163: Quizmas Crackers

It's the Eye Quiz of the last year! Adam, Helen and Andy get out the sleigh bells and the silly hats, and quiz each other on all the biggest, smallest and stupidest news stories of 2025. 

Episode Transcript

Page 94 (00:00):
the Private Eye Podcast.

Andy (00:04):
ho, And welcome to the special post festive edition of page 94.
My name's Andrew Hunter Murray.
I'm here in the Eye Studio withHelen Lewis and Adam McQueen.
We're all wearing hats.
But we're not here to talk about the hats.
We're here because
a
special,

Adam (00:20):
Can we talk about that?

Andy (00:21):
Please?
Stop.
Sniggering.

Adam (00:22):
Guys,

Helen (00:23):
it's the way You've got a ball
if you're here.
It's

Adam (00:26):
Your little Christmas elf is so sweet.

Andy (00:28):
sweet.
Hello.
Welcome to page 94.
We are doing a special end of year,Christmas slash new year quiz.
Very exciting.
This is always very hotly contested.
we've each written around the othertwo are gonna contest in each round.
Can I, can we just start witha sense check of our, buzzers.
If you hear this noise,that's Helen buzzing in.

(00:52):
If you hear this one,

Adam (00:54):
slays ring.
How you listening,

Andy (00:55):
And this one,

Adam (00:57):
the clanging Chimes of doom

Andy (00:59):
is me.
Thank you.
Brilliant.
I'll kick off with theroundabout UK politics this year.

Adam (01:04):
Woohoo.

Andy (01:04):
fingers on those buzzers.
Or bells or Horns
Okay,

Helen (01:09):
Yeah.

Andy (01:09):
Liz Trus sent Kia Starr a cease and desist letter in January.
What was she asking?
Stama to stop doing a presidingover a culture of decline.
B, telling everyone whathis father did for a living.
C. Letting migrants come here from Calior D saying she crashed the economy,
Helen

Helen (01:27):
saying she crashed the

Andy (01:28):
economy.
Yes, that's right.
Easy
one to kick off.
Her letter was six pages long.
And
it said Stama had harmed her reputationand contributed to her losing her
seat in the 2024 general election.
She said it also wasn't acrash of the economy because it
technically didn't involve a fallin GDP or a rise in unemployment.
Very comforting.
For those of you listening with mortgages,

Adam (01:50):
ever, there was a case for an Al V press TRA

Andy (01:52):
response,
that
was the world.
I think It may not even havegotten KO V press str response.
Anyway, there we go.
We're off the blocks.
Helen.
One point, next up.
Also in January this year, Mike Amesbury,
labor
MP admitted assault by beatingafter getting into a physical
fight with a constituent in hisruncorn and Helms B constituency.

(02:13):
He's now no longer a labor mp, but whatand his constituent disagreed over?
Was it local transport infrastructure?
Was
it GP appointment availability?
Was
it the rise in antisocialbehavior, or was it bins?
Adam,

Adam (02:30):
it was a transport one, wasn't it?

Andy (02:31):
Transport.
It

Adam (02:32):
was about buses.

Andy (02:33):
Helen, do you want to weigh in?

Helen (02:34):
I think it was, what's the second one again?

Andy (02:37):
GP appointments.

Helen (02:38):
I'm gonna say GP appointments.

Andy (02:39):
Adam wins it.
It was transport infrastructure,but it wasn't buses.
I'll just tell you quickly what it was.
It was about the 99-year-oldSutton Weaver swing bridge.

Adam (02:50):
which of us hasn't had a fight in the

Andy (02:51):
street about that?
It's about, this bridge is a terrificswing bridge which connects the town of
fraud with a village ofSutton Weaver next door.
does, it's due for substantial repairworks, which have been causing 20
mile detours for some local residents.
the works have begun, butobviously, 'cause this is Britain,
they haven't finished yet.
Apparently they'll beconcluding in February.
Great.
One point to Adam.

(03:12):
So you both, you've both got honor now.
So now let's just carry on,

Adam (03:16):
Even though we've got Christmas hats on, we have on

Andy (03:20):
next up, the s and p's married black.
The party's former deputyleader in Westminster, I
think one of the youngestmps in that whole, time.
She wasn't mp.
She left the party in July this year.
What is her new media basedcareer move going to be?
Will she be doing communicationsfor the Mack Ferry Company?

(03:41):
Will she be on the nextseries of strictly.
Will she be starring an illegaldrama set in Scotland or will she
be the voice of the lifts in theRobert Burns Birthplace Museum in air
Out
of lift Lifts.

Helen (03:55):
I'm gonna go
Mack 'cause it's funny, butit's also a real government job.

Andy (03:59):
Oh, I'm sorry you've both fallen into my trap.
Yeah.
She's going to be in illegal dramacalled Councils Set in Scotland.
Yeah.
She's gonna be playing, I think,maybe a police officer Blind.
I know, obviously it's not the lift atthe Robert Burns Birthplace Museum in air.
The Robert Burns Birthplace Museumin air is a cottage with no lifts.
I, you should have known that

(04:20):
there.
McQue McQueen.

Adam (04:21):
the tragedy.

Helen (04:23):
Adam,

Andy (04:23):
It's not a tragedy.
It's a terrific museum.
Anyway, no schools there.

Helen (04:26):
I went out canvasing when I went to report on, her canvassing
when she won that seat in 2015.
She was, enough.
She'd just finished her final year atuniversity and she was up against Douglas
Alexander, who was then shadow foreign
of a labor Big beast.
Yeah.
Happy ending though.
She's in illegal drama,he's now back in government.

Andy (04:45):
So, everyone's got something out.
of

Adam (04:47):
and neither of them are voice of any lifts?
so

Andy (04:51):
career options
out there?
Next up Rail Minister Peter Hendy.
Known to us all.
I know

Helen (04:57):
Handy Hendy

Andy (04:58):
received a fine.

Adam (05:00):
That's one the lawyer's gonna question
isn't it?

Helen (05:03):
because he has a German word for mobile

Adam (05:06):
Okay.

Andy (05:08):
Peter Hendy Rail Minister received a fine earlier this year for, what was it?
Littering outta thewindow of a moving train.
remind
you he's a rail minister, Was heusing his phone while driving a bus.
Was it unwarranted use ofthe horn while driving?
or
vandalism in the lieuof a virgin pendolino.

(05:29):
Helen,

Helen (05:29):
I wanna go

Andy (05:30):
littering outta the window of a

Adam (05:32):
train.
No.
'cause you can't open the windowson trains anymore, can you?

Helen (05:34):
the ones in the vestibule you
'Andy: cause of woke.
Go on.

Adam (05:37):
you
I'm gonna go for, what was the third one?

Andy (05:41):
Unwarranted use of the horn.

Adam (05:42):
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah,
Between
11:00
PM and 7:00
AM

Helen (05:46):
just to

Adam (05:46):
Very good.

Helen (05:47):
people what that might sound like.

Andy (05:48):
I'm afraid he used his phone while driving a vintage
Routemaster bus through London.

Helen (05:53):
That's one I didn't buy.
'cause I was like, whywould he be driving a bus?

Andy (05:56):
it.
was for a, It was for acharity called Railway Family.
He's the rail minister.

Adam (06:00):
So he drove a bus?

Helen (06:03):
okay, so his nickname could be hands free Hendy.
'cause that's what he

Andy (06:06):
done.
very good.

Helen (06:08):
For

Andy (06:09):
he can, think of that new nickname as he considers
the six points on his license.
He's got and a fine
right now.
We've had some quite trivialpolitical matters there.
I know.
We, haven't spent all year thinking about.
Peter Hendy.
but let's move to somebig, stuff now, right?
Robert
Jen's little videos.
Yes.
Which of these subjects hasRobert Wick not made one of his

(06:33):
little videos about this year?
Was
it a
going to migrant camps in NorthernFrance to call the police?
Was it b going to a car boot sale,looking for some stolen it C going in a
spitfire to complain that young peopledidn't know about the Battle of Britain
or
d following fly tippers in a hired Van.

Helen (06:55):
I'm going spitfire just because I feel like I would remember that.

Andy (06:58):
Yep.
Yeah,
Absolutely.
Yeah.

Adam (07:00):
Yeah.
I'm gonna go spitfire as well.
actually.

Andy (07:01):
Oh, I'm so sorry.
You're both wrong.
What's What?
He went off in a spitfire.

Adam (07:05):
He went

Helen (07:06):
No way.
Okay.
That is objectively quite cool.

Andy (07:07):
but a lot of under forties.

Helen (07:10):
I didn't even know that video he's, quite

Adam (07:12):
right.
turned, Raising awareness.
He's not doing terribly well,

Andy (07:15):
is he?
but he went up in a spitfire to, tocomplain that young people didn't
know about the Battle of Britain.
So good for him.

Helen (07:22):
in, they have a gunner seat then presumably it's a two seater.

Adam (07:25):
sadly not an ejector seat.
which should
been

Helen (07:27):
I just, I'm trying to re summon back my memories of what happened in Bigs,
but that was a lot of, that was thesoap with Camel in the first World War.

Andy (07:33):
Yes.

Helen (07:34):
technology obviously came on.

Andy (07:35):
I'd just like to shut down any people writing in saying that the
Spitfire doesn't have a separate gunner'sseat, because I believe it doesn't.

Helen (07:41):
what was he sitting in

Adam (07:42):
there?
are
entire podcasts, about this already.
We don't need to get into this area.

Andy (07:46):
Murray drops a line.
and Tell us what you think.
What Genrich didn't do this year wasfollowing flight tippers in a hired Van.
He did
go up in a spitfire.
He did go to migrant camps inNorthern France to call the fuzz,
and he did go to car boot sales.
looking
for stolen goods.

Adam (08:00):
And he did walk round talking about fly tipping, didn't he?
In Hansworth?
Yes.
that's
when the Van.
I, he
wasn't,

Helen (08:06):
how has he not been to that big field in Oxford?
That's full of, fly tip.
You, I could still see him surfing down

Andy (08:12):
there.

Helen (08:13):
anyway, Robert, if you're listening,

Andy (08:14):
absolutely.
staying with the Conservativeparty for the moment, which of
these items was not available tobuy or on display at this year's?
Tory conference was a Margaret Thatcher?
Toby Jug.
Was it a ThatcherChristmas bobble reading?
ho, ho.
No,

Helen (08:30):
If you've invented that, then that's, they should get on that.

Andy (08:34):
Was
it an AI Thatcher, which allowed herto speak on current policy matters,
or was it a Thatcher impersonatoron the decks at one of the parties?

Adam (08:43):
is the Christmas ball.
You made that one up.

Andy (08:44):
Okay.

Helen (08:46):
I'm
okay, but just to be different.
I'm gonna go with the AI Thatcher

Andy (08:50):
guys.
This is a low scoring quiz so far.
You're both wrong.
The thing that wasn't there wasa Thatcher impersonator on the
decks at one of the parties.
To my knowledge, I did search and tryand find out if that had happened.
No, they had, they had the Christmasbobs and they had, the AI Thatcher.

Adam (09:06):
I remember the, AI Thatcher.
you

Andy (09:07):
could
just

Adam (09:07):
post a letter to her couldn't you?
And she would come back toyou from beyond the grave.
A

Helen (09:11):
It's like a Ouija board.
That's
a bit tasteless.

Andy (09:14):
little bit.
They also had some ofher outfits on display.
Yeah.

Helen (09:16):
Great.
Great outfits

Andy (09:18):
showing that they're a party looking to the future.
It's also a hundred yearsthis year since she was born.

Adam (09:23):
Wow.

Andy (09:24):
I know.
Next question.
This is now the Fabric of ParliamentBit as part of its ongoing renovation.
What did the Houses of Parliament spendnearly 10 million pounds on this year?
Was it a single door whichtrapped disabled people inside it?
Was it an entire building ofwindows which concentrate the sun
on it a lift for some falcons?

(09:46):
Or was it some paint, whichturns out to contain lead.
Adam

Adam (09:49):
lead

Andy (09:49):
It's
the
It's
the door.
Adam's.
got it.
It's the door.
It's the door

Adam (09:53):
the door.
It's the door on the Houseof Lord's entrance, isn't

Andy (09:55):
it?
it's absolutely that.
And it has trapped people in wheelchairsinside it, and it needs a security
officer to press a button to operate it.
It's,
a bad door, but it's only cost9.6 million pounds, to be fair.
I know.

Helen (10:08):
I feel, again, it's one of those things where you feel like I got to
probably about for fair, about 500 quid.
install the door that

Adam (10:14):
but as expensive
metaphors go.
the wing of the,

Andy (10:17):
yes.

Adam (10:18):
The White
House is probably a, bit,of a better one, isn't

Andy (10:20):
it?
Yeah, absolutely.
and just so you know, there was aproject to Rehouse the resident, I think
it's Peregrine Falcons, but that costa mere 80,000 pounds to rehouse, two
of them, or 40,000 pounds of Falcon.
Bargain.

Adam (10:32):
quite right, too.
Yeah.
And More appreciated thanany other inhabitants.

Helen (10:36):
To be fair, I imagine that they do sterling work in
how many, imagine what town?
Clean pigeon droppings off all that Like

Andy (10:43):
yeah, absolutely.

Helen (10:44):
They earn their weight in whatever they get

Adam (10:46):
scrap.

Helen (10:47):
of bacon.

Andy (10:49):
next up
disruptors.
who does,

Adam (10:53):
oh sorry.
I think you were just addressing this.
No.

Andy (10:55):
this time.
Who does Zara Sultana say she and formerpotential co-leader of your party?
Jeremy Corbin alike.
Is it Princess Harry and William?
Is
it the Gallagher Brothers?
Is it the
MFRs or is it Can and
Abel,

Helen (11:08):
It's the Gallagher

Andy (11:09):
the Gallagher It's the Gallagher Brothers

Helen (11:11):
Do I like it?
You like the MVAs?
They're just like, they'vegot one who's a fascist sist.
One who's a lesbian.
One likes horses,

Adam (11:18):
Great.

Andy (11:20):
It is the Gallaghers.
She said in October.
I know that I'm in Manchester,so I have to reference Liam and
Noel Gallagher if they can do it.
Of course, me and Jeremy can after this.
She then organized a speech simultaneouslywith Jeremy's for the first night
and then
boycotted the following day
So
Harmony remains,

Helen (11:37):
to be fair, it took them 20 years to need the money enough
to get back together again.
So maybe it will allwork out okay for Zara

Andy (11:43):
Good.
point.
Very good point.
Couple more.
of these is the odd one out and why
gonna be strict On Lucy Powell,New deputy leader of Labor.

Adam (11:57):
Yep.

Andy (11:57):
Yeah.
Nick Robinson.
Laura Konberg, Donald Trump.

Adam (12:04):
Lucy Powell's
gonna feel terrible thatshe needed glossing.
You thought we wouldn't know whothe deputy leader at Labor was.

Andy (12:08):
I'm sorry.
Donald Trump, president of the USA.
There we go.
Adam.

Adam (12:11):
Donald Trump's American.

Andy (12:12):
Correct?
I can't give it you.

Adam (12:17):
Sorry.
that was correct.
I wanna point

Helen (12:20):
only one of them's president.
this could get ridiculous.
is it about.
Suing people.

Andy (12:26):
It's not, shall I tell

Helen (12:27):
it about having a podcast?

Andy (12:30):
It's
about having a
modern thing.
account, one of them has this and theother three have merely, been and the
other three have been victims of ascam claiming they've got a such a I'm
gonna put you all outta your misery.
It's

Helen (12:42):
Oh,

Andy (12:44):
the
first three, Powell, Robinson andCoonsburg, they have all been hacked
on Twitter, by hackers postingadverts for fictional meme coins.
Powell's was the, dollar sign,HCC, the House of Commons coin.
Nick Robinson had the dollar sign.
Today coin, only PresidentDonald Trump has actually
launched his own cryptocurrency.
The dollar sign, Trump and thevalue since launch is down by 85%.

Adam (13:07):
What
was the Kosberg one?
Kosberg GR Grand.

Andy (13:09):
I actually don't, I didn't write down.
It's the only one I didn't write down.
Again, with your laser-likejournalism skills,
Adam, you

Adam (13:14):
found,
in

Andy (13:15):
and you've zeroed in on it.
Final
one.
What did.
Kent County Council spend 11,000pounds on this year prompting
taking down patriotic flags?
Was it a logo for its Doge department?
Was
it equality, diversity and inclusiontraining, or was it imitation

(13:37):
coal fires for its offices?
Adam,

Adam (13:42):
was it taking the flags down so they could put
Christmas

Andy (13:44):
decorations?
It was taking down the

Adam (13:45):
flags, yes, because then Warwick, the 12-year-old, is in charge
of Warwick Council, said that he.
was going to take all the flags downand stall them very, carefully and
put them back up in January as a

Andy (13:54):
Lovely,
lovely.
yes.
what an exciting round.
That was it.
Adam, I think you've won.
Oh,

Adam (14:01):
Oh,

Andy (14:02):
very close round.
Three, two Close but low scoring.
as
close, but
rubbish.

Helen (14:08):
wait,
I wouldn't get cocky.
We're about to get into Adam's

Andy (14:11):
Yeah, absolutely.
well done everyone.
I had a great time.
I hope you did too.

Adam (14:15):
I would just like to say it's not a difficult round if you've
been bothering to read the Streetsof Shame pages in private high.
All year.
or rather, for about thefirst six months of this year.
'cause that's when I got bored goingthrough them and thinking up questions.
So

Andy (14:28):
right.
Far away

Adam (14:29):
this Christmas sees Murdoch's children, James, Elizabeth, and Prudence.
firmly
on Father Rupert's naughty listand Lan Grayson Chloe getting
extra helping is a plumb pudding.
But how much did Dad shell out toeach of his least favorite children
to settle the succession battle overhis business empire in September?

Andy (14:48):
$1 billion.

Helen (14:51):
$300

Adam (14:53):
a pound.

Helen (14:55):
doesn't really matter when he's gone for a Alright.

Adam (14:57):
you're both, right.
Andy, do I give this to you as close?
$1.1 billion.
Wow.

Helen (15:01):
Wow.

Adam (15:02):
810 million pounds.
Thank you.
So someone's having alovely Christmas dinner.
this So one point to Andy so far,
, How much cash did Tortoise Media hand over to the Guardian in order
to take over the Observer newspaper?

Helen (15:15):
This

Adam (15:17):
go on, Helen.
Was

Helen (15:18):
it one pound?

Andy (15:20):
can I?

Helen (15:21):
was technically minus ended up putting a big investment

Andy (15:24):
I think it's 5 million
That The guardian paid,
it is either five or 25.

Adam (15:32):
It was the Guardian pa, right?
You've got, you've, both ofyou're gonna get a point on

Helen (15:35):
that Yeah,

Adam (15:35):
you both got different hearts it was a trick question.
it was actually the Guardianwho paid tortoise to take
the observer off their hands.
They put 5 million pounds of investmentinto them and said, that's your problem.
Now you've gotta deal with It both get a

Helen (15:47):
bargaining by the Guardian, wasn't it, in that essentially the initial
offer was a pound and then they ended up

Andy (15:51):
can we actually give
you

Adam (15:52):
5 million?

Helen (15:54):
just desperate

Andy (15:57):
2025

Adam (15:57):
an unexpected change of astrologer, unexpected,
you see what I've done there?
unexpected change of astrologer at theDaily Mail with Oscar Cana, replaced
by his cousin Jemima, the daughter oforiginal horoscope, botherer Jonathan.
What
was Oscar's surprising parting revelation?

Helen (16:14):
Hadn't he communicated with a ghost of someone?
Quite important.

Adam (16:21):
no.
I think that you're, think you can comeback to the Tory party conference now.
The Ai
Thatcher,

Helen (16:26):
oh, do

Adam (16:26):
quite A
simple one.
It's one all of us might becapable of making about horoscopes

Helen (16:29):
as, and this all, it was all fraud.
It's all made up.

Adam (16:32):
Well, effectively, yes.
He said, I don't think I can predictthe future much better than anyone
else, and neither did my uncle.
who was of course, the bestpaid journalist on Fleet

Andy (16:40):
Street for very
many years.

Helen (16:42):
Hang on a minute, but did, did, was he outed or did he resign of his own
volition going, I can't do it anymore.
I don't care.
They're all the same.
There's no differencebetween Libra and Aquarius.

Adam (16:50):
was just ousted by
his, by his cousin who does fancy to go.

Helen (16:54):
I do remember that being an incredibly good story.
But

Adam (16:57):
was
a fun one.
Yeah.
okay.
Royal News, the Prince and Princessof Wales dispatched a letter
to newspapers via their lawyers
Mishcon Dere at the beginning of the year,
complaining
about invasions of their family's privacy.
What particular phrase as featured in theMale Express Hello and Okay magazines.
Were they particularly concerned

Andy (17:15):
Ooh,

Helen (17:18):
Surely it's not all grown

Adam (17:20):
I'm afraid.
It is.
This
is
the most tasteless, Christmasquestion, I'm afraid.
Yeah.
All grown up.
Specifically they said the mediapresenting their 11, nine and 6-year-old
children in a more adult-like mannerthan it's appropriate may lead to
fascination and even potential online.

Andy (17:36):
did one of the papers age them up to say, this is what they're gonna
look like when they're grownups?

Adam (17:39):
Yeah.
Yeah.
They've done that A bit dodgy
So in conclusion,
name all three entities that havenearly bought the telegraph this year.

Andy (17:52):
Oh, oh, but haven't?

Adam (17:55):
I'm gonna let Yandy you are behind, so I'm gonna let you go on that one.

Helen (17:59):
Oh, you can all get red bird, Andy.

Andy (18:01):
Bird?
Actually,

Adam (18:02):
Nadi Nadim.
Not just Redbird.
Come on.
I need specifics.

Helen (18:04):
red Bird IMI

Adam (18:06):
this year.

Andy (18:07):
Redbird China edition

Adam (18:11):
effectively.
But I

Helen (18:12):
Redbird Taylor's version K

Andy (18:13):
Pyong Yang.
Kim Jong.
Un,

Helen (18:19):
The Daily Mail group,

Andy (18:20):
Boko Haram.

Adam (18:23):
Between you, you've got one.

Helen (18:25):
were worried that Boca Harrah's market share would be too large.

Adam (18:28):
The Daily Mail group are currently in the running to take him
over at some point in the new year.
the Redbird who, tried to buy itfrom the original, and current
owners, Redbird, IMI, were Redbird
Capital.
Can
you remember the person who running at the

Helen (18:42):
beginning?
Oh, dove.
Dove foreman.
No, that's the

Andy (18:44):
No Divo Divo.
Doy

Adam (18:47):
Just
go with
All unlikely vowels in the,in in the name David and you.
will get

Andy (18:51):
there.
David.
David.

Adam (18:51):
Do David Une.
Yes.
Owner of the New York Sun.

Helen (18:55):
I think we should deserve a point for that because that
was

Adam (18:57):
have a point.
It's

Andy (18:58):
Christmas,

Adam (18:58):
whatever.

Helen (19:00):
you.
Well done.

Adam (19:01):
means you
both equal on three?
in this round At the
moment.
So it's all very, exciting.
What
is unusual about Daily Mailwebsite hack Melody Fletcher
Ting
go on.

Andy (19:10):
doesn't, exist.

Adam (19:11):
Yep, that's exactly it.
She is a pseudonym used by journalistswho either don't want to put their
real names to the stories they'reobliged to write because they're
afraid of the reaction from fans.
Of people like Taylor Swift,
who

Helen (19:23):
I think they're fans of the Daily Mail

Adam (19:24):
Get
Monster online.
So they just put the nameMelody Fletcher on it instead.
Or they just put the name MelodyFletcher on it because they just so
embarrassed by what Appalling crap.

Helen (19:32):
I thought you were say she was gonna be ai, but that's
like the

Adam (19:35):
pre ai, she's literally

Helen (19:36):
like Alan, Hollywood film directors using Alan Smithy when they didn't want

Adam (19:40):
Yeah, it's exactly that.
It was
the story.
over, 11 in Stranger clapped back against

Andy (19:48):
Yeah.
After
that,

Adam (19:48):
They just started putting Melody Fletcher on absolutely
anything they wrote about her,but various other people as well.
The telegraph in a front page,exclusive, revealing what it claimed
was a free speech row in March.
Described comments, reform, supporter, andpeculiar plumber Charlie Mullins had made
criticizing
London's mayor in what mightbe termed a robust manner.

(20:09):
What
did Mullins actually

Andy (20:10):
say about
car?
Yeah, go on.
He said something like,someone should kill

Adam (20:14):
him.
He said Exactly.
Someone should kill him.
Specifically.
Time to dump the Muslim mayor.
Someone should kill him.
That's free Speech telegraph

Helen (20:22):
It's fairly unambiguous, isn't it?
It's not really.
The dog whistle.
There.

Adam (20:26):
one
more,

Helen (20:27):
the

Adam (20:28):
Andy.
You just,

Helen (20:30):
I just
love my

Adam (20:31):
we are gonna take that
away from you at the end of therecording, You can't just keep it forever.

Helen (20:35):
It's very dusty.
I don't think people have been using it

Adam (20:37):
We haven't used it since last year as Christmas, Chris.
That's why it's been sitting on a shelf
celebrating
her first full decade as Editor Theguardian's, Kath Weiner boasted this
spring that when she had taken over,the guardian was making big losses and
the business model was not sustainable
In
2015 that year.
The guardian's lossesstood at 17.6 million.
What did they stand out in?
2025.

Andy (20:58):
numbers?

Helen (20:59):
17.7 million
can we just say about, I say

Andy (21:05):
higher,

Adam (21:06):
higher.

Helen (21:07):
hundred million.

Adam (21:08):
Lower.
24.3 million.
Although the Guardian doesprefer to term them as.
Adjusted cash outflow for the operatingbusiness, which is a rather wonderful
And it was down for 37 million

Andy (21:21):
should
say.
Oh, Okay.
to
be

Helen (21:23):
And it went through profitability for a while, didn't

Adam (21:25):
Yeah.
And then straight out the other

Helen (21:26):
side
and we were like, oh, we don't like

Andy (21:27):
this.
Oh,

Helen (21:29):
It's not the guardian way.

Adam (21:31):
Right.
I think Andy was closest on that.
So I'm gonna give Andya point on that one.
and in your final question, theDaily Express was way out ahead
in 2024 as the most successfullycomplained about newspaper.
with Seven breaches of the editor's codeand ipso obliged corrections this year.

(21:51):
higher or lower

Helen (21:54):
Gotta be higher.

Andy (21:56):
I'll be sporting and

Adam (21:57):
I'm gonna, I'm
gonna need a honk.
need a ding.

Andy (22:01):
Lower.

Adam (22:02):
You're wrong, Andy.
They were all higher.
Oh, there was higher.
12 of them.
12 complaints upheld so far.
And amazingly,
every
single one of them wasfrom the same complainant.
who is a man called Alan Williams Key,who seems to have made his full-time
job just to complainabout inaccurate coverage
in the Daily Express.
Wow.

Andy (22:19):
Wow.
Does he have a special subject?
Do we know?
Is it
he's
particularly

Adam (22:21):
keen on economics and criticisms of Rachel Reeves.
He's not as far as I know.
Related he's

Helen (22:28):
Rachel Reeves.
only fan.
That's exciting.

Adam (22:31):
and on that round we have a total of four for Helen and five for

Andy (22:35):
handing.
Yes.

Helen (22:37):
just a wipe out for me over and over again.

Andy (22:39):
Did you lose the last one as well?
I did.
I'm sorry.
Helen

Helen (22:42):
and I, but by default lost this one

Andy (22:44):
because I know you're competitive.
I know you're competitive.
And

Helen (22:46):
It's fine.
I actually

Andy (22:46):
be really sticking in the craw.

Helen (22:49):
I've actually tried to this.
Yeah.
I've really learned to be humble,
This is the 12 Trumps of Christmas.

Adam (22:56):
Oh, brilliant.
Fantastic.

Helen (22:57):
Which of the following did Donald Trump not do on his first day in office?
Now this will be multiple choice A ban.
TikTok B, change the name ofDenali back to Mount McKinley.
C. Declare there are only twosexes or D withdraw from the WHO.

Andy (23:12):
Ooh,

Helen (23:14):
Adam.

Adam (23:14):
Is it the banning TikTok because they did preemptively canceled themselves,

Helen (23:20):
okay

Andy (23:21):
I'll say the mountain thing, which he probably did do at some
point, but didn't do on day one.

Helen (23:26):
He did do it on day one.
It is in fact banningTikTok as, as you observed.
instead,
he seems to plan to frog it offto some of his mates and still
have the algorithm run by China.
As Elon Musk time and Doge drewto a close, he appeared at a White
House event with a black eye.
It is generally agreed that he wasdecked by Scott Besant, the treasury
secretary who hates But who didElon try and blame the injury on?

Andy (23:51):
His we lad

Helen (23:53):
can you gimme the name of his wi?
We lad

Andy (23:55):
XI source code
forward
slash

Helen (23:59):
absolutely final.
This one.
New document to X?
Yes.
like a, no, this
is like a,

Andy (24:06):
this

Helen (24:07):
like one of us trying to file a piece through the,
subs on the Monday morning.
Yeah, no, absolutely use this one.
yes.
I was just horsing around with little Xand I said go ahead, punch me in the face.
And he did.
Mr. Musk explained

Adam (24:21):
if only he would
extend this invitationto would be a better

Helen (24:24):
Okay?
In May, after the death of PopeFrancis, suggest could be the
next Pope tweeting an AI generatedimage of them in full papal regalia
It was of course himself.
Yes.
else.
No, it was not, which political disruptorexplained his nickname like this.
I use it as my LinkedIn username.

(24:45):
People on LinkedIn takethemselves super seriously and
they're pretty averse of risk.
And I was like, I wanna beno there of those things.
So I just said it, and honestly, Ididn't think anybody would notice.

Andy (24:55):
Is
it.
The guy from Doge who's called Big Balls?

Helen (25:00):
It is the guy from Doge, who's called Big Balls, Edward

Adam (25:04):
forgotten Big Balls.
Wow.

Helen (25:06):
I'm
afraid Big Balls has now left Doge.
Much like the Ravens leaving the Towerof London, big balls has departed.
Yes.
well done.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Doing very well.
Both of you.

Andy (25:17):
I think we're connected on LinkedIn here and I, so

Helen (25:20):
I wonder if it was in the middle of his name or if
that was just his first name.
So anyway, we can investigate thislater in July, which political
candidate was accused by arrival ofslapping fannies and killing grannies.

Adam (25:36):
I
mean, that surely that's Trump, isn't
it?

Helen (25:38):
It wasn't.
Not in this case, no.
And this was, I would say theAmerican fanny meaning bottom.

Andy (25:43):
Oh,
I think

Adam (25:43):
of grabbing pussies on time, not slapping
Fannie,

Andy (25:46):
I'll say RFK.

Helen (25:49):
Again, a good guess, but no, it was Andrew Cuomo candidate for New
York Mayor who had earlier resignedhis governor of New York over sexual
harassment allegations and hisCOVID policies around care homes.
The phrase comes from
his

Adam (26:01):
I just have a moment because
you bring up RFK and that contest has justbrought back the poem and it's just, I

Helen (26:06):
you are my
just, you are my valley.
I am your.

Andy (26:09):
look.
let's press on.
People are full of crisp with food.
They wanna hear this.
s much.
Oh

Adam (26:12):
yes.
They'll bring it up.

Helen (26:14):
the phrase comes from, his Republican rival, Curtis Lier.

Andy (26:17):
It's a very good political phrase.

Helen (26:19):
It's, and delivered in a proper New York accent as well.
a proper, I'm walking hereslapping Fannie killing grannies.
It was great.

Andy (26:26):
I'm
still
stuck
on wondering whether big balls is related.
To Ed

Helen (26:28):
Bulls, but Ed Bulls always used to tell a joke about his name, which
was like, don't feel sorry for me.
Feel sorry for my sister, Ophelia.

Andy (26:35):
Lovely, lovely.

Adam (26:37):
wanna know if his big ball's All one word, like you said, or whether it's
like Meat Loaf, who like to be referredto by people who Interviewed him.
I was one as Mr. Loaf.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I'm afraid, I was told thatjust as I was entering the room to
interview,
be called Mr.
Loaf.
So I entered the room going,

Andy (26:54):
that.
No, we
didn't get on,
there's a Meatloaf tributeAct called Pete Loaf.
That's
brilliant.
yeah.
Anyway,
Sorry,
Carry on.
In

Helen (27:01):
In October, Donald Trump posted a video of himself flying over
the No Kings protestors wearing acrown and dropping a what on them?
I'm gonna give it to you,although sound travels.
Yeah, it's they

Andy (27:13):
Gee, I've got the advantage.
I think it was.
CGI poo.

Adam (27:19):
it was,
your the
papers insisted that it
was ambiguous, didn't they?
They said
a brown liquid.
And then second mention, they
said resembling

Helen (27:27):
Yes.
The New York Times in itsclassic way was like, we can't be
absolutely sure it's human poo.
But that was, definitely the implication.
Yeah.

Adam (27:35):
that can be said of
just Dumping poo on your ownand We might do it, but you
wouldn't necessarily publicize

Helen (27:44):
You think you could imagine kiss actually dumping poor people,
just not tweeting about it.
What's an allegation to make at Christmas?
Which of the following did Secretary ofDefense or other Secretary of War, Pete
Heer,
not attack in a rambling speechto which he summoned all American
military personnel in September?
Was it A Fat Troops B, fatGenerals and Admirals, C,

(28:05):
beos,
or D people who claim exemptionsfrom military service on
spurious health grants?
Adam,

Adam (28:12):
Boulogne Spurs,
isn't it?
It's the last

Helen (28:14):
It was.
I did a bit of their, of topicalsatire related to the fact that
Donald Trump got out of the draft forthe Vietnam War had Boulogne spurs

Andy (28:22):
satire

Adam (28:22):
about the Vietnam War.
That's what they come here.
for.

Andy (28:24):
for,
question please.
Yes.
What is a beard though?
It's

Helen (28:28):
a person with a be.

Andy (28:29):
Oh, okay.

Helen (28:30):
but in a sort of hippie-ish way.
And there's a slightly sinister overtoneto it because most of the people who
have medical exemptions from shavingare black guys who have a particular
condition where your follicles getirritated by shaving, which is much
more common, people with darker skin.
And and, also, yeah, the peoplewith religious exemptions too.
so there is a, slightly unfortunateundertone to his, the war on Beos.

Adam (28:53):
I
would just like to one outthere today, I'm not only a beo,
but I am wearing my XMA hat.
I'm,
with the woke brigade this Christmas,

Helen (29:02):
Merry Wokeness wasn't there?
I'm sure there was a GB news section.
It was called Merry

Adam (29:06):
Almost It's been canceled and you'll have to call it Winterville.

Andy (29:11):
I'll just say Happy holes.
yeah,

Helen (29:14):
Who was revealed to have written these words this upon a time, an
intelligent, sharp witted man they callmysterious parachuted into my life.
He would spend many hours just waitingfor him often, no sooner were you used
to having him around, he would suddenlybe alone again, leaving you with
some interesting friends to entertaininstead, the gentle jingle that says, a

Adam (29:35):
the gentle jingle that says, I'm just so relieved that you
didn't quote what he wrote to her.
It's Olivia Nazi,

Helen (29:40):
isn't
it?
It is not?
no, it is not

Adam (29:42):
Oh, Okay.
Blamy.

Andy (29:43):
Oh.
I'll say British GB News hackBeverly Turner talking about Donald

Helen (29:50):
It is not.
It is,

Adam (29:51):
Is it Donald Trump talking about GB news Hack.
Beverly Turner.

Andy (29:54):
it
Is it Ghislaine

Helen (29:56):
It's in that You getting warmer?
Oh, warmer.

Adam (29:59):
It was, it is Peter Mandelson about Epstein, isn't it?

Helen (30:02):
It is.
Peter Manon about Epstein.
I'm not gonna give you that pointbecause you had five wrong answers
before that and you've made your own bed
there.

Andy (30:10):
What did he say?
A A

Helen (30:11):
A man commenter.
And then you'd be left with someinteresting friends to entertain instead.
Again, not a thing.
You want to later beendiscovered to written in the
birthday book of a pedophile
up there with, let's playagain soon from Andrew.
One.
Here go.
It's, happening now.
In November, US journalist Ryan Lizzaaccused his ex-fiancee Olivia Nazi, also a

(30:32):
journalist of having an affair with formerpresidential candidate Mark Sanford.
Back in 2009 when Sanford duckedoutta his campaign to visit his
mistress in South America, whichincredible euphemism did he deploy?
Okay, ready?
This is it, a boating in the Ozarks
two
B. Hiking the Appalachian Trail

(30:55):
C playing hacky sack in Maine, or dattending a hoedown in Harrisburg.

Andy (31:03):
I'll
say,

Adam (31:04):
it's
the hiking in the Appalachians.
'cause you've enjoyedthe others far too much.
clearly.
Or in

Andy (31:08):
I'm gonna, I'm gonna go for it.
I'm gonna say a hoedown
in

Helen (31:10):
in Harrisburg.
Harrisburg.
I've been to Harrisburg.
It would be a lovely place to havea hoan, but no, it was of course
hiking the Appalachian Trail.
It's very much their versionof, Ugandan discussions.
Okay, who am I talking about here?
He is a former world leaderwho once dressed up as Al
Ladin at a private school where

Andy (31:29):
could,

Helen (31:29):
taught.
You don't even wanna hearthe other half of I do.
The couple.
You've already preemtively, belled.

Andy (31:35):
I know who the couple is.
Is it Justin Trudeau and Katy

Helen (31:38):
Perry?
It's, yay.

Adam (31:39):
Yay.

Andy (31:40):
But who's she?

Helen (31:41):
She went into space ish this year.
They're now

Andy (31:44):
She went on a plane.

Helen (31:45):
Yeah,
I read, I did this withmy husband as a, dry run.
And I have to say he wasinteresting the other ones.
And then this one helept on like a salmon.
He was like, I think you'll findthat's Justin Trudeau and Katie
Perry.
so well done for being equally lowbrow.
Andy.
Which Great American novel provided thetheme for both a party at the wedding of
Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez and DonaldTrump's Halloween party at Maa Largo.

(32:10):
Andy,

Andy (32:10):
I think the Bezos wedding featured a strong, great Gatsby theme.
About oblivious rich people.

Helen (32:18):
You're right.
Two people decided you haven't

Adam (32:20):
read The

Andy (32:21):
Gatsby you

Adam (32:22):
read The Great

Helen (32:22):
Gatsby?
funny you should say that because theTrump bash a b, c reported was themed.
A little party never killed nobodyreferencing a song from the 2013
film adaptation of the Scopic
Fitzgerald

Adam (32:33):
It did.
That's the whole point,

Helen (32:34):
isn't it?

Andy (32:34):
it?
Yes.

Helen (32:36):
It's also a novel that is heavily about, Eugenics,
right?
It's about racism and the backgroundis that book, the Passing of the White
Race, or the Passing of the Great Race.
So again.
More on the nose than perhaps that

Adam (32:47):
And also this was a Halloween party.

Helen (32:48):
Spooky.
Spooky Gatsby.
Sexy.
Sexy Gatsby.
Yeah.
Is

Andy (32:52):
that,
the Leonardo de DiCaprioand Toby McGuire film?

Helen (32:55):
is, yes.

Andy (32:56):
A

Helen (32:57):
It's too long.
I've always looked at, I've gone,I don't need two and a half hours.
The book's only about 128.

Andy (33:02):
read the book at that time.

Helen (33:03):
And then you wouldn't get the beats, boats born, ceaselessly
back, all that sort of stuff.
Anyway, Recently, the AmericanConservative Movement has been torn
apart by the decision of JD Vance'sfriend Tucker Carlson, formerly of
Fox News, to platform the Antisemiteand grouper leader Nick Fuentes.
Which of the following did they notdiscuss on a recent A, whether Iran

(33:25):
was a bigger intelligence threat toAmerica than OnlyFans B, the concept of
FL C, whether it's appropriate to wearpajamas on airplanes or D, whether wives
should be subordinate to their husbands.
plausible.
I know, right?

Adam (33:41):
That Helen has actually listened to the whole of

Andy (33:43):
this podcast and he

Adam (33:43):
is gonna make us suffer

Helen (33:44):
through question about
it

Andy (33:46):
well.
I, think the appropriate attire onplanes was something that the transport
secretary recently said in a speech.
So I think that's the one that,and I of course didn't make it
into his pod tuck.
Carlson

Adam (33:57):
will have a particular interest in that because he's
savaged by demons in his sleep, isn't
he?
So a
good sturdy pair of
pajamas

Andy (34:02):
A
sleep
suit Oh, you want some Kevlar?

Adam (34:04):
will be,

Andy (34:05):
Some Kevlar Ultra Marines.
Yeah.

Helen (34:08):
He was a man who sleeps with, apparently with four dogs in his bed,
was nonetheless savaged by demons.
That was the most plausible

Andy (34:14):
lazy dogs not protecting him from those demons.
That's
outrageous.

Helen (34:18):
I like to think they're all tiny dogs.
It's four

Andy (34:20):
tiny L

Adam (34:21):
Flowers.

Helen (34:23):
yes, you're right.
Whether or not it's appropriate to wearpajamas on airplanes was transportation.
Secretary Sean Duffy, althoughthere is famously a picture of,
noted sex poetry enthusiast.
RFK Junior on a plane in bare feet.
Ooh.
Which I don't agree with at

Andy (34:39):
Do you mean when you say bear, is that one of the bears that he's killed
and strapped to his car and eaten

Helen (34:42):
dead bare feet?
I was trying to work out why thenumbers there, the schools there
didn't add up to 12, but it's becausethere were a couple where I'm afraid
neither of you scored any points.
However, would you like to knowwhat the it's five to Adam.
to Andy.

Adam (34:55):
Oh.

Helen (34:57):
Meaning
that you are both winners, muchlike the Trump's view of the
2024 election,
there's one real winner andone person who thinks that

Adam (35:05):
are all And In a way.

Andy (35:09):
Okay, I'd like my supporters to march on the private eye office now.
Please.

Adam (35:14):
that's

Andy (35:15):
been edited really unfairly.
I'd just like to say

Adam (35:17):
he actually said
a 50 minutes in betweenthat, that we cut out.

Andy (35:21):
Brilliant.

Helen (35:22):
Okay.
And what we have established is thatyou are both winners and I'm the loser.
So in a way,
the real

Adam (35:26):
feel we knew that
Helen,

Andy (35:29):
happy
Oh,
and happy Christmas to all of you.
Thank you so much for watchingand listening all this year.
We've had a lovely time and, we'lldo it again next year, probably.
We definitely will.

Adam (35:40):
Yay.
Here's to

Andy (35:41):
to Yes.
What exciting fresh horrors
await us in 2026.
yes.

Adam (35:49):
do our best to

Andy (35:50):
it.
Exactly.
That's all from us and thanks asalways did Matt Hill of Rethink audio.
Bye for now.