May 18, 2025 • 43 mins
Alexi Melvin joins the Lesbian Chronicles for our 300th episode!!! Alexi shares how her affinity for Gillian Anderson (aka FBI Special Agent Scully) led to her TikTok and Instagram following -- and what it's like dating in NYC!
Follow Alexi on Instagram and on TikTok
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Follow Alexi on Instagram and on TikTok
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lesbian-chronicles-coming-out-later-in-life--5601514/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
I'm Ali. I came out after twenty years of marriage
and I have three kids.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came
out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles
and victories that come with it when coming out feels
like the end of the world, but it's really just
the beginning. This is the Lesbian Chronicles, the Last Week Chronicles.
(00:36):
Can we start over? No? No, my god, I think
it works.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
But also you have a look on your face like
I'm gonna have to edit.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
The fuck you probably said. I'm kind of fired up today.
You are, I shouldn't be based on what my afternoon was.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
What was your afternoon?
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Remember when you got here?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
And I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, I should be very
relaxed afternoon.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Anyway, Well, how are you?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
I know, I don't think I've been here in like
a few weeks. I have done a terrible job of
planning my entire summer because I.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Know, and also every time I think of something fun
that's about to happen.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I'm gone.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
You're gone, Like, and you and I were supposed to
have a party for Memori. I know, which are you?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Going to be mad at me if I have a
cookout or I am going to be mad I'm going
to be in Austin where it's going to be like
a thousand degrees.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Is there any reversing the plan?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
No, okay, I am excited to go back out to Austin.
So yeah, it is a good city.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Like, if there's anywhere in Texas that I have to go,
I would choose Austin.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I think I would choose Austin as well. Yeah, well,
so you are going to be mad at me though
if I do like a cookout percent okay.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
But we we're going to make plans for another party.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
For sure. I've promised a dance party. Like that's what
we said was happening, and so you and I need
to somehow make that happen.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I agree, it will happen.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
It will happen, all right.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
What did you do without me last weekend? I know
in the Mountains Street.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Girls, which we talked about on the last episode, the
Urban Pie in Atlanta, she redid that entire bar lesbian
owned and the show that comes out and like it's
called bar Bar Rehab. I think Rescue bar Rescue. Yeah,
they came. They read the whole thing. It's killer, but
there was a line out the door so we couldn't
(02:16):
get in.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Man, so then we're all standing here a lesbian card.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
No, I should have it. Actually, Marianna has like a
quote unquote girlfriend there, like just work it, just like
go in and like see if you can find I.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Met the owner. I want to have her on eventually
I do too.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
So well we ended up two doors down and just
hanging out. Yeah, because we couldn't get into that one,
but we'll try it again.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Yeah, I want to with it being revamped for sure.
I've been there a.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Bunch before, but yeah, it's a great spot. Yeah, So
how was your girl's weekend with the straights?
Speaker 2 (02:46):
It was good? Actually really I shouldn't say. Actually, I've
been hanging out with my best friend of like twenty years,
so we so that part perfect.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Do they ask you like my straight friends. My best
friend who's straight loves to like get in the weeds
with me, Like she'll be like I need to.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Now know about the coming out stuff you know about.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Like sex, like what's happening.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
We didn't dive into like the sex part, but it's
definitely like a lot of.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Like curios curiosity.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Yeah, but they all stayed up on Friday night. They
stayed up until five in the morning. I went to
bed at like midnight, like the good little.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Oh don't please, I'm always.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
The early bird guys. Yeah, you know, never the more like,
I didn't sleep well the night before, so I was
like exhausted. But we woke up that morning to a
fucking earthquake. Oh yeah, I forgot about that Saturday morning.
Yeah yeah, yeah, I mean the whole entire house shook.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
I know, I didn't I even know about it until
like it wouldn't I guess it wasn't felt.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
It was felt in Atlanta, but I think it was
more so like the epicenter was in Tennessee and we
were like two hours away. Okay, so definitely felt that.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Damn.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
So that was my second earthquake ship and that's pretty.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
I call the we gotta call the ladies at Perry
and tell.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Her, oh I know, oh my god, seriously, Parry, Perry Voss,
if you're listening, Perry, if you have another.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
They follow Melissa literally and.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Figuratively, like my yeah, I've hidden from a tornado like
five times in the past year.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
We have a really kick ass guest today. But before
we introduce her, I have to tell you, guys, how
I know how I learned about her.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yes, let's hear it.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Okay, I don't know she knows this show. She may
not know this story. This is We're gonna surprise her
with this great story. Okay. So one of our dear,
dear friends we have we have a little part of
this show that we often do called hot Seat, where
we ask people really embarrassing hard questions. And so we
had a hot seat and one of our good friends
that I know well that I should know this about her.
(04:40):
We go around and we say what is your like
celebrity crush, a celebrity crush fantasy, like who do you
want to get with? And everybody goes through theirs and
she says you, And so then I'm like, I know
the name, but I'm like, how do I know this person?
So then I, of course I do what everyone does.
You go right to Instagram and then I see I
(05:00):
see you and I'm like, oh yeah, oh my god,
wow that's your person. She's like, yeah, that's my that's
the person I'm with. So welcome Alexi Melvin to the show.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Thank you so glad to be here.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Hot intro right.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Seriously, No, I did not know that. That is I'm
very flatter. You're somebody's lesbian fantasy.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Who knew And she must be a big fan because
she said you're into Jillian Anderson and she's been told
that she looks like Jillian Anderson. So she's like, I
might have a chin.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Okay, yeah, I mean it's correct. I I think you know,
one of the viral videos that sort of put me
on lesbian's radars was Jillian Anderson.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
I started making these sort of ridiculous videos where I
would piece together parts of the videos she would post
and then me as if I was like talking to
her on FaceTime and so hilarious. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
So I.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Started a series of that, and Gillian saw and so
she you know, reposted it and commented on it.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
So she would be saying something so random, like I
just redecorated my house and you might be like, so
we're getting our house, Jillian.
Speaker 4 (06:12):
And.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Pretty much yeah, yeah. It was so like there was
one where she was kind of like, you know, relaxing
on the bed after like a long filming day, and
I was like, you know, just being so creepy. But
but yeah, and so she apparently thought it was funny,
and you know, it is funny.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah, that is funny.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
It is actually funny.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
And then I got to meet her at a book
signing and like got content with her and stuff. So
it was that's yeah, people know me from Jillian Anderson.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Okay, well that must be how she knows.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
She is really cool and that's kind of like a
lot of lesbians have a crush on her, like that's
a big thing.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Yeah, particularly I mean all lesbians, but like the younger ones,
like they just they're like step on me, you know,
like gen Z would do anything for Gillian Anderson. And
I'm like, and you know, say, obviously like millennial is
but yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
That's so funny because I think if her more like
a millennial, like older too.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
She's like fifty six, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Yeah, there are there is something right now happening where
younger women are going for older women.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
That is very true. There's a woman named Anna Camp
I think from Pitch Purfost.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
She just yeah, it was just revealed that she is
with a twenty four year old I think, and she's
like forty two forty something ye, yeah, and early radies. Yeah,
so yeah, you.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Know those age gaps. Age is a real thing for me.
It's like I get I won't I'm you know what,
I'm not going to say anything. I end up in
trouble every time.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
But you know what's a bit of funny is like
I just mentioned this to Meredith today. I was like,
because she kind of got called out yesterday people thinking
that she was like in her twenties and she's like,
I'm in my forties.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
And I was like, I think about this a lot
when we're together because I think there it does look
like there's an age discrepancy, like and you don't look old, and.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
I look old.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
I get mistaken for being in my thirties. Like yeah,
but she looks like even younger than me.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Size too.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah, she's just she's she's looks like a little one.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
No. I think that's totally true. Well that's cool that
it worked to get her like attention.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
It got her attention. Yeah, and now she's just kind
of and and I didn't even know that she had
been watching for a while and so like when I
met her, she was like, oh yeah, and this one
you did and this one I was like, stop like
you like, wow, I was, yeah, And now it's become
this weird thing where my followers want to see me
like react to you know, certain videos of like older
(08:34):
women and you know, whether it be like a obviously
Kate Blanchet or you know, like one of the older badasses,
they want to see me like just react and I'm like,
what do you want from me? Like, you know, I
love it because I love empowering you know, women who
are you know, incredible and and you know, for some
reason attract this lesbian audience. It's it's there's something about them.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Well, how did you like talk about we know that
you came out or like you didn't even probably come
out like you were just out like you were from
a young age. But then how does that you go
through your life then translate to the brand that you've
now right created. How does that happen? You know?
Speaker 3 (09:13):
It was an interesting thing. I mean, first of all,
when when I first found out about lesbian TikTok, it
was over the pandemic and I just thought TikTok was
for kids, you know. I was like and somebody was like,
you know, there's like a whole lesbian algorithm, and I
was like, oh, tell me more, and so you know,
I started kind of playing around with content like what
(09:34):
you know. Early on it was just like thirst traps, right,
and like I was like, that's not really my brand,
but I was, you know, post things, and like that
kind of infused my natural humor that I've always had.
You know, I'd done some acting and I've done some writing,
you know, and then videos that would include some actress
or some you know, lesbian or whatever that I had
(09:56):
a crush on when I was little or when I
was like, you know, a teenager would come up and
I would react to it and then people were like
that is the most relatable thing that's ever happened. So
that's kind of how it got started. But it's like
it was just like something I've always done. Like I
remember growing up, even from age like three four five,
(10:17):
like I would just stare, like I would watch I
would watch films with you know, women, and just like
I was mesmerized and they would It would become my
whole personality, whether it be like you know, Nicole Kidman
and Milan Rouge or you know, even younger, I was
obsessed with living Newton John and Greece and you know
what I mean.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Is that why you're tattooed?
Speaker 3 (10:35):
It says, oh Sandy, Yes, oh my god. That was
my immediate thought.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
And I was like, I hope it's grease. It absolutely
is Greece amazing.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
So yeah, it was just something I always did. I
just was like a simp for these incredible women in
film and entertainment, and you know, it was just like
a relatable thing.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Oh that's so interesting, Like who when you were little
like sticks out in your mind? Would it be like
a nicole kidman?
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Like who do you?
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Who? Did you hard? It was an adolescence.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
It was definitely an cold kidman. She was the reason
why I came out. It was and again it wasn't
like you said coming out. I was thirteen, but I
remember going to see Milan Rouge and coming back from
it and talking to my mom and just being like,
I don't I think there's something there, you know, like
I don't think that's like normal, you know, yeah, yeah
(11:22):
I have you know, I would I would see myself
kissing that woman, you know, And was.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Your mom like down with it?
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Yeah, that's cool?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
But she mean is that that's like the California vibe?
You know, like she.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
I mean, she's from the South. She was progressive, she
was always very progressive, and I think she was not
shocked given my infatuation with women just in my entire life.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
She's like, I've been waiting exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
That so really cool.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
They both your mom and dad received it. Well, they were.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Just yeah for it. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
I mean my dad's in sports, so I think he
honestly he's told me that he's that I'm not into guys.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
He's he probably knows these guys.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Yeah, he's so aware of that. He's like, awesome, amazing,
Like that's perfect.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Yeah, I could totally see that because there is like
I'm sure he sees the worst of behavior.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Yeah. And he was always i think low key like
terrified when you know, I would be like in the
clubhouse or something and he would try to close my
eyes and like, you know, if there's guys walking around,
I'm like, trust me, I'm fine. Yeah, no risk of
anything here. Yeah that's wild.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Oh my god. So then how do you end up
in New York?
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Okay? So I went to New York just out of
high school. I you know, I was always into theater.
I was always into film. I thought I you know,
wanted to be an actress. So I went to like
a couple of different acting conservatories. Then I went to
like Big Girl College. I went to the New School
and got a degree in Liberal Arts, which is mostly writing. Yeah,
(12:56):
so I stayed there a while. I was there for
like ten years, and then kind of like leading up
to the pandemic, I took a break. I was in
La in San Francisco, and then I went back to
Arizona for a bit over the pandemic, and then let's see,
it would have been twenty twenty late twenty twenty two.
(13:17):
Maybe a producer who worked on Broadway was like, I
remember like having a connection with, you know, people in
theater when I was there the last time, and I
was like, I want to end up doing theater at
some point. Yeah, I don't know how, because like I
don't think I'm like built for the stage as an actor.
But he was like, you know, I have this show
(13:37):
coming up, and I think he would be really great
as a as a co producer. And I was like, okay,
like I'd never really considered that, but given the just
sort of like my mishmash of experience in the arts
and things like that it was like.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
A great opportunity.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Absolutely, so, you know, he kind of took me under
his wing, and then I started getting back into the theater,
you know, industry on Broadway. So I went back. I
went back.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Yeah, And so now do you live, Like, where do
you live in New York? I'm curious.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
I'm in the Hell's Kitchen area. Okay, so it's a
pretty gay area, but it's more it's more gay men,
you know.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
And so are you still because like your brand seems
all consuming, like do you still have time for the
theater stuff or is it more like you do your
pod and that stuff.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
Now, I would say so last season on Broadway, I
was really busy. I was involved with a ton of shows,
so I think my you know, social media content was less.
But I got involved with a couple shows in London
this season, but not not much on Broadway. So I
had more time to really sort of shape what I
(14:39):
wanted that to be on social media, and it's been
it's been great. So yeah, so now it's just kind
of like, you know, Okay, I'll post about theater, but
I have a sort of hybrid audience, I would say.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Right, and a lot of the theater community is gay anyway, Yeah, probably, And.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Gosh, especially going back to the gen Z thing, like
most of the n Z artists on stage day, I
would say, are fluid, just like you know, they don't
even want to, you know, have a label. They're just like, yeah, whatever, right.
So I know a lot of gen Z that are
very queer as far as like millennials like less.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
So yeah, my oldest is in New York at school,
and she's at NYU, which is right by the New School. Ye,
we're always immersed with the New school kids, but they
are They're all fluid. But also she was saying that,
I wonder if you'll agree with this. She's like, there's
a shortitch she feels like in New York City of
like mask lesbians.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
I hear that, I do. Yeah, I mean, I'm certainly
seeing it on on social media a lot. I don't
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
If people talk about it, yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
And I don't know where these women exist really, I
mean I see them. I think Brooklyn. I think there
might be some in Brooklyn's where they are. That's possible.
But yeah, I mean I know some, but I think
I could see that I could see where that would.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Be overall it feels like overarching feminine or just androgen women.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
And yeah, feminine or just kind of androgynous.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Do you have a type?
Speaker 3 (16:05):
My type? Yeah, feminine for sure.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Feminine.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Okay, what is it like dating there? Like are people
on apps there? Or is it just like it's New
York City so you're just going to like meet people
out in the wild.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
It Like it's funny because, like, you know, I hear
about cities like Atlanta or even like you know, pockets
of la that are very sort of tight knit and
clicky almost like it's not like that in New York.
It's very spread out. I think a lot of people
are on the apps because it's just you know, unless
you're sort of like in you know, I've dated a
(16:35):
lot of people in theater because that's just like you're
in it. That's yeah, That's where I'm at. But otherwise, yeah,
the apps, which I hate. So you know, I've had
like the most success just on social media.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Yeah, we've said.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
That DM slide.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
I've always been supporting for years that it's like if
you want to meet someone, you can tell exactly who
they are by on their Instagram. A real thing, not
what they want. It's just where are they on a
Saturday night?
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Right, And I think that's.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
How you know, or they're posting books they've read. I
I mean, you can tell so much about someone for
years of scrolling, or you can see if they're just
like wild partiers, because that would never be me. So
it's like if I see just shots at the bar
every weekend, I'm like, I know, you wouldn't be the
person for me. Yeah, So it's like you can really
versus like on the apps, it's like, well, even my
(17:24):
friends that are on there, when I look at their
profiles sometimes I'm like, right, this is a.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Yeah makes sense, Yeah, definitely, you know. And it's I
remember sort of again in the early days of TikTok,
where you know, I didn't have that many followers, but
then you'd kind of like be in your algorithm. You'd
see sort of lesbians that had the same kind of
you know, following as you and you know, shared interests,
and you'd kind of see like what their vibe was
like and what, you know, what makes them laugh, what
(17:52):
they're interested in. So I dated like a lot of
women on TikTok.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Yeah, I could see that too, who were.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Creators also and you know, like hit and miss there.
But but I agree with you on like the Instagram,
I wish you know it was. I don't know. I
just think dating apps need to be more like we
just need to get your vibe, and I need to get.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Your vibe, and that's the vibe with you.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Can't it is really Yeah, I don't know what the
answer is. It's because no matter what, people are are
kind of fake on the dating apps. And then on
top of that, I feel like they're just overrun with
people who shouldn't be there. They're just like boosting their
egos and they have so like one foot in the
other relationship, they're the.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Old relationship and they're just kind of.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Boost Yeah, they need to see what's in the pool.
You know, he's swimming right now.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
I think that would I've never been on not because
I just haven't. I'm too scared probably, but I think
that it would give me so much anxiety that I
would end up it would do more damage to me
than help me.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
You have to be very like mentally like prepared.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
Yeah, it's a lot of energy. It's a lot of
energy because if you're not, like we said, getting somebody's
vibe accurately. You're really taking a risk at going on
a date where you're like, well, this is two hours in.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
I'm like, I can't do you have two hours? I
mean we've got the three kids. Like, I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
It is a lot of energy time planning all the things.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Yeah, and you're also probably like the dopamine hit of
like now you I guess you're waiting I assume for
someone to like pick you back. Yeah, and so then yeah,
that's hard to do. And then you're like checking your phone. Yeah,
that would stress me right out, Like my personality is
not built for it.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
No, yeah, yeah, so I can't really. I mean, especially
when it comes to a big city like New York.
I can't say enough about like meeting somebody who has
similar interests. And I talk about this a lot of
my you know content. It's like women have met their
wives at Xenacon, you know, and like there's stories like
that where there's just like these very niche interests.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
That's so true, Like you go to this thing that
people are already like you. Yeah, so it's like there's.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Like a foundation just follow what you like, not necessarily
the gay people, Yeah, just.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
The gay people will come, you know, will be there,
especially you know there's a good chance of your gay
and you like something, there will be more gay people.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
There's something too about New York City for me that
it's like I I end up there a lot because
my child's there, and I there's so many people there,
but you do have an like you're anonymous because there's
so many people there. And I love that feeling.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
But does this work? Because I feel like if you
sneeze in Atlanta, like every lesbian knows about it, Like
is it that way in New York?
Speaker 1 (20:37):
It doesn't.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
I don't know what that's like. It's really there is
something really nice about being in New York. You just
like you can just go out and whatever you want
to wear and do whatever, and nobody gives it.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Nobody likes a ship. I would say that you're crying.
She's like, I'll be crying on my stoop, bawling.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
Yeah, and people, no one cares. That's a normal day.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
It's like I'm crying on the subway. There's no and
even how do you not stop? This is a child crime, right,
And it's like she's like, no one gives a shit.
They don't. She's like, they don't care if I live forever,
die tomorrow. Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
So true.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
But there's a there's a safety in that to me
of like, if I want to date in New York City,
I'm completely anonymous versus here, It's like.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
That part does feel safe, Yeah, because it's like, think
about like the L word map. We always joke here
in Atlanta we could literally map it out and connect
like fifty people together.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
I was about that too. Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
All the conversations around when you're dating in Atlanta of
like please don't tell any like I'll say, you know,
this is in the vault, like please don't tell anyone this.
It's like you constantly have to preface with your friends
what's allowed to be shared, because it will all get
shared and then everyone knows.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Right. And again I've been you know, in the theater
community like that has happened to some degree because again,
there's not many queer women of my general that are
like out out and so you know, I've dated a
few of them and then the rest of them know.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
About it and they are off limits to you.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
But it's like no, not really, there are no rules
in New York City.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
Totally. No, but yeah, I kind of like, I'm not
I'm not doing that anymore.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Have you had your heart broken in New York City.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
In New York or just period anywhere?
Speaker 1 (22:26):
I guess I just figured you were of age. Probably
more in New York.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
Yeah, more so in San Francisco. I would say, really, yeah,
that was that was a pretty traumatic relationship that I
was in there. But along, let's see, it was on
and off about three years.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Okay. Anytime someone says on and off, I'm like, oh.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
Yeah, yeah, for a myriad of reasons, on and off.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Yeah, yeah, which city do you prefer? Well, I kind
of know the answer, but San Francisco or New York.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
I love New York. I think it's it's my heart
And you know, do I see myself living there forever?
Maybe not. I would love to live somewhere that's like
near enough, you know, and maybe not even New York,
but near enough to a city. But that's sort of
like end game for me, like a you know, somewhere
with a like cabin type feel with some nature nearby,
(23:20):
and then it's like an hour from a city or something.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
But a Lake Tahoe situation, sure, yeah, because it's near
San Francisco, right, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
I thought you were mentioned because I said that was
my favorite.
Speaker 5 (23:32):
Probably no, no, but I feel like San Francisco is
very gay like, but I guess more gay male centric
though I felt like I.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
Really didn't explore it that much, to be honest, because
I was mostly in a relationship when I was there.
But like, there's just not enough lesbian bars. There's not
enough lesbian and there needs to be more than just bars,
by the way. There needs to be like cafes or yeah,
you know, just like I can't talk to anybody in
a loud I hate it. Club, I hate it.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
And you're already curious if it's a bar situation, you're
already filtering into a group of people that I probably
won't have a ton in common with. Right, So it's like,
now you've already made my selection even harder because this
group you've already sifted. Like, yeah, why don't we have
a gay library night exactly?
Speaker 3 (24:26):
Library. I mean there's those sort of like hybrid bookstore, cafe,
wine bar, thing, yeah, are emerging. There needs to be
a gay one, a gay one, Yes, let's be in
saffic saffic specific please.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Yeah, I mean that would be brilliant. Are we at
the idea of.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
The bar bar?
Speaker 2 (24:42):
So bar? Yeah, sober bar. That's also like a workspace.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
Yeah okay, yeah, like I dig that.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
I don't mind drinking. I just don't like it when
it's like the scene is, let's get that obliterated and
screaming at each other. The music's so loud, ye Like,
I just don't love it.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Ten o'clock hits and they turn the music up.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Yeah, and that's my bedtime. So then I'm like, what's happening?
I could see last time I was in San Francisco,
I visited Oakland for a chunk and I felt like
Oakland felt.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Very lesbian honestly. Yeah, Like Oakland and Berkeley are kind
of like the Brooklyn you know of you know, San Francisco.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yeah, yeah, I could see that being like a cool
you know, like, but all the girls in California to
me look gay, So then it's hard to know even
the street.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
I feel like, yeah, California, New York, like everybody looks gay.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Yeah, okay, yeah, I could see that.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Maybe not New York as much, but Cali for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
I mean they're not wearing the Lily Pultzer dresses. Now,
you know in Atlanta, that's what the straight women wear.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
So what would happen like in New York City? What
is a date? Like do you meet up at like
cause it's so vast there, Like are you jumping on
the subway and being like, let's meet at this I
don't know this random? Like how does it work?
Speaker 3 (25:55):
I mean it's different for everybody, But for me, I
really like a sort of daytime date where you can
just kind of walk through a park. Okay, I like
dates where you can kind of like move, you know,
where you're not just like staring at each other across
the table or you know, yelling at each other at
a bar or whatever. So I like sort of like
a daytime vibe where you you know, park coffee, yeah,
for sure. And then maybe like I don't know, I've
(26:18):
certainly had those where they last where we go to
dinner because they just last so long.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Because it's so fun.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Yeah, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
I know you're kind of a park dater.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Yeah, I did that a lot during the pandemic. If
like meeting up in the park going for a walk.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Yeah, yeah, that might have been like the pandemic kind
of was what turned me on. Yeah, it was like
they're nice.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
It is it's like daylight, you know. If it's not
going well, you and be like, well, this was a run, right.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
And if it does, it turns into a two day
date exactly.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Do either of y'all want? Well, I know Melissa does,
but level on the spectrum when they have the speed
dating and it's like five minutes, I was thinking how
like it would be if there was like a speed
dating a lesbians.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
I host speed dating for lesbians.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
I'm glad that you listen to.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Me when I speak, But I was, but maybe not
twenty year olds. Maybe like, it's not twenty years olds
not because to me, if you had five minutes of
like if I knew I was committing one hour to
this process and I have my sheet of paper and
it's five minutes a woman, I would probably know pretty
quickly whether I want to talk for ten minutes, right, yeah,
(27:22):
And it's like then you could you could get through.
Good for you?
Speaker 2 (27:26):
We do three minutes three minutes, yeah, But I always
point out that, like there's time afterwards, Like it's second Friday,
so there's like a whole event afterwards. If you only
get a few minutes to like connect, then you can
talk later.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
What happens if no one do you do the thing
where you left?
Speaker 2 (27:41):
We don't do the no no no, no, we don't
do any of that stuff. That's too complicated enough.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Okay, So then it's like you do the speed dating
and then like I.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Give them time to like exchange info before they switch seats.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
And what if no one wants my info?
Speaker 2 (27:53):
Then that's really hard for you, brutal, Like it's I
don't really see that happen though, But I think in
that case, I think it's typically like kind of mutual
like moving on, moving on. But I mean the last
one we did was very successful, I think.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
Okay, so nice. I've never I've never speed dated.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
I actually have not either, but I have herded cats
to make it happen.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
So yeah, with lesbians, it's hard, right.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Oh my gosh, because they do get involved in deep
conversations and I have to be like, we gotta move.
We have a limited time here.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
You know, do you do a lot of dating and like,
are you dating a lot? Not? Really?
Speaker 3 (28:31):
I'm not a I'm not a serial dater. I you know,
I'll sort of date here and there and then have
like a mental health break you know, yeah, exactly, Yeah, No,
I mean off and on. It's not it's not anything crazy,
I would say. I mean, I like monogamy, so I'm like,
(28:54):
I'm very intentional about dating, and it's hard for me
to do like with the dating apps for instance, like
just like a yeah, not kind of a situation like
I have to really be invested to do to get
me out of the house. Yeah, well what.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Because we talk about this too, where it's like there
is something in this community. Clearly you agree that you
can't really date around. Yeah, you're not allowed to date
around in this community. You can't. You must like pick
somebody in date Like don't you feel like you can't
go out with one woman on Friday, I'm another woman
on Saturday or we with this whole community.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Yeah, I think it's like once you have a good
date or two with the person, at least for two
to three months.
Speaker 3 (29:33):
I mean I kind of like that. That's not really
what it's like in New York. I mean that's it's
much it's much easier to do that, I would say,
especially with the younger with the young ins, they're like
they're and they're all very like you know, Polly, you know,
like it's interesting to watch that generation because I'm like,
I could never. And again, no judgment, I have many
friends that are, you know, open relationship Polly, and I'm
(29:54):
just like, Okay, I.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Think, yeah, I think it's good for some people. Yeah,
not so much for others. But I think that it
is kind of an interesting approach for people who are
in their twenties because I think about, like, okay, like
how we grew up was to get in a relationship,
get married, like in your twenties, that was like the goal.
Yeah right, and now we're realizing like maybe that doesn't
need to be the goal like in your twenties, like
(30:16):
go have fun, like be Polly.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
I love them for them, Yeah, seriously, it's it's nice.
It's nice to see. But again I think my yeah,
I could never.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
I couldn't. No, I'm a scorpio.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
It would not go well okay, yeah, so well.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
And wouldn't you like there's always someone you enjoy more So,
it's like, if I'm dating three people, I'm not, by
the way, but if you're dating three people, wouldn't you
be like, oh, I'm kind.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Of dry when you have time, Like, there's so much
texting involved.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
I know, there's so much, so much, so many more
levels of communication. Everybody has to be on the same page.
It seems like a lot. And again, like I if
it works like that speaks a lot to their commitment
to to you know, communication, really, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Are you into the Like it's arts with texting and
then obviously you share songs then obviously, and then you
start with the audible like instead of texting.
Speaker 3 (31:10):
Voice Oh I haven't done that.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Tell me.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
Oh man, this is a whole other level. Okay, So
like not an audio.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
Like a voice, a voice note, texting, send the song.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Then you're gonna maybe a weekend you start just picking
up and be like, hey.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
I'm a pretty good Yeah, I'm a I'm a good
I'm good with the voice notes for sure.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Okay, so you're doing the recipe okay.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
And then there's also that Marco polo app. I don't
know if that's Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
I know for a while I did too, but I
didn't get super into it.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Some of the people that I've dated been super into it. Yeah,
especially if it's long distance.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Right, Yeah, I'm a long distance So yeah, as far
as we don't do Marco polo, but that requires like getting.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Dressed a long time. I guess it doesn't. Yeah, I
don't know. I know what did happen to that? I
was way into that for a hot minute.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
I was very briefly, but yeah, I kind of forgot
about it.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
I kind of forgot about it. Okay, we might need
to add that to the rest of Yeah, yeah exactly.
So do you feel like then, like you you did
have your heart broken, but since that time, what do
you now like would you like we we've had our
heartbroken and we now carry around We're not the same
women anymore, right, Like we we offer the protection to
(32:22):
yeah hurt, you date these women that haven't had that,
and they're still so optimistic about everything, and we're kind
of like, yeah, everything ends. Yeah, Like do you what's
your carryover from your San Francisco heartbreak?
Speaker 3 (32:40):
I think to just you have to find somebody who
kind of just like holds the space for you to
take up space, you know, and because like I just
I you know, looking back, like I can see myself
like I was shrinking, Like I was just absolutely shrinking
in that relationship and there was no room for me.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
But was it because she required you to just melt
into her world.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
I think so. And I think, like, you know, we
were both very new to this, you know, the dynamic
that our relationship was, and you know, there was a
lot of lessons learned for sure, but yeah, she took
up a lot of space in who she was and
what she did, and you know, and I was just
sort of in awe of it, and just like everything
I ever, you know, wished for myself and my life
(33:27):
just kind of went out the window. I was just like, yeah,
whatever you want to do, I did. Yeah, And that
was so toxic and I was like wasting away as
a person. I just yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
And then was she seeing that and being like I
really don't.
Speaker 3 (33:42):
Think she did, which is which is the crazy of
it all.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
She was happy for you to melt in.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
But like were your friends like where are you?
Speaker 3 (33:51):
Yes? Okay, yes, And I mean I'll talk to them
about that to this day. They're like, thank god, yeah,
thank god, you saw it. Thank God. Now you now
you have a sense of of who you always were
meant to be and you know, and you can't, you know,
you'll never settle for that again, like you have to
be in a relationship where it's very you know, I'd
love to be in a relationship where it's like we
(34:12):
empower each other and you know, have similar you know,
like it doesn't have to be in the same field
or anything like that, but just like appreciation for you know,
creating in the arts and whatever that looks like, which
is like to be to empower each other, which is
so wild that I just that's like not common sense reship.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
But you're like so wild and love that it's like
you can't even see it.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
No, you have lesbian blinders on.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
Absolutely, What was the.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Wake up call?
Speaker 3 (34:44):
Oh my gosh, there's so much to that story, but
I think there was multiple.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Ya.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
I think it was that she was so she kept
trying to convince me of something I already was trying
to tell her it was true for me, you know,
like or convince me otherwise, rather like I was saying,
this does not feel good for me, I have to leave,
and she would try to like you know, kind of
manipulate me and like do something that she knew I
always wanted before or you know, and I'm like yeah,
(35:14):
and I'm like, well, where was that before? Then? Like
it's just I don't believe a word that you're saying now.
So yeah, it was like the it was the manipulation
attempts and things like that that I was just like, okay,
like this, I feel sick. Yeah, so just because like
I had to be slapped across the face multiple times,
but I.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Agree that multiple times. Yeah, to get there.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Especially for you my friends, Yep, it's understood.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
But you know it happens to the best of us.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
It definitely does. So then do you say, like, do
you feel like going into now your you see it
show up in ways that are like like I think
I'm a little scared. I'm like a little I'm a
little closed off. I'm probably a little bit I don't
want to say ambivalent, but I'm sort of just like
very distrusting. I don't know, Like what would you say,
(36:01):
yours are I would say, just you have warred up,
guarded walls up.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
It's taken a lot for me to even like kind
of get to a space where I could take that
down a little bit.
Speaker 3 (36:10):
I would say, I'm hyper aware of when it starts
to feel like that again, like even like in the
teeniest bit, like if I'm feeling like I am losing myself.
I'm just so hyper aware of that, which is good.
It takes me a while to open up in certain
ways that it might not have before. Yeah, which I
think is good.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
You know.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
I don't think it's a bad thing to sort of
know that you're being held in the way that you
deserve to be held, and then you know and then
opening up.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
Right, I think that's true. Sometimes though it is like
you wonder are you two, Like you're looking for these
things or we talk about too, Like there's a sometimes
you meet people and it's just like this immediate soul
on fire, like wild about them, and then there's other
people that you just kind of slow burn into a relationship,
(37:02):
And once you've had that soul on fire, it's sort
of hard then to just like settle into a slow burn,
which really probably is healthier and probably is the way
it should be anyway, Like you slowly uncover things about
people and learn about them. But I think I don't know.
(37:22):
I think sometimes after the after my my heartbreak at
least and it's been over a year, that's sort of
where I don't know that I'll ever have that crazy
kind of and that relationship lasted a while, but I.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Wonder, like would you, But I say, like, to your point,
it is like feeling that, but also like now we
have the data of like what that, what that turns into,
that turns into and also how hard it can be
to recover from, you know, and like that that that
soul fire burn isn't always like the.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Hell health you said, it can be fear. But I
just listened to Jilly and Treki's I've just finished her book,
and there was parts in there about just like learning
how to be cool with it. Doesn't it's maybe maybe
it's good that it doesn't feel that way at the beginning.
Maybe it's better to like get to know somebody on
a friend friend level even And.
Speaker 3 (38:12):
Then yeah, I've experienced it both ways. Yeah, and I'm
not going to say like one's better than the other.
It just depends, you know, depends on it just depends
on your dynamic. And like certainly I've had both of
those situations be toxic and both of them be really nice. Yeah,
I mean right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
I think it really does come down to like people,
the quality of human being, like we you know, I
think in our even wider circle of women, it's like
Melissa and I know there's women you trust, and there's
women that you kind of know and they're in your circle,
but maybe they wouldn't be.
Speaker 3 (38:47):
Front row, right, And I think you know there can
be I mean lesbian's love astrology, right, Yeah, but I think.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
The woman who has the cue that I learned about
you from who you're in a fantasy, she is big
into astrology, like anything that happens in my day.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
She'll be like, well, I have many of those friends.
I mean, I mean, I'm kind of into it, but
not like you know, immersed. But I think, you know,
the sort of foundation that we're looking for, the grounding
like that can exist in both of those dynamics. It
just depends on like you know, I'm a Sagittarius, so
(39:24):
I'm a bit more fiery. So I really like that
kind of like, yeah, you know, more intensity.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
I need that. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
I mean not to say like again I've I've had
it both ways, but like it's it's almost like a
love language thing, where like, you know, it just feels
it feels more intense in the beginning, and and that's
not always a bad thing, and then you know there's
there's other you know, I'm trying to think of a
sign that this would make sense with. I don't know,
(39:52):
but you know what I mean, like it'll feel more
of a slow burn, more of a you know, we're
friends first kind of a thing. And I'm like, oh,
like maybe I could see myself with this person.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
And is there a sign Sagittarius is like really good.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
With I'm good with Libras, and I think if I've
heard Aquarius, but I am not. Yeah me personally, I
am not. I actually have Aquarius friends that are great,
(40:24):
but that I've tried to date, I'm like absolutely not. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
I mean I've written off dating aries like period.
Speaker 3 (40:34):
I think we all have those. We're like, no, not that.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Never again.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
I was on co Star where I was looking to
see what sign is compat, what sign is compatible with Leo,
and there's like none.
Speaker 3 (40:46):
Really, I've heard that fire, fire and fire.
Speaker 1 (40:48):
Fire and fire, so what's another fire sign?
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Sage or as.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
You know on co Star, me and our friend Jess
line up as like soulmates. Now in the meantime we
could never date, so it's not full proof.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
But oh my god, I need to look and see
who totally aligns with up with me. Yeah that is oh.
Speaker 3 (41:14):
I totally lined up perfectly with this one woman that
I dated semi recently and she was a nightmare. Yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
But wait did she meet her thing?
Speaker 3 (41:25):
Like?
Speaker 1 (41:26):
Was she like, I think I'm probably pretty leo. Did
she seem like her sign?
Speaker 3 (41:33):
Not particularly, but I think it might have been her
rising sign was a little more and that's supposed to
be more dominant, right, Yeah, I think it was particularly
true for her.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
Yeah, the rising sign is the third one?
Speaker 3 (41:45):
Is that right?
Speaker 2 (41:46):
Second one?
Speaker 4 (41:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (41:47):
So it's usually sun moon rising, Okay, yeah, so I'm
a sage sun Scorpio rising, Gemini moon.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
Okay, damn, that sounds like a little there.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
You sound scary, but it does make sense for me
because I present a little bit more mysterious like a scorpio.
I can see scorio, but then I am very like,
I'm very sad in so many ways once you want
you to know me, and like I love traveling and
I'm just like a big care bear, like you know,
it's just you're sage.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
Yeah, okay, do you think I think you're I'm scorpio?
Speaker 2 (42:25):
Yeah, so with cancer rising so oh yeah, I don't
remember the middle one.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
I don't Yeah, I don't know my other ones.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
I need to know that the moon sign is usually
how you present romantically.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
So it's okay, yeah, it's important. It is important.
Speaker 1 (42:39):
Well you, we are so appreciative that you're here and
that you came on of course, and in person we
got very lucky.
Speaker 3 (42:50):
I'm lucky. I mean I discovered you guys not too
long ago, and I was like, okay, like it's I
love what you do.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Thank you. We likewise, yeah, well you you are a pleasure.
Have fun. I hope you guys are going somewhere fun tonight. Yeah,
all right, all right later.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
I want to support the Lesbian Chronicles podcast. Rate us
and write a review on Apple podcast or Spotify.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
We'd love listener feedback. If you'd like to share your story,
email us at Melissa and Ali at gmail dot com.
That's Melissa M. E. L I s A and Ali
A L l I at gmail dot com. Or follow
us on Instagram at Lesbian Chronicles
I'm Ali. I came out after twenty years of marriage
and I have three kids.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came
out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles
and victories that come with it when coming out feels
like the end of the world, but it's really just
the beginning. This is the Lesbian Chronicles, the Last Week Chronicles.
(00:36):
Can we start over? No? No, my god, I think
it works.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
But also you have a look on your face like
I'm gonna have to edit.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
The fuck you probably said. I'm kind of fired up today.
You are, I shouldn't be based on what my afternoon was.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
What was your afternoon?
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Remember when you got here?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
And I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, I should be very
relaxed afternoon.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Anyway, Well, how are you?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
I know, I don't think I've been here in like
a few weeks. I have done a terrible job of
planning my entire summer because I.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Know, and also every time I think of something fun
that's about to happen.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I'm gone.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
You're gone, Like, and you and I were supposed to
have a party for Memori. I know, which are you?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Going to be mad at me if I have a
cookout or I am going to be mad I'm going
to be in Austin where it's going to be like
a thousand degrees.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Is there any reversing the plan?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
No, okay, I am excited to go back out to Austin.
So yeah, it is a good city.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Like, if there's anywhere in Texas that I have to go,
I would choose Austin.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I think I would choose Austin as well. Yeah, well,
so you are going to be mad at me though
if I do like a cookout percent okay.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
But we we're going to make plans for another party.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
For sure. I've promised a dance party. Like that's what
we said was happening, and so you and I need
to somehow make that happen.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I agree, it will happen.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
It will happen, all right.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
What did you do without me last weekend? I know
in the Mountains Street.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Girls, which we talked about on the last episode, the
Urban Pie in Atlanta, she redid that entire bar lesbian
owned and the show that comes out and like it's
called bar Bar Rehab. I think Rescue bar Rescue. Yeah,
they came. They read the whole thing. It's killer, but
there was a line out the door so we couldn't
(02:16):
get in.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Man, so then we're all standing here a lesbian card.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
No, I should have it. Actually, Marianna has like a
quote unquote girlfriend there, like just work it, just like
go in and like see if you can find I.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Met the owner. I want to have her on eventually
I do too.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
So well we ended up two doors down and just
hanging out. Yeah, because we couldn't get into that one,
but we'll try it again.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Yeah, I want to with it being revamped for sure.
I've been there a.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Bunch before, but yeah, it's a great spot. Yeah, So
how was your girl's weekend with the straights?
Speaker 2 (02:46):
It was good? Actually really I shouldn't say. Actually, I've
been hanging out with my best friend of like twenty years,
so we so that part perfect.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Do they ask you like my straight friends. My best
friend who's straight loves to like get in the weeds
with me, Like she'll be like I need to.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Now know about the coming out stuff you know about.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Like sex, like what's happening.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
We didn't dive into like the sex part, but it's
definitely like a lot of.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Like curios curiosity.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Yeah, but they all stayed up on Friday night. They
stayed up until five in the morning. I went to
bed at like midnight, like the good little.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Oh don't please, I'm always.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
The early bird guys. Yeah, you know, never the more like,
I didn't sleep well the night before, so I was
like exhausted. But we woke up that morning to a
fucking earthquake. Oh yeah, I forgot about that Saturday morning.
Yeah yeah, yeah, I mean the whole entire house shook.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
I know, I didn't I even know about it until
like it wouldn't I guess it wasn't felt.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
It was felt in Atlanta, but I think it was
more so like the epicenter was in Tennessee and we
were like two hours away. Okay, so definitely felt that.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Damn.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
So that was my second earthquake ship and that's pretty.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
I call the we gotta call the ladies at Perry
and tell.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Her, oh I know, oh my god, seriously, Parry, Perry Voss,
if you're listening, Perry, if you have another.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
They follow Melissa literally and.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Figuratively, like my yeah, I've hidden from a tornado like
five times in the past year.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
We have a really kick ass guest today. But before
we introduce her, I have to tell you, guys, how
I know how I learned about her.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yes, let's hear it.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Okay, I don't know she knows this show. She may
not know this story. This is We're gonna surprise her
with this great story. Okay. So one of our dear,
dear friends we have we have a little part of
this show that we often do called hot Seat, where
we ask people really embarrassing hard questions. And so we
had a hot seat and one of our good friends
that I know well that I should know this about her.
(04:40):
We go around and we say what is your like
celebrity crush, a celebrity crush fantasy, like who do you
want to get with? And everybody goes through theirs and
she says you, And so then I'm like, I know
the name, but I'm like, how do I know this person?
So then I, of course I do what everyone does.
You go right to Instagram and then I see I
(05:00):
see you and I'm like, oh yeah, oh my god,
wow that's your person. She's like, yeah, that's my that's
the person I'm with. So welcome Alexi Melvin to the show.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Thank you so glad to be here.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Hot intro right.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Seriously, No, I did not know that. That is I'm
very flatter. You're somebody's lesbian fantasy.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Who knew And she must be a big fan because
she said you're into Jillian Anderson and she's been told
that she looks like Jillian Anderson. So she's like, I
might have a chin.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Okay, yeah, I mean it's correct. I I think you know,
one of the viral videos that sort of put me
on lesbian's radars was Jillian Anderson.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
I started making these sort of ridiculous videos where I
would piece together parts of the videos she would post
and then me as if I was like talking to
her on FaceTime and so hilarious. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
So I.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Started a series of that, and Gillian saw and so
she you know, reposted it and commented on it.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
So she would be saying something so random, like I
just redecorated my house and you might be like, so
we're getting our house, Jillian.
Speaker 4 (06:12):
And.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Pretty much yeah, yeah. It was so like there was
one where she was kind of like, you know, relaxing
on the bed after like a long filming day, and
I was like, you know, just being so creepy. But
but yeah, and so she apparently thought it was funny,
and you know, it is funny.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah, that is funny.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
It is actually funny.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
And then I got to meet her at a book
signing and like got content with her and stuff. So
it was that's yeah, people know me from Jillian Anderson.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Okay, well that must be how she knows.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
She is really cool and that's kind of like a
lot of lesbians have a crush on her, like that's
a big thing.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Yeah, particularly I mean all lesbians, but like the younger ones,
like they just they're like step on me, you know,
like gen Z would do anything for Gillian Anderson. And
I'm like, and you know, say, obviously like millennial is
but yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
That's so funny because I think if her more like
a millennial, like older too.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
She's like fifty six, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Yeah, there are there is something right now happening where
younger women are going for older women.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
That is very true. There's a woman named Anna Camp
I think from Pitch Purfost.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
She just yeah, it was just revealed that she is
with a twenty four year old I think, and she's
like forty two forty something ye, yeah, and early radies. Yeah,
so yeah, you.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Know those age gaps. Age is a real thing for me.
It's like I get I won't I'm you know what,
I'm not going to say anything. I end up in
trouble every time.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
But you know what's a bit of funny is like
I just mentioned this to Meredith today. I was like,
because she kind of got called out yesterday people thinking
that she was like in her twenties and she's like,
I'm in my forties.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
And I was like, I think about this a lot
when we're together because I think there it does look
like there's an age discrepancy, like and you don't look old, and.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
I look old.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
I get mistaken for being in my thirties. Like yeah,
but she looks like even younger than me.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Size too.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah, she's just she's she's looks like a little one.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
No. I think that's totally true. Well that's cool that
it worked to get her like attention.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
It got her attention. Yeah, and now she's just kind
of and and I didn't even know that she had
been watching for a while and so like when I
met her, she was like, oh yeah, and this one
you did and this one I was like, stop like
you like, wow, I was, yeah, And now it's become
this weird thing where my followers want to see me
like react to you know, certain videos of like older
(08:34):
women and you know, whether it be like a obviously
Kate Blanchet or you know, like one of the older badasses,
they want to see me like just react and I'm like,
what do you want from me? Like, you know, I
love it because I love empowering you know, women who
are you know, incredible and and you know, for some
reason attract this lesbian audience. It's it's there's something about them.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Well, how did you like talk about we know that
you came out or like you didn't even probably come
out like you were just out like you were from
a young age. But then how does that you go
through your life then translate to the brand that you've
now right created. How does that happen? You know?
Speaker 3 (09:13):
It was an interesting thing. I mean, first of all,
when when I first found out about lesbian TikTok, it
was over the pandemic and I just thought TikTok was
for kids, you know. I was like and somebody was like,
you know, there's like a whole lesbian algorithm, and I
was like, oh, tell me more, and so you know,
I started kind of playing around with content like what
(09:34):
you know. Early on it was just like thirst traps, right,
and like I was like, that's not really my brand,
but I was, you know, post things, and like that
kind of infused my natural humor that I've always had.
You know, I'd done some acting and I've done some writing,
you know, and then videos that would include some actress
or some you know, lesbian or whatever that I had
(09:56):
a crush on when I was little or when I
was like, you know, a teenager would come up and
I would react to it and then people were like
that is the most relatable thing that's ever happened. So
that's kind of how it got started. But it's like
it was just like something I've always done. Like I
remember growing up, even from age like three four five,
(10:17):
like I would just stare, like I would watch I
would watch films with you know, women, and just like
I was mesmerized and they would It would become my
whole personality, whether it be like you know, Nicole Kidman
and Milan Rouge or you know, even younger, I was
obsessed with living Newton John and Greece and you know
what I mean.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Is that why you're tattooed?
Speaker 3 (10:35):
It says, oh Sandy, Yes, oh my god. That was
my immediate thought.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
And I was like, I hope it's grease. It absolutely
is Greece amazing.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
So yeah, it was just something I always did. I
just was like a simp for these incredible women in
film and entertainment, and you know, it was just like
a relatable thing.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Oh that's so interesting, Like who when you were little
like sticks out in your mind? Would it be like
a nicole kidman?
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Like who do you?
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Who? Did you hard? It was an adolescence.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
It was definitely an cold kidman. She was the reason
why I came out. It was and again it wasn't
like you said coming out. I was thirteen, but I
remember going to see Milan Rouge and coming back from
it and talking to my mom and just being like,
I don't I think there's something there, you know, like
I don't think that's like normal, you know, yeah, yeah
(11:22):
I have you know, I would I would see myself
kissing that woman, you know, And was.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Your mom like down with it?
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Yeah, that's cool?
Speaker 2 (11:29):
But she mean is that that's like the California vibe?
You know, like she.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
I mean, she's from the South. She was progressive, she
was always very progressive, and I think she was not
shocked given my infatuation with women just in my entire life.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
She's like, I've been waiting exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
That so really cool.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
They both your mom and dad received it. Well, they were.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Just yeah for it. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
I mean my dad's in sports, so I think he
honestly he's told me that he's that I'm not into guys.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
He's he probably knows these guys.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Yeah, he's so aware of that. He's like, awesome, amazing,
Like that's perfect.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Yeah, I could totally see that because there is like
I'm sure he sees the worst of behavior.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Yeah. And he was always i think low key like
terrified when you know, I would be like in the
clubhouse or something and he would try to close my
eyes and like, you know, if there's guys walking around,
I'm like, trust me, I'm fine. Yeah, no risk of
anything here. Yeah that's wild.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Oh my god. So then how do you end up
in New York?
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Okay? So I went to New York just out of
high school. I you know, I was always into theater.
I was always into film. I thought I you know,
wanted to be an actress. So I went to like
a couple of different acting conservatories. Then I went to
like Big Girl College. I went to the New School
and got a degree in Liberal Arts, which is mostly writing. Yeah,
(12:56):
so I stayed there a while. I was there for
like ten years, and then kind of like leading up
to the pandemic, I took a break. I was in
La in San Francisco, and then I went back to
Arizona for a bit over the pandemic, and then let's see,
it would have been twenty twenty late twenty twenty two.
(13:17):
Maybe a producer who worked on Broadway was like, I
remember like having a connection with, you know, people in
theater when I was there the last time, and I
was like, I want to end up doing theater at
some point. Yeah, I don't know how, because like I
don't think I'm like built for the stage as an actor.
But he was like, you know, I have this show
(13:37):
coming up, and I think he would be really great
as a as a co producer. And I was like, okay,
like I'd never really considered that, but given the just
sort of like my mishmash of experience in the arts
and things like that it was like.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
A great opportunity.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Absolutely, so, you know, he kind of took me under
his wing, and then I started getting back into the theater,
you know, industry on Broadway. So I went back. I
went back.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Yeah, And so now do you live, Like, where do
you live in New York? I'm curious.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
I'm in the Hell's Kitchen area. Okay, so it's a
pretty gay area, but it's more it's more gay men,
you know.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
And so are you still because like your brand seems
all consuming, like do you still have time for the
theater stuff or is it more like you do your
pod and that stuff.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
Now, I would say so last season on Broadway, I
was really busy. I was involved with a ton of shows,
so I think my you know, social media content was less.
But I got involved with a couple shows in London
this season, but not not much on Broadway. So I
had more time to really sort of shape what I
(14:39):
wanted that to be on social media, and it's been
it's been great. So yeah, so now it's just kind
of like, you know, Okay, I'll post about theater, but
I have a sort of hybrid audience, I would say.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Right, and a lot of the theater community is gay anyway, Yeah, probably, And.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Gosh, especially going back to the gen Z thing, like
most of the n Z artists on stage day, I
would say, are fluid, just like you know, they don't
even want to, you know, have a label. They're just like, yeah, whatever, right.
So I know a lot of gen Z that are
very queer as far as like millennials like less.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
So yeah, my oldest is in New York at school,
and she's at NYU, which is right by the New School. Ye,
we're always immersed with the New school kids, but they
are They're all fluid. But also she was saying that,
I wonder if you'll agree with this. She's like, there's
a shortitch she feels like in New York City of
like mask lesbians.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
I hear that, I do. Yeah, I mean, I'm certainly
seeing it on on social media a lot. I don't
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
If people talk about it, yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (15:42):
And I don't know where these women exist really, I
mean I see them. I think Brooklyn. I think there
might be some in Brooklyn's where they are. That's possible.
But yeah, I mean I know some, but I think
I could see that I could see where that would.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Be overall it feels like overarching feminine or just androgen women.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
And yeah, feminine or just kind of androgynous.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Do you have a type?
Speaker 3 (16:05):
My type? Yeah, feminine for sure.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Feminine.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Okay, what is it like dating there? Like are people
on apps there? Or is it just like it's New
York City so you're just going to like meet people
out in the wild.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
It Like it's funny because, like, you know, I hear
about cities like Atlanta or even like you know, pockets
of la that are very sort of tight knit and
clicky almost like it's not like that in New York.
It's very spread out. I think a lot of people
are on the apps because it's just you know, unless
you're sort of like in you know, I've dated a
(16:35):
lot of people in theater because that's just like you're
in it. That's yeah, That's where I'm at. But otherwise, yeah,
the apps, which I hate. So you know, I've had
like the most success just on social media.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Yeah, we've said.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
That DM slide.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
I've always been supporting for years that it's like if
you want to meet someone, you can tell exactly who
they are by on their Instagram. A real thing, not
what they want. It's just where are they on a
Saturday night?
Speaker 3 (17:02):
Right, And I think that's.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
How you know, or they're posting books they've read. I
I mean, you can tell so much about someone for
years of scrolling, or you can see if they're just
like wild partiers, because that would never be me. So
it's like if I see just shots at the bar
every weekend, I'm like, I know, you wouldn't be the
person for me. Yeah, So it's like you can really
versus like on the apps, it's like, well, even my
(17:24):
friends that are on there, when I look at their
profiles sometimes I'm like, right, this is a.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Yeah makes sense, Yeah, definitely, you know. And it's I
remember sort of again in the early days of TikTok,
where you know, I didn't have that many followers, but
then you'd kind of like be in your algorithm. You'd
see sort of lesbians that had the same kind of
you know, following as you and you know, shared interests,
and you'd kind of see like what their vibe was
like and what, you know, what makes them laugh, what
(17:52):
they're interested in. So I dated like a lot of
women on TikTok.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Yeah, I could see that too, who were.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Creators also and you know, like hit and miss there.
But but I agree with you on like the Instagram,
I wish you know it was. I don't know. I
just think dating apps need to be more like we
just need to get your vibe, and I need to get.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Your vibe, and that's the vibe with you.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Can't it is really Yeah, I don't know what the
answer is. It's because no matter what, people are are
kind of fake on the dating apps. And then on
top of that, I feel like they're just overrun with
people who shouldn't be there. They're just like boosting their
egos and they have so like one foot in the
other relationship, they're the.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Old relationship and they're just kind of.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Boost Yeah, they need to see what's in the pool.
You know, he's swimming right now.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
I think that would I've never been on not because
I just haven't. I'm too scared probably, but I think
that it would give me so much anxiety that I
would end up it would do more damage to me
than help me.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
You have to be very like mentally like prepared.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
Yeah, it's a lot of energy. It's a lot of
energy because if you're not, like we said, getting somebody's
vibe accurately. You're really taking a risk at going on
a date where you're like, well, this is two hours in.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
I'm like, I can't do you have two hours? I
mean we've got the three kids. Like, I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
It is a lot of energy time planning all the things.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Yeah, and you're also probably like the dopamine hit of
like now you I guess you're waiting I assume for
someone to like pick you back. Yeah, and so then yeah,
that's hard to do. And then you're like checking your phone. Yeah,
that would stress me right out, Like my personality is
not built for it.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
No, yeah, yeah, so I can't really. I mean, especially
when it comes to a big city like New York.
I can't say enough about like meeting somebody who has
similar interests. And I talk about this a lot of
my you know content. It's like women have met their
wives at Xenacon, you know, and like there's stories like
that where there's just like these very niche interests.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
That's so true, Like you go to this thing that
people are already like you. Yeah, so it's like there's.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Like a foundation just follow what you like, not necessarily
the gay people, Yeah, just.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
The gay people will come, you know, will be there,
especially you know there's a good chance of your gay
and you like something, there will be more gay people.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
There's something too about New York City for me that
it's like I I end up there a lot because
my child's there, and I there's so many people there,
but you do have an like you're anonymous because there's
so many people there. And I love that feeling.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
But does this work? Because I feel like if you
sneeze in Atlanta, like every lesbian knows about it, Like
is it that way in New York?
Speaker 1 (20:37):
It doesn't.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
I don't know what that's like. It's really there is
something really nice about being in New York. You just
like you can just go out and whatever you want
to wear and do whatever, and nobody gives it.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Nobody likes a ship. I would say that you're crying.
She's like, I'll be crying on my stoop, bawling.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
Yeah, and people, no one cares. That's a normal day.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
It's like I'm crying on the subway. There's no and
even how do you not stop? This is a child crime, right,
And it's like she's like, no one gives a shit.
They don't. She's like, they don't care if I live forever,
die tomorrow. Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
So true.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
But there's a there's a safety in that to me
of like, if I want to date in New York City,
I'm completely anonymous versus here, It's like.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
That part does feel safe, Yeah, because it's like, think
about like the L word map. We always joke here
in Atlanta we could literally map it out and connect
like fifty people together.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
I was about that too. Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
All the conversations around when you're dating in Atlanta of
like please don't tell any like I'll say, you know,
this is in the vault, like please don't tell anyone this.
It's like you constantly have to preface with your friends
what's allowed to be shared, because it will all get
shared and then everyone knows.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Right. And again I've been you know, in the theater
community like that has happened to some degree because again,
there's not many queer women of my general that are
like out out and so you know, I've dated a
few of them and then the rest of them know.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
About it and they are off limits to you.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
But it's like no, not really, there are no rules
in New York City.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
Totally. No, but yeah, I kind of like, I'm not
I'm not doing that anymore.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Have you had your heart broken in New York City.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
In New York or just period anywhere?
Speaker 1 (22:26):
I guess I just figured you were of age. Probably
more in New York.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
Yeah, more so in San Francisco. I would say, really, yeah,
that was that was a pretty traumatic relationship that I
was in there. But along, let's see, it was on
and off about three years.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Okay. Anytime someone says on and off, I'm like, oh.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
Yeah, yeah, for a myriad of reasons, on and off.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Yeah, yeah, which city do you prefer? Well, I kind
of know the answer, but San Francisco or New York.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
I love New York. I think it's it's my heart
And you know, do I see myself living there forever?
Maybe not. I would love to live somewhere that's like
near enough, you know, and maybe not even New York,
but near enough to a city. But that's sort of
like end game for me, like a you know, somewhere
with a like cabin type feel with some nature nearby,
(23:20):
and then it's like an hour from a city or something.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
But a Lake Tahoe situation, sure, yeah, because it's near
San Francisco, right, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
I thought you were mentioned because I said that was
my favorite.
Speaker 5 (23:32):
Probably no, no, but I feel like San Francisco is
very gay like, but I guess more gay male centric
though I felt like I.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
Really didn't explore it that much, to be honest, because
I was mostly in a relationship when I was there.
But like, there's just not enough lesbian bars. There's not
enough lesbian and there needs to be more than just bars,
by the way. There needs to be like cafes or yeah,
you know, just like I can't talk to anybody in
a loud I hate it. Club, I hate it.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
And you're already curious if it's a bar situation, you're
already filtering into a group of people that I probably
won't have a ton in common with. Right, So it's like,
now you've already made my selection even harder because this
group you've already sifted. Like, yeah, why don't we have
a gay library night exactly?
Speaker 3 (24:26):
Library. I mean there's those sort of like hybrid bookstore, cafe,
wine bar, thing, yeah, are emerging. There needs to be
a gay one, a gay one, Yes, let's be in
saffic saffic specific please.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Yeah, I mean that would be brilliant. Are we at
the idea of.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
The bar bar?
Speaker 2 (24:42):
So bar? Yeah, sober bar. That's also like a workspace.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
Yeah okay, yeah, like I dig that.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
I don't mind drinking. I just don't like it when
it's like the scene is, let's get that obliterated and
screaming at each other. The music's so loud, ye Like,
I just don't love it.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
Ten o'clock hits and they turn the music up.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Yeah, and that's my bedtime. So then I'm like, what's happening?
I could see last time I was in San Francisco,
I visited Oakland for a chunk and I felt like
Oakland felt.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Very lesbian honestly. Yeah, Like Oakland and Berkeley are kind
of like the Brooklyn you know of you know, San Francisco.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yeah, yeah, I could see that being like a cool
you know, like, but all the girls in California to
me look gay, So then it's hard to know even
the street.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
I feel like, yeah, California, New York, like everybody looks gay.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Yeah, okay, yeah, I could see that.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Maybe not New York as much, but Cali for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
I mean they're not wearing the Lily Pultzer dresses. Now,
you know in Atlanta, that's what the straight women wear.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
So what would happen like in New York City? What
is a date? Like do you meet up at like
cause it's so vast there, Like are you jumping on
the subway and being like, let's meet at this I
don't know this random? Like how does it work?
Speaker 3 (25:55):
I mean it's different for everybody, But for me, I
really like a sort of daytime date where you can
just kind of walk through a park. Okay, I like
dates where you can kind of like move, you know,
where you're not just like staring at each other across
the table or you know, yelling at each other at
a bar or whatever. So I like sort of like
a daytime vibe where you you know, park coffee, yeah,
for sure. And then maybe like I don't know, I've
(26:18):
certainly had those where they last where we go to
dinner because they just last so long.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Because it's so fun.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Yeah, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
I know you're kind of a park dater.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Yeah, I did that a lot during the pandemic. If
like meeting up in the park going for a walk.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Yeah, yeah, that might have been like the pandemic kind
of was what turned me on. Yeah, it was like
they're nice.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
It is it's like daylight, you know. If it's not
going well, you and be like, well, this was a run, right.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
And if it does, it turns into a two day
date exactly.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Do either of y'all want? Well, I know Melissa does,
but level on the spectrum when they have the speed
dating and it's like five minutes, I was thinking how
like it would be if there was like a speed
dating a lesbians.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
I host speed dating for lesbians.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
I'm glad that you listen to.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Me when I speak, But I was, but maybe not
twenty year olds. Maybe like, it's not twenty years olds
not because to me, if you had five minutes of
like if I knew I was committing one hour to
this process and I have my sheet of paper and
it's five minutes a woman, I would probably know pretty
quickly whether I want to talk for ten minutes, right, yeah,
(27:22):
And it's like then you could you could get through.
Good for you?
Speaker 2 (27:26):
We do three minutes three minutes, yeah, But I always
point out that, like there's time afterwards, Like it's second Friday,
so there's like a whole event afterwards. If you only
get a few minutes to like connect, then you can
talk later.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
What happens if no one do you do the thing
where you left?
Speaker 2 (27:41):
We don't do the no no no, no, we don't
do any of that stuff. That's too complicated enough.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Okay, So then it's like you do the speed dating
and then like I.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Give them time to like exchange info before they switch seats.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
And what if no one wants my info?
Speaker 2 (27:53):
Then that's really hard for you, brutal, Like it's I
don't really see that happen though, But I think in
that case, I think it's typically like kind of mutual
like moving on, moving on. But I mean the last
one we did was very successful, I think.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
Okay, so nice. I've never I've never speed dated.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
I actually have not either, but I have herded cats
to make it happen.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
So yeah, with lesbians, it's hard, right.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Oh my gosh, because they do get involved in deep
conversations and I have to be like, we gotta move.
We have a limited time here.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
You know, do you do a lot of dating and like,
are you dating a lot? Not? Really?
Speaker 3 (28:31):
I'm not a I'm not a serial dater. I you know,
I'll sort of date here and there and then have
like a mental health break you know, yeah, exactly, Yeah, No,
I mean off and on. It's not it's not anything crazy,
I would say. I mean, I like monogamy, so I'm like,
(28:54):
I'm very intentional about dating, and it's hard for me
to do like with the dating apps for instance, like
just like a yeah, not kind of a situation like
I have to really be invested to do to get
me out of the house. Yeah, well what.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Because we talk about this too, where it's like there
is something in this community. Clearly you agree that you
can't really date around. Yeah, you're not allowed to date
around in this community. You can't. You must like pick
somebody in date Like don't you feel like you can't
go out with one woman on Friday, I'm another woman
on Saturday or we with this whole community.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Yeah, I think it's like once you have a good
date or two with the person, at least for two
to three months.
Speaker 3 (29:33):
I mean I kind of like that. That's not really
what it's like in New York. I mean that's it's
much it's much easier to do that, I would say,
especially with the younger with the young ins, they're like
they're and they're all very like you know, Polly, you know,
like it's interesting to watch that generation because I'm like,
I could never. And again, no judgment, I have many
friends that are, you know, open relationship Polly, and I'm
(29:54):
just like, Okay, I.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Think, yeah, I think it's good for some people. Yeah,
not so much for others. But I think that it
is kind of an interesting approach for people who are
in their twenties because I think about, like, okay, like
how we grew up was to get in a relationship,
get married, like in your twenties, that was like the goal.
Yeah right, and now we're realizing like maybe that doesn't
need to be the goal like in your twenties, like
(30:16):
go have fun, like be Polly.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
I love them for them, Yeah, seriously, it's it's nice.
It's nice to see. But again I think my yeah,
I could never.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
I couldn't. No, I'm a scorpio.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
It would not go well okay, yeah, so well.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
And wouldn't you like there's always someone you enjoy more So,
it's like, if I'm dating three people, I'm not, by
the way, but if you're dating three people, wouldn't you
be like, oh, I'm kind.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Of dry when you have time, Like, there's so much
texting involved.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
I know, there's so much, so much, so many more
levels of communication. Everybody has to be on the same page.
It seems like a lot. And again, like I if
it works like that speaks a lot to their commitment
to to you know, communication, really, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Are you into the Like it's arts with texting and
then obviously you share songs then obviously, and then you
start with the audible like instead of texting.
Speaker 3 (31:10):
Voice Oh I haven't done that.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Tell me.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
Oh man, this is a whole other level. Okay, So
like not an audio.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
Like a voice, a voice note, texting, send the song.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Then you're gonna maybe a weekend you start just picking
up and be like, hey.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
I'm a pretty good Yeah, I'm a I'm a good
I'm good with the voice notes for sure.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Okay, so you're doing the recipe okay.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
And then there's also that Marco polo app. I don't
know if that's Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
I know for a while I did too, but I
didn't get super into it.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Some of the people that I've dated been super into it. Yeah,
especially if it's long distance.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Right, Yeah, I'm a long distance So yeah, as far
as we don't do Marco polo, but that requires like getting.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Dressed a long time. I guess it doesn't. Yeah, I
don't know. I know what did happen to that? I
was way into that for a hot minute.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
I was very briefly, but yeah, I kind of forgot
about it.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
I kind of forgot about it. Okay, we might need
to add that to the rest of Yeah, yeah exactly.
So do you feel like then, like you you did
have your heart broken, but since that time, what do
you now like would you like we we've had our
heartbroken and we now carry around We're not the same
women anymore, right, Like we we offer the protection to
(32:22):
yeah hurt, you date these women that haven't had that,
and they're still so optimistic about everything, and we're kind
of like, yeah, everything ends. Yeah, Like do you what's
your carryover from your San Francisco heartbreak?
Speaker 3 (32:40):
I think to just you have to find somebody who
kind of just like holds the space for you to
take up space, you know, and because like I just
I you know, looking back, like I can see myself
like I was shrinking, Like I was just absolutely shrinking
in that relationship and there was no room for me.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
But was it because she required you to just melt
into her world.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
I think so. And I think, like, you know, we
were both very new to this, you know, the dynamic
that our relationship was, and you know, there was a
lot of lessons learned for sure, but yeah, she took
up a lot of space in who she was and
what she did, and you know, and I was just
sort of in awe of it, and just like everything
I ever, you know, wished for myself and my life
(33:27):
just kind of went out the window. I was just like, yeah,
whatever you want to do, I did. Yeah, And that
was so toxic and I was like wasting away as
a person. I just yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
And then was she seeing that and being like I
really don't.
Speaker 3 (33:42):
Think she did, which is which is the crazy of
it all.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
She was happy for you to melt in.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
But like were your friends like where are you?
Speaker 3 (33:51):
Yes? Okay, yes, And I mean I'll talk to them
about that to this day. They're like, thank god, yeah,
thank god, you saw it. Thank God. Now you now
you have a sense of of who you always were
meant to be and you know, and you can't, you know,
you'll never settle for that again, like you have to
be in a relationship where it's very you know, I'd
love to be in a relationship where it's like we
(34:12):
empower each other and you know, have similar you know,
like it doesn't have to be in the same field
or anything like that, but just like appreciation for you know,
creating in the arts and whatever that looks like, which
is like to be to empower each other, which is
so wild that I just that's like not common sense reship.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
But you're like so wild and love that it's like
you can't even see it.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
No, you have lesbian blinders on.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
Absolutely, What was the.
Speaker 1 (34:44):
Wake up call?
Speaker 3 (34:44):
Oh my gosh, there's so much to that story, but
I think there was multiple.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Ya.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
I think it was that she was so she kept
trying to convince me of something I already was trying
to tell her it was true for me, you know,
like or convince me otherwise, rather like I was saying,
this does not feel good for me, I have to leave,
and she would try to like you know, kind of
manipulate me and like do something that she knew I
always wanted before or you know, and I'm like yeah,
(35:14):
and I'm like, well, where was that before? Then? Like
it's just I don't believe a word that you're saying now.
So yeah, it was like the it was the manipulation
attempts and things like that that I was just like, okay,
like this, I feel sick. Yeah, so just because like
I had to be slapped across the face multiple times,
but I.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Agree that multiple times. Yeah, to get there.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Especially for you my friends, Yep, it's understood.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
But you know it happens to the best of us.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
It definitely does. So then do you say, like, do
you feel like going into now your you see it
show up in ways that are like like I think
I'm a little scared. I'm like a little I'm a
little closed off. I'm probably a little bit I don't
want to say ambivalent, but I'm sort of just like
very distrusting. I don't know, Like what would you say,
(36:01):
yours are I would say, just you have warred up,
guarded walls up.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
It's taken a lot for me to even like kind
of get to a space where I could take that
down a little bit.
Speaker 3 (36:10):
I would say, I'm hyper aware of when it starts
to feel like that again, like even like in the
teeniest bit, like if I'm feeling like I am losing myself.
I'm just so hyper aware of that, which is good.
It takes me a while to open up in certain
ways that it might not have before. Yeah, which I
think is good.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
You know.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
I don't think it's a bad thing to sort of
know that you're being held in the way that you
deserve to be held, and then you know and then
opening up.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
Right, I think that's true. Sometimes though it is like
you wonder are you two, Like you're looking for these
things or we talk about too, Like there's a sometimes
you meet people and it's just like this immediate soul
on fire, like wild about them, and then there's other
people that you just kind of slow burn into a relationship,
(37:02):
And once you've had that soul on fire, it's sort
of hard then to just like settle into a slow burn,
which really probably is healthier and probably is the way
it should be anyway, Like you slowly uncover things about
people and learn about them. But I think I don't know.
(37:22):
I think sometimes after the after my my heartbreak at
least and it's been over a year, that's sort of
where I don't know that I'll ever have that crazy
kind of and that relationship lasted a while, but I.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Wonder, like would you, But I say, like, to your point,
it is like feeling that, but also like now we
have the data of like what that, what that turns into,
that turns into and also how hard it can be
to recover from, you know, and like that that that
soul fire burn isn't always like the.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Hell health you said, it can be fear. But I
just listened to Jilly and Treki's I've just finished her book,
and there was parts in there about just like learning
how to be cool with it. Doesn't it's maybe maybe
it's good that it doesn't feel that way at the beginning.
Maybe it's better to like get to know somebody on
a friend friend level even And.
Speaker 3 (38:12):
Then yeah, I've experienced it both ways. Yeah, and I'm
not going to say like one's better than the other.
It just depends, you know, depends on it just depends
on your dynamic. And like certainly I've had both of
those situations be toxic and both of them be really nice. Yeah,
I mean right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:32):
I think it really does come down to like people,
the quality of human being, like we you know, I
think in our even wider circle of women, it's like
Melissa and I know there's women you trust, and there's
women that you kind of know and they're in your circle,
but maybe they wouldn't be.
Speaker 3 (38:47):
Front row, right, And I think you know there can
be I mean lesbian's love astrology, right, Yeah, but I think.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
The woman who has the cue that I learned about
you from who you're in a fantasy, she is big
into astrology, like anything that happens in my day.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
She'll be like, well, I have many of those friends.
I mean, I mean, I'm kind of into it, but
not like you know, immersed. But I think, you know,
the sort of foundation that we're looking for, the grounding
like that can exist in both of those dynamics. It
just depends on like you know, I'm a Sagittarius, so
(39:24):
I'm a bit more fiery. So I really like that
kind of like, yeah, you know, more intensity.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
I need that. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
I mean not to say like again I've I've had
it both ways, but like it's it's almost like a
love language thing, where like, you know, it just feels
it feels more intense in the beginning, and and that's
not always a bad thing, and then you know there's
there's other you know, I'm trying to think of a
sign that this would make sense with. I don't know,
(39:52):
but you know what I mean, like it'll feel more
of a slow burn, more of a you know, we're
friends first kind of a thing. And I'm like, oh,
like maybe I could see myself with this person.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
And is there a sign Sagittarius is like really good.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
With I'm good with Libras, and I think if I've
heard Aquarius, but I am not. Yeah me personally, I
am not. I actually have Aquarius friends that are great,
(40:24):
but that I've tried to date, I'm like absolutely not. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
I mean I've written off dating aries like period.
Speaker 3 (40:34):
I think we all have those. We're like, no, not that.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Never again.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
I was on co Star where I was looking to
see what sign is compat, what sign is compatible with Leo,
and there's like none.
Speaker 3 (40:46):
Really, I've heard that fire, fire and fire.
Speaker 1 (40:48):
Fire and fire, so what's another fire sign?
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Sage or as.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
You know on co Star, me and our friend Jess
line up as like soulmates. Now in the meantime we
could never date, so it's not full proof.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
But oh my god, I need to look and see
who totally aligns with up with me. Yeah that is oh.
Speaker 3 (41:14):
I totally lined up perfectly with this one woman that
I dated semi recently and she was a nightmare. Yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
But wait did she meet her thing?
Speaker 3 (41:25):
Like?
Speaker 1 (41:26):
Was she like, I think I'm probably pretty leo. Did
she seem like her sign?
Speaker 3 (41:33):
Not particularly, but I think it might have been her
rising sign was a little more and that's supposed to
be more dominant, right, Yeah, I think it was particularly
true for her.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
Yeah, the rising sign is the third one?
Speaker 3 (41:45):
Is that right?
Speaker 2 (41:46):
Second one?
Speaker 4 (41:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (41:47):
So it's usually sun moon rising, Okay, yeah, so I'm
a sage sun Scorpio rising, Gemini moon.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
Okay, damn, that sounds like a little there.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
You sound scary, but it does make sense for me
because I present a little bit more mysterious like a scorpio.
I can see scorio, but then I am very like,
I'm very sad in so many ways once you want
you to know me, and like I love traveling and
I'm just like a big care bear, like you know,
it's just you're sage.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
Yeah, okay, do you think I think you're I'm scorpio?
Speaker 2 (42:25):
Yeah, so with cancer rising so oh yeah, I don't
remember the middle one.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
I don't Yeah, I don't know my other ones.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
I need to know that the moon sign is usually
how you present romantically.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
So it's okay, yeah, it's important. It is important.
Speaker 1 (42:39):
Well you, we are so appreciative that you're here and
that you came on of course, and in person we
got very lucky.
Speaker 3 (42:50):
I'm lucky. I mean I discovered you guys not too
long ago, and I was like, okay, like it's I
love what you do.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Thank you. We likewise, yeah, well you you are a pleasure.
Have fun. I hope you guys are going somewhere fun tonight. Yeah,
all right, all right later.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
I want to support the Lesbian Chronicles podcast. Rate us
and write a review on Apple podcast or Spotify.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
We'd love listener feedback. If you'd like to share your story,
email us at Melissa and Ali at gmail dot com.
That's Melissa M. E. L I s A and Ali
A L l I at gmail dot com. Or follow
us on Instagram at Lesbian Chronicles
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.