268: Co-existing with Work + Family Stress: A Four Noble Truths Approach

Let's find the good in experiencing stress so that you don't shortchange yourself out of its ability to instill inner confidence in your capabilities. We are focused on experiences such as birthing a baby, building a business, or navigating a everchanging workplace.

Just because someone else fell apart in any of those situations, it does not mean that you will too. It's unique to you, yet worth uncovering, because when you get to the other side of a stressful situation, if you embody at least one learning or lesson, then you will have increased your capacity to handle more stressful situations.

This comes in handy, as life often hands us stress at a pretty hot and heavy pace. In this article, we'll interweave the four noble truths along with personal stories that showcase the value of embracing stress rather than running away from it.

There have been so many occasions when I was told not to put so much pressure on myself, and it was out of those circumstances, where I didn't let their thinking impact mine, that I can now tell my greatest stories of defiance and delivery. A memorable such moment was during my first semester of law school. My mom told me this: 'Watch out, Melissa, and try not to experience too much stress.' She was giving me a fair warning based on her own sensitivities to stress. My mom has manic depression. A person with manic depression can be sent into an episode or spell by stress. While that guidance came from her experiences, it also came along with her tender concern for my mental health. My mental health, on the other hand, has proven sturdy, in great part because I've had ample opportunities to practice the art of experiencing stress.

Law school wasn't a moment of redemption, but it was the time I realized my limit. I'm glad I didn't listen to my mom, because then I wouldn't have discovered my kryptonite. We need to know our kryptonite and how to overcome it. Somehow, it was that combination of overwhelming debt and basing my self-worth on school grades that almost broke me. I got through that time mentally unscathed, thankfully, but intuitively, I knew it was close. There's a benefit to knowing how far you can go. That experience gave me the courage to finally pursue my dream career in advertising. Taking a pay cut didn't seem so bad when the alternative was six-figure debt and no income.

The trick is to always stay beneath that line. My self-publishing experience with Fertile Imagination pushed me to that limit. I had gotten my edited copy of my manuscript extremely late, and to compensate for that delay, I sat in my chair for twelve hours straight. The pressure I put on myself to finish the book was enormous. Around the twelfth hour, I felt a crack in my neck, which turned into a year of pain, physical therapy, and an MRI. Ever gotten an MRI? I've been through a lot, but somehow my anxiety was insane during that MRI, and my relationship with God has never been closer. It was like a church service in that cylinder. Yet, this was another opportunity to practice coexisting with stress. I don't regret that experience, and I know I learned from it. The other side of that stressful moment was completing my book and focusing on my physical health, a goal I'd been writing about for decades. Yet, somehow, I had to crash physically to finally pursue it.

In these two cases, I needed to experience these greater stresses to build the confidence and conviction necessary to believe I could endure the kind of stress it takes to go after what I've always wanted. What if the same is true for you? What if, rather than avoid stress, you walked right into it with a different perspective? What if you need that vote of confidence—knowing you can handle a ton of stress—to get the kind of laser focus neces