July 25, 2025 • 16 mins
In this episode, I answer three questions from Jillian in Colorado, all centered around real-life parenting challenges. As a fellow mom of an only child, I share what has worked for me in finding the balance between being your child’s playmate and maintaining healthy boundaries—especially when screen time starts to feel like a guilt-driven substitute. I also talk through how to handle co-parenting when the other parent isn’t aligned with your parenting approach and what to do when your child won’t sleep in their own bed.
From managing solo parenting dynamics to navigating anxiety-driven sleep habits, this episode is full of practical insight, encouragement, and strategies that help you stay grounded and confident, even when your parenting journey doesn’t go exactly as planned.
Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: brenna@thekidcounselor.com
My Book: Device Detox: A Parent's Guide To Reducing Usage, Preventing Tantrums, And Raising Happier Kids - https://a.co/d/bThnKH9
Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/
My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/
My Podcast Partner, Gabb Wireless: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/gabb/
Common References:
Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge.
Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
You're listening to the
Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
Hi,
I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
The Kid Counselor.
This is the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast where I give you insight,
awareness,
and enlightenment about your parenting
and your relationship with your kids.
In today's episode,
I am answering a question from Jillian in Colorado.
(00:24):
Hello to you Coloradans.
I hope that's how you say it.
My cousin actually lives in Colorado,
so he'll probably let me know if I did not
accurately portray that.
But this actually this is kind of a multi-question
email.
So I'm going to tackle kind of three topics all lumped into one
because this is all
(00:46):
coming from Jillian and just some different things that she's curious about.
So I'm going to read parts of her email and then we'll dive in together.
Jillian,
thank you for sending this.
And by the way,
for those of you that are
possibly new to the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast family,
really glad you're here.
Happy to have you.
Thank you for those of you who are potentially hearing about
(01:09):
me and the podcast from your own child-centered play therapist.
I know many of you have your children in child-centered play therapy.
So we're really glad you're here.
This is a group of parents and caregivers and adults who absolutely love kids
and who want to be educated and equipped
to be confident and effective in the way that they interact with kids.
(01:30):
So you have found a tribe
that very much understands the goal of being the best that we can be.
If you have not
and you're new,
please.
Be mindful that we have two different seasons.
So if you want to go back and listen to season 1,
all kinds of content there,
it will definitely get you caught up on the model if you're unfamiliar,
(01:52):
and then season two we kind of did
a coaching
switch where I actually walk you through all
of the components of CCPT child-centered play therapy,
and give you kind of a background in the core components of that and then also
questions from parents.
So just to kinda get you caught up to speed,
for those of you that do,
I know there are new listeners every single week,
(02:15):
and I'm very,
very excited to have you and thanks for hanging out with me every week.
All right,
so let me read parts of Jillian's email and then we'll dive in together.
I'm a parent of an only child like you.
Do you have any additional advice when you raise a child without a sibling?
I have wrongfully justified allowing her more screen time,
as she has no siblings to play with when I am not playing with her,
(02:36):
as Mom guilt sinks in,
and I can't and shouldn't be available to play with her all day long.
All right,
so to those of you raising only children focus out there.
I do 100% know what it is like to raise an only child.
Our son will be 16 in a couple of months,
which is crazy to say out loud.
That was,
I was actually thinking about that like a couple days ago.
I'm like,
I'm gonna have a 16 year old.
(02:57):
This is crazy.
Anyway,
so time goes fast,
y'all,
cherish the moments because it's gone in the blink of an eye.
I actually just yesterday celebrated my 23rd wedding anniversary.
And I was thinking about that.
I was like,
23 years of marriage,
that's like 9000 days.
And then I'm like,
well,
gosh,
(03:17):
I almost have a 16 year old.
That's like 7000 days.
So anyway,
I was just processing how long I've been with my husband and had my son,
and it has gone so fast,
even though I know those are big numbers.
So just,
you know,
food for thought,
that's pondering in my brain,
but I am raising an only child,
moral of that story,
and there are nuances there because when you raise multiple
(03:41):
siblings,
you have the luxury of saying go play,
and they have people to play with.
So therefore,
you know,
you can say,
hey,
adults need to talk,
you need to go play,
and they can occupy each other and they can be each other's companions,
and they can have someone to play a board game with or to role play with or to swim with
(04:02):
or whatever the scenario is,
and when you raise an only child,
you don't have that luxury.
Therefore,
you do become
the only child's primary playmate.
However,
I agree with you,
you cannot and should not be available to play with her all day long.
So as much as
we are the only option and therefore we need to make ourselves available,
(04:25):
we also need to have limits and boundaries
on I cannot be available to you at every waking moment of the day.
So that's where boundaries come in,
that's where structure and a schedule are very helpful.
So one of the things that a lot of parents have found helpful
is to create structure in the day so that the
(04:47):
child knows when it is individual playtime and when it is
collaborative playtime.
And this is true even if you have multiple children,
by the way.
I mean,
you can still structure your day where,
OK,
so this is an hour where everyone's going to do something independently.
You can read,
you can color,
you can draw,
you can listen to music,
you can play with your stuffed animals,
(05:09):
but everyone is going to have some independent time.
And then then you can schedule times where there are collaborative opportunities.
Same thing with an only child.
So
from this time to this time,
you can choose to do this,
this and this,
and it's by yourself,
and then from this time to this time,
you can choose for me to play with you or
you can choose to continue to play by yourself.
(05:32):
It's up to you.
And you work in times where you get breaks,
the child gets breaks,
and then that actually allows the best of both.
So I know that mom is available to me
throughout the day,
but I also learned to occupy myself,
entertain myself,
and figure out what I can do when
I'm alone.
(05:52):
So that has been very helpful for a lot of parents raising only children.
And that is a pretty helpful solution for that kind of scenario.
You want balance above all.
OK,
second question.
This question is regarding co-parenting.
I just finished your book and I'm trying to implement
the strategies I learned from there in your podcasts.
(06:12):
However,
even if I tell her dad what I'm doing at home,
I have no optimism that he will limit screen
time or use the same techniques that I use.
Do you have any advice or thoughts about utilizing
your strategies when the other parent is not?
When she goes to his house on summer days,
most of the time is spent watching TV movies or playing video games.
He even brings her a video game in the car,
(06:34):
so she has something to do on the 20 minute ride to his house,
and even her 17 year old half sister finds that ridiculous.
Well,
it's helpful to have a wise 17 year old.
All right,
so what do we do when we're in a co-parenting situation and one parent
is not going to be on board with what you're doing in your home?
(06:54):
And this is not necessarily exclusive just to implementing video game limits.
This can be literally about anything.
So most often when children go back and forth between homes
there.
There is a difference in parenting,
there is a difference in expectations.
There's a difference in adherence to specific
rules and limits and all of that.
(07:16):
That is a very standard
struggle
when kids are going back and forth.
So Jillian,
in answer to your question,
you
will make it clear what the expectations are in your home,
and then you make it clear that when she's at dad's,
the expectations are likely going to be different.
As long as the child is aware
(07:36):
that
the rules change based on the environment,
and this is standard for kids,
we have to keep this in mind because we often
don't like the fact that there isn't consistency across
two parents.
However,
kids learn very quickly
that rules change based on the environment.
They don't think that the school rules should apply at home.
(07:57):
They don't think the home rules should apply at church.
They don't think the church rules should apply at baseball.
They're very quick to adapt and understand
that I need to abide by these expectations in this environment
and then they'll be different expectations when I'm here
and then when I'm elsewhere it's this.
So that's actually a very normal part of childhood
(08:20):
is that from place to place
the limits are different and the rules change.
So that is also going to apply with a scenario like this.
So you're going,
she's with you most of the time.
So you actually are going to be able to govern her
device use and her video games and her TV and all of that
largely
for her
(08:41):
childhood because she spends most of her time with you.
And when she's at dad's,
is she going to get
probably a whole lot of all of it?
Sure.
But you make sure that you are adherent to your policies in your home.
And you enforce
the limits that you've established,
and then
it's kind of just like
free for all bonus time when she goes to dad's,
(09:02):
but then when she comes back to you,
we're right back on the expectations that have already been established.
So I hope that that's helpful regarding co-parenting.
And then final question,
for at least the past year,
she has not wanted to sleep in her own room and bed.
She's decided she would rather sleep in her sleeping bag outside my door
or on the floor next to me than in her bed.
(09:24):
When she did stay overnight at her dad's,
she stayed in her bed there just fine,
but will sneak into my room when sleeping here.
We disagreed a lot,
and her play therapist told me to let her sleep on the floor.
She justified that she will eventually sleep in her bed again when she's ready,
and she sleeps well on the floor and says
she feels the safest when she's closest to me.
I'm hoping one day soon I will look back at this and laugh.
(09:45):
Yes,
Gillian,
I'm sure you will.
This too shall pass.
Put the power to
that phrase at work in your life.
Besides it's looking like I have a homeless child outside my door every night,
her bedtimes are so much easier.
We do our routine with hygiene,
reading,
prayers,
and then she reads independently in her sleeping bag for a little bit
before sleeping through most of the night.
She will often end up in my room because the extra 5 ft from outside
(10:08):
my door to my bed is too far for her to be away from me.
I cannot think of why her separation anxiety has lasted so long.
I can't recall any significant changes.
I can't think of anything else that affects her.
All right,
so I think I'm gonna start with the last part first.
I don't actually think this is a separation anxiety issue.
(10:28):
I think this is an anxiety issue.
In other words,
I think she probably
has heightened anxiety at night because most kids do.
It is quiet.
It is dark.
You are alone with your thoughts.
There's nothing to distract you.
You hear every sound.
You have all kinds of thoughts swimming around in your head,
(10:51):
and it is very easy for kids to not be able
to tune out the worry and the anxiety at night.
Everything is exacerbated at night.
Not only
are all the reasons I already shared factors,
but then kids are tired on top of it.
So you add fatigue into the mix of all of that.
Everything feels and seems worse at night.
(11:12):
So we understand that when kids are prone to anxiety anyway
and or they have fears
just because
life is scary and almost every kid has fears,
everything seems worse at night and what do kids quickly learn?
Well,
I feel better when I'm with mom.
Mom reassures me,
Mom comforts me,
Mom makes me feel safe.
(11:33):
Mom helps me fall back asleep.
So what likely happened as just an organic response.
She was scared,
she came in your room,
you helped her feel a little bit safe and secure,
she fell back asleep.
It has now become a habitual pattern of behavior.
And I agree with your play therapist.
She won't sleep on the floor forever,
(11:54):
and she will be able to sleep in her own bed.
Same thing with toileting and and potty training stuff.
I say to parents all the time,
your child's not going to start high school,
still peeing themselves.
I know this feels so overwhelming right now,
but I promise you when they are 15 years old starting high school,
you're,
they're not going to be having bathroom accidents anymore.
Same thing,
(12:14):
your kid is not going to sleep outside your door forever.
But for right now
it's habitual,
it's conditioned,
it's a pattern of behavior
and it is likely to alleviate anxiety.
I don't know that it's separation anxiety.
I think it is likely just
good old run of the mill anxiety,
so that's my thought on that part,
however.
(12:35):
What do you need to think about or or consider as far as her being outside?
One of the most effective things that you can do
is set an expectation down the road.
I've talked about that this in some other podcast episodes.
You might want to say.
I know that you've been sleeping in a sleeping bag outside my door for a while.
(12:56):
But I just want you to know
that
in January,
or
At Christmas break.
Or when school starts up,
or at your birthday,
whatever months down the road,
at least several months down the road,
date that you can think of
that would make sense to say this is the day when things are going to change.
(13:18):
If you prep kids for that.
I know typically you sleep outside my door in the sleeping bag,
but when you turn 8,
or when you start 3rd grade,
or
when we
get to the first day of 2026,
whatever the date you choose.
You're capable of sleeping in your own bed
(13:39):
and you are old enough to do that and we're going to switch
to you staying in your own bed to sleep from that point forward.
You just let them know
they need time to process it,
they need time to think about it,
they need time to ask questions,
to feel their big feelings,
to feel prepared
to
work through it.
It's a change.
(14:00):
And kids can handle change if they have warning and time.
They absolutely detest change if it's sprung on them.
So the most helpful thing you can do is to just let her know that at a certain time,
this change is going to take place.
And you put policies in place,
you know,
you can choose to have something special in your room.
(14:21):
You can choose to have something special in your bed.
We can redecorate your room,
we can get you a new night light,
we can,
you give all kinds of choices.
And you make the child
have a sense,
feel that they have a sense of control
over the new scenario.
This isn't being sprung on them.
You can choose to have a new night light,
(14:42):
you can choose to have a new stuffed animal,
you can choose to get new sheets,
you can choose to have a new picture on the wall,
whatever.
It's so that they feel that they have a measure of control over what's taking place.
And then when the day comes,
whatever that day was established,
you say,
OK.
You know that today is the day that you're sleeping in your own bed from now on.
(15:04):
And is there going to be a little bit of a learning curve?
Yes,
but she has had plenty of prep,
plenty of adjustment time,
and she will be able to do it.
Keep in mind play therapy will also help,
so I know that she's been in play therapy
and that will also give her increased self-confidence,
decrease anxiety,
increased regulation.
(15:25):
Increase emotional vocabulary,
all kinds of other things.
So we know that she will be better equipped
to make that transition
after she's been in play therapy longer as well.
So you do your part of preparing her and giving her time to process it.
Therapy does its part by helping her to
work on all of those things,
and then will there be maybe several nights where it's kind
(15:47):
of a little bit topsy-turvy and she's waking up and she's
trying to come into your room and you're walking her back
reminding her that she sleeps in her own bed now?
Yes,
but it will not be like it was before.
Where there were all kinds of disagreements and all kinds of issues,
it will be an easier transition because you set it up for success.
So Jillian,
I'm so grateful that you emailed and I'm hopeful
(16:09):
that those are helpful to all of you because
we
all are dealing with setting boundaries with the
schedule of when we're available to our kids.
We're all dealing with
scenarios where the child is struggling with an issue
and we have to put things into place,
and many of you,
I know,
are dealing with co-parenting,
so
I'm hopeful that
(16:30):
one or more of those resonated with you and you took away some nuggets.
I appreciate you all so much.
Thanks for hanging out with me.
We'll talk again soon.
Bye.
Thank you for listening to
the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
For more episodes and just subscribe to our newsletter,
please go to www.playtherapyparenting.com.
You're listening to the
Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
Hi,
I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
The Kid Counselor.
This is the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast where I give you insight,
awareness,
and enlightenment about your parenting
and your relationship with your kids.
In today's episode,
I am answering a question from Jillian in Colorado.
(00:24):
Hello to you Coloradans.
I hope that's how you say it.
My cousin actually lives in Colorado,
so he'll probably let me know if I did not
accurately portray that.
But this actually this is kind of a multi-question
email.
So I'm going to tackle kind of three topics all lumped into one
because this is all
(00:46):
coming from Jillian and just some different things that she's curious about.
So I'm going to read parts of her email and then we'll dive in together.
Jillian,
thank you for sending this.
And by the way,
for those of you that are
possibly new to the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast family,
really glad you're here.
Happy to have you.
Thank you for those of you who are potentially hearing about
(01:09):
me and the podcast from your own child-centered play therapist.
I know many of you have your children in child-centered play therapy.
So we're really glad you're here.
This is a group of parents and caregivers and adults who absolutely love kids
and who want to be educated and equipped
to be confident and effective in the way that they interact with kids.
(01:30):
So you have found a tribe
that very much understands the goal of being the best that we can be.
If you have not
and you're new,
please.
Be mindful that we have two different seasons.
So if you want to go back and listen to season 1,
all kinds of content there,
it will definitely get you caught up on the model if you're unfamiliar,
(01:52):
and then season two we kind of did
a coaching
switch where I actually walk you through all
of the components of CCPT child-centered play therapy,
and give you kind of a background in the core components of that and then also
questions from parents.
So just to kinda get you caught up to speed,
for those of you that do,
I know there are new listeners every single week,
(02:15):
and I'm very,
very excited to have you and thanks for hanging out with me every week.
All right,
so let me read parts of Jillian's email and then we'll dive in together.
I'm a parent of an only child like you.
Do you have any additional advice when you raise a child without a sibling?
I have wrongfully justified allowing her more screen time,
as she has no siblings to play with when I am not playing with her,
(02:36):
as Mom guilt sinks in,
and I can't and shouldn't be available to play with her all day long.
All right,
so to those of you raising only children focus out there.
I do 100% know what it is like to raise an only child.
Our son will be 16 in a couple of months,
which is crazy to say out loud.
That was,
I was actually thinking about that like a couple days ago.
I'm like,
I'm gonna have a 16 year old.
(02:57):
This is crazy.
Anyway,
so time goes fast,
y'all,
cherish the moments because it's gone in the blink of an eye.
I actually just yesterday celebrated my 23rd wedding anniversary.
And I was thinking about that.
I was like,
23 years of marriage,
that's like 9000 days.
And then I'm like,
well,
gosh,
(03:17):
I almost have a 16 year old.
That's like 7000 days.
So anyway,
I was just processing how long I've been with my husband and had my son,
and it has gone so fast,
even though I know those are big numbers.
So just,
you know,
food for thought,
that's pondering in my brain,
but I am raising an only child,
moral of that story,
and there are nuances there because when you raise multiple
(03:41):
siblings,
you have the luxury of saying go play,
and they have people to play with.
So therefore,
you know,
you can say,
hey,
adults need to talk,
you need to go play,
and they can occupy each other and they can be each other's companions,
and they can have someone to play a board game with or to role play with or to swim with
(04:02):
or whatever the scenario is,
and when you raise an only child,
you don't have that luxury.
Therefore,
you do become
the only child's primary playmate.
However,
I agree with you,
you cannot and should not be available to play with her all day long.
So as much as
we are the only option and therefore we need to make ourselves available,
(04:25):
we also need to have limits and boundaries
on I cannot be available to you at every waking moment of the day.
So that's where boundaries come in,
that's where structure and a schedule are very helpful.
So one of the things that a lot of parents have found helpful
is to create structure in the day so that the
(04:47):
child knows when it is individual playtime and when it is
collaborative playtime.
And this is true even if you have multiple children,
by the way.
I mean,
you can still structure your day where,
OK,
so this is an hour where everyone's going to do something independently.
You can read,
you can color,
you can draw,
you can listen to music,
you can play with your stuffed animals,
(05:09):
but everyone is going to have some independent time.
And then then you can schedule times where there are collaborative opportunities.
Same thing with an only child.
So
from this time to this time,
you can choose to do this,
this and this,
and it's by yourself,
and then from this time to this time,
you can choose for me to play with you or
you can choose to continue to play by yourself.
(05:32):
It's up to you.
And you work in times where you get breaks,
the child gets breaks,
and then that actually allows the best of both.
So I know that mom is available to me
throughout the day,
but I also learned to occupy myself,
entertain myself,
and figure out what I can do when
I'm alone.
(05:52):
So that has been very helpful for a lot of parents raising only children.
And that is a pretty helpful solution for that kind of scenario.
You want balance above all.
OK,
second question.
This question is regarding co-parenting.
I just finished your book and I'm trying to implement
the strategies I learned from there in your podcasts.
(06:12):
However,
even if I tell her dad what I'm doing at home,
I have no optimism that he will limit screen
time or use the same techniques that I use.
Do you have any advice or thoughts about utilizing
your strategies when the other parent is not?
When she goes to his house on summer days,
most of the time is spent watching TV movies or playing video games.
He even brings her a video game in the car,
(06:34):
so she has something to do on the 20 minute ride to his house,
and even her 17 year old half sister finds that ridiculous.
Well,
it's helpful to have a wise 17 year old.
All right,
so what do we do when we're in a co-parenting situation and one parent
is not going to be on board with what you're doing in your home?
(06:54):
And this is not necessarily exclusive just to implementing video game limits.
This can be literally about anything.
So most often when children go back and forth between homes
there.
There is a difference in parenting,
there is a difference in expectations.
There's a difference in adherence to specific
rules and limits and all of that.
(07:16):
That is a very standard
struggle
when kids are going back and forth.
So Jillian,
in answer to your question,
you
will make it clear what the expectations are in your home,
and then you make it clear that when she's at dad's,
the expectations are likely going to be different.
As long as the child is aware
(07:36):
that
the rules change based on the environment,
and this is standard for kids,
we have to keep this in mind because we often
don't like the fact that there isn't consistency across
two parents.
However,
kids learn very quickly
that rules change based on the environment.
They don't think that the school rules should apply at home.
(07:57):
They don't think the home rules should apply at church.
They don't think the church rules should apply at baseball.
They're very quick to adapt and understand
that I need to abide by these expectations in this environment
and then they'll be different expectations when I'm here
and then when I'm elsewhere it's this.
So that's actually a very normal part of childhood
(08:20):
is that from place to place
the limits are different and the rules change.
So that is also going to apply with a scenario like this.
So you're going,
she's with you most of the time.
So you actually are going to be able to govern her
device use and her video games and her TV and all of that
largely
for her
(08:41):
childhood because she spends most of her time with you.
And when she's at dad's,
is she going to get
probably a whole lot of all of it?
Sure.
But you make sure that you are adherent to your policies in your home.
And you enforce
the limits that you've established,
and then
it's kind of just like
free for all bonus time when she goes to dad's,
(09:02):
but then when she comes back to you,
we're right back on the expectations that have already been established.
So I hope that that's helpful regarding co-parenting.
And then final question,
for at least the past year,
she has not wanted to sleep in her own room and bed.
She's decided she would rather sleep in her sleeping bag outside my door
or on the floor next to me than in her bed.
(09:24):
When she did stay overnight at her dad's,
she stayed in her bed there just fine,
but will sneak into my room when sleeping here.
We disagreed a lot,
and her play therapist told me to let her sleep on the floor.
She justified that she will eventually sleep in her bed again when she's ready,
and she sleeps well on the floor and says
she feels the safest when she's closest to me.
I'm hoping one day soon I will look back at this and laugh.
(09:45):
Yes,
Gillian,
I'm sure you will.
This too shall pass.
Put the power to
that phrase at work in your life.
Besides it's looking like I have a homeless child outside my door every night,
her bedtimes are so much easier.
We do our routine with hygiene,
reading,
prayers,
and then she reads independently in her sleeping bag for a little bit
before sleeping through most of the night.
She will often end up in my room because the extra 5 ft from outside
(10:08):
my door to my bed is too far for her to be away from me.
I cannot think of why her separation anxiety has lasted so long.
I can't recall any significant changes.
I can't think of anything else that affects her.
All right,
so I think I'm gonna start with the last part first.
I don't actually think this is a separation anxiety issue.
(10:28):
I think this is an anxiety issue.
In other words,
I think she probably
has heightened anxiety at night because most kids do.
It is quiet.
It is dark.
You are alone with your thoughts.
There's nothing to distract you.
You hear every sound.
You have all kinds of thoughts swimming around in your head,
(10:51):
and it is very easy for kids to not be able
to tune out the worry and the anxiety at night.
Everything is exacerbated at night.
Not only
are all the reasons I already shared factors,
but then kids are tired on top of it.
So you add fatigue into the mix of all of that.
Everything feels and seems worse at night.
(11:12):
So we understand that when kids are prone to anxiety anyway
and or they have fears
just because
life is scary and almost every kid has fears,
everything seems worse at night and what do kids quickly learn?
Well,
I feel better when I'm with mom.
Mom reassures me,
Mom comforts me,
Mom makes me feel safe.
(11:33):
Mom helps me fall back asleep.
So what likely happened as just an organic response.
She was scared,
she came in your room,
you helped her feel a little bit safe and secure,
she fell back asleep.
It has now become a habitual pattern of behavior.
And I agree with your play therapist.
She won't sleep on the floor forever,
(11:54):
and she will be able to sleep in her own bed.
Same thing with toileting and and potty training stuff.
I say to parents all the time,
your child's not going to start high school,
still peeing themselves.
I know this feels so overwhelming right now,
but I promise you when they are 15 years old starting high school,
you're,
they're not going to be having bathroom accidents anymore.
Same thing,
(12:14):
your kid is not going to sleep outside your door forever.
But for right now
it's habitual,
it's conditioned,
it's a pattern of behavior
and it is likely to alleviate anxiety.
I don't know that it's separation anxiety.
I think it is likely just
good old run of the mill anxiety,
so that's my thought on that part,
however.
(12:35):
What do you need to think about or or consider as far as her being outside?
One of the most effective things that you can do
is set an expectation down the road.
I've talked about that this in some other podcast episodes.
You might want to say.
I know that you've been sleeping in a sleeping bag outside my door for a while.
(12:56):
But I just want you to know
that
in January,
or
At Christmas break.
Or when school starts up,
or at your birthday,
whatever months down the road,
at least several months down the road,
date that you can think of
that would make sense to say this is the day when things are going to change.
(13:18):
If you prep kids for that.
I know typically you sleep outside my door in the sleeping bag,
but when you turn 8,
or when you start 3rd grade,
or
when we
get to the first day of 2026,
whatever the date you choose.
You're capable of sleeping in your own bed
(13:39):
and you are old enough to do that and we're going to switch
to you staying in your own bed to sleep from that point forward.
You just let them know
they need time to process it,
they need time to think about it,
they need time to ask questions,
to feel their big feelings,
to feel prepared
to
work through it.
It's a change.
(14:00):
And kids can handle change if they have warning and time.
They absolutely detest change if it's sprung on them.
So the most helpful thing you can do is to just let her know that at a certain time,
this change is going to take place.
And you put policies in place,
you know,
you can choose to have something special in your room.
(14:21):
You can choose to have something special in your bed.
We can redecorate your room,
we can get you a new night light,
we can,
you give all kinds of choices.
And you make the child
have a sense,
feel that they have a sense of control
over the new scenario.
This isn't being sprung on them.
You can choose to have a new night light,
(14:42):
you can choose to have a new stuffed animal,
you can choose to get new sheets,
you can choose to have a new picture on the wall,
whatever.
It's so that they feel that they have a measure of control over what's taking place.
And then when the day comes,
whatever that day was established,
you say,
OK.
You know that today is the day that you're sleeping in your own bed from now on.
(15:04):
And is there going to be a little bit of a learning curve?
Yes,
but she has had plenty of prep,
plenty of adjustment time,
and she will be able to do it.
Keep in mind play therapy will also help,
so I know that she's been in play therapy
and that will also give her increased self-confidence,
decrease anxiety,
increased regulation.
(15:25):
Increase emotional vocabulary,
all kinds of other things.
So we know that she will be better equipped
to make that transition
after she's been in play therapy longer as well.
So you do your part of preparing her and giving her time to process it.
Therapy does its part by helping her to
work on all of those things,
and then will there be maybe several nights where it's kind
(15:47):
of a little bit topsy-turvy and she's waking up and she's
trying to come into your room and you're walking her back
reminding her that she sleeps in her own bed now?
Yes,
but it will not be like it was before.
Where there were all kinds of disagreements and all kinds of issues,
it will be an easier transition because you set it up for success.
So Jillian,
I'm so grateful that you emailed and I'm hopeful
(16:09):
that those are helpful to all of you because
we
all are dealing with setting boundaries with the
schedule of when we're available to our kids.
We're all dealing with
scenarios where the child is struggling with an issue
and we have to put things into place,
and many of you,
I know,
are dealing with co-parenting,
so
I'm hopeful that
(16:30):
one or more of those resonated with you and you took away some nuggets.
I appreciate you all so much.
Thanks for hanging out with me.
We'll talk again soon.
Bye.
Thank you for listening to
the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
For more episodes and just subscribe to our newsletter,
please go to www.playtherapyparenting.com.
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