Eric V. - A Melancholy Robot - Podcast Recovery

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
Welcome back to Podcast Recovery, everyone.
We are your hosts. David O.
And Carly? Yes.
And God that still fucks me up. I almost forgot.
Nice. Hey, girl.
Carly, yes. Welcome back everyone.
This is 2025. We've not been on in a few
months because of holidays and snow.
And David has cancer. A brain tumor, to be exact.

(00:27):
Oh my God, this is. This has gotten.
Heavy No I have. It's a perceived brain tumor.
Jesus Christ. I had for anybody listening who
actually gives a shit about me. I had a very bad inner ear
infection which has then led to long term Vertigo and hearing.
Loss Are ear infections contagious?

(00:47):
I don't think so. I.
Mean maybe? I don't know, I don't know.
And kids get them all the time and like they they seem awful,
like the worst like sickness my daughter has ever had.
I feel like is ear. Infection the the congestion in
my head got has gotten a lot better because of like yeah, and
they like the the the prescription I got is so dumb.
It's like, oh, you want Flonase?And it's like, not really, but

(01:09):
OK. Wait Flonase for your ears.
Yeah, because they're your sinuses are connected to your
ears through your Eustachian tube, and what they think is why
I have hearing loss in my right ear is from either a clogged or
collapsed Eustachian tube. Weird.
Yeah. So I've been trying to open that
up for the last couple weeks. So not a brain tumor.

(01:31):
That's what she said. They don't know.
They haven't taken a picture inside my head.
They can though. They can, but as of right now I
know I'm delusional and I'm trying to.
I'm trying. To you're in the web MD thing,
dude. Like, yeah, which you know.
I know, I know, OK, I, I, I've been freaking out because I've
never had any sort of long term,you know, thing to deal with

(01:52):
like this. So I think there's an
underlying, you know, spooky ghost in the, in the closet,
which hopefully there's not. So right now, David has Vertigo
and hearing loss. OK.
Moving forward, today's episode is going to be about Eric's
mental health recovery journey. I'm very, I'm very excited about

(02:13):
this sort of sort of, well, I don't know how like cuz your,
your physical recovery was, I don't know, I don't know, It's
just way more of a tangible problem.
So this is going to be a. Lot more tangible.
That's true. That's true.
That's that. Yeah, that is true.
So this will be interesting. So, Eric, where are you from?

(02:34):
I'm from Baltimore. You're from Baltimore.
You're OK. Baltimore County.
Baltimore County. I'm from Baltimore.
You're from Baltimore County. When were you first introduced
to recovery? 2000.
Let's say mental health recoverywhen?
When were you first introduced to mental health recovery?

(02:55):
2006, maybe 2. 1006, OK. And it's not so 19 years ago,
OK. And I guess I can't really ask
how long you've been clean because, you know, mental health
doesn't work like that. No it doesn't.
Well, all right, with all that out of the way, I'm going to

(03:16):
turn it over to you to Share your story with us.
So take it away. Me, that douchebag didn't even
ask how I was doing. Did you hear that guy, Eric?
What are you doing? Thank you.
Because it is about mental health, so it's crucial.
Thank. You I thought we were worried
about my mental health and my potential brain tumor, but no.
OK. That's, well, it's made-up shit.
It's. Yeah, exactly.

(03:36):
If I have a brain tumor in like a couple months, you guys would
be really. Sick won't feel really bad.
I'll feel really bad. I'll feel I won't because I'll
just say I told you so. Eric, how are you doing?
I'm. Doing good.
I'm doing good. How?
Was the holidays? How was the new year?
Everything good? Yeah, everything's everything's
OK. Yeah, OK.
Thank God the holidays are over.But yeah, no, I, I am Eric.

(04:01):
His pen sucks. That's sure.
And yeah, I guess we'll start where I left off sort of 'cause
I think that's like kind of where it kind of begins from a
mental health perspective in my story, so.
So when did your legs get broken?

(04:22):
What year? 2003. 2003 and then you're
saying mental health started three years later.
OK. Probably, yeah.
Yeah. But I'd say like the first time
I guess I noticed there was likeissues with mental health was
probably when I was like 15 or 16.

(04:46):
So I obviously had my legs broken.
So that part made me sad and. That'll do it.
Yeah. And then like, so through that
whole process of like being in isolation and you know, going

(05:08):
through physical therapy and blah blah, blah and all that
sort of shit, it like really fucks with you.
So like, you know, I didn't really have friends.
I like well, because you. Were an active kid.
I was very active yes. So like I I didn't really have I
couldn't move. I mean really all I did when I

(05:30):
was playing when I was like in my my like bed for however many
months is all I did was I watched like movies, which the
only movie I remember watching was out cold.
Great movie. For some reason that's the only
movie I remember watching that time.
I love that movie, so underrated.
Super underrated. I was actually looking at it,

(05:51):
never seen it. Of the snowboarding movie it's.
Good though I was looking at a list of the best aughts comedies
it was ranked #2 on this list I was looking at the other day.
I was like. It might be a bit high.
But if you look at the list, dude, it's, it's, it's a solid
movie. Zach Galifianakis, Really.
Probably his big break. Is it Jeremy?
London. I think it's Jason.

(06:11):
London like fuck, why does he have a twin dude?
Like he doesn't need a twin. Yeah, I think there doesn't need
any 2 hallmark. Movies anyway, like OK, so
alcohol moving forward. Really, did one of them do
mallrats and the other ones justas fuck off but.
Yeah, I think Jason was in like Dazed and Confused, and then
Jeremy I think was in Mallrats and then he moved on to like
Hallmark movies and fucking Lifetime shit.

(06:34):
Yeah, there doesn't need to be atwin of them, but OK.
That's why I like the worst thing to say to a twin.
But. I hope one almost an addict in
listening to this, that would begreat.
But one of like, OK, so yeah, I I just watched out cold and then
I also played a lot of Halo one and a lot of Animal Crossing.

(07:01):
Animal Crossing was a game back then.
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Animal Crossing was a game and I was
very obsessed with it. Essentially, if you haven't
played Animal Crossing, it's TheSims, but with like, cute little
animals. And there's this.
Really. Probably seemed really intrigued
by that. One, there's this really

(07:22):
ridiculous like aspect. There's two ridiculous things I
did in this game during that time, which kind of like shows
my obsession of like of certain things is my if you had two
memory cards, Like so my little land lived on one memory card
and then my friends little land lived on another, another memory
card. And you could take a train and

(07:43):
like go from one place to another.
So I noticed that my people started like once he built like
his land and like was like, I could travel to it.
They kept moving to his fucking place.
And I was like, this is bullshit.
So I copped on the train and I went to his town.
I chopped down all the trees, I stole all the fruit and I fished
all the fish that I could fish and I stole all the fossils.

(08:04):
And I was like, and then they start moving back.
So I was like, OK, cool. I did my job there.
And there's also like this part of the game where if you keep
your town perfect for two whole weeks, like you get this golden
shovel, which it's fucking like ridiculously hard because it's
like in real time you have to keep your town perfect.
But I fucking did it and I got the golden shovel.

(08:25):
So fuck yeah, that's the. Most spiteful shit I've ever
heard in a video game. Why are my fucking?
Why are my NPC's leaving my my great town?
I'm going to go burn this other town to the fucking ground
because fuck him. Yes, OK.
I remember I was a lot of drugs,like I don't know what was going

(08:47):
on. So it made a lot of sense at the
time, yeah. Yeah, I'll give you a pass on
that. One yeah, so I think like from
that period of isolation kind ofbrought about the mental health
issues, you know cuz like. You clearly.
My friends, 'cause I didn't like, you know, and I kind of

(09:07):
get it, like it's hard at 15 to kind of know what to do with
like a friend who's kind of having that amount of trauma.
So I kind of like can understandit from my friends perspectives,
like once I got older. But at the time, yeah, it's like
hard to be like, oh, let's just play video games like, you know,
like we did before. I just can't walk now.

(09:28):
But I'll move forward to, I guess, like I'm going to move
forward to the summer 'cause that's when I first like,
started having like visible problems.
It was right after I had like, my first girlfriend, I guess the
summer after I broke my legs. And like, we broke up and it was

(09:52):
like my first breakup. So like, I obviously like took
it hard and I didn't eat for like a few weeks and I was like
really sad. I think that was like the first
time I realized like I had issues with like depression.
Real quick, yeah. I'm still kind of bummed out
that Carly has never had her heart broken.

(10:13):
Like, that kind of bumps me out that you always, like, broke
everybody else's heart and like,you never just, you know, had to
be like. But also that also really makes
sense because I can see you, like, pining over some dude that
you lost. You just like, fuck him, he's
gone. Perhaps, perhaps.
But also like I think everybody should have their heart broken.

(10:35):
So no. But hopefully that doesn't
happen. Yeah, that would.
I don't know if that everyone should have their.
Heart. At this point in my life, yes.
Yeah, I think it'd be devastating.
Yeah. Oh my God.
OK, keep going. Sorry.
My. Nope.
My. No, no, no, it's OK.
So yeah, I mean, I, I remember it very because it's like the

(10:56):
first time I guess I ever had like feelings like this.
But what? Was her name first name?
Her name was Caitlin. OK with AC OK Caitlin.
Even though I did dated Caitlin with AK as well.
My first, my first heartbreak was a girl named Yeah, it was
Emily. Yeah.
Dated 5 different. Emily's.
Yeah, that's, that's weird. I loved Emily's, apparently.

(11:19):
That's weird. It was a thing.
That's really weird. Yeah.
You know, what I don't get actually is I've met people
who've married people with the same name.
That's weird. What, like like Nicole, Nicole,
Jennifer, Jennifer, you know, like Ben Affleck is a good
example of that. He's just women.
He only dates Jennifer's no? Oh, that kind of marrying people

(11:42):
with the same name. Yeah.
I thought you meant like, yeah, I thought an Aaron and an Aaron
not. Carly marry to Carly.
No, not a Carly. No, no.
Like marrying marry to Casey. No, marrying to Jennifer's.
You know, like I would just be like, that's kind of weird.
Isn't that weird? Yeah, that is weird.
But marrying to Casey's or two errands or two, you know,
Morgan's or whatever, that wouldbe even weirder.

(12:04):
I would say that would. That's weirder than marrying
somebody the name, same name. OK.
So Caitlin. Broke your heart?
You're not eating. I'm not eating, which was
probably when it started with the restricting I mean.
Yeah, that's mental health. Is probably then that's probably
when restricting started. Is that summer?

(12:27):
And actually, my therapist brought this up the other day.
She was like, she was like, do you think there's restricting
now? And I'm like intermittent
fasting, OK. That was before intermittent
fasting was the. Thing, OK, before intermittent
fasting now we're not restricting we only, we only
eat, you know, 6 hours a day butyou know, you know so I, yeah,

(12:55):
so sad and then I, I guess like high school happened.
When did self harm begin? In a few years so I so.
Nonchalant in a few. Years.
Yeah. So like during the rest of high
school, I lost that year of my life with, you know, with my

(13:19):
legs. So I, I had this feeling that I
missed out, which I did. I, I missed out on my entire
sophomore year of high school pretty much.
And I remember going back to school, I went back to school
actually, like I went back half year.
I should have taken the whole year off.
That's one of my biggest regretsis going back to school my

(13:40):
sophomore year because like, it was amazing.
Like having like crutches and stuff and walking around like
how like invisible you are when you have like a disability
because like no one's going to keep up with you.
Like everyone's just doing theirthing.
They're like not going to like wait for you.
So like, I remember that feelingof like being in school and not

(14:01):
being able to be seen. And then like the next year
coming back, like after that break up with the girl.
And then like, I see like, like I, I start to reconnect with my
friends and I like, just throw myself into socializing because
I lost that year and I felt likeI needed to like recapture

(14:22):
something high school, like experience because I missed like
the first party all my friends went to, right?
Like, I missed the first time everybody got drunk together.
I missed the first time everybody smoked together.
I missed the like, I missed all that shit.
But yeah, because I was doing oxy and burning down Animal

(14:44):
Crossing. Towns Carly is warming her hands
over our Yankee Candle. Well, I was destroying Animal
Crossing towns while they were doing that, but yeah, so killing
the game, I was literally, I wasvery like, yeah, I, I'm trying

(15:04):
to think of like the, like, wordfor like what it is.
But yeah, I just felt like I missed out.
And I, I was going to do anything to kind of feel like,
you know, I fit in. So I threw myself back into high
school. I did musicals.
I, you know, I do remember telling the towns coach to go

(15:25):
fuck himself when I quit the team because, yeah, you know,
this happened to me a few times when I get hurt.
Like, you know, I was like #2 onthe team, then he was like,
you're going to have to work your way entirely back up this
roster and I'm like, go fuck yourself, asshole.
Like I'm #2 I'm like, this is like in high school.

(15:50):
Come on, dude. I played juniors.
But yeah, I remember just being like, I stopped doing that.
And I just like focused on friends and like I was, I don't
know how you guys kind of did your high school stuff, but
like, my senior year was pretty easy.
Yeah. Like I had guitar one and two.

(16:11):
I had photo one through 4. Jesus.
I had English and then I had twocollege classes.
That was it for the whole year. OK, I do great.
Well, you were in Catholic school.
I assumed that was. That's different.
Yeah, yeah, I had to take like actual classes.
The I the only actual class I had to take my my senior year

(16:32):
was English. That was it, I was done.
I took forensic science. I did take that.
I had to take algebra 2 again. What?
Dude, I because. You're that bad at math.
I'm terrible at math except for geometry.
I'm when I'm in 8th grade when when I this is like one of the
worst decisions I've ever made. Dude, I didn't hit algebra until

(16:53):
freshman year of high school. I finished Algebra 2IN middle
school. Yeah, a lot of people did.
I am not a math person. My brain does not equate that
shit. Yeah, I finished all of my math
before. Like I got to high school and I
stopped taking math and it was the dumbest thing.
So I had to do English. I had to get a math credit.
I just had a science elective, so I did forensic science and
then I did sociology and work release.

(17:16):
Sociology. I think I took a psychology
class my senior year like we had.
I took a. History class too.
We had electives that we could choose from, but not like that.
We still had to take all of the core classes.
And since I fulfilled like the three major sciences that I had
and things like that, I got to pick forensics and yes,

(17:37):
psychology. And did you have to?
Extra science credits or just three?
I think it was just three, yeah,three.
And then I got to pick like an extra.
I picked an extra like Phys Ed. Yeah, I just, I just picked work
release. Yeah, I did school release, so I
just. Went to college, a business
class and stuff like that. OK, so that's how we did ours.

(18:01):
So yours was very easy. Mine was awesome, Yeah.
I just, I made photography all year pretty much.
That is, I just lived in a dark room for like a year.
It was pretty sweet. Great, great for mental health.
I mean for dark, like, yeah, I mean for that, yeah.
It keeps you focused, right? Like I, I've always wanted to

(18:23):
rebuild a dark. Dark and quiet and lonely.
Yeah. Well, it's not.
It's only dark one spot. You know, you do have to expose
the sound of. Silence.
But all that chemicals is a painin the ass.
But yeah, so that was like, you know, my senior year and I, I
remember when I came back to school in my junior year, I

(18:45):
like, I was looked at as like a sensitive person or something,
which David's probably like, what the fuck?
But yeah, like, all these peoplethought I was very like, sweet
and sensitive and like all this stuff because they didn't know
me. Yeah.
And I was like, yeah, this, thisdoes doesn't track.

(19:06):
But I I like start dating like like a bunch of girls when I got
back to school, which didn't help that like that didn't
didn't help things. Was Caitlin at the same school?
No, she lived in Harford County,OK.
So. She was very far away, but the
next girl I dated was a Caitlin.So it was a Caitlin with AK.

(19:30):
So see, I did it too. I did it too.
So I remember dating her and then like there was some other
girls I dated and then like likethat junior years when I started
doing drugs, I well, not drugs, I started doing like smoking
weed and drinking and that became like my focus, right?
Alcohol, those are both drugs, lesser drugs.

(19:53):
You know, we're talking about like, you know, if we're like
looking at like the levels of hell, I'd say that's like level
one or two. You know we're not at 7 yet.
Sidebar like we've like we you know, we've always kind of
downplayed the like, oh, alcoholis a lesser drug I've.
It's a serious drug. No, I've.
Got a reverse. It's one of the worst.
Ones it is one of the worst onesand and you haven't been around

(20:15):
my friend lately, It's that. Like struggling is fucking
horrendous. Because.
Because it's so accepted in in our society that it just gets
glazed over as acceptable. No.
And like, people don't realize, like, that's one of the things
where, yeah, shit internally is going sour and you don't know it
for years. I will say it is not a lesser.

(20:37):
I am sorry for that. It can be.
It can be bad. I wasn't gonna be bad.
I mean, my one friend right now that that I still, you know,
hang out with that is, I mean, he's a he's a true blue
alcoholic. Like there is no like he, he
can't even come in the house right now without my wife.

(20:58):
Like being like he needs to leave because I can smell him.
Yeah, dude, it's, it's bad. Like, I don't know what to do
about it. It's hard, but like, whatever.
Yeah, it's. So you're drinking and smoking
weed? I'm drinking and smoking weed
and that's becoming my focus, you know, lots of burn runs,

(21:20):
lots of field parties. Also, if you never went to a
field party, like I feel really fucking bad for you.
Yes, they were. They were in the field of
schools. Field party, no.
Field Party No. We would go to cornfield.
We also had dodgeball, motherfucker.
Did you have dodgeball? Did you have dodgeball?
Did you have dodgeball? Yeah, who didn't play Dodge?

(21:43):
What the fuck? No.
At your field parties you played.
Dodgeball at your field parties.What are you talking?
About Yeah, You're not from Catonsville, motherfucker.
Get out of here. Get out of here.
Carly knows what I'm talking about, right?
I didn't play dodgeball, but you.
Got fucked up there, right? Yeah yeah, me too.
Okay. We had dodgeball.
Okay, David, no, you OK? You really don't understand

(22:03):
this, OK. And I don't think you're
understanding the like the actual cornfield parties.
Well, he didn't say it was a cornfield party, he said it was
a field party. I know, I just think they're.
OK. Field party agree to disagree.
Let's move on. Field parties are field parties
move. Forward.
Amicably, Did you ever get chased by cops at a field party?
Of course. Uh huh.
On a cornfield? That's weird.

(22:24):
Yes, yeah dude we made giant pallet like we would stack like
810 lbs. There are also no cornfields in
Catonsville, so. I'm aware.
There's also no cornfields at Columbia either, so.
In our county there. Are.
In our county. Shit tons.
Well, there are in Baldwin County too, but.
Yeah, but you're not fucking driving all the way.
Over not to Hereford Zone. No, fuck that.

(22:45):
So yeah, I'd been like, I start getting fucked up.
I do remember my one friends when we would do burn runs in
his car, we'd always listen to like Bubba Sparks or some shit
like that and it was just trash music.
You remember Bubba Sparks? Bubba Sparks?
It's like that white shirt. What booty booty?
Booty booty rocking everywhere. OK, Yeah.
Booty, booty, booty, booty. Rocking everywhere.
We're rocking everywhere. Rocking everywhere.

(23:06):
Rocking everywhere. Wu Tang Three 6 Mafia.
Well, if it's not your car. And then metal.
David, if it's not your car, youdon't have like much of A
choice, right? So my 1 friend.
Wasn't my car. To listen to like other stuff, I
mean, when it was my car, I mean, I listen to like Jurassic
Five and shit like most death, OK.
Keep those let's. Keep this moving.

(23:28):
OK, So yes, drugs start enteringthe equation and I think like
when I start dating, like I was like dating again in like my
senior year and there is like I,I just couldn't, I guess get

(23:53):
over this like I don't know, butI don't know like I wouldn't.
I'm trying to like explain my prom which was awful but I
'cause I like was dating this girl and I then like stop dating
her and I invited like a friend instead which is the dumbest

(24:13):
thing. I should not have went to my
prom. That is still one of my biggest
regrets. I didn't want to go.
My parents forced me to go. I.
Was a senior. I didn't go to junior prom.
Did you have prom? Yeah.
OK, yeah, I went to junior and senior.
Wait, you were were you was yours in all girls school?
Yeah, but she had. Like a mixer.
No, we invited. Saint Joe Boys.

(24:34):
A date or we went by ourselves with friends.
Oh OK, I didn't know how that worked.
I just. It's the same thing for
homecoming. OK.
And you would have invited SaintJoe boys.
You're to sales, right? Seaton, Keo, Keo.
Never mind, Gibbons. Sorry.
I'm sorry, Gibbons. I don't even remember who I
invited. Some of them were not Saint Joe.

(24:56):
Boys. I'm sorry, Gibbons.
They're Gibbons. My.
Husband is from Gibbons. But of course he is, because
you're a Keo girl. Fuck Saint Joe's.
Yeah, fuck them Dicks like. I don't know, there were a whole
bunch of them that were like around our area and they were
all Dicks. No, I took them you.
Should see how many are around this area.
I believe it, I mean. I didn't take either.

(25:16):
No, I took a Loyola kid to my senior prom.
I. Always forget about.
Loyola and I took somebody who went to Northeast to my junior
prom because that's who I was dating you.
Gone slumming. Yeah, yeah.
From Northeast. I don't have the greatest
history of even though I didn't get my heart broken, my history

(25:39):
of guys is there. We'll talk about that later.
I'm. Really intrigued.
OK, shouldn't have gone to your prom.
So I shouldn't have gone to my prom and I guess like, so I'm
going to my my freshman year andI'm like, I'm starting to get
heavier into drugs and I remember.

(26:02):
Were you were you full on addicted to pills at at this
point? No.
No, no, no, no. I I didn't start.
I was afraid of pills for a longtime.
Well, you had to take them for your legs.
I did for like a year but like Iwas scared of them for a bit.
I didn't start taking pills again until I was like 1819.

(26:23):
Like during high school I was just, you know, weed and
alcohol, man. And like, I'll take some
mushrooms and like try to kill myself, but, you know, just
once. But.
We're talking about mental health.
I think that's relevant, yeah. That happened.
That happened in scenery. Yeah, I think that's an

(26:45):
important story instead of your fucking prom.
Well, I, I took, I took some mushrooms.
It was bad timing. Like I was kind of like I it was
the first time I'd ever taken them and this like and they were
like took the whole 8th and like, oh fuck.
Oh yeah, I did that take. The whole 8th No, you don't take
the whole 8th. OK, anyone who's listening to
this podcast and you and you want to use mushrooms, No, don't

(27:10):
take take like a gram and see how you feel and then just take
them off. Well, if you want a spiritual
journey, I mean, there's different ways we'll get.
Into mental health how do you kill yourself on your.
Own but I I hadn't processed anyof my trauma right, So I had all
that trauma for my legs and I remember I barely remember

(27:34):
anything. We also watched the fucking
Wall. Oh, it's a great time.
It's a terrible. Time, David.
You know it. You know it's a.
Terrible time. Your first trip.
Terrible time. First trip, watching the wall
and just thinking about my broken legs and my trauma from
physical therapy. It didn't go well.
So like I started my first therapy stuff when I was 18, so.

(28:05):
How did you kill your? How did you kill yourself on
troops? No, I I tried to suffocate
myself with a pillow multiple times.
OK, Yeah, you. You are aware that's a physical
impossibility, right? For my age, yes, but for for
infants they can do that. That's OK.

(28:26):
All right. So you started there?
When you were in troops. OK, logic doesn't work, David.
So yeah, I started there therapywhen I was 18 for both drugs and
mental health. My first therapist for mental
health was like the worst, most stereotypical bullshit couch,

(28:49):
you know, therapist I've ever had.
You know, lay sit on the couch, tell me your problems.
Not going to give you any advice, just going to listen.
And that was her. And then the other guy was like,
great. He was the counsellor though.
So he had no like training really, but he was a counsellor.

(29:11):
His name was Ken. I can't remember his last name,
but he was at Mountain Manor andhe was probably like the best
counsellor I've ever had. Like one of them.
He's probably doesn't work thereanymore 'cause that was like
almost 20 years ago. But yeah, he he was great.
And like the one thing I guess that was a problem at that age

(29:35):
was, and maybe you guys had thisissue of like talking your way
out of therapy where like you can kind of talk your way out of
problems like logically and makethe therapist think you're OK.
So like, I mean there's. I did that with drug
counsellors, but yeah, same thing.

(29:56):
Yeah, with psych wards and stuff, like, yeah.
So like when I first went to therapy, like, you know, the
first time, it was for my legs. And then it was also with the
counselling, it was for the drugs because I started, you
know, doing coke when I was 18. And that was like the first bad

(30:16):
addiction. I guess what we'd say it was the
cocaine. But yeah, I got arrested when I
was 18, so that also became the problem.
So I got arrested in Howard County.

(30:37):
I had just, it could have been amillion times worse than it was.
I literally just let bippies, I think it's called what it's it's
western Howard County where the Enchanted Forest is like it's a
bar, 2 blocks of bippies I thinkit's called.
I had friends who worked there. I just went there to sell weed

(31:00):
and buy coke. And I remember doing some of the
coke in the car and then I was going to trade some weed to this
guy I just met at the mall for abunch of oxys and then give like
split it with like the dealer with the coke.

(31:20):
So I was like, OK, cool, I'll leave the coke with you and
like, you know, I'll go make this trade.
So I had like some weed in the car.
I had like some pills. I had like a scale.
And those fucking fucking pigs, man.
They were like fucking pigs and shit.
Like in my car I was like, how do you find a fucking gram of
weed? Like if you I had a quarter

(31:42):
like. But they found apparently like a
whole oz in my car somehow. Like I don't know how, but yeah.
So I got arrested and the issue with that, I think that really
became a problem is that it isolated me again.
So I had that big like 2 year stretch between like breaking my

(32:05):
legs and not breaking my legs where like I was like being over
social and like doing anything. You know, I was like, Oh yeah,
I'll be friends with you, sure, whatever, blah blah blah.
So like then, you know, being inthe situation again where it's
like my parents are taking my phone because I got arrested and
I'm like grounded essentially at19, which Dave, it's like, I

(32:30):
wouldn't have been grounded at 19.
I know, I know, but I was grounded at 19 so.
I had been out of my house by two for two years at that point.
Yeah, yeah, I was not. So I was like not allowed to
hang out with anyone for like months and months and months and
months. So I was just isolated again by

(32:52):
myself, depressed. I don't think my parents really
got that. Like, that's like, the key to
like mental health and like addiction is connection.
So I was just alone again, whichsucked.
Like, I didn't know, you know, like, so I stayed dry for about

(33:16):
6 to 9 months through like, Columbia Addiction Center,
through my counselling, through my therapy.
I did all that. But then I went right back to
like, you know, hanging out withpeople again, right?
Once I was like ungrounded. And I remember the first day I
got to smoke again, you know, stoked.

(33:38):
But yeah. So I was like.
When did you start cutting? Well, let's.
Get there. Speed it up.
I. Was a late cutter so I I start
using again heavily like and I start using pills a lot.

(34:01):
I always, I always minimize thispart of my story with drugs, but
I remember using a lot of pills between the ages of 19 and 21
before I started doing oxy againheavy.
But when I was 20 years old, December 22nd of 2008, she's.

(34:26):
OK. 2007 actually, never mind. 2007 one of my best friends
died. So Yep, Odie, it's the first
one, the first person who like Iknew who died.
Yeah, like my grandfathers, bothmy grandfathers had died and

(34:49):
shit, but like no one else really died.
Like great aunts had died. But this is the first person I
knew, right? Like close and my friends didn't
know how to handle it very well either.
Like no one know how to handle it.
Well. Like it's like, oh, your 20 year
old friend just overdosed and died and you're 20.
Oh, like no one knew how to handle it.

(35:11):
No, and some people handle it really bad.
Like my dad was like a douche about it.
He was like, well he deserved it.
I'm like, you're a fucking asshole.
My one friend was really bad about it.
Like my best friend. He was, really.
Bad. Yeah, he was.
He, he, he was bad. Because I remember, yeah, he
said something like the night ofand I was like, dude, but it's

(35:35):
OK. But yeah, he overdosed on
methadone and Xanax or Valium. And I remember he overdosed a
month before that. And I remember him getting out
of the hospital and I went like,he lived at the top of my hill,
right. So me and Adam, I lived at the

(35:58):
bottom of the hill and he, I lived in the big house at the
bottom of the hill. He lived at the big house at the
top of the hill. And yeah, I remember he Od'd a
month before he died. And I remember he came home and
he said and he, it was me and his brother, like we were
smoking like a joint or something.

(36:18):
He was like describing death andlike the beautiful feeling.
It was him. How like it's just like falling
asleep but like better. I remember him like describing
all this, like in vivid detail and like knowing.
Glorifying it. Yeah, just knowing that like

(36:40):
this isn't good. And a month later he was, he was
gone. And yeah, I I like lost it after
that. I started doing oxys like all
the time and just like, yeah, mylife became Oxycontin after that

(37:04):
for a long time. And yeah, it was just, it was
all about minimizing like that feeling of like loss and grief.
And like, I, I, oh, I beat myself about like he called me
that night he died and I didn't answer.

(37:26):
I remember my girlfriend at the time, like when he called being
like, don't pick up because he had just been a douche.
Like he was a douche. He was a douche.
Like he was a douche. There's no way around it.
Like Adam was a douchebag. I mean, I told his one
girlfriend that he cheated on her like straight up because

(37:48):
he's a douchebag. And that's not cool.
I'm not, I'm not going with the bro code on that.
Like, fuck that. You're going to cheat on someone
like, you know, go fuck yourself.
But yeah, So, yeah, I remember my girlfriend at the time, this

(38:09):
is the girl I dated for five years who probably caused more
mental health problems than anyone.
Or I calls her like a slew of them.
But yeah, he I didn't answer hiscall.
I I had his voicemail too. And I remember deleting it
before I knew that he died that day and just being like, Oh my

(38:32):
God, what if, what if I would have done this?
What if I would have done this? What if I would have done this?
I remember even talking to his brother about it like too like
his brother heard the breathing and did nothing about it.

(38:53):
OK, this story is I like this isthis is bumming me out.
You're bumming me out, dude. You got to move forward.
I'm sorry. I love.
Yeah, I mean like his brother like heard the, you know,
shallow breathing of like an opiate like overdose and just
left his brother there. I don't with the story.
I'm going to turn my fucking micon.
He died too. God damn dude.

(39:15):
So his parents lost both of their children.
G Jesus dude. 2 overdoses. How old are you at this point?
Well, when James died, James died.
James died like a 10 years laterprobably.
He was at my wedding. Yeah, he, he was clean for years

(39:35):
too. And.
You're distracting from yourself.
Talk about you. Well, talking about you, Eric.
No, I want to talk about like, so he was an anesthesiologist,
which was kind of weird. Why are we talking about this?
And like he explained a similar thing of like he enjoyed keeping
people on that line of death like.

(39:55):
Dude, this is getting really fucking morbid.
I like, I'm trying to reel this back in.
Reel it back in, dude. Sorry, reel it back in.
Oh, I'm making you sad. You're making the whole fucking
audience sad, Jesus. OK.
So we'll go back to Adam so. No, we won't.
We're going to move forward. This guy is dead, OK.
So Adam died and. Your life became a shit ton of

(40:17):
Oxycontin. I, I start doing a lot of oxy
and I was dating this girl and so I dated Megan for five years
and the only reason I stuck around with Megan, I was
terrible to Megan. We weren't really dating for the
last 2 1/2 years. We kind of were dating, but I
was like constantly being like we're not together and her being

(40:41):
like we are together. And then her being like I slept
with this guy and me being like,I don't care.
And then her being like you can't sleep with people.
That's my friend. And it's like.
How is this mental health? Dude, but so well, the mental
health part, me and her took a lot of like like she was kind of
like the person kept pushing me towards like therapy, right?

(41:04):
And always was like trying to fix me.
She was like the codependent, right in my relationship.
She gave me like Ambien when I wanted it or Xanax.
And, you know, her family had all the other pills that I
could, you know, trade with them.
And she was a resource. That's terrible.

(41:31):
But yeah, so I remember when I went to it all came to a head,
right? You can't keep doing that many
drugs and like, all that. And also that summer where
everything kind of like comes together is like, I'm doing
like, you know, at least an 80 aday of oxy and I haven't, you

(41:56):
know, start doing anything else,like cutting or anything.
I'm just really sad. So I'm just like doing lots of
OCS and I finally run out, right?
Like there's times where you can't find it, but when your
habit is so bad, you know, you got to figure out a way to do

(42:16):
whatever. So I remember withdrawing and
like having to go to, you know, finally hitting my bottom from
drugs at that point. I actually started with heroin
at this point too. So dot, I guess I'm mixing 2
stories here. Sorry.
I'm mixing 2, two different, twodifferent therapy stories.

(42:42):
Yeah. So actually that summer I went
to my first treatment center, which was in Memphis.
And I remember only staying there a week.
And I remember being like, this place isn't for me, you know,
I'll just take the Suboxone, I'll be fine, blah, blah, blah.
And I remember like they kicked me out of their place as soon as

(43:04):
I signed the papers. Like they were like, you can go
to the street now. I was like, what that they, they
were awful. But I went to, I went there and
then I came home like immediately after and and you
know, kind of just went back to living kind of sad still, but
like not I, I, I didn't have theoxy addiction anymore.

(43:28):
So that was good. So.
Yeah. I was just on Suboxone for a
couple years there for a while and like a bunch of psych meds.
I'd I had, you know, like a doctor Hayes situation.
If you, if you know the Doctor Hayes back in the day where, you
know, you go there and you kind of get whatever the fuck you

(43:49):
want and there there were tons of doctors like that.
It was kind of kind of crazy howeasy it is to get psych meds.
But yeah, it it like I was on a slew of different drugs to make
me feel. Yeah, I didn't want to feel.

(44:10):
So I was on a bunch of drugs to not feel.
I mean, I think I was on Klonopin, Adderall, Ambien,
Suboxone, all at the same time, prescribed by the same doctor,
which is crazy, which is fuckingcrazy.
That's a cocktail. That's a real.
Yeah, that's good. That's a good little cocktail

(44:31):
there. And I started dating this girl
about two years after Adam died that was also friends with Adam.
We were all like, friends together.
And we were kind of dating. We were more like talking but
Jesus dude she was the girl thatgot me away from my

(44:53):
ex-girlfriend Megan which was good.
I needed to get away from her because like that situation with
her family and like just doing drugs dude.
You are. You are like a squirrel right
now dude. Wait, I'm I'm I'm bringing you
to this this part of the story. So I needed to get away from the

(45:13):
girl and I just want. To hear about your mental
health. We're getting there, we're
getting there. OK, God damn.
So I start like, you know, hooking up with this other girl
and and then we start shooting up together.

(45:34):
She shot me up for the first time.
Actually. She's dead too now.
Oh my God. Yeah, there's a lot of people
that died. I'm aware of.
That like you're still alive andwe want to know how you got
here. Yeah.
Like I love you. Sorry Caitlin, Megan, whoever

(45:57):
the fuck it is, I get that. Let's talk about you and your
mental health. So after this I went to
treatment OK every time health. Recovery.
Dude, every time I go to treatment, every time I went to
treatment before, like that timeand the time before, my dad and
I always get into these huge physical altercations, right?
Because like, I guess he's like of that mindset, like I'm your

(46:19):
dad, I love you. I'm going to beat the shit out
of you to go to therapy and I'm like, I'm 20.
I'm going to fuck you up, dude. Bring it on like you know, so I
always would, we'd, we'd fight each other before I went to
therapy, which made like before I went to inpatient both times,
which made no sense. Like he, he did the same thing,

(46:39):
but I went to inpatient and I started my recovery journey.
So that was 2012, July 11th to be exact, which is still my
claimed clean date for me or recovery date I guess.

(47:01):
And I think like I was ready, right, to accept that I was, I
didn't know what to do. And that was my moment, right of
grace. So that like, 'cause I'd been

(47:21):
to, I'd been to therapy, I'd been to treatment, I'd been to
the rooms, I'd done all that stuff like before I was 24, but
I was ready at 24. And like, I was just so sad.
Like I just couldn't see past being like depressed.
And I there was a reverend who used to like run Father Martins.

(47:49):
OK, I was. Like how does it OK keep going?
Yeah, I was at I was at Father Martins.
We're not calling it what it is now.
It's Father Martins. Fuck whoever changed the name.
But there is like, there was a reverend who used to be the CEO
of the place and then he like just kind of consults and he
like I did everything when I wasat Father Martin's, I did like

(48:12):
physical therapy, I did acupuncture, I did like therapy.
I did like every everything theyoffered.
I was like, I need it all, so give it to me.
So I went to this reverend and the two things we worked on that
really helped was my legs. And like, mainly the resentment

(48:32):
I had towards my parents. And then also the death of my
friend Adam, because at that point, like, that was still all
consuming for me like years after where it's like one of my
very best friends died. Yeah.
It still fucking sucks with like, yeah, but we'll stop

(48:55):
talking about death for a littlebit.
We'll get back to it. Don't worry.
It comes back up. But yeah, so I start my recovery
journey with that. And like we did these two like
letters and both of them were very like therapeutic and kind
of getting past, I would say like I got past both of those

(49:15):
things at bother Martin's with those letters.
I got past my resentment with myparents and I got over bits of
Adam, right? Like I, I was like, I, I could
be OK with it. And I started going to, you
know, meetings and doing all that poor shit and throwing

(49:38):
myself into that. And before, right before David
and I met, I went away to another treatment center because
I started cutting. I started cutting when I was
when I was 24. That's when I started cutting.
But it got worse when I got clean because there was no drugs

(50:01):
to take away that pain anymore. There was nothing to distract me
from, you know, like what I was feeling.
So the only thing that I could do to control the pain was to
create the pain. I this is probably, unless you

(50:24):
did both of these things, you probably don't understand this,
but I actually equate cutting a lot to doing heroin.
There's very much a ritual in both of them that that are like
very similar to each other, almost like it's very methodical

(50:45):
and like, you know, it's like, all right, we get this.
It's like, here's the razor blade, here's the alcohol, like
clean the razor blade, clean thewomb.
Do this like, you know, there's like a whole process and you can
get like, I mean, my, my old sponsee like started like almost
doing like surgical work on himself, which is like you can

(51:06):
get real weird. Nope, Nope.
We're good. Yeah, there's like a point where
you can start doing like stitches and stuff and like,
yeah, there's like a real weird,weird point of self harm.
But I, you know, I was, I was doing self harm, I was
restricting and I had to go away.

(51:27):
So I went away again to a specifically a treatment Center
for mental health. That was like when you had two
years clean. I only had six months clean.
Oh OK, I thought you were talking about the time like when
you had like 2 years clean you had just shared your anniversary
at. I did just share, but that was
because I like I just brought meand TES just brought right And I

(51:50):
was sad. I was a different.
It was sad. So yeah, that was a different
time. So I went to this treatment
center. It was amazing.
It was called the Center of Hopeand it was exactly what I needed
at the time. And it helped me get over kind
of like the restricting and the,you know, cutting and the

(52:11):
depression and all that sort of stuff.
And yeah, and the, what the, what David's talking about is
that my two year, my first two year anniversary I had, I wasn't
in a good place. I had just broken up with this
girl and I didn't know how to feel about it.

(52:35):
Like even though I like, I was like the one who didn't want to
be in the relationship. Like once the relationship was
over, my brain like, didn't knowhow to handle that emptiness.
So yeah, I went kind of crazy and I was, like, restricting and
like purging and doing all that sort of stuff again.

(52:57):
And then, yeah. And then I found another girl
who distracted me from that, whoI followed to Chicago.
Yep, I. Remember that?
Yeah, who she calls the whole slew of different issues for me.

(53:21):
So where are you at today? Where I'm at today, so I have I
have a therapist today and I'm active with my therapist.
I have a psychiatrist today and IC regularly.
I am prescribed meds, you know, for multiple things.
I have I guess my most my my diagnosis that I would say are

(53:48):
the ones that are active and follow me are bipolar.
I'm type 2, I'm not type 1 and ADHD is a big one as well.
No shit. As.
As is evident through this episode.

(54:11):
You know, it's hard for me to not jump around.
We could tell. So there was a way and I'll
explain like so my ADHD before Ihad kids, like I, I was, I was
OK, right? Like I could handle my ADHD.
Dude, looking around this room, you cannot handle your ADHD.

(54:33):
At all. So like I've gotten better.
It's hard. It's really fucking hard, man.
Like with before I had kids, like the way that I could I
could do it was I like like likewhat you just said right is I
jump around. That's how I used to like and I
still work that way. I still do everything that way.

(54:54):
I don't stay on a task for very long.
I just jump from thing to thing to thing to thing to thing.
So if you watch me during the day, I'm moving around
constantly doing like 80 millionthings.
And yeah, I had to get on meds because I couldn't.
I couldn't, you know. Yeah, you had 10, I can't.
You had 10 projects that were all done 10%.

(55:14):
I can't, well, and also with like my daughter and then my
wife's, you know, my wife's issues, it became unmanageable,
you know, which like that sort of stuff does become
unmanageable after a while. Absolutely.
And yeah, sometimes you need meds.

(55:36):
So there's, you know, I'm back on psych meds.
How do I feel about it? I don't fucking know.
Some days I'm like, this is annoying.
Why do I have to take these fucking pills every morning?
But some days it's like, thank fucking God, because if I didn't

(55:57):
have these, this medicine, I'd probably be going crazy right
now. And so there is always that give
and take with meds of like, that's hard, especially for
people who are bipolar. Yeah.
Because I after I, I was, I've gotten off my meds too.

(56:19):
And I don't know. I don't know what's the right
answer. OK.
All right. All right.
Well, we definitely have some questions for you.
Carly, would you like to start? I don't know, I don't know where
to start. Every single part of your story

(56:43):
began. I was dating this girl.
How did always dating this girl,like, contribute to your
struggle in mental health? Because it seemed like you were
always, like, relying on somebody else for your
happiness. I I was, yeah.

(57:05):
So how did that contribute to this mental health problem?
Because I wasn't able to find happiness within myself.
And I'm still, I still struggle with that, right?
Like I I, I think I'm better nowthat I'm married.
Because I should hope so. Long term dating this girl.
Yeah, but. Yeah, yeah, long term dating

(57:26):
your wife. Dude, I didn't, I didn't pick up
on the that that's Funny Cara. Yeah, I, I think the only answer
is that I need to look into myself.
I don't think there's another answer.
The girls like, yeah, the girls,man.

(57:48):
They were a distraction from yourself like any other drug.
They were. They were and I am a serial like
monogamist. I am not without a relationship
for very long. What?
Were you going to say I? Was going to say this podcast
has been a distraction from himself.
That's true. That's true.

(58:09):
So yeah, the girls, the girls in, yeah, like, I don't know,
maybe the girls were the problem.
Yeah, I don't think so. So how are we looking internally
today rather than finding these outward distractions?
Yeah, because, you know, you're there's an Eric problem here.
There's a common denominator, bro.

(58:30):
It's the girls. Yeah, you're right.
That's the common denominator. Sure.
Definitely some distraction. Girls were yeah, like I, I mean,
today, obviously I'm doing off of my stuff, but like, you know,
exercising and I, I think we're like, I think exercising, eating

(58:51):
right. And then like making sure I'm up
to date with all of my medical shit and like staying up to date
with all that stuff is like how I keep, you know, because I
mean, I, I, I probably see more doctors than than most people
do, right? Like I'm back in physical

(59:12):
therapy again, which I don't know how I feel about that.
I'm going twice, two to three times a week right now, which is
a lot. It's hard to fit that in with
also like my daughter and work and like all this other shit.
And then it's like, oh, here, you know, she's fit this extra 3

(59:35):
hours in each week, you know, it's fucking hard and it's
stressful. And then I, I have to like, move
things around to make it work. But yeah, I think that's that's
how. But yeah, fuck the girls man.
OK, we. Didn't even get to Sarah.
I like didn't even talk about her.

(59:56):
That was Chicago. But go ahead, David.
Can you name what types of therapy you used over the years
and the benefits that you received from them?
Yeah, I mean, I've done, I've done tons of therapy, obviously

(01:00:16):
like, you know, cognitive behavioral therapy, like
classical, like talk therapy. Yeah, I'd say like the therapy
that also helped a lot was EMDR it.
Stands for for anybody listening.
EMDR is IEM eye movement rapid something?

(01:00:37):
It's like eye movement, something rapid.
We'll Google that. Keep going.
But yeah, so T. Sensor side TD something.
EMDR yeah, it's it's getting, I mean, it's gaining popularity,
but like what what it essentially does is you're
supposed to go back to like the moment that was an issue and

(01:00:59):
then. Like high movement
desensitization, desensitizationand reprocessing, Yeah.
So that's what it does is it reprocesses the trauma.
OK, so you're re the whole goal of it is to re feel it.
But yeah, I'd say EMVR probably is like the most interesting
one. OK.

(01:01:19):
And cognitive behavioral therapy.
Yeah, that one's just a good oneto do cognitive behavioral
therapy, but I'd also say mindfulness is something like
that. Isn't therapy but something I
would strongly recommend for people.
Yeah. Have you done like it?
Has there any? Has there, what level of journey
have you put in to, you know, meditation?

(01:01:44):
I need to put more. OK.
But hopefully I will soon. You know there's a meeting for.
That I know, David. OK, so really quick, total
sidebar. This past Thursday we just did
elections and we have a new meditation picker.
This is Guy Josh, and he does twice a month these sound.

(01:02:04):
Do you know what sound balls are?
Yeah, so he does sound baths andshit at an ashram in Baltimore.
And he asked us last month of conscience if he could do the
sound bowls as a meditation. We're like, we're all, we're all
skeptical about it because none of us have done it.
He actually did it this past Thursday.

(01:02:27):
It was amazing. It was so.
Just gonna come to I'm kind of bummed it in.
Well, he's gonna be, he's gonna be doing it once a month.
Nice. So next time it's coming up, I
will tell you it was, it was fantastic.
I'm possibly considering making your Home group my Home group.
That would be spectacular. And that's all it's.
Just like, really cold. Ditto.

(01:02:47):
It is cold, yeah. I'm playing tennis still on
Thursdays, so once tennis is over.
Dude he had this like 2 foot around quartz crystal bowl that
made this it and I know this is going to sound hokey and weird
but like the sounds penetrated my ear for the first time in a
few weeks in and like I woke up Friday morning feeling so much

(01:03:11):
better in my head. So it healed your brain tumor?
Yes, yes. Could you say that the bowl
penetrated your ear well? That he penetrated your ear
well. God damn, yeah, I hate you.
No, but it's like the sounds actually did really help and it
was something really cool. And yeah, next time.
It's coming next. Month.

(01:03:32):
Isn't that a way somebody dies in Scary Movie?
What? What?
Sorry, what? Are you talking about?
Like when they like yeah, okay, anyway, talking about yeah.
Meditation, you need to do more of it.
Mindfulness, okay. Yeah, which I mean once, once
platform tennis is over, dude. Yeah, I'll, I'll go to your
meeting more. Yeah, all.

(01:03:53):
Right. What you got, Carly?
Yeah, So I know for me at least,my first therapist that I went
to was a major turn off. Like it were they?
Just really ugly. Here.
No kidding. Like just the whole experience
wasn't good. It like wanted it almost kind of
was like, I never want to do this again.

(01:04:15):
Yeah, type deal. Yeah, if you're not comfortable,
you're not going. To.
Share. And I know, Eric, you had said
that your first therapist like was awful.
So did that play any sort of like role in continuing to go to
therapy? Well, yeah, I mean, I, I've been
to so many therapists. I don't even like.
I don't know how many I've been to like.

(01:04:36):
So I went to a lot when I was younger and then I found my
therapist when I was 24. So between those five years, I
went to a lot of different therapists to try to like
because I knew something was wrong and they wanted to figure
it out. And like, especially when Adam
died, I was like, I, I need to talk to someone about this.

(01:04:57):
And everyone I that I do talk toabout this sucks.
Like everyone is really bad at talking about this.
So I need like an unbiased party, which I mean, I think
everyone should have a therapist, like just to be able
to like get shit off of your chest that you can't talk about
with other fucking humans in your life.

(01:05:19):
There's tons of stuff I can't talk to my wife about, you know,
like, but I can talk to my therapist about it.
And I think I'm very lucky that I found because I had, I didn't
go to therapy for about 10 years.
And Lash, we didn't really get into.

(01:05:43):
We kind of stopped my story a little bit early, but I got
really depressed again about a year and a half ago because of
multiple miscarriages. And yeah, so I started seeing
her again and she's the best. So luckily I was able to get

(01:06:05):
back into like the same therapist, you know, because we
vibe really well. So yeah, all.
Right. You just wrote down a question.
I did and I'm going to ask it. OK, So I have found that I've

(01:06:25):
gotten a lot of help through thestep work with my own, you know,
mindfulness and just just the inner workings of myself and my
mind. What what benefits did you get
or find from you know the NA step work to aid in your mental

(01:06:48):
health 10 if if any. 10:00 and 3:00 Ten and three man.
I didn't say which steps like 10:00 and 3:00.
Yeah, and what did you get from?Them like what did you like?
How did? How did they help?
Three, you can't control shit, but it's outside of you.
You can control your shit, but outside of you, you can't
control shit. Like boom, that's the hit,

(01:07:11):
motherfucker. Right.
Hold on. But though, but you mentioned
earlier that self harm, to control the pain, you had to
create the pain. Yeah, so.
I control. I control everything.
But you just said Step 3, so nowyou're.
Kind of myself, outside of myself.

(01:07:32):
I can't control what like my wife does.
I can't control what you guys do.
I can't control what like my friend Adam chose to do.
I can control what I can do. I can cut.
I have the right to cut. I can do it right now if I want,
like that's my choice. But I don't do it right because
I've decided that's not the way I want to live.

(01:07:57):
And 10. 10 is just getting shit out of the way quick.
That's how I look at 10 like. But how does that bet like?
How do those? How does that benefit you?
You don't get you well, you don't have resentments.
You don't have resentment. You don't have like anger like
even though yesterday I did curse out like multiple SW
agents but. Yeah, I almost flipped my shit

(01:08:21):
yesterday. I did flip my shit yesterday at
at an airport and I'm a lots of all people like you.
You are now on a no fly list. I might not be flying southwest
anymore, no. I like Southwest.
I don't. I'm over them, OK?
They charge me too much for bagsand they're getting rid of open
seating and yeah, I'm over it. United all the way, baby.

(01:08:44):
OK. All right.
So that's six or three and 10. OK.
Yeah, 1010. The beautiful thing about 10.
45456 and 7 didn't help with your mental health at all.
I mean, sure, but I've already did all that, right?

(01:09:05):
I mean, yeah, but I mean. So I, I, I'm already playing it
all in my head all the time, right?
Yeah, but that's still. Unpacking and and right sizing
those situations. It is I-5 I didn't really give a
shit about. Yeah, yeah, five.
Yeah, I I just went over 5. 6 iswhatever.

(01:09:25):
It should just be 44A and 4B. 7/7 is a bullshit step by the
way. I disagree.
The biggest bullshit step out ofall of them, actually.
I would say that would be 5 if any well.
Maybe if 55 is five and and seven No 7 is the worst, 7's the
worst. It's the worst.

(01:09:46):
It's not even close. OK, what?
What? Read it.
Just read it. Read it out.
Read it in your head right now. I I can't think of it.
I don't know. We'll do the.
I can't we ask, we humbly ask God to remove all our defects of
character. Isn't that 6?

(01:10:08):
No, 6 is we like acknowledge it,right?
Are you looking it up right now?Yeah. 7 is we humbly ask God to
remove all our defects of character, right?
6 is we were entirely ready to have God remove all these
defects of character. 7 we humbly ask him to remove our
shortcomings. Yeah.

(01:10:29):
Yeah, bullshit, because you can't remove them.
Yes, you can. You can't.
No, what you can do is you can adjust them.
You can't remove them because. You can remove them from your
active life by not participating.
In them of you. Yeah, I get that.
But if you remove them from the active behavior, you're still

(01:10:52):
removing them. You're lessening them.
Yeah, I mean, if you do not exhibit A behavior, it's like if
you make that, you know, that humble admission at age 25, and
then you never exhibit that behavior for the rest of your
life. You removed it.
Yeah. Yeah, technically, yes.
I like, I I get what you're still saying.

(01:11:12):
And I agree that yes, it's stillthere and it was always a
possibility, but as long as you never pick it up again.
I would say it is what it is. It's an innate thing, yeah, And
I don't believe it's something that can just be.
Yes, I'm more of a person as yet.
You never lose your demons, you just learn to live above them.

(01:11:32):
It's like when people say like I'm not an addict anymore or
like whatever. It's like, it's like, wow dude,
good luck with that. What else you got?
Carla Oh no, this says the 7th step is an action step.
How is it action though? Like and it's time to ask God.
For help and relief, we have to understand that our way of

(01:11:54):
thinking is not the only way other people can give us
direction. When someone points out a
shortcoming, our first reaction may be 1 of defensiveness.
We must realize that we are not perfect.
There will always be room for growth.
If we truly want to be free, we will take a good look at what is
pointed out to us. If the shortcoming that means we
discover a reel and we have had a chance to be rid of them, we

(01:12:17):
will surely experience a sense of well-being.
We're trying to hold the vomit. And that's an extension of
three. Well, yeah, stuff, yeah, 7 is
always an. Extension exactly.
So if 3 was in a it was was important then seven, you know.
7 is stupid. Maybe you should go. 7 is a
great number. Again, it's a great number.

(01:12:37):
Maybe that's the. Problem 7 and. 3 actively work
it. What are your guys favorite
numbers? We're talking about this with
people. Favorite numbers?
Like 7 and three are my favoritenumbers, 6.
I've always liked 2, two and four.
Numbers. Yeah, I like 2:00 and 4:00. 26
was your number, Carly. I like to keep I I like even
numbers. Wait, did you have a number I

(01:12:58):
don't want, David. I don't like odd numbers.
Did you have a number? No, not really.
You didn't have a number. Not really.
Did you play sports? Yeah, but you didn't have a
number. I picked.
I put the even numbers. My.
You didn't have like you didn't.You just picked any even number.
It wasn't like I want this number.

(01:13:19):
Yeah, it changed from year to year.
Yeah, weird. I could not share the rest of my
numbers because then people willhack my passwords.
Yeah, Even so. Stick with six.
Like oh, and my wife, she'll putthe volume at like 17 and I'm
like, you fucking bitch, I'm like 1618 or like you can go,

(01:13:43):
you can go on base base. Five.
So David, that bothers me. Garrett too.
So every time we watch somethingtogether now.
Base 5 is. Both you go base 5 or you can go
even numbers guys, you go fucking.
That's called obsessive compulsive.
Uh huh. Yeah, it is right.
Yeah, I'm. Hot yes I definitely have a low
grade OCD. Me too, never mind, I think more
than low grade. Dude, yeah, my CDs are in my CD

(01:14:05):
book by Alphabetical and Chronicbiological order.
Why is not by biology? Why not by biographical?
What do you mean biographical? How the fuck would that make
sense? Have you not?
Have you not watched Live Adulity?
No, I haven't, but how would what?
Weird. Okay, whoa.
And I think we are all out of questions.
Wait, hold on, do I have any more?

(01:14:26):
Questions. I don't know.
I've lost any questions I had. I figured that's.
Fair, David, you haven't seen High Fidelity?
What the fuck? High Fidelity.
Yes, I've seen High Fidelity. I didn't know what you said.
I was like, you'd like Smashed. Yeah.
High Fidelity with John Cusack and Jack Black.
Yeah. Great movie.
Yeah, he or he arranged his collection by autobiographical.

(01:14:46):
That's stupid. We would like to thank Eric.
I don't know what's where. Where do you go from here?
Like, what are your ultimate goals for your mental health and
how do you get to that those goals?

(01:15:08):
I don't know. I don't know what that looks
like. And that's OK.
Yeah, yeah, it's. Maybe it's something you need to
look at now. Has anybody ever asked you that
before? I I think it's more of a one day
at a time for. Her right, David?
It is. I agree.
I agree. But I'm going to pull in Eric on

(01:15:29):
Eric and say, you know. I don't know what's your 5.
What's your five year plan for your mental health?
Eric, I don't know. Like I would love to get off
some of the meds, but at the same time I'm afraid to get off
the meds. So like I'm struggling with that
because I'm on, I'm on more medication now than I've been on

(01:15:51):
for a long time. Like since I was in like early
recovery, like back in 2012. Like this is the most medication
I've been on in like years because I stopped taking psych
meds for like 8 years until I couldn't handle it for like I
couldn't, you know, do it. So I don't know, just keep going

(01:16:17):
to therapy once a month and maybe read more books about, you
know, my mental health. And yeah, I'd say that.
OK, All right, Well, looks like we're got out of time, but we're
going to give you one more minute to talk to anybody out
there struggling with mental health.
Like what do you have to say directly to them?

(01:16:38):
People die. That would.
OK, Yeah, I, I mean, I used to keep like in the beginning of my
basic text A and like it was like all the people that I knew

(01:16:59):
who had died from. OK, how about a message of hope
for the people out there struggling with mental health?
Do you have anything tireful anduplifting?
Well, I guess. What positive things do you have
to say to these people? I would say just, you know,
keep, keep on keeping on, you know.

(01:17:20):
There you go. Keep on keeping on.
And I, I don't, I, I, I'm not kidding this one.
No, you're not. I would.
I would just say. Anybody out there struggling
with mental health? No.
Call the number. You'll ask for help, yeah.
You're not alone. Ask for help.

(01:17:40):
You're not. Alone, what you're feeling is
temporary. You can get through it.
There's a lot of help out there for you.
And you know, don't shame yourself if you need medication.
A lot of us do. Don't shame yourself if we need
therapy, a lot of us do. And I'm just thinking with what
David said, you know? Yeah, well, I'm just going to
speak for Eric. Right, but a lot of people do
die. Yes, it is.

(01:18:02):
It is very serious. You know, don't, Yeah, don't
stop minimizing your problems and, you know, get help because
it's out there. All right, everybody.
Thanks for joining us today. And I am sorry.
The next episode will be will bemore will it'll be more linear.
Let's let's put it that way for.Drugs.

(01:18:22):
Way more linear. Drugs is way more linear.
OK. All right, here at Podcast
Recovery, we're aiming to expandthe scope of support for
recovering addicts. Accessibility and convenience of
helpful services is paramount tocombating addiction.
We believe that a powerful voiceof recovery should be
obtainable, practical, and at the touch of a button.
Every addict deserves to hear a message of open.

(01:18:42):
Podcast Recovery is here to provide it.
Most importantly, everybody out there.
Stay safe and stay clean. They all die in the end.

All Episodes

Eric V. - A Melancholy Robot

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

United States of Kennedy

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Eric V. - A Melancholy Robot