March 14, 2025 • 50 mins
We're Baaaaaaaaacccckkkkk!
Bran, Dan, Patrick, and Producer Erin break down the latest buzzy Lifetime Movie! Will we Pour it up or Put a Cork in it?
Lifetime Uncorked and Deck the Hallmark collide on this monthly podcast covering your favorite TV movies! Brandon (Bran) Gray & Daniel (Dan) Thompson join Lifetime Expert Patrick Serrano to break Lifetime's TV Movie lineup for 2025. Follow us on social media for more content @LifetimeUncorked & @HallmarkPodcast
Donate to Patrick's Cable Fund: https://ko-fi.com/patrickserrano
Read Patrick's Recaps/Reviews: https://lifetimeuncorked.com/
Listen to Patrick's latest single: https://patrickserrano.hearnow.com
Check out other Bramble Jam Podcasts: https://bramblejampodcast.com/
Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYuQwUKBmS2MouRnVhRLyig
Watch Patrick's Lifetime Movie: Old Flames Never Die, starring PATRICK SERRANO!
Business Inquiries | podcast@lifetimeuncorked.comFollow the
Podcast @LifetimeUncorked & @hallmarkpodcast
Follow the Host @PatrickMiguel
Support Lifetime Uncorked with a monthly donation: https://ko-fi.com/patrickserrano
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hi, I'm Bran and I love Lifetimemovies.
Hi, I'm Patrick Serrano and I ama Lifetime movie expert.
I'm Dan. I despise Lifetime movies and
this is the deck of the Hallmarkpodcast deck the.
Hallmark. It's this podcast.
Brandon and friends host this podcast.
We hope you like this Dolly podcast.
(00:29):
I'll. Speak up on you.
There I don't I it was I don't know, I don't know.
Sometimes I forget how to talk. Oh, my gosh, we have a walking
legend with us today. And by legend, I mean, I'm just
happy he's still with us. Patrick Serrano, you, it's
always good to talk to you. You almost died.
What? What happened?
(00:51):
Well, you know, yeah. Some listeners may have noticed
it's March and we're doing our first lifetime death of lifetime
in court. You know, I went to Bramble Fest
or not Bramble Fest, the thing that did Bramble Fest.
But I was in January. Yeah, I went to that.
And I was like kind of feeling alittle tired, like I, I slept a
lot. People wouldn't have known it
(01:11):
though, no. No, no, you gave your your 100%.
Wow. You were great.
Well, thank you. Yes.
Well, you know, I, I put in the time, you know, when I'm out in
public and then I'd go to my hotel room and just bundle up
and take a little nap. So that's what I did.
And all of a sudden I got back and I could not stand up.
(01:32):
Like, period. Oh my gosh.
I didn't stand up, not because like my muscles didn't work
because I, it was more like getting dizzy.
So I was like, oh, man, I'm likereally dizzy.
Then I'm like, well, I guess I should just for like the
weekend. Like when I got back, I was just
like, well, maybe I'll just like, chill.
Like my parents can like bring me stuff, you know, like cater
(01:55):
to me. I'm not feeling well.
That's right. And that was nice.
But then it didn't get better. And that was nice, except I
almost died so. Right.
So then I went to the hospital and they said, oh, you have no
potassium in your body and you're supposed to have that.
So apparently you're supposed tohave potassium at a certain
level. Good to know my levels were not
(02:16):
right. So if it it, it could also be
too high your potassium. So you have to be really
careful. It's tricky with eating or
however you get your potassium. So what'd you do you?
Just get, you just got some nanners.
What'd you do? See, that's what everyone says.
That's what everyone says. I.
Saw that. I saw that, honey.
I shrunk the kids. Yeah, I hate bananas and I this
(02:37):
is my new passion in life. You guys, bananas are not the
highest potassium food. OK, tell me to eat a banana.
Tell me to eat a sweet potato. Tell me to eat some Greek
yogurt. Tell me to eat a a baked potato.
OK, so potatoes and Greek yogurtmore potassium than bananas?
(03:00):
Yeah, yeah, there's lots, lots of things with more potassium
than banana. Brain, you know, the smoothie
that I get is every time we do smoothies has Greek yogurt in
it. So we're good.
I don't think we're going to, I don't think we're going to have
the the potassium issue. No dizzy here.
You won't get you won't get dizzy.
You're going to feel fine. I love it.
So you, you, you were good for alittle while, and then calamity
struck once more. Yes, well, I have my follow up
(03:23):
with my specialist today, so we'll see my my blood work and
everything looks good. So potassium's good, but then I
ran into like something backstage at work and I have a
like huge bruise on my leg now, so I'm just limping around.
We're just taking it day-to-day with.
Patch. But I wonder what do you think?
The bruise is so big because of all the potassium.
(03:45):
Good. Knee Yes, you've seen the Grey's
Anatomy up at this episode. Some listen, sometimes when
something happens, you begin to shift and you shift a little bit
too far and then your leg becomes a bruise.
That's all I'm saying. I, I was OK.
I'm going to just act like I didn't hear any of medical
(04:06):
advice from brain. I've seen doctors.
All I know is this. All I know is this is I, Patrick
posted to his Instagram story that he was in the hospital and
it's maybe the first time. It's definitely the first time.
And it will probably be the lasttime I've ever laughed aloud at
someone saying that they're in the hospital because the way
that he told people he was beingadmitted into the hospital, like
(04:30):
he literally, like, had to stay multiple nights.
Things were not looking great. The way he told people was he
took a picture of the hospital TV that had Golden Girls on it.
And he said, good news, the hospital has Golden Girls on bad
news. I've been admitted to the
hospital. That's fantastic.
(04:52):
I mean, that's good. That's good social media
presence there. I mean, did I laugh 1st and then
went, oh, no second. Yeah.
But still funny stuff, Patrick. Well, that's how you got to do
it. You got to get stuff in the bad
news with like a joke at the top, right?
That's right. Yeah, who checked on you more,
me or Dan? Oh, that's a good.
Question. It was equal.
It was equal. I was wondering if you guys were
(05:12):
sitting in the same room? Did you check on it and see I
just me over here? It was so funny.
Yeah, you guys would text me, but it would be like literally
like within like 5 minutes of each other.
We didn't talk about. We didn't talk about it.
We didn't talk about you being in the hospital at all each.
Other both texting me at the same time.
Yeah, we should check on. Them we should.
Yeah, we should check on them. Time stamp it.
(05:35):
But the best we could do is to divide it out by 5 minutes.
You think 5 minutes? You do it and then I'll wait and
then I'll wait 5 minutes. The next time I'll do it and
you're like. Well, we are obviously so happy
that you're you're feeling better.
And that gets us to this moment right here, which by the way,
has been a long time coming because you texted me about this
movie like a a month before it aired.
(05:57):
And you're like, we have to do this movie.
And I said OK, and here we are today talking about Killer Kill.
What is it? Killing the competition, Melissa
Melissa Joan Hart is once again a mom.
We we talked about her hoarding movie.
Yep. Was it last year?
(06:19):
Hoarding might have been two ago.
OK, yeah, but but. There's one with the nursing
home. That's right, yes.
But the the transition to Melissa Joan Hart now being mom,
mom of teenagers has happened over the past couple years and
we are back at it today with killing the competition.
Patrick, what do we need to knowbefore we dive in?
Well, the timing worked out great for this because the
(06:41):
January February movies weren't awesome on Lifetime.
They were all those like biopics.
So if you wanted to see a biopicof like Gloria Gaynor or like
Lisa Lisa, you know those, thosetype of people, Yeah, you, you
could watch that. You could.
It was called Voices of a Lifetime.
And of course you could. Of course, you can watch it on
(07:02):
philophilo.tv/DTH if you want tohave the channel.
Yeah. I don't know who Lisa Lisa is.
I don't know who Lisa, Lisa. Lisa.
Lisa, Lisa. Lisa, Lisa.
I can't think of a song that youwould know of hers.
OK, yeah, great. But she got her own movie.
I'm really trying. But we nailed it.
No, no, no, it's good. OK, well, well, well, yeah.
(07:23):
So, you know, lifetime biopics. At least they got the music for
these, which we were happy about.
So we love that. But then I saw Cheerleader
Murders were coming. I'm like, it's Cheerleader
Murders season already. What?
Can't believe it? Sneak up on you.
And you know, they HBO released a documentary about the famous
(07:43):
like Texas cheerleader. Do you know about that case,
Dan, Where the the mom, her daughter didn't make the squad
and she put a hit? I feel like we've talked about
this on this. Podcast there's a documentary
about. This, I've talked about it with
someone before. It's either on this podcast or
with Brandon. What's it called?
You know what it's called. It's probably called like Texas
(08:04):
cheerleader murderer or something like that.
Scandal. Texas cheerleader murderer
scandal. Yeah, no, I'm gonna watch that.
Has never done a movie about about that case.
This is the closest thing they've done.
HBO did a documentary or did a no did ATV movie back in like
the 90s with Holly Hunter as thethe Texas mother.
(08:26):
But yes, the basic premises the girl doesn't get on the team.
The mom is like Kris Jenner typeof overbearing mother and puts a
hit out on the mom, the other mom and other family.
And and so this one does say it does start with inspired by
actual events, but the what is it like the names or whatever
have been changed, blah blah blah.
(08:47):
Right. They're covering, you know,
covering the bases, covering allthe bases.
So yes, but but of course, most Joan Hart is playing the mother.
I don't. I didn't write down the mother's
name, so we're just going to call her Melissa Joan Hart.
It's all the. Parents MJH.
Right. But yes, oh, the the name is
(09:10):
Elizabeth Fenwick is the mother's name, and she's
definitely not Wanda Holloway. She's definitely not the lady
from Texas. Very different.
Very different. And you know, in the beginning I
was like, how different is it really?
But then things kind of go really different.
It gets differently, different, doesn't it, Brad?
It gets down. I don't know anything about the
case, but I do know that MelissaJoan Hart is a lot in this in
(09:35):
this year. But is she she's supposed to be
she is OK like that's makes it better right now and she.
Play. She plays a lot very well.
She plays a lot very well. She does Dan also so you can
picture this. Melissa Joan Hart is famously a
non botoxer. OK, is this like something she
like brags about regularly? She she uses like a some type of
(09:58):
face putty that fills in her wrinkles.
It what? Like a putty, like a, you know,
like silly. Putty I know, I know what you
said. I just didn't.
Can't she put something in and it just fills it in and becomes
part of her skin? It's all just silly.
Putty, Yeah, yes, that's exactly.
And she advertises it online. She does ads on her Instagram
(10:18):
show the Silly Putty you put on your face.
So she does not do Botox. She she's a Silly Putty.
No, I know you're a Botox guy, Patrick.
Have you have you thought about trying the Silly Putty?
Yeah, have you, have you dabbledin the putty?
I I haven't does I haven't No Sabrina Putty, Yeah.
Clarissilly Putty so. That's not bad so, but what's
(10:43):
stopping? Like you don't, you don't think
it works? I don't think it works.
I mean her her face is very animated in this, which is why I
know she doesn't have Botox and you know, she's she's given
face. I have many screen grabs on
Light time and court.com. You can see all the Melissa Joan
faces, the many faces. Melissa, Joan Faces.
Melissa Joan faces. That's exactly right.
(11:03):
Yes, OK, Jumping into the movie,Melissa, Joan Hart, we start off
like we're on like a football field, right?
It's like it's giving like Friday Night Lights.
For the Night Lights, it's like the, you know, the drum lines.
But Friday Night Lights is much different.
Yeah, but this was the music. Was you.
OK, Fair. All right.
(11:24):
I don't need to go. Anywhere we'll get to the
drumline. The drumline.
Conversation in June. Yes, and every everyone in town
is at the game except for Melissa Joan Hart.
Where? Is she?
Where is she? She is, you know, coming in from
home. She's like, sorry, I'm late.
I've got pizza for dinner or something.
And her teenage daughter Grace, is like, what?
(11:47):
Why were you at the football game, Mom, what's going on?
And yeah, that's pretty much thethe beginning.
Yeah, yeah. And you can tell, you know,
Melissa Joan Hart says, like 1, like, you know, sassy thing to
her daughter before bed. But it's like, OK, I mean,
whatever. Yeah, even in that moment,
(12:07):
you're like, all right, I think I know who this person is
because. She's a lot.
She's a lot. She's a lot.
Yeah. And she just seems distracted
and she seems like very not interested in her daughter, like
concerned about her or anything.We cut to six weeks earlier, six
weeks earlier and we see that. Well, hold on, hold on.
(12:28):
You skip the part in the middle of the night.
In the middle of the night. Yeah, in the middle of the night
there's a Bang, Bang, bang on the door.
Oh yes. There's a bang, bang, bang at
the door. It's a big part.
It's a big part. Patrick is not surprised, nor
does is he bothered by the fact that he missed a giant part of
this movie. OK, so it's the middle of the
(12:49):
night. Bang, Bang, bang on the door and
Melissa Joan Hart comes comes down.
They open the door. It is the police.
They come barging in. They are arresting Melissa Joan
Hart. They have a gun and they say.
They hold the gun up here like. This and they're like, is this
yours? Is this gun yours?
And she's like, I don't even owna gun.
What this is crazy that you musthave something wrong.
(13:10):
And then as she's being pulled out, she's like, I just
explained to them, I know what this is about my daughter.
You know, everybody's out, you know, trying to get at my
daughter because, you know, she made the dance team, blah, blah,
blah. I'll get all this straightened
out. Now it's cut to six weeks
earlier. Yes, I did forget the arrest at
(13:33):
the beginning of the movie. It's fine.
It's. Fine.
But you, it's clearly obvious they're setting it up.
We're going to come back to it later.
We're going to come back to it. So we we get the six weeks
earlier, we see that Melissa Joan Hart is a major stage mom.
And not only like, you can do itor like smile, she was a
cheerleader. And it's like she's reliving her
(13:55):
glory days through her daughter.That's right.
That's right. It's one of those things, you
know, where remember in the final deep dive when we, when I
watched cheer mom and I just talked about how I, I was just
sad, you know, I was sad that people are being mean to their
kid because, you know, they wanted, they want to relive the
(14:16):
cheerleader. Whenever you see a parent like
that, it's. Tough.
And this is exactly, this is what Melissa Joan Hart's doing.
She's she's, she's got a lot, a lot of thoughts on how her
daughter should be cheering. So many thoughts and they're
back in the the hometown where Melissa Joan Hart grew up.
So it's also adding to her like,oh, I I was actually the bad
(14:36):
cheerleader on this squad. Like you're my legacy daughter.
You're gonna let I'm you know, you're you have to get this.
It's it's destined to you. That's exactly.
But also she calls her daughter to like fat.
She's like, you know, you're I didn't write down exactly what
you said, but she gets in a lot of digs at her daughter, like
(14:58):
smile, what's wrong with you, You buck tooth Beaver, You know,
like she didn't say buck Beaver.I just I made that one.
Up, she didn't say Smiley. You buck tooth Beaver.
Imagine if she did. Imagine if she did.
Yeah, Matt, Imagine. Yeah.
No, I got it. Yeah, I'm here.
Just as hurtful, Just as hurtful.
Whatever she said to. Imagine.
Just as hurtful is not the best cheerleader, but she can twirl
(15:22):
the baton. Yeah, they're Baton, really.
But is that, is that enough? That's the question.
So it's time for tryouts and thepressure is pretty high.
This is a it's not like you knowwhen you would try out for
cheerleaders, I would imagine. Would you try out for
cheerleaders? Yeah, most high schools, it's
like, you know, yeah, I got cheerleader, but this is like it
(15:46):
seems, it seems more like compared to like the boop, boop,
boop and you. Were talking like someone who
just showed up on planet Earth and is being described some of
the basic machinations of high school for the first time New
York. It's not like when you try out
for cheerleader the rocket, the boop, boop, boop.
(16:08):
It's they're describing it like it's a lot more like the
Rockettes, like a very exclusiveclub.
You have to be like the same height.
It's very serious, Patrick. That's what I'm trying.
To say it's like that Cowboys Cheerleader documentary that
came out on Netflix where they all have to do the high kicks
together. You got a high kick together.
And if you can't high kick together, then what are you
(16:29):
doing? On then kick yourself.
Out. I know I shouldn't ask.
They made a documentary on the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.
What? You haven't seen the Dallas
Cowboy Cheerleader Netflix documentary show, No.
Talk about it's ATV show. It's like 8 episodes.
Brand likes the documentary. I never watched the
documentaries. I'm not seeing you like the like
(16:50):
the doc in general. No I would no Brands loves that
document. I wasn't throwing.
No, I've never heard of. It No, I didn't know.
I don't know. I don't know much about this
one. That's as close to sports as I
get. It's a cheerleader documentary
about the Dallas. So it's intense.
Intense. Yeah, so intense.
So is this? Yeah, So is.
This. So is this and the best part
(17:13):
about this audition, besides from how intense it is, is that
Melissa Joan Hart is not it's not open auditions.
OK, you the parents can't be in there.
But Melissa Joan Hart, after getting kicked out of the gym,
hides behind some volleyballs that are on a rack.
You know, she and she her head is like one of the volleyballs
(17:34):
banned like a Muppet movie type of hiding.
I'm. Here for The Muppets.
It is so great. Here's a picture.
So funny. Oh my God, I was like, bless
Joan Hart, you're cracking me up.
She's fantastic, she's fantastic.
So good they're sorry the the rival.
(17:55):
The rival is Hannah. Hannah Lee.
Hannah Lee. Hannah Lee.
Hannah Lee. Now here's the situation.
Hannah Lee although this this cheer team doesn't claim to have
a captain, Hannah Lee is front and centre and and Melissa Joan
Hart knows that front and centremeans captain because she was
(18:15):
front and. Centre.
She was front. And centre?
Yeah, the problem is, is Melissa, Joan Hart's daughter is
not as good as Hannah Lee, and maybe not even good enough to
make the team. And Melissa Joan Hart knows
that. Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, yeah, she knows and she's disappointed, but she
knows that it's important for her to make the team and she's.
(18:36):
So she's going to fight, she's going to do whatever it takes to
make sure that she makes the team.
Because it's not just about cheerleading.
It's also about your social status, right?
In high school. And Melissa Joan Hart doesn't
want her daughter to be a loser.She multiple times says,
daughter, if you don't make the squad, you're going to be a
loser and you're going to have no friends and you're ugly,
right? And everyone's going to hate.
(18:58):
You now I, I got to be honest with you at one point, and I
don't know if it's at this pointor a little bit later, but
Melissa Joan Hart does this whole thing where she basically
talks to her daughter about how important your social status is
in high school because it's how everybody will remember you.
And she does this like thing where she's like this guy is
this, but I always remember thathe slept through class or
(19:21):
whatever. So it's like no matter what you
do in your life, you're always going to be reminded or
remembered for what you did in high school.
And I think that that's maybe just her.
You got literally on YouTube foryour graduation speech or you
(19:42):
had an Afro in high school, You had shaved it.
You wore an Afro wig. And at the end of the speech,
you took off the wig. Got them.
If anyone was going to be remembered for what they did in
high school, it would be you. Well, yeah.
And you're not remember for that.
I think that it's one of those things where it's like if you
remember somebody from high school and unless you still know
(20:02):
them, if you still know them, then you.
Know them for what you know themfor, right is it might be a
crazy Patrick. Well, I don't remember anything
from high school, so, you know, it was just, it happened and I
left that in the past. I mean, I I don't dwell on high
school very much and I was popular, I would say at least
popular enough to not get like shoved into a locker or
(20:24):
something. Right, right.
But Melissa Joan Hart is very preoccupied with the fact that
you have, you have to have this.She peaked in high school.
Clearly she peaked in high school and it's damaged herself.
She peaked in high school. Yes.
So with Hannah Lee being the front runner, Melissa Joan Hart
is obviously upset that because it's like a nepotism situation,
(20:48):
the one she's trying to get as well.
Hannah Lee's mom was also a cheerleader, the same era as
Melissa Joan Hart. Was she front and center though?
She wasn't and the coach of the team was also around high school
when Melissa Joan Hart. So she's taking it personally,
like they have a vendetta against her, you know, and
(21:10):
they're taking it out on her daughter, which isn't fair
because they all went to high school together.
So she goes to the Melissa Joan Hart goes to the school board
and she she basically like makeslike a impassioned speech.
And Melissa Joan Hart shared this on her social media, like
going for that Emmy campaign. It's not that dramatic, right?
(21:33):
It's just like everyone should be on the team or she's like, my
daughter should be on the team and the school basically says
like, Oh yes, your daughter should be on the team and
everybody who tried out should be on the team.
That's right, That's right. So most of Joan Hart, when her
daughter didn't make the team, she was like, I'm going to fight
for you. And she won.
She got her daughter on the team.
(21:54):
But she's mad because not only did her daughter make the team,
but every other person who triedout also now has to make the
team. It's only fair.
And so she's like, it's now no longer an exclusive.
Club it's not. It's not exclusive.
Now you got these tall, tall girls and these other girls who
aren't good in the dance thing. And I think she's, you know, a
(22:15):
little bit missing the point here.
That was what she you know you can't.
You can't like I. Want my kid to make the team.
Oh, everybody's making the team.It doesn't mean anything
anymore. She would.
That's exactly what she says. She's very, she's very mad about
that, yes. But no one else is on her level
of math like Hannah. Lee welcomes Grace to the team.
Hannah Lee's Grace. Well, she's so nice and she like
(22:38):
even invites Grace's boyfriend and best friend.
Hey, you guys want to come be onthe team And they're like, we're
good with it. We didn't even try out, but you
know, she's very nice. And so is the Hanley's mom,
Nicole, who is going to be the interim coach because the the
original coach quit because she was mad the school board like
ruled against her. Right her.
(23:00):
Decisions. And obviously, Melissa Joan
Hart, this isn't news to her because she's constantly hiding
behind things at the gym to watch her daughter and to stay
in the know. And if you think it's just the
one time, Dan, you'd be wrong. She hides in the gym.
What's that now? All the time?
She's constantly heading to the gym.
She might have a second home there, I don't know.
She wears she wears a disguise, too.
(23:20):
She's got a brown wig and some sunglasses.
It would be embarrassing if you were found out if somebody
recognized you, yeah. It's not the best disguise, but
you know, it reminds me of when Britney Spears would go out in
public and with the paparazzi and like, wear like a a really
obvious wig and sunglasses, you know, right.
Exactly. It's exactly like that.
(23:40):
It's exactly. Like don't make me.
Sing What if we disguised our way?
Take a picture of me in disguise.
What if we disguised our way to a break?
I don't really know what that means, but what if we took a
break? Oh, I like that plan for us.
I like that. What will we look like when we
come back? I don't know.
We have to watch follow TV to find.
Out. OK, we'll be right back.
We'll be right back here right now.
(24:08):
We're back. Oh, would you look at that,
Patrick? Where'd Brain go?
I feel like two of us are back. We took a break and Brain was.
Oh, my God, man, I thought that was.
I thought that was a horse. Turns out it's just Brand.
It's me. Why don't?
You change your voice. I am a disguised brand.
Wow, stupid. And a horse.
(24:29):
Yeah, yeah. Go ahead, Patrick.
Where are we at? OK.
All right, so Melissa, Joan Hart, she gives her daughter,
like, they go shopping and stuff, and she gives her
daughter a little makeover because she's a fat loser and
her words and, you know, suggests that Grace got a new
(24:52):
boyfriend because Tyler, the boyfriend is not cool enough.
He's not popular enough to be her boyfriend, you know?
Yes. And Grace is kind of like, I'm
cool, Like, I'm OK. Like, I'm doing my thing.
Don't worry about me, mom. She talks to her dad and she's
like, dad, Mom's like really going off.
I, I, I'm worried about her. Something's wrong.
(25:12):
And the dad's like, oh, well, you know, we'll figure it out.
So Melissa Joan Hart, she, she goes shopping, She's inspired to
go shopping and she meets a sales clerk.
And the sales clerk is very gay,very gay sales clerk.
We love him. Would have been my role if I was
in this movie And he calls Melissa Joan Hart as she's
(25:35):
buying sunglasses for her daughter but then then
eventually just decides to keep them for herself.
He calls her a lawn mower mom and I've never heard this.
Term that's new. A lawn mower mom will run over
anyone to get what they want fortheir child.
That's right. And I would just say this.
Mow over. Before you call someone a lawn
(25:59):
mower mom, you should think to yourself, will that person take
that literally? And if you think that they might
take it literally, don't call someone a lawnmower mom.
Unfortunately, this guy did callMelissa Joan Hart a lawnmower
mom. And Melissa Joan Hart thinks to
herself, not a bad idea. So she hops in her car and she
tracks down the boyfriend and runs him off the road.
(26:23):
And it's basically like, stop it, stop being around my
daughter. And then she also does a thing
where she texts him from Grace'sphone about like, we should get
married or whatever, hoping thatthat would scare him off.
Nothing is working. This guy, this high school
boyfriend, will not break up with this girl for any reason.
(26:47):
An amazing high school boy who has his head on his shoulders,
respects his girlfriend and is just like, you know what?
We're not? We don't got to be in a hurry.
You're not going to scare me. Part of the course.
Standard high school boy. I'm pretty sure there was a
horror movie called The Lawnmower Man.
OK. I'm pretty sure there was like
(27:08):
it. I think it had Pierce Brosnan in
it and it and that's the only thing near.
That that I've ever heard. Lawnmower man, look at that.
Two hours and 21 minutes. But it's a it's it's 1982 sci-fi
horror movie and it does have Pierce Brosnan in it.
Oh, and Dean Norris as well. Look at that man, Should we
watch it? I guess so anyway.
(27:30):
So OK, great. She's actively trying to get
them to break up but it's not happening.
She's scheming, she's scheming, she was already scheming and now
it's getting to be a deadly or wait, maybe she's killing the
competition. Oh, interesting.
See what's going on? Interesting.
Right. But Tyler, our boyfriend who's
(27:52):
just a little cutie, he's got the middle part, you know, he's,
he's sweet time purely this is not a 30 year old playing a high
school student. This is a literal high school.
Student who got captain the. Girl.
That's right, we call him Sweet.Tea.
Sweet tea. Do we?
Yes. He.
Goes right to Grace. And he's like Grace.
Your mom tried to kill me, you know, and she sent me these
(28:15):
weird texts and I just thought you should know, you know, like
I'm going to stay stick by your side and do whatever you need to
do. But but you should know that
your mom's out here doing these things.
And Grace is like, Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
This is this happens all the time.
I've got to talk to my mom. So she talks to Melissa Joan
Hart. They have a very intense kitchen
(28:35):
talk. She's ever had a kitchen talk
with your. Parents.
Oh, it's serious. You don't want to have a
kitchen. Talk Kitchen.
Talk. Here's a, here's a kitchen talk
I had one time I during the pandemic, I, I came home to be
with my family for a month and my friend sent me gummies in the
mail and, and I thought they were like sleepy gummies, but
(28:59):
they were weed gummies. And I took them and how many I
was, I took two and I don't knowhow many milligrams they were
there. It was a lot like I was taking,
I like, I had to take a shower to like, like get my brain
right. And I was like feeling every
strand of my hair as I'm like watching my hair, you know, And
(29:20):
I come downstairs in the kitchenand I sit down and my dad bought
me this huge hoagie 'cause I was, it was lunchtime.
Yeah. And and you were hot.
And I was hot. I'm trying to eat this hoagie
and I'm like wow I must be like just like looking so crazy
because I was like feeling everylike morsel in my.
Mouth Why'd you take a sleep gummy before lunch?
(29:43):
You know, I don't really know. I, I, I there's something I
don't remember what. Not all tracking.
I think Patrick knew. It was a weed gummy.
He was trying to save face. I didn't know what it was, but
it what it was a weed gummy. I'd forget what I took it for,
but it mustn't it you're. Right this hoagie.
And then my parents are like, inthe kitchen doing their thing,
(30:04):
but I think they're like, staring at me, like I'm crazy.
So I put the hoagie down and say, Mom, dad, can we talk about
something? And they're looking at me like,
oh, my God, Oh my God, what is he going to say?
And I'm like, I accidentally took weed gummies, and I'm
really high right now. And they just busted out
laughing in my face. They're like, what?
(30:25):
That is what you wanted to tell us.
You made it sound so dramatic mymy kitchen talk.
Your parents sound like the coolest, I got to be honest.
Finish your hogie. Oh, I did, but it took me
probably 3 hours. Yeah.
Yeah. So they finished that hoagie.
Yeah, at least it felt like 3 hours.
I bet. Yeah, it was probably like 3
minutes. I was there for. 2 seconds and
(30:46):
he just swallowed the whole thing and then he was just like
man but he is hogie for four hours.
Ever. It's still 12:15 or how the.
Love a hogie? Yeah.
So be careful out there, friends.
That's right. Yeah, be careful.
All that to say, be careful. When you get gummies in the mail
and they're sleep gummies and you want to take one bright and
(31:07):
early in the morning, read that label.
You could be in for it, You don't know.
They were. They were loose.
To be fair, they were just loosegummies in the mail, like in our
mail. They weren't in a package or
anything. There's no zip lock bag.
Perhaps in a zip lock bag? That sounds like something.
And you were just went whole hog.
(31:28):
You were just like, yeah, I'm going to take two of these bad
boys. Yeah, I'm like, I'm just going
to chill. I just need to.
Like chill, I'm going to take my10:00 AM melatonin and I'm going
to relax. Man, the confidence of Patrick
Serrano just a a zip lock bag full of gummies I.
Want to start sending my friend's gummies in the mail?
Yeah, these zip lock bags and just see what they did.
I would. I'm I'm dead serious.
(31:50):
If you sent me a zip lock bag full of gummies in the mail and
we live next door, I wouldn't touch them.
Yeah. I would, I would literally not
touch them. Patrick's like, well, let's do 2
at once, see what happens. I'd give him a chance.
Yeah, it. Seems great.
Seems great, so the kitchen top here doesn't go as well as
minded. Melissa Joan Hart lists every
failure, from a childhood to grace that she's ever done.
(32:15):
That's right. And Grace is like, do you just
stay up at night thinking about all the failures I've had?
And she's like, yes, yes I do, boy.
I know stuff. It's like there's there's Mommy
dearest, right, Mommy dearest, and then there's Melissa Joan
Hart in this movie. They're very close.
They're very close. There's no like, physical abuse,
(32:37):
but like lots of verbal just theworst things to say to your
child ever. But also, it's hilarious, right?
Right. So funny.
It's so funny. It's so funny.
She she just that she always zigs when you think she's going
to zag, you know, like it's an emotional conversation.
And then all of a sudden she's like, yeah, I do keep a list
about all the terrible things we've done my.
(32:58):
God, that's right. So Melissa Joan Hart is a
beginning to spiral a bit. I think that's safe to say.
And she begins to realize that, you know, she finds out that
people are like laughing about her.
She once again is going to try to make her daughter and Tyler
(33:18):
break up. She's like, Tyler's cheating on
you. Everybody at school is laughing
at you. Nobody likes you.
It's like this whole thing and but like during the day, Grace
is like doing great, great boyfriend once again.
Shout out sweet tea, shout out sweet tea.
Great relationship with all the cheerleaders.
It's like going great for her. And so she's like, she doesn't
(33:39):
like she can't understand, like what is my mom talking about?
Why like why is she saying thesethings?
Is there anything true about them?
She's having a very tough time about this.
Well, and don't forget Grace gets the baton twirling solo.
That's right. In the big chair choreography.
Pretty big deal, everyone knows that.
Awesome. But you guys don't know that
(34:02):
because obviously you've never been a cheerleader.
But Tom twirling is not a cheerleading skill.
Yeah, I was thinking. I I really was thinking that
only because I have a cousin whowas in color guard for years and
would talk about twirling and she's very, very good at it and
still does it like on the club level in college and I thought.
That would she goes to the club and she.
(34:23):
She goes to the club that it would be more on that end of it
than on the cheer end of it. But I didn't know so I didn't
say anything. But I'm glad that to have some
confirmation there. Yeah, I also have a cousin who
is very, very prolific in baton twirling and would compete in
national competition. Which cousin do you think's
better? I mean, if, if your cousin
competed in national, yeah, national, my cousin is only
(34:46):
probably 20 right now and she competes with a club.
She could, she competed all through high school and then
when she went to college she nowcomplete competes at the club
level. I don't know if she competes in
the national level, but shout out to you Emily Stack.
Still crushing her. Shout out, Emily.
That's right. Do you want to shout out your
cousin? No, I will leave them a mystery
(35:06):
because they probably would liketheir baton twirling pass to be
left in the past. OK, that's all right.
You know, that's a mystery for sure.
I feel like, I feel like my cousin got burned.
You know, it was like, I'm readyfor the Olympics and the
Olympics said we don't want you.We don't believe in your sport.
Your sport is just give me, giveme a pencil.
I can twirl that around like whatever.
(35:28):
It's now Patrick is ridiculing twirling.
Yeah. That was the Olympic.
Olympic. Comedy.
Yeah. Listen, cheerleading is serious
business. That's what you need to know.
That's what you need to know, and that's what this movie is
showcasing. It's very serious.
I just got a text from my producer that says this movie is
about a dance team, not about cheerleading, and that is a very
(35:49):
big distinction that no one madeuntil this very moment.
Well, we didn't notice that we at.
Least I didn't watch it. We saw cheerleading in the title
and assumed it was cheerleading.Yeah, fair, fair.
Yeah, that's weird. That's.
Explained why there was chairs on the football field.
Now it makes more sense. Don't belong in cheerleading, OK
Anyways, Melissa Joan Hart purchases a a gun for self.
(36:12):
Defense, yes. What's the self-defense it?
Literally on IMDb says killing the competition.
A loving mother becomes enraged after her daughter is cut from
her alma mater's dance team. You have a look at the look at,
they look at it. They got the little things.
Pom poms. Yeah, they got pom poms.
I I dance. Team has those.
Yeah, I got to be honest, guys, I don't know the difference
(36:32):
between the two of the two. Oh my God, do you?
Remember that movie we watched called Gotta Kick It Up?
Yeah, dance team. Had pom poms.
Oh, and we had this whole conversation.
We did had the whole thing. That's when I learned.
Believe it or not, still foggy on the distinction between the
two, Yeah? Still foggy?
Yeah. Still foggy.
You know, I know a difference between a pom squad and a
cheerleading squad. And look, this movie was
(36:53):
ambiguous about it, OK? Listen, all I got to say is as
long as they're not mysteriouslymannequins, I'm fine.
You can be Dan's team, cheerleading team, I'm fine.
As long as you're actual people and they are people, right?
People, right? They.
Are OK, great. And Melissa Joan Hart, full of
disguise, gets a gun. Yep, bring brings the gun to
(37:16):
Hannah Lee's house. Hannah Lee.
And Emily and her mom Nicole arethere and they she pulls the gun
on them. She's like, all right, I'm going
to kill you guys. I got to be honest bro, I don't
know her plan. I don't know what her plan is.
She has no. Plan in this moment.
(37:36):
Just just, I feel like she just went there on a whim.
So the good news is Hannah Lee'smom just stepped in cat poop.
And so she doesn't have her shoes on, so she can't go
outside. So she can't go outside.
So Melissa Joan Hart, being respectful of that, says go get
your shoes. And while she's doing that, she
(37:58):
just takes Hannah Lee and takes her and and and, you know,
kidnaps her basically and bringsher to her special shed A.
Shed full a She shed high schoolHigh school memorabilia.
That's a special she she. That's a special she shed say
that full of high school stuff, the crowns that her old cheer
(38:21):
uniform which she makes Hannah Lee get in because she's the
right size, unlike her daughter.Again, her words not mine.
I'm not not saying that. Her words were yeah, maybe
you'll fit in it, unlike my daughter.
Yeah, So what she does and then she makes her like dance for
her, which I found to be weird and like, like to, hey, can you
(38:43):
do a dance? Can you do a can you do a split?
Like show me, show me like, showme your stuff.
And no. And Hannah Lee does now while
all this is happening. No, no, no.
It's time for the game. And everybody's like, where's
Hannah Lee? We don't know.
Where's Melissa Joan Hart? We don't know.
Could it be together in the she shed?
Could be, but we're not. We're not going there right now.
(39:05):
And so that's where we're at. Hannah Lee having to do dances
for Melissa, Joan Hart in a shoeshed.
That's where we're at currently.God, that is terrifying.
I, I know. And Melissa Joan Hart is just
like eating it up. She's like, you know, going full
force, like with the mom with the shoes.
The mom's like, oh, I don't havemy shoes.
And Melissa Joan Hart's like, get those shoes, get out of my
(39:27):
face. Like she's just like a 10 here.
What I love about this, though, is Hannah Lee was like, don't
take my mom, Just take me. She doesn't have her shoes on.
And Melissa Jonhart's like, that's actually not a bad, you
know, you bring up a good point and she's like, no, go get your
shoes. She like, forgot for a second
that she was kidnapping people and decided to be like,
(39:49):
considerate. You know what?
Go get your shoes. Because her mom, Hannah Lee was
like, you can't make her walk outside barefoot.
It could hurt her feet. Melissa Jonhart's like, great
point. Good.
Point go get your shoes. Think of it.
Well, she's kind of hard with, with Hannah Lee.
She's she's like, you know, telling Hannah Lee all about her
high school experience, how great it was.
And she's like, you know what? Maybe Grace isn't the best
(40:12):
project. Like maybe you're my project,
Hannah Lee. Like I'm going to make you the
most popular girl because it's just not working out with my
daughter. And now you're going to be my
little like pet project. Or whatever.
That's right. And she's like, she's like, no,
she's like, I don't want to do this.
So they get into a fight, they get into a squabble.
(40:33):
Yes. Yes, and you and most of your
heart's like. You.
You're this. You made me do this.
And like holding the gun up and Hannah Lee knocks it out and
then he then she hits her in thehead with the thing and
strangles her and we're like, Ohmy gosh, Hannah Lee's dead.
Melissa, Joan. Hart Strangle.
Melissa Joan Hart just killed Hannah Lee, and that's yeah.
(40:58):
Dark, right? And she leaves.
She leaves Hannah Lee. She, like, you know, is like,
OK, I'm just going to go home like nothing happened.
And this is the part where Melissa Joan Hart comes back and
her daughter's like, why weren'tyou at the football game?
She's like, I brought dinner andlike, relax everybody.
That's exactly right. I brought dinner.
Everyone get off my case. But here's, Yeah, here's the
(41:20):
twist. Dan Hannah Lee not dead.
What? She, she like gasped.
Like up. You know when you sit up and
you're like. Like that, yeah.
You strangle someone for a long time, eventually they might go.
I get that. You got to check that.
Out you got to check that out and if if case I strangle
(41:41):
anybody one. Day in case you strangle me,
make sure I'm really. Dead.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Got to make sure.
Well, according to Drew Bear, myformer producer, he he always
said you got to strangle somebody a really long time to
kill them, like 30 minutes or more to like kill them.
So you can't just strangle someone until there's.
Nobody know that unless you don't I.
(42:01):
Mean well, I, I don't ask true questions.
I just let him do what he does. But yes, I always remember that
in these in these movies, because I'm like, that wasn't 30
minutes. I didn't get a 30 minute
strangle scene. That was not 30 minutes.
It was a long time, though. I was surprised, she I was
surprised that they were showingit, you know, because it's an
adult strangling of teenager, but also I was surprised that it
(42:23):
was as long as it was. But it didn't work 30 minutes or
more. Everyone knows it.
Well, and of. Course the.
Police, you know, so she's and her mom like finds her in the
car or whatever. Like, hey, this lady kidnapped
me and that's why she got arrested.
(42:44):
Yeah, and she left the gun behind.
Like a moron, Melissa and Hart. Left the gun behind.
It's her garage I. Know it's her she shed, it's her
she shed. But still.
Special she should. I can't say special.
She shed very fast. I can't imagine you trying it.
Special, she shed. Five times.
Special, she said. Special, she said.
(43:04):
No, it's tough. It's tough.
Yeah, it's tough spot. That's a hard 1.
So Melissa Jonhart is arrested and goes to court and it's bad.
She's guilty and we. She tries to do the speech
again, like I was popular and mydaughter isn't and you should
give me leniency for this and she doesn't get any.
(43:26):
That's right. That's right.
In the slammer. She's in the slammer.
Her family goes to visit her, but, you know, is not happy when
she finds out that her daughter's going to a Community
College. And I say that as somebody who
went to Community College. And then after she gets done
talking to her real daughter, she walks and she sees another
(43:51):
girl there, sad. And she goes and she hands her a
cookie. And she's like, you know, maybe
you should smile a little bit. The girl smiles, and she's back
at it again. And that's the killer, killer
time. What is it?
Killer competition. Killer competition.
Killing the competition. That's right.
Yeah, she hasn't learned her lesson, and no, she's not.
(44:14):
So now on the podcast, we decideif we're going to put a cork in
it, which means no thank you, orpour it up, which means yay.
Dan, you haven't seen the movie.Based on our description and
your imagination, what are you going to do to this movie?
So it's a tough spot because from all accounts, this is
Melissa Joan Hart just full boregoing nutso.
(44:36):
And I think there's some fun to be had there.
It also doesn't sound like 2 terribly fun time.
I get the feeling you guys are both kind of bored up based upon
how it was described to me and the fact that I've heard from
both of you. She's had a 10 numerous times
and she's a child, former child star of the 90s out of 10.
I don't think it would be for mestill, But I, I don't, I, I
(44:59):
can't say I'm not tempted by just the idea of Melissa Joan
Hart going full crazy as a mom. I'm going to put a cork in it, a
tentative put a cork in it for me.
That's where I'm going. All right, I'm going to put a
cork in this. And it's tough because I think
most of John Hart is giving a swell performance.
She's doing a really good job. I I have a weird like thing
(45:22):
where you can't like in these movies you can be mean to
strangers, you can kill who you want to, I don't really care.
But once you start being mean toyour own kid, I start getting
sad. Even in a lifetime.
Even in a Lifetime movies, in this movie, I just kind of ended
up being sad, which I don't knowif, I mean, I'm sure that's what
they were going for a little bit, but I don't want, I didn't
(45:43):
want to be sad, so I put a cork in it.
True, yes. We don't like to be sad.
And I think this movie, you're right, Bran was trying to go for
the feels. So like it.
They didn't really have, like, the lifetime, like, background
music that they normally have. Like, the soundtrack was like,
when they were having these heated conversations.
It was pretty much at face value.
(46:04):
So like, no underscoring nothing.
And yeah, the making fun of kidsisn't funny, But isn't.
It kind of this. Is the tough, this is a tough
one because for some reason I just didn't find this one fun.
Like I think back to the one that we watched last year with
(46:26):
the mom who had all the phones. Remember that one?
And that one was like just so crazy that I think it still had
some fun to it. This wasn't like, I just didn't
find this one to be fun in the least.
Got it. Maybe kudos to Melissa Joan
Hart's performance. Like she was just so unrelenting
and mean that I was just like, wow, so.
She was too good going. Not my witch.
(46:48):
Going full bore, yeah. OK, she might have been too
good. I I poured it up.
To be fair for her performance, I thought she did a really good
job. I like her going more crazy than
playing like the the like boringmom role.
She's been like a boring mom in a couple of these, so I poured
it up for her. But now that I'm thinking about
(47:10):
the movie overall, I think I I understand you guys, you're kind
of concerned, so I will put a cork.
In it. Even though my blog says pour it
up. Yeah, you've already, Yeah,
you've already poured some wine out.
Are you just corking it for later or what are you doing?
No, I'm just putting a cork in the movie overall.
It's. A different model I've.
(47:30):
Talked myself into the movie. Maybe I was caught up in the
Melissa Jones heart of it all. I think that's fair.
I almost poured it up purely for.
That so she was fascinated. She was a really good villain.
There you go. It's worth.
She was a really good villain. Well, we did it everybody now
are we smack? We're smacked up in the middle
of killer cheerleader month. Is that right?
Or dance team, if you will. I I think it was more of a
(47:51):
teaser because what's been coming after this is not what's
coming. We got the we got the Octomom.
Octomom just happened. I know you guys.
And Natalie Suleiman was like, Iguess she's a producer or
something on that movie. So she interjects the movie with
her like it's like her face talking.
(48:11):
Gosh, that's many things. What happened?
Yeah, it was, it was pretty not great.
So what? Happened in this scene.
See. Yeah, explaining what you just
saw. Yeah, she's like, don't judge
me, don't be a hater. She's like very traumatized.
Good thing she didn't have social media back in the day
(48:31):
because I don't know if she would have survived.
So, yeah. So stuff like that, you know,
we're still doing the biopics and all that type of stuff.
And you know what? I think we're due here soon for
a lifetime game show. Palooza Annual.
Yeah, Yeah. Well.
You guys, Miss Vivica put out a wrong movie, another wrong
(48:53):
movie. The wrong.
I have to look at that. The wrong something.
Yeah, the wrong something. But but it was peripheral.
It was like like a stalker or something.
So like, the person didn't choose the wrong thing, The
wrong thing happened to her you.Know they just run out.
They just run out of things. The wrong obsession.
(49:14):
Yeah, they run, they run out. I mean, there's definitely more,
but. Maybe they need to do that.
We need I I need one of those ASAP is what I need.
I need an ASAP. All right, well, we did
everybody Lifetime in court.com for all of Patrick's wonderful
reviews, not just what we talkedabout on this show, but also all
the movies. You just cover all the Lifetime
movies, so go check that out. Anything else for the people?
(49:37):
That's it. Come on back next time for
another one. Until then, maybe the 1st to
wish you a merry. Christmas the homeworks of
Bramble Jam podcast is produced by Aaron Shea.
For more information on Deck theHomework you can go to
deckthehallmark.com. For more information on the Deck
the Hallmark family, you can go to bramblejamplus.com.
Deck the Homework is presented by Philo TV.
For a free trial of Philo, go tophilo.tv/DTH.
Hi, I'm Bran and I love Lifetimemovies.
Hi, I'm Patrick Serrano and I ama Lifetime movie expert.
I'm Dan. I despise Lifetime movies and
this is the deck of the Hallmarkpodcast deck the.
Hallmark. It's this podcast.
Brandon and friends host this podcast.
We hope you like this Dolly podcast.
(00:29):
I'll. Speak up on you.
There I don't I it was I don't know, I don't know.
Sometimes I forget how to talk. Oh, my gosh, we have a walking
legend with us today. And by legend, I mean, I'm just
happy he's still with us. Patrick Serrano, you, it's
always good to talk to you. You almost died.
What? What happened?
(00:51):
Well, you know, yeah. Some listeners may have noticed
it's March and we're doing our first lifetime death of lifetime
in court. You know, I went to Bramble Fest
or not Bramble Fest, the thing that did Bramble Fest.
But I was in January. Yeah, I went to that.
And I was like kind of feeling alittle tired, like I, I slept a
lot. People wouldn't have known it
(01:11):
though, no. No, no, you gave your your 100%.
Wow. You were great.
Well, thank you. Yes.
Well, you know, I, I put in the time, you know, when I'm out in
public and then I'd go to my hotel room and just bundle up
and take a little nap. So that's what I did.
And all of a sudden I got back and I could not stand up.
(01:32):
Like, period. Oh my gosh.
I didn't stand up, not because like my muscles didn't work
because I, it was more like getting dizzy.
So I was like, oh, man, I'm likereally dizzy.
Then I'm like, well, I guess I should just for like the
weekend. Like when I got back, I was just
like, well, maybe I'll just like, chill.
Like my parents can like bring me stuff, you know, like cater
(01:55):
to me. I'm not feeling well.
That's right. And that was nice.
But then it didn't get better. And that was nice, except I
almost died so. Right.
So then I went to the hospital and they said, oh, you have no
potassium in your body and you're supposed to have that.
So apparently you're supposed tohave potassium at a certain
level. Good to know my levels were not
(02:16):
right. So if it it, it could also be
too high your potassium. So you have to be really
careful. It's tricky with eating or
however you get your potassium. So what'd you do you?
Just get, you just got some nanners.
What'd you do? See, that's what everyone says.
That's what everyone says. I.
Saw that. I saw that, honey.
I shrunk the kids. Yeah, I hate bananas and I this
(02:37):
is my new passion in life. You guys, bananas are not the
highest potassium food. OK, tell me to eat a banana.
Tell me to eat a sweet potato. Tell me to eat some Greek
yogurt. Tell me to eat a a baked potato.
OK, so potatoes and Greek yogurtmore potassium than bananas?
(03:00):
Yeah, yeah, there's lots, lots of things with more potassium
than banana. Brain, you know, the smoothie
that I get is every time we do smoothies has Greek yogurt in
it. So we're good.
I don't think we're going to, I don't think we're going to have
the the potassium issue. No dizzy here.
You won't get you won't get dizzy.
You're going to feel fine. I love it.
So you, you, you were good for alittle while, and then calamity
struck once more. Yes, well, I have my follow up
(03:23):
with my specialist today, so we'll see my my blood work and
everything looks good. So potassium's good, but then I
ran into like something backstage at work and I have a
like huge bruise on my leg now, so I'm just limping around.
We're just taking it day-to-day with.
Patch. But I wonder what do you think?
The bruise is so big because of all the potassium.
(03:45):
Good. Knee Yes, you've seen the Grey's
Anatomy up at this episode. Some listen, sometimes when
something happens, you begin to shift and you shift a little bit
too far and then your leg becomes a bruise.
That's all I'm saying. I, I was OK.
I'm going to just act like I didn't hear any of medical
(04:06):
advice from brain. I've seen doctors.
All I know is this. All I know is this is I, Patrick
posted to his Instagram story that he was in the hospital and
it's maybe the first time. It's definitely the first time.
And it will probably be the lasttime I've ever laughed aloud at
someone saying that they're in the hospital because the way
that he told people he was beingadmitted into the hospital, like
(04:30):
he literally, like, had to stay multiple nights.
Things were not looking great. The way he told people was he
took a picture of the hospital TV that had Golden Girls on it.
And he said, good news, the hospital has Golden Girls on bad
news. I've been admitted to the
hospital. That's fantastic.
(04:52):
I mean, that's good. That's good social media
presence there. I mean, did I laugh 1st and then
went, oh, no second. Yeah.
But still funny stuff, Patrick. Well, that's how you got to do
it. You got to get stuff in the bad
news with like a joke at the top, right?
That's right. Yeah, who checked on you more,
me or Dan? Oh, that's a good.
Question. It was equal.
It was equal. I was wondering if you guys were
(05:12):
sitting in the same room? Did you check on it and see I
just me over here? It was so funny.
Yeah, you guys would text me, but it would be like literally
like within like 5 minutes of each other.
We didn't talk about. We didn't talk about it.
We didn't talk about you being in the hospital at all each.
Other both texting me at the same time.
Yeah, we should check on. Them we should.
Yeah, we should check on them. Time stamp it.
(05:35):
But the best we could do is to divide it out by 5 minutes.
You think 5 minutes? You do it and then I'll wait and
then I'll wait 5 minutes. The next time I'll do it and
you're like. Well, we are obviously so happy
that you're you're feeling better.
And that gets us to this moment right here, which by the way,
has been a long time coming because you texted me about this
movie like a a month before it aired.
(05:57):
And you're like, we have to do this movie.
And I said OK, and here we are today talking about Killer Kill.
What is it? Killing the competition, Melissa
Melissa Joan Hart is once again a mom.
We we talked about her hoarding movie.
Yep. Was it last year?
(06:19):
Hoarding might have been two ago.
OK, yeah, but but. There's one with the nursing
home. That's right, yes.
But the the transition to Melissa Joan Hart now being mom,
mom of teenagers has happened over the past couple years and
we are back at it today with killing the competition.
Patrick, what do we need to knowbefore we dive in?
Well, the timing worked out great for this because the
(06:41):
January February movies weren't awesome on Lifetime.
They were all those like biopics.
So if you wanted to see a biopicof like Gloria Gaynor or like
Lisa Lisa, you know those, thosetype of people, Yeah, you, you
could watch that. You could.
It was called Voices of a Lifetime.
And of course you could. Of course, you can watch it on
(07:02):
philophilo.tv/DTH if you want tohave the channel.
Yeah. I don't know who Lisa Lisa is.
I don't know who Lisa, Lisa. Lisa.
Lisa, Lisa. Lisa, Lisa.
I can't think of a song that youwould know of hers.
OK, yeah, great. But she got her own movie.
I'm really trying. But we nailed it.
No, no, no, it's good. OK, well, well, well, yeah.
(07:23):
So, you know, lifetime biopics. At least they got the music for
these, which we were happy about.
So we love that. But then I saw Cheerleader
Murders were coming. I'm like, it's Cheerleader
Murders season already. What?
Can't believe it? Sneak up on you.
And you know, they HBO released a documentary about the famous
(07:43):
like Texas cheerleader. Do you know about that case,
Dan, Where the the mom, her daughter didn't make the squad
and she put a hit? I feel like we've talked about
this on this. Podcast there's a documentary
about. This, I've talked about it with
someone before. It's either on this podcast or
with Brandon. What's it called?
You know what it's called. It's probably called like Texas
(08:04):
cheerleader murderer or something like that.
Scandal. Texas cheerleader murderer
scandal. Yeah, no, I'm gonna watch that.
Has never done a movie about about that case.
This is the closest thing they've done.
HBO did a documentary or did a no did ATV movie back in like
the 90s with Holly Hunter as thethe Texas mother.
(08:26):
But yes, the basic premises the girl doesn't get on the team.
The mom is like Kris Jenner typeof overbearing mother and puts a
hit out on the mom, the other mom and other family.
And and so this one does say it does start with inspired by
actual events, but the what is it like the names or whatever
have been changed, blah blah blah.
(08:47):
Right. They're covering, you know,
covering the bases, covering allthe bases.
So yes, but but of course, most Joan Hart is playing the mother.
I don't. I didn't write down the mother's
name, so we're just going to call her Melissa Joan Hart.
It's all the. Parents MJH.
Right. But yes, oh, the the name is
(09:10):
Elizabeth Fenwick is the mother's name, and she's
definitely not Wanda Holloway. She's definitely not the lady
from Texas. Very different.
Very different. And you know, in the beginning I
was like, how different is it really?
But then things kind of go really different.
It gets differently, different, doesn't it, Brad?
It gets down. I don't know anything about the
case, but I do know that MelissaJoan Hart is a lot in this in
(09:35):
this year. But is she she's supposed to be
she is OK like that's makes it better right now and she.
Play. She plays a lot very well.
She plays a lot very well. She does Dan also so you can
picture this. Melissa Joan Hart is famously a
non botoxer. OK, is this like something she
like brags about regularly? She she uses like a some type of
(09:58):
face putty that fills in her wrinkles.
It what? Like a putty, like a, you know,
like silly. Putty I know, I know what you
said. I just didn't.
Can't she put something in and it just fills it in and becomes
part of her skin? It's all just silly.
Putty, Yeah, yes, that's exactly.
And she advertises it online. She does ads on her Instagram
(10:18):
show the Silly Putty you put on your face.
So she does not do Botox. She she's a Silly Putty.
No, I know you're a Botox guy, Patrick.
Have you have you thought about trying the Silly Putty?
Yeah, have you, have you dabbledin the putty?
I I haven't does I haven't No Sabrina Putty, Yeah.
Clarissilly Putty so. That's not bad so, but what's
(10:43):
stopping? Like you don't, you don't think
it works? I don't think it works.
I mean her her face is very animated in this, which is why I
know she doesn't have Botox and you know, she's she's given
face. I have many screen grabs on
Light time and court.com. You can see all the Melissa Joan
faces, the many faces. Melissa, Joan Faces.
Melissa Joan faces. That's exactly right.
(11:03):
Yes, OK, Jumping into the movie,Melissa, Joan Hart, we start off
like we're on like a football field, right?
It's like it's giving like Friday Night Lights.
For the Night Lights, it's like the, you know, the drum lines.
But Friday Night Lights is much different.
Yeah, but this was the music. Was you.
OK, Fair. All right.
(11:24):
I don't need to go. Anywhere we'll get to the
drumline. The drumline.
Conversation in June. Yes, and every everyone in town
is at the game except for Melissa Joan Hart.
Where? Is she?
Where is she? She is, you know, coming in from
home. She's like, sorry, I'm late.
I've got pizza for dinner or something.
And her teenage daughter Grace, is like, what?
(11:47):
Why were you at the football game, Mom, what's going on?
And yeah, that's pretty much thethe beginning.
Yeah, yeah. And you can tell, you know,
Melissa Joan Hart says, like 1, like, you know, sassy thing to
her daughter before bed. But it's like, OK, I mean,
whatever. Yeah, even in that moment,
(12:07):
you're like, all right, I think I know who this person is
because. She's a lot.
She's a lot. She's a lot.
Yeah. And she just seems distracted
and she seems like very not interested in her daughter, like
concerned about her or anything.We cut to six weeks earlier, six
weeks earlier and we see that. Well, hold on, hold on.
(12:28):
You skip the part in the middle of the night.
In the middle of the night. Yeah, in the middle of the night
there's a Bang, Bang, bang on the door.
Oh yes. There's a bang, bang, bang at
the door. It's a big part.
It's a big part. Patrick is not surprised, nor
does is he bothered by the fact that he missed a giant part of
this movie. OK, so it's the middle of the
(12:49):
night. Bang, Bang, bang on the door and
Melissa Joan Hart comes comes down.
They open the door. It is the police.
They come barging in. They are arresting Melissa Joan
Hart. They have a gun and they say.
They hold the gun up here like. This and they're like, is this
yours? Is this gun yours?
And she's like, I don't even owna gun.
What this is crazy that you musthave something wrong.
(13:10):
And then as she's being pulled out, she's like, I just
explained to them, I know what this is about my daughter.
You know, everybody's out, you know, trying to get at my
daughter because, you know, she made the dance team, blah, blah,
blah. I'll get all this straightened
out. Now it's cut to six weeks
earlier. Yes, I did forget the arrest at
(13:33):
the beginning of the movie. It's fine.
It's. Fine.
But you, it's clearly obvious they're setting it up.
We're going to come back to it later.
We're going to come back to it. So we we get the six weeks
earlier, we see that Melissa Joan Hart is a major stage mom.
And not only like, you can do itor like smile, she was a
cheerleader. And it's like she's reliving her
(13:55):
glory days through her daughter.That's right.
That's right. It's one of those things, you
know, where remember in the final deep dive when we, when I
watched cheer mom and I just talked about how I, I was just
sad, you know, I was sad that people are being mean to their
kid because, you know, they wanted, they want to relive the
(14:16):
cheerleader. Whenever you see a parent like
that, it's. Tough.
And this is exactly, this is what Melissa Joan Hart's doing.
She's she's, she's got a lot, a lot of thoughts on how her
daughter should be cheering. So many thoughts and they're
back in the the hometown where Melissa Joan Hart grew up.
So it's also adding to her like,oh, I I was actually the bad
(14:36):
cheerleader on this squad. Like you're my legacy daughter.
You're gonna let I'm you know, you're you have to get this.
It's it's destined to you. That's exactly.
But also she calls her daughter to like fat.
She's like, you know, you're I didn't write down exactly what
you said, but she gets in a lot of digs at her daughter, like
(14:58):
smile, what's wrong with you, You buck tooth Beaver, You know,
like she didn't say buck Beaver.I just I made that one.
Up, she didn't say Smiley. You buck tooth Beaver.
Imagine if she did. Imagine if she did.
Yeah, Matt, Imagine. Yeah.
No, I got it. Yeah, I'm here.
Just as hurtful, Just as hurtful.
Whatever she said to. Imagine.
Just as hurtful is not the best cheerleader, but she can twirl
(15:22):
the baton. Yeah, they're Baton, really.
But is that, is that enough? That's the question.
So it's time for tryouts and thepressure is pretty high.
This is a it's not like you knowwhen you would try out for
cheerleaders, I would imagine. Would you try out for
cheerleaders? Yeah, most high schools, it's
like, you know, yeah, I got cheerleader, but this is like it
(15:46):
seems, it seems more like compared to like the boop, boop,
boop and you. Were talking like someone who
just showed up on planet Earth and is being described some of
the basic machinations of high school for the first time New
York. It's not like when you try out
for cheerleader the rocket, the boop, boop, boop.
(16:08):
It's they're describing it like it's a lot more like the
Rockettes, like a very exclusiveclub.
You have to be like the same height.
It's very serious, Patrick. That's what I'm trying.
To say it's like that Cowboys Cheerleader documentary that
came out on Netflix where they all have to do the high kicks
together. You got a high kick together.
And if you can't high kick together, then what are you
(16:29):
doing? On then kick yourself.
Out. I know I shouldn't ask.
They made a documentary on the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.
What? You haven't seen the Dallas
Cowboy Cheerleader Netflix documentary show, No.
Talk about it's ATV show. It's like 8 episodes.
Brand likes the documentary. I never watched the
documentaries. I'm not seeing you like the like
(16:50):
the doc in general. No I would no Brands loves that
document. I wasn't throwing.
No, I've never heard of. It No, I didn't know.
I don't know. I don't know much about this
one. That's as close to sports as I
get. It's a cheerleader documentary
about the Dallas. So it's intense.
Intense. Yeah, so intense.
So is this? Yeah, So is.
This. So is this and the best part
(17:13):
about this audition, besides from how intense it is, is that
Melissa Joan Hart is not it's not open auditions.
OK, you the parents can't be in there.
But Melissa Joan Hart, after getting kicked out of the gym,
hides behind some volleyballs that are on a rack.
You know, she and she her head is like one of the volleyballs
(17:34):
banned like a Muppet movie type of hiding.
I'm. Here for The Muppets.
It is so great. Here's a picture.
So funny. Oh my God, I was like, bless
Joan Hart, you're cracking me up.
She's fantastic, she's fantastic.
So good they're sorry the the rival.
(17:55):
The rival is Hannah. Hannah Lee.
Hannah Lee. Hannah Lee.
Hannah Lee. Now here's the situation.
Hannah Lee although this this cheer team doesn't claim to have
a captain, Hannah Lee is front and centre and and Melissa Joan
Hart knows that front and centremeans captain because she was
(18:15):
front and. Centre.
She was front. And centre?
Yeah, the problem is, is Melissa, Joan Hart's daughter is
not as good as Hannah Lee, and maybe not even good enough to
make the team. And Melissa Joan Hart knows
that. Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, yeah, she knows and she's disappointed, but she
knows that it's important for her to make the team and she's.
(18:36):
So she's going to fight, she's going to do whatever it takes to
make sure that she makes the team.
Because it's not just about cheerleading.
It's also about your social status, right?
In high school. And Melissa Joan Hart doesn't
want her daughter to be a loser.She multiple times says,
daughter, if you don't make the squad, you're going to be a
loser and you're going to have no friends and you're ugly,
right? And everyone's going to hate.
(18:58):
You now I, I got to be honest with you at one point, and I
don't know if it's at this pointor a little bit later, but
Melissa Joan Hart does this whole thing where she basically
talks to her daughter about how important your social status is
in high school because it's how everybody will remember you.
And she does this like thing where she's like this guy is
this, but I always remember thathe slept through class or
(19:21):
whatever. So it's like no matter what you
do in your life, you're always going to be reminded or
remembered for what you did in high school.
And I think that that's maybe just her.
You got literally on YouTube foryour graduation speech or you
(19:42):
had an Afro in high school, You had shaved it.
You wore an Afro wig. And at the end of the speech,
you took off the wig. Got them.
If anyone was going to be remembered for what they did in
high school, it would be you. Well, yeah.
And you're not remember for that.
I think that it's one of those things where it's like if you
remember somebody from high school and unless you still know
(20:02):
them, if you still know them, then you.
Know them for what you know themfor, right is it might be a
crazy Patrick. Well, I don't remember anything
from high school, so, you know, it was just, it happened and I
left that in the past. I mean, I I don't dwell on high
school very much and I was popular, I would say at least
popular enough to not get like shoved into a locker or
(20:24):
something. Right, right.
But Melissa Joan Hart is very preoccupied with the fact that
you have, you have to have this.She peaked in high school.
Clearly she peaked in high school and it's damaged herself.
She peaked in high school. Yes.
So with Hannah Lee being the front runner, Melissa Joan Hart
is obviously upset that because it's like a nepotism situation,
(20:48):
the one she's trying to get as well.
Hannah Lee's mom was also a cheerleader, the same era as
Melissa Joan Hart. Was she front and center though?
She wasn't and the coach of the team was also around high school
when Melissa Joan Hart. So she's taking it personally,
like they have a vendetta against her, you know, and
(21:10):
they're taking it out on her daughter, which isn't fair
because they all went to high school together.
So she goes to the Melissa Joan Hart goes to the school board
and she she basically like makeslike a impassioned speech.
And Melissa Joan Hart shared this on her social media, like
going for that Emmy campaign. It's not that dramatic, right?
(21:33):
It's just like everyone should be on the team or she's like, my
daughter should be on the team and the school basically says
like, Oh yes, your daughter should be on the team and
everybody who tried out should be on the team.
That's right, That's right. So most of Joan Hart, when her
daughter didn't make the team, she was like, I'm going to fight
for you. And she won.
She got her daughter on the team.
(21:54):
But she's mad because not only did her daughter make the team,
but every other person who triedout also now has to make the
team. It's only fair.
And so she's like, it's now no longer an exclusive.
Club it's not. It's not exclusive.
Now you got these tall, tall girls and these other girls who
aren't good in the dance thing. And I think she's, you know, a
(22:15):
little bit missing the point here.
That was what she you know you can't.
You can't like I. Want my kid to make the team.
Oh, everybody's making the team.It doesn't mean anything
anymore. She would.
That's exactly what she says. She's very, she's very mad about
that, yes. But no one else is on her level
of math like Hannah. Lee welcomes Grace to the team.
Hannah Lee's Grace. Well, she's so nice and she like
(22:38):
even invites Grace's boyfriend and best friend.
Hey, you guys want to come be onthe team And they're like, we're
good with it. We didn't even try out, but you
know, she's very nice. And so is the Hanley's mom,
Nicole, who is going to be the interim coach because the the
original coach quit because she was mad the school board like
ruled against her. Right her.
(23:00):
Decisions. And obviously, Melissa Joan
Hart, this isn't news to her because she's constantly hiding
behind things at the gym to watch her daughter and to stay
in the know. And if you think it's just the
one time, Dan, you'd be wrong. She hides in the gym.
What's that now? All the time?
She's constantly heading to the gym.
She might have a second home there, I don't know.
She wears she wears a disguise, too.
(23:20):
She's got a brown wig and some sunglasses.
It would be embarrassing if you were found out if somebody
recognized you, yeah. It's not the best disguise, but
you know, it reminds me of when Britney Spears would go out in
public and with the paparazzi and like, wear like a a really
obvious wig and sunglasses, you know, right.
Exactly. It's exactly like that.
(23:40):
It's exactly. Like don't make me.
Sing What if we disguised our way?
Take a picture of me in disguise.
What if we disguised our way to a break?
I don't really know what that means, but what if we took a
break? Oh, I like that plan for us.
I like that. What will we look like when we
come back? I don't know.
We have to watch follow TV to find.
Out. OK, we'll be right back.
We'll be right back here right now.
(24:08):
We're back. Oh, would you look at that,
Patrick? Where'd Brain go?
I feel like two of us are back. We took a break and Brain was.
Oh, my God, man, I thought that was.
I thought that was a horse. Turns out it's just Brand.
It's me. Why don't?
You change your voice. I am a disguised brand.
Wow, stupid. And a horse.
(24:29):
Yeah, yeah. Go ahead, Patrick.
Where are we at? OK.
All right, so Melissa, Joan Hart, she gives her daughter,
like, they go shopping and stuff, and she gives her
daughter a little makeover because she's a fat loser and
her words and, you know, suggests that Grace got a new
(24:52):
boyfriend because Tyler, the boyfriend is not cool enough.
He's not popular enough to be her boyfriend, you know?
Yes. And Grace is kind of like, I'm
cool, Like, I'm OK. Like, I'm doing my thing.
Don't worry about me, mom. She talks to her dad and she's
like, dad, Mom's like really going off.
I, I, I'm worried about her. Something's wrong.
(25:12):
And the dad's like, oh, well, you know, we'll figure it out.
So Melissa Joan Hart, she, she goes shopping, She's inspired to
go shopping and she meets a sales clerk.
And the sales clerk is very gay,very gay sales clerk.
We love him. Would have been my role if I was
in this movie And he calls Melissa Joan Hart as she's
(25:35):
buying sunglasses for her daughter but then then
eventually just decides to keep them for herself.
He calls her a lawn mower mom and I've never heard this.
Term that's new. A lawn mower mom will run over
anyone to get what they want fortheir child.
That's right. And I would just say this.
Mow over. Before you call someone a lawn
(25:59):
mower mom, you should think to yourself, will that person take
that literally? And if you think that they might
take it literally, don't call someone a lawnmower mom.
Unfortunately, this guy did callMelissa Joan Hart a lawnmower
mom. And Melissa Joan Hart thinks to
herself, not a bad idea. So she hops in her car and she
tracks down the boyfriend and runs him off the road.
(26:23):
And it's basically like, stop it, stop being around my
daughter. And then she also does a thing
where she texts him from Grace'sphone about like, we should get
married or whatever, hoping thatthat would scare him off.
Nothing is working. This guy, this high school
boyfriend, will not break up with this girl for any reason.
(26:47):
An amazing high school boy who has his head on his shoulders,
respects his girlfriend and is just like, you know what?
We're not? We don't got to be in a hurry.
You're not going to scare me. Part of the course.
Standard high school boy. I'm pretty sure there was a
horror movie called The Lawnmower Man.
OK. I'm pretty sure there was like
(27:08):
it. I think it had Pierce Brosnan in
it and it and that's the only thing near.
That that I've ever heard. Lawnmower man, look at that.
Two hours and 21 minutes. But it's a it's it's 1982 sci-fi
horror movie and it does have Pierce Brosnan in it.
Oh, and Dean Norris as well. Look at that man, Should we
watch it? I guess so anyway.
(27:30):
So OK, great. She's actively trying to get
them to break up but it's not happening.
She's scheming, she's scheming, she was already scheming and now
it's getting to be a deadly or wait, maybe she's killing the
competition. Oh, interesting.
See what's going on? Interesting.
Right. But Tyler, our boyfriend who's
(27:52):
just a little cutie, he's got the middle part, you know, he's,
he's sweet time purely this is not a 30 year old playing a high
school student. This is a literal high school.
Student who got captain the. Girl.
That's right, we call him Sweet.Tea.
Sweet tea. Do we?
Yes. He.
Goes right to Grace. And he's like Grace.
Your mom tried to kill me, you know, and she sent me these
(28:15):
weird texts and I just thought you should know, you know, like
I'm going to stay stick by your side and do whatever you need to
do. But but you should know that
your mom's out here doing these things.
And Grace is like, Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
This is this happens all the time.
I've got to talk to my mom. So she talks to Melissa Joan
Hart. They have a very intense kitchen
(28:35):
talk. She's ever had a kitchen talk
with your. Parents.
Oh, it's serious. You don't want to have a
kitchen. Talk Kitchen.
Talk. Here's a, here's a kitchen talk
I had one time I during the pandemic, I, I came home to be
with my family for a month and my friend sent me gummies in the
mail and, and I thought they were like sleepy gummies, but
(28:59):
they were weed gummies. And I took them and how many I
was, I took two and I don't knowhow many milligrams they were
there. It was a lot like I was taking,
I like, I had to take a shower to like, like get my brain
right. And I was like feeling every
strand of my hair as I'm like watching my hair, you know, And
(29:20):
I come downstairs in the kitchenand I sit down and my dad bought
me this huge hoagie 'cause I was, it was lunchtime.
Yeah. And and you were hot.
And I was hot. I'm trying to eat this hoagie
and I'm like wow I must be like just like looking so crazy
because I was like feeling everylike morsel in my.
Mouth Why'd you take a sleep gummy before lunch?
(29:43):
You know, I don't really know. I, I, I there's something I
don't remember what. Not all tracking.
I think Patrick knew. It was a weed gummy.
He was trying to save face. I didn't know what it was, but
it what it was a weed gummy. I'd forget what I took it for,
but it mustn't it you're. Right this hoagie.
And then my parents are like, inthe kitchen doing their thing,
(30:04):
but I think they're like, staring at me, like I'm crazy.
So I put the hoagie down and say, Mom, dad, can we talk about
something? And they're looking at me like,
oh, my God, Oh my God, what is he going to say?
And I'm like, I accidentally took weed gummies, and I'm
really high right now. And they just busted out
laughing in my face. They're like, what?
(30:25):
That is what you wanted to tell us.
You made it sound so dramatic mymy kitchen talk.
Your parents sound like the coolest, I got to be honest.
Finish your hogie. Oh, I did, but it took me
probably 3 hours. Yeah.
Yeah. So they finished that hoagie.
Yeah, at least it felt like 3 hours.
I bet. Yeah, it was probably like 3
minutes. I was there for. 2 seconds and
(30:46):
he just swallowed the whole thing and then he was just like
man but he is hogie for four hours.
Ever. It's still 12:15 or how the.
Love a hogie? Yeah.
So be careful out there, friends.
That's right. Yeah, be careful.
All that to say, be careful. When you get gummies in the mail
and they're sleep gummies and you want to take one bright and
(31:07):
early in the morning, read that label.
You could be in for it, You don't know.
They were. They were loose.
To be fair, they were just loosegummies in the mail, like in our
mail. They weren't in a package or
anything. There's no zip lock bag.
Perhaps in a zip lock bag? That sounds like something.
And you were just went whole hog.
(31:28):
You were just like, yeah, I'm going to take two of these bad
boys. Yeah, I'm like, I'm just going
to chill. I just need to.
Like chill, I'm going to take my10:00 AM melatonin and I'm going
to relax. Man, the confidence of Patrick
Serrano just a a zip lock bag full of gummies I.
Want to start sending my friend's gummies in the mail?
Yeah, these zip lock bags and just see what they did.
I would. I'm I'm dead serious.
(31:50):
If you sent me a zip lock bag full of gummies in the mail and
we live next door, I wouldn't touch them.
Yeah. I would, I would literally not
touch them. Patrick's like, well, let's do 2
at once, see what happens. I'd give him a chance.
Yeah, it. Seems great.
Seems great, so the kitchen top here doesn't go as well as
minded. Melissa Joan Hart lists every
failure, from a childhood to grace that she's ever done.
(32:15):
That's right. And Grace is like, do you just
stay up at night thinking about all the failures I've had?
And she's like, yes, yes I do, boy.
I know stuff. It's like there's there's Mommy
dearest, right, Mommy dearest, and then there's Melissa Joan
Hart in this movie. They're very close.
They're very close. There's no like, physical abuse,
(32:37):
but like lots of verbal just theworst things to say to your
child ever. But also, it's hilarious, right?
Right. So funny.
It's so funny. It's so funny.
She she just that she always zigs when you think she's going
to zag, you know, like it's an emotional conversation.
And then all of a sudden she's like, yeah, I do keep a list
about all the terrible things we've done my.
(32:58):
God, that's right. So Melissa Joan Hart is a
beginning to spiral a bit. I think that's safe to say.
And she begins to realize that, you know, she finds out that
people are like laughing about her.
She once again is going to try to make her daughter and Tyler
(33:18):
break up. She's like, Tyler's cheating on
you. Everybody at school is laughing
at you. Nobody likes you.
It's like this whole thing and but like during the day, Grace
is like doing great, great boyfriend once again.
Shout out sweet tea, shout out sweet tea.
Great relationship with all the cheerleaders.
It's like going great for her. And so she's like, she doesn't
(33:39):
like she can't understand, like what is my mom talking about?
Why like why is she saying thesethings?
Is there anything true about them?
She's having a very tough time about this.
Well, and don't forget Grace gets the baton twirling solo.
That's right. In the big chair choreography.
Pretty big deal, everyone knows that.
Awesome. But you guys don't know that
(34:02):
because obviously you've never been a cheerleader.
But Tom twirling is not a cheerleading skill.
Yeah, I was thinking. I I really was thinking that
only because I have a cousin whowas in color guard for years and
would talk about twirling and she's very, very good at it and
still does it like on the club level in college and I thought.
That would she goes to the club and she.
(34:23):
She goes to the club that it would be more on that end of it
than on the cheer end of it. But I didn't know so I didn't
say anything. But I'm glad that to have some
confirmation there. Yeah, I also have a cousin who
is very, very prolific in baton twirling and would compete in
national competition. Which cousin do you think's
better? I mean, if, if your cousin
competed in national, yeah, national, my cousin is only
(34:46):
probably 20 right now and she competes with a club.
She could, she competed all through high school and then
when she went to college she nowcomplete competes at the club
level. I don't know if she competes in
the national level, but shout out to you Emily Stack.
Still crushing her. Shout out, Emily.
That's right. Do you want to shout out your
cousin? No, I will leave them a mystery
(35:06):
because they probably would liketheir baton twirling pass to be
left in the past. OK, that's all right.
You know, that's a mystery for sure.
I feel like, I feel like my cousin got burned.
You know, it was like, I'm readyfor the Olympics and the
Olympics said we don't want you.We don't believe in your sport.
Your sport is just give me, giveme a pencil.
I can twirl that around like whatever.
(35:28):
It's now Patrick is ridiculing twirling.
Yeah. That was the Olympic.
Olympic. Comedy.
Yeah. Listen, cheerleading is serious
business. That's what you need to know.
That's what you need to know, and that's what this movie is
showcasing. It's very serious.
I just got a text from my producer that says this movie is
about a dance team, not about cheerleading, and that is a very
(35:49):
big distinction that no one madeuntil this very moment.
Well, we didn't notice that we at.
Least I didn't watch it. We saw cheerleading in the title
and assumed it was cheerleading.Yeah, fair, fair.
Yeah, that's weird. That's.
Explained why there was chairs on the football field.
Now it makes more sense. Don't belong in cheerleading, OK
Anyways, Melissa Joan Hart purchases a a gun for self.
(36:12):
Defense, yes. What's the self-defense it?
Literally on IMDb says killing the competition.
A loving mother becomes enraged after her daughter is cut from
her alma mater's dance team. You have a look at the look at,
they look at it. They got the little things.
Pom poms. Yeah, they got pom poms.
I I dance. Team has those.
Yeah, I got to be honest, guys, I don't know the difference
(36:32):
between the two of the two. Oh my God, do you?
Remember that movie we watched called Gotta Kick It Up?
Yeah, dance team. Had pom poms.
Oh, and we had this whole conversation.
We did had the whole thing. That's when I learned.
Believe it or not, still foggy on the distinction between the
two, Yeah? Still foggy?
Yeah. Still foggy.
You know, I know a difference between a pom squad and a
cheerleading squad. And look, this movie was
(36:53):
ambiguous about it, OK? Listen, all I got to say is as
long as they're not mysteriouslymannequins, I'm fine.
You can be Dan's team, cheerleading team, I'm fine.
As long as you're actual people and they are people, right?
People, right? They.
Are OK, great. And Melissa Joan Hart, full of
disguise, gets a gun. Yep, bring brings the gun to
(37:16):
Hannah Lee's house. Hannah Lee.
And Emily and her mom Nicole arethere and they she pulls the gun
on them. She's like, all right, I'm going
to kill you guys. I got to be honest bro, I don't
know her plan. I don't know what her plan is.
She has no. Plan in this moment.
(37:36):
Just just, I feel like she just went there on a whim.
So the good news is Hannah Lee'smom just stepped in cat poop.
And so she doesn't have her shoes on, so she can't go
outside. So she can't go outside.
So Melissa Joan Hart, being respectful of that, says go get
your shoes. And while she's doing that, she
(37:58):
just takes Hannah Lee and takes her and and and, you know,
kidnaps her basically and bringsher to her special shed A.
Shed full a She shed high schoolHigh school memorabilia.
That's a special she she. That's a special she shed say
that full of high school stuff, the crowns that her old cheer
(38:21):
uniform which she makes Hannah Lee get in because she's the
right size, unlike her daughter.Again, her words not mine.
I'm not not saying that. Her words were yeah, maybe
you'll fit in it, unlike my daughter.
Yeah, So what she does and then she makes her like dance for
her, which I found to be weird and like, like to, hey, can you
(38:43):
do a dance? Can you do a can you do a split?
Like show me, show me like, showme your stuff.
And no. And Hannah Lee does now while
all this is happening. No, no, no.
It's time for the game. And everybody's like, where's
Hannah Lee? We don't know.
Where's Melissa Joan Hart? We don't know.
Could it be together in the she shed?
Could be, but we're not. We're not going there right now.
(39:05):
And so that's where we're at. Hannah Lee having to do dances
for Melissa, Joan Hart in a shoeshed.
That's where we're at currently.God, that is terrifying.
I, I know. And Melissa Joan Hart is just
like eating it up. She's like, you know, going full
force, like with the mom with the shoes.
The mom's like, oh, I don't havemy shoes.
And Melissa Joan Hart's like, get those shoes, get out of my
(39:27):
face. Like she's just like a 10 here.
What I love about this, though, is Hannah Lee was like, don't
take my mom, Just take me. She doesn't have her shoes on.
And Melissa Jonhart's like, that's actually not a bad, you
know, you bring up a good point and she's like, no, go get your
shoes. She like, forgot for a second
that she was kidnapping people and decided to be like,
(39:49):
considerate. You know what?
Go get your shoes. Because her mom, Hannah Lee was
like, you can't make her walk outside barefoot.
It could hurt her feet. Melissa Jonhart's like, great
point. Good.
Point go get your shoes. Think of it.
Well, she's kind of hard with, with Hannah Lee.
She's she's like, you know, telling Hannah Lee all about her
high school experience, how great it was.
And she's like, you know what? Maybe Grace isn't the best
(40:12):
project. Like maybe you're my project,
Hannah Lee. Like I'm going to make you the
most popular girl because it's just not working out with my
daughter. And now you're going to be my
little like pet project. Or whatever.
That's right. And she's like, she's like, no,
she's like, I don't want to do this.
So they get into a fight, they get into a squabble.
(40:33):
Yes. Yes, and you and most of your
heart's like. You.
You're this. You made me do this.
And like holding the gun up and Hannah Lee knocks it out and
then he then she hits her in thehead with the thing and
strangles her and we're like, Ohmy gosh, Hannah Lee's dead.
Melissa, Joan. Hart Strangle.
Melissa Joan Hart just killed Hannah Lee, and that's yeah.
(40:58):
Dark, right? And she leaves.
She leaves Hannah Lee. She, like, you know, is like,
OK, I'm just going to go home like nothing happened.
And this is the part where Melissa Joan Hart comes back and
her daughter's like, why weren'tyou at the football game?
She's like, I brought dinner andlike, relax everybody.
That's exactly right. I brought dinner.
Everyone get off my case. But here's, Yeah, here's the
(41:20):
twist. Dan Hannah Lee not dead.
What? She, she like gasped.
Like up. You know when you sit up and
you're like. Like that, yeah.
You strangle someone for a long time, eventually they might go.
I get that. You got to check that.
Out you got to check that out and if if case I strangle
(41:41):
anybody one. Day in case you strangle me,
make sure I'm really. Dead.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Got to make sure.
Well, according to Drew Bear, myformer producer, he he always
said you got to strangle somebody a really long time to
kill them, like 30 minutes or more to like kill them.
So you can't just strangle someone until there's.
Nobody know that unless you don't I.
(42:01):
Mean well, I, I don't ask true questions.
I just let him do what he does. But yes, I always remember that
in these in these movies, because I'm like, that wasn't 30
minutes. I didn't get a 30 minute
strangle scene. That was not 30 minutes.
It was a long time, though. I was surprised, she I was
surprised that they were showingit, you know, because it's an
adult strangling of teenager, but also I was surprised that it
(42:23):
was as long as it was. But it didn't work 30 minutes or
more. Everyone knows it.
Well, and of. Course the.
Police, you know, so she's and her mom like finds her in the
car or whatever. Like, hey, this lady kidnapped
me and that's why she got arrested.
(42:44):
Yeah, and she left the gun behind.
Like a moron, Melissa and Hart. Left the gun behind.
It's her garage I. Know it's her she shed, it's her
she shed. But still.
Special she should. I can't say special.
She shed very fast. I can't imagine you trying it.
Special, she shed. Five times.
Special, she said. Special, she said.
(43:04):
No, it's tough. It's tough.
Yeah, it's tough spot. That's a hard 1.
So Melissa Jonhart is arrested and goes to court and it's bad.
She's guilty and we. She tries to do the speech
again, like I was popular and mydaughter isn't and you should
give me leniency for this and she doesn't get any.
(43:26):
That's right. That's right.
In the slammer. She's in the slammer.
Her family goes to visit her, but, you know, is not happy when
she finds out that her daughter's going to a Community
College. And I say that as somebody who
went to Community College. And then after she gets done
talking to her real daughter, she walks and she sees another
(43:51):
girl there, sad. And she goes and she hands her a
cookie. And she's like, you know, maybe
you should smile a little bit. The girl smiles, and she's back
at it again. And that's the killer, killer
time. What is it?
Killer competition. Killer competition.
Killing the competition. That's right.
Yeah, she hasn't learned her lesson, and no, she's not.
(44:14):
So now on the podcast, we decideif we're going to put a cork in
it, which means no thank you, orpour it up, which means yay.
Dan, you haven't seen the movie.Based on our description and
your imagination, what are you going to do to this movie?
So it's a tough spot because from all accounts, this is
Melissa Joan Hart just full boregoing nutso.
(44:36):
And I think there's some fun to be had there.
It also doesn't sound like 2 terribly fun time.
I get the feeling you guys are both kind of bored up based upon
how it was described to me and the fact that I've heard from
both of you. She's had a 10 numerous times
and she's a child, former child star of the 90s out of 10.
I don't think it would be for mestill, But I, I don't, I, I
(44:59):
can't say I'm not tempted by just the idea of Melissa Joan
Hart going full crazy as a mom. I'm going to put a cork in it, a
tentative put a cork in it for me.
That's where I'm going. All right, I'm going to put a
cork in this. And it's tough because I think
most of John Hart is giving a swell performance.
She's doing a really good job. I I have a weird like thing
(45:22):
where you can't like in these movies you can be mean to
strangers, you can kill who you want to, I don't really care.
But once you start being mean toyour own kid, I start getting
sad. Even in a lifetime.
Even in a Lifetime movies, in this movie, I just kind of ended
up being sad, which I don't knowif, I mean, I'm sure that's what
they were going for a little bit, but I don't want, I didn't
(45:43):
want to be sad, so I put a cork in it.
True, yes. We don't like to be sad.
And I think this movie, you're right, Bran was trying to go for
the feels. So like it.
They didn't really have, like, the lifetime, like, background
music that they normally have. Like, the soundtrack was like,
when they were having these heated conversations.
It was pretty much at face value.
(46:04):
So like, no underscoring nothing.
And yeah, the making fun of kidsisn't funny, But isn't.
It kind of this. Is the tough, this is a tough
one because for some reason I just didn't find this one fun.
Like I think back to the one that we watched last year with
(46:26):
the mom who had all the phones. Remember that one?
And that one was like just so crazy that I think it still had
some fun to it. This wasn't like, I just didn't
find this one to be fun in the least.
Got it. Maybe kudos to Melissa Joan
Hart's performance. Like she was just so unrelenting
and mean that I was just like, wow, so.
She was too good going. Not my witch.
(46:48):
Going full bore, yeah. OK, she might have been too
good. I I poured it up.
To be fair for her performance, I thought she did a really good
job. I like her going more crazy than
playing like the the like boringmom role.
She's been like a boring mom in a couple of these, so I poured
it up for her. But now that I'm thinking about
(47:10):
the movie overall, I think I I understand you guys, you're kind
of concerned, so I will put a cork.
In it. Even though my blog says pour it
up. Yeah, you've already, Yeah,
you've already poured some wine out.
Are you just corking it for later or what are you doing?
No, I'm just putting a cork in the movie overall.
It's. A different model I've.
(47:30):
Talked myself into the movie. Maybe I was caught up in the
Melissa Jones heart of it all. I think that's fair.
I almost poured it up purely for.
That so she was fascinated. She was a really good villain.
There you go. It's worth.
She was a really good villain. Well, we did it everybody now
are we smack? We're smacked up in the middle
of killer cheerleader month. Is that right?
Or dance team, if you will. I I think it was more of a
(47:51):
teaser because what's been coming after this is not what's
coming. We got the we got the Octomom.
Octomom just happened. I know you guys.
And Natalie Suleiman was like, Iguess she's a producer or
something on that movie. So she interjects the movie with
her like it's like her face talking.
(48:11):
Gosh, that's many things. What happened?
Yeah, it was, it was pretty not great.
So what? Happened in this scene.
See. Yeah, explaining what you just
saw. Yeah, she's like, don't judge
me, don't be a hater. She's like very traumatized.
Good thing she didn't have social media back in the day
(48:31):
because I don't know if she would have survived.
So, yeah. So stuff like that, you know,
we're still doing the biopics and all that type of stuff.
And you know what? I think we're due here soon for
a lifetime game show. Palooza Annual.
Yeah, Yeah. Well.
You guys, Miss Vivica put out a wrong movie, another wrong
(48:53):
movie. The wrong.
I have to look at that. The wrong something.
Yeah, the wrong something. But but it was peripheral.
It was like like a stalker or something.
So like, the person didn't choose the wrong thing, The
wrong thing happened to her you.Know they just run out.
They just run out of things. The wrong obsession.
(49:14):
Yeah, they run, they run out. I mean, there's definitely more,
but. Maybe they need to do that.
We need I I need one of those ASAP is what I need.
I need an ASAP. All right, well, we did
everybody Lifetime in court.com for all of Patrick's wonderful
reviews, not just what we talkedabout on this show, but also all
the movies. You just cover all the Lifetime
movies, so go check that out. Anything else for the people?
(49:37):
That's it. Come on back next time for
another one. Until then, maybe the 1st to
wish you a merry. Christmas the homeworks of
Bramble Jam podcast is produced by Aaron Shea.
For more information on Deck theHomework you can go to
deckthehallmark.com. For more information on the Deck
the Hallmark family, you can go to bramblejamplus.com.
Deck the Homework is presented by Philo TV.
For a free trial of Philo, go tophilo.tv/DTH.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.