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May 25, 2025 49 mins

Passion isn't something to hide from or be embarrassed about—it's woven into the very fabric of our design by a God who celebrates intimacy. But what if everything our culture tells us about desire, sex, and fulfillment is backward?

When the young woman in Song of Solomon compares herself to a magnificent procession, wondering if she'll captivate her beloved's attention, she reveals a universal anxiety: Am I enough? Her beloved responds with a literary love letter, repeatedly affirming not just her general beauty but specific qualities that belong uniquely to her. The emphasis on "your" eyes, "your" lips, "your" beauty reveals something profound about God's design—true passion isn't found in endless options but in focused devotion.

Our cultural narrative insists that monogamy is the funeral procession of passion, that commitment chokes chemistry. Yet research consistently confirms what Scripture has always taught: those who wait for marriage and remain faithful report higher satisfaction emotionally, relationally, and sexually than those who don't. God isn't holding out on us—He's channeling our desire like a river between commitment's shores, making it deeper and more powerful.

Many Christians grew up with an incomplete model: withhold now to receive later. But Christ modeled something different—withhold temporarily, then give sacrificially, and finally receive abundantly. This pattern transforms marriages when both partners find their greatest joy in bringing pleasure to the other. The result isn't just better relationships, but a testimony that makes the watching world wonder what we've discovered.

Whether you need grace for past failures, renewed passion in your marriage, or simply a theology that embraces celebration, God's Word offers a better way. Join us as we explore how God's design for intimacy isn't prudish but potent—and how it points us to the One who poured out His love completely for us.

If you want to learn more about the MidTree story or connect with us, go to our website HERE or text us at 812-MID-TREE.

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey guys, it's Pastor Will here.
Just wanted to tell you howmuch we appreciate you checking
out our resources like thispodcast Did.
Wanna give you a heads up inthe event that you have little
ears around as you listen in.
Today we are gonna be talkingabout a portion of God's word
that might come across as alittle scandalous to some, and
so we will be talking aboutintimacy and a lot of the things

(00:21):
that go along with that.
So wanted to give you a littlebit of a heads up just in case
you had little ears around whileyou are listening.
With that, enjoy our time inGod's Word together.
All right, so what Shane isgoing to read is what you see on
the screen behind you, but onething that would be maybe good

(00:42):
we good, okay, that would be.
We can do another meet andgreet, if okay, we're right.
What I want you to notice is thevery first few words in verse
six, and the reason why is we'vebeen following this love story
and then, all of a sudden,there's this big switch what is
that?
Coming up from the wilderness,and then she begins describing a

(01:03):
parade with King Solomon in it.
Now why all of a sudden is thishappening Before Shane read it.
I wanted you to know this.
When it says what is that?
In the original Hebrew, thatwould have been in the female
form.
So if you're reading this forthe first time and you're a
Hebrew, you're expecting thatwhat's going to come next Is
something female, somethingfeminine, and all of a sudden

(01:28):
there's a parade with a king andsoldiers and smoke and perfume
and beauty.
Why is it that this woman allof a sudden begins looking here?
We'll talk about that in just amoment, but I wanted you to
know.
She is probably imagining whatshe thinks to be something that
is absolutely stunning andbreathtaking and beautiful, and

(01:49):
this is what she imagines whenshe thinks of that.
Shane, if you would.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
Hello.
We're reading 3, 6 through 11.
It's on page 561 in the PewBibles.
What is that coming up from thewilderness?
Like columns of smoke, perfumewith myrrh and frankincense,
with all the fragrant powders ofa merchant.
Behold is a litter of Solomon.
Around it are 60 mighty men,some of the mighty men of Israel

(02:18):
, all of them wearing swords, anexpert in war, each with a
sword at his thigh, againstterror.
By night, king Solomon madehimself a carriage from the wood
of Lebanon.
He made his post of silver, hisback of gold, his seats of
purple.
His interior was inlaid withlove by the daughters of
Jerusalem.
Go out, daughters of Zion, andlook upon King Solomon with the

(02:42):
crown with which his mothercrowned him on the day of his
wedding, on the day of thegladness of his heart.
This is the word of the Lord.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
Thank you, Shane.
Shane, I love that we got youto read the dreams of a young
lady.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
There's this lady that you got in the front office
that organized it.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
Yeah, I know, I know you mean your wife.
As we get in, I'm going to askyou to hold this picture in your
mind.
Okay, I want you to kind ofkeep this in mind, and what I
want you to note is where itends On the day of his wedding,
on the day of the gladness ofhis heart.
What if and, by the way,theologians disagree on this

(03:22):
this could be her rememberingsomething that actually happened
from when she was younger, fromwhen she was a child, and she's
remembering the most stunning,breathtaking thing that she saw.
There's also a chance that sheis imagining the day of her
wedding.
She's imagining the doorsopening and, ladies, you've been

(03:42):
here, you're married.
The doors open and you begin towalk down the aisle and
everybody stands.
Everybody doesn't stand whenthe guy walks down, they stand
when the girl walks down, youget the same music that we all
consider to be the wedding music.
What if she is thinking this issomething that's beautiful,
this is something that'sstunning, this is something that

(04:04):
arrests attention.
Will I to him?
Will I be something thatarrests his attention?
Now, I want you to take thatand I'm just gonna place it
right here.
Hold it in your mind for a fewminutes.
Why?
Because I need to tell you howwe got here so you can
appreciate it Before you walkout of those doors.

(04:25):
Or if you're a kid, these doorsand you run to play gaga ball
before you leave this room.
I feel like if we're going to dojustice to this text, we have
to recognize that God wantsevery believer to have a
theology of celebration.
I'll be honest with you I'mlamenting the fact that I didn't
think through summer vacationbecause of all of the sermons

(04:48):
that I would want all of midtree to hear out of this book,
this one is the pinnacle.
This is the one where I wouldsay I want us to be great at
this.
Now.
To get here, we have toremember where we were last week
.
Where we were last week is wehad this young woman with a
longing that she didn't know ifit was going to be filled, and

(05:10):
we talked about the fact thatthe human heart is filled with
longings that are not goinganywhere.
And even if they get filled,they get filled, but for a
moment, and then we long forsomething more, we long for
something else, we long forsomething different.
But keep this in mind Longingsin and of themselves are not

(05:30):
sinful.
Longings existed in Genesis 1and 2.
Longings exist even in theheart of Christ and therefore
when you long for something, itisn't necessarily sin.
But when you're longing forsomething good and you turn to
anything other than God, youwill fill that longing with some
kind of idolatry.
You will fill that longing withsomething and, don't get me

(05:53):
wrong, the world will give youlots of opportunities to try to
fill it with something else.
But if we can withhold fillingour desire for those things
until God's timing and God'splace, maybe with God's person,
then we will find actual joy.
So what is happening here isher longings are about to be met

(06:16):
and she has a couple ofquestions in her mind.
She looks at this and shebegins to question herself.
But, christians, before webegin to question ourselves,
here is what I think ourcelebration should look like, as
the doors are opening to thecelebration of her biggest day.

(06:38):
When God fulfills a longing, itdoesn't matter if it's the big
one that you have today or oneof a hundred small ones that you
have today.
When God fills a longing,christians should celebrate, we
should be great at this, andthere are three ways in God's

(07:00):
word that we see Christianscelebrate.
Keep the parade right here.
What does it mean forChristians to celebrate?
I grabbed this verse out ofPsalm 126 because it is a vague
song.
We have no clue what they'reactually referring to when it
says the Lord restored thefortunes of Zion.
In all likelihood, the authorof this song was writing a song

(07:22):
so that God's people could singit anytime.
God restored something good tohis people.
So I want you to notice this.
First and foremost, they giveGod credit.
The Lord restored.
So when God gives us onelonging, the very first thing we
should do thank you God.
Thank you for what you've done.

(07:42):
I'll give you an example in mylife, I don't know what your
ideal ending to a day is.
I love eating popcorn at night,right before I go to sleep.
So if I imagine a world wheretonight, karen Ann and I hop in
bed, we throw on Netflix, wepick a show that we only have

(08:03):
one episode left on to finishthe whole series, because I have
ADD and a lot of times we getlike halfway, then I dip out and
she finishes it later If weactually finish the show tonight
, which would be a blessing toher and what falls out of my
mouth is this this would be sogreat with popcorn.
And then my wife says oh well,if that's the case, she hops up,

(08:24):
she goes downstairs, she grabsa bag of popcorn, throws it in
the microwave, sits down therefor three minutes and then, in
the Hawk house, we over butterand we over salt our popcorn.
I don't know about you, none ofus are going to make it to 75.
None of us are going to, justbecause of our popcorn intake
alone.
And then she brings up thatpopcorn I had.

(08:46):
This is the only food I havethis rule about.
I try not to eat popcorn by thehandful because I feel like it
is too good of a food to eatthat quickly.
I try to go one at a time and Ifail every single time at doing
it.
And halfway through I rememberand I'm like I'm already at the
bottom of the bowl and I amupset the moment that
over-buttered, over-salted pieceof popcorn hits my mouth.

(09:08):
That is worth thanking God forEvery little longing.
It's also good to do that whenyou're 10 years old and you get
on the team or in the class thatyou really wanted to be in.
It's the same when you're inyour late teens or early 20s and
maybe you end up in arelationship with someone.

(09:28):
It is good to begin by thankingGod, and on and on it goes.
There ought to be a hundredthings a day where we can say
God has done, god has restored,god has brought, god has filled
the longings of my heart.
But we don't stop there.
We share these things.
Notice, we became like thosewho dream.

(09:50):
Our mouth was filled withlaughter, our tongue with shouts
of joy, because we were glad.
They begin telling other people, and the Bible says they don't
just tell other people, theytell unbelieving people.
They said among the nations,the Lord has done great things
for them.
The Lord has done great thingsfor us.
And in the event that you wouldsay, well, when God does

(10:14):
something good, I don't want toover-celebrate because he may
not have done it in someoneelse's life I would tell you
this there's a very easy way tobe able to celebrate what God
has done for you, even if hehasn't done it for someone that
is in your circle that you carewell about, and it is this
Celebrate when God meets thelongings of others, even when

(10:35):
it's in your loss column.
Celebrate when your neighborgets the job that you wish your
career had advanced, toCelebrate when that person gets
in a relationship and you remainsingle.
Celebrate when someone getspregnant while you are
struggling with infertility.
Celebrate the goodness of God,even if it isn't in your win

(10:58):
column yet, because if you do,you will have no problem sharing
the good things God has done inyour life with others.
Because they will say this thatperson has always celebrated
the good that God has done in me, even though I know it's hard
for them, even though I know itis crushing at times.
They have celebrated with mewhat God has done for me, even

(11:21):
if he has not done it for them,and finally savor it when God
does something good.
Can I tell you what a lot ofChristians do?
That to me is so disheartening.
They wonder if it's just a test.
They wonder if God's givingthem a good thing to see, if
he's going to take it away, ifthey will remain like tucked in

(11:42):
and loving God.
It may be the case.
Can I give you just one realityhere?
Almost every good thing youfind in this world will
eventually go away.
In this world, I mean, even ifthe greatest thing is your
spouse and you remain married tothem for all of your life.
One of you is going to miss theother.
Every good thing God gives usin this world has an expiration

(12:07):
date on it.
That doesn't mean we shouldn'tcelebrate it.
It's the difference in taking aflower and putting it in the
kitchen so that everybody cansee it.
And yes, I know it willeventually wilt and yes, I know
it won't eventually smell asgood as it did.
But it's a whole lot betterthan cutting it and saying
you're so beautiful, I'm puttingyou in the freezer as good as
it did.
But it's a whole lot betterthan cutting it and saying

(12:28):
you're so beautiful, I'm puttingyou in the freezer, where
nobody can see you, where nobodycan appreciate you, but maybe
you'll last just a day or twolonger.
Christians, when God doessomething good in your life,
don't be afraid to celebrate it.
Now, what does this have to dowith that?
Here's what it has to do.
God has done in this younglady's life, in the first two
and a half chapters,unbelievable things.

(12:49):
He has given her a guy that allof her girlfriends are, if
they're honest about it, andthey haven't had their quiet
time and they didn't show up tochurch that week just a little
bit jealous about.
We read about this guy and heis an absolute stud.
Their chemistry is high, thesparks are flying in every

(13:10):
direction, but he isn't just alooker, even though she'll tell
you he's a looker, he is filledwith character as well.
He's the kind of guy that youwant to build a life with, that
you want to raise a family with.
He has all of this and thewhole community knows it, and
they're like girl, I don't knowhow you landed this, I don't
know how you pulled this off,but add a girl, high five, run

(13:33):
after this kind of a guy and hisbuddies are telling him the
exact same thing.
Now, why would I talk aboutcelebration and longing side by
side and longing side by side?
When you see the verse thatcomes after this, it will make
sense.
I think she is worried.
She's not enough for him.
I think she's worried that whenshe thinks about the doors

(13:58):
opening, how is he going toreceive her?
And there are a few telltalesigns about that.
She's actively been given thisromance, this love, this passion
to celebrate, but what she hasfound is that I want to be like
that.
I want to be like this thingthat I imagine, rather than
celebrating the thing thatsteals our celebration has come

(14:20):
in.
She has started to compare, andwhen she compares, here is what
she thinks.
What's that coming up from thewilderness like columns of smoke
?
She thinks about something thatis good in smell, something
that is fragrant the powders ofa merchant, something that comes
up like columns of smoke and isnoticeable when the doors open.

(14:41):
Is he going to see me?
Is it going to arrest hisattention?
Now, look, this was a day andage when they didn't have air
conditioning.
This was a day and age whenthere wasn't antiperspirant
deodorant.
Okay, they're just likethrowing stuff on all the time.
It's essential oils to theninth degree, if they can afford
to have them, because you can'thide stuff.
My wife and I get legitimatelyfrustrated at our children boy,

(15:07):
boy, boy, girl.
All of them now basicallyteenagers, except for the
youngest.
Our house smells horrible ifthose three boys don't make one
15-second decision at thebeginning of the day.
And this young lady is sayingwhen he comes near me, I don't
want anything to push him back.
Not only that, is our lovegoing to last?

(15:28):
Is it strong enough?
Behold, it's the litter ofSolomon.
I'll tell you what's arresting.
I'll tell you what's beautiful?
This is an enduring love.
There are 60 mighty men, mightymen of Israel, with swords.
They're experts in war.
Their sword is near them sothat they can deal with the
terror by night.
Will our love be?
Will we get to the end of ourlives and look at one another

(15:51):
and have made it Not justthrough the mountains and the
good times, but through thevalleys as well?
And then she goes to the thingthat I think all females
eventually go to Am I beautifulenough for him?
Will my beauty last long enoughfor him?
Now these words may not standout to you as beautiful, but the
wood of Lebanon, that's what itwas known for.

(16:14):
Posts of silver, its seat ofpurple, its interior was inlaid
with love by the daughters ofJerusalem.
She imagines all of thesethings.
Then she looks at her bestfriends and she says that's
really what you want to go andlook at.
Go, look at that.
And this man sees the love ofhis life doubting her loveliness

(16:39):
, to which he literally writes aliterary love letter.
I had to practice that,starting on Thursday Literally
writes a literary love letter.
I had to practice that,starting on Thursday Literally
writes a literary love letter.
What do I mean.
Well, this is what comes nextin the text, chapter four.
In fact, all of chapter four ishis, except for hers at the end

(17:02):
.
And if you're reading in yourBibles, I don't care for you to
look ahead.
He gets her, he convinces her.
Compare, there is no comparisonwhen it comes to you.
He listens to the love of hislife.
Doubt her beauty.
And this is her, his response.
By the way, this is going to beyour first squirm warning.
Uh, you're going to have aboutthree.
Here is potentially number one.

(17:24):
Thank y'all for letting mepreach the whole text of God.
Nobody's ever complained aboutit.
I don't know that they everwould.
But whatever, here you go.
How do you convince your younglady that she's beautiful?
You say stuff like this Behold,you are beautiful, my love.
Behold, you are altogetherbeautiful, my love.

(17:46):
Behold, you are altogetherbeautiful.
Drop down to verse seven.
You are altogether beautiful,my love.
Okay, 10 points to the campstore, if you can tell me what
this is called, because I havetaught it to you six times in
the past six months and I'm sureof it, because I can go back on
my notes and check.
All right, 10 points to thecamp store, if you can tell me
what we call it in the Bible.
When God's word says somethinghere, then there's some context.

(18:07):
Then it says it again.
Right there, it's okay to getthe answer wrong.
Does anybody know what we callthis?
Okay, we call it bracketing.
I'm going to write this down sothat you guys know we call this
bracketing or an inclusio, ifyou want to sound really fancy
and like you went to a privateschool.

(18:28):
Okay, you say inclusio.
What's basically happening hereis this man is writing a
literary love letter and in thebeginning it says behold, you
are beautiful, my love.
That's the cover of his book.
Then he says you are alltogether, beautiful, my love.
Now we have the back cover ofthe book.

(18:50):
Do you want to know what thechapters of this book called?
Behold, you are all togetherlovely are.
Here are the chapters.
And he can't stop thinking abouther.
Your eyes are like doves.
They are gentle behind yourveil.
Your hair is like a flock ofgoats in curls, leaping down the
shoulders of Gilead.

(19:10):
Your teeth this is one of myfavorites.
I have two favorites.
Your teeth are like a flock ofshorn ewes.
That means little lambs thathave just been clipped and they
don't have dirt on them anymore.
They've come up from thewashing, all of which bear twins
, and not one of them has lostits young.
Do you want to know one of thethings that was unique about
this girl Back in BC?
Whatever, she had all her teethand he loved it about her,

(19:34):
probably because it was quiterare.
The fact that they're white iseven more rare.
I'm guessing she's pretty young, if I'm quite honest.
And then he looks and he saysbut it isn't just that, your
lips are like a scarlet threadand your mouth is lovely.
Your cheeks are like halves ofa pomegranate which would have
had this like deep, pink,aromatic flesh.

(19:58):
When he looks at her cheeks,his mouth waters.
Maybe she blushes, maybe sheputs blush on.
But he looks at her and he sayswhen I see your cheeks like
halves of a pomegranate behindyour veil, my heart is moved.
Your neck is like the tower ofDavid.
This one's questionable, theonly time you see the tower of

(20:18):
David referred to in scripture.
It's right here.
Drink it in.
You will only see this here.
What he's probably saying isgirl, I love your eyes and I
love your teeth, I love yourcheeks, I love your lips, I love
it all.
Can I tell you what else I loveabout you?
There is a strength to you.
There is something about youare gentle, but you're not weak,

(20:39):
you're not flimsy.
No, your neck is built in rowsof stone.
On it hang a thousand shields,and not just any shields, the
shields of a warrior.
You have this dignity and thisstrength about you.
Your two breasts are like twofawns, twins of a gazelle that
graze among the lilies.

(20:59):
And I will just tell you thisis a personal favorite of mine.
He isn't done talking about herchest, yet he gives that two
verses, as he continues on andsays until the day breathes and
the shadows flee, in other words, all night long, I will go away
to the mountain of myrrh andthe hill of frankincense.
You are all together beautiful,my love.
All right, you made it throughthe first squirm.

(21:22):
Congratulations.
This guy.
And, by the way, god's word hasno trouble talking about what we
would potentially have troubletalking about, unless some of
you are honest.
A couple of your text threadsthat you have going 24-7.
Honest, a couple of your textthreads that you have going 24-7
.
And can I just tell you whatthis shows me about God's Word?

(21:43):
It shows me that our mentalitythat there are things that are
churchy and there are thingsthat are not, needs to die.
That in the South, where wehave certain sensibilities,
things that we talk about andthings that we don't.
That when Christ died and thetemple, the curtain in the
temple was torn and the Holy ofHolies was opened up to the
world, we ought to expect God'sword to speak to every single

(22:08):
portion of your life.
And when we say, this is mywork life and this is my home
life and this is my parentinglife, this is my Christian life
I'll step it up a little bit formy small group life, whatever
it is, when we have all theselittle sections of life, god's
word is telling you you'refracturing yourself in a way you
were never meant to.

(22:28):
Allow the gospel to invade yourTuesday.
Allow God's word to talk aboutwhat this man loves, about this
young lady.
Talk about what this man lovesabout this young lady.
Allow it to be real that guysare not crazy for thinking this
way, because we were built tothink this way.
And then he finishes it bysaying you got nothing to

(22:51):
compare with.
Come with me A comparison, mybeloved.
There is no comparison.
And if you wanted to compare.
He would continue.
You've captivated my heart, mysister and my bride.
You have captivated my heartwith a glance of your eyes.
How beautiful is your love, mysister and my bride.

(23:13):
How much better is your lovethan wine?
Your lips drip.
I wonder if you're noticingsomething.
Might I point it out to you?
She has captivated you, your,your, your love, your love, your
oils, your lips.
In fact, if you were payingclose attention here, he does
talk about her eyes, but he putsthis in front of every single

(23:36):
thing he says.
And this brings me to what Ithink is the most important
theological point of this.
Yes, passion is something thatGod has written into us, but do
you know what God's putting ondisplay?
Not just that the passionsinside of us were placed there
and we ought to be able to talkabout it on a Sunday morning.
God's way of monogamy, he saysyeah, I love all this stuff

(23:59):
about you, but it's because it'syou.
It's because it's your eyes andyour lips, your chest, your
cheeks, your neck.
Do you really think this guy,who is so sharp, thinks she has
the best hair on the planet?
I'll go ahead and tell you shedidn't.
The best eyes on the planet?
Nope, not going to happen.
The best cheeks on the planet?
I'll go ahead and tell you shedidn't.
The best eyes on the planet?
Nope, not going to happen.
The best cheeks on the planetNot going to happen.

(24:21):
But do you know what makes themgreat?
They're hers and she is his,and therefore it is something
that he adores.
This is a place where this mandoesn't just invite her to
compare, we ought to offer toourselves.
Comparing what the world hasactually found Is God's way of

(24:48):
one person for one lifetime,with very few exceptions,
actually better.
I believe it is.
I'd like to show you that it is.
But we must start here.
The more a culture and, by theway, everybody lives in some
culture, the more a culturebelieves that God is holding out
on them.
Pause, that was the first lie.

(25:10):
The first lie in the garden wasSatan saying did God really say
, do you really think it's foryour best?
When I look at the garden, tome it seems like freedom.
They are literally naked andunashamed.
I can't come up with a betterway to define freedom than
people running around without afig leaf on.
Okay, but when I imagine thisand all of a sudden the enemy

(25:32):
comes in and he says does Godreally have your best in mind?
Do you know how freeing itwould be for me to have one rule
not to break?
I don't know about y'all, butit seems like a pretty good
setup One thing not to do.
But they buy into the veryfirst lie, which all of us are
prone to do as well.
The more a culture believesthat God is holding out on them,
the more you are going to missout on, and I'd like to prove it

(25:54):
to you in two particular ways,as we talk about passion and
sexual expression and intimacyin the text today, and the first
is our culture's view ofcohabitation versus marriage.
I've got all of my research onthis and I know like eight of
you are interested in that, butit was filling up the page to
source everything, so if you'recurious, just come and find me

(26:16):
afterward.
Over half of Americans, andespecially young adults, believe
living together before marriageimproves the chances of a
successful marriage.
The younger you are, the moreprone you are to believe this.
We need to take this thing fora test drive, right?
I'm not going to spend $50,000on a car, which apparently is
like the median cost of a carnow.

(26:36):
I'm not going to do that if Ican't take it for a test drive.
I'm certainly not going totrust my entire future with
somebody without taking it for atest drive, and that is what
most Americans, especially youngones, believe.
However, most cohabitationdoesn't lead to marriage and
when it does, the divorce rateis higher.
A recent study found 54% offirst-time cohabiting couples

(26:59):
break up within six years andthat barely a third of
cohabiting relationships evenresult in marriage.
It doesn't turn into a testdrive that ends well.
Additionally, couples who livetogether outside of marriage
report lower levels ofcommitment, more conflict and
less overall happiness comparedto married couples.

(27:20):
Now, if this is more convincingto you than what I just read
out of Song of Solomon 4, youhave a bigger issue on your
hands.
This is right, and everythingin God's Word will eventually be
proven right if you just giveit time.
I'm giving you this because Ican example for you that God

(27:40):
knows what he's talking aboutwhen it comes to this.
The second piece of our culturethat I would like to discuss is
premarital sex and its impact.
I know y'all can't really checkout the chart.
I'll make it bigger in just aminute.
A growing body of researchshows that having multiple
sexual partners before marriageis linked to higher divorce
rates and lower marital quality.

(28:02):
In fact, the number ofpremarital sexual partners is
one of the strongest predictorsof divorce that social science
has identified.
Now, as I put this up, let mealso hit pause.
As I'm talking aboutcohabitation and as I'm talking
about premarital sex, I need youto know that.

(28:23):
I know that there are a numberof you in the room that this is
not a fun conversation for that.
Your mind is going back toimaginings of things that fill
you with shame and guilt andbrokenness.
Don't walk out and don't checkout.
Everything in God's word coverseverything we need in our heart
.
But allow me to just tell youthe truth at this point.

(28:44):
Here's what we seestatistically.
I'm sorry, I couldn't findanything later than the 2000.
I just want you to notice thejump from zero to one or two,
and, by the way, I forgot to saythis.
In the first service,researchers found that it didn't
matter if the sexual partnerwas a committed relationship or
a one-time fling.
It made no differencewhatsoever.

(29:05):
Just the existence of itincreased it by 20% to 30%.
You raise your hand forincreasing the likelihood of a
divorce by a quarter to a thirdjust in this one reality.
A 2023 study by the WheatleyInstitute surveyed thousands of

(29:27):
married individuals and foundthat those who had only ever had
sex upon marriage to theirspouse which is a clunky way of
saying they only had sex withtheir spouse they waited until
they were married to have sexwith their spouse they reported
the highest marital quality andwhat the culture would call
sexually inexperienced people,who did not go to try to find

(29:50):
sexual compatibility before acommitment.
They actually had higherrelationship satisfaction,
higher sexual satisfaction,actually had higher relationship
satisfaction, higher sexualsatisfaction and stronger
emotional closeness than theirpeers who had previous partners.
Finally, those who wait on sexin marriage are twice as likely
to say they're very satisfiedwith their marriage and three
times as likely to not evenconsider divorce compared to

(30:14):
those who had multiple sexualpartners.
Listen, this isn't easier.
I mean you can hear how quietit is in here.
Yeah, do we allow God's word tospeak into every piece of us?
For those of us who havetrusted in Christ and this is a
part of our past, be remindedthat we are forgiven of

(30:36):
everything.
As far as the East is from theWest, so far does he cast our
sins from us.
When he sees us, he doesn't seethese things anymore.
But these are the things thatcause us to realize how much we
need a savior.
So hold, if that is you, fornow just accept this reality.
Monogamy one person for onelifetime is not passion made

(31:00):
prudish, the Bible makes thatclear.
It is passion made potent.
And when he looks at his younglady in the middle of this song,
here's what he says A gardenlocked is my sister and my bride
.
A spring locked.
A fountain sealed three timesfor emphasis, he says girl, I

(31:22):
could talk about your lips, Icould talk about your eyes, I
could talk about everythingabout you.
But in the center of this is areality You've saved them for me
.
Why would you compare yourselfto somebody else?
Why would you compare yourselfto all of these other forms of
beauty to somebody else?
Why would you compare yourselfto all of these other forms of
beauty?
You are mine and I am yours,and you have saved yourself and

(31:43):
held yourself and sealedyourself.
For me.
It is the greatest gift that Icould be given.
Why would I compare you toanything or to anyone?
Now listen carefully.
Our culture shouts from everyrooftop and swipes on every
screen that monogamy is thefuneral procession of passion,

(32:04):
that if you decide to do thisGod's way, if you walk down the
aisle, passion walks out on you.
That commitment chokes outchemistry, but the word of God
and science, less importanttells a radically different
story.
God is not choking out passionby doing it his way.

(32:24):
He is channeling it.
All right, let me try to get youguys back from a deep place for
a minute here.
How many of you guys have evergone whitewater rafting?
Hands up.
Let me just say okay, I knowwho the cool people are.
It's for something later.
I'm kidding If you've nevergone white water rafting, it's
like being in a slow motionocean, just a lot faster.
There you go.
Now you're there.
When you are on a raft and youare going down the river, it

(32:47):
almost always starts the sameway you get on the river where
the river is wide.
Very rarely do you see anyriver guide go to the tightest
point of the river, throw theboat in and say hey guys, why
don't we see what happens here?
Try to load up and there'sequipment and children and
people getting caught inhydraulics.
It's a hot mess.
That's not what you do.
What you do is you go to wherethe river is wide.

(33:09):
Why?
Because where the river is wide, you just kind of hum along the
way that God has built.
Your passion, your intimacy,your sexual desire is a river, a
bubbling, flowing, passionatething, and you can do one of two
things with it.
You can take it and, like theworld says, you can send it down

(33:29):
a hundred different streams.
Does anybody remember in likefifth grade social studies, what
you call it?
When a river goes and itspreads out into all these
different things, it starts witha D.
It's also an airline tour.
Don't let me down Delta.
Okay, you can go the Delta Road.
But I can tell you what happensthat river spreads so wide and

(33:52):
so thin it begins to trickle,the power begins to diminish.
Sure, you can go and see isthere something here?
Is there something here?
Is there something here?
Or you can do what everywhitewater rafting guide knows
Get on the river here and justhold for a minute.
If you'll wait until the bankssqueeze in, until this boulder

(34:12):
of commitment to God and aboulder of commitment to your
spouse squeeze in, all of asudden, all of that energy, all
of that flow, all of thatpassion gets hyper-focused into
one spot and it is deeper and itis more powerful, and it is an
adventure and a ride worthtaking.
This is what God points to whenhe calls us to monogamy.

(34:34):
It is not prudish, it is potentlove.
Now let me say something tothose of you who grew up in the
church.
If you grew up in the churchwhen I throw up stuff like this
and you made it to a marriagebefore you had sex, let me tell
you what started happening inyour heart.
You leaned back a little bit,you felt a little bit good about

(34:56):
yourself and, if the worldallowed it, you might've even
patted yourself on the.
I did it.
I did it.
What my youth pastor told me todo, I did.
Okay, I know this because Igrew up in the church.
I grew up in the purity culture, and what the purity culture
said was sex bad.
No, do not do it.
Rather than saying sex issomething that God has given us

(35:19):
that is wonderful and beautiful,in the right time in the right
place.
So hold for a moment that youwould be able to enjoy it with
all that is in you.
If you grew up in that purityculture, can I tell you, as
somebody who has done so muchmarriage counseling, so much
pre-marriage counseling, so muchdivorce counseling, so much of

(35:42):
this.
Can I just tell you that it canbe just as dangerous to start
right and finish wrong as it canto start wrong and finish right
.
In fact, I would argue with youthat it would have been better
to start wrong and finish right.
In fact, I would argue with youthat it would have been better
to start wrong and finish rightthan the other way around.
What do I mean by this?
What I mean is, if you startedout on purity, you may see

(36:02):
intimacy in your marriage as farless than God intends for you
to.
There is nothing more pure thana passionate pursuit of your
spouse.
There is nothing more pure thanyou continuing to sing the
chorus of Song of Solomon 4,where it says you, you, you, you
.
All my energy, all my passion,all of my endeavors, all of it

(36:26):
is for you.
But for many of us who grew upin the church, we were told what
not to do.
We were never told what rightto do.
So now this is your next scoremorning.
Let me tell you how to havereally good intimacy in your
marriage, and when I sayintimacy, I don't just mean
emotional intimacy.
How can you have the highestlevel of pleasure in your

(36:49):
marriage that God intends foryou to have?
This is the way the world seesit.
Find any way you can receive it, like a million different
deltas, one quick timeout.
If you haven't been walking withus through this book thus far,
you may be wondering why Solomonis even writing this.
The dude had 700 wives and 300concubines.

(37:11):
Might, we argue.
He went the Delta model.
Might we More Delta model thanmaybe anyone ever else.
What right does this guy haveto write this book?
So if you missed week one, letme remind you of this.
Many theologians believe thatSolomon did write this, but that
he didn't write it as anautobiography, more as a

(37:33):
reflection later in life of thelove he wished he had not let go
of.
That is probably what ishappening.
And he lived this life in theworld.
Receive, receive, receive.
But many of us in the church,many of us grew up knowing
that's not the model.
This is the model I withholdfor a time so that I can receive

(37:54):
at God's time.
But can I tell you, and I talk,look, I talked to a 20
something year old who was anewlywed at the end of last
service, who I know grew up inthe church, because I saw him
grow up in the church and I saidwhat model did you grow up with
?
And he said model two, thismodel.
This is wholly insufficient Inhis marriage.

(38:16):
He was navigating off of modeltwo and I said do you realize
that you have been missing out?
And he was like, yeah, as soonas you started talking about it
I was like, oh my gosh, I'vebeen missing out.
This is not the Christian model.
The Christian model is notwithhold and then receive
intimacy, passion and pleasureand, by the way, you can sub
that for anything in the humanexperience.
This is the Christian model.

(38:38):
This is the model that Christputs on display.
And if I can make you cringejust a little bit more, let me
do it.
When you try to receive first,you follow the world's model and
the delta model and you losethat passion.
It just starts to fizzle out.
If you go to what many of usgrew up in the church, you hold
and then you say, hey, I got thering, now it's time.

(38:59):
Time for me to receive, whichis one of the most selfish
things you can possibly sayafter getting married in the
church under a covenant toglorify God in your marriage.
That's not what it's supposedto be.
The church under a covenant toglorify God in your marriage.
That's not what it's supposedto be.
I withheld for a time so that Ican supply passion, intimacy.

(39:21):
The greatest way for you toreceive what you desire in
sexual gratification in yourmarriage is not to try to
receive it but to try to give it.
And when a husband finds hisgreatest joy in bringing joy to
his wife and when a wife findsher greatest joy in bringing joy
to her husband, do you knowwhat happens to both and to an

(39:42):
onlooking family and to anonlooking world?
You receive it.
And believe me when I tell youthe onlooking world wants this.
And I don't typically say thison a Sunday morning, but I don't
typically get to walk through atext like this.
So thank y'all for awkwardlydealing with a pastor who
doesn't feel awkward aboutthings.
Maybe he ought to.
Christians ought to have thebest sex lives on the planet.

(40:07):
Do you know why?
Because we enter into marriageknowing we're broken, clinging
to the one who makes us whole,and it isn't our spouse, it's
our savior.
And when I can be next to mywife with no shame, because it's
been forgiven.
No guilt, a riddled past, yes,but know that my God sees me the

(40:29):
way he sees his own son.
Do you know what that turnsinto in a marriage?
Freedom.
Freedom not to compare andfreedom not to worry, freedom to
be intimate in every part ofourselves.
And this, by the way, isexactly what we see in Christ.
Philippians 2 calls this theexample of humility.

(40:50):
Notice how broad If there isany encouragement, any comfort,
any participation, any affection.
Complete my joy by being Samemind, same love.
You're going to have to teachthis to your head if you're
going to enjoy it with yourheart and with your body.
You must teach this to yourhead if you're going to enjoy it
with your heart and with yourbody.
Do nothing from selfishambition or conceit.

(41:13):
I would put this on the mirrorof the bathroom of every married
couple.
I could, but, in humility,count others more significant
than yourselves.
Let each of you look not onlyto his own interests, but also
to the interests of others, andthis mind is yours, in Christ
Jesus and in Christ alone.
Do you want to know how to havethe love life that God desires

(41:37):
for you to have?
Watch who, though he was in theform of God, did not count
equality with God a thing to begrasped, but he emptied himself,
taking the form of a servant.
This is Christ withholding.
This is him leaving heaven,leaving perfection, to come put

(41:57):
his feet in our sin-saturatedworld, him taking less for a
period of time, and do you knowwhat happens next?
Receiving no.
He then supplies.
And, being found in human form,he humbled himself by becoming
obedient to the point of death,even death on a cross, and he

(42:18):
supplies.
He supplies what is needed forall of those he loves most
dearly.
And then do you want to guesswhat happens next?
He receives, which I wouldwrite, except I always get the
I's and the E's wrong on receive, so I apologize.
Therefore, god has highlyexalted him.
This is what Christ receivedbecause he supplied.

(42:38):
This is what Christ receivedbecause he withheld, and in that
order he's highly exalted andbestowed on him the name that is
above every name, so that, inthe name of Jesus, every knee
should bow in.
Why are they confessing Christas Lord To the glory of God, the

(43:02):
Father?
When you live your life thisway, husbands and wives, when
you organize your life this way,singles, withhold, supply,
receive.
When you do this.
The onlooking world actuallysees something bigger and better
than just a great marriage.
Though your kids want to seethat, though you want to have it
, they look at it and a worldthat is absolutely enamored with

(43:23):
sexual gratification says whatdo they have that we don't?
We've tried everything and theykeep finding one thing
everything we're missing ineverything.
How are they pulling this off?
Do you think this isn'tevangelistic?
Here's what I want you toimagine.
Sun's out right now.
It had been raining before.
Just so you know, guys, if youneed to cut your grass, you need

(43:45):
to do it this afternoon.
It's Sabbath, you can deal withthat on your own, all right.
Why?
Because it's going to rain forthe next four days.
And I imagine a woman cominginto the sanctuary Stokesy,
you're good, you can come on up.
I imagine a woman coming intothe sanctuary and going to
church with a husband who'sunbelieving at home.
He walks outside five minutesago and he starts cutting the

(44:05):
grass because it's finallylightened up and he's humming
along for the next 30 or 45minutes while you're here,
talking with folks drinking acup of coffee, hopefully
learning how to celebrate well,and then she pulls into the
driveway and he, out of kindness, lets go of the bar and the
mower hums to a hush and he says, hey, how was church today?

(44:26):
And the wife says, oh, it wasgood, it was fine.
What did the guy talk about?
Oh, he was saying that I wouldfind most sexual gratification
if I gave it to you, and thatChristians should have the best
sex lives on the planet.
You want to guess who's comingto church next week?
This is what I mean when I sayall of God's word is to all of

(44:49):
the people all of the time.
Now I left a couple of you guyshanging for a period, and I
know that.
I know that some of you dealwith shame and brokenness, but
remember, I want to end where westarted, with celebration.
How do we come to celebration,regardless of where we sit today
?
Well, first I want you to knowthat they do.
I came to my garden, my sister,my bride, I gathered my, my

(45:10):
spice it's all this and thecommunity around them is like
eat, drink, be drunk with love,enjoy, celebrate.
Isn't this a good thing thatGod has done?
But maybe you have failed inthis and you need grace today.
I'm really glad you're here.
Do you know?
Whenever God shows us his way.

(45:30):
He's doing two things.
He's telling you the way to dolife so that you would most
enjoy it, but he's also showingyou that many times we don't do
life the way God wants us to,and when we don't, he uses that
too and he says hey, you havefailed here, you have fallen
short here.
I have good news for you aswell.
My grace is sufficient that ifwe confess our sins, he is

(45:53):
faithful and just to forgive usof our sins and to cleanse us.
Please don't miss this From allunrighteousness.
Some of you in this room have along story of statistics All
unrighteousness cleansed.
Why?
Because God focused all of hislove into one place.

(46:15):
He didn't send it in a thousanddifferent strings.
He sent it in his son, who diedon a cross with his arms wide,
inviting any who have failed tosimply say God, would you
forgive me?
I bought into the first lie andthought I could do it better on
my own.
I never knew.
I didn't grow up with this.
Whatever the story is, maybe youhave failed in this and you

(46:36):
need grace today.
I'm really glad you're here.
It's available.
It's as simple as one prayeraway, conversation with the
pastor or somebody sittingaround you, but maybe you're in
this room and you have broughtthat first lie God's holding out
on me into your marriage.
Maybe you thought the sun hadset on passion or pursuit.
You have settled for a cruisecontrol version of passion.

(46:57):
Please don't and not justbecause of an onlooking world
and not just because I want youto have a wonderful marriage,
because I want God to receiveglory from it.
Maybe there needs to be aconversation, some repentance,
maybe some counseling.
Whatever it is, don't give upon this thing, it's worth it.
And finally, maybe we need tosimply develop a theology of

(47:19):
celebration, that something'sworth celebrating, even if it
doesn't last forever, that wecan thank God for it, we can
share it with the people aroundus and not be afraid to
celebrate a good season becausewe will go through them.
So, wherever you are andhowever God's word lands on your
heart, let's respondappropriately.
If you want to walk out in theback and just have a

(47:41):
conversation with the Lord orlisten to people sing, do it.
If you want to kneel, if youwant to stay seated, do it.
If you want to come down to thefront, we'll go on the front
porch to talk, pray, celebrate,whatever it is, but let's walk
out of this place as a peoplewho understand an intense
passion poured out for us inChrist and a people who are able
to celebrate.
Let's do that together.
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