:01):
the player that goes to bars andpick up girls, but I was fat and
it wasn't easy. You just wanted to be.
I tried and failed that if. You wanted to be in shape and go
get laid, but you were fat. No, I wanted to get laid, but.
And yeah, obviously I wanted to be in better shape, but that was
hard. What was easier was trying to
use a bunch of pick up lines to pick up girls at bars, which I
(09:23):
spent many, many, many hundreds of nights doing over the course
of pretty much 25 till 29. And then luckily I had a buddy
say, hey, you're fat, lose weight.
And then I lost weight. And that whole process became so
much easier because again, like women, especially when they're
looking for casual short term dating, won't date down, right?
(09:46):
Like they're just looking to hook up.
You have to be a guy who's in good shape.
Yeah, you have to be hot, Right?Exactly.
But if they're looking to date, you don't necessarily have to be
hot. No, you're right.
Yeah, that's the problem for a lot of men who they just you
know, they don't want to be in relationship where actually the
girls will be more thinking of the whole person, not just the
(10:10):
the physique, right, But they most of men just want to feel
like a casual hookup. So sorry, you actually need to
look very good. You're, you know, you're are
against so many like male modelsor like fitness coaches.
I don't think most guys just want casual hookups.
They say that they do, and of course they'll take that over
nothing. Most guys, if you ask them, you
(10:31):
know, and I talk to guys all thetime and who give me the honest
truth. They really all want a really
relationship. They all want their dream girl,
right? They all want misses, right?
In the meantime, yeah, they wantas much fun and casual stuff as
possible, but they'll take the casual stuff over nothing at
all, whereas women will forgo the casual stuff while searching
(10:51):
for a relationship. You know, that's kind of the
difference, I think if you're really looking for a husband,
you're not going to waste your time, you know, banging, you
know, the towel boy at the resort.
Exactly right. You don't want your numbers to
go up, and you're smart anyways.So you know, the good news is
you can level up, right? You don't have to be born with
it. You can build it.
(11:12):
You can build a body. You can build your vibe.
You can build a wardrobe, your career and network a life that
makes you that guy. But you can't do it by accident,
of course. So we're gonna break down this
into 10 very real, very actionable steps.
So here are those 10 steps to level up #1 fix your body first.
I think we kind of covered this.You know, women are visual too.
(11:34):
Being strong, lean, and healthy is the fastest status signal.
It's not because of aesthetics, it's really because of
discipline, right? Like if a woman sees the guy in
shape, it's not like, Oh my God,it's a lot.
It says so many things about himthat he was able to get in that
shape. This.
Character, exactly. The character just more just
more about being masculine, likewomen are attracted to masculine
(11:56):
guys. So nothing you can do with that.
And I think that's what's so unattractive about people who
are overweight. It's, it's a personality flaw in
the end. It's not like, oh, you're
shallow. It's basically saying that like
I don't have the faculties to take care of my body, which is
and it's. Like the most important thing to
take care of there is. The only thing you actually
(12:16):
have, Yeah. Right.
Exactly. And if you can't take care of
that, it shows you have a lack of agency.
You don't have control over the things that you should have
control over. No, but it's also the problem
like, you know, like I don't want to date.
Like let's say I have my discipline and all the things
like why would I ever date person who doesn't have a
discipline? Like our lifestyles will be so
(12:39):
different than like I want to date someone with who our
lifestyles are very similar. In the IC community, we give
accountability for that. We put you fatties on weight
loss bets and we make sure that you either lose weight or you
lose all your money, which meansyou're going to lose the weight.
I've never actually put a clienton a weight loss bet who didn't
lose the weight because we make it too painful and too expensive
(13:02):
for you to not lose. Weight and shameful.
I mean, the shameful doesn't even matter.
Like I always knew growing up when I was overweight, if I was
just an actor and got a a role in a movie that forced me to be
have a six pack, I'd have a six pack because I had a good enough
reason. No, but that's why all people
are fat, because they're like, oh, I need that good enough
reason. They never have.
It because it's never urgent enough.
(13:22):
I was 215 lbs and I told my buddy if I wasn't 168 lbs which
we decided was what would have me at like under for 15% body
fat. If I'm not 168 by January 15th I
owe you 5 grand and I didn't have 5 grand to lose back then
so I lost the weight. Wasn't that hard.
Took exactly enough motivation. Step 2.
Build a personal style that signals value.
(13:45):
Your style is your branding. Ditch the logo, tease the bad
fitting jeans. Wear clothes that fit, flatter
and elevate you. And that's a big piece of your
job. In the program, you do the
fashion makeovers for the guys and again, it's not about like
following the trends or trying to be superficial.
I don't really even like the trends.
(14:05):
Most of the times it's more about classic that's timeless
and that just fits you well, your exact body shape, you know,
because a lot of, you know, fastfashion, they just don't fit
you. You look like an idiot and that
OK, you're following fashion, but you actually look like an
idiot and like all the girls whoactually know something about
fashion and it's most of the girls they will they'll see
(14:28):
true. OK the cool story bro you're
trying this trend but you look like an idiot.
You have to meet the minimum threshold right?
Like if you clearly can't put anoutfit together, you're going to
get so disqualified that even ifyou have a lot of the other
stuff right, if you look homeless, seem like no, I like,
sorry, you're out right, But if you at least dress OK, right, if
(14:49):
you put at least a minimum viable amount to get you by
again, if you're good looking orif you're really funny or if you
have money or you have high status, you'll get a pass on not
being the most fashion forward guy in the world, right?
It's you're trying to hit a minimum threshold.
If you're really into fashion, if it's an expression for you,
if you like it, most guys hate it until they kind of understand
(15:11):
it and they actually see it as kind of fun and cool and
interesting. You know, you get more
interested as you improve at it.It can become an expression.
But I think, yeah, as soon as you know what fits you right and
and you know the brands that fits you right, you just kind of
see it, yeah. For me, I know that All Saints
fits me well, so I pretty much buy all my stuff from there.
(15:32):
You know, girls know if you datehot girls because they know that
guys who dress well are either gay or they've dated hot girls
because straight guys don't really know how to dress.
Because that was just to say, it's so funny.
Exactly. So if you dress well, she's just
going to assume you date hot girls and that's good for you
real quick. If you're a divorced guy trying
to figure out modern dating, I put together something special
(15:52):
for you. It's called the Social Funnel
Method and it's a 5 day free e-mail course I made just for
guys like you. Guys who want to date high
quality women and build a lifestyle that actually feels
good. Again, you'll learn exactly what
works today, not ten years ago, and how to stand out in a world
of dating apps, ghosting, and Instagram.
Head over to innerconfidence.com/start to get
(16:13):
step one sent straight to your inbox.
It's totally free. Go do it now and let's rebuild
your dating life in the right way.
So Step 3 is learning social calibration.
You're not losing girls because you're ugly, you're losing them
because your vibe is off. You're too eager, you're too
stiff, you're too boring, you'retoo bland in inner confidence.
We role play, we record your conversations, we give feedback
(16:36):
until your vibe is elite. And the vibe is one of the more
difficult things to change because first.
Then get me started. You have to understand that your
vibe is off. You have to understand why it's
off, and then you have to do thehard work about changing it.
And that is not a overnight process, right?
(16:59):
First of all, no one in your life is going to give you
feedback on having a bad vibe unless it's like your mom or
your sister. And in that case, you're not
even going to listen to them because you're like, yeah,
whatever, just my mom or my sister.
They don't know any better, right?
So guys are very delusional whenit comes to their vibe.
You know, it's like the douchebag is a douchebag for a
reason because nobody has ever told him he's a douchebag, or a
(17:19):
lot of people have told him he'sa douchebag, but he doesn't
believe it or he doesn't care and he's just fine being a
douchebag, right? So that's the thing that takes
the most sort of ego. This one.
Would be a douchebag. Douchebags.
Yeah, they do, until they realize maybe it's hindering
them, I guess, right? But that's The thing is a lot of
like douchebags. But it's the same like a Karen,
(17:39):
you think Karen, they're just all of a sudden the Karen, they
choose to be that person. Well, a lot of the times they're
they're, they don't know right They.
Don't they don't know that they're Karen?
Probably. OK.
I mean. Yeah, I think, you know, you're
acting horribly, Ben. The biggest thing I see for guys
who struggle with women is they're way too careful, right?
(18:02):
And they're, they're too bland. They, they don't know how to
show a fun, dynamic personality.So they end up just kind of
slinking away and not showing anything at all.
The guy who is actually the douchebag, the loud over the top
guy, he does get laid because there are some girls who just
don't care. They think he's hot or they're
also douchebagettes, and they like that.
(18:23):
Yeah, I just made that up. It's a French pastry douche
baguette. So that's the other thing.
Got to laugh at your own jokes, even if they're not funny,
right? That's all about being a douche
baguette. As I said, you can change it.
It doesn't necessarily, like, have to take forever.
It just takes being willing to look in the mirror and having
(18:45):
somebody that you trust point those things out and giving you
the right sort of exercises to fix it and.
But I think for most of the guysthat I see especially like your
new clients, all of them are very good people.
They're just like so nervous. Yeah, like that's what I not
even like a certain behavior. They're they have a nervous.
(19:09):
Like they just do scared and nervous.
Be around beautiful women. Yeah, you know.
Exposure therapy thing too, right?
But that, yeah, that's so that'swhat's a turn off.
You know, like all girls, you know, they don't want to admit
that they don't like want to be with the player, but the player
is very confident and charming and everything and it's what
(19:31):
makes them attracted because they know he's getting all the
women. They get that like masculinity
and attraction. But when the guy is like so
nervous and like doesn't know what to do, how to speak to,
it's immediate like, no, you're not masculine enough for me.
Like I well. It's more fundamental than that.
Like it's very hard to be comfortable around somebody
(19:53):
who's uncomfortable. You literally don't want to be.
There. Yeah, you're right.
Like you feel like. I feel like a lot of the times
when like, a guy approaches me on the street and when he's so
nervous it makes me like, sweat because I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't want to be rude because I see he's like, nervous.
But I also like, I like, don't care.
I'm gonna leave. So the emotions are contagious.
Yeah, right. If someone's like gross and and
(20:17):
a nervous wreck, like you're gonna feel that, you're gonna
feel anxiety, right? If you, if you hang out with
someone who's just like a ball of anxiety gives you anxiety.
So you don't want to hang aroundthose people.
You want to hang around people who are having a good time and
fun and cool, right. So no guy is going to be that
when they're scared of hot girls.
(20:37):
What'd you say? I.
Was like oops, see I'm not very fun.
Most of the time you're fun, so it takes exposure to get like
that around women you're attracted to.
Because when you're young and you're scared of hot girls
because you don't have a lot of experience, like, yeah, you're
going to be a nervous wreck. But the only way to get over
that is to get actual time around hot girls.
(20:59):
Which is make friends. You don't need to chase every
pussy. You can't, you know, like that's
that's the biggest problem with guys.
They just cannot. Well, they've been told
unfortunately by too many onlinedating gurus that Friendzone is
the worst place ever and you should never They get offended
(21:20):
if the girl wants to be friends.Right.
It's just so stupid. Like if you're a friend, like
friends with hot girls, you learn what they are and how they
behave and you become very chilled.
What's the biggest dating hack out there in the.
Company of hot girls. If you're not able to who date
(21:41):
hot girls, at least if you can befriend hot girls, you're going
to get reps and exposure to hot girls and then they won't be so
intimidating. But it's also like not befriend
that friend who is like waiting for her to break up was the
boyfriend and rebound was, you know, like an actual friend, you
know, not be like they're simping and like I'm here
waiting for you, you know, not that type of friend, like an
(22:02):
actual friend, just like. Well, it's easier said than
done. Most guys don't think they
should and we're here to tell you that yes, you should
actually try to be honest to Godfriends with hot women and it's
only going to make your life better and.
And they're going to introduce their hot girlfriends to you and
doesn't mean like to you as likedating or anything, but you're
(22:23):
going to be surrounded by you'll.
Have more hot women in your lifeand that's that's if you can't
get hot girls and you can't get any girls to be your friend.
If you can't even get in the friend zone then you know your
vibe is really having issues, right?
Certainly things that can be fixed, but that should give you
feedback on where you're at. So Step 4, develop verbal game
(22:44):
that sparks chemistry. So if your banter is weak or
your convo is surface level enforced, she's out.
Flirting is a skill. Just like sales and IC.
We give you proven frameworks. We give you texting breakdowns,
real time coaching and conversation skills.
Is is probably the great equalizer.
That was the thing I realized inmy late 20s where I was like, if
(23:08):
I could just get really good at conversation, I think I can
outgun all of these good lookingChads because I had a lot of
interesting stuff going on in mylife.
I was travelling a lot. I had this weird job.
I had the the sort of fodder to have great conversations.
I just needed to know how conversations really worked and
(23:28):
what women were interested in conversations.
And there's a, just like martialarts, right?
There is a process of submittingyour opponent, right?
If we're doing jiu Jitsu, my, mygoal is to get you in an armbar
or a headlock, get you to tap out, right?
And I see conversations in that same sort of way.
You're having this conversational flow where you're
(23:50):
getting her hooked on you. You get to that submission point
where she's like, oh, I didn't think this guy was this this
way, but now I'm realizing he's actually really cool and I'm
getting attracted to him as we're talking, right?
And most guys have never developed that, will never
develop that just rely on the dumb, dumb conversation skills
they never bothered to learn. Maybe they got from their
(24:10):
friends and family. But there is absolutely a way to
become a conversational beast. And it's probably one of the
fastest and easiest ways to leg up.
And it makes you more interesting to literally every
single person you talk to. So if you don't do that, you're
just, you're always at a massivedisadvantage.
The next step is master Instagram as a funnel.
(24:33):
And guys who don't have Instagram are gonna, you know,
put their nose up at this. But if you don't have Instagram
these days, you're really operating with two hands tied
behind your back because women will stalk your Instagram.
If it doesn't show lifestyle status and social proof, you're
pretty much out. I mean, maybe it's for Ukrainian
girls like that, but in America everybody is more chilled.
(24:55):
But like, I if I don't know thisperson, I'm not gonna go on a
date with them. Maybe they're serial killer and
they're gonna kill me. There's like so many situations
like this. I'm watching in like a Tinder
date and up to be some serial killer or like.
It's a safety thing you're checking.
It yeah, it's like because when you have an Instagram and you
have like several friends taggedand the friends have a real
(25:18):
account and there is locations and maybe your work or maybe
this, it makes you like understand that oh, this person
is real. This person working there,
they're living there, they're having this group.
Of trying to do online dating, especially without Instagram.
I mean, good luck. You know, it's like for me
completely, I like, I know a lotof girls that I actually think
(25:40):
it's stupid. I'm not like blaming, but like
going with guys that they've never met.
It's like, you know, it's a Russian roulette.
You can get lucky and you can never come back, which is.
Yeah, if you're going on a blinddate.
It's, it's so stupid. But yeah, Instagram for me, it
just really important to understand, OK, this guy is
(26:01):
actually legit. He's not some like.
And the hardest thing for guys is understanding like how what,
what the hell do I even do on Instagram?
How do I start Instagram? Do I just post a bunch of photos
that I have? Like are the photos good?
So that's, that's one of the biggest things that we help
clients do right off the bat when they sign up, we have them
try to get their ass down to Southern California and we do a
(26:23):
photo Instagram shoot for them. It also serves for online dating
but take you out, make sure you have the right clothes for at
least six different shots and then we shoot.
You I'm gonna tell you all your clothes suck and we're gonna go
buy new ones. Sometimes guys have decent
stuff. No, no, actually, yeah, you have
more clients that I'm like, actually we just love the
(26:45):
wardrobe. Pieces you're missing, right?
Maybe you you have a few pieces that work and you need a few
more, but we're smart about it. We make sure to save as much
money for you as possible. So you have.
But it depends on what budgets you have.
You know, I'm just asking like, tell me your budget.
There is no problem with the budget you guys.
Go to Zara some. Guys go to.
Armani. Yeah, anywhere you want, it's
(27:07):
for me, doesn't I do not care and you know it's you can have a
style does not matter of your money in your wallet.
But you leave with a curated IG,which is a base for building the
rest of your IG in the future, clothes that you know you can
wear on a date to a party, like it's all set up for you.
(27:30):
So you're not doing any sort of guesswork.
You're not just posting random photos of yourself on Tinder and
thinking, are these good enough?That's kind of like a must do if
you're new to online dating and you're just going to give it a
shot. Like I was just on a sales call
with a guy who is, you know, still in the process of a
divorce, been married 20 years. His fashion was like, he doesn't
(27:50):
understand anything, right? His photos is don't exist
because it's just all photos of his kids and maybe him and his
wife. So he literally has zero photos.
His fashion's not there at all. Like if he tries to go online
and get dates on Tinder, he has zero chance, 0.0 chance because
none of his photos are going to look good.
Girls are going to immediately disqualify him.
(28:11):
It's going to tell the algorithmthat his profile's garbage and
he's not going to get shown to anyone.
You know that stuff matters how how good your profile is in the
get go dictates your success in the future.
So we got a dog who's crying here who needs to go out.
But the thing what I, you know, notice is that all the clients
(28:36):
that you have in the group, whenthey meet them in real life,
they're just amazing, wonderful people and they're so fun and
everything. But if you would look it through
like a online dating, you would be like, who are these people?
You would never even notice themfrom?
Oh. Yeah, they look way worse than
they are. Ever.
You know, So that's like really important.
(28:57):
Like nowadays, it's like so unfortunate that like you need
to go through all this. Well, so fun might be a stretch.
They get fun after a while. Summer fun.
Yeah, yeah. No, I'm just saying like overall
was like all the. More too much time behind a
computer. Yeah, yeah.
So obviously, but I'm just saying that they are all good
people. Well, yeah, obviously they're.
(29:17):
Great guys, they're desirable guys that women would be lucky
to date, but they are not marketing themselves well.
Exactly their product. Is like it's a great product,
but it's covered in in. Like shit, you know, it's like
no one wants to buy it even though it's.
You have a beautiful chocolate, like a, an amazing French or
(29:37):
Swiss chocolate and it's coveredin dog shit and you're like, why
isn't anyone interested in my chocolate?
Right? So that's, that's the packaging,
it's the marketing. That's all important.
That's what we do in the group. So step 6 is build a social
circle that sells you. It's not about cold approaching
100 girls. It's about creating environments
where girls come to you and we teach you that in IC event
(30:00):
hosting, how to orchestrate amazing parties, playing games
at the parties that improve the vibe, all the inner circle
dynamics. And if you don't do that, if you
just do the whole approaching and online dating thing, you
basically, you eat what you killand you have nothing else to
show for it, right? It's the old way of operating as
a civilization. What did we do before we had
(30:22):
farming? We haunted and you go out, you
kill a Buffalo, you eat a Buffalo and that's it.
But it's also like how we are, we're living all this time, you
know? Well, let me finish my metaphor.
Nowadays. Nowadays we're smart enough to
realize that we can grow so muchfood that we don't need to spend
all of our time hunting for animals, right to to get fed.
(30:45):
We can now have time to do all the other things that, you know,
humans want to do to be happy. And the same thing goes for
dating, right? Like you can spend all your time
on Tinder or approaching girls in the mall and you're only
going to get what you get from that.
But if you build a social circlearound the things that you
actually like doing around a hobby or another, you know,
activity where you get to meet cool people that are in do your
(31:06):
thing, that's going to be the best form of leads for your
dating life. And even if it's not, you still
have fun doing the thing you wanted to do anyways, so it's a
free roll. But what I wanted to say is that
people for all this time of existence, they were only
meeting each other through like actually.
Yeah, there was no hunting before.
(31:27):
Social circle there was no such a thing as an online dating.
So it's just something that's very natural, especially for
women like how you meet your husband.
Oh, it was my friend's friend orit was blah, blah, blah.
It's always through some, you know, social circle and like
it's and why is that? It's because you can trust if
(31:47):
it's your friend's friend, you know, you can trust this person
because it's your friend's friend, obviously, right?
So it's for women? Pre vetted it's it's a safety.
Yeah, it's a safety thing. And I think nowadays it's it's
still the most. It's the best dating funnel
there is. Yeah, it always has been, and it
always will be. So the other stuff, you know,
(32:09):
it's a fad. It's a trend.
I mean, there's certainly something to be said about
approaching women in real life to build your confidence.
You know, that is the fastest way to get over all sorts of
your anxieties and insecurities as you just get comfortable with
rejection and realize it's no big deal.
But you need to be doing that ina structured way where you don't
just get completely pounded withrejection because then you're
(32:31):
just going to reinforce all these negative beliefs about
yourself. You need to do that in a
controlled environment where youhave the right tools, the right
conversations to actually get positive responses, to build
some confidence, and then that'sgoing to carry over into your
social circle as you build it. So that's what we do in the
group. It's not just Willy nilly go out
and get rejected. It's go do social freedom
exercises and do things to buildyour confidence and get you past
(32:53):
your fears really. So that brings us to step 7,
which is raise your income and location freedom.
It's not gold digging, it's justwhat women find attractive.
They're attracted to ambitious guys with freedom, with options.
Many of our members are remote workers or guys leveling up
professionally. They're moving to places around
the globe where there are betterlooking women like Ukraine pre
(33:18):
war and a low cost of living. The biggest thing you can do as
a guy being a passport bro is isa real thing.
Now I'm not saying everyone should be a passport bro because
most people can't do it right because of their work, but you
absolutely could if you're smartenough.
Negotiate a remote job at your current job, or find a way to
(33:39):
offer so much more value to yourboss that he has to agree to let
you be remote at least some of the time.
And then show him that you're just as successful working
remote as you are in the office.And eventually you'll have the
freedom to kind of go where you want to go.
And if your dating market sucks,you can leave.
If you're working in a warehouse, there is no days off
(34:00):
on them. You're working in a warehouse.
You can look to see what are theproblems in this warehouse.
What's the no? But if you are like working
physically. No, you can say what?
Is working. You're physical working.
Someone needs to still be doing their job.
In this warehouse, there is a thing that's being made and this
process is bad. I keep seeing this process.
(34:21):
I know a way to fix it. I solve that problem and I tell
the owner, hey, I just solved this problem, which is going to
save you so much money. I'm the only one who can
implement it. So you need to give me a raise
in the management position. I no longer want to work in the
warehouse, or I can go take my technology to somebody else.
So you, you have to be creative and you have to solve problems.
(34:41):
But when you do, you will be rewarded if you'd negotiate
correctly. And then you can negotiate these
remote work positions. My very first job was working
for an investment bank. I had to show up to the office
between 9:00 and never all right.
That was that was what my boss told me, except my job was to
raise money. So it made sense when I told
(35:02):
them, hey listen, my job is to raise money from rich people.
Who the hell am I going to meet in the office?
I can only cold call so many people.
But guess what? I'm really good at golf.
And who plays golf? Rich guys do.
So buy me a Country Club membership, I'll go golfing and
I'll bring in clients. He said, well, I'm not going to
do that yet, but I'll give you Monday and Friday off where you
don't have to show the office. You can just go to the to the
(35:23):
course and see if you can meet guys that way.
And if that goes well, we'll talk about the Country Club.
So I did that and I brought in some investors just from golfing
because I was good enough to, you know, have a good
reputation. And then I got the Country Club
membership. So if I can do that in finance,
people can do that in any job. But there are a lot of jobs that
you cannot work remote. It's what I'm trying to tell you
(35:44):
and there is obviously it's not only there's.
Always a solution. Or you can quit that job, do a
new one. I'm just saying, OK.
Now think creative doctors in the planet Earth.
Because everybody's remote. Oh come on, I'm not talking to
every single person. There's how many guys are
watching this, right? Like.
No, I'm just saying there is a lot of guys who are watching
(36:04):
that they cannot. Their jobs are only physical.
So I want you to tell them that they can still be successful
dating, having a job 9:00 to 5:00.
It's like I just don't see the most of people actually do not
work, work remote. And I and I think most of people
(36:25):
are watching this who cannot work remote.
And I think they also need to. Disagree but.
To hear the solution. It doesn't change anything you.
Can I know? I know.
But I do disagree. I think that if anyone's
creative enough and ingenuitive enough, there's no reason you
need to trade your time for dollars.
And if you're not trading your time for dollars, then you're
not basically, you know, chainedto a location.
(36:48):
So I think there's always a way to level up, but that's a, it's
a different conversation we could debate about later.
All right. Step 8 is learn female
psychology, not just pick up lines.
You got to understand how women feel attraction, how they test
men, how they fall in love. And this is something that guys
really, really, really don't understand.
If they just understood this, the rest of this would be way
(37:10):
easier. But the the common zeitgeist of
knowledge when it comes to understanding women has men
completely confused on purpose. Women don't want men to
understand women, right? That way they can say, oh,
you're hot and you're not right.It's a way that they filter.
They are intentionally elusive, doing things that don't make
(37:32):
sense, not keeping their word, not behaving like men do, having
way like more emphasis on emotions, like women test you
unconsciously. They do all sorts of things to
throw curveballs. They don't even realize they're
doing it. And if you don't know what the
hell is going on, you're just going to end up a simply nice
guy. You're going to get divorce
raped. Sorry, that's what happens.
(37:55):
What are your thoughts? You know, but I think I was
someone was saying that like it goes all the way to the times
when they were actually fightingand like all the stripes women
were really needed to find someone who is strong, right,
Because if they come to you, like you wanted someone to
protect you, right? So it's still like you want
(38:17):
someone masculine and you want someone who will protect you
even though now and like feminism and all those women say
there is no. Just the next ruse to get.
But it's also like when someone will come to your home, you're
going to send your men with the gun to fight those invaders.
You know, it's like you're feminists still.
You like actually like to be like going with the man with the
(38:39):
gun. You know you're immediately not.
Feminist anymore? It's like men and women should
be totally equal and have the same thing.
Except when you're drafted to gofight in the war, yeah.
Ohh, no, I'm actually fine. Yeah, like.
I don't need to vote anymore. Obviously that's an extreme
example, but but yeah, everyone wants feminism until it kind of
hits them in the face that, oh, maybe maybe this is a isn't a
(39:01):
good deal for us. Yeah, right.
So, yeah, that's a great example.
So in the community, I think oneof the most valuable parts is we
decode your actual interactions,your text threads, your
screenshots. You can record audio of your
dates, you can record video of your approaches.
We can basically decode everything you give us and we
(39:23):
can show you like, oh, this is where you're losing frame.
This is where you're acting likea nice guy or a simp.
This is where she lost attraction.
You're going to actually see, wow, if I just change a few of
these behaviors and, and change my vibe a little bit and say
that instead of this, you're going to radically change your
results and it's not going to happen overnight.
But I've seen guys make pretty dramatic progress in three to
(39:45):
six months. Dramatic.
Yeah. Step 9.
I feel like we kind of covered this, but it's become unreactive
to hotness, right? If you pedestal her, you lose
her. High value men see beauty every
day and they don't really flinch.
It's not that big of a deal. A hot girl there, a hot girl
here. If you never see him, then it's
a big deal. But if you did what you said,
befriend them and find a way to have beautiful women in your
(40:06):
life, you no longer will be completely flustered and
uncomfortable around her. And then that's.
A great way to signal like oh, Iactually do.
No, but it's like, you know, it's like in the way of a
superior man In the book, women think they want you to put them
on the pedestal, but as soon as you do, they understand that
(40:27):
they lost the attraction. So they actually don't even
understand that till it's too late.
Well, women want to date up. That was the whole thing of this
podcast. No, but it's not if.
You want if you feel like you'reabove him if you're on the pen.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
You're, you're saying no, yeah, you're no longer up.
You're right. But also women want to date men
with purpose. It's what's attractive man had
(40:48):
that has purpose. That's like once you know to
like achieve all these things, that's very confident.
That's what makes you attractiveto this.
But if this man literally does not work because all he does is
like, you know, doing, spending time with you, then.
Yeah, well, that's not quite pedestal.
That's like a guy with without apurpose, basically doing
(41:10):
whatever he can to make you happy.
But yeah, I guess that's kind ofthe same thing.
If she only dates up and you puther above, she's gonna quickly
realize that she needs to find somebody who's more up.
And that's how guys typically lose girls.
They get them in the first placebecause they got the girl to
think that they were up. And then they're like, oh, I
wanted this is she's my perfect dream girl.
(41:32):
Then they it's like they guys fall in love with this romantic
idea of getting a girl who's like too hot for them.
And then they maybe they succeedand they put her on the pedestal
and they lose her. So it's brutal.
I mean, ask me how I know. I've been there before.
It sucks, but that's why you never want to have that sort of
mentality of like, Oh my God, ifI can just get lucky with this
(41:52):
girl, then my life is going to be purpose.
You're going to lose a girl. She's going to figure it out
that. Yeah, but it's also where the
phrase comes. You both should feel lucky.
Yeah, if one of you feels lucky and another one doesn't, those
relationship are not going to last.
Yeah, well, it needs to be a balanced investment, right?
You You should both feel lucky to be dating the other person,
(42:12):
but you shouldn't feel lucky to have gotten them.
Oh, no, yeah. Like it's what I meant, yeah.
Step #10 is build a life that's too fun to fake right?
Going on trips, parties, deep conversations, new friends.
Make your life something she wants to join, not something you
fake to impress her. We see that a lot on Instagram.
Guys thinking, oh, if I just curate a perfect IG, then she'll
(42:36):
like me. And it's like girls have kind of
figured that out that like a guycan throw together 5 or 6
photos, do a photo shoot and he's not actually living a cool
life. And remember what we talked
about when we do our photo shoots, that's just the base.
You actually have to then do cool shit, and it's not so much
about posting it on your grid, but in your stories.
You have to show that you have alife worth inviting her into.
(42:58):
If she has a cooler life than you, she won't want to be with
you. That simple.
She has to feel like she is signing up for a better
lifestyle. So in our community, guys
traveled together, they parted together, they build lifelong
friendships, meet women togetherso.
But it's also, you know, it gives me an example of what you
just said. I don't know if we we can say
it, but your client will call him ex wanted to fly a girl in
(43:23):
and she herself making money. She flies business class just
herself. That's what's comfortable for
her. She doesn't fly economy and it's
normal if she pays for her for it, it's normal.
He wanted to fly her economy class and she said, sorry, I
only fly business class. And for him it was an inch issue
(43:47):
because why would you fly? Why would you fly economy if you
oh, business if you can fly economy and we will have all
this money to do XYZ and it's going to be much better
experience. And here, look, describe all the
activities we will do this or you fly only business class.
And she yeah. And she's like, I'll, I'll take
(44:09):
business class. And it was like such a losing
attraction because, yeah, the girls are not going to day down.
Like if I am myself making enough money, let's say.
I think she also had some. You're accustomed to that
lifestyle like. It's, it's my lifestyle.
I'm it's, it's, it's, it's not like a luxury for me to fly
business class. It's just my daily basis what I
(44:29):
do and the same if I'm like eating out in this type of.
Restaurant, you have a guy convincing you that you know the
money is better spent on elsewhere.
You're just like, he's not the guy.
Yeah. He's not the guy and it's not
about digging at all. Like you don't have gold to dig.
You know to to start with. He's being a miser.
No, I'm not saying about him. I'm just saying the guy.
(44:50):
It's not about him. I'm just saying a lot of the
guys. I'm saying it is about him.
No, but. Yeah, guys who complain about
gold diggers, they're not gold diggers.
Phrase the guys, yeah, who complain about the gold diggers,
they don't have any gold to dig.So and the guys who have gold to
dig, they don't care because youknow, they get the things in
return too. Yeah, that's that's very true.
(45:13):
So the cold truth, the dating market isn't broken.
You're just not competitive yet,and the girls you want aren't
going to lower their standards because you're nice or you're
trying hard, but they will date you when you become the kind of
man who doesn't need them. And that's the path we take
inside the Inner Confidence community.
It's not just about learning tactics.
It's about surrounding yourself with men who push you, support
(45:34):
you, and hold you accountable. Because that kind of brotherhood
is how you really get better fast.
One of the only ways to get better fast.
My honest opinion at all times. You always get a unfiltered
Maria. But you would like?
So if this episode hit you in the gut, good.
It was supposed to. But don't just feel called out.
(45:56):
Get called in. If you're ready to stop being
invisible to the women you want and start becoming the man they
chase, hit the link in the show notes, fill out the quick
application, and if you're a good fit, you'll get on a call
with me personally. We'll map out your leveling up
plan and show you how our program can help you skip years
of trial and error. You can't date up, but you can
(46:16):
rise up. So let's get to work.
Bye. Out of all the guys I know, the
only ones who managed to consistently win the game are
those who built and invested in a high status social circle.
You can certainly approach womenand try your luck on the apps if
you're a Chad, but those strategies simply don't work
consistently to attract top tierwomen and awesome friends in
your life. But for most guys, the idea of
(46:38):
building a social circle can feel overwhelming, so they
continue to hunt for women in their usual ways and end up
settling for a girl they were never really that excited about
in the 1st place. To avoid this fate, join our
community and instantly plug into a highly vetted social
circle of cool dudes to network and navigate your journey with.
You already know it's hard to find wing men because the good
ones don't stay in the game verylong.
Many of our members travel together, end up living
(46:59):
together, build amazing circles and even businesses together
both in the West and in many of the best locations around the
globe. With gorgeous women and low cost
of living, I'm extremely carefulwho I let into this community,
but if you feel like you'd make a good fit, you can apply to
join the links in the description.
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