Why Mommy Drinks | Betsy Stover | MomCave LIVE - MomCave LIVE

Episode Transcript
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Betsy Stover (00:14):
Hi,

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo (00:15):
Welcome to MomCave Live where we may
have lost our minds, but wehaven't lost our sense of humor.
And I have a guest today that'sgoing to blow your mind because
she's hilarious. And we have somuch to talk about. And I'm
gonna put her on Tada!

Hello, everyone.
Hello, Jen. Thanks for having meon.

I'm psyched to have you on if you
guys don't know, Betsy. She's afunny lady. She's on all kinds
of TV and cool things. And she'sa UCB improv teacher person. And
she is on Why Mommy Drinks isher very funny podcast that's on
hiatus. And you know, she's gota bunch of kids. So we have so
much to talk about. Just a wholebunch, just a whole bunch. Um,

(00:58):
but I think the very first thingto talk about is the fact that
I, this is the first time thatwe've spoken to each other in,
like, 13 or more years, right?

I think so. It's been a very long time since I've
been able to speak with you faceto face.

I know.
I know. So I think that thestory, I don't know what your
side of the story will be. ButI'll tell my side of the story
because I think it was prettyfunny. So um, Betsy is a teacher
of improv at UCB. I am. So we'rein New York. I'm an actor. I
took improv, because it was theone kind of acting that I was
terrified of. I was like, Idon't know, make myself do this.

(01:36):
And so, yeah, that's what improvis, right? So I spoke, but
anyone who's not familiar withthe whole improv scene, it's
dominated by boys. I'm gonna sayboys, young men, like in their
20s and 30s. Like, and they'rereally cool. They they like
know, all the, you know, theyknow all the what's trending and

(01:59):
all the things that we don'tknow anymore. Right. Right. So I
was pretty pregnant at the time,and I walk in the room, and I
see my instructor. And it'sBetsy, and she's just as
pregnant as me!

I forgot about that. I remember you being
pregnant, but I forgot thedetail that I was also pregnant.

Yes.
And I was like, Oh my God, thesepoor guys. They're gonna be what
it is. It made me feel better.
Like, at least I'm not the onlyold, female pregnant person in
the room. Not that you're old.
But we were older than them. Forsure.

But yeah, They were all like 23. And we were
adult women who were havingbabies.

Yeah.
Yeah. So that was that was good.
So you've made that easier. Andone other quick story, I
remember that it was really,really hot one day, when we had
class like, over 100 degreeshot. And Betsy sent out a
message like telling people theydidn't have to come to class. It
was so hot. I don't even know ifthere's air conditioning. And I

(03:09):
frickin came to class. And I waslike, if the pregnant woman can
come, and the other pregnantwoman can teach you 20 year olds
are like, snowflaking out here.

Yeah, so we both we both showed up on the hot day

right.
We did. We did.

How's it going over there in the land of
teenager because

it's it's rough. It's rough. It's
rough. So both of our

So is it better in a lot of ways, right?

Yeah, I mean, they're, they're people
that you can talk to and enjoycertain things with and watch
movies that would have beenapproved inappropriate or
probably still are. But thenagain, they're also people and
they have opinions.

Yes, yes, they do.
They have a lot of sassy strongopinions.

Mhhm I know, Do you like how do you
deal with it? What's your Areyou are you improv Mom? Are you
funny? Are you like, blowing itall off and being funny? Are you
strict mom?

I'm a little bit of column A and B. I was raised
without a lot of boundaries. Andso and so wasn't strict in a lot
of ways and everything was kindof loosey goosey. And so my like
response to that is like I'vegot to have boundaries and rules

(04:34):
and I've got to make sure thatmy children can count on what's
what. But then I'm also marriedto another improviser and he's
he was raised by a perfectlylovely people with boundaries
good boundary is much more likeloosey goosey about everything.

(04:54):
So I do tend to be the bad copand he tends to be the good cop,
but I also think that tends tobe the case in a lot of
heterosexual parent childrelationships.

Yeah, I think mom does tend to be the
bad cop a lot of the time

More often than not.

Right?
Because, well, my thought islike, I'm the one that has to
get a lot of shit done aroundhere. And if no one's behaving,

Yeah

look good. For all like mom is like
the CEO of the family a lot ofthe time.

Mm hmm. Yeah.
Well, and also, it's like, Arewe allowed to swear on here?

Oh, swear away!

Okay.

Yeah.

I think moms know, like, if we fuck up, no one is
gonna be I mean, some people maybe but most people are gonna be
like, What did their mother do?
Right? But what about the motherand her failing? And so I'm
like, I'm also like, oh, gosh,like, especially when they're
13. It's like, oh, my gosh,we're running out of time. I got
five more years to train, beinga person and then you're gonna

(05:57):
be out there doing all kinds ofwild stuff. And if it's bad,
they're gonna blame me and

Jennifer Weedon Palazz (06:04):
Totally.
Yeah.

I've gotta do things.

Yeah, I keep like when he when he is
being not good. I think tomyself, like he wouldn't be
doing this. If I had. If I haddone better up to this point. I
obviously did not train thechild well enough.

Yes. If I had been perfect, you would be perfect.

Right?
Not gonna happen. We're not

What a lie that we tell ourselves.

No, no.
So you moved out to the sunnyCalifornia years ago?

Yes. Yes. We were in Brooklyn there for about
three years of of kids. Andthen. And then we came out to
California to mostly justpanning for gold. And, you know,
stake our claim on on territory.
None of that's true. But we didcome out here to you know,

(06:54):
pursue our entertainment dreams.

Jennifer Weedon (06:58):
Metaphorically, you are panning for gold.

We're Yeah, metaphorically. We're panning
for gold. And and hoping tostake our claim in that maybe
one day we'll own a home. Butyeah, the nice thing was that my
husband was working for acompany that at the time was was
just coming out here. And thenof course, the Upright Citizens
Brigade theater where we bothwork also is out here. And a lot

(07:20):
of our friends had already movedout here. And you know, that
having kids in New York City isreally hard. It's not. It's not
a city that even tolerates kidsso much

No

Like

They're a bother really

What yeah, they're a real bother. Yeah, it's an
adult. It's a city for adults.
Yeah. So coming out toCalifornia, it was like, you
know, you can drive places, youdon't have to carry all your
groceries home. You don't haveto worry about your child
running into the subway mouth orthe, you know, on the on the
tracks

Running out into the street. Yeah, but I
didn't know I've never lived inLA, I've been there it is more
child friendly.

It is more child friendly. It definitely is.
Yeah, cuz you can, if any, atthe very least you can drive
places and like, people don'thave to encounter your children,
if anything,

Right they're in an enclosed vehicle.

Like at the very least, if you need to change
your baby, and there isn't achanging station, you change
them in your car.

I know.
I pulled over on the side of theroad one day to change my kid
and I pulled in front ofsomeone's house, not on the
property, not in the driveway.
The man came out yelling at me.
And I've never forgotten thatman.

Isn't that funny how we remember

Yeah, just random things.

My husband and I went to the Westminster Dog Show
one year. And it was like it wason Valentine's Day. And when you
come early, you can kind of bethere all day watching all kinds
of dog events. And you can kindof sit wherever. But then there
are some seats where if theticket holder shows up, then

(09:06):
they they can just say hey,these are our seats and you you
go find a different seat. AndI'll never forget this older man
was so mean to us for sitting inhis seats. It's like 15 years
later, and I'm still like thatfucking

That man. You'll remember him
forever.

I will

I know.
There's something about that wesomeone's watching us from New
Zealand. Hi, Tina from NewZealand.

Oh, kiwi friend.
Wow.

Okay, cool. Um, I had I was also
thinking about the fact thatsince both of our oldest
children are about the same age,both of our youngest children
are about the same age but Ionly have two and you have
three. Yes. So what like, howdid you get you can see how did

(09:59):
you feel? So, how did you knowyou were ready to have another
because that's why my kids areso far apart because I can't
even think about having anotherkid till they're like, really
old. Because I can't deal with alot of little kids.

Well, I so I have a lot of siblings. My so my
parents had me. And then whenthey divorced, my dad remarried
and had three children with mystepmom. And my mom adopted
three more children. So I'm usedto be one four, in any given

(10:33):
situation, and I am one ofseven. So like, um, so I knew
that I wanted to have a, youknow, a few kids, I was pretty
sure I wanted to have at leastthree because that felt like
that felt like normal to me.
And, and two of my brothers are18 months apart, and they have
always had a beautifulrelationship, just like best

(10:56):
friends, just peas and carrots,those two and, and they really
complement each other well, inso many ways. And I was like,
wow, as someone who was atleast, you know, at least eight
years older than my nextsibling, I really wanted my kids
to have what, what I didn'thave, which, you know, in

(11:17):
addition to just having the sameparents and living in the same
house was just like having Yeah,like being able to play with
each other. And because I wasalways like a little adult, you
know, and I didn't have anyoneto play with. So I wanted that
for them. And so I ended uphaving my first two 20 months

(11:38):
apart, which, in a lot of wayswas really great. Because they
are the bestest of frenemies.
Yeah. But I think, especiallywhen they're older, I think
that's going to be reallyvaluable. Yeah, I think. But it

(11:58):
was like hell on earth. There. Imean, it was really hard.

Yeah

Really hard.

I mean, I find it very hard with one so
yeah, two that little. Oh, no.
Don't let the chaos bother them.
And I'm trying to be thatperson, but I'm never going to
be that person. Hmmm. No. So no,

I'm a Virgo. I'm a firstborn. Yeah, I'm a
perfectionist. Um, yeah, I mean,it's so much a parenting is
though, like, letting go ofcontrol and like capitulating to
that chaos. improviser. I'm, Iam, like, in a lot of ways, I am

(12:43):
very comfortable in chaos. Andsort of like trying to find my
like, little corner of controlin the chaos. But, you know, a
scene is one thing, your life isa whole other thing. I used to
feel a lot more in controluntil, until the pandemic and

(13:03):
lockdown started. And then I waslike, everything's terrible.

Yeah. I was like Do whatever you need to
do to not drive me crazy

I'll just drink vodka all day, and you can be on
screens. 24/7

That's what happens. Yeah. Yeah.
Everybody, though, you know, andI think we lost some ground that
we won't get back. Because ofthat.

100 100%. So it's yes. Freeing restrictions. Like,
it is 2023 and we are we arestill nowhere near where we were
before the pandemic.

Oh, US neither. And my kids go to a
Waldorf school that technicallyhas a no media policy. And I'm
saying this on the internet's soplease, people from that school
don't kick us out. But yeah,they're not supposed to have
media up until a certain gradeand then after that, only on the
weekends, and I don't fullyviolate it because I have I have

(14:04):
some rules. But my kids havemedia, you're shocked

I'm sorry, go back this school that you pay money
to send your children to, toldyou, a lot of money, told you
you're not allowed to show yourkids media until a certain age
and even then only on theweekends.

They do you say that. Um, I get the
concept and an all in theorysounds lovely. And everyone
could do it. It would be great.
And our kids would grow up andbe like Little House on the
Prairie. It doesn't like workthat way in in real world all
the time. You know, I work fromhome.

No

No.
Yeah, but no. You sound like myson because of course he hates
that policy.

Yeah,

I was like, wait, what? We pay, we pay
the school. They can't tell uswhat we can do when we're at
home. You're paying them. I'mlike, Dude, you don't know how
big of a scholarship you're on,like

Your kids going up to cops, I pay your salary. You
can't arrest Me.

They can't give us a ticket. We pay
for them. Exactly. That is 13year old reasoning if I ever
heard it.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, screen screens
are a whole. Yeah, it's a it's asensitive subject in the house.

It is.
We're like twitching when wethink about it. Um, well, this
this next thing I'm gonna askyou could be a much larger, more
serious conversation, but Idon't want to have a serious
conversation about you. But youknow, I loved when your podcast
first came out and the name ofyour podcast is Why Mommy
Drinks. I thought that was agreat title. I love it. Now of
course, I do drink. And this wasa little before the whole like

(15:58):
it really the sober mom movementreally kicked in when you start
it. But now I feel like there'sa backlash against mom's
drinking at all, almost or justtalking about online. Like as if
it's a glamorization orpromoting? I don't know, I'm
wondering, did you have abacklash? How do you deal with

(16:19):
that? What are your thoughts?

Great question.
Um, yeah, when we started whymommy drinks felt right for a
few reasons. One it was it was ataking advantage of wine mom
culture, which was just we wereright in the middle of it. And,
and it truly

And they are why we drink.

That's why I was drinking quite a bit. And but
yeah, as time went on, and momsMom, mom culture had like a big
backlash, you know, and that'sfair, like from moms themselves
for the most part, but also fromoutside of that. Yeah, people

(17:09):
were like you I don't like that.
Yeah, like the title wasdefinitely a turnoff for some
people. And if we were to renameit, we probably rename it
something else. But

Mommy smokes weed now.

No Way mommy's done that!

Right, that's a whole other story.

But I don't know, I felt like the title was was to
the point. It was just like, oh,look, I'm broken. I need a
drink. And this is why and inevery episode, we're going to
tell you why we're kind ofbroken this week. And yeah, but
also like, Yeah, fucking, a lotof moms do drink and, and right

(17:50):
or wrong. A lot of them use thatto cope. And hey, man, get off
our chocks was just trying to dotheir fucking best.

Right, right. I mean, we're sensitive
to people who are strugglingover, but we're Yeah, we're not
saying everyone should. No,we're just saying, we need a
drink.

Yeah, it's not called Why Why mommy ought to
drink all the time. And if youdon't, you're out of the club.
Yeah.

Yeah.
Okay. I just I felt like thatwas something we have to talk
about. It's Thank you.

I think that was a great question.

You're very welcome. Well, Betsy, I
could talk to you all night, butI'm sure nobody wants to watch
us hang out all night. But thiswas super fun. And you guys
should check out Betsy on allthe places she's Betsy dash
Stover on Instagram I believe

Betsy dot Stover

dot Betsy dots Stover.

And Betsy dash Stover on Venmo, though, if you
just want to send me money

to send her some money. Yeah, Venmo her.
That's great. Um, thank you fortalking with me. This has been
super fun.

It's such a thrill to get to see you. I could talk
to you all night.

I know, same. Well, we'll have to think
of something fun to do together.
So um, yeah. Okay, everybody, gocheck her out.

All right.
Goodnight, everyone. Thank you.

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