Hello, fearless listeners of MomCave LIVE! Today, we've lured the mastermind behind 'The Brave Art of Motherhood' out from the trenches of teen negotiations and tantrum filled epicenters. Forget the usual author intro; we're here to chat about the messy, marvelous world of momming, where the only plot twist is figuring out who hid the remote. So, grab your coffee, lock the bathroom door (if you can), and let's embark on a hilarious journey through the pages of motherhood with the one and only Rachel Martin!
@findingjoyblog
@finding_joy
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The Brave Art of Motherhood: https://amzn.to/3QJ8rzj
Mom Enough: https://amzn.to/476gBIR
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Transcript:
Jen: So welcome to MomCave LIVE, where we may have lost our minds, but we haven't lost our senses of humor. I'm Jen from MomCave. Every week, I have a guest with me. This week, I have someone I'm going to make appear on the screen like magic. Tada!
Rachel Martin: Here I am.
Jen: There she is, from behind the curtain. Rachel Martin, otherwise known in all the places as Finding Joy. Yes?
Rachel Martin: That is true. People actually think my name is Joy.
Jen: That's kind of cute. It would have been really cool if your name was Joy, but
Rachel Martin: It would have been, but then I'm like, am I finding myself? But I guess that's the story. So.
Jen: Right, right. So, we're gonna talk about your books, and we're going to talk about a bunch of things and hang out. Anyone who's here and wants to talk with us in the comments, just pop in. The most you had a post go viral a while back. We're just talking about how we were in the OG mommy blogger years.
Rachel Martin: That's right.
Jen: What was the title of that post?..
Read More Here:
humor. I'm Jen from MomCave. Andevery week I have a guest with
me. And this week I have, I'mgoing to make her appear on the
screen like magic. Tada,
Rachel Martin (00:29):
Here I am.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (00:30):
There
she is, from behind the curtain.
Rachel Martin, who is otherwiseknown in all the places as
finding joy. Yes?
Rachel Martin (00:40):
That is true.
People actually think my name isJoy.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (00:43):
That's
kind of cute, it would be live
would have been really cool. Ifyour name was joy, but
Rachel Martin (00:47):
It would have
been it would have been but then
I'm like, am I finding myself,but I guess that's the story.
So.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (00:53):
Right,
right. So we're gonna talk about
your books, and we're going totalk about a bunch of things and
hang out and anybody who's hereand wants to talk with us in the
comments just pop in um the mostyou had a post go viral A while
back, we're just talking abouthow we were like in the OG mommy
blogger years.
Rachel Martin (01:12):
That's right
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (01:13):
And
what was the title of that post?
About mean moms?
Rachel Martin (01:18):
Oh, you know, I
don't even know, I think I
probably titled it like, I'm themean mom, and I'm okay with it.
That sounds like
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (01:23):
Mhm
Rachel Martin (01:23):
what I would have
titled it.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (01:24):
Mhm
Rachel Martin (01:25):
So I'm gonna just
go with that.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (01:27):
Okay,
Rachel Martin (01:28):
I'm gonna say it
was
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (01:28):
I like
it.
Rachel Martin (01:29):
Yes
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (01:29):
Yeah,
something along those lines. I'm
a mean mom. And that's totallyfine.
Rachel Martin (01:34):
Right.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (01:35):
So we
thought we would talk a little
bit about that. And what being amean mom means and all all of
that. So hop in the comments,and let us know why your kids
think you're a mean mom. Rachel,what is the most crazy reason
your children have ever calledyou a mean, mom?
Rachel Martin (01:52):
Probably. It's
always limits. It's always when
I set a limit on
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (01:56):
Mhm
Rachel Martin (01:56):
Hands down. I
can't think of any other time.
It's when I say the two wordsand the well two letters. N O
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (02:02):
Two
letters. That Big Word
Rachel Martin (02:04):
It is it's a big
word. And it's, it's, you know,
it's those limits. But I alwaystell my kids those limits. The
limits are there because I lovethem.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (02:11):
Right
Rachel Martin (02:11):
Bottom line,
bottom line, or I also love
myself. I know I can't doeverything.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (02:18):
Yeah.
One, I asked my kids just likeabout an hour ago, we were
having dinner. And I asked themwhy I was a mean mom. And they
had countless reasons really
Rachel Martin (02:29):
nice. That's nice
that they listed them.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (02:31):
Yeah.
So there was no lack of reasons.
But my eight year olds biggestreason was that when she gets
home from school, the firstthing I make her do is empty out
her lunchbox.
Rachel Martin (02:44):
Oh
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (02:44):
Before
she can play.
Rachel Martin (02:46):
Yes,
Hallelujah, to that because I
have a one that if it doesn'tget emptied on Monday morning,
I'm like, Dude, you have to bethe one to open this because
opening it. It's just it's likea thermos. It's it's bad. It's
bad. It's bad. And then like thewhole dishwasher experiences the
bad. So all morning, I'm like,Oh, I don't even want to open
(03:07):
it.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (03:07):
Right.
Rachel Martin (03:07):
So I'm with you
there.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (03:09):
Totally
Rachel Martin (03:09):
That's not mean,
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (03:10):
Thats
not mean
Rachel Martin (03:10):
that's like,
practical.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (03:12):
That's
very practical. It's saving
everybody a lot of headache downthe road.
Rachel Martin (03:16):
Right? Right.
You're saving like when peoplecome in like that moment of
awkwardness of whats that smell
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (03:21):
What is
that smell in this house. I'm
sure there are other smells inmy house. But luckily, it's not
a lunchbox.
Rachel Martin (03:26):
That is true.
That's so true.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (03:29):
Last
Friday, my my son who's 13 He
did not empty his lunchbox onFriday. And so last Sunday night
when he was getting ready topack his lunch he realized it
and it was so gratifying becausehe opened it up. He was like, I
can't do it. I can't do it mom,and I made him do it. And he was
he was literally dry heaving and
Rachel Martin (03:51):
Right
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (03:52):
totally
got it. I just hopefully he will
remember that in the future.
Rachel Martin (03:56):
I think they do.
I mean I actually I believethat's how they learn. I have
this story of my oldest so Iused to live in Minnesota. I
live in Nashville now whicheverybody thinks is the coolest
but it is cool. I'm gonna sayit's super cool. But when I
lived in Minnesota and my one ofmy oldest was young, it gets sub
zero there with Windchill whereyou're where I would tell my
kids like if you go outside puta smile on your face because
(04:19):
it's gonna freeze.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (04:21):
Yeah.
Rachel Martin (04:21):
Anyway, we're at
I think it was Kohl's back in
Kohl's prime you know, heydayshopping days and I was there.
And I said you need to put yourcoat on right now and maybe she
was three four. She refused. Ikept saying you need to put your
coat on. No, no, it was and itturned out being this tantrum
kind of experience in Kohl's. Sothen I said, if you don't put
(04:42):
your coat on, I will not let youput your coat on until you're in
the car. So
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (04:48):
that
was good, clever.
Rachel Martin (04:50):
Yes. So then, you
know Kohl's it's was much like
moms like me and also bless them80 plus year old women that were
in there so as I'm pullingtaking my child out into the
subzero they see her without thecoat. And I'm like, just trying
to teach a lesson just trying toteach a lesson. And I remember
(05:12):
walking painfully slow, becauseI knew she'd be fine. But after
that the rest of the winter andfrom that moment on, always a
coat. Always a coat. Let me putmy coat on, never argued.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (05:23):
Well,
it worked. See,
Rachel Martin (05:25):
It did
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (05:25):
being
mom. What do you remember any
time that you particularlythought your parents were mean,
you had a mean, mom?
Rachel Martin (05:35):
Yeah, yeah. I
mean, I, I love my parents a
lot. Now in every book that Iwrite, I tell them how much I
love them. I tried to includethem to pay back for that.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (05:43):
Right?
Rachel Martin (05:43):
I don't remember
the specifics, always. But I
just I feel like it was like itwas always linked to limits,
like I would want to dosomething I would want to stay
up late. I would want to dowhatever it was. And when they
would say no, I would push back.
And that's part of childhood isfiguring out what's the limit.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (06:00):
Right
Rachel Martin (06:00):
But that's where
that's where me and my it was
really my mom and I we wouldjust butt heads into the place
where my dad would walk in andhe would always give us warning
that he was coming. Like youcould hear the footsteps or the
something moving. So I alwaysknew like, Get your act
together. Get it together rightnow.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (06:18):
Yes
Rachel Martin (06:19):
Yeah. Yeah, he
was good at that. He was he was
he was a master at that.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (06:23):
Oh,
wow. Yeah, um, I think in my
family, I'm like, the bad guy.
I'm the bad cop.
Rachel Martin (06:28):
Really?
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (06:29):
More
Rachel Martin (06:30):
Nice
Jennifer Weedon Pala (06:30):
sometimes?
I don't know. Yeah. So they theydefinitely think I'm meaner than
daddy. No.
Rachel Martin (06:35):
Okay
Jennifer Weedon Palaz (06:35):
questions
about it. And I would love to
hear some other people's reasonsthat they are mean. So you can
you can let us know in thecomments. That I think the
number one reason I'm a mean,mom, and this one, I actually do
truly actually feel guilty forthis one.
Rachel Martin (06:52):
Okay.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (06:52):
I will
not let my family get a dog.
Rachel Martin (06:56):
Oh, you're
talking to someone that just got
a dog. So I get it. I get it.
Because my husband and I boththe other day, we're like, what
were we thinking? So I get it?
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (07:06):
Yeah. I
know my limits. As you say, I
know my bandwidth. We travel aton. House is a disaster as it
is. And we also rent our house.
Like we live in a sort of skiarea. So we rent our house out a
lot on Airbnb. And it's hardenough keeping it clean. I can't
imagine adding a living,breathing canine to the chaos.
Rachel Martin (07:28):
Well, I can
imagine and I did have that
moment, just two days ago ofwhat were we thinking? Because
we do like to travel. I mean,there is it's there's a lot of
limits in there that it brings.
It's unconditional love. So youcould be the mean mom and
somebody will stillunconditionally love you.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (07:44):
Oh the
dog will still love you.
Rachel Martin (07:45):
Yeah
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (07:45):
The dog
won't think you're mean.
Rachel Martin (07:47):
Never, never.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (07:48):
No, no.
Do you think that it's moredifferent stages of childhood
that this whole like your meanmommy thing happens?
Rachel Martin (07:57):
I think it's
Yeah, I would say it's phases to
me. It's like, when they'relittler. It's over more
ridiculous things. But as theyget older, it's definitely
because they want more freedom.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (08:10):
Yeah
Rachel Martin (08:10):
And it's really,
it's tough because I get it
because all of a sudden, youknow most of history. You're 16
17 18 you're on your own. Andnow we're like you guys, you're
not on your own yet. You're kindof really an adult. But here you
go do your homework and do allthis stuff. And so I feel like
there's that tension where theywant the freedom. And then you
(08:31):
know, they're stuck in aframework, the school system or
whatever it is where they don'treally have it all yet.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (08:36):
Right.
Right. So like physically,they've
Rachel Martin (08:39):
Right
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (08:39):
matured
and yeah, like out in the wild,
Rachel Martin (08:42):
we hope so.
Right?
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (08:44):
Out in
the wild they could be,
Rachel Martin (08:46):
Right
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (08:46):
you
know, running around and having
babies but they'd also befighting saber toothed tigers,
and we are
Rachel Martin (08:51):
Correct
Jennifer Weedon Pala (08:51):
protecting
them from all of that
Rachel Martin (08:52):
Correct. And we
provide food because they're all
very excited no matter what agewhen I come back from the
grocery store. Becauseinevitably, Thursday we always
do grocery shopping on Sunday,inevitably, Thursday, Friday,
Saturday, I started to hear therumblings of like, are you gonna
go to the store again? Like likewe've never gone before? Like
it's almost panic like,
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (09:11):
Like
they're starving
Rachel Martin (09:12):
or right exactly,
exactly. They're just not
choosing what's in the pantry.
Jennifer Weedon Palazz (09:17):
Exactly.
It's yeah, it might as well notexist if that's not something
they want to eat.
Rachel Martin (09:22):
Right Taki's
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (09:23):
Oh my
goodness. My My daughter just
discovered those um yeah, I'vetaken to having to hide some
things like oh, we do too. Yeah,okay, good. I know I'm I mean
mom in my desk here in myworking area. There is a drawer
and there are certain snacks inthere that hopefully, They'll
(09:43):
find them eventually but fornow, they don't know where those
are. Because otherwise
Rachel Martin (09:48):
We have them
hidden because otherwise come
Monday we start hearing are yougoing to the grocery store?
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (09:53):
Yeah,
Rachel Martin (09:53):
because it's like
feeding frenzy. And then there's
nothing left. So yeah, there'sthere's there's spots. Some
spots.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (10:01):
So
there's that's a reason that
they think that we're mean. Butin reality, we're really just
like making sure that that theirfood lasts all week.
Rachel Martin (10:10):
So true. That's
so true. Or at least it's, it's
food that they want to have atthe end of the week,
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (10:15):
Right.
Right.
Rachel Martin (10:16):
But now my kids
because they'll label
everything. So like in therefrigerator, if somebody
doesn't finish, if you don'tlabel, it's a free for all.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (10:24):
Yeah,
totally
Rachel Martin (10:25):
go in there. And
there's like, post it notes and
different things so that peopleknow, that is that person's, and
actually, I labeled stuff too,like, mine don't touch,
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (10:37):
do they
respect the label, I feel like I
could write anything on there.
And if the kid wants it, they'regonna take it,
Rachel Martin (10:42):
there's a mutual
respect for the label. Because
if there wasn't, they know, thentheir stuff is fair game. So
there is a definite mutualrespect. It's like the dividing
line. It's like the little thingthat you put on the line at the
grocery store the little
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (10:57):
Yes,
Rachel Martin (10:57):
Between each
others. It's like that type of
respect, or the cones that youput in traffic, the label,
nobody messes with the label,it's pretty much law.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (11:05):
I like
that. I like that.
Rachel Martin (11:06):
Yeah It's good
its good
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (11:07):
mean
Mom, things. Is there anything
that you do like any mean mommove you've made that you didn't
think before you have kids, youwill be that mom.
Rachel Martin (11:19):
So my daughter,
Grace, she's a she's 22 now. She
loves to tell this story oflike, like, it's actually she
tells it in such a way where Istill feel bad. But I don't have
a lot of pay. I don't havepatience for lines, I'm just
going to put it out there. Idon't have paid, I will
inevitably choose the wronggrocery line, I will choose the
wrong line and traffic. If I goto Starbucks, there'll be a
(11:41):
line. And so my kids will know Ihave no patience. And there's
this time when she was made. Imean, she was a teenager. So
she, by this point knows I don'tlike lines, and don't have
patience. And we're in northernMinnesota. And it was this
summer, and we're going back tothe cabin. And I said, Well,
let's get let's get Dairy Queen,you know, a nice long thing. So
I go to the small town, DairyQueen, and the line. It's
(12:05):
ridiculous. I'm like, I can seethat they're slow. They're
behind. So I waited a little bitand I turned to them. I said,
You know what, this line is toolong. Let's just get let's just
get ice cream at the grocerystore.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (12:16):
Yeah,
Rachel Martin (12:16):
to this day, she
will tell you can you believe
that time it broke my heart shelike dramatize it.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (12:22):
Oh,
ohhh
Rachel Martin (12:23):
But I mean, those
are the things like some of the
little quote unquote meanthings. They're not really that
they I think the kids like thembecause they now they it's like
one of those things where theycan laugh at like, Oh, don't go
to Dairy Queen. Mom won't wait.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (12:36):
Right
now they have like a story and
they commiserate.
Rachel Martin (12:39):
They do
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (12:40):
other
about how mean you are
Rachel Martin (12:41):
Like I forgot
about it. And then she starts
telling it and everybody else inthe cars like oh, yeah, remember
that it was a tragedy. I'm likeare you kidding me. She's like,
I was planning on this blizzardand I had all these things. And
I was ready to go and nope, hereyou are no patience just zip
that car right out of there.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (12:58):
Well,
it sounds like you must have
been a pretty good mom. Overall,if the most traumatizing thing
that
Rachel Martin (13:03):
Yeah
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (13:03):
your 22
year old if she didn't get Dairy
Queen?
Rachel Martin (13:06):
Probably I would
like to think that I would like
to think that the boundariesthat we set actually help the
relationship is because theyknow we're that safe person that
to me is the bottom line is it'snot because trying to be mean,
I'm trying to do that. It's justI tell them like, I have X
number of years experience onyou guys. And I love you so much
(13:27):
that I know that this is theboundary.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (13:29):
Right?
Right. There's a lot with my 13year old. There's a lot of the
sort of like, Yep, I know. Ifelt exactly that same way.
Nope, that doesn't change mymind.
Rachel Martin (13:40):
Right? It's
rough, though. It is rough.
Because you look and oh, it'sjust you. I don't like that
part. I don't because I well,just as my own thing, I hate it
when people are mad at me. Sothen I'm like, they know that
too. So they know like so thenI'm like, Oh, they kind of you
know, feed that part. And I'mlike, okay.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (14:01):
That's
just one of the challenges that
we put up with people being madat us. Literally people that
live with us are often mad.
Rachel Martin (14:09):
Yes, they are.
Oh, and it's crazy. When boy, Ithink back to when they were
preschoolers and how mad theycould be like it was the end of
the world when it was bedtime.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (14:21):
Right?
Rachel Martin (14:21):
Like now my kids
were like, Oh, can I just go to
bed?
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (14:24):
Yeah,
Rachel Martin (14:25):
but when they
were little
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (14:26):
How
Dare you
Rachel Martin (14:28):
Yeah
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (14:28):
Ruin
their lives.
Rachel Martin (14:30):
Right, to get
some sleep?
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (14:32):
Well,
and now we would just kill for
some sleep.
Rachel Martin (14:35):
Right.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (14:36):
Can you
tell everybody that's watching
about your the new book that youhave out?
Rachel Martin (14:41):
So before you and
I went live, we were talking
about how we've been online fora long time. And I was been I've
been writing my site finding joysince like 2009. And in about
2011 I started writing lettersto moms because one time I wrote
something my mom wrote backLike, I love what you're
writing, but I feel like I'mfailing as a mom. And I was
(15:02):
like, well, she feels like she'sfailing. I often feel that way
too. So I wrote a letter back,but it was it was, and I was
getting ready to send it. Andher email address was anonymous.
So I ended up publishing it. Andthat was the first thing that
went really, really viral. Andall these moms were like, Oh, my
gosh, that's me, too. I have amessy sink, too. It was back
when social media was perfect.
Like.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (15:24):
Oh Yes
the olden days
Rachel Martin (15:27):
Yeah. And so I
just I started writing letters,
I, my website became letters,like when they were little.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (15:34):
Oh neat
Rachel Martin (15:35):
And as I was
going through different things,
or as I learned to, like, takecare of my own self again. And
what happened is, I have beenwriting another book right now.
And my publisher was like, youknow, everybody's been asking
for these letters. And I'm like,Yes, they'd want them in book
form. Because that's the numberone request I get. And they're
like, well, either we payattention to the universe, or we
(15:55):
ignore it. So we took all theletters, and I put them all
together in a book. And that'swhat it is. And I really, I
mean, I'm super, super proud ofit. And I love it because it's a
collection of like, long termmotherhood moments that as a
writer, I don't think I could goback and write with the same
(16:16):
rawness of what it's like tohave a preschooler as I did at
that moment,
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (16:21):
Yes. So
it's amazing.
Rachel Martin (16:23):
Yeah,
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (16:24):
You
guys have to check it out. I
will put the link to that in thedescription or the comments when
when we're offline. But wherecan they find it? It's on Amazon
Of course.
Rachel Martin (16:34):
It's on Amazon,
Books a Million, Barnes and
Noble and always like your localbookseller. I'm a big proponent
of really supporting them too.
So it's there and yeah, Momenough, right there.
Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (16:47):
Mom
enough, you guys. We are all mom
enough. Amen. Go continue beinga mean mom. And when you feel
bad about it, grab that book momenough. It was great talking to
you, Rachel. I'm gonna go bemean and put kids to bed very
well.
Rachel Martin (17:01):
I actually joke
about bedtime because I used to
sing. You know, it's the mostwonderful time of the year song.
Christmas when I would sing.
It's the most wonderful time ofthe day in my head for sometimes
because you just need a break.
Jennifer Weedon Palaz (17:14):
Sometimes
we just got to get to there.
Okay, well, it's so good talkingto you. Thanks for watching,
everybody. Thank you.