June 26, 2025 • 62 mins
Classic train events occur: Pepper meets an evil busker, Valerian gets shaken down for his condo deed, and Friedrich can do it all by himself!
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✂️ This Episode's Outtakes & Extras ✂️
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This episode edited by the Larks and Wray Van Winkle.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
So I don't know if this is really the best intro for the
first episode of a new series because.
We did the first episode, this is the second.
You're right, this is technically the second episode,
so you. Can say wherever the fuck you
want. Cat let it out well.
Let her RIP. I saw the Emperor Palpatine,
saggy balls and Dick. Excuse.
OK, now when we said let her RIPCat.
(00:23):
I didn't know what I was saying.Yes, too much.
No cat so I can't believe I'm saying this, but what?
Tell me more. So.
Speak on that, cat. Speak on that.
Say more about that. So for my husband's birthday we
went to see Has. Anyone ever felt, yeah, I don't
know, let me. Finish my fucking sentence.
(00:43):
For my husband's birthday we went to see the Empire Strips
Back, a Star Wars themed burlesque show.
I'm so jealous. It was.
Why didn't you invite me? Why are we not invited to Mike's
birthday? Yeah.
Hey, what's up the boss? Hey, why didn't you take us with
your romantic party to see a blast show together?
(01:03):
So I'm gonna just go through. I took notes because it was so
good and I knew I was gonna do an intro about it.
So angry. So OK, the opening act, first
thing. Lights go down, music starts to
play. Sexy Luke Skywalker, played by a
beautiful, beautiful blonde woman, comes out on a giant
tauntaun puppet and strips off her snowshoot.
(01:26):
Get that snoot off. Shed the snoot, bitch.
She's. Why didn't you invite us?
I know, it was so good. It was so good.
OK, so she strips off her snowsuit, flashes the Taunton.
It falls down dead after seeing her boobs.
Amazing. She then slices open the Taunton
as she takes off the rest of heroutfit and climbs and sizes and
(01:48):
trails naked. This is the opening act of the
show. Incredible.
I remember that from the movie. This is how you're.
Fantastic. There was an imperial guard
number that absolutely ripped. Like extremely great.
There was AC3PO strip show with sexy jawas.
Giant Jabba the Hutt puppet got strangled by Slave Leia.
Great, I. Remember that from the.
(02:08):
Movie. Yeah.
Han Solo was there. He was not sexy.
Sorry, Han. What?
Very, very talented dancer. Super talented dancer.
Did a lot of like, cool Michael Jackson moves, but just like I
kept doing things that a man would think a woman would think
we're sexy, but we're not sexy. Lot crotch grabbing.
Lot of like aggressive crotch grabs.
(02:30):
Sorry. It speaks to the cultural
perception of Han Solo though. It speaks to the wrong the real
incorrect cultural perception, incorrect cultural perception.
So it speaks. Why do you invite us?
Sexy Greedo did steal the show during Han's night.
Yeah, that tracks. There was a sexy.
(02:51):
Greedo, one of them, shot first.Oh yeah, yeah.
Then after intermission, there was Palpatine and the Imperial
officers. Palpatine got fully nude in a
horrible like, wrinkly skin suitwith a saggy Dick and balls.
There was a giant Death Star disco ball that he rode Miley
Cyrus style to Wrecking Ball. So incredible.
(03:12):
So incredible and just to to finish up my memories of it.
I'm so like Cat, I'm starting toget legitimately angry that you
didn't invite me. Last things, last things, there
was a rapping Yoda puppet. Yeah, it was great.
It was great. The whole thing was incredibly
good. So if I think it is a touring
show. So if you ever get a chance to
(03:32):
see the Empire strip. So it's gone.
Yeah, it's gone now. 10 out of 10, highly recommend.
Absolutely. Not to your close friends.
Not to your close friends. Oh boy, you claim to love.
Sorry. Are obsessed with Star Wars and
know an unhealthy amount about it.
I know I'm sorry, but it it was for my husband's birthday.
I'm sorry I didn't invite you tomy husband's birthday party.
(03:54):
Well, I just think it's always just so wonderful to go with a
couple to a burlesque show. It's just I love to do that with
all my all my couple friends. It's like, can you bring me
with? Oh, and it was all MC in Between
by Orlando Calrissian. It was really good.
(04:15):
It was really, really it. Was really good.
And, you know, we would have been really well behaved at that
show. Nobody was well behaved at that
show. Nobody in the audience would.
Have been really, really well behaved.
No, there everybody was. Everybody was screaming.
Me and. Noel it was really good, boy.
It was. Anyway, let's play Blades in the
(04:37):
Dark. Hello, my name is Kat and I am
(05:07):
no longer your DM. Now I am your GMA.
Subtle but important. Difference.
We're like BM blades master. Whoa.
I don't want to be called that. My name is Noelle and I play
Pepper Pendergrass, who is a rail Jack, and that's the first
(05:29):
time I've gotten to say that. Oh well.
It's weird because you do actually have to say what we're
doing now because it's like, important.
It's like not it's like you haveto actually know.
Yeah, I am Juniper and I play Valerian.
I don't think I've given him a last name, no.
He's like Madonna. He's like Madonna.
Yeah, yeah. We'll say Emperor Valerian and
he is a slide. Hi, I'm Errol.
(05:54):
I play Friedrich Weiss, a Leech.OK, so last time we were
introduced first to Friedrich, who comes from a world that is a
sort of cusp of the industrial revolution, world of progress.
And we were introduced to Friedrich as he was killing his
boss and then fled the scene of his crime to join the circus,
(06:18):
the strange World hopping Circusof Never Nowhere.
Then we met Pepper Pendergrass who has been on the train that
carries the circus of Never Nowhere, but was not part of the
circus and has suffered some consequences from this.
Her memory of her own world is very patchy and she has lost
(06:39):
quite a few of her memories as payment for her time on the
train that she did not know she was paying.
Because that is the trick of this magical world hopping train
is that it will take everything from you.
But in the meantime, you will have a really fun time.
Yeah. And then we met the Emperor
Valerian at the cusp of his downfall.
(07:02):
Right as the revolutionaries aregathering.
Valerian chose to go see what this weird circus was about.
And when given a chance to have an out, he said, well, I've
ruined this world. Sayonara, suckers.
I got to do it again in a new one.
Yep. So now the three of you are
(07:23):
members of the world hopping circus and city that is never
nowhere. This train is unlike anything
else in all of the world's Inside its many box cars is a
Warren of corridors and doorwaysthat make up something very like
(07:43):
a city, with districts and factions.
And all of it runs on everythingthat it can take from the worlds
that it lands in. And by everything I mean that
which is precious. The mementos, the memories, the
artifacts and treasures. All of this are taken into the
(08:07):
city train and melted down to pay the fares of its
inhabitants. The three of you were tasked by
the ringmaster of the circus, who was not terribly happy
because you were taken on by thefortune teller Nod, who
sacrificed himself to keep the three of you from paying the
(08:29):
fare before you had other currency to pay it with besides
your own memories. And so Nod has joined the
porters. The porters are the trains
hands, eyes, ears, mouths, feet and fingers.
Reporters are living bodies thatare possessed by the train and
(08:52):
no longer have any memories of their own.
And you saw this happen to the gentle fortune teller.
Nod and the ringmaster has told you he will make sure it happens
to you unless you prove your worth to him.
To do this, he has sent you the task of bringing him 3 mementos,
SO3 items that have deep emotional significance to their
(09:15):
owner. You have two stops of the train
to complete the task you set before you, and if you don't, a
fate seemingly worse than death awaits you.
And that's where we are now. Another Porter catches the three
of you on your way out of the ringmaster's office and asks
would you like an escort back toyour rooms?
(09:37):
Oh. For context here, your
invitation onto this train each came with a small room for free,
and you were able to choose the location of that room, or at
least Friedrich and Pepper were able to choose.
They've been here for a couple stops so far.
Valerian on the other hand, the Porter smiles at you
specifically and adds Emperor Valerian as the last resident in
(09:58):
your current room. You have inherited the Fortune
teller's room. Would you like to exchange it
for a different one? Your room currently resides in
Never Nowhere is most Central District moth light, but it
would be possible to move to theUniversity District of Kendall
Hall, the Arts District of the Dark Lamp Canal, or the Garden
District of Sweet Song. The most central district you
(10:19):
said was moth light where mine is.
Oh yes, moth light's really nice.
Yes Sir, that is the hub of lifein Never Nowhere.
OK. Yeah, that's fine.
I'll stay there. But what if Nod comes back?
He won't. Well.
And the Porter just smiles at you, does not respond to this.
(10:41):
Oh well. In the extremely unlikely event
that he does come back with justroom together, it's fine.
Would you want me to sleep on the street outside his house?
Leave it. Empty in case you happen to come
back from banishment or whateverhappened to him.
I don't know. Valerian is kind of looking
around at you guys. He's sort of towering over all
(11:03):
of you. And he's looking curiously down
at you, Friedrich at you, Pepperat the Porter ahead of us.
And he says, did someone cut your ears?
Why? Are they round?
Oh Oh yeah like and yours are sopointy.
People have different shaped ears.
(11:24):
That's. I've met a lot of people with
ears like yours, but there's more with ears like mine.
They're really popular. What are your tails?
Pardon. Are they in your pants?
Do you have AII look I I look atyour butt?
God, what am I wearing at this point?
(11:45):
A rat catcher's outfit. OK, yeah, so you probably
couldn't see it right away because it's underneath a long
cloak, but if you look down at Valerian's feet, you can see
just the pink little tip of a tail.
Good Lord. Clarification for me here.
Is it like you said it, pink a tail?
(12:07):
Is it like a rat? Tail.
No, no, no. It's the same color as his hair.
Yeah, it's the same color as hishair.
So what? Kind of tail to.
Clarify. His hair is sort of a
pearlescent pink and his tail matches that and it's like a
house cat tail. OK, OK.
I was also, it's kind of my second.
It's my second thought was like Unicorn tail where it has a
little tuft at the end. No, OK.
(12:27):
Yeah, it's thin. It's a short haired house cat
tail. Pepper goes to touch it.
Oh, ain't recoils, what are you doing?
Whoa. You can't do that.
Can move. That's so cool.
Part of my body. I'm sorry, I didn't mean I'm so
sorry. What the fuck?
Valerian reaches out and grabs your ear.
Oh shit. Yeah, how do you?
(12:48):
Like it tickles, but I understand your point.
I yeah, I'm sorry about that. He grabs Friedrich's ear.
On Handmade. That's what I was expecting you
to do but you are like it tickles.
This guy had a normal reaction which is weird.
I mean, there's like all kinds of people on the train.
(13:09):
I shouldn't get so excited. I have seen people with tales
before. They're usually from like really
magical worlds, like extra magic.
Are you from a place with lots of magic?
There is. You would some people would call
it the magic. Yes.
From my world, yeah. There's magic in my world too.
Oh, what's your magic like? It's really difficult.
(13:31):
What about you? Oh wait, the F what do you have
magic? If by magic you mean charlatans
trying to pass off smoke and mirrors as miracles and and and
dupe unsuspecting fools into coughing up their hard earned
cash, then yes, there are St. magicians and I mean.
(13:52):
That's not what we meant. That's.
Another one we we definitely hadthose on my world, but they were
not like we had those. And then there was also like
real magic. That is what we used, but it was
a commodity. It wasn't like what?
Do you mean real magic? I mean, look around.
Honestly, yeah. What do you think is happening
(14:16):
here? Are you saying that when you're
in a situation that you don't understand that you default to
assuming that everything happening around you is magic?
Well, I understand the magic perfectly fine.
It has very strict rules and there's certain ways that you
can use it and you can't. And some people have access to
it and some people don't. It's very politically
(14:37):
complicated and charged where I come from, but it's not like I
don't know what's happening. I don't know what's happening,
but. I mean, I don't know what's
happening here specifically, butI just assume it's because it's
a type of magic that I haven't figured out how what it does
yet. I've been here for a long time
(14:57):
and I've never figured it out. OK.
How long have you been here? Oh, years, I think.
Years and years and years. Yeah, long time.
That's are we talking like decades or like 2-3 years?
I've been to lots of worlds. Well, I guess I've been to lots
(15:20):
of cities. I've been to the city.
Deeply unhelpful. Well, that's good.
You've been here for years. You may have helpful information
how I can seek out these mementos.
Oh yeah, I don't really know about that.
I guess. I mean, I've been on the train,
but I haven't been like on the train.
Well, how have you been paying your fare?
(15:42):
Well, that's I have. I haven't been, but I'm really
excited to start and I can't wait to join the circus.
The Porter chimes in here and says if you would like to join
the circus, you will have to audition with ringmaster Rex.
When do they hold the audition? Currently, no auditions are
scheduled. However, there are currently
well participants in the circus who will not be there for much
(16:06):
longer. Implying.
They. Hold audition to replace the the
12th. As they join the ranks of the
Porters, more spots will open up.
Well, that's good, I can join. And Friedrich looks very
concerned over at Pepper. But first, I guess if I'm going
(16:30):
to audition with Ringmaster Rex,then we have to find those
mementos, huh? Well, that's all very well and
good, but if you don't have any helpful information, I don't see
any reason we should work together.
Well, because we're, we're together now.
We could stay together. Why?
Well, because. Leave your case. 3 heads are
(16:54):
better than one. Not when it's these heads, Well,
that. That was a very compelling
argument from both of you. But if you don't mind, I have
business to attend to, and Friedrich storms off.
I'll. I'll find you when we get to the
next stop. I have to go to my house that
I've inherited. I'll.
See you later. OK, goodbye.
(17:16):
Bye. All right.
Right. So Friedrich, Pepper, Valerian,
we'll let the three of you settle in for a while as the
traveling train city chugs ever onward toward its next
destination so that we players of the game can have a little
aside, a little chat, chat aboutnever know where.
(17:37):
It's many districts and all of these strange and wonderful
people. You 3 lovely players all have
access to a document I've created about the setting here.
Yes, yes, yes. You've been able to read about
the districts of Never Nowhere, are there landmarks, some
information about some of the NPCS, as well as information
about different gangs and factions here on the train.
(17:58):
So we're going to be starting this campaign in a different
place like knowledge base wise than we might have been say like
our previous campaign where you knew nothing about the world
unless I described it to you. Basically Blades is meant to be
a very collaborative storytelling experience.
So you all have a lot more information about the setting
and characters then the powers that be then you would in a game
like Dungeons and Dragons. So people playing Blades of the
(18:20):
Dark straight into the book, they would have a very similar
thing. The setting is laid out really
well in the book. A dusk ball is the original
setting and the has lots of gangs and like tables and things
that help the DM, you know, build the world.
But we are using our own becauseI am insane.
Also, I just want to put this out here for you guys just to
(18:42):
kind of get you guys into the frame of mind because this is
going to be a very different game.
I am going to ask you guys to make stuff up and this is a much
more collaborative experience. So there's no wrong answer.
And if there's something that I haven't written into the world
building and you guys say I wantto go talk to Shmeigle Spy and
(19:02):
he is a Baker in Sweet Song. Shmeigle Spy now exists and I
will give him life and voice. So don't hesitate to just make
things up and add things into the Stew.
We are making a delicious hot pot and I want you all to bring
your best ingredients. So all about just to say I am
not going to be the only person bringing up new characters, new
(19:25):
areas, even new storylines. We are all going to do that
together as a family. Out of the family.
Gotcha. All right, let's get to it.
Several days of train travel pass as Pepper Pendergrass,
Emperor Valerian, and Friedrich Weiss each make themselves at
home in their own little room intheir own little special way.
(19:46):
So let's see where each of you have ended up.
Friedrich, we'll start with you.It has been about 3, maybe 4
weeks since you joined the train.
It's really hard to tell how thedays pass when you're on board
the train. There's no day or night.
The lights never cycle or dim. Where have you landed in this
(20:11):
Warren of train cars that make up districts that make up a
city? Do you get to choose where your
room is? Yeah.
OK, So I have chosen a room in Candle Hall since that's where
kind of the university and scholars are.
That's the area where I feel like I'm going to be able to
best do my research. Yes, you have arrived in Candle
(20:32):
Hall. That makes complete sense.
This is a shadowy district of the train, populated by the
runaway academics of many worlds.
The center of this district is taken up by Kendall Hall
University, an organization of scholars who have no students.
They are just so desperate for the recognition of their
(20:53):
academic achievements that they have created a hierarchy, whole
cloth, so that they can jockey for position in it.
And you, Friedrich, as a brand new resident of Candle Hall, are
at the bottom of the heap. So you have been given a small
room in Candle Hall, barely the size of a closet.
It is big enough for a small bedand a work table.
(21:16):
And it is crammed in between twoshops, one of which is called
Breakers beakers. And they sell all sorts of lab
equipment. And at all hours of the day and
night you hear glass breaking just constantly.
And the one on the other side sells potions which smell
(21:37):
noxious. They give you just the worst
headache every time you step foot outside your door and
sometimes the smells filter in through the vents so that is
where you have landed. Have you made any friends?
Any enemies? Have you been spending your
time? Yes, well, I've been surveying
Kendall Hall trying to figure out exactly how these
(21:57):
hierarchies work, and obviously I need to gather materials if
I'm going to prepare for acquiring these mementos.
So I have unfortunately been spending some time in the
company of Bach Beaker. Fortunately for me, it seems no
matter how many times I insult him, it goes directly over his
(22:17):
head. But he does have quite a decent
collection of equipment, so I'vemanaged to acquire a couple
things that I may need on credit.
So, Friedrich, there is a knock on the door of your narrow cell,
and when you open it you find Bach.
Bach, Breaker of Breakers, beakers.
And Bach is a short man who comes up maybe to about the
(22:41):
middle of your chest. And I'm also quite short so God
damn. He is.
He is quite short. He's got a big bushy beard and
big bushy eyebrows and seems just very stuffed into his
clothes. He has come by and he has a test
tube with a little ribbon tied around it.
(23:02):
And he says, Friedrich, I brought you a little welcome to
a New World present. I heard that you're in a bit of
a trouble with the ringmaster, so I thought I'd bring you
something to help. And he hands it to you and it is
just a normal test tube. It's just a test tube.
Just a test tube. I pick it up and examine it and
I say you shouldn't have. Oh, it's no trouble.
(23:26):
You're my neighbor. I'm happy to help now.
Let me know if you need any helpnavigating the new world.
I'll be honest, I don't go out much.
I prefer to stay on the train asmuch as I can.
But I know people and I know people who know people and those
people also know people. So all of that together will can
probably find you a little bit of help if you need it, right?
(23:49):
I don't think I'll be needing any help, but thank you very
much Breaker. Don't call me back.
I prefer not to that powder for the standstill poison the order
I put in. Did you happen to?
Well, we'll have to see what we find in this new world.
I've got people who know people who know people who know people
who are going to give it a scoutfor me and see what we can find
(24:12):
out there. If we get lucky, I'll be able to
fulfill that order. Just Jiff is quick.
What the fuck? Well, it's been stimulating
speaking with you, Raker, but ifyou'll excuse me, I do have work
to do of. Course, of course, you academic
types always have work to do. Of course.
Well, if you need anything, I'llbe right next door.
(24:34):
And you hear a big crash come from next door and he goes,
sounds like I've got a customer,let's go.
And he heads off. Pepper, how have you been doing?
You have found in your couple weeks here in the City of Never
Nowhere that people tend to lookat you with a sort of pitying
(24:57):
air when you tell them about your life before you came onto
the train. Your time in the area of the
train that you now know is called the Box cars.
All of the unconnected rooms that do not make up the city.
Every time you tell someone that, they give you a look, and
it's the look of someone who's looking at another person's
(25:20):
infirm and elderly pet, wondering how much time it's got
left. Jesus.
Christ. Even so, how does this life
inside the train compare to yourlife before?
Well, I can't let any of that get me down.
People are always saying to me, oh Pepper, wouldn't you rather,
(25:40):
like, remember anything about your life?
And I always tell them the same thing.
I got no idea. I would say my life now is
pretty much the same. I live down in the Dark Lamb
Canal, where all the artists areand the musicians and there's
even a hot magician who lives nearby.
(26:01):
I always ask him what else he's hiding under his cloak, but he
doesn't seem to get what I mean.That's perfect.
So you have made your home in the Dark Lamp Canal, a very
romantic area of the Boxcar City, notable for the boxcar of
water that runs through the center of the district, and for
being one of the few double highsections of the city.
(26:24):
Because never nowhere is made-upentirely of train cars that are
put together. Most places have a very low
ceiling that is only just high enough for you to walk around
without ducking your head. Oh.
That's true, That's true. That is different.
I never bunk my head anymore. Well, that's interesting,
because one thing you've noticedis that no matter who's walking
(26:46):
through Never Nowhere, the ceiling is just high enough for
them not to hit their head. Yeah, it wasn't like that in the
box cars. It wasn't, was it?
The box cars are a bit of a stranger place and somehow once
you're inside the city it all makes a little bit more sense as
long as you don't look very closely.
(27:07):
Well, that's never been a problem for me.
And that has served you well. Now, what have you been doing in
the last couple of weeks? Oh, lots of things.
I've been making friends. I've been working on music, and
I've been trying to get those other two weirdos to, you know,
get it together, work together with me so that our death
sentence that's hanging over allthree of our heads could be
(27:30):
sliced into pieces. Maybe.
So far they have rejected my every request, but I'm sure it
will work today. But anyway, other than that,
yeah, I've been playing music, I've wrote a new song, I've made
a lot of friends, even the ones who won't admit it, and I've
been settling into my room. Where is your room besides being
(27:52):
in the dark lamp canal? There's this building a few cars
back that sort of hangs over theedge of the canal and my room is
right down there at the bottom and I hardly ever get my feet
wet. Your positivity is absolutely
infectious, Pepper, and the people around you seem to really
be enjoying you as a neighbor. You mentioned the hot magician.
(28:15):
That would probably be Hollett, right?
Hollett the Magnificent. Absolutely, that's the name.
And Hollett lives upstairs. He has a much nicer room than
your tiny little cell in the very bottom of the canal, but he
is a gracious neighbor, even though he just seems to always
have something up his sleeve andthen something else, and then
(28:38):
something else. That's what I'm saying.
And you are coming out of your room when you see Hollett is
speaking to a very tall woman who's just wrapped in silks and
carrying a liar. And I don't know her.
You do not know her, no. Cool.
So I run up to them and I say, Hollett, who's your friend?
(29:01):
Pepper, my new neighbor. Yes, this is the illustrious.
The most mysterious, the most. Oh, please, Hollett.
Pepper. Pepper has stars in her eyes.
Yes, the one says you can stop with the epitaphs.
My name is Metalia. Wow.
(29:22):
And I hear you are the latest musician to join our district.
Oh wow, yeah, are you a musiciantoo?
Pepper pulls out her loot slash club.
And she looks at it and goes, oh, is that your instrument?
Yeah. It's very.
Quaint. Is that your instrument?
Can I play it? Absolutely not.
(29:44):
No, my dear. I get it OK.
This is a rare artifact from my home world that I have kept
treasured for a very long time. Wow.
I will trade it for nothing, andnone shall touch it, lest they
suffer my wrath. Now I'm very glad that we got a
chance to meet, for I have a message to pass on to you.
It's. Me.
(30:05):
Yes. Well, what is it?
Stay out of the way. I look at Hollett and I step out
of her way. She rolls her eyes.
She rolls her eyes and says there's a schedule.
There's a there's a ladder that you must climb before you gain
any. Performance looks around her
ladder. You can see this woman getting
(30:28):
more and more frustrated as you continue to take her words so
very literally says if you wouldlike to perform in the canal,
you must first secure a performance space.
You can't simply be giving performances.
Hit her and yawn. You guys don't like busking?
That seems like the point of this whole place if.
You want to busk go out into theany ever here you will earn your
(30:50):
place as a musician or you shallkeep to your cell.
Am I clear? Cell.
You mean my house? And I like point back to what is
clearly a cell. And she gives a big
condescending smirk. She says, yes, your house.
I'm sure it all seems very luxurious to you after your time
(31:12):
in those wretched box cars. But anyway, that is the message
that I came to give you. Oh, who's it from?
Well, this message comes from Krista Kiros down Frost.
She's the head of our district and someone you do not wish to
cross. Well, you're right about that.
I got to go meet her where she live.
(31:34):
Well, I'll let you find that outon your own.
I shall go now, Halit, keep the trash out of the streets.
And then she drifts away, as if on a summer wind.
Wow, what a beautiful woman. Ugly on the inside, but what can
you do? That's your friend Hallett.
(31:56):
That might be a strong word for our relationship, but she is
very powerful in this district and I would give her word quite
a bit of weight. Not everyone is so equitable,
and those of us here at the bottom of the district do need
(32:17):
to keep our feet out of the water, so to speak.
There are, after all, lots of things that bite in that canal.
When he says to keep our feet out of the water, Pepper looks
down and like there's literally like water in her house right
now. And she's like, well, I've never
been bitten by anything. Not yet.
(32:39):
There's still time, Pilot, and you want to.
He Pats your shoulder and says keep that sunny attitude Pepper,
it will get you far. OK, well, are you leaving?
Ah, we are going to be coming into the station soon, so we
better get out to my fight. Come on.
(33:00):
Let's do it. Hello sweetie, great listeners.
It is me, Noel from the podcast and I'm here with your mid
episode announcements and thank yous, acknowledgements and
information which you may need as you go forward.
(33:23):
First of all, I just want to sayI really hope you're enjoying
Never Know Where episode 2. As ever, we're so, so excited
for what we have so far and to show you guys where we're going
to go. So if you've been enjoying it,
we really, really would encourage you to tell a friend.
We have tried to make it easy for you.
In fact, I have set up a link soif you go to
(33:43):
legendlark.com/never, it will bring you straight to a Spotify
playlist with all of the Never Know Where episodes that will be
updated as we go along. So again, if you want to tell a
friend, you can link them to legendlark.com/never.
And if you do, we'll die 1000 happy deaths.
Please, please do it. Well, maybe that's dark.
(34:07):
Oh, and kind of a similar vein, we are actually going to be
starting up a new project soon that we're very, very excited
about. Now hear me out.
It's going to be called Riverdale Roulette.
So you may say, I've never heardany of you guys mention that you
like Riverdale or that you've ever watched Riverdale.
(34:27):
And that's because we haven't. So what this is going to be is a
series of live streams that we are going to basically we're
going to divide into a team of two.
Each of us are going to watch a Riverdale episode in a
completely random order. So we're going to be watching
Riverdale episode by episode, completely random.
(34:49):
Who knows if we'll ever see likethe first episode until the end,
we won't know. And we're going to try and piece
together what's happening based on this over the course of
watching the show. And I think it's going to be so,
so funny and so, so wonderful. So if you either have never
(35:09):
watched Riverdale and you've heard how crazy it is as we
have, or you love Riverdale and you are excited to see what
random episodes we get in what random order and what
conclusions we draw from that, then I would encourage you to
check it out. It's going to be over on our
YouTube page, which you can get to by going to
(35:31):
legendlark.com/youtube where youcan subscribe to our YouTube
channel and make sure that you get a little alert when we are
live on June 30th at 6:30 Central, that is a Monday, June
30th at 6:30, we are going to start Riverdale Roulette.
The first episode is going to beus talking about the concept,
introducing ourselves, and also making our predictions, telling
(35:56):
what we already know about Riverdale, like just kind of
through the cultural zeitgeist and particularly through like
the Tumblr zeitgeist, which we are Privy to.
So I think it's going to be a great time.
I think we are going to be screaming, laughing, having RIP
roaring fun. So I'm really excited for that.
So I hope you'll check it out again.
(36:18):
It's going to be on our YouTube channel.
You can go to youlegendlark.com/youtube and
subscribe to make sure that you can come on June 30th and
thereafter it's going to be every other Monday at 6:30.
So we have lots of new exciting things going on as ever.
One other thing I wanted to justremind you guys about is if you
are at any point getting confused about like, oh, like
(36:40):
what are these rules to this game?
Blades in the Dark? We're trying to kind of explain
as we go along, but we did also make an explainer episode called
How to Play Blades in the Dark, which is in our feed.
It's in the Never know where playlist.
So if you at any point like get confused about what's going on,
I don't think it's that confusing.
We're going slow enough that it should be OK.
But if you get confused, you should listen to that.
(37:01):
And if you're just looking for something funny to listen to,
you should listen to that because it's really funny.
The voice acting that my beautiful friends did is insane.
The sound effects that our beautiful editor Ray edited in
are so, so funny. So I would encourage you to
check it out, even if it's just to have a little laugh, have a
little giggle, have a little harhar.
(37:24):
And now allow me to go over to Spotify and respond to a
beautiful comment from a beautiful person.
You guys responded in such a huge way to our call for Spotify
comments, so that's awesome. Thank you guys so much.
I can't say this for sure cuz I don't understand how Spotify
works, but I would assume that we get recommended to more
(37:44):
people based on engagement. So anytime that you're listening
to an episode on Spotify, if youhave any thought in your head
and you would like to press comment, we would love to read
it. In particular, I want to respond
to Barb Slash Bast's comment, who said I know nothing about
tarot cards, but the Internet has taught me that the tower,
(38:05):
the Fortune Wheel, the Devil andthe lovers are like the worst
cards that anyone can pull. So I'm very excited, which I
like. Died laughing reading that.
And immediately send it to our Discord chat.
Yeah. So those are the cards that our
characters pulled in episode 1. And, you know, we're just going
to, we're just going to see where we go.
(38:26):
We're going to see where we freaking end up, dude, because
we've we've been through and we're going to continue to go
through some shit. Hell yeah.
I also want to thank our beautiful new patron since last
episode that goes out to Nora. Nora, you're the only one I
trust, the only one I love. I love you Nora so much.
If you would like to check out our Patreon, you can go to
(38:49):
legendlark.com/patreon. We post tons of outtakes and
deleted scenes. We have bonus episodes.
We have live streams, we have art, and I specifically put a
link in the show notes of each episode.
So if you're listening to an episode, you can click on that
link and it will take you to thespecific outtakes or extras from
(39:09):
that episode. And I have it in every single
episode for the whole podcast, which took a lot of work.
So I encourage you to use them, especially if you're re
listening. But if you're just listening to
never Know Where and going, God,I wish there were a little, just
a tiny bit more to save me. Until next week, you can go to
to to Patreon and and get those little satiations.
(39:32):
I also want to extend a quick thank you to the person who sent
us their graduation letter. Thank you so much.
That was so sweet. Congratulations on graduating
and best wishes for your future.Yeah, right before the end here,
I want to mention that we are onsocial media.
Our most active social media is generally our Tumblr, but we are
also on blue sky Instagram recently, just recently read it.
(39:55):
We have a TikTok. We are posting on YouTube
Shorts, and we also have a fan run discord.
You can get to all of those through our website at
legendlark.com. But generally on social media we
are legend lark pod. So you can always just look us
up on whatever social media platform you're on.
Last of all, the most important part of any mid role, a message
(40:17):
to Chantelle. Chantelle, I just saw you
yesterday and I saw your adorable cat Mitzi, who I got to
pet and pat on her head and she's the most wonderful, cutest
cat in the world. And I love her so much and I
love you so much, Chantelle. And the code word is band of
(40:37):
builders. And the sleeper agent is active
Go. So, Valerian, it's only been a
week for you. You have been able to stay in
(40:59):
Nod's train compartment since you were the last one there
before he became a Porter, and thus you inherited the cramped
space. Moth Light is the center of
Never Nowhere. Geographically, it's hard to say
if it actually is the center. It is very difficult to map
Never Nowhere, but it is certainly the social center of
the city. There are dozens and dozens of
(41:23):
shops, restaurants, meeting places, tea houses, coffee
houses, offices, just anything you can dream of.
Any public space that you can think of is here in the Moth
Light, and you have landed yourself a prime piece of real
estate, small though it is, and you've had a lot of people
(41:43):
sniffing around outside your door.
But so far everybody seems to bekeeping their distance.
Word travels fast in this strange, moving city, and it
seems that everybody knows the ringmaster has his eye on you.
You have gotten word just from listening on the street that the
train is pulling into the station today.
So how are you preparing for that?
(42:04):
I haven't changed my routine very much.
I find in a new place I'm getting used to things.
I have to remind myself I cannotjust command people on the
street to do as I ask. So that's been taking some
(42:26):
getting used to. But you know, I've been walking
around every morning. I go to the, the Bluebirds, I
hear the news, you know, I get the pastry from a shop in the
marketplace and they have reallygood, beautiful shop with good
decorations. And I like the pastry.
(42:50):
And then I, I walk around, I talk to people, I've made a few
contacts. I spend my nights at the Cocoon
mostly. Yes, the Cocoon.
This is the busiest pub in Neverknow where.
It is at the center of the Moth Light District.
And while you're at the Cocoon, you have seen, though you may
(43:12):
not yet know, all of the heads of the different districts
meeting and talking. I know.
You have to make it that a priority.
Yes, I have not made contact. I'm not ready at this point.
I'm trying to establish myself as a presence within the
district, but not a threatening 1.
I want people to see me and to know me, but I don't want them
(43:36):
to think anything about me. Interesting, that's so far I've
been doing good. I've made one enemy.
Who? She is a wicked woman.
Her name is Nurse Debbie. I got the cut on my arm when I
(43:56):
first entered the train. I had to go to Nurse Debbie to
get pitched up. And you know, she looks like she
would be a nice, kind woman, butno, she was wicked.
Nurse Debbie does have a reputation in Moth Light as
actually being a very sweet woman.
(44:17):
No, that's wrong. So everybody else is wrong about
her. Yes, I know about medicine.
OK, you get a wound from battle,you go to the medicine healer
and they perform magics and the other wound is healed.
(44:39):
This is the way that it works. This is the way that it worked
in your world. But when I go to Nurse Debbie
for the cut on my arm, you know what she did?
How did she do? She poked holes in my flesh and
sewed me like a garment. Yes, she gave you stitches.
It was incredibly painful and atthe end I saw her give someone
(45:03):
else a lolly me no I was sat on my way in pain.
Would that perhaps have anythingto do with the howling and
fussing and screaming and the threats to Debbie and her
family? I would not.
Were you there? Did you watch?
(45:23):
I'm everywhere and I know everything now Valerian, the
train is coming into the stationand where are you at this
moment? Where's the like entrance?
There is an exit. That is a very interesting
question, and it's not one that is easy to answer because the
boundary between the backstage of the Circus and Never Nowhere
(45:44):
is a bit fuzzy. But there is a main gathering
area in a section of moth light called the Boards.
And this is a section of the district where you can see the
doors of these box cars have been rolled back and nailed back
to create the wider spaces that make up the rest of the
district. And on these boards there are
scoreboards like one might see at a Little League baseball game
(46:08):
and they have titles over them that say City Watch, Presence,
Punishment, Order, Governance and Vice.
People are starting to gather around the boards as it is
getting closer to the time when the train is fully stopped in
the station. No, I should say one thing
you've come to know is that whenpeople say pulling into the
(46:28):
station, this is a bit of a 2 day process.
On the day that the train pulledinto the station, which was
yesterday, you think again, timeis a little bit hard to track,
but it feels less like a train stopping and more like being
inside a bowl of jello hitting abrick wall in slow motion.
It was an unsettling, nauseatingfeeling deep in the pit of your
(46:50):
stomach and it took hours beforeyou felt normal again.
But in that time, the Bluebirds began to make their way out onto
the streets. The Bluebirds are an organized
in Never Know Where that is made-up primarily of Never Know
Where's children, and they act as scouts for the rest of the
train. They've been coming and going
(47:10):
from Moth Light all day and night, running reports to their
main hub in Moth Light and to others who have made private
arrangements with them to gain information.
So that's then where you are as you're here by the boards
waiting for the Bluebirds to distribute their information.
So while you are out waiting by the boards in this milieu of
(47:33):
Never Nowhere citizens, you are approached by a big burly man
with sort of dust colored skin. And he's wearing this really
flashy bright blue coat that's trimmed in gold and jewels.
And when he grins at you, you can see that some of his teeth
are gold. He says, our newest neighbor.
(47:58):
And he grabs your shoulder, gives you a real firm shake, He
says. I've been hearing your name
around the district for a few days now, Mr. Valerian, isn't
it? Yes, that's my name.
It's good to meet you. I'm Yolvis Christ, and I've come
here to offer you a position in my organization.
(48:22):
We are the preeminent organization that runs the Moth
Light. You might have heard of us.
The Piper Lords were called. Yes, I'm familiar.
Yes. Well, seeing as you have this
fine piece of property here, I wanted to make sure that you
knew that you had an open invitation to join our
(48:42):
organization. There are many benefits as long
as you pay your dues and well then you could keep this nice
place of property. I appreciate that.
I'll consider it. Well, don't take too long to
consider. Has, like I said, you have a
very prime piece of real estate that we have quite a bit of
interest in. And if you do not join our
(49:05):
organization, we will find another way to acquire it.
So you're threatening me? Yes, I'm glad you picked up on.
That OK. And can you please, in detail
describe the nature of of the act you'll carry out against me
if I don't join? I'd like to be fully aware of
(49:27):
the threat being levered upon me.
Well, I like to keep my options open, but torture is always on
the table dragging. We're big fans of that.
Now what kind of drug? The kind that will make you wish
you hadn't been born. It's not that I need details
man, you're just giving me vague.
(49:47):
I want to know. Will it cause me pain?
Will I be delirious? Will my body go numb?
Will you have me be paralyzed and then torture me?
Will I be able to feel like willI be blinded?
Am I going to be vomiting constantly until blood comes out
of my mouth? Will I be shitting my bowels
(50:08):
out? Yogis actually takes out a
little notepad from those. These are great ideas.
I'm going to write yes, yes, yes, yes and yes.
That one, That last 1 I think. Definitely the bowel shooting, I
find it works really good. I do recommend.
Absolutely it does. And you know, I think we can
(50:30):
make all of that happen, Valerian.
I think we can Wonderful make all of that happen for you.
And that's it then, Just the drugging and the torture.
Oh yes, well, and then we'll March you out to the porters and
every time we have to pay the fare and take away all of your
memories 1 by 1 until you're a shambling husk and you join the
(50:50):
porters and become part of the train.
Valerian takes out his own notebook and says question for
you. Further clarification if you
don't mind the law of the train.Harm dealt against other
passengers will be dealt back inkind.
(51:11):
Is that something that you're exempt from in your group?
Everyone is exempt for it, my man, as long as the porters
don't see you, they don't believe anything that they don't
see with their own eyes. And therefore justice is always
a bit flexible here. I understand now.
Here's this one. Let's see if one takes something
(51:37):
1 does not belong to them without permission.
I'll save you a bit of time here.
Yes, please. All of the major laws of Never
Nowhere, which are enforced by the porters only apply if the
porters see the crime being done.
If they do not, they simply do not believe that it happened.
So if I own a place, right? And then you'll take it.
(52:00):
This As long as they don't see us take it from you, then they
don't care. Well, what constitutes the
taking the ACT? Do you have a deed or I need to
have a title from my place of living?
I mean, these are important questions.
By the shoulders in a sort of almost fatherly sort of way.
And he gives you a very gentle shake and he says you ask too
(52:23):
many questions. No, I ask.
Just the right amount. It's clear to me there's some
reorganization that needs to be happening with the laws of this
place. Well, you have ambition.
I hope what we can harness that to profitable means.
But I think and he spins you around so that you are facing a
(52:44):
low stage out in front of the boards.
He says I think that the show isabout to start.
So he gives you a slap on the back.
Listen. And as he says that, you see a
tan boy of about 13 wearing laced sandals in a blue tunic
climb up onto this little stage in front of the boards.
(53:07):
Behind him, a few other Bluebirds are putting up numbers
onto those scoreboards, and one of the Bluebirds is just
finishing up the letters that spell AFETREYA.
The boy in the tunic picks up a silver bullfrog, sculpted so its
mouth is open in an angry shout.He speaks into his mouth and his
voice is amplified over the sound of the crowd Chirp, chirp.
(53:33):
It's the Bluebird report. Welcome to Apatria, where the
local fashion is tunics and sandals, and he does a little
twirl to show off his outfit. The weather is sunny and hot and
the sea is salt water. The day and night cycle is a
stable 12/12 with a standard 24 hour day.
(53:55):
The borders say this is a three day stop so enjoy the weather
and soak in those rays. Now for local news.
We have arrived during the Sun Goddess Festival just in time.
The circus is located in the north of the market district and
has taken the form of ox drawn carts.
(54:18):
We have a lot of oxen. The Sun Goddess Festival
celebrates, and he pauses here to check his little notepad.
Someone. A priestess who became a sun God
or something. She died a long time ago.
But now, once a year, they crownsomeone as their sun queen and
(54:40):
they do a big parade. So that's a lot of fun.
And he flips through some more pages on his notepad.
Oh, lots of people are in from out of town, and they're already
talking about being robbed. There's lots of big ships.
There's lots of cargo in the harbor, but they haven't
unloaded yet because of the festival.
OK. He points now to the other
(55:02):
scoreboards behind him, which show the five categories that I
mentioned earlier. The watch presence is high ish,
but it's outnumbered by the crowds and the punishment
doesn't seem like super hardcore.
But they've got some really strict laws here about really
stupid and weird stuff and they really care about it a lot, so
watch out. Government appears to be
(55:25):
democratic, and because of the festival, the vice level is
really high, so people are looking to have fun.
And he shuffles around with his notepad for another minute
before another child near the stage kisses at him and he jolts
to attention. That's it for the Bluebird
report. He salutes.
And then he runs off the stage into a group of other Bluebirds,
who pat him on the shoulder and ruffle his hair.
(55:48):
So the scoreboards show the exact rankings that the Bluebird
has given this world, and they are as follows.
Citywatch presence is five out of eight, The punishment score
is 3 out of eight, the order score is 8 out of eight,
Governance is democracy and viceis 7 out of 8.
So these are the scores that we will use every time you guys
land in a new city. And this is just to give you
(56:10):
kind of an idea of the flavor ofthis world.
What was the three out of eight score punishment?
So, like, this isn't likely to be a place where if we get
caught doing something wrong, they're just going to, like,
string us up. Yeah, immediately.
Yeah, 8 out of 8 was. Order, order, Yeah, The order
score kind of means like, is this a society that values some
type of order very highly? OK, so that might be like a
(56:34):
hierarchy or the way that it structures its laws like?
Societally, they're on board with not.
Chaotic. Yeah, it's not a chaotic Yeah, a
low order score would be like your world Valerian.
I think actually Valerians is a very good example because yours
would be low in order but high in punishment.
(56:55):
Yeah, true. What did you say the watch was?
Five out of eight City Watch presence is high, but there's
such a big crowd right now that the City Watch is just stretched
thin because of this festival. OK, are we all hearing this?
Yes, Friedrich has come for thisannouncement after learning
about the event from Bach and has been taking notes and, and
kind of he's being jostled by this big crowd and trying to see
(57:18):
the scoreboard because he's he'sonly 5-4, but he's clearly
uncomfortable to be in this large crowd.
Is he anywhere near Valerian? Because if Valerian saw you
being jostled, yeah, his Valerian's quite tall.
Yeah, he'd say hello, friend. You'll need an.
Uppies and and Friedrich like atfirst just looks really confused
(57:44):
and surprised, but then as he sees you kind of gesture when
you say uppies, this look of like your indignation and rage
comes over his little face and he says why are you talking to
me? Oh, thirsty in the morning?
OK, no appies. I'll continue to take my own
(58:07):
notes and. Pops up between you guys and
says hi. Did I hear somebody offering
appies? Do you need appies?
Yeah. OK.
Valerian kneels. It allows you to climb on his
back. Yay.
He won over the children of his big child soldier fan.
Valerian won. Over all of.
The children this way. Big mistake, Friedrich.
(58:33):
Huge. Friedrich just shakes his head
in disgust. So once the Bluebird leaves the
stage, everybody else begins to break apart into small group
conversations or crowds up towards the board to get a
better look at the information posted.
Gangs start discussing how they want to approach the city and
(58:53):
what areas they might target. People who work in the circus
are all rushing about. The head costumer roars over.
The crowd yells. Togas and tunics, people, we
need togas and tunics. It's swords and sandals out
there. Gladiator gear for the mock
battles. Go go go.
And everybody is thrown into activity as the two halves of
Never Nowhere get to work preparing for the next 3
(59:15):
evenings. Pepper Like rests her forearms
on Valerian's head, and she tilts her head to look down at
Friedrich and she says, So what's our plan, guys?
What do you mean hour? Like I've been trying to explain
to you guys when I pop into yourroom and I, you know, like tell
you what we need to definitely do, it's like we're all in the
same boat, right? So we don't have any other
(59:39):
connections like that. We should really work together,
right? We're actually on the train.
And looks around, Friedrich justgives Valerian the most like
withering look. Valerian smiles at him.
(01:00:01):
And I say this is a perfect demonstration.
Actually, Pepper, I would hate to insult you, but the fact of
the matter is, a man of my intellect simply isn't going to
need help with this sort of task.
It's child's play to me, in fact.
Oh. I could go ahead and collect all
three artifacts and you 2 can go, I don't know, play with
(01:00:23):
building blocks or whatever it is you do in your spare time.
What a bitch. Whoa.
Valerian Smile turns shrewd whenyou say that, but he's still
smiling. Pepper swings down and she looks
down at Friedrich and she says, you know there's things other
(01:00:44):
than intellect that it takes to pull off something like that,
though, right? Maybe for you?
OK. I mean, it seems like you've got
it handled, Larian, what about you?
You want to. I have business.
Yeah, we all have the same business.
Listen, if you want to tag along, I will not stop you, but
(01:01:05):
if you become a hindrance to me,I will kill you.
Do you understand? Oh well, that seems a lot.
I'm just being pragmatic. It's harsh though.
I'm not ruling out your. Potential.
I'm just being so like way harsh.
Well, this has been really delightful, but I'm going to
head out. I have to find the Porter.
I have a tummy ache. So how are you preparing for
(01:01:59):
that? OK, wait.
Before I start this, I have a really important question.
Yeah, I don't know if you even remember because I don't
remember. Did we establish ever that there
that anyone in my homeworld rodehorses?
I don't think we ever established.
It OK, so the horses were not mentioned.
We've, I don't think we mentioned.
I've just decided on a piece of lore for Valerians.
(01:02:22):
A horse centric piece of. Of all the things I thought you
were going to ask. I yeah, I don't, I don't think
we talked about horses. OK, I hope not.
I don't think we did. So I just wanted to make sure
before I. It's so important.
It's really important so. Important.
It might not even come up, but Ijust.
So I don't know if this is really the best intro for the
first episode of a new series because.
We did the first episode, this is the second.
You're right, this is technically the second episode,
so you. Can say wherever the fuck you
want. Cat let it out well.
Let her RIP. I saw the Emperor Palpatine,
saggy balls and Dick. Excuse.
OK, now when we said let her RIPCat.
(00:23):
I didn't know what I was saying.Yes, too much.
No cat so I can't believe I'm saying this, but what?
Tell me more. So.
Speak on that, cat. Speak on that.
Say more about that. So for my husband's birthday we
went to see Has. Anyone ever felt, yeah, I don't
know, let me. Finish my fucking sentence.
(00:43):
For my husband's birthday we went to see the Empire Strips
Back, a Star Wars themed burlesque show.
I'm so jealous. It was.
Why didn't you invite me? Why are we not invited to Mike's
birthday? Yeah.
Hey, what's up the boss? Hey, why didn't you take us with
your romantic party to see a blast show together?
(01:03):
So I'm gonna just go through. I took notes because it was so
good and I knew I was gonna do an intro about it.
So angry. So OK, the opening act, first
thing. Lights go down, music starts to
play. Sexy Luke Skywalker, played by a
beautiful, beautiful blonde woman, comes out on a giant
tauntaun puppet and strips off her snowshoot.
(01:26):
Get that snoot off. Shed the snoot, bitch.
She's. Why didn't you invite us?
I know, it was so good. It was so good.
OK, so she strips off her snowsuit, flashes the Taunton.
It falls down dead after seeing her boobs.
Amazing. She then slices open the Taunton
as she takes off the rest of heroutfit and climbs and sizes and
(01:48):
trails naked. This is the opening act of the
show. Incredible.
I remember that from the movie. This is how you're.
Fantastic. There was an imperial guard
number that absolutely ripped. Like extremely great.
There was AC3PO strip show with sexy jawas.
Giant Jabba the Hutt puppet got strangled by Slave Leia.
Great, I. Remember that from the.
(02:08):
Movie. Yeah.
Han Solo was there. He was not sexy.
Sorry, Han. What?
Very, very talented dancer. Super talented dancer.
Did a lot of like, cool Michael Jackson moves, but just like I
kept doing things that a man would think a woman would think
we're sexy, but we're not sexy. Lot crotch grabbing.
Lot of like aggressive crotch grabs.
(02:30):
Sorry. It speaks to the cultural
perception of Han Solo though. It speaks to the wrong the real
incorrect cultural perception, incorrect cultural perception.
So it speaks. Why do you invite us?
Sexy Greedo did steal the show during Han's night.
Yeah, that tracks. There was a sexy.
(02:51):
Greedo, one of them, shot first.Oh yeah, yeah.
Then after intermission, there was Palpatine and the Imperial
officers. Palpatine got fully nude in a
horrible like, wrinkly skin suitwith a saggy Dick and balls.
There was a giant Death Star disco ball that he rode Miley
Cyrus style to Wrecking Ball. So incredible.
(03:12):
So incredible and just to to finish up my memories of it.
I'm so like Cat, I'm starting toget legitimately angry that you
didn't invite me. Last things, last things, there
was a rapping Yoda puppet. Yeah, it was great.
It was great. The whole thing was incredibly
good. So if I think it is a touring
show. So if you ever get a chance to
(03:32):
see the Empire strip. So it's gone.
Yeah, it's gone now. 10 out of 10, highly recommend.
Absolutely. Not to your close friends.
Not to your close friends. Oh boy, you claim to love.
Sorry. Are obsessed with Star Wars and
know an unhealthy amount about it.
I know I'm sorry, but it it was for my husband's birthday.
I'm sorry I didn't invite you tomy husband's birthday party.
(03:54):
Well, I just think it's always just so wonderful to go with a
couple to a burlesque show. It's just I love to do that with
all my all my couple friends. It's like, can you bring me
with? Oh, and it was all MC in Between
by Orlando Calrissian. It was really good.
(04:15):
It was really, really it. Was really good.
And, you know, we would have been really well behaved at that
show. Nobody was well behaved at that
show. Nobody in the audience would.
Have been really, really well behaved.
No, there everybody was. Everybody was screaming.
Me and. Noel it was really good, boy.
It was. Anyway, let's play Blades in the
(04:37):
Dark. Hello, my name is Kat and I am
(05:07):
no longer your DM. Now I am your GMA.
Subtle but important. Difference.
We're like BM blades master. Whoa.
I don't want to be called that. My name is Noelle and I play
Pepper Pendergrass, who is a rail Jack, and that's the first
(05:29):
time I've gotten to say that. Oh well.
It's weird because you do actually have to say what we're
doing now because it's like, important.
It's like not it's like you haveto actually know.
Yeah, I am Juniper and I play Valerian.
I don't think I've given him a last name, no.
He's like Madonna. He's like Madonna.
Yeah, yeah. We'll say Emperor Valerian and
he is a slide. Hi, I'm Errol.
(05:54):
I play Friedrich Weiss, a Leech.OK, so last time we were
introduced first to Friedrich, who comes from a world that is a
sort of cusp of the industrial revolution, world of progress.
And we were introduced to Friedrich as he was killing his
boss and then fled the scene of his crime to join the circus,
(06:18):
the strange World hopping Circusof Never Nowhere.
Then we met Pepper Pendergrass who has been on the train that
carries the circus of Never Nowhere, but was not part of the
circus and has suffered some consequences from this.
Her memory of her own world is very patchy and she has lost
(06:39):
quite a few of her memories as payment for her time on the
train that she did not know she was paying.
Because that is the trick of this magical world hopping train
is that it will take everything from you.
But in the meantime, you will have a really fun time.
Yeah. And then we met the Emperor
Valerian at the cusp of his downfall.
(07:02):
Right as the revolutionaries aregathering.
Valerian chose to go see what this weird circus was about.
And when given a chance to have an out, he said, well, I've
ruined this world. Sayonara, suckers.
I got to do it again in a new one.
Yep. So now the three of you are
(07:23):
members of the world hopping circus and city that is never
nowhere. This train is unlike anything
else in all of the world's Inside its many box cars is a
Warren of corridors and doorwaysthat make up something very like
(07:43):
a city, with districts and factions.
And all of it runs on everythingthat it can take from the worlds
that it lands in. And by everything I mean that
which is precious. The mementos, the memories, the
artifacts and treasures. All of this are taken into the
(08:07):
city train and melted down to pay the fares of its
inhabitants. The three of you were tasked by
the ringmaster of the circus, who was not terribly happy
because you were taken on by thefortune teller Nod, who
sacrificed himself to keep the three of you from paying the
(08:29):
fare before you had other currency to pay it with besides
your own memories. And so Nod has joined the
porters. The porters are the trains
hands, eyes, ears, mouths, feet and fingers.
Reporters are living bodies thatare possessed by the train and
(08:52):
no longer have any memories of their own.
And you saw this happen to the gentle fortune teller.
Nod and the ringmaster has told you he will make sure it happens
to you unless you prove your worth to him.
To do this, he has sent you the task of bringing him 3 mementos,
SO3 items that have deep emotional significance to their
(09:15):
owner. You have two stops of the train
to complete the task you set before you, and if you don't, a
fate seemingly worse than death awaits you.
And that's where we are now. Another Porter catches the three
of you on your way out of the ringmaster's office and asks
would you like an escort back toyour rooms?
(09:37):
Oh. For context here, your
invitation onto this train each came with a small room for free,
and you were able to choose the location of that room, or at
least Friedrich and Pepper were able to choose.
They've been here for a couple stops so far.
Valerian on the other hand, the Porter smiles at you
specifically and adds Emperor Valerian as the last resident in
(09:58):
your current room. You have inherited the Fortune
teller's room. Would you like to exchange it
for a different one? Your room currently resides in
Never Nowhere is most Central District moth light, but it
would be possible to move to theUniversity District of Kendall
Hall, the Arts District of the Dark Lamp Canal, or the Garden
District of Sweet Song. The most central district you
(10:19):
said was moth light where mine is.
Oh yes, moth light's really nice.
Yes Sir, that is the hub of lifein Never Nowhere.
OK. Yeah, that's fine.
I'll stay there. But what if Nod comes back?
He won't. Well.
And the Porter just smiles at you, does not respond to this.
(10:41):
Oh well. In the extremely unlikely event
that he does come back with justroom together, it's fine.
Would you want me to sleep on the street outside his house?
Leave it. Empty in case you happen to come
back from banishment or whateverhappened to him.
I don't know. Valerian is kind of looking
around at you guys. He's sort of towering over all
(11:03):
of you. And he's looking curiously down
at you, Friedrich at you, Pepperat the Porter ahead of us.
And he says, did someone cut your ears?
Why? Are they round?
Oh Oh yeah like and yours are sopointy.
People have different shaped ears.
(11:24):
That's. I've met a lot of people with
ears like yours, but there's more with ears like mine.
They're really popular. What are your tails?
Pardon. Are they in your pants?
Do you have AII look I I look atyour butt?
God, what am I wearing at this point?
(11:45):
A rat catcher's outfit. OK, yeah, so you probably
couldn't see it right away because it's underneath a long
cloak, but if you look down at Valerian's feet, you can see
just the pink little tip of a tail.
Good Lord. Clarification for me here.
Is it like you said it, pink a tail?
(12:07):
Is it like a rat? Tail.
No, no, no. It's the same color as his hair.
Yeah, it's the same color as hishair.
So what? Kind of tail to.
Clarify. His hair is sort of a
pearlescent pink and his tail matches that and it's like a
house cat tail. OK, OK.
I was also, it's kind of my second.
It's my second thought was like Unicorn tail where it has a
little tuft at the end. No, OK.
(12:27):
Yeah, it's thin. It's a short haired house cat
tail. Pepper goes to touch it.
Oh, ain't recoils, what are you doing?
Whoa. You can't do that.
Can move. That's so cool.
Part of my body. I'm sorry, I didn't mean I'm so
sorry. What the fuck?
Valerian reaches out and grabs your ear.
Oh shit. Yeah, how do you?
(12:48):
Like it tickles, but I understand your point.
I yeah, I'm sorry about that. He grabs Friedrich's ear.
On Handmade. That's what I was expecting you
to do but you are like it tickles.
This guy had a normal reaction which is weird.
I mean, there's like all kinds of people on the train.
(13:09):
I shouldn't get so excited. I have seen people with tales
before. They're usually from like really
magical worlds, like extra magic.
Are you from a place with lots of magic?
There is. You would some people would call
it the magic. Yes.
From my world, yeah. There's magic in my world too.
Oh, what's your magic like? It's really difficult.
(13:31):
What about you? Oh wait, the F what do you have
magic? If by magic you mean charlatans
trying to pass off smoke and mirrors as miracles and and and
dupe unsuspecting fools into coughing up their hard earned
cash, then yes, there are St. magicians and I mean.
(13:52):
That's not what we meant. That's.
Another one we we definitely hadthose on my world, but they were
not like we had those. And then there was also like
real magic. That is what we used, but it was
a commodity. It wasn't like what?
Do you mean real magic? I mean, look around.
Honestly, yeah. What do you think is happening
(14:16):
here? Are you saying that when you're
in a situation that you don't understand that you default to
assuming that everything happening around you is magic?
Well, I understand the magic perfectly fine.
It has very strict rules and there's certain ways that you
can use it and you can't. And some people have access to
it and some people don't. It's very politically
(14:37):
complicated and charged where I come from, but it's not like I
don't know what's happening. I don't know what's happening,
but. I mean, I don't know what's
happening here specifically, butI just assume it's because it's
a type of magic that I haven't figured out how what it does
yet. I've been here for a long time
(14:57):
and I've never figured it out. OK.
How long have you been here? Oh, years, I think.
Years and years and years. Yeah, long time.
That's are we talking like decades or like 2-3 years?
I've been to lots of worlds. Well, I guess I've been to lots
(15:20):
of cities. I've been to the city.
Deeply unhelpful. Well, that's good.
You've been here for years. You may have helpful information
how I can seek out these mementos.
Oh yeah, I don't really know about that.
I guess. I mean, I've been on the train,
but I haven't been like on the train.
Well, how have you been paying your fare?
(15:42):
Well, that's I have. I haven't been, but I'm really
excited to start and I can't wait to join the circus.
The Porter chimes in here and says if you would like to join
the circus, you will have to audition with ringmaster Rex.
When do they hold the audition? Currently, no auditions are
scheduled. However, there are currently
well participants in the circus who will not be there for much
(16:06):
longer. Implying.
They. Hold audition to replace the the
12th. As they join the ranks of the
Porters, more spots will open up.
Well, that's good, I can join. And Friedrich looks very
concerned over at Pepper. But first, I guess if I'm going
(16:30):
to audition with Ringmaster Rex,then we have to find those
mementos, huh? Well, that's all very well and
good, but if you don't have any helpful information, I don't see
any reason we should work together.
Well, because we're, we're together now.
We could stay together. Why?
Well, because. Leave your case. 3 heads are
(16:54):
better than one. Not when it's these heads, Well,
that. That was a very compelling
argument from both of you. But if you don't mind, I have
business to attend to, and Friedrich storms off.
I'll. I'll find you when we get to the
next stop. I have to go to my house that
I've inherited. I'll.
See you later. OK, goodbye.
(17:16):
Bye. All right.
Right. So Friedrich, Pepper, Valerian,
we'll let the three of you settle in for a while as the
traveling train city chugs ever onward toward its next
destination so that we players of the game can have a little
aside, a little chat, chat aboutnever know where.
(17:37):
It's many districts and all of these strange and wonderful
people. You 3 lovely players all have
access to a document I've created about the setting here.
Yes, yes, yes. You've been able to read about
the districts of Never Nowhere, are there landmarks, some
information about some of the NPCS, as well as information
about different gangs and factions here on the train.
(17:58):
So we're going to be starting this campaign in a different
place like knowledge base wise than we might have been say like
our previous campaign where you knew nothing about the world
unless I described it to you. Basically Blades is meant to be
a very collaborative storytelling experience.
So you all have a lot more information about the setting
and characters then the powers that be then you would in a game
like Dungeons and Dragons. So people playing Blades of the
(18:20):
Dark straight into the book, they would have a very similar
thing. The setting is laid out really
well in the book. A dusk ball is the original
setting and the has lots of gangs and like tables and things
that help the DM, you know, build the world.
But we are using our own becauseI am insane.
Also, I just want to put this out here for you guys just to
(18:42):
kind of get you guys into the frame of mind because this is
going to be a very different game.
I am going to ask you guys to make stuff up and this is a much
more collaborative experience. So there's no wrong answer.
And if there's something that I haven't written into the world
building and you guys say I wantto go talk to Shmeigle Spy and
(19:02):
he is a Baker in Sweet Song. Shmeigle Spy now exists and I
will give him life and voice. So don't hesitate to just make
things up and add things into the Stew.
We are making a delicious hot pot and I want you all to bring
your best ingredients. So all about just to say I am
not going to be the only person bringing up new characters, new
(19:25):
areas, even new storylines. We are all going to do that
together as a family. Out of the family.
Gotcha. All right, let's get to it.
Several days of train travel pass as Pepper Pendergrass,
Emperor Valerian, and Friedrich Weiss each make themselves at
home in their own little room intheir own little special way.
(19:46):
So let's see where each of you have ended up.
Friedrich, we'll start with you.It has been about 3, maybe 4
weeks since you joined the train.
It's really hard to tell how thedays pass when you're on board
the train. There's no day or night.
The lights never cycle or dim. Where have you landed in this
(20:11):
Warren of train cars that make up districts that make up a
city? Do you get to choose where your
room is? Yeah.
OK, So I have chosen a room in Candle Hall since that's where
kind of the university and scholars are.
That's the area where I feel like I'm going to be able to
best do my research. Yes, you have arrived in Candle
(20:32):
Hall. That makes complete sense.
This is a shadowy district of the train, populated by the
runaway academics of many worlds.
The center of this district is taken up by Kendall Hall
University, an organization of scholars who have no students.
They are just so desperate for the recognition of their
(20:53):
academic achievements that they have created a hierarchy, whole
cloth, so that they can jockey for position in it.
And you, Friedrich, as a brand new resident of Candle Hall, are
at the bottom of the heap. So you have been given a small
room in Candle Hall, barely the size of a closet.
It is big enough for a small bedand a work table.
(21:16):
And it is crammed in between twoshops, one of which is called
Breakers beakers. And they sell all sorts of lab
equipment. And at all hours of the day and
night you hear glass breaking just constantly.
And the one on the other side sells potions which smell
(21:37):
noxious. They give you just the worst
headache every time you step foot outside your door and
sometimes the smells filter in through the vents so that is
where you have landed. Have you made any friends?
Any enemies? Have you been spending your
time? Yes, well, I've been surveying
Kendall Hall trying to figure out exactly how these
(21:57):
hierarchies work, and obviously I need to gather materials if
I'm going to prepare for acquiring these mementos.
So I have unfortunately been spending some time in the
company of Bach Beaker. Fortunately for me, it seems no
matter how many times I insult him, it goes directly over his
(22:17):
head. But he does have quite a decent
collection of equipment, so I'vemanaged to acquire a couple
things that I may need on credit.
So, Friedrich, there is a knock on the door of your narrow cell,
and when you open it you find Bach.
Bach, Breaker of Breakers, beakers.
And Bach is a short man who comes up maybe to about the
(22:41):
middle of your chest. And I'm also quite short so God
damn. He is.
He is quite short. He's got a big bushy beard and
big bushy eyebrows and seems just very stuffed into his
clothes. He has come by and he has a test
tube with a little ribbon tied around it.
(23:02):
And he says, Friedrich, I brought you a little welcome to
a New World present. I heard that you're in a bit of
a trouble with the ringmaster, so I thought I'd bring you
something to help. And he hands it to you and it is
just a normal test tube. It's just a test tube.
Just a test tube. I pick it up and examine it and
I say you shouldn't have. Oh, it's no trouble.
(23:26):
You're my neighbor. I'm happy to help now.
Let me know if you need any helpnavigating the new world.
I'll be honest, I don't go out much.
I prefer to stay on the train asmuch as I can.
But I know people and I know people who know people and those
people also know people. So all of that together will can
probably find you a little bit of help if you need it, right?
(23:49):
I don't think I'll be needing any help, but thank you very
much Breaker. Don't call me back.
I prefer not to that powder for the standstill poison the order
I put in. Did you happen to?
Well, we'll have to see what we find in this new world.
I've got people who know people who know people who know people
who are going to give it a scoutfor me and see what we can find
(24:12):
out there. If we get lucky, I'll be able to
fulfill that order. Just Jiff is quick.
What the fuck? Well, it's been stimulating
speaking with you, Raker, but ifyou'll excuse me, I do have work
to do of. Course, of course, you academic
types always have work to do. Of course.
Well, if you need anything, I'llbe right next door.
(24:34):
And you hear a big crash come from next door and he goes,
sounds like I've got a customer,let's go.
And he heads off. Pepper, how have you been doing?
You have found in your couple weeks here in the City of Never
Nowhere that people tend to lookat you with a sort of pitying
(24:57):
air when you tell them about your life before you came onto
the train. Your time in the area of the
train that you now know is called the Box cars.
All of the unconnected rooms that do not make up the city.
Every time you tell someone that, they give you a look, and
it's the look of someone who's looking at another person's
(25:20):
infirm and elderly pet, wondering how much time it's got
left. Jesus.
Christ. Even so, how does this life
inside the train compare to yourlife before?
Well, I can't let any of that get me down.
People are always saying to me, oh Pepper, wouldn't you rather,
(25:40):
like, remember anything about your life?
And I always tell them the same thing.
I got no idea. I would say my life now is
pretty much the same. I live down in the Dark Lamb
Canal, where all the artists areand the musicians and there's
even a hot magician who lives nearby.
(26:01):
I always ask him what else he's hiding under his cloak, but he
doesn't seem to get what I mean.That's perfect.
So you have made your home in the Dark Lamp Canal, a very
romantic area of the Boxcar City, notable for the boxcar of
water that runs through the center of the district, and for
being one of the few double highsections of the city.
(26:24):
Because never nowhere is made-upentirely of train cars that are
put together. Most places have a very low
ceiling that is only just high enough for you to walk around
without ducking your head. Oh.
That's true, That's true. That is different.
I never bunk my head anymore. Well, that's interesting,
because one thing you've noticedis that no matter who's walking
(26:46):
through Never Nowhere, the ceiling is just high enough for
them not to hit their head. Yeah, it wasn't like that in the
box cars. It wasn't, was it?
The box cars are a bit of a stranger place and somehow once
you're inside the city it all makes a little bit more sense as
long as you don't look very closely.
(27:07):
Well, that's never been a problem for me.
And that has served you well. Now, what have you been doing in
the last couple of weeks? Oh, lots of things.
I've been making friends. I've been working on music, and
I've been trying to get those other two weirdos to, you know,
get it together, work together with me so that our death
sentence that's hanging over allthree of our heads could be
(27:30):
sliced into pieces. Maybe.
So far they have rejected my every request, but I'm sure it
will work today. But anyway, other than that,
yeah, I've been playing music, I've wrote a new song, I've made
a lot of friends, even the ones who won't admit it, and I've
been settling into my room. Where is your room besides being
(27:52):
in the dark lamp canal? There's this building a few cars
back that sort of hangs over theedge of the canal and my room is
right down there at the bottom and I hardly ever get my feet
wet. Your positivity is absolutely
infectious, Pepper, and the people around you seem to really
be enjoying you as a neighbor. You mentioned the hot magician.
(28:15):
That would probably be Hollett, right?
Hollett the Magnificent. Absolutely, that's the name.
And Hollett lives upstairs. He has a much nicer room than
your tiny little cell in the very bottom of the canal, but he
is a gracious neighbor, even though he just seems to always
have something up his sleeve andthen something else, and then
(28:38):
something else. That's what I'm saying.
And you are coming out of your room when you see Hollett is
speaking to a very tall woman who's just wrapped in silks and
carrying a liar. And I don't know her.
You do not know her, no. Cool.
So I run up to them and I say, Hollett, who's your friend?
(29:01):
Pepper, my new neighbor. Yes, this is the illustrious.
The most mysterious, the most. Oh, please, Hollett.
Pepper. Pepper has stars in her eyes.
Yes, the one says you can stop with the epitaphs.
My name is Metalia. Wow.
(29:22):
And I hear you are the latest musician to join our district.
Oh wow, yeah, are you a musiciantoo?
Pepper pulls out her loot slash club.
And she looks at it and goes, oh, is that your instrument?
Yeah. It's very.
Quaint. Is that your instrument?
Can I play it? Absolutely not.
(29:44):
No, my dear. I get it OK.
This is a rare artifact from my home world that I have kept
treasured for a very long time. Wow.
I will trade it for nothing, andnone shall touch it, lest they
suffer my wrath. Now I'm very glad that we got a
chance to meet, for I have a message to pass on to you.
It's. Me.
(30:05):
Yes. Well, what is it?
Stay out of the way. I look at Hollett and I step out
of her way. She rolls her eyes.
She rolls her eyes and says there's a schedule.
There's a there's a ladder that you must climb before you gain
any. Performance looks around her
ladder. You can see this woman getting
(30:28):
more and more frustrated as you continue to take her words so
very literally says if you wouldlike to perform in the canal,
you must first secure a performance space.
You can't simply be giving performances.
Hit her and yawn. You guys don't like busking?
That seems like the point of this whole place if.
You want to busk go out into theany ever here you will earn your
(30:50):
place as a musician or you shallkeep to your cell.
Am I clear? Cell.
You mean my house? And I like point back to what is
clearly a cell. And she gives a big
condescending smirk. She says, yes, your house.
I'm sure it all seems very luxurious to you after your time
(31:12):
in those wretched box cars. But anyway, that is the message
that I came to give you. Oh, who's it from?
Well, this message comes from Krista Kiros down Frost.
She's the head of our district and someone you do not wish to
cross. Well, you're right about that.
I got to go meet her where she live.
(31:34):
Well, I'll let you find that outon your own.
I shall go now, Halit, keep the trash out of the streets.
And then she drifts away, as if on a summer wind.
Wow, what a beautiful woman. Ugly on the inside, but what can
you do? That's your friend Hallett.
(31:56):
That might be a strong word for our relationship, but she is
very powerful in this district and I would give her word quite
a bit of weight. Not everyone is so equitable,
and those of us here at the bottom of the district do need
(32:17):
to keep our feet out of the water, so to speak.
There are, after all, lots of things that bite in that canal.
When he says to keep our feet out of the water, Pepper looks
down and like there's literally like water in her house right
now. And she's like, well, I've never
been bitten by anything. Not yet.
(32:39):
There's still time, Pilot, and you want to.
He Pats your shoulder and says keep that sunny attitude Pepper,
it will get you far. OK, well, are you leaving?
Ah, we are going to be coming into the station soon, so we
better get out to my fight. Come on.
(33:00):
Let's do it. Hello sweetie, great listeners.
It is me, Noel from the podcast and I'm here with your mid
episode announcements and thank yous, acknowledgements and
information which you may need as you go forward.
(33:23):
First of all, I just want to sayI really hope you're enjoying
Never Know Where episode 2. As ever, we're so, so excited
for what we have so far and to show you guys where we're going
to go. So if you've been enjoying it,
we really, really would encourage you to tell a friend.
We have tried to make it easy for you.
In fact, I have set up a link soif you go to
(33:43):
legendlark.com/never, it will bring you straight to a Spotify
playlist with all of the Never Know Where episodes that will be
updated as we go along. So again, if you want to tell a
friend, you can link them to legendlark.com/never.
And if you do, we'll die 1000 happy deaths.
Please, please do it. Well, maybe that's dark.
(34:07):
Oh, and kind of a similar vein, we are actually going to be
starting up a new project soon that we're very, very excited
about. Now hear me out.
It's going to be called Riverdale Roulette.
So you may say, I've never heardany of you guys mention that you
like Riverdale or that you've ever watched Riverdale.
(34:27):
And that's because we haven't. So what this is going to be is a
series of live streams that we are going to basically we're
going to divide into a team of two.
Each of us are going to watch a Riverdale episode in a
completely random order. So we're going to be watching
Riverdale episode by episode, completely random.
(34:49):
Who knows if we'll ever see likethe first episode until the end,
we won't know. And we're going to try and piece
together what's happening based on this over the course of
watching the show. And I think it's going to be so,
so funny and so, so wonderful. So if you either have never
(35:09):
watched Riverdale and you've heard how crazy it is as we
have, or you love Riverdale and you are excited to see what
random episodes we get in what random order and what
conclusions we draw from that, then I would encourage you to
check it out. It's going to be over on our
YouTube page, which you can get to by going to
(35:31):
legendlark.com/youtube where youcan subscribe to our YouTube
channel and make sure that you get a little alert when we are
live on June 30th at 6:30 Central, that is a Monday, June
30th at 6:30, we are going to start Riverdale Roulette.
The first episode is going to beus talking about the concept,
introducing ourselves, and also making our predictions, telling
(35:56):
what we already know about Riverdale, like just kind of
through the cultural zeitgeist and particularly through like
the Tumblr zeitgeist, which we are Privy to.
So I think it's going to be a great time.
I think we are going to be screaming, laughing, having RIP
roaring fun. So I'm really excited for that.
So I hope you'll check it out again.
(36:18):
It's going to be on our YouTube channel.
You can go to youlegendlark.com/youtube and
subscribe to make sure that you can come on June 30th and
thereafter it's going to be every other Monday at 6:30.
So we have lots of new exciting things going on as ever.
One other thing I wanted to justremind you guys about is if you
are at any point getting confused about like, oh, like
(36:40):
what are these rules to this game?
Blades in the Dark? We're trying to kind of explain
as we go along, but we did also make an explainer episode called
How to Play Blades in the Dark, which is in our feed.
It's in the Never know where playlist.
So if you at any point like get confused about what's going on,
I don't think it's that confusing.
We're going slow enough that it should be OK.
But if you get confused, you should listen to that.
(37:01):
And if you're just looking for something funny to listen to,
you should listen to that because it's really funny.
The voice acting that my beautiful friends did is insane.
The sound effects that our beautiful editor Ray edited in
are so, so funny. So I would encourage you to
check it out, even if it's just to have a little laugh, have a
little giggle, have a little harhar.
(37:24):
And now allow me to go over to Spotify and respond to a
beautiful comment from a beautiful person.
You guys responded in such a huge way to our call for Spotify
comments, so that's awesome. Thank you guys so much.
I can't say this for sure cuz I don't understand how Spotify
works, but I would assume that we get recommended to more
(37:44):
people based on engagement. So anytime that you're listening
to an episode on Spotify, if youhave any thought in your head
and you would like to press comment, we would love to read
it. In particular, I want to respond
to Barb Slash Bast's comment, who said I know nothing about
tarot cards, but the Internet has taught me that the tower,
(38:05):
the Fortune Wheel, the Devil andthe lovers are like the worst
cards that anyone can pull. So I'm very excited, which I
like. Died laughing reading that.
And immediately send it to our Discord chat.
Yeah. So those are the cards that our
characters pulled in episode 1. And, you know, we're just going
to, we're just going to see where we go.
(38:26):
We're going to see where we freaking end up, dude, because
we've we've been through and we're going to continue to go
through some shit. Hell yeah.
I also want to thank our beautiful new patron since last
episode that goes out to Nora. Nora, you're the only one I
trust, the only one I love. I love you Nora so much.
If you would like to check out our Patreon, you can go to
(38:49):
legendlark.com/patreon. We post tons of outtakes and
deleted scenes. We have bonus episodes.
We have live streams, we have art, and I specifically put a
link in the show notes of each episode.
So if you're listening to an episode, you can click on that
link and it will take you to thespecific outtakes or extras from
(39:09):
that episode. And I have it in every single
episode for the whole podcast, which took a lot of work.
So I encourage you to use them, especially if you're re
listening. But if you're just listening to
never Know Where and going, God,I wish there were a little, just
a tiny bit more to save me. Until next week, you can go to
to to Patreon and and get those little satiations.
(39:32):
I also want to extend a quick thank you to the person who sent
us their graduation letter. Thank you so much.
That was so sweet. Congratulations on graduating
and best wishes for your future.Yeah, right before the end here,
I want to mention that we are onsocial media.
Our most active social media is generally our Tumblr, but we are
also on blue sky Instagram recently, just recently read it.
(39:55):
We have a TikTok. We are posting on YouTube
Shorts, and we also have a fan run discord.
You can get to all of those through our website at
legendlark.com. But generally on social media we
are legend lark pod. So you can always just look us
up on whatever social media platform you're on.
Last of all, the most important part of any mid role, a message
(40:17):
to Chantelle. Chantelle, I just saw you
yesterday and I saw your adorable cat Mitzi, who I got to
pet and pat on her head and she's the most wonderful, cutest
cat in the world. And I love her so much and I
love you so much, Chantelle. And the code word is band of
(40:37):
builders. And the sleeper agent is active
Go. So, Valerian, it's only been a
week for you. You have been able to stay in
(40:59):
Nod's train compartment since you were the last one there
before he became a Porter, and thus you inherited the cramped
space. Moth Light is the center of
Never Nowhere. Geographically, it's hard to say
if it actually is the center. It is very difficult to map
Never Nowhere, but it is certainly the social center of
the city. There are dozens and dozens of
(41:23):
shops, restaurants, meeting places, tea houses, coffee
houses, offices, just anything you can dream of.
Any public space that you can think of is here in the Moth
Light, and you have landed yourself a prime piece of real
estate, small though it is, and you've had a lot of people
(41:43):
sniffing around outside your door.
But so far everybody seems to bekeeping their distance.
Word travels fast in this strange, moving city, and it
seems that everybody knows the ringmaster has his eye on you.
You have gotten word just from listening on the street that the
train is pulling into the station today.
So how are you preparing for that?
(42:04):
I haven't changed my routine very much.
I find in a new place I'm getting used to things.
I have to remind myself I cannotjust command people on the
street to do as I ask. So that's been taking some
(42:26):
getting used to. But you know, I've been walking
around every morning. I go to the, the Bluebirds, I
hear the news, you know, I get the pastry from a shop in the
marketplace and they have reallygood, beautiful shop with good
decorations. And I like the pastry.
(42:50):
And then I, I walk around, I talk to people, I've made a few
contacts. I spend my nights at the Cocoon
mostly. Yes, the Cocoon.
This is the busiest pub in Neverknow where.
It is at the center of the Moth Light District.
And while you're at the Cocoon, you have seen, though you may
(43:12):
not yet know, all of the heads of the different districts
meeting and talking. I know.
You have to make it that a priority.
Yes, I have not made contact. I'm not ready at this point.
I'm trying to establish myself as a presence within the
district, but not a threatening 1.
I want people to see me and to know me, but I don't want them
(43:36):
to think anything about me. Interesting, that's so far I've
been doing good. I've made one enemy.
Who? She is a wicked woman.
Her name is Nurse Debbie. I got the cut on my arm when I
(43:56):
first entered the train. I had to go to Nurse Debbie to
get pitched up. And you know, she looks like she
would be a nice, kind woman, butno, she was wicked.
Nurse Debbie does have a reputation in Moth Light as
actually being a very sweet woman.
(44:17):
No, that's wrong. So everybody else is wrong about
her. Yes, I know about medicine.
OK, you get a wound from battle,you go to the medicine healer
and they perform magics and the other wound is healed.
(44:39):
This is the way that it works. This is the way that it worked
in your world. But when I go to Nurse Debbie
for the cut on my arm, you know what she did?
How did she do? She poked holes in my flesh and
sewed me like a garment. Yes, she gave you stitches.
It was incredibly painful and atthe end I saw her give someone
(45:03):
else a lolly me no I was sat on my way in pain.
Would that perhaps have anythingto do with the howling and
fussing and screaming and the threats to Debbie and her
family? I would not.
Were you there? Did you watch?
(45:23):
I'm everywhere and I know everything now Valerian, the
train is coming into the stationand where are you at this
moment? Where's the like entrance?
There is an exit. That is a very interesting
question, and it's not one that is easy to answer because the
boundary between the backstage of the Circus and Never Nowhere
(45:44):
is a bit fuzzy. But there is a main gathering
area in a section of moth light called the Boards.
And this is a section of the district where you can see the
doors of these box cars have been rolled back and nailed back
to create the wider spaces that make up the rest of the
district. And on these boards there are
scoreboards like one might see at a Little League baseball game
(46:08):
and they have titles over them that say City Watch, Presence,
Punishment, Order, Governance and Vice.
People are starting to gather around the boards as it is
getting closer to the time when the train is fully stopped in
the station. No, I should say one thing
you've come to know is that whenpeople say pulling into the
(46:28):
station, this is a bit of a 2 day process.
On the day that the train pulledinto the station, which was
yesterday, you think again, timeis a little bit hard to track,
but it feels less like a train stopping and more like being
inside a bowl of jello hitting abrick wall in slow motion.
It was an unsettling, nauseatingfeeling deep in the pit of your
(46:50):
stomach and it took hours beforeyou felt normal again.
But in that time, the Bluebirds began to make their way out onto
the streets. The Bluebirds are an organized
in Never Know Where that is made-up primarily of Never Know
Where's children, and they act as scouts for the rest of the
train. They've been coming and going
(47:10):
from Moth Light all day and night, running reports to their
main hub in Moth Light and to others who have made private
arrangements with them to gain information.
So that's then where you are as you're here by the boards
waiting for the Bluebirds to distribute their information.
So while you are out waiting by the boards in this milieu of
(47:33):
Never Nowhere citizens, you are approached by a big burly man
with sort of dust colored skin. And he's wearing this really
flashy bright blue coat that's trimmed in gold and jewels.
And when he grins at you, you can see that some of his teeth
are gold. He says, our newest neighbor.
(47:58):
And he grabs your shoulder, gives you a real firm shake, He
says. I've been hearing your name
around the district for a few days now, Mr. Valerian, isn't
it? Yes, that's my name.
It's good to meet you. I'm Yolvis Christ, and I've come
here to offer you a position in my organization.
(48:22):
We are the preeminent organization that runs the Moth
Light. You might have heard of us.
The Piper Lords were called. Yes, I'm familiar.
Yes. Well, seeing as you have this
fine piece of property here, I wanted to make sure that you
knew that you had an open invitation to join our
(48:42):
organization. There are many benefits as long
as you pay your dues and well then you could keep this nice
place of property. I appreciate that.
I'll consider it. Well, don't take too long to
consider. Has, like I said, you have a
very prime piece of real estate that we have quite a bit of
interest in. And if you do not join our
(49:05):
organization, we will find another way to acquire it.
So you're threatening me? Yes, I'm glad you picked up on.
That OK. And can you please, in detail
describe the nature of of the act you'll carry out against me
if I don't join? I'd like to be fully aware of
(49:27):
the threat being levered upon me.
Well, I like to keep my options open, but torture is always on
the table dragging. We're big fans of that.
Now what kind of drug? The kind that will make you wish
you hadn't been born. It's not that I need details
man, you're just giving me vague.
(49:47):
I want to know. Will it cause me pain?
Will I be delirious? Will my body go numb?
Will you have me be paralyzed and then torture me?
Will I be able to feel like willI be blinded?
Am I going to be vomiting constantly until blood comes out
of my mouth? Will I be shitting my bowels
(50:08):
out? Yogis actually takes out a
little notepad from those. These are great ideas.
I'm going to write yes, yes, yes, yes and yes.
That one, That last 1 I think. Definitely the bowel shooting, I
find it works really good. I do recommend.
Absolutely it does. And you know, I think we can
(50:30):
make all of that happen, Valerian.
I think we can Wonderful make all of that happen for you.
And that's it then, Just the drugging and the torture.
Oh yes, well, and then we'll March you out to the porters and
every time we have to pay the fare and take away all of your
memories 1 by 1 until you're a shambling husk and you join the
(50:50):
porters and become part of the train.
Valerian takes out his own notebook and says question for
you. Further clarification if you
don't mind the law of the train.Harm dealt against other
passengers will be dealt back inkind.
(51:11):
Is that something that you're exempt from in your group?
Everyone is exempt for it, my man, as long as the porters
don't see you, they don't believe anything that they don't
see with their own eyes. And therefore justice is always
a bit flexible here. I understand now.
Here's this one. Let's see if one takes something
(51:37):
1 does not belong to them without permission.
I'll save you a bit of time here.
Yes, please. All of the major laws of Never
Nowhere, which are enforced by the porters only apply if the
porters see the crime being done.
If they do not, they simply do not believe that it happened.
So if I own a place, right? And then you'll take it.
(52:00):
This As long as they don't see us take it from you, then they
don't care. Well, what constitutes the
taking the ACT? Do you have a deed or I need to
have a title from my place of living?
I mean, these are important questions.
By the shoulders in a sort of almost fatherly sort of way.
And he gives you a very gentle shake and he says you ask too
(52:23):
many questions. No, I ask.
Just the right amount. It's clear to me there's some
reorganization that needs to be happening with the laws of this
place. Well, you have ambition.
I hope what we can harness that to profitable means.
But I think and he spins you around so that you are facing a
(52:44):
low stage out in front of the boards.
He says I think that the show isabout to start.
So he gives you a slap on the back.
Listen. And as he says that, you see a
tan boy of about 13 wearing laced sandals in a blue tunic
climb up onto this little stage in front of the boards.
(53:07):
Behind him, a few other Bluebirds are putting up numbers
onto those scoreboards, and one of the Bluebirds is just
finishing up the letters that spell AFETREYA.
The boy in the tunic picks up a silver bullfrog, sculpted so its
mouth is open in an angry shout.He speaks into his mouth and his
voice is amplified over the sound of the crowd Chirp, chirp.
(53:33):
It's the Bluebird report. Welcome to Apatria, where the
local fashion is tunics and sandals, and he does a little
twirl to show off his outfit. The weather is sunny and hot and
the sea is salt water. The day and night cycle is a
stable 12/12 with a standard 24 hour day.
(53:55):
The borders say this is a three day stop so enjoy the weather
and soak in those rays. Now for local news.
We have arrived during the Sun Goddess Festival just in time.
The circus is located in the north of the market district and
has taken the form of ox drawn carts.
(54:18):
We have a lot of oxen. The Sun Goddess Festival
celebrates, and he pauses here to check his little notepad.
Someone. A priestess who became a sun God
or something. She died a long time ago.
But now, once a year, they crownsomeone as their sun queen and
(54:40):
they do a big parade. So that's a lot of fun.
And he flips through some more pages on his notepad.
Oh, lots of people are in from out of town, and they're already
talking about being robbed. There's lots of big ships.
There's lots of cargo in the harbor, but they haven't
unloaded yet because of the festival.
OK. He points now to the other
(55:02):
scoreboards behind him, which show the five categories that I
mentioned earlier. The watch presence is high ish,
but it's outnumbered by the crowds and the punishment
doesn't seem like super hardcore.
But they've got some really strict laws here about really
stupid and weird stuff and they really care about it a lot, so
watch out. Government appears to be
(55:25):
democratic, and because of the festival, the vice level is
really high, so people are looking to have fun.
And he shuffles around with his notepad for another minute
before another child near the stage kisses at him and he jolts
to attention. That's it for the Bluebird
report. He salutes.
And then he runs off the stage into a group of other Bluebirds,
who pat him on the shoulder and ruffle his hair.
(55:48):
So the scoreboards show the exact rankings that the Bluebird
has given this world, and they are as follows.
Citywatch presence is five out of eight, The punishment score
is 3 out of eight, the order score is 8 out of eight,
Governance is democracy and viceis 7 out of 8.
So these are the scores that we will use every time you guys
land in a new city. And this is just to give you
(56:10):
kind of an idea of the flavor ofthis world.
What was the three out of eight score punishment?
So, like, this isn't likely to be a place where if we get
caught doing something wrong, they're just going to, like,
string us up. Yeah, immediately.
Yeah, 8 out of 8 was. Order, order, Yeah, The order
score kind of means like, is this a society that values some
type of order very highly? OK, so that might be like a
(56:34):
hierarchy or the way that it structures its laws like?
Societally, they're on board with not.
Chaotic. Yeah, it's not a chaotic Yeah, a
low order score would be like your world Valerian.
I think actually Valerians is a very good example because yours
would be low in order but high in punishment.
(56:55):
Yeah, true. What did you say the watch was?
Five out of eight City Watch presence is high, but there's
such a big crowd right now that the City Watch is just stretched
thin because of this festival. OK, are we all hearing this?
Yes, Friedrich has come for thisannouncement after learning
about the event from Bach and has been taking notes and, and
kind of he's being jostled by this big crowd and trying to see
(57:18):
the scoreboard because he's he'sonly 5-4, but he's clearly
uncomfortable to be in this large crowd.
Is he anywhere near Valerian? Because if Valerian saw you
being jostled, yeah, his Valerian's quite tall.
Yeah, he'd say hello, friend. You'll need an.
Uppies and and Friedrich like atfirst just looks really confused
(57:44):
and surprised, but then as he sees you kind of gesture when
you say uppies, this look of like your indignation and rage
comes over his little face and he says why are you talking to
me? Oh, thirsty in the morning?
OK, no appies. I'll continue to take my own
(58:07):
notes and. Pops up between you guys and
says hi. Did I hear somebody offering
appies? Do you need appies?
Yeah. OK.
Valerian kneels. It allows you to climb on his
back. Yay.
He won over the children of his big child soldier fan.
Valerian won. Over all of.
The children this way. Big mistake, Friedrich.
(58:33):
Huge. Friedrich just shakes his head
in disgust. So once the Bluebird leaves the
stage, everybody else begins to break apart into small group
conversations or crowds up towards the board to get a
better look at the information posted.
Gangs start discussing how they want to approach the city and
(58:53):
what areas they might target. People who work in the circus
are all rushing about. The head costumer roars over.
The crowd yells. Togas and tunics, people, we
need togas and tunics. It's swords and sandals out
there. Gladiator gear for the mock
battles. Go go go.
And everybody is thrown into activity as the two halves of
Never Nowhere get to work preparing for the next 3
(59:15):
evenings. Pepper Like rests her forearms
on Valerian's head, and she tilts her head to look down at
Friedrich and she says, So what's our plan, guys?
What do you mean hour? Like I've been trying to explain
to you guys when I pop into yourroom and I, you know, like tell
you what we need to definitely do, it's like we're all in the
same boat, right? So we don't have any other
(59:39):
connections like that. We should really work together,
right? We're actually on the train.
And looks around, Friedrich justgives Valerian the most like
withering look. Valerian smiles at him.
(01:00:01):
And I say this is a perfect demonstration.
Actually, Pepper, I would hate to insult you, but the fact of
the matter is, a man of my intellect simply isn't going to
need help with this sort of task.
It's child's play to me, in fact.
Oh. I could go ahead and collect all
three artifacts and you 2 can go, I don't know, play with
(01:00:23):
building blocks or whatever it is you do in your spare time.
What a bitch. Whoa.
Valerian Smile turns shrewd whenyou say that, but he's still
smiling. Pepper swings down and she looks
down at Friedrich and she says, you know there's things other
(01:00:44):
than intellect that it takes to pull off something like that,
though, right? Maybe for you?
OK. I mean, it seems like you've got
it handled, Larian, what about you?
You want to. I have business.
Yeah, we all have the same business.
Listen, if you want to tag along, I will not stop you, but
(01:01:05):
if you become a hindrance to me,I will kill you.
Do you understand? Oh well, that seems a lot.
I'm just being pragmatic. It's harsh though.
I'm not ruling out your. Potential.
I'm just being so like way harsh.
Well, this has been really delightful, but I'm going to
head out. I have to find the Porter.
I have a tummy ache. So how are you preparing for
(01:01:59):
that? OK, wait.
Before I start this, I have a really important question.
Yeah, I don't know if you even remember because I don't
remember. Did we establish ever that there
that anyone in my homeworld rodehorses?
I don't think we ever established.
It OK, so the horses were not mentioned.
We've, I don't think we mentioned.
I've just decided on a piece of lore for Valerians.
(01:02:22):
A horse centric piece of. Of all the things I thought you
were going to ask. I yeah, I don't, I don't think
we talked about horses. OK, I hope not.
I don't think we did. So I just wanted to make sure
before I. It's so important.
It's really important so. Important.
It might not even come up, but Ijust.
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