November 11, 2024 • 16 mins
In this episode of the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast, I answer a question from Cindy about managing her five-year-old daughter's intense separation anxiety and big emotions. Cindy describes her daughter's attachment to her as a "safe person," especially at home, where her anxiety becomes more unmanageable. I discuss strategies that can support Cindy’s daughter, including reflecting her feelings to help build emotional vocabulary and setting clear limits with choices, which empowers Cindy’s daughter to handle situations more independently.
I also suggest a gradual approach to creating separation expectations, using a specific target date and providing choices for how Cindy’s daughter can respond. This strategy encourages self-regulation and reinforces her sense of security. By combining these techniques with her ongoing play therapy, Cindy can help her daughter develop resilience and confidence in her ability to manage her emotions.
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Common References:
Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge.
Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
You're listening to the
Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
Hi, I'm doctor Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.
This is the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast where I give
you insight awareness and enlightenment about your parenting
and your relationship with your kids.
In today's episode, I am answering a question from Cindy
(00:22):
and her question is about her five year old daughter who
has really big emotions and is really struggling with some separation anxiety
and I can speak from experience at my center.
I'm dealing with a lot of separation anxiety right now
and families are really having a difficult time with very clingy children,
(00:43):
very needy children and children that are not able to curb
their anxiety if they don't have their quote safe person.
And so this is something that I feel we've seen a huge uptick in
and I would argue it's probably post COVID
and, and a lot related to that,
but we definitely see a huge increase in highly anxious children.
(01:05):
So, Cindy,
I'm so glad that you emailed about this and I'll read parts of
her email and then we can dive in and discuss this together.
I have a five year old daughter who while
not officially diagnosed experiences intense anxiety and big emotions.
She's always been this way. There's no specific incident or circumstance.
We can identify that exacerbates it.
Recently. She began play therapy. Oh my gosh. I'm so excited about that, Cindy.
(01:29):
And through her therapist, I was introduced to your podcasts.
I've listened to many episodes of both the Parenting and
the Play Therapy Podcast and I find your methods fascinating and enlightening.
I'm so glad that you've been able to listen to those, Cindy.
I've started implementing your ideas into my daily parenting.
And I've already noticed small successes,
particularly with choice giving and reflecting feelings.
(01:49):
I'm so happy for that as well.
Ok.
So now on to her question,
I have a specific question regarding her separation anxiety.
My daughter is extremely attached to me as her safe person
while she manages to go to school. Although it's a challenge for her
at home, the situation becomes more unmanageable.
Here are a few examples on Sundays.
When my husband usually goes food shopping, he invites the kids to join him.
(02:10):
My younger son readily goes along but my daughter refuses to go without me
when I shower and my husband is home, she usually allows me to start
but 5 to 10 minutes in,
she begins banging on the door and screaming for
me to come out escalating until I finish.
She won't let me leave the house.
And even when I move to another room, it will take her a few minutes to notice.
(02:31):
But as soon as she does, she needs to confirm where I am and what I'm doing.
I recall your discussion about a client who needed his mother present for
safety and how you guided the therapist to help him feel secure independently.
I would appreciate your thoughts on how to implement a similar approach in our home.
All right, Cindy. Thank you so much for first of all, the detailed explanation.
It's really helpful for me to understand with examples
(02:53):
and also for reaching out with the question.
And this is going to be so helpful for so many parents
because many many children are struggling with high levels of anxiety
and often separation anxiety. So this I think is going to be really meaningful.
So here are my kind of initial thoughts,
the fact that she's in play therapy,
I can undoubtedly tell you this will naturally start to get better
(03:17):
as she continues her process in play therapy.
In other words, she is going to build
increased self esteem,
which will help her feel more capable of handling her big feelings.
She will build increased regulation, which will help her
be more resilient and cope more effectively in situations.
She will increase her worldview
(03:39):
and she will better understand that her actions influence
the situation, the future, the circumstances, other people.
She just will really kind of understand that
it's not just all about her in that particular moment.
These are some of the universal outcomes that we know,
take place as part of play therapy.
So this will naturally resolve to a degree just because she's in play therapy.
(04:03):
And I hope that you are really confident and satisfied
in the fact that you've chosen to have play therapy,
support you and her on this journey, there really is no more effective solution.
So I'm, I'm very encouraged by that.
Ok. But here's how you might help and, and support the process.
First and foremost, you need to be reflecting her feelings as much as possible.
(04:26):
I know you said you've been doing it and you've already noticed small successes.
Here's why I'm stressing that so much
for a highly anxious child
and for a child who experiences big emotions, big feelers,
deep feelers and tense feelers,
they tend to feel these things, but they have no idea what's going on.
(04:47):
And then that lack of knowledge is very scary.
It's very overwhelming and they experience the somatic symptoms,
but they don't make sense,
they don't know what they are and then it kind of freaks them out.
So as much as possible, even though this is taking place in play sessions as well,
if you continue to reflect feelings at every opportunity,
it will build an emotional vocabulary for her and
(05:09):
it will build an emotional IQ for her.
And here's what that will do
as she better understands her feelings,
as she accurately identifies those feelings.
And then as she is able to communicate those feelings,
she will start telling you what's going on
instead of the escalation and the tantrums and
the screaming and the banging on the door
and all the other things that you're describing,
(05:31):
that's her way of showing you how emotional she is.
She will get to a point where she can tell you
what her emotions are as she develops that emotional vocabulary.
So that should be your standard go to every
time you interact with her as much as possible,
reflect her feelings.
Then furthermore,
here's a really helpful strategy for a scenario like this.
(05:54):
You forecast what's to come for a child so they can get used to the idea.
So here's what I mean,
let's say you say, all right, it's the early part of November
by January 1st.
We are not going to deal with whatever behavior anymore.
So let's say it's about you showering
because I mean, I do think you, you need to have the opportunity to shower in peace.
(06:17):
So let, let's go with the shower scenario.
So you say, ok, January 1st,
we are no longer going to be in this situation with the shower.
So you're going to say to her,
you didn't mention her name. So I'll just say Judy.
So Judy,
I know sometimes you get really upset when I shower and you really want me to
(06:37):
come out fast because it's hard for you for me not to be with you.
So there's the acknowledgment. There's the reflection.
You're not wrong for feeling this way. I understand. I validate.
I hear you all of those things. It's really important,
but here's the forecasting.
But after Christmas,
(06:58):
you are going to
not
react that way when I go in the shower anymore
and you just say it as an expectation of behavior. This is what's coming.
This is where this is going
and it gives her time to process and,
and get ready for it because essentially she's going
to have to process her feelings about it.
(07:19):
She's going to have to ask questions. She might have to anticipatory grieve
over what's about to come.
But you need to give her some time to prepare herself mentally and emotionally
for the changes that are going to come.
Let me share a personal story. So maybe I can illustrate this in a more helpful way.
So at
one point when my son was pretty young, I think he was seven,
(07:42):
he ended up watching a show.
It was like world's smartest criminals or something. I was not home.
That's a noteworthy point.
So, you know, when mom's away things happen
and I think it was actually my dad and
my husband and they were sitting there watching TV.
And then my son ends up watching it with
them and it was like world's smartest criminals.
And they went through all of these stories of how clever these criminals were and
(08:07):
like how they did what they did and they didn't get caught in whatever.
All right. So that sounds fine in theory.
But my seven year old got really,
really freaked out about some of the stories that he saw on the show.
So he was convinced that someone was hiding in our
attic because that was one of the world's smartest criminals.
The guy hidden the attic so that he wouldn't get caught.
(08:27):
So our son is convinced that someone is hiding in the attic.
So he decided he would not go upstairs alone from that point forward.
So every time it was time to go shower, he would say,
can you come up with me every time it was time to go to bed?
He would say, can you check my room
every time he had to do anything upstairs?
He needed reassurance, he needed someone else with him. He needed to feel safe.
(08:49):
It was, it became this whole thing
and it went on for quite a while
and I finally thought, ok, he's stuck
and he needs to get unstuck. So we're going to strategize this.
He, it was about a month or so before his eighth birthday.
So I said, hey, buddy,
I know that you've been scared about going upstairs
by yourself ever since you watched that show,
(09:11):
but you're gonna be eight soon
and when your birthday comes, as soon as you turn eight,
you're going to go upstairs by yourself from then on
because you're gonna be eight and you can do that
and he kind of got deer in headlights look and was like, oh my gosh,
what are you talking about?
And I don't like this idea and I can't or whatever.
And so I just kept saying you don't really know how you feel about this.
(09:34):
But when you turn eight, you're gonna go upstairs and shower by yourself,
you're gonna go upstairs without one of us going with you.
It was just setting the expectation.
So you're gonna do the same thing about your shower, Cindy
January 1st or December 1st or whatever date you decide,
you let her know that that's where the change is going to take place
and then
(09:55):
come that
date
you're going to announce, ok, it's January 1st or whatever date you decided on.
And from now on
when I shower, you're not going to bang on the door and cry.
You can sit outside and wait for me,
but
you're not going to bang and cry anymore.
(10:15):
That's what you're going to say.
But here's how you're going to say it because you're going to use the CCPT method,
which is choice giving.
So here's how this is going to look, you're going to limit set with choices.
So Judy,
you usually don't like it when I shower, but it's January 1st.
So from now on,
I'm going to shower without you crying and yelling and banging on the door.
(10:39):
You can choose to sit outside quietly and wait for me
or you can choose to wait in the family room for me with dad.
There's the expectation. Those are the choices. Now,
the first time you get in the shower is she likely to come in and bang because it's a
habit because it's a pattern of behavior because she's conditioned
to do it 100% and you can almost guarantee it.
(11:03):
So you're going to
ignore her as you shower
when you get out, she's probably going to be frantically crying as per usual.
And you're going to say
Judy,
it's after January 1st
and you know that when I shower,
the door is not for banging on and it, you're not for screaming at me.
(11:24):
If you choose to do that next time I shower,
you choose negative consequence.
If you choose to wait quietly outside the door or if you
choose to sit in the living room with daddy while I shower,
you choose
opposite of negative consequence.
This is where her currency matters. What matters to her?
(11:44):
Is it
getting a book read to her at night? Is it getting dessert after dinner?
Is it going outside and playing with her friends? Is it being pushed on the swing set?
Well, like what happens every day that matters to her? That's the consequence.
So let's say it's she gets a book before bed.
So if you choose to bang on the door and scream and cry like that,
the next time I shower you're choosing not to have a book read to you before bedtime.
(12:09):
But if you choose to sit quietly or if you choose to sit with daddy,
you choose to have a book before bedtime.
Ok? So now you've made the ultimate limit very clear.
And then
the next time you get in the shower,
whatever she chooses, you enforce it.
So she,
if she chooses to sit quietly outside the door
or if she chooses to sit with your husband
(12:31):
in the living room,
as soon as you get out of the shower, you acknowledge it out loud,
Judy, you chose not to bang on the door and you chose not to cry and get angry.
So you choose to have book tonight.
If she
did the
opposite, you're going to acknowledge that
Judy, I see that you chose to bang on the door and cry.
So you choose not to have a book tonight, but you can try again tomorrow.
(12:55):
This works if it's her currency and if it matters to her,
so don't throw out a meaningless consequence because
it won't be enough of a motivation.
The goal is you're still validating, you're still acknowledging,
you're still helping her feel heard.
It's hard when I'm in the shower. You really miss me.
You wish that you could be with me. It seems like it takes a long time.
(13:17):
You're going to continue to reflect and validate.
But the expectation is come, the date that you set
that is not for happening when you're showering anymore.
The door is not for banging on.
I'm not for crying and yelling at
that is the new expectation.
(13:37):
And what happens is she learns not only that,
that conditioned pattern of behavior is not worth the outcome,
but she also learns to self control
and keep in mind this is paralleling the work that she's doing in the playroom.
So she will naturally be decreasing her anxiety,
she will naturally be increasing her regulation.
(13:58):
She will naturally be building more of an emotional vocabulary.
So we know that's going to work in tandem with what you're going to do at home,
work in conjunction with your play therapist.
But the goal is that you are going to set limits and give choices,
you're going to reflect her feelings as much as possible
(14:19):
and you're going to trust her to self regulate.
And I know she hasn't been able to, to this point,
but she is capable of it because she goes to school without you.
You said it in your email. Although it's hard for her,
she does go to school,
which means we know that she's capable
of being without you.
We know that she's capable of self control and self regulation.
(14:43):
So therefore, we're going to trust her to do it at home now too.
And the only way we do that is give her the opportunity to practice.
So once you conquer the shower situation,
then you might move on to
when you go to another room, how she reacts
and then you might move on to when she doesn't want you to leave the house,
(15:04):
but only tackle one thing at a time
because that's for your best interest and for hers.
All right, Cindy.
Thank you so much for the email and I hope that was helpful to all of you.
If you all have questions,
if you have issues or concerns with your kids or your
parenting or what is working or not working in your house,
I'd love to hear from you, brenna@thekidcounselor.com.
(15:26):
Shoot me an email and I can answer your question in a future episode.
Thanks y'all so much for the commitment that you pour into your kids.
Thank you for listening to the podcast so that
you can be a more effective and confident parent
know that every minute that you spend working on your parenting
is a very, very worthwhile endeavor.
So I hope that you feel encouraged, hope that you feel supported.
(15:48):
Hope, you know how much I care about y'all talk again soon. Bye.
Thank you for listening
to the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks
for more episodes and just subscribe to our newsletter.
Please go to www.playtherapyparenting.com.
You're listening to the
Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
Hi, I'm doctor Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.
This is the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast where I give
you insight awareness and enlightenment about your parenting
and your relationship with your kids.
In today's episode, I am answering a question from Cindy
(00:22):
and her question is about her five year old daughter who
has really big emotions and is really struggling with some separation anxiety
and I can speak from experience at my center.
I'm dealing with a lot of separation anxiety right now
and families are really having a difficult time with very clingy children,
(00:43):
very needy children and children that are not able to curb
their anxiety if they don't have their quote safe person.
And so this is something that I feel we've seen a huge uptick in
and I would argue it's probably post COVID
and, and a lot related to that,
but we definitely see a huge increase in highly anxious children.
(01:05):
So, Cindy,
I'm so glad that you emailed about this and I'll read parts of
her email and then we can dive in and discuss this together.
I have a five year old daughter who while
not officially diagnosed experiences intense anxiety and big emotions.
She's always been this way. There's no specific incident or circumstance.
We can identify that exacerbates it.
Recently. She began play therapy. Oh my gosh. I'm so excited about that, Cindy.
(01:29):
And through her therapist, I was introduced to your podcasts.
I've listened to many episodes of both the Parenting and
the Play Therapy Podcast and I find your methods fascinating and enlightening.
I'm so glad that you've been able to listen to those, Cindy.
I've started implementing your ideas into my daily parenting.
And I've already noticed small successes,
particularly with choice giving and reflecting feelings.
(01:49):
I'm so happy for that as well.
Ok.
So now on to her question,
I have a specific question regarding her separation anxiety.
My daughter is extremely attached to me as her safe person
while she manages to go to school. Although it's a challenge for her
at home, the situation becomes more unmanageable.
Here are a few examples on Sundays.
When my husband usually goes food shopping, he invites the kids to join him.
(02:10):
My younger son readily goes along but my daughter refuses to go without me
when I shower and my husband is home, she usually allows me to start
but 5 to 10 minutes in,
she begins banging on the door and screaming for
me to come out escalating until I finish.
She won't let me leave the house.
And even when I move to another room, it will take her a few minutes to notice.
(02:31):
But as soon as she does, she needs to confirm where I am and what I'm doing.
I recall your discussion about a client who needed his mother present for
safety and how you guided the therapist to help him feel secure independently.
I would appreciate your thoughts on how to implement a similar approach in our home.
All right, Cindy. Thank you so much for first of all, the detailed explanation.
It's really helpful for me to understand with examples
(02:53):
and also for reaching out with the question.
And this is going to be so helpful for so many parents
because many many children are struggling with high levels of anxiety
and often separation anxiety. So this I think is going to be really meaningful.
So here are my kind of initial thoughts,
the fact that she's in play therapy,
I can undoubtedly tell you this will naturally start to get better
(03:17):
as she continues her process in play therapy.
In other words, she is going to build
increased self esteem,
which will help her feel more capable of handling her big feelings.
She will build increased regulation, which will help her
be more resilient and cope more effectively in situations.
She will increase her worldview
(03:39):
and she will better understand that her actions influence
the situation, the future, the circumstances, other people.
She just will really kind of understand that
it's not just all about her in that particular moment.
These are some of the universal outcomes that we know,
take place as part of play therapy.
So this will naturally resolve to a degree just because she's in play therapy.
(04:03):
And I hope that you are really confident and satisfied
in the fact that you've chosen to have play therapy,
support you and her on this journey, there really is no more effective solution.
So I'm, I'm very encouraged by that.
Ok. But here's how you might help and, and support the process.
First and foremost, you need to be reflecting her feelings as much as possible.
(04:26):
I know you said you've been doing it and you've already noticed small successes.
Here's why I'm stressing that so much
for a highly anxious child
and for a child who experiences big emotions, big feelers,
deep feelers and tense feelers,
they tend to feel these things, but they have no idea what's going on.
(04:47):
And then that lack of knowledge is very scary.
It's very overwhelming and they experience the somatic symptoms,
but they don't make sense,
they don't know what they are and then it kind of freaks them out.
So as much as possible, even though this is taking place in play sessions as well,
if you continue to reflect feelings at every opportunity,
it will build an emotional vocabulary for her and
(05:09):
it will build an emotional IQ for her.
And here's what that will do
as she better understands her feelings,
as she accurately identifies those feelings.
And then as she is able to communicate those feelings,
she will start telling you what's going on
instead of the escalation and the tantrums and
the screaming and the banging on the door
and all the other things that you're describing,
(05:31):
that's her way of showing you how emotional she is.
She will get to a point where she can tell you
what her emotions are as she develops that emotional vocabulary.
So that should be your standard go to every
time you interact with her as much as possible,
reflect her feelings.
Then furthermore,
here's a really helpful strategy for a scenario like this.
(05:54):
You forecast what's to come for a child so they can get used to the idea.
So here's what I mean,
let's say you say, all right, it's the early part of November
by January 1st.
We are not going to deal with whatever behavior anymore.
So let's say it's about you showering
because I mean, I do think you, you need to have the opportunity to shower in peace.
(06:17):
So let, let's go with the shower scenario.
So you say, ok, January 1st,
we are no longer going to be in this situation with the shower.
So you're going to say to her,
you didn't mention her name. So I'll just say Judy.
So Judy,
I know sometimes you get really upset when I shower and you really want me to
(06:37):
come out fast because it's hard for you for me not to be with you.
So there's the acknowledgment. There's the reflection.
You're not wrong for feeling this way. I understand. I validate.
I hear you all of those things. It's really important,
but here's the forecasting.
But after Christmas,
(06:58):
you are going to
not
react that way when I go in the shower anymore
and you just say it as an expectation of behavior. This is what's coming.
This is where this is going
and it gives her time to process and,
and get ready for it because essentially she's going
to have to process her feelings about it.
(07:19):
She's going to have to ask questions. She might have to anticipatory grieve
over what's about to come.
But you need to give her some time to prepare herself mentally and emotionally
for the changes that are going to come.
Let me share a personal story. So maybe I can illustrate this in a more helpful way.
So at
one point when my son was pretty young, I think he was seven,
(07:42):
he ended up watching a show.
It was like world's smartest criminals or something. I was not home.
That's a noteworthy point.
So, you know, when mom's away things happen
and I think it was actually my dad and
my husband and they were sitting there watching TV.
And then my son ends up watching it with
them and it was like world's smartest criminals.
And they went through all of these stories of how clever these criminals were and
(08:07):
like how they did what they did and they didn't get caught in whatever.
All right. So that sounds fine in theory.
But my seven year old got really,
really freaked out about some of the stories that he saw on the show.
So he was convinced that someone was hiding in our
attic because that was one of the world's smartest criminals.
The guy hidden the attic so that he wouldn't get caught.
(08:27):
So our son is convinced that someone is hiding in the attic.
So he decided he would not go upstairs alone from that point forward.
So every time it was time to go shower, he would say,
can you come up with me every time it was time to go to bed?
He would say, can you check my room
every time he had to do anything upstairs?
He needed reassurance, he needed someone else with him. He needed to feel safe.
(08:49):
It was, it became this whole thing
and it went on for quite a while
and I finally thought, ok, he's stuck
and he needs to get unstuck. So we're going to strategize this.
He, it was about a month or so before his eighth birthday.
So I said, hey, buddy,
I know that you've been scared about going upstairs
by yourself ever since you watched that show,
(09:11):
but you're gonna be eight soon
and when your birthday comes, as soon as you turn eight,
you're going to go upstairs by yourself from then on
because you're gonna be eight and you can do that
and he kind of got deer in headlights look and was like, oh my gosh,
what are you talking about?
And I don't like this idea and I can't or whatever.
And so I just kept saying you don't really know how you feel about this.
(09:34):
But when you turn eight, you're gonna go upstairs and shower by yourself,
you're gonna go upstairs without one of us going with you.
It was just setting the expectation.
So you're gonna do the same thing about your shower, Cindy
January 1st or December 1st or whatever date you decide,
you let her know that that's where the change is going to take place
and then
(09:55):
come that
date
you're going to announce, ok, it's January 1st or whatever date you decided on.
And from now on
when I shower, you're not going to bang on the door and cry.
You can sit outside and wait for me,
but
you're not going to bang and cry anymore.
(10:15):
That's what you're going to say.
But here's how you're going to say it because you're going to use the CCPT method,
which is choice giving.
So here's how this is going to look, you're going to limit set with choices.
So Judy,
you usually don't like it when I shower, but it's January 1st.
So from now on,
I'm going to shower without you crying and yelling and banging on the door.
(10:39):
You can choose to sit outside quietly and wait for me
or you can choose to wait in the family room for me with dad.
There's the expectation. Those are the choices. Now,
the first time you get in the shower is she likely to come in and bang because it's a
habit because it's a pattern of behavior because she's conditioned
to do it 100% and you can almost guarantee it.
(11:03):
So you're going to
ignore her as you shower
when you get out, she's probably going to be frantically crying as per usual.
And you're going to say
Judy,
it's after January 1st
and you know that when I shower,
the door is not for banging on and it, you're not for screaming at me.
(11:24):
If you choose to do that next time I shower,
you choose negative consequence.
If you choose to wait quietly outside the door or if you
choose to sit in the living room with daddy while I shower,
you choose
opposite of negative consequence.
This is where her currency matters. What matters to her?
(11:44):
Is it
getting a book read to her at night? Is it getting dessert after dinner?
Is it going outside and playing with her friends? Is it being pushed on the swing set?
Well, like what happens every day that matters to her? That's the consequence.
So let's say it's she gets a book before bed.
So if you choose to bang on the door and scream and cry like that,
the next time I shower you're choosing not to have a book read to you before bedtime.
(12:09):
But if you choose to sit quietly or if you choose to sit with daddy,
you choose to have a book before bedtime.
Ok? So now you've made the ultimate limit very clear.
And then
the next time you get in the shower,
whatever she chooses, you enforce it.
So she,
if she chooses to sit quietly outside the door
or if she chooses to sit with your husband
(12:31):
in the living room,
as soon as you get out of the shower, you acknowledge it out loud,
Judy, you chose not to bang on the door and you chose not to cry and get angry.
So you choose to have book tonight.
If she
did the
opposite, you're going to acknowledge that
Judy, I see that you chose to bang on the door and cry.
So you choose not to have a book tonight, but you can try again tomorrow.
(12:55):
This works if it's her currency and if it matters to her,
so don't throw out a meaningless consequence because
it won't be enough of a motivation.
The goal is you're still validating, you're still acknowledging,
you're still helping her feel heard.
It's hard when I'm in the shower. You really miss me.
You wish that you could be with me. It seems like it takes a long time.
(13:17):
You're going to continue to reflect and validate.
But the expectation is come, the date that you set
that is not for happening when you're showering anymore.
The door is not for banging on.
I'm not for crying and yelling at
that is the new expectation.
(13:37):
And what happens is she learns not only that,
that conditioned pattern of behavior is not worth the outcome,
but she also learns to self control
and keep in mind this is paralleling the work that she's doing in the playroom.
So she will naturally be decreasing her anxiety,
she will naturally be increasing her regulation.
(13:58):
She will naturally be building more of an emotional vocabulary.
So we know that's going to work in tandem with what you're going to do at home,
work in conjunction with your play therapist.
But the goal is that you are going to set limits and give choices,
you're going to reflect her feelings as much as possible
(14:19):
and you're going to trust her to self regulate.
And I know she hasn't been able to, to this point,
but she is capable of it because she goes to school without you.
You said it in your email. Although it's hard for her,
she does go to school,
which means we know that she's capable
of being without you.
We know that she's capable of self control and self regulation.
(14:43):
So therefore, we're going to trust her to do it at home now too.
And the only way we do that is give her the opportunity to practice.
So once you conquer the shower situation,
then you might move on to
when you go to another room, how she reacts
and then you might move on to when she doesn't want you to leave the house,
(15:04):
but only tackle one thing at a time
because that's for your best interest and for hers.
All right, Cindy.
Thank you so much for the email and I hope that was helpful to all of you.
If you all have questions,
if you have issues or concerns with your kids or your
parenting or what is working or not working in your house,
I'd love to hear from you, brenna@thekidcounselor.com.
(15:26):
Shoot me an email and I can answer your question in a future episode.
Thanks y'all so much for the commitment that you pour into your kids.
Thank you for listening to the podcast so that
you can be a more effective and confident parent
know that every minute that you spend working on your parenting
is a very, very worthwhile endeavor.
So I hope that you feel encouraged, hope that you feel supported.
(15:48):
Hope, you know how much I care about y'all talk again soon. Bye.
Thank you for listening
to the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks
for more episodes and just subscribe to our newsletter.
Please go to www.playtherapyparenting.com.
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