Parenthood Poem of the Day | Samantha Reynolds | Bent Lily | MomCave LIVE - MomCave LIVE

Episode Transcript
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Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (00:09):
Welcome to Mom Cave live where we may
have lost our minds, but wehaven't lost our sense of humor.
I am Jen and our guest today isSamantha Reynolds. And she's
gonna pop on the camera anysecond. Hi, Samantha.

Samantha Reynolds (00:21):
Hello. Hi, Jen.

Are you a SAM or Samantha?

I'm totally a, Sam. Yeah, I'll clean my room
if you call me Samantha.

Good. I want I want to be like, you
know, casual. So I felt like Samis much more than smart, casual.
Cool. Okay, so. So if you don'tknow who Sam is, she goes by the
nom de plume. Is that all yousaid? The very fancy way of
saying her right. Her name isBent Lily on Instagram. And

(00:52):
despite being a mom like therest of us and having a real job
and everything, Sam writes apoem every single day for how
many years now?

Well, I can count because my son's 12. So
yeah, 12 years. Holy,

holy moly. Okay. That's there's so
much to unpack there. And Ican't wait to do it. Janice
saying hello from the Bronx.
Hey, hello, Janice. If you haveany questions for Sam, just pop
them in the comments, and I willread them out loud. So, Sam,
okay, tell me about when didpoetry start?

So I was given advice. I don't know if
you remember this, but I was getadvice when I was pregnant. Like
this first year of you being amom, and this first year of your
new baby's life. It's sofleeting, like it's gonna just
like it's, you know, before youknow it, it'll be gone. And
really, like it'll be it mightbe hard, but like, really try to
savor it. Because, you know,before you know it, you know,

(01:47):
this little like infant phasewill be over. And I was on deck
for it. Like I'd you know, I'vebeen reading yogi, I was like,
ready, I was like, I'm gonnameditate my way through this,
I'm really going to be observingSorry, I'm

Jennifer Weedon Palazz (01:59):
laughing at you after you. Go on.

And then you know, like it was it actually in
some ways, it wasn't he was apretty good sleeper. Like, it
wasn't hard in the ways Iexpected. I know, for it to be
hard. It was just so much moretedious than I expected. And I
was really like It made mereally sad. Because I was like,
like, I'm not, this isn'tgrueling. It's just kind of

(02:26):
boring. Right? And, and then Ithought, well, maybe there's
like another way to, I don'tknow, to, like, make the best of
this, this this time. And forme, as a writer, if I'm, if I'm
writing, I'm observing. And Ithought if I like if I take time

(02:49):
to, like slow down in some ways,rather than just like
administering to this new littleperson. Like maybe there's some
wonder like, in the mix of kindof all the sameness of like, day
after day. Yeah. And I thoughtmaybe I'll journal and then I
thought, that seems sort of likea amorphous and I thought, oh,

(03:09):
maybe I'll just write like oneshort poem every day about
whatever. And it'll kind of likehone in my observing instincts
again. And it was reallybeautiful. It was this really
like, and I didn't, and I stilldon't really put a ton of
pressure on myself to, you know,I'm writing a poem every day. So
like, I'm not expecting any onepoem to be a Pulitzer Prize

(03:30):
winning piece of work. It's justlike, it's a way being creative.
It's a way of like noticing thelittle details that otherwise
would just be missed. And it, itmakes it also makes me see humor
in situations that otherwise Imean, I still get irritable,
like we all do, but butsometimes, like, instead of

(03:54):
losing my mind, sometimes I'mlike, this is actually
hilarious. And I'm sort of inthe moment more. So yeah, so I
just kept going, I just neverstopped there. So

okay, I have a lot to say about that.
First, I want to say Instagrampeople, I hear you, they say
they can hear me, but not Sam.
Oh, I can't hear Sam. And she'sgoing to try to adjust
something. But if that doesn'twork, go over to
facebook.com/momcaveTV, andwe're also streaming there. And
we're also on YouTube slashmomcave.

All right. I turned my volume back on,

let's say just turn it off.

Yeah, that's,

that's the word I will say. So first of
all, I listened to anotherinterview with you earlier
today, you know, to do myhomework, and you used a great
phrase you said it helps youfind the magical and the
mundane. And that's like that isthe epitome of motherhood. I
gotta tell you, because itfeels, yeah, the days feel so

(04:53):
mundane, but it's also the mostmagical thing in the world that
you have another human that youare you are rasing to be an
adult human. Right? So that'shuge. But okay, Instagrams, good
now they're all good. Okay, sowe can concentrate on the nitty
gritty here. All right, so, um,when did you? How, how this is

(05:18):
the question, how, how did youwrite a poem every single day,
especially in those early timeswith a baby?

Yeah, um, you know, I like, not very, like
romantically. So I didn't like,I don't have a quill, I don't
have like a beautiful moleskinjournal. I have my, I have my

(05:47):
phone with me, like, all times,basically. And so as I and, this
is still true, like, as I'mgoing about my day, or something
will catch my eye. And I'll justlike, I have little notes folder
on my phone. And I'll just, likewrite a few things down in my
phone. And then for me, I'm abit of a night owl. And so it

(06:10):
was always, like, the longeststretch of sleep was usually at
night for the kid. And so Iwould, I would, like I'd put him
down. And then I would just likevery ergonomically, like,
awkward position, I would justlike open my laptop, wherever I
was sometimes, like, in, youknow, his room or wherever. And

(06:32):
I would just like punch out apoem. And it was really about
the act of didn't, like, Ididn't sweat over it, it was
like, yeah, 15 or 20 minutes,like it was really the act of
and it didn't share them at all.
At the beginning, either. It wasreally just like, I only started
sharing them because I needed tobe accountable to like somebody
a friend, my friend, Keith, whowas like, create a little blog,

(06:56):
and he showed me how to do it.
And he was like, all just belike, you're like, Oh, I'll
check your like homeworkassignment make sure you like.
Yeah, it was just for him aslike my first reader, and then,
and he was like, Yo, Sam, theseare really beautiful. You
should. And so he helped melike, share them a bit more

(07:16):
broadly. And then. And then itbecame this beautiful kind of
public expression of creativityand a little bit of like, I
mean, I don't share everything,I am mindful that I am writing
about my kids and my husband.
And so there's, I share a lotbut I'm I'm mindful not to share
absolutely everything but atleast something every day.

Yeah, it's so nice that you make what
is. So it's an art form. And alot of people might have
different art forms that they donot poetry, maybe someone here
or paints or knits or whateveryou do dances. So many times
when we become a mother, our artform is like the first thing to
go. Because nobody thinks ofthis as essential, right? And

(08:03):
you have found a way to keep it?
But also like, I don't have toimagine like you said, you don't
have a quill. When I first heardpoet I'm thinking you're like,
up in a tower somewhere writingthese things about like,
despair. And motherhood isn'toften the most, you know, poetry
friendly thing. Everybody kindof thinks again that it's

(08:26):
mundane, but you've found a wayto make this work and to bring
this art to your everyday life.
So would you mind reading one ofyour poems for us? Yeah. Okay,
this one I really identify withand and I must think it's, it's
her poems are very, very varied.
Is that a thing you can say veryvaried in style and subject in

(08:46):
length, and I picked a couple ofshort ones, which you could
check out the hazards of rushingaround. I feel that today,

okay. Yeah, so hilariously, I have to
leaving because I do not have myglasses. So I'm gonna do my
best. If I can actually get thison my screen. So short one the
hazards are rushing around. Sherushes around, but not like a
chicken without a head. She ismore efficient and dangerous.

(09:20):
This is a train fendering pasther own life without a driver.

Nice.
So many of us can identify withthat. We're all rushing around.
And there's not only does itmake you like exhausted crazy
stressed out and feel likeyou're failing and everything.
When I say you, I mean meeveryone may feel that way. But
it also there's also like thispower in it sometimes to like,

(09:48):
well, I'm rushing around becauseI am doing all the things and I
am doing them like it sucks, butthey're getting done. And I'm
the person in charge of thedoing of all the things so
theres Like a power in that?

Yeah. Yeah, no, for sure. And there is, you
know, I'm, I'm, like, mindful ofmaking sure the poem in some
ways isn't one more item on myto do list. Like, that's the
other piece. And so for me, Iguess the other, like, the other
aspect of this is that the poemis, I do love to write and so

(10:28):
and the act of creatingsomething everyday is really,
like it is really fulfilling,it's a it's a part of my
identity, I really enjoy it. Butthe, the the way that it kind of
torques, my way of being in aday to be more observant is
actually the point like that isthe point and, and that's not

(10:49):
really a that's, like blissfullynot an item on a to do list that
gets checked off. It's kind of Imean, like, I'm, like, no Zen
master, like going about my lifein like, you know, harmony with
everything. But it like, itraises my frequency, like even a
little so that I am just likeless brittle in the world and

(11:13):
more in it. Yeah, it is. Becauseotherwise, yeah, I also run a
company, you know, life is busy.
And so I don't want the poem tofall prey to that kind of
hazards of rushing around.

Right?
I love to picture you writingthe poem in on different days.
So a quiet day of in fact, youknow, a day where you're like,
Oh, my God, all I want, my eyesare closing, I'm gonna fall
asleep. Like I want to write thepoem. I want to do it. I like to
picture that. I have a questionabout what is the weirdest like
place or circumstance that youwere in and wrote the poem like

(11:49):
you wrote, you didn't havesomething to write on? And you
wrote it somewhere, or you're ina bizarre location, and you had
to do your poem? Oh,

I would say Mmm Hmm, good question. I, I
wrote a poem. This is a littlebit. So I wrote a poem when I
really should have beenlistening to a speaker which

(12:24):
feels like a bad thing to do,because I also am a speaker and
I would feel insulted if someonewas like multitasking. But I did
do that. Like like furtivelylike cable. Let's see, I I have
written a lot of poems. So thebathroom is the only room in our

(12:47):
house that locks so I'd likepretended to need to use the
bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. Many poemswritten in our bathroom. As the
kids get older, too, and likethey fall asleep later than I do
sometimes. I have less of that.
Like sacred time at nights Yeah.

(13:11):
Yeah. Bathroom poems. Have Iwritten a poem in a public
bathroom? Maybe? Maybe?

I think you should compile a book of
just called bathroom poems. Yes.
Just the bathroom ones.

There are poems about bathroom things,
too. Like, yeah, there's,

that brings me to something I wanted
to ask you about? Because onmomcave we never shy away from
bathroom things. Anyway, right?
What should we have videos aboutin all of it? Um, and again, you
guys, if you want to comment andask them a question of your own,
please throw it in the comments.
I'm watching them. Um, I heardthat you wrote a poem about your

(13:49):
son's fascination and demandingto see a used tampon. Oh, yeah.
I don't have to poem here. OrI'd make you like act it out. Do
artistic dance and what's itcalled? Interpretive, whatever,
but you're gonna tampon? Yeah,interpretive tampon dancing
would definitely go over onMomcave Live next time. Totally.

(14:11):
Tell me about that.

Yeah, so um, you know, every once in a while,
like I try to be, I try to be,you know, honest in what I write
about. But I'm a I'm a like, I'ma bit of a people pleaser, like
and so I don't love like, and Ireally don't have the nicest
community of readers. So Ireally don't like get the hate
back ever. But I was like, oh,like, I wonder if I'm gonna get

(14:35):
judged if I share this. So itwas one of the ones it was one
of the moments that I wrote apoem about and I really did
deliberate like should I sharethis or will people really like
flag me? Right? And it wasbasically that my son God, he
would have been like seven orsomething at the time. And, and

(14:56):
I was like behind our bathroomor locked bathroom door. I'm
changing my tampon and he askedif he could come in. I was like
no bubsy, and I'm just, I'mbusy. I've got my period. And I
need a moment. And he was like,Well, can I see it? And I was
like, why wouldn't I say yes tothis? I can my ashamed? Is it

(15:22):
weird? Is it too intimate? Is itlike it appropriated? Or is it
actually really, like the wrongthing to cultivate in him, like
a disgust about something that'stotally natural. And so like,
you know, I had like, 40,000thoughts going on at once. And
then I just, I was, like, youknow, I'm just gonna, I'm just

(15:43):
gonna go with my instinct here.
And I'm going to show it to him.
And I did. And he was written inthe poem. Ya know, he was like,
Really, you kind of matter offact, was, like, sort of looks
like a, like, a half eaten. AndI was, like, fair. And then and

(16:07):
then he was like, you know,like, just moving along with
his, like, he asked to seesomething. I showed it to him.
He moved along, and then Iwrote, and then I shared the
poem in the end, and it was sucha beautiful moment, because I
got this like, swell of justlike, ah, you know, like, thanks
for sharing that. And that waslike what you did, and I got

(16:28):
none of what I was, like, afraidof which was like, You're a
disgusting person. And, like,you should be locked away. I get
none of that.

You must have the best followers
ever. Because? Every once in awhile, yes, um, but I think you
did the right thing. Because youdon't want to hide things from
children. There's nothing to beashamed of. You don't want them
to have like a sense of grossshamelessness about something
that's so natural, right? Yeah.
Yeah, my mom was really goodabout that. Like, I don't

(16:58):
remember learning about a lot oflike, the first time having a
talk because she was always justso open. Which some of my
friends think is weird anddisgusting, but it worked for
us. Yeah. I'm someone on a wehave Ronnie saying I love the
kids don't have the samecultural social judgments that
adults do. That is very true.

(17:21):
Hi, hi, they're taught thatthing. I was just I had a
comment up on the screen, I'llput it up again, this is the URL
if you wanted to find the poemabout a tampon. I kind of love
saying that. So check it out.
Um, I had a moment in publiclike that with my son. And he
was like three or four. And wewere in a very crowded CVS and

(17:43):
Manhattan, there was a line ofpeople behind me probably 20
people behind me, and we'rechecking out at the checkout,
and I had like three items, andone of them happened to be a box
of tampons. And as I pushed ittowards the cashier, my child
said in the loudest point voicepossible to the cashier there
for her, butt it was like, well,close. Um not exactly, but he

(18:05):
did. And the people are likelaughing and it was humiliating,
but also now one of my favoritememories with my son because to
him, it wasn't like anything tobe embarrassed about. It was
kind of interesting to him likewow, right. Yes, you know,
during can educate them to theexact

That reminds me my son when I was pregnant
with my daughter, he would havealso been about three and, you
know, I put on like a healthyamount of weight. I was
pregnant. And he saw me gettinginto the shower, and he looked
at me kind of from behind and hewas like, Mama, also pregnant in
your bum. No,

no.
Yeah, yeah.

Good question, but yeah, it

was a kid. Yeah, totally. We have a
question for you from Mikaela.
Do your kids enjoy your poems?
Do you have a favorite kid orpoem, Mikaela? I think she'd be
poem

yeah, you know, they're, they do like,
they do like the they like me tosometimes read my poems when
they have friends over likepoems that are about them. Yeah,
which is super sweet. And theyfeel I think they're 12 and nine
right now, so they still feelkind of like, like a bit excited

(19:27):
and honored. I think when like Iread a poem about them, and
they'll sometimes be like, oh,mom, that's total poem moment.
Maybe like I actually don't knowalways what's going to come out
and I don't like I said, I trynot to sweat over it because
like, I really wouldn't get itdone if I if I like, made it a
big like, Ah which I read abouttoday. So sometimes they're

(19:48):
like, Oh, like that was That wasclassic and you like, it didn't
morph into a poem and they feela bit insulted but so for now
they I'm aware, you know, asthey like, move in their teenage
years, you know, they might comedown and just say like no more
poems about me and that's okay.
Like they, they for sure I know.

(20:09):
And I share some photos, youknow, on my Instagram of them
because again, the community offamily leaders just seems to.
Yeah, they're just they kind ofjust love getting to know us as
a family, I think a little bitwithout it being any weird sort
of reality weirdness. Not likethe Kardashians

do.
Yeah,

we're like, the so not that. Interesting.
But, um, but yeah, they maydecide they don't want me to
write about them. And that'sthat, that will be okay. And,
yeah, the question of Do I havea favorite poem? I don't. I have
the poem that's behind me. It'snot, it's not necessarily my

(20:51):
favorite poem. I do love it. Butit's meaningful to me. It
doesn't have anything to do withparenting, but it's meaningful,
because so many people have justdone really beautiful things
with it like it was. It was madeinto a short film. Many, many,

(21:13):
many, like Countless people haveread it. Ask for permission to
read it at funerals and wow.
Like, just really like weepybawling, ugly cry experience.

What is that one called? So I can read
it afterwards?

Oh, yeah.
It's called I am not old.

Oh, my God, I need to read that right
away. That's great. That'slovely. I have another short one
of yours. Oh, you have a lovelyperson who's putting Shahla is
putting all of the URLs of thepoems so that's okay. Thank you.
I'm gonna check that one out.
Shahla

the designer if anyone Oh,

well, yeah.

She does all the artwork for all my poems.
And not only that she does sheposts everything for me. I
couldn't do anything of it.
Without her. She's

Jennifer Weedon Palazz (22:03):
amazing.
If you go and look at Sam'sInstagram account, you know,
it's not just a blank space withsome words on it. They're all
designed with this beautifulartwork. And now we know that
Shayla did it. And they're,they're great. Would you be able
to read this one? Or is it toosmall for you?

Yeah, I mean, Word doc, with like,

18.
You're smiling.

If I can, okay, I'm going to go away from
the screen. Okay, growing pains.
My son looked at his feet today,as though the long slabs of skin
and bone had stretched beneathhim overnight. And he said,
tears at the edge of his voice,Mama, I'm getting so big, but my

(22:48):
soul still feels so small.

That's lovely. Little goose. That's so
lovely. And that, you know, thatbittersweetness of they they're
they're getting older, butthey're still our children.

And they still feel I know my kids like
being little. They feel. Theyfeel like they're stretching
almost past their inner age orsomething like their inner age
feels littler than their height?
I don't know. Well, I

feel that way. I don't know about
you, but like, I don't. Inside.
I'm still I'm more the person Iwas at, like 12. I mean, I feel
like that's when I don't know.
It just does. And so sometimesyou look around, you're like, Oh
my God. I'm the grown up herenow. You know, yeah, I'm in
charge. But yeah, we are who weare. That's amazing. Um, I had

(23:50):
another Oh, this is a question Iwanted to ask you. And I hope
you'll you'll be honest. Yeah.
Of course, you're so honest allthe time you told me about the
tampons. So Have you ever misseda day and had to write two poems
next day?

Yes, totally.

Thank God because it's gonna be like,
I don't know if I can live up towhat I what I

do. I'm a little Type A, And also, like,
I, I feel like if I give myselfpermission to miss, then, like,
it'll be like a slippery slope,and I'll stop. So what I do is I
do like a scrap, like thescrappiest version, which truly

(24:33):
might be like, you know, likeone sentence like, it's like the
start of something and it's justyeah, like I've fallen asleep
before. Right and gotten up andbeen like, I don't have it in me
to like, really, like re alertmyself. But like, I'm just like,
a little scrap comes out andthen it's like, Okay, I've done

(24:57):
I've done something. Yeah, yeah,

sounds like So many things, you know,
if you can just do a little bitof it, at least you tried that
day, if you're trying to dosomething on a daily basis. A
few I used to dance whilegrowing up. And a few years ago,
I started taking ballet again.
And then during the pandemic, Istarted being like, I'm going to
do zoom ballet every day. And Ihave done some kind of ballet

(25:20):
every day since then. Butsometimes it's literally like,
you know, two minutes, hurry up,get on the floor and stretch.
And then some days, it's thewhole class, but at least you've
like, Okay, I did something. Imade forward movement. So and
that applies to things likedecluttering your house, all the
other stuff we do every day,right? Just like a little

(25:41):
movement.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I think you're a very interesting
person. And I wish you livednext door. And I'm going to be
reading this every day from nowon, you guys. You can find Sam
her instagram name is Bent Lily,like the flower. And that's also
your website, I believe is itbentlily.com You can go to
bentlily.com. To learn moreabout her. There's merch there's

(26:09):
like shirts and things you canbuy with these beautiful poems
on them. And I would have readmore and more but I don't want
people to be bored of me online.
But I had a bunch that I loved.
So thank you for talking withme. You guys go check out
BentLily.com. And and beinspired that even if you're

(26:30):
exhausted, even if you're fedup, you could do a little bit of
something. A little bit ofsomething for you today.

Yeah, and thanks for just being so funny.
Jen. That laughing is. Yeah,it's kind of everything. So
often it's everything and Yeah,beautiful gift.

You are so welcome. Thank you guys. And
now of course I'm Jen frommomcave mom cave tv.com and at
mom cave on all the places and Idon't write poems every day. I
do try to do like a YouTubeshort or Tik Tok or an Instagram
or Facebook reel every day andso you can check those out. And
thank you. Thank you. It's goodto talk to you. Okay, bye,

(27:12):
everybody.

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