May 25, 2020 • 29 mins
"The Quest Giver" by Joe Prosit
An old man running a pawn shop gives out daring adventure to his customers. And catches some heat for it.
Author
Joe Prosit - joeprosit.com | Twitter
Cast
D.E. Medus - david.medusmedia.com
Elijah Moore - Twitter | Imdb | Instagram
Mandy Wong - Inside Fictions: Casual Magics
Michael Blakey - Michael-Blakey.com/vo | Twitter | Facebook | Instagram
Angelo Toledo - FacebookTwitter | Instagram
Leila Medus - FunFactFriday.com
Zhi'mari Chrisp
"The New God" by L.L. Asher
A new Roman god emerges and spills the beans...
Author
L.L. Asher - Twitter
Cast
D.E. Medus - david.medusmedia.com
Nichole Goodnight -Twitch | Twitter
Mandy Wong - Inside Fictions: Casual Magics
Phaedra Medus
Art
Art for this episode is a modified version of:
Vintage Pawn Shop Signage Exposed When Canopy Was Removed flickr photo by Phillip Pessar shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license
Music
Into the Unknown by Oddsprite
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
Hello and welcome to this podepisode 11. I'm your host D
Mitas. Our first story for thisepisode is the quest giver by
Joe ProSet. Joe ProSet write scifi, horror and psycho fiction.
He has been previously publishedin Chatwood magazine, the no
sleep podcast and athletic realmmagazine. He lives with his wife
and kids in the Brainerd Lakesarea of northern Minnesota. If
(00:33):
you're an adept stalker, and youcan find him at one of the many
lakes and rivers or lost deepinside the Great North Woods, or
you can just find them on theinternet at Joe proz.com or on
Twitter at Joe ProSet. Helpingme tell this tale we have a full
cast, starting with ElijahMoore, an actor based out of
Chapel Hill, North Carolina hecan currently be seen on CW is
(00:55):
legacies. He likes puzzles longwalks on the beach and treating
podcast BIOS as his own personaldating site. Mandy Wong, a Japan
based voice actor whospecializes in character voice
work. She loves collaboratingwith creatives to help bring
their stories to life. We're notbehind the mic, she can be found
with her nose in a novel goingon a foodie travel adventure or
(01:15):
fawning over fluffy bees. Youcan also hear her as Melissa
inside fictions casual magicsMichael Blakey, voice actor,
musician, human, he writes songsand brings messages to life with
his voice, and Missouri boy whowants the people the world to
just be nicer to each other.Angelo Toledo a 20 Something
(01:35):
voice actor undergoing collegefor the second time, he's also
the author of a poetry booktitled binding blindness. Lila
metus. My daughter and co hostof me this media is new show Fun
Fact Friday, coming soon to apodcatcher near you. And last
but not least, we have XMRVChris, all of our actors and
authors links will be in theshow notes without further ado,
(01:55):
the quest giver by Joe ProSet.
It's dangerous to go alone. Takethis. The kid and he was just a
(02:16):
kid, too young to be called aman looked funny had the long
steel blade resting in my openpoems. What is it? Now the head
for smart's this one? He had anunblemished face and youthful
beauty. All his days spentmaturing and none aging. Oh yes,
he was going to need a weaponwhere he was going. The Last
(02:39):
Blade handcrafted by Masterswordsmith Masamune at his forge
high atop the mountains of mistcareful. Its honed to a razor's
edge in case the monsters havethick hides thick hides.
Listen, mister, I'm not hackingat anybody when those sword
so petulant, so certain of hispurpose in the world, or rather,
(03:04):
lack thereof. Apparently, Ineeded to speak more slowly. You
clearly don't have a handle onthe situation in which you find
yourself. I said. It's dangerousto go alone.
Nah, no, thanks, man. I thinkyou're dangerous.
(03:25):
He said Well stepping away. Whenhe had backed far enough to bump
into the glass door of the pawnshop. He smirked later weirdo
and then pushed open the doorslipped out and was gone. Yes.
I'll be seeing you againshortly. When the boy left the
pawn shop fell quiet once again.Ambient Music blinked on Twain
(03:49):
from invisible speakers onlyaudible when everything else was
not. I sighed and slipped thesword rack under the counter.
He'd be back. May came here tohock car stereos and buy used
guitars that would make themstars and their dreams but in
reality would sit unpracticed inthe corners of their rooms. They
(04:12):
came in with petty desires andunmotivated dreams but left with
so much more. I have to admitwhen the phone rang, It startled
me, if only for a moment. Onlyafter I answered that I realize
how boring this conversationwould be. Merrill how good to
(04:36):
hear from you. I said afterrecognizing His voice. He droned
on with his usual complaints andthreats never changing his tune
this one. Of course you'realways welcome in my humble
place of business come down anytime. His voice continued even
as I pulled the receiver awayfrom my ear and didn't stop
(05:00):
until I set it back in hiscradle. Merrill believed nothing
in life was more important thanhis rules and regulations. My
time was best spent on otherthings. And speaking of the
front doors, electric chime,Bing Bing Bong, and another
character entered the pawn shop.This one was a girl, big hair,
(05:24):
vapid smile short skirt, a suitcoat with big shoulder pads. She
strolled to the center of thepawn shop like a models runway.
She stopped in the middle of allof the used electronics and old
romance novels tossed her hairand winked at me. I nodded back.
(05:47):
She showed no reaction. A fewseconds later, she tossed her
hair again, flipping it backwith her fingers and followed it
with another wing. A non playercharacter, cliched, but on cue.
And just as timely, anotherunwitting hero appeared to the
(06:07):
front door. This one also a girlbut not so designed and
polished. This one more soakedin her own idiosyncrasies her
hair undone shoes untied eyesshe kept to herself and cast
downward whenever not stealingglances sideways. She wore
(06:27):
enough black to be a villain,but I knew better. She moved to
a selection of old DSL camerasand lenses. The non player
character did her best just showthe new girl how well she could
flip her hair and wink. The girlby the cameras didn't notice.
But when the three oversizedbrutes shoved their way through
(06:49):
the door, their crunchingfootsteps drowning out the Bing
Bong Bell. The girl by thecameras looked up. Perhaps she
had potential after all. Thethree brutes ignored her and
moved to the winker and hairflipper. One quick uppercut to
the gut and she crumbled over.The mute brute caught her before
(07:13):
she had a chance to fall to thelinoleum. He slung her over his
wide muscular shoulders like asack of potatoes. And once they
had her, the three about phasedand stretch it back out the door
having not said a word. The girlby the cameras her eyes wide and
alert now stabbed out from underthe overhanging bangs. Her back
(07:38):
pressed against the shelves,Jesus Christ. She said as soon
as the non player characterswere gone. Quick. They've taken
the mayor's daughter. I said toher, the girl said to me,
aren't you going to call thecops
after them? They have themayor's daughter, I said,
emoting as much as I could
forget that old man and callingthe cops and getting the hell
(08:01):
out of here, she said,
dug out her cell phone and fledto the exit. I watched her go
out the door and check up anddown the sidewalk. She took a
step in the opposite directionof the brutes and kidnapped
girl, then doubled back andbroke into a sprint after them.
The boy who would go alone todangerous places, nearly knocked
(08:25):
into her as he came back intothe pawn shop. His face was
pale, his eyes electric, howmuch he hurried me how much for
the sword, as if the weapon hadnever left my hands. I raised my
palms above the counter anddisplayed masa moons last work
of art to the boy. It'sdangerous to go alone. Take
(08:49):
this. Yeah, you said it.
How much?
No charge, but do not dawdleadventure awaits. I told him,
and this time he listened. Theboy snatched the blade and held
it aloft for just one frozenmoment. From the measure of
still time, the steel emitted anunearthly gleam, and sung like a
(09:11):
tight violin string. When themoment had passed, he looked
only slightly more bewilderedthan he had been when he first
returned to the shop. But hedidn't let that second of
sentience betrayal distract him.He brought the hilt of the
weapon down to his solar plexus.Thanks, old man, the boy said
(09:34):
and rushed out the door. Anothersatisfied customer. He was
barely out the door when Merrillentered. Merrill, the
bureaucrat, tall plain faceddull hair, and somehow boring
(09:55):
and featureless black trenchcoat and dark sunglasses and
appear Since that was almost anon appearance, a man you only
thought you saw. He approachedthe counter with confidence in
the smirk that crawled under myskin. Hello Merrill. Behind him,
the door being bombed andanother unknowing adventure came
(10:18):
closer to his destiny. A teenageboy. Not from the city. flannel
and jeans long uncombed hair.
Hello, adore rich. Up to yourold tricks again. I
see Merrill said tricks whattricks I asked behind Merrill a
TV popped to life right in frontof the Biff landlord youth, his
(10:41):
eyes locked on the screen. In aninstant he forgot whatever
trivialities had occupied hislife before this fateful moment.
The entire width of the 42 inchmonitor was consumed by the
image of sky Admiral Angus cloudcleaver.
Red alert, Red Alert, the evildinky crowds have invaded the
(11:03):
galactic colonies, all pilotsthat are starfighter. This means
you
just outside the bounds of lightcame down and shown on a plastic
quarter operated amusement ridemolded in the shape of a rocket
ship. What tricks mineral turnedfrom the boy in his Starfighter
to me?
(11:25):
Come on at all rich. Do wereally have to play this game?
My eyes were still in the boywhose eyes were flashing between
the ride the TV and the two ofus at the counter. The TV was
looping its message over andover again now. short blasts of
static between each of the skyadmirals alerts when I caught
(11:46):
the boy's eyes, chin in thedirection of the amusement ride,
encouraging him on. They allneeded an extra push from time
to time.
A door edge,
Merrill, we both know that I'mtoo old to change my ways. I've
been around this globe for toolong. I'm not like these brave
(12:09):
hearted souls that come to me.They're just beginning their
journeys that will shape anddevelop them me. I've had my
Ark. I've fixed my beliefs.
Stop. You've been warned.reprimanded fined and
sanctioned. The next step is toshut you down and bring you in.
(12:29):
Is that what you want?
blather rings I've heard it allbefore and none of it interested
me. My eyes were still in theboy and waited for his decision.
When I saw his confusion, beatout his curiosity and drive his
feet through the door and awayfrom the quarter operated
amusement ride. My shoulderslouched inside Why are you here
(12:54):
Meryl?
Haven't you been listening to aword I've said? I'm here to shut
you down a doll rich. I promisedthe council that come here and
find you abiding by the terms ofyour probation that you learned
your lesson that you only issueabout adventure by the approved
means. books, movies, storiesplanted inside their minds by
hypnotic suggestion. You knowhow the rest of us do it. But
(13:18):
here you are quest giving againlike a bearded old wizard they
need it was all I said all Ifelt I needed to say
it's dangerous a doll rich.There's a boy out there swinging
a katana at ravenous monsters inthe street. Right outside your
store.
I leaned an ear towards thefront of the shop. Of course
(13:40):
there was the quiet ambientsounds of guitars, guitars and
shamisen playing peaceful in thestore but now that he mentioned
it I did hear the distant soundsof screams of growling beast
clanging of steel in the windpolice sirens in the distance a
shrug? Someone had to kill thosemonsters
$1 Rich there were no monstersuntil you issued them out. Just
(14:04):
like there were no kidnapmayor's daughters and no
invading Zika cones until youcreated them. You're causing all
this and a lot of people arenoticing
sometimes I create evil for themto defeat sometimes I send them
against pre existing evil sowhat I shrugged
So what So last time I broughtyou in you signed an affidavit
(14:26):
specifically stating you'd stopcreating real life dangers for
susceptible frail humans likethese wonders and vagabonds come
strolling through your door.Fiction adore rich. You signed
the affidavit swearing you weregoing to stick with fiction. And
now I come here to see thisnonsense. And there's no way I
can hide this. No way I cancover it up or brushed under the
rug. You he stopped. What?
(14:48):
I held up a finger long and thinof flesh but thick of knuckle.
What is that supposed to mean?It means nothing but I have to
correct You the term you'relooking for is heroes.
Heroes. When did I ever sayanything about
(15:10):
susceptible, frail humans?Wonders, vagabonds, that's what
you called them. But the termyou're looking for, is here
rows. Behind Merrill's back, theyoung man in the flannel crept
back into view. Just outside theglass storefront, he on the
(15:33):
left, the quarter operatedStarfighter on the right. Ever
so slowly, he stepped closer tothe fighter.
And what happens when one ofyour heroes gets killed?
I didn't mean to roll my eyes.It was just this was so
tiresome. I give them extralives Merrill. Frustrated, he
(15:56):
tried another attack fromanother front.
They didn't ask for you tointerfere in the life they had.
They come in the shop to lookfor a cheap deal to make a few
quick bucks to waste time tosift through the debris of other
safe terrestrial lives. Not tobe sent on some wild goose chase
by a crazed old man
(16:18):
and you approve of that sort oflife. I took my eyes off the
youth outside and fix them onmarrow of common lives lived
commonly of time wasted lookingfor cheap deals or swapping
stolen goods for worthless papermoney. If that's what you'd like
for yourself, I have all themoney you can carry. I popped
(16:41):
open the register and beganshoveling Dollars and Euros and
pesos and denarii and yen outonto the counter. Here. Take it
if this is what our lives amountto I should consider mind
fulfilled. And you shouldconsider yourself lucky to have
come in today.
Quit that adore rich. Quit. Quitthis money.
(17:04):
Merrill shoved all the billsmounting on the counter. I kept
shoveling some of it spilledover onto the floor some of it
he managed to grab and
throw back at me stop thisinsanity right now.
I slammed my fist through themoney and against the display
case. Before my fist met glassevery scrap of money vanished
(17:25):
from the floor to counter toregister and pushing by currency
the glass cracked my eyes lockedon Merrill's this world has been
without true adventurers for toolong and you know it. It is
decaying their souls they lumberabout with no mission or purpose
without pride or perspective.They are gorged with money and
(17:50):
wealth and peace and pacified bypoor electronic simulations. But
they have never tasted the onefood that will truly make them
whole the meal that will feedtheir spirits and banish the
likes of you back from whenceyou came. They have never tasted
true adventure.
(18:10):
And they never will. Not whileI'm here. There's a cost to the
product you sell. And it's gotnothing to do with money. Pain,
misery, destruction, loss oflife. You call them out of the
norm like the crooked pawnbrokeryou pretend to be. You think
you're so noble but look around.You think it's all a fast Sade.
(18:31):
But this is exactly who you are.An old man hocking broken goods
to broken people.
So leave me be I enjoy beingthis old man Hawking these old
ideas of danger and far offdestinations. If I'm an obsolete
relic of time long forgotten,then forget me. Leave me to the
waistband of legend.
(18:54):
And what about this,
Meryl half turned and stretcheda poem out to the youth of the
Starfighter, the boy climbedinside. And as he did, the craft
grew around him. A poly CarbonAlloy airframe unsheath around
the plastic molding of thechild's ride. A canopy
highlighted with laser greenelectronic readout slide over
(19:18):
his head and sealed him inside.He strapped into the flight
harness and began flickingswitches like he was born to
fight the Ziqi Crohns thrustersfired and rumbled to life
against the sidewalk. Launch int minus five.
What am I supposed to do aboutthis?
(19:40):
Nothing for we're clear of theblast area free but I would
avert your eyes to the ionthrusters are rather bright one.
Smoke consumed the star fightera moment before it punched
spaceward and out of theatmosphere in On supernova
(20:01):
bright flash, we were leftdeafened by the roar and blinded
by the blaze. The exhaust cloudchoked to the entire street and
blocked any view beyond the shopwindows.
That's it. It's alright, that'sthe last straw. Merrill pointed
a finger at me. We've known eachother for a long time, and I've
(20:21):
given you more than ampleopportunity to change your ways.
But you've worn out my patience.I'm taking you in the
cloud outside the shop was slowto dissipate. It hung there like
a thick fog in through it. Forshort, humanoid shapes began to
take form. Okay, I'll goquietly. I said to Meryl stuck
(20:44):
out both wrists ready to becuffed. But before we go, answer
me this. Do you really think I'mthe only one who still has a
taste for pitfalls and perilousjourneys, for heroism? For
adventure? Do you really thinkI'm the last quest giver?
(21:11):
Don't be so proud of yourself.Your kind are a dime a dozen.
Merrill said and went aboutfishing handcuffs out of his
back pocket. He slapped one cuffon to a wrist. And who do you
think us quest givers sin ouradventurers out to protect?
Don't you think we have eachother's backs? Who Merrill down
(21:35):
here on this terrestrial planeas your back the pawn shop door
being inbound Merrill turned.The cloud had been enough to
show us for young humansilhouettes and the familiar
outline of BMX bikes leaningagainst the windows. As the
(21:56):
first boy entered smoke from theion thrusters rolled in with him
and his crew. Another boyfollowed he with a flashlight
and bandana tied around hishead. The third member was a
girl with a ponytail and aslingshot at arm's length. The
fourth held an ancient timeyellowed map.
(22:18):
Yes, sure this is the rightplace.
The first boy said.
I'm sure the mat leads righthere.
The last answered his eyes neverleaving the sand colored sheet
of parchment to the lair of theman in black flashlight boy said
slingshot girls stepped aroundhim and pulled the rubber bands
(22:39):
of her weapon taught.
We've come a long ways for youMeryl. We're gonna send you back
from whence you came
down to see Merrill. I smiled athim. I just send out the call to
adventure. They're the ones whoanswered
(23:07):
our second story the new Godcomes to us from lol Asher lol
Asher lives in Dallas, Georgiaand works in quality assurance
at a large blood donationmanufacturer. lol is a member of
Sigma Tau Delta and haspublished short stories with
money Zimba House Publishingbewildering stories cast about
art and literature the RavenChronicles, Blue Moon rising
(23:30):
things in the wall Fantasiadivining publishing bending
genres writers club and theSignet ll has a bachelor's
degree in psychology and iscurrently working on a second
degree in English with aconcentration in writing.
Helping me tell this tale orNicole Good night voice actor
Narrator forever locked away theno sleep podcast dungeon. She
(23:50):
does speed runs of The Lion Kingfor Super Nintendo and Genesis
over on Twitch, Mandy Wong whowas also in our first story.
Thanks Mandy for pulling doubleduty on this episode Phaedra
metus my amazing wife of 16years and we've never had a
fight without further ado, thenew God by L L Asher.
(24:22):
Not today mom Octavia isn't
well Antonia said into the phoneas she bounced her crying
daughter
constipated.
I think tinting worshipsimportant, dear. It's not just
12 Gods anymore.
My mother's voice said throughAntonia's earpiece. You need to
praise all 85 of them. BabyOctavia needs all their
blessings.
(24:42):
There's 97 now and don't worry,I downloaded the worship now app
and sacrifice lamps for abouthalf this week. My paycheck will
have to clear before I canafford sacrifice anymore.
She turned on the TV setting hergroaning baby on the floor. Her
phone buzzed and she glanced atthe notifications
blessings received vanguard ofhealth six blessings received
(25:03):
from God of love three.
Welcome to Channel Two Romannews
reporter said from thetelevision, sitting next to a
man four times her size, he helda great platter, his skin
glittering and casting goldenlight across the reporter's
face.
I'm here with the newest Romangod Raha thanks so much for
(25:24):
joining us.
God flicked the grape into theair and caught it in his mouth.
Antonius phone buzzed withanother notification.
New God added. Mr. Rohit, if Imay ask. We've seen quite an
influx of Gods over the past fewdecades. How does one become a
god? And how is it decided whatyou'll be God
(25:46):
lifted an eyebrow? If none ofthe others told you he erupted
into a roaring fit of laughtershit. He slapped his thigh
laughing harder. The reporterlooked at the camera with a half
smile. You know what? I don'tgive a shit. I'll tell you.
Where Martians Antonia droppedher phone. Yeah, he nodded dead
(26:09):
ones. When we die. We become thegods of the other worlds.
Actual Martians from Mars.
dead aliens yet baru. He poppedanother grave. Wait. Antonia
leaned forward, squinting at thescreen. Those are prunes. We're
(26:31):
going through a mass extinction.Hence the influx.
But Mars is void of life.
The reporter said she looked offcamera and mouth, right? It's a
time continuum thing. Humans aretoo stupid to understand. But
(26:54):
really the Olympus Mons on Marsthe peak of the solar system, he
tapped the top of the reporter'shead with his glimmering index
finger. We live on Mount Olympusconnect the dots. The reporter
glanced at her notes.
Let's move on. How does thedivine power work?
(27:17):
Raha clear his throat? The waywe died? contributes the
reporter's face contorted.
So you
died and boop Yes. drowned in itan unforeseen sewage mishap.
Rojas eyes drifted quitepainful. Antonia grimaced, then
(27:39):
looked at Octavia screaming redface. She picked up her phone
and click the notification.
real hot god of fecal excrementadded to list of Roman gods
would you like to send asacrifice?
Octavia screamed her faceturning purple Antonia selected
to sacrifice a pig and then tapSubmit. rihards eyes snapped to
(28:04):
the screen. Octavia giggled, anda stench plume around Antonia as
her daughter's diaper filledwith squishy heat.
(28:26):
As mentioned earlier, meet USmedia has a new show coming
soon. Fun Fact Friday is thebrainchild of my child. Lila
wanted to make a show where wetell fun facts about various
topics and discuss them therewill be an accompanying blog and
new episodes will be releasedeach Friday starting Friday, May
22 2020 Our theme music comes tous from odd Sprite, you can
(28:47):
catch more of their work at oddsprite.com If you're interested
in supporting the show, justhead over to me this pod.com and
click the donations link. Allmoney goes to making the show
better. Me this pod is releasedunder a Creative Commons
Attribution non commercial noderivatives license. That means
you can share it all you likejust don't change it or sell it.
We'll see you next time folks.Have a good one.
Hello and welcome to this podepisode 11. I'm your host D
Mitas. Our first story for thisepisode is the quest giver by
Joe ProSet. Joe ProSet write scifi, horror and psycho fiction.
He has been previously publishedin Chatwood magazine, the no
sleep podcast and athletic realmmagazine. He lives with his wife
and kids in the Brainerd Lakesarea of northern Minnesota. If
(00:33):
you're an adept stalker, and youcan find him at one of the many
lakes and rivers or lost deepinside the Great North Woods, or
you can just find them on theinternet at Joe proz.com or on
Twitter at Joe ProSet. Helpingme tell this tale we have a full
cast, starting with ElijahMoore, an actor based out of
Chapel Hill, North Carolina hecan currently be seen on CW is
(00:55):
legacies. He likes puzzles longwalks on the beach and treating
podcast BIOS as his own personaldating site. Mandy Wong, a Japan
based voice actor whospecializes in character voice
work. She loves collaboratingwith creatives to help bring
their stories to life. We're notbehind the mic, she can be found
with her nose in a novel goingon a foodie travel adventure or
(01:15):
fawning over fluffy bees. Youcan also hear her as Melissa
inside fictions casual magicsMichael Blakey, voice actor,
musician, human, he writes songsand brings messages to life with
his voice, and Missouri boy whowants the people the world to
just be nicer to each other.Angelo Toledo a 20 Something
(01:35):
voice actor undergoing collegefor the second time, he's also
the author of a poetry booktitled binding blindness. Lila
metus. My daughter and co hostof me this media is new show Fun
Fact Friday, coming soon to apodcatcher near you. And last
but not least, we have XMRVChris, all of our actors and
authors links will be in theshow notes without further ado,
(01:55):
the quest giver by Joe ProSet.
It's dangerous to go alone. Takethis. The kid and he was just a
(02:16):
kid, too young to be called aman looked funny had the long
steel blade resting in my openpoems. What is it? Now the head
for smart's this one? He had anunblemished face and youthful
beauty. All his days spentmaturing and none aging. Oh yes,
he was going to need a weaponwhere he was going. The Last
(02:39):
Blade handcrafted by Masterswordsmith Masamune at his forge
high atop the mountains of mistcareful. Its honed to a razor's
edge in case the monsters havethick hides thick hides.
Listen, mister, I'm not hackingat anybody when those sword
so petulant, so certain of hispurpose in the world, or rather,
(03:04):
lack thereof. Apparently, Ineeded to speak more slowly. You
clearly don't have a handle onthe situation in which you find
yourself. I said. It's dangerousto go alone.
Nah, no, thanks, man. I thinkyou're dangerous.
(03:25):
He said Well stepping away. Whenhe had backed far enough to bump
into the glass door of the pawnshop. He smirked later weirdo
and then pushed open the doorslipped out and was gone. Yes.
I'll be seeing you againshortly. When the boy left the
pawn shop fell quiet once again.Ambient Music blinked on Twain
(03:49):
from invisible speakers onlyaudible when everything else was
not. I sighed and slipped thesword rack under the counter.
He'd be back. May came here tohock car stereos and buy used
guitars that would make themstars and their dreams but in
reality would sit unpracticed inthe corners of their rooms. They
(04:12):
came in with petty desires andunmotivated dreams but left with
so much more. I have to admitwhen the phone rang, It startled
me, if only for a moment. Onlyafter I answered that I realize
how boring this conversationwould be. Merrill how good to
(04:36):
hear from you. I said afterrecognizing His voice. He droned
on with his usual complaints andthreats never changing his tune
this one. Of course you'realways welcome in my humble
place of business come down anytime. His voice continued even
as I pulled the receiver awayfrom my ear and didn't stop
(05:00):
until I set it back in hiscradle. Merrill believed nothing
in life was more important thanhis rules and regulations. My
time was best spent on otherthings. And speaking of the
front doors, electric chime,Bing Bing Bong, and another
character entered the pawn shop.This one was a girl, big hair,
(05:24):
vapid smile short skirt, a suitcoat with big shoulder pads. She
strolled to the center of thepawn shop like a models runway.
She stopped in the middle of allof the used electronics and old
romance novels tossed her hairand winked at me. I nodded back.
(05:47):
She showed no reaction. A fewseconds later, she tossed her
hair again, flipping it backwith her fingers and followed it
with another wing. A non playercharacter, cliched, but on cue.
And just as timely, anotherunwitting hero appeared to the
(06:07):
front door. This one also a girlbut not so designed and
polished. This one more soakedin her own idiosyncrasies her
hair undone shoes untied eyesshe kept to herself and cast
downward whenever not stealingglances sideways. She wore
(06:27):
enough black to be a villain,but I knew better. She moved to
a selection of old DSL camerasand lenses. The non player
character did her best just showthe new girl how well she could
flip her hair and wink. The girlby the cameras didn't notice.
But when the three oversizedbrutes shoved their way through
(06:49):
the door, their crunchingfootsteps drowning out the Bing
Bong Bell. The girl by thecameras looked up. Perhaps she
had potential after all. Thethree brutes ignored her and
moved to the winker and hairflipper. One quick uppercut to
the gut and she crumbled over.The mute brute caught her before
(07:13):
she had a chance to fall to thelinoleum. He slung her over his
wide muscular shoulders like asack of potatoes. And once they
had her, the three about phasedand stretch it back out the door
having not said a word. The girlby the cameras her eyes wide and
alert now stabbed out from underthe overhanging bangs. Her back
(07:38):
pressed against the shelves,Jesus Christ. She said as soon
as the non player characterswere gone. Quick. They've taken
the mayor's daughter. I said toher, the girl said to me,
aren't you going to call thecops
after them? They have themayor's daughter, I said,
emoting as much as I could
forget that old man and callingthe cops and getting the hell
(08:01):
out of here, she said,
dug out her cell phone and fledto the exit. I watched her go
out the door and check up anddown the sidewalk. She took a
step in the opposite directionof the brutes and kidnapped
girl, then doubled back andbroke into a sprint after them.
The boy who would go alone todangerous places, nearly knocked
(08:25):
into her as he came back intothe pawn shop. His face was
pale, his eyes electric, howmuch he hurried me how much for
the sword, as if the weapon hadnever left my hands. I raised my
palms above the counter anddisplayed masa moons last work
of art to the boy. It'sdangerous to go alone. Take
(08:49):
this. Yeah, you said it.
How much?
No charge, but do not dawdleadventure awaits. I told him,
and this time he listened. Theboy snatched the blade and held
it aloft for just one frozenmoment. From the measure of
still time, the steel emitted anunearthly gleam, and sung like a
(09:11):
tight violin string. When themoment had passed, he looked
only slightly more bewilderedthan he had been when he first
returned to the shop. But hedidn't let that second of
sentience betrayal distract him.He brought the hilt of the
weapon down to his solar plexus.Thanks, old man, the boy said
(09:34):
and rushed out the door. Anothersatisfied customer. He was
barely out the door when Merrillentered. Merrill, the
bureaucrat, tall plain faceddull hair, and somehow boring
(09:55):
and featureless black trenchcoat and dark sunglasses and
appear Since that was almost anon appearance, a man you only
thought you saw. He approachedthe counter with confidence in
the smirk that crawled under myskin. Hello Merrill. Behind him,
the door being bombed andanother unknowing adventure came
(10:18):
closer to his destiny. A teenageboy. Not from the city. flannel
and jeans long uncombed hair.
Hello, adore rich. Up to yourold tricks again. I
see Merrill said tricks whattricks I asked behind Merrill a
TV popped to life right in frontof the Biff landlord youth, his
(10:41):
eyes locked on the screen. In aninstant he forgot whatever
trivialities had occupied hislife before this fateful moment.
The entire width of the 42 inchmonitor was consumed by the
image of sky Admiral Angus cloudcleaver.
Red alert, Red Alert, the evildinky crowds have invaded the
(11:03):
galactic colonies, all pilotsthat are starfighter. This means
you
just outside the bounds of lightcame down and shown on a plastic
quarter operated amusement ridemolded in the shape of a rocket
ship. What tricks mineral turnedfrom the boy in his Starfighter
to me?
(11:25):
Come on at all rich. Do wereally have to play this game?
My eyes were still in the boywhose eyes were flashing between
the ride the TV and the two ofus at the counter. The TV was
looping its message over andover again now. short blasts of
static between each of the skyadmirals alerts when I caught
(11:46):
the boy's eyes, chin in thedirection of the amusement ride,
encouraging him on. They allneeded an extra push from time
to time.
A door edge,
Merrill, we both know that I'mtoo old to change my ways. I've
been around this globe for toolong. I'm not like these brave
(12:09):
hearted souls that come to me.They're just beginning their
journeys that will shape anddevelop them me. I've had my
Ark. I've fixed my beliefs.
Stop. You've been warned.reprimanded fined and
sanctioned. The next step is toshut you down and bring you in.
(12:29):
Is that what you want?
blather rings I've heard it allbefore and none of it interested
me. My eyes were still in theboy and waited for his decision.
When I saw his confusion, beatout his curiosity and drive his
feet through the door and awayfrom the quarter operated
amusement ride. My shoulderslouched inside Why are you here
(12:54):
Meryl?
Haven't you been listening to aword I've said? I'm here to shut
you down a doll rich. I promisedthe council that come here and
find you abiding by the terms ofyour probation that you learned
your lesson that you only issueabout adventure by the approved
means. books, movies, storiesplanted inside their minds by
hypnotic suggestion. You knowhow the rest of us do it. But
(13:18):
here you are quest giving againlike a bearded old wizard they
need it was all I said all Ifelt I needed to say
it's dangerous a doll rich.There's a boy out there swinging
a katana at ravenous monsters inthe street. Right outside your
store.
I leaned an ear towards thefront of the shop. Of course
(13:40):
there was the quiet ambientsounds of guitars, guitars and
shamisen playing peaceful in thestore but now that he mentioned
it I did hear the distant soundsof screams of growling beast
clanging of steel in the windpolice sirens in the distance a
shrug? Someone had to kill thosemonsters
$1 Rich there were no monstersuntil you issued them out. Just
(14:04):
like there were no kidnapmayor's daughters and no
invading Zika cones until youcreated them. You're causing all
this and a lot of people arenoticing
sometimes I create evil for themto defeat sometimes I send them
against pre existing evil sowhat I shrugged
So what So last time I broughtyou in you signed an affidavit
(14:26):
specifically stating you'd stopcreating real life dangers for
susceptible frail humans likethese wonders and vagabonds come
strolling through your door.Fiction adore rich. You signed
the affidavit swearing you weregoing to stick with fiction. And
now I come here to see thisnonsense. And there's no way I
can hide this. No way I cancover it up or brushed under the
rug. You he stopped. What?
(14:48):
I held up a finger long and thinof flesh but thick of knuckle.
What is that supposed to mean?It means nothing but I have to
correct You the term you'relooking for is heroes.
Heroes. When did I ever sayanything about
(15:10):
susceptible, frail humans?Wonders, vagabonds, that's what
you called them. But the termyou're looking for, is here
rows. Behind Merrill's back, theyoung man in the flannel crept
back into view. Just outside theglass storefront, he on the
(15:33):
left, the quarter operatedStarfighter on the right. Ever
so slowly, he stepped closer tothe fighter.
And what happens when one ofyour heroes gets killed?
I didn't mean to roll my eyes.It was just this was so
tiresome. I give them extralives Merrill. Frustrated, he
(15:56):
tried another attack fromanother front.
They didn't ask for you tointerfere in the life they had.
They come in the shop to lookfor a cheap deal to make a few
quick bucks to waste time tosift through the debris of other
safe terrestrial lives. Not tobe sent on some wild goose chase
by a crazed old man
(16:18):
and you approve of that sort oflife. I took my eyes off the
youth outside and fix them onmarrow of common lives lived
commonly of time wasted lookingfor cheap deals or swapping
stolen goods for worthless papermoney. If that's what you'd like
for yourself, I have all themoney you can carry. I popped
(16:41):
open the register and beganshoveling Dollars and Euros and
pesos and denarii and yen outonto the counter. Here. Take it
if this is what our lives amountto I should consider mind
fulfilled. And you shouldconsider yourself lucky to have
come in today.
Quit that adore rich. Quit. Quitthis money.
(17:04):
Merrill shoved all the billsmounting on the counter. I kept
shoveling some of it spilledover onto the floor some of it
he managed to grab and
throw back at me stop thisinsanity right now.
I slammed my fist through themoney and against the display
case. Before my fist met glassevery scrap of money vanished
(17:25):
from the floor to counter toregister and pushing by currency
the glass cracked my eyes lockedon Merrill's this world has been
without true adventurers for toolong and you know it. It is
decaying their souls they lumberabout with no mission or purpose
without pride or perspective.They are gorged with money and
(17:50):
wealth and peace and pacified bypoor electronic simulations. But
they have never tasted the onefood that will truly make them
whole the meal that will feedtheir spirits and banish the
likes of you back from whenceyou came. They have never tasted
true adventure.
(18:10):
And they never will. Not whileI'm here. There's a cost to the
product you sell. And it's gotnothing to do with money. Pain,
misery, destruction, loss oflife. You call them out of the
norm like the crooked pawnbrokeryou pretend to be. You think
you're so noble but look around.You think it's all a fast Sade.
(18:31):
But this is exactly who you are.An old man hocking broken goods
to broken people.
So leave me be I enjoy beingthis old man Hawking these old
ideas of danger and far offdestinations. If I'm an obsolete
relic of time long forgotten,then forget me. Leave me to the
waistband of legend.
(18:54):
And what about this,
Meryl half turned and stretcheda poem out to the youth of the
Starfighter, the boy climbedinside. And as he did, the craft
grew around him. A poly CarbonAlloy airframe unsheath around
the plastic molding of thechild's ride. A canopy
highlighted with laser greenelectronic readout slide over
(19:18):
his head and sealed him inside.He strapped into the flight
harness and began flickingswitches like he was born to
fight the Ziqi Crohns thrustersfired and rumbled to life
against the sidewalk. Launch int minus five.
What am I supposed to do aboutthis?
(19:40):
Nothing for we're clear of theblast area free but I would
avert your eyes to the ionthrusters are rather bright one.
Smoke consumed the star fightera moment before it punched
spaceward and out of theatmosphere in On supernova
(20:01):
bright flash, we were leftdeafened by the roar and blinded
by the blaze. The exhaust cloudchoked to the entire street and
blocked any view beyond the shopwindows.
That's it. It's alright, that'sthe last straw. Merrill pointed
a finger at me. We've known eachother for a long time, and I've
(20:21):
given you more than ampleopportunity to change your ways.
But you've worn out my patience.I'm taking you in the
cloud outside the shop was slowto dissipate. It hung there like
a thick fog in through it. Forshort, humanoid shapes began to
take form. Okay, I'll goquietly. I said to Meryl stuck
(20:44):
out both wrists ready to becuffed. But before we go, answer
me this. Do you really think I'mthe only one who still has a
taste for pitfalls and perilousjourneys, for heroism? For
adventure? Do you really thinkI'm the last quest giver?
(21:11):
Don't be so proud of yourself.Your kind are a dime a dozen.
Merrill said and went aboutfishing handcuffs out of his
back pocket. He slapped one cuffon to a wrist. And who do you
think us quest givers sin ouradventurers out to protect?
Don't you think we have eachother's backs? Who Merrill down
(21:35):
here on this terrestrial planeas your back the pawn shop door
being inbound Merrill turned.The cloud had been enough to
show us for young humansilhouettes and the familiar
outline of BMX bikes leaningagainst the windows. As the
(21:56):
first boy entered smoke from theion thrusters rolled in with him
and his crew. Another boyfollowed he with a flashlight
and bandana tied around hishead. The third member was a
girl with a ponytail and aslingshot at arm's length. The
fourth held an ancient timeyellowed map.
(22:18):
Yes, sure this is the rightplace.
The first boy said.
I'm sure the mat leads righthere.
The last answered his eyes neverleaving the sand colored sheet
of parchment to the lair of theman in black flashlight boy said
slingshot girls stepped aroundhim and pulled the rubber bands
(22:39):
of her weapon taught.
We've come a long ways for youMeryl. We're gonna send you back
from whence you came
down to see Merrill. I smiled athim. I just send out the call to
adventure. They're the ones whoanswered
(23:07):
our second story the new Godcomes to us from lol Asher lol
Asher lives in Dallas, Georgiaand works in quality assurance
at a large blood donationmanufacturer. lol is a member of
Sigma Tau Delta and haspublished short stories with
money Zimba House Publishingbewildering stories cast about
art and literature the RavenChronicles, Blue Moon rising
(23:30):
things in the wall Fantasiadivining publishing bending
genres writers club and theSignet ll has a bachelor's
degree in psychology and iscurrently working on a second
degree in English with aconcentration in writing.
Helping me tell this tale orNicole Good night voice actor
Narrator forever locked away theno sleep podcast dungeon. She
(23:50):
does speed runs of The Lion Kingfor Super Nintendo and Genesis
over on Twitch, Mandy Wong whowas also in our first story.
Thanks Mandy for pulling doubleduty on this episode Phaedra
metus my amazing wife of 16years and we've never had a
fight without further ado, thenew God by L L Asher.
(24:22):
Not today mom Octavia isn't
well Antonia said into the phoneas she bounced her crying
daughter
constipated.
I think tinting worshipsimportant, dear. It's not just
12 Gods anymore.
My mother's voice said throughAntonia's earpiece. You need to
praise all 85 of them. BabyOctavia needs all their
blessings.
(24:42):
There's 97 now and don't worry,I downloaded the worship now app
and sacrifice lamps for abouthalf this week. My paycheck will
have to clear before I canafford sacrifice anymore.
She turned on the TV setting hergroaning baby on the floor. Her
phone buzzed and she glanced atthe notifications
blessings received vanguard ofhealth six blessings received
(25:03):
from God of love three.
Welcome to Channel Two Romannews
reporter said from thetelevision, sitting next to a
man four times her size, he helda great platter, his skin
glittering and casting goldenlight across the reporter's
face.
I'm here with the newest Romangod Raha thanks so much for
(25:24):
joining us.
God flicked the grape into theair and caught it in his mouth.
Antonius phone buzzed withanother notification.
New God added. Mr. Rohit, if Imay ask. We've seen quite an
influx of Gods over the past fewdecades. How does one become a
god? And how is it decided whatyou'll be God
(25:46):
lifted an eyebrow? If none ofthe others told you he erupted
into a roaring fit of laughtershit. He slapped his thigh
laughing harder. The reporterlooked at the camera with a half
smile. You know what? I don'tgive a shit. I'll tell you.
Where Martians Antonia droppedher phone. Yeah, he nodded dead
(26:09):
ones. When we die. We become thegods of the other worlds.
Actual Martians from Mars.
dead aliens yet baru. He poppedanother grave. Wait. Antonia
leaned forward, squinting at thescreen. Those are prunes. We're
(26:31):
going through a mass extinction.Hence the influx.
But Mars is void of life.
The reporter said she looked offcamera and mouth, right? It's a
time continuum thing. Humans aretoo stupid to understand. But
(26:54):
really the Olympus Mons on Marsthe peak of the solar system, he
tapped the top of the reporter'shead with his glimmering index
finger. We live on Mount Olympusconnect the dots. The reporter
glanced at her notes.
Let's move on. How does thedivine power work?
(27:17):
Raha clear his throat? The waywe died? contributes the
reporter's face contorted.
So you
died and boop Yes. drowned in itan unforeseen sewage mishap.
Rojas eyes drifted quitepainful. Antonia grimaced, then
(27:39):
looked at Octavia screaming redface. She picked up her phone
and click the notification.
real hot god of fecal excrementadded to list of Roman gods
would you like to send asacrifice?
Octavia screamed her faceturning purple Antonia selected
to sacrifice a pig and then tapSubmit. rihards eyes snapped to
(28:04):
the screen. Octavia giggled, anda stench plume around Antonia as
her daughter's diaper filledwith squishy heat.
(28:26):
As mentioned earlier, meet USmedia has a new show coming
soon. Fun Fact Friday is thebrainchild of my child. Lila
wanted to make a show where wetell fun facts about various
topics and discuss them therewill be an accompanying blog and
new episodes will be releasedeach Friday starting Friday, May
22 2020 Our theme music comes tous from odd Sprite, you can
(28:47):
catch more of their work at oddsprite.com If you're interested
in supporting the show, justhead over to me this pod.com and
click the donations link. Allmoney goes to making the show
better. Me this pod is releasedunder a Creative Commons
Attribution non commercial noderivatives license. That means
you can share it all you likejust don't change it or sell it.
We'll see you next time folks.Have a good one.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com