February 8, 2024 • 53 mins
#18: Join us as we take a deep dive into the intricate world of relationships, therapy, and modern dating. This episode is a raw and honest look at the expectations that shape our love lives, the importance of shared passions, and the transformative power of unconditional love that respects personal boundaries.
We explore the role of therapy as a safe space to navigate private struggles and the importance of intellectual parity in building meaningful partnerships. From dismantling societal norms like the outdated "trophy wife" ideal to embracing equal partnerships, this conversation challenges traditional dating narratives and empowers you to define love on your own terms.
We also tackle stigmas in dating, including accusations of gold-digging, age gaps in relationships, and the pressure to conform to timelines for finding love or starting a family. If you’ve ever felt judged for your dating choices or struggled to balance self-discovery and partnership, this episode is for you.
Tune in for an inspiring discussion about breaking free from societal expectations, celebrating individuality, and scripting your unique journey to love and connection.
Single? Meet us at the thursdayº Event.Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
You can follow Pain In My Cass Podcast: @paininmycasspod
You can follow Cassandra Jean:
@paininmycass_
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Roger, I feel like you're probably not having fun
with me today because we got inhere and I've been so moody.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I think today is one of those days where you are
existing in your own right andpower and I'm totally fine and
flexible.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I know you're always so good to me, but I thought
it'd be fun if we did an episodewhere we got to know each other
a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of card games that you
can play, like whether it bebefore you go out, after you go
out and you get to uncover moreabout somebody.
So I take this on to be alittle bit of that as well.
This can be that episode whereour audience gets to learn more
about us and we get to ask thoseuncomfortable questions that we
probably just don't want toanswer.
(00:48):
Except we're doing it here,live.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Yeah, I think that's funny because I think I was with
you the other day talking abouta guy I was talking to.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
You sent me a link to an Amazon book.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
What is?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
that book.
The book is like and to behonest with you, I don't know
the name, but I do know you ask.
You basically ask theseassessment of questions, or
these variation of questionsthat lead you to decide whether
or not this person is yourperfect partner, and if they
answer them all correct, it hastypically worked to be like 100%
correct.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Really For like a successful marriage For a
successful marriage and orrelationship.
Yeah, wow.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
That's actually crazy .
Speaker 1 (01:28):
That's crazy.
Okay, so like when you'relooking for someone, what is
like wifey vibes to you.
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
It's a great question because I think it changes for
everybody and I think for me.
I have like three things thatI'm always looking for that just
have to.
I don't want them to be likethis toolbox answer.
I want it to be custom to eachand every person so they are
their own selves.
But the first one is I love agreat sense of self, like that
(02:04):
person has to know who they areand I don't want them to be
delivering that to me as I'mdelivering who I am, and then we
have this version of like.
As my identity grows andchanges, as I'm just going
throughout life, they feel likethey need to adapt to me.
I don't want them to be achameleon, I want them to be
(02:25):
their own selves.
You can be a reptile and shedskin, fine and grow and become
your own new person, but I don'twant you to adapt to me and
become me.
That's never.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Really yes.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
I don't want that.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Okay, I want to hear the rest of this.
Yeah, I find this interestingbecause I feel like there are
certain men that want theirwoman to be like a side piece
not a side piece, but they don't.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
They want them to be like the Robin to their Batman.
Yeah, yes.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Which I in some ways.
I guess it is hard to have twomain characters, but I don't
want to just be like the On thesidelines of someone else's
story.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
No, and I think for me it's like, for example, high
school.
I went to an all-boy school forhigh school and a lot of I
don't even want to say friends,but people I associated with,
they would have what was like aI forget the term that was
loosely used, but it was notright.
(03:29):
It was definitely a term thatdid not seem very well fitting,
but it did match the way inwhich people's behavior was, and
it was like this version of atrophy wife.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Right.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Right, I don't want that.
I want a level of depth withwhoever I'm with.
I want you to have your ownthings you like, have your
moments where you're like Idon't want to be around you, I'm
going to go do my own thing.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
That's me and you today, because you probably does
not want to be around me.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
You don't bother me at all, like I love it, like
you're very stern and powerfulin who you are, but you're not
mean, like I just think I don'tknow how many people can handle
certain types of personalitiesand your personality is totally
fine with me, like I don't mindit at all.
So whoever can't?
God?
Speaker 1 (04:17):
bless you.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Yeah, I'm sorry she hurt your feelings, but I'm sure
she meant it in the nicest way.
But that's the first thing forme.
Like I want them to have agreat sense of self.
The next thing is is I enjoybeing active?
So active can be very different.
Like I want you to have a senseof enjoying physical activity,
like I like to get up and dothings.
(04:40):
You know, whatever that's goingto be you could like
construction work, badminton,whatever I want to make sure
that she enjoys that to thehighest regard and we can enjoy
that together, whatever that maybe of her choosing.
And then the last thing is onethat I've really struggled with,
(05:00):
because I don't know if I'vealways delivered it back the
same way that I want it.
But I appreciate a sense of kindof like unconditional love.
Right, because unconditionallove is one that feels very warm
and it feels very, not providerlike, but just very flexible.
(05:25):
But sometimes I think when wewant that, it's asking something
of someone that's not fair,because unfortunately,
relationships are conditionaland they do come with conditions
and if you're not meetingcertain conditions then it can
end.
So it's almost like an oddunderstanding where you have to
(05:48):
be accepting of that where yousay, okay, maybe it's not the
forever relationship and what Iwant is this form of
unconditional love, but maybe Ishould change that outlook to
say I'm going to love you sounconditionally that you feel a
great sense of not even likeproviding financially, but just
(06:10):
a great sense of stage andavailability for you that you
would want to give me that samething back.
And it still can be conditionaland have its level of boundary
to it as well at the same time.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
I love that you said that, because I have a hard time
looking at like on conditionalversus conditional love.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yes, it's hard.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Because we all want unconditional love, absolutely.
And then we've talked to peopleabout this, you and I and love
does have conditions, but maybeit doesn't when you're loving
someone fully, with your wholeheart.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
And just admitting love.
Yes, that is the love thatyou're giving away is the love
that you're going to get back inreturn, hopefully.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
And then it becomes like a power thing.
When you're trying to demandthat from someone, to say, I
want you to give meunconditional love, instead it
starts with you and you have togive that unconditional love and
then that person will give itback and, as I just said, like
I've had trouble with that, likeI had a level of expectation
from other people where that'snot right.
But you learn through practice,you learn through making a
(07:16):
mistake, you learn through notdoing it correctly when you want
it right.
Like what's it saying?
You know what you know or youdon't know what you don't know?
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Right.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Like it's like you're going to learn and you have to
learn somehow.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
That's my answer.
What is yours?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Like.
Well, first of all, I can'teven remember what the question
was, because that's how ADHD Iam, but like I do have to say,
like thinking about some of youranswers to that question, like
just in regards to like thetrophy wife and like conditional
love.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
The question is what do you look for?
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Yeah, right.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
What do you look for in a partner?
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Like.
For me it would be like, Ithink, first and foremost
laughter.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Love that.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Which sounds really funny.
But I know that when I findsomeone and I'm just like
uncontrollably like laughing andfeeling like a little
schoolgirl.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
That's sweet.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
That's what I want.
Is I want laughter?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
I feel like, you want to enjoy yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Yeah, I'm just like.
Cass needs to laugh.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Yeah, I mean it's.
That's fair, it makes sense.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Yeah, I feel like laughter is the best medicine.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
And I truly believe that I feel like laughter is
love at its highest form.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Yeah, and it's more of I'm not meaning to cut you
off, I'm more or less just kindof like looking off in the
distance, because it's one ofthose moments where every time
you think about laughing withsomeone, it's kind of like the
happiest, most cheekiest momentyou have with that person and it
does feel really good.
So that is a very fairstatement to make.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Yeah, so that's like the first thing is like someone
that can make me laugh, and thenthe second thing I think would
be height, which is really Ilove it.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
You're serious.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
This is just me being truthful.
I know, you know and I wastalking.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
In the lobby audience .
She is dead serious, I'm deadserious.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
And this is so hard for me being a tall woman,
because there's a stat that 14%of men only 14% are over six
foot tall.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
You already got limited percentiles to work with
.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Well, six foot tall and make over $100,000.
And that's not saying thatthey're not overweight,
completely hideous, married orwhatever else is going on and I
mean I had to come with termsthat I'm over here laughing.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
This shit is funny.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
And it sounds bad that something that's so
physically based is anon-negotiable, but I have a
really hard time being attractedto short guys.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I mean there's also something to it.
Like to be very fair in youranswer.
You are tall.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Like you are very tall, so I can only imagine that
feeling.
It's fair.
I'm not saying something thatif you were not in a position
where you're, you're darn nearsix foot right.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yeah, yeah, that's the other thing, though, too, is
because I think my third one islike safety.
Yeah, and being a tall one, I'mserious.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Like to me, like I'm just going to feel less feminine
if I'm not dating someonetaller than me.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
I'm not being tall.
I still want someone that makesme feel like little and being
mean and soft.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
So do you appreciate like that version of whomever
you're with, they allow you tokind of like one turn off, but
to feel like they have you froma sense of like a protective
glove, like or like?
Explain it to me, cause, like Iwant to understand it further
than me just being tall myself,like sure, I'm tall and I can
(11:13):
answer that checkbox for certainpeople, but it's more or less.
I'm trying to understand, likewhere does it stem from?
Like why?
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Yeah, I think there's like maybe I can't think of the
term for it, but it's like youknow, for myself I want someone
better than me.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
And that encompasses many different things, probably
for me, and one of them would betaller, stronger, more
intelligent, makes more moneythan me.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
And you know that's a little bit tough when I'm
already.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
It is.
I mean, you do well.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Five, 10, 5, 11 and make six figures.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Most of the men aren't even at that level.
And then that's not eventalking about like emotional,
intellectual intelligence, andthis might sound wrong for me to
say, but no, nothing's wrong.
I've never, it's our podcast.
No, really that girl cast.
She's so full of herself.
But I've never doubted my ownlike intelligence, and I know
(12:18):
that there's a lot of women thatare like hard on themselves
about their intellectualcapabilities.
I'll beat myself all day longif my skin's breaking out or if.
I don't like my outfit orwhatever, but I've always fully
believed that I'm smart, like Ijust always had that
self-concept of myself.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
And you are.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
That's sweet.
Thank you, so I don't justsound like a dumbass.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
No no.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
It's always the not smart people saying they're
smart.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
But I've had the luxury one to work with you and
now working with you as abusiness partner, like you are
really, really bright.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
So that's really sweet, but I feel like I have a
hard time dating because Becauseof that.
I want someone to meet me at myintellectual level.
So that third piece, the safety, is it's wanting someone better
than me, and being tallprobably plays into that safety
(13:18):
piece.
The financial stability playsinto that safety piece.
And then, furthermore, the onething the Bible says about
relationships which I'm not evenlike, the most like religious
person.
I'm open-minded, is that.
Pick a partner that you'll goto battle with, and I think
Chris Willis has brought this upon.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
That's so well said.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Yeah, on his podcast, and I've had partners before
that like would throw me underthe bus to their girlfriends.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
I hear you.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
That we're friends of theirs and not have my back.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
And.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
I'm like that's not okay with me.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
No.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
I want someone that's like that's my girl, yes, and
we're gonna go fight this shittogether.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Almost like and this might be because I've read a lot
of books Sure, it's almost onthe morally kind of gray level
when I'm less concerned abouteveryone else in the world and
what else is going on.
As long as I'm like me and you,we've got each other and we're
gonna go fuck it up.
However, we need to fuck it uptogether.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
It's like that us against the world mentality.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yeah, which is kind of dark.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
No, I mean I've seen some media coverage on it and I
will say like it's a bit of thatvillain mind state and when
you're in that villain mindstate you can accomplish great
things.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
As long as you don't have that perspective, I'm like
going to walk your dog.
You're not a villain, you'rewalking your dog.
Yeah, you're going to thegrocery store.
You're not going in there asBatman like you're going to walk
your dog.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Right.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Or you're going to get your groceries.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
It's just like there's a time and a place for
that mentality.
I think, yeah, but I love it, Ireally do, and I think it
brings on so many more questionsthat I'd probably ask.
But for me I would say itresonates with something of
definitely that locker roomtheory, like keeping your
relationship in house, like ifyour relationship is exposed to
(15:16):
everybody, there's versions offorgiveness that may come from
you to your partner, but onceyou expose other people to it,
they don't forgive the same wayand they, like you can be.
You can find yourself in aposition of regretting opening
up to certain people becausethey're not going to receive
(15:39):
that same experience, the sameway, right.
And when you forgive thatperson, they're like wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
We just hated that person aweek ago.
I still hate them and theydon't forgive them as fast or
they don't forgive them at allor ever.
So I totally hear you on that.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
I've gone off on some of my girlfriends boyfriends
after they have told me things.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
I'm like I gotta go protect this woman, Exactly I
get feisty, but that's why youhave to be what you're saying.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
You have to be so cautious who you're sharing.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Your like intimate relationship.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Things with, and that's why I almost kind of
wonder, I'm like, are you justbetter off just talking to like
a therapist, yes, about yourrelationship, and then that way
you have a safe space where youcan share everything that's
going on, and then it's not likeaffecting?
Your friends, you're protectingyour relationship, keeping it
(16:36):
in house.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Yeah, I think therapy is.
It's crucial for everyone, butit's also it's hard to find a
good therapist, cause sometimesa therapist can warp your mind
state and I can't speak from anybias or anything like that Like
, I don't have that experience,but I will say it's like if you
can find that therapist that youcan really lean on emotionally
(17:02):
it helps, it really does, and itallows you to avoid some of
that Like cause.
I don't know if your parentsare the ones that should receive
that burden, your friends, yourdoctor, your lawyer, like none
of that really coincides withthem and what they are in your
life for to some degree, I wouldsay, but I don't know that.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Maybe that's where my bias comes in no, no, you're
spot on, and I feel like evenfinding a therapist is like
dating yes, cause you're notalways going to find the right
therapist.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
And see I've been lucky, and I'll just say this is
like my personal life.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
I've gone to therapy since I was 16.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Love it.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
I've had the first few therapists I tried out I
literally like barged out of thetherapy session.
We were not compatible.
And then my therapist who Ihave now.
I've been seeing her since Iwas 16.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Love.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
And it's gotten to a point, though, where I'm like so
close with her I'm like I thinkI need to get a new one.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Cause you kind of do grow with your therapist and
then sometimes you need, like anoutside perspective For sure,
and that's healthy to say aswell.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Like I think, whenever it comes to dating and
relationships, it's important tohave therapy, but I think you
don't want to likeovercompensate for still being
human.
Like you still want to beyourself right.
Like you don't want to become ashadow identity of your
therapist your therapist shouldbe there to bounce things off of
and offer a sense of reflection, but, like you, shouldn't be an
(18:35):
identical version of them and Ifeel like that's versions of
what you're saying.
If I'm accepting what you'resaying correctly.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I mean, I think honestly for me personally.
I've gotten to the sametherapist for so long that I
consider her a friend which ismaybe the wrong thing to say,
Cause I know she's my therapist,but we've literally like she
started her practice.
I was her first client.
I've seen her for 10 years.
So I mean she's met my mom,she's met my sister.
(19:06):
So it's almost at a point wherethere's things I want to tell
her, but I don't want to tellher because she's been in my
life for so long that I don'twant her to think negatively of
something I'm going to say.
Sometimes I feel uncomfortabletalking about my sex life with
her because I'm like.
(19:26):
This woman has known me sinceI'm 16.
And now I'm talking about thisor that or whatever so.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Well, okay.
So then that will kind of leadme to another question.
I think would be great for ouraudience and as well as even me
understanding.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
I know we're honestly like learning a lot about each
other.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Yes, yes, I'm like I want to make sure I get the
question correct, because I'm Ireally do want to know the
answer, cause I think I have alot to say for it as well.
How do you feel about where yougrew up, which we know is
Austin, and how does that shapeyour dating experiences?
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Oh, my goodness, I feel so many things about the
Austin dating scene and I feellike it's a little bit tough for
my opinion on the Austin datingscene, cause I'm a bit of an
anomaly.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
I think I'm not dating as much as I should be,
but I've had phases that I'vegone through where I was dating
a lot and it didn't work out.
But I feel like, because I'm a29 year old woman, I have this
like innate fear of turning 30and being single, like it scares
(20:38):
the fuck out of me.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
And what scares me You'll live, oh God.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
I'll get five cats.
What scares me even more isthat I don't want to leave
Austin.
It's my home, but the datingscene here is so bad.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
It's tough.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
And I don't know if that's just my perspective, and
I can't think it's that way,cause I hear from so many people
how bad the dating scene ishere.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Yeah, I mean me outside coming in for sure it's
wild, it's very different.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
But I also feel like, at the same time, in the last
few months, I've been on some ofthe most beautiful dates with
some of the nicest human beings.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Love that.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Men who are actually like gentlemanly pick me up and
congrats yeah.
They're good guys and there'sbeen a few of them that like
wanted to be in relationships,and in those situations I was
more of the avoidant one.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
And you know that worries me because you know
Austin has the Peter Pan.
Syndrome and I went to my momabout this too.
I was like mom, what's wrongwith me?
Like there's these greatoptions.
Like this guy went to an IvyLeague, this guy has a good job,
this guy is six foot five.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
But that at the end of the day, it wasn't even
really super physicallyAttracted to any of them.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
And it might be my own issue of always being drawn
to chemistry and Like thatfeeling.
Yeah that sometimes maybe isn'tthe healthiest feeling sure
with someone, but I don't.
I think I deserve To have thatfeeling with someone I'm gonna
be with for the rest of my life.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Yeah, you deserve everything.
One like that's anybody right.
Yeah, I think everybodydeserves to have anything and
everything they want my eyeslike lit up.
Like you definitely do, but it's.
It's so interesting for me tohear that perspective because I
think it aligns with some ofthat like opposite experience,
(22:49):
where You're really looking forthat specific feeling and that
feeling will motivate orrecharge your battery every day
For a lifetime with that person,and that's that's when you talk
about it.
That's actually really sweet.
Like that is really the way I,in most people, probably,
envision love.
(23:09):
So I think it's nice that youhold on to that.
Yeah, it definitely makes sense.
For sure, I don't think there'sanything off in that.
I think that's pretty cool.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Yeah, yeah, I mean I, your body, tells you when you
like someone.
Yeah, I'm not even talkingabout like in a weird no.
Sexual way like yeah like I'mlike giggling, like I'm dressing
nicer, yeah, I'm gonna bearound them like your body will
tell you if you should or shouldnot be around somebody.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yeah, yes.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
What about you like the the Austin dating scene?
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Yeah, I think it's.
It's been very interesting forme, like and I think I not, I
think I know I've said it inanother episode that it's been a
version of like a stompingground, but also like a place
where I've learned and grown,which I love.
I love that Back in New York Ihad very different experiences
and, as I said, I went to anall-boy school for high school,
(24:02):
so like there wasn't the sameexposure or the same timeline of
experience as some other peoplemay be aligned with.
But I will say my upbringingplays a lot into my
comfortability but it does notplay a lot into Maybe my
selection right and I'll givethat answer with some greater
(24:24):
clarity of, I mean, the town Igrew up in was like
predominantly Irish Catholic.
Yeah, so it's like I grew up ina predominantly Caucasian area,
so me being a product of myenvironment, that is what I've.
I've witnessed or seen or beenaround of the opposite sex, like
(24:45):
growing from the same age as meto an adult.
So I have comfortability there.
Like there's a level of comfort, of interaction and engagement
that I have there, but thatdoesn't mean that I'm aligned
with like that's all that I'mattracted to, or like I've dated
other races and other peopleand I'm.
I think it plays a part in likewhere I grew up, plays a part
(25:08):
into my experiences of like inAustin there's maybe 20 black
guys right.
Like there's not a lot, and Ithink some people have a very
different experience than maybeme, because I just have a sense
of, hey, like I grew up aroundthis, like those indifferent
numbers, and it's sad to saythat I can find comfort in that.
(25:32):
But also it's also it's a bitof a superpower, like I'm like,
yeah, it's, it's fine, like I'mgonna go about my business and
operate my very normal self andif I find someone that I'm
attracted to, hey, let's have aconversation.
But that doesn't dictate theidea to say, oh, I only like one
specific type of person,because that's just not true.
Yeah, and I know we've coveredthat on another episode as well
(25:55):
where If there was a differentenvironment, you know like
there's different levels ofengagement that you could have
with other people.
So it's just affected my datingto where I find Comfortability
and some uncomfortableenvironments right, and I think
Austin is a very uncomfortabledating environment is.
(26:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
I don't feel like it's that diverse.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
It's not so.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
That's where I feel like cupcake dating.
Exactly it's like, so it can'tbe like New York, like the
melting pot.
It's like here's anothercupcake and here's a blog and
here's Chad.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Literally.
So you get yourself to thispoint where, if you really don't
know who you are, sometimespeople's experiences with you in
that segment can Shape you.
But it's like I'm verycomfortable on who I am.
I know exactly who I am andWhether I date one person versus
another, that's not going todetermine how I feel about
myself.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Instead, it's just, it's my environment, that's just
what you're you have exposureto or option with yeah, do you
have like a physical type thatyou're attracted to Like, do you
like blondes or brunettes, likeobviously one's better than the
other?
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah.
I'm not gonna say I think for me, I'm very open to either, but
Even all the way down a bodytype, I'm open to that as well.
It's more of I have to be ableto, like I have to be able to
communicate with somebody, likeI have to be able to know that
(27:26):
they know who they are.
And Like almost the going tobattle thing you brought up,
like if I'm going to battle withyou, I need to know, like hey,
we can Disagree about a topicyesterday, but that doesn't
determine our tomorrow right.
Or I can have great depths withyou in a conversation and we can
disagree and then the next dayor the next hour Going to
(27:48):
something else and have fun.
I just have to be able toconnect with somebody and if I
can't connect, disconnect andreconnect, yeah, like we're
gonna have a problem and it's.
It doesn't matter what you looklike, like you could be a Super
model and I'll.
I will lose interest, like that.
Yeah, yeah, the.
Those are my questions at themoment.
(28:10):
I want to see do you have anyquestions that you want to learn
more about?
Speaker 1 (28:15):
From you.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
I just asked you like a physical type.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Okay, so then okay but I mean.
I'll ask you one thing what areyour faults and where have you
gone wrong in prior relationship?
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Oh shit.
Well, you're probablyexperiencing all the time Kind
of a no at all.
Okay you know, but I also feellike you know the way I treat
you as my work husband Is alittle bit different than how I
treat people in relationship.
Okay, so I guess you're askinglike my biggest fault.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
Yeah, like what were your faults in prior
relationships?
Or or ones that you feel likeyou feel from yeah, I mean, it's
about dating.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
So I feel like my biggest fault In my Relationship
the first one was not walkingaway when I should have.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
I hear I can connect with that one pieces of this.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
So the first one is I didn't walk away when I should
have, and what happened in thatsituation is my ex put his
friends above my sister and theywere bullying my sister, and my
sister is like probably one ofthe first loves of my life.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Yeah, and so sorry, sis.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
I know I had her back .
Yeah, you know, of course butthat was this a sign for me that
in this relationship, this manis not going to protect me, he's
not gonna protect my family andif he's gonna, let his friends.
Dictate some of that and notstand up for someone that I
consider to be his sister aswell.
(30:02):
Yeah that was the.
I should have walked away thenhuge red flag and I did it yeah
and then the second piece, andthis is my own fault, is I but
and I can do this, I wasprobably doing this earlier
today with you, sure, as I canbe very demeaning, yeah, and I
feel like where that came fromin my previous relationship and
(30:24):
it makes me really sad BecauseI'm such a lover girl.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
I mean, you are so sweet.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
I really am like when I love someone, I pour into
them so much and I'm almost likeLike fucking Harley Quinn, like
I'll go jump.
I'll go jump into the.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
This is funny.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
I'll jump off a cliff for someone if I love them.
I'm like delusional on thatlevel.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
But sweet, that's really sweet.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I was like a little bit demeaning with my ex because
there was a point where hedidn't have a job.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
I was working my corporate job.
I was also working at Nordstrom.
Yeah he was basically livingwith me, had his own place but
was living with me, not helpingme with rent.
And this is I'm not trying tolike throw my no I is under the
bus.
I actually have a lot ofrespect and love for him, still
in my own ways.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
You.
I asked a specific question, soyou're asking the question.
You speak highly of them inother lights.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
So that's fair, yeah.
But when I had to take on thislike provider role and I'm going
to work I'm working two jobs,I'm driving us in my car
everywhere.
You're not fucking me, you'renot communicating with me, I I
just started being reallydemeaning to him sure and it
(31:39):
makes me sad because I'm surethat was very emasculating.
Oh yeah and I never Wanted todo that to my partner, and I
don't even know how it got tothat point.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Yeah, I mean I think.
So you bring up a great pointof like life was happening to
that man.
Yeah and a way that he wasdoing probably his very best to
keep up with right and and yeah,oh, okay, so.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Give you more clarity .
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Because this person my, my previous person, I was in
a relationship with sure.
I believed in him fully.
Yeah like I said, I would jumpoff a cliff.
I loved him so much and I'm notgonna date someone I think is
not intelligent or not Capableof things, so I held on forever.
I was like I see potential inthis person.
Yeah they're gonna be something.
(32:30):
We're a Batman and Robin.
We can build an empire.
Take on the world together.
So that's what I originallybelieved got it.
But after a while, where I'mdoing all this work work on
myself, going to my job, havinga second income and he's sitting
on the couch every day and thenspending his money on alcohol,
(32:52):
going out, harding with friends.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
And if he was trying to do something with his time,
that would have been everythingto me for sure like, like, oh, I
did this, I'm working on this.
Don't worry, baby, I've got usif we're gonna get there.
Yeah that's not what washappening.
Yeah, he was out Partying withhis friends, drinking, finding
(33:17):
new girlfriends doing different.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
That chat.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
But you know what?
No, I think you're being veryhonest and you know what comes
about.
That is like I'm sure you werea part of his or I hope you were
part of his growth andmaturation to become a better
person, because I'm sure himmaking that mistake and caring
about you and loving you, heprobably Unfortunately hurt the
wrong person and in doing so, ithurt him back as well.
(33:43):
So what I hope for is that helearned and Grew from that,
because if he doesn't, that'sreally not okay.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Because we look, everybody makes mistakes right.
I'm sure what you could look atit from male to female.
Whatever, I've made mistakes,other people made mistakes.
You don't want someone toforever live in that.
I just I really hope that helearned from it and I think he
has cuz it like.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
I think.
I mean, I don't know, yeah talkto him, but I believe that he's
like successful now and I'mlike all, I would hope yeah.
When I met the man, heliterally slept on a mattress in
an apartment like.
So I feel like I did dosomething Good for him.
Yeah and I feel like thishappens to a lot of women, where
we of course build someone up.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Then they drop us and move on, and then the next one
they act correctly for yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
I think that's a bit that almost relates a little bit
to my answer, where I think Ihave this bad habit of wanting
to build or or help people getto their next level you see the
potential exactly.
I see the potential people andI fight for that and now I'll do
it at any cost, and sometimesthat cost is even myself.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Is that what happened with your?
Oh yeah thanks, did you see,and we were not, we're gonna.
I'm just about past exit.
I hear you.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
Yeah, I've had.
You know what it is.
I think I just had a reallyamazing experience of witnessing
love with my parents, of Likewhat they wanted for each other
and the way they had this likeUnconditional kind of like
backing for each other, nomatter what.
Like mind you, things have goneon in life like everybody has
their own Wrongs and rights,that they do, but they always
(35:24):
like really do figure it out andfight for each other, which is
just it's really warm to witness.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
But it's also toxic because me, as an adult, I can't
expect that from someone who'snot my wife, right?
I can't expect that fromsomeone I've dated for two
months, four months, six months,a year, two years, three years,
five, seven, doesn't matter.
That person is not my wife, soI can't have that same level of
expectation.
(35:50):
But I will see the potential insomebody and be like you know
what, let's go on this journeytogether, work towards that, and
Then I'm putting aside allthese other things that I may
need and I'm hurting myself andthen, as I'm hurting myself,
I'll, then I Can potentially acton that hurt, right, and it's
(36:11):
it comes, it all, while it allcomes from a good place.
It's never Okay yeah like cuz.
I'm still hurting myself.
Build no, I'm not a, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
When they're, when this is like happening in those
situations.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Yeah what?
Speaker 1 (36:28):
what is?
What happens if these needsaren't being met?
Speaker 2 (36:31):
Did they just build and build.
And I'll either act out right,like I've this is a fault of
mine.
I've acted out when I I didneed something which is not fair
, not right.
Take full accountability forthat.
But I Will say it's probablyLike, what is the feeling like
to give you an answer?
I'm like I almost feel like thekid in, like an empty room, and
(36:53):
I'm like this, like All right,so I'm hurting myself.
Now, you know like I like Irealize it.
And then, when I realize it,I'm like so what are we gonna do
?
And I do nothing, and that'slike it's not okay, it's still
bad.
But I will say there are somepeople that I've met in my life
that really have done amazingworks on just like Helping me
(37:15):
reach new heights of myself andas well as they're doing it for
themselves.
And it's those people that Ifeel really bad, if I've ever
heard them.
Because as you go on in life,you just want to be the best
possible person you can be, butyou have to make mistakes and
unfortunately that comes at acost of hurting Maybe a person,
place or thing, and I really,really my heart goes out to
(37:37):
those moments that I may haveever caused for anyone else.
But I've forever on that pathto try to be better and that's
probably my biggest fault, likeof just seeing the potential of
someone and wanting to worktowards it.
Yeah and doing it at any meansnecessary, and Then maybe
another.
I think I have another faulttoo.
(37:58):
Yeah like I have this, thisform of like holding on for
people for too long, like Ithink you had said something
like that, like not leaving whenyou should.
Yeah, you're like I all knowwhen the right time is to leave
and then I won't leave, andthat's so unhealthy, it's so bad
(38:19):
.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
So if you're with anyone for like kind of set
amount of time, it's so hard towalk away.
Walk away, yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
And you're like no, like I'm committed to that
journey, Like I want to do thiswith you, and it just it's not,
it's not good.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
Cause I've had.
That's where it's like, thenthe egg goes from them being on
their face to then on your face,cause like you should have left
.
And then you're like no, well,this and this happened, okay,
well, you decided to stay, yeah,and then it becomes like this
game of back and forth and it'sunfair and unhealthy to
everybody.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
Yeah, I think you've done the same game.
I've done when you like breakup, get back together, break up.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
I've actually had people do that to me.
Okay, yeah, and I'm the onewhere I'm like I'll still fight,
I'm like, no, no, no, I'll stay, I'll stay.
And then it becomes toxic.
Right, it becomes unhealthy.
Ooh, it becomes not good, it'shard to walk away.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
But I do think one thing that you're saying is
really interesting, when you'resaying that you see the
potential in people.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
I think there's a piece of that, though, that
encompasses what love is.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Because, like when you're choosing to love someone,
it's like you're choosing tosee something so deeply within
them that almost no one else isseeing.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Yeah, I mean you're going past that conditional
state, right, right.
And I think what I've grown tounderstand is that love is a
contract and I'm looking forthat or not anymore, but at a
certain time you're looking forthat moment to have a
contractual agreement like, hey,we're going to go through thick
and thin on this but thereality is is that some
(40:05):
relationships that you have andexperience are conditional.
There are people that aremarried in conditional marriages
and they know that.
And the sooner you know it andbecome comfortable with it oh,
now you've just won the game.
Like you can operate a littlebit more freely because you
understand that person.
You understand what you'reactually set in Versus.
(40:26):
If you're like one person is inLa La Land saying like no, this
is unconditional love.
And the other person's like, oh, I'm conditionally invested in
this.
Like if you don't show up inXYZ way, like I'm done Once you
get I think that's somethingthat, like you got to find out
first Like is this a conditionalor unconditional love?
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
Yeah, it's, interesting.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
Right.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Yeah, I'm just even thinking about like the guys
that I like get interested in.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
Like.
What type of love are theyfocused on?
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Conditional or unconditional?
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Well, cause you said you went to an all boys school.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
Which, like that's interesting to me Cause I was at
that was like high school.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Yeah, high school.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
So did that cause I want to touch on this trophy
wife stuff.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
Because I'm all about the bring back the Pilates wife
movement.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
I love this.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
But before I talk about that, like I want to
understand going to an all boysschool, I feel like your
perception of dating has to be alittle bit different from it's
skewed for sure that yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Because at some point like remember, there's a
version of like trying to Ithink a lot of people are trying
to impress other people ratherthan find someone that actually
was settling for them.
But it also did generate you tolearn that lesson a lot sooner
rather than later, because Ithink there's a lot of people
that suffer in the city underthat Peter Pan syndrome, where
they're learning that lesson at45, 50.
(41:52):
And where it's like, hey, stopfocusing on this and look at
what you're really investingyour time into and it allows you
to, when you learn that lessonsooner, it allows you to really
like focus on finding differenttypes of people and looking for
different things.
I think that's where it helpedme.
(42:13):
But for sure, the trophy wifething was like people are doing
it for masculinity purposesrather than love sometimes.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
Right, interesting, yeah, yeah.
So yeah, cause we were talkingabout trophy wives.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
And like deep in my heart, I want to be one one day.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
But this is another thing.
Misconception about me.
Speaker 2 (42:38):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
I think a lot of people think I'm a gold digger.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
And I'm not a gold digger.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
No.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
Gold digger.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
Love that, love that.
So, that's good.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
I mean cause I've always wanted to like build
something with someone.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
Wow, I think I'm going to take that A gold digger
.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
Gold digger.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
Love that.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
Holy shit.
Speaker 1 (43:05):
Yeah, Cause I want to build something with someone
and more recently I was datinglike a 45 year old.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
I don't know if you've ever dated anyone older.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
I have, and that was a terrible experience, really
yes, this guy.
They got me fired for my job.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
Oh, Well, that's not a good experience.
Speaker 2 (43:25):
No Terrible.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Well, this guy was 45 and I'm 29.
So it's kind of a big age gap,but, and he was like perfect on
paper, except why is he singleat 45?
Speaker 2 (43:35):
That is the great question that we should be
asking for the older one.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
I never got far enough to figure that out.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
But the thing is, if I date someone that's that much
older than me, I can't reallybuild something with them, I
mean, You're just up against adifferent clock, yeah, like your
path is very different thantheir path, and if they're not
accepting of that or you're notaccepting of theirs, I think
that's where that it's like.
(44:03):
It becomes like power dynamic,right yeah?
Speaker 1 (44:06):
Well, there's, like some people who like very
clearly plan their past.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:12):
And you know I'm a vision board girlie.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
For sure.
Speaker 1 (44:15):
I don't know.
Have you thought about this?
What does Roger want his futureto look like?
In terms of your relationship,marriage, when you want to have
kids where you want to live, Doyou ask yourself those deep
questions so you can know ifyou're getting to where you want
to be?
Speaker 2 (44:35):
I don't.
I actually always used to trustkind of like a bit more of my
gut instinct of like what thatwas.
And now the older that I'vegotten, probably in the most
recent four years, I scripteverything.
And I scripted out to the pointof, like you have to write
things into existence, you haveto.
You are the author of your ownstory.
(44:57):
And I think, through therapyseparate of therapy, making
certain mistakes and wanting tobe better and wanting to grow,
honestly, I needed to figure out, like what is that great sense
of self that I'm attracted intosomebody else and what do I
possess of that about myself?
And I needed to answer thosequestions for myself of, like
what does my future look like?
(45:18):
What do I want it to look like?
Where do I want?
What weather do I want to livein?
Yeah, like wildly simple things.
Like just needed an answer.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
I think people don't ask themselves they don't, they
forget.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
Remember I admitted, like I was a person who I don't
know if I always answered thosequestions.
I just kind of had that gutfeeling or gut appeal of like
well, I know, I'll know.
And that's not how life alwaysworks.
Like some people are lucky andthey really are, and I love that
for them, but I don't know ifI'm going to be that one.
So I needed to do somescripting and make sure I
(45:52):
understood not scripting from asense of acting, but I needed to
understand what are thecheckboxes that I need in my
life and what are the checkboxesthat I can provide for somebody
else.
Because if I know those two,building in that relationship
and the foundation becomes a loteasier.
Yeah, that's a great question.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
That is a great question.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Well, I mean I have a lot of guy friends, because
guys are more logical.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
And so I have quite a few guy friends.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
That's a great question.
You should ask them all thatquestion.
You should ask yeah, see, I do.
I do ask some of them.
Speaker 1 (46:26):
And some of them are so logical Like they're like in
five years I'm going to havekids at 37.
I'm going to be this.
Yeah 38, this because they'revery logical right.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
But I don't think life works that way.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
No.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
Or it's never worked that way for me, Like even where
I am right now in my life.
I didn't think I'd be 29 yearsold, single.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
I hear you, me at 33, I will say I've had a lot of
that same experience.
But there's something my motherand father would tell me when I
was studying.
Actually, this is relative to apractice that they gave me.
They were like you have 20 kidsin the class, there's one kid
that may need to study for 10minutes and they're going to get
an A.
There's another kid that mayneed to study for an hour and
(47:11):
they're going to get an A, andyou may be that kid that studies
for 10 minutes, an hour oreight hours or 20 hours.
Whatever, the answer is that Ais still possible for you and if
you're going to go get that A,you need to know how you learn
right and you need to be able tounderstand.
It's a version of scripting,vision boarding.
(47:31):
You have to know who you are inorder to reach that A.
So I think, as I've grown olderand learned, it's like I have
some friends that are marriedwith multiple kids.
I have some friends that havebeen married, divorced, have
kids with two different people.
I have some friends who aren'tmarried.
I have some friends who are inthe military.
(47:52):
The storylines just go on andon, but at the end of the day,
whatever your end goal is, youcan reach it If you want a
family, a house and kids.
Yeah, maybe I didn't find theperson I was going to marry at
23.
And I'm 33.
And maybe I found them now andI took a different route, and
(48:13):
that's OK.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
Do you feel like you're a late bloomer?
Speaker 2 (48:18):
I think so.
Yeah, it's funny because Ithink I could relate this to a
group chat with my guy friends.
We have a hashtag that sayshashtag peaked in high school.
I think I've always been theguy who I became attractive
later in life.
I didn't get tattoos untillater in life.
(48:38):
I didn't figure out what Iwanted until later in life.
I did a bunch of transferringand, while some people may have
thought it was because of thisreason or that, no, I just
didn't know what I wanted to do.
And I've had other things thatI needed to rise to the occasion
for.
I think you hit it right on thehead.
I mean sports.
(48:59):
I played sports no-transcript Isome positions I didn't want to
play, so I would want to changethe sport.
I would just do all thesedifferent things because I've
always been on this journey,I've looked at life as a journey
and I've never been afraid tobe wrong.
So yes, in short, my answer isI definitely see myself as a
(49:21):
late bloomer, but it has beenone of those experiences that I
will never change.
I love it.
I absolutely love it, cause Ifeel like the underdog in a lot
of moments and then when I showup, people are like wait, hey, I
counted him out.
Speaker 1 (49:36):
That's funny, because I feel like I'm a late bloomer
too.
Speaker 2 (49:39):
Yes.
And have you ever heard of this?
And I definitely want to hearabout you as well.
I'm sorry, no, we can talkabout it.
Speaker 1 (49:45):
But like there's this theory of like quantum leaping
oh yes, have you heard of that?
Because you and I, I feel likewe just did this really big
quantum leap together.
Speaker 2 (49:54):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
Whereas, like, we were manifesting this podcast
and we didn't know how it wasgoing to happen.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
And we missed of craziness.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
In a few years.
We've talked about it and thenall of a sudden it was like this
quantum leap where it justhappened all fast and like some
people it might look like ithappened really fast, but I know
you and I have been like it wasyears in the making.
Journaling, manifesting it,thinking about it.
And then, all of a sudden itwas like I don't know the doors
opened up.
Speaker 2 (50:20):
It was like it's time for you to have this now 100%
and it's like I don't know ifyou remember cause I know we
went to my pool one time withone of my buddies and I used to
have on my whiteboard or evenlike one of the glass doors in
my apartment I had differentnames for the podcast, I had
(50:41):
different themes for the podcastand it's like I just had to see
it every day and that was apart of that vision board stuff.
Or even like scripting, like Ineeded to write it out to
understand like where am I going, where am I headed, why, and
get those things answered andwho do I trust to do that path
with.
So it's like, if there'sanything I can say about all of
(51:02):
it, I've never, ever, everwanted another co-host other
than you.
Speaker 1 (51:06):
That's so sweet, yeah , aw.
Speaker 2 (51:11):
Like I just I trust you.
And I think, from that level oftrust that's hard to find and,
as we've clearly unloaded foreverybody here in the audience,
we've had our own issues as welland our own love lives
respectfully right, and I thinkthat plays into that part of
like trusting other people,trusting other individuals with
your heart and your future,where you know what.
(51:32):
Luckily, I'm in a positionwhere I don't need to date
anymore, but I'm also in aposition where that doesn't mean
I trust everyone.
Because of that right, I neededto figure out like, who do I
trust, how do I trust, why do Itrust?
And you've really you've helpedit with a lot of that.
And I think this podcast isgoing to flourish because we're
building it on the right bricks.
We're not building it onnonsense.
Speaker 1 (51:54):
For sure.
I mean, we've been friends, butI still feel like we're
learning so much about eachother, as we do this podcast,
and that momentum's just gonnakeep going.
Speaker 2 (52:05):
so it's up, it's all the way up.
Speaker 1 (52:07):
Yeah, even though we always say it's going down, it's
all up.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
Well, we do know, like this is the only place
where going down means it'sgoing up, it's going up, yeah,
so that's a great point.
It brings us to the end of thepodcast, and for this episode, I
do wanna say it has beenawesome to get a little bit more
information about you as well,as well as having me offer me
(52:30):
the stage to unload a little bitabout myself.
Speaker 1 (52:33):
I love it.
No, I feel like we should do westart doing like solo episodes.
Speaker 2 (52:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:37):
Have our guests do episodes together.
This is good.
It's gonna be fun.
This is healthy, yeah.
Speaker 2 (52:42):
Well, we like to close out every episode with one
saying and we always know whatthat is which is it's going down
, it's going down.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
We'll see you in the lobby next week.
Speaker 2 (52:52):
We'll see y'all next week.
Speaker 1 (52:54):
Bye.
Speaker 2 (52:56):
I love this this episode is good.
Roger, I feel like you're probably not having fun
with me today because we got inhere and I've been so moody.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I think today is one of those days where you are
existing in your own right andpower and I'm totally fine and
flexible.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I know you're always so good to me, but I thought
it'd be fun if we did an episodewhere we got to know each other
a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of card games that you
can play, like whether it bebefore you go out, after you go
out and you get to uncover moreabout somebody.
So I take this on to be alittle bit of that as well.
This can be that episode whereour audience gets to learn more
about us and we get to ask thoseuncomfortable questions that we
probably just don't want toanswer.
(00:48):
Except we're doing it here,live.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Yeah, I think that's funny because I think I was with
you the other day talking abouta guy I was talking to.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
You sent me a link to an Amazon book.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
What is?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
that book.
The book is like and to behonest with you, I don't know
the name, but I do know you ask.
You basically ask theseassessment of questions, or
these variation of questionsthat lead you to decide whether
or not this person is yourperfect partner, and if they
answer them all correct, it hastypically worked to be like 100%
correct.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Really For like a successful marriage For a
successful marriage and orrelationship.
Yeah, wow.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
That's actually crazy .
Speaker 1 (01:28):
That's crazy.
Okay, so like when you'relooking for someone, what is
like wifey vibes to you.
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
It's a great question because I think it changes for
everybody and I think for me.
I have like three things thatI'm always looking for that just
have to.
I don't want them to be likethis toolbox answer.
I want it to be custom to eachand every person so they are
their own selves.
But the first one is I love agreat sense of self, like that
(02:04):
person has to know who they areand I don't want them to be
delivering that to me as I'mdelivering who I am, and then we
have this version of like.
As my identity grows andchanges, as I'm just going
throughout life, they feel likethey need to adapt to me.
I don't want them to be achameleon, I want them to be
(02:25):
their own selves.
You can be a reptile and shedskin, fine and grow and become
your own new person, but I don'twant you to adapt to me and
become me.
That's never.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Really yes.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
I don't want that.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Okay, I want to hear the rest of this.
Yeah, I find this interestingbecause I feel like there are
certain men that want theirwoman to be like a side piece
not a side piece, but they don't.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
They want them to be like the Robin to their Batman.
Yeah, yes.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Which I in some ways.
I guess it is hard to have twomain characters, but I don't
want to just be like the On thesidelines of someone else's
story.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
No, and I think for me it's like, for example, high
school.
I went to an all-boy school forhigh school and a lot of I
don't even want to say friends,but people I associated with,
they would have what was like aI forget the term that was
loosely used, but it was notright.
(03:29):
It was definitely a term thatdid not seem very well fitting,
but it did match the way inwhich people's behavior was, and
it was like this version of atrophy wife.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Right.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Right, I don't want that.
I want a level of depth withwhoever I'm with.
I want you to have your ownthings you like, have your
moments where you're like Idon't want to be around you, I'm
going to go do my own thing.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
That's me and you today, because you probably does
not want to be around me.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
You don't bother me at all, like I love it, like
you're very stern and powerfulin who you are, but you're not
mean, like I just think I don'tknow how many people can handle
certain types of personalitiesand your personality is totally
fine with me, like I don't mindit at all.
So whoever can't?
God?
Speaker 1 (04:17):
bless you.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Yeah, I'm sorry she hurt your feelings, but I'm sure
she meant it in the nicest way.
But that's the first thing forme.
Like I want them to have agreat sense of self.
The next thing is is I enjoybeing active?
So active can be very different.
Like I want you to have a senseof enjoying physical activity,
like I like to get up and dothings.
(04:40):
You know, whatever that's goingto be you could like
construction work, badminton,whatever I want to make sure
that she enjoys that to thehighest regard and we can enjoy
that together, whatever that maybe of her choosing.
And then the last thing is onethat I've really struggled with,
(05:00):
because I don't know if I'vealways delivered it back the
same way that I want it.
But I appreciate a sense of kindof like unconditional love.
Right, because unconditionallove is one that feels very warm
and it feels very, not providerlike, but just very flexible.
(05:25):
But sometimes I think when wewant that, it's asking something
of someone that's not fair,because unfortunately,
relationships are conditionaland they do come with conditions
and if you're not meetingcertain conditions then it can
end.
So it's almost like an oddunderstanding where you have to
(05:48):
be accepting of that where yousay, okay, maybe it's not the
forever relationship and what Iwant is this form of
unconditional love, but maybe Ishould change that outlook to
say I'm going to love you sounconditionally that you feel a
great sense of not even likeproviding financially, but just
(06:10):
a great sense of stage andavailability for you that you
would want to give me that samething back.
And it still can be conditionaland have its level of boundary
to it as well at the same time.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
I love that you said that, because I have a hard time
looking at like on conditionalversus conditional love.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yes, it's hard.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Because we all want unconditional love, absolutely.
And then we've talked to peopleabout this, you and I and love
does have conditions, but maybeit doesn't when you're loving
someone fully, with your wholeheart.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
And just admitting love.
Yes, that is the love thatyou're giving away is the love
that you're going to get back inreturn, hopefully.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
And then it becomes like a power thing.
When you're trying to demandthat from someone, to say, I
want you to give meunconditional love, instead it
starts with you and you have togive that unconditional love and
then that person will give itback and, as I just said, like
I've had trouble with that, likeI had a level of expectation
from other people where that'snot right.
But you learn through practice,you learn through making a
(07:16):
mistake, you learn through notdoing it correctly when you want
it right.
Like what's it saying?
You know what you know or youdon't know what you don't know?
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Right.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Like it's like you're going to learn and you have to
learn somehow.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
That's my answer.
What is yours?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Like.
Well, first of all, I can'teven remember what the question
was, because that's how ADHD Iam, but like I do have to say,
like thinking about some of youranswers to that question, like
just in regards to like thetrophy wife and like conditional
love.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
The question is what do you look for?
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Yeah, right.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
What do you look for in a partner?
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Like.
For me it would be like, Ithink, first and foremost
laughter.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Love that.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Which sounds really funny.
But I know that when I findsomeone and I'm just like
uncontrollably like laughing andfeeling like a little
schoolgirl.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
That's sweet.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
That's what I want.
Is I want laughter?
Speaker 2 (08:16):
I feel like, you want to enjoy yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Yeah, I'm just like.
Cass needs to laugh.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Yeah, I mean it's.
That's fair, it makes sense.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Yeah, I feel like laughter is the best medicine.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
And I truly believe that I feel like laughter is
love at its highest form.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Yeah, and it's more of I'm not meaning to cut you
off, I'm more or less just kindof like looking off in the
distance, because it's one ofthose moments where every time
you think about laughing withsomeone, it's kind of like the
happiest, most cheekiest momentyou have with that person and it
does feel really good.
So that is a very fairstatement to make.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Yeah, so that's like the first thing is like someone
that can make me laugh, and thenthe second thing I think would
be height, which is really Ilove it.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
You're serious.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
This is just me being truthful.
I know, you know and I wastalking.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
In the lobby audience .
She is dead serious, I'm deadserious.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
And this is so hard for me being a tall woman,
because there's a stat that 14%of men only 14% are over six
foot tall.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
You already got limited percentiles to work with
.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Well, six foot tall and make over $100,000.
And that's not saying thatthey're not overweight,
completely hideous, married orwhatever else is going on and I
mean I had to come with termsthat I'm over here laughing.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
This shit is funny.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
And it sounds bad that something that's so
physically based is anon-negotiable, but I have a
really hard time being attractedto short guys.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
I mean there's also something to it.
Like to be very fair in youranswer.
You are tall.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Like you are very tall, so I can only imagine that
feeling.
It's fair.
I'm not saying something thatif you were not in a position
where you're, you're darn nearsix foot right.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yeah, yeah, that's the other thing, though, too, is
because I think my third one islike safety.
Yeah, and being a tall one, I'mserious.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Like to me, like I'm just going to feel less feminine
if I'm not dating someonetaller than me.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
I'm not being tall.
I still want someone that makesme feel like little and being
mean and soft.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
So do you appreciate like that version of whomever
you're with, they allow you tokind of like one turn off, but
to feel like they have you froma sense of like a protective
glove, like or like?
Explain it to me, cause, like Iwant to understand it further
than me just being tall myself,like sure, I'm tall and I can
(11:13):
answer that checkbox for certainpeople, but it's more or less.
I'm trying to understand, likewhere does it stem from?
Like why?
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Yeah, I think there's like maybe I can't think of the
term for it, but it's like youknow, for myself I want someone
better than me.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
And that encompasses many different things, probably
for me, and one of them would betaller, stronger, more
intelligent, makes more moneythan me.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
And you know that's a little bit tough when I'm
already.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
It is.
I mean, you do well.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Five, 10, 5, 11 and make six figures.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Most of the men aren't even at that level.
And then that's not eventalking about like emotional,
intellectual intelligence, andthis might sound wrong for me to
say, but no, nothing's wrong.
I've never, it's our podcast.
No, really that girl cast.
She's so full of herself.
But I've never doubted my ownlike intelligence, and I know
(12:18):
that there's a lot of women thatare like hard on themselves
about their intellectualcapabilities.
I'll beat myself all day longif my skin's breaking out or if.
I don't like my outfit orwhatever, but I've always fully
believed that I'm smart, like Ijust always had that
self-concept of myself.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
And you are.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
That's sweet.
Thank you, so I don't justsound like a dumbass.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
No no.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
It's always the not smart people saying they're
smart.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
But I've had the luxury one to work with you and
now working with you as abusiness partner, like you are
really, really bright.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
So that's really sweet, but I feel like I have a
hard time dating because Becauseof that.
I want someone to meet me at myintellectual level.
So that third piece, the safety, is it's wanting someone better
than me, and being tallprobably plays into that safety
(13:18):
piece.
The financial stability playsinto that safety piece.
And then, furthermore, the onething the Bible says about
relationships which I'm not evenlike, the most like religious
person.
I'm open-minded, is that.
Pick a partner that you'll goto battle with, and I think
Chris Willis has brought this upon.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
That's so well said.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Yeah, on his podcast, and I've had partners before
that like would throw me underthe bus to their girlfriends.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
I hear you.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
That we're friends of theirs and not have my back.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
And.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
I'm like that's not okay with me.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
No.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
I want someone that's like that's my girl, yes, and
we're gonna go fight this shittogether.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Almost like and this might be because I've read a lot
of books Sure, it's almost onthe morally kind of gray level
when I'm less concerned abouteveryone else in the world and
what else is going on.
As long as I'm like me and you,we've got each other and we're
gonna go fuck it up.
However, we need to fuck it uptogether.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
It's like that us against the world mentality.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yeah, which is kind of dark.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
No, I mean I've seen some media coverage on it and I
will say like it's a bit of thatvillain mind state and when
you're in that villain mindstate you can accomplish great
things.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
As long as you don't have that perspective, I'm like
going to walk your dog.
You're not a villain, you'rewalking your dog.
Yeah, you're going to thegrocery store.
You're not going in there asBatman like you're going to walk
your dog.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Right.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Or you're going to get your groceries.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
It's just like there's a time and a place for
that mentality.
I think, yeah, but I love it, Ireally do, and I think it
brings on so many more questionsthat I'd probably ask.
But for me I would say itresonates with something of
definitely that locker roomtheory, like keeping your
relationship in house, like ifyour relationship is exposed to
(15:16):
everybody, there's versions offorgiveness that may come from
you to your partner, but onceyou expose other people to it,
they don't forgive the same wayand they, like you can be.
You can find yourself in aposition of regretting opening
up to certain people becausethey're not going to receive
(15:39):
that same experience, the sameway, right.
And when you forgive thatperson, they're like wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
We just hated that person aweek ago.
I still hate them and theydon't forgive them as fast or
they don't forgive them at allor ever.
So I totally hear you on that.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
I've gone off on some of my girlfriends boyfriends
after they have told me things.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
I'm like I gotta go protect this woman, Exactly I
get feisty, but that's why youhave to be what you're saying.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
You have to be so cautious who you're sharing.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Your like intimate relationship.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Things with, and that's why I almost kind of
wonder, I'm like, are you justbetter off just talking to like
a therapist, yes, about yourrelationship, and then that way
you have a safe space where youcan share everything that's
going on, and then it's not likeaffecting?
Your friends, you're protectingyour relationship, keeping it
(16:36):
in house.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Yeah, I think therapy is.
It's crucial for everyone, butit's also it's hard to find a
good therapist, cause sometimesa therapist can warp your mind
state and I can't speak from anybias or anything like that Like
, I don't have that experience,but I will say it's like if you
can find that therapist that youcan really lean on emotionally
(17:02):
it helps, it really does, and itallows you to avoid some of
that Like cause.
I don't know if your parentsare the ones that should receive
that burden, your friends, yourdoctor, your lawyer, like none
of that really coincides withthem and what they are in your
life for to some degree, I wouldsay, but I don't know that.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Maybe that's where my bias comes in no, no, you're
spot on, and I feel like evenfinding a therapist is like
dating yes, cause you're notalways going to find the right
therapist.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
And see I've been lucky, and I'll just say this is
like my personal life.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
I've gone to therapy since I was 16.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Love it.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
I've had the first few therapists I tried out I
literally like barged out of thetherapy session.
We were not compatible.
And then my therapist who Ihave now.
I've been seeing her since Iwas 16.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Love.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
And it's gotten to a point, though, where I'm like so
close with her I'm like I thinkI need to get a new one.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Cause you kind of do grow with your therapist and
then sometimes you need, like anoutside perspective For sure,
and that's healthy to say aswell.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Like I think, whenever it comes to dating and
relationships, it's important tohave therapy, but I think you
don't want to likeovercompensate for still being
human.
Like you still want to beyourself right.
Like you don't want to become ashadow identity of your
therapist your therapist shouldbe there to bounce things off of
and offer a sense of reflection, but, like you, shouldn't be an
(18:35):
identical version of them and Ifeel like that's versions of
what you're saying.
If I'm accepting what you'resaying correctly.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I mean, I think honestly for me personally.
I've gotten to the sametherapist for so long that I
consider her a friend which ismaybe the wrong thing to say,
Cause I know she's my therapist,but we've literally like she
started her practice.
I was her first client.
I've seen her for 10 years.
So I mean she's met my mom,she's met my sister.
(19:06):
So it's almost at a point wherethere's things I want to tell
her, but I don't want to tellher because she's been in my
life for so long that I don'twant her to think negatively of
something I'm going to say.
Sometimes I feel uncomfortabletalking about my sex life with
her because I'm like.
(19:26):
This woman has known me sinceI'm 16.
And now I'm talking about thisor that or whatever so.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Well, okay.
So then that will kind of leadme to another question.
I think would be great for ouraudience and as well as even me
understanding.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
I know we're honestly like learning a lot about each
other.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Yes, yes, I'm like I want to make sure I get the
question correct, because I'm Ireally do want to know the
answer, cause I think I have alot to say for it as well.
How do you feel about where yougrew up, which we know is
Austin, and how does that shapeyour dating experiences?
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Oh, my goodness, I feel so many things about the
Austin dating scene and I feellike it's a little bit tough for
my opinion on the Austin datingscene, cause I'm a bit of an
anomaly.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
I think I'm not dating as much as I should be,
but I've had phases that I'vegone through where I was dating
a lot and it didn't work out.
But I feel like, because I'm a29 year old woman, I have this
like innate fear of turning 30and being single, like it scares
(20:38):
the fuck out of me.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
And what scares me You'll live, oh God.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
I'll get five cats.
What scares me even more isthat I don't want to leave
Austin.
It's my home, but the datingscene here is so bad.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
It's tough.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
And I don't know if that's just my perspective, and
I can't think it's that way,cause I hear from so many people
how bad the dating scene ishere.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Yeah, I mean me outside coming in for sure it's
wild, it's very different.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
But I also feel like, at the same time, in the last
few months, I've been on some ofthe most beautiful dates with
some of the nicest human beings.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Love that.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Men who are actually like gentlemanly pick me up and
congrats yeah.
They're good guys and there'sbeen a few of them that like
wanted to be in relationships,and in those situations I was
more of the avoidant one.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
And you know that worries me because you know
Austin has the Peter Pan.
Syndrome and I went to my momabout this too.
I was like mom, what's wrongwith me?
Like there's these greatoptions.
Like this guy went to an IvyLeague, this guy has a good job,
this guy is six foot five.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
But that at the end of the day, it wasn't even
really super physicallyAttracted to any of them.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
And it might be my own issue of always being drawn
to chemistry and Like thatfeeling.
Yeah that sometimes maybe isn'tthe healthiest feeling sure
with someone, but I don't.
I think I deserve To have thatfeeling with someone I'm gonna
be with for the rest of my life.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Yeah, you deserve everything.
One like that's anybody right.
Yeah, I think everybodydeserves to have anything and
everything they want my eyeslike lit up.
Like you definitely do, but it's.
It's so interesting for me tohear that perspective because I
think it aligns with some ofthat like opposite experience,
(22:49):
where You're really looking forthat specific feeling and that
feeling will motivate orrecharge your battery every day
For a lifetime with that person,and that's that's when you talk
about it.
That's actually really sweet.
Like that is really the way I,in most people, probably,
envision love.
(23:09):
So I think it's nice that youhold on to that.
Yeah, it definitely makes sense.
For sure, I don't think there'sanything off in that.
I think that's pretty cool.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Yeah, yeah, I mean I, your body, tells you when you
like someone.
Yeah, I'm not even talkingabout like in a weird no.
Sexual way like yeah like I'mlike giggling, like I'm dressing
nicer, yeah, I'm gonna bearound them like your body will
tell you if you should or shouldnot be around somebody.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yeah, yes.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
What about you like the the Austin dating scene?
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Yeah, I think it's.
It's been very interesting forme, like and I think I not, I
think I know I've said it inanother episode that it's been a
version of like a stompingground, but also like a place
where I've learned and grown,which I love.
I love that Back in New York Ihad very different experiences
and, as I said, I went to anall-boy school for high school,
(24:02):
so like there wasn't the sameexposure or the same timeline of
experience as some other peoplemay be aligned with.
But I will say my upbringingplays a lot into my
comfortability but it does notplay a lot into Maybe my
selection right and I'll givethat answer with some greater
(24:24):
clarity of, I mean, the town Igrew up in was like
predominantly Irish Catholic.
Yeah, so it's like I grew up ina predominantly Caucasian area,
so me being a product of myenvironment, that is what I've.
I've witnessed or seen or beenaround of the opposite sex, like
(24:45):
growing from the same age as meto an adult.
So I have comfortability there.
Like there's a level of comfort, of interaction and engagement
that I have there, but thatdoesn't mean that I'm aligned
with like that's all that I'mattracted to, or like I've dated
other races and other peopleand I'm.
I think it plays a part in likewhere I grew up, plays a part
(25:08):
into my experiences of like inAustin there's maybe 20 black
guys right.
Like there's not a lot, and Ithink some people have a very
different experience than maybeme, because I just have a sense
of, hey, like I grew up aroundthis, like those indifferent
numbers, and it's sad to saythat I can find comfort in that.
(25:32):
But also it's also it's a bitof a superpower, like I'm like,
yeah, it's, it's fine, like I'mgonna go about my business and
operate my very normal self andif I find someone that I'm
attracted to, hey, let's have aconversation.
But that doesn't dictate theidea to say, oh, I only like one
specific type of person,because that's just not true.
Yeah, and I know we've coveredthat on another episode as well
(25:55):
where If there was a differentenvironment, you know like
there's different levels ofengagement that you could have
with other people.
So it's just affected my datingto where I find Comfortability
and some uncomfortableenvironments right, and I think
Austin is a very uncomfortabledating environment is.
(26:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
I don't feel like it's that diverse.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
It's not so.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
That's where I feel like cupcake dating.
Exactly it's like, so it can'tbe like New York, like the
melting pot.
It's like here's anothercupcake and here's a blog and
here's Chad.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
Literally.
So you get yourself to thispoint where, if you really don't
know who you are, sometimespeople's experiences with you in
that segment can Shape you.
But it's like I'm verycomfortable on who I am.
I know exactly who I am andWhether I date one person versus
another, that's not going todetermine how I feel about
myself.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Instead, it's just, it's my environment, that's just
what you're you have exposureto or option with yeah, do you
have like a physical type thatyou're attracted to Like, do you
like blondes or brunettes, likeobviously one's better than the
other?
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah.
I'm not gonna say I think for me, I'm very open to either, but
Even all the way down a bodytype, I'm open to that as well.
It's more of I have to be ableto, like I have to be able to
communicate with somebody, likeI have to be able to know that
(27:26):
they know who they are.
And Like almost the going tobattle thing you brought up,
like if I'm going to battle withyou, I need to know, like hey,
we can Disagree about a topicyesterday, but that doesn't
determine our tomorrow right.
Or I can have great depths withyou in a conversation and we can
disagree and then the next dayor the next hour Going to
(27:48):
something else and have fun.
I just have to be able toconnect with somebody and if I
can't connect, disconnect andreconnect, yeah, like we're
gonna have a problem and it's.
It doesn't matter what you looklike, like you could be a Super
model and I'll.
I will lose interest, like that.
Yeah, yeah, the.
Those are my questions at themoment.
(28:10):
I want to see do you have anyquestions that you want to learn
more about?
Speaker 1 (28:15):
From you.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
I just asked you like a physical type.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Okay, so then okay but I mean.
I'll ask you one thing what areyour faults and where have you
gone wrong in prior relationship?
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Oh shit.
Well, you're probablyexperiencing all the time Kind
of a no at all.
Okay you know, but I also feellike you know the way I treat
you as my work husband Is alittle bit different than how I
treat people in relationship.
Okay, so I guess you're askinglike my biggest fault.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
Yeah, like what were your faults in prior
relationships?
Or or ones that you feel likeyou feel from yeah, I mean, it's
about dating.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
So I feel like my biggest fault In my Relationship
the first one was not walkingaway when I should have.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
I hear I can connect with that one pieces of this.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
So the first one is I didn't walk away when I should
have, and what happened in thatsituation is my ex put his
friends above my sister and theywere bullying my sister, and my
sister is like probably one ofthe first loves of my life.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Yeah, and so sorry, sis.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
I know I had her back .
Yeah, you know, of course butthat was this a sign for me that
in this relationship, this manis not going to protect me, he's
not gonna protect my family andif he's gonna, let his friends.
Dictate some of that and notstand up for someone that I
consider to be his sister aswell.
(30:02):
Yeah that was the.
I should have walked away thenhuge red flag and I did it yeah
and then the second piece, andthis is my own fault, is I but
and I can do this, I wasprobably doing this earlier
today with you, sure, as I canbe very demeaning, yeah, and I
feel like where that came fromin my previous relationship and
(30:24):
it makes me really sad BecauseI'm such a lover girl.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
I mean, you are so sweet.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
I really am like when I love someone, I pour into
them so much and I'm almost likeLike fucking Harley Quinn, like
I'll go jump.
I'll go jump into the.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
This is funny.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
I'll jump off a cliff for someone if I love them.
I'm like delusional on thatlevel.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
But sweet, that's really sweet.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I was like a little bit demeaning with my ex because
there was a point where hedidn't have a job.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
I was working my corporate job.
I was also working at Nordstrom.
Yeah he was basically livingwith me, had his own place but
was living with me, not helpingme with rent.
And this is I'm not trying tolike throw my no I is under the
bus.
I actually have a lot ofrespect and love for him, still
in my own ways.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
You.
I asked a specific question, soyou're asking the question.
You speak highly of them inother lights.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
So that's fair, yeah.
But when I had to take on thislike provider role and I'm going
to work I'm working two jobs,I'm driving us in my car
everywhere.
You're not fucking me, you'renot communicating with me, I I
just started being reallydemeaning to him sure and it
(31:39):
makes me sad because I'm surethat was very emasculating.
Oh yeah and I never Wanted todo that to my partner, and I
don't even know how it got tothat point.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Yeah, I mean I think.
So you bring up a great pointof like life was happening to
that man.
Yeah and a way that he wasdoing probably his very best to
keep up with right and and yeah,oh, okay, so.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Give you more clarity .
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Because this person my, my previous person, I was in
a relationship with sure.
I believed in him fully.
Yeah like I said, I would jumpoff a cliff.
I loved him so much and I'm notgonna date someone I think is
not intelligent or not Capableof things, so I held on forever.
I was like I see potential inthis person.
Yeah they're gonna be something.
(32:30):
We're a Batman and Robin.
We can build an empire.
Take on the world together.
So that's what I originallybelieved got it.
But after a while, where I'mdoing all this work work on
myself, going to my job, havinga second income and he's sitting
on the couch every day and thenspending his money on alcohol,
(32:52):
going out, harding with friends.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
And if he was trying to do something with his time,
that would have been everythingto me for sure like, like, oh, I
did this, I'm working on this.
Don't worry, baby, I've got usif we're gonna get there.
Yeah that's not what washappening.
Yeah, he was out Partying withhis friends, drinking, finding
(33:17):
new girlfriends doing different.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
That chat.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
But you know what?
No, I think you're being veryhonest and you know what comes
about.
That is like I'm sure you werea part of his or I hope you were
part of his growth andmaturation to become a better
person, because I'm sure himmaking that mistake and caring
about you and loving you, heprobably Unfortunately hurt the
wrong person and in doing so, ithurt him back as well.
(33:43):
So what I hope for is that helearned and Grew from that,
because if he doesn't, that'sreally not okay.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Because we look, everybody makes mistakes right.
I'm sure what you could look atit from male to female.
Whatever, I've made mistakes,other people made mistakes.
You don't want someone toforever live in that.
I just I really hope that helearned from it and I think he
has cuz it like.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
I think.
I mean, I don't know, yeah talkto him, but I believe that he's
like successful now and I'mlike all, I would hope yeah.
When I met the man, heliterally slept on a mattress in
an apartment like.
So I feel like I did dosomething Good for him.
Yeah and I feel like thishappens to a lot of women, where
we of course build someone up.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Then they drop us and move on, and then the next one
they act correctly for yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
I think that's a bit that almost relates a little bit
to my answer, where I think Ihave this bad habit of wanting
to build or or help people getto their next level you see the
potential exactly.
I see the potential people andI fight for that and now I'll do
it at any cost, and sometimesthat cost is even myself.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Is that what happened with your?
Oh yeah thanks, did you see,and we were not, we're gonna.
I'm just about past exit.
I hear you.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
Yeah, I've had.
You know what it is.
I think I just had a reallyamazing experience of witnessing
love with my parents, of Likewhat they wanted for each other
and the way they had this likeUnconditional kind of like
backing for each other, nomatter what.
Like mind you, things have goneon in life like everybody has
their own Wrongs and rights,that they do, but they always
(35:24):
like really do figure it out andfight for each other, which is
just it's really warm to witness.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
But it's also toxic because me, as an adult, I can't
expect that from someone who'snot my wife, right?
I can't expect that fromsomeone I've dated for two
months, four months, six months,a year, two years, three years,
five, seven, doesn't matter.
That person is not my wife, soI can't have that same level of
expectation.
(35:50):
But I will see the potential insomebody and be like you know
what, let's go on this journeytogether, work towards that, and
Then I'm putting aside allthese other things that I may
need and I'm hurting myself andthen, as I'm hurting myself,
I'll, then I Can potentially acton that hurt, right, and it's
(36:11):
it comes, it all, while it allcomes from a good place.
It's never Okay yeah like cuz.
I'm still hurting myself.
Build no, I'm not a, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
When they're, when this is like happening in those
situations.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Yeah what?
Speaker 1 (36:28):
what is?
What happens if these needsaren't being met?
Speaker 2 (36:31):
Did they just build and build.
And I'll either act out right,like I've this is a fault of
mine.
I've acted out when I I didneed something which is not fair
, not right.
Take full accountability forthat.
But I Will say it's probablyLike, what is the feeling like
to give you an answer?
I'm like I almost feel like thekid in, like an empty room, and
(36:53):
I'm like this, like All right,so I'm hurting myself.
Now, you know like I like Irealize it.
And then, when I realize it,I'm like so what are we gonna do
?
And I do nothing, and that'slike it's not okay, it's still
bad.
But I will say there are somepeople that I've met in my life
that really have done amazingworks on just like Helping me
(37:15):
reach new heights of myself andas well as they're doing it for
themselves.
And it's those people that Ifeel really bad, if I've ever
heard them.
Because as you go on in life,you just want to be the best
possible person you can be, butyou have to make mistakes and
unfortunately that comes at acost of hurting Maybe a person,
place or thing, and I really,really my heart goes out to
(37:37):
those moments that I may haveever caused for anyone else.
But I've forever on that pathto try to be better and that's
probably my biggest fault, likeof just seeing the potential of
someone and wanting to worktowards it.
Yeah and doing it at any meansnecessary, and Then maybe
another.
I think I have another faulttoo.
(37:58):
Yeah like I have this, thisform of like holding on for
people for too long, like Ithink you had said something
like that, like not leaving whenyou should.
Yeah, you're like I all knowwhen the right time is to leave
and then I won't leave, andthat's so unhealthy, it's so bad
(38:19):
.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
So if you're with anyone for like kind of set
amount of time, it's so hard towalk away.
Walk away, yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
And you're like no, like I'm committed to that
journey, Like I want to do thiswith you, and it just it's not,
it's not good.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
Cause I've had.
That's where it's like, thenthe egg goes from them being on
their face to then on your face,cause like you should have left
.
And then you're like no, well,this and this happened, okay,
well, you decided to stay, yeah,and then it becomes like this
game of back and forth and it'sunfair and unhealthy to
everybody.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
Yeah, I think you've done the same game.
I've done when you like breakup, get back together, break up.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
I've actually had people do that to me.
Okay, yeah, and I'm the onewhere I'm like I'll still fight,
I'm like, no, no, no, I'll stay, I'll stay.
And then it becomes toxic.
Right, it becomes unhealthy.
Ooh, it becomes not good, it'shard to walk away.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
But I do think one thing that you're saying is
really interesting, when you'resaying that you see the
potential in people.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
I think there's a piece of that, though, that
encompasses what love is.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Because, like when you're choosing to love someone,
it's like you're choosing tosee something so deeply within
them that almost no one else isseeing.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Yeah, I mean you're going past that conditional
state, right, right.
And I think what I've grown tounderstand is that love is a
contract and I'm looking forthat or not anymore, but at a
certain time you're looking forthat moment to have a
contractual agreement like, hey,we're going to go through thick
and thin on this but thereality is is that some
(40:05):
relationships that you have andexperience are conditional.
There are people that aremarried in conditional marriages
and they know that.
And the sooner you know it andbecome comfortable with it oh,
now you've just won the game.
Like you can operate a littlebit more freely because you
understand that person.
You understand what you'reactually set in Versus.
(40:26):
If you're like one person is inLa La Land saying like no, this
is unconditional love.
And the other person's like, oh, I'm conditionally invested in
this.
Like if you don't show up inXYZ way, like I'm done Once you
get I think that's somethingthat, like you got to find out
first Like is this a conditionalor unconditional love?
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
Yeah, it's, interesting.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
Right.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Yeah, I'm just even thinking about like the guys
that I like get interested in.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
Like.
What type of love are theyfocused on?
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Conditional or unconditional?
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Well, cause you said you went to an all boys school.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
Which, like that's interesting to me Cause I was at
that was like high school.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
Yeah, high school.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
So did that cause I want to touch on this trophy
wife stuff.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
Because I'm all about the bring back the Pilates wife
movement.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
I love this.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
But before I talk about that, like I want to
understand going to an all boysschool, I feel like your
perception of dating has to be alittle bit different from it's
skewed for sure that yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:30):
Because at some point like remember, there's a
version of like trying to Ithink a lot of people are trying
to impress other people ratherthan find someone that actually
was settling for them.
But it also did generate you tolearn that lesson a lot sooner
rather than later, because Ithink there's a lot of people
that suffer in the city underthat Peter Pan syndrome, where
they're learning that lesson at45, 50.
(41:52):
And where it's like, hey, stopfocusing on this and look at
what you're really investingyour time into and it allows you
to, when you learn that lessonsooner, it allows you to really
like focus on finding differenttypes of people and looking for
different things.
I think that's where it helpedme.
(42:13):
But for sure, the trophy wifething was like people are doing
it for masculinity purposesrather than love sometimes.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
Right, interesting, yeah, yeah.
So yeah, cause we were talkingabout trophy wives.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
And like deep in my heart, I want to be one one day.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
But this is another thing.
Misconception about me.
Speaker 2 (42:38):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
I think a lot of people think I'm a gold digger.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
And I'm not a gold digger.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
No.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
Gold digger.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
Love that, love that.
So, that's good.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
I mean cause I've always wanted to like build
something with someone.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
Wow, I think I'm going to take that A gold digger
.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
Gold digger.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
Love that.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
Holy shit.
Speaker 1 (43:05):
Yeah, Cause I want to build something with someone
and more recently I was datinglike a 45 year old.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
I don't know if you've ever dated anyone older.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
I have, and that was a terrible experience, really
yes, this guy.
They got me fired for my job.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
Oh, Well, that's not a good experience.
Speaker 2 (43:25):
No Terrible.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
Well, this guy was 45 and I'm 29.
So it's kind of a big age gap,but, and he was like perfect on
paper, except why is he singleat 45?
Speaker 2 (43:35):
That is the great question that we should be
asking for the older one.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
I never got far enough to figure that out.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
But the thing is, if I date someone that's that much
older than me, I can't reallybuild something with them, I
mean, You're just up against adifferent clock, yeah, like your
path is very different thantheir path, and if they're not
accepting of that or you're notaccepting of theirs, I think
that's where that it's like.
(44:03):
It becomes like power dynamic,right yeah?
Speaker 1 (44:06):
Well, there's, like some people who like very
clearly plan their past.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:12):
And you know I'm a vision board girlie.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
For sure.
Speaker 1 (44:15):
I don't know.
Have you thought about this?
What does Roger want his futureto look like?
In terms of your relationship,marriage, when you want to have
kids where you want to live, Doyou ask yourself those deep
questions so you can know ifyou're getting to where you want
to be?
Speaker 2 (44:35):
I don't.
I actually always used to trustkind of like a bit more of my
gut instinct of like what thatwas.
And now the older that I'vegotten, probably in the most
recent four years, I scripteverything.
And I scripted out to the pointof, like you have to write
things into existence, you haveto.
You are the author of your ownstory.
(44:57):
And I think, through therapyseparate of therapy, making
certain mistakes and wanting tobe better and wanting to grow,
honestly, I needed to figure out, like what is that great sense
of self that I'm attracted intosomebody else and what do I
possess of that about myself?
And I needed to answer thosequestions for myself of, like
what does my future look like?
(45:18):
What do I want it to look like?
Where do I want?
What weather do I want to livein?
Yeah, like wildly simple things.
Like just needed an answer.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
I think people don't ask themselves they don't, they
forget.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
Remember I admitted, like I was a person who I don't
know if I always answered thosequestions.
I just kind of had that gutfeeling or gut appeal of like
well, I know, I'll know.
And that's not how life alwaysworks.
Like some people are lucky andthey really are, and I love that
for them, but I don't know ifI'm going to be that one.
So I needed to do somescripting and make sure I
(45:52):
understood not scripting from asense of acting, but I needed to
understand what are thecheckboxes that I need in my
life and what are the checkboxesthat I can provide for somebody
else.
Because if I know those two,building in that relationship
and the foundation becomes a loteasier.
Yeah, that's a great question.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
That is a great question.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
Well, I mean I have a lot of guy friends, because
guys are more logical.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
And so I have quite a few guy friends.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
That's a great question.
You should ask them all thatquestion.
You should ask yeah, see, I do.
I do ask some of them.
Speaker 1 (46:26):
And some of them are so logical Like they're like in
five years I'm going to havekids at 37.
I'm going to be this.
Yeah 38, this because they'revery logical right.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
But I don't think life works that way.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
No.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
Or it's never worked that way for me, Like even where
I am right now in my life.
I didn't think I'd be 29 yearsold, single.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
I hear you, me at 33, I will say I've had a lot of
that same experience.
But there's something my motherand father would tell me when I
was studying.
Actually, this is relative to apractice that they gave me.
They were like you have 20 kidsin the class, there's one kid
that may need to study for 10minutes and they're going to get
an A.
There's another kid that mayneed to study for an hour and
(47:11):
they're going to get an A, andyou may be that kid that studies
for 10 minutes, an hour oreight hours or 20 hours.
Whatever, the answer is that Ais still possible for you and if
you're going to go get that A,you need to know how you learn
right and you need to be able tounderstand.
It's a version of scripting,vision boarding.
(47:31):
You have to know who you are inorder to reach that A.
So I think, as I've grown olderand learned, it's like I have
some friends that are marriedwith multiple kids.
I have some friends that havebeen married, divorced, have
kids with two different people.
I have some friends who aren'tmarried.
I have some friends who are inthe military.
(47:52):
The storylines just go on andon, but at the end of the day,
whatever your end goal is, youcan reach it If you want a
family, a house and kids.
Yeah, maybe I didn't find theperson I was going to marry at
23.
And I'm 33.
And maybe I found them now andI took a different route, and
(48:13):
that's OK.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
Do you feel like you're a late bloomer?
Speaker 2 (48:18):
I think so.
Yeah, it's funny because Ithink I could relate this to a
group chat with my guy friends.
We have a hashtag that sayshashtag peaked in high school.
I think I've always been theguy who I became attractive
later in life.
I didn't get tattoos untillater in life.
(48:38):
I didn't figure out what Iwanted until later in life.
I did a bunch of transferringand, while some people may have
thought it was because of thisreason or that, no, I just
didn't know what I wanted to do.
And I've had other things thatI needed to rise to the occasion
for.
I think you hit it right on thehead.
I mean sports.
(48:59):
I played sports no-transcript Isome positions I didn't want to
play, so I would want to changethe sport.
I would just do all thesedifferent things because I've
always been on this journey,I've looked at life as a journey
and I've never been afraid tobe wrong.
So yes, in short, my answer isI definitely see myself as a
(49:21):
late bloomer, but it has beenone of those experiences that I
will never change.
I love it.
I absolutely love it, cause Ifeel like the underdog in a lot
of moments and then when I showup, people are like wait, hey, I
counted him out.
Speaker 1 (49:36):
That's funny, because I feel like I'm a late bloomer
too.
Speaker 2 (49:39):
Yes.
And have you ever heard of this?
And I definitely want to hearabout you as well.
I'm sorry, no, we can talkabout it.
Speaker 1 (49:45):
But like there's this theory of like quantum leaping
oh yes, have you heard of that?
Because you and I, I feel likewe just did this really big
quantum leap together.
Speaker 2 (49:54):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
Whereas, like, we were manifesting this podcast
and we didn't know how it wasgoing to happen.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
And we missed of craziness.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
In a few years.
We've talked about it and thenall of a sudden it was like this
quantum leap where it justhappened all fast and like some
people it might look like ithappened really fast, but I know
you and I have been like it wasyears in the making.
Journaling, manifesting it,thinking about it.
And then, all of a sudden itwas like I don't know the doors
opened up.
Speaker 2 (50:20):
It was like it's time for you to have this now 100%
and it's like I don't know ifyou remember cause I know we
went to my pool one time withone of my buddies and I used to
have on my whiteboard or evenlike one of the glass doors in
my apartment I had differentnames for the podcast, I had
(50:41):
different themes for the podcastand it's like I just had to see
it every day and that was apart of that vision board stuff.
Or even like scripting, like Ineeded to write it out to
understand like where am I going, where am I headed, why, and
get those things answered andwho do I trust to do that path
with.
So it's like, if there'sanything I can say about all of
(51:02):
it, I've never, ever, everwanted another co-host other
than you.
Speaker 1 (51:06):
That's so sweet, yeah , aw.
Speaker 2 (51:11):
Like I just I trust you.
And I think, from that level oftrust that's hard to find and,
as we've clearly unloaded foreverybody here in the audience,
we've had our own issues as welland our own love lives
respectfully right, and I thinkthat plays into that part of
like trusting other people,trusting other individuals with
your heart and your future,where you know what.
(51:32):
Luckily, I'm in a positionwhere I don't need to date
anymore, but I'm also in aposition where that doesn't mean
I trust everyone.
Because of that right, I neededto figure out like, who do I
trust, how do I trust, why do Itrust?
And you've really you've helpedit with a lot of that.
And I think this podcast isgoing to flourish because we're
building it on the right bricks.
We're not building it onnonsense.
Speaker 1 (51:54):
For sure.
I mean, we've been friends, butI still feel like we're
learning so much about eachother, as we do this podcast,
and that momentum's just gonnakeep going.
Speaker 2 (52:05):
so it's up, it's all the way up.
Speaker 1 (52:07):
Yeah, even though we always say it's going down, it's
all up.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
Well, we do know, like this is the only place
where going down means it'sgoing up, it's going up, yeah,
so that's a great point.
It brings us to the end of thepodcast, and for this episode, I
do wanna say it has beenawesome to get a little bit more
information about you as well,as well as having me offer me
(52:30):
the stage to unload a little bitabout myself.
Speaker 1 (52:33):
I love it.
No, I feel like we should do westart doing like solo episodes.
Speaker 2 (52:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (52:37):
Have our guests do episodes together.
This is good.
It's gonna be fun.
This is healthy, yeah.
Speaker 2 (52:42):
Well, we like to close out every episode with one
saying and we always know whatthat is which is it's going down
, it's going down.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
We'll see you in the lobby next week.
Speaker 2 (52:52):
We'll see y'all next week.
Speaker 1 (52:54):
Bye.
Speaker 2 (52:56):
I love this this episode is good.
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