Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Talk where we move away from awareness towards action. I
am your host, Lady Rochelle, and tonight we're talking about
something many couples face but don't always want to admit,
relationship ruts. Is your relationship stuck or has the spark faded? Well,
don't worry. We're gonna reveal from rut to revival. So
(00:22):
grab your tea, your water, your journal, and join in
on the conversation. On the last episode of Warriors Talk,
doctor Michelle Meeks and I discuss vaccines and safety. We
talked about facts, myths and what the evidence really say.
You can hit on over to YouTube and type in
(00:42):
Intellectual Radio and stay connected for any episodes you may
have missed. The quote of the day is relationships don't
die from one big blow, They fade from thousand small neglects. Yes,
Talk will be celebrating Celebrating That is our ninth Annuals
(01:05):
Survivor Celebration of Reflection Gala, taking place on Saturday, October eighteenth,
twelve pm to four pm at the Crystal Sky Banquets
in McCook, Illinois. The tickets are sixty five dollars. Survivors
are free. We are encouraging individuals to sponsor a survivor
so that they can attend free. We have vendor packages
(01:29):
as well as if you would like to be a sponsor.
This is a fundraiser, one of our only fundraisers that
we have once a year, and we're going to honor
cancer survivors. We're going to support the warriors who are
in battle, and we're gonna bring about hope, strength and
faith to encourage them to keep fighting. We are also
(01:52):
launching our new book Anthology. I'm so excited about the
book Anthology. I have four authors that would be sharing
their story. The title is When Warriors Talk Faith Emerges
and we're talking about letting go and letting God transform
our journeys. So you will be able to purchase a book,
take a picture with the author and have them sign it.
(02:14):
So I'm excited about that as well. So for more information,
you can go to warriors Talk dot org. If you
are tuned in on any form of social media, please
like the show, share the show, and invite someone else
sating on the show that you feel may benefit from
this valuable information. I'm so grateful for my sponsor, Pastor
(02:37):
Michael Richardson with the Emmanuel Church of God in Christ
who has a special message for us.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Greetings. I am Pastor Michael Richardson and I am.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
First Lady and a Station Richardson from the Emmanuel Church
of God in Christ. We're located at thirty fifty eighth
West Van Buren in Chicago, Illinois. We are building upon
a solid foundation.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
And we're inviting you to join us every Sunday morning
on Facebook Live at Emmanuel Kojik at ten fifteen Central
Standard Time, and you can also view our videos on
our YouTube channel at Emmanuel Kojak Dash. Mr. Once again,
this is Pastor Michael Richardson and.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
First Lady Anna Station Richardson, and we are from the.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Emanuel Church of ri We are building upon a solid foundation.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Co hosting with me is none other than the cancer activist,
motivational speaker, and the founder of the gal Foundation Resolve
Give More aka the Biz Hey Resolve.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Hey Lady Rachelle, how are you?
Speaker 5 (03:52):
I am? I am well, I am well. I'm just thinking, wow,
you said the ninth annual.
Speaker 6 (04:00):
Nine years later, here we are again, three months away.
Speaker 5 (04:05):
From the end of the year. Like I remember feeling
like this last week. I said this month, this year
is going to go buy so fast and it did it.
We're in the last quarter, were getting to be in
the last quarter right now.
Speaker 6 (04:19):
This is just crazy. Yeah, you're almost thing is almost
a decade. One more year and it would be a
decade old. I know.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I'm so excited about that, so so excited for the support,
that continued support, just being able to celebrate survivors like
I can't wait. I'm excited, and I'm glad you had
a chance to experience one of them as well.
Speaker 5 (04:43):
Yes, I think it was what was it the eighth.
Speaker 6 (04:48):
Wow, Yeah, that was the halfway that's the halfway mark.
Speaker 5 (04:51):
Great, it was.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
It was, Yes, So I'm excited. I'm also excited about
this conversation today. I feel like so many people have
been in this situation before, or maybe in the situation
right now. We're talking about from rut to revival, how
to reignite your relationship. So many of us have been here,
done that, and so we can we have a little
(05:15):
bit to talk about. So when you think about relationship ruts,
result like what comes to mind as a definition you
would say would be a relationship rut?
Speaker 5 (05:26):
Well, just off the top of my head, thinking.
Speaker 6 (05:30):
Once in a while, you hit a plateau where the
relationship kind of has simmered down because you're past the
honeymoon stays and it's like, well, what do we do next?
Speaker 7 (05:41):
Do we?
Speaker 6 (05:43):
And you you just don't know and that excitement that
fizz what you had is no longer there. It's gone,
and you just you're just stuck. It's nothing more to
talk about. You guys ain't doing anything. But in the
beginning it was just so much and you know, just
always say find somebody you have something in common with.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Absolutely, I feel like the love for some reason is stuck. Right.
Speaker 4 (06:12):
You're in neutral and like, ooh, what we're gonna do?
Where we're gonna go?
Speaker 1 (06:15):
And for some people they may feel like roommates instead
of partners. We get comfortable with people after we've been
with them for a while. So sometimes you need every
now and then you need something that kind of, you know,
put the spark back in the relationship and not that
the relationship like you have to separate or anything like that,
(06:37):
just because you have hit a rut. You know, sometimes
we get busy with life, you know, working, if you
have kids, a lot of things could be going on.
You could be taking care of aging parents and it
could be a lot of things going on that would
take your attention away from your partners. So it doesn't
hurt to refuel or revive that relationship.
Speaker 5 (06:57):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 6 (06:59):
It's always good to think of new ideas, new ways
to put some life back into any relationship.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Yes, so we're going to talk about how do you
know your relationship is just comfortable or that you're in
a rut? And my first one is it lacks intimacy.
Speaker 5 (07:21):
Ooh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Yeah, not necessarily before you not necessarily sexual intimacy, but
it lacks intimacy.
Speaker 5 (07:36):
And that's all I was going to say. That touch
that you used to get doesn't do anything for you.
Speaker 6 (07:41):
Maybe that little you know, you know how you women,
that little thing they don't do nothing for you no more.
Something or you know, conversations, something that.
Speaker 5 (07:52):
Used to have doesn't really ignite that flame.
Speaker 6 (07:56):
Yeah, it's you feel like you're almost having like second
thoughts about the whole situation.
Speaker 5 (08:03):
You know, that touch is she's not moving you or
he's not moving you no more? Yeah, I felt that
that's cold.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
According to statistics, it says twenty eight percent of couples
feel bored within three years.
Speaker 5 (08:21):
Within three years. We got people out here. That's three weeks.
That's like, I'm.
Speaker 7 (08:26):
Tired of just.
Speaker 6 (08:29):
Get him out of here. Three years I'm about to say, Yeah,
what was the numbers?
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Three years? Seemed like that would be a long time before.
Speaker 6 (08:39):
Right, and only twenty eight percent after three years?
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Well, losing interest in sexual activity?
Speaker 6 (08:54):
I bet you we took a poll right now, me
and you from this show.
Speaker 5 (09:00):
We take a.
Speaker 6 (09:00):
Poll, we could beat those numbers in one week. So
I don't know who they asking. It's almost like them
questions they be asking on family few Who are the
people who is asking answering these questions?
Speaker 5 (09:15):
They're not going to the right people.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Yeah, I don't know how you're losing interest in sexual activity.
Speaker 6 (09:22):
Unless you know you've got some issues downstairs, or you're
just not totally turned on. The only way you're going
to lose answer, you're not turned on by this person
and this person is not interested in you.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
We could be bad hygiene.
Speaker 8 (09:41):
Well that could be the turnof You could be like
Pepper and Pew, or you could be like a baby
you what young John said.
Speaker 5 (09:53):
You could have that green plemento coming out of there.
I don't know, but you can have a la something
is turning you off.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
You can have a lazy partner and you're like, every
time we have sex, I gotta do all the work.
So you like, I don't even want to do it
because I'm getting nothing in return.
Speaker 5 (10:11):
Yep, you can be tired. But look, you chose that
lazy partner even though you didn't know at first.
Speaker 6 (10:19):
But after one time, matter of fact, I'll even give
you two. Matter of fact, let's stretch you the three
three strikes.
Speaker 5 (10:25):
You're out. They should have knew by then, Nah, this
ain't gonna work. I don't like the way you move.
We're not in rhythm together.
Speaker 6 (10:33):
We're not really making it how I want to be making.
Speaker 5 (10:37):
No, you should know by then.
Speaker 6 (10:39):
If you stayed and stuck around for three years and
became twenty eight of that twenty eight percent, that is
your fault.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
You do what makes you happy.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
They love bomb Jue. So you thought, oh, wow, this
is it for me. I'm gonna retire and cut off
everybody else. And then once you do that, it's like,
what happened?
Speaker 5 (11:01):
Mm hmm, I told you before. That's Look, that's fifty
percent of the relationship with me. Wow, So you already
halfway out the door. If you ain't if you if
I'm losing interest in you more than.
Speaker 6 (11:15):
Have you got one foot one foot in the grave
and one still trying.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
To make it.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Now, you're not gonna push him out the door a while. Okay,
So this is number three. You avoid the tough conversations.
This is how you know your relationship is in a rut.
You don't want to talk about none serious, any type
of anything that's gonna make you feel a certain way.
Speaker 4 (11:43):
You avoid it.
Speaker 5 (11:46):
Yeah, I get it, because.
Speaker 6 (11:49):
What are those conversations that you had always turned into
an argument and you don't feel like.
Speaker 5 (11:54):
Arguing that day, or getting loud or you'll both screaming
over each other. So I can understand avoiding.
Speaker 6 (12:01):
The tough conversations, but they are conversations that need to
be had because whatever it is that y'all are trying
to conversate about.
Speaker 5 (12:10):
Maybe you're trying to straighten something out.
Speaker 6 (12:11):
Maybe it's about finances, maybe it's about who's cooking dinner.
I don't know, but these are things that you might
want to just try to have and that's where the
communication comes in. You know, let's sit down and have
a civil conversation without the yelling, order, the accusing or
jumping to conclusions.
Speaker 5 (12:31):
Or any of those things. So I get it, understand
avoiding tough conversations, right, or.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Like who's going to be responsible for picking the kids
up from daycare or from school or take them to
their their practices, like you just assuming one person is
going to do it, And it's.
Speaker 5 (12:50):
Like take terms if you can take turn.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Absolutely that goes into the next one, which is the
constant conflict.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
Just constantly arguing every little thing.
Speaker 5 (13:04):
Yep.
Speaker 6 (13:05):
Just let me tell you, baby, no man wants to
come home to a house that he does not feel
like going into because of the constant conflicts and the
bit of the bickering.
Speaker 5 (13:19):
And the arguments. Mm hmm.
Speaker 6 (13:21):
We got to deal with the world all day long
and hearing and those people and stuff, and then to
come home and hear from what.
Speaker 5 (13:31):
Constant conflicts?
Speaker 4 (13:33):
All right? Feeling disconnected and maybe that's why you're having
these conflict issues.
Speaker 6 (13:41):
Yep, that could be a thing somewhere again that spark
has fizzled out. We need to do Now do we
have a segment on where we can rebuild that's coming after?
Speaker 5 (13:54):
I know because I know you. So that's good, all right?
So feeling this Yeah, when y'all not feeling like you're
on the same page knowing or thinking that you know
your partner that.
Speaker 9 (14:11):
They wouldn't do this, or if they should have did
this and they didn't do it and not the way
that you thought that they would do it or should
have done it, then you're definitely feeling a disconnect from
that person, like you're yeah, something is definitely off, you're not.
Speaker 5 (14:27):
On the same page, and we need to reset, regroup,
and just start all over.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Yeah, And I would say, especially if you're not spending
that intimate time with that person, then you're going to
feel disconnected if you're not taking.
Speaker 5 (14:42):
The time to get to know that person and frustrated.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
Yes, So that makes a difference.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
You gotta put in the work you got, like any relationship,
you got to put in time to get to know
that person. Just like when you get hired for a
new job, you you have that probationary period to where
you have to learn everything they're going to reevaluate you
and see if they're going to keep you or not.
And that's really how it should be in a relationship.
Speaker 4 (15:11):
But we don't do that.
Speaker 5 (15:13):
Hmm.
Speaker 6 (15:14):
Well, always tell jobs and this is probably why I
ain't really got one, but always tell them. You want
me to put my best foot forward as an employee,
but I need you to put your best foot forward
as an employer because you want me to give my all,
but you want to give me peanup minimum wage or
whatever for my hard work. I need the same, see
(15:37):
the same out of you as you're going to see
out of me. So let's meet somewhere in the middle.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Wow.
Speaker 5 (15:43):
True mm hm.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Well, they're feeling like you don't appreciate each other. You
appreciate me everything that I do. You know, you don't care,
You take it for granted.
Speaker 6 (15:58):
Oh yeah, if they at this point, then they have
built up a whole case against you right now in
the court of whoever law, and you are standing trial and.
Speaker 5 (16:10):
Don't even know it.
Speaker 6 (16:12):
If they're saying you don't appreciate me, because they all
went down the line of all the times that y'all
had and things that.
Speaker 5 (16:19):
They did and which you didn't do. And yeah, you're
about to get you about to get home.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
You never talk about the future. They may talk about it,
but you and you know we're in it. They never
say we.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
Now their future is probably moving on without you. That's
the future they're trying to see, especially from.
Speaker 6 (16:49):
The frustration to disconnect, the disappointment, the conflicts, the argument.
Speaker 5 (16:55):
Look, that's a whole handful right there. I'm out, I'm done.
I've already left.
Speaker 6 (17:02):
Wow, And nothing you can say or do now at
this point, you shouldn't try to fix it. When you
felt that there was a disconnect, that it was feeling uncomfortable, that's.
Speaker 5 (17:11):
The time to fix it.
Speaker 6 (17:12):
When they don't feel right to you, that's the time
you need to talk have that's them tough conversations.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
Wow, that's true. That's true.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
You have a fear of commitment, so y'all gonna stay
in one spot. You're never gonna put titles on it.
And of course you ain't talking about the future because
they afraid to commit to you.
Speaker 5 (17:39):
So I don't know how I feel about this one.
I don't think that people are afraid to commit.
Speaker 6 (17:45):
I think that women idolize it more the commitment that
a man is ready to commit, So that's what they
look for, and they kind of pressure the man into
a commitment something that he probably didn't want just yet,
because he still was trying to feel you out and
still trying to know if you were the one or not,
(18:08):
but yet still trying to make you happy at the
same time. He just went along with it with the
commitment part because he knew that's what you would want,
that's what you look like, and that's what.
Speaker 5 (18:19):
Would make you happy.
Speaker 6 (18:20):
So now he has to be unhappy and this is
where the disconnect will come in at because now he's
already and.
Speaker 5 (18:29):
Got himself into something that he doesn't belong in.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
Wow.
Speaker 5 (18:36):
Did did I hit the nail on the head?
Speaker 7 (18:38):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (18:38):
You did? Wow? All right, I'm so guilty of this.
Next one. You can fight in other people.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
In my younger years, when I was like really unhappy
with somebody, I would talk to other people and tell
them my side what's going on in other person's side,
just to make it so I know that I'm not
going crazy.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
I'm so guilty of doing that.
Speaker 6 (19:12):
It's okay to talk to you, to your homegirl, especially
she's an understanding homegirl. We all want to vent our
case to somebody to get some type of understanding, to
understand that is it you?
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Is it them?
Speaker 5 (19:28):
Like, what's going on here? You know, I'm not understanding
why we have this disconnect.
Speaker 6 (19:33):
So I understand talking to your homegirl, talking to your
home to your homeboy. Hopefully they're giving you the right advice,
but that at the end of the day, it comes
down to you. It comes down to you and your happiness.
It comes down to you and your partner, and it
comes down to you being you throughout that whole.
Speaker 5 (19:51):
Process of the relationship or whatever it is that you're in.
Nothing else matters.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
That's true.
Speaker 6 (20:00):
I mean, you can value their opinion, which you are doing,
especially if you're talking to them, and that's fine, that's
totally okay.
Speaker 5 (20:08):
I'm with that, But at the end of the day,
you got to make the decision on what it is
that you want.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
And I feel like you should be talking to that
person versus telling everybody else what's going on. And then
that person don't You don't know, you're not really giving
them a fair chance because you're not telling them and
they can't read your mind, so eventually.
Speaker 5 (20:32):
You know, not if you having tough conversations, maybe that's
the thing. You don't know.
Speaker 6 (20:38):
A lot of times these relationships have them because people
don't know how to communicate with people. They really don't
know how to talk to them, or people will get
going to defense mode when they bring something to them
trying to figure out, well, hey, what can I do?
And then that's what they hit the argument and they
don't want that, And now I'm sitting outside baiting if
(20:58):
I'm gonna go in the house.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
That's funny, Well it goes into the next one.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
You have different communication styles, so you don't know how
to communicate with this person because you don't know how
they communicate, because we think everybody communicate the same way
we do. Just like when it comes to like the
five love languages, we try to love people how we
(21:31):
want to be loved, and you're loving them incorrectly. You
need to talk to them and ask them what is
your love language so that you can treat them accordingly.
Speaker 5 (21:44):
That's what we should be doing.
Speaker 6 (21:46):
Yes, sometimes it happens, but the majority of the time
it doesn't. And the communication styles, I feel as though
the person, it's the characteristics of the person.
Speaker 5 (22:02):
And be honest, a lot of times it comes with
the job. What do I mean by that?
Speaker 6 (22:12):
I did it a lady who was a police officer,
So she thought talking to me and trying to communicate
with me was more of the lines of still like
you're not working anymore.
Speaker 5 (22:27):
We are if you're home.
Speaker 6 (22:28):
Now, you need to be able to separate home and
your work. You're a bus driver, you're yelling at the key.
Speaker 5 (22:35):
I'm not one of the kids. You're not yelling at me.
Speaker 6 (22:38):
You need to be able to these different communication staff.
You need to be able to lead that at home,
at school, or where it is that you could. So
that's where you know where you need to Okay, Well,
I have a woman who's soft and gentle, So I'm
going to come to her soft and gentle. I'm not
coming to her like a fire breathing dragon, yelled in
(23:00):
and screaming, because that's gonna make her clam and shell up.
And she's not gonna come be honest with me. She's
just gonna say what she needs to say to get
me out of her face.
Speaker 5 (23:09):
So you have to understand the community station, the community,
the community.
Speaker 6 (23:14):
The communication style, and the person that you have is
them to go hand in hand. If you got one
now sits you down, say hey this is what I want,
this is what I need, then you are winning. But
if you got one that a lot of times women
y'all expect us to be mind readers and already know
(23:37):
these things, and that's not part of communication unless you're
using mental to leftopy.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
You can't communicate with that person because you're too busy
fantasizing about other people.
Speaker 5 (23:51):
Yep.
Speaker 6 (23:54):
Yeah, I'm thinking I would have been if I was
just called what's her name back? Or I would have
been soul kept dating this one. Now I got my
stuff in the whole rut and a whole rut with
this person.
Speaker 5 (24:09):
And no, I don't even want to pick yup sometimes.
But sometimes, yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
There's a lack of trust. You don't trust this person.
And it may not just be that person.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
It may be past trauma that you have from other
relationships and it's just feeling over into this one.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
So you don't even trust this person.
Speaker 6 (24:31):
Yeah, a lot of time and be the you know like,
oh I see the red flags, but them red flags,
like you said, be.
Speaker 5 (24:39):
Things that happened before, Like oh wait, that looked familiar.
Wait a minute, I pulled on. Nope, I've seen it,
what heard it all before? Nope. And you're not really
giving this person a chance to be who they.
Speaker 6 (24:51):
Are because you're now closed off from past lacks of trust.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Absolutely, your emotional your emotional distance. You have emotional distance,
so you are not get a wall up whenever y'all together,
you're really not there. They're talking, you're really not paying attention,
you're not taking anything in.
Speaker 5 (25:20):
Hmm.
Speaker 6 (25:21):
Yeah, you hear the Charlie Brown voice. It's just going
on and it's like, hurry up, get away from me.
But I don't, honestly, if you you have to feel
something for the person, if you're still there.
Speaker 5 (25:40):
You know, because you don't have to be there. You
don't have to do anything that you don't want to do.
If you don't want to be in that relationship, don't
be in that relationship.
Speaker 6 (25:52):
Nobody's got a gun to your head, unless it's the
old times and ideas. You see, the fathers had shotguns.
But still nowadays, you don't have to be there if
you don't want to help. You can now even get
a divorce without even consulting the other person.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Sometimes you leave one way, like you've already left emotionally
and you're trying to figure out how you're going to
leave physically.
Speaker 6 (26:24):
Trust me, And that's why it's like World War One,
because you're like, I got to get out of this,
I gotta get away.
Speaker 5 (26:30):
Like what is going to be my exit strategy?
Speaker 6 (26:32):
My plan?
Speaker 5 (26:33):
You know what? I don't care. If you catch me,
that'll be good. Then we can break up and not
be out.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Yeah, sometimes people I think about people in domestic violence situation.
You know a lot of times they are done with
the relationship. They but they don't leave right away, or
sometimes they try to leave and they end up coming
back and it takes some a while.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
Before they leave permanently. So you could be there, but
emotionally you're not there.
Speaker 5 (27:06):
Yeah, I feel for them.
Speaker 4 (27:11):
You do even enjoy spending time with this person.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
Man who wants to be around them. You get on
my nerves. You nagging me, you bothering me. You think
I want to sit around you and act like I
love you.
Speaker 6 (27:24):
No, look, I want to get out till Thursday night football,
enjoy it with the fellas, drink some beer and have
fun because that's gonna be my piece.
Speaker 5 (27:33):
That's gonna be my happy pace.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
Not you.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
You want to come with the riff rap, You want
to start fights, put me, put me in that right move. No,
we're not having that. So you think I want to
spend time some time with you.
Speaker 6 (27:49):
You may get a little bit when I come home,
and you know, I doze off and go to sleep,
But no, why would I want to do that?
Speaker 1 (28:00):
So we know that relationship ruts rut happened because of
all those things that we just listed, right, So it's
not like it's something that happens overnight. Most of the time,
it's something that builds up over time and then you
feel like, oh my god, I'm stuck. How I'm gonna
get out of this relationship? And sometimes you feel like
I was one of those people that would I would
(28:23):
write letters about what I thought that was wrong in
a relationship or what they wasn't doing. And that was
my way when I was younger, of communicating with the
person to say, hey, this is how I'm feeling, and
I want you to correct these things right, and then
if they didn't correct these things, then okay, then I'm leaving.
Speaker 5 (28:46):
But even so, that was your way of communicating. You communicated.
Speaker 6 (28:53):
That's better than taking it, bottling it up and holding
on to it and just turning more read and read
every single time that the person now comes around or
y'all have an argument or whatever the case. So if
that's the way that you had to do it, that
was that was great because you got it out from
(29:14):
you and you let the other person know like, this
is how I'm feeling.
Speaker 5 (29:18):
So maybe your maybe your delivery was wrong, but your
message was right.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Oh yeah, because I would put everything in a letter
like I wouldn't hold nothing. I would have probably if
we were talking in person, I probably would have held
some stuff back fear of not wanting to hurt their
feelings or whatever.
Speaker 4 (29:40):
But in the letter, it's like, oh no, I'm about
to let you have it.
Speaker 5 (29:45):
But that's it. The problem with us, we never want
to hurt anyone's feelings.
Speaker 6 (29:50):
So we'll ride it out just to prove to that
person that we were everything that we said that we
were from the beginning. Because you don't want to look bad.
You don't want to be the first one to break
up or leave that person. It's always they broke up
with me or whatever. I don't know what that's about.
Speaker 5 (30:08):
Look, if you ain't happy, be out, you ain't got
nothing to prove to nobody. And that is a big
issue that we have. Wow, man and woman, So.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
How do you think social media plays a role in
this and people comparing their relationship to others? Like we
see on social media a lot of times people be
like a couple goals and they want to model their
relationship after other people when you don't know really what's
going on in the background of their relationship.
Speaker 5 (30:43):
Well problem one social media problem too.
Speaker 6 (30:47):
You're looking at others play a role like you said
that they don't even know about.
Speaker 5 (30:52):
They may get home and put on the box and
gloves as soon as they get there. We don't know.
But you shouldn't look at other people and what they
got going. That's their goals.
Speaker 6 (31:03):
You two are two individuals setting and doing your own goals.
They may be successful and succeeding in this. You want
to do the same thing. Well, see what it is
what they're doing. You know they have to be doing
something in order to remain happy.
Speaker 5 (31:20):
And keep going.
Speaker 4 (31:22):
M It could be you can have kids there and like, oh,
it's for the kids.
Speaker 5 (31:29):
Oh, ain't no kids holding. No, ain't no kids holding?
You have all the kids. Ain't gonna keep no man.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
True, it may take you a while to leave because
the kids are there, though you may not want to just.
Speaker 4 (31:45):
Right.
Speaker 5 (31:47):
Eventually you gotta face the music and understand that this
man don't want you. I don't care. You got kids
to not it is.
Speaker 6 (31:55):
You might as well get ready start contemplating on your
next move. When you're getting out and taking the kid
with you.
Speaker 4 (32:01):
Oh she said, Oh my goodness. All right, where are we.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
If you're just tuning in, we are live on Intellectual
Radio talking with a resolved Get More aka the Biz,
and we're talking about from rut to revival, reigniting your relationship,
what happens?
Speaker 4 (32:27):
How do you know you're in a rut? And we
just gave y'all.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
About fourteen or fifteen of them, and so we're going
to talk about what to do to get out of
the rut, how to break the cycle. And I feel
like most of the time, many couples do not know
that they're actually in a rut until they knee deep
in it.
Speaker 4 (32:49):
And then it's like, oh god, like what do we do?
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Like you cause you ignore the reflex, You ignore things
and you're thinking like, oh okay with that bother me,
but it really didn't. Or we keep putting things off
and not having those tough conversations. Then before you know it,
every little thing that they're doing is all of a
sudden getting on your nerve and then that person is
looking at you like what's wrong with you? Like where
(33:14):
did this come from? That's why I was writing my
stuff down and giving it to them.
Speaker 4 (33:18):
So then we're don I didn't want to hold nothing in.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
So how do you break the cycle when you feel
like your relationship is in a rut? What are some
small changes that you could do or big changes that
would have an impact on your relationship?
Speaker 4 (33:46):
Be quiet? Oh?
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Oh, Result, I can't hear you. I can't hear you
though I don't know what's happening. Result is saying be quiet,
but I don't think he's no. I don't know what happened,
but I can't hear you. Hold on, result, give me
one second. We're talking about breaking the cycle on being
(34:18):
in a relationship rut?
Speaker 4 (34:21):
Can you hear me? Resolve, You can hear me.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Correct, I just can't hear you. Go out and come
back in really quickly because I can't hear you. One
of the things you can do to break the cycle
is for a communication reset, and that would be basically
(34:47):
sitting down with your partner figuring out, first of all,
what's their communication style, how you want to communicate, the
times that you want to communicate, because you don't want
to wait till somebody come home from work. Then you're
running up to them with your issues before they even
had a chance to sit down and decompress their day.
So you want to make sure that you're communicating at
(35:08):
the right time, in the right atmosphere. And I feel
like that should be discussed ahead of time so that
you're both on the same page. We always hear that
communication is key, but for those couples who are in
a rut sometimes it could be like pulling teeth when
it comes to communicate.
Speaker 4 (35:29):
Can you hear me now? Result? No, I can't hear you. Yeah, no,
you could call in. I would say call in, stay
stay on camera, but call in. Can you Are you
able to do that?
Speaker 5 (35:51):
All right?
Speaker 1 (35:52):
So we're talking about communication reset as it relates to
trying to get your relationship out of so seven o
eight two two three eight nine five three Okay, Maliah said.
She said they could hear us on Oh, she can
(36:13):
hear you on Facebook, though results, I'm not sure why
you can't hear it right now. She says, thanks for
sharing the tips. She can hear us on Facebook, but
for some reason, I cannot hear you. You could go
ahead and call in. I would just say stay on camera. Maleiah,
(36:34):
what are some things that you can think of that
you maybe and your husband have done in the past
if you felt like you were in a relationship rut.
And because I know you guys are always dating, you
are always going out on dates. This is Warriors Talk
(36:58):
on Intellectual Radio.
Speaker 10 (37:01):
Heyks, Michelle, there's all altho coming back into the studio.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
Yes, I lost you on camera, so I see you
all right. Maleah just left the comment. I was asking
her about her and her husband and what are some
things that they have done in the past to get
out of a relationship rut. And I know for them
they're constantly going on dates.
Speaker 4 (37:27):
They do like gifts.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
I guess it's probably one of one of their love
languages because they always do gifts.
Speaker 4 (37:34):
So there are some things that you could do.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
I would say, for me in the past, what I
have done maybe to get out of a relationship rut.
Speaker 4 (37:43):
I used to be.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
I used to be this hopeless romantic person to where
I would buy cards, I would do spontaneous gifts and
like do little things to cater to that person. I
think as I've gotten older, I'm just like, nah.
Speaker 4 (38:00):
I'm so over it.
Speaker 7 (38:04):
Well, what do you do now to get out of
the relationship?
Speaker 1 (38:06):
But you gotta be in a relationship to get out
of relationship rup. Let's see. I, Oh, this is one
thing I've done. I've gotten a jar and I've gotten
some sticky notes, and I have wrote down like affirmations
for that person for like thirty days and put it
(38:27):
in the jar and gave it to them and they
were like really surprised, like, oh wow, like you hand
wrote these. I'm like, yeah, so that's one thing that
I've done.
Speaker 4 (38:38):
Oh sweet, Yeah, and that.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Person didn't appreciate it, so I wish I hadn't done it.
My Leah says, always dated each other. We have fun together,
We hang out and enjoy quality time, which can help
couples to stay connected and out of a rut.
Speaker 4 (38:56):
I totally agree. You have to carve out time.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
I heard the guy on Facebook on one of these
shows on YouTube, and he said that him and his
wife always have a weekly date. He also have a
monthly date with his sons. The wife has the monthly
date with the daughters, and then every three months they
go away somewhere, and then once a year they go
out of the country, you know, and things like that.
(39:23):
It kind of keeps the relationship fresh. You have things
to look forward to, and it's just you're not always
into the same routine, because sometimes routine can be a
relationship killer.
Speaker 7 (39:37):
M Yeah, after a long time doing the same things
attired here, I do agree with always state each other.
I'll have fun together, hang out and enjoy call the guitar.
Speaker 10 (39:51):
Yeah, I agree with.
Speaker 7 (39:52):
Everything Maleiah said. I even agree with this what you
what the guy was saying. I think if you continue
to date the person, it's not going to feel like
you're demanded into a relationship. It's kind of like it's
going to stay fresh and keep going on and north
(40:13):
by just still trying to.
Speaker 10 (40:14):
Get that person.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
Yes, it's like, what did you do? What did you
do to get the person? What were some of the
things that you did to get that person? And help
remember how exciting it felt when you were planning the
things for that person.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
Do that.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
I saw this thing on Facebook that this couple did,
and I want to do it. It's you know how
you do like a paint and sip, but you send
in pictures of each other and then they'll send you
the board the canvas board back, but it'll have your
picture on it, her picture on it, and it'll have numbers.
(40:52):
And they send the paints too. So you'll know what
number to paint it, and you sit, get whatever you're
gonna sip on, have some cheese and crackers, some fruit,
and then you guys pain each other.
Speaker 10 (41:07):
I did see somebody do that before.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
I was like, that seemed like it would be really fun.
It's creative like, so that would be a fun thing
to do. I would say, do something that both of
you have not done but you're kind of like afraid
to do. But then you could do it together and
you guys can bond over that.
Speaker 5 (41:29):
Well.
Speaker 10 (41:30):
I think I would like the fact that.
Speaker 7 (41:33):
Me leaving early from the house and we go and
I go somewhere and you're gonna meet me there, and
you could put on that sexy dress or that sexy
outfit because I want my jaw to drop and everybody
else's door to drop when you walk through the door.
Speaker 10 (41:53):
And everybody's like, well wow, who is that?
Speaker 7 (41:55):
And then we role played out from there and we
leave and go and go home.
Speaker 4 (42:02):
It sounds like fun.
Speaker 7 (42:06):
All right now.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
So when it comes to relationships, it says that date
nights may not just be enough. There are other things
that you may have to do. Date nights are once
a week, if that's if you plan them once a week,
they could be once a week. I think sometimes you
may get You have to be intentional about it because
sometimes you could get busy and then you keep pushing
(42:33):
the date night back, keep pushing it back, You keep
pushing it back, and the next thing you know, you
haven't been on a date in like three months.
Speaker 4 (42:39):
Nicki says, we have to do Why do some men
have insecurities?
Speaker 5 (42:45):
What?
Speaker 4 (42:49):
Okay? Result?
Speaker 1 (42:50):
Why do some men have insecurities that could put you
in a relationship? But if your man is he has
insecurities and that rub off onto you in a relationship,
it can make things, It can make you not even
want to be around that person.
Speaker 10 (43:10):
Well, Nikki, there are some men out there. How can
I put this.
Speaker 5 (43:21):
All? Right?
Speaker 10 (43:24):
So sometimes some men if.
Speaker 7 (43:26):
You heard the terminology that there are women that is
out of your league, and if a lot of men
feel as though that this woman is just so beautiful
and she can get scooped up by another man or
so he's not having confidence in his self, So the
insecurities will begin to kick in because you feel as
(43:48):
though that you are more than what he is, and
that somebody can come along and just who just take
you away, So there's no reason to be jealous of
another man. If that woman is into you, she's going
to be into you.
Speaker 10 (44:06):
If she is for you, she is going to be
for you.
Speaker 7 (44:09):
I don't know why men have these jealousy streaks or
why they have this feeling that they're gonna lose you
and they don't trust you and they start to go crazy,
and well they could be going crazy for something else,
but that's a whole nother another story.
Speaker 10 (44:28):
But yes, Nikki, that is a couple of reasons why
they have insecurities.
Speaker 7 (44:34):
Maybe you're too much for him.
Speaker 4 (44:37):
Oh wow, maybe you're too much for him, Nikki. That's fine.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
So I want to go back to date nights. Right
when it comes to date nights, I think some people
may be like, oh, we always got to go and
spend money. But date nights don't always have to be
about spending money. You can find something to do in
the city, especially if you whatever city you're in. It's
free stuff that they have. They have museum nights that
(45:08):
are free, Nicki says, think you resolved.
Speaker 10 (45:13):
Comments over there? Now you see it, Nicky, you are welcome.
Speaker 7 (45:21):
A great smile too.
Speaker 4 (45:24):
So there are some things that you can do for free.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Don't think that you always have to spend money when
it comes to date night, because you do not. You
just have to be creative. You and your person have
to be creative. Try to outdo each other. If it's
your turn to planet, just try to outdo each other.
There's a study by the National Marriage Project Project that
found that couples who schedule weekly date nights are three
(45:47):
point five times more likely to report being very happy
in their marriage.
Speaker 4 (45:53):
You have to date each other.
Speaker 10 (45:56):
You too, I'm telling you.
Speaker 7 (45:59):
Get you a come petitive woman because the clickwalks in
the kitchen, it goes down.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
So those washing those dishes put them in this rush.
Miliah said, go on walks. Yes, it's the perfect season
for for walk for walking date walks. Yeah, seasons for
date walks.
Speaker 5 (46:26):
It is.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
It's nice outside. Like it's so many things that you
can do. Like I said, that's free that you don't
have to pay anything. They have movies in the park
right now. They're probably getting ready to end because the
summer is ending. But movie in the park that you
can go to for free. Again I mentioned museum nights
that they have for free. You can go to the zoo,
(46:50):
just different things. Pack of picnic, but.
Speaker 7 (46:53):
You're probably gotta spend money to get into the zoo.
Speaker 4 (46:56):
No, they have three days you have to go on
the free days. They have three days.
Speaker 1 (47:00):
You can get tickets from from your local library for free,
where you could go.
Speaker 4 (47:04):
To the zoo that you don't have to pay.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
There are different things that you know you could do
where you're not spending any money. I think we feel
like we always have to spend money, but you just
have to be creative.
Speaker 10 (47:16):
Well, you know nowadays these a lot of the junctures
like the zoo. They don't want to go to the zoo.
Speaker 7 (47:23):
They want to go get lit.
Speaker 4 (47:25):
Oh my goodness, oh wow, I even want to touch
that one result. I'm gonna go to this with.
Speaker 7 (47:38):
These are the hard conversations that we have to have.
Speaker 4 (47:41):
That's true. I don't think we don't have enough time
because we got to wrap up.
Speaker 7 (47:46):
You're not looking for those little simple things anymore.
Speaker 4 (47:50):
And that's true. That means maybe that partner is not
for you.
Speaker 1 (47:55):
You got to find a partner that matches your energy,
find someone that matched your energy. So y'all looking for
the same things.
Speaker 10 (48:08):
That's why there's a lot of things out there now
because in none of these energiesus last. And when we
talk about how.
Speaker 7 (48:14):
We talk about them demons and how they attached themselves, they.
Speaker 4 (48:20):
Would suck the life right out of you, drain you. Yes.
Speaker 1 (48:25):
So that's why number six is important. It talks about
faith and growth and how couples that practice faith together,
I think it helps them not to be stuck. You
have somebody that prays for you, y'all praying together, y'all
worshiping together.
Speaker 4 (48:43):
It could look kind of sexy.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
When you have a man that's able to lay hands
on you and pray for you, like, you know, you
see him studying his word, You're like, oh, go baby,
I said, he's studying like that could look kind of sexy.
Like it takes a special kind of man to do that.
So I think if you have somebody that's of the
(49:05):
same faith, then use that. Y'all can have Bible study together.
Speaker 10 (49:11):
What should.
Speaker 4 (49:13):
Know?
Speaker 7 (49:13):
These kids they out here haven't Bible study.
Speaker 4 (49:17):
They should.
Speaker 7 (49:19):
Like, ooh, he looked sexy reading that Bible. She like
hurried up rolled that blood. Well, I could get my
drink and we can get litts.
Speaker 10 (49:32):
They don't even know what night is.
Speaker 4 (49:37):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
So result if you as we wrap up, I guess
just maybe if you could give couples maybe one practical
step about how to get their relationship out of a rut.
Speaker 4 (49:52):
Too revival, what would that be.
Speaker 10 (49:56):
Honestly, you kind of said it before.
Speaker 7 (49:58):
I would take a vacation, get away from everything. You
take a vacation, you got new things around you, whole
new atmosphere where there.
Speaker 10 (50:12):
You're more in a relaxed state.
Speaker 7 (50:14):
You're not in the house where the stress is just pounding.
Speaker 10 (50:17):
On you, pounding on it, beating you down. So I
would take a vacation.
Speaker 7 (50:24):
And it seems like couples are much happier when they're vacating,
unless they're bringing them problems from home on with them
with vacation. But the majority of them, they get through
vacation and it becomes a pleasant thing and they want
that same feeling. So when you get home, you left
those problems down on vacation and vacation is a good thing.
(50:45):
And now you're back in the house and you're like, wow,
I really enjoyed myself, and now we can have an
open conversation about things, because you know, this person.
Speaker 10 (50:53):
Was so relaxed and they're laid back. They wasn't that
type of person.
Speaker 4 (51:00):
I I agree with that.
Speaker 1 (51:01):
They say, if you want to get to know someone,
take them on a vacation and you would get to
learn a lot of stuff about them.
Speaker 4 (51:09):
What are your words of wisdom? Result?
Speaker 7 (51:13):
Oh, man, I had it.
Speaker 10 (51:14):
I don't forgot it.
Speaker 4 (51:18):
Come on, bez.
Speaker 10 (51:21):
Well, I had as Oh I know it was. Waitmn,
you can't keep running. Wait, you can't blame.
Speaker 7 (51:37):
You can't keep blaming the relationship if it's on fire,
if you're the one who keep who keep fanning the flames.
Speaker 4 (51:47):
I like that, So I will leave you. Yeah, I
like that.
Speaker 1 (51:53):
My words of wisdom are A rut is not the
end of love. It's an invitation to grow, reset and
choose each other again and again. You guys join me
next Monday right here on Intellectual Radio. As always, thank
(52:14):
you for tuning in to Warriors Talk with author and
founder Lady Rochelle. Co Hosting with me today is Rosal
Gilmour aka The Biz and Warriors Talk is changing lives,
one warrior at a time.
Speaker 11 (52:29):
Thank you for listening to this week's edition of Warriors
Talk with Lady Rochelle. To find out more about Warriors Talk,
follow at Warriors Talk the number one on all social
media outlets, and Warriors Talk with Lady Rochelle on YouTube.
Please join us next week and every Monday evening at
(52:49):
six pm Central Standard Time on Intellectual Radio dot com
for Warriors Talk with Lady Rochelle, where we encourage, educate,
and empower you into action.
Speaker 6 (53:04):
M
Talk where we move away from awareness towards action. I
am your host, Lady Rochelle, and tonight we're talking about
something many couples face but don't always want to admit,
relationship ruts. Is your relationship stuck or has the spark faded? Well,
don't worry. We're gonna reveal from rut to revival. So
(00:22):
grab your tea, your water, your journal, and join in
on the conversation. On the last episode of Warriors Talk,
doctor Michelle Meeks and I discuss vaccines and safety. We
talked about facts, myths and what the evidence really say.
You can hit on over to YouTube and type in
(00:42):
Intellectual Radio and stay connected for any episodes you may
have missed. The quote of the day is relationships don't
die from one big blow, They fade from thousand small neglects. Yes,
Talk will be celebrating Celebrating That is our ninth Annuals
(01:05):
Survivor Celebration of Reflection Gala, taking place on Saturday, October eighteenth,
twelve pm to four pm at the Crystal Sky Banquets
in McCook, Illinois. The tickets are sixty five dollars. Survivors
are free. We are encouraging individuals to sponsor a survivor
so that they can attend free. We have vendor packages
(01:29):
as well as if you would like to be a sponsor.
This is a fundraiser, one of our only fundraisers that
we have once a year, and we're going to honor
cancer survivors. We're going to support the warriors who are
in battle, and we're gonna bring about hope, strength and
faith to encourage them to keep fighting. We are also
(01:52):
launching our new book Anthology. I'm so excited about the
book Anthology. I have four authors that would be sharing
their story. The title is When Warriors Talk Faith Emerges
and we're talking about letting go and letting God transform
our journeys. So you will be able to purchase a book,
take a picture with the author and have them sign it.
(02:14):
So I'm excited about that as well. So for more information,
you can go to warriors Talk dot org. If you
are tuned in on any form of social media, please
like the show, share the show, and invite someone else
sating on the show that you feel may benefit from
this valuable information. I'm so grateful for my sponsor, Pastor
(02:37):
Michael Richardson with the Emmanuel Church of God in Christ
who has a special message for us.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Greetings. I am Pastor Michael Richardson and I am.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
First Lady and a Station Richardson from the Emmanuel Church
of God in Christ. We're located at thirty fifty eighth
West Van Buren in Chicago, Illinois. We are building upon
a solid foundation.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
And we're inviting you to join us every Sunday morning
on Facebook Live at Emmanuel Kojik at ten fifteen Central
Standard Time, and you can also view our videos on
our YouTube channel at Emmanuel Kojak Dash. Mr. Once again,
this is Pastor Michael Richardson and.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
First Lady Anna Station Richardson, and we are from the.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Emanuel Church of ri We are building upon a solid foundation.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Co hosting with me is none other than the cancer activist,
motivational speaker, and the founder of the gal Foundation Resolve
Give More aka the Biz Hey Resolve.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Hey Lady Rachelle, how are you?
Speaker 5 (03:52):
I am? I am well, I am well. I'm just thinking, wow,
you said the ninth annual.
Speaker 6 (04:00):
Nine years later, here we are again, three months away.
Speaker 5 (04:05):
From the end of the year. Like I remember feeling
like this last week. I said this month, this year
is going to go buy so fast and it did it.
We're in the last quarter, were getting to be in
the last quarter right now.
Speaker 6 (04:19):
This is just crazy. Yeah, you're almost thing is almost
a decade. One more year and it would be a
decade old. I know.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
I'm so excited about that, so so excited for the support,
that continued support, just being able to celebrate survivors like
I can't wait. I'm excited, and I'm glad you had
a chance to experience one of them as well.
Speaker 5 (04:43):
Yes, I think it was what was it the eighth.
Speaker 6 (04:48):
Wow, Yeah, that was the halfway that's the halfway mark.
Speaker 5 (04:51):
Great, it was.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
It was, Yes, So I'm excited. I'm also excited about
this conversation today. I feel like so many people have
been in this situation before, or maybe in the situation
right now. We're talking about from rut to revival, how
to reignite your relationship. So many of us have been here,
done that, and so we can we have a little
(05:15):
bit to talk about. So when you think about relationship ruts,
result like what comes to mind as a definition you
would say would be a relationship rut?
Speaker 5 (05:26):
Well, just off the top of my head, thinking.
Speaker 6 (05:30):
Once in a while, you hit a plateau where the
relationship kind of has simmered down because you're past the
honeymoon stays and it's like, well, what do we do next?
Speaker 7 (05:41):
Do we?
Speaker 6 (05:43):
And you you just don't know and that excitement that
fizz what you had is no longer there. It's gone,
and you just you're just stuck. It's nothing more to
talk about. You guys ain't doing anything. But in the
beginning it was just so much and you know, just
always say find somebody you have something in common with.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Absolutely, I feel like the love for some reason is stuck. Right.
Speaker 4 (06:12):
You're in neutral and like, ooh, what we're gonna do?
Where we're gonna go?
Speaker 1 (06:15):
And for some people they may feel like roommates instead
of partners. We get comfortable with people after we've been
with them for a while. So sometimes you need every
now and then you need something that kind of, you know,
put the spark back in the relationship and not that
the relationship like you have to separate or anything like that,
(06:37):
just because you have hit a rut. You know, sometimes
we get busy with life, you know, working, if you
have kids, a lot of things could be going on.
You could be taking care of aging parents and it
could be a lot of things going on that would
take your attention away from your partners. So it doesn't
hurt to refuel or revive that relationship.
Speaker 5 (06:57):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 6 (06:59):
It's always good to think of new ideas, new ways
to put some life back into any relationship.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Yes, so we're going to talk about how do you
know your relationship is just comfortable or that you're in
a rut? And my first one is it lacks intimacy.
Speaker 5 (07:21):
Ooh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Yeah, not necessarily before you not necessarily sexual intimacy, but
it lacks intimacy.
Speaker 5 (07:36):
And that's all I was going to say. That touch
that you used to get doesn't do anything for you.
Speaker 6 (07:41):
Maybe that little you know, you know how you women,
that little thing they don't do nothing for you no more.
Something or you know, conversations, something that.
Speaker 5 (07:52):
Used to have doesn't really ignite that flame.
Speaker 6 (07:56):
Yeah, it's you feel like you're almost having like second
thoughts about the whole situation.
Speaker 5 (08:03):
You know, that touch is she's not moving you or
he's not moving you no more? Yeah, I felt that
that's cold.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
According to statistics, it says twenty eight percent of couples
feel bored within three years.
Speaker 5 (08:21):
Within three years. We got people out here. That's three weeks.
That's like, I'm.
Speaker 7 (08:26):
Tired of just.
Speaker 6 (08:29):
Get him out of here. Three years I'm about to say, Yeah,
what was the numbers?
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Three years? Seemed like that would be a long time before.
Speaker 6 (08:39):
Right, and only twenty eight percent after three years?
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Well, losing interest in sexual activity?
Speaker 6 (08:54):
I bet you we took a poll right now, me
and you from this show.
Speaker 5 (09:00):
We take a.
Speaker 6 (09:00):
Poll, we could beat those numbers in one week. So
I don't know who they asking. It's almost like them
questions they be asking on family few Who are the
people who is asking answering these questions?
Speaker 5 (09:15):
They're not going to the right people.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Yeah, I don't know how you're losing interest in sexual activity.
Speaker 6 (09:22):
Unless you know you've got some issues downstairs, or you're
just not totally turned on. The only way you're going
to lose answer, you're not turned on by this person
and this person is not interested in you.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
We could be bad hygiene.
Speaker 8 (09:41):
Well that could be the turnof You could be like
Pepper and Pew, or you could be like a baby
you what young John said.
Speaker 5 (09:53):
You could have that green plemento coming out of there.
I don't know, but you can have a la something
is turning you off.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
You can have a lazy partner and you're like, every
time we have sex, I gotta do all the work.
So you like, I don't even want to do it
because I'm getting nothing in return.
Speaker 5 (10:11):
Yep, you can be tired. But look, you chose that
lazy partner even though you didn't know at first.
Speaker 6 (10:19):
But after one time, matter of fact, I'll even give
you two. Matter of fact, let's stretch you the three
three strikes.
Speaker 5 (10:25):
You're out. They should have knew by then, Nah, this
ain't gonna work. I don't like the way you move.
We're not in rhythm together.
Speaker 6 (10:33):
We're not really making it how I want to be making.
Speaker 5 (10:37):
No, you should know by then.
Speaker 6 (10:39):
If you stayed and stuck around for three years and
became twenty eight of that twenty eight percent, that is
your fault.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
You do what makes you happy.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
They love bomb Jue. So you thought, oh, wow, this
is it for me. I'm gonna retire and cut off
everybody else. And then once you do that, it's like,
what happened?
Speaker 5 (11:01):
Mm hmm, I told you before. That's Look, that's fifty
percent of the relationship with me. Wow, So you already
halfway out the door. If you ain't if you if
I'm losing interest in you more than.
Speaker 6 (11:15):
Have you got one foot one foot in the grave
and one still trying.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
To make it.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Now, you're not gonna push him out the door a while. Okay,
So this is number three. You avoid the tough conversations.
This is how you know your relationship is in a rut.
You don't want to talk about none serious, any type
of anything that's gonna make you feel a certain way.
Speaker 4 (11:43):
You avoid it.
Speaker 5 (11:46):
Yeah, I get it, because.
Speaker 6 (11:49):
What are those conversations that you had always turned into
an argument and you don't feel like.
Speaker 5 (11:54):
Arguing that day, or getting loud or you'll both screaming
over each other. So I can understand avoiding.
Speaker 6 (12:01):
The tough conversations, but they are conversations that need to
be had because whatever it is that y'all are trying
to conversate about.
Speaker 5 (12:10):
Maybe you're trying to straighten something out.
Speaker 6 (12:11):
Maybe it's about finances, maybe it's about who's cooking dinner.
I don't know, but these are things that you might
want to just try to have and that's where the
communication comes in. You know, let's sit down and have
a civil conversation without the yelling, order, the accusing or
jumping to conclusions.
Speaker 5 (12:31):
Or any of those things. So I get it, understand
avoiding tough conversations, right, or.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Like who's going to be responsible for picking the kids
up from daycare or from school or take them to
their their practices, like you just assuming one person is
going to do it, And it's.
Speaker 5 (12:50):
Like take terms if you can take turn.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Absolutely that goes into the next one, which is the
constant conflict.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
Just constantly arguing every little thing.
Speaker 5 (13:04):
Yep.
Speaker 6 (13:05):
Just let me tell you, baby, no man wants to
come home to a house that he does not feel
like going into because of the constant conflicts and the
bit of the bickering.
Speaker 5 (13:19):
And the arguments. Mm hmm.
Speaker 6 (13:21):
We got to deal with the world all day long
and hearing and those people and stuff, and then to
come home and hear from what.
Speaker 5 (13:31):
Constant conflicts?
Speaker 4 (13:33):
All right? Feeling disconnected and maybe that's why you're having
these conflict issues.
Speaker 6 (13:41):
Yep, that could be a thing somewhere again that spark
has fizzled out. We need to do Now do we
have a segment on where we can rebuild that's coming after?
Speaker 5 (13:54):
I know because I know you. So that's good, all right?
So feeling this Yeah, when y'all not feeling like you're
on the same page knowing or thinking that you know
your partner that.
Speaker 9 (14:11):
They wouldn't do this, or if they should have did
this and they didn't do it and not the way
that you thought that they would do it or should
have done it, then you're definitely feeling a disconnect from
that person, like you're yeah, something is definitely off, you're not.
Speaker 5 (14:27):
On the same page, and we need to reset, regroup,
and just start all over.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Yeah, And I would say, especially if you're not spending
that intimate time with that person, then you're going to
feel disconnected if you're not taking.
Speaker 5 (14:42):
The time to get to know that person and frustrated.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
Yes, So that makes a difference.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
You gotta put in the work you got, like any relationship,
you got to put in time to get to know
that person. Just like when you get hired for a
new job, you you have that probationary period to where
you have to learn everything they're going to reevaluate you
and see if they're going to keep you or not.
And that's really how it should be in a relationship.
Speaker 4 (15:11):
But we don't do that.
Speaker 5 (15:13):
Hmm.
Speaker 6 (15:14):
Well, always tell jobs and this is probably why I
ain't really got one, but always tell them. You want
me to put my best foot forward as an employee,
but I need you to put your best foot forward
as an employer because you want me to give my all,
but you want to give me peanup minimum wage or
whatever for my hard work. I need the same, see
(15:37):
the same out of you as you're going to see
out of me. So let's meet somewhere in the middle.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Wow.
Speaker 5 (15:43):
True mm hm.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Well, they're feeling like you don't appreciate each other. You
appreciate me everything that I do. You know, you don't care,
You take it for granted.
Speaker 6 (15:58):
Oh yeah, if they at this point, then they have
built up a whole case against you right now in
the court of whoever law, and you are standing trial and.
Speaker 5 (16:10):
Don't even know it.
Speaker 6 (16:12):
If they're saying you don't appreciate me, because they all
went down the line of all the times that y'all
had and things that.
Speaker 5 (16:19):
They did and which you didn't do. And yeah, you're
about to get you about to get home.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
You never talk about the future. They may talk about it,
but you and you know we're in it. They never
say we.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
Now their future is probably moving on without you. That's
the future they're trying to see, especially from.
Speaker 6 (16:49):
The frustration to disconnect, the disappointment, the conflicts, the argument.
Speaker 5 (16:55):
Look, that's a whole handful right there. I'm out, I'm done.
I've already left.
Speaker 6 (17:02):
Wow, And nothing you can say or do now at
this point, you shouldn't try to fix it. When you
felt that there was a disconnect, that it was feeling uncomfortable, that's.
Speaker 5 (17:11):
The time to fix it.
Speaker 6 (17:12):
When they don't feel right to you, that's the time
you need to talk have that's them tough conversations.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
Wow, that's true. That's true.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
You have a fear of commitment, so y'all gonna stay
in one spot. You're never gonna put titles on it.
And of course you ain't talking about the future because
they afraid to commit to you.
Speaker 5 (17:39):
So I don't know how I feel about this one.
I don't think that people are afraid to commit.
Speaker 6 (17:45):
I think that women idolize it more the commitment that
a man is ready to commit, So that's what they
look for, and they kind of pressure the man into
a commitment something that he probably didn't want just yet,
because he still was trying to feel you out and
still trying to know if you were the one or not,
(18:08):
but yet still trying to make you happy at the
same time. He just went along with it with the
commitment part because he knew that's what you would want,
that's what you look like, and that's what.
Speaker 5 (18:19):
Would make you happy.
Speaker 6 (18:20):
So now he has to be unhappy and this is
where the disconnect will come in at because now he's
already and.
Speaker 5 (18:29):
Got himself into something that he doesn't belong in.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
Wow.
Speaker 5 (18:36):
Did did I hit the nail on the head?
Speaker 7 (18:38):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (18:38):
You did? Wow? All right, I'm so guilty of this.
Next one. You can fight in other people.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
In my younger years, when I was like really unhappy
with somebody, I would talk to other people and tell
them my side what's going on in other person's side,
just to make it so I know that I'm not
going crazy.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
I'm so guilty of doing that.
Speaker 6 (19:12):
It's okay to talk to you, to your homegirl, especially
she's an understanding homegirl. We all want to vent our
case to somebody to get some type of understanding, to
understand that is it you?
Speaker 4 (19:27):
Is it them?
Speaker 5 (19:28):
Like, what's going on here? You know, I'm not understanding
why we have this disconnect.
Speaker 6 (19:33):
So I understand talking to your homegirl, talking to your
home to your homeboy. Hopefully they're giving you the right advice,
but that at the end of the day, it comes
down to you. It comes down to you and your happiness.
It comes down to you and your partner, and it
comes down to you being you throughout that whole.
Speaker 5 (19:51):
Process of the relationship or whatever it is that you're in.
Nothing else matters.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
That's true.
Speaker 6 (20:00):
I mean, you can value their opinion, which you are doing,
especially if you're talking to them, and that's fine, that's
totally okay.
Speaker 5 (20:08):
I'm with that, But at the end of the day,
you got to make the decision on what it is
that you want.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
And I feel like you should be talking to that
person versus telling everybody else what's going on. And then
that person don't You don't know, you're not really giving
them a fair chance because you're not telling them and
they can't read your mind, so eventually.
Speaker 5 (20:32):
You know, not if you having tough conversations, maybe that's
the thing. You don't know.
Speaker 6 (20:38):
A lot of times these relationships have them because people
don't know how to communicate with people. They really don't
know how to talk to them, or people will get
going to defense mode when they bring something to them
trying to figure out, well, hey, what can I do?
And then that's what they hit the argument and they
don't want that, And now I'm sitting outside baiting if
(20:58):
I'm gonna go in the house.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
That's funny, Well it goes into the next one.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
You have different communication styles, so you don't know how
to communicate with this person because you don't know how
they communicate, because we think everybody communicate the same way
we do. Just like when it comes to like the
five love languages, we try to love people how we
(21:31):
want to be loved, and you're loving them incorrectly. You
need to talk to them and ask them what is
your love language so that you can treat them accordingly.
Speaker 5 (21:44):
That's what we should be doing.
Speaker 6 (21:46):
Yes, sometimes it happens, but the majority of the time
it doesn't. And the communication styles, I feel as though
the person, it's the characteristics of the person.
Speaker 5 (22:02):
And be honest, a lot of times it comes with
the job. What do I mean by that?
Speaker 6 (22:12):
I did it a lady who was a police officer,
So she thought talking to me and trying to communicate
with me was more of the lines of still like
you're not working anymore.
Speaker 5 (22:27):
We are if you're home.
Speaker 6 (22:28):
Now, you need to be able to separate home and
your work. You're a bus driver, you're yelling at the key.
Speaker 5 (22:35):
I'm not one of the kids. You're not yelling at me.
Speaker 6 (22:38):
You need to be able to these different communication staff.
You need to be able to lead that at home,
at school, or where it is that you could. So
that's where you know where you need to Okay, Well,
I have a woman who's soft and gentle, So I'm
going to come to her soft and gentle. I'm not
coming to her like a fire breathing dragon, yelled in
(23:00):
and screaming, because that's gonna make her clam and shell up.
And she's not gonna come be honest with me. She's
just gonna say what she needs to say to get
me out of her face.
Speaker 5 (23:09):
So you have to understand the community station, the community,
the community.
Speaker 6 (23:14):
The communication style, and the person that you have is
them to go hand in hand. If you got one
now sits you down, say hey this is what I want,
this is what I need, then you are winning. But
if you got one that a lot of times women
y'all expect us to be mind readers and already know
(23:37):
these things, and that's not part of communication unless you're
using mental to leftopy.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
You can't communicate with that person because you're too busy
fantasizing about other people.
Speaker 5 (23:51):
Yep.
Speaker 6 (23:54):
Yeah, I'm thinking I would have been if I was
just called what's her name back? Or I would have
been soul kept dating this one. Now I got my
stuff in the whole rut and a whole rut with
this person.
Speaker 5 (24:09):
And no, I don't even want to pick yup sometimes.
But sometimes, yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
There's a lack of trust. You don't trust this person.
And it may not just be that person.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
It may be past trauma that you have from other
relationships and it's just feeling over into this one.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
So you don't even trust this person.
Speaker 6 (24:31):
Yeah, a lot of time and be the you know like,
oh I see the red flags, but them red flags,
like you said, be.
Speaker 5 (24:39):
Things that happened before, Like oh wait, that looked familiar.
Wait a minute, I pulled on. Nope, I've seen it,
what heard it all before? Nope. And you're not really
giving this person a chance to be who they.
Speaker 6 (24:51):
Are because you're now closed off from past lacks of trust.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Absolutely, your emotional your emotional distance. You have emotional distance,
so you are not get a wall up whenever y'all together,
you're really not there. They're talking, you're really not paying attention,
you're not taking anything in.
Speaker 5 (25:20):
Hmm.
Speaker 6 (25:21):
Yeah, you hear the Charlie Brown voice. It's just going
on and it's like, hurry up, get away from me.
But I don't, honestly, if you you have to feel
something for the person, if you're still there.
Speaker 5 (25:40):
You know, because you don't have to be there. You
don't have to do anything that you don't want to do.
If you don't want to be in that relationship, don't
be in that relationship.
Speaker 6 (25:52):
Nobody's got a gun to your head, unless it's the
old times and ideas. You see, the fathers had shotguns.
But still nowadays, you don't have to be there if
you don't want to help. You can now even get
a divorce without even consulting the other person.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Sometimes you leave one way, like you've already left emotionally
and you're trying to figure out how you're going to
leave physically.
Speaker 6 (26:24):
Trust me, And that's why it's like World War One,
because you're like, I got to get out of this,
I gotta get away.
Speaker 5 (26:30):
Like what is going to be my exit strategy?
Speaker 6 (26:32):
My plan?
Speaker 5 (26:33):
You know what? I don't care. If you catch me,
that'll be good. Then we can break up and not
be out.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Yeah, sometimes people I think about people in domestic violence situation.
You know a lot of times they are done with
the relationship. They but they don't leave right away, or
sometimes they try to leave and they end up coming
back and it takes some a while.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
Before they leave permanently. So you could be there, but
emotionally you're not there.
Speaker 5 (27:06):
Yeah, I feel for them.
Speaker 4 (27:11):
You do even enjoy spending time with this person.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
Man who wants to be around them. You get on
my nerves. You nagging me, you bothering me. You think
I want to sit around you and act like I
love you.
Speaker 6 (27:24):
No, look, I want to get out till Thursday night football,
enjoy it with the fellas, drink some beer and have
fun because that's gonna be my piece.
Speaker 5 (27:33):
That's gonna be my happy pace.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
Not you.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
You want to come with the riff rap, You want
to start fights, put me, put me in that right move. No,
we're not having that. So you think I want to
spend time some time with you.
Speaker 6 (27:49):
You may get a little bit when I come home,
and you know, I doze off and go to sleep,
But no, why would I want to do that?
Speaker 1 (28:00):
So we know that relationship ruts rut happened because of
all those things that we just listed, right, So it's
not like it's something that happens overnight. Most of the time,
it's something that builds up over time and then you
feel like, oh my god, I'm stuck. How I'm gonna
get out of this relationship? And sometimes you feel like
I was one of those people that would I would
(28:23):
write letters about what I thought that was wrong in
a relationship or what they wasn't doing. And that was
my way when I was younger, of communicating with the
person to say, hey, this is how I'm feeling, and
I want you to correct these things right, and then
if they didn't correct these things, then okay, then I'm leaving.
Speaker 5 (28:46):
But even so, that was your way of communicating. You communicated.
Speaker 6 (28:53):
That's better than taking it, bottling it up and holding
on to it and just turning more read and read
every single time that the person now comes around or
y'all have an argument or whatever the case. So if
that's the way that you had to do it, that
was that was great because you got it out from
(29:14):
you and you let the other person know like, this
is how I'm feeling.
Speaker 5 (29:18):
So maybe your maybe your delivery was wrong, but your
message was right.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Oh yeah, because I would put everything in a letter
like I wouldn't hold nothing. I would have probably if
we were talking in person, I probably would have held
some stuff back fear of not wanting to hurt their
feelings or whatever.
Speaker 4 (29:40):
But in the letter, it's like, oh no, I'm about
to let you have it.
Speaker 5 (29:45):
But that's it. The problem with us, we never want
to hurt anyone's feelings.
Speaker 6 (29:50):
So we'll ride it out just to prove to that
person that we were everything that we said that we
were from the beginning. Because you don't want to look bad.
You don't want to be the first one to break
up or leave that person. It's always they broke up
with me or whatever. I don't know what that's about.
Speaker 5 (30:08):
Look, if you ain't happy, be out, you ain't got
nothing to prove to nobody. And that is a big
issue that we have. Wow, man and woman, So.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
How do you think social media plays a role in
this and people comparing their relationship to others? Like we
see on social media a lot of times people be
like a couple goals and they want to model their
relationship after other people when you don't know really what's
going on in the background of their relationship.
Speaker 5 (30:43):
Well problem one social media problem too.
Speaker 6 (30:47):
You're looking at others play a role like you said
that they don't even know about.
Speaker 5 (30:52):
They may get home and put on the box and
gloves as soon as they get there. We don't know.
But you shouldn't look at other people and what they
got going. That's their goals.
Speaker 6 (31:03):
You two are two individuals setting and doing your own goals.
They may be successful and succeeding in this. You want
to do the same thing. Well, see what it is
what they're doing. You know they have to be doing
something in order to remain happy.
Speaker 5 (31:20):
And keep going.
Speaker 4 (31:22):
M It could be you can have kids there and like, oh,
it's for the kids.
Speaker 5 (31:29):
Oh, ain't no kids holding. No, ain't no kids holding?
You have all the kids. Ain't gonna keep no man.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
True, it may take you a while to leave because
the kids are there, though you may not want to just.
Speaker 4 (31:45):
Right.
Speaker 5 (31:47):
Eventually you gotta face the music and understand that this
man don't want you. I don't care. You got kids
to not it is.
Speaker 6 (31:55):
You might as well get ready start contemplating on your
next move. When you're getting out and taking the kid
with you.
Speaker 4 (32:01):
Oh she said, Oh my goodness. All right, where are we.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
If you're just tuning in, we are live on Intellectual
Radio talking with a resolved Get More aka the Biz,
and we're talking about from rut to revival, reigniting your relationship,
what happens?
Speaker 4 (32:27):
How do you know you're in a rut? And we
just gave y'all.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
About fourteen or fifteen of them, and so we're going
to talk about what to do to get out of
the rut, how to break the cycle. And I feel
like most of the time, many couples do not know
that they're actually in a rut until they knee deep
in it.
Speaker 4 (32:49):
And then it's like, oh god, like what do we do?
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Like you cause you ignore the reflex, You ignore things
and you're thinking like, oh okay with that bother me,
but it really didn't. Or we keep putting things off
and not having those tough conversations. Then before you know it,
every little thing that they're doing is all of a
sudden getting on your nerve and then that person is
looking at you like what's wrong with you? Like where
(33:14):
did this come from? That's why I was writing my
stuff down and giving it to them.
Speaker 4 (33:18):
So then we're don I didn't want to hold nothing in.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
So how do you break the cycle when you feel
like your relationship is in a rut? What are some
small changes that you could do or big changes that
would have an impact on your relationship?
Speaker 4 (33:46):
Be quiet? Oh?
Speaker 1 (33:56):
Oh, Result, I can't hear you. I can't hear you
though I don't know what's happening. Result is saying be quiet,
but I don't think he's no. I don't know what happened,
but I can't hear you. Hold on, result, give me
one second. We're talking about breaking the cycle on being
(34:18):
in a relationship rut?
Speaker 4 (34:21):
Can you hear me? Resolve, You can hear me.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Correct, I just can't hear you. Go out and come
back in really quickly because I can't hear you. One
of the things you can do to break the cycle
is for a communication reset, and that would be basically
(34:47):
sitting down with your partner figuring out, first of all,
what's their communication style, how you want to communicate, the
times that you want to communicate, because you don't want
to wait till somebody come home from work. Then you're
running up to them with your issues before they even
had a chance to sit down and decompress their day.
So you want to make sure that you're communicating at
(35:08):
the right time, in the right atmosphere. And I feel
like that should be discussed ahead of time so that
you're both on the same page. We always hear that
communication is key, but for those couples who are in
a rut sometimes it could be like pulling teeth when
it comes to communicate.
Speaker 4 (35:29):
Can you hear me now? Result? No, I can't hear you. Yeah, no,
you could call in. I would say call in, stay
stay on camera, but call in. Can you Are you
able to do that?
Speaker 5 (35:51):
All right?
Speaker 1 (35:52):
So we're talking about communication reset as it relates to
trying to get your relationship out of so seven o
eight two two three eight nine five three Okay, Maliah said.
She said they could hear us on Oh, she can
(36:13):
hear you on Facebook, though results, I'm not sure why
you can't hear it right now. She says, thanks for
sharing the tips. She can hear us on Facebook, but
for some reason, I cannot hear you. You could go
ahead and call in. I would just say stay on camera. Maleiah,
(36:34):
what are some things that you can think of that
you maybe and your husband have done in the past
if you felt like you were in a relationship rut.
And because I know you guys are always dating, you
are always going out on dates. This is Warriors Talk
(36:58):
on Intellectual Radio.
Speaker 10 (37:01):
Heyks, Michelle, there's all altho coming back into the studio.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
Yes, I lost you on camera, so I see you
all right. Maleah just left the comment. I was asking
her about her and her husband and what are some
things that they have done in the past to get
out of a relationship rut. And I know for them
they're constantly going on dates.
Speaker 4 (37:27):
They do like gifts.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
I guess it's probably one of one of their love
languages because they always do gifts.
Speaker 4 (37:34):
So there are some things that you could do.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
I would say, for me in the past, what I
have done maybe to get out of a relationship rut.
Speaker 4 (37:43):
I used to be.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
I used to be this hopeless romantic person to where
I would buy cards, I would do spontaneous gifts and
like do little things to cater to that person. I
think as I've gotten older, I'm just like, nah.
Speaker 4 (38:00):
I'm so over it.
Speaker 7 (38:04):
Well, what do you do now to get out of
the relationship?
Speaker 1 (38:06):
But you gotta be in a relationship to get out
of relationship rup. Let's see. I, Oh, this is one
thing I've done. I've gotten a jar and I've gotten
some sticky notes, and I have wrote down like affirmations
for that person for like thirty days and put it
(38:27):
in the jar and gave it to them and they
were like really surprised, like, oh wow, like you hand
wrote these. I'm like, yeah, so that's one thing that
I've done.
Speaker 4 (38:38):
Oh sweet, Yeah, and that.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Person didn't appreciate it, so I wish I hadn't done it.
My Leah says, always dated each other. We have fun together,
We hang out and enjoy quality time, which can help
couples to stay connected and out of a rut.
Speaker 4 (38:56):
I totally agree. You have to carve out time.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
I heard the guy on Facebook on one of these
shows on YouTube, and he said that him and his
wife always have a weekly date. He also have a
monthly date with his sons. The wife has the monthly
date with the daughters, and then every three months they
go away somewhere, and then once a year they go
out of the country, you know, and things like that.
(39:23):
It kind of keeps the relationship fresh. You have things
to look forward to, and it's just you're not always
into the same routine, because sometimes routine can be a
relationship killer.
Speaker 7 (39:37):
M Yeah, after a long time doing the same things
attired here, I do agree with always state each other.
I'll have fun together, hang out and enjoy call the guitar.
Speaker 10 (39:51):
Yeah, I agree with.
Speaker 7 (39:52):
Everything Maleiah said. I even agree with this what you
what the guy was saying. I think if you continue
to date the person, it's not going to feel like
you're demanded into a relationship. It's kind of like it's
going to stay fresh and keep going on and north
(40:13):
by just still trying to.
Speaker 10 (40:14):
Get that person.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
Yes, it's like, what did you do? What did you
do to get the person? What were some of the
things that you did to get that person? And help
remember how exciting it felt when you were planning the
things for that person.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
Do that.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
I saw this thing on Facebook that this couple did,
and I want to do it. It's you know how
you do like a paint and sip, but you send
in pictures of each other and then they'll send you
the board the canvas board back, but it'll have your
picture on it, her picture on it, and it'll have numbers.
(40:52):
And they send the paints too. So you'll know what
number to paint it, and you sit, get whatever you're
gonna sip on, have some cheese and crackers, some fruit,
and then you guys pain each other.
Speaker 10 (41:07):
I did see somebody do that before.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
I was like, that seemed like it would be really fun.
It's creative like, so that would be a fun thing
to do. I would say, do something that both of
you have not done but you're kind of like afraid
to do. But then you could do it together and
you guys can bond over that.
Speaker 5 (41:29):
Well.
Speaker 10 (41:30):
I think I would like the fact that.
Speaker 7 (41:33):
Me leaving early from the house and we go and
I go somewhere and you're gonna meet me there, and
you could put on that sexy dress or that sexy
outfit because I want my jaw to drop and everybody
else's door to drop when you walk through the door.
Speaker 10 (41:53):
And everybody's like, well wow, who is that?
Speaker 7 (41:55):
And then we role played out from there and we
leave and go and go home.
Speaker 4 (42:02):
It sounds like fun.
Speaker 7 (42:06):
All right now.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
So when it comes to relationships, it says that date
nights may not just be enough. There are other things
that you may have to do. Date nights are once
a week, if that's if you plan them once a week,
they could be once a week. I think sometimes you
may get You have to be intentional about it because
sometimes you could get busy and then you keep pushing
(42:33):
the date night back, keep pushing it back, You keep
pushing it back, and the next thing you know, you
haven't been on a date in like three months.
Speaker 4 (42:39):
Nicki says, we have to do Why do some men
have insecurities?
Speaker 5 (42:45):
What?
Speaker 4 (42:49):
Okay? Result?
Speaker 1 (42:50):
Why do some men have insecurities that could put you
in a relationship? But if your man is he has
insecurities and that rub off onto you in a relationship,
it can make things, It can make you not even
want to be around that person.
Speaker 10 (43:10):
Well, Nikki, there are some men out there. How can
I put this.
Speaker 5 (43:21):
All? Right?
Speaker 10 (43:24):
So sometimes some men if.
Speaker 7 (43:26):
You heard the terminology that there are women that is
out of your league, and if a lot of men
feel as though that this woman is just so beautiful
and she can get scooped up by another man or
so he's not having confidence in his self, So the
insecurities will begin to kick in because you feel as
(43:48):
though that you are more than what he is, and
that somebody can come along and just who just take
you away, So there's no reason to be jealous of
another man. If that woman is into you, she's going
to be into you.
Speaker 10 (44:06):
If she is for you, she is going to be
for you.
Speaker 7 (44:09):
I don't know why men have these jealousy streaks or
why they have this feeling that they're gonna lose you
and they don't trust you and they start to go crazy,
and well they could be going crazy for something else,
but that's a whole nother another story.
Speaker 10 (44:28):
But yes, Nikki, that is a couple of reasons why
they have insecurities.
Speaker 7 (44:34):
Maybe you're too much for him.
Speaker 4 (44:37):
Oh wow, maybe you're too much for him, Nikki. That's fine.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
So I want to go back to date nights. Right
when it comes to date nights, I think some people
may be like, oh, we always got to go and
spend money. But date nights don't always have to be
about spending money. You can find something to do in
the city, especially if you whatever city you're in. It's
free stuff that they have. They have museum nights that
(45:08):
are free, Nicki says, think you resolved.
Speaker 10 (45:13):
Comments over there? Now you see it, Nicky, you are welcome.
Speaker 7 (45:21):
A great smile too.
Speaker 4 (45:24):
So there are some things that you can do for free.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Don't think that you always have to spend money when
it comes to date night, because you do not. You
just have to be creative. You and your person have
to be creative. Try to outdo each other. If it's
your turn to planet, just try to outdo each other.
There's a study by the National Marriage Project Project that
found that couples who schedule weekly date nights are three
(45:47):
point five times more likely to report being very happy
in their marriage.
Speaker 4 (45:53):
You have to date each other.
Speaker 10 (45:56):
You too, I'm telling you.
Speaker 7 (45:59):
Get you a come petitive woman because the clickwalks in
the kitchen, it goes down.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
So those washing those dishes put them in this rush.
Miliah said, go on walks. Yes, it's the perfect season
for for walk for walking date walks. Yeah, seasons for
date walks.
Speaker 5 (46:26):
It is.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
It's nice outside. Like it's so many things that you
can do. Like I said, that's free that you don't
have to pay anything. They have movies in the park
right now. They're probably getting ready to end because the
summer is ending. But movie in the park that you
can go to for free. Again I mentioned museum nights
that they have for free. You can go to the zoo,
(46:50):
just different things. Pack of picnic, but.
Speaker 7 (46:53):
You're probably gotta spend money to get into the zoo.
Speaker 4 (46:56):
No, they have three days you have to go on
the free days. They have three days.
Speaker 1 (47:00):
You can get tickets from from your local library for free,
where you could go.
Speaker 4 (47:04):
To the zoo that you don't have to pay.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
There are different things that you know you could do
where you're not spending any money. I think we feel
like we always have to spend money, but you just
have to be creative.
Speaker 10 (47:16):
Well, you know nowadays these a lot of the junctures
like the zoo. They don't want to go to the zoo.
Speaker 7 (47:23):
They want to go get lit.
Speaker 4 (47:25):
Oh my goodness, oh wow, I even want to touch
that one result. I'm gonna go to this with.
Speaker 7 (47:38):
These are the hard conversations that we have to have.
Speaker 4 (47:41):
That's true. I don't think we don't have enough time
because we got to wrap up.
Speaker 7 (47:46):
You're not looking for those little simple things anymore.
Speaker 4 (47:50):
And that's true. That means maybe that partner is not
for you.
Speaker 1 (47:55):
You got to find a partner that matches your energy,
find someone that matched your energy. So y'all looking for
the same things.
Speaker 10 (48:08):
That's why there's a lot of things out there now
because in none of these energiesus last. And when we
talk about how.
Speaker 7 (48:14):
We talk about them demons and how they attached themselves, they.
Speaker 4 (48:20):
Would suck the life right out of you, drain you. Yes.
Speaker 1 (48:25):
So that's why number six is important. It talks about
faith and growth and how couples that practice faith together,
I think it helps them not to be stuck. You
have somebody that prays for you, y'all praying together, y'all
worshiping together.
Speaker 4 (48:43):
It could look kind of sexy.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
When you have a man that's able to lay hands
on you and pray for you, like, you know, you
see him studying his word, You're like, oh, go baby,
I said, he's studying like that could look kind of sexy.
Like it takes a special kind of man to do that.
So I think if you have somebody that's of the
(49:05):
same faith, then use that. Y'all can have Bible study together.
Speaker 10 (49:11):
What should.
Speaker 4 (49:13):
Know?
Speaker 7 (49:13):
These kids they out here haven't Bible study.
Speaker 4 (49:17):
They should.
Speaker 7 (49:19):
Like, ooh, he looked sexy reading that Bible. She like
hurried up rolled that blood. Well, I could get my
drink and we can get litts.
Speaker 10 (49:32):
They don't even know what night is.
Speaker 4 (49:37):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
So result if you as we wrap up, I guess
just maybe if you could give couples maybe one practical
step about how to get their relationship out of a rut.
Speaker 4 (49:52):
Too revival, what would that be.
Speaker 10 (49:56):
Honestly, you kind of said it before.
Speaker 7 (49:58):
I would take a vacation, get away from everything. You
take a vacation, you got new things around you, whole
new atmosphere where there.
Speaker 10 (50:12):
You're more in a relaxed state.
Speaker 7 (50:14):
You're not in the house where the stress is just pounding.
Speaker 10 (50:17):
On you, pounding on it, beating you down. So I
would take a vacation.
Speaker 7 (50:24):
And it seems like couples are much happier when they're vacating,
unless they're bringing them problems from home on with them
with vacation. But the majority of them, they get through
vacation and it becomes a pleasant thing and they want
that same feeling. So when you get home, you left
those problems down on vacation and vacation is a good thing.
(50:45):
And now you're back in the house and you're like, wow,
I really enjoyed myself, and now we can have an
open conversation about things, because you know, this person.
Speaker 10 (50:53):
Was so relaxed and they're laid back. They wasn't that
type of person.
Speaker 4 (51:00):
I I agree with that.
Speaker 1 (51:01):
They say, if you want to get to know someone,
take them on a vacation and you would get to
learn a lot of stuff about them.
Speaker 4 (51:09):
What are your words of wisdom? Result?
Speaker 7 (51:13):
Oh, man, I had it.
Speaker 10 (51:14):
I don't forgot it.
Speaker 4 (51:18):
Come on, bez.
Speaker 10 (51:21):
Well, I had as Oh I know it was. Waitmn,
you can't keep running. Wait, you can't blame.
Speaker 7 (51:37):
You can't keep blaming the relationship if it's on fire,
if you're the one who keep who keep fanning the flames.
Speaker 4 (51:47):
I like that, So I will leave you. Yeah, I
like that.
Speaker 1 (51:53):
My words of wisdom are A rut is not the
end of love. It's an invitation to grow, reset and
choose each other again and again. You guys join me
next Monday right here on Intellectual Radio. As always, thank
(52:14):
you for tuning in to Warriors Talk with author and
founder Lady Rochelle. Co Hosting with me today is Rosal
Gilmour aka The Biz and Warriors Talk is changing lives,
one warrior at a time.
Speaker 11 (52:29):
Thank you for listening to this week's edition of Warriors
Talk with Lady Rochelle. To find out more about Warriors Talk,
follow at Warriors Talk the number one on all social
media outlets, and Warriors Talk with Lady Rochelle on YouTube.
Please join us next week and every Monday evening at
(52:49):
six pm Central Standard Time on Intellectual Radio dot com
for Warriors Talk with Lady Rochelle, where we encourage, educate,
and empower you into action.
Speaker 6 (53:04):
M
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