How to P.A.R.E.N.T | Jackie Santillan | MomCave Live

Get ready to explore the exciting world of mnemonic-powered parenting with our special guest, Jackie Santillan, the creative mind behind 'How to Parent.' We'll uncover the ingenious acronym 'Parent,' which stands for 'Possibly Actually Remember Everything Next Time.' This unique approach not only adds a delightful twist to gentle parenting but equips you with practical tools to tackle those unforgettable family moments. Join us for an engaging journey into the world of mnemonics in parenting!

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Transcript:
Jen
Well, welcome to MomCave LIVE where we may have lost our minds, but we haven't lost our sense of humor. I'm Jen from MomCave. And our guest tonight, I'm super excited to talk to you because I follow her. I watch all her videos, they're super helpful, yet she's also funny and not condescending. And she's gonna tell us how she's gonna tell us about a book that she just put out called, how to parent, but it's not that kind of book. It's not like how to parent I'm telling you what to do. Its parent, its capital P dot a dot, it's the initials parent, which is an acronym. So I'm going to introduce Jackie, tell us why your book's title is an acronym.

Jackie Santillan
Well, hi, first of all, thanks for having me this and what a lovely introduction. Thank you so much. Well, okay, so I wrote this book, because I am, I didn't invent parenting. Obviously, I'm not the first parent. I didn't invent gentle parenting. But I've always been a big fan of mnemonics and acronyms to help me remember how to do things. And so I started doing that on my social media, and people really responded. And it's helped them to remember some of the strategies. I think, when you're in the middle of a tantrum or meltdown, or like big emotions of any kind. It's really hard to remember what you've learned either. However you learned it, you know? So it's helpful to have an acronym that you can be like, oh, yeah, I remember when my kids and my kids having a meltdown. And this is what I should do. And so it's a book called How to parent which stands for possibly actually remember everything next time. And every chapter is an acronym or a mnemonic to help you remember what to do in those big situations.

Jen
I love that you call it the stop drop and roll of parenting. We all remember to stop drop and roll, right? Yeah, I would definitely misfire prevention.

Jackie Santillan 
I believe it I would expect anything less. Anyway. Wait, you like you taught it?



Read More here:
I'm Jen from MomCave. And ourguest tonight, I'm super excited
to talk to you because I followher. I watch all her videos,
they're super helpful, yet she'salso funny and not
condescending. And she's gonnatell us how she's gonna tell us

(00:30):
about a book that she just putout called, how to parent, but
it's not that kind of book. It'snot like how to parent I'm
telling you what to do. Itsparent, its capital P dot a dot,
it's the initials parent, whichis an acronym. So I'm going to
introduce Jackie, tell us whyyour book's title is an acronym.

Jackie Santillian (00:52):
Well, hi, first of all, thanks for having
me this and what a lovelyintroduction. Thank you so much.
Well, okay, so I wrote thisbook, because I am, I didn't
invent parenting. Obviously, I'mnot the first parent. I didn't
invent gentle parenting. ButI've always been a big fan of
mnemonics and acronyms to helpme remember how to do things.

(01:12):
And so I started doing that onmy social media, and people
really responded. And it'shelped them to remember some of
the strategies. I think, whenyou're in the middle of a
tantrum or meltdown, or like bigemotions of any kind. It's
really hard to remember whatyou've learned either. However
you learned it, you know? Soit's helpful to have an acronym

(01:33):
that you can be like, oh, yeah,I remember when my kids and my
kids having a meltdown. And thisis what I should do. And so it's
a book called How to parentwhich stands for possibly
actually remember everythingnext time. And every chapter is
an acronym or a mnemonic to helpyou remember what to do in those
big situations.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (01:51):
I love that you call it the stop drop
and roll of parenting. We allremember to stop drop and roll,
right? Yeah, I would definitelymisfire prevention.

Jackie Santillian (02:01):
I believe it I would expect anything less.
Anyway. Wait, you like youtaught it?

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (02:07):
Yes.
That was that was part of theduties. You you each fire
station had a misfireprevention. And you went around
and taught little children howto stop drop and roll and
firestation.

Jackie Santillian (02:17):
Did you have a sash?

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (02:18):
I totally had a sash.

Unknown (02:20):
I love it. And I wish that that was the job that I
could apply for right now.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (02:24):
I know, I would like to be queen of the
world. But I'm not. I'm aparent. So I feel like the
opposite sometimes. Jackie.
Okay. Before you became aparent, did you have any
expertise in parenting? Or didyou learn all or are you a
teacher? Or do you havepsychologist?

Jackie Santillian (02:45):
Yeah, well, okay. I'm not a psychologist.
But I was a teacher for 11years.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (02:51):
That explains a lot of it? Yes.

Jackie Santillian (02:53):
It is the reason that I know anything that
I know, I, if I would havebecome a parent before becoming
a teacher, my poor child, oh mygosh. And that's another reason
why I started doing all of this,because I feel like it's so
unfair, that teachers are notunfair, because teachers deserve

(03:13):
the training that they get. Butteachers get so much help in the
form of trainings. And parentsjust don't get that they don't.
And they're just like, you havea baby. They're like, here, you
can do it take it, you're ananimal, you know. And everybody
just does what their parentsshowed them. And so your parents
weren't experts, nobody'sparents were experts. So being a

(03:34):
teacher was really helpful. Iwas a horrible teacher my first
few years I screamed at my poorstudents, poor babies, and but
they still remember me, theylike send me messages on
Instagram all the time, like thetrauma wore off, I guess. But I
was horrible. And then I had togo get some training, because

(03:55):
otherwise I would have probablygotten fired. And I fell in love
with learning how to connectwith kids to, like, encourage
good behavior without having tobe like these who have a
classroom full of fear, and toset an expectation, so they know
what to do ahead of time. Soit's like much more likely that
they're going to do it. And so Ijust devoured all of that

(04:17):
training. And then I went got myMaster's in Counseling. So not a
psychologist, but I do. I dohave some extra training.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (04:23):
You have some expertise there for
sure.

Jackie Santillian (04:26):
A little bit.
I mean, my brother would notagree with you. My brother would
just say, oh my gosh, you'rejust my sister. But

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (04:31):
sibling rivalry. They know more than we
do. Yeah. So if anybody has aspecific parenting question you
want to learn an acronym for orsomething, just pop it in the
comments because we're watchingthe comments.

Jackie Santillian (04:45):
You probably watching better than I am, but
yes.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (04:49):
You know, my brain is always here,
there and everywhere. Youmentioned that most people learn
how to parent from theirparents, right. But what happens
when God love your parents. Theyweren't the kind of parent you
want to be. And I struggled withthat, because there was a lot of

(05:09):
spanking my house. And so Ialways said, I will never spank
my kids. I have not fully alwayslived up to that. But I try the
whole like concept of gentleparenting. How do you work
through like, what you weretaught and learn a whole new way
of being?

Jackie Santillian (05:27):
It is so hard. And I think one of the
first things that you have to dois realize that you have to kind
of repair it yourself throughthe process. Once you make the
decision, it does take like timeto learn what to do. And it
takes time to learn what yourtriggers are. And once you learn

(05:49):
your triggers, then you have tolearn how to calm yourself down
from those triggers. Because thefirst step in like dealing with
any big emotion with your kid ismaking sure that you're calm. So
not only you can help them, youare also modeling like, I can be
calm in your big emotions, nottoo big for me. And I can be

(06:09):
calm and help you through it.
And so I have a whole chapterabout emotional regulation
strategies, because so manypeople are like, how do think
I'm going to be able to teach mykids how to calm down, I can't
even calm down.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (06:22):
I'm having meltdowns and tantrums.

Jackie Santillian (06:25):
Same, honestly, same. And I had a big
talk with my son this eveningabout it. Because one of my big
like, activators my big triggersis that I when I'm running late,
which happens a lot because ADHDand I have time blindness, when
I'm running late, I get extrastress. So other things are on
top of that make me like reallystressed out. So I was just

(06:45):
telling him, You know, I havethis thing, and it makes me
stressed out and I need to takea deep breath. And for some
people, just hearing the phrase,take a deep breath is also
triggering, because they'relike, that doesn't help. And
you're probably right, itprobably doesn't right away and
telling your kid to take a deepbreath probably doesn't help
them. But I mean,scientifically, if you do take

(07:07):
some deep breaths, it will helpbut there are lots of other
things you can do. If that isnot the go to for you. I really
like reducing any sort ofstimuli. Like if I can close my
eyes, if you can wear likeearplugs that kind of take some
of the sound out. Or if youcan't do that if you can just go
into a darker room for a second.
That helps me running cold wateron your wrist helps me repeating

(07:28):
a mantra something like he's notgiving me a hard time he's
having a hard time. Something.
Yeah, that can just take you outof that anger before you
respond. So that's the firststep. And then something's
happening. Something's happeningout there. I'm a real mom with

(07:50):
real child who's

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (07:52):
I know, real children at any moment. And

Jackie Santillian (07:58):
I don't know if I answered the question. I
hope that I did.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (08:00):
Yeah, you totally do. So what is your
favorite acronym of all time forparent?

Jackie Santillian (08:07):
My favorite.
And probably one that I'm mostwell known for is the bratt
method. Which I love. Although Ihad I known that I was going to
be the acronym person, Iprobably would have not made it
brat because I don't want peopleto feel like I'm calling their
kids brats.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (08:24):
Okay, so easy to remember. And when
you're frustrated, and you'rethinking what a Bratt, then you
can remember the mnemonic,

Jackie Santillian (08:31):
exactly, and I tried to make the mnemonic not
just like a word, I tried tomake it relate to the situation.
So like, when your kids having ameltdown, the acronym is space,
because they need space, theydon't need you in the face of
that time. So like, the brattmethod stands for breathe, which
is what I just said, calmyourself down. It doesn't have
to be breathe, but calm down.
Are is recognize and that isrecognizing out loud what

(08:54):
they're doing with their body.
So you just threw that blockacross the room, your eyebrows
are scrunched, your shouldersare up, you seem really mad.
That's a is acknowledging thefeeling so you recognize what's
going on with the body and thenyou acknowledge what they're
feeling or at least guess. Andif you're wrong, they'll tell

(09:15):
you that I'm frustrated, youknow, whatever they tell you and
then T is tame. So hopefullyahead of time you've had a
chance to work on some calm downstrategies. I'm working right
now on a calm down cornerdigital guide because people are
always asking me how to set thatup and get that practice started
with your kids. You got it butif you can just kind of like

(09:37):
gesture at it like remember yourcalm down go down over there.
Now it's not timeout. It's aplace that they would like to
go. Calm down. Yeah, or I justwith my son he really responds
well to like if I just hand himone of his stuffies he doesn't
have a stuffy that's like histhing. But if if he's stressing
out I can hand him one and hekind of uses it to wash his wash

(09:59):
his boogers and just you know,that's the thing. And then the
last T, it's a double T Bratt,like Benjamin. And it stands for
Teach. And I added that onelater. But that is something
that you also add later. It'snot something you do in the
moment when everybody's calm.
You take a moment, you're like,hey, next time you're mad,
because your tower fell down.

(10:21):
Call me, I hope Yeah, or, youknow, walk away for a minute,
and then come back and rebuildit. So it's just telling them
what to do next time.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (10:28):
Yeah, that's been super important in
our family. It's like thedebrief later, has always been a
good thing. Like, what could youhave done differently? What
could I have done differently?
I'm also a big believer inapologizing to my kids, like,
Okay, mommy was really stressedout. And I did not mean to raise
my voice. I'm sorry. But whenthat was happening, it makes me

(10:51):
stressed out. So let's talkabout that. And yeah, like in
the debrief, sometimes we haveto apologize.

Jackie Santillian (11:00):
That is so powerful, and so amazing that
you're doing that. That's one ofthe best things you can do to
teach your kids how toapologize, first of all, is
like, Oh, my mom apologizes whenshe does something wrong, right?
And then to like taking thataccountability makes the
conversation so much easier.
Like if you start a conversationwith your kid after a big
meltdown like that, but like,I'm sorry, I raised my voice, it

(11:20):
disarms them. Like, they'reprobably like worried that
you're going to come in andshout at them. But if you
apologize, first thing, they'relike, oh, okay, I'm not in
trouble. This is okay, where wego in there ready to like,
listen a little bit more. Sothat's a great, great thing that

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (11:39):
we're in different stages of parenting
you, you have a little preschoolchild, right?

Jackie Santillian (11:45):
He just started kindergarten this year.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (11:49):
And my oldest is just turned 13. And I
always say like, it's, you know,if you can't figure something
out, and parenting is just No,it's a stage and that stage will
pass and then you'll be the nextstage and not know what to do.
So I'm in the next stage of notknowing what to do have the
teenager years now, I know youhaven't personally gone through

(12:10):
them yet. But do you have anyacronyms that you think would be
fitting? To help me because Ireally need some help?

Jackie Santillian (12:16):
You know, I don't know if I have anything
that's specifically written forteenagers other than but that
does give me somewhere to go inthe future. Maybe a part two.
And part two. Yeah, I do haveone for teaching kids how to
apologize if you Oh, that it'sthat one. And let me just

(12:37):
remember what the things are.
Because now I can't remember it.
I get on the spot, I get alittle bit nervous. And I can't
remember.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (12:43):
So much harder to remember things on the
spot.

Jackie Santillian (12:46):
Okay, so I have oops, and then I have how
which is setting expectations. Ithink that's helpful for
everybody before you go into anew situation like, this is what
I'm expecting out of you. Justthink and know what to do.
Right? Here, it's right here onpage 67. So the first "O" is own
up to it. Don't try to pin theblame on the other person. The

(13:08):
other O, is the other person'sfeelings, recognize them. P is
make a plan for the future. AndS is sorry, say that.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (13:18):
It's so important. Because I mean, I'm
sure you've met adults who justdon't know how to say I'm sorry.
Or the idea of it, like sodisarms them. So like, tears at
the core of their self esteemthat they can't say they're
sorry. And that affects theirentire lives, like your job,
your your relationships,everything.

Jackie Santillian (13:39):
It's bananas.
And I think in that chapter Ireference because I'm a big
Bronco fan. I reference the RealHousewives because none of them
can apologize. It's all like,I'm sorry that you felt that
way. Yeah. Or I'm sorry, butthat you got upset. Sorry, you
got upset? Yeah. And it's like,no, you have to own it. I'm
sorry, I hurt you. I'm sorry, Ibroke your toy. You are probably

(14:00):
scared when I get angry likethat. In the future. I will take
a deep breath before I talk toyou. I'm very sorry. And that's,
that's oops.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (14:12):
That's right. You just went through the
steps like that. Yeah. There issomething else you have going on
a new podcast. I know nothingabout it other than "Hiding in
Cars", which I assume means fromyour children. But what is it?

Jackie Santillian (14:26):
Yes, exactly.
Well, okay, so I started it forfew reasons. One is to was
because I wanted to have adesignated time where I'm
catching up with a friend.
Because I'm really bad atespecially when I'm going
through bad things likeisolating myself and not talking
to people. And so if I have iton the calendar, it's like, you
can't just hide you got to gotalk to a friend. Yeah. So my

(14:47):
friend Evelyn and I are doingthis. It's like a third podcast
we've started together. Butalso, so the hiding cars part is
we just, we pretend like we'rewith you in your car while
you're hiding from your kids orlike sitting in Starbucks. Some
like scrolling on your phone.
It's very just like you can tunein to now there's nothing too
deep on the main feed of thepodcast. We're just chatting.
And then we have a bonusepisode, which is where we will

(15:09):
answer parenting questions,because the other reason was, a
lot of people ask me questionson Tik Tok and on Instagram and
on Facebook, and I can't get toall of them to make videos. And
sometimes I just don't have timeto make a video. But I want to
address some of those questions.
So it was a way to like, addressit in a broader way and give

(15:31):
people another way to reach us.
So

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (15:34):
that's a great idea. Yeah, thanks. Um,
one of my favorite videos ofyours is the one about setting
expectations. And sorry, noworries. She has a frog in my
throat. No, I think I have afrog in my house.

Jackie Santillian (15:49):
I'm not kidding says with frogs. We'll
talk about frogs.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (15:52):
Yeah, we can do a whole thing on
frogs. But there is a tinylittle frog that was wedged
between two parts of the slidingglass door a few hours ago. And
and we're like, oh, we have tofind a way to get it out and get
it out. Somebody close the door.
So now it's like in the insidepart, and it's I don't know
where it is. So I after this,I'm gonna go upstairs and frog
hunt.

Jackie Santillian (16:12):
Yeah. Are your kids frog lovers? Are they?
They're pretty.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (16:15):
They're pretty cool as animals. My
daughter loves every kind ofanimal, including snakes with me
was like, what? Yeah, firstly,just fine.

Jackie Santillian (16:24):
Except for you've gotta like, you gotta
know your snakes. If you want tobe a snake lover, right?

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (16:29):
You don't want to love on the wrong
snake. All right, it's kindalike men. No, no, so man's gonna
be mad at me for calling themsnakes. But, um, okay. And then
another thing you've got goingon? Very funny. I hear you.
You've invented a away. For usto continue to be the slacker

(16:49):
moms we are and get some somelove and relaxation while
parenting.

Jackie Santillian (16:57):
My sister in law actually sent me a video of
and I think you've experiencedthis of like a dad laying on the
couch with a shirt with roadsall over the back of it. And a
kid is driving the car. She waslike, you could totally make
sure it's like this, I have ashirt shop already. She's like,
you can make shirts like this.
So people could stay part of theparenting game when they're like
sick or tired or whatever, whenyou want to participate. But you

(17:19):
also don't have the energy toget up off the couch. And so I
have, I'm going to show you lovethem. This is a scavenger hunt t
shirt. So it's the the name isXhsted is short for exhausted.
And then so you put this on andthen its on your tummy. And then
you can you can like do fourcorners or bingo or whatever,
you know, straight lineblackout. And it's like

(17:42):
something shiny, something thatsmells good. Something's off,
leave to go find stuff. There'swhat? When we'd like a blank
face that they have to make faceand hair and stuff out of our
clothes from items that are inthe house.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (17:56):
Oh my gosh.

Jackie Santillian (17:58):
And the last one is a Halloween one. My son
and I played this yesterday,actually. It's like a guest who
so you pick one? And then you'relike, Is it alive? Does it have
eyeballs? Can it walk and thentry to get them to guess. So
those are all on Etsy.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (18:15):
Feel that those are totally fun. So
tell everyone where they canfind you and the podcasts and
the shirts, all the stuff andall the acronyms.

Jackie Santillian (18:24):
I said I had ADHD, I wasn't lying, I cannot
stick to one thing. Like there'sstuff everywhere. I'm at kind
minds underscore smart hearts.
And in my link tree, you canfind all of that other stuff. My
book is on Amazon, if you search

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (18:39):
on the comments, Link Thank you book
should be in the comments if Idid this, right.

Jackie Santillian (18:45):
But it's if you search how to possibly
actually it'll come up if yousearch for how to parent like a
million books. I did not think

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (18:52):
that through a million books that
don't really help and at thesame

Jackie Santillian (18:57):
I promise it's not judgy I promise it's
really easy to read. I made itlike double spaced pages so that
it's like you feel like you'veread 100 chapters. It's

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (19:05):
it's an awesome, accomplished. Look, if
anybody here watches yourvideos, they know you're not
judging. You're awesome and downto earth so thanks for chatting
with me. Thanks for watchingeverybody and I'm gonna go frog
hunt.

Jackie Santillian (19:20):
Yes, good luck. I wish you good luck on
that. Thank you. Thank you