Oz 9

Oz 9

Spring 2142 and Gated Galaxies has launched its 400 Oz-8000 ships, each carrying 50,000 "sleeping guests" to, hopefully, a new home on a shiny, brand-new planet. As soon as they find one. IF they find one. This is the story of one of those ships – the Oz 9 – and its tiny crew of hopeless incompetents. So far, they've been in space half an hour and several hundred people are dead. So... bright future, clearly. ... Show More

Episodes

Somewhere aboard the Oz 9, a bomb is ticking. Actually, a crap-ton of things are going wrong aboard the Oz 9; this is just the biggest and most likely to kill our crew the soonest. It's the final episode of Season 1, and our crew is, yes, yes, let's say it all together shall we? in mortal peril.  The difference this time is – if they don't survive it, we might not either.  You’re listening to: June Eubanks as the Albatros Aaron Cla... Read more

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If you've ever been in mortal peril, you know the most crucial decision you'll make in that situation is your choice of writing implement.  No? Well, that makes you smarter than this crowd, but before your head swells up just in time for bikini season, remember, we are talking about the dumbest bunch of sofa cushions ever to have their own theme song. Things have never been good aboard the failing, flailing Oz 9, but they've recent... Read more

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You know that one colleague at work who is just hopeless? Tries earnestly to do the job, help out, and be useful, but usually ends up spilling his beer on the control panel and shorting out half the city? Yeah, would you mind taking him back because WE HAVE ENOUGH IDIOTS UP HERE, THANKS. Sorry. Seriously the best part of this whole episode is when someone named Kenzie tries to order Thai food.  You've been listening to:  Kenzie Whi... Read more

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It's that kind of day, innit? One minute, you're out having a quick ciggie next to the tip, and then the world goes all wobbly, and suddenly you're aboard someone else's spaceship, only it's held together with duct tape and optimism and crewed by the biggest bunch of idiots who ever graced the skies, and there's something ... or possibly someone ... all over your boots. Big thanks to the Mark Restuccia of the Best in Galaxy podcast... Read more

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The episode that finally answers the critical question: why do robots climb like cows? There's an arm under the sofa, Jessie's dangling from a shelf in Maintenance Bay 15, and we learn what ligatures are for. It's, like, Day 7? 8? aboard the Oz 9, and things haven't gotten any better. Does anyone know a good pycnologist? You've been listening to: Aaron Clark is le Bichon Frise June Eubanks is the Albatros and Glenda Bonnie Brantley... Read more

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'Allo, little piggies!  The notorious assassin le Bichon Frise is circling our crew like a vulture who hopes his prey drops soon because he's tired and hungry and a little cranky and frankly probably a little dehydrated and his blood sugar's low, he just knows it, and this dry desert air is doing NOTHING for his skin. He's ready to do some assassaning, but this bloody crew just will not cooperate.  Oh, and pod 666 just popped open,... Read more

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May 5, 2019 22 min

Here's a shocker: the Oz 9 crew's lives are in danger. Suffocation, toxic gas, a loose assassin, the risk of being crushed under their own denseness–perils lurk around every corner and certainly between slices of bread. Still, they've managed to make it through 14 episodes, so there may be hope for them yet. Oh, who are we kidding. These people would starve to death on a broken carousel.  You've been listening to:   Tim Sherburn as... Read more

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April 28, 2019 10 min

It's late, and there's an assassin loose aboard the Oz 9, but Leet isn't going to let that interrupt his conversation with sleeping people.  After all, in at least a dozen conversations, only one of them called him stupid. Leet really REALLY needs a pen pal. You're listening to: Richard Sherburn as Leet Aaron Clark as Ben Shannon Perry as Olivia and Richard Nadolny as the Narrator Our theme and other music was composed and performe... Read more

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Captain Jessie is now aboard the Oz 9, which is great, except she brought her assassin with her (pro tip: don't do that), and he's managed to get a hold of some fairly crucial information about the Oz 9.  Will our pointless but slightly endearing crew survive? More importantly, who will hire the Narrator if they don't? You've been listening to: Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Richard Cowen as Leet Tim... Read more

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April 7, 2019 17 min

You know how the little fluffy dogs are always the meanest? Well, this bichon frise is no exception. He's coming for Captain Jessie, and things are looking bad for the fearless, tartan-clad leader of the 6748.  Join our intrepid- sorry, that's insipid, crew as they try to help Jessie *pouf* her way to safety. With: Richard Cowen as Leet Tim Sherburn as Colin Eric Perry as Joe Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Aaron Clark as le Bichon Frise... Read more

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March 31, 2019 6 min

What happens when a homicidal, two-headed robot gets shoved into an empty (empty??) storage bay without arms or hope of release? Good question. Listen in and find out.  This special mini-episode slots in between episodes 10 and 11. To get early access to mini-episodes, join our Patreon at any level.  As always, huge thanks to all our Patrons! You're listening to: Eric Perry as Head One Tim Sherburn as Head Two Richard Nadolny as th... Read more

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March 24, 2019 17 min

A pod has popped open, and something is roaming loose aboard the Oz 9. Something silent.... but ... deadly? Jessie, Captain of the neighboring Oz 6748, may have good reason to fear for her life,  AND Olivia explains the MRDR protocol, which is just as bad as it sounds. Not sure if you knew this yet, but Gated Galaxies is kind of crap. You've been listening to: Tim Sherburn as Colin Eric Perry as Joe Richard Cowen as Leet Shannon Pe... Read more

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It's Day Two And we're as startled as you are that anyone's still alive. Day two on the Oz 9 sees the crew celebrating fewer fatalities (sorry, Matt) at least on board (sorry, Sweden) and making a critical discovery about cheese. But the two-headed repairbot is awake again and wreaking some havoc, Madeline needs to warn Jessie about her crew, and apparently, if someone invites you to go on an adventure in space, don't go back for y... Read more

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February 24, 2019 15 min

Will Madeline and Joe be able to fix the copulatron and attach it to the forniculator before they realize neither of these things actually exists? Is Leet doomed to spend most of his journey inside a healer pod? Are there any sensible podcasts looking for a reliable, experienced narrator? And no, I'm not "asking for a friend." You've been listening to Episode 10 of Oz 9, Fixing the Ejaculax.  Featuring... Eric Perry as Head one and... Read more

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February 10, 2019 14 min

In which: Colin makes a sausage-scented discovery, Rock and Donna talk murder, we learn about automatic chopsticks, and Olivia confesses that she might not be … all there. You’re listening to: Tim Sherburn as Colin Eric Perry as Joe Richard Cowen as Leet Shannon Perry as Olivia Bonnie Brantley as woman’s voice and Donna John Faley as man’s voice Steven Crider as Rock and Richard Nadolny as the Narrator   Oz 9 is written and produce... Read more

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In which It's "night" on the Oz 9, and the crew is literally and figuratively stumbling around in the dark. Back on earth a cub reporter and a private dick are hot on Mr. Southers' heels, asking the sorts of questions that might get them an invitation to sleep with the fishes. You're listening to: Eric Perry as Joe, Mr. Southers and Dr. Van Haber Zetzer Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and Donna Richard Cowen as Leet Tim Sherburn as Colin... Read more

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In which Leet is accosted by someone (or thing) and bunged into airlock 7, Olivia gets tetchy about Leet's imminent demise, There's an enormous amount of bickering, and We discover the limits of that whole "two heads better than one" nonsense. You're listening to: Richard Nadolny as the Narrator Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and the Recruiter Eric Perry as  Joe and Head 1 Tim Sherburn as Colin and Head 2 and Richard Cowen as Leet Oz 9 ... Read more

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In which Leet reveals a certain fascination with some heavenly orbs... More pods go squelchy... We discover how the crews of the Oz fleet were assembled, and ... The narrator reveals a Very Big Secret. You're listening to: Richard Cowen as Leet Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and the Interviewer Tim Sherburn as Colin and Dick Eric Perry as Joe and Dr. Frederich von Haber-Zetser Richard Nadolny as the Narrator Oz 9 is written by Shannon P... Read more

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Heave a sigh of relief: Leet’s symmetry has been restored. Might suggest you breathe through your mouth, though, as there’s a rapidly decomposing dead person in the corridor. Messing up Joe’s clean floors. Seriously, zombies are why we can’t have nice things. Not clear on the Cumberbatch/penguin reference? https://youtu.be/9GHPNKUMf70?t=200 Starring Richard Cowen as Leet Bonnie Brantley as Lady Lucretia Nibble-Biscuit Tim Sherburn ... Read more

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December 12, 2018 10 min

Episode four in which Olivia gasses the crew, Leet's symmetry is imperiled, and the janitor and the AI debate the relative value of the tooth fairy. Starring Richard Cowen as Leet Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Tim Sherburn as Colin Eric Perry as Joe and Richard Nadolny as the Narrator Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry, who also plays Madeline and Olivia Our theme music and other incidental music was written and performed by John Faley. ... Read more

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