This episode first aired on April 26, 2021 (Episode 243), and I’m bringing it back because so many listeners told me it felt like I was speaking directly to their experience.
Living with a partner who always seems angry is confusing, painful, and can leave you feeling constantly on edge. In this episode, I’ll help you understand what’s really happening in that dynamic and share strategies to move back toward safety and connection. Whether you’re in the middle of it now, reflecting on a past relationship, or supporting someone you care about, my hope is that this brings you both clarity and comfort.
Anger in relationships is almost always a secondary emotion. Beneath the sharp words or defensiveness, there’s usually hurt, fear, or a longing to feel cared for. I’ll walk you through why trying to shut anger down often makes things worse, how shifting your own responses can change the cycle, and what it really takes to rebuild trust and create space for vulnerability.
As you listen, consider: What story have you been telling yourself about your partner’s anger? What might shift if you saw the pain or fear underneath it? And how could you show up in a way that invites connection instead of distance?
Episode Breakdown:
00:00 Understanding Why Your Partner Always Seems Angry
05:47 The Pursue–Withdraw Cycle in Relationships
11:02 What’s Really Driving Anger in a Relationship
18:03 When Anger Crosses Into Abuse
20:03 How to Rebuild Trust Through Emotional Availability
24:28 Anger as a Secondary Emotion: Hurt and Fear Beneath the Surface
27:03 How Counseling and Support Can Shift Entrenched Patterns
28:06 Recommended Resources for Healing Relationships
If you’re tired of replaying the same arguments, I created my Communication That Connects Free Training to help. It’s a crash course in breaking conflict loops and building conversations that bring you closer. It comes with a workbook so you can start practicing right away.
You might also love my How Healthy Is Your Relationship? Quiz. It’s quick, but it will give you such a clear picture of your strengths as a couple and the areas that might need more care. Sometimes just naming what’s really going on is the first step to healing.
For more ongoing support, join me on Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube, where I share tools and encouragement every week. And if this episode sparked a question or made you think of a topic you’d like me to cover, I’d love to hear from you - let’s talk!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self