Miss Connection

Dr. Justin Coulson is an honorary fellow at the Center for Positive Psychology at the University of Melbourne. He has three best-selling books about family life and parenting. He writes, consults, and teaches about the intersection of psychology, family, and well-being. He's a TEDx speaker and a regular TV expert guest. He's a contributor to major Australian media outlets. He's also contributed to the New York Times. 

He had a successful radio career and then returned to school in his late 20's where he earned his psychology degree and his PhD in psychology. Since then he has written multiple peer-reviewed journal articles and scholarly book chapters. He is also a highly sought-after international speaker delivering keynote speeches and workshops to boost well-being and improve relationships for parents, teachers, students and employees and students.

I discovered Dr. Coulson through a friend's social media. When I saw his post, I just thought that he was doing good. He's not yelling fire in a crowded theater, he's getting to the heart of our teens. He's specifically getting to the heart of our daughters, because he's the father of six daughters. Dr. Coulson has written a book called Miss-connection: Why Your Teenage Daughter 'Hates' You, Expects the World and Needs to Talk. You are going to love this interview and how he gets emotional talking about our girls.

Show Notes:

• [07:55] During conferences Dr. Coulson is consistently getting messages about how the world is destroying our teenagers. His experience is that they aren't dealing with these mass challenges.
• [09:14] The problems facing our teens are actually more mundane problems. 
• [09:50] Parents and teens are just wanting to connect and get along.
• [10:29] Miss-Connection is ultimately about the deep desire our children have to be close to us and we have to be close to them.
• [11:59] Dr. Coulson interviewed and surveyed around 400 teenage girls. Their voices are front and center in the book.
• [13:17] Why we parent matters more than how we parent.
• [15:29] If my why is around developing this child into the best human that they can be that means that when they're being challenging I'm going to be more compassionate.
• [18:36] We need to see our children's behavior as opportunities to connect. When a child is being challenged, they are going to be challenging. We need to find the best in them.
• [20:44] You can show your child that if you can name it, you can tame it. 
• [21:41] Keep giving our children these moments because they do want the connection. Give them some time and space and keep trying. 
• [22:52] We need to be our kids' ally and have stretched out arms and compassion. 
• [27:08] Friendship challenges are difficult for our daughters. There is a constant realignment for girls in their peer groups.
• [28:32] Girls are much more likely to ruminate about relationships.
• [29:52] Research tells us that our daughters need to go through an identity finding process during adolescence. Kids need an opportunity to do the deep inner work that comes from quiet contemplation. There are too many distractions.
• [31:46] The whole family should come together and talk about values.
• [36:02] When we invest the time, kids feel the love.

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