The Jaye Spot Podcast

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Relationship talked, real relationship drama with the best night of
your life, your host Jay, and simply e hold on,
hold on, get ready to enter the J Spot, the
Jaspot on Intellectual radio dot com.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Good evening, good evening, Good evening, and welcome to the
best night of your life. You have entered the J Spot,

(00:42):
where we are strengthening relationships and families, one conversation at
a time on Intellectual radio dot Com.

Speaker 3 (00:49):
We are on iheartstation. I'm your host, Jay.

Speaker 2 (00:52):
Thank you all so much for allowing me to join
you on your ride home. Please do me a favor.
You are Go to our YouTube channel, like and follow
us there. That's the J Spot Radio. Go to Facebook,
Like and follow us there the Jspot. Go to Instagram
follow us there. The J Spot Jay is spelled J
A y E. For all three guys, we have an

(01:15):
amazing show lined up for you all tonight. Listen, we're
gonna get started, and we're gonna get started with what's
going on right now in the world you are everybody
is talking about this EBT food stamp benefits that is
due to end this Saturday, November.

Speaker 3 (01:38):
First, what are you all thinking about that?

Speaker 2 (01:41):
How are you feeling about that, and listen, you are
I want to know if you know of some organizations
that will be donating free food, if there any food
pantries that you all know of, please drop that information
in the comments so that we can make sure that
we get this information out to as many people as possible,

(02:02):
because we definitely want to help.

Speaker 3 (02:04):
Because here's the thing.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
In my opinion, look, ain't nothing about There's nothing funny
about people going hungry, nothing funny.

Speaker 3 (02:14):
About it at all.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
We see a lot of memes and a lot of
mean things being said, a lot of mean, disheartening content
being shared and created in regards to the people you
know possibly going hungry. I'm just like right, wrong or

(02:36):
indifferent whether you feel like people are taking advantage of
the system or whatever that is. I understand that I
can respect how you feel.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
Listen.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
I think a lot of people can respect how you feel.
I'm a taxpayer. I paid tax but I'm not complaining
about that because we have no control over it. Listen,
you're paying taxes, they doing whatever else. Listen, food stamps
is a small fraction of a small fraction of your
taxes are being distributed to the food stamp program. The

(03:12):
rest of your taxes are being blown on other frivolous things.
So if we're gonna complain about our tax dollars being wasted,
I mean, like, why start there. I mean there are
hundreds of things that we could complain about our tax
dollars being wasted on. Besides you know, food stamps, if
we really wanted to go there and say, you know, oh,

(03:34):
our tax dollars are being wasted.

Speaker 3 (03:37):
My concern is people like where is our compassion?

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Like, again, I don't want to see anybody go hungry.
So I'm hoping that a solution is reached, you know,
so that people don't have to go hungry. Because again
a lot of people depend on these, on this food
stamps and the EBT.

Speaker 3 (03:59):
And if you're not one of.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
Those people that depend on it, thank God, Like, be
thankful that you're not one of those people that depend
on it, you know, be thankful.

Speaker 3 (04:11):
Don't sit up here and oh well now pleans I
don't get no link. So you can sit up, you.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
Can sit high and look low because you don't use
you don't get the link card. It's so many people
out there that need that. There's so many seniors out there,
there's so many homeless people, so many mothers listen with
kids and before listen again, I've seen some of the
most disheartening videos and things of that nature regarding oh

(04:42):
well go find go find them baby daddies and and
do out. Look, you all, this is not the time
for that, Like, seriously, it's not. And for those that
I'm making those videos, the dudes that I'm making those videos,
I hope that your kids are not recipients of food

(05:02):
stamps because guess what, while you're out here talking about
some I guess I guess she's gonna need that forty dollars. Now,
I guess you're gonna take that. Just make sure that
your kids are taken care of. How about that, Amy,
Let's make sure that your kids are taken care of
before we go jumping in, you know, and just making
fun of this potential situation. So again, if you know

(05:26):
of any food pantries or any programs that are going
to be giving out food, please drop it in the
comments because we definitely want to be a help to
as many people as possible. So if you have some
information on programs and things of that nature, then please
definitely do that.

Speaker 3 (05:47):
Just help us reach out.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
You know, so that we can get this information to
as many people as possible, because again, there's nothing funny
with people going hungry. It's it's it's not a laughing matter.
It's a sad situation, you know, to be in because again,
there are so many kids out there, Like we're looking

(06:10):
at the adults and we're looking at it from that standpoint, it's.

Speaker 3 (06:15):
Already bad enough.

Speaker 2 (06:17):
Do you know how many kids go to school without eating?
Do you know how many kids go hungry? Without go
to school hungry? And this is before the food stamp crisis.
Do you all know the numbers to that millions of
kids go to school every day hungry. So imagine how

(06:39):
worse it's gonna be when this stop for the EBT
happens again. Look, we can sit here and blame oh
where if you would have let this person in versus Okay, listen,
I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about how can
we help right now in the present situation that we

(06:59):
are I how can we be a help one to another?

Speaker 3 (07:03):
That's what I'm talking about. I don't want to talk
about it.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
Yeah, it's the people that vote for Look whatever, what
dog hoever, how can we help we want to prevent
people from going hungry, and how do we do that?
So again, if you know of any organization, if listen,
church is past the past, the Marvin on winus listen.

Speaker 3 (07:29):
I hope amen, I hope that since.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
You were you were asking people for two thousand dollars
last week, so I'm hoping that you're giving the people
two thousand dollars this week. So I'm hoping that these
big churches, because see, this is what you're here for.
This is what the church is supposed to collect tides
and offering for to help the people. The people are

(07:53):
going to need your help.

Speaker 3 (07:55):
Churches. This is what. This is the store This is
the meat for the storehouse. This is what this is.
This is what the scripture is referring to.

Speaker 2 (08:04):
It's not referring to you having a private jet and
a Bentley and a Rolls Royce and Minx. It it's
not it's not that it's the storehouse. So churches, I'm
hoping that you all are going to make sure the
storehouse has meat in it. It's so many different programs.

(08:24):
If you all have your five oh one three C numbers,
that means that's the tax deduction. That's your tax exip,
you are set up as a non for profit, go
down here, get this free food and serve the community,
serve the people. But again, people are really going to

(08:45):
need if this happens on Saturday, people are going to
need assistance with food. And I'm hoping that we are
all able to come together and make sure we can
help as many people as possible. So again, if you
know of an organization, if you know of a church,

(09:07):
if you are a part if you're with the church,
if you're partner with the church and you have a program,
or you're gonna be passing out food. I know I've
seen several people saying that their churches are going to
be passing out food, They're going to be doing giveaways
and having food pantries, a lot of food pantries opening

(09:28):
up and things of that nature. Then drop that information
in the chat. But again it's it's a sad situation.
If this actually takes place, you know a lot of
people will be affected by this in a negative way.
And again, to me, that's no laughing matter. It's no

(09:49):
joking matter, it's no funny matter when somebody is going hungry,
especially innocent kids like I just don't think that it's
not fair.

Speaker 3 (10:01):
It's not fair, it ain't cool at all.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
So again, if we're able to definitely drop that information because.

Speaker 3 (10:08):
We want to be a help, listen, this is what
we do this for.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
We don't just come on listen, I'll talk and I
love to have fun and I love to kick it
with y'all, and we are gonna kick it during this show.
But I would be remiss if I didn't take a
moment out to just speak from the heart and just listen.
We gotta handle we gotta take care of each other first.
So I would be remiss if I did not come
on and mention a huge thing that could be affecting

(10:34):
a lot of people coming very soon. So please, please, please,
if you have not done so, please if you know
some information and listen. Depending on how long this goes,
so I'll be looking you know, for the next over
the next week or whatever.

Speaker 3 (10:49):
But if this goes for a while, then.

Speaker 2 (10:51):
I will be putting together my own food drive so
that I can get out there in the trenches and
you know, set up a place where we can go
either volunteer at some of these food pantries or you know,
set up if you all want to donate and we
can buy food and do something like that.

Speaker 3 (11:10):
So I'm gonna.

Speaker 2 (11:11):
Monitor how long this thing goes, but that may I
may roll that out sometime next week. If this thing
really happens, I'm hoping. I'm hoping and praying that it
does not, But if it does, then we'll definitely set
up something so that we can come out and.

Speaker 3 (11:28):
Be able to.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
Assist the people, you know, because at the end of
the day, this is what it's all about. I mean,
it's fun and dandy, you know, sitting here all que
I got this, But at the end of the day, listen,
I was brought up. I'm a worker. I'm a helper.
That's where my heart is. I am a server. I
love to help people. Now listen, I'm not gonna say

(11:51):
that I don't get agitated in the process of helping,
because you know what, some people just listen. I fed
the Humes and help them, you know, but some of
them not right.

Speaker 3 (12:03):
And I'm just I'm not gonna lie to you.

Speaker 2 (12:06):
Everybody that you try to help, they listen, They're not
gonna have a gracious heart.

Speaker 3 (12:12):
They're not gonna have a gracious spirit.

Speaker 2 (12:14):
So you whatever you're doing things like this make sure
you do it from your heart and do it because
that's something that you want to do. But maybe some
of these folks will show out so bad you will
never want to.

Speaker 3 (12:29):
Do anything again.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
Listen, feeding them for the feeding for Thanksgiving and you know,
all kinds of stuff. We'll share some stories, you know,
at a later time, because right now, I don't want
to discourage anybody from giving. But just know that some
of these folks can be a t r app And
I said that some of these folks can be a okay.

Speaker 3 (12:50):
But we're not gonna focus on those.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
If you know of an organization that will be giving
or a church that will be giving out food, if
you know of any food pantries, please drop that information
in the comments or drop it pasted on the post
it on the jspot page, post it on the YouTube page,
post it on the Instagram page, posted on all of

(13:13):
our pages, so that we can make sure we get
this information out to as many people as possible. Now, listen,
you are speaking of information and people as possible. Every
now and then, you know, listen, people just never and
I mean never, cease to amaze me and listen, we're

(13:36):
gonna go ahead the next well our first hot topic.
Last week we talked about why Tyresee should not be
dating and why he doesn't need a wife and all
this other stuff. So this week we're gonna talk about
Tyresee's partnering crime. And this brother is just as looney

(13:57):
and touched as Tyrese is. We're talking about none other
than ray J. You are listen, Brandy, miss sonya nor
would get your son? Get your son? This brother is
out of control. He's performing somewhere and he's on there saying, well,

(14:19):
you know, you know, I'm married, book, I've been separated
for We've been legally separated for two years.

Speaker 3 (14:28):
So I'm single and I'm looking for somebody.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
No no, no, no.

Speaker 3 (14:35):
No, ray J.

Speaker 2 (14:37):
I love you like a play cousin, but you need
to sit on somebody couch.

Speaker 3 (14:43):
You listen.

Speaker 2 (14:44):
How many women are right listen? How many women do
you intend on destroy him?

Speaker 3 (14:51):
Ladies? You know now listen, If anybody is brave.

Speaker 2 (14:55):
Enough to deal with ray J, then I think that
you're setting yourself up for this. You're setting yourself up
for this foolishness right here. Oh you gonna take this
foolishness right here? You gonna take this because this brother.
Listen the saying one flew over the cuckoo's nest, how

(15:18):
about the whole cuckoo's nest just flew away. That's how
we would have to describe ray J. Because listen, this
is no nah, bro, no, no, this ain't this. This
ain't what you wanna do, big dog. You may wanna
sit this one out right here. He's gonna have to
sit this one out because that is he's the example

(15:42):
of damaged. He is a damaged dude, and I'm not
making fun of And you know what, listen, truth be told.
He has some mental issues that he has to work passed.
Like he seriously has some issues. Listen, it does not
everything does not connect all the way at the top

(16:05):
for this brother. The elevator, it makes that squeaky sound,
it makes that sound. And again you have those around him.
I believe that some people trying to help him. I
believe his mother and his sisters may be trying to
help him. But you know what, when you get to
that point and you know you just don't want to

(16:26):
listen right now, he's rogue.

Speaker 3 (16:29):
So what does he need?

Speaker 2 (16:31):
He needs a sixty day stay, preferably in the same
facility where they're gonna put Tyree said, that's where we
need ray J at and then they need some twenty
four hour care, twenty four hour counseling. But he needs listen,
he needs some help. That brother needs some psychological help.
And again, I think that he has some issues resolving.

(16:54):
You know, he has some issues from childhood. I really
believe that he has some childhood issues and some things
that need to be addressed because the way he carries on.

Speaker 3 (17:06):
Is ridiculous.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
But ray J, no, nobody, nobody is checking for you,
boo until you get yourself together.

Speaker 3 (17:13):
Because again, if.

Speaker 2 (17:14):
You are willing to walk into this foolishness called ray
J just because he RAYJ, you said, you listen, know
when to say we in, know what situations to get in,
and know what situations to say. You know what, I
ain't even gonna. I ain't even gonna. It's not even
I can't even I can't even deal with this. And listen, ladies,

(17:37):
I know we love to take on a project and
we like to fix people. This brother is not fixable.
He needs some professional help. He need the kind of
fixing that he needs to be in a straight jacket,
and he needs to talk to somebody that can prescribe
him a prescription and get to the root of his problems.
It's not you laying down beneath him and you know,

(17:58):
doing all kinds of free discussing. Suff He's had enough
of that. He's had enough of that, so he needs
somebody that he can really.

Speaker 3 (18:08):
Really talk to it.

Speaker 2 (18:08):
And again I don't know him, but just the way
he carrying out, I'm you know, I'm concerned. I'm concerned.
And again he seems like his family don't try to
talk to him. But you know, listen, you can't make
grown folks do what they not gonna do. You Sometimes
you just gotta let them wild out and do whatever
they're gonna do and just hope that, you know, they

(18:31):
eventually come back to it. You know, hopefully they just
you know, you know, get themselves, you know, vent and
then get it all together. But ray J, you don't
need no wife. You don't need no woman. Jay ray J,
you are damaged goods brother right now.

Speaker 3 (18:49):
You are no good to anybody. Plus you got a wife.
You got a whole wife.

Speaker 2 (18:55):
Like you talk about people talk about situations to avoid
in red flags.

Speaker 3 (19:01):
This man is a red flag. He has a.

Speaker 2 (19:04):
Whole wife and he's admitting that he loves her, which
will lead to our next hot topic.

Speaker 3 (19:10):
So what you advise and is it advisable?

Speaker 2 (19:14):
Is it cheating to date someone that's married but they're separated,
And if so, is that ever a good ideal? You
feel in this person that you know they've been separated
for a while, so.

Speaker 3 (19:29):
You're like, okay, man, you know he free game. He's separated.

Speaker 2 (19:33):
You know, he been separated from his wife for two years,
three years, but now they're legally married still. So you guys,
go ahead and you start seeing each other and you
start doing your thing or whatnot. Now what happens when
you catch feelings and you're ready to take things to

(19:55):
the next level. But he can't take things to the
next level with you because he's not available. He's not
free to take things to the next level because he
still has a wife.

Speaker 3 (20:10):
Jay, what you mean he can't take he ground? He
could do whatever he wanta do.

Speaker 2 (20:13):
Okay, Well, according to the law, he can't because polygamy
is not recognized in the in the United States. So
if he this man has a wife, how is he
gonna take anything seriously with you? So be mindful, ladies,
because a lot of times. Listen, we set ourselves up

(20:35):
for this foolishness. You will go in as I'm gonna
leave my wife, I'm gonna get I'm gonna I'm gonna
divorce her.

Speaker 3 (20:40):
I'm gonna divorce her. We and kleaders.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
You get up in there and you get your feelings hurt,
and he dragging his feet for the divorce.

Speaker 3 (20:50):
Think about it.

Speaker 2 (20:51):
Why do you have to convince and beg somebody to
get a divorce. That's not your responsibility. That's not your
job to.

Speaker 3 (21:03):
Beg someone or convince someone to get a divorce.

Speaker 2 (21:08):
That's not your responsibility. You have to let people take
care of their own responsibilities. And I'm always of this,
this is always my feeling. Stay out of people relationship,
Stay out of people marriage. You can't how you telling
him where if she was, if she was doing what
she was supposed to be doing, he wouldn't be over

(21:28):
here with me. Well, if you was doing what you
were supposed to be doing, you wouldn't be having to
beg him or try to convince him or give him
an ultimatum to get divorced, because he would have known,
he would have already came to you. Hold healed and
ready to go if you were doing what you were
supposed to do. So it's always so funny how we're

(21:49):
being on the outside look it in and it's so
easy to blame the spouse, but it's like you don't
know what's going on.

Speaker 3 (21:58):
So always be mindful.

Speaker 2 (22:00):
In my opinion, I would not for me because I
would always be thinking like, yo, they can always rekindle
this relationship and get back to listen, they can always
get back together.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
I know some listen.

Speaker 2 (22:17):
Done went back Done, had many wives and now they
get back with one of the first wives, or listen,
they get back with some of the it happens. Don't
think that because people have been separated for years that
they don't come back together.

Speaker 3 (22:36):
People.

Speaker 2 (22:37):
Some people come back together when that love is real.
Those people come back together, and you definitely just want
to make sure that you are not the person that
is in that rebound type ish situation, because people do
come back and they go back to what they consider

(23:00):
their first love. So don't be in the situation where
you are sitting there, you're waiting, Oh, but he said
he gonna get he gonna divorce her. He's just saving
up for the money. If he don't have the money
to get a divorce, then he don't have a money.
He don't have the money to be out doing other things.

Speaker 3 (23:22):
Because here's the thing.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
If he can buy you all this fancy stuff and
he can wind and dine you, you mean to tell me,
so you got you have disposable income to do that,
But you don't have the disposable income to divorce this
wife that you said you really didn't want or you
didn't really wanna be there with her. You don't have that.
You know, you don't have that the disposable income for that. So,

(23:46):
in my opinion, if you're married, married is married, And
so I would just have to leave you over there,
and you just gonna have to miss me with that
Buell junkie, because again, I'm not about to put my
heart on the line and be playing these Tom and
Jerry type games with you. And you over there, you
you straddle on the fence, because to me, at that point,
you are definitely straddling the fence because you have the

(24:10):
opportunity to divorce and handle your business and have your
front door swept around, and you should you should come
to me whole and healed. And that's ladies, gentlemen, that's
what you should want. You should want people to come
to you hole and healed.

Speaker 3 (24:27):
I don't want no half stepping. If you are.

Speaker 2 (24:30):
We've been separated fifteen years, that's even more of a
bigger red flag. Wait wait, wait, wait, wait, So you
mean to tell me y'all been sliding around here for
fifteen years and ain't nobody bothered.

Speaker 3 (24:44):
To get a divorce? Why not? Oh it's cheaper to
keep what? How is it after fifteen years?

Speaker 2 (24:52):
So he could just come back, she can just come
back after fifteen years.

Speaker 3 (24:56):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (24:57):
People do it all the time, but for me, you
have to know yourself, know what you're getting into, and
just know that if you dealing with somebody that belong
to somebody else, there's always a chance that it's gonna
be some issh and it's not you could end up
on the losing end of that stick. And then if

(25:18):
you are on the losing end of that stick, can
you really be mad at that person because you already knew.
So if you're willing to take a gamble with your heart,
then listen. By all means, baby, take a gamble with
your heart. But listen, it's bad enough out here just
dating people that say that they're single, and you gotta

(25:40):
deal with that, and then you want to add an
extra layer to it with them being separated.

Speaker 3 (25:48):
Thank you, but no, thank you.

Speaker 2 (25:51):
We gonna you're gonna have to count me out, that
bull junkie, count me totally out, because again, in that situation,
you are setting yourself up for failure. You definitely are,
because again there are no guarantees. They're legal, legally still
married to somebody else. So these are the type of

(26:13):
situations that happen, like people have been separated. They're separated,
but they've been married for all of these years, but
they've been separated for a number of years. And then
somebody passes away, and then everybody gets mad. The current
partner gets mad when the legal spouse comes in and

(26:35):
claims everything. And then you look at the legal spouse
like they're wrong and like they owe you something, but
they don't.

Speaker 3 (26:46):
They don't owe you anything.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
The person that passed away, that failed to handle their
business legally to ensure that you were taken care of,
that's the person that owes you something.

Speaker 3 (26:58):
That's the person that you should be upset with.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
You shouldn't be upset with the spouse, because they're doing
what is in their legal right to do so as
a spouse, as his spouse.

Speaker 3 (27:12):
This is still my house, y'all.

Speaker 2 (27:15):
Haven't been that be No, they ain't been together for
twenty years fifteen twenty years. Now she gonna come over here,
try to put me out of my house? At at
at what does this paper say? This paper says that
you are alive. This paper says that this is mine.
All of this is all this ish in this jew

(27:38):
joint is mine. That's what the paper says.

Speaker 3 (27:42):
So we gotta stop. Listen.

Speaker 2 (27:45):
Marriage is a business, is big business. It's love too.
But it's like we have to understand, is both.

Speaker 3 (27:54):
It is both. If you are signing your name on
that dotted line.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
It's to protect your assets. It's to tell the law
who gets what. And then when you get a divorce, listen,
that's business too. So it's just like, you know, we
have to be conscious of both angles of marriage and relationships,
and especially if you're living together and you know that.

Speaker 3 (28:23):
This person already has a spouse out there.

Speaker 2 (28:26):
For me, I just know me, I wouldn't be comfortable
because I would always be thinking somebody gonna come and
pull the rug.

Speaker 3 (28:34):
From up under me. That's how I be feeling.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
I'm like, man, anything can happen, Anything can happen, Anything
could happen, Anything could happen.

Speaker 3 (28:45):
She can get anything, he.

Speaker 2 (28:47):
Could be Listen, Let's say God forbid they don't pass away.
Let's say something happens to them. Now they're unable to
make any decisions. Now they need to stay live. And
you gotta sign that form, that DNR that do not
Resuscitate form.

Speaker 3 (29:07):
Oh oh honey.

Speaker 2 (29:09):
Listen these see listen. This ish gets messy. I'm telling you,
it gets messy. The family wanting to keep you alive,
you know, because it's a chance. Oh but then they
have to call up the old bitter one.

Speaker 3 (29:28):
Oh yes, and your life.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
Fellas, think about it like that, Ladies, think about it
like that. Those that are out there that are still living.
You know, you are separated, and you've been separated for years.
If nothing else lights a fire under you and makes
you want to go and get a divorce and separate

(29:53):
yourself from that person, think about this.

Speaker 3 (29:57):
If something were to happen to you.

Speaker 2 (30:01):
And you needed your life to be saved, you needed
consent for an emergency blood transfusion.

Speaker 3 (30:13):
Only the spouse or the next of kin can do that.

Speaker 2 (30:18):
The hospitals will not recognize your girlfriend or your boyfriend, they.

Speaker 3 (30:22):
Won't recognize your boot.

Speaker 2 (30:25):
But all they have to reach out to the old
bitter one that you're still legally married to. And just
what if they decide not to even bother to show
up and sign off on anything to save your life?

Speaker 3 (30:44):
Do you really want your life.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
Your well being to be in the hands of a
bitter ex. So that is a huge, a big reason
on why you need to divorce. If you're gonna be separated,
either divorce or work it out.

Speaker 3 (31:05):
But don't straddle the fence, because that's.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
Straddling the fence is a very very dangerous place to
be because again, people are not right, like they'll wait, listen, look,
I've seen some stuff.

Speaker 3 (31:21):
I've heard some ish.

Speaker 2 (31:23):
Oh he didn't do right back, or he ain't do nothing,
but she she she didn't take care of her kids.
Now you can't even have nobody bury you. Now they
won't sign off on no funeral. Ish, now they won't
sign Look all kinds of stuff people do being spiteful.
So listen, being divorced, you know, being separated and being

(31:47):
out there in these streets always think think of and
and we don't. But that's why I'm talking about it.
Let's think of the legal ramifications behind you know, that
whole being being separated thing, but not being legally divorced,
because again, at the end of the day, people may

(32:07):
not want to look at it like this, but your
life is in the hands of your where your they're
not your eggs, but your life is in the hands
of the person in which you're still legally married too.

(32:27):
So just think, look, think long and hard about that
situation because at the end of the day, people are
not right. Now listen, you all speaking of people are
not right? What do you all Ronda is saying, first,
I'm sorry Ronda on face on YouTube, she's saying, I

(32:49):
will post this on your page.

Speaker 3 (32:50):
Thank you, Ronda.

Speaker 2 (32:51):
She said, if that person is still legally married, I
would steer clear. I totally would steer clear, because again,
it's just too it's too messy, it's too messy, and
at the end of the day, you have to look
out for your best interest because when you're dealing with
somebody that is married or separated, there are no first
of all, sorry, no guarantees, but there are already listen,

(33:14):
ten toes down. You know, ain't no guarantees over on
that side of the fence. Now listen, speaking of that
side of the fence, what do you think about this statement?

Speaker 3 (33:25):
You are?

Speaker 2 (33:26):
This lady says, she calls out single successful men for
not wanting to date single moms. She says that, you know,
she's calling them sassy because they don't want to date
a single mom. She says that they're scared of responsibility

(33:51):
and they're sassy because they choose not to date a woman,
a single mother with kids. So what do you think
about women called some women in some single mothers being
upset at successful men as she calls it, because this
is what she said, successful men for choosing not to

(34:12):
date a single mom. Do you all think that that's
wrong for this man to say? You know what, listen,
I don't date single moms. You know, I don't deal
with it, you know? And are they sassy? Are you
like with this lady, she's saying that they're sassy. So
is a man sassy because he doesn't want to date

(34:34):
a single mom?

Speaker 3 (34:36):
Here's the thing for me.

Speaker 2 (34:39):
Everybody has a preference. That's his preference.

Speaker 3 (34:44):
Is he wrong for that? No?

Speaker 2 (34:46):
Like Look, lady, you chose to become a mom, so
it's your responsibility. We have to stop making it seem
like everybody is wrong just because you are not their preference.

Speaker 3 (35:01):
Everyone is entitled to have their preference. I enjoy drinking coffee.

Speaker 2 (35:07):
I don't like tea, but some people love tea. Does
that make them wrong? No, that's their preference. Does me
drinking and loving coffee make me No, it's my preference. Ladies,
we gotta stop beat me and up if they decide
that they don't want to date a single mom. Listen,

(35:29):
I'm not justifying it. I'm not bashing it. I understand. Look,
it's a big it's a huge responsibility.

Speaker 3 (35:40):
Let's just call it what it is. It's a huge responsibility.
If you have a.

Speaker 2 (35:45):
Man that does not have any kids and then you
bring you're bringing an extra responsibility to the situation. You're
bringing an extra responsibility to the equation. And he's not
responsible for that. He's not wrong for that. He's not

(36:07):
And if he knows that, Listen, I'm at a place
in my life this is not what I want. He's
not wrong for that. Let's stop getting in our feelings.
Oh I'm all that he missing out on this, and okay,
you all let but you're not all that for him

(36:30):
because he don't want what you have. He don't want
and he's not wrong. He's not sassy. He's making an
informed decision and saying, you know what, this situation is
not for me.

Speaker 3 (36:51):
This situation is not for me.

Speaker 2 (36:53):
So I'm gonna say I'm gonna pass on that. I'm
going to pass on being with a single mom.

Speaker 3 (37:03):
And guess what.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
He has every right to feel that way, every right
to feel that way. So again, is he sassy. Absolutely not.
He's making a decision that he feels is best for him,
and he knows that.

Speaker 3 (37:19):
Ladies, when men say this.

Speaker 2 (37:23):
Listen, let's not get all bent up out of shape
and get in our feelings.

Speaker 3 (37:32):
It's not the situation for him.

Speaker 2 (37:36):
Ronda is saying, a single and successful man is not
sassy for not wanting to date a single mother. Maybe
he just wants to start a family with the woman
without children who will become his wife.

Speaker 3 (37:49):
That part, Ronda, that part, And we.

Speaker 2 (37:53):
Have to stop making it seem like these men are
wrong for wanting that.

Speaker 3 (37:59):
They're not. That's the way that it should be.

Speaker 2 (38:02):
It's not his fault because you went and you had
a baby, and I'm not saying that your kids had Look,
everybody's situation is different. But at the end of the day,
one thing that we know is he controlled his fertility
because he didn't shoot off any kids. So he made

(38:23):
the decision. It said he's not ready for kids. He's
not ready for his own kids. So therefore he doesn't
have to accept you and your kids. Does that mean
that you're not a good catch. It doesn't mean that.
It means that you're not a good catch for the
man that says he doesn't want to date a woman

(38:44):
with kids. So when you hear that, stop taking it
as oh all is lost, and it's not. That gives
you the opportunity to move on to somebody that is
looking for what you have to offer, for what you bring,
for your whole situation.

Speaker 3 (39:03):
It's something.

Speaker 2 (39:04):
Listen, it's somebody out there. It's a whole lot of
somebody's out there. It's a whole lot of somebody's out there.
So let's stop jumping on to somebody that this particular
setup is not for. We can't be bashing people and
trying to make people feel bad, be in shaming them
because your situation oh, I'm a single mom. Listen, I

(39:30):
have a kid out of way a lot. I'm a
single mom my son, although my son is grown. But
at the end of the day, so I understand the
dating situations.

Speaker 3 (39:42):
Well, I'm gonna kind of rephrase that. I'm gonna tweak
that statement a little bit.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
When my son was coming up, these new people, the
way people are today and the way dudes are today,
I will say this, it's a lot different. It's really
different than when I will raising my son. So the
men today don't act like the men of the yesterday.

(40:09):
Like I personally don't recall this ever being an issue yesterday.
I don't before social media, I don't recall a single
mom being an issue. Maybe it was, and it just
wasn't being talked about in the circles that I was around.

(40:30):
Because here's the thing, I have a huge family. I
said this before. I have a.

Speaker 3 (40:35):
Huge family, Like we collect kids.

Speaker 2 (40:39):
Like there are men in my family that don't have
and did not have kids and ended up with a
woman with multiple kids still with her to day, kids alone,
gown and grown.

Speaker 3 (40:55):
You know.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
So I know so many and I seen so many
of these different variations of it. That's why I'm just like, like,
when I hear that statement, when I hear me and
say they don't date single women, I'm okay with that
statement because I've seen so many men that do me personally,

(41:19):
I've seen and I see and I know of more
men that have dated women and have married women with
kids than I know of men that say that they
don't date women with kids.

Speaker 3 (41:35):
And I'll be honest, I've only met our kids, you not.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
Off the top of my head, I can only think
of one man that I know that did not date
women with kids or did not like women with kids.

Speaker 3 (41:50):
Just one, just one.

Speaker 2 (41:52):
But I like, and I know so many men, and
so this I haven't like, this is not a situation
like I'm getting picking up a lot of this from
social media, but in my personal life and the people
that I know and the people I've been around, like,
I don't see this as an issue, Like, this is

(42:14):
not an issue. And again, maybe it's because I come
from a huge family.

Speaker 3 (42:21):
It's a it's just listen, it's kids everywhere.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
It was always some people, room full of people every
like everywhere. When I say I come from a big family,
I come from a big, big family. So we're not
sitting up here talking about Oh well she she she
got she.

Speaker 3 (42:40):
Gotta listen, them kids come up in here. What we're
gonna listen?

Speaker 2 (42:45):
Don't bring them kids up here running around they battery,
get up here, listen, fall in. But as far as saying, now,
who's your daddy, you the means you can't. No, you
can't bring that girl and her kids. We're not doing that,
like we're not. But is a man wrong if he
says that that's not for him.

Speaker 3 (43:06):
No he's not. No, he's not.

Speaker 2 (43:09):
Again, like Rhanda said, maybe he just wants to start
a family with the woman that he wants to be
his wife.

Speaker 3 (43:18):
He don't want all this, all all this outside.

Speaker 2 (43:21):
Drama, because let's be honest, some situations, some baby mama
baby daddy situations are very messy and it's stressful. Who
wants to be sitting up here arguing with a baby
mama she mad, she calling you all out your name
because you're over here with her ex and her kids,

(43:45):
and that be better not be by my kids, and
that be better not touch my kids, and that be
so who got time for all that?

Speaker 3 (43:53):
Who got time for the baby daddy.

Speaker 2 (43:55):
Talking about something you better not have my kids around
in ninjall know that better not be around my kids.

Speaker 3 (44:01):
Like who who has time for that?

Speaker 2 (44:04):
So when I see people saying that they don't want
to date somebody.

Speaker 3 (44:08):
With kids, I understand. I understand. I respect it. They're fellas.
There's no says.

Speaker 2 (44:20):
If this is what your preference is, if this is
what your standard is, stick to it, because it's not
for everybody.

Speaker 3 (44:29):
Like my son.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
I'm like, listen, he doesn't have any kids. Find somebody
that don't have kids. If you know now, now, oh
my god, Jay, how are you gonna tell him to.

Speaker 3 (44:42):
Fast somebody that don't have any kids?

Speaker 2 (44:47):
As I said in the beginning, dating people with kids
is a lot, so I'm not gonna make it seem
like it's not. I acknowledged it and accept it when
I was coming up through the ranks, and I'm going
to acknowledge it and accept it. For my son.

Speaker 3 (45:04):
It's a lot for my.

Speaker 2 (45:05):
Nieces and nephews, Listen, dealing with people that have kids,
it's a lot.

Speaker 3 (45:12):
And if you are not a parent yourself, a lot
of this stuff can be stressful.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
If you are a parent that does not have your
stuff and your relationship and your co parenting ish together,
it can be a lot. And for a person that
does not have kids, I don't understand why would you
in your right mind stick or sign up for some

(45:38):
ish like that. That's just something that I'm not gonna
have to sign up for. And if you don't have
to sign up for it, then don't. But if you
meet somebody and you all connect and you.

Speaker 3 (45:49):
Feeling each other like that, then listen, work it out.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
Then that may be a case where he's like, man,
you know, she got a kid, but man, I love
so Man, I'm willing to work it out. I'm willing
to love on a kid, you know, and I'm willing to,
you know, go the next step with her.

Speaker 3 (46:09):
That stuff does happen, but we gotta be honest. Listen.
Coming to the table with kids, it's a lot.

Speaker 2 (46:17):
It's a lot because whether at first he was just
preparing to, you know, take care of just you and him,
now he has a third person that he has to
be responsible for. Oh, he ain't gotta be responsible for nothing. Listen, ladies,
if you think like that, oh, I'm gonna take care
of me and mine. I don't need nobody to take

(46:38):
care of me and mine, then you are not prepared
to go for you're not prepared to go the long
the long call, and you're not looking at this situation
as going the long call.

Speaker 3 (46:50):
Because here's the deal.

Speaker 2 (46:51):
Any man that gets involved with a woman that has kids,
let's just be real. Unless you just a play thing,
If you just a plaything or for something for him
to do, then he's not worried. He's never worried about
the future. He's never worried about it because you're just
something for him to entertain.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
You're just something that he's playing with.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
And I don't want to sound harsh and I don't
want to sound rude, so I'm not saying it in
that fashion, but I have to say it so that
we can understand it. If you're not if he doesn't
see anything with you, then he's not concerned about you
or your child because he already knows that he's not
gonna be there to take care. He's not sticking around

(47:36):
for the long time, So he will never be worried
about how he's gonna do X, Y and Z, because
he already knows he's not sticking around.

Speaker 3 (47:45):
But for the man that.

Speaker 2 (47:47):
Sees a future with you, he is concerned about that
and he has every right to. So it's not fair
for a woman to say, well, oh, I don't have
to worry about my kids.

Speaker 3 (48:01):
I'm gonna take care of my kids. Listen, you got
it all.

Speaker 2 (48:04):
Wrong, sweetheart, because if he's gonna marry you, then he's
going to be a part of your child's life, which
means that he's going to be responsible for your child,
emotionally responsible for your child, financially responsible for your child,
physically responsible, he's going to be all of he's going

(48:25):
to take on all of that.

Speaker 3 (48:27):
You can't just put him in because some of you all.

Speaker 2 (48:30):
Try to do this. You try to play house and
you try to you don't have to do nothing for
my kids.

Speaker 3 (48:36):
Huh.

Speaker 2 (48:39):
I'm a shop, i'm'a buy everything. I'm gonna do everything.
What kind of what kind of marriage are you?

Speaker 3 (48:44):
What kind of situation are you setting yourself up for?

Speaker 2 (48:48):
And listen, some of the guys listen, you all get
in these situations and they go forward and it worked
for about a year or two, and then two three
years down the line, you need some shoes for your
kids and you ask him to buy it and he's like, no,
you told me that you got it.

Speaker 3 (49:07):
You said I don't ever have to take care of
your kids. Is he wrong?

Speaker 2 (49:12):
Is he wrong for telling you no, because you've already
told him in the beginning he would never have to
be worried about taking I take care of my own kids.
I don't need nobody do nothing for my kids. So
now he's gonna make you stand on that. He your husband,
but he making you stand on that because that's what
you told him. The agreement was, So now you want

(49:34):
to get mad because he's not doing it. So let's
not sign up for this foolishness. Randie, you're saying, ooh, girl,
my ex's mother of his child was a piece of work.
Which is why I understand when dudes say they don't
want to date women with kids. Again, I've seen good

(49:55):
co parents of situations, and then I have seen these
folks that are a trip. So therefore I say, listen,
whatever side of the fence that people decide to fall on,
I am okay. If you say you don't date women
with kids, rock out. If you date women with kids,
rock out. But at the end of the day, ladies,

(50:16):
if a man tells you that up front, embrace it.
At least you did not waste your time falling for
this dude and knowing he didn't want to deal with
a woman with kids.

Speaker 3 (50:30):
At least you didn't. You didn't waste your time.

Speaker 2 (50:32):
Falling in love with him and all of this other
stuff trying to get him to change his mind. Or
now you're just sitting up here, you're suffering with him.

Speaker 3 (50:41):
You know, for you, you're stuck.

Speaker 2 (50:44):
You know you're trying to hold on to him, but
you're trying to keep them away from you.

Speaker 3 (50:47):
Like it's it's just a lot of stress.

Speaker 2 (50:51):
So it's just like if they tell you, listen, we're
gonna rock out with that. At least now I know
I don't have to worry about being up in somebody's
face that don't want to be around somebody that has kids,
respect their decision and keep it moving. Again, does it
mean that you won't find anybody? As I said, in

(51:14):
my opinion, I know more men that are with women
that have kids than I know men that say they
don't date or deal with women that have kids. So
that's just from what I've encountered. Maybe you guys have
encountered something different. But let me know what you all think.
Do you all think is a man sassy? That says

(51:34):
he don't date women with kids?

Speaker 3 (51:36):
Is he sassy?

Speaker 2 (51:37):
Drop it in the comments and let me know, because
again this lady is saying that men that say that
they don't date women with kids are sassy.

Speaker 3 (51:47):
But again I just don't.

Speaker 2 (51:51):
I don't buy that. But that will lead us to
our next hot topic. Now listen here, because this same
situation where women are saying, you know, some women are saying,
you know, single moms are saying, you know, he's sassy
if he don't date date no, no, a woman with kids.
Now watch this, ladies, Watch how hypocritical some of us

(52:15):
can be. Okay, watch this this next hot topic, next statement,
What do you all think about this statement? This lady says, no, chick,
my man will not continue to be a stepfather to
your kids once your relationship has ended. Once the relationship
has ended, his relationship with your kids ends as well,

(52:38):
because I'm in the picture. Now what do you all
think about that? Because see listen here, ladies. Now we
were just calling at me in sassy because they don't
want to date or single mother. They don't want to
date no single mother. So now you done put them
on a sassy list. Now we got I gotta add
them to the list of the dudes that we're gonna

(52:59):
be giving Victorvitoria's Secret Gift Cards and Pink gift cards
out to for Christmas, because I do have a quite
I got a couple of dudes on here that I'm
gonna be sending some some Victoria's Secret cards out to it.
But it's not because they don't date women with kids.
It's because they you know, they live in a sassy
type lifestyle. So I just feel like they need some
sassy underwear to go with the sassy you know, the

(53:22):
sassy attitudes that they have.

Speaker 3 (53:23):
And Jay, what's a sassy attitude?

Speaker 2 (53:26):
Every post you make, everything you say out of your
mouth is bashing women. It's always a bash. You don't
have nothing good to say about women. Those are the
brothers that will be getting the Victoria's Secret and the
Pink Gift cards coming up from me, you know, for Christmas.
So just just know your name is on the list

(53:47):
and I will be sending out.

Speaker 3 (53:49):
Those e gift cards.

Speaker 2 (53:50):
And when you get it, just no, it's not for
your girl, it's not for your wife. It's for you
that pink because you have been real sweet and sassy
just talking crazy.

Speaker 3 (54:00):
This past year.

Speaker 2 (54:01):
So I decided to reward you for the craziness that
you've been talking. But back to this hot topic, what
do you all think about this? The lady says, no, chick,
my man will not continue to be a stepfather to
your kids once your relationship is if y'all, when y'all
break up, he break up with your kids too? Because

(54:22):
I'm in the picture. Now what what do you all
think about?

Speaker 4 (54:28):
That?

Speaker 3 (54:28):
Is that a truth? Listen, ladies, now be honest, we
could talk. Are you like that?

Speaker 2 (54:34):
You you in a relationship and you dating a man
and you want him all in for your kids.

Speaker 3 (54:40):
But if you break up with him and he had
a relationship.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
With your kids, you still want him to be a
have a relationship with your kids?

Speaker 3 (54:48):
Or would you say, you know what, Jay, when he
break up with me, he gotta break up with the kids.

Speaker 2 (54:52):
This is again, this is why it's again. I say,
it's a lot to date someone with kids. But what
do you all think about this shit? She's like, his
relationship ends with your kids as well. What if you
all were married and he you know, you guys are divorced,

(55:13):
but he was dealt with your kids? Ever since they
were little, or at whatever point your ex developed a
relationship with your kids, and now his new woman come
in and say he won't be listen, he won't be
playing stepdaddy. No, mo, I'm in a picture that I'm
here now, those stepdaddy days are over with.

Speaker 3 (55:35):
What type of foolishness is that? And fellas are you
are you sticking around? Has anybody ever dealt with this
type of situation? Ladies? Are you like this?

Speaker 2 (55:51):
Are you the type of woman that would say, you
know what if they don't have any biological kids together.

Speaker 3 (55:59):
I don't feel like.

Speaker 2 (55:59):
He should still be seeing her kids because I know
a few men that broke up with women and they
still had a relationship with the kids, They still got
the kids, They still took care of the kids as
though they were theirs. How do you have a problem

(56:20):
with that? Hey, lordy, lord Tony is saying that is
totally selfish, like the audacity, And I'm sure this sounds
like this sounds like this is written by somebody that
got a couple of kids that she gonna want him
to be over there taking care of her kids, but
she don't want him taking care of kids that he's

(56:43):
already formed a relationship with prior to her. But again,
this is why, in my opinion, it's always good to
talk about this ish up front. Guess what, so that
you can see what type of people you are dealing with.

Speaker 3 (57:01):
Now you know what type of woman you dealing with,
you either choose to stick around and be around with
her or you can. You can bounce, you can have
her to bounce.

Speaker 2 (57:13):
But she's saying that, Listen, I don't care how long
you've been with them kids, them your step kids, ain't
nothing to them. Those that's not your blood. That's not
your blood. So you can't be over that chick. He
not gonna be over that picking up your kids. No
step kids, he ain't doing nothing step if they didn't
come from his chain of line. He will not be

(57:37):
picking up your kids. He will not have a relationship
with your kids. So you can counsel that movement right there,
not this one. You know why, because he mine, Now,
that's mine. He ain't gonna be spending no unnecessary money
on kids that ain't his.

Speaker 3 (57:53):
What type of.

Speaker 2 (57:58):
Child lovey is saying? No, that doesn't work like that.
Kids should not be broken up with. I couldnot imagine
being without my dad. I totally totally agree with that statement.

Speaker 3 (58:15):
Lovey, how do you do that?

Speaker 2 (58:18):
It's like, what type of selfish, bruised chick are you
that will come in and try to dictate to a man,
telling him essentially, stop loving these kids. You're not gonna
have no relationship with them. You gotta cut these kids off.
Wha ain't she was that with these kids before you

(58:39):
were your place ain't even solidified, and you coming in
and thinking you running shots like listen, let them come
in and do this foolishness so that you can throw
them out just as quickly.

Speaker 3 (58:53):
Don't think that they gonna change.

Speaker 2 (58:55):
This is how kids get hurt when you put them
in situations with people like this. This is how children
get hurt. So always be mindful. However a person tell
you they feel about your kids, listen to them. Don't
try to convince them, Oh my kids are so good. Listen,

(59:19):
only you love your babies. Ain't nobody gonna love your
babies like you love them, and you better love them
enough to protect them, because that's your job.

Speaker 3 (59:31):
Lord Tenay is saying you can't walk away.

Speaker 2 (59:33):
You can't just walk away from kids that you have
raised or been around for a significant amount of time.
I will end my relationship with her. Absolutely. I'm just like,
how do you? It's the audacity for me. I'm just
like you got listen, you ain't even a wife. You
just stepped into the girlfriend role and you coming in

(59:55):
and trying to tell this man he has to give
up kids that he's loved for so long. He has
to give those kids up because you're in the picture. Honey,
your seat at this table is not cemented in stone.

Speaker 3 (01:00:10):
You are replaceable. Always know that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
So just always like to just sit back, you know,
sometimes you just gotta sit back and watch. Watch how
people are gonna move, watch how people are gonna talk,
because that's the only way you're going to know what
a person's true intentions are. And when you have somebody
talking like this, baby, I wouldn't even trust this type

(01:00:35):
of person around my fish, I promise you I won't.

Speaker 3 (01:00:38):
You can't look you know, you'll speak listen.

Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
Matter of fact, I wouldn't even want you in my
house because your vibes. Listen, you have to go sage
saging and pamento sticking it and just all kinds of
stuff to get those bad vibes and those bad jujus up.
Out of there because it's it's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. But
at the end of the day, like I said, everybody

(01:01:04):
has their.

Speaker 3 (01:01:05):
Preference, ma'am. If this is your preference, don't get with
a man.

Speaker 2 (01:01:12):
That has a strong bond with some kids that are
not biologically his. Now you have a right to not
entertain it, but you don't have the right to try
to destroy a bond that this man has with the kids,
especially if this is the only father figure that they know.

(01:01:33):
How do you come along and try to destroy that, Like,
get your whole entire life together, Like, get it together.
Go find you a man that does not have any
kids or that's not in this type of situation. That
would be the solution for you. But if you don't
get to come in and tell this man, oh you can't,

(01:01:55):
you can't love on them step kid ain't gonna be
no stepdaddy. And over here girl, bye, okay, go listen, bye,
take that take yo, he can't stepdaddy, and go take
in and find you a man that's not stepdaddy.

Speaker 3 (01:02:10):
And because according to the previous post.

Speaker 2 (01:02:13):
There are men out there that are not into stepdaddy.
So you have to find you a man that is
not on that stepdaddy journey. But you don't have the rite,
like it was said, it's very selfish to sit there
and say, you know what, I can't you can't stepdaddy.

Speaker 3 (01:02:31):
I don't bring no stepdaddy ish over here.

Speaker 2 (01:02:33):
You can't, ma'am. No, you can say it, but are
we gonna listen to it?

Speaker 3 (01:02:39):
Now?

Speaker 2 (01:02:40):
That's a preference that you can kick rocks with that,
because again you're trying to come and undo something that
was established before you even existed, like you were not
even in the picture, and now you're trying to come
and undo some stuff that you literally have no say
so in no listen guys, ooh child, now this one

(01:03:02):
right here, this is near and dear to me, what
do you all think about this? And what's your position
on this? The singer Monica says that she does not
allow her children to attend sleepovers because of safety concerns. Again,
the singer Monica is saying she does not allow her

(01:03:25):
children to attend sleepovers because of safety concerns.

Speaker 3 (01:03:31):
What are you all thoughts on that? What's your position
on that?

Speaker 2 (01:03:34):
Do you guys, if you have small children and children
raising your children in the past, do you and did
you allow your children to sleep over at a family
member's house, at a friend's house. What are your thoughts
on sleepovers? Because again, singer Monica is saying she does
not allow her children to attend sleepovers because of safety concerns.

(01:03:58):
So maybe it's safety concerns because us she's a celebrity.
She didn't elaborate on what the safety concerns were, so
it could be because she's a celebrity, or it could
because she just.

Speaker 3 (01:04:10):
Don't trust people.

Speaker 2 (01:04:11):
So let's just take it from the fact that she
don't trust people with her kids and it has absolutely
nothing to do with her being a celebrity.

Speaker 3 (01:04:20):
What are your positions on that? Do you all? Is
that an accurate statement? Do you all?

Speaker 2 (01:04:26):
Is there someone do you kind of agree with this
statement with Monica?

Speaker 3 (01:04:29):
Like, yeah, you know, I don't agree.

Speaker 2 (01:04:31):
I don't do sleepovers because of safety concerns. And listen,
I'll be the first to co sign on that I
was the same way. I did not and don't do
sleepovers for kids. I just again, because it's so much
going on, I mean, listen, yeah, you may feel like

(01:04:56):
your kids are begging you. Oh my, everybody gonna be there,
all my friends are gonna be there and this and that,
and you know, I would be honest, it does break
your heart. It could break your heart sometimes when you
see that your kid is the only one that is
not at the sleepover and all their little friends are

(01:05:18):
gathering over to the sleepover and they're all having fun
and this and that, and you know, because again I've
dealt with this, so I can understand from that standpoint.

Speaker 3 (01:05:28):
But I'm gonna tell you this, I stood.

Speaker 2 (01:05:30):
Firm on my belief that you're not spending the night. Listen,
you have your own bed here. What do they have
over there that you don't have here? Now, they can
say a whole lot of other stuff that they that
they have over there that I don't have over here.

Speaker 3 (01:05:47):
But but you know, we're not doing it. Hold on
one secon yeah, because my live went off on there.

Speaker 5 (01:05:54):
Hold on, but we're not doing it over here. We're
just going to keep it moving. But we're not doing though.
We're not doing those sleepovers. That's just what we're not
going to do. We're not doing those sleepovers.

Speaker 2 (01:06:09):
At the house because, like you said, for safety reasons,
we're not doing it. So I totally understand, and I
totally agree, we're not doing sleep bolts. Were not doing
it because it's the foolishness.

Speaker 3 (01:06:22):
I don't want nothing to happen to.

Speaker 2 (01:06:26):
My son, and I didn't wanna happen anything to happen.
I don't know. We gonna have to take that, check
that out. I'm sorry, guys. My live went off on Facebook.
But I finished this thought.

Speaker 3 (01:06:37):
I don't do sleepovers because again.

Speaker 2 (01:06:42):
I would rather feel bad, because again I felt bad because.

Speaker 3 (01:06:48):
Man, my son, he can't go to the sleepover. All
his little friends were over.

Speaker 2 (01:06:52):
There and just all of this, like they're everywhere, and
I'm so mad because they can't.

Speaker 3 (01:06:58):
You know, he can't go, and you know, but then.

Speaker 2 (01:07:05):
Guess what happens months later, maybe even years later, You
hear a story something has happened to one of the
little kids at the sleepover. You heard me, something has

(01:07:26):
happened to one of the little kids at the sleepover.

Speaker 3 (01:07:28):
The big cousin done came in.

Speaker 2 (01:07:35):
And touched one of the little boys that was at
the sleepover, touch one of the little friends. And now
they have an issue to deal with. But since I
didn't let my son go because I stood firm and

(01:07:56):
what I believed in, he didn't go and now I'm
glad on one hand, but now I feel bad for
the kid that this happened to. But it makes me
feel I'm okay because it could have been my child.

(01:08:20):
You all, it's so much stuff happens at these sleepovers,
at these people houses, because listen, everybody not right. Everybody
is not right. Everybody does not have a good heart.
They do not have a good heart. You don't know

(01:08:41):
who's over here at these people's houses.

Speaker 3 (01:08:43):
You don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:08:45):
You don't know the husband, you don't know any of
those people. You don't know any of those people. Like
just it's not a good ideal. It's just really not
a good ideal to do that because again, it could
be a big cousin over there, a big brother. And
when everybody's sleep, listen, baby, they coming in and they
doing stuff to these kids. Yes they are doing file

(01:09:09):
discuss the stuff that if you found out, somebody going
to jail, somebody going to jail, because this thing is
about to get ridiculous, somebody about somebody's about to get
hurt because of what goes on in these at these sleepovers. Listen,
I've heard too many stories, too many stories, too many

(01:09:32):
heartbreaking stories, on what has happened at these sleepovers turned
birthday parties and this and that. It's so much stuff
that has happened. And I'm not saying that it's happening everywhere, but.

Speaker 3 (01:09:50):
I'm gonna say this. I was not willing to take
that chance, not with mine, not with mine.

Speaker 2 (01:10:00):
I was not willing to take that chance with my
son's safety, with his well being, with his peace of mind.

Speaker 3 (01:10:06):
Because I said this, I could deal with.

Speaker 2 (01:10:09):
The fact that you're upset right now because you can't
go to the to the to the sleepover. I can
deal with that fact. I can deal with the fact
that you're upset about that. I can totally deal with that.
But what I cannot deal with is coming back months later,

(01:10:32):
possibly years later, and knowing that I gave up on
what I said that I believe in, and I let
my standard down, I let my guard down and not
let you go spend the night because oh, you were
pouting and I didn't want.

Speaker 3 (01:10:49):
To see you sad.

Speaker 2 (01:10:51):
But now you're dealing with childhood trauma that could have
been avoided had I can if you at home, like
my first mind said, my first mind said, don't send
them over there. We're not doing sleepovers. We don't care
what nobody say. We're not doing sleepovers. Had you listen

(01:11:11):
to that first mind, then you wouldn't be in that situation.
And that's not something that people listen That's not a
situation that you wanna be in. Because here's the thing. Now,
you're gonna be blaming yourself. Man, you're gonna be beating
yourself up.

Speaker 3 (01:11:29):
Now.

Speaker 2 (01:11:29):
You're gonna need therapy and counseling as well now because
you're gonna forever feel guilty, feeling like men, if if
I had just not let them go to the sleepover,
like I said, you know, like I said, I wasn't
I said I wasn't gonna let them go to the sleepover,
but I gave over because.

Speaker 3 (01:11:49):
Man, they were so sad and they were crying because
all they little friends are there.

Speaker 2 (01:11:54):
Now one of the little friends that was there had
to go home and tell their parents that the big
brother touched them inappropriately and did all these nasty things
to them. Now that child discarred forever, and you have
to deal with the guilt. You as the parent, have

(01:12:17):
to deal with the guilt because you're saying to yourself,
you're beating yourself up.

Speaker 3 (01:12:22):
Man, if only I had a.

Speaker 2 (01:12:28):
Done it stuck to my first mind, if only I
had to said no, if only I had kept to
that no. Now look what happened to my baby. It's
my fault that this happened because I should have stuck
to my first mind. All people do things, especially today,

(01:12:51):
we are living in a day and time where there
are some sick individuals.

Speaker 3 (01:12:59):
I always to tell my son, I said, listen.

Speaker 2 (01:13:02):
It got to the point where I'm like, listen, ask me,
can you spend the night over somebody house again?

Speaker 3 (01:13:07):
And see what happened? Because I got tired of saying no.

Speaker 2 (01:13:10):
And not only do I get tired of saying no,
I got tired of seeing the pound puppy eyes.

Speaker 3 (01:13:15):
But what I would do?

Speaker 2 (01:13:17):
I told him this, But the next time, before you
come and ask me, can you spend the night over
somebody's house? I want you to ask ask yourself this.
This is the measurement to ask yourself before you come
to me, so that you.

Speaker 3 (01:13:35):
Can already know what the answer is. And I used
to ask him.

Speaker 2 (01:13:39):
I said, think about this is the question, and this
is how you're gonna know what the answer is.

Speaker 3 (01:13:44):
You're gonna say to yourself with.

Speaker 2 (01:13:47):
My mom leave my would my mom leave her purse
with this person? And if the answer is no, then
what makes you think I would leave you with them?
You're more valuable to me than a purse. You're more valuable,
You're more important. So if I'm not gonna leave my

(01:14:08):
purse with them, you know good and dog on, well,
I'm not leaving you with them.

Speaker 3 (01:14:15):
You have your.

Speaker 2 (01:14:17):
Answer right there, before you even come and ask me,
you already know what the answer is because you know
what the standard to You know what the standard is
for spending the night. You know that the standard is
will she leave her purse with them? And if the
answer is no, then the answer is no for you

(01:14:38):
spending the night.

Speaker 3 (01:14:39):
And then guess what. We're all happy.

Speaker 2 (01:14:42):
But now we get to move on because now I
don't have to entertain that question anymore. So when Monica
said that, I totally felt that ish I was able
to relate to her answer saying no, she does not
allow her kids Cheers spend the night over people's houses

(01:15:03):
for safety reasons.

Speaker 3 (01:15:05):
I totally understand that.

Speaker 2 (01:15:06):
I'm totally on board with that, because again, I cannot
imagine if something happened. And here's the thing, me being
an aunt of multiple kids, I don't, you know, I
don't like to have.

Speaker 3 (01:15:19):
Multiple kids spending the night.

Speaker 2 (01:15:22):
I just don't because again, you know, you can't be
watching it because even them kids, some of these kids
are crafty, little crafty little somethings.

Speaker 3 (01:15:32):
You know, they some crafty little some something.

Speaker 2 (01:15:35):
So you have to definitely be mindful of that because
they some crafty. Again, they're crafty, So you gotta be
mindful on letting these little kids, you know, spend the night.
But when I do, if I do get more than
one child at a time, it ain't no more than two.

Speaker 3 (01:15:54):
Three. I would say three is pushing.

Speaker 2 (01:15:56):
If somebody gonna have to go home, somebody getting sent
back home via uber eats. That's all I'm gonna say,
somebody getting sent back home because my nerves can't take
all them kids.

Speaker 3 (01:16:06):
But if I do, I always have it.

Speaker 2 (01:16:10):
It's in an open space, and everybody sleeps in separate quarters,
so we not all bunched up in the same sleeping quarter. Listen,
you sleeping over here, you sleeping over here, you sleeping
over there, And that will be the night that I
don't get a lot of sleep because I'm like the
warden I get up and I'm walking around in the

(01:16:31):
middle of the night just making sure everything is cool.
I'm sleeping very lightly because I need to make sure
everything is cool.

Speaker 3 (01:16:41):
That's just me.

Speaker 2 (01:16:43):
Why Jay, Now, see that's too much. I know things.
I've seen things, I've heard things, and I'm not trying
to have that go down on my watch. So if
I do agree to, you know, keep a bunch of
little bundles of joy all at one time, then you know,
just know we we run a tight ship over here.

(01:17:07):
But I prefer not to because again, if I didn't
put my son in that set, and then I'm not
gonna put somebody else's kids in that setting.

Speaker 3 (01:17:15):
But sometimes it's listen, even siblings.

Speaker 2 (01:17:17):
I don't want you all listen because my nerves can't
take it if they want to get up in there
and fight and tussle and flip all through the.

Speaker 3 (01:17:26):
House and listen. Now, I be ready, everybody.

Speaker 2 (01:17:28):
Now, everybody gotta go, get the dog, get the fish,
get the bird, get the turtle.

Speaker 3 (01:17:32):
I don't care whoever. Everybody gotta go. I didn't even
do it any tea.

Speaker 2 (01:17:36):
Everybody gotta go. Good night, nurse, but no, Monica, I'm
with you. I'm feeling you on that.

Speaker 3 (01:17:44):
You know, we're not doing that spending the night thing. Guys.

Speaker 2 (01:17:47):
We're gonna take a short musical break and when we return,
we have more hot topics to get into. Stay tuned,
you don't want to miss it. You're listening to the
J Spot where we are strengthening relationships and families.

Speaker 3 (01:18:00):
Want conversation at a time.

Speaker 4 (01:18:02):
Yes, schoice houcky that she comes. I don't care. I'm

(01:18:48):
such a nice I'm chilling. I'm chilling, all right.

Speaker 3 (01:18:54):
Yeah, this is.

Speaker 2 (01:18:56):
The Jay Spot where we are strengthening of relationships and
family least one conversation at a time.

Speaker 3 (01:19:03):
Guys, I want to thank you all so much for
tuning in. Please do me a favor. You all.

Speaker 2 (01:19:07):
Go to our YouTube channel like and subscribe to our
channel there. That's the J Spot Radio. Go to Facebook
like and subscribe to our channel there the J Spot.
Go to our Instagram like and follow us there at
the J Spot. Ja y e guys. Tonight we are
talking about how to recognize domestic violence.

Speaker 3 (01:19:35):
Who you all listen?

Speaker 2 (01:19:36):
This is deep now, Look, we have we hope that
the information that we share tonight helps somebody, because unfortunately,
somebody under the.

Speaker 3 (01:19:49):
Sound of my voice is going through.

Speaker 2 (01:19:56):
It's currently involved in a domestic violence relationship, have survived
one or know someone that is.

Speaker 3 (01:20:03):
So, if you or anyone you know are in an.

Speaker 2 (01:20:06):
Abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at
eight hundred seven nine seven two three three. Again, that
number is eight hundred seven nine seven two three three.
That's the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Speaker 3 (01:20:27):
Now, what is domestic violence? Let's just start there.

Speaker 2 (01:20:31):
According to an online source, domestic violence is a pattern
of behavior which involves violence or abuse by one person
against another in a domestic setting, such as marriage, or relationship,
or cohabitation. So notice that it didn't say a man

(01:20:53):
against the woman, a woman against the man. It said
domestic violence is a pattern of behavior which involves violence
or abuse by one person against another in a domestic
violence setting such as marriage, relationship, or cohabitation. You are,

(01:21:13):
there are various forms of domestic violence, and we're gonna
get into a few of them tonight.

Speaker 3 (01:21:22):
But let me just start off by seeing this. Let's let's.

Speaker 2 (01:21:28):
A lot of times people will make it seem like
it's so easy for somebody that's in a domestic violence relationship,
in a domestically violent relationship. They'll make it seem like
it's so easy for them to leave.

Speaker 3 (01:21:46):
You are less.

Speaker 2 (01:21:47):
Let's try to start operating with a little bit more
empathy and sympathy because it's not easy for people to leave.
It truly is not, especially when there are multiple kids involved.

Speaker 3 (01:22:07):
It's not easy. You have to strategically plan and escape.

Speaker 2 (01:22:14):
You have to strategically plan how you're gonna get out
of this ish you truly do. But again, there are
various types of domestic violence. The first one is physical
violence that's hidden slapping, choking, stat all other anything where you.

Speaker 3 (01:22:37):
Are pushing, shoved, listen, shoving.

Speaker 2 (01:22:42):
Anything that is physical, throwing something at people that is
physical violence. Then you have the sexual violence, pressuring the
victim to be intimate when they don't want to, or
to do things that they are not comfortable with, forcing

(01:23:04):
them to be with other people, or refusing to use
protection when having relation with them, or sabotaging birth control.

Speaker 3 (01:23:15):
That's a form of sexual violence.

Speaker 2 (01:23:19):
You have psychological violence, embarrassing or shaming the victim with
put downs, calling them names, cussing them out. You ain't
no good, you are dumb, you are no good. Be
you always you are dumb, stupid b Why you always

(01:23:39):
any you are dumb?

Speaker 3 (01:23:41):
Ninjea? Why you always? Oh? I hate you all? Listen.
I wish you didn't exist anymore. I wish you listen all.

Speaker 2 (01:23:52):
The stuff that people say you. You ain't gonna never
be nothing in life. You ain't worth nothing. You ain't
valuable you listen, you you ain't valuable. Ain't nobody gonna
won't you. You ain't no good, You ain't worth nothing.
You got all these kids, ain't nobody gonna won't you?

(01:24:12):
Psychological violence?

Speaker 3 (01:24:16):
You done had all them kids? What man? What man?
You think? God won't you?

Speaker 2 (01:24:20):
You? You a baby mama, you a single mamma. Ain't
nobody gonna won't you? You not gained all that weight.
Ain't nobody gonna won't you? Psychological violence. You don't even
got no money. You don't even make no money. You
ain't no good. All you good for is just setting
out that that's why your mama didn't like you.

Speaker 3 (01:24:39):
And yo yo yo, your grand daddy abuse you, And
it's at a psychological violence.

Speaker 2 (01:24:46):
Anything that people say that they're saying to hurt you,
to put you down, that's psychological violence. And psychological violence
is so so common, and listen, I'm gonna be honest
with you.

Speaker 3 (01:25:06):
Are sometimes.

Speaker 2 (01:25:09):
You been And it's sad to say this, but sometimes
some of us have been in situations that Listen, you
don't even realize you're being psychologically abused because you have
been in It's happened so often that you're just like, man,
I ain't even gonna be sitting up here dealing with this,
and you know, I ain't eve gonna sit up there

(01:25:30):
and go there with them. But it's not right. And
you don't have to deal with that. Anything that is
said to you that is designed to tear you down,
you don't have to deal with this.

Speaker 3 (01:25:47):
And here's the thing. Abusers often try to.

Speaker 2 (01:25:50):
Make it seem as though what they're saying they they
this is what today.

Speaker 3 (01:25:56):
Is, what's starting to happen. What I'm starting to notice.

Speaker 2 (01:26:00):
Abusers like to say that what they're doing is holding
you accountable.

Speaker 3 (01:26:07):
You see that.

Speaker 2 (01:26:08):
They like to think that accountability and abuse mirrors each other.

Speaker 3 (01:26:13):
It does not.

Speaker 2 (01:26:14):
Accountability is not abusive. Accountability is not a tear down.
Know the difference. And you can't hold a person accountable.
Accountability is for oneself. So for you to tell somebody
that they're not worth anything because they got kids, or

(01:26:35):
because they don't have this or that.

Speaker 3 (01:26:36):
That's abused. That's abused.

Speaker 2 (01:26:42):
But if you say, listen, you gotta focus on yourself
and stop trying to go out here and meet these
new people. You got kids that you gotta take care of.
You gotta get yourself together. That's accountability. You're worthless. This
anything that is designed and said to tear at you

(01:27:05):
your self worth, that's abuse. It's it's psychological abuse, emotional abuse.
Acting in ways that scare the person they are abusing you,
acting crazy, you come in, you punch a holes in
the wall, you tearing up the whole house, flipping the

(01:27:27):
table with tearing the furniture up, acting crazy in public, cussing.

Speaker 3 (01:27:31):
Them out in front of you.

Speaker 2 (01:27:33):
Ain't touched them, but you're coming in doing all of
this crazy stuff that you know is scaring them, and
you know that it's intimidating them.

Speaker 3 (01:27:42):
That is emotional abuse.

Speaker 2 (01:27:45):
You got them on pins and needles because they don't
God dog gonne scared because they don't know what you're
gonna do.

Speaker 3 (01:27:53):
Just the crazy is at an all time high.

Speaker 2 (01:27:58):
Emotional abuse, financial abuse. Listen, you controlling all of the
money they go to work.

Speaker 3 (01:28:07):
They gotta give you.

Speaker 2 (01:28:08):
They money, all they money, they can't buy what they
want to buy. You give them a little allowance that
is barely enough to do anything.

Speaker 3 (01:28:17):
You don't.

Speaker 2 (01:28:17):
You don't give them enough money to just do whatever
it is they want to do like you are able
to do.

Speaker 3 (01:28:24):
You have the right to do whatever it is that
you want to.

Speaker 2 (01:28:27):
Do, but they have to come to you and get permission.

Speaker 3 (01:28:35):
But you can spend the money freely, but they have to.

Speaker 2 (01:28:41):
Well, I need some money so I can buy some
some sanitary items and I need to buy you know,
I want to get I would like to get my
hair done.

Speaker 3 (01:28:49):
Who you get your hair done? Fuck?

Speaker 2 (01:28:52):
I'm the only one that you need to be worried about.
How if I like how you look and I think
that your hair is tied, I think you look fine.
Those type of listen, those type of statements, just like, come.

Speaker 3 (01:29:05):
On, but you can go get your haircut.

Speaker 2 (01:29:08):
You can go and do whatever it is that you
need to do for you and you don't have to
check in or you don't have to get permission from anybody.
But you require your mate or your spouse to go
through all of these outlandish hoops just to get the

(01:29:30):
basic necessities taken care of, or just to be able
to have the opportunity and to be a full fledged
grown adult. You treat them, You got them listen like
they're on probation.

Speaker 3 (01:29:47):
They got an answer to you.

Speaker 2 (01:29:48):
Ask you for anything, ask you for everything, But you
can go and do whatever it is that you want
to do freely. So again, let's not let people make
you think that at accountability and abuse are the same thing,
because they're not. Again, it's one thing to hold a

(01:30:09):
person accountable, but again, at the end of the day,
who are you to try to hold somebody accountable accountability?
You can't hold a person accountable only you can only
hold yourselves accountable. You can point out certain things that
you may not like, but at the end of the day,
it's up to that individual to.

Speaker 3 (01:30:31):
Make a change and want to make a change. You
can point.

Speaker 2 (01:30:35):
Out the behavior, but you cannot make people change. It
doesn't matter what you say. Is we gotta stop thinking
that just because all this reckless stuff that people are saying,
it's so we are living in a very very verbally
abusive day and time, like people abuse each other just

(01:30:58):
on on this app they'll get on there. You have
men abusing verbally abusing women all the time. You have
women verbally abusing men all the time, and it's just
like it's sickness.

Speaker 3 (01:31:11):
It's like it has to stop.

Speaker 2 (01:31:13):
But we've gotten to the point where it's so entertaining
or it just makes us feel good because we get
to bash each other.

Speaker 3 (01:31:27):
But what are you teaching your kids? What are we
teaching these young people? What are we teaching them? Young lady?

Speaker 2 (01:31:36):
Listen, young men, let me say this, Please listen to
your ain'ty from another family member. There's a lot of
young ladies out here that really need help. Okay, there are,
because first, let me say this, young ladies, just because
he does not hit you don't mean that he don't

(01:31:58):
love you. I heard so many young ladies say that
if a dude don't hit them, they don't love them,
they don't like them. I can't be with nobody that
don't hit me because you gotta show me that you
love me. Hitting is not the way to show love.

(01:32:21):
And I understand where that comes from. You may say, Jay,
what you mean you understand where that comes from. I
understand whether I'll understand where that statement comes from. I
understand where that mindset comes from. It comes from growing
up in an abusive household.

Speaker 3 (01:32:40):
And that's all you see.

Speaker 2 (01:32:43):
So that's become her norm because if she's seen her
daddy beating the brakes off her mother and then the
mother justifying it, she's internalizing it. And now she's learning
that this is what's supposed to happen if a man

(01:33:03):
loves you.

Speaker 3 (01:33:04):
Because my daddy.

Speaker 2 (01:33:06):
Was doing this, or my mama's boyfriend what's doing this
and he loved her, they stay together. See, they equate
the staying together with love. But we have to unlearn that.
We we gotta, we gotta go back to the drawing board.

(01:33:26):
You have young ladies out here, these new, these new,
these new young ladies. Why you not aggressive enough? You
not aggressive enough. You gotta yell at me, You gotta
choke me, you gotta hit whoa.

Speaker 3 (01:33:41):
If you hear that, fellas, young men, run.

Speaker 2 (01:33:48):
Run because you are about to step into a lifetime
of nine One one calls jail visits and all kinds
of stuff dealing with a young lady like that, because something's.

Speaker 3 (01:34:04):
Wrong with her.

Speaker 2 (01:34:06):
You may be a good dude, but she's comes from
an abusive background. She's been abused and you're not abusive.
So now she's going to robots. She's going to want
you to abuse her because that's her way of feeling

(01:34:26):
as though you love her. But it's not, and there
is no excuse. You should never put.

Speaker 3 (01:34:36):
Your hands on anybody, whether they're asking you to. You
don't do it. Please know that is a.

Speaker 2 (01:34:43):
Red Listen, that's not only a red flag, that's the
whole container of red.

Speaker 3 (01:34:51):
Flags that wanted them to hit you.

Speaker 2 (01:34:54):
These young ladies wanting you to hit them because you
are It's real. These a lot of these young ladies,
they you know, this is what they're taking on. If
a man don't hit me, if he don't choke me,
if you don't slap he don't want to be, he
don't love me, I can't be with no ian like that,
then brother, you not the one for her. You gotta

(01:35:16):
let her find somebody because trust me, it's somebody out
there that's gonna take her up on that offer.

Speaker 3 (01:35:22):
But just don't let it be. You do not allow people.

Speaker 2 (01:35:28):
To influence you and cause you to get out of
your character.

Speaker 3 (01:35:35):
Don't do it. Young ladies.

Speaker 2 (01:35:38):
I know you may have saw this, and this is
all you see. This is all you know, your granddaddy
was beating on your grandmama, Your mama was beating on
your daddy. Your daddy was beating on your mama. And
then you get with a dude and y'all fighting on
each other every day. You may feel like, oh, he
not abusing me because I be fighting back. Even if

(01:36:00):
you are fighting back, it's domestic violence. It's toxic. It's
it's it's it's not healthy. You both need the part ways.
If you are in a mutual they call it when
you both I fighting each other, it's called mutual combat.
You are in a mutually combative domestic relationship, and you

(01:36:27):
should both part ways before somebody seriously gets hurt.

Speaker 3 (01:36:33):
You should.

Speaker 2 (01:36:33):
It's like, it's always so crazy when you see people fighting. Listen,
I've seen so many different scenarios.

Speaker 3 (01:36:44):
And listen, I come, I come.

Speaker 2 (01:36:47):
I'm a I'm a witness of being brought up in
a lot of domestic violence. And that's why for me,
I don't like my off limit is like it's it's
really it's really strong because I already know what I'm
not gonna deal with. So if I see signs of

(01:37:09):
what I think could lead that way, then I'm quick to.

Speaker 3 (01:37:12):
Just you know, avoid that.

Speaker 2 (01:37:16):
And that's the physical part, but let me tell you,
this psychological part can creep in on you and you
be like, wait a minute, because I've had a situation
like this and one day I just had to say,
wait a minute, who the epathy talkens like? I just
like because I had just gotten so I'm like, because

(01:37:41):
I'm not a combative person. I'm not, but I'm not
a punk either, so it's like I can there is
no in between. I'm just like cool, and then it's
it's a hundred like cool and then a hundred that's
where it is for me. And so it's just like

(01:38:02):
one day, I'm just like, you know, he always he
really talking crazy. I'm just like, you know, he he
I said, he got me offed up. And I don't
even cush y'all, but I had to look up. I said, who,
I said, NOA, I ain't gonna yeah, I ain't. I
ain't gonna be able to do this. I say, I

(01:38:22):
have been so wrapped up in my own world, I'm
not paying attention to what's really going on. Because it
wasn't cursing, it wasn't physical, it wasn't financial, it wasn't emotional,
but that crazy, that that that crazy that that that

(01:38:42):
put down that that you are. You gotta be careful
people that's jealous because men can be jealous of women.
Women can be jealous of men. And jealousy listen, it
can cause people to be domestically violent because again, they

(01:39:03):
trying to put you down. When they're emotional, they're psychological,
they're trying to tear down, tear you down as a person.

Speaker 3 (01:39:11):
So they're trying to get here and tear you down.
That's what it is.

Speaker 2 (01:39:16):
And so I'm just like, well, this is probably not
this is probably not gonna work out because you got
some bigger issues to deal with it.

Speaker 3 (01:39:30):
And I'm like, now that I'm paying attention and.

Speaker 2 (01:39:37):
I tapped in, I'm just like, you know what, I'm
not gonna be able to do this. And so I'm like,
you know, it's you know, it's it's you can go ahead,
we can we can power ways, we have you know
much invested, you know. So it was, you know, able
to be a clean break, But what about people that
can't make a clean break. Let's not it seem like

(01:40:01):
it's easy to leave these type of relationships because it's
not especially when there are kids involved.

Speaker 3 (01:40:12):
People will say she should leave him. Why she don't
leave him? Where's she gonna go? She can go to
a shelter, a homeless shelter.

Speaker 2 (01:40:25):
Do you know the type of situations that people have
to deal with in.

Speaker 3 (01:40:29):
These homeless shelters. It's a lot going on.

Speaker 2 (01:40:34):
And if you've never had to stay in a homeless shelter,
or you never known anybody that stayed in a homeless shelter.

Speaker 3 (01:40:42):
You know, think twice.

Speaker 2 (01:40:44):
I've never thank God, I've never had to stay in
a homeless shelter, but I have heard stories and I
know people that I've stayed in homeless shelters, and staying
in a homeless shelter with kids, you'll probably be better
off staying with the abuser that you know. I'm just
saying so before saying, you know all, she should leave,

(01:41:05):
she should leave, you gotta understand a lot of these
people are scared to leave. A lot of them are
leave and go where if they don't have expect Listen,
the more kids that a woman has, the harder it
is for her to leave because guess what, where's she
gonna go?

Speaker 3 (01:41:25):
Family ain't gonna want to listen let's be honest. A
lot of us, we're gonna be saying, she ain't gonna
come up here.

Speaker 2 (01:41:31):
Well, all four of them kids, they ain't gonna be
running's hand up my house, so you leave her out there.

Speaker 3 (01:41:37):
We don't.

Speaker 2 (01:41:38):
Let's be honest. We don't community like we're supposed to.
We don't have each other's back like were supposed to.
We don't go to bath for each other like we're
supposed to. We we really don't. But we'll be so
quick to say what somebody should be doing, what somebody
need to do, But we not really standing up and
going to bath for people like that.

Speaker 3 (01:41:58):
We're really not.

Speaker 2 (01:41:59):
So oh, let's not make it seem like it's easy
for her to do. Again, I want to say this again,
I said at the top of the show. If you
or somebody you know are in a domestic violence relationship,
please call the domestic Violence Hotline at eight hundred seven
ninety nine seven two three three.

Speaker 3 (01:42:18):
Again.

Speaker 2 (01:42:18):
That number is eight hundred seven nine nine seven two
three three for the Domestic Violence Hotline.

Speaker 3 (01:42:26):
Again, it's not.

Speaker 2 (01:42:27):
Easy for people to leave these type of situations, and
you have to come up with a plan. And let's
be honest, guys, times are hard, and guess what.

Speaker 3 (01:42:41):
You know what when.

Speaker 2 (01:42:41):
Times get hard, people are pressed financially, people are pressed emotionally.

Speaker 3 (01:42:48):
Guess what they doing.

Speaker 2 (01:42:50):
They out here fighting, carrying on, coming against each other
in the household. He getting mad because stuff ain't working
right at the job. So now he comes home, he
beating on everybody. He come beating the whole family up
because he having a hard time at the job. He
coming in just hand some stuff up because it's hard.

(01:43:11):
So we gotta understand and recognize that. Listen, this is
a lot of things that triggers. This triggers it, but
is it ever justified. No, keep your hands to your
got dog on self. Keep your hands to yourself. You

(01:43:32):
have no right to hit on anybody. This is not
just for men. This is women hitting men. Keep your
got dog on hands to yourself. You have no right
to hit anybody. And a lot of women think that
because you gonna hit him, and you know, you thinking
that he can't defend himself. Ladies, he's just trying to

(01:43:54):
respect you. But some of you all make it hard.
I have seen some that make it hard for a
dude not to put her on her neck because you
slapping him all around you, pulling his hair, and he's
trying everything in him not to lay you out, but

(01:44:15):
you just keep coming at him because you think you
all big, bad and tough fellas.

Speaker 3 (01:44:21):
Get out of there, Please get out of there.

Speaker 2 (01:44:23):
And it don't make you a lame or weak or
any It don't make you any of that. In my opinion,
it makes you more of a man because you were
able to control yourself enough to not put your hands
on this woman. Am I the type of woman that's
gonna say, you know what? A man should never hit?

(01:44:45):
No woman, I'm not even gonna.

Speaker 3 (01:44:46):
I'm gonna y'ad take that on youall own.

Speaker 2 (01:44:49):
But I'm not gonna be the one to say that
because I've seen some stuff that some of these women
out here have done. And all I can say is, lady,
had that been my son or one of my nephews,
would I be saying this is? And that's why I
always say this before I'm thinking, before I answer it,
I just say to myself, what was that? What if
that was my son or one of my nephews or

(01:45:10):
one of my brothers, would I be saying the same thing.
So that's why I say I'm on chill, and I'm
gonna lightly bypass that men shouldn't be hitting women statement.
I'm I'm I'm ana lightly bypass that part so you
all feel in however you feel on that situation. Because
again I've seen some stuff and I'm just like, oh

(01:45:32):
this this, what this? Oh she trying to be like
master P said about it, about it. Oh, she's trying
to be about that life. Okay, I'm a shower. At
no time should we be hidding on nobody. If you
feel like you have to put your hands on somebody
to get the results or get the reaction out of them,

(01:45:55):
or get them to behave or do something that you
want them to do, that's probably not the relationship for you.
If at any time you have to say things that
you know so you can control a person, that's probably
not the situation to be in. Again, if you are

(01:46:15):
in an abusive domestic violence relationship, you need help, call
eight hundred seven ninety nine seven two three three. Again,
that's eight hundred seven nine nine seven.

Speaker 3 (01:46:27):
Two three three.

Speaker 2 (01:46:29):
You all please take care of yourselves and each other
until next time. Good night, you guys, take care of
yourself and don't be thanking you

Speaker 1 (01:46:38):
For hitting the j spot on Intellectual Radio, dot com
dot com, dot com, dot com