April 8, 2025 • 48 mins
In this episode, I’m sharing what really happened when I downshifted my business, how I went from high-volume launches to a lean, booked-out 1:1 coaching model, all while rediscovering alignment in love and life. From the ROI of descaling to redefining success post-sabbatical, this is your reminder that slowing down doesn’t mean shrinking. It means recalibrating to align with what actually matters.
Why You Should Listen:
- The Real Results of Descaling: Learn how simplifying my business model helped me get booked out with fewer clients and more profit.
- Post-Sabbatical Success: I share how stepping away created clarity and what it looked like to return with stronger boundaries, strategy, and purpose.
- Finding Love & Alignment in Real Life: I’m opening up about the healing work that led to finding love and why emotional regulation is now part of my business strategy.
- Messaging That Matches Today’s Market: Discover why leading with intellect alone isn’t enough and how to shift your messaging for a more sophisticated buyer in 2025.
If you’ve been craving calm, clarity, and clients who renew over and over again, this episode will speak to your soul.
Other resources shared:
✨ Be the first to know about private 1:1 coaching spot availability - join the waitlist: https://jereshiahawk.com/waitlist
Craving raw, real, and relatable insights from a multi-7 figure business advisor and coach who's been in your shoes and is still walking the path? In my email newsletter, I share practical lessons on building a sustainable, profitable business — without sacrificing what matters most. Ready to join the journey... Subscribe here: https://jereshiahawk.com/insider
Stay connected with me in real-time over on Instagram! I share daily insights, behind-the-scenes moments, and a peek into my slow morning rituals: www.instagram.com/jereshiahawk
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker (00:00):
Hello there.
(00:00):
It's been a minute.
I tried to record this up in mynew office so I could show off
my incredible setup, butliterally my mouse stopped
working.
It needed to be charged.
My keyboard died and it was justa sign that maybe either one, I
don't need to be working rightnow, or two, let me get
resourceful.
So I came downstairs and justplugged in, my simple mic set
up, and here we are.
(00:22):
I was super like.
Not nervous, but a littlehesitant to hit record because
this has been such aninteresting season., even just
with my like relationship withmarketing and my relationship
with creating content, there islike this duality that I feel
like I've been wrestling with oflike a, I'm not being consistent
enough.
And a huge part of that is likeI am, I used to be producing
(00:44):
like two posts a day onInstagram publishing at least
one, if not two emails per weekfor my newsletter.
I was publishing one to twoepisodes a week on the podcast
and to be in a season., still Ifeel like getting, I feel like
I'm just now really getting mygroove of quote unquote working
again since taking mysabbatical,, where I'm now
producing the podcast inseasons.
(01:05):
And you know, I haven't recordeda new podcast in a couple of
months and here we are now andthere's really interesting, this
mental chatter that goes on.,And I think it's a good place to
start this episode today with aquick update because it's like
I've produced over 250 podcastepisodes.
I've gone live on Facebook orInstagram or whatever, over a
(01:26):
thousand live stream videos inmy career.
And when you choose to take apause and.
Or, and or adjust your pace whenit comes to creating content,
you will still feel resistancesometimes with hitting publish
again.
And even though you have alreadyput in so many reps, you can
still feel this, this level ofdiscomfort or like you have like
(01:47):
this.
Getting on the bike again forthe new time.
For the first time, even thoughit's not your first time.
It's just, it's an interestingdynamic I've been in.
It's something that I've noticeda lot of my private one-on-one
clients kind of struggle with.
When they delegate all of theirmarketing, remove themselves
completely from their messaging,and then realize they, they,
their voice is still requiredand they have to.
(02:07):
Have to show up and have torecord and have to contribute
again.
It's like an interestingdynamic, to step back in.
And that's how I feel right now.
And it's just an interestingthing'cause I, and I had to
really reframe some of this,, tomyself even just this past week
of that.
Like, you're not beinginconsistent.
Your pace just looks differentnow.
And I really have to remindmyself of the facts.
(02:29):
I've been booked out since Icame back and started offering
private one-on-one coaching, andit's like the level of marketing
output that I used to, I.
Produce is just like, it's nolonger necessary.
And that's a really interestingthing to give myself permission
to receive, accept, and allow mypace to adjust accordingly.
(02:53):
Like when you shift yourbusiness model, when you shift
the type of offers that yousell, when you go through these
transitions,, sometimes we willchange our, our offers, but we
won't.
Adapt our approach to leadgeneration marketing.
Like we wanna adapt our strategyto align with what the new
offers are.
And it's a really, reallyinteresting thing to be in.
(03:14):
Uh, I think I'm, I'm starting toaccept it, but I just noticed
some resistance when I sat downto record today, and I'm like,
you know what?
Let me let you in on thisbecause, it's a part of the
process.
And when you shift from, youknow, working with a hundred,
150 high ticket clients a yearto working with.
12 to 20 per year., the level ofscale that I used to need is
(03:37):
literally no longer required.
And you really, you know, thisis something I just got back
from hosting my mastermindretreat last week with my
clients, and it was actually areally big topic of conversation
is like what level, like yoursystems need to align with a
level of scale that's necessaryfor the season of business that
you're in.
And yes, you can have the, youknow, most complex project
(03:59):
management systems and the mostcomplex.
S you know, content repurposingstrategies, and you can have,
um, you know, the most, youknow, glamorous or high
production level of contentoutput, but you really have to
ask yourself, is that level ofscale necessary for the season
of business that I'm in?
And the type of results I'mlooking to get.
It.
So that's a quick update on likewhere I'm at, what I've been
(04:22):
wrestling with, what I'm workingthrough.
Um, and I'll kind of segue in tojust how the business model is
right now.
And then I'm gonna just go intosome q and a I had from
Instagram, a lot of yousubmitted questions, um, since I
said we're bringing the podcastback this month.
And, you know, I'm gonna answersome of your questions before,
um, we get too, too deep intothis season, into this next
(04:43):
series of the podcast.
Um.
The next series of the podcast,lemme give you just a little
teaser of what you can expectover the next few episodes.
And then I'll go into answeringsome of these questions and
giving a state of the union ofwhere my business model is at
and how it's just been, um, withthe transition.
But this next season of thepodcast, I'm gonna be titling it
the perception Gap.
(05:03):
And the reason being is becausethere is, um, uh, this common
theme that I'm noticing rightnow, it's something I also
wrestled with when coming backinto business and just adjusting
my business model, is that itseems to be this gap between
those of us who havetraditionally marketed based off
of our intellect primarily.
That, that very education,knowledge based how to focus in
(05:26):
our marketing.
And there's usually thisperception gap between people
respecting us and people knowingthat we know our stuff and
there's this gap in the problemthat we know how to solve and
the way in which people perceiveus and.
That's the gap that I reallywant us to close.
Um, and I really look at the,the, i, the perception gap is
(05:46):
really like this, this triangleeffect where there is your
intellect, which many of us.
Our intellect is our armor.
We lead with what we know.
We lead with our knowledge, welead with our degrees, we lead
with our credentials, we leadwith our titles.
Um, many of us have built ourbusinesses based off of our
intellect and the educationalapproach of what we can teach,
(06:07):
and that's like pretty much ahundred percent of how we
present ourselves.
And people has have,historically, a lot of us,
myself included, have paid usprimarily based off of the trust
that they felt and the respectthat they had for the intellect
that we can convey.
But what I'm noticing is theseother two parts of the triangle
that are missing is, yes, yourintellect is required, but also
(06:31):
your identity and how youshowcase your identity, what you
let people into, and how youridentity aligns with the values
in which your ideal clientshave.
And then there's image, and Idon't mean just image in the
sense of like.
How you present yourself andyour, you know, your attire,
your makeup, your hair.
(06:51):
That is a part of it though.
But I mean, also image and howyou view yourself.
Um, your sense how you, howregulated your nervous system
is, like your sense of selfimage, how comfortable you are
in your own skin, how safe youfeel, um, with your own opinions
and your own point of view andyour own perspective.
And I feel like those are thethree aspects of intellect
(07:13):
identity.
An image that really closed theperception gap that our
prospects and the people that wewant to be hiring us, that's the
gap we need to close, um, inorder to establish that
credibility.
You know, create that trust intoday's landscape.
And I really do feel like we'rein a different season right now,
(07:34):
in 2025, the way people aremaking, buying decisions.
Um, we're dealing with a moresophisticated market in addition
to what's going on politicallyand economically.
People are in a much more, um,scared state, you know, a more
fearful state.
People are a lot more discerningwhen they're making their buying
decisions.
(07:55):
And their approach to makingthose buying decisions and the.
The discernment they're using,the things that they're looking
for to reduce the perceived riskaround where they're making
buying decisions.
I really feel like is a trifectaof all three of those elements.
You know, 2019 to 2022, I feellike, especially in the digital
(08:16):
marketing, online education,coaching space, online ed, um,
space or whatever, yourintellect was really enough.
To get the sale.
And I feel like now, yes, yourintellect is required, but um,
if you're selling a moresophisticated problem, if you
are selling to a moresophisticated buyer, if you're
selling on a more premium end,if you're just rinsing and
(08:38):
repeating messaging from two orthree years ago and you have not
refined your messaging to meet.
The perceived risk your buyersfeel today, even though if
you're selling to the sameperson, but that person is not
making buying decisions the sameway.
Like if your messaging is notcaught up to that.
And if you have primarily ledyour marketing from an intellect
(09:00):
based approach, you really don'tlet people know who you are,
where you stand, like what youridentity is, that your identity
and your image are not thingsthat you have really poured into
your front face.
Marketing and your front facemessaging.
I am.
That's where the gap is and.
That's what the next handful ofepisodes are gonna be about.
It's just how do you coose thatperception gap and really that
(09:23):
trifecta of identity, image, andintellect, how those three
things need to work together toreduce the perceived risk that
buyers are feeling as it relatesto how they're making buying
decisions today.
That's what I'm noticing formyself.
That's what's been working forme, um, and that's what's been
working for my private clients,so I'm excited to dive into
that.
In the next handful of episodesand in the season of the
(09:46):
podcast.
And I think that's a naturalsegue of like, um, somebody asks
like, what's the state of theunion?
What's it been like sellingprimarily private one-on-one
coaching?
And what is your, like, how haveyou shifted to adjust to that?
And I gave some insight to thatat the very beginning of this
episode.
But the thing that I'm noticingfor me is that like I went from
selling.
12 clients into a 15 to$18,000offer in a day.
(10:10):
To now I'm working with 12 to 15clients in a year, and it's a
very different dynamic., I thinktoo, when you transition from
selling a curriculum based.
Program where there is oneoutcome, there is one pathway
that you lead people through.,that's a very different approach
to marketing and selling thanprivate one-on-one.
(10:32):
In a group curriculum basedprogram, I was selling a promise
and private one-on-one.
I am really selling aphilosophy.
yes, there's still outcomes thatwe achieve, but.
Intellect alone is not thereason why somebody's gonna be
willing to hire me for a sixmonth private one-on-one
coaching.
They are, yes, my intellect andtheir ability to trust in my
(10:54):
lived experience and my abilityto advise them based off of
credible, relevant experiencethat I have is absolutely part
of the equation.
But I think the biggest thingthat I noticed when I shifted to
private one-on-one versusselling, like when I had a,
yeah, when I shifted fromselling like my intellectual
property, here's this oneoutcome.
(11:15):
You're really only hiring me forthe knowledge transfer that I'm
gonna give you, like a skillthat I can help you develop and
I'm giving you one formula tofollow, like a very step-by-step
linear path to people hiring meprivate one-on-one.
Where it's like, yes, they'rehiring the intellect, but I also
get to see them at a very humanlevel.
(11:35):
They are buying into an identityalignment.
Um, they are buying into.
Yeah, they're buying into anidentity.
It just as much as they'rebuying into intellect and
they're also buying into imagejust as much as they're buying
into intellect.
And usually the, privateone-on-one clients, the reason
why I've been blessed, you know,to be booked out, I've been
blessed.
We, like 90% of my clients willrenew for a second term.
(11:59):
I have some clients I've beenworking with now for four or
five years, since I've come backwith private one-on-one out of
the.
12 clients I've worked with, a,11 of them have renewed.
The reason why they tell me theychoose to renew is that like,
yes, I'm proud of the resultsthat we're able to make, but
they tell me that the reason whythey stay is because of how much
more they're able to trustthemselves.
(12:19):
and that to me is really like anidentity and an image, outcome.
More so than just like.
I was able to learn this newskill, type of outcome, and I
think that's a really importantthing I've been noticing.
and I think a really importantfactor for you as you're
listening is you really need tounderstand the type of business
that you're in.
And you really need tounderstand that even though
(12:42):
coaching, quote unquote might bethe umbrella or online
education, quote unquote, is theumbrella when you shift offers.
From a digital course to groupcoaching to private one-on-one
coaching or, and you shift the.
The perceived risk that aprospect feels as it relates to
(13:02):
each one of those offers.
And you also shift the maincriteria that somebody's making
a buying decision on, a digitalcourse.
It's probably like more of animpulse based purchase.
They're buying, one tacticalskillset.
it's very intellectual in naturewhen you're selling maybe a four
to five figure group coachingprogram.
(13:23):
It's kind of a hodgepodge.
They're buying.
Education.
They're buying coaching.
They're buying both dynamics.
They're buying community.
That's a different.
Thing that they're a differentvalue proposition that they're
hiring into when it's privateone-on-one, they're buying
identity alignment.
They wanna know, not only canyou help them achieve their
outcome, but they care just asmuch in the process that you're
(13:45):
going to walk them through toachieve that outcome.
And what I mean by that is like.
My values, how I live my life.
Um, the process of like myidentity factors in so much
because there's a million peopleyou could hire as a private
one-on-one coach, but, andthere's a million people who
might be achieving the outcomethat you want, but you wanna
(14:06):
know, are they doing it in a waythat aligns with the lifestyle
that you wanna live?
And that's been the biggestthing because I've, you know,
and I think from a marketing anda lead generation and a
messaging standpoint, that hasbeen one of the.
I don't wanna call it achallenge, but that was one of
the biggest lessons I had tolearn is that I can't keep
marketing the way that I usedto.
(14:27):
I can't keep marketing on myintellect alone anymore.
I really started noticing thatjust trying to sell the how tos
and the tactical stuff wasn'tgonna work anymore.
I realized that, people were notbuying because of.
Purely my credibility.
I had to stop marketing, like Ihad something to prove, I had
(14:47):
to.
Really re-approach, like how Imarketed, how I message.
I needed to lead with morestorytelling.
I needed to lead more with whatmy identity is.
And part of that is I had toreally get clear on what aspects
of my identity do I feelcomfortable monetizing, and what
aspects of my identity do I feelcomfortable magnifying through
my marketing.
(15:08):
Because one thing I know to betrue is that when you are
selling your intellectualproperty.
And when you are working with inclose proximity with your
clients, like in a one-on-one oran intimate mastermind, um, your
personal brand is a requirement.
That is a responsibility thatyou bear as the CEO.
You cannot delegate yourperspective.
You cannot delegate youridentity.
(15:28):
You cannot delegate yourmessaging.
You can delegate thedistribution of those things,
but you cannot delegate thesource.
You are the source.
And I just really realized thatlike.
I had to get clear on thosethings and then I had to really
get comfortable with, okay.
I have to lead more with anidentity based messaging
approach, not just anintellectual based approach to
(15:48):
my marketing, and I have tofigure out what those lines
exist, where I feel safe,managing and, and keeping what
feels what needs to be private,private, but also feeling like I
can create a level of connectionwith my audience at an identity
level in order to facilitate thetrust and credibility necessary
for them to feel comfortablehiring me private one-on-one.
(16:10):
And that's kind of what, thisseason is really gonna be diving
into.
I'm actually in the processright now of creating a new
course.
it's gonna be called Market,like a CEO, and it's gonna be
really a course on messaging.
Like how do you.
Really search who infuse moreidentity based messaging into
your content when you are a CEO,like we are not creating content
like influencers and reallyunderstanding that distinction.
(16:32):
So if you are interested inthat, it is something that I'll
be rolling out in the nextcouple of weeks.
You can join the wait list, I'llleave the link in the show
notes.
so that's kind of where I'm atbusiness wise.
It's been a really interestingdynamic and going back to this
whole debacle that I've beenfeeling around consistency, it's
like it's been really gratifyingbecause even though in my
business I.
(16:53):
I guess, how should I say this?
It's like I am, I'm reallygrateful that I'm allowing my
business to be in service to mejust as much as I am in service
to it, and that I'm allowing mybusiness to adjust its pace for
this season, like I have givenmy entire life for the, I feel
like my whole life, it feelslike up until this, the past
year, year and a half, where.
Work was the number onepriority.
(17:15):
My health, my nutrition, myfitness, my wellbeing, my
personal life, my love life,like my friendships, everything
took a back burner to work andwhen you've been doing that for
decades, I had to be mindful ofthe language that I was using.
'cause it's like I am not, notbeing consistent just in this
season.
My nervous system.
(17:35):
I'm being so consistent onmaking sure I'm well regulated.
I'm being so consistent ontitrating my nervous system.
I'm being so consistent withshowing up for myself, my
health, my nutrition.
Making sure my stress levels aremanaged.
I'm being so consistent withmanaging my boundaries and
communicating my needs andgiving myself permission to
(17:57):
receive the things I need tosatisfy my needs.
I've been so consistent in thatarea and I have to remind myself
that like in different seasons,different things take priority
and that's 1000%.
Okay.
I used to really think that, oh,if I slow my pace or if I adjust
my pace, people are gonna loserespect and lose credibility.
And I really had to think aboutwho are all the people that I
(18:20):
admire, who are all the greatsand the OGs who've been doing
this decades and decades, andwhen they choose to take breaks.
How do I feel about them?
And I think about Malik Teal,who, I think about her podcast
and how she's shown up.
It's been in waves.
Like there are times where she'sproducing every single week, and
there are seasons when we don'thear from her for months.
I don't lose respect for that.
(18:41):
If anything, I respect it evenmore because it's like one,
you've built a financial.
Like a financial safety net.
And you've built enough safetyin your world, both financially,
you're well-resourced, whereone, you can take a pause, and
two that I have to respect you'cause you're willing to give
yourself permission to do it.
if anything, adjusting your paceis not.
(19:04):
Diminish your credibility.
and even in my experience ofcoming back into work and asking
clients why they choose to hireme, one of the common threads is
because I saw you take asabbatical.
One, I wanna know like how youput yourself in a financial
position where that could haveeven been a choice.
Two, I've seen the energy inwhich you came back with.
I wanna know how are youresourcing yourself in that way?
(19:26):
And what are all the things thatyou're doing to be well
resourced in that way?
to still be able to take care ofyourself while giving yourself
permission to show up andredesign your business to be in
full support of your lifestyle.
And I think that is justsomething that.
I have to remind myself of, andI think just as a, as you know,
the, the eldest daughter type,the super type A, the
(19:47):
perfectionist, the person that'sused to, primarily function in
survival mode.
When you are your own safetynet, it can feel really
terrifying to adjust your pacewhen the pace at which you were
running at before is what led toyour success.
And I'm really reworking notjust the cognitive understanding
and the intellectualunderstanding, but the safety I
(20:09):
feel in my body that like I canstill maintain the level of
success that is enough for meand also broaden my definition
of what success is.
'cause before success was justabout productivity and how much
I could produce versus now mysuccess is.
All encompassing of like, howwell regulated is my nervous
(20:30):
system, how am I meeting all ofmy needs outside of
productivity?, that is not justwork related.
How, nurtured are therelationships in my life that
mattered to me in addition to,revenue is now just like one
line item.
It's not the only line item thatI'm measuring my success on.
And I'm really grateful forthat,, and I'm still working on
(20:51):
finding safety in my nervoussystem, in my body around that,
not just understanding thatconcept intellectually.
So that's where I'm at.
So let me pull up some morequestions you guys asked, from
Instagram stories.
A few of you, Andrea and MaryMarian asked about my LASIK
surgery, guys.
I got LASIK surgery.
Okay.
Part of my glow up over the pastfew years has included getting
(21:12):
my eyebrows microbladed.
I did that back in 2018.
It's bananas because I've neverhad to get a touchup.
people always ask like, Jay,your eyebrows are so perfect.
I'm like, baby, they're perfectbecause I paid for them.
But I'm just very lucky that myskin holds ink well, because
the, I got a ombre.
Microneedling type of situation.
(21:34):
so it's more of a tattoo on myface which sounds crazy, saying
that out loud, but I've neverhad to get a touch up and I
just, my ink just doesn't fade.
So I know that's not normal, butI got that back in 2018.
The next thing I wanted to glowup on was getting Invisalign,
and I got that, about two yearsago.
I got, has it been two years?
Yeah, it's been about two yearsnow.
I got Invisalign done and thenext part of my globe was
(21:56):
getting lasik.
And because I got, well, Istarted wearing glasses back in
middle school and I got my LASIKdone this year and I really wish
I would've done LASIK years ago.
Just the idea of,eye surgery wasterrifying.
I'm like, what in the world?
I have no idea.
But when I went in for my firstconsult, and they really broke
down what the process was gonnabe like.
It was a 15 minute procedureand.
(22:19):
You get the LASIK done, you haveto wear, you have to like put
these eyedrops in your eyes,like this antibiotic medication
for like the week leading up toyour LASIK surgery.
You can't wear your contactsleading up'cause you want your
eyes to be as lubricated aspossible.
You get the LASIK done, 15minutes, you're over.
You basically take a volume andthey tell you to sleep for the
rest of the day after surgery.
(22:40):
And that night when I woke up,after I slept all day, I could
see and the next morning I wentback in for my visit.
I.
2020 vision.
I went in a, in a week later Ihave 1520 vision that is better
than 2020.
And it is, it was money wellspent.
it feels, so it's still kind ofweird'cause every single night
(23:03):
you're used to like having totake your contacts out every
single night.
I'm like, man, I can't believe Idon't have to take my contacts
out.
I'm like, people have been justrunning around living life
without just being able to seelike this.
It's just.
One of those things you take forgranted.
but the experience wasabsolutely incredible.
I went to the San Diego LASIKInstitute.
If you are in San Diego, theyhave, an office in San Diego and
(23:24):
one up in Irvine, up in OrangeCounty.
Definitely do your research.
go get multiple consultations,read reviews, do your research
before going to get it done.
'cause yes, it is eye surgery,but it was a, I am so glad I did
it.
I wish I would've done itsooner.
Like people said that, you mighthave dry eyes afterwards.
I have nothing like when I have,I, my, they said my recovery was
(23:48):
very, very quick.
there was like maybe for, maybethree or four days after LASIK,
and maybe for the first week,you're supposed to keep putting
these eyedrops in just likenormal lubricating eyedrops.
So I did that for the firstweek, like I was instructed, but
I've never had to use eyedropssince I don't have any like
negative side effects.
My eyes are never dry.
for the first two weeks or so,you will notice just like eye
(24:09):
fatigue.
Which I think was actuallyprobably good because you, you
don't realize how often likeyou're scrolling on a screen or
looking at a TV or whatever.
So like you do, like your eyesare just like learning how to
adjust like perception anddistance and things like that
for the first few weeks.
But 10 out of 10 recommend andabsolutely love who I went to.
They were phenomenal, like 10outta 10 facility.
(24:32):
So that was my LASIK journey.
Kia asked, how do you find loveas a successful woman?
Y'all have been asked me a lotof questions about love since I
got divorced.
You've seen me, well, you didn'tsee me dating'cause I'd never
showcased that season onInstagram or online.
But now seeing me get engaged inpreparing for a wedding,
(24:53):
honestly, I think as asuccessful woman.
When it comes to love, some ofthe most successful women I know
are married, but, so I don'tthink like success is a barrier
to you finding a soulmate, but Ido think that.
If you are hyper independent,you have function in a scarcity
based mindset for an extendedperiod of your life.
(25:14):
If you, every time you getheartbroken, you go get another
degree or another certification,I do think there's an
opportunity to see and recognizewhat part of your healing
journey are you running awayfrom?
And when I think about thehealing journey, quote unquote,
like I really, for me at least,it was like.
(25:35):
What parts of yourself are younot allowing yourself to grieve?
And when I, got divorced, one ofthe things that I did after my
divorce while I was on mysabbatical, I took a self-love,
grief and heartbreak course.
And I really just I knew therewas parts of myself that I was
(25:55):
not.
Allowing myself to have arelationship with, I guess is
the best way to say it.
And I'm just like, okay.
I've gone to talk therapy, I'vedone traditional therapy.
I have read the books, I havedone the podcast, I have done a
lot of coaching, I've done a lotof therapy.
But there's still something thatI am avoiding.
And one thing that that.
(26:15):
Heartbreak and grief coursereally taught me is that,,
there's lots of things that Inever allowed myself to grieve.
Like grief was not an emotionthat I had a relationship with.
And anger, sure.
Rage, sure sadness, sure.
But I realized that I had asevere pattern of self
abandonment and I would.
(26:38):
I never have labeled myself as apeople pleaser, but, I wasn't
people pleasing in order to beliked.
I was people pleasing andwanting to, I would abandon
myself to make other people feelcomfortable, out fear, and that
was, that's attached to my ownchildhood trauma and all that
stuff.
We're not about to, not about totrauma dump on you, but grief
(26:59):
was a core emotion that I reallynever had a relationship with.
And when I think about findinglove, finding love really for me
was like giving myself space togrieve all the things that I
never gave myself the space todo.
That was one, like grievingthings that happened in my
childhood, happened in pastrelationships happened with my
(27:21):
last marriage that was also,grieving the disappointment I
felt in myself for abandoningmyself as many times as I did.
I had to grieve the parts.
That I was just disappointed in,in myself.
And when I feel like when Istarted really doing that work,
that cracked me open in a waythat was so unexpected and so
(27:42):
powerful, because I realizedthat pleasure and desire and
quote unquote meeting my needsin that way was something that
felt.
Honestly, it felt unsafe.
It felt very far away.
It felt, almost uncomfortable.
I could meet my needs from aproduction standpoint, be
(28:02):
successful, achieve theaccomplishments, don't quit, be
disciplined and like a workethic type of thing.
But play, pleasure, desire, andI don't mean just like sensual
play and sensual desire, but Ijust mean The little things
like, I would make the plan toeat healthy this week, go go to
the grocery store.
I would meal plan, but then whenit came down to it, there would
(28:25):
be like this, this, dissonanceof giving myself the thing that
I knew that I needed.
And I'm like, there is a blockerthere.
What is that?
But me establishing arelationship with grief and all
the dynamics grieving, what Ididn't get from other people
that I wish I had, and grievingthe past versions of myself that
(28:45):
I might've been disappointed in.
that was like the catalyst for alot of unlocking a lot of love.
And I think the people arealways asking, people,
particularly have been askingme, how did you find love?
And I'm like, first.
And you hear it all the time,and now it makes sense to me.
Well, the love that you areseeking, you have to really ask
yourself.
I feel like you're gonna findthe love that matches the way in
(29:08):
which you love yourself, thedepth at which you love and care
for yourself.
The depth at which you allowyourself to experience,
pleasure, desire, the depth atwhich you choose yourself is
going to be mirrored in thedepth that which you receive
that in a romantic partner oreven in your friendships.
And I think that is really thetruth, So for me, like finding
(29:32):
love as a successful woman meantestablishing a new relationship
with grief and navigating that,allowing myself to feel that,
it, it required me getting outof my head and into my body.
So I stopped traditional talktherapy and I started doing more
somatic practices and somatictherapy'cause I could
intellectualize myself.
(29:53):
Through anything if somethingcame up, I could Exactly, yes.
That came, that's because ofthis childhood wound and this
attachment style.
And that's a mother wound or afather wound.
I could label it all day, but Iwas so disconnected from my
body.
there was like a totaldisconnection.
I feel like getting into yourbody is really important.
And then from there, like theromance that you seek to receive
(30:16):
will match the romance at whichyou give yourself.
The thing for me is like I needto start romanticizing every
aspect of my life.
I started going on solo datesevery single week.
I still do that.
I started, exploring thecuriosity of the things that I
was really interested in andgiving myself space for that.
The love you seek needs to startwith the love that you give
yourself.
(30:37):
So finding love as a successfulwoman, I would just want you to
start to.
Ask yourself at how successfulare you with loving on yourself,
romanticizing your own life, andtapping into those things.
At least that's what was mostbeneficial for me.
And I think what's been mostprofound in the past, two years
of my own healing journey andnavigating a lot, divorce and
(30:58):
death and, all the things, sothat's what I'd have to say
there.
Next question somebody asked,what's your tech stack now that
you've descaled and how are youmanaging yourself now?
I think this is a really goodquestion.
This goes back to, I think theconversation we're having at the
very beginning is like yoursystems should match the level
of scale that's needed for theseason that you are in.
(31:18):
So where I'm at right now, I dohave an assistant that works
probably like seven to 10 hours.
Per week on average.
Sometimes a little more,sometimes a little less.
And outside of that I just mighthire project based contractors,
depending on a project that wemight have going on.
But my tech stack right now isAsana.
I still use Asana for my projectmanagement, either to manage
(31:40):
myself or to manage now that Ihave an assistant, us,
delegating tasks back and forth.
I use Airtable.
Airtable is my client managementsystem.
So that's something I've beenusing for years.
It's, when people submit theirapplications, all the client
data, anything that's not atask, but like data that we need
to manage.
Application responses, clientfeedback forms.
(32:01):
My sales hub is in there, so ittracks all of our revenue, by
month and projections and thingslike that.
So Airtable, I use Basecamp.
That is the system I use for allof my private one-on-one
coaching relationships.
That's where we have all of ourchats and all of our back and
forth dialogue is inside ofBasecamp.
It allows us to track progress,track metrics.
track action items, things likethat.
(32:21):
I use Slack for my Mastermind.
there's only a handful ofclients in there, so that's just
like our community hub.
And then, Google Suite, typicalthere.
I use Kit, formerly known asConvertKit for my email
management system.
Love Thrive Cart.
That's where I do all my paymentprocessing.
I use Hello Audio for a fewthings now that we have a
(32:42):
private podcast feed.
anytime you guys, if you buy mynew messaging course, it'll also
be on a private podcast feedjust from easier accessibility.
And that's pretty much it.
I use Descrip as well, to recordthis podcast.
And I do use Buzzsprout to hostmy podcast.
It's very, very lean in regardsto software tech, that type of
(33:03):
thing.
when I descale my business, Ihad to reimagine my entire tech
stack because the systems andthe software that we were using
was like for a team.
I had two full-time teammembers., we had three or four
program coaches that werecontracted, but still like where
that type of conversation neededto happen.
And really like when you arerunning your own.
(33:25):
Show your process to manageyourself is very different than
the process that you use tomanage projects and manage
responsibilities with teams.
So like my tech stack, I reallyfocus on what can I purchase one
time that I don't have topurchase recurring.
And I really just focus on,okay, what do I actually need?
Not what is a system I can scalewith.
(33:45):
I need something that it matchesthe level of scale that my
business is at.
Um, so that's that.
I do also use Zoom, which I feellike is like a given.
That's really it in chat GPT.
So it's a pretty, pretty leantech stack set up now.
What do you do in your free timeand how to feel comfortable with
more free time?
I think this is a really goodquestion.
(34:07):
It's such an interesting thingbecause many of us start our
businesses so that we can workless, have more free time, and
then when we get the free time,many of us are so uncomfortable
in the stillness that we don't.
Allow ourselves to enjoy thefree time.
We usually fill it with morework, either fill it with more
work in the business, or we fillit with more responsibilities
outside of work.
(34:28):
And I think it's an interestingdynamic because I don't have
kids, I think, a lot of myclients do have children and
they might want part-time hours.
And when they're not working,it's like they're picking their
kids up from school, they'redropping them off at gymnastics,
they're preparing dinner,they're doing bathtime routine
like.
There is literally otherresponsibilities that, they want
(34:50):
to have the capacity to bepresent for.
And it's, it's kind of a given,like you gotta show up for your
family.
I think when you don't havekids, at least this is my
experience, like when my workdayis done, there is no other Like
demanding human or a demandingresponsibility that like demands
my attention, I guess is whatI'm trying to say.
And I think that, even if you dohave kids, regardless of what
(35:13):
your dynamic is like when you dohave your moment that's just for
you, how comfortable do you feelin your stillness?
How comfortable do you feelindulging in whatever your
pleasures and desires are?
And that, again, like I'vementioned, has been something
I've really had to establish anew relationship with myself on.
So, um, what really works forme, still kind of type A, but it
really does help me regulate mynervous system, is that I have
(35:35):
like a post work playbook formyself.
Um, and I make myself like aweekly menu.
Um, that's after work activitiesand I give myself a menu of
things I could do, and thatreally always helps me.
Um, it gives enough structurewithout feeling too structured.
And I'm literally, right nowwhen I get done recording this
podcast episode, I have mycalendar sitting next to me
(35:58):
right here.
I have, already brainstormedsome things of like.
Kind of like bucket list afterwork activity items that I wanna
do.
And I'm gonna like map it outand get myself a menu of, Hey,
after work, these are someoptions you can choose from for
the week.
And really what that have lookedlike for me.
Sometimes it's just as simple aslike.
F dropping packages off, doingreturns, running errands.
(36:21):
another one of my favorite afterwork activities is going to the
library and picking out newbooks.
I'm really trying to get backinto like drawing and doodling
and just like creativeexpressions.
So I really wanna have like timefor arts and crafts and just
like exploring new hobbies.
one of my favorite after workactivities also is going to
Trader Joe's and getting someflowers and like making a new
(36:43):
arrangement.
sometimes my after workactivities might look like
linking up with a friend andjust going out to dinner.
Sometimes it's me taking my bookand going to a restaurant,
taking myself out to dinner,reading my book at the bar,
ordering a hot cocoa or, somechamomile tea and just reading
my book at the bar and.
Really, that's what it's beenlike for me.
(37:03):
Sometimes it's just likewalking, during the sunset and
just going for a really longwalk and whatever.
these are not like super complexthings, but it's just what are
the things like.
Recreating the childhood I wishI had.
What are some hobbies oractivities that like, just
things that I'm curious about,make space for your curiosity.
and I've just like reallystarted to pay attention.
(37:25):
I do this as a journaling promptof like, where, what are the
spaces, the activities.
The environments, the peoplethat I'm around that really feel
like it really nourishes my cupand feels playful, feels desire,
where I feel like that pleasure,that has nothing to do with
work.
And I started making notes oflike what those things were.
And that kind of helps inform mymenu.
(37:47):
the other thing is that I, Ilike to go to maybe one or two
classes a month, like going to asound bath class or going to a
cooking class, or taking acalligraphy class or taking a
flower arrangement class.
Like I like.
I need activities too.
So I'm like, the same way thaty'all with kids be putting y'all
kids in after school curricularactivities, like make yourself a
after work curricular activitylist and just give yourself
(38:09):
options to choose from.
And that is really what I'vebeen leaning into.
'cause when I just have freetime with no assignment, um,
that's very difficult for me.
Like I feel like I get kind ofanxious and get kind of restless
and.
Um, will default and probablyjust go shopping and like, just
go walk around the grocery storeor go to the mall and walk
(38:32):
around Zara or like, whatever,and I'm like, okay.
That's not necessarily thedefault pattern I wanna have
when I feel that anxiety.
So we need to pla we need toreplace it with something else.
Um, it could just beromanticizing while you cook
dinner, you know, turning on therecord player and lighting a
candle and, you know, FaceTimingyour girlfriend when you're just
(38:55):
like preparing dinner.
Like that could be an after workactivity.
But for me it's really just beenlike romanticizing, like the,
the mundane everyday things.
And like coming up with a menuof items, like two or three
things every week that can be onmy menu of like after work
activities.
And that's helped me so much.
Um.
So yeah, that's how I've beennavigating after work time.
(39:18):
Let's see if there's anythingelse.
Somebody asked about motherhoodpreparation and planning.
How are you preparing formotherhood?
Um, what does that look like?
And y'all, I'm not pregnant, butI, like, I keep talking about
like I'm building my businesswith babies in mind.
That's probably one of the firstthings I've done in, in regards
to preparation for motherhood,is just redesigning my business
(39:39):
to have the cognitive andphysical space load to be
responsible for another human.
Um, so that's been a really bigand and intentional constraint.
'cause when I look at all of myclients who do have kids, many
of them are working.
Part-time hours.
They're working like 20 to 30hours in their business a week.
Um, and that looks differentdepending on like how old their
kids are and what season ofmotherhood they're in.
(40:02):
But like, I was like, okay, likehow can, what would it look like
if I redesigned my business forpart-time hours, but I'm still
able to take home similar profitto what I used to take home.
When I was running full time.
So that was like a ma, a majorintentional constraint that I
put on my business as I'veredesigned it.
And that feels really good tolike be functioning in that now.
So that's one way I've beenpreparing for motherhood.
(40:23):
The other thing is just likeI've been doing a lot more
strength training, um,prioritizing my fitness.
Prioritizing my nutrition,taking prenatal vitamins, um,
getting my labs done, likegetting my normal general
checkups.
Um, do incorporating more womb,WOMB, womb wellness into my my
(40:47):
self-care practices.
Chemy Dole.
If you guys do not follow herchild, she is.
Just such an incredible humanbeing.
I've had the pleasure of knowingher now for about five years,
and there's so much I've learnedfrom her about womb wellness in
a way that I, I've just, it'snever been something that's like
been on my radar, I guess, whichsounds, I'm like, I'm a woman, I
(41:09):
have a womb, but because I don'thave kids, and like I've never
really had negative or severe.
Periods or anything like that.
Like I've never reallyprioritized my womb wellness.
but now that I'm thinking aboutkids, it is something like, I'm
like, what does it look like forme to care for my womb?
What are the things I need to betalking to my ob, GYN and my
doctors about as it relates tomy womb?
what is a testing I need to bedoing?
(41:31):
So all of those things I feellike are things, I'm just being
very proactive in my health andthings that I hear my friends
talk about, even though like allmy friends who've had kids never
did any of these things inpreparation and they're fine.
Like their kids are fine.
They had fine deliveries andthings like that.
So I might be.
Overboarding it, but I'm justlike, you have this free time.
Like what does it look like justfor you to nurture and fuel your
(41:53):
body in a really loving way beyou have the resources and you
have the space to do it.
So again, strength training hasbeen really important for me.
I'm in my mid th I'm almost midthirties in my mid thirties.
Woo, girl.
So I'm just like, I know muscleretention is really important as
you age.
Increasing my f my proteinintake, increasing my fiber
(42:14):
intake, making sure I'm, I'mhydrated, doing more pelvic
floor exercises as part of mystrength training practices,
mobility and lengtheningexercises.
I've been using this app.
called Be the Method, and Ireally love it.
It is phenomenal.
If you're like, you like Pilatesand you like strength training,
I feel like it's like a reallygood merger of the two.
(42:35):
in addition to like mobility,lengthening pelvic floor, like I
feel like it's like a reallygood all in one system and I, so
I've been really loving that.
and that's like 1799 a month orsomething.
It's been.
Money well spent.
like I said, I'm taking prenatalvitamins and I think even just,
I, I very rarely drink alcoholanyways, but like pretty much
have cut that out for the mostpart.
(42:56):
So, yeah, I've just been like, Ithink my preparation for
motherhood has just been like.
How can my body be in the beststate possible before I get
pregnant?
Um, how can my business be inthe most amount of support to
the type of lifestyle andoptions I want to have available
before I get pregnant?
Um, and then I just think aboutlike, I feel like those two
(43:21):
things have been probably thebiggest things, and then also
like the work that I'm doing on.
Relationship with grief and justlike reg, like learning how to
regulate my nervous system, Ifeel like that has been really,
really important to me becausethe more research I do just
about children and your job as aparent, especially in those
early years, is that your kidshave no skills on how to
(43:42):
regulate their emotions andtheir nervous system.
And that's like a hugeresponsibility for you as a
parent is to teach your childrenhow to regulate their nervous
system.
And from the research I've done,um.
A lot of what I hear from otherparents is like, one of the best
ways to teach your kids how toself-regulate is first starting
with, how you, knowing how toself-regulate.
(44:02):
So that's really been like,probably the third way I've been
kind of preparing for motherhoodis drisha.
You need to, you need to developthe skillset of learning how to
regulate yourself.
'cause one day you not only needto be able to regulate yourself
in the midst of a moment, butyou need to also be able to
model that for another humanbeing so that you can teach them
how to do that for themselves.
So.
Those have been the three thingsI've been doing to prep for
(44:25):
motherhood.
so yeah, I'd say those are allthe good juicy questions that I
got.
I mean, there's a ton ofquestions about messaging and
positioning and establishingyourself as an authority in the
industry.
And program promise and betterarticulating your value.
And y'all, that is why I amcreating this messaging course.
(44:46):
how to market like a CEO.
You can get on the wait list,the link out, link it in the
show notes, but this is thefirst time I've created a
program and really documented.
Specifically just the skillsetof messaging and really from the
lens and the point of view as anindividual that sells
intellectual property.
And from the lens of somebodywho is not an influencer or a
(45:08):
content creator, like I thinkthere's a lot of marketing
courses out here and there's alot of like content creation
material out here.
Like how do you make reels?
How do you go viral?
How do you pick trending audio?
And there's a lot of marketingcourses on how do you build
funnels, how do you runwebinars, how do you run
launches?
But there, I don't really see alot of education out here on
like the, the thing that's inthe middle.
(45:30):
A lot of these are like theformats in formulas, but the
thing that influences theeffectiveness of any of these
assets is the messaging.
It is how you are able toarticulate your point of view
and when you are a personalbrand, when you're selling your
own intellectual property.
It is like you have to figureout more of this identity based
messaging stuff regardless ofwhat platform or what format
(45:52):
you're posting in.
It is, what are you saying?
What is your perspective?
What is your point of view?
What aspects of your identity doyou feel comfortable monetizing?
And where is the congruency inthe alignment that needs to hit,
for the level of perceived riskyour buyers feel as it relates
to the offer that you areselling?
So all of those questions I'mgonna be answering in this new
(46:12):
program that I'm rolling out.
I do invite you to join the waitlist.
If you do join the wait list,you do get exclusive access to
the very first lesson of thevery first module as like a
early treat for you.
So I do hope that you get thatand enjoy that until the course
rolls out.
but yeah, I hope, and this was agood catch up.
and if you're interested in moreof this conversation about
(46:34):
identity based messaging and howdo you close the perception gap
and how do you lean more into.
Articulating not just yourvalue, but showcasing your
identity through your messaging,and how do you refine your
messaging to be relevant withwhat your audience needs right
now.
I look forward to seeing you inthe upcoming episode, so thanks
for being here.
(46:55):
Thanks for rocking with me.
Thanks for honoring my pace asmuch as I'm learning how to
honor it myself, and I will talkto you in the next episode.
Hello there.
(00:00):
It's been a minute.
I tried to record this up in mynew office so I could show off
my incredible setup, butliterally my mouse stopped
working.
It needed to be charged.
My keyboard died and it was justa sign that maybe either one, I
don't need to be working rightnow, or two, let me get
resourceful.
So I came downstairs and justplugged in, my simple mic set
up, and here we are.
(00:22):
I was super like.
Not nervous, but a littlehesitant to hit record because
this has been such aninteresting season., even just
with my like relationship withmarketing and my relationship
with creating content, there islike this duality that I feel
like I've been wrestling with oflike a, I'm not being consistent
enough.
And a huge part of that is likeI am, I used to be producing
(00:44):
like two posts a day onInstagram publishing at least
one, if not two emails per weekfor my newsletter.
I was publishing one to twoepisodes a week on the podcast
and to be in a season., still Ifeel like getting, I feel like
I'm just now really getting mygroove of quote unquote working
again since taking mysabbatical,, where I'm now
producing the podcast inseasons.
(01:05):
And you know, I haven't recordeda new podcast in a couple of
months and here we are now andthere's really interesting, this
mental chatter that goes on.,And I think it's a good place to
start this episode today with aquick update because it's like
I've produced over 250 podcastepisodes.
I've gone live on Facebook orInstagram or whatever, over a
(01:26):
thousand live stream videos inmy career.
And when you choose to take apause and.
Or, and or adjust your pace whenit comes to creating content,
you will still feel resistancesometimes with hitting publish
again.
And even though you have alreadyput in so many reps, you can
still feel this, this level ofdiscomfort or like you have like
(01:47):
this.
Getting on the bike again forthe new time.
For the first time, even thoughit's not your first time.
It's just, it's an interestingdynamic I've been in.
It's something that I've noticeda lot of my private one-on-one
clients kind of struggle with.
When they delegate all of theirmarketing, remove themselves
completely from their messaging,and then realize they, they,
their voice is still requiredand they have to.
(02:07):
Have to show up and have torecord and have to contribute
again.
It's like an interestingdynamic, to step back in.
And that's how I feel right now.
And it's just an interestingthing'cause I, and I had to
really reframe some of this,, tomyself even just this past week
of that.
Like, you're not beinginconsistent.
Your pace just looks differentnow.
And I really have to remindmyself of the facts.
(02:29):
I've been booked out since Icame back and started offering
private one-on-one coaching, andit's like the level of marketing
output that I used to, I.
Produce is just like, it's nolonger necessary.
And that's a really interestingthing to give myself permission
to receive, accept, and allow mypace to adjust accordingly.
(02:53):
Like when you shift yourbusiness model, when you shift
the type of offers that yousell, when you go through these
transitions,, sometimes we willchange our, our offers, but we
won't.
Adapt our approach to leadgeneration marketing.
Like we wanna adapt our strategyto align with what the new
offers are.
And it's a really, reallyinteresting thing to be in.
(03:14):
Uh, I think I'm, I'm starting toaccept it, but I just noticed
some resistance when I sat downto record today, and I'm like,
you know what?
Let me let you in on thisbecause, it's a part of the
process.
And when you shift from, youknow, working with a hundred,
150 high ticket clients a yearto working with.
12 to 20 per year., the level ofscale that I used to need is
(03:37):
literally no longer required.
And you really, you know, thisis something I just got back
from hosting my mastermindretreat last week with my
clients, and it was actually areally big topic of conversation
is like what level, like yoursystems need to align with a
level of scale that's necessaryfor the season of business that
you're in.
And yes, you can have the, youknow, most complex project
(03:59):
management systems and the mostcomplex.
S you know, content repurposingstrategies, and you can have,
um, you know, the most, youknow, glamorous or high
production level of contentoutput, but you really have to
ask yourself, is that level ofscale necessary for the season
of business that I'm in?
And the type of results I'mlooking to get.
It.
So that's a quick update on likewhere I'm at, what I've been
(04:22):
wrestling with, what I'm workingthrough.
Um, and I'll kind of segue in tojust how the business model is
right now.
And then I'm gonna just go intosome q and a I had from
Instagram, a lot of yousubmitted questions, um, since I
said we're bringing the podcastback this month.
And, you know, I'm gonna answersome of your questions before,
um, we get too, too deep intothis season, into this next
(04:43):
series of the podcast.
Um.
The next series of the podcast,lemme give you just a little
teaser of what you can expectover the next few episodes.
And then I'll go into answeringsome of these questions and
giving a state of the union ofwhere my business model is at
and how it's just been, um, withthe transition.
But this next season of thepodcast, I'm gonna be titling it
the perception Gap.
(05:03):
And the reason being is becausethere is, um, uh, this common
theme that I'm noticing rightnow, it's something I also
wrestled with when coming backinto business and just adjusting
my business model, is that itseems to be this gap between
those of us who havetraditionally marketed based off
of our intellect primarily.
That, that very education,knowledge based how to focus in
(05:26):
our marketing.
And there's usually thisperception gap between people
respecting us and people knowingthat we know our stuff and
there's this gap in the problemthat we know how to solve and
the way in which people perceiveus and.
That's the gap that I reallywant us to close.
Um, and I really look at the,the, i, the perception gap is
(05:46):
really like this, this triangleeffect where there is your
intellect, which many of us.
Our intellect is our armor.
We lead with what we know.
We lead with our knowledge, welead with our degrees, we lead
with our credentials, we leadwith our titles.
Um, many of us have built ourbusinesses based off of our
intellect and the educationalapproach of what we can teach,
(06:07):
and that's like pretty much ahundred percent of how we
present ourselves.
And people has have,historically, a lot of us,
myself included, have paid usprimarily based off of the trust
that they felt and the respectthat they had for the intellect
that we can convey.
But what I'm noticing is theseother two parts of the triangle
that are missing is, yes, yourintellect is required, but also
(06:31):
your identity and how youshowcase your identity, what you
let people into, and how youridentity aligns with the values
in which your ideal clientshave.
And then there's image, and Idon't mean just image in the
sense of like.
How you present yourself andyour, you know, your attire,
your makeup, your hair.
(06:51):
That is a part of it though.
But I mean, also image and howyou view yourself.
Um, your sense how you, howregulated your nervous system
is, like your sense of selfimage, how comfortable you are
in your own skin, how safe youfeel, um, with your own opinions
and your own point of view andyour own perspective.
And I feel like those are thethree aspects of intellect
(07:13):
identity.
An image that really closed theperception gap that our
prospects and the people that wewant to be hiring us, that's the
gap we need to close, um, inorder to establish that
credibility.
You know, create that trust intoday's landscape.
And I really do feel like we'rein a different season right now,
(07:34):
in 2025, the way people aremaking, buying decisions.
Um, we're dealing with a moresophisticated market in addition
to what's going on politicallyand economically.
People are in a much more, um,scared state, you know, a more
fearful state.
People are a lot more discerningwhen they're making their buying
decisions.
(07:55):
And their approach to makingthose buying decisions and the.
The discernment they're using,the things that they're looking
for to reduce the perceived riskaround where they're making
buying decisions.
I really feel like is a trifectaof all three of those elements.
You know, 2019 to 2022, I feellike, especially in the digital
(08:16):
marketing, online education,coaching space, online ed, um,
space or whatever, yourintellect was really enough.
To get the sale.
And I feel like now, yes, yourintellect is required, but um,
if you're selling a moresophisticated problem, if you
are selling to a moresophisticated buyer, if you're
selling on a more premium end,if you're just rinsing and
(08:38):
repeating messaging from two orthree years ago and you have not
refined your messaging to meet.
The perceived risk your buyersfeel today, even though if
you're selling to the sameperson, but that person is not
making buying decisions the sameway.
Like if your messaging is notcaught up to that.
And if you have primarily ledyour marketing from an intellect
(09:00):
based approach, you really don'tlet people know who you are,
where you stand, like what youridentity is, that your identity
and your image are not thingsthat you have really poured into
your front face.
Marketing and your front facemessaging.
I am.
That's where the gap is and.
That's what the next handful ofepisodes are gonna be about.
It's just how do you coose thatperception gap and really that
(09:23):
trifecta of identity, image, andintellect, how those three
things need to work together toreduce the perceived risk that
buyers are feeling as it relatesto how they're making buying
decisions today.
That's what I'm noticing formyself.
That's what's been working forme, um, and that's what's been
working for my private clients,so I'm excited to dive into
that.
In the next handful of episodesand in the season of the
(09:46):
podcast.
And I think that's a naturalsegue of like, um, somebody asks
like, what's the state of theunion?
What's it been like sellingprimarily private one-on-one
coaching?
And what is your, like, how haveyou shifted to adjust to that?
And I gave some insight to thatat the very beginning of this
episode.
But the thing that I'm noticingfor me is that like I went from
selling.
12 clients into a 15 to$18,000offer in a day.
(10:10):
To now I'm working with 12 to 15clients in a year, and it's a
very different dynamic., I thinktoo, when you transition from
selling a curriculum based.
Program where there is oneoutcome, there is one pathway
that you lead people through.,that's a very different approach
to marketing and selling thanprivate one-on-one.
(10:32):
In a group curriculum basedprogram, I was selling a promise
and private one-on-one.
I am really selling aphilosophy.
yes, there's still outcomes thatwe achieve, but.
Intellect alone is not thereason why somebody's gonna be
willing to hire me for a sixmonth private one-on-one
coaching.
They are, yes, my intellect andtheir ability to trust in my
(10:54):
lived experience and my abilityto advise them based off of
credible, relevant experiencethat I have is absolutely part
of the equation.
But I think the biggest thingthat I noticed when I shifted to
private one-on-one versusselling, like when I had a,
yeah, when I shifted fromselling like my intellectual
property, here's this oneoutcome.
(11:15):
You're really only hiring me forthe knowledge transfer that I'm
gonna give you, like a skillthat I can help you develop and
I'm giving you one formula tofollow, like a very step-by-step
linear path to people hiring meprivate one-on-one.
Where it's like, yes, they'rehiring the intellect, but I also
get to see them at a very humanlevel.
(11:35):
They are buying into an identityalignment.
Um, they are buying into.
Yeah, they're buying into anidentity.
It just as much as they'rebuying into intellect and
they're also buying into imagejust as much as they're buying
into intellect.
And usually the, privateone-on-one clients, the reason
why I've been blessed, you know,to be booked out, I've been
blessed.
We, like 90% of my clients willrenew for a second term.
(11:59):
I have some clients I've beenworking with now for four or
five years, since I've come backwith private one-on-one out of
the.
12 clients I've worked with, a,11 of them have renewed.
The reason why they tell me theychoose to renew is that like,
yes, I'm proud of the resultsthat we're able to make, but
they tell me that the reason whythey stay is because of how much
more they're able to trustthemselves.
(12:19):
and that to me is really like anidentity and an image, outcome.
More so than just like.
I was able to learn this newskill, type of outcome, and I
think that's a really importantthing I've been noticing.
and I think a really importantfactor for you as you're
listening is you really need tounderstand the type of business
that you're in.
And you really need tounderstand that even though
(12:42):
coaching, quote unquote might bethe umbrella or online
education, quote unquote, is theumbrella when you shift offers.
From a digital course to groupcoaching to private one-on-one
coaching or, and you shift the.
The perceived risk that aprospect feels as it relates to
(13:02):
each one of those offers.
And you also shift the maincriteria that somebody's making
a buying decision on, a digitalcourse.
It's probably like more of animpulse based purchase.
They're buying, one tacticalskillset.
it's very intellectual in naturewhen you're selling maybe a four
to five figure group coachingprogram.
(13:23):
It's kind of a hodgepodge.
They're buying.
Education.
They're buying coaching.
They're buying both dynamics.
They're buying community.
That's a different.
Thing that they're a differentvalue proposition that they're
hiring into when it's privateone-on-one, they're buying
identity alignment.
They wanna know, not only canyou help them achieve their
outcome, but they care just asmuch in the process that you're
(13:45):
going to walk them through toachieve that outcome.
And what I mean by that is like.
My values, how I live my life.
Um, the process of like myidentity factors in so much
because there's a million peopleyou could hire as a private
one-on-one coach, but, andthere's a million people who
might be achieving the outcomethat you want, but you wanna
(14:06):
know, are they doing it in a waythat aligns with the lifestyle
that you wanna live?
And that's been the biggestthing because I've, you know,
and I think from a marketing anda lead generation and a
messaging standpoint, that hasbeen one of the.
I don't wanna call it achallenge, but that was one of
the biggest lessons I had tolearn is that I can't keep
marketing the way that I usedto.
(14:27):
I can't keep marketing on myintellect alone anymore.
I really started noticing thatjust trying to sell the how tos
and the tactical stuff wasn'tgonna work anymore.
I realized that, people were notbuying because of.
Purely my credibility.
I had to stop marketing, like Ihad something to prove, I had
(14:47):
to.
Really re-approach, like how Imarketed, how I message.
I needed to lead with morestorytelling.
I needed to lead more with whatmy identity is.
And part of that is I had toreally get clear on what aspects
of my identity do I feelcomfortable monetizing, and what
aspects of my identity do I feelcomfortable magnifying through
my marketing.
(15:08):
Because one thing I know to betrue is that when you are
selling your intellectualproperty.
And when you are working with inclose proximity with your
clients, like in a one-on-one oran intimate mastermind, um, your
personal brand is a requirement.
That is a responsibility thatyou bear as the CEO.
You cannot delegate yourperspective.
You cannot delegate youridentity.
(15:28):
You cannot delegate yourmessaging.
You can delegate thedistribution of those things,
but you cannot delegate thesource.
You are the source.
And I just really realized thatlike.
I had to get clear on thosethings and then I had to really
get comfortable with, okay.
I have to lead more with anidentity based messaging
approach, not just anintellectual based approach to
(15:48):
my marketing, and I have tofigure out what those lines
exist, where I feel safe,managing and, and keeping what
feels what needs to be private,private, but also feeling like I
can create a level of connectionwith my audience at an identity
level in order to facilitate thetrust and credibility necessary
for them to feel comfortablehiring me private one-on-one.
(16:10):
And that's kind of what, thisseason is really gonna be diving
into.
I'm actually in the processright now of creating a new
course.
it's gonna be called Market,like a CEO, and it's gonna be
really a course on messaging.
Like how do you.
Really search who infuse moreidentity based messaging into
your content when you are a CEO,like we are not creating content
like influencers and reallyunderstanding that distinction.
(16:32):
So if you are interested inthat, it is something that I'll
be rolling out in the nextcouple of weeks.
You can join the wait list, I'llleave the link in the show
notes.
so that's kind of where I'm atbusiness wise.
It's been a really interestingdynamic and going back to this
whole debacle that I've beenfeeling around consistency, it's
like it's been really gratifyingbecause even though in my
business I.
(16:53):
I guess, how should I say this?
It's like I am, I'm reallygrateful that I'm allowing my
business to be in service to mejust as much as I am in service
to it, and that I'm allowing mybusiness to adjust its pace for
this season, like I have givenmy entire life for the, I feel
like my whole life, it feelslike up until this, the past
year, year and a half, where.
Work was the number onepriority.
(17:15):
My health, my nutrition, myfitness, my wellbeing, my
personal life, my love life,like my friendships, everything
took a back burner to work andwhen you've been doing that for
decades, I had to be mindful ofthe language that I was using.
'cause it's like I am not, notbeing consistent just in this
season.
My nervous system.
(17:35):
I'm being so consistent onmaking sure I'm well regulated.
I'm being so consistent ontitrating my nervous system.
I'm being so consistent withshowing up for myself, my
health, my nutrition.
Making sure my stress levels aremanaged.
I'm being so consistent withmanaging my boundaries and
communicating my needs andgiving myself permission to
(17:57):
receive the things I need tosatisfy my needs.
I've been so consistent in thatarea and I have to remind myself
that like in different seasons,different things take priority
and that's 1000%.
Okay.
I used to really think that, oh,if I slow my pace or if I adjust
my pace, people are gonna loserespect and lose credibility.
And I really had to think aboutwho are all the people that I
(18:20):
admire, who are all the greatsand the OGs who've been doing
this decades and decades, andwhen they choose to take breaks.
How do I feel about them?
And I think about Malik Teal,who, I think about her podcast
and how she's shown up.
It's been in waves.
Like there are times where she'sproducing every single week, and
there are seasons when we don'thear from her for months.
I don't lose respect for that.
(18:41):
If anything, I respect it evenmore because it's like one,
you've built a financial.
Like a financial safety net.
And you've built enough safetyin your world, both financially,
you're well-resourced, whereone, you can take a pause, and
two that I have to respect you'cause you're willing to give
yourself permission to do it.
if anything, adjusting your paceis not.
(19:04):
Diminish your credibility.
and even in my experience ofcoming back into work and asking
clients why they choose to hireme, one of the common threads is
because I saw you take asabbatical.
One, I wanna know like how youput yourself in a financial
position where that could haveeven been a choice.
Two, I've seen the energy inwhich you came back with.
I wanna know how are youresourcing yourself in that way?
(19:26):
And what are all the things thatyou're doing to be well
resourced in that way?
to still be able to take care ofyourself while giving yourself
permission to show up andredesign your business to be in
full support of your lifestyle.
And I think that is justsomething that.
I have to remind myself of, andI think just as a, as you know,
the, the eldest daughter type,the super type A, the
(19:47):
perfectionist, the person that'sused to, primarily function in
survival mode.
When you are your own safetynet, it can feel really
terrifying to adjust your pacewhen the pace at which you were
running at before is what led toyour success.
And I'm really reworking notjust the cognitive understanding
and the intellectualunderstanding, but the safety I
(20:09):
feel in my body that like I canstill maintain the level of
success that is enough for meand also broaden my definition
of what success is.
'cause before success was justabout productivity and how much
I could produce versus now mysuccess is.
All encompassing of like, howwell regulated is my nervous
(20:30):
system, how am I meeting all ofmy needs outside of
productivity?, that is not justwork related.
How, nurtured are therelationships in my life that
mattered to me in addition to,revenue is now just like one
line item.
It's not the only line item thatI'm measuring my success on.
And I'm really grateful forthat,, and I'm still working on
(20:51):
finding safety in my nervoussystem, in my body around that,
not just understanding thatconcept intellectually.
So that's where I'm at.
So let me pull up some morequestions you guys asked, from
Instagram stories.
A few of you, Andrea and MaryMarian asked about my LASIK
surgery, guys.
I got LASIK surgery.
Okay.
Part of my glow up over the pastfew years has included getting
(21:12):
my eyebrows microbladed.
I did that back in 2018.
It's bananas because I've neverhad to get a touchup.
people always ask like, Jay,your eyebrows are so perfect.
I'm like, baby, they're perfectbecause I paid for them.
But I'm just very lucky that myskin holds ink well, because
the, I got a ombre.
Microneedling type of situation.
(21:34):
so it's more of a tattoo on myface which sounds crazy, saying
that out loud, but I've neverhad to get a touch up and I
just, my ink just doesn't fade.
So I know that's not normal, butI got that back in 2018.
The next thing I wanted to glowup on was getting Invisalign,
and I got that, about two yearsago.
I got, has it been two years?
Yeah, it's been about two yearsnow.
I got Invisalign done and thenext part of my globe was
(21:56):
getting lasik.
And because I got, well, Istarted wearing glasses back in
middle school and I got my LASIKdone this year and I really wish
I would've done LASIK years ago.
Just the idea of,eye surgery wasterrifying.
I'm like, what in the world?
I have no idea.
But when I went in for my firstconsult, and they really broke
down what the process was gonnabe like.
It was a 15 minute procedureand.
(22:19):
You get the LASIK done, you haveto wear, you have to like put
these eyedrops in your eyes,like this antibiotic medication
for like the week leading up toyour LASIK surgery.
You can't wear your contactsleading up'cause you want your
eyes to be as lubricated aspossible.
You get the LASIK done, 15minutes, you're over.
You basically take a volume andthey tell you to sleep for the
rest of the day after surgery.
(22:40):
And that night when I woke up,after I slept all day, I could
see and the next morning I wentback in for my visit.
I.
2020 vision.
I went in a, in a week later Ihave 1520 vision that is better
than 2020.
And it is, it was money wellspent.
it feels, so it's still kind ofweird'cause every single night
(23:03):
you're used to like having totake your contacts out every
single night.
I'm like, man, I can't believe Idon't have to take my contacts
out.
I'm like, people have been justrunning around living life
without just being able to seelike this.
It's just.
One of those things you take forgranted.
but the experience wasabsolutely incredible.
I went to the San Diego LASIKInstitute.
If you are in San Diego, theyhave, an office in San Diego and
(23:24):
one up in Irvine, up in OrangeCounty.
Definitely do your research.
go get multiple consultations,read reviews, do your research
before going to get it done.
'cause yes, it is eye surgery,but it was a, I am so glad I did
it.
I wish I would've done itsooner.
Like people said that, you mighthave dry eyes afterwards.
I have nothing like when I have,I, my, they said my recovery was
(23:48):
very, very quick.
there was like maybe for, maybethree or four days after LASIK,
and maybe for the first week,you're supposed to keep putting
these eyedrops in just likenormal lubricating eyedrops.
So I did that for the firstweek, like I was instructed, but
I've never had to use eyedropssince I don't have any like
negative side effects.
My eyes are never dry.
for the first two weeks or so,you will notice just like eye
(24:09):
fatigue.
Which I think was actuallyprobably good because you, you
don't realize how often likeyou're scrolling on a screen or
looking at a TV or whatever.
So like you do, like your eyesare just like learning how to
adjust like perception anddistance and things like that
for the first few weeks.
But 10 out of 10 recommend andabsolutely love who I went to.
They were phenomenal, like 10outta 10 facility.
(24:32):
So that was my LASIK journey.
Kia asked, how do you find loveas a successful woman?
Y'all have been asked me a lotof questions about love since I
got divorced.
You've seen me, well, you didn'tsee me dating'cause I'd never
showcased that season onInstagram or online.
But now seeing me get engaged inpreparing for a wedding,
(24:53):
honestly, I think as asuccessful woman.
When it comes to love, some ofthe most successful women I know
are married, but, so I don'tthink like success is a barrier
to you finding a soulmate, but Ido think that.
If you are hyper independent,you have function in a scarcity
based mindset for an extendedperiod of your life.
(25:14):
If you, every time you getheartbroken, you go get another
degree or another certification,I do think there's an
opportunity to see and recognizewhat part of your healing
journey are you running awayfrom?
And when I think about thehealing journey, quote unquote,
like I really, for me at least,it was like.
(25:35):
What parts of yourself are younot allowing yourself to grieve?
And when I, got divorced, one ofthe things that I did after my
divorce while I was on mysabbatical, I took a self-love,
grief and heartbreak course.
And I really just I knew therewas parts of myself that I was
(25:55):
not.
Allowing myself to have arelationship with, I guess is
the best way to say it.
And I'm just like, okay.
I've gone to talk therapy, I'vedone traditional therapy.
I have read the books, I havedone the podcast, I have done a
lot of coaching, I've done a lotof therapy.
But there's still something thatI am avoiding.
And one thing that that.
(26:15):
Heartbreak and grief coursereally taught me is that,,
there's lots of things that Inever allowed myself to grieve.
Like grief was not an emotionthat I had a relationship with.
And anger, sure.
Rage, sure sadness, sure.
But I realized that I had asevere pattern of self
abandonment and I would.
(26:38):
I never have labeled myself as apeople pleaser, but, I wasn't
people pleasing in order to beliked.
I was people pleasing andwanting to, I would abandon
myself to make other people feelcomfortable, out fear, and that
was, that's attached to my ownchildhood trauma and all that
stuff.
We're not about to, not about totrauma dump on you, but grief
(26:59):
was a core emotion that I reallynever had a relationship with.
And when I think about findinglove, finding love really for me
was like giving myself space togrieve all the things that I
never gave myself the space todo.
That was one, like grievingthings that happened in my
childhood, happened in pastrelationships happened with my
(27:21):
last marriage that was also,grieving the disappointment I
felt in myself for abandoningmyself as many times as I did.
I had to grieve the parts.
That I was just disappointed in,in myself.
And when I feel like when Istarted really doing that work,
that cracked me open in a waythat was so unexpected and so
(27:42):
powerful, because I realizedthat pleasure and desire and
quote unquote meeting my needsin that way was something that
felt.
Honestly, it felt unsafe.
It felt very far away.
It felt, almost uncomfortable.
I could meet my needs from aproduction standpoint, be
(28:02):
successful, achieve theaccomplishments, don't quit, be
disciplined and like a workethic type of thing.
But play, pleasure, desire, andI don't mean just like sensual
play and sensual desire, but Ijust mean The little things
like, I would make the plan toeat healthy this week, go go to
the grocery store.
I would meal plan, but then whenit came down to it, there would
(28:25):
be like this, this, dissonanceof giving myself the thing that
I knew that I needed.
And I'm like, there is a blockerthere.
What is that?
But me establishing arelationship with grief and all
the dynamics grieving, what Ididn't get from other people
that I wish I had, and grievingthe past versions of myself that
(28:45):
I might've been disappointed in.
that was like the catalyst for alot of unlocking a lot of love.
And I think the people arealways asking, people,
particularly have been askingme, how did you find love?
And I'm like, first.
And you hear it all the time,and now it makes sense to me.
Well, the love that you areseeking, you have to really ask
yourself.
I feel like you're gonna findthe love that matches the way in
(29:08):
which you love yourself, thedepth at which you love and care
for yourself.
The depth at which you allowyourself to experience,
pleasure, desire, the depth atwhich you choose yourself is
going to be mirrored in thedepth that which you receive
that in a romantic partner oreven in your friendships.
And I think that is really thetruth, So for me, like finding
(29:32):
love as a successful woman meantestablishing a new relationship
with grief and navigating that,allowing myself to feel that,
it, it required me getting outof my head and into my body.
So I stopped traditional talktherapy and I started doing more
somatic practices and somatictherapy'cause I could
intellectualize myself.
(29:53):
Through anything if somethingcame up, I could Exactly, yes.
That came, that's because ofthis childhood wound and this
attachment style.
And that's a mother wound or afather wound.
I could label it all day, but Iwas so disconnected from my
body.
there was like a totaldisconnection.
I feel like getting into yourbody is really important.
And then from there, like theromance that you seek to receive
(30:16):
will match the romance at whichyou give yourself.
The thing for me is like I needto start romanticizing every
aspect of my life.
I started going on solo datesevery single week.
I still do that.
I started, exploring thecuriosity of the things that I
was really interested in andgiving myself space for that.
The love you seek needs to startwith the love that you give
yourself.
(30:37):
So finding love as a successfulwoman, I would just want you to
start to.
Ask yourself at how successfulare you with loving on yourself,
romanticizing your own life, andtapping into those things.
At least that's what was mostbeneficial for me.
And I think what's been mostprofound in the past, two years
of my own healing journey andnavigating a lot, divorce and
(30:58):
death and, all the things, sothat's what I'd have to say
there.
Next question somebody asked,what's your tech stack now that
you've descaled and how are youmanaging yourself now?
I think this is a really goodquestion.
This goes back to, I think theconversation we're having at the
very beginning is like yoursystems should match the level
of scale that's needed for theseason that you are in.
(31:18):
So where I'm at right now, I dohave an assistant that works
probably like seven to 10 hours.
Per week on average.
Sometimes a little more,sometimes a little less.
And outside of that I just mighthire project based contractors,
depending on a project that wemight have going on.
But my tech stack right now isAsana.
I still use Asana for my projectmanagement, either to manage
(31:40):
myself or to manage now that Ihave an assistant, us,
delegating tasks back and forth.
I use Airtable.
Airtable is my client managementsystem.
So that's something I've beenusing for years.
It's, when people submit theirapplications, all the client
data, anything that's not atask, but like data that we need
to manage.
Application responses, clientfeedback forms.
(32:01):
My sales hub is in there, so ittracks all of our revenue, by
month and projections and thingslike that.
So Airtable, I use Basecamp.
That is the system I use for allof my private one-on-one
coaching relationships.
That's where we have all of ourchats and all of our back and
forth dialogue is inside ofBasecamp.
It allows us to track progress,track metrics.
track action items, things likethat.
(32:21):
I use Slack for my Mastermind.
there's only a handful ofclients in there, so that's just
like our community hub.
And then, Google Suite, typicalthere.
I use Kit, formerly known asConvertKit for my email
management system.
Love Thrive Cart.
That's where I do all my paymentprocessing.
I use Hello Audio for a fewthings now that we have a
(32:42):
private podcast feed.
anytime you guys, if you buy mynew messaging course, it'll also
be on a private podcast feedjust from easier accessibility.
And that's pretty much it.
I use Descrip as well, to recordthis podcast.
And I do use Buzzsprout to hostmy podcast.
It's very, very lean in regardsto software tech, that type of
(33:03):
thing.
when I descale my business, Ihad to reimagine my entire tech
stack because the systems andthe software that we were using
was like for a team.
I had two full-time teammembers., we had three or four
program coaches that werecontracted, but still like where
that type of conversation neededto happen.
And really like when you arerunning your own.
(33:25):
Show your process to manageyourself is very different than
the process that you use tomanage projects and manage
responsibilities with teams.
So like my tech stack, I reallyfocus on what can I purchase one
time that I don't have topurchase recurring.
And I really just focus on,okay, what do I actually need?
Not what is a system I can scalewith.
(33:45):
I need something that it matchesthe level of scale that my
business is at.
Um, so that's that.
I do also use Zoom, which I feellike is like a given.
That's really it in chat GPT.
So it's a pretty, pretty leantech stack set up now.
What do you do in your free timeand how to feel comfortable with
more free time?
I think this is a really goodquestion.
(34:07):
It's such an interesting thingbecause many of us start our
businesses so that we can workless, have more free time, and
then when we get the free time,many of us are so uncomfortable
in the stillness that we don't.
Allow ourselves to enjoy thefree time.
We usually fill it with morework, either fill it with more
work in the business, or we fillit with more responsibilities
outside of work.
(34:28):
And I think it's an interestingdynamic because I don't have
kids, I think, a lot of myclients do have children and
they might want part-time hours.
And when they're not working,it's like they're picking their
kids up from school, they'redropping them off at gymnastics,
they're preparing dinner,they're doing bathtime routine
like.
There is literally otherresponsibilities that, they want
(34:50):
to have the capacity to bepresent for.
And it's, it's kind of a given,like you gotta show up for your
family.
I think when you don't havekids, at least this is my
experience, like when my workdayis done, there is no other Like
demanding human or a demandingresponsibility that like demands
my attention, I guess is whatI'm trying to say.
And I think that, even if you dohave kids, regardless of what
(35:13):
your dynamic is like when you dohave your moment that's just for
you, how comfortable do you feelin your stillness?
How comfortable do you feelindulging in whatever your
pleasures and desires are?
And that, again, like I'vementioned, has been something
I've really had to establish anew relationship with myself on.
So, um, what really works forme, still kind of type A, but it
really does help me regulate mynervous system, is that I have
(35:35):
like a post work playbook formyself.
Um, and I make myself like aweekly menu.
Um, that's after work activitiesand I give myself a menu of
things I could do, and thatreally always helps me.
Um, it gives enough structurewithout feeling too structured.
And I'm literally, right nowwhen I get done recording this
podcast episode, I have mycalendar sitting next to me
(35:58):
right here.
I have, already brainstormedsome things of like.
Kind of like bucket list afterwork activity items that I wanna
do.
And I'm gonna like map it outand get myself a menu of, Hey,
after work, these are someoptions you can choose from for
the week.
And really what that have lookedlike for me.
Sometimes it's just as simple aslike.
F dropping packages off, doingreturns, running errands.
(36:21):
another one of my favorite afterwork activities is going to the
library and picking out newbooks.
I'm really trying to get backinto like drawing and doodling
and just like creativeexpressions.
So I really wanna have like timefor arts and crafts and just
like exploring new hobbies.
one of my favorite after workactivities also is going to
Trader Joe's and getting someflowers and like making a new
(36:43):
arrangement.
sometimes my after workactivities might look like
linking up with a friend andjust going out to dinner.
Sometimes it's me taking my bookand going to a restaurant,
taking myself out to dinner,reading my book at the bar,
ordering a hot cocoa or, somechamomile tea and just reading
my book at the bar and.
Really, that's what it's beenlike for me.
(37:03):
Sometimes it's just likewalking, during the sunset and
just going for a really longwalk and whatever.
these are not like super complexthings, but it's just what are
the things like.
Recreating the childhood I wishI had.
What are some hobbies oractivities that like, just
things that I'm curious about,make space for your curiosity.
and I've just like reallystarted to pay attention.
(37:25):
I do this as a journaling promptof like, where, what are the
spaces, the activities.
The environments, the peoplethat I'm around that really feel
like it really nourishes my cupand feels playful, feels desire,
where I feel like that pleasure,that has nothing to do with
work.
And I started making notes oflike what those things were.
And that kind of helps inform mymenu.
(37:47):
the other thing is that I, Ilike to go to maybe one or two
classes a month, like going to asound bath class or going to a
cooking class, or taking acalligraphy class or taking a
flower arrangement class.
Like I like.
I need activities too.
So I'm like, the same way thaty'all with kids be putting y'all
kids in after school curricularactivities, like make yourself a
after work curricular activitylist and just give yourself
(38:09):
options to choose from.
And that is really what I'vebeen leaning into.
'cause when I just have freetime with no assignment, um,
that's very difficult for me.
Like I feel like I get kind ofanxious and get kind of restless
and.
Um, will default and probablyjust go shopping and like, just
go walk around the grocery storeor go to the mall and walk
(38:32):
around Zara or like, whatever,and I'm like, okay.
That's not necessarily thedefault pattern I wanna have
when I feel that anxiety.
So we need to pla we need toreplace it with something else.
Um, it could just beromanticizing while you cook
dinner, you know, turning on therecord player and lighting a
candle and, you know, FaceTimingyour girlfriend when you're just
(38:55):
like preparing dinner.
Like that could be an after workactivity.
But for me it's really just beenlike romanticizing, like the,
the mundane everyday things.
And like coming up with a menuof items, like two or three
things every week that can be onmy menu of like after work
activities.
And that's helped me so much.
Um.
So yeah, that's how I've beennavigating after work time.
(39:18):
Let's see if there's anythingelse.
Somebody asked about motherhoodpreparation and planning.
How are you preparing formotherhood?
Um, what does that look like?
And y'all, I'm not pregnant, butI, like, I keep talking about
like I'm building my businesswith babies in mind.
That's probably one of the firstthings I've done in, in regards
to preparation for motherhood,is just redesigning my business
(39:39):
to have the cognitive andphysical space load to be
responsible for another human.
Um, so that's been a really bigand and intentional constraint.
'cause when I look at all of myclients who do have kids, many
of them are working.
Part-time hours.
They're working like 20 to 30hours in their business a week.
Um, and that looks differentdepending on like how old their
kids are and what season ofmotherhood they're in.
(40:02):
But like, I was like, okay, likehow can, what would it look like
if I redesigned my business forpart-time hours, but I'm still
able to take home similar profitto what I used to take home.
When I was running full time.
So that was like a ma, a majorintentional constraint that I
put on my business as I'veredesigned it.
And that feels really good tolike be functioning in that now.
So that's one way I've beenpreparing for motherhood.
(40:23):
The other thing is just likeI've been doing a lot more
strength training, um,prioritizing my fitness.
Prioritizing my nutrition,taking prenatal vitamins, um,
getting my labs done, likegetting my normal general
checkups.
Um, do incorporating more womb,WOMB, womb wellness into my my
(40:47):
self-care practices.
Chemy Dole.
If you guys do not follow herchild, she is.
Just such an incredible humanbeing.
I've had the pleasure of knowingher now for about five years,
and there's so much I've learnedfrom her about womb wellness in
a way that I, I've just, it'snever been something that's like
been on my radar, I guess, whichsounds, I'm like, I'm a woman, I
(41:09):
have a womb, but because I don'thave kids, and like I've never
really had negative or severe.
Periods or anything like that.
Like I've never reallyprioritized my womb wellness.
but now that I'm thinking aboutkids, it is something like, I'm
like, what does it look like forme to care for my womb?
What are the things I need to betalking to my ob, GYN and my
doctors about as it relates tomy womb?
what is a testing I need to bedoing?
(41:31):
So all of those things I feellike are things, I'm just being
very proactive in my health andthings that I hear my friends
talk about, even though like allmy friends who've had kids never
did any of these things inpreparation and they're fine.
Like their kids are fine.
They had fine deliveries andthings like that.
So I might be.
Overboarding it, but I'm justlike, you have this free time.
Like what does it look like justfor you to nurture and fuel your
(41:53):
body in a really loving way beyou have the resources and you
have the space to do it.
So again, strength training hasbeen really important for me.
I'm in my mid th I'm almost midthirties in my mid thirties.
Woo, girl.
So I'm just like, I know muscleretention is really important as
you age.
Increasing my f my proteinintake, increasing my fiber
(42:14):
intake, making sure I'm, I'mhydrated, doing more pelvic
floor exercises as part of mystrength training practices,
mobility and lengtheningexercises.
I've been using this app.
called Be the Method, and Ireally love it.
It is phenomenal.
If you're like, you like Pilatesand you like strength training,
I feel like it's like a reallygood merger of the two.
(42:35):
in addition to like mobility,lengthening pelvic floor, like I
feel like it's like a reallygood all in one system and I, so
I've been really loving that.
and that's like 1799 a month orsomething.
It's been.
Money well spent.
like I said, I'm taking prenatalvitamins and I think even just,
I, I very rarely drink alcoholanyways, but like pretty much
have cut that out for the mostpart.
(42:56):
So, yeah, I've just been like, Ithink my preparation for
motherhood has just been like.
How can my body be in the beststate possible before I get
pregnant?
Um, how can my business be inthe most amount of support to
the type of lifestyle andoptions I want to have available
before I get pregnant?
Um, and then I just think aboutlike, I feel like those two
(43:21):
things have been probably thebiggest things, and then also
like the work that I'm doing on.
Relationship with grief and justlike reg, like learning how to
regulate my nervous system, Ifeel like that has been really,
really important to me becausethe more research I do just
about children and your job as aparent, especially in those
early years, is that your kidshave no skills on how to
(43:42):
regulate their emotions andtheir nervous system.
And that's like a hugeresponsibility for you as a
parent is to teach your childrenhow to regulate their nervous
system.
And from the research I've done,um.
A lot of what I hear from otherparents is like, one of the best
ways to teach your kids how toself-regulate is first starting
with, how you, knowing how toself-regulate.
(44:02):
So that's really been like,probably the third way I've been
kind of preparing for motherhoodis drisha.
You need to, you need to developthe skillset of learning how to
regulate yourself.
'cause one day you not only needto be able to regulate yourself
in the midst of a moment, butyou need to also be able to
model that for another humanbeing so that you can teach them
how to do that for themselves.
So.
Those have been the three thingsI've been doing to prep for
(44:25):
motherhood.
so yeah, I'd say those are allthe good juicy questions that I
got.
I mean, there's a ton ofquestions about messaging and
positioning and establishingyourself as an authority in the
industry.
And program promise and betterarticulating your value.
And y'all, that is why I amcreating this messaging course.
(44:46):
how to market like a CEO.
You can get on the wait list,the link out, link it in the
show notes, but this is thefirst time I've created a
program and really documented.
Specifically just the skillsetof messaging and really from the
lens and the point of view as anindividual that sells
intellectual property.
And from the lens of somebodywho is not an influencer or a
(45:08):
content creator, like I thinkthere's a lot of marketing
courses out here and there's alot of like content creation
material out here.
Like how do you make reels?
How do you go viral?
How do you pick trending audio?
And there's a lot of marketingcourses on how do you build
funnels, how do you runwebinars, how do you run
launches?
But there, I don't really see alot of education out here on
like the, the thing that's inthe middle.
(45:30):
A lot of these are like theformats in formulas, but the
thing that influences theeffectiveness of any of these
assets is the messaging.
It is how you are able toarticulate your point of view
and when you are a personalbrand, when you're selling your
own intellectual property.
It is like you have to figureout more of this identity based
messaging stuff regardless ofwhat platform or what format
(45:52):
you're posting in.
It is, what are you saying?
What is your perspective?
What is your point of view?
What aspects of your identity doyou feel comfortable monetizing?
And where is the congruency inthe alignment that needs to hit,
for the level of perceived riskyour buyers feel as it relates
to the offer that you areselling?
So all of those questions I'mgonna be answering in this new
(46:12):
program that I'm rolling out.
I do invite you to join the waitlist.
If you do join the wait list,you do get exclusive access to
the very first lesson of thevery first module as like a
early treat for you.
So I do hope that you get thatand enjoy that until the course
rolls out.
but yeah, I hope, and this was agood catch up.
and if you're interested in moreof this conversation about
(46:34):
identity based messaging and howdo you close the perception gap
and how do you lean more into.
Articulating not just yourvalue, but showcasing your
identity through your messaging,and how do you refine your
messaging to be relevant withwhat your audience needs right
now.
I look forward to seeing you inthe upcoming episode, so thanks
for being here.
(46:55):
Thanks for rocking with me.
Thanks for honoring my pace asmuch as I'm learning how to
honor it myself, and I will talkto you in the next episode.
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