There’s something really honest about a message that stops you cold, makes you sit up straighter, and asks you: What are you really doing with your time?
That’s exactly what happened when I sat down (for the second time!) with Borzou Azabdaftari, founder of NickelBronx, a bold and authentic brand identity firm based in Washington, D.C. Our first recording got lost to the digital ether—but honestly, the second take felt even more powerful. And that’s a lesson in itself.
Borzou came to Paper Napkin Wisdom with this message scrawled on a napkin: “The time will pass regardless.”
At first glance, it might seem simple. But simple doesn’t mean small. In fact, the best wisdom often hides in plain sight.
“In two years, you could be further along… or not. But the time’s going to pass either way,” he said.
That landed hard for me. And I know it will for you too.
As entrepreneurs, leaders, creatives—we obsess over the right time, the right setup, the perfect conditions. But Borzou challenges all of that. He invites us to consider: What if you just started? Even if it’s messy. Even if it’s not perfect.
This isn’t just a platitude. It’s a powerful reframe. And it’s one Borzou has lived. His journey into branding wasn’t some cookie-cutter climb. It was forged in moments of uncertainty, reinvention, and hard choices. What makes him remarkable is his ability to cut through the noise and help others find their real voice—their truth. That’s what NickelBronx does, and it’s what he lives every day.
“Branding is an act of radical honesty,” he told me. “It’s about helping people discover who they are—and giving them permission to stop pretending.”
Boom. That’s it.
And we’re not just talking about corporate identity here. This message runs deeper. It’s about personal alignment. Showing up for your health, your family, your va
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Perfect.
(00:03):
Borzu, welcome to Paper Napkin Wisdom. I am… Really jazzed to have our conversation here today.
Thanks, Govin. Great to be here as always.
So full disclosure, because I like… You know, coming clean about things.
Borzu, you and I did this a little while ago. We were set to go live and then something happened to the recording. So we're doing it again.
(00:25):
But I feel really privileged because I get to steal an extra time with you and we've had a nice conversation in the green room before we began.
Yeah, I love any of your time I can grab. Yes.
It's always a joy to sit down with you. Yeah. So you shared a great paper napkin with me, which is even maybe more poignant given the circumstances.
(00:46):
The time will pass regardless. Why did you share that with me?
So I love that because I think it applies to almost anything.
If you are a person who wants to get in better shape.
It's easy. Belabor the amount of effort or that you're not where you want to be in that situation But, you know, in a year, in two years, you could be and the time is going to pass Either way, it applies
(01:19):
Social things and your time with your children and your life in general.
Right. Like your kids are going to grow up regardless of whether or not you spend time with them. That time is going to pass.
It's going to go. Your time with your partner, your spouse.
If you are not making the time to see them on a day to day week to week, whatever, that time's going to pass.
(01:43):
Regardless, and even in your career You know, we're both on the closer to the tail end of our journeys But I know you still do. And I still feel like there's so much I can do.
And there are so many people who in their 20s.
Feel like they missed it. They feel like they didn't get this.
(02:08):
You know, Zuckerberg… Big swing home run situation And I think so many people just don't act.
On the things that they really want. Thinking about how long it's going to take, thinking about how much effort it is, thinking about kind of everything else that's going on in their life And the time will pass regardless.
(02:31):
If something is going to take a year, two years, five years to get to your dream, the relationship you want.
The physique you want If you want to live somewhere.
We're talking about people wanting to move. The time is passing either way.
You're either going to use that in a way that is advantageous to you and gets you closer to your dreams.
(02:53):
Or you're not.
Yeah, so let's riff on that a little bit. So if the past is going to, if the time is going to pass.
What's our responsibility in that?
I think to use it to use it to the best of your ability.
And, you know, I don't want to tell anyone what they should want.
(03:16):
Out of life. But, you know, but the foundational things that are going to get you to the life that you want Maybe you don't want money, right? Maybe you want to make an impact, make a difference in the world.
Maybe you want to volunteer. Maybe you want to make the world a better place. Maybe there's an issue you really care about.
But if you don't take the steps to handle that or to move in that direction or to go And I think I think we just do such a… All of us, myself included.
(03:49):
It's so easy to push things off and say, I'll do this in three months. I'll do this in six months. Once I get this handled, I'll move on to that.
And I think… underestimate how many things we can do at once. And it's not unlimited.
But I think when people… put 100% of their effort into one thing They get burnt out.
(04:15):
They lose the site of things they have passion for and that really make them happy.
And… I'm a big believer that like 75% is the right amount of effort.
For kind of anything, right? Again, whether it's exercise uh work.
Even family, right? Your kids don't want to spend 100% of their time with you, right?
(04:39):
Um and I just think people just think people think either think it's going to take too long or be too hard or they're going to figure it out later and they just push off the most important things And never make any progress on them.
So one of the things that you said, and I don't want to Like it's easy to push things off and it's, but you also said it's easy to underestimate how many things you can do at once.
(05:05):
That sounds like a recipe for distraction, though, doesn't it? Like, don't you have to be careful about that?
There is such a thing as too many, 100%. And I'm not talking about starting like eight businesses.
Right. But I'm a big believer in balance in life.
So you have different people call them different things, right? You have a personal bucket, right? How you feel about yourself. Some people talk spiritual into this. Some people talk religion into this, right? You have a… community bucket. This could be your
(05:42):
Relationship, your family, your friends, right? And maybe these become different buckets you have a professional role bucket, right? And maybe that's just money. Maybe it's more than that.
And then I think we all have Areas we want to make an impact in.
Something we can do to make the world a better place.
And I think if you go all in and then, you know, frankly, we all have dreams.
(06:06):
You know, maybe you want to write that book. Maybe you want to start that podcast. Maybe you want to you know, start painting all right or learn to play an instrument And… If you don't, you're just always going to look back with regret.
And back on the balance. Front, I think if you put all your energy into one of those buckets.
(06:32):
It's like a wheel, right? Like the rest of them get small and then just it doesn't run smoothly.
And when you have the right amount of balance in each bucket and it's like weighted.
Yeah.
And your life feels like it's running more smoothly because you're happy in your relationships you're happy with yourself. You're getting the community fix that you need, right? Whether against friends, you know, entrepreneur groups extended family.
(07:01):
People need these things. And again, I'm not talking about starting 40 businesses, you know?
And each one deserves an amount of focus. But if there's something that's really important to you.
Again, the time's going to pass regardless. And if you don't make progress on it, it's going to become something that weighs on you.
(07:23):
That causes regret. You're going to always wonder what if And I think it's just really a recipe for people being miserable.
And this is something we were talking about earlier too, but we have so many I know so many people who have gotten everything they ever wanted in life And they're not happy. And it's because they weren't focused on filling
Right.
(07:47):
Those other buckets, their marriage isn't where they want it to be they're hobby they're passionate about.
They never had time to cultivate. And it could be anything from mountain biking to golf to You know, I have zero suggestions or concerns about where people are spending this time.
You know, if you want to be Surfer, go be a surfer. If you want to be… Poker player. Go be poker. I actually have a buddy who is maybe the embodiment of this.
(08:17):
He has… basically a day job as a GM is a car dealership, right? He's opened some kind of restaurant franchises on the side.
But his passion is poker. And he plays all the time. And he does world series of poker. He does these huge events um.
(08:40):
Right.
He's one of the happiest people I know. And it's because he makes the time and his relationships and his friends. You know what I mean? He makes time for the things that are important to him.
And 100% agree, if you're too fragmented. You're not going to make progress on anything, right? Like you can't do a thousand things, right? And maybe you don't work on every bucket at once But if you ignore them, I think it just makes such a vacuum
(09:07):
Like inside of you. That it becomes really hard to fill later.
Yeah, and I think there's a lot of what you… So the tool that you were sort of pointing at for people listening and not watching.
You sort of made your hands like a wheel And I'm going to put in the show notes a link to something called the Balance Wheel.
Where, you know, imagine a wheel where there are several spokes and each spoke you would rate your level of satisfaction around with that. And you rate your level of satisfaction or where you are relative to what you think a 10 would be.
(09:42):
In each one of those things and if if you have a balance in that wheel, it rolls, right? Like life, it rolls. It just rolls and You know, the beautiful thing about a rolling wheel is you have a chance of picking up momentum.
But using that metaphor, if one of those spokes is a little shorter and you've got a flat spot on that tire.
(10:10):
Mm-hmm.
It can stop there. You can… ruin momentum. You can stop momentum and progress everywhere because of that one thing. So you're really talking about building balance around this flat tire Not everything being 100%.
Somewhere less than that will work because the tire will keep on rolling.
But you're also talking about not making up that thing later. If you're looking at something that you love.
And saying… I don't have time for that right now.
(10:35):
I think that's what you're talking about, that you've got to prioritize. You can't look wistfully out the window.
Yeah, and I think and i think i think 100%. And I think everyone's so focused on the like business money-making career side of it.
And I think it's easy to convince yourself that's a good enough reason that you couldn't make your sons play do the family vacation or get to the gym in the morning or meal prep your food or whatever is the thing that is the thing
(11:11):
You probably would have been really happy that you did. And it's bullshit.
You know, it's a story you're telling yourself and it's bullshit.
Right. It is. It is. Because time, you can't manage time, but you can manage your energy.
And your energy is replenished by filling the buckets that you just talked about.
Personal, spiritual, community, professional impact. And whatever else energy bucket is important to you.
(11:38):
Yeah.
So Borz. Look… You live what I think is a very balanced life. But I wonder, have you always… adopted this mantra? Have you always approached it in this way? Or is this something that you had to learn?
No. So I hit a variety of extremes. Ranging… from.
(12:08):
First, you know, if I'm being honest. Pretty aggressive partying.
Recreational schedule and recreational schedule And it did negatively impact.
Yeah.
Everything from my career to my relationships to Whatever. And then flipping a switch and going the other way and just going all in on business and career And I mean, when we were getting married.
(12:33):
My wife asked me, she's like, listen, I need to know you're going to be present and focused at our wedding.
Like what's what time of year can we do this wedding?
And I was like, Thanksgiving or Christmas? I was like, what are you talking about? Those are the only times that I can promise you I won't take a call or be stressed about something at work.
And that was at one point in my mind, almost like a badge of honor entrepreneur story.
(12:58):
Yeah, look how focused I am. Yeah.
And now it's like embarrassing. I'm not going to lie. It makes it really easy to remember my anniversary.
It's tied to Thanksgiving. But… But it sounds so ridiculous to me now.
And honestly. You know, and the balance wheel exercise, I completely forgot that's what I was basically referencing for me out.
(13:21):
And tons of… personal development, therapy, just, you know, who knows right like I've been on a journey of self-work, but… But honestly, I saw like one of the biggest things is I saw just like some like meme on Instagram that was…
And I forget the number, but it's um between when you're whatever, 52 times 18 is, right? From the day your son, your kid is born until they leave, you get like 500 Saturdays with them.
(13:53):
And my son was like a year and a half old. And I was like, oh my God, I'm 80 Saturdays out.
Yeah.
I was like, what am I like, what am i doing here And so from that moment, I was like, I'm never working weekends again.
I'll stay late during the week, but I will… Like I'm never missing a weekend at home again And I just generally… have tried to like do more and more of that. And I'm sure you also have heard that like 90% of the time you spend with your cases before they turn 18.
(14:22):
Yeah. And that's horrifying because I've got a 19 year old.
You know, and I'm and i'm Right? Well, and like, you know, I know we always do, but I like to think we're going to do better um But I also I know.
How important this foundational relationship is? Because I see my friends who spend more time with their parents, even at my age And they did a lot of stuff together when they were kids.
(14:46):
They're accustomed to that. They miss that, right? Like you can't not be around when your kid's growing up.
And then wonder why they don't want to come chill with you.
When they're adults. You know, and I'm just very like aware of that dynamic And I want to do my best to like make a home my kids are going to want to come back to.
(15:07):
And I'm a big, you know, everything kids learn is caught, not taught.
Yeah.
Guy. And I know I can't tell him. I know I can't talk him into it. I know I can't.
Explain what it means to me or like how it'll be good for their kids to come around.
Right. What I can do is make sure I'm spending time with them, having fun with them.
And it's like, it's really not that complicated. It's not a money thing. It's not a… It's just, it's time. It's FaceTime.
(15:34):
And it's having fun. Yeah.
Yeah, experiences and activities. You know, one of the things that strikes me And I have a very similar story.
You know. There was a time or a season in your life where you were all in on the party recreation scene.
And then you were all in on the business career scene.
And then you were struck. By lightning, by this realization that there was this fuse.
(16:01):
That was burning. That you could do nothing about, right, with the kids and that you were 80 Saturdays in.
Well, and if I'm being really honest, I was a worse person.
Like i was i i Aside from the balance kind of everything else we're talking about I think we have like… like an emotional capacity, right? Like there's This isn't the best way to say it, but there's an amount of shit you can take.
(16:31):
Right.
Right. And if you are operating at like 10%, Something really bad, like a 70% bad thing can happen And you're still in your window of like, I can deal with this.
Right.
Right. But if you're honestly parting or working all the time You're living at like 90%.
Because you're so drained. And then a 15% thing happens and you're over your capacity for what you can handle.
(16:57):
Right. And how that manifests varies from differently from people could be a temper outrage. It could be depression, it could be anxiety.
Right. Like everyone deals with that stuff kind of differently
Yeah, when we're dysregulated we act in dysregulated ways, right? We all know that.
Yeah, but like… But that balance keeps that baseline low So you can handle like a like a bigger thing without becoming dysregulated.
(17:24):
So is there another part of this the time will pass regardless, which is a little bit of grace?
There's a little bit of grace built into that sentence too.
Because look, you know, sometimes You don't get it right.
And that time has passed. And it will pass.
(17:45):
So what are you going to do next as part of that? Like there's a little bit of grace also in that sentence Where, you know, if we're putting our attention to something and we don't get it 100% right.
Well, that time has passed. Regardless of what happened. So what are you doing next? What are you bringing next?
I'll be honest, I hadn't thought of it that way, but I really like that take on it as well. And it is 100% true.
(18:09):
It's like that Chinese adage. Best time to planetary was 20 years ago. Second best time is today.
Whatever happened, happened. And you got a new set of time in front of you.
Right.
And that time is going to pass. That time's going to pass too.
And what are you going to do with it? The time's also going to pass. Yeah.
What are you going to do? You don't want to look back at that one too?
Right? There's a little bit of that. And I think…
(18:31):
And that's the big thing. That is the big thing is you're going to get there and you're going to look back and be like, what did I do at that time?
And no one's going to judge that other than you And if you're not happy with the answer.
Right.
You said no one's going to judge that other than you.
Like it's going to weigh on you.
And, you know, maybe that's true but Even in the case of telling the storyboard about your wife and your wedding and, you know.
(19:09):
I'm actually feeling better. We still haven't done. Go ahead.
Embarrassingly, I have a similar story Where our honeymoon was short tracked because I had a keynote Like the Tuesday after the we got married and I was… I was too stupid to say, no, I can't do that. I'm getting married the week before.
Right. And it took me 10 years to take my wife on a honeymoon.
Yeah.
So… So I relate to that embarrassingly.
So your point about people not judging you, yes. The people who love us despite our foibles will be there.
(19:39):
Yeah.
We are our harshest critic in those times looking backwards, aren't we?
Yeah, 100%. I'm not saying there's not fallout. There is fallout beyond that but like the specific I think we know we're the only ones who understand what we could have done.
Could have done. Yeah, right.
(20:00):
Yeah, people know that like maybe you made the wrong choice or maybe you did something wrong or whatever.
But we're the only ones who know. And it's so sad that it's in hindsight what we were like actually capable of.
And like, if we… And we almost always had the idea.
Right. And so fast forward one, two, three, five years And you're like, oh, I wanted to do that. And I knew it was the right decision and I didn't.
(20:26):
We're the only ones with that specific frame. And yeah, it weighs heavy.
I, right. Right.
It really does.
So when you're a hundred percent in and you know you only put a toe in the water of the spiritual, the community, the family, the whatever else that wasn't part of the wheel and the at that point, you know what
(20:49):
100% could have looked like. You know what 70% could have looked like.
You know that you only put your toe in And man… It's heavy.
And it's, you know, it's a million different reasons. We think we're busy, we're scared, we don't know.
And so have you have E to the air circuit, but did you read that Dan Pink book on regret?
Yeah.
So one of his big things is taking the big chance is like one of people's biggest regrets.
(21:16):
And he says almost never Did people regret taking the chance, even if it didn't work out?
Right. Like. Almost everyone would rather do the risky thing. Take the big chance make the move Because even knowing it didn't pan out, they know they tried and that is more satisfying.
(21:38):
Than the regret of wondering what if.
Yeah, in the story, even sort of sets the stage that the only thing that people ever regret are the things that they didn't do, not the things that they did and failed.
Yeah.
Nobody talks about, oh man i i I tried this thing and it didn't work out. It's like I never did this. I never tried that.
Mm-hmm.
(22:00):
So… One of the things we were talking about before getting into this, there's a certain humility about this too, right? There's a humility about doing the work.
Because the time will pass regardless. Sometimes we get wrapped up in where we want to be as opposed to where we are.
(22:21):
So… there's a there's a present tense to this.
That's really important. Being present, being here, being now. And humbling ourselves to the work that we're doing or the time that we're spending or the importance we're giving to something right now.
Isn't there?
Yeah. I think it's important to think of the time as the path.
(22:46):
As the path.
To where you want to go. So if you're not using it, you're not getting to your destination.
Right. You know, sometimes our goal where we want to end up etc is like maybe not the right goal. Maybe not the right choice, maybe whatever. But we don't find that out and make the pivot or turn to where we want to be until we follow that path.
(23:12):
Right. And in that sense, if you're wasting the time. You're just not even moving in a direction, much less the right direction.
So how do you stay conscious of that? Because look, we're all… entrepreneurs building business, pressure's on.
Clients calling the bank's calling, something's happening. Some fire is burning somewhere.
(23:38):
How do we stay wise to the fact that we're using time.
So I think a little bit of it ties into the grace.
That you were saying, right? And acknowledging that to keep those other buckets full Right. Like maybe you got to dial down 100%.
(24:00):
Somewhere else and just… I mean, really convincing yourself it's going to be worth it.
Right. Again, this is like a thing that's really clear in hindsight.
Right.
But… You know, I know so many people with kids in their teens, college, adults, that they're just like not tight.
(24:24):
You know, and you can tell that they're not cool with each other. And sometimes like And this is a really hard thing to see. I feel like I know parents who don't even really like their kids that much.
You know, and it's and it's a little bit because they didn't turn out the way they want.
And that's a lot of it because they didn't spend enough time with them.
You know um It's just really sad to see in kind of people dealing with that. And it's a choice you have to make, right? And people can make the choice to grind And, you know, and there are periods that you have to do it, right? There are periods that
(25:00):
I… Actually, now that you say it that way, it's not 80% in every bucket 100% of the time.
You know what I mean? There might be a time where like shit is going crazy at work and you really need way more focus there.
And there might be a time where there might be a time You have a really big Family problem. Someone's sick. Something's going on, right? And you need a lot more attention there.
(25:25):
So it doesn't necessarily have to be a linear amount of effort in each bucket.
Every day, right? One week, this was a crazy work week for me, I was telling you, right? I worked late.
Several days, we had events, we had a lot of team in town.
And this is a week where like my not just family bucket was lower.
Then I would have loved in a normal week. But my also like, you know, I didn't eat as well. I didn't work out as much like kind of.
(25:50):
All my other stuff was tampered because this was a crazy work week.
You know, but I will try to flip that. Next week and maybe go have lunch with my kids at school and maybe go for a long bike ride with my son, right? So it doesn't have to be full balance all the time.
Just make sure you're putting effort in the buckets that are important to you.
(26:11):
So you're going to have the alchemy one at the end.
And how do you stay conscious? Like, do you have role models of how you stay conscious of this or have you modeled this for yourself?
Do you have a routine that helps you just check in on where you are on those buckets so the time doesn't pass without you being aware of it?
Um… Well, I was going to say
I mean, I know you've gotten good at it now, but somewhere out there, there's somebody… But somebody's listening right now and saying, okay, you know, Borzu, that's great. You've got a company.
(26:40):
That's been established for years I'm just a mom and I'm a solopreneur. I'm grinding. I don't know how I'm going to make it this month.
That's nice for you to say, but I don't have those options.
So… Several things.
So, yeah, I mean, I look… to everyone for role model example, right? Like I was always taught that like you can learn something from everyone, right? Like there's a homeless person on the street that has something to teach you, you know?
(27:15):
But everyone, I mean, even like you, Warren Rustin, Derek is a huge um advocate of spending time with your family, prioritizing that balance.
And like to those people. And, you know, every entrepreneurial journey looks great.
(27:37):
On the outside, you know, I had to like completely rejigger.
Um and I know everyone had a very hard time during COVID, but we went through the ringer. Like we really, we really did. My wife was In residential real estate and like, thank God, because if she, that industry was blowing up and she gave me a lot of coverage to figure stuff out
(28:04):
Right.
But we were in the we were in the thick of it too again And… I think it's a couple of things. I think one… You just… can't give your best for like 12 hours a day at work. You just can't.
You will actually, and I know this is like hard to hear and feel and whatever you will actually get more better Work done. If you dial that down to even 10 hours a day And I'm not saying never do 12 hours a day. I've done 16 hours a day. I've done all nighters. I've done everything.
(28:36):
That I've never wanted to do. I've missed birthdays. I've missed, right? Like sometimes you got to do what you got But if we're looking at an extended period of time, you are not going to be able to perform at that level.
And it's not my opinion. It's not no amount of caffeine or Adderall or nicotine is going to get you through it.
Your brain is going to operate at a diminished capacity you are going to do less.
(28:59):
Productive work and your output is going to be worse, right? So it's not even Like, do I have the luxury of doing this? You are going to do better, more focused work if you are… comfortable in your home relationship if you are feeling better about yourself, if you are sleeping a little bit more.
And again, tight window, everything's out the door. A couple of nights, couple of days.
(29:25):
How weak I'm selling my business whatever right But over over a long time period of time you cannot.
Yeah.
It's just not, and I'm not like casting aspersions on anyone. It's not… humanly possible to perform at a high level. It's why you get burned out. It's why you start hating it. It's why people kirk on their employees.
Or their customers or their family. Right. This is not We have.
(29:47):
That's why they medicate themselves with alcohol, drugs, and other distractions.
Yeah, I'm not talking about a… I'm not talking about a four hour morning routine with a cold plunge and a sauna. I'm just talking about like sometime with the people you love.
Yeah.
Getting some sleep, like just finding some other things that make you happy.
And you're going to do better. You 100% are going to do better.
(30:11):
You mentioned a name real quickly. You talked about Derek. Derek, for people listening, is Derek Coburn, who is phenomenally interesting phenomenally interesting author, entrepreneur, and a very influential network builder In the DC area, but really with a global presence, he's a phenomenal person.
(30:32):
And, you know, his kids are a couple of years older than mine.
The…
And I get to like watch and see how he's doing stuff.
You know, and I have a couple of friends like that. And I think everyone should have a couple of friends that are a little bit ahead of them.
Right.
To kind of see how they're doing and how that's going. I think everyone should have a couple of friends A little bit behind them. Keep me young, keep him.
You know what I mean? Then kind of like pass it down the other way.
Yeah.
(30:56):
And also remind us of the you know the the need to be present because every time I see… Every time I hear a little baby cry.
And what do you want to tell them, right?
I remember that little voice and I remember being so stressed out when our Babies would cry. And now I just… It's like, it doesn't matter. It's the cutest thing. You know, it's such a little voice. It's not as loud as you think.
(31:21):
Yeah. And you're going to miss it. Yeah.
You're going to miss it a lot. So the time will pass regardless. There's so much.
Past, present, and future in the power of that sentence, in the power of that wisdom.
What does… What does it mean for you when you think about you know passing. I liked what you said about how with kids things are caught, not taught.
(31:49):
That's a great… Well, first of all, it rhymes so people can remember it, but it's great, right? It's just good for simple minds.
Is going to ricochet around a little bit. But…
Yeah. Well, it's true. Kids have an almost 0% chance of like doing what their parents tell them to do and like a 90 plus percent chance of mimicking their behavior.
Right. In front of them. Yeah, make a choice to do the uncomfortable thing.
You want your kids to raid downtown the raid. Great. And your kids will say yeah yeah Yeah.
(32:13):
And it's definitely true. The… So what would you say to the person who… You know, they're looking back now. They're hearing this time will pass regardless and they're thinking about the 20 years ago that they should have planted the tree.
(32:35):
What do you say to that person right now?
Yeah. I would say sit down, right? Write the three to five things that are most important to you that you would like to look back on?
You're talking about writing it down, like write it down.
Yeah, look, yeah, get a pad and paper. So this is actually, this is something um I did like a technology detox.
(32:58):
Because I was going through some stuff and I was trying to make some decisions, you know, especially in the middle of COVID. A lot of things were going on.
And I just hold myself up. No.
Screens, no music, no TV, no internet, no… anything. It was like a day and a half.
(33:20):
Right. Less than 36 hours.
And, you know, I could like. I could leave. I could go get food i could You know, I was not in prison. And my wife could text and call me. I wasn't like, you know.
But no music, no TV, no apps, no work, no nothing, just with like a pad of paper.
(33:43):
And I just, and you don't have to do it for like a day and a half, right?
We're so… distracted all the time that we don't sit with ourselves.
Right. Like we don't sit with our thoughts because we're so busy, so distracted, so…
(34:04):
Just conditioned to have something going on all the time, right? Like, you know, when we were kids, like you could actually be bored. Our kids don't even have that as an option anymore.
And… Just, I mean, think about what you want. Go to the link for the balance bill government's putting in. Do that as well.
Right. And look at the areas of your life that you want to change.
(34:28):
Yeah.
And maybe someone's crushing it career-wise, but has problems other places, right? Maybe someone's crushing it at home or whatever, and their career is not what they want it to be.
And, you know, if it's your career, I think it's really like Do I want to be doing this?
You know, and if you don't like fucking do something about it. Am I doing this as well as I could?
(34:50):
And if you're not right like what the things are are irrelevant. But if you sit with yourself But you have the answers. You're going to know the answers.
What is going to make you happiest in a couple of years?
One of the things that I love to do And I love to suggest to people to do.
(35:11):
Whether I'm coaching somebody or I'm working with somebody is write your story.
Write the story that you want. Not like the way you think it could be.
And look, it can be totally aspirational. It can be totally inspirational. It can be totally fictitious. It can read like a fiction.
It's fine, but write it. Conceive it. And the moment that you're your unconscious mind allows, you know, the moment you… imprint that story in your unconscious mind.
(35:43):
It starts to work at ways to make it happen. But you have to believe it's possible.
I think that's also part of your… wisdom here, right? That the time will pass regardless so Why not think about and work on the things that matter to you.
Why not? Because it's going to go. This moment's gone.
(36:04):
Yeah, and you're going to wake up one and it's all going to be over.
Right? Like in a few minutes, we're going to hang up and we have a choice to be scrolling on another screen, focused on something else, looking at our phones.
Observing what texts might be coming on or not. Or we could just take this moment.
(36:25):
This moment. You know, if you're listening, you can take this moment.
Yeah.
And think about how you're going to apply it. Right?
Yeah, and this is maybe irrelevant, but just for everyone, own your limitations as well.
So like you're talking about screen time, this and that. I'm every bit as addicted.
(36:47):
As my kids. I have a separate screen time app on my phone like a child To keep me off social media. Untimmed I'm supposed to be doing other things.
You know, like if you can't If there's something that's causing a problem for you, and it's a little embarrassing You know, but that's what I had to do.
Right. I have to police myself in the same than I would have kid for certain things.
Right.
(37:15):
Nothing wrong.
And that's fine. You know, like if there's something that's a problem that is stopping you from doing what you want to do. Don't feel bad about it. Everyone's got something stupid or they're not good at or they're stupid that's holding them back or like that one's great at everything.
Or they don't know how to do it. They don't know even where to start. Like you talked about meal prep. People are simply going.
What's meal prep right like It could be anything.
(37:40):
Yeah, I will. I will add… In case someone's making a wholesale life change.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I do think it's like one or two things at a time. So like when you make the list, when you make the list, start one, give it a month, start the next habit, give it a month, start the next habit, right?
If it's like a massive life change. But yeah, but I mean, everyone figures it out in their own time, in their own way As long as you're making… progress, right? So I have… If you're making… 50 men a year. And then next year you're making 75 grand a year
(38:15):
You're going to feel amazing. Just because you're moving the right way.
If you're making 100 grand a year, next year you're making 75, you're going to feel like shit.
These are two people who are both making 75 grand a year.
With totally different perspectives on it. Just because there's no movement.
Yeah. We like to grow.
And once you start making a little movement, a little positive traction, you can feel so good about yourself. It's going to start to feel effortless, like little by little.
(38:41):
I love that. So Borzu, part of our community And a thing that we've been doing for a while, you know, John Rulon. John Rulin Passed away suddenly. And he was an early Friend of the show.
Yeah. And younger than both of us, by the way.
Yeah, a lot younger than both of us. But he, in his time, inspired so much change.
Yeah.
(39:04):
I read his book, Giftology. And a napkin that he gave us many years ago, which is what you appreciate appreciates.
And to honor his legacy and his contribution to our community.
We've been asking everybody to end their conversation, their paper napkin with Somebody they'd like to shout out, give some appreciation or love to.
Who would you like to shout out today, Borza?
(39:30):
I'll give a shout out to my mom. So we… You know, it's fucking crazy time in the world.
And I… I think I've always been appreciative of her sacrifices and kind of everything we've gone through but like the older I get and the crazier it is the um more, it seems like, right? So when my mom was my age, I was 23.
(40:00):
Right. She had me really young. They had no intention of living in this country right they they left what could have been a really bad situation. And like, when I think about the other side of this coin like my daughter maybe being raised in Iran.
It's…
(40:21):
It's like just the sacrifices and everything. To G&A in general went through was
It's different now than I did when we were younger.
Yeah, that's powerful. And I feel the appreciation.
For what you've shared with your mother. Thank you, Borzo.
Perfect.
(00:03):
Borzu, welcome to Paper Napkin Wisdom. I am… Really jazzed to have our conversation here today.
Thanks, Govin. Great to be here as always.
So full disclosure, because I like… You know, coming clean about things.
Borzu, you and I did this a little while ago. We were set to go live and then something happened to the recording. So we're doing it again.
(00:25):
But I feel really privileged because I get to steal an extra time with you and we've had a nice conversation in the green room before we began.
Yeah, I love any of your time I can grab. Yes.
It's always a joy to sit down with you. Yeah. So you shared a great paper napkin with me, which is even maybe more poignant given the circumstances.
(00:46):
The time will pass regardless. Why did you share that with me?
So I love that because I think it applies to almost anything.
If you are a person who wants to get in better shape.
It's easy. Belabor the amount of effort or that you're not where you want to be in that situation But, you know, in a year, in two years, you could be and the time is going to pass Either way, it applies
(01:19):
Social things and your time with your children and your life in general.
Right. Like your kids are going to grow up regardless of whether or not you spend time with them. That time is going to pass.
It's going to go. Your time with your partner, your spouse.
If you are not making the time to see them on a day to day week to week, whatever, that time's going to pass.
(01:43):
Regardless, and even in your career You know, we're both on the closer to the tail end of our journeys But I know you still do. And I still feel like there's so much I can do.
And there are so many people who in their 20s.
Feel like they missed it. They feel like they didn't get this.
(02:08):
You know, Zuckerberg… Big swing home run situation And I think so many people just don't act.
On the things that they really want. Thinking about how long it's going to take, thinking about how much effort it is, thinking about kind of everything else that's going on in their life And the time will pass regardless.
(02:31):
If something is going to take a year, two years, five years to get to your dream, the relationship you want.
The physique you want If you want to live somewhere.
We're talking about people wanting to move. The time is passing either way.
You're either going to use that in a way that is advantageous to you and gets you closer to your dreams.
(02:53):
Or you're not.
Yeah, so let's riff on that a little bit. So if the past is going to, if the time is going to pass.
What's our responsibility in that?
I think to use it to use it to the best of your ability.
And, you know, I don't want to tell anyone what they should want.
(03:16):
Out of life. But, you know, but the foundational things that are going to get you to the life that you want Maybe you don't want money, right? Maybe you want to make an impact, make a difference in the world.
Maybe you want to volunteer. Maybe you want to make the world a better place. Maybe there's an issue you really care about.
But if you don't take the steps to handle that or to move in that direction or to go And I think I think we just do such a… All of us, myself included.
(03:49):
It's so easy to push things off and say, I'll do this in three months. I'll do this in six months. Once I get this handled, I'll move on to that.
And I think… underestimate how many things we can do at once. And it's not unlimited.
But I think when people… put 100% of their effort into one thing They get burnt out.
(04:15):
They lose the site of things they have passion for and that really make them happy.
And… I'm a big believer that like 75% is the right amount of effort.
For kind of anything, right? Again, whether it's exercise uh work.
Even family, right? Your kids don't want to spend 100% of their time with you, right?
(04:39):
Um and I just think people just think people think either think it's going to take too long or be too hard or they're going to figure it out later and they just push off the most important things And never make any progress on them.
So one of the things that you said, and I don't want to Like it's easy to push things off and it's, but you also said it's easy to underestimate how many things you can do at once.
(05:05):
That sounds like a recipe for distraction, though, doesn't it? Like, don't you have to be careful about that?
There is such a thing as too many, 100%. And I'm not talking about starting like eight businesses.
Right. But I'm a big believer in balance in life.
So you have different people call them different things, right? You have a personal bucket, right? How you feel about yourself. Some people talk spiritual into this. Some people talk religion into this, right? You have a… community bucket. This could be your
(05:42):
Relationship, your family, your friends, right? And maybe these become different buckets you have a professional role bucket, right? And maybe that's just money. Maybe it's more than that.
And then I think we all have Areas we want to make an impact in.
Something we can do to make the world a better place.
And I think if you go all in and then, you know, frankly, we all have dreams.
(06:06):
You know, maybe you want to write that book. Maybe you want to start that podcast. Maybe you want to you know, start painting all right or learn to play an instrument And… If you don't, you're just always going to look back with regret.
And back on the balance. Front, I think if you put all your energy into one of those buckets.
(06:32):
It's like a wheel, right? Like the rest of them get small and then just it doesn't run smoothly.
And when you have the right amount of balance in each bucket and it's like weighted.
Yeah.
And your life feels like it's running more smoothly because you're happy in your relationships you're happy with yourself. You're getting the community fix that you need, right? Whether against friends, you know, entrepreneur groups extended family.
(07:01):
People need these things. And again, I'm not talking about starting 40 businesses, you know?
And each one deserves an amount of focus. But if there's something that's really important to you.
Again, the time's going to pass regardless. And if you don't make progress on it, it's going to become something that weighs on you.
(07:23):
That causes regret. You're going to always wonder what if And I think it's just really a recipe for people being miserable.
And this is something we were talking about earlier too, but we have so many I know so many people who have gotten everything they ever wanted in life And they're not happy. And it's because they weren't focused on filling
Right.
(07:47):
Those other buckets, their marriage isn't where they want it to be they're hobby they're passionate about.
They never had time to cultivate. And it could be anything from mountain biking to golf to You know, I have zero suggestions or concerns about where people are spending this time.
You know, if you want to be Surfer, go be a surfer. If you want to be… Poker player. Go be poker. I actually have a buddy who is maybe the embodiment of this.
(08:17):
He has… basically a day job as a GM is a car dealership, right? He's opened some kind of restaurant franchises on the side.
But his passion is poker. And he plays all the time. And he does world series of poker. He does these huge events um.
(08:40):
Right.
He's one of the happiest people I know. And it's because he makes the time and his relationships and his friends. You know what I mean? He makes time for the things that are important to him.
And 100% agree, if you're too fragmented. You're not going to make progress on anything, right? Like you can't do a thousand things, right? And maybe you don't work on every bucket at once But if you ignore them, I think it just makes such a vacuum
(09:07):
Like inside of you. That it becomes really hard to fill later.
Yeah, and I think there's a lot of what you… So the tool that you were sort of pointing at for people listening and not watching.
You sort of made your hands like a wheel And I'm going to put in the show notes a link to something called the Balance Wheel.
Where, you know, imagine a wheel where there are several spokes and each spoke you would rate your level of satisfaction around with that. And you rate your level of satisfaction or where you are relative to what you think a 10 would be.
(09:42):
In each one of those things and if if you have a balance in that wheel, it rolls, right? Like life, it rolls. It just rolls and You know, the beautiful thing about a rolling wheel is you have a chance of picking up momentum.
But using that metaphor, if one of those spokes is a little shorter and you've got a flat spot on that tire.
(10:10):
Mm-hmm.
It can stop there. You can… ruin momentum. You can stop momentum and progress everywhere because of that one thing. So you're really talking about building balance around this flat tire Not everything being 100%.
Somewhere less than that will work because the tire will keep on rolling.
But you're also talking about not making up that thing later. If you're looking at something that you love.
And saying… I don't have time for that right now.
(10:35):
I think that's what you're talking about, that you've got to prioritize. You can't look wistfully out the window.
Yeah, and I think and i think i think 100%. And I think everyone's so focused on the like business money-making career side of it.
And I think it's easy to convince yourself that's a good enough reason that you couldn't make your sons play do the family vacation or get to the gym in the morning or meal prep your food or whatever is the thing that is the thing
(11:11):
You probably would have been really happy that you did. And it's bullshit.
You know, it's a story you're telling yourself and it's bullshit.
Right. It is. It is. Because time, you can't manage time, but you can manage your energy.
And your energy is replenished by filling the buckets that you just talked about.
Personal, spiritual, community, professional impact. And whatever else energy bucket is important to you.
(11:38):
Yeah.
So Borz. Look… You live what I think is a very balanced life. But I wonder, have you always… adopted this mantra? Have you always approached it in this way? Or is this something that you had to learn?
No. So I hit a variety of extremes. Ranging… from.
(12:08):
First, you know, if I'm being honest. Pretty aggressive partying.
Recreational schedule and recreational schedule And it did negatively impact.
Yeah.
Everything from my career to my relationships to Whatever. And then flipping a switch and going the other way and just going all in on business and career And I mean, when we were getting married.
(12:33):
My wife asked me, she's like, listen, I need to know you're going to be present and focused at our wedding.
Like what's what time of year can we do this wedding?
And I was like, Thanksgiving or Christmas? I was like, what are you talking about? Those are the only times that I can promise you I won't take a call or be stressed about something at work.
And that was at one point in my mind, almost like a badge of honor entrepreneur story.
(12:58):
Yeah, look how focused I am. Yeah.
And now it's like embarrassing. I'm not going to lie. It makes it really easy to remember my anniversary.
It's tied to Thanksgiving. But… But it sounds so ridiculous to me now.
And honestly. You know, and the balance wheel exercise, I completely forgot that's what I was basically referencing for me out.
(13:21):
And tons of… personal development, therapy, just, you know, who knows right like I've been on a journey of self-work, but… But honestly, I saw like one of the biggest things is I saw just like some like meme on Instagram that was…
And I forget the number, but it's um between when you're whatever, 52 times 18 is, right? From the day your son, your kid is born until they leave, you get like 500 Saturdays with them.
(13:53):
And my son was like a year and a half old. And I was like, oh my God, I'm 80 Saturdays out.
Yeah.
I was like, what am I like, what am i doing here And so from that moment, I was like, I'm never working weekends again.
I'll stay late during the week, but I will… Like I'm never missing a weekend at home again And I just generally… have tried to like do more and more of that. And I'm sure you also have heard that like 90% of the time you spend with your cases before they turn 18.
(14:22):
Yeah. And that's horrifying because I've got a 19 year old.
You know, and I'm and i'm Right? Well, and like, you know, I know we always do, but I like to think we're going to do better um But I also I know.
How important this foundational relationship is? Because I see my friends who spend more time with their parents, even at my age And they did a lot of stuff together when they were kids.
(14:46):
They're accustomed to that. They miss that, right? Like you can't not be around when your kid's growing up.
And then wonder why they don't want to come chill with you.
When they're adults. You know, and I'm just very like aware of that dynamic And I want to do my best to like make a home my kids are going to want to come back to.
(15:07):
And I'm a big, you know, everything kids learn is caught, not taught.
Yeah.
Guy. And I know I can't tell him. I know I can't talk him into it. I know I can't.
Explain what it means to me or like how it'll be good for their kids to come around.
Right. What I can do is make sure I'm spending time with them, having fun with them.
And it's like, it's really not that complicated. It's not a money thing. It's not a… It's just, it's time. It's FaceTime.
(15:34):
And it's having fun. Yeah.
Yeah, experiences and activities. You know, one of the things that strikes me And I have a very similar story.
You know. There was a time or a season in your life where you were all in on the party recreation scene.
And then you were all in on the business career scene.
And then you were struck. By lightning, by this realization that there was this fuse.
(16:01):
That was burning. That you could do nothing about, right, with the kids and that you were 80 Saturdays in.
Well, and if I'm being really honest, I was a worse person.
Like i was i i Aside from the balance kind of everything else we're talking about I think we have like… like an emotional capacity, right? Like there's This isn't the best way to say it, but there's an amount of shit you can take.
(16:31):
Right.
Right. And if you are operating at like 10%, Something really bad, like a 70% bad thing can happen And you're still in your window of like, I can deal with this.
Right.
Right. But if you're honestly parting or working all the time You're living at like 90%.
Because you're so drained. And then a 15% thing happens and you're over your capacity for what you can handle.
(16:57):
Right. And how that manifests varies from differently from people could be a temper outrage. It could be depression, it could be anxiety.
Right. Like everyone deals with that stuff kind of differently
Yeah, when we're dysregulated we act in dysregulated ways, right? We all know that.
Yeah, but like… But that balance keeps that baseline low So you can handle like a like a bigger thing without becoming dysregulated.
(17:24):
So is there another part of this the time will pass regardless, which is a little bit of grace?
There's a little bit of grace built into that sentence too.
Because look, you know, sometimes You don't get it right.
And that time has passed. And it will pass.
(17:45):
So what are you going to do next as part of that? Like there's a little bit of grace also in that sentence Where, you know, if we're putting our attention to something and we don't get it 100% right.
Well, that time has passed. Regardless of what happened. So what are you doing next? What are you bringing next?
I'll be honest, I hadn't thought of it that way, but I really like that take on it as well. And it is 100% true.
(18:09):
It's like that Chinese adage. Best time to planetary was 20 years ago. Second best time is today.
Whatever happened, happened. And you got a new set of time in front of you.
Right.
And that time is going to pass. That time's going to pass too.
And what are you going to do with it? The time's also going to pass. Yeah.
What are you going to do? You don't want to look back at that one too?
Right? There's a little bit of that. And I think…
(18:31):
And that's the big thing. That is the big thing is you're going to get there and you're going to look back and be like, what did I do at that time?
And no one's going to judge that other than you And if you're not happy with the answer.
Right.
You said no one's going to judge that other than you.
Like it's going to weigh on you.
And, you know, maybe that's true but Even in the case of telling the storyboard about your wife and your wedding and, you know.
(19:09):
I'm actually feeling better. We still haven't done. Go ahead.
Embarrassingly, I have a similar story Where our honeymoon was short tracked because I had a keynote Like the Tuesday after the we got married and I was… I was too stupid to say, no, I can't do that. I'm getting married the week before.
Right. And it took me 10 years to take my wife on a honeymoon.
Yeah.
So… So I relate to that embarrassingly.
So your point about people not judging you, yes. The people who love us despite our foibles will be there.
(19:39):
Yeah.
We are our harshest critic in those times looking backwards, aren't we?
Yeah, 100%. I'm not saying there's not fallout. There is fallout beyond that but like the specific I think we know we're the only ones who understand what we could have done.
Could have done. Yeah, right.
(20:00):
Yeah, people know that like maybe you made the wrong choice or maybe you did something wrong or whatever.
But we're the only ones who know. And it's so sad that it's in hindsight what we were like actually capable of.
And like, if we… And we almost always had the idea.
Right. And so fast forward one, two, three, five years And you're like, oh, I wanted to do that. And I knew it was the right decision and I didn't.
(20:26):
We're the only ones with that specific frame. And yeah, it weighs heavy.
I, right. Right.
It really does.
So when you're a hundred percent in and you know you only put a toe in the water of the spiritual, the community, the family, the whatever else that wasn't part of the wheel and the at that point, you know what
(20:49):
100% could have looked like. You know what 70% could have looked like.
You know that you only put your toe in And man… It's heavy.
And it's, you know, it's a million different reasons. We think we're busy, we're scared, we don't know.
And so have you have E to the air circuit, but did you read that Dan Pink book on regret?
Yeah.
So one of his big things is taking the big chance is like one of people's biggest regrets.
(21:16):
And he says almost never Did people regret taking the chance, even if it didn't work out?
Right. Like. Almost everyone would rather do the risky thing. Take the big chance make the move Because even knowing it didn't pan out, they know they tried and that is more satisfying.
(21:38):
Than the regret of wondering what if.
Yeah, in the story, even sort of sets the stage that the only thing that people ever regret are the things that they didn't do, not the things that they did and failed.
Yeah.
Nobody talks about, oh man i i I tried this thing and it didn't work out. It's like I never did this. I never tried that.
Mm-hmm.
(22:00):
So… One of the things we were talking about before getting into this, there's a certain humility about this too, right? There's a humility about doing the work.
Because the time will pass regardless. Sometimes we get wrapped up in where we want to be as opposed to where we are.
(22:21):
So… there's a there's a present tense to this.
That's really important. Being present, being here, being now. And humbling ourselves to the work that we're doing or the time that we're spending or the importance we're giving to something right now.
Isn't there?
Yeah. I think it's important to think of the time as the path.
(22:46):
As the path.
To where you want to go. So if you're not using it, you're not getting to your destination.
Right. You know, sometimes our goal where we want to end up etc is like maybe not the right goal. Maybe not the right choice, maybe whatever. But we don't find that out and make the pivot or turn to where we want to be until we follow that path.
(23:12):
Right. And in that sense, if you're wasting the time. You're just not even moving in a direction, much less the right direction.
So how do you stay conscious of that? Because look, we're all… entrepreneurs building business, pressure's on.
Clients calling the bank's calling, something's happening. Some fire is burning somewhere.
(23:38):
How do we stay wise to the fact that we're using time.
So I think a little bit of it ties into the grace.
That you were saying, right? And acknowledging that to keep those other buckets full Right. Like maybe you got to dial down 100%.
(24:00):
Somewhere else and just… I mean, really convincing yourself it's going to be worth it.
Right. Again, this is like a thing that's really clear in hindsight.
Right.
But… You know, I know so many people with kids in their teens, college, adults, that they're just like not tight.
(24:24):
You know, and you can tell that they're not cool with each other. And sometimes like And this is a really hard thing to see. I feel like I know parents who don't even really like their kids that much.
You know, and it's and it's a little bit because they didn't turn out the way they want.
And that's a lot of it because they didn't spend enough time with them.
You know um It's just really sad to see in kind of people dealing with that. And it's a choice you have to make, right? And people can make the choice to grind And, you know, and there are periods that you have to do it, right? There are periods that
(25:00):
I… Actually, now that you say it that way, it's not 80% in every bucket 100% of the time.
You know what I mean? There might be a time where like shit is going crazy at work and you really need way more focus there.
And there might be a time where there might be a time You have a really big Family problem. Someone's sick. Something's going on, right? And you need a lot more attention there.
(25:25):
So it doesn't necessarily have to be a linear amount of effort in each bucket.
Every day, right? One week, this was a crazy work week for me, I was telling you, right? I worked late.
Several days, we had events, we had a lot of team in town.
And this is a week where like my not just family bucket was lower.
Then I would have loved in a normal week. But my also like, you know, I didn't eat as well. I didn't work out as much like kind of.
(25:50):
All my other stuff was tampered because this was a crazy work week.
You know, but I will try to flip that. Next week and maybe go have lunch with my kids at school and maybe go for a long bike ride with my son, right? So it doesn't have to be full balance all the time.
Just make sure you're putting effort in the buckets that are important to you.
(26:11):
So you're going to have the alchemy one at the end.
And how do you stay conscious? Like, do you have role models of how you stay conscious of this or have you modeled this for yourself?
Do you have a routine that helps you just check in on where you are on those buckets so the time doesn't pass without you being aware of it?
Um… Well, I was going to say
I mean, I know you've gotten good at it now, but somewhere out there, there's somebody… But somebody's listening right now and saying, okay, you know, Borzu, that's great. You've got a company.
(26:40):
That's been established for years I'm just a mom and I'm a solopreneur. I'm grinding. I don't know how I'm going to make it this month.
That's nice for you to say, but I don't have those options.
So… Several things.
So, yeah, I mean, I look… to everyone for role model example, right? Like I was always taught that like you can learn something from everyone, right? Like there's a homeless person on the street that has something to teach you, you know?
(27:15):
But everyone, I mean, even like you, Warren Rustin, Derek is a huge um advocate of spending time with your family, prioritizing that balance.
And like to those people. And, you know, every entrepreneurial journey looks great.
(27:37):
On the outside, you know, I had to like completely rejigger.
Um and I know everyone had a very hard time during COVID, but we went through the ringer. Like we really, we really did. My wife was In residential real estate and like, thank God, because if she, that industry was blowing up and she gave me a lot of coverage to figure stuff out
(28:04):
Right.
But we were in the we were in the thick of it too again And… I think it's a couple of things. I think one… You just… can't give your best for like 12 hours a day at work. You just can't.
You will actually, and I know this is like hard to hear and feel and whatever you will actually get more better Work done. If you dial that down to even 10 hours a day And I'm not saying never do 12 hours a day. I've done 16 hours a day. I've done all nighters. I've done everything.
(28:36):
That I've never wanted to do. I've missed birthdays. I've missed, right? Like sometimes you got to do what you got But if we're looking at an extended period of time, you are not going to be able to perform at that level.
And it's not my opinion. It's not no amount of caffeine or Adderall or nicotine is going to get you through it.
Your brain is going to operate at a diminished capacity you are going to do less.
(28:59):
Productive work and your output is going to be worse, right? So it's not even Like, do I have the luxury of doing this? You are going to do better, more focused work if you are… comfortable in your home relationship if you are feeling better about yourself, if you are sleeping a little bit more.
And again, tight window, everything's out the door. A couple of nights, couple of days.
(29:25):
How weak I'm selling my business whatever right But over over a long time period of time you cannot.
Yeah.
It's just not, and I'm not like casting aspersions on anyone. It's not… humanly possible to perform at a high level. It's why you get burned out. It's why you start hating it. It's why people kirk on their employees.
Or their customers or their family. Right. This is not We have.
(29:47):
That's why they medicate themselves with alcohol, drugs, and other distractions.
Yeah, I'm not talking about a… I'm not talking about a four hour morning routine with a cold plunge and a sauna. I'm just talking about like sometime with the people you love.
Yeah.
Getting some sleep, like just finding some other things that make you happy.
And you're going to do better. You 100% are going to do better.
(30:11):
You mentioned a name real quickly. You talked about Derek. Derek, for people listening, is Derek Coburn, who is phenomenally interesting phenomenally interesting author, entrepreneur, and a very influential network builder In the DC area, but really with a global presence, he's a phenomenal person.
(30:32):
And, you know, his kids are a couple of years older than mine.
The…
And I get to like watch and see how he's doing stuff.
You know, and I have a couple of friends like that. And I think everyone should have a couple of friends that are a little bit ahead of them.
Right.
To kind of see how they're doing and how that's going. I think everyone should have a couple of friends A little bit behind them. Keep me young, keep him.
You know what I mean? Then kind of like pass it down the other way.
Yeah.
(30:56):
And also remind us of the you know the the need to be present because every time I see… Every time I hear a little baby cry.
And what do you want to tell them, right?
I remember that little voice and I remember being so stressed out when our Babies would cry. And now I just… It's like, it doesn't matter. It's the cutest thing. You know, it's such a little voice. It's not as loud as you think.
(31:21):
Yeah. And you're going to miss it. Yeah.
You're going to miss it a lot. So the time will pass regardless. There's so much.
Past, present, and future in the power of that sentence, in the power of that wisdom.
What does… What does it mean for you when you think about you know passing. I liked what you said about how with kids things are caught, not taught.
(31:49):
That's a great… Well, first of all, it rhymes so people can remember it, but it's great, right? It's just good for simple minds.
Is going to ricochet around a little bit. But…
Yeah. Well, it's true. Kids have an almost 0% chance of like doing what their parents tell them to do and like a 90 plus percent chance of mimicking their behavior.
Right. In front of them. Yeah, make a choice to do the uncomfortable thing.
You want your kids to raid downtown the raid. Great. And your kids will say yeah yeah Yeah.
(32:13):
And it's definitely true. The… So what would you say to the person who… You know, they're looking back now. They're hearing this time will pass regardless and they're thinking about the 20 years ago that they should have planted the tree.
(32:35):
What do you say to that person right now?
Yeah. I would say sit down, right? Write the three to five things that are most important to you that you would like to look back on?
You're talking about writing it down, like write it down.
Yeah, look, yeah, get a pad and paper. So this is actually, this is something um I did like a technology detox.
(32:58):
Because I was going through some stuff and I was trying to make some decisions, you know, especially in the middle of COVID. A lot of things were going on.
And I just hold myself up. No.
Screens, no music, no TV, no internet, no… anything. It was like a day and a half.
(33:20):
Right. Less than 36 hours.
And, you know, I could like. I could leave. I could go get food i could You know, I was not in prison. And my wife could text and call me. I wasn't like, you know.
But no music, no TV, no apps, no work, no nothing, just with like a pad of paper.
(33:43):
And I just, and you don't have to do it for like a day and a half, right?
We're so… distracted all the time that we don't sit with ourselves.
Right. Like we don't sit with our thoughts because we're so busy, so distracted, so…
(34:04):
Just conditioned to have something going on all the time, right? Like, you know, when we were kids, like you could actually be bored. Our kids don't even have that as an option anymore.
And… Just, I mean, think about what you want. Go to the link for the balance bill government's putting in. Do that as well.
Right. And look at the areas of your life that you want to change.
(34:28):
Yeah.
And maybe someone's crushing it career-wise, but has problems other places, right? Maybe someone's crushing it at home or whatever, and their career is not what they want it to be.
And, you know, if it's your career, I think it's really like Do I want to be doing this?
You know, and if you don't like fucking do something about it. Am I doing this as well as I could?
(34:50):
And if you're not right like what the things are are irrelevant. But if you sit with yourself But you have the answers. You're going to know the answers.
What is going to make you happiest in a couple of years?
One of the things that I love to do And I love to suggest to people to do.
(35:11):
Whether I'm coaching somebody or I'm working with somebody is write your story.
Write the story that you want. Not like the way you think it could be.
And look, it can be totally aspirational. It can be totally inspirational. It can be totally fictitious. It can read like a fiction.
It's fine, but write it. Conceive it. And the moment that you're your unconscious mind allows, you know, the moment you… imprint that story in your unconscious mind.
(35:43):
It starts to work at ways to make it happen. But you have to believe it's possible.
I think that's also part of your… wisdom here, right? That the time will pass regardless so Why not think about and work on the things that matter to you.
Why not? Because it's going to go. This moment's gone.
(36:04):
Yeah, and you're going to wake up one and it's all going to be over.
Right? Like in a few minutes, we're going to hang up and we have a choice to be scrolling on another screen, focused on something else, looking at our phones.
Observing what texts might be coming on or not. Or we could just take this moment.
(36:25):
This moment. You know, if you're listening, you can take this moment.
Yeah.
And think about how you're going to apply it. Right?
Yeah, and this is maybe irrelevant, but just for everyone, own your limitations as well.
So like you're talking about screen time, this and that. I'm every bit as addicted.
(36:47):
As my kids. I have a separate screen time app on my phone like a child To keep me off social media. Untimmed I'm supposed to be doing other things.
You know, like if you can't If there's something that's causing a problem for you, and it's a little embarrassing You know, but that's what I had to do.
Right. I have to police myself in the same than I would have kid for certain things.
Right.
(37:15):
Nothing wrong.
And that's fine. You know, like if there's something that's a problem that is stopping you from doing what you want to do. Don't feel bad about it. Everyone's got something stupid or they're not good at or they're stupid that's holding them back or like that one's great at everything.
Or they don't know how to do it. They don't know even where to start. Like you talked about meal prep. People are simply going.
What's meal prep right like It could be anything.
(37:40):
Yeah, I will. I will add… In case someone's making a wholesale life change.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I do think it's like one or two things at a time. So like when you make the list, when you make the list, start one, give it a month, start the next habit, give it a month, start the next habit, right?
If it's like a massive life change. But yeah, but I mean, everyone figures it out in their own time, in their own way As long as you're making… progress, right? So I have… If you're making… 50 men a year. And then next year you're making 75 grand a year
(38:15):
You're going to feel amazing. Just because you're moving the right way.
If you're making 100 grand a year, next year you're making 75, you're going to feel like shit.
These are two people who are both making 75 grand a year.
With totally different perspectives on it. Just because there's no movement.
Yeah. We like to grow.
And once you start making a little movement, a little positive traction, you can feel so good about yourself. It's going to start to feel effortless, like little by little.
(38:41):
I love that. So Borzu, part of our community And a thing that we've been doing for a while, you know, John Rulon. John Rulin Passed away suddenly. And he was an early Friend of the show.
Yeah. And younger than both of us, by the way.
Yeah, a lot younger than both of us. But he, in his time, inspired so much change.
Yeah.
(39:04):
I read his book, Giftology. And a napkin that he gave us many years ago, which is what you appreciate appreciates.
And to honor his legacy and his contribution to our community.
We've been asking everybody to end their conversation, their paper napkin with Somebody they'd like to shout out, give some appreciation or love to.
Who would you like to shout out today, Borza?
(39:30):
I'll give a shout out to my mom. So we… You know, it's fucking crazy time in the world.
And I… I think I've always been appreciative of her sacrifices and kind of everything we've gone through but like the older I get and the crazier it is the um more, it seems like, right? So when my mom was my age, I was 23.
(40:00):
Right. She had me really young. They had no intention of living in this country right they they left what could have been a really bad situation. And like, when I think about the other side of this coin like my daughter maybe being raised in Iran.
It's…
(40:21):
It's like just the sacrifices and everything. To G&A in general went through was
It's different now than I did when we were younger.
Yeah, that's powerful. And I feel the appreciation.
For what you've shared with your mother. Thank you, Borzo.
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