May 29, 2021 • 21 mins
"It's My Funeral" by Paulene Turner
A young man finds out a lot about his life, just a little too late.
Author
Paulene Turner - pauleneturnerwrites.com
Cast
Griffin: Andy Wells - andywells.com
Angel: Elisa Riddington - elisariddington.com
Mum: Jo Maunsell - jomaunsell.com
Vera: Cecelia Ramsdale - ceceliaramsdalevoice.com
Woman 1/Cherie: Cassie Aldridge - linkedin
Woman 2: Celeste Notley-Smith - linkedin
Olivia: Kali Newcomb - kalinewcomb.com
Ginette: Lucy Holmes - lucyholmes.com
Lucien: Brett Carroll - itsoundslikebrett.com.au
Ruby: Rhiannon Bateman - hshowcast.com.au
Tom/Dad: Thomas G Burt - thomasgburt.com
Music
Into the Unknown by Oddsprite
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
Hello and welcome to meters podepisode 15. I'm your host D
Mitas. For this episode we'rebringing you it's my funeral
from Pauline Pauline her as awriter of short stories, short
plays and novels. She's a formerSydney journalist currently
writing a series of young adultbooks involving time travel.
(00:30):
That sounds right up my alley.She lives in Sydney with her
husband, her twin daughters andtwin pugs. You can find more of
her short stories on ourwebsite, Pauling Turner
writes.com. That's Pauline withan E. There'll be a link in the
show notes. Telling this talewill be Andy wells. Eliza
(00:51):
Reddington Jo monsell CeciliaRamsdale Thomas G. Burt. Cassie
Aldridge. Celeste Notley Smith,Callie Newcomb, Lucy homes.
Brett Carol, and RhiannonBateman. There'll be links in
the show notes to each of ouractors as well as the author.
Just visit Munis pod.com Withoutfurther ado, here's our story
(01:35):
Oh, man, that was the mother ofall nights out. What a headache.
I can't remember much about it.Must have been a great night.
But where am I? In a place withdark carpets? velvety wallpaper,
fussy gold mirrors. Some woman'shouse I suppose. A sexy baby who
whisked me back to her place fora nightcap and I've game of hide
(01:57):
the sausage. was at the surferchick from Bondi and the Bailey
their bikini. Talk about hot andthe way she wrote those waves. A
bit of fun to mirror to see howbad I look and whether I need a
shower. Tanja hate it when thegirl gets a first peek at you in
the daylight and throws up.That's weird. A trick mirror
(02:17):
that shows everything in theroom, but not your reflection.
Cool. This girl has a sense ofhumor. I'm wearing blue board
shorts, but I can't see my shirtanywhere. We must have gone
partying straight from the beachor cracked open the icebox on
the sand and got stuck in early.Sweet. And it would explain why
I don't remember much. I can'twait for Tom to tell me what
(02:39):
happened. I'm scratching my headtrying to guess which one of the
three closed doors might be thebathroom when an older woman in
a black suit barrels passfollowed by of all people mum
and dad to say I'm shockeddoesn't come close. Who wants to
be caught by their parents insitu in flagrante, as Tom would
say he's a wanker with words butnot a bad blog for a lawyer.
(03:03):
Mom, Dad, I say they ignore meand follow the woman through the
left door. Must be bad when yourparents won't speak to you. I
can't help grinning at 29 Ithought I was slowing down
getting old and boring. Good toknow. I'm still a party animal
who can still gross his parentsout. I wonder who the lucky lady
was not that old girl was it? Isthat one my parents look grim.
(03:25):
She'd be 50 If she's a day stillwouldn't say no to all that
experience. Another woman walksby mid 20s Pale blond hair and
wispy white dress carrying aclipboard. And when she smiles
she has a real twinkle going on.That must be my girl. I grin and
wink, though I have absolutelyno memory of her. But how on
earth could anyone forget asmokin babe like that? Blondie
(03:48):
heads into the room with theothers and signals me to join
them be weird but where shegoes, I can't help but follow
who? We we're in an office withserious furniture and a framed
embroidery reading. Love neverdies. The old woman Vera,
according to her nametag talksin low tones. My parents not and
listen, Mom sniffles she seemsupset about something. Mom,
(04:11):
what's wrong? Hot Stuff touchesa finger at her lips.
How can I make a decision likethis? says Mum, it's too much.
There are three plots available,says Vera
passing some papers to dad.
One has an ocean view. That'sthe premium option.
We want that one says MumGriffin loved the beach. Is she
(04:35):
buying me some land with a viewof Bondi what a generous mum,
the woman in white scribblesomething on a clipboard and
smiles at me. She's impressed. Ican tell all that love and
generosity who wouldn't be
why does he need a view says Dadwhat's the budget option? It's a
very nice
plot says Vera squinting throughbusiness under a
note tree next to a gentlemanwho was a father of three
(05:00):
divorced and she clears herthroat am a serial killer. My
boy can't risk next to a serial
killer, says mom. He was a crimereporter says Dad, he'd probably
find it exciting. We'll take it.
We've got an opening for afuneral tomorrow at 4pm says
(05:21):
Vera Does that suit
funeral. Mom Dad who died
Don't look at me but the blondedoes and shakes her head in that
get with the program why so manygirls have done during my
lifetime? Lifetime, which itseems is at an end. After
(05:43):
breathing into a paper bag for afull five minutes I gasp so I'm
dead. The ghost but how? Lasttime I looked. I was in great
shape. Well, not bad. I wasn'tat death's door anyway. Blonde
refers to her notes.
It seems you're drowned on BondiBeach? Water. It was unusually
big sir. A girl with a verysmall bikini expressed fear
(06:07):
about entering the water. Yousaid you loved danger. And this
was nothing compared to thewaves you'd buddy served in
Hawaii.
She flicks through the pages,which is
strange as there's no record ofyou ever having been to Hawaii
are careless with the truth. Oh,a Griffin.
She asks Penn poised? Well, I'ma journalist, but I don't let
(06:29):
the truth gets in the way of agood story. I see. She makes
more notes. I'm starting to hatethe sound of her pen scraping
against the board. Can I ask whoare you?
You can call me angel.
She says short for Angelique.
Just Angel. I'm an assessmentofficer for inbetweeners.
(06:51):
Like you a tweener? What's that?Most people
clearly belong upstairs or down?But a small group Hava somewhere
around the middle. We have todecide where to put you.
Oh my fucking god. Sorry. Imean, gracious. What a
conundrum. She makes more notes.At 4pm The next day, a group of
(07:15):
about 30 people I know gatheraround a grave. Mine I suppose.
Everyone looks sad. Mum sobsinto dad's chest. Tom is glassy
eyed and quiet which is weird asI've never seen him not joking
around. Ruby my best friendsince school has a new black
dress on which looks great onher with a golden hair. Though
her face is a mess. Black EyeMakeup streaking down her cheeks
(07:38):
like a horror film Extra. I'mtouched by their motion. Angel
takes more notes. A casket sitsin the grave. It's made of
cardboard with a beach sceneprinted on it. It's actually
pretty cool. But I know becauseI wrote a story about it once
it's a cheaper option than awooden casket. Three guesses who
chose that? Does the amountspent on the funeral have any
(07:59):
bearing on my final destination?I asked Angel some. Thanks again
dad. A few family friends arehere and a girl I was dating
casually Cherie, plus a groupfrom the office. There's my
boss, Julianne who's like asecond mother to me and keeps
deodorant razors and a new shirtin her bottom drawer in case of
emergencies. There are a coupleof women I dated who gave me the
(08:21):
let's be friends treatment. Myarch rival is there to Lucien
the city reporter. The guy's atotal sleaze who lies and cheats
to get what he wants. Well, I dothat too, I suppose. But he's
worse. Once he was interviewinga grieving mother, and when she
went off to make him a coffee,He nicked a photo of her dead
daughter. It was a low act.Quite a good turnout. Says
(08:45):
Angel.
I'll add 15% Because it's aweekday.
So when it comes to funerals,size is important.
Well, of course, though, we'llpretend it's not.
And how close am I to goingupstairs?
Let's see how it goes here. Andat the week, Shelby
Tom makes a good speech about mementioning the bingo calling I
(09:07):
do at my nan's nursing home andmy literacy work with
underprivileged kids, which isreally just hanging out with
some cool kids and correctingtheir spelling occasionally.
Angel twinkles at that.Thankfully, he doesn't do his
usual top 10 Vomit stories ormentioned the naked swim at
SeaWorld at the end of highschool. As the first handful of
(09:27):
dirt is sprinkled onto thecasket and Ruby steps forward
and throws a red rose into thegrave. She looks more broken up
than I've ever seen her. Ireally wish I could console her
angel has something like alipstick tube which she points
at people. What's that?
An emotion gauge it measuresunits of genuine sadness.
(09:50):
Everyone is still in serious butmost dried cry you buggers. I
want to yell the wake is held atmy local pub. The stone crow
monbulk the entire back section,which is like a French garden.
Many of my favorite snacks arelaid out. Mushroom arancini,
calamari, pizza, zucchini fries,and there's an open bar. Can you
(10:12):
limit people to three drinksthat whispers to the barman?
They can pay for their own afterthat
angel overhears and makes notes.What you have to understand, I
say is the dad can't help beingfrugal. It's no indication of
the degree of His love oranything. It's just that he
comes from a poor family. Theywere so poor all of his school
shoes had holes in them.
(10:34):
Interesting, says Angel, thoughI'm not seeing any whole issues
in my records.
So dad made up that story tojustify being cheap for his
whole life. Seriously. Thefamily friends have a drink or
two a few nibbles and go ontheir way. But my office and
school buddies settle in for thenight. Tom sits at the bar with
(10:55):
a large vodka. Cheers, mate. Hesays raising his glass.
I'll miss your ugly mug. He mademe look good.
You too, mate. I say Tom chokeson his sip and looks around
freaked. Can you hear me? Iasked Angel.
When people have a special bone,some low level interzone
(11:15):
transmission is possible. A bitlike an echo or a breeze.
leucine hits the food table popsto Aaron cine in his mouth and
after a sneaky look around withhis lizard eyes slips a few more
in his pocket. Bloody thief. Notthat I blame him. Urine cine
here to die for our cruisearound shamelessly eavesdropping
on conversations grave. He wasthe best says one woman I dated.
(11:41):
And the worst, says the other.Like a puppy
who weaves on your carpet. He'sannoying, but you can't help
liking him.
If only he could be needed to.
Okay heard enough there. Cheriereveals her role as the Grieving
girlfriend. Griffin could havebeen the love of my life. She
(12:03):
tells the group with a dramaticsigh never know. Not a word of
it is true. The pair of usdidn't really gel. We both knew
it. Then again, though I lovewomen. And not just like that. I
have more female friends andmales. I've never really gelled
(12:25):
with anyone romantically. Notquite sure why that is or was
While angels attention iselsewhere. I do what any red
blooded male ghost would do.Check out cleavage. There's
Olivia, the office secretary andher heavenly mangoes. She's
talking to Jeanette who is amore like beach balls. perfectly
spherical. Like can't be real.When I hit into the ladies loose
(12:48):
I follow. I've always wonderedwhat goes on in there. Livia
gets out of makeup purse thesize of a brick and sets to work
with brushes, pencils andtweezers. If this is a
reincarnation deal, please Angeldon't send me back as a woman.
The cubicle door is a tad open.So I peek at Jeannette sitting
on the toilet.
I bet Lucy and makes a move onRuby tonight, says Olivia
(13:10):
really, says Jeanette pullingoff a long piece of toilet paper
and leaning forward. I steppedback some things even I don't
want to see.
Lucien has always had the hotsfor Ruby. She continues, but he
knew he didn't have a chancebefore. Because she was in love
with Griffin,
I suppose,
says Olivia. What the Ruby mybest friend since he or five was
(13:33):
in love with me. She should havesaid something to him, says
Olivia.
Just goes to show. Life's tooshort to hang about.
Back in the bar. I watch inhorror as Lucien sits down next
to Ruby. Angel hovers at myshoulder. So now you know.
She says How does it feel?
(13:55):
Like I died again. Here's theGriff says Lucien raising his
glass departed this world toosoon. Ruby has managed to stay
staunch all day, but now shebreaks down completely. Lucien
wraps his arms around her aPython embracing a deer. Can't
we stop him?
I say she has to make her owndecisions,
says Angel. Get away from her ashout in Lucien Xia. He doesn't
(14:19):
react but Ruby's brown creases.She definitely heard something.
I go over to Tom slumped at thebar. Ruby needs your help get
up. He looks around, rubs hisear and flops back.
Okay, I've seen enough time totake this to the committee
says Angel. We can't go yetRuby's about to be devoured.
(14:41):
We have a deadline here. A deadline a bit longer. You know not
following protocol will goagainst you. And with the lying,
laziness, lack ofresponsibility,
I'll take my chances after atussle over the credit card with
dad. Mum orders cappuccino foreveryone. My favorite drink? Is
(15:05):
their cappuccino upstairs. I askan angel. She snorts
would it be heaven without?
By now, Lucien has his hand onRuby's arm. Get off her. I
shout, but he doesn't blink.What can I do? Except it?
It's not your worry. Apart fromthat, well, with training, you
(15:26):
could make a small breeze. It'snot
much but Okay, show me how shetells me I have to picture a
golden tunnel between myself andthe person I want to contact and
fill it with love. Sounds a bitlike bovine excrement to me but
what the hell? I triedtransmitting to Tom, the love
things that are embarrassing. Hefeels something waves his hand
(15:48):
around as if showing a fly butdoesn't budge.
You know, Griffin is probablyinterviewing the serial killer
in the plot next to him rightnow for
the heavenly times. Lucien saysedging closer to Ruby. That guy
had great journalisticinstincts. He had no respect for
my writing. I say he'll sayanything to get what he wants.
And you wouldn't, says Angel.No, don't like this. No. Not
(16:11):
taking advantage while I wentdown. Angel raises an eyebrow
unconvinced. How are you gettinghome? Says Lucien. We could
share a cab. I'll stay with youtonight. If it'll help. Nora.
The whole room rumbles everyonelooks around.
Okay. Time's up.
Just a bit longer.
None of this is your concernanymore, Griffin. Let it go.
(16:35):
I can't. She throws her handsup. It's your funeral. If she
thinks I can walk away, turn myback on a friend in trouble. She
doesn't know me that. Well. Imay be a bit murky but more than
a bit and take things too far.Sometimes, most of the time, but
I'm not like Lucien. Some thingsI would never do. I really hope
Ruby and Tom know that about me,as I know the best and worst
(16:58):
about them. And then I have it.Of course, I know Ruby has
strengths and weaknesses. One ofwhich is that she's ticklish,
especially on the back of herneck. I stand behind her picture
a tunnel and fill it with love.It's easy because I have so much
for her. She's the first personI call when things go well or
spectacularly bad in my life.She's a worst cook than me. And
(17:22):
that's saying something. And thebravest person I know. Though
she hates the sight of blood andonce fainted when I showed her
some crime scene photos. Shebeats me in every category of
Trivial Pursuit. Except Game ofThrones. No one I dated has ever
come close. Why didn't I see itbefore? I have so much breeze to
give, but I hold it until justthe right moment as she picks up
(17:45):
her coffee, then release it in aslow steady stream. The golden
hair on the back of her neckwavers than ripples. She giggles
wildly and jerks and spills ahot coffee into loosens lap.
Fuck he says jumping up sorry,says Ruby flapping a serviette
at his groin.
waving back.
Keep the language down mightsays Tom coming over. This is
(18:08):
not the time or place. As Luceneheads to the bathroom to blow
dry his scorched crotch. Tomtakes his seat. Hey, Ruby. They
smile at each other. They'veknown one another for a long
time. But this is a new look. Aspark perhaps
for a while Griffin says Tomwill miss you mate.
He and Ruby clink mugs. And I'llmiss you. All of you. I say. But
(18:33):
especially you Ruby. Ruby putsyour mug down and looks right at
me.
Griffin is that you? She can seeme.
I reach out for her but Angelslaps my arms back and shakes
her head. Let me say one thing
I ask. No. Please, just I loveyou know,
(18:57):
Ruby stares at the spot where Iwas blinks and rubs her eyes.
I could have sworn I saw himstanding right there. In his
blue board shorts.
Tom looks around.
It probably is here. He sayshave never known him to miss a
drinking session. Griff ifyou're listening. Do you still
(19:21):
owe me 50 bucks May a hole Askyour dad for Gela.
As Angel and I exit the bar,we're no longer in my local
suburb. But on a road so wide.Its dazzling. Whoa, give a bloke
some warning. I say holding myhand up against the glare. Do
they have sunglasses in heavenand cleavage? I'll pretend I
(19:45):
didn't hear that. Angel leads meuphill towards a mass of fluffy
white clouds. Where are wegoing? Then? I asked her. She
turns to me with a smile that isanything but angelic.
Wouldn't you like to know
(20:15):
Putting the story together was alot of fun. Be sure and check
out the links in the show notesto see what else there cast an
author have been up to. Me Thisbothers me just media
production. All rights reservedunless otherwise specified. Our
music comes to us from oddsbright. You can hear more of
their work at odds bright.comHave a good one, folks, and
we'll see you next time.
Hello and welcome to meters podepisode 15. I'm your host D
Mitas. For this episode we'rebringing you it's my funeral
from Pauline Pauline her as awriter of short stories, short
plays and novels. She's a formerSydney journalist currently
writing a series of young adultbooks involving time travel.
(00:30):
That sounds right up my alley.She lives in Sydney with her
husband, her twin daughters andtwin pugs. You can find more of
her short stories on ourwebsite, Pauling Turner
writes.com. That's Pauline withan E. There'll be a link in the
show notes. Telling this talewill be Andy wells. Eliza
(00:51):
Reddington Jo monsell CeciliaRamsdale Thomas G. Burt. Cassie
Aldridge. Celeste Notley Smith,Callie Newcomb, Lucy homes.
Brett Carol, and RhiannonBateman. There'll be links in
the show notes to each of ouractors as well as the author.
Just visit Munis pod.com Withoutfurther ado, here's our story
(01:35):
Oh, man, that was the mother ofall nights out. What a headache.
I can't remember much about it.Must have been a great night.
But where am I? In a place withdark carpets? velvety wallpaper,
fussy gold mirrors. Some woman'shouse I suppose. A sexy baby who
whisked me back to her place fora nightcap and I've game of hide
(01:57):
the sausage. was at the surferchick from Bondi and the Bailey
their bikini. Talk about hot andthe way she wrote those waves. A
bit of fun to mirror to see howbad I look and whether I need a
shower. Tanja hate it when thegirl gets a first peek at you in
the daylight and throws up.That's weird. A trick mirror
(02:17):
that shows everything in theroom, but not your reflection.
Cool. This girl has a sense ofhumor. I'm wearing blue board
shorts, but I can't see my shirtanywhere. We must have gone
partying straight from the beachor cracked open the icebox on
the sand and got stuck in early.Sweet. And it would explain why
I don't remember much. I can'twait for Tom to tell me what
(02:39):
happened. I'm scratching my headtrying to guess which one of the
three closed doors might be thebathroom when an older woman in
a black suit barrels passfollowed by of all people mum
and dad to say I'm shockeddoesn't come close. Who wants to
be caught by their parents insitu in flagrante, as Tom would
say he's a wanker with words butnot a bad blog for a lawyer.
(03:03):
Mom, Dad, I say they ignore meand follow the woman through the
left door. Must be bad when yourparents won't speak to you. I
can't help grinning at 29 Ithought I was slowing down
getting old and boring. Good toknow. I'm still a party animal
who can still gross his parentsout. I wonder who the lucky lady
was not that old girl was it? Isthat one my parents look grim.
(03:25):
She'd be 50 If she's a day stillwouldn't say no to all that
experience. Another woman walksby mid 20s Pale blond hair and
wispy white dress carrying aclipboard. And when she smiles
she has a real twinkle going on.That must be my girl. I grin and
wink, though I have absolutelyno memory of her. But how on
earth could anyone forget asmokin babe like that? Blondie
(03:48):
heads into the room with theothers and signals me to join
them be weird but where shegoes, I can't help but follow
who? We we're in an office withserious furniture and a framed
embroidery reading. Love neverdies. The old woman Vera,
according to her nametag talksin low tones. My parents not and
listen, Mom sniffles she seemsupset about something. Mom,
(04:11):
what's wrong? Hot Stuff touchesa finger at her lips.
How can I make a decision likethis? says Mum, it's too much.
There are three plots available,says Vera
passing some papers to dad.
One has an ocean view. That'sthe premium option.
We want that one says MumGriffin loved the beach. Is she
(04:35):
buying me some land with a viewof Bondi what a generous mum,
the woman in white scribblesomething on a clipboard and
smiles at me. She's impressed. Ican tell all that love and
generosity who wouldn't be
why does he need a view says Dadwhat's the budget option? It's a
very nice
plot says Vera squinting throughbusiness under a
note tree next to a gentlemanwho was a father of three
(05:00):
divorced and she clears herthroat am a serial killer. My
boy can't risk next to a serial
killer, says mom. He was a crimereporter says Dad, he'd probably
find it exciting. We'll take it.
We've got an opening for afuneral tomorrow at 4pm says
(05:21):
Vera Does that suit
funeral. Mom Dad who died
Don't look at me but the blondedoes and shakes her head in that
get with the program why so manygirls have done during my
lifetime? Lifetime, which itseems is at an end. After
(05:43):
breathing into a paper bag for afull five minutes I gasp so I'm
dead. The ghost but how? Lasttime I looked. I was in great
shape. Well, not bad. I wasn'tat death's door anyway. Blonde
refers to her notes.
It seems you're drowned on BondiBeach? Water. It was unusually
big sir. A girl with a verysmall bikini expressed fear
(06:07):
about entering the water. Yousaid you loved danger. And this
was nothing compared to thewaves you'd buddy served in
Hawaii.
She flicks through the pages,which is
strange as there's no record ofyou ever having been to Hawaii
are careless with the truth. Oh,a Griffin.
She asks Penn poised? Well, I'ma journalist, but I don't let
(06:29):
the truth gets in the way of agood story. I see. She makes
more notes. I'm starting to hatethe sound of her pen scraping
against the board. Can I ask whoare you?
You can call me angel.
She says short for Angelique.
Just Angel. I'm an assessmentofficer for inbetweeners.
(06:51):
Like you a tweener? What's that?Most people
clearly belong upstairs or down?But a small group Hava somewhere
around the middle. We have todecide where to put you.
Oh my fucking god. Sorry. Imean, gracious. What a
conundrum. She makes more notes.At 4pm The next day, a group of
(07:15):
about 30 people I know gatheraround a grave. Mine I suppose.
Everyone looks sad. Mum sobsinto dad's chest. Tom is glassy
eyed and quiet which is weird asI've never seen him not joking
around. Ruby my best friendsince school has a new black
dress on which looks great onher with a golden hair. Though
her face is a mess. Black EyeMakeup streaking down her cheeks
(07:38):
like a horror film Extra. I'mtouched by their motion. Angel
takes more notes. A casket sitsin the grave. It's made of
cardboard with a beach sceneprinted on it. It's actually
pretty cool. But I know becauseI wrote a story about it once
it's a cheaper option than awooden casket. Three guesses who
chose that? Does the amountspent on the funeral have any
(07:59):
bearing on my final destination?I asked Angel some. Thanks again
dad. A few family friends arehere and a girl I was dating
casually Cherie, plus a groupfrom the office. There's my
boss, Julianne who's like asecond mother to me and keeps
deodorant razors and a new shirtin her bottom drawer in case of
emergencies. There are a coupleof women I dated who gave me the
(08:21):
let's be friends treatment. Myarch rival is there to Lucien
the city reporter. The guy's atotal sleaze who lies and cheats
to get what he wants. Well, I dothat too, I suppose. But he's
worse. Once he was interviewinga grieving mother, and when she
went off to make him a coffee,He nicked a photo of her dead
daughter. It was a low act.Quite a good turnout. Says
(08:45):
Angel.
I'll add 15% Because it's aweekday.
So when it comes to funerals,size is important.
Well, of course, though, we'llpretend it's not.
And how close am I to goingupstairs?
Let's see how it goes here. Andat the week, Shelby
Tom makes a good speech about mementioning the bingo calling I
(09:07):
do at my nan's nursing home andmy literacy work with
underprivileged kids, which isreally just hanging out with
some cool kids and correctingtheir spelling occasionally.
Angel twinkles at that.Thankfully, he doesn't do his
usual top 10 Vomit stories ormentioned the naked swim at
SeaWorld at the end of highschool. As the first handful of
(09:27):
dirt is sprinkled onto thecasket and Ruby steps forward
and throws a red rose into thegrave. She looks more broken up
than I've ever seen her. Ireally wish I could console her
angel has something like alipstick tube which she points
at people. What's that?
An emotion gauge it measuresunits of genuine sadness.
(09:50):
Everyone is still in serious butmost dried cry you buggers. I
want to yell the wake is held atmy local pub. The stone crow
monbulk the entire back section,which is like a French garden.
Many of my favorite snacks arelaid out. Mushroom arancini,
calamari, pizza, zucchini fries,and there's an open bar. Can you
(10:12):
limit people to three drinksthat whispers to the barman?
They can pay for their own afterthat
angel overhears and makes notes.What you have to understand, I
say is the dad can't help beingfrugal. It's no indication of
the degree of His love oranything. It's just that he
comes from a poor family. Theywere so poor all of his school
shoes had holes in them.
(10:34):
Interesting, says Angel, thoughI'm not seeing any whole issues
in my records.
So dad made up that story tojustify being cheap for his
whole life. Seriously. Thefamily friends have a drink or
two a few nibbles and go ontheir way. But my office and
school buddies settle in for thenight. Tom sits at the bar with
(10:55):
a large vodka. Cheers, mate. Hesays raising his glass.
I'll miss your ugly mug. He mademe look good.
You too, mate. I say Tom chokeson his sip and looks around
freaked. Can you hear me? Iasked Angel.
When people have a special bone,some low level interzone
(11:15):
transmission is possible. A bitlike an echo or a breeze.
leucine hits the food table popsto Aaron cine in his mouth and
after a sneaky look around withhis lizard eyes slips a few more
in his pocket. Bloody thief. Notthat I blame him. Urine cine
here to die for our cruisearound shamelessly eavesdropping
on conversations grave. He wasthe best says one woman I dated.
(11:41):
And the worst, says the other.Like a puppy
who weaves on your carpet. He'sannoying, but you can't help
liking him.
If only he could be needed to.
Okay heard enough there. Cheriereveals her role as the Grieving
girlfriend. Griffin could havebeen the love of my life. She
(12:03):
tells the group with a dramaticsigh never know. Not a word of
it is true. The pair of usdidn't really gel. We both knew
it. Then again, though I lovewomen. And not just like that. I
have more female friends andmales. I've never really gelled
(12:25):
with anyone romantically. Notquite sure why that is or was
While angels attention iselsewhere. I do what any red
blooded male ghost would do.Check out cleavage. There's
Olivia, the office secretary andher heavenly mangoes. She's
talking to Jeanette who is amore like beach balls. perfectly
spherical. Like can't be real.When I hit into the ladies loose
(12:48):
I follow. I've always wonderedwhat goes on in there. Livia
gets out of makeup purse thesize of a brick and sets to work
with brushes, pencils andtweezers. If this is a
reincarnation deal, please Angeldon't send me back as a woman.
The cubicle door is a tad open.So I peek at Jeannette sitting
on the toilet.
I bet Lucy and makes a move onRuby tonight, says Olivia
(13:10):
really, says Jeanette pullingoff a long piece of toilet paper
and leaning forward. I steppedback some things even I don't
want to see.
Lucien has always had the hotsfor Ruby. She continues, but he
knew he didn't have a chancebefore. Because she was in love
with Griffin,
I suppose,
says Olivia. What the Ruby mybest friend since he or five was
(13:33):
in love with me. She should havesaid something to him, says
Olivia.
Just goes to show. Life's tooshort to hang about.
Back in the bar. I watch inhorror as Lucien sits down next
to Ruby. Angel hovers at myshoulder. So now you know.
She says How does it feel?
(13:55):
Like I died again. Here's theGriff says Lucien raising his
glass departed this world toosoon. Ruby has managed to stay
staunch all day, but now shebreaks down completely. Lucien
wraps his arms around her aPython embracing a deer. Can't
we stop him?
I say she has to make her owndecisions,
says Angel. Get away from her ashout in Lucien Xia. He doesn't
(14:19):
react but Ruby's brown creases.She definitely heard something.
I go over to Tom slumped at thebar. Ruby needs your help get
up. He looks around, rubs hisear and flops back.
Okay, I've seen enough time totake this to the committee
says Angel. We can't go yetRuby's about to be devoured.
(14:41):
We have a deadline here. A deadline a bit longer. You know not
following protocol will goagainst you. And with the lying,
laziness, lack ofresponsibility,
I'll take my chances after atussle over the credit card with
dad. Mum orders cappuccino foreveryone. My favorite drink? Is
(15:05):
their cappuccino upstairs. I askan angel. She snorts
would it be heaven without?
By now, Lucien has his hand onRuby's arm. Get off her. I
shout, but he doesn't blink.What can I do? Except it?
It's not your worry. Apart fromthat, well, with training, you
(15:26):
could make a small breeze. It'snot
much but Okay, show me how shetells me I have to picture a
golden tunnel between myself andthe person I want to contact and
fill it with love. Sounds a bitlike bovine excrement to me but
what the hell? I triedtransmitting to Tom, the love
things that are embarrassing. Hefeels something waves his hand
(15:48):
around as if showing a fly butdoesn't budge.
You know, Griffin is probablyinterviewing the serial killer
in the plot next to him rightnow for
the heavenly times. Lucien saysedging closer to Ruby. That guy
had great journalisticinstincts. He had no respect for
my writing. I say he'll sayanything to get what he wants.
And you wouldn't, says Angel.No, don't like this. No. Not
(16:11):
taking advantage while I wentdown. Angel raises an eyebrow
unconvinced. How are you gettinghome? Says Lucien. We could
share a cab. I'll stay with youtonight. If it'll help. Nora.
The whole room rumbles everyonelooks around.
Okay. Time's up.
Just a bit longer.
None of this is your concernanymore, Griffin. Let it go.
(16:35):
I can't. She throws her handsup. It's your funeral. If she
thinks I can walk away, turn myback on a friend in trouble. She
doesn't know me that. Well. Imay be a bit murky but more than
a bit and take things too far.Sometimes, most of the time, but
I'm not like Lucien. Some thingsI would never do. I really hope
Ruby and Tom know that about me,as I know the best and worst
(16:58):
about them. And then I have it.Of course, I know Ruby has
strengths and weaknesses. One ofwhich is that she's ticklish,
especially on the back of herneck. I stand behind her picture
a tunnel and fill it with love.It's easy because I have so much
for her. She's the first personI call when things go well or
spectacularly bad in my life.She's a worst cook than me. And
(17:22):
that's saying something. And thebravest person I know. Though
she hates the sight of blood andonce fainted when I showed her
some crime scene photos. Shebeats me in every category of
Trivial Pursuit. Except Game ofThrones. No one I dated has ever
come close. Why didn't I see itbefore? I have so much breeze to
give, but I hold it until justthe right moment as she picks up
(17:45):
her coffee, then release it in aslow steady stream. The golden
hair on the back of her neckwavers than ripples. She giggles
wildly and jerks and spills ahot coffee into loosens lap.
Fuck he says jumping up sorry,says Ruby flapping a serviette
at his groin.
waving back.
Keep the language down mightsays Tom coming over. This is
(18:08):
not the time or place. As Luceneheads to the bathroom to blow
dry his scorched crotch. Tomtakes his seat. Hey, Ruby. They
smile at each other. They'veknown one another for a long
time. But this is a new look. Aspark perhaps
for a while Griffin says Tomwill miss you mate.
He and Ruby clink mugs. And I'llmiss you. All of you. I say. But
(18:33):
especially you Ruby. Ruby putsyour mug down and looks right at
me.
Griffin is that you? She can seeme.
I reach out for her but Angelslaps my arms back and shakes
her head. Let me say one thing
I ask. No. Please, just I loveyou know,
(18:57):
Ruby stares at the spot where Iwas blinks and rubs her eyes.
I could have sworn I saw himstanding right there. In his
blue board shorts.
Tom looks around.
It probably is here. He sayshave never known him to miss a
drinking session. Griff ifyou're listening. Do you still
(19:21):
owe me 50 bucks May a hole Askyour dad for Gela.
As Angel and I exit the bar,we're no longer in my local
suburb. But on a road so wide.Its dazzling. Whoa, give a bloke
some warning. I say holding myhand up against the glare. Do
they have sunglasses in heavenand cleavage? I'll pretend I
(19:45):
didn't hear that. Angel leads meuphill towards a mass of fluffy
white clouds. Where are wegoing? Then? I asked her. She
turns to me with a smile that isanything but angelic.
Wouldn't you like to know
(20:15):
Putting the story together was alot of fun. Be sure and check
out the links in the show notesto see what else there cast an
author have been up to. Me Thisbothers me just media
production. All rights reservedunless otherwise specified. Our
music comes to us from oddsbright. You can hear more of
their work at odds bright.comHave a good one, folks, and
we'll see you next time.
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