April 10, 2025 • 35 mins
Stéphanie Szostak is the kind of person who doesn’t just light up the screen—she lights up every conversation with depth, grace, and a grounded sense of self that comes from real inner work.
You may recognize her from blockbuster films like Iron Man 3 or The Devil Wears Prada, or from her unforgettable role as Delilah in ABC’s A Million Little Things. But in this episode of Paper Napkin Wisdom, Stéphanie isn't playing a character—she’s showing up as herself: a woman navigating the messy, beautiful work of living from the inside out.
And her napkin says it all:
“I dare to go after my truth with love & humor.”
It’s deceptively simple. But like most profound truths, it’s the kind of statement that sits with you. It asks you to reflect. It challenges you to be bold. And it offers a softer path forward—one paved with compassion and lightness.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Govindh Jayaraman (00:00):
One sec.
Oops. Sorry one sec.
So it should be recording now. And and so I'm not sure if you're familiar with paper napkin wisdom. If you've listened to any of the episodes, or if you listen.
Stephanie Szostak (00:12):
I did not. I wanted to come clean.
Govindh Jayaraman (00:15):
Wonderful. Well, thank you for that. So paper napping wisdom started about 15 years ago.
And then I did it infrequently. And then I really went with it. And then when my son got sick 6 years ago, I stopped
and stopped cold. Turkey stopped. Everything stopped. You know all my businesses. I put everything on pause. I I sold.
Stephanie Szostak (00:35):
What happened to your son.
Govindh Jayaraman (00:36):
He had bacterial meningitis.
So he got pretty sick, and and he's fine now. So it it took. The recovery was a long time.
but in the 5 years that followed he really needed all of our attention, and the family needed all of my attention. So he would often say things like
I don't want to go to therapy. I don't want to do anything I want you to add. So
(01:00):
I I lodged I was happy that I had the flexibility that I could do that.
and when I came back to paper napkin in August.
I came in with all of my heart. And and and I'm glad to be back in doing this, because this is the thing that I love more than anything else that I built as businesses or anything like that, so
(01:21):
thrilled to be back doing it. And and I'm thrilled to be sitting with you. So paper napkin wisdom is about sharing pearls of wisdom like you did on a plain paper napkin that I share mostly with my audience of Ceos entrepreneurs, difference makers, leaders. So they're from people all walks of life, but people who really perceive themselves as leaders. And and so these are leadership lessons that are valuable to them in their journey.
(01:47):
I'm just gonna get my paper and notes. So I I take notes during the conversation pretty diligently, and I like to come back to things that people say.
So. Because I get pretty curious about things, Stephanie, I'll ask you, is there anything off limits before we begin.
Stephanie Szostak (02:05):
No.
Govindh Jayaraman (02:09):
Alright and
Do you have any questions for me before we begin.
Stephanie Szostak (02:15):
No.
Govindh Jayaraman (02:16):
No, okay.
So what I'll do is I'll append an intro and outro after our conversation will be about a half an hour recorded portion, and and other than that.
everything, anything that you want to talk about is fair game. If if if you want to change subjects, I'll trust you to be able to change the subject as you wish.
(02:40):
And and and then what we'll do after the recording portion, I'll I'll pause the recording or stop the recording, and then we can just talk offline. I can give you some debriefing information and let you know when it would error. And
we can chat a little bit. Is that okay?
Stephanie Szostak (02:55):
Yes.
Govindh Jayaraman (02:56):
Okay, so if you're ready, I'll I'll jump in.
Stephanie sochak. Welcome to paper, napkin wisdom. I am so excited.
Stephanie Szostak (03:07):
Wait! Wait! Wait!
My name is show stack.
Govindh Jayaraman (03:10):
I said, oh, sorry! I said. I thought I said she'll stack, but maybe I was nervous, and I said it quickly, so.
Stephanie Szostak (03:14):
Oh, okay. Okay.
Govindh Jayaraman (03:15):
I'll start over. Okay, we're starting over, please edit out up to now.
Stephanie Shostak. Welcome to paper napkin wisdom. I'm excited to be sitting with you today.
Stephanie Szostak (03:26):
Me, too. You're being very excited.
Govindh Jayaraman (03:29):
Yes, so we we come to each other through a mutual friend and a paper napkin wisdom contributor. His name is John O'leary. He aired a wonderful episode many years ago, and introduced the 2 of us. He said that you are a magical person, and that was his introduction to me to you, and I'm thrilled to be with you and discover your magic. You shared a fascinating napkin with me.
(03:53):
I dare to go after my truth with love and humor. Why did you share that with me?
Stephanie Szostak (04:00):
Well, that's my life. 1st of all, John is magic. So
I had to say that I don't know if I have magic, but John certainly has, and
he's inspired my family a lot over the years. I shared this because it's my life philosophy. And this was an exercise that I was given
(04:24):
to create your own life philosophy when I took a mindset course by Dr. Michael Gervais, who's a sports psychologist, and he did a course with Coach Pete Carroll and one of the exercises, what is your life? Philosophy and your life? Philosophy should be just one sentence. It could be even boiled down to one word, and which is basically your moral compass. And when you're in a situation where you have to make a decision, or where you're in a situation where the ground underneath is not
(04:52):
stable. What is that? One thing that will make you feel anchored into the who you are?
And it took a while to figure it out. But my one word, if there is a word, would be truth which is in there, I dare to go after my truth, and to me that means just being authentic, being
(05:16):
knowing my boundaries, knowing my life, passion being able to say when I don't know something, having the courage to say, I don't know. I don't understand what you're talking about just being vulnerable.
Disagreeing, you know, with people just being truthful, and I guess this my one word, because it's the thing that I was challenged with the most growing up and up till I would say my forties when I was in an environment that wasn't something familiar. I struggled with being
(05:53):
my authentic self without really knowing. But I was really worried about what other people were thinking.
especially as an actress on set. Was I good enough? What did the director think? What did the other actors think? And that really eventually caught up to me and ended up impacting not only my work, but also my well-being. So that is my one word, truth.
Govindh Jayaraman (06:20):
It's it's a big word I I love. How, 1st of all, thank you for being so vulnerable to share that it was something that you struggled with until recently, like it was something that you challenged your that you were you were challenged by.
how did that show up? I mean, you said that you weren't aware of it at the time.
so how did it show up? Looking back at it now?
Stephanie Szostak (06:42):
Well, it showed up with anxiety. I was never diagnosed with anxiety, but it was, you know, physically my heart was beating so much. My legs were shaking so much so that I couldn't think right. I wasn't aware of it, because I thought, Oh, my gosh! I can't handle the pressure.
I did. I competed. I was a collegiate golfer. So I played division one golf, and
(07:10):
feeling like this on a big movie set made me really angry because I was like what the heck I'm a competitor. I'm an athlete. Why can't I handle the pressure
and all the techniques that I would use competing in golf didn't work, and those techniques were really just trash talking myself to myself, you know. Come on, get it together, you piece of crap like, let's go. And that worked for many years in my life, and until it didn't
(07:40):
So that's how it manifested itself. And eventually I it led me on this path of personal growth for lack of a better word, and that started with self-discovery. And and I understood then that
I I wasn't able. I didn't even know who I was. So how could I be authentic on a movie set? I was, you know, my whole self-worth was linked to my career, success to validation, to what other people thought. I didn't have my own standards for success in quote, you know, outside of
(08:23):
results or outcome or performance identity. I guess it would be called.
Govindh Jayaraman (08:30):
I mean, this is a crazy question. And the way that you just said that it almost made me think like, did you
even enjoy it when you were doing it, because if you didn't have your standards and you were sort of didn't know who you were.
was it? Was it sort of like this, even thing where you didn't even enjoy the process because you were.
Stephanie Szostak (08:45):
Yeah.
Govindh Jayaraman (08:46):
Yourself.
Stephanie Szostak (08:47):
I love this question. Well, I did, you know, for the 1st 10 years of my career, and I started at 29, really late in the game. I was a complete underdog, like my friends were like, what the heck are you doing? You think you're going to end up in Hollywood. And so when, when people don't
before, when people didn't believe in me, it actually drove me, and I enjoyed it up like for the 1st 10 years, because it was. It was I had everything. I was just proving myself, and it was on a smaller setting, independent movies, and
(09:21):
I was totally free in the process. But once I made it on this big stage, which for me, this, my big lead role, was on a paramount movie with Steve Carell and Paul, the movie was called Dinner for Schmucks.
And all of a sudden I had gotten yeses. Yes, from a big director, J. Roach, who said, we're going to take a chance on this woman who nobody knows. I got on this set, and everybody was like, Oh, my God, it's exciting! You're gonna be this. You're gonna be that and all these yeses that made me really nervous. And no, I was not enjoying it
(09:56):
at all in on that movie because I was petrified, paralyzed.
Govindh Jayaraman (10:02):
Yeah. And I find it such an interesting contrast, because you think golf is so you have to calm your body to make the putt. You have to calm your mind.
and you almost agitated yourself into performing. That was your hook right trash, talking yourself into doing it.
and you learned later.
(10:24):
How to calm yourself or to accept yourself is, that is, am I missing that.
Stephanie Szostak (10:30):
No, you're you're right, and I think that's probably why I didn't. You know I went. I was a 5 handicap in golf, which is good, but it's not great, and that's probably why I didn't. I wasn't so good. My mental game wasn't great. I it was good enough to play college golf. But
yeah, trash talking yourself is not it's it's not sustainable. You have to have compassion for yourself. You have to know that you're gonna have bad days. And what are you doing on those bad days, you know, when you can't connect, you have to have something to fall back on.
Govindh Jayaraman (11:11):
I think it's really incredible that you were. I mean by every measure. You are a peak performer in golf.
you know. You're in the upper echelon. d. 1 athlete in golf before now, being, you know, a well known actor in in major productions, you know, several productions. Dinner for Schmucks is an amazing movie 1 million little things, which is where I met you the 1st time. Of course not really met you, but I feel like I got to know your character. At that time. So you but you you got to see
(11:46):
what the difference was between forcing yourself
to be good at something, or forcing yourself to pursue something and actually accepting yourself
and and going even further because of that right. Is that that
so? So with that in mind. I just wanted to think about what?
(12:11):
What does it mean for someone to to get that extra 1%? Is it? Is it about less? Or is it about more? And it feels.
Stephanie Szostak (12:17):
Less well.
Govindh Jayaraman (12:18):
Less right? No, it's about.
Stephanie Szostak (12:21):
Well, I think it is about less meaning letting go right. You have to be able to reach that space to let go. But in order to, for me at least.
to have the trust
to let go. I have to also know that I've done the work that I'm prepared, that I have tools to manage my thoughts and emotions that I know who I am. I've you know I gain self awareness. So I would say, it's about
(12:55):
1st doing you have to do. You know, I remember when I started doing the work, people would say, you have to do the work, and I was like what the Frick is doing the work. And well you do. You have to do the self discovery. You have to find out what works for you, and there's so many tools out there and
figure out what those tools are for you.
(13:16):
what areas are important in your life, and then then you can let go, and you can play, and you can be free and
and connect truly with authenticity.
Govindh Jayaraman (13:28):
I love the way you just lit up when you started talking about like you could let go. And you can play like your nose is doing this little scrunched up thing, you know. You're just like you're it's it's almost like you are playing. It's it's it's you're on the playground.
So you say, I want to go back to the exercise that you were challenged to discover your life. Philosophy? Right? You say you were challenged with discovering it.
(13:52):
and you use the word challenged over and over again. So I know somebody challenged you to do it. But how challenging was it for you to find that place inside of you find this truth.
Find this philosophy.
Stephanie Szostak (14:03):
Well, once I sort once I had the guidelines to do it. It wasn't,
you know, I had done a lot of work before that. And so
once I had the guidelines which were, go back to your childhood. What did you love as a child? Go back to some of your greatest achievements. What are some of your strengths, the things you've survived? Are you a risk taker? Are you not? What are the songs you love? What are some of the lyrics that light you up
(14:38):
all of a sudden I I started having all these little pieces of puzzle, and then it was like, oh, this is what I'm about for me. This is this is this one thing, if I feel, and this is not a recipe for everyone, but for me. If I feel truthful, then I'm fine. I I'll be. I'll be okay.
Govindh Jayaraman (14:59):
I love that so? Why, why was the the beginning of your sentence, your your paper napkin I dare to go after. Why is it a daring task.
Stephanie Szostak (15:09):
There, because I want to give myself courage, and a lot of times we are in situations
always in our life where we are beginners where we don't know where we're in uncharted, you know, territories. And for me I can easily in those moments become very timid, doubtful and very humble, which is good, but sometimes it's too much, and then I stifle myself so it's like there, there to
(15:47):
dare to raise your hand and say, I don't know. Wait, let me explain this to me. Dare to
write a book at 50 years old, you know, dare to start speaking at my age which I had never done, and would have never done
so daring is having courage.
I dare to go after my truth and going after it is also like this extra, you know.
Govindh Jayaraman (16:12):
Yeah, it is an action tourism. Right? It's not.
Stephanie Szostak (16:14):
Yes.
Govindh Jayaraman (16:14):
Think about it, dare to feel
no, and get after it like.
Stephanie Szostak (16:19):
I think I was growing up. I was very much of a the good girl, and did. I had an older brother who struggled with drug addiction and was a heroin addict.
I adored my brother, he was my hero, he was so unique. He saw the world in very different ways. He was a rebel.
(16:42):
but he caused a lot of chaos.
And so I think I was like, Okay, I'm gonna do the good thing, the right thing, and so now it's like, Oh.
there to rock the boat.
Govindh Jayaraman (16:53):
Yeah, and and the courage not to know. I think I think that
a lot of people feel very timid and shy and nervous about, you know, being surrounded by a situation and think about your situation. You you got into acting later. You got into authoring writing later. You you got into speaking later. So all these things you did later, and some people would be, you know, intimidated into being silent in that situation.
(17:21):
It doesn't sound like. That's where where you went.
Stephanie Szostak (17:24):
No. And you know, actually, you told me about your son who was sick with meningitis. And I'm gonna tell you a story. When my son, my 1st born son, was 4 years old.
He got really sick. He had a lymph node that was the size of a golf ball, and our pediatrician, after you know. A couple of weeks of this sent us to an ent specialist, and when we got there the ent specialist says he has an infection of the lymph node. We need to operate immediately. Let's go to the hospital. So we went to the hospital, and it was Friday afternoon, and it was too late to operate, so he scheduled surgery for Monday morning.
(18:07):
As the ent specialist left I ran up to him and I said, I'm sorry I just want to ask you.
how sure are you that this is what's wrong with my son?
And he looked at me annoyed, and went.
Your son is sick, but he doesn't have meningitis like some of the kids on this floor, he'll be just fine. And he turned around and walked away.
(18:32):
And I remember thinking that's not what I asked you.
but he completely dismissed me. But you know, daring to go after your truth, I I dared to ask him that
the next morning my son's condition got worse, and then I called the pediatrician
who I loved, and I asked her, Does this diagnosis make sense? And she said, it does, but you know we never know. So you and your husband keep an eye on him, and you call me if anything really changes, and you just see something. And then Sunday morning he started. Max started vomiting nonstop. He was so swollen all over that he couldn't see he's had rashes all over his body. His skin started peeling off on his hand and his stomach, and so I called the pediatrician.
(19:18):
She came immediately. She took one look at him, and then she left and came back with an infectious disease doctor, and then they diagnosed him with Kawasaki disease, which is an acute infectious disease.
and they started treating him, and he improved almost instantly, and then fully recovered.
(19:41):
But had they not diagnosed him on that day, he could have had permanent heart or liver damage.
and he didn't have an infection of the lymph Node. He didn't need
to have surgery on Monday morning.
so that is also an example, you know, it's not just in our professional lives, but also in our personal lives, too. I know nothing about medicine, but I had something inside of me that was like this is not what's wrong with him.
(20:09):
I call it. You know. They say mothers have an instinct on these things, and
so that is also something I remember about having the courage to just.
Govindh Jayaraman (20:22):
And it sounds like.
yeah, and not only and this is the next part of it. I think that's really important to going after your truth, but with love. But you weren't
cruel about the way that you were asking questions. You were going after it, but you were doing it
with love for your son Max with, and and not in a dismissive way of the expertise around you.
Stephanie Szostak (20:44):
Not at all.
Govindh Jayaraman (20:45):
Of it. In in fact, you were asking for it.
And I think people forget that people think that going after it means being aggressive and being.
Stephanie Szostak (20:54):
No.
Govindh Jayaraman (20:54):
Because.
Stephanie Szostak (20:55):
Passion, curiosity.
This is also how we grow as human beings when
you know it's so easy to have a conversation with someone and right away, see? Oh, we're on different, you know. We don't see the world the same way. So I'm not gonna ask a question or challenging. I don't mean in a aggressive way, but I just mean like, don't see it like this. Can you tell me more about this.
Govindh Jayaraman (21:22):
Hmm.
Stephanie Szostak (21:23):
This is. This is so, especially in this day and age, you know, it's so easy to judge people for who have different opinions.
and I think we can all use a little compassion and curiosity and
empathy trying to put ourselves in each other's shoes
so. And and the love is also. Not only it's also for myself to remember. Like
(21:47):
to have compassion and grace when I don't do things well, and when I lose my temper with my son, my other son, who's 18.
Govindh Jayaraman (21:57):
Oh, 18 year olds! That's a whole other episode. Stephanie.
Stephanie Szostak (22:01):
Yes.
Govindh Jayaraman (22:04):
I I love so. So the other thing that I think people say about humor
is that they have to be funny. I? I don't think that that's what you're saying. I don't think you're saying you have to be funny.
I think that you're finding joy in every moment. Is that? Am I missing that? Because I just
you've just got so much beautiful positive energy.
(22:27):
And that comes out that joy comes out in laughter. Is that the kind of humor you're talking about.
Stephanie Szostak (22:34):
No. Well, for me, it's I can get when things don't go well, I can get very serious
or when I'm passionate about something about work I can get very serious and
dive in. And so it's really a reminder for me to not take myself too seriously
(22:55):
take time to to joke around, really joke around. I like to joke, not to be funny, but the lightness of things so it's a reminder for me to not take myself or life too seriously.
The joy thing. I think that's kind of who I am naturally this sort of lightness. Which for a long time I was like, Oh, my God, that's I mean I had an acting teacher who said to me, Why are you smiling? You think I'm you think what I'm saying to you is funny. As she was destroying, which was a very good awareness thing, too. It was more nerves. But yeah. The joy, I think is a natural thing. I'm I'm mostly a happy person.
Govindh Jayaraman (23:36):
That's great. But but I like this. So your your philosophy.
in addition to being core to who you are right, you had to discover this. You went through a process to do this, but it's also a reminder, and you use it as a reminder. Every word is there for a reason and for a purpose.
Am I wrong in that? This is.
Stephanie Szostak (23:55):
No, that exactly. It's a reminder, because if I don't remind myself, I I go the other way.
I can easily slip into not being courageous, not being authentic, being too serious, being judgmental of myself and others. I you know, and I'm not tired. I
(24:17):
we we all do that. We all can have the best of us ourselves, and the worst of ourselves. So those are all things that are challenging to me.
or were, and they still are but
my life. Philosophy has become an anchor into how I want to show up.
Govindh Jayaraman (24:34):
I I love how you're making it a reminder. Right? It's it's it's not so, I think some people say, Oh, well, I wish I were more courageous. I wish I were more truthful. I were more loving. I were more, you know. I brought more levity to myself. I didn't take myself so seriously, and they think of those things as aspirational, and as a result they don't make them part of their philosophy. But you're doing quite the opposite. You're you're saying. No, no, they're there.
(25:00):
But sometimes I go this way, and this is a good reminder for me to remember this part of me, too, in these points of pressure, is, is, Am I right in reading it that way?
Stephanie Szostak (25:12):
Yes, reminders are a huge part of my life. You know. I also was at the wishing part. That that's the beginning. When we're like, I'm I'm here and I wanna I feel stuck. And I want to be more. This. And then the next part is, how do I do this. What I found was the how I discovered by reading books listening to podcasts
(25:39):
therapy. You know. And and but I got all this amazing stuff that I was like. Oh, my God, yes, this is how I want to show up in life. Now and then you forget that is the hardest thing. So I actually created. And this is the whole thing of my book selfish and the app that I'm creating a playbook for myself on my phone
(26:05):
which has all the inspiration, motivation, guidance, wisdom
that helps me in life. And it's a reminder. I start every morning with it. And it's a reminder of what helps me think better, feel better and do better.
And and they're all individual reminders. I'm not gonna connect to every reminder every day.
(26:29):
But you know, we wake up every day feeling different. And
something's gonna pop every day. And I'm like, Oh, my, gosh, yes, I needed that today.
Govindh Jayaraman (26:38):
Yeah. And I I wanted to get to to selfish, because that itself was a journey for you to even express in that way that, you know.
Let's talk about the journey of selfish in writing that book. Selfish sounds like it's 1 thing, but I think that you very cleverly made it about a lot of different things, including.
(26:58):
you know, following your own philosophy, understanding what that is first, st and and living it every every day.
How hard was that for you to
to to articulate that way? How hard was it for you to be selfish and create this for yourself, and remind yourself about this and create these rituals for yourself.
Stephanie Szostak (27:18):
It wasn't hard it was out of, and it's spelled selfish with instead of having an eye. It's an exclamation point with a little crown over it, which kind of represents this is who you are. It's called selfish, because I think it takes time to discover who you are to do the work, and then it also takes time every single day
(27:41):
to if you we want to live with intention. If we
want to. You know, we all get in ruts. It takes time to get back to our center. So
you know, if if there's 1 thing that I would hope is that each one of us could every day reconnect to the best of who they are.
(28:02):
That's my wish. It wasn't hard for me, because it was really a necessity, and I realized that if I took just 3 min, you know I do a lot of other things. There's no magic pill. I meditate. I read, but I also watch my playbook every morning, and it takes 3 min. And I do all this stuff before I connect to the news, the emails, the texts.
(28:26):
and that helps I found it's it's a game changer. It helps me respond to all the noise better.
And it also helps make good thinking, habitual thinking. It's just little things. And I started doing this 7 years ago, and it's eventually amounted to quite, you know, substantial progress.
Govindh Jayaraman (28:47):
That's amazing. And do you feel.
do you feel like you say that you do this every day?
Is it every day, every day, or is there some days where you just don't do it?
Stephanie Szostak (28:58):
Every day.
Govindh Jayaraman (28:58):
Every day.
Stephanie Szostak (28:59):
Every day.
Govindh Jayaraman (29:00):
That's great, I I believe, when I drink my coffee.
Stephanie Szostak (29:04):
I drink my coffee, and I read a page of the Daily Stoic
Ryan Holiday's book, and then I watch my playbook.
Govindh Jayaraman (29:12):
That's awesome. I I believe there's never a day off from, you know. Success is rented, it's not owned, and you pay the rent every day with the things that you do, the habits that you have, and and I think that I think it's really neat that you've taken your athletic past. You know that your ability to be able to be
regular about things and brought it forward in all parts of your life. And and and I think that? Do you ever.
(29:39):
do you ever find that that
that you have been able to inspire other people by connecting to them to the in all these different ways, because you've had so many different
journeys. Right? You've had your journey as a d 1 athlete. You've had your journey as an actress that that started late in life. You've an author also, starting later in life
(30:05):
are those are those
opportunities for you to connect with people more easily now? Or how do you find that.
Stephanie Szostak (30:12):
Oh, yes, I think so. I think you know, I just was at William and Mary where I went to school and met with the golf team there. Just being able to say I was. I, too, was a collegiate golfer. But for sure, yeah, all those different experiences help you connect with others
(30:36):
in the end, I think, though no matter what our journeys are, we all go through struggles, we all have setbacks, we all are challenged in our relationships, our work, our personal lives. So
when we share our story, even even if the circumstances are different, I think it resonates because
(30:57):
we all have the same. You know the same same goals eventually, not goals, but aspirations to just
to have love and belonging and connections.
Govindh Jayaraman (31:09):
How? How has your journey inspired
your kids, your family, as you've I don't know, and discovered.
Stephanie Szostak (31:17):
You have to ask them.
Govindh Jayaraman (31:19):
No, I'm sure I'm sure you've seen it with your kids a little bit. Maybe not.
Stephanie Szostak (31:24):
Well, like, funeral's tough.
Yeah, 18 year olds. And then the other one's a senior in college, and he actually is doing. He started an Instagram account about the draft it's called. I'm gonna plug it the draft geek and he does all the visuals and all the the analysis.
(31:48):
he is studying sports management, which is his passion. And so, in a way, I was like, Huh! Look at that.
He actually my husband pointed it out he was. Look, he's following what he loves. He's creating like this unique thing that's visual. And we you created the playbook that's visual. So maybe
(32:08):
I hope that I hope, yeah, I yeah.
Govindh Jayaraman (32:13):
That's I think that's amazing. Do you have
the other thing about the philosophy that I just want to ask you about is your philosophy and your playbook. It sounds like you. You remind yourself, in the same sort of instance around that time about your philosophy every day. Is that is that correct? That's the right timing for you to bring your philosophy back into your conscious mind in the morning.
Stephanie Szostak (32:38):
Yes, my philosophy is actually in my playbook. It's written out.
and so yeah, it's in my playbook. Just so it's clear, because I. It's a weird concept. But in my playbook is a combination of
tools that, like my life philosophy skills that I want to sharpen my values, past memories that bring me joy, things that make me laugh.
(33:08):
some achievements that I'm proud of
visions for the future. So it's almost a big picture of my whole life, and by the time I'm done
I reminded of what my truth is, of what matters and what helps me go after it, and and I hit play, and there's music that goes with it, too. So it's a whole emotional, sensory kind of 3 min little trip
(33:36):
that reminds you of what's important for your life, completely personal to you, unique to you.
Govindh Jayaraman (33:42):
And
we're gonna put in the show notes links to the app when it becomes available, and certainly to the book as well where people can learn more about
that idea. The.
Stephanie Szostak (33:53):
The app is available in Beta.
Govindh Jayaraman (33:56):
Oh, it is okay. Great.
Stephanie Szostak (33:57):
Not in the app store. But yeah, with the in the website, selfishplaybook.com. You can request it in Beta. It's free so it's not perfect, but you can use it.
Govindh Jayaraman (34:08):
That's great. So we'll make sure that that's in the show notes for everybody to see.
I I wanna thank you so much, Stephanie, for sharing, for coming.
Stephanie Szostak (34:17):
Mixed.
Govindh Jayaraman (34:39):
When you see a parallel.
Stephanie Szostak (34:45):
I wish I could speak in Indian.
Govindh Jayaraman (34:50):
Sorry.
Stephanie Szostak (34:51):
Oh!
Govindh Jayaraman (34:52):
I wish I could speak Hindi too, but I can't.
Stephanie Szostak (34:54):
Oh, you can't speak in. Okay.
Govindh Jayaraman (34:56):
I can speak French, though.
Stephanie Szostak (34:57):
Yeah, that was good.
Govindh Jayaraman (34:59):
Alright. Well, thanks for coming.
Stephanie Szostak (35:01):
Thank you so much for having me. I enjoyed our conversation a lot.
Govindh Jayaraman (35:05):
Me too.
One sec.
Oops. Sorry one sec.
So it should be recording now. And and so I'm not sure if you're familiar with paper napkin wisdom. If you've listened to any of the episodes, or if you listen.
Stephanie Szostak (00:12):
I did not. I wanted to come clean.
Govindh Jayaraman (00:15):
Wonderful. Well, thank you for that. So paper napping wisdom started about 15 years ago.
And then I did it infrequently. And then I really went with it. And then when my son got sick 6 years ago, I stopped
and stopped cold. Turkey stopped. Everything stopped. You know all my businesses. I put everything on pause. I I sold.
Stephanie Szostak (00:35):
What happened to your son.
Govindh Jayaraman (00:36):
He had bacterial meningitis.
So he got pretty sick, and and he's fine now. So it it took. The recovery was a long time.
but in the 5 years that followed he really needed all of our attention, and the family needed all of my attention. So he would often say things like
I don't want to go to therapy. I don't want to do anything I want you to add. So
(01:00):
I I lodged I was happy that I had the flexibility that I could do that.
and when I came back to paper napkin in August.
I came in with all of my heart. And and and I'm glad to be back in doing this, because this is the thing that I love more than anything else that I built as businesses or anything like that, so
(01:21):
thrilled to be back doing it. And and I'm thrilled to be sitting with you. So paper napkin wisdom is about sharing pearls of wisdom like you did on a plain paper napkin that I share mostly with my audience of Ceos entrepreneurs, difference makers, leaders. So they're from people all walks of life, but people who really perceive themselves as leaders. And and so these are leadership lessons that are valuable to them in their journey.
(01:47):
I'm just gonna get my paper and notes. So I I take notes during the conversation pretty diligently, and I like to come back to things that people say.
So. Because I get pretty curious about things, Stephanie, I'll ask you, is there anything off limits before we begin.
Stephanie Szostak (02:05):
No.
Govindh Jayaraman (02:09):
Alright and
Do you have any questions for me before we begin.
Stephanie Szostak (02:15):
No.
Govindh Jayaraman (02:16):
No, okay.
So what I'll do is I'll append an intro and outro after our conversation will be about a half an hour recorded portion, and and other than that.
everything, anything that you want to talk about is fair game. If if if you want to change subjects, I'll trust you to be able to change the subject as you wish.
(02:40):
And and and then what we'll do after the recording portion, I'll I'll pause the recording or stop the recording, and then we can just talk offline. I can give you some debriefing information and let you know when it would error. And
we can chat a little bit. Is that okay?
Stephanie Szostak (02:55):
Yes.
Govindh Jayaraman (02:56):
Okay, so if you're ready, I'll I'll jump in.
Stephanie sochak. Welcome to paper, napkin wisdom. I am so excited.
Stephanie Szostak (03:07):
Wait! Wait! Wait!
My name is show stack.
Govindh Jayaraman (03:10):
I said, oh, sorry! I said. I thought I said she'll stack, but maybe I was nervous, and I said it quickly, so.
Stephanie Szostak (03:14):
Oh, okay. Okay.
Govindh Jayaraman (03:15):
I'll start over. Okay, we're starting over, please edit out up to now.
Stephanie Shostak. Welcome to paper napkin wisdom. I'm excited to be sitting with you today.
Stephanie Szostak (03:26):
Me, too. You're being very excited.
Govindh Jayaraman (03:29):
Yes, so we we come to each other through a mutual friend and a paper napkin wisdom contributor. His name is John O'leary. He aired a wonderful episode many years ago, and introduced the 2 of us. He said that you are a magical person, and that was his introduction to me to you, and I'm thrilled to be with you and discover your magic. You shared a fascinating napkin with me.
(03:53):
I dare to go after my truth with love and humor. Why did you share that with me?
Stephanie Szostak (04:00):
Well, that's my life. 1st of all, John is magic. So
I had to say that I don't know if I have magic, but John certainly has, and
he's inspired my family a lot over the years. I shared this because it's my life philosophy. And this was an exercise that I was given
(04:24):
to create your own life philosophy when I took a mindset course by Dr. Michael Gervais, who's a sports psychologist, and he did a course with Coach Pete Carroll and one of the exercises, what is your life? Philosophy and your life? Philosophy should be just one sentence. It could be even boiled down to one word, and which is basically your moral compass. And when you're in a situation where you have to make a decision, or where you're in a situation where the ground underneath is not
(04:52):
stable. What is that? One thing that will make you feel anchored into the who you are?
And it took a while to figure it out. But my one word, if there is a word, would be truth which is in there, I dare to go after my truth, and to me that means just being authentic, being
(05:16):
knowing my boundaries, knowing my life, passion being able to say when I don't know something, having the courage to say, I don't know. I don't understand what you're talking about just being vulnerable.
Disagreeing, you know, with people just being truthful, and I guess this my one word, because it's the thing that I was challenged with the most growing up and up till I would say my forties when I was in an environment that wasn't something familiar. I struggled with being
(05:53):
my authentic self without really knowing. But I was really worried about what other people were thinking.
especially as an actress on set. Was I good enough? What did the director think? What did the other actors think? And that really eventually caught up to me and ended up impacting not only my work, but also my well-being. So that is my one word, truth.
Govindh Jayaraman (06:20):
It's it's a big word I I love. How, 1st of all, thank you for being so vulnerable to share that it was something that you struggled with until recently, like it was something that you challenged your that you were you were challenged by.
how did that show up? I mean, you said that you weren't aware of it at the time.
so how did it show up? Looking back at it now?
Stephanie Szostak (06:42):
Well, it showed up with anxiety. I was never diagnosed with anxiety, but it was, you know, physically my heart was beating so much. My legs were shaking so much so that I couldn't think right. I wasn't aware of it, because I thought, Oh, my gosh! I can't handle the pressure.
I did. I competed. I was a collegiate golfer. So I played division one golf, and
(07:10):
feeling like this on a big movie set made me really angry because I was like what the heck I'm a competitor. I'm an athlete. Why can't I handle the pressure
and all the techniques that I would use competing in golf didn't work, and those techniques were really just trash talking myself to myself, you know. Come on, get it together, you piece of crap like, let's go. And that worked for many years in my life, and until it didn't
(07:40):
So that's how it manifested itself. And eventually I it led me on this path of personal growth for lack of a better word, and that started with self-discovery. And and I understood then that
I I wasn't able. I didn't even know who I was. So how could I be authentic on a movie set? I was, you know, my whole self-worth was linked to my career, success to validation, to what other people thought. I didn't have my own standards for success in quote, you know, outside of
(08:23):
results or outcome or performance identity. I guess it would be called.
Govindh Jayaraman (08:30):
I mean, this is a crazy question. And the way that you just said that it almost made me think like, did you
even enjoy it when you were doing it, because if you didn't have your standards and you were sort of didn't know who you were.
was it? Was it sort of like this, even thing where you didn't even enjoy the process because you were.
Stephanie Szostak (08:45):
Yeah.
Govindh Jayaraman (08:46):
Yourself.
Stephanie Szostak (08:47):
I love this question. Well, I did, you know, for the 1st 10 years of my career, and I started at 29, really late in the game. I was a complete underdog, like my friends were like, what the heck are you doing? You think you're going to end up in Hollywood. And so when, when people don't
before, when people didn't believe in me, it actually drove me, and I enjoyed it up like for the 1st 10 years, because it was. It was I had everything. I was just proving myself, and it was on a smaller setting, independent movies, and
(09:21):
I was totally free in the process. But once I made it on this big stage, which for me, this, my big lead role, was on a paramount movie with Steve Carell and Paul, the movie was called Dinner for Schmucks.
And all of a sudden I had gotten yeses. Yes, from a big director, J. Roach, who said, we're going to take a chance on this woman who nobody knows. I got on this set, and everybody was like, Oh, my God, it's exciting! You're gonna be this. You're gonna be that and all these yeses that made me really nervous. And no, I was not enjoying it
(09:56):
at all in on that movie because I was petrified, paralyzed.
Govindh Jayaraman (10:02):
Yeah. And I find it such an interesting contrast, because you think golf is so you have to calm your body to make the putt. You have to calm your mind.
and you almost agitated yourself into performing. That was your hook right trash, talking yourself into doing it.
and you learned later.
(10:24):
How to calm yourself or to accept yourself is, that is, am I missing that.
Stephanie Szostak (10:30):
No, you're you're right, and I think that's probably why I didn't. You know I went. I was a 5 handicap in golf, which is good, but it's not great, and that's probably why I didn't. I wasn't so good. My mental game wasn't great. I it was good enough to play college golf. But
yeah, trash talking yourself is not it's it's not sustainable. You have to have compassion for yourself. You have to know that you're gonna have bad days. And what are you doing on those bad days, you know, when you can't connect, you have to have something to fall back on.
Govindh Jayaraman (11:11):
I think it's really incredible that you were. I mean by every measure. You are a peak performer in golf.
you know. You're in the upper echelon. d. 1 athlete in golf before now, being, you know, a well known actor in in major productions, you know, several productions. Dinner for Schmucks is an amazing movie 1 million little things, which is where I met you the 1st time. Of course not really met you, but I feel like I got to know your character. At that time. So you but you you got to see
(11:46):
what the difference was between forcing yourself
to be good at something, or forcing yourself to pursue something and actually accepting yourself
and and going even further because of that right. Is that that
so? So with that in mind. I just wanted to think about what?
(12:11):
What does it mean for someone to to get that extra 1%? Is it? Is it about less? Or is it about more? And it feels.
Stephanie Szostak (12:17):
Less well.
Govindh Jayaraman (12:18):
Less right? No, it's about.
Stephanie Szostak (12:21):
Well, I think it is about less meaning letting go right. You have to be able to reach that space to let go. But in order to, for me at least.
to have the trust
to let go. I have to also know that I've done the work that I'm prepared, that I have tools to manage my thoughts and emotions that I know who I am. I've you know I gain self awareness. So I would say, it's about
(12:55):
1st doing you have to do. You know, I remember when I started doing the work, people would say, you have to do the work, and I was like what the Frick is doing the work. And well you do. You have to do the self discovery. You have to find out what works for you, and there's so many tools out there and
figure out what those tools are for you.
(13:16):
what areas are important in your life, and then then you can let go, and you can play, and you can be free and
and connect truly with authenticity.
Govindh Jayaraman (13:28):
I love the way you just lit up when you started talking about like you could let go. And you can play like your nose is doing this little scrunched up thing, you know. You're just like you're it's it's almost like you are playing. It's it's it's you're on the playground.
So you say, I want to go back to the exercise that you were challenged to discover your life. Philosophy? Right? You say you were challenged with discovering it.
(13:52):
and you use the word challenged over and over again. So I know somebody challenged you to do it. But how challenging was it for you to find that place inside of you find this truth.
Find this philosophy.
Stephanie Szostak (14:03):
Well, once I sort once I had the guidelines to do it. It wasn't,
you know, I had done a lot of work before that. And so
once I had the guidelines which were, go back to your childhood. What did you love as a child? Go back to some of your greatest achievements. What are some of your strengths, the things you've survived? Are you a risk taker? Are you not? What are the songs you love? What are some of the lyrics that light you up
(14:38):
all of a sudden I I started having all these little pieces of puzzle, and then it was like, oh, this is what I'm about for me. This is this is this one thing, if I feel, and this is not a recipe for everyone, but for me. If I feel truthful, then I'm fine. I I'll be. I'll be okay.
Govindh Jayaraman (14:59):
I love that so? Why, why was the the beginning of your sentence, your your paper napkin I dare to go after. Why is it a daring task.
Stephanie Szostak (15:09):
There, because I want to give myself courage, and a lot of times we are in situations
always in our life where we are beginners where we don't know where we're in uncharted, you know, territories. And for me I can easily in those moments become very timid, doubtful and very humble, which is good, but sometimes it's too much, and then I stifle myself so it's like there, there to
(15:47):
dare to raise your hand and say, I don't know. Wait, let me explain this to me. Dare to
write a book at 50 years old, you know, dare to start speaking at my age which I had never done, and would have never done
so daring is having courage.
I dare to go after my truth and going after it is also like this extra, you know.
Govindh Jayaraman (16:12):
Yeah, it is an action tourism. Right? It's not.
Stephanie Szostak (16:14):
Yes.
Govindh Jayaraman (16:14):
Think about it, dare to feel
no, and get after it like.
Stephanie Szostak (16:19):
I think I was growing up. I was very much of a the good girl, and did. I had an older brother who struggled with drug addiction and was a heroin addict.
I adored my brother, he was my hero, he was so unique. He saw the world in very different ways. He was a rebel.
(16:42):
but he caused a lot of chaos.
And so I think I was like, Okay, I'm gonna do the good thing, the right thing, and so now it's like, Oh.
there to rock the boat.
Govindh Jayaraman (16:53):
Yeah, and and the courage not to know. I think I think that
a lot of people feel very timid and shy and nervous about, you know, being surrounded by a situation and think about your situation. You you got into acting later. You got into authoring writing later. You you got into speaking later. So all these things you did later, and some people would be, you know, intimidated into being silent in that situation.
(17:21):
It doesn't sound like. That's where where you went.
Stephanie Szostak (17:24):
No. And you know, actually, you told me about your son who was sick with meningitis. And I'm gonna tell you a story. When my son, my 1st born son, was 4 years old.
He got really sick. He had a lymph node that was the size of a golf ball, and our pediatrician, after you know. A couple of weeks of this sent us to an ent specialist, and when we got there the ent specialist says he has an infection of the lymph node. We need to operate immediately. Let's go to the hospital. So we went to the hospital, and it was Friday afternoon, and it was too late to operate, so he scheduled surgery for Monday morning.
(18:07):
As the ent specialist left I ran up to him and I said, I'm sorry I just want to ask you.
how sure are you that this is what's wrong with my son?
And he looked at me annoyed, and went.
Your son is sick, but he doesn't have meningitis like some of the kids on this floor, he'll be just fine. And he turned around and walked away.
(18:32):
And I remember thinking that's not what I asked you.
but he completely dismissed me. But you know, daring to go after your truth, I I dared to ask him that
the next morning my son's condition got worse, and then I called the pediatrician
who I loved, and I asked her, Does this diagnosis make sense? And she said, it does, but you know we never know. So you and your husband keep an eye on him, and you call me if anything really changes, and you just see something. And then Sunday morning he started. Max started vomiting nonstop. He was so swollen all over that he couldn't see he's had rashes all over his body. His skin started peeling off on his hand and his stomach, and so I called the pediatrician.
(19:18):
She came immediately. She took one look at him, and then she left and came back with an infectious disease doctor, and then they diagnosed him with Kawasaki disease, which is an acute infectious disease.
and they started treating him, and he improved almost instantly, and then fully recovered.
(19:41):
But had they not diagnosed him on that day, he could have had permanent heart or liver damage.
and he didn't have an infection of the lymph Node. He didn't need
to have surgery on Monday morning.
so that is also an example, you know, it's not just in our professional lives, but also in our personal lives, too. I know nothing about medicine, but I had something inside of me that was like this is not what's wrong with him.
(20:09):
I call it. You know. They say mothers have an instinct on these things, and
so that is also something I remember about having the courage to just.
Govindh Jayaraman (20:22):
And it sounds like.
yeah, and not only and this is the next part of it. I think that's really important to going after your truth, but with love. But you weren't
cruel about the way that you were asking questions. You were going after it, but you were doing it
with love for your son Max with, and and not in a dismissive way of the expertise around you.
Stephanie Szostak (20:44):
Not at all.
Govindh Jayaraman (20:45):
Of it. In in fact, you were asking for it.
And I think people forget that people think that going after it means being aggressive and being.
Stephanie Szostak (20:54):
No.
Govindh Jayaraman (20:54):
Because.
Stephanie Szostak (20:55):
Passion, curiosity.
This is also how we grow as human beings when
you know it's so easy to have a conversation with someone and right away, see? Oh, we're on different, you know. We don't see the world the same way. So I'm not gonna ask a question or challenging. I don't mean in a aggressive way, but I just mean like, don't see it like this. Can you tell me more about this.
Govindh Jayaraman (21:22):
Hmm.
Stephanie Szostak (21:23):
This is. This is so, especially in this day and age, you know, it's so easy to judge people for who have different opinions.
and I think we can all use a little compassion and curiosity and
empathy trying to put ourselves in each other's shoes
so. And and the love is also. Not only it's also for myself to remember. Like
(21:47):
to have compassion and grace when I don't do things well, and when I lose my temper with my son, my other son, who's 18.
Govindh Jayaraman (21:57):
Oh, 18 year olds! That's a whole other episode. Stephanie.
Stephanie Szostak (22:01):
Yes.
Govindh Jayaraman (22:04):
I I love so. So the other thing that I think people say about humor
is that they have to be funny. I? I don't think that that's what you're saying. I don't think you're saying you have to be funny.
I think that you're finding joy in every moment. Is that? Am I missing that? Because I just
you've just got so much beautiful positive energy.
(22:27):
And that comes out that joy comes out in laughter. Is that the kind of humor you're talking about.
Stephanie Szostak (22:34):
No. Well, for me, it's I can get when things don't go well, I can get very serious
or when I'm passionate about something about work I can get very serious and
dive in. And so it's really a reminder for me to not take myself too seriously
(22:55):
take time to to joke around, really joke around. I like to joke, not to be funny, but the lightness of things so it's a reminder for me to not take myself or life too seriously.
The joy thing. I think that's kind of who I am naturally this sort of lightness. Which for a long time I was like, Oh, my God, that's I mean I had an acting teacher who said to me, Why are you smiling? You think I'm you think what I'm saying to you is funny. As she was destroying, which was a very good awareness thing, too. It was more nerves. But yeah. The joy, I think is a natural thing. I'm I'm mostly a happy person.
Govindh Jayaraman (23:36):
That's great. But but I like this. So your your philosophy.
in addition to being core to who you are right, you had to discover this. You went through a process to do this, but it's also a reminder, and you use it as a reminder. Every word is there for a reason and for a purpose.
Am I wrong in that? This is.
Stephanie Szostak (23:55):
No, that exactly. It's a reminder, because if I don't remind myself, I I go the other way.
I can easily slip into not being courageous, not being authentic, being too serious, being judgmental of myself and others. I you know, and I'm not tired. I
(24:17):
we we all do that. We all can have the best of us ourselves, and the worst of ourselves. So those are all things that are challenging to me.
or were, and they still are but
my life. Philosophy has become an anchor into how I want to show up.
Govindh Jayaraman (24:34):
I I love how you're making it a reminder. Right? It's it's it's not so, I think some people say, Oh, well, I wish I were more courageous. I wish I were more truthful. I were more loving. I were more, you know. I brought more levity to myself. I didn't take myself so seriously, and they think of those things as aspirational, and as a result they don't make them part of their philosophy. But you're doing quite the opposite. You're you're saying. No, no, they're there.
(25:00):
But sometimes I go this way, and this is a good reminder for me to remember this part of me, too, in these points of pressure, is, is, Am I right in reading it that way?
Stephanie Szostak (25:12):
Yes, reminders are a huge part of my life. You know. I also was at the wishing part. That that's the beginning. When we're like, I'm I'm here and I wanna I feel stuck. And I want to be more. This. And then the next part is, how do I do this. What I found was the how I discovered by reading books listening to podcasts
(25:39):
therapy. You know. And and but I got all this amazing stuff that I was like. Oh, my God, yes, this is how I want to show up in life. Now and then you forget that is the hardest thing. So I actually created. And this is the whole thing of my book selfish and the app that I'm creating a playbook for myself on my phone
(26:05):
which has all the inspiration, motivation, guidance, wisdom
that helps me in life. And it's a reminder. I start every morning with it. And it's a reminder of what helps me think better, feel better and do better.
And and they're all individual reminders. I'm not gonna connect to every reminder every day.
(26:29):
But you know, we wake up every day feeling different. And
something's gonna pop every day. And I'm like, Oh, my, gosh, yes, I needed that today.
Govindh Jayaraman (26:38):
Yeah. And I I wanted to get to to selfish, because that itself was a journey for you to even express in that way that, you know.
Let's talk about the journey of selfish in writing that book. Selfish sounds like it's 1 thing, but I think that you very cleverly made it about a lot of different things, including.
(26:58):
you know, following your own philosophy, understanding what that is first, st and and living it every every day.
How hard was that for you to
to to articulate that way? How hard was it for you to be selfish and create this for yourself, and remind yourself about this and create these rituals for yourself.
Stephanie Szostak (27:18):
It wasn't hard it was out of, and it's spelled selfish with instead of having an eye. It's an exclamation point with a little crown over it, which kind of represents this is who you are. It's called selfish, because I think it takes time to discover who you are to do the work, and then it also takes time every single day
(27:41):
to if you we want to live with intention. If we
want to. You know, we all get in ruts. It takes time to get back to our center. So
you know, if if there's 1 thing that I would hope is that each one of us could every day reconnect to the best of who they are.
(28:02):
That's my wish. It wasn't hard for me, because it was really a necessity, and I realized that if I took just 3 min, you know I do a lot of other things. There's no magic pill. I meditate. I read, but I also watch my playbook every morning, and it takes 3 min. And I do all this stuff before I connect to the news, the emails, the texts.
(28:26):
and that helps I found it's it's a game changer. It helps me respond to all the noise better.
And it also helps make good thinking, habitual thinking. It's just little things. And I started doing this 7 years ago, and it's eventually amounted to quite, you know, substantial progress.
Govindh Jayaraman (28:47):
That's amazing. And do you feel.
do you feel like you say that you do this every day?
Is it every day, every day, or is there some days where you just don't do it?
Stephanie Szostak (28:58):
Every day.
Govindh Jayaraman (28:58):
Every day.
Stephanie Szostak (28:59):
Every day.
Govindh Jayaraman (29:00):
That's great, I I believe, when I drink my coffee.
Stephanie Szostak (29:04):
I drink my coffee, and I read a page of the Daily Stoic
Ryan Holiday's book, and then I watch my playbook.
Govindh Jayaraman (29:12):
That's awesome. I I believe there's never a day off from, you know. Success is rented, it's not owned, and you pay the rent every day with the things that you do, the habits that you have, and and I think that I think it's really neat that you've taken your athletic past. You know that your ability to be able to be
regular about things and brought it forward in all parts of your life. And and and I think that? Do you ever.
(29:39):
do you ever find that that
that you have been able to inspire other people by connecting to them to the in all these different ways, because you've had so many different
journeys. Right? You've had your journey as a d 1 athlete. You've had your journey as an actress that that started late in life. You've an author also, starting later in life
(30:05):
are those are those
opportunities for you to connect with people more easily now? Or how do you find that.
Stephanie Szostak (30:12):
Oh, yes, I think so. I think you know, I just was at William and Mary where I went to school and met with the golf team there. Just being able to say I was. I, too, was a collegiate golfer. But for sure, yeah, all those different experiences help you connect with others
(30:36):
in the end, I think, though no matter what our journeys are, we all go through struggles, we all have setbacks, we all are challenged in our relationships, our work, our personal lives. So
when we share our story, even even if the circumstances are different, I think it resonates because
(30:57):
we all have the same. You know the same same goals eventually, not goals, but aspirations to just
to have love and belonging and connections.
Govindh Jayaraman (31:09):
How? How has your journey inspired
your kids, your family, as you've I don't know, and discovered.
Stephanie Szostak (31:17):
You have to ask them.
Govindh Jayaraman (31:19):
No, I'm sure I'm sure you've seen it with your kids a little bit. Maybe not.
Stephanie Szostak (31:24):
Well, like, funeral's tough.
Yeah, 18 year olds. And then the other one's a senior in college, and he actually is doing. He started an Instagram account about the draft it's called. I'm gonna plug it the draft geek and he does all the visuals and all the the analysis.
(31:48):
he is studying sports management, which is his passion. And so, in a way, I was like, Huh! Look at that.
He actually my husband pointed it out he was. Look, he's following what he loves. He's creating like this unique thing that's visual. And we you created the playbook that's visual. So maybe
(32:08):
I hope that I hope, yeah, I yeah.
Govindh Jayaraman (32:13):
That's I think that's amazing. Do you have
the other thing about the philosophy that I just want to ask you about is your philosophy and your playbook. It sounds like you. You remind yourself, in the same sort of instance around that time about your philosophy every day. Is that is that correct? That's the right timing for you to bring your philosophy back into your conscious mind in the morning.
Stephanie Szostak (32:38):
Yes, my philosophy is actually in my playbook. It's written out.
and so yeah, it's in my playbook. Just so it's clear, because I. It's a weird concept. But in my playbook is a combination of
tools that, like my life philosophy skills that I want to sharpen my values, past memories that bring me joy, things that make me laugh.
(33:08):
some achievements that I'm proud of
visions for the future. So it's almost a big picture of my whole life, and by the time I'm done
I reminded of what my truth is, of what matters and what helps me go after it, and and I hit play, and there's music that goes with it, too. So it's a whole emotional, sensory kind of 3 min little trip
(33:36):
that reminds you of what's important for your life, completely personal to you, unique to you.
Govindh Jayaraman (33:42):
And
we're gonna put in the show notes links to the app when it becomes available, and certainly to the book as well where people can learn more about
that idea. The.
Stephanie Szostak (33:53):
The app is available in Beta.
Govindh Jayaraman (33:56):
Oh, it is okay. Great.
Stephanie Szostak (33:57):
Not in the app store. But yeah, with the in the website, selfishplaybook.com. You can request it in Beta. It's free so it's not perfect, but you can use it.
Govindh Jayaraman (34:08):
That's great. So we'll make sure that that's in the show notes for everybody to see.
I I wanna thank you so much, Stephanie, for sharing, for coming.
Stephanie Szostak (34:17):
Mixed.
Govindh Jayaraman (34:39):
When you see a parallel.
Stephanie Szostak (34:45):
I wish I could speak in Indian.
Govindh Jayaraman (34:50):
Sorry.
Stephanie Szostak (34:51):
Oh!
Govindh Jayaraman (34:52):
I wish I could speak Hindi too, but I can't.
Stephanie Szostak (34:54):
Oh, you can't speak in. Okay.
Govindh Jayaraman (34:56):
I can speak French, though.
Stephanie Szostak (34:57):
Yeah, that was good.
Govindh Jayaraman (34:59):
Alright. Well, thanks for coming.
Stephanie Szostak (35:01):
Thank you so much for having me. I enjoyed our conversation a lot.
Govindh Jayaraman (35:05):
Me too.
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