Are you a "T-U-R-T-L-E Power" lad or a "Ninja Rap" kid? How you answer may determine what kind of fan you are of the 1990 live-action version of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" and its two direct sequels from 1991 and 1993. If you said "Ninja Rap," then chances are your feelings about early 90s Turtle Mania is either ironic or steeped in heavy nostalgia.
It's no secret that one Old Millennials Remember Movies host is one of the more die hard Ninja Turtles fans in the world (and you may find a few episodes of the sporadically recorded "Ninja Turtle Talk Live" podcast on the Old Millennials website). For the other Old Millennials host, well, she only really dove into the TMNT universe as an adult. In short, she holds no nostalgia for these rubber-suited, pizza-obsessed sewer dwellers.
Here's the thing about the 1990 movie: It's much more like the original Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird comics, which leaned into the fighting and criminal underworld of New York City. Raphael is moody instead of sarcastic, and Shredder is a stone-cold badass who is smart enough to keep himself away from alien brain creatures and dimwitted mutant sidekicks. And much of the movie's story borrows heavily from various early issues of the comic series.
Old Millennials Tyler and Angela take an extensive look at the 1990 original, which they also showed to their four kids for the first time. Tyler loves it, obviously, and Angela wants to start a fight, but, spoiler alert, she ultimately can't deny the grimy charm of the movie. At least we can agree that punk kid Danny deserves to go to jail, and that April's boss at the news station is a total creep. Also, give us more Sam Rockwell!
Then the hosts dive into the far more divisive sequels, 1991's "The Secret of the Ooze," and 1993's "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3," often subtitled nowadays as "Turtles in Time." Neither host have much to defend about "Ooze," but it gives Tyler an opportunity to talk about that time Angela went to see Vanilla Ice in concert.
And, look, we know #3 is mocked for its shoddy rubber suits, idiotic jokes and lack of memorable villains, but you'll hear a somewhat spirited defense of the movie here. Look, at least the Turtles get to fight with their weapons, rather than with sausages and break dance moves like in "Secret of the Ooze."
So join the Old Millennials for this special episode on the original TMNT trilogy, with talk of Judith Hoag vs. Paige Turco as April, the unacceptable absences of Elias Koteas as Casey Jones and Corey Feldman as the voice of Donatello in part 2, and about a thousand different tangents from Tyler about Ninja Turtles comics, the stellar 2003 animated series, the equally strong Nickelodeon series that started in 2012, and those garbage, Michael Bay-produced movies in the 2010s.
And, remember, if you lose a sai, don't worry; you can get it back! You can get it back! Damn!
Looking for a more obvious stinger? Fine. "Wise man say, 'Never pay full price for late pizza.'"
Also discussed on this episode of Old Millennials Remember Movies
Peacemaker (2022 HBO Max series)
I Want You Back (2022)
Marry Me (2022)
Kimi (2022)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
Hollywood Homicide (2003)
Rush Hour 3 (2007)