February 29, 2024 • 55 mins
#21: This week, we sit down with the incredible Jane Santiago, whose story is a powerful blend of Puerto Rican and Korean heritage, resilience, and self-discovery. From growing up in a military family to navigating societal prejudice, Jane shares the courage it takes to embrace her identity and thrive in a world full of stereotypes.
In this episode, we explore the vibrant dating scene in Austin, the transformative power of friendship, and the serendipitous moments that bring strangers together. Jane also dives into the challenges of emotional availability, the healing journey after heartbreak, and the importance of authenticity in cultivating meaningful relationships.
Through candid insights and personal stories, Jane reveals the strength and vulnerability required to navigate life’s complexities. Tune in for an inspiring conversation about cultural richness, the beauty of diversity, and the power of human connection.
You can follow Jane Santiago:
@janesantiagomarini
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
You can follow Pain In My Cass Podcast: @paininmycasspod
You can follow Cassandra Jean:
@paininmycass_
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I know this one, I know I'm so this one I'm having
myself.
It's so much better than youthink, cass.
That's so sweet.
I wish we would have beenrecording when we just did this
little prayer circle with you,jane, because Roger and I were
not having the best day, andthen we came in here with you
and you said some of the mostbeautiful words, oh yeah, and I
(00:23):
feel like it just calmed myenergy and then it reminded me
why I wanted you on the podcastto begin with and why I kept
telling Roger I was like we haveto get Jane on the podcast.
So I'm so excited to have you,jane Santiago, in the lobby
podcast and have you in ourlobby today.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
So and this speaks volumes.
I mean you're absolutelycorrect.
I think you walk in here, youhave a certain light that you
express, you have a way in whichyou just have a very respectful
, appropriate demeanor.
But you have a story to telltoo right, and I'm excited to
not only have the conversationon in the lobby podcast today,
but I think our viewers will bevery happy to learn more about
(01:06):
you.
It may be inspired as well.
I think you have a story thattouches multiple, multiple
different coasts, but alsomultiple different women, and I
think that's important on ourpodcast as well.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Thank you, guys.
I want to also praise you bothfor being so selfless and
bringing people on andinterviewing their stories.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
You know, in an age of selfishness like that's so
big of you.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
You're so cute on your podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Yeah, thank you so cute and like literally, Jane
and I, when we first met, welike totally like hit it off and
one of the second things weever did was we went to a live
podcast show together oh my gosh, yes.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Where Shannon Ford, where was it?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Shannon Ford, we're both like obsessed with.
She's a podcaster, she'samazing, she's so funny.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Where was this?
Speaker 3 (01:52):
The Paramount.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Okay, got it.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
She had a live comedy show.
And it was so cool because youso rarely see influencers go
that far in life that they starttouring off of their Instagram
fan base and having this comedyshow and it was.
That's our goal over here.
Let's go.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Yeah, you can do anything, she was on stage by
herself, like she did a wholeshow, just like by herself on
stage.
And the funniest thing too wasshe had like VIP meet and greet
and Jane and I walked up to thevenue.
It was my second time hangingout with Jane.
It was like a new friendshipand Jane was like watch this,
(02:31):
I'm gonna get us backstage andwe're gonna meet her and I'm
like I don't know, jane, likeI'm not really like a rule
breaker, like that.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
And I don't even know how it happened, but you got us
to meet her Believe baby.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Everything is energy.
I believed we were gonna meether and be there Like it had to
happen.
We got so dressed up, we wereso looking forward to it and,
truly by accident, we didn'tknow that there was gonna be a
VIP meet and greet and I justcouldn't afford for us to live
our lives and not have thatmoment.
It's something like a moment,yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
And it was a memory too right Like this is a memory
where I could see that you'reboth engaged to the memory Two
very different perspectives butalso at the same time it was
memorable in the same way, rightLike I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
So fun it was.
And you know, since we keep ourlike podcast kind of Austin
based, yeah, you know, what Ithink is really funny is Jane
and I first became friends on aboat in like Travis, on like
Travis, but it was like a mutual.
Our friend Arjen, Okay, invitedme.
And it was like our mutualfriend group.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I think I remember this boat invite Cause I wasn't
invited.
You were not, I was not invited, okay.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
We didn't wanna be.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Okay, that's fair, it was a vibe.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
I literally spent 90% of the time on other boats.
I was having such a bad timeand then the little time I spent
on the boat like Cass, was theonly person I like really vibed
with.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Yeah, and I think that was the thing.
That boat invite was not meantfor me.
It was meant for more of y'all.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
It was a lot of women , it was a yacht, it was women
and it wasn't about connection,yeah, and it wasn't about
actually meeting people that youmight have community with yeah,
it was a lot of like male egojust inviting as many women as
they could invite and becauseeveryone knew that it didn't
(04:22):
really lend itself to like a lotof positive female interaction
or a lot of positive female maleinteraction on that boat.
Luckily there was a like Latinboat next to us which was such a
vibe.
I had a great time on there.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
But I think that's a little bit telling too, because,
do remember, while we also lovethat this is Austin based, as
far as our platform giving youthe ability to talk about
misconceptions and a little bitmore about your story, think
about the way in which that maleego can play into dating in
certain ways, of course, and I'msure y'all probably walked away
(04:55):
from that boat thinking I donot want to date any of these
men on this boat.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
And they're all doctors.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Surgeons no.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
And maybe it's the moment right.
But also I think there'ssomething to say that, in a
moment that was probably notmost fitting for y'all to maybe
meet or establish your firstkind of interaction, you both
walked away friends, yeah.
You really did.
That's healthy and that speaksvolume about you both too.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
You know she was sweet.
She was like I sat down.
I don't know if I looked hungry, but she offered me a
snackables PB&J, oh but I don'tknow the little family.
Yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Crestables, and that was like.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Uncrestable.
Thank you, like the only personwho's like offering me
something other than drugs andalcohol.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
It's the five year old and me, I'm like she's the
peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
I feel, I envision this moment.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
We shared a crustable of me taking friends.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I envision the moment with Cass, just like her bag,
like hold on, are you hungry,give me one second going in her
bag.
It was innocent.
Did she have multiple optionsof food?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
No, only PB&J, because I'm five in my head.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
She came to my pool one time she had like a sandwich
, it's like chips, pretzels.
I was like Cass, like where'sthe two year old?
That's here.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
She's everything.
I embraced, my inner style.
I love it.
That's what I loved about Jane,though, because when I met her
and I know you've seen this,Roger the Austin like boat scene
.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Oh it's.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
I don't think that's like a place where you're gonna
usually find like really genuineconnections.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
And like, I think, within like the first five
minutes of meeting Jane, shetold me she was a dancer.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
But you see, that's a part of the story that we wanna
get into, because if that'ssomething that she told you, I
think for me, for context, likeI wanna make sure I understand,
where did you grow up?
Like, tell me about home,because I'm, while I live in
Austin, I'm originally from NewYork and I think there's parts
of that that have come out inother episodes and you may hear
(07:04):
it if you ever have the chanceto go out with me and have a
drink.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Explained the swagger .
Speaker 2 (07:09):
My New York style.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
I have to admit, this man has so much style.
Yes, Very thankful it's not anAustin theme, and I'm style.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Let me tell you you should see his closet.
Oh yeah, I would love to, Iwould really love to.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
It is, it's a thing.
But I gotta give credit towhere credit is due my older
brother and sister.
They can dress.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Okay, they can dress, that's important.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
My mom too, my mom's got it going on.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Oh yeah, you get it from somewhere.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
That's Jane, though she's always and you're asking
her where she's from.
But she's always dressed up,and I feel like there must be a
cultural difference, or she justhas it, because people in
Austin do not dress up, and thiswoman's always dressed to the
10s.
So you too, though you're like,you got both of you, you got
this.
I love it.
I love it.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
So cute.
Okay, where I grew up, I moveda lot.
Growing up I'm a military kid.
My dad was a doctor andlieutenant colonel in the army.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Oh, wow the.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
US army.
He is Puerto Rican.
My mom is Korean.
I was born on the army base inPanama City, Panama, like South
America.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
And thank you for his service.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Oh, thank you.
Thank you for saying that.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
For sure.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Because we're all enjoying freedom.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
And what the world, being the state of it, is.
We often don't realize howfragile safety is.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Oh yeah, we take it for advantage.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Yeah, we get to enjoy that off of people losing their
mental health, losing theirphysical health, and it's
beautiful to be grateful forthat.
That's all they want too.
They do it for us, yeah.
So, this is great.
It's good to be in America.
We're so blessed Hell yeah.
I was born in Panama.
I moved a lot on the army basesaround the world and I ended up
(08:44):
going to high school in SanAntonio, texas.
I then went to college here inUT Austin, okay, and then I
graduated early and then I wentstraight to South Korea.
My parents had moved to SouthKorea when I was 17, so I was
here by myself during that time.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
And my mom.
She felt, if I can be frank,and that's what the podcast is
about.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I mean, this is what it's about.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
If I can be frank, america when my dad was working
as a doctor and lieutenantcolonel, my family had a lot of
respect.
You know I never knew racism atthat time.
I'm very sensitive andemotional, so forgive me in my
emotions.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Racism is live and well.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Yeah.
I can give you some experiencesmyself, but please, I want to
hear your Of course, like peoplethink that racism isn't alive
because we're appreciating hiphop, we're appreciating K-pop,
we're appreciating fashion andNetflix shows, but racism is
very much alive, let me tell you, oh yeah.
Today, very present day.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
Just because some people are borrowing what's cool
and sexy from other culturesdoesn't mean they're actually
appreciating.
Yeah what our people andhistory have been through.
So my dad, unfortunately, was aprisoner of war.
He was tortured andelectrocuted for being in the US
.
Yeah, thank you, yeah.
And when he came back, the USmilitary sent him to rehab in DC
(10:11):
for a year.
My mom and I had no idea whatwas going on.
You know from my mom.
She was a Korean woman whomarried an American, puerto
Rican, but still American.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
For sure officer.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
My dad took care of everything from my mom and I.
Her English is conversational.
She didn't grow up here.
Same thing for any of us If wewere to go to Poland.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
You don't know the system there, so my mom it was a
level of lack of like, yeah, sowe had no idea what was going
on.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
The military is just like your husband's in
Washington DC.
We'll send him back to you in10 months.
We're like interesting.
When he came back, he was notthe same person.
Wow, and my mom and I becamefull-time caregivers.
We were no longer living on themilitary base and we were just
civilians in the American public.
Wow, and that's when, like, Iexperienced racism for the first
(10:58):
time and I sought for my momtoo.
I stood up for my mom a lot.
My mom is so beautiful and sucha queen she lets her roll off
of her.
She's just like you, basicpeople.
I don't know what you think youknow, but for me I'm like that's
my mom and I don't really growup seeing people talk like that
to my mom.
You're not going to talk to mymom like that.
You're never going to look downon us.
She speaks two languages.
How many languages do you speak?
You're not going to look downon us.
(11:18):
I'm very feisty like that.
I protect people I love.
So it didn't bother my mom, butit bothered me a lot, and
separately.
A bigger issue than that waswhen my dad was active duty.
Keep in mind my dad's a doctor.
When my dad was active duty, hehad very good healthcare.
But when you're retired fromthe military, you go to the VA
hospital.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Oh, it changes, completely, it changes.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Like, oh, you're not working for us anymore, like
let's just drug you.
He would spend 20 hours a daysleeping.
My mom and I would feed him andhis head would be like nodding
off.
And it wasn't like that for aday or two.
You guys, it was like that forso many years, like seven years,
and my mom and my dad felt likeno, I've served the army, I've
served America, they're going totake care of me.
(12:00):
It wasn't like that.
And him being a doctor himself,he was like no, it's working,
the Western medicine is working.
And my mom would beg him likeplease try Eastern medicine.
Like this isn't good for you,they don't respect us anymore.
Like you've got to quitbelieving in the system.
So she had asked me and I feelI kind of regret this now she
(12:21):
had asked me when I was inmiddle school and high school.
Like let's move to Korea.
But for me I was a kid and so Iwas like I don't want to go to
Korea.
Like I don't, I didn't grow upthere.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
But it's perspective too, right Like you can't take
away the idea that you were achild.
I was a child, you know.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
So she waited until I graduated high school.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Gotta be fair to yourself.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Thank you, yeah, so I graduated high school after my
junior year so that I could goto college early and then she
could take my dad to Korea toget help.
So they were there and I stayedhere.
I finished college and shewould tell me you know, at that
time I was considering going tomed school and I'd taken my
MCATs and everything, which wasreally hard, and I spent all my
college years like being thisreally good pre-med student.
(12:59):
I wasn't a party girl Like what.
It depends on your major.
What your experience is at likeis like at UT, but if you have
a very difficult major, youdon't really get to do that like
party girl lifestyle.
Sure the figure baby lifestylethat I hear about now.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Like I can't really.
I was working, I was a medicalassistant, I was an EMT, yeah, I
was making sure I got goodgrades.
I was signing up for likeshadow doctors and things like
that to look good on my medschool application, you know.
But my mom, she saw how much mydad suffered being a doctor and
how unhealthy America was andshe also felt that I needed to
(13:31):
be around people who literallyjust looked like me.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
And she told me like you know, you're graduating from
college, you don't need to bein America anymore, come to
Korea.
And so I was like, okay, I'mgoing to give it a year, and I
expected to come back, to behonest.
But when I moved there I couldsee that she was right.
Like there, I didn't even know.
You know, like when you're afish in water, you know, so
you're surrounded by water.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
I didn't know that I was constantly feeling less than
.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
I was in America until I went to Korea and I was
around people who looked like meand they thought it was cool
that I spoke English and it waslike my first.
I didn't know that I had goneso far in life.
Yeah, not feeling like a partof the community that's around
me, always feeling like anoutsider, and so I stayed.
I realized I needed friends.
(14:17):
So, like when I was in collegemy friends would joke about me
being their Miss Korea.
So I was like I'm going to runfor Miss Korea and I didn't do
it.
I was like I'm not going to gofar.
I'm five foot four.
Those girls like in beautypatterns are usually pretty tall
, you know, and they likeusually train for it and things
like that.
I was just like I'm just goingto sign up for it because I just
wanted to make friends.
Literally, I was living twokilometers south from North
(14:39):
Korea yeah, like we were not inSeoul, my family and I, when I
went over there.
So I signed up for it just tolike make some friends.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
And maybe for me it's like when you're not living in
Seoul and where you were living.
What does that mean?
Like what?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
does that come with Right?
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I think, when people think North.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Korea.
There's like a.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
You were saying you were living by the border.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Okay, but living by the border, what does that come
with?
Is there like you have to bemore careful, or do you have to
be more alert, or it's very safe.
Okay.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
However, korea is very mountainous, it's a
peninsula, you know.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
I'm a contextual guy, like I got, I got to get the
holes for sure, oh, for sureit's very farmland.
Okay.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
The area we were at, okay, and my aunt has a farm too
, like lots of cows, okay.
So Korean people love to hike.
Look, there's lots of mountains.
People love to get up there inthe mountains.
It's especially great for olderpeople and they love to do it.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
And the one.
It's very safe.
In fact, incheon Gak, which isa Korean how can I say?
Like roller coaster place, isnext to the border, like there's
like a play land next to theborder.
On our side, south Korea side,however, there's also military
with like barbed wire fence, ofcourse, because you can't go
(15:52):
there and they also should notcome here.
Of course we hear about likeEunmi Park, like the refugee you
know that she escaped, but likeit's a lot for them to North
Koreans to escape, like Becausein North Korean culture and you
know Korean culture in generalvery family and generational
oriented and Ubi Park was NorthKorea.
She's North Korean.
(16:13):
She escaped with her mom.
She saw her mom get raped infront of her, which I know is an
ugly topic, but like that'swhat it, that's what it takes,
because those guards aren'tgonna just let you in to be a
good person.
Yeah you got to bribe them, yougot to do something and also you
better make it because and youbetter not get caught because
should you not Make it with?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
your family emotional to like here or even think
about that stuff like it's justit's a lot.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Should you not make it, they will not only damn you
and make an example of you,they'll make an example of your
entire family.
Yeah in the city center.
So it's a lot the South Koreaguys.
I just find though.
Yeah but you should be carefulwhen you're hiking the mountains
.
There's one story when I wasthere of an older lady she might
have been hard of hearingbecause she was hiking the
(16:58):
mountains that of the North andSouth Korean border on the South
Korean side and the Army guyson the megaphone.
Our military is mandatory forall men in Korea.
Okay, yeah, I like saying hey,don't get any closer to the the
border.
Yeah we'll have to shoot you.
And she just kept going andthey will shoot you not because
they want to.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
But so that helps me and understand.
So you're living closer andcloser to the border, which is.
Those are shared experiences,potentially that you could have
based upon just even thoseexamples, right like.
What.
I don't want to interrupt youthere, but it's like what, what
made you move right, like if yougot yourself there and you feel
(17:38):
like this level of welcome,well, like this welcoming
experience you stayed longerthan you anticipated like why
leave?
Speaker 3 (17:46):
why did I come back to Austin?
Speaker 1 (17:48):
I want to touch on some other stuff.
Yeah first Sorry, roger.
No, no, no but like I justthink you're such a beautiful
soul and You're always sograteful and you're always
practicing gratitude andwhenever I'm like in my own head
or like really down, you'realways like reminding me of
Gratitude and I just can't helpbut think that, like being so
close to like North Korea andeverything that's going on there
(18:12):
has had to influence yourperspective on what gratitude is
.
Oh, for sure and then the otherthing I want to touch on,
because you know former pageantgirl here in some ways Because
she was talking about you didthe Miss Korea pageant, did that
?
Was that?
How did that go for you?
Because I know you said youwere trying to make friends and
(18:32):
you know you came back to Austin, as Roger was saying.
But how did that?
How was that experience it?
Speaker 3 (18:38):
was a really cool experience because I never had
Asian Girlfriends growing up.
I was always the only one likeI was saying, like always
feeling like an outsider, adifferent or other than, and so
it was really cool.
You know, like all it's thelittle things like oh, you
should do your makeup like thisbecause our faces are like this,
you know.
Or you should dress like thisbecause, like it's more flodding
(19:00):
on body types like ours, likeit was a beautiful, like girly
fun Energy, and I think I wasn'tcompetition for them.
I saw some cattiness betweenthem, but I was.
Everyone knew I wasn't gonnawin Miss Korea Because I lived
there for two months.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
It was just.
I think it was just aninteresting story for everyone.
Like, why is this Puerto RicanKorean girl who just moved from
(19:23):
America Running in this?
Yeah, so, but it was.
I was so grateful to be a partof it.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
And you think that helped you at all.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
I love that you did it.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Yeah, you should see the photos.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
I see the photos of her from the pageant I'm like oh
my gosh, she's so beautiful,but I just like, as a woman,
it's such a.
You have to be so confident.
Yeah that type of thing and putyourself out there and congrats
yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Doing that yeah that's huge.
Yeah, it's interesting becauseI don't know if it's cuz I grew
up as the only Asian girl andthe communities I grew up in.
But I didn't feel pretty, eventhough people told me I was
pretty, because it always camewith like a oh, you're so pretty
.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Like a backhanded girl.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Yeah, you know, and I was like, oh, I guess Asian
girls aren't beautiful.
I don't know like where Istarted forming this belief.
So then when I was there and Isaw like Asian girls being like
pretty and like nice and likeeverything, it was like it
healed a part of like that woundinside of me.
Yeah some reason it was nice.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Yeah, it's interesting because, like, I've
even heard that, like beingaround you, like some some of
our girlfriends have said thingsbefore like oh, jane gets so
many guys because she's Asianand there's not so many Asian
guys or girls, sorry, in Texas,and I've heard people say things
like that and I know you'veheard it as well, and to me it's
(20:41):
not something that I eventhought of, like how that
actually like Affects someone.
You know, because to me you'rejust a beautiful Woman, but then
it's kind of backhanded, I feellike when you're saying, yeah,
I was of XYZ.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Yeah, it's almost like if I wasn't Asian and I was
more like Caucasian Americanlooking.
I also want to do a side trackand say that, like Latin
Americans so sorry, no, you'regood Latin Americans who have
served the military, blackAmericans who have served the
military and Asian Americans whostill American join, who have
(21:18):
served the military, no onedeserves to Be called American
more than us.
Like our families.
I've literally sacrificed sothe term like Asian American or
Latin American, because eventhough I don't look very Puerto
Rican, I am half Puerto Rican.
Yeah like I hate that I think,like I am also Korean and Puerto
Rican, but I'm also American,and like my dad, literally, is
(21:39):
disabled from Serving in thiscountry.
I don't want to hear anythingever about my family being less
than I.
Won't stand for it.
So whenever people are like, oh, like you're pretty for an
Asian girl or guys like you, cuzyou're Asian, it makes me feel
like so if I didn't have slantedeyes, like I'm, nothing about
me is valuable.
Yeah like that's funny.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
I think you bring up something interesting and like I
I'll put it to your point wherethere's some stigmas, right,
like I think it's almost hardfor people to understand the
level of dimension that you cancome with Just because you don't
look like somebody right, likeI'm from New York.
Everyone thinks I'm from theinner city of New York, where
(22:20):
they are correct to some degree,but I also did Go to school in
New Jersey.
I was raised in other otherplaces other than the city, but
naturally people are gonna putyou in a box that makes sense to
them, right?
So I think sometimes, a littlebit like what I feel like I'm
hearing is when someone can sayto you all right, like you're
(22:40):
pretty, but you're pretty for anAsian girl.
It's like, well, what does thatmean?
It's like I'm pretty for thebox of Asian that you understand
or the box of Asian Americanthat you understand right which
is so different right, andusually they're, they're tied to
epitomies and it's just unfair.
So I'm sorry that you've hadthat experience.
(23:00):
Okay but at the same time, yeah,it's, it brings you to a level
of gratitude and being grateful.
So I think it's just, it's veryinteresting to hear for me, one
Male to male and female, rightlike there's a different
experience that you have versusmyself.
But also I share a Puerto Ricandescent and I would love to,
(23:23):
it's nice for me to hear fromsomebody else, right, that
you've had some of that sharedexperience or it aligned with
you, not because that's fun oranyone should experience it, but
just to know I'm not goingfucking crazy.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
Yeah, no, definitely.
And people want to say thingslike oh well, you don't look
very Puerto Rican.
It's like all Puerto Ricans,are mixed.
Oh, that's, we were colonizedyou know there's no such thing
as it.
Who is a pure Puerto Rican?
Jlo, that's not true.
Yeah it's from a hundred.
Her 23 me would go off thecharts and just like that, no
one's American yeah you know?
oh, I did mine and it's crazyyeah you were all mixed and
(23:57):
that's what makes it beautiful.
And yeah, as much as I stand upfor like oh, you will not make
anyone feel less than I alsohave to like back up myself and
say that I get defensive becauseI just I really love people and
I really love us being acommunity and being there for
each other and being lesssuperficial and sharing love,
like not to get too deep andlike randomly sidetracked.
(24:19):
But I was having a phone callwith my friend on the way here
to restore my faith in humanitybecause so many people want to
Think that life is about Makingmoney, looking hot, getting
things, and it's like you reallylive for that.
Yeah you really live to be thatseparate and better than than
your fellow human.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Yeah, well, it's like that also brings me to another
point where you can connect someof your history and a little
bit about you and I hear it andI learn more about it, and it
sounds not only interesting butit helps me to understand you.
Do you think like you're giventhat same stage in your dating
experiences, like do you thinkthat your perspective alters
(24:56):
your dating experience?
Speaker 1 (24:57):
I think you have to preface this too, though,
because Tying in your careerright now yeah, I mean
absolutely.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
Oh, with, this is a cannonball, I know.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
And I'm so cautious of this too, because the first
thing I asked Jane is are yougonna let me talk about you
being a dancer?
Yeah and she's so open with itand that's why I gravitated
towards her.
When I first met her, I waslike this woman is so vulnerable
.
Right off the bat, she was soconfident in herself.
She had no worry about tellingme that she was a dancer.
She didn't worry about how Iwas gonna judge her, perceive
(25:32):
her.
She was like this is who I am,this is what I do.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
She's like it's fun, like come see me, like Showed me
her shoes which is the way itshould be right, like I had
nothing you should be ashamed of, but if you're gonna lie About
it, then there should be anotherconversation and then people
have the right to judge and feelthe way they feel and I'm a
woman that's kind of likefascinated with dancing.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Okay, like I've done like all the dancing classes,
yeah, I like.
I just think it's so likefascinating and such a fun like
glitzy Girlie kind of world insome ways that I was asking you
like all the questions about it.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
I feel like there's a level of empowerment, like it's
it to me.
I respect it wholeheartedly,but I just I get very confused
when people lie about it, right?
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Yeah, I understand the lying, because I used to lie
.
Yeah, I started dancing and I ITruly thought in the beginning
of my journey I will go to mygrave with this got it.
I'm gonna make my money.
Yeah, make up what I lostduring coveted, which I might
get into later, might not, butlet's move past it for a second.
Sure, and go to my grave.
(26:37):
Never telling when this I waslike.
I am especially never tellingmy husband this my future
husband.
Yeah and then I remembered thisbook that I read by Sam Harris,
who's a great modern philosopher, called lying, and it's a book
about the butterfly effect ofthe truth and the butterfly
effect of lies.
Yeah and how we think thatthese little white lies Don't
(27:02):
change anything and areconvenient.
And it's a beautiful book.
Everyone should read, or atleast listen to segments of it,
even if it's like a 10 minuteoverview on youtube, because
it's about how You're not onlyscrewing over Other people when
you deny them the truth, you'rescrewing over yourself.
Yeah, and you know, jordanPeterson I love modern
(27:23):
philosophers also talks abouthow he's never he's you know,
counseled hundreds of people wasa Harvard professor and he
talks about how he's never metsomeone who could get away with
something.
Yeah in their conscious.
Oh yeah and it really, and Istarted to feel that way as a
dancer, I felt shame, I feltlike trash, if I can be very
(27:48):
vulnerable of course.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
I also felt like we've all lied and have
experiences similar, but right,and that's so true too.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
People always act like being a dancer is like very
other than experience, but it'sso human, because who hasn't
felt Like they had something tobe embarrassed about?
Who hasn't felt like Am I goodenough, am I okay?
Yeah you know like I'm in myjourney of trying to make it as
an adult, just like all of us,and like Am I deserving?
(28:17):
Could I really tell the truthabout myself and still be loved
and accepted by people?
Yeah, and lying is a huge actof Not self-love.
I don't know how else to saythat.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
No, it's healthy.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
Whereas telling the truth is an act of self-love,
because when you tell the truthin your brain, you're saying I
deserve to be loved and to beaccepted.
Yeah even though I'm notperfect and everyone has to come
to that healthy place of like.
I am not perfect, I have room,I have to grow, but damn, I
(28:50):
still deserve love.
There's something good insideof me that no one can take away,
and I won't deny myself tryingto make me cry, jane.
I will not deny myself truefriendship by hiding who I am.
No, I.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
I would even say to like your point, where it's just
like Everybody like you havesuch an open heart and you talk
about like wanting to restoreyour faith in humanity and
having that phone call with yourfriend.
It's like hearing you speak andhearing you discuss it in that
way.
It's like even thatclosed-minded shift that I may
just have had, where it's liketough for me to understand if
(29:28):
someone wants to lie, but thenyou're right.
It's like we've all lied aboutthings.
Of course, not only have we alllied about things, we've all had
to face the truth and something.
And when you do, guess what you?
There are people that you'vehurt and there are people that
you have to apologize to, andthere are some people you don't
have the chance to apologize tojust because it is what it is.
But Really living in that truth, I mean it's it's, it's an act
(29:49):
of self-love and it's hard to.
It's hard to face right like I.
Just, I respect you, Iappreciate it.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
I respect you too.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
I don't think you understand how much that can
affect people in the audience,but also even us, right like I.
Just I love the way youAnnunciated that, or or
vocalized it.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
Thank you for giving me the chance to yeah again.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
That was so beautiful because even Roger and I were
talking about this the other dayand I was telling him some
things.
Roger knows a lot about me alot about me, like I tell him
every pretty much everything Allthis did.
Oh, what a beautiful friendPeople.
You can tell everything too.
Yeah, I tell him, like all thedirty laundry I'm like.
I did this, but I'm not likethis anymore and I was telling
(30:29):
him about this guy I was datingand I was like, but I don't want
to tell him about x and I don'twant to tell him about this.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
And.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
Roger's like, all that stuff's cool with me,
though, because he acceptsaccepts me for who I am and it's
like, why would I even want todate someone that I don't feel
safe telling those things too,because it's that version of
lying to myself.
So what you're saying I justlike if, like it encompasses so
many things that I've beenexperiencing personally.
(30:55):
I know you've been experiencing, but it's like because it goes
both ways.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I tell you everything and in those moments when I do
tell her everything, it's likenot only a stress is like pulled
off my shoulder.
There's something that'srewarding about it, right?
Yes?
Speaker 3 (31:10):
it's a level.
Yes, you want freedom in lifethat doesn't come from money.
Yeah or people liking you.
It comes from the inside.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
The thing that.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
I struggle with.
With this, though, is like theconcept of, like different
versions of myself, right.
Yeah sometimes there's likeversions of like past me that
are so not me anymore.
I feel like I've shed that skin.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
I hear.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
I've really shed that skin, so then it's like I don't
want to bring up these thingsfrom my past, isn't?
Speaker 2 (31:40):
that shitty when, like people, make you live in
that.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Yeah, but it.
But if a Jane might be on tosomething, it's a part of your
Truth.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
It is.
Yeah, I think that that's Okay.
Yeah, you know what?
Because I'm going through a lotin my dating life right now.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
And.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
The juicy shit yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Juicy he.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
He's kind of trying to make life of some heavy shit.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Well, we have differing opinions.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
I mean.
I also understand him, though,because and let me preface this
by saying like I might befather-along in my inner work
journey, but that doesn't makeme better than anyone.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
No.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
Because they might be father-along in their fitness
journey.
They might be father-along intheir money journey, absolutely.
You know something like we'reall got our strengths and
weaknesses.
So my guy that I was dating,he's not as far along in his
inner journey, and so he feltlike Most guys aren't.
Most guys aren't.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
It takes a traumatic experience to get there.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
I love a man who is, and let me tell you, in this
world, there is nothing morebeautiful than a man who's gonna
work on his inside.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
I went to an event on Sunday it was a potluck and my
friend Ashley and I we met thisguy who, when we visually saw
him, he wasn't either of ourtypes, but he sat down and
talked to us while we wereeating in the potluck and he was
.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
He was everybody's type.
Speaker 3 (33:02):
He was everyone's type Hard-eyed, Hard-eyed.
Both was like oh my God.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Who is this man?
Speaker 3 (33:08):
Who is this man Like?
He has a girlfriend and girlhe's dating, but he was so lucky
and we all know it because hedid the inner work and he just
got so attractive because wefelt safe around him.
And I don't think that menunderstand that.
There's nothing sexy for us aswomen when we have to clam up
and you guys don't like it whenwe're like that either but you
(33:29):
owe it to yourself and us tomake it safe for us so that we
can relax, and that is verymasculine and in that way,
there's nothing more masculinethan going to therapy.
Reading books on love, readingbooks on how to hold space and
be there for people and be thebigger person.
Like that is a man Tell me howmuch money you have, I don't
(33:49):
care what your body looks like.
If you do not hold space for awoman, if you can't say hey,
what do you need right now?
If you can't say like I'm hurtbut I know that you're hurt too
and I want us to resolve thisLike what's it gonna take?
You're not a man, don't youdare call yourself a man.
You you hurt.
You either heal or you hurt.
Yeah, you'll be a step up.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
Yeah, I feel like the man has to be so strong and
like emotionally regulated yeah.
And I feel like cause.
I feel like women, we're alittle bit more hormonal and
emotional and we move like water.
So if we're throwing all thisat you, I feel like the man's
gotta be a little bit calmer tobe able to handle it and that's.
(34:31):
You have to do that like selfcare, self love, introspection,
to be able to be that space fora woman.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Of course.
Let me tell you something Womenare multipliers.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
Whenever guys like what do you bring to the table?
I'm like I can multiply you.
Yeah, they're multipliers,right.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
For sure.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
So I will multiply everything about you, you know,
let me be vulgar for a second,because I'm kind of like that,
like, if you, come inside of me,I will multiply and give you
children.
Yeah, you give me bad energy, Iwill multiply that back to you.
If you give me good energy, Iwill make a home for you.
I'll be the best life of yourlife and ride for you and stand
up for you.
I'll dress you better.
We'll get healthier together.
I will mold a good woman andI'll give it up to guys, cause I
(35:09):
have a lot of guy friends.
I know that there's some badwomen out there, but that's a
girl Just like how we and weneed to talk more about this how
there's like real men andthere's little boys.
There's also real women whohandle life and can really be
there for you and ride for you,and there's little girls, you
know, and if you meant her like,oh, there's no good woman out
there, it's cause you'rerewarding little girls.
If you want to stand next to areal woman, she will multiply
(35:32):
everything you hand to her andthat's a beautiful thing.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
For sure.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
I think it's a very good mirror for men when they're
like all women are bad.
I'm like that's reallyinteresting.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
You know, that leads us to one of our or leads me to
one of our questions from thepodcast that we like to make
sure we ask everybody of.
What is the biggestmisconception about you?
Cause, like, you're deliveringsuch great truth, encapsulating
things in such a good way,opening up my perspective, which
, I'd like to say, is easy butalso hard.
(36:02):
I'm very open but at the sametime, like it just it takes a
certain level of meunderstanding and hearing
somebody.
I hear you very well and you'redefinitely approaching topics
in a good way.
I think it's helping me tohighlight conversations that
we've had.
But what is the biggestmisconception about you?
Because, if you're offering allof these jewels and pearls and
(36:22):
knowledge on the podcast today,is there anybody else in the
world that doesn't see you thatway?
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Like, I know I'm on this.
I'm like how can you not seehow beautiful?
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Yeah, like it yeah.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
I think the biggest misconception about me.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
Cause she talks very highly of you and you match all
of that energy that she talksabout you with.
I love her too.
So it's like, yeah, please takeit away.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
I think the biggest misconception about me is that
I'm very strong and I don't needanyone.
You know, I'm a human too.
Like all the strength I've had,I've had my experiences work
out my resilience to get to thispoint.
But I'm human too.
I need to be held too.
(37:08):
I need people in my life tohold space for me and let me be
vulnerable.
I need guidance sometimes too,Like I'm not perfect.
I'm not above saying that,because I actually want to be my
best and, yeah, I think a bigpeople see me even though I'm
very small, framed like I'm ahundred pounds, I'm five or four
Like people see me as verystrong and they tell me that all
(37:32):
the time.
but like I don't, you know, wantto be strong all the time too.
I want to like, relax and havefun too.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
There's something that you're touching on that I
want to make sure we dive into.
It sounds like you have a verylarge risk appetite.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
I do.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
Yeah, so you'll take on large risk, but you're also
rewarded in large ways.
So if you want to dive intosome of the other topics that
you can about ways in which youhave been rewarded in large ways
, that's great as well.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
But do you think that that plays a part in your
dating Like?
If you are able to have thatlarge risk appetite, will you
take on more of a man projectthan you should?
Will you multiply more than youwant to Like?
I mean, I want to give you thestage to answer it however you
like, but how does that affectyour dating life?
Speaker 3 (38:26):
I don't settle.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
And I think that's my big risk, like I've been
talking.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Does that make you move fast or no?
Speaker 3 (38:33):
Ooh, I do move fast, okay yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
And that in the healthiest way possible for our
audience.
It's like stop the judgmentworld.
I mean it in a way of likeyou'll know you're done and
you're like you got to move toyour next.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Yeah, I know when I'm done, but it doesn't mean I
don't hurt.
When it's over, I say that Iwon't settle.
I say okay, I think this is mybiggest risk.
I've been offered marriage fourtimes and all four guys were
millionaires and I did not wantto marry them, because I don't
want to marry someone who wantsto own me.
I want to marry someone whowants to love me.
And there's a really good bookby Bell Hooks called All About
(39:08):
Love, because we're so confusedon what love is.
It's a beautiful book, right,it is good, and she defines love
, which is important to say,because I love tacos and it's
not the same as I love you,because I don't.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
As good as that book is, it's tough because you
reference it back in a lot ofyour experiences and then you
start to say like nope, that'snot good enough.
Nope, that's not good enough.
Speaker 3 (39:31):
Yeah, and maybe we should say like this situation
needs more work.
The thing about love is thatit's infinite and love is about
pouring into someone's spirit.
That's what she defines love asLike I pour into your spirit.
I don't pour into the spirit oftacos, but I pour into the
spirit of my friends and family,my people trying to make sure
(39:54):
you're okay.
I want to pour into.
I love you means I want to pourinto you.
I love you does not mean I wantto take from you.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Love you means I want to pour into you Like it
matters to me that you're okay.
I'm not okay if you're not okay.
That's love.
And a lot of the guys from mypast that I've dated you know
they might have taken care of mefinancially or even socially
when it came to their ego andlike wanting to make me their
girl and protect me, but Ididn't feel that they really
(40:23):
cared to pour into my spirit andlove and grow my spirit and
heal me and I felt that theyloved that I would do that for
them.
But I want love back.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
So you want reciprocity, I do yeah.
Speaker 3 (40:38):
And I would accept, like I think that's why it
worked so hard to be financiallystable, because I want real
love and I deserve it and Idon't need my.
Of course, I would like us tohave financial abundance, and
that's not wrong to say, becausejust like I need a lot of
health to have a good life andthat is a resource I need a lot
(40:58):
of money to have a good life,and that's a resource too.
But I can, if I can contributethat way and my dude can a
little less, that's okay.
As long as we have real loveand partnership, everything else
is okay.
Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
I feel like that's what life is all about is love.
It is.
I think that, jane, you foundme when I was like at like one
of the lowest points of my lifeprobably, and I was in such a
dark place and like in ourfriendship, all you did was like
pour love into me and show upfor me.
And I think people are tooafraid to say I love you,
(41:34):
whether it's to their friends orto someone they're dating, when
really all you're saying is Iwant, I see the brightness in
you and I want to pour into you.
So I have a really hard time.
Why people are confused, causeto all my friends I always say I
love you, right, and that'sjust saying like what you're
saying?
Like I see you, I want to pourinto you.
And another friend of mine toldme that if you want to receive
(41:58):
love, you have to show up aslove every day, right, like when
you go to Starbucks, like youhave to like smile at the
barista and say hi and how'syour day?
Speaker 2 (42:09):
Oh, I have the worst time with those folks on the
side of the street that are likehey, do you care about?
I'm like, yes, I care about it,but I'm walking the damn dog
yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:17):
Yeah, that's real.
That's okay.
You don't owe them anything,but it also takes something to
be like.
I see you.
I hope you have a good day.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
That's what cause I'll go like head down
throughout my day and I'll justlike be in my own little world.
And that's not showing up inthe world, emitting a frequency
of love.
That's fear.
Speaker 3 (42:37):
There's no room for fear.
There's no room in love forfear.
It takes so much bravery and weall want it and that's so cool,
Actually.
I'm sorry, I can't have to.
That's so cool to think that,like for the most precious thing
in the world, all we have to dois overcome that fear.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
That's it.
Yeah, and like it, I don't evenhave anything to say, you're
both just saying it, right.
Yeah, you keep going, cause I'mrocking with your message right
now.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
Jane.
She took me to this datingevent at Julia Kuyah.
It's like a healing kind oflike cold plunge place here in.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Austin and we'll no longer be going to those and
we're going to Thursday datingevents from now on.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
Well, Kuyah is like a wellness center.
So we went to an event at Kuyahand it was like a dating event,
right?
And the first thing I said when, like, we were like in this
circle and we were meeting newpeople is, this guy looked at me
because we were sitting acrossfrom people going in a dating
circle and the first thing Isaid to him was I don't want to
be seen, because we had to sitthere and make I don't know if
(43:36):
you remember this, but it madeprolonged eye contact and the
first thing I said to him was Ireally don't want to be seen
right now.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
Like my eye contact.
It's too tough sometimes, likeI like look through people, so I
have to like look off and thenlook back and then it makes me
look bad.
I'm like you don't want theseeyes Like you want it.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
But for me that was like such a profound experience
and like what you're saying,like with me walking heads down
and like realizing that I didn'ttruly want to be seen.
You know, and if you don't wantto be seen, how are you going
to receive love?
Do you want, do you feel likeyou're deserving of love?
Oh no, we could do a wholepodcast.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
She just hit you with a reverse uno card.
Speaker 1 (44:19):
We could do a whole podcast episode on this, but
recently I just stopped seeingsomeone that I don't even know,
if I want to call it, seeing Ihad been in this long cycle and
you know who it is.
So I'm talking aboutentanglement.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
He fumbled the bag.
He sounds great, but I justdon't know.
I don't get it.
I can't defend him.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
It doesn't matter.
From day one I knew this personwas emotionally unavailable and
I continue to try to pour intosomeone who I've been on his
team since day one.
Speaker 2 (44:47):
I hope he hears this.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
I don't think so.
He's not emotionally available,so I knew that I was obviously
going after someone who'semotionally unavailable.
So it's like I clearly must notbe that emotionally available.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
I think if I could offer my two cents and just what
you want when did this becomeCass's therapy session no I?
Think you did a good thing here, which is like on the podcast
you ask a question, right, andyou have every right to ask a
question.
As much as this is a stage foryou, it is for us as well.
Speaker 3 (45:20):
It is, but I think you do.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
You definitely do right, and we all do, and to
everybody in the audience, theydo as well.
I think there's something thatis important about where I say I
defended this guy.
It's like I defended himbecause you offered a lot of
opportunities for him to be seenand you kept giving him every
opportunity for a safe space tobe seen, and sometimes us males
(45:45):
do need that a little bit more.
Right Like I know, I've hadstates where vulnerability was
not my strong suit.
I've had states where beingemotionally healthy was not my
strong suit.
I've had moments where I was onthat brink of like, hey,
there's a version of either I'mhealing or I'm hurting right,
and maybe I was doing, hurtingand not even.
(46:06):
Maybe I was hurting and nothealing and offering that
frequency to life.
You offer this guy everyopportunity to exist on that
right path and I think theanswer is you do deserve love.
Just don't let that dilute yourexperience or change the way in
which you want to experiencelove, because you did a
(46:28):
wonderful job, like a bang upjob, and you deserve all the
credit in the world and youreally have to accept that.
Speaker 1 (46:34):
Yeah, I mean, I saw someone hurting, I suppose, and
I tried to pour love somewherewhere they didn't want it.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
Yeah, but I held space.
Speaker 1 (46:46):
You're putting mulch on cement For that person where,
if they wanted to step up, theycould have.
Speaker 3 (46:52):
Yeah, that's a beautiful thing, yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
I regret loving someone and the thing is as
quickly as I switched, I startedputting the love back on myself
.
I realized, like all it is isthat how much damn love you were
giving out.
Yes, how much damn love I wasgiving out is how much love is
inside of me.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
Yeah Of course I love that.
Speaker 3 (47:13):
It's also a beautiful thing to love, even when it
fails.
Yeah, it's like sometimes youcan go through periods when
you're hurting.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:22):
And you, just like you said, hoody down, just like
I'm gonna work on myself, youknow, and you start saying very
false beliefs and you're like,fuck everyone, yeah.
And then you meet someone whobrings out, shines your light in
a dark room.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:36):
And then you're like damn, I forgot I could feel this
, and that is something to begrateful for.
Oh yeah, it's like, yeah, itturned on the light inside of
you.
Speaker 2 (47:45):
This is the conversation we had over brunch.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
That's what's so.
Fun is like when you're seeingthe world in black and white and
then you meet someone and youkind of start seeing the world
in color again.
Speaker 2 (47:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:55):
Jane was like that for me, though, so that's like a
different form of love.
Speaker 2 (47:58):
I think you I mean there's versions of you.
That is that for not only herbut me.
I mean.
Look at the stage right now onthe podcast.
There's so many great thingsthat you're saying on here that
I cannot tell you the level ofappreciation that I have.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
No, I can't.
I'm telling you.
I told Roger so many times.
I think, you have got to getJane on because it's going to be
so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
And we're team receipts over here If you ever
need to see the receipts, we gotthem.
But I mean, cass, you've beenthat as well.
You have been so amazing to myhealing journey and so amazing
to helping me see that coloragain, because it's tough, right
Like mind you, there's alsoother people that have been in
my life Like I have an amazingperson that's in my life now who
(48:38):
has been a part of that as well.
But it's hard to find thosequalities after you've been what
you feel like duped fromsomebody else in the world, no
matter the experiencepartnership, friendship,
business it hurts.
It hurts and pain is real.
But when you go through it,rather than like box it in and
avoid it or try to get even ortry to hurt somebody or try to
(49:02):
get back at them, those are allthe wrong ways and you have to
go through it.
And when you go through it youcome out so much better.
So it's just, it's nice the wayagain you said it to be able to
see the world in color again.
It's like you have thatexperience.
You just loved the wrong man,that's it.
Speaker 1 (49:21):
And you know what's interesting is like loving
someone who wasn't meant for me.
I've never looked at myselfharder in the mirror.
It felt like like I'm notsaying that this person was my
twin flame, but I don't know ifyou've ever heard of like a twin
.
Speaker 2 (49:35):
He wasn't your 20, 20 , 20?
Speaker 1 (49:36):
No, but like the concept of the twin flame, I
feel like I really had to likelook at myself in the mirror
this last year and look ateverything about myself and face
everything about myself and getthat reflected back in my face,
and so I probably never had somuch growth from putting my love
(49:59):
in the wrong place.
Speaker 3 (50:01):
You know people say that love is like this honeymoon
, honey phase.
But no, like I'm reading thisbook right now.
This is very cheesy andvulnerable because, as a 31 year
old woman, you do not want toadmit you're reading a book like
this because you want to lookcool.
But let me not look cool for asecond.
I'm reading a book calledCalling in the One, because it
(50:22):
was so highly talked about, sorecommended by Catherine
Woodward Thomas, and she talksabout how, in our parents'
generation of getting married,it was all about like, okay, we
need to survive, so we need tocombine our resources.
Someone needs to get through thehouse and someone needs the
money, someone needs to do.
You know it was just fillingjob roles Whereas, like in
today's world, where youpotentially can just be
self-sufficient in like a taskway, what we want out of our
(50:48):
partner and love is for someoneto help us meet our potential.
And who said reaching yourpotential was comfortable?
You know who said that itrequires looking at all of it is
good, all of my like.
You said it requires looking atall of your flaws, all of the
ways in which we knew to dobetter and we didn't do better,
(51:11):
where we have no one to blamefor our but ourselves, for
holding ourselves back.
And it also requires seeingthese are all the good things
about me and I need to keepshining that light brighter
while working on taking away thedarkness inside of me.
And that's so beautiful, thatmakes life and love so worth it
(51:31):
for all the shit we go through.
Speaker 2 (51:32):
you guys, I think something that like relates to
why you thought she would bejust so great on the podcast is
really relative to what you justsaid there.
I think you talk about ways inwhich our parents experience
love and marriage right, andthen there's a new version of
that in the present reality.
We're in our present day.
Well, guess what?
We are the ones going throughthat change and evolution
(51:55):
process, and I think that'sreally where people don't give
enough attention to what'shappening in the dating world
that we live in today, becausewe have parents judging it one
way, and then we have usexperiencing it another way, and
then we have these new codes ofconduct and rules that we have
to adjust and abide by.
To that we're like, wait, I wasraised on something totally
(52:17):
different, and then it justcreates chaos and confusion.
But in chaos and confusion youcould really find something
beautiful.
So yes to your point, it is sobeautiful.
Speaker 3 (52:27):
So beautiful.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
It is yeah, love is great.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
So what qualities do you look for in a person?
I mean, we've talked about notonly a little bit of your story,
we talked about a little bit ofkind of some of the things you
do for business, and if you wantto dive into anything that
we've already talked about inthe past, by all means take the
stage at any given moment.
But we also dived into some ofthe wisdom that you have, ways
in which you've gotten it, whichis revealing.
Speaker 1 (52:55):
I feel like there's so much on Jane and Jane's story
.
We're not going to get thetouch because we're going to
have to wrap it up.
But what I do want to say isthere's so many other topics I
want to cover with her, so we'regoing to get her back on the
podcast too, because Jane alsohad.
Speaker 2 (53:09):
I'm over here like so interested.
Speaker 1 (53:12):
She literally had her own business in Korea as like a
translator before she came hereand she's so beautiful and she
does so much healing therapieswith plant medicine and therapy
and journaling and self care andthere's so many other points I
really want to touch on with her.
Actually, this weekend she likethis coming weekend, she
invited me to a plant ceremonyto do like Aya and some other
(53:36):
stuff and I really, really,really wanted to go.
It's not going to work out.
I'm going to have to go to one.
You're going to maybe get youto go to one.
Speaker 2 (53:44):
I'm down, then we can get.
Speaker 1 (53:46):
Jane back on and talk about all of this.
We're out of time for the show.
We've got to wrap it up.
Where can people say this?
And I don't know if we shouldsay this, but where can people
go to stalk you on social media?
Speaker 2 (54:02):
Because they're going to want to learn more about you
.
Speaker 1 (54:04):
Well, first of all, I would just want to go look at
her photos.
She's so beautiful, she's sosweet.
Speaker 2 (54:10):
Cass is your biggest fan over here.
Speaker 3 (54:14):
You could go to Instagram just Jane Santiago
Marini.
Speaker 1 (54:17):
Okay, cool.
She posts the cutest stuff, andthen we always close it out one
way.
Speaker 2 (54:25):
There's only one way in which we close out the
podcast.
Speaker 1 (54:29):
This is episode four or five, and I'm already like.
This is so dorky, but I love it.
Speaker 2 (54:34):
It's so funny, though , because we have to follow in
line with it.
But for everybody next weekthat's watching this week, make
sure you come back, because youknow this is the one place where
it's going down.
Speaker 1 (54:48):
Thank you so much for coming on.
We love you so much.
Yes for having you, You're sucha beautiful soul seriously so
we appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (54:55):
Thank you for your time.
Speaker 1 (54:56):
Thank you Good.
I know this one, I know I'm so this one I'm having
myself.
It's so much better than youthink, cass.
That's so sweet.
I wish we would have beenrecording when we just did this
little prayer circle with you,jane, because Roger and I were
not having the best day, andthen we came in here with you
and you said some of the mostbeautiful words, oh yeah, and I
(00:23):
feel like it just calmed myenergy and then it reminded me
why I wanted you on the podcastto begin with and why I kept
telling Roger I was like we haveto get Jane on the podcast.
So I'm so excited to have you,jane Santiago, in the lobby
podcast and have you in ourlobby today.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
So and this speaks volumes.
I mean you're absolutelycorrect.
I think you walk in here, youhave a certain light that you
express, you have a way in whichyou just have a very respectful
, appropriate demeanor.
But you have a story to telltoo right, and I'm excited to
not only have the conversationon in the lobby podcast today,
but I think our viewers will bevery happy to learn more about
(01:06):
you.
It may be inspired as well.
I think you have a story thattouches multiple, multiple
different coasts, but alsomultiple different women, and I
think that's important on ourpodcast as well.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Thank you, guys.
I want to also praise you bothfor being so selfless and
bringing people on andinterviewing their stories.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
You know, in an age of selfishness like that's so
big of you.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
You're so cute on your podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
Yeah, thank you so cute and like literally, Jane
and I, when we first met, welike totally like hit it off and
one of the second things weever did was we went to a live
podcast show together oh my gosh, yes.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Where Shannon Ford, where was it?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Shannon Ford, we're both like obsessed with.
She's a podcaster, she'samazing, she's so funny.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Where was this?
Speaker 3 (01:52):
The Paramount.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Okay, got it.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
She had a live comedy show.
And it was so cool because youso rarely see influencers go
that far in life that they starttouring off of their Instagram
fan base and having this comedyshow and it was.
That's our goal over here.
Let's go.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Yeah, you can do anything, she was on stage by
herself, like she did a wholeshow, just like by herself on
stage.
And the funniest thing too wasshe had like VIP meet and greet
and Jane and I walked up to thevenue.
It was my second time hangingout with Jane.
It was like a new friendshipand Jane was like watch this,
(02:31):
I'm gonna get us backstage andwe're gonna meet her and I'm
like I don't know, jane, likeI'm not really like a rule
breaker, like that.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
And I don't even know how it happened, but you got us
to meet her Believe baby.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Everything is energy.
I believed we were gonna meether and be there Like it had to
happen.
We got so dressed up, we wereso looking forward to it and,
truly by accident, we didn'tknow that there was gonna be a
VIP meet and greet and I justcouldn't afford for us to live
our lives and not have thatmoment.
It's something like a moment,yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
And it was a memory too right Like this is a memory
where I could see that you'reboth engaged to the memory Two
very different perspectives butalso at the same time it was
memorable in the same way, rightLike I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
So fun it was.
And you know, since we keep ourlike podcast kind of Austin
based, yeah, you know, what Ithink is really funny is Jane
and I first became friends on aboat in like Travis, on like
Travis, but it was like a mutual.
Our friend Arjen, Okay, invitedme.
And it was like our mutualfriend group.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I think I remember this boat invite Cause I wasn't
invited.
You were not, I was not invited, okay.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
We didn't wanna be.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Okay, that's fair, it was a vibe.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
I literally spent 90% of the time on other boats.
I was having such a bad timeand then the little time I spent
on the boat like Cass, was theonly person I like really vibed
with.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Yeah, and I think that was the thing.
That boat invite was not meantfor me.
It was meant for more of y'all.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
It was a lot of women , it was a yacht, it was women
and it wasn't about connection,yeah, and it wasn't about
actually meeting people that youmight have community with yeah,
it was a lot of like male egojust inviting as many women as
they could invite and becauseeveryone knew that it didn't
(04:22):
really lend itself to like a lotof positive female interaction
or a lot of positive female maleinteraction on that boat.
Luckily there was a like Latinboat next to us which was such a
vibe.
I had a great time on there.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
But I think that's a little bit telling too, because,
do remember, while we also lovethat this is Austin based, as
far as our platform giving youthe ability to talk about
misconceptions and a little bitmore about your story, think
about the way in which that maleego can play into dating in
certain ways, of course, and I'msure y'all probably walked away
(04:55):
from that boat thinking I donot want to date any of these
men on this boat.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
And they're all doctors.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Surgeons no.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
And maybe it's the moment right.
But also I think there'ssomething to say that, in a
moment that was probably notmost fitting for y'all to maybe
meet or establish your firstkind of interaction, you both
walked away friends, yeah.
You really did.
That's healthy and that speaksvolume about you both too.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
You know she was sweet.
She was like I sat down.
I don't know if I looked hungry, but she offered me a
snackables PB&J, oh but I don'tknow the little family.
Yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Crestables, and that was like.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Uncrestable.
Thank you, like the only personwho's like offering me
something other than drugs andalcohol.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
It's the five year old and me, I'm like she's the
peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
I feel, I envision this moment.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
We shared a crustable of me taking friends.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I envision the moment with Cass, just like her bag,
like hold on, are you hungry,give me one second going in her
bag.
It was innocent.
Did she have multiple optionsof food?
Speaker 1 (06:02):
No, only PB&J, because I'm five in my head.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
She came to my pool one time she had like a sandwich
, it's like chips, pretzels.
I was like Cass, like where'sthe two year old?
That's here.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
She's everything.
I embraced, my inner style.
I love it.
That's what I loved about Jane,though, because when I met her
and I know you've seen this,Roger the Austin like boat scene
.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Oh it's.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
I don't think that's like a place where you're gonna
usually find like really genuineconnections.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
And like, I think, within like the first five
minutes of meeting Jane, shetold me she was a dancer.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
But you see, that's a part of the story that we wanna
get into, because if that'ssomething that she told you, I
think for me, for context, likeI wanna make sure I understand,
where did you grow up?
Like, tell me about home,because I'm, while I live in
Austin, I'm originally from NewYork and I think there's parts
of that that have come out inother episodes and you may hear
(07:04):
it if you ever have the chanceto go out with me and have a
drink.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Explained the swagger .
Speaker 2 (07:09):
My New York style.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
I have to admit, this man has so much style.
Yes, Very thankful it's not anAustin theme, and I'm style.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Let me tell you you should see his closet.
Oh yeah, I would love to, Iwould really love to.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
It is, it's a thing.
But I gotta give credit towhere credit is due my older
brother and sister.
They can dress.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Okay, they can dress, that's important.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
My mom too, my mom's got it going on.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Oh yeah, you get it from somewhere.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
That's Jane, though she's always and you're asking
her where she's from.
But she's always dressed up,and I feel like there must be a
cultural difference, or she justhas it, because people in
Austin do not dress up, and thiswoman's always dressed to the
10s.
So you too, though you're like,you got both of you, you got
this.
I love it.
I love it.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
So cute.
Okay, where I grew up, I moveda lot.
Growing up I'm a military kid.
My dad was a doctor andlieutenant colonel in the army.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Oh, wow the.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
US army.
He is Puerto Rican.
My mom is Korean.
I was born on the army base inPanama City, Panama, like South
America.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
And thank you for his service.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Oh, thank you.
Thank you for saying that.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
For sure.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Because we're all enjoying freedom.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
And what the world, being the state of it, is.
We often don't realize howfragile safety is.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Oh yeah, we take it for advantage.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Yeah, we get to enjoy that off of people losing their
mental health, losing theirphysical health, and it's
beautiful to be grateful forthat.
That's all they want too.
They do it for us, yeah.
So, this is great.
It's good to be in America.
We're so blessed Hell yeah.
I was born in Panama.
I moved a lot on the army basesaround the world and I ended up
(08:44):
going to high school in SanAntonio, texas.
I then went to college here inUT Austin, okay, and then I
graduated early and then I wentstraight to South Korea.
My parents had moved to SouthKorea when I was 17, so I was
here by myself during that time.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
And my mom.
She felt, if I can be frank,and that's what the podcast is
about.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I mean, this is what it's about.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
If I can be frank, america when my dad was working
as a doctor and lieutenantcolonel, my family had a lot of
respect.
You know I never knew racism atthat time.
I'm very sensitive andemotional, so forgive me in my
emotions.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Racism is live and well.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Yeah.
I can give you some experiencesmyself, but please, I want to
hear your Of course, like peoplethink that racism isn't alive
because we're appreciating hiphop, we're appreciating K-pop,
we're appreciating fashion andNetflix shows, but racism is
very much alive, let me tell you, oh yeah.
Today, very present day.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
Just because some people are borrowing what's cool
and sexy from other culturesdoesn't mean they're actually
appreciating.
Yeah what our people andhistory have been through.
So my dad, unfortunately, was aprisoner of war.
He was tortured andelectrocuted for being in the US
.
Yeah, thank you, yeah.
And when he came back, the USmilitary sent him to rehab in DC
(10:11):
for a year.
My mom and I had no idea whatwas going on.
You know from my mom.
She was a Korean woman whomarried an American, puerto
Rican, but still American.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
For sure officer.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
My dad took care of everything from my mom and I.
Her English is conversational.
She didn't grow up here.
Same thing for any of us If wewere to go to Poland.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
You don't know the system there, so my mom it was a
level of lack of like, yeah, sowe had no idea what was going
on.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
The military is just like your husband's in
Washington DC.
We'll send him back to you in10 months.
We're like interesting.
When he came back, he was notthe same person.
Wow, and my mom and I becamefull-time caregivers.
We were no longer living on themilitary base and we were just
civilians in the American public.
Wow, and that's when, like, Iexperienced racism for the first
(10:58):
time and I sought for my momtoo.
I stood up for my mom a lot.
My mom is so beautiful and sucha queen she lets her roll off
of her.
She's just like you, basicpeople.
I don't know what you think youknow, but for me I'm like that's
my mom and I don't really growup seeing people talk like that
to my mom.
You're not going to talk to mymom like that.
You're never going to look downon us.
She speaks two languages.
How many languages do you speak?
You're not going to look downon us.
(11:18):
I'm very feisty like that.
I protect people I love.
So it didn't bother my mom, butit bothered me a lot, and
separately.
A bigger issue than that waswhen my dad was active duty.
Keep in mind my dad's a doctor.
When my dad was active duty, hehad very good healthcare.
But when you're retired fromthe military, you go to the VA
hospital.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Oh, it changes, completely, it changes.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Like, oh, you're not working for us anymore, like
let's just drug you.
He would spend 20 hours a daysleeping.
My mom and I would feed him andhis head would be like nodding
off.
And it wasn't like that for aday or two.
You guys, it was like that forso many years, like seven years,
and my mom and my dad felt likeno, I've served the army, I've
served America, they're going totake care of me.
(12:00):
It wasn't like that.
And him being a doctor himself,he was like no, it's working,
the Western medicine is working.
And my mom would beg him likeplease try Eastern medicine.
Like this isn't good for you,they don't respect us anymore.
Like you've got to quitbelieving in the system.
So she had asked me and I feelI kind of regret this now she
(12:21):
had asked me when I was inmiddle school and high school.
Like let's move to Korea.
But for me I was a kid and so Iwas like I don't want to go to
Korea.
Like I don't, I didn't grow upthere.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
But it's perspective too, right Like you can't take
away the idea that you were achild.
I was a child, you know.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
So she waited until I graduated high school.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Gotta be fair to yourself.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Thank you, yeah, so I graduated high school after my
junior year so that I could goto college early and then she
could take my dad to Korea toget help.
So they were there and I stayedhere.
I finished college and shewould tell me you know, at that
time I was considering going tomed school and I'd taken my
MCATs and everything, which wasreally hard, and I spent all my
college years like being thisreally good pre-med student.
(12:59):
I wasn't a party girl Like what.
It depends on your major.
What your experience is at likeis like at UT, but if you have
a very difficult major, youdon't really get to do that like
party girl lifestyle.
Sure the figure baby lifestylethat I hear about now.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Like I can't really.
I was working, I was a medicalassistant, I was an EMT, yeah, I
was making sure I got goodgrades.
I was signing up for likeshadow doctors and things like
that to look good on my medschool application, you know.
But my mom, she saw how much mydad suffered being a doctor and
how unhealthy America was andshe also felt that I needed to
(13:31):
be around people who literallyjust looked like me.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
And she told me like you know, you're graduating from
college, you don't need to bein America anymore, come to
Korea.
And so I was like, okay, I'mgoing to give it a year, and I
expected to come back, to behonest.
But when I moved there I couldsee that she was right.
Like there, I didn't even know.
You know, like when you're afish in water, you know, so
you're surrounded by water.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
I didn't know that I was constantly feeling less than
.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
I was in America until I went to Korea and I was
around people who looked like meand they thought it was cool
that I spoke English and it waslike my first.
I didn't know that I had goneso far in life.
Yeah, not feeling like a partof the community that's around
me, always feeling like anoutsider, and so I stayed.
I realized I needed friends.
(14:17):
So, like when I was in collegemy friends would joke about me
being their Miss Korea.
So I was like I'm going to runfor Miss Korea and I didn't do
it.
I was like I'm not going to gofar.
I'm five foot four.
Those girls like in beautypatterns are usually pretty tall
, you know, and they likeusually train for it and things
like that.
I was just like I'm just goingto sign up for it because I just
wanted to make friends.
Literally, I was living twokilometers south from North
(14:39):
Korea yeah, like we were not inSeoul, my family and I, when I
went over there.
So I signed up for it just tolike make some friends.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
And maybe for me it's like when you're not living in
Seoul and where you were living.
What does that mean?
Like what?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
does that come with Right?
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I think, when people think North.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Korea.
There's like a.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
You were saying you were living by the border.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Okay, but living by the border, what does that come
with?
Is there like you have to bemore careful, or do you have to
be more alert, or it's very safe.
Okay.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
However, korea is very mountainous, it's a
peninsula, you know.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
I'm a contextual guy, like I got, I got to get the
holes for sure, oh, for sureit's very farmland.
Okay.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
The area we were at, okay, and my aunt has a farm too
, like lots of cows, okay.
So Korean people love to hike.
Look, there's lots of mountains.
People love to get up there inthe mountains.
It's especially great for olderpeople and they love to do it.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
And the one.
It's very safe.
In fact, incheon Gak, which isa Korean how can I say?
Like roller coaster place, isnext to the border, like there's
like a play land next to theborder.
On our side, south Korea side,however, there's also military
with like barbed wire fence, ofcourse, because you can't go
(15:52):
there and they also should notcome here.
Of course we hear about likeEunmi Park, like the refugee you
know that she escaped, but likeit's a lot for them to North
Koreans to escape, like Becausein North Korean culture and you
know Korean culture in generalvery family and generational
oriented and Ubi Park was NorthKorea.
She's North Korean.
(16:13):
She escaped with her mom.
She saw her mom get raped infront of her, which I know is an
ugly topic, but like that'swhat it, that's what it takes,
because those guards aren'tgonna just let you in to be a
good person.
Yeah you got to bribe them, yougot to do something and also you
better make it because and youbetter not get caught because
should you not Make it with?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
your family emotional to like here or even think
about that stuff like it's justit's a lot.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Should you not make it, they will not only damn you
and make an example of you,they'll make an example of your
entire family.
Yeah in the city center.
So it's a lot the South Koreaguys.
I just find though.
Yeah but you should be carefulwhen you're hiking the mountains
.
There's one story when I wasthere of an older lady she might
have been hard of hearingbecause she was hiking the
(16:58):
mountains that of the North andSouth Korean border on the South
Korean side and the Army guyson the megaphone.
Our military is mandatory forall men in Korea.
Okay, yeah, I like saying hey,don't get any closer to the the
border.
Yeah we'll have to shoot you.
And she just kept going andthey will shoot you not because
they want to.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
But so that helps me and understand.
So you're living closer andcloser to the border, which is.
Those are shared experiences,potentially that you could have
based upon just even thoseexamples, right like.
What.
I don't want to interrupt youthere, but it's like what, what
made you move right, like if yougot yourself there and you feel
(17:38):
like this level of welcome,well, like this welcoming
experience you stayed longerthan you anticipated like why
leave?
Speaker 3 (17:46):
why did I come back to Austin?
Speaker 1 (17:48):
I want to touch on some other stuff.
Yeah first Sorry, roger.
No, no, no but like I justthink you're such a beautiful
soul and You're always sograteful and you're always
practicing gratitude andwhenever I'm like in my own head
or like really down, you'realways like reminding me of
Gratitude and I just can't helpbut think that, like being so
close to like North Korea andeverything that's going on there
(18:12):
has had to influence yourperspective on what gratitude is
.
Oh, for sure and then the otherthing I want to touch on,
because you know former pageantgirl here in some ways Because
she was talking about you didthe Miss Korea pageant, did that
?
Was that?
How did that go for you?
Because I know you said youwere trying to make friends and
(18:32):
you know you came back to Austin, as Roger was saying.
But how did that?
How was that experience it?
Speaker 3 (18:38):
was a really cool experience because I never had
Asian Girlfriends growing up.
I was always the only one likeI was saying, like always
feeling like an outsider, adifferent or other than, and so
it was really cool.
You know, like all it's thelittle things like oh, you
should do your makeup like thisbecause our faces are like this,
you know.
Or you should dress like thisbecause, like it's more flodding
(19:00):
on body types like ours, likeit was a beautiful, like girly
fun Energy, and I think I wasn'tcompetition for them.
I saw some cattiness betweenthem, but I was.
Everyone knew I wasn't gonnawin Miss Korea Because I lived
there for two months.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
It was just.
I think it was just aninteresting story for everyone.
Like, why is this Puerto RicanKorean girl who just moved from
(19:23):
America Running in this?
Yeah, so, but it was.
I was so grateful to be a partof it.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
And you think that helped you at all.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
I love that you did it.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Yeah, you should see the photos.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
I see the photos of her from the pageant I'm like oh
my gosh, she's so beautiful,but I just like, as a woman,
it's such a.
You have to be so confident.
Yeah that type of thing and putyourself out there and congrats
yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Doing that yeah that's huge.
Yeah, it's interesting becauseI don't know if it's cuz I grew
up as the only Asian girl andthe communities I grew up in.
But I didn't feel pretty, eventhough people told me I was
pretty, because it always camewith like a oh, you're so pretty
.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Like a backhanded girl.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Yeah, you know, and I was like, oh, I guess Asian
girls aren't beautiful.
I don't know like where Istarted forming this belief.
So then when I was there and Isaw like Asian girls being like
pretty and like nice and likeeverything, it was like it
healed a part of like that woundinside of me.
Yeah some reason it was nice.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Yeah, it's interesting because, like, I've
even heard that, like beingaround you, like some some of
our girlfriends have said thingsbefore like oh, jane gets so
many guys because she's Asianand there's not so many Asian
guys or girls, sorry, in Texas,and I've heard people say things
like that and I know you'veheard it as well, and to me it's
(20:41):
not something that I eventhought of, like how that
actually like Affects someone.
You know, because to me you'rejust a beautiful Woman, but then
it's kind of backhanded, I feellike when you're saying, yeah,
I was of XYZ.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
Yeah, it's almost like if I wasn't Asian and I was
more like Caucasian Americanlooking.
I also want to do a side trackand say that, like Latin
Americans so sorry, no, you'regood Latin Americans who have
served the military, blackAmericans who have served the
military and Asian Americans whostill American join, who have
(21:18):
served the military, no onedeserves to Be called American
more than us.
Like our families.
I've literally sacrificed sothe term like Asian American or
Latin American, because eventhough I don't look very Puerto
Rican, I am half Puerto Rican.
Yeah like I hate that I think,like I am also Korean and Puerto
Rican, but I'm also American,and like my dad, literally, is
(21:39):
disabled from Serving in thiscountry.
I don't want to hear anythingever about my family being less
than I.
Won't stand for it.
So whenever people are like, oh, like you're pretty for an
Asian girl or guys like you, cuzyou're Asian, it makes me feel
like so if I didn't have slantedeyes, like I'm, nothing about
me is valuable.
Yeah like that's funny.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
I think you bring up something interesting and like I
I'll put it to your point wherethere's some stigmas, right,
like I think it's almost hardfor people to understand the
level of dimension that you cancome with Just because you don't
look like somebody right, likeI'm from New York.
Everyone thinks I'm from theinner city of New York, where
(22:20):
they are correct to some degree,but I also did Go to school in
New Jersey.
I was raised in other otherplaces other than the city, but
naturally people are gonna putyou in a box that makes sense to
them, right?
So I think sometimes, a littlebit like what I feel like I'm
hearing is when someone can sayto you all right, like you're
(22:40):
pretty, but you're pretty for anAsian girl.
It's like, well, what does thatmean?
It's like I'm pretty for thebox of Asian that you understand
or the box of Asian Americanthat you understand right which
is so different right, andusually they're, they're tied to
epitomies and it's just unfair.
So I'm sorry that you've hadthat experience.
(23:00):
Okay but at the same time, yeah,it's, it brings you to a level
of gratitude and being grateful.
So I think it's just, it's veryinteresting to hear for me, one
Male to male and female, rightlike there's a different
experience that you have versusmyself.
But also I share a Puerto Ricandescent and I would love to,
(23:23):
it's nice for me to hear fromsomebody else, right, that
you've had some of that sharedexperience or it aligned with
you, not because that's fun oranyone should experience it, but
just to know I'm not goingfucking crazy.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
Yeah, no, definitely.
And people want to say thingslike oh well, you don't look
very Puerto Rican.
It's like all Puerto Ricans,are mixed.
Oh, that's, we were colonizedyou know there's no such thing
as it.
Who is a pure Puerto Rican?
Jlo, that's not true.
Yeah it's from a hundred.
Her 23 me would go off thecharts and just like that, no
one's American yeah you know?
oh, I did mine and it's crazyyeah you were all mixed and
(23:57):
that's what makes it beautiful.
And yeah, as much as I stand upfor like oh, you will not make
anyone feel less than I alsohave to like back up myself and
say that I get defensive becauseI just I really love people and
I really love us being acommunity and being there for
each other and being lesssuperficial and sharing love,
like not to get too deep andlike randomly sidetracked.
(24:19):
But I was having a phone callwith my friend on the way here
to restore my faith in humanitybecause so many people want to
Think that life is about Makingmoney, looking hot, getting
things, and it's like you reallylive for that.
Yeah you really live to be thatseparate and better than than
your fellow human.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Yeah, well, it's like that also brings me to another
point where you can connect someof your history and a little
bit about you and I hear it andI learn more about it, and it
sounds not only interesting butit helps me to understand you.
Do you think like you're giventhat same stage in your dating
experiences, like do you thinkthat your perspective alters
(24:56):
your dating experience?
Speaker 1 (24:57):
I think you have to preface this too, though,
because Tying in your careerright now yeah, I mean
absolutely.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
Oh, with, this is a cannonball, I know.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
And I'm so cautious of this too, because the first
thing I asked Jane is are yougonna let me talk about you
being a dancer?
Yeah and she's so open with itand that's why I gravitated
towards her.
When I first met her, I waslike this woman is so vulnerable
.
Right off the bat, she was soconfident in herself.
She had no worry about tellingme that she was a dancer.
She didn't worry about how Iwas gonna judge her, perceive
(25:32):
her.
She was like this is who I am,this is what I do.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
She's like it's fun, like come see me, like Showed me
her shoes which is the way itshould be right, like I had
nothing you should be ashamed of, but if you're gonna lie About
it, then there should be anotherconversation and then people
have the right to judge and feelthe way they feel and I'm a
woman that's kind of likefascinated with dancing.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Okay, like I've done like all the dancing classes,
yeah, I like.
I just think it's so likefascinating and such a fun like
glitzy Girlie kind of world insome ways that I was asking you
like all the questions about it.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
I feel like there's a level of empowerment, like it's
it to me.
I respect it wholeheartedly,but I just I get very confused
when people lie about it, right?
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Yeah, I understand the lying, because I used to lie
.
Yeah, I started dancing and I ITruly thought in the beginning
of my journey I will go to mygrave with this got it.
I'm gonna make my money.
Yeah, make up what I lostduring coveted, which I might
get into later, might not, butlet's move past it for a second.
Sure, and go to my grave.
(26:37):
Never telling when this I waslike.
I am especially never tellingmy husband this my future
husband.
Yeah and then I remembered thisbook that I read by Sam Harris,
who's a great modern philosopher, called lying, and it's a book
about the butterfly effect ofthe truth and the butterfly
effect of lies.
Yeah and how we think thatthese little white lies Don't
(27:02):
change anything and areconvenient.
And it's a beautiful book.
Everyone should read, or atleast listen to segments of it,
even if it's like a 10 minuteoverview on youtube, because
it's about how You're not onlyscrewing over Other people when
you deny them the truth, you'rescrewing over yourself.
Yeah, and you know, jordanPeterson I love modern
(27:23):
philosophers also talks abouthow he's never he's you know,
counseled hundreds of people wasa Harvard professor and he
talks about how he's never metsomeone who could get away with
something.
Yeah in their conscious.
Oh yeah and it really, and Istarted to feel that way as a
dancer, I felt shame, I feltlike trash, if I can be very
(27:48):
vulnerable of course.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
I also felt like we've all lied and have
experiences similar, but right,and that's so true too.
Speaker 3 (27:55):
People always act like being a dancer is like very
other than experience, but it'sso human, because who hasn't
felt Like they had something tobe embarrassed about?
Who hasn't felt like Am I goodenough, am I okay?
Yeah you know like I'm in myjourney of trying to make it as
an adult, just like all of us,and like Am I deserving?
(28:17):
Could I really tell the truthabout myself and still be loved
and accepted by people?
Yeah, and lying is a huge actof Not self-love.
I don't know how else to saythat.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
No, it's healthy.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
Whereas telling the truth is an act of self-love,
because when you tell the truthin your brain, you're saying I
deserve to be loved and to beaccepted.
Yeah even though I'm notperfect and everyone has to come
to that healthy place of like.
I am not perfect, I have room,I have to grow, but damn, I
(28:50):
still deserve love.
There's something good insideof me that no one can take away,
and I won't deny myself tryingto make me cry, jane.
I will not deny myself truefriendship by hiding who I am.
No, I.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
I would even say to like your point, where it's just
like Everybody like you havesuch an open heart and you talk
about like wanting to restoreyour faith in humanity and
having that phone call with yourfriend.
It's like hearing you speak andhearing you discuss it in that
way.
It's like even thatclosed-minded shift that I may
just have had, where it's liketough for me to understand if
(29:28):
someone wants to lie, but thenyou're right.
It's like we've all lied aboutthings.
Of course, not only have we alllied about things, we've all had
to face the truth and something.
And when you do, guess what you?
There are people that you'vehurt and there are people that
you have to apologize to, andthere are some people you don't
have the chance to apologize tojust because it is what it is.
But Really living in that truth, I mean it's it's, it's an act
(29:49):
of self-love and it's hard to.
It's hard to face right like I.
Just, I respect you, Iappreciate it.
Speaker 3 (29:57):
I respect you too.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
I don't think you understand how much that can
affect people in the audience,but also even us, right like I.
Just I love the way youAnnunciated that, or or
vocalized it.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
Thank you for giving me the chance to yeah again.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
That was so beautiful because even Roger and I were
talking about this the other dayand I was telling him some
things.
Roger knows a lot about me alot about me, like I tell him
every pretty much everything Allthis did.
Oh, what a beautiful friendPeople.
You can tell everything too.
Yeah, I tell him, like all thedirty laundry I'm like.
I did this, but I'm not likethis anymore and I was telling
(30:29):
him about this guy I was datingand I was like, but I don't want
to tell him about x and I don'twant to tell him about this.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
And.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
Roger's like, all that stuff's cool with me,
though, because he acceptsaccepts me for who I am and it's
like, why would I even want todate someone that I don't feel
safe telling those things too,because it's that version of
lying to myself.
So what you're saying I justlike if, like it encompasses so
many things that I've beenexperiencing personally.
(30:55):
I know you've been experiencing, but it's like because it goes
both ways.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I tell you everything and in those moments when I do
tell her everything, it's likenot only a stress is like pulled
off my shoulder.
There's something that'srewarding about it, right?
Yes?
Speaker 3 (31:10):
it's a level.
Yes, you want freedom in lifethat doesn't come from money.
Yeah or people liking you.
It comes from the inside.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
The thing that.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
I struggle with.
With this, though, is like theconcept of, like different
versions of myself, right.
Yeah sometimes there's likeversions of like past me that
are so not me anymore.
I feel like I've shed that skin.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
I hear.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
I've really shed that skin, so then it's like I don't
want to bring up these thingsfrom my past, isn't?
Speaker 2 (31:40):
that shitty when, like people, make you live in
that.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Yeah, but it.
But if a Jane might be on tosomething, it's a part of your
Truth.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
It is.
Yeah, I think that that's Okay.
Yeah, you know what?
Because I'm going through a lotin my dating life right now.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (31:59):
And.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
The juicy shit yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Juicy he.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
He's kind of trying to make life of some heavy shit.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Well, we have differing opinions.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
I mean.
I also understand him, though,because and let me preface this
by saying like I might befather-along in my inner work
journey, but that doesn't makeme better than anyone.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
No.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
Because they might be father-along in their fitness
journey.
They might be father-along intheir money journey, absolutely.
You know something like we'reall got our strengths and
weaknesses.
So my guy that I was dating,he's not as far along in his
inner journey, and so he feltlike Most guys aren't.
Most guys aren't.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
It takes a traumatic experience to get there.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
I love a man who is, and let me tell you, in this
world, there is nothing morebeautiful than a man who's gonna
work on his inside.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
I went to an event on Sunday it was a potluck and my
friend Ashley and I we met thisguy who, when we visually saw
him, he wasn't either of ourtypes, but he sat down and
talked to us while we wereeating in the potluck and he was
.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
He was everybody's type.
Speaker 3 (33:02):
He was everyone's type Hard-eyed, Hard-eyed.
Both was like oh my God.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Who is this man?
Speaker 3 (33:08):
Who is this man Like?
He has a girlfriend and girlhe's dating, but he was so lucky
and we all know it because hedid the inner work and he just
got so attractive because wefelt safe around him.
And I don't think that menunderstand that.
There's nothing sexy for us aswomen when we have to clam up
and you guys don't like it whenwe're like that either but you
(33:29):
owe it to yourself and us tomake it safe for us so that we
can relax, and that is verymasculine and in that way,
there's nothing more masculinethan going to therapy.
Reading books on love, readingbooks on how to hold space and
be there for people and be thebigger person.
Like that is a man Tell me howmuch money you have, I don't
(33:49):
care what your body looks like.
If you do not hold space for awoman, if you can't say hey,
what do you need right now?
If you can't say like I'm hurtbut I know that you're hurt too
and I want us to resolve thisLike what's it gonna take?
You're not a man, don't youdare call yourself a man.
You you hurt.
You either heal or you hurt.
Yeah, you'll be a step up.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
Yeah, I feel like the man has to be so strong and
like emotionally regulated yeah.
And I feel like cause.
I feel like women, we're alittle bit more hormonal and
emotional and we move like water.
So if we're throwing all thisat you, I feel like the man's
gotta be a little bit calmer tobe able to handle it and that's.
(34:31):
You have to do that like selfcare, self love, introspection,
to be able to be that space fora woman.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Of course.
Let me tell you something Womenare multipliers.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
Whenever guys like what do you bring to the table?
I'm like I can multiply you.
Yeah, they're multipliers,right.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
For sure.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
So I will multiply everything about you, you know,
let me be vulgar for a second,because I'm kind of like that,
like, if you, come inside of me,I will multiply and give you
children.
Yeah, you give me bad energy, Iwill multiply that back to you.
If you give me good energy, Iwill make a home for you.
I'll be the best life of yourlife and ride for you and stand
up for you.
I'll dress you better.
We'll get healthier together.
I will mold a good woman andI'll give it up to guys, cause I
(35:09):
have a lot of guy friends.
I know that there's some badwomen out there, but that's a
girl Just like how we and weneed to talk more about this how
there's like real men andthere's little boys.
There's also real women whohandle life and can really be
there for you and ride for you,and there's little girls, you
know, and if you meant her like,oh, there's no good woman out
there, it's cause you'rerewarding little girls.
If you want to stand next to areal woman, she will multiply
(35:32):
everything you hand to her andthat's a beautiful thing.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
For sure.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
I think it's a very good mirror for men when they're
like all women are bad.
I'm like that's reallyinteresting.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
You know, that leads us to one of our or leads me to
one of our questions from thepodcast that we like to make
sure we ask everybody of.
What is the biggestmisconception about you?
Cause, like, you're deliveringsuch great truth, encapsulating
things in such a good way,opening up my perspective, which
, I'd like to say, is easy butalso hard.
(36:02):
I'm very open but at the sametime, like it just it takes a
certain level of meunderstanding and hearing
somebody.
I hear you very well and you'redefinitely approaching topics
in a good way.
I think it's helping me tohighlight conversations that
we've had.
But what is the biggestmisconception about you?
Because, if you're offering allof these jewels and pearls and
(36:22):
knowledge on the podcast today,is there anybody else in the
world that doesn't see you thatway?
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Like, I know I'm on this.
I'm like how can you not seehow beautiful?
Speaker 2 (36:33):
Yeah, like it yeah.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
I think the biggest misconception about me.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
Cause she talks very highly of you and you match all
of that energy that she talksabout you with.
I love her too.
So it's like, yeah, please takeit away.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
I think the biggest misconception about me is that
I'm very strong and I don't needanyone.
You know, I'm a human too.
Like all the strength I've had,I've had my experiences work
out my resilience to get to thispoint.
But I'm human too.
I need to be held too.
(37:08):
I need people in my life tohold space for me and let me be
vulnerable.
I need guidance sometimes too,Like I'm not perfect.
I'm not above saying that,because I actually want to be my
best and, yeah, I think a bigpeople see me even though I'm
very small, framed like I'm ahundred pounds, I'm five or four
Like people see me as verystrong and they tell me that all
(37:32):
the time.
but like I don't, you know, wantto be strong all the time too.
I want to like, relax and havefun too.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
There's something that you're touching on that I
want to make sure we dive into.
It sounds like you have a verylarge risk appetite.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
I do.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
Yeah, so you'll take on large risk, but you're also
rewarded in large ways.
So if you want to dive intosome of the other topics that
you can about ways in which youhave been rewarded in large ways
, that's great as well.
Speaker 3 (38:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
But do you think that that plays a part in your
dating Like?
If you are able to have thatlarge risk appetite, will you
take on more of a man projectthan you should?
Will you multiply more than youwant to Like?
I mean, I want to give you thestage to answer it however you
like, but how does that affectyour dating life?
Speaker 3 (38:26):
I don't settle.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
And I think that's my big risk, like I've been
talking.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Does that make you move fast or no?
Speaker 3 (38:33):
Ooh, I do move fast, okay yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
And that in the healthiest way possible for our
audience.
It's like stop the judgmentworld.
I mean it in a way of likeyou'll know you're done and
you're like you got to move toyour next.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Yeah, I know when I'm done, but it doesn't mean I
don't hurt.
When it's over, I say that Iwon't settle.
I say okay, I think this is mybiggest risk.
I've been offered marriage fourtimes and all four guys were
millionaires and I did not wantto marry them, because I don't
want to marry someone who wantsto own me.
I want to marry someone whowants to love me.
And there's a really good bookby Bell Hooks called All About
(39:08):
Love, because we're so confusedon what love is.
It's a beautiful book, right,it is good, and she defines love
, which is important to say,because I love tacos and it's
not the same as I love you,because I don't.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
As good as that book is, it's tough because you
reference it back in a lot ofyour experiences and then you
start to say like nope, that'snot good enough.
Nope, that's not good enough.
Speaker 3 (39:31):
Yeah, and maybe we should say like this situation
needs more work.
The thing about love is thatit's infinite and love is about
pouring into someone's spirit.
That's what she defines love asLike I pour into your spirit.
I don't pour into the spirit oftacos, but I pour into the
spirit of my friends and family,my people trying to make sure
(39:54):
you're okay.
I want to pour into.
I love you means I want to pourinto you.
I love you does not mean I wantto take from you.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Love you means I want to pour into you Like it
matters to me that you're okay.
I'm not okay if you're not okay.
That's love.
And a lot of the guys from mypast that I've dated you know
they might have taken care of mefinancially or even socially
when it came to their ego andlike wanting to make me their
girl and protect me, but Ididn't feel that they really
(40:23):
cared to pour into my spirit andlove and grow my spirit and
heal me and I felt that theyloved that I would do that for
them.
But I want love back.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
So you want reciprocity, I do yeah.
Speaker 3 (40:38):
And I would accept, like I think that's why it
worked so hard to be financiallystable, because I want real
love and I deserve it and Idon't need my.
Of course, I would like us tohave financial abundance, and
that's not wrong to say, becausejust like I need a lot of
health to have a good life andthat is a resource I need a lot
(40:58):
of money to have a good life,and that's a resource too.
But I can, if I can contributethat way and my dude can a
little less, that's okay.
As long as we have real loveand partnership, everything else
is okay.
Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
I feel like that's what life is all about is love.
It is.
I think that, jane, you foundme when I was like at like one
of the lowest points of my lifeprobably, and I was in such a
dark place and like in ourfriendship, all you did was like
pour love into me and show upfor me.
And I think people are tooafraid to say I love you,
(41:34):
whether it's to their friends orto someone they're dating, when
really all you're saying is Iwant, I see the brightness in
you and I want to pour into you.
So I have a really hard time.
Why people are confused, causeto all my friends I always say I
love you, right, and that'sjust saying like what you're
saying?
Like I see you, I want to pourinto you.
And another friend of mine toldme that if you want to receive
(41:58):
love, you have to show up aslove every day, right, like when
you go to Starbucks, like youhave to like smile at the
barista and say hi and how'syour day?
Speaker 2 (42:09):
Oh, I have the worst time with those folks on the
side of the street that are likehey, do you care about?
I'm like, yes, I care about it,but I'm walking the damn dog
yeah.
Speaker 3 (42:17):
Yeah, that's real.
That's okay.
You don't owe them anything,but it also takes something to
be like.
I see you.
I hope you have a good day.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
That's what cause I'll go like head down
throughout my day and I'll justlike be in my own little world.
And that's not showing up inthe world, emitting a frequency
of love.
That's fear.
Speaker 3 (42:37):
There's no room for fear.
There's no room in love forfear.
It takes so much bravery and weall want it and that's so cool,
Actually.
I'm sorry, I can't have to.
That's so cool to think that,like for the most precious thing
in the world, all we have to dois overcome that fear.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
That's it.
Yeah, and like it, I don't evenhave anything to say, you're
both just saying it, right.
Yeah, you keep going, cause I'mrocking with your message right
now.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
Jane.
She took me to this datingevent at Julia Kuyah.
It's like a healing kind oflike cold plunge place here in.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Austin and we'll no longer be going to those and
we're going to Thursday datingevents from now on.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
Well, Kuyah is like a wellness center.
So we went to an event at Kuyahand it was like a dating event,
right?
And the first thing I said when, like, we were like in this
circle and we were meeting newpeople is, this guy looked at me
because we were sitting acrossfrom people going in a dating
circle and the first thing Isaid to him was I don't want to
be seen, because we had to sitthere and make I don't know if
(43:36):
you remember this, but it madeprolonged eye contact and the
first thing I said to him was Ireally don't want to be seen
right now.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
Like my eye contact.
It's too tough sometimes, likeI like look through people, so I
have to like look off and thenlook back and then it makes me
look bad.
I'm like you don't want theseeyes Like you want it.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
But for me that was like such a profound experience
and like what you're saying,like with me walking heads down
and like realizing that I didn'ttruly want to be seen.
You know, and if you don't wantto be seen, how are you going
to receive love?
Do you want, do you feel likeyou're deserving of love?
Oh no, we could do a wholepodcast.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
She just hit you with a reverse uno card.
Speaker 1 (44:19):
We could do a whole podcast episode on this, but
recently I just stopped seeingsomeone that I don't even know,
if I want to call it, seeing Ihad been in this long cycle and
you know who it is.
So I'm talking aboutentanglement.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
He fumbled the bag.
He sounds great, but I justdon't know.
I don't get it.
I can't defend him.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
It doesn't matter.
From day one I knew this personwas emotionally unavailable and
I continue to try to pour intosomeone who I've been on his
team since day one.
Speaker 2 (44:47):
I hope he hears this.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
I don't think so.
He's not emotionally available,so I knew that I was obviously
going after someone who'semotionally unavailable.
So it's like I clearly must notbe that emotionally available.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
I think if I could offer my two cents and just what
you want when did this becomeCass's therapy session no I?
Think you did a good thing here, which is like on the podcast
you ask a question, right, andyou have every right to ask a
question.
As much as this is a stage foryou, it is for us as well.
Speaker 3 (45:20):
It is, but I think you do.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
You definitely do right, and we all do, and to
everybody in the audience, theydo as well.
I think there's something thatis important about where I say I
defended this guy.
It's like I defended himbecause you offered a lot of
opportunities for him to be seenand you kept giving him every
opportunity for a safe space tobe seen, and sometimes us males
(45:45):
do need that a little bit more.
Right Like I know, I've hadstates where vulnerability was
not my strong suit.
I've had states where beingemotionally healthy was not my
strong suit.
I've had moments where I was onthat brink of like, hey,
there's a version of either I'mhealing or I'm hurting right,
and maybe I was doing, hurtingand not even.
(46:06):
Maybe I was hurting and nothealing and offering that
frequency to life.
You offer this guy everyopportunity to exist on that
right path and I think theanswer is you do deserve love.
Just don't let that dilute yourexperience or change the way in
which you want to experiencelove, because you did a
(46:28):
wonderful job, like a bang upjob, and you deserve all the
credit in the world and youreally have to accept that.
Speaker 1 (46:34):
Yeah, I mean, I saw someone hurting, I suppose, and
I tried to pour love somewherewhere they didn't want it.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
Yeah, but I held space.
Speaker 1 (46:46):
You're putting mulch on cement For that person where,
if they wanted to step up, theycould have.
Speaker 3 (46:52):
Yeah, that's a beautiful thing, yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
I regret loving someone and the thing is as
quickly as I switched, I startedputting the love back on myself
.
I realized, like all it is isthat how much damn love you were
giving out.
Yes, how much damn love I wasgiving out is how much love is
inside of me.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
Yeah Of course I love that.
Speaker 3 (47:13):
It's also a beautiful thing to love, even when it
fails.
Yeah, it's like sometimes youcan go through periods when
you're hurting.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:22):
And you, just like you said, hoody down, just like
I'm gonna work on myself, youknow, and you start saying very
false beliefs and you're like,fuck everyone, yeah.
And then you meet someone whobrings out, shines your light in
a dark room.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:36):
And then you're like damn, I forgot I could feel this
, and that is something to begrateful for.
Oh yeah, it's like, yeah, itturned on the light inside of
you.
Speaker 2 (47:45):
This is the conversation we had over brunch.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
That's what's so.
Fun is like when you're seeingthe world in black and white and
then you meet someone and youkind of start seeing the world
in color again.
Speaker 2 (47:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:55):
Jane was like that for me, though, so that's like a
different form of love.
Speaker 2 (47:58):
I think you I mean there's versions of you.
That is that for not only herbut me.
I mean.
Look at the stage right now onthe podcast.
There's so many great thingsthat you're saying on here that
I cannot tell you the level ofappreciation that I have.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
No, I can't.
I'm telling you.
I told Roger so many times.
I think, you have got to getJane on because it's going to be
so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
And we're team receipts over here If you ever
need to see the receipts, we gotthem.
But I mean, cass, you've beenthat as well.
You have been so amazing to myhealing journey and so amazing
to helping me see that coloragain, because it's tough, right
Like mind you, there's alsoother people that have been in
my life Like I have an amazingperson that's in my life now who
(48:38):
has been a part of that as well.
But it's hard to find thosequalities after you've been what
you feel like duped fromsomebody else in the world, no
matter the experiencepartnership, friendship,
business it hurts.
It hurts and pain is real.
But when you go through it,rather than like box it in and
avoid it or try to get even ortry to hurt somebody or try to
(49:02):
get back at them, those are allthe wrong ways and you have to
go through it.
And when you go through it youcome out so much better.
So it's just, it's nice the wayagain you said it to be able to
see the world in color again.
It's like you have thatexperience.
You just loved the wrong man,that's it.
Speaker 1 (49:21):
And you know what's interesting is like loving
someone who wasn't meant for me.
I've never looked at myselfharder in the mirror.
It felt like like I'm notsaying that this person was my
twin flame, but I don't know ifyou've ever heard of like a twin
.
Speaker 2 (49:35):
He wasn't your 20, 20 , 20?
Speaker 1 (49:36):
No, but like the concept of the twin flame, I
feel like I really had to likelook at myself in the mirror
this last year and look ateverything about myself and face
everything about myself and getthat reflected back in my face,
and so I probably never had somuch growth from putting my love
(49:59):
in the wrong place.
Speaker 3 (50:01):
You know people say that love is like this honeymoon
, honey phase.
But no, like I'm reading thisbook right now.
This is very cheesy andvulnerable because, as a 31 year
old woman, you do not want toadmit you're reading a book like
this because you want to lookcool.
But let me not look cool for asecond.
I'm reading a book calledCalling in the One, because it
(50:22):
was so highly talked about, sorecommended by Catherine
Woodward Thomas, and she talksabout how, in our parents'
generation of getting married,it was all about like, okay, we
need to survive, so we need tocombine our resources.
Someone needs to get through thehouse and someone needs the
money, someone needs to do.
You know it was just fillingjob roles Whereas, like in
today's world, where youpotentially can just be
self-sufficient in like a taskway, what we want out of our
(50:48):
partner and love is for someoneto help us meet our potential.
And who said reaching yourpotential was comfortable?
You know who said that itrequires looking at all of it is
good, all of my like.
You said it requires looking atall of your flaws, all of the
ways in which we knew to dobetter and we didn't do better,
(51:11):
where we have no one to blamefor our but ourselves, for
holding ourselves back.
And it also requires seeingthese are all the good things
about me and I need to keepshining that light brighter
while working on taking away thedarkness inside of me.
And that's so beautiful, thatmakes life and love so worth it
(51:31):
for all the shit we go through.
Speaker 2 (51:32):
you guys, I think something that like relates to
why you thought she would bejust so great on the podcast is
really relative to what you justsaid there.
I think you talk about ways inwhich our parents experience
love and marriage right, andthen there's a new version of
that in the present reality.
We're in our present day.
Well, guess what?
We are the ones going throughthat change and evolution
(51:55):
process, and I think that'sreally where people don't give
enough attention to what'shappening in the dating world
that we live in today, becausewe have parents judging it one
way, and then we have usexperiencing it another way, and
then we have these new codes ofconduct and rules that we have
to adjust and abide by.
To that we're like, wait, I wasraised on something totally
(52:17):
different, and then it justcreates chaos and confusion.
But in chaos and confusion youcould really find something
beautiful.
So yes to your point, it is sobeautiful.
Speaker 3 (52:27):
So beautiful.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
It is yeah, love is great.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
So what qualities do you look for in a person?
I mean, we've talked about notonly a little bit of your story,
we talked about a little bit ofkind of some of the things you
do for business, and if you wantto dive into anything that
we've already talked about inthe past, by all means take the
stage at any given moment.
But we also dived into some ofthe wisdom that you have, ways
in which you've gotten it, whichis revealing.
Speaker 1 (52:55):
I feel like there's so much on Jane and Jane's story
.
We're not going to get thetouch because we're going to
have to wrap it up.
But what I do want to say isthere's so many other topics I
want to cover with her, so we'regoing to get her back on the
podcast too, because Jane alsohad.
Speaker 2 (53:09):
I'm over here like so interested.
Speaker 1 (53:12):
She literally had her own business in Korea as like a
translator before she came hereand she's so beautiful and she
does so much healing therapieswith plant medicine and therapy
and journaling and self care andthere's so many other points I
really want to touch on with her.
Actually, this weekend she likethis coming weekend, she
invited me to a plant ceremonyto do like Aya and some other
(53:36):
stuff and I really, really,really wanted to go.
It's not going to work out.
I'm going to have to go to one.
You're going to maybe get youto go to one.
Speaker 2 (53:44):
I'm down, then we can get.
Speaker 1 (53:46):
Jane back on and talk about all of this.
We're out of time for the show.
We've got to wrap it up.
Where can people say this?
And I don't know if we shouldsay this, but where can people
go to stalk you on social media?
Speaker 2 (54:02):
Because they're going to want to learn more about you
.
Speaker 1 (54:04):
Well, first of all, I would just want to go look at
her photos.
She's so beautiful, she's sosweet.
Speaker 2 (54:10):
Cass is your biggest fan over here.
Speaker 3 (54:14):
You could go to Instagram just Jane Santiago
Marini.
Speaker 1 (54:17):
Okay, cool.
She posts the cutest stuff, andthen we always close it out one
way.
Speaker 2 (54:25):
There's only one way in which we close out the
podcast.
Speaker 1 (54:29):
This is episode four or five, and I'm already like.
This is so dorky, but I love it.
Speaker 2 (54:34):
It's so funny, though , because we have to follow in
line with it.
But for everybody next weekthat's watching this week, make
sure you come back, because youknow this is the one place where
it's going down.
Speaker 1 (54:48):
Thank you so much for coming on.
We love you so much.
Yes for having you, You're sucha beautiful soul seriously so
we appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (54:55):
Thank you for your time.
Speaker 1 (54:56):
Thank you Good.
Popular Podcasts
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!