Nurture How To Raise Kids Who Love Food Their Bodies And Themselves | Heidi Schauster | Momcave LIVE - MomCave LIVE

Episode Transcript
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Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (00:11):
Welcome to MomCave LIVE where we may
have lost our minds, but wehaven't lost our sense of humor.
I'm Jen and I have a really funguest. That's not only fun, but
informative for you today, and Ihope you guys will take
advantage of all of herexpertise. This is Heidi
Schauster. Welcome, Heidi.

Heidi Schauster (00:30):
Thank you so much for having me, Jen.

You are very welcome. Um, Heidi sent me
an email a while back. And ittook us a while to connect,
because Oh, my God, kidsschedules school life, right.
But what caught my eye onHeidi's email, Was it it said in
the subject line. Kids need toeat processed foods. And I was

(00:55):
both thrilled, mystified, and Idon't know. So I wanted to talk
like start there as a jumpingoff point. I always feel like my
family doesn't eat healthyenough. But I love food so much
and everything that I love isnot that healthy. So that's how
it is in our house. And I alwaysfeel guilty about that. Maybe

(01:18):
you have a reason that will helpthe rest of us out there not
feel so guilty. What Why do kidsneed to eat processed foods
Heidi?

Well, first of all, unless you're like going
into your backyard, and growingall the grain and milking the
cow, just about everything thatwe eat is processed.

Sure

So there's this this idea that, like we should
avoid processed food, a lot ofit is really born from like this
sense that like there's a moralimperative around what we eat.
And I think we need to becareful about that. We have to
be careful about it withourselves as adults, but also,

(02:01):
particularly with kids, thisidea that there are good foods,
and there are bad foods, I thinkcan be really dangerous for
young people, because it sets upa system where they're really
thinking about food in theirmind, as opposed to feeling it
in their bodies, and working andapproaching eating with self

(02:22):
regulation. Instead of likethis, like more brain kind of
way of thinking about food. Soyeah, that's where I'm coming
from.

Yes, you and my husband, we get along
so well, because wheneversomebody says anything about
processed foods, he goes onthis, like round, he's like,
everything is processed, if youYeah, if you pick this, it's
processed, you put it in a box,it's processed. Of course,
sometimes I think that's likeour excuse for eating more
processed foods in

Yeah, I mean, I'm a big fan of like gardening
farming, like local, you know,supporting the local economy,
supporting local farmers takingcare of our soils, I'm, you
know, I'm certainly the firstperson to like, appreciate food

(03:13):
in its like purest form, right.
But that said, life happens, westill we do need to eat
convenience is there for areason, it's certainly much
better, to put food on the tablethat's balanced, and has been
processed in some particularway, whether somebody helped you

(03:35):
out and chopped those vegetablesor not, or you did it yourself,
you're still serving, you know,good food to your family. So I
just think this like demonizingof processed food is, can be
insidious, and like dangerous,it really gives this message
that. Again, some foods aregood, some foods are bad, I'm

(04:00):
really wanting kids to feel veryneutral about food. And, you
know, and in terms of like, howto do that it's to like, not
give food, those kinds oflabels,

okay,

around kids so that they can like make choices
from a more internal place.
Regulation as opposed to otherpeople telling them what to eat
or not eat, which they may ormay not rebel against too,

right.
That's what I was thinking asyou were saying that it's a
little reverse psychology thingwith kids like if I if they know
I really, really want them toeat broccoli, they don't want to
eat broccoli, like they.

Absolutely, yeah. And um, and if you really
want them to eat certain things,I mean, really don't want them
to eat certain things. They maycrave them as well, like, well
that like, I feel like when Iwas my kids are now in college.
Um so but when my daughters weregrowing up, their friends who

(05:05):
were from sugar free householdswould always come over and like
raid our cabinets because, youknow, sugar was not off limits
in my house, whereas my kidsreally didn't have a lot of
charge around those kinds offoods at all. So I do think
there's something to be said forneutralizing and, and making
food. Just you know, again, youknow, not like a moralistic kind

(05:32):
of piece around it. Yeah.

So So say we are able to successfully
neutralize all feelings aboutfood in the household. Well, do
we get them to eat the goodones? Well, I mean, yeah you
know what I mean,

Yeah well, yeah, no,

it was to be neutral. But you know what
I mean,

I totally hear you. And I'm, you know, I'm
gonna nutritionist. So I wassort of trained with nutrition
science. And I understand kindof how the body works. One of
the things though, like, when Iwent to nutrition school, that
many decades ago, that I thoughtwas so useful to me at the time,
partly because I was recoveringfrom my own eating disorder, was

(06:13):
that, like, all the food that weeat breaks down into these basic
building blocks that our bodycan use. And it doesn't actually
matter, whether you get it frompasta, or bread, or fruit, or
all of carbohydrate that we eatbreaks down to glucose, and then
our body uses it, our cells useit. So there was something kind

(06:37):
of comforting and learning aboutthe actual science, around
nutrition and realizing thatlike, oh, you know, we actually
don't have to be so particularabout what we eat, like our body
can take care of that. And yes,we do get more vitamins and
beautiful phytochemicals thatare good for our health, from

(06:58):
things that are colorful, likevegetables, for example. But
then we also need nutrients thatare in all the foods that are
options to us. So diversity isreally best for the body. And
we're learning now as we learnmore about the microbiome and
our gut health. Diversity isreally important for our guts,

(07:21):
too. So I think that like,you're right, it's hard to like,
to not have moral language likeI've good or bad around food,
because that's sort of what howwe've been trained. But I'm
really I've been really workingon untraining. To really not,

(07:42):
you know, to really think aboutfood much more neutrally, both
so that we can prevent problemslike disordered eating and binge
eating. That, you know, kids canstart to exhibit, teens can
start to exhibit that's my fieldof study, but also so that we
can enjoy food, like food ismeant to be pleasurable. And

(08:05):
like, broccoli is actuallypretty yummy. If you like, put
it with a nice sauce,especially, you know, that like,
enhances the flavor. So I thinkthat like if we can approach
food with excitement, andenjoyment, and like, look how
colorful it is. And look howinteresting this diverse plate
is, then I think that we'regoing to, we're going to

(08:27):
encourage that diversity in ourkids eating more to

Yeah, so much is in the preparation.
And my mom will be watching thisand knows how much I love her
before I say this, and she knowsthis. I hated vegetables pretty
much until adulthood because inour house, mostly it was like
you took a can of green beansand you put the you know, you
heated them up. And maybe mygrandmother used to add a beef

(08:52):
bouillon cube to her greenbeans. And that was thought of
as high cuisine in our house. Soyou know it when your vegetables
are just like, blah, you're notgoing to love them. I got older
and I started going torestaurants and things and you
know, experiencing oh my god,like you could have amazing
green beans or brussel sproutsor broccoli, depending on how

(09:15):
they're prepared. And with my,especially my little one she is
in love with truffle salt, weput truffle salt on our
vegetables. And that's so that'sa good one. Um, I love that you
have your background and all ofyour accreditations and all of

(09:35):
the research in the learningthat you've done, but you've
also had some personalexperience in this whole field.
So I was wondering if you couldtell people like what are some
of the signs you look for? Todetect disordered eating early
in children? What might you seethat would make you have a cause

(09:56):
for concern?

Okay, no, it's a great question. Um, Um, I
would be concerned about a childwho seems very obsessed with
food. And I don't mean like thatthey enjoy food. Because food is
meant to be a pleasure, but thatthey seem like very preoccupied
with that they're talking aboutit all the time, you know, maybe

(10:20):
even researching it all thetime. Also, if a child or teen
shows evidence of hiding food,perhaps there's some shame
around their eating, which wouldbe useful to know about. So if
there's like, you know, wrappershidden and things like that,

(10:43):
like it's worth asking aboutthat it might just be that they
like to like, hang out in their,their bed cave and with their
book and but what sometimesthere's like shame in eating
like whether maybe they've beenteased or something about their
body. And so when they want toeat something yummy, they feel

(11:06):
compelled to do it in secret. Sothat could be a sign that maybe
there's something going on inthe relationship with food
potentially, or that food islike being used as a soother
significantly, like we all eatemotionally. Like if we eat
birthday cake we eatemotionally. But um, but if it's

(11:27):
seems like food is being used asa reward or a soother a lot,
that may be a learned behavior,perhaps from other family
members, maybe. Or peers. Butsomething to sort of like, just,
you know, watch.

Yeah,

Yeah. You know, show extra love and concern when
you see someone's likerelationship with food might be
going a little off.

Yeah.
And then if a parent isconcerned, where do they go? Do
they visit the pediatrician? Whodo you go to? Where do you
start?

That's a really good question. And it like,
there's no like right answer tothat one. Unfortunately, there's
like, like, I think if you'reconcerned that your child is
either, you know, not fuelingthemselves well with food, or
their relationship with foodcould be troubled. Certainly,
you could bring that up with apediatrician, it's always good

(12:25):
to get a sense if there's like,if they're dropping off of their
normal growth pattern. That's,you know, a little bit of an
alert. And, you know, there aretherapists, psychotherapist, and
you know, nutrition therapistslike myself, who specialize in
working with kids and withdisordered eating, that can be

(12:50):
consulted. Often, if somebody'slike, under 12, like the child
is under 12, the parents willjust be come in for a
consultation, because it'ssometimes you don't want to give
too much attention to the issue.
But if it's Oh, if the child'sover 12, then they might be
worked with individually aswell, since they're starting to

(13:11):
make some of their own decisionsabout food. And their autonomy
is shifting in theiradolescence. So that's
definitely people available, butI would like look for I'm gonna,
I'm gonna add this insert thisbefore you move on, which I
would look for professionals whohave a health at any size
orientation, or a haze, H A E Sorientation, which means that

(13:33):
they are specifically orientedto not shaming individuals
around their body because some,some young people are just
designed to be larger bodiesthan others. And I think we have
to be really careful aboutweight stigma and health care.
So I'll just put that out there.

Great and so that kind of segues into
my my last question for you, youwere just talking about
autonomy. And as the kids get alittle older, how much autonomy
should we give younger childrenin what they have to eat or
allowed to eat? Do we, you know,how do we give them some
autonomy, but make sure thatthey're healthy?

Yeah, super great question. It's such a hard
one. And I have like, a lot ofcompassion around this topic,
because I, you know, raised twoyoung women now, as well. And I
think I love Ellyn Satter's,Division of responsibility. He
says that the role of theparents is to make a diverse

(14:47):
amount of healthy foodavailable, and the role of the
child is to eat it. So it's likepretty straightforward that when
we start crossing into the laneof the child and Start telling
them what to eat or how much toeat or don't have that or do
have that, then we're actuallylike crossing a boundary there,

(15:09):
that ultimately, our goal is tomake good food available to put
it on the table, or if it's ayoung child, obviously, on their
plate. As they get older, I'm abig fan of having kids sort of
self select from what's on thetable, like family style, as
much as possible. So they canlearn to self regulate, and kind

(15:31):
of get connected to theirappetite more. But, but in
general, having things availableis the parents role or the
caregivers role. And eating isthe kids role. And in the
reality is in like developingcountries, like developed
countries, I mean, that like wedon't, the kids don't starve.

(15:54):
Like we like if a child doesn'teat well, at one meal, they're
likely to make that up at thenext meal or snack period. So we
don't have to panic, it's betterif we can be pretty chill at the
table. And let them do some selfselecting of how much of the
things to eat. There. It'salways great to like, make

(16:15):
suggestions. Yeah. And say like,you know, it took me a long time
to really like carrots to like,like, maybe, you know, maybe
let's give them a try again,tonight. Your Battles don't get
into a huge battle with kidsabout it. Sometimes they need to
try things. I think my internwhen we were doing research for

(16:35):
my new book, we, like looked atall the research. And she found
that like, it was somewherebetween 13 and 30 times yeah,
need to try a food. Like acceptit. A lot of times are more
cautious than others justnaturally to so. So like, you

(16:56):
know, just exposures reallyimportant.

Yeah,

I think it's important.

I get how it works for meals, because
I'm, I'm a big like, well, thisis what we're having for dinner.
This. I don't like this. Well,this is what we're having for
dinner like that I got. And likeyou said, I never worry if they
don't eat then they'll eat moretomorrow. But it's the snacks
that get me because if it whenwe're talking about what's
available, like, I want to haveDoritos available in the house,

(17:27):
right? Because I want to havethose later, when I'm watching
TV. But if those are availablein the house, my kids are never
going to go and pick the bananato eat. So what do you do?

I'm a big fan of having the bananas and the
Doritos and, and like lettingthem select. You know, they're
what they're into, from time totime. And maybe sometimes the
Doritos aren't available becausethey ran out and they try
something different. And thenthey realize, Oh, I really liked
this snack food better. But I'ma big fan of like, especially if

(18:04):
it's something that you like toeat. Like it like at some point,
someone will come downstairs andbe like mom's eating the
Doritos. Why does she say Ican't eat? Like, if you're gonna
have a food rule, you kind ofhave to have it. So the whole
family follows. And there'snothing there's absolutely
nothing wrong. In fact, Doritosaren't like, usually craved that

(18:26):
much unless they're seen asbeing like a special thing that
we only get once in a while. Ingeneral, like in general food,
like loses its charge when it ismore neutral. Yeah

That's that's a great way of thinking
about it. I really appreciatethat. Heidi's book is called

Nurture (18:48):
How to raise kids who love food, their bodies in
themselves. And if you go overto the comments, you can see the
link of where to find it. Youcan also find Heidi on your
@nourishingwords is your handleon all the places? Yes. Well,
thank you. Thanks for sharingyour nourishing words with me.

(19:09):
I'm going to think of you as Igo and prepare something healthy
for lunch. And I'll save myDoritos for tonight. Ross don't
eat them. Yes, yes. Thank you somuch. And if you all have any
more questions for Heidi, youcan feel free to put them in the
comments. And this will be herefor everybody to refer to

(19:29):
good luck with the book.
It's amazing. And thank you fortalking with me.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

You're so welcome. Thanks

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