Eric V. - Let's Get Physical

Send us a text In this episode, Eric V. shares his experience, strength, and hope. Podcast Recovery is a forerunner in digitally accessible addiction recovery support. We provide ease and convenience to any and all seeking a message of recovery and hope. By broadcasting the stories of recovering addicts, we act as a complement to all other recovery services. We exist to create a global foundation platform, so that any addict may hear a message of strength and hope. We contribute education an...

Episode Transcript

(00:03):
Welcome back to Podcaster Cover everyone.
We're your hosts, David O. And Carly S.
And today we're doing something,I don't know, you know, pretty
normal, but a little bit different.
And our guest is going to be theman behind the curtain, Eric V
himself. How are you doing today, Eric?
I'm doing good. I'm doing really good.
Good. You know, it's, it's the
weekend, you know, and it's the.Weekend.

(00:25):
It's just we released a butterfly this morning, so you
know it's a good day. Do you know the the very unique
fact about monarch butterflies? No.
No. You're gonna they are the only
multi generational migratory animals on earth.

(00:48):
What? What do you mean where they
migrate to? So they wake up in the spring
from their their. They're like in Brazil, right?
They're winter nesting in no, inthe mountains of Mexico.
And so they wake up and they start migrating N to like the
the, you know, southern United States.

(01:08):
And then they mate, they lay eggs and then they die.
And then the next generation hatches and continues going
north until like the middle of the United States, so right
around us and Tennessee and all that.
And then they mate, lay eggs andthey die.
And then, then, then the, so that's one, two, that's the
third generation. So the 4th generation then

(01:32):
hatches and continues to the north of the United States and
into Canada where they breed andthen lay eggs and then they die.
And then that generation is called the Super generation
because that generation that wasborn in Canada then migrates all
the way back down to Mexico. And then they and.

(01:54):
Then they hibernate for the winter.
They don't know. They don't know how each
generation knows to keep the migration going.
That's absurd. It's absurd it took this guy
researching monarch butterflies literally his entire life.
Like he was searching for where they like they didn't know where
the monarchs went. And he started this tagging
program in his 20s and then he did not finally find like the

(02:20):
the. How do they tag butterflies?
They put a little piece of paperon their, on like he, he created
this whole monarch society across the United States.
So when people would catch monarchs, he, he like even
mailed you out these little paper clips that you would like,
you would put on their wing. And then the next person would
find them in like somebody so that they, it got tagged in

(02:43):
Texas and then it shows up in Minnesota and they're like, oh,
we found your tag here. And it took him his entire life.
And then he when he was in like his 70s, he finally got to see
the breeding ground of monarchs in Mexico.
And it it was amazing. That's unbelievable.
It's unbelievable, isn't? It How do they know dude?

(03:03):
There's a whole documentary about it.
Because they're. Also caterpillars becoming
butterflies. So there's also the question of
like, how did like what, what information we've.
Digressed. No.
No. No, no, no, hold on.
This is super important. Like what information like
transfers from a Caterpillar to a butterfly, right.
You know, Are you sure? Are they the same person?

(03:24):
They did the, I mean, they become just, goddamn it, liquid,
right? Yes.
Do you not know this experiment?Which experiment?
OK, so they took a Caterpillar and this is it's really
horrible, but it's science. So science is horrible.
Science is horrible. So they took a Caterpillar and
they would they would play a really high pitched sound and
then they would ZAP it with electricity.

(03:46):
OK, so it's like they do that tohumans.
Yeah, yeah. And they'd freak it out.
And they did this over and over and over and over again.
And then they let it pupate and become an and then they let it
become a butterfly. And then they would play that
same sound for the butterfly andwithout giving an electroshock,
it would freak the fuck out whenit heard that sound because it
was anticipating the electrical shock.

(04:07):
That could just be like innate knowledge and subconscious.
Like they did it a lot. They did it a lot and it
continued happening and they were like, this has to mean that
they remember this, they remember the sound and they
remember the shock from when they were a Caterpillar,
otherwise why would they react? But that's so crazy because
like, they become a soup. Yeah, it's magic soup.

(04:28):
No, the science doesn't know howit happens.
Anyway, moving forward, where are you?
From I am from Baltimore, MD. You're from Baltimore, MD?
Yeah. When were you first introduced
to recovery? Wow, what a question 2006. 2006.

(04:48):
2005, 2006. So you're a senior in high
school? Yes, OK.
All right. And how long?
So this is a bit different. So I'm going to let you do the
lead in. For no, I was, I was actually a
freshman in college. I wasn't.
I never. I never.
Close enough, dude. Did any did any treatment well
in high school? I wasn't one of those types of

(05:10):
children. OK, close enough.
So today's a little bit different.
We're doing a very specific partof your story.
So I'm going to let you do the lead in for that.
Yes. And tell us your clean time for
that and then take it away. Oh God, my clean time for that.
Yeah, I had. I do have a lot of different
clean times that I always write down.
I don't even remember my cigarette clean time anymore.

(05:31):
I just know gives a shit. I give a.
Shit, this is way too complex for my brain this morning.
It's not too complex, Carly. OK, so I'm going to break it
down for you. Right, right.
Well. Liz, let's get to it.
Eric V, That's Me, is going to be doing 3 different types of
episodes because my story is convoluted and super long, and

(05:56):
it would just be easier to breakit up into the three different
things that I suffer from, whichis physical malady.
It's mental illness and it's addiction.
And I have long histories with all three of those.
So instead of trying to fit it all into one story, they're all

(06:16):
very unique stories that play integral parts into the other
aspects of. And today is the Olivia Newton
John. Let's get physical.
Yes, today. Well, is that Olivia Newton
John? That was absolutely.
Olivia Newton John. What was the movie physical
like? I was thinking of like that girl
who's the girl who, like, spillswater over her head and she's

(06:38):
like, you know, and she flings her head back.
I don't know. Start your story and I'll
Google. That OK, I'm pretty.
Sure, I know what. You know what I'm talking about.
It's from the 80s. I'm pretty sure it's Flashdance.
Yep, you're right. Yeah, it's Flashdance.
All right, So hi, everyone. I'm Eric V Hi, Eric.
Hi. And yeah, so I'm going to start

(07:00):
this story like just from the beginning, where I like had a
very normal childhood by most accounts.
Normal or privileged? Well, it depends on your
perspective because I mean, fromwhere I'm sitting at, when you
meet the models children at tennis camp, I mean, I'm pretty

(07:21):
poor at that point, right? This relative bull, this
relativity bullshit, you were you were upper very.
Upper middle class, Upper middleclass.
I grew up upper middle class. I was always, I was talking to
my wife about this the other daywhere I got made fun of for
three different things. The first thing I always got

(07:43):
made of front of first was because I was short.
So everyone made fun of my height.
The second thing is because I had it's, it's really the second
and third we're kind of like even, but it was either because
I had money and I had a tennis court in my backyard.
So that made it very easy. So a lot of people made fun of

(08:03):
the fact that I had money, whichkind of in.
Retrospection, which is so weird.
Ha ha, how do you do that? Like ha ha, you have a tennis
court. I know.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's like I do. My parents have money.
My parents have money. I can't control that.
I'm so sorry for your situation and the birth canal that you
came out of, but I. Christ.

(08:24):
You know, came out of I guess one a little bit more privileged
and then yeah, yeah, sorry aboutthat, David.
And then the. 3rd that's the that's the 4th apology from the
richest. Thank you.
Third thing that I got made fun of when I was a kid was
religion, which is hilarious 'cause I have no religion, I was

(08:46):
brought up atheist, which I'm not atheist.
I am a deist now, but my father is a devout atheist and I would
say devout. I think atheism has.
Much How do you you know? How do you devote yourself to
nothing? It's dogmatic atheist.
When you're talking with them, it's nonsense.
You know, they're like, they can't see that there might be

(09:10):
another option. They're like, Nope.
Yeah. It's just it, there's nothing.
And it's like, how? How the fuck do you know that
dude? Yeah.
It's cognitive dissonance what it is.
Anyway, Continue. But yeah, so I can't also come
from a tennis family, which is athing.
There are things like that, I guess.
No, yeah. Because there's football
families. So yeah, that makes sense.

(09:30):
There's like people. Did all your sisters play
softball? Just you?
Did they play sports? My oldest sister was a
cheerleader. Regularly.
OK, so my family played tennis. Never.
Remember her name? Lindsay.
Lindsay. Lindsay.
Melissa, You. And then so like 3 of my uncles
played professionally for a little while.

(09:51):
I had an aunt who played like D1.
What? Yeah.
So my family owns, like, a swimming Tennis Club.
So tennis has always been a partof my life.
And ever since I was five, I've been put.
I was pushed into playing tennisevery day of the week pretty
much until I was 15. You're like Lars Ulrich.

(10:14):
It was awful. Honestly.
I didn't want to play tennis. I wanted to play soccer, but I
got to play soccer a little bit.But.
Really. Soccer's the best.
Oh my God, soccer was so much fun.
I and I like, I was kind of a bruiser a little bit, even
though I'm small, because I'm kind of like stocky, like a
dwarf. I would totally fucking light

(10:38):
somebody up. Like I remember I hyperextended
someone's knee one time during agame because we were both going
for the ball. My knee won.
It wouldn't, it wouldn't win today.
So I, I had a pretty normal childhood of just going, you
know, like I had a lot of friends.
I, you know, went to school and I played tennis every fucking

(11:03):
day. And sometimes I have to play
soccer. And I was super obsessed with
movies and video games. I like lots of movies and video
games as a kid, but you know, being short, you get made fun of
a lot and it kind of sucks. Like it's like balding, like

(11:24):
it's not your fucking choice, right?
Like, I didn't choose to be short.
That's just the fucking geneticsof it, right?
But kids are cruel, so they. He might have had money.
At least we got, at least we gotnormal height, yeah.
Where else? Well, I can pay for it though,
so. You can pay for.
It who came out of the wrong birth canal now, yeah.

(11:47):
How'd that turn out for your legs, motherfucker?
Well, they got as you can see, people are still immature people
and are still making fun of me even though, you know, what can
you do? There's poor unfortunate souls.
Let's bless their hearts. I'm sorry, the air up here is
really thin. What are you saying?

(12:07):
I said bless. I said bless your heart.
Bless your heart, David. That was funny.
That was a really. Good one.
Did anybody ever like use that like just straight altitude on
you because. That was no, no, people aren't
that smart when you're that young.
Yeah, that's true. That was and also it's again,
it's also like just height is not a yeah, it's not a

(12:29):
controllable thing that like youlike, I don't know with
bullying, like I I can see making fun of like clothes or
something. But when it comes to like the
things that you can't change, itis a little bit unfair.
So that is when I get a little bit harsher in my jabs.

(12:53):
So people yeah, like it's not I can get really mean.
But yeah. So after, you know, living this
fairly boring suburban childhoodof playing tennis all the time
and video games and being, you know, in honors classes and all

(13:16):
that stupid horseshit, I reached9th grade where my parents and I
began the journey of looking into getting limb lengthening
surgery, which is a procedure where a doctor goes invasively
into your body and breaks your limbs.

(13:40):
Your femurs. Well, for me it was my femurs,
but you could break your tibulas, you could break your.
Tibulas, Fibula. Fibula.
Fibula, fibula, your fibula, youcould break your you could break
your arms, you could break like you like I've seen people with
when I people who do actually suffer from dwarfism, I don't

(14:03):
have dwarfism, but people who have dwarfism, they I would see
like them have it in all four. So like they would have their.
Which would make. More sense because that way.
You're you're proportional because technically your arms
are not proportional to your legs now.
Right. No, I'm not proportional
anymore, but my face is, so that's all that matters.

(14:25):
But what the fuck? But so like, what does that even
mean? It means that I'm pretty you
asshole. But the thing that so well
explaining more like with the people who had dwarfism, 'cause
like I, I, I spent like a year in physical therapy, like they

(14:48):
would have like their, both of their arms right broken and both
of their legs broken and they doit all at the same time.
But what they would do is external fixators.
So what external fixators are isthey would, which I, I
eventually did have to get external fixators, but external
fixators are these, they potentially put screws into your

(15:10):
bones and then they have these like fixators that are on the
outside that keep all the, you know, different screws in place.
And then every week or so a doctor would take an Allen
wrench and turn that manually it.
Hurts my bones. Thinking which in retrospect I

(15:32):
would have preferred that, but at the time I was worried about
scars for some reason. Which as a cutter I'm like why
did I give a fuck about scars? Were you a cutter prior to?
That I wasn't. I was very normal.
That I was a very normal kid. I'd never smoked and never
drank. I never did.
Like, I wasn't really like a badkid.
You know, I do have my moment ofwhere I kind of turned, like

(15:55):
rebellious in fifth grade, whichI think we've talked about,
David, where like, yeah, it was just like I was at school when I
was blamed for something I didn't do.
I do not. Remember this?
I talked to my therapist about it recently and I was like,
well, because it was like, it's like, what the fuck's the point
of the system? If I'm getting in trouble for

(16:17):
something I didn't do, then why do I give a fuck about the
system? That's.
The story of my childhood. So that's like, there was a
moment in fifth grade where I saw that and I was just like,
the system's unfair, so I'm not going to follow the system
anymore. But but I never like smoked or
drank or did anything like that.So.

(16:38):
But yeah, so we're going throughthis whole entire process of,
you know, it took a year to likeget ready before, you know, my
legs got broken. So you had to go through a whole
bunch of processes. And, you know, and I actually
remember right before the surgery, like the end of May of

(17:03):
2003, I was like, you know, I was talking to my parents.
I was like, I don't think I can do this.
I was like, this is a lot, you know, And I was 15.
So my parents were like, Nope, we're pretty far in this
process. We know what's best for you.
We're going to do this. Everything will be fine.

(17:25):
I was like, I just have a bad feeling about this.
I was like, I don't think thingsare going to be OK.
And they're like, no, everything's going to be fine.
Like nothing's going to go wrong, blah, blah, blah.
And I remember like sitting in surgical prep and the nurse
going through like all like things that can go wrong.

(17:46):
And she's just like talking. And she's just like, you know,
this could go wrong, but there'sa 1% chance of that.
And this could go wrong and there's a 1% chance at that.
And this could go wrong, but there's a 1% chance of that.
And I was like, OK, you know, I'm, I'm probably, I'm, you
know, I'm probably just overreacting.
I'm just bummed out. I'm going to miss an entire
summer of like high school and Iwon't be able to walk for a few

(18:10):
months. And I was like, every,
everything will be fine. So the type, so to preface, the
type of the surgery I was havingis they were breaking my femurs
and what they were going to do is put something called an ISKD.
So not a fixator, not an external fixator.

(18:30):
This is an internal fixator thatwould go in through the top of
my hips and they would insert itin through my like the top of
the bone and put it in that way.Into your bone.
Yes, it was literally inserted into the.
So So what they did with my SO? My cousin had a had a rare

(18:53):
syndrome called TARR syndrome where he was born.
So I can't remember what the T stands for, but the A and the R
is absent radius. So he was born without the
radius bone in his arm. Oh geez.
So he had to have limb lengthening surgery as well
while he was it. He got his done when he was an
infant and a toddler. Interesting.

(19:13):
Yes, and what they did is so they would they would cut his
bone apart, spread it and put coral in between and.
But when was this? When he was a toddler and an
infant. Well, but what year?
I'm saying. Early 2000s.
OK, I I mean, I was with Doctor Paley.
I was with, like, the guy who'd invented this stuff, so I never

(19:35):
heard of the coral. Yeah.
So maybe that's because of how young they were.
Yeah, I I think so. Because his bones were still
growing, it gave him the abilityso his bone.
So he would have bone on either side, he would have like 1/2
like 1/2 inch to an inch of coral on each side or in the in
between two pieces of bone and the bone would grow through the

(19:58):
core. So that what that had to be is
because of his age. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I was done growing. So like, because I'm thinking
like at that age, like you're not done growing.
So how else? You're just.
You're just. Would they be able to keep up
the pace of regular growth if they're doing that at that age?
But yeah, but before he was liketwo or three years old, he had

(20:21):
like a dozen, like the arm. And I'm assuming it was external
fixators like he had like a circular.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it actually fucked him up
because he wasn't able to crawl properly because he couldn't use
his arm, so he would scoot with his legs on his butt.
And so we, you know, he got the nickname Scooter, but that also
gave him hip dysplasia. So then since the doctors didn't

(20:42):
realize that and basically everything he was having done
was experimental surgery at the.Time Very experimental at the
time. They that he got, you know, his
his hips reset for free. Oh, that's good.
So that's good. Yeah, so I guess back to ISKDS.
So yeah, that's how they we're doing it, David.
So they broke my, they broke my femurs in the middle and then

(21:06):
they inserted the rods through the top of my hips.
My hips are so fucked, by the way.
They're so fucked. They are.
They are the worst of the three,I believe now.
Like out of the knees, ankles and hips.
Like my hips are so weak and so shitty.

(21:28):
But the. Yeah.
So it's June 3rd, 2003 and that is the day that I got limb
lengthening surgery. And I just remember watching
like, I got an epidural and I, well, I couldn't feel it, but I

(21:54):
remember watching my dad just like making these faces because
like the doctor kept going bone,bone.
Oh God. Bone and my dad just like was
like, and I was just like, I wasjust laughing.
I just kept going bone, bone. And they were like, all right,
Eric, so the epidural's in. We're going to get you prepped

(22:16):
for surgery, get the catheter inand everything's going to be
we'll see you on the other side,OK.
And I was like, OK, have. You ever had any surgeries?
No, I've had two. So I I woke up and it actually
the first surgery wasn't as as much pain as some of the other

(22:36):
ones. I was in a pretty decent mood
until I looked down at my penis and saw a catheter.
I was in the hospital for a weekon that time and I mean a lot of
it was just like monitoring the ISKD and making sure it's OK and

(22:57):
like making. Does that even stand for?
I can't remember internal skeletal something, something
device. I don't know.
OK, I'll Google it. Yeah, Google it.
But yeah, So they, I I stayed inthere for a week, Everything's
fine. I felt fine like and I guess

(23:19):
June 3rd would be the first timeI ever took a drug which is as
opiates which would probably be my favorite drug outside of
sassafras. But sassafras is like touching
God. OK.
So moving on the everything wentwell that first week we get me

(23:48):
home, we have this whole set up.My dad is actually taking a
break from work for the foreseeable future to take care
of me because of how much therapy I was going to need.
Interim, the medullary skeletal kinetic distractor.
Yep, that sounds about right. OK, so me and so my dad was

(24:11):
going to be my caretaker, which thank God my mom's a shitty
fucking caretaker. Like I would have fucking died.
Like she'd be like hold on honey, I'm on a no.
She wouldn't even say hold on honey.
She would just be like wanna call?
Wanna fucking call. But thank God my dad was my
caretaker. So the first week was OK, we

(24:35):
start physical therapy, you know, start land therapy,
everything's kind of like going fine.
And then we start water therapy.And so essentially with the
ISKD, to preface this, I was supposed to get 3 1/2 inches

(24:58):
over the course of 3 1/2 months.So within that first week of
doing physical therapy, and I blame the water on this, of why
my ISKD went out of control, I got 2 inches in one week.
Oh my God, why would the water have something to do with that?

(25:22):
I don't know. They said, like, it could have
activated the ISKD, like, somehow like the movements.
OK. But yeah, so I had to have
emergency surgery because what had happened is when gaining 2

(25:43):
inches in one week, my legs became essentially stuck.
So my knees were stuck in a 45° angle.
So essentially, the way you're sitting right now, I couldn't
straighten my legs further than 45°.

(26:07):
For how long? It was actually 65, actually,
sorry. It was 65°.
So I couldn't straighten my knees.
They were at 65. My hips, I believe, were at 45.
That was the 45. And then my ankles were at 30 or
25. I think it was 25, OK.

(26:31):
And they were stuck and I couldn't move them at all.
So I guess just imagine sitting like that, like that is so like
when I'm late, when I was layingdown, my ankles were always
pointed out. My like feet were, my knees were

(26:54):
always in a, you know, bent position.
And then my hips were whatever were corresponding to that bent
position. And that was just the way I was
stuck for a while. So then because of this, because
of me with my legs being stuck in this position, I had to have

(27:15):
an emergency surgery and get external fixators to stop the
growth. And that was probably my worst
surgery surgery that I've ever had, like worst surgical pain
ever were like just awful, an awful, awful surgery.
But I had 4 screws inserted intomy femurs and then they put the

(27:43):
fixators on to stop the growth, which was fine.
It stopped the growth. I mean, and I was, I wasn't
happy about that. I, I mean, I wanted the extra
like inches, but like I also wanted to be able to walk one
day. And the doctor even told me at
one point, I remember meeting with them after like an X-ray
'cause I went to the doctors literally every week.

(28:06):
Then saying like the doctor, doctor Paley, being like, I
don't think you're going to be able to walk again and being
like, excuse me, what? But luckily for me, I had the
best physical therapist possible.
And I remember them like even telling them like what the
doctor said and him being like, fuck that, we're going to get

(28:28):
you to walk. You know, like, no, like he's
like, we're not going to listen to the doctor.
We're going to like, just keep working with you and make sure
that you know, you're going to be able to walk one day.
So I had this great team of fivephysical therapists, and I did
physical therapy for about four to six hours a day during the

(28:54):
week. Oh.
My God. So I would have at least two
hours of land therapy, which just means, like at this point,
it means me laying on a bed and them stretching me out.
Yeah. Do your.
Bones hurt, Carly. No, mine do my my leg bones hurt

(29:16):
from hearing this. Shit.
And then I would have about one to two hours worth of water
therapy a day. And sometimes it would be more
right. It's like it, it would depend
like it would be between 4:00 to6:00 hours a day where I would
be at Sinai Hospital getting therapy done by very specialized
people like who just did, you know, children limb lengthening.

(29:39):
So to paint a picture of this place, like I still sometimes
have like dark, like I'll have like nightmares about it kind of
like when I not like waking nightmares sort of.
But imagine I'm 15, and then imagine a bunch of other
children who are between the ages of, like, 6 and, you know,

(30:01):
my age, just all screaming and crying as, like, physical
therapists are trying to, like, you know, work on them and,
like, straighten their legs and keep their legs in working
condition. And there's just screaming all
the time and, like, crying all the time.

(30:23):
This is horrible so. And your parents did this to
you? Yes.
Well, I'm glad I was poor then, so Jesus.
Yeah, physical therapy was rough, but those people saved my
life. So over the course of about 3 or
4 months of having the external fixators in right and letting my

(30:44):
bones heal, we actually were able to get my limbs like back
down to 0, right? Like my knees could reach 0
again. Like they'd have to push the
hardest fuck on it, but they could reach 0.
So, you know, I went and saw thedoctor and the doctor was like,
oh, you know, they took an X-ray.

(31:05):
They were like, look, you're, you know, your bones are healed,
so it's time we can take those external fixators out.
And I was like, oh, great, cool.OK.
You know, it's been 3 or 4 months.
Like, yeah, bones heal like in three or four months.
And so the doctor, which also isfucking weird as shit, dude.
Like, so they took out the fixators.

(31:25):
I was awake during that. No.
Twilight. No.
Nothing. No twilight.
No twilight. I mean, I was, I was on a lot of
meds, but no twilight. I would have preferred twilight.
And it's like using an Allen wrench on my bone.

(31:49):
Weirdest feeling I think I've ever felt in my life.
Yeah, I could imagine them removing screws.
Don't think there's anything even remotely close because you
can feel it. And it like.
Hurts in this way that you neverfelt before, so you don't really
know how to like quantify it. The only thing like I could even

(32:11):
imagine like it too is like, youknow the feeling of like when
you're numbed at the dentist butyou can still feel them fucking
with your teeth. Yeah, but imagine then then
unscrewing your teeth. Yeah.
Yeah. So that was like.
That should be the title of this, the unscrewing your teeth.

(32:32):
Unscrewing there's a. Let's get physical in
parentheses. Unscrewing your teeth.
It was. It's still such a weird pain.
I still have my fixators I. I know you used to have on the
wall. Yeah, they're right.
Yeah, they're on the wall. They're right behind me,
actually. Next to my.
Well, we can't see you can't seethem, but next to my poster.

(32:53):
But I did you. Have to ask them like hey?
I asked. For those I asked a fucking yes
I did. I was like, those were part of
me. I want them.
Well, they were like, OK, yeah, like, luckily one time, like
luckily on one of them, it was really easy to remove because my
dad one time, like he dropped myfucking wheelchair and I, like,

(33:13):
landed and it like loosened one of them.
So luckily that one wasn't like,as weird as the other three.
But God damned it, that hurt. Falling out of a wheelchair.
Oh my God I was so mad at him. I forgot about that though.
But moving forward. So they took that shit out of my
legs. So I just have the ISKD still in

(33:35):
my legs that they can't remove yet.
So over the course of the next week, Eric gets another inch and
a half of growth. Yay.
Oh my. God, but the bad part is my legs
go back to their original fuckedup positions, so that sucked.

(34:00):
So I was back at 65° for my knees, 45 for my hips, and like
2530 for my ankles of being stuck.
So all that work I did over three to four months spent not
late because a doctor misread myX-ray.
But now looking at it, I guess it's cool to have gotten the

(34:24):
extra inches, but at the time, fuck that guy.
So everything I did was for nothing.
So I had to go back and redo allthat stuff with my legs for
about another three to four months of working, you know, to
get to where I could walk 'causeI so to, I guess remind you.

(34:50):
So June 3rd is when I had the surgery.
I don't think I started using a Walker until November.
Of the next of. Of the same year.
Of the same year, OK. Yeah.
So, yeah. So yeah, I, I kept like so with

(35:16):
like those out of my legs now. I kept just, you know, working
at it and I went to therapy likewith those people for a year
total of physical therapy, whichwas hard.
And then I, I mean, I did another like 2 years of during
high school of just going twice a week for my legs, plus having

(35:41):
a strength coach for about a year or two, which by the way, I
also had a strength coach when Iwas in tennis.
So that's also upper middle class bullshit.
But yeah, I had a strength coachfor two, like for a couple years
where I saw two times a week, which is fucking ridiculous at
12. But yeah, so I eventually get my

(36:08):
legs back down to where they're supposed to be.
I'm being homeschooled during this point.
I was so. Your dad home, so your dad's
home schooling. No, we had someone come in.
Of course, yeah. Yeah, yeah, to do the home
schooling, my parents didn't trust themselves to teach me, I
think good call, but. And my dad had to go back to

(36:30):
work eventually. So like eventually he went back
to work once I was like able to you know, have crutches and
stuff. OK, Which was like November,
December time frame. I moved to crutches and I made
the regrettable decision of going back to high school that
year in January, which, man, when you're like physically

(36:54):
disabled, there is nothing more isolating than that at a high
school. It was one of the worst
decisions I think I've ever made.
I should have stayed out of school for a whole year, but you
know, I still had to do therapy every like day or like 2 like
you know, and, but eventually, you know, my legs got back down

(37:18):
to where they were supposed to be.
Eventually I got off the crutches.
One of the ways that I build up strength was through DDR.
Dance Dance Revolution. Yeah, I was.
I was really fucking good at it.What was your go to song?
Xenon I think was my go to song.Do you remember that one?

(37:40):
Fuck is that? No, I don't.
No, not at all. But me and like I got so I was
like so good at DDR for a littlewhile where I would be like one
of those people who could like do tricks and like switch the.
So you're like Nick Swartzen andGrandma's boy?
Yes, yes. I was Nick Swartzen and
Grandma's boy and I knew people.I was friends with people like

(38:01):
that, and we could like switch sides and stuff.
It was crazy. But through all that, that was
like super isolating and super depressing.
And like, I guess the part of the story I didn't share is I
was also on a lot of meds. So the doctor was the first
person that I ever received drugs from.
And you're taking, I assume, a minimum oxy 30s?

(38:24):
I was just taking at least two oxy 80s a day. 80s.
OK. At the at the worst periods,
right. So I was, I was taking I think
over 200 milligrams a day of, ofopiates.
I think at one point it was the highest it ever was, was two 80s
a day. And then I think it was like,

(38:48):
like two other like two 10s or three 10s every four hours.
OK. I was on 15 to 20 different meds
a day because I also had really bad anxiety.
I had constant infections. So this is this is your go to

(39:09):
song TDR. Don't play too much of it.
No, I don't think so, but we we'll figure.
I'll figure it out. Sorry, I'll figure.
It out. I'm also looking into playing
platform tennis again and there's a there's a brand called
Xenon. So that might be why I'm
thinking of Xenon right now. But the yeah, so well, because

(39:33):
when you also have external fixators in one of the things
that's really sucks and like, I guess I didn't talk about and
it's also super gross is that you get infections constantly.
So we're on antibiotics the entire time and I had to clean
it. So you would have to like, you
know, take like tweezers and take all the dead skin off and

(39:57):
like then, you know, put rubbingalcohol around the whole thing
and then regal it. But it was really the dead skin
that was weird and having to like grab at like all the.
Dead. I couldn't have hired like, a
nurse to come in with the money.I don't mind, you know, doing
it. Yeah, hey, you have a fucking
tutor, but you don't have a fucking nurse and a.

(40:17):
Strength coach. I, I didn't mind doing the
cleaning. So, you know, I, I also was the
one who cleaned my wife's C-section scar when that got
infected. Trust me, that was way grosser
than my fixators. That's fair.
But the. So, yeah, I, I, I go back to

(40:41):
school still doing physical therapy and all that.
And then I eventually a year, like about a year goes by and
they take the ISK DS out of my legs.
So the way that they had to do that is they had to cut into the
top of my hips and then they pulled them out of my of like

(41:05):
from the top. I swear to God I have.
I have a mental problem because when I hear shit like this I can
feel it in my body like my legs hurt like throughout this whole
story like this is a horror fucking.
It's well, yeah. I mean, it is like a horror show
here, the children crying and stuff.
Like I remember this one little girl, man, no.

(41:26):
No, no, no, no, no. I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to hear it. OK, I don't.
Want to hear it? OK, so they're taking out the
ISK? They're taking out the ISK DS
I'm now in. You know, I'm a junior in high
school at this point. I have I have tried weed and
drinking. I have tried the marijuana.
So wait, what was that? After that surgery?

(41:46):
What was the like? Just real.
Quick, the recovery was easy after that, right?
So like we're, we're already healed, we're still in physical
therapy, we're still doing strength training like those
were. In your bones.
Those were in my bones, yes. So I don't have any metal in me
like some people who have to keep metal in them.
I have no metal, but it could have.

(42:08):
Been like Wolverine. I, I, well, I mean, I don't have
anime adamantium, adamantium just lying around.
So some of the issues that like this caused like obviously in my
life was addiction, mental illness, and then also chronic
pain, which I still suffer to with to this day.

(42:32):
I mean, the chronic pain is so fucking annoying.
And like, it really it brings upquestions that most people in
recovery, like in addiction recovery, don't have to think
about. You don't really have to think
about. Like, OK, so I can either feel
constant pain or I can take an opiate or I can take an opioid,

(42:53):
or I could try cannabis, or I can destroy my liver twice as
quick with Tylenol, or I could maybe destroy my kidneys with
some Aleve. So yeah.
We have ulcers in my stomach from ibuprofen.
Yeah, it's, it's hard. So I mean, the chronic pain is
its own thing. And then I think another, and

(43:14):
I'm not sure how how this happens, but this is another
physical issue that I suffer with.
And I, I don't know if it's fromthe surgeries necessarily, but I
have IBS as well, which you know.
You were relying on Tylenol for a long time.
For a little while. For a little while, yeah.

(43:36):
And the leave, I was really heavily relying on a leave when
I shot weddings. So do do do you think that like
those played a part in your, youknow, gut degeneration?
I don't know. I assume it would have to.
I think it's a part of it. I think some of it is like.
I think, yeah, there's a, there's a percentage of.

(43:56):
I think damage, I think there was damage caused from all those
meds for sure. Like I I think there was damage.
I also think I have a nervous stomach.
Did you have which isn't any bowel problems before?
No, I didn't. I didn't I didn't.
So I I do think it's from the. Surgery then it would have to
be, yeah, that's, you know. That's, but the nervousness is
also probably from the surgery, like so the anxiety is probably

(44:18):
from the surgeries as well. So, but I have like a nervous
stomach too with the IBS. So like God, IBS ruined my life
for a little while and I'll, I'll talk a little bit like I, I
wanted, you know, I, the legs were the big thing.
But I do have a few other of themaladies that I think I feel are

(44:39):
important. So like the IBSI mean literally
from my in my late 20s up until I was about 31 and ruined my
social life, absolutely ruined it.
I would use the bathroom anywhere from 5 to 15 times a
day. I just couldn't go out.

(45:05):
Like it was a blessing if I got to go out.
Like, that's why I would try to get people to come to my house
because then I could explain. I could be like, oh, I have to
use the restroom. And you're like, hey, but it
was, I mean, it was debilitating.
And people, like I know people with Crohn's and with, like, you
know, that sort of stuff. Like, I feel for you.
Yours is worse, OK. Trust me, it's worse.

(45:26):
Matt M has something. Like Oh yeah, he does like and
it's worse, dude, trust me, it'sworse.
But like the loneliness and likeisolation that that period of my
life until I figured out a Med combination that would eliminate
my eye like or would help my IBSget more normal.

(45:50):
I mean, it was, it was literallyan like completely isolating and
like I, I didn't hang out. I wouldn't hang out because I
was like, I probably am going tohave to use the bathroom three
times. Like is there a bathroom nearby?
Like what are we doing? Is it going to be embarrassing
to use the bathroom? Like if we're playing a game, I
don't want to have to be gone for 10 minutes.

(46:11):
Like so like that like played a huge factor into like my
decision making, but I figured out like, you know, a certain
Med combination that works. Sadly, I had to get back on
antidepressants in order for that to happen.
Why? Because that's what worked

(46:33):
because of the nervous stomach thing.
Like I've tried like the medication for nervous stomach
which is called I believe dicyclomine, but it just doesn't
really work for me. But I, but I'd recalled these
periods of time where IBS wasn'tlike a problem in my life was
when I was on psych meds and I was like interesting.

(46:53):
And I did like some research andthere's research around like
Citalopram and like IBS. Yep.
And I and I talked to my doctor and I was like, look like I've
done some research about this and then.
It's so weird how they'll come up with a medication that's
designed to do one thing, and then they find out they're like,
oh, well, that's a million otherthings.
It works better for this, Yeah. Yeah, and like, I don't like

(47:15):
being on psych meds. Of course I need to be on them.
But like the reason I got back on them is for IBS, it wasn't
for my mental health. And the crazy thing is, it
helped and I got back on my gabapentin at the same or
pergabalin at the same time for my nerve damage, which also, by
the way, I have really, well, it's not as bad as it used to

(47:38):
be, but I have nerve damage in my shins.
So if you're looking to hurt me,kick me in my shins, I'll be
down for a long time. Oh really?
Because it hurts. It already hurts.
It always hurts. So there's always this like
feeling of like it's kind of almost asleep.
Dude, I fucking you. Know what I mean?

(47:59):
Nuked. My shin with a fucking tool at
work fucking two weeks ago and Ican still feel this shit.
Shinning yourself is one of the worst things ever.
I don't know how X Games guys doing taking like skateboards
and fucking bikes and fucking scooters to the shins.
Oh, dude, I don't know. I don't know.
Yeah, that's just crazy. Psychopaths.

(48:21):
Anyway, I guess to like, I guesskind of rounded up with other
the other stuff. I've had a total of 12345 7
surgeries. Some are just wisdom teeth.
Wow. Well well David, I got dry

(48:43):
socket. Yeah.
Have you had dry socket? I have not.
Have you had dry socket Carly? No.
If you're a guest or if you're, I mean if you're listening you.
Start messing with your teeth too.
If you're listening to this episode.
Got one wisdom tooth out? That's weird.
If you're listening to this episode and you've ever had dry

(49:03):
socket, please share with us what that feels like.
It's two weeks of just unbearable pain and like it's a
half headache slash tooth pain that you can't do anything to
avoid. Yeah, it's.
Horrifying. It's awful.
It I'd actually compare it to like getting my getting the

(49:24):
screws unscrewed from my like, you know, bones.
Like it's just such an odd, terrible pain that like I didn't
go to school for two weeks because I couldn't do, I
couldn't focus, I couldn't do anything.
I was just in constant, constantpain.
And then the other surgeries that I've gotten is I've had an

(49:45):
appendectomy, which. I remember that.
Yeah, well, I was clean for that.
Yep, you were clean for that. One and I took medication
actually and did not relapse. The appendectomy hurt like a
motherfucker as well. The fucking asshole doctors at
at or the insurance company really that I had at the time.

(50:06):
I went to one hospital, their doctors weren't there, so they
wanted to move me to a differenthospital.
That was the most painful ambulance ride like I've had
ever. Like I don't have you either of
you had your appendix out? Nope, no.
I well, hopefully you don't haveto, but if you if it hurts so

(50:27):
bad, it's like, Oh my God. And like I just felt like it can
kill you. It was getting worse and I was
like, why are we waiting on thisguy's like this could like, you
know, like it could rupture and I could die like let's like
let's hurry up. And then the other surgery that
I got was I tore my meniscus. I've actually torn both my

(50:49):
meniscus in both my legs in thisguy.
I think it's a meniscus. No, but it like it's like
octopus anyway. But I tore my right meniscus
when I was 29, and I also tore apiece of cartilage in my knee.
The touring cartilage is what prompted me to get surgery, and

(51:12):
I had a cyst about the size of agolf ball in that knee.
God damn. So, yeah, so I got surgery on
that one. The most painful part about that
surgery wasn't the surgery. It was actually when they took
this giant needle about the sizeof a pen and they shoved it into
my knee to remove all the fluid,which was about like a liter of

(51:37):
fluid that was in my knee 'causethey gave me a cortisone shot
like right before that. And I was like, oh, this is guy.
That's nice. And then they they took out this
giant fucking needle and shoved it in my knee.
And I was just like, oh God, it hurt.
I'm gonna wrap myself in bubble wrap promptly when I get home
and sit in a corner and never doanything ever again.

(51:58):
And then my other meniscus, I remember when I tore, I was
playing platform tennis and I and I remember yelling like
fuck. And this guy was just like
language. And I was like, excuse me, I
think I just tore something in my leg, you fucking asshole.
So that one I didn't actually get surgery for.
So I actually just stopped doinganything physical for about a

(52:24):
year and let it heal naturally. And as crazy as this sounds, I'm
starting to play sports again, which is fun and but the I just
have to be careful with how muchbecause it's like me getting
hurt. Yeah, Yeah, you could.

(52:46):
You could be taken. Out by a stiff breeze.
I Yeah. I'm, I have a lot of chances of
tearing things and so I, I, I try not to like run after the
ball that I can't get anymore, you know, make sharp turns.
But yeah, so IBS and chronic pain are my two big physical

(53:10):
maladies. Is that that fuck with me every
day? Yeah.
And I think that's about it for this for this one.
All right. Well, we have some questions.
For you, Carly, what have you got?
Yeah. Well how did the surge, the limb
lengthening surgery become an option in the 1st place?

(53:31):
Like I know you said that like leading up to it you wanted to
stop but you and your parents explored it together.
Like my parents found it. And then they brought it to me
when I was in 9th grade, you know, 'cause like my dad was, my
dad's also short. Like he's taller than me.
But like, you know, he got made fun of for being short when he

(53:52):
was a kid. And I think that really affected
him a lot. And he internalized it a lot.
So he, they looked for options, right?
So they looked for options to like of how to get me taller and
we were looking at options before platform shoes.

(54:12):
Not my dad does own a pair of platform shoes, which I, I, I
OK, I'd totally clown on somebody for that.
I'd be. Like, come on, dude.
Well, he was. He was part of the disco era.
I mean dude in the 90s it made ahuge.
Comeback with the Spice Girls. Well, but for disco I'm like I
can't. I can't really say anything but

(54:33):
so that we were always looking at different options.
There's also like hormones that you can take.
So I knew another kid who was a few years younger than me,
'cause you say, like human growth hormone.
Yeah, like. They didn't have it when I was.
Little enough to do it, I was just a few years too soon.
But like you could take these pills that would make you
taller. Let me give that to my son,

(54:56):
which is fucked like because I met one of the too late for me.
Yeah, it's way too late for it's.
Too late for both. Of us I can't be 6 feet tall,
damn it, but the I. Remember I.
Remember the kid in high school who took him and he was like, he
was shorter than I was and you know, he turned out to be like
five. 10511 while I'm taking those fucking pills.

(55:18):
So a little jealous of that, butwe were searching for different
options, you know, the whole time.
And then when I got limb lengthening surgery, it was so
new. It was still very it much in its
infancy. And my parents found it and they
brought it to me and convinced me it was a good idea.
They were like you, you know, you're only going to not be able

(55:41):
to walk for a few months and nothing's going to go wrong.
Ha ha ha, lies, Jesus lies. All right.
Oh, do to do, to do What am I going with?
What? Oh, OK, never mind.
No, it's not a whole page. No, no, I have like 4 questions.

(56:06):
OK, sort of piggybacking off that, how did that affect your
relationship with your parents? And, you know, because I, I, I
know there had to be some level of, you know, resentment and
anger there. So you know what, what did that
look like and how did you deal with it?
Huge resentment. Yep.
Huge, like utterly gang. Enormous resentment towards my

(56:29):
parents. I mean, I can only imagine.
I'm furious. Yeah.
I mean, I still feel a sort of way.
About it, but I've I've come a long way and like done a lot of
different things It's been yeah,it's been over 20 years now
enough for for a little person to drink alcohol.
It's been that long, but it's atfirst, I mean the IT was always

(56:54):
my go to. Obviously whenever we're in a
fight like you did this to me. Hell, you broke my legs, you
fucking. Bitches, but and then they'd be
like what were? We supposed to do I'm like, I
don't know, not fucking torture your child, but the way that I
mean, it was a big resentment. I I4 stepped it for sure for my

(57:18):
first four step, not my second. It wasn't in my second, but it
was in my first. But I wouldn't say it was the, I
wouldn't say the step or therapywere really the one, the thing
that got me through it. It was actually, I don't
remember the technique, it's some journaling technique, but

(57:38):
it was with this when I was at Father Martin Ashley's Primal
Scream Therapy. No, no, no, no.
No, I was with. I was at Father Martin Ashley's.
I was meeting the former head ofthe facility, Reverend Dahl, and
he had me do a few writing exercises and there's like a
letter or something. And it actually worked for both.

(58:02):
Like, it's not necessarily like forgiving my parents or, or, or
whatever. And I, I as a parent now, I, I
can see where they came from, right?
And like, I get it. I totally get it why they would
do what they did, but it relinquished the anger and like
I can see their perspective. I can like forgive them.

(58:24):
I'm gracious for who I am today and without that experience, I
wouldn't be who I am today. So it took a while, but like
when I like got kind of got over, it was when I was 24 doing
those exercises. And like, The funny thing is I
actually also got past the deathof my best friend through those

(58:48):
same exercises. Like, those were like my two big
core drug, like 2 of my bigger core drug issues was like my
physical, like my, you know, physical issues.
And then also, you know, having my best friend die at 20, which
most people like at that age just we hadn't really faced

(59:09):
death yet. So, yeah, but that's kind of the
way I worked past it is through,you know, the steps and then
also like therapy and and and seeing a spiritual advisor.
OK, All right, I. Had a multi prong oppressed.
Yeah, yeah. All right, Carla, we got it.

(59:31):
All right, so this might be a weird question.
OK, but you said you blame the water, so do you have any
resentments towards water? I don't actually.
I don't have any resentments towards water, but I love that
question. I do blame the water.
I still blame the water. I because I give the ocean the

(59:54):
finger every time I pass it. I'm just curious like I know it
helped. You heal later, but like, it was
part of your therapy. It's like we're very strong in
saying that. You blame the water.
I blame and I do blame the water.
It was the. Water's fault.
Like the water is the reason it fucked my legs up and like, and
I was scared to go in again after that.
Like, I mean, I, I had to because of my legs.

(01:00:16):
And it's so much easier to do water therapy than it is to
land. But but no, I'm not resentment,
not resentful of the water. And I never worked through my
anger with the water. But maybe you should.
Yeah, maybe you need to, buddy. But I think.
Because like, honestly, like onething I would like to have one
day is like one of those Infinity pools.

(01:00:37):
Oh yeah, that the things are. So I remember.
That do you know what I'm talking about?
Where like it? Shoots a jet of water at you.
So you can just swim. It's only like 6 feet long.
Yeah, it's not very long. And like I could do.
Physical therapy in there, like I could do, like, you know, I
could swim, I could do all this different.
Yeah. They used to have those
infomercials on late at. Night like, oh give your own
Infinity pool for you know, the coolest 5 short pains of 1000.

(01:00:59):
Dollars. Yeah, like one day.
One day sofa because I would always push my parents and like
can we get an Infinity pool it really helped me and they're
like we have a hot tub I'm like ah, fuck your hot fuck hot tubs
guys Infinity pool yeah Infinitypool, but.
That's my game plan 1. Day to get an Infinity pool so I
can then help my legs even more because I I mean I the pain is

(01:01:23):
always there you know as a poor growing up I.
Used to, you know, look up to such opulence with just just,
you know, delusions of grandeur,like, oh, maybe I'll have that
one day. Do you remember that?
Like you remember that there used to be an infomercial for
like this really just decadent looking like ice cream cake

(01:01:43):
thing called like the Venetian. The Venetian.
That's that's a hotel. But I've never I can't ice
cream, I can't remember like. I'll have to look it up like in
the 90s, say this infomercial for like this cake of like, ohh.
If you like decadent desserts, here's what you want.
It was like Lifestyles of the Rich of the famous.
I was like, I want that one day.I was like, maybe I could have

(01:02:04):
that one day. Do you know what I was?
Rich person. Speaking of Lifestyles of the
rich and famous. Just why don't they bring that
back? Real side tangent.
I was thinking of. Exhibit the other day for some
reason and Pimp My Ride, My Ride, I made a reference to
that. Yeah, last night I was.
Thinking of like the premise of that show and.
Them going to exhibit and just being like, OK, exhibit.
Like imagine this, right? You're going to be on the show,

(01:02:25):
you're going to be hosting it and you're going to talk these
people into making these cars that don't make any fucking
sense, but they were so cool. They were so cool.
Don't. Even imagine them as.
Cars in your steering wheels. Actually a gumball machine.
He's. Like what you're?
El Camino, you now have a hot tub in the back Yes, and when

(01:02:45):
you. Lift the hood up.
There's ATV in there instead of an engine dude.
I remember there were a few where these people.
Brought in such pieces of shit that they were like, dude, we
can't even fix this. We're just going to give you
this new PT Cruiser. Yeah, like.
Oh. My God, what a ridiculous let's
make your car not work like the late 90s and early 2000s.

(01:03:08):
Were so amazing. What a fucking time to be alive.
OK. So no resentment against, no
resentment against water. OK, that's.
Fantastic. That is, that is one of the most
amazing questions. That's one of the favorite
questions you've. Ever asked?
I feel like you're laughing at me.
No, I'm not. Laughing at you, that is like,

(01:03:29):
that's a perfect. Question.
It's so far. Out-of-the-box.
In such like in a realistic but also hilarious way that like,
I'm so happy about it. That's fantastic.
All right, go in the opposite way.
What sort of, you know, mental toughness or fortitude did you

(01:03:52):
have to have going through physical therapy When?
Because I'm sure there were dayswhen it seemed like you were not
making progress and like, yeah, and you have this.
You. I know you.
Had a voice in the back of your head saying you know I'm never
going to walk again. I did.
I'm never going to. Totally.
I'm never going to fucking walk again.
This is the way. Like this goes.
So like, like were there any exercises you did or like, did

(01:04:15):
it? Did it just come?
I mean it was constant like it was constant like.
Even when I was him, I had to wear these, these things that
were like, specially, God, I can't remember.
Like I was like one of the firstpeople they ever made these for.
And like, you know, I had to wear them for three hours a day,

(01:04:35):
three hours a day. So you heard me right.
Three hours a fucking day. And what they did is they just
kept my legs straight while I watched TV.
But I, yeah, I, I mean, it was hard.
It was hard at 15. It's really hard to like I, I'm
not where I am now. I don't have as much life

(01:04:56):
experience. I'm like, you know, like I was
scared and I, you know, it was like the, the doctor said I'm
not going to walk again, like, you know, but my, my physical
therapists were, were very much were they the ones like pumping
you up, pumping me. Up.
They were like fuck that guy. Like we're going to get you to
walk again. This is bullshit.

(01:05:16):
Like, you know, you're going to be able to walk again.
So like, despite having that, like, I always had them like
building me up and like, you know, making sure that I, you
know, thought I could walk again.
I remember the first time I walked was crazy.
It was like, you know, and it was like barely anything too.
It was like, did you cry? I don't know.

(01:05:39):
I can't remember. You were on a lot of drugs,
dude. That never stopped me though.
Yeah, drugs. Drugs are crying, but there was.
Crying. There was of course crying
during all of that. Like there was times where like
I remember God, I, I think it was a month or two in, maybe
that's why you don't cry now is because you're all cried.
Out from before like you had so much tragedy back then that

(01:06:00):
you're like everything's fine now nothing makes well just just
think about David like all the. Children screaming and me just
sitting there and just like, youknow.
Yeah. And now I understand why you
don't. OK, now.
Like I, I kind of wish Ali was here just so she could hear hear
that as well, because she never understood it.
She was like, why doesn't Eric cry?
I do cry. It's just.

(01:06:21):
It's just not over like sunsets and shit.
Like, you know, You know what gets me more than anything else
is a good song. A song will get me.
Oh yeah. TV shows won't.
Movies won't. No, but a song, movies will.
A song will get me. TV shows make me.
Cry. Too.
But what was he like? It was like the.
Mental fortitude was just. It was just I had to keep going,

(01:06:43):
you know, like, I didn't want tobe stuck in a wheelchair.
Like, I did not want to be crippled.
Yeah. Were there times where you.
Where like you, you know, you also got that like that, you
know, fuck this. Like I am going to fucking walk.
And they're like, yeah, no, I did that.
Yeah, totally. Totally.
But I, yeah, I remember at a month or two clean and just

(01:07:04):
freaking out and being like, I'mgoing to walk, I'm going to
walk. Like I'm going to do it right
now. My dad just being like, no, here
you can't do. I'm like, I want to walk.
I want to just be able to fucking walk.
And then, you know, it took another five to six months
before I could. All right, all right.
What do you got now? You.
Are prone to. Injuries.
But do you have any physical limitations because of these

(01:07:27):
surgeries? Well, I mean, I can't dunk.
That's not because of the surgery, not because.
Of the surgery, it's because you're short.
And white. Physical, yeah.
I can't, I I can't go. I mean, I was a juniors tennis

(01:07:47):
player before the surgeries. I played middle, I played
midfield, centre, mid for soccer, huge.
Change in. Like, like what I was capable of
doing after the surgeries. Like I mean, before the

(01:08:08):
surgeries, I could run a mile under 6 minutes.
Oh God, I could never do that. I could.
I think my. Shortest was like 830.
That's really bad. That's.
Not really bad. That's really bad from.
The places. That I went to tennis camp that
would've bad Oh yeah but I mean compared to the like the.

(01:08:30):
Average human, it's like 10 minutes.
That's really. Yeah, that's.
Bad. Yeah, OK.
I didn't know that. So yeah, I used to be able to do
sub sub six run at all I could. Do sub I could do long distance.
Too, like I we used to do like rallies, relays, I mean around

(01:08:50):
like just for fun. We would just do Indian relays
for fun. You guys took the physical
fitness test in like elementary school?
Yeah, yeah. Did you do the one?
In high school no where like they measure your BMI and
everything No well they always did that where they did like
the. The little pinch test on your on
your arm and your. To put it into perspective, I
was 100 and. 75 lbs when I was in 9th grade and I had 5% body

(01:09:14):
fat. You were 100 shot.
Tell were you 175? I was muscle.
I I have. To find this picture of my
freshman tennis picture like my calf muscles, yeah, you are all
legs bigger than like people's waist.

(01:09:35):
Like it was like, it's like Ray Rice level.
Like you know when you would seehis thighs, Like I was like one
of those people was the. Like.
Effects of the. Surgery ever taken into
consideration before you had it like what it could do to your
tennis career? Oh, do you want to Oh, you want
to know? You don't want to know about.

(01:09:55):
That Oh my God, So my mom, crazybitch that she is, was like
planning this the whole time. My dad actually was the one who
was like had some fucking sense.But my mom was like even before
the surgery, she's like, OK, so I'll roll you out there every
day. We'll set up the ball machine,
you know, and you can practice and then you can also do serves

(01:10:19):
pretty easily from a chair too. So I, I think, you know, we'll
be able to get keep your strokesup, you know.
So that was my mom's game plan was to roll me out there and
have me have me play tennis every day.

(01:10:41):
Did that even happen once? No.
OK, OK, good. Good, she did.
Try. And my dad was like, no.
And I was like, no, I essentially wear a loincloth for
about, like six months, too. By the way, I didn't wear
clothes. I just wore, like, boxers.
Yeah. So yeah, that.

(01:11:01):
Did you wear a shirt? Why didn't you wear a?
Shirt because I was hot. I had so many medications, it
felt weird. What does that mean?
I don't know. I.
Was down to like so I was at 100.
And 75 lbs. In 9th grade.
By about October of 2023 I was down to like 100 and like 9 or

(01:11:24):
10 lbs That's less. Than my using weights.
I've ever gotten to, yeah, I have like a skeleton, yeah.
They threatened to put me on a feeding tube for a.
Little while, fuckers. Well, yeah, 'cause I was on so
many opiates I couldn't eat. Yeah, yeah.
Makes sense. All right.

(01:11:45):
Did that answer your question? I don't know.
What was the question again? Physical limitations.
That you have. Oh no it didn't.
OK, Yeah, so physical. Limitations, I can't play to the
level I used to be able to play,and I'm really coming to terms
with that right now. So I after I tore both my
meniscus. Oh, we're old now.
It took me a while, dude. I 'cause I played sports all

(01:12:06):
through my 20s up until I kept tearing things and I told myself
coming back to playing padel andplaying pickleball and playing
platform tennis is I'm like, OK,Eric, you can't chase the ball
down. Like you just have to let it
die. Like figure out new ways to win

(01:12:27):
points like so I'm setting physical limitations now on
myself. But there are also I can't run
as fast as I used to. I don't have as much endurance
as I used to because we're old, but I didn't afterwards.
Either. Right, like I, I used to be able

(01:12:47):
to run forever, I used to be able to bike forever and now
ever since then, I just bike forever had I couldn't play
anything that involved constant movement.
So like soccer was done. Like, yeah, so there, there was
definitely limitations. And I'm even setting more

(01:13:08):
limitations on myself now so that I can play sports 'cause I,
I want to, I miss it. I like, I, I know, Carly, you
understand what I'm talking about.
Like, I, I love, I love it. Why the fuck don't I understand?
You ran it like a mile and 10 minutes.
Like, did you? It was 8 1/2?

(01:13:29):
Did you play sports? Yes.
Competitively, yes, he's very offended right now I'm.
Incredibly. Offended, I will.
Well, you're afraid of the pool,but if you got in I would fuck
you up in any fucking race. Oh well, OK, you were in swim.
Team, I mean, I'm talking like yes, I played I played football
I. Played soccer?
I played baseball in high school, yes.

(01:13:52):
I thought you were the. Cheerleader.
No, I played. Football in high school, I
thought you. Were the cheerleader.
I played football. Were you a safety?
I no I. Played left bench.
Are you the water boy? Pretty much.
Basically. Dude, like you're Rudy?
I wish. No, I was the fucking wedge

(01:14:16):
breaker on fucking on kick off because they were like, yeah,
fuck this kid. Like throw them, throw them at
the wolves. So yeah, I I, yeah, I broke the
wedge, you know, a few times andprobably got a couple
concussions. So you just got lit.
Oh yeah, I got. Lit.
Oh my God, David. I made a few tackles.
I I. Made I don't.

(01:14:36):
Is that competitive or is that just being stupid?
Is there a difference? Yes.
Yes, I mean, do you, do you still think of like?
Carly, what? What about you?
For competitiveness, Somebody has to break the wedge, man.
Somebody had to do that. That was somebody's job.
They don't even have that play anymore.
I know that's how that's how oldschool I.

(01:14:58):
Am I played old school? Do you miss it, Carly?
I do. You do miss it, right?
In a sense I miss. Playing I don't miss the
practice well, like the. Verbal abuse.
From coaches, no, but you missedthe competitiveness.
Right. Of like, like, I don't know,
there's that moment of like it's, you know, I'm either going

(01:15:20):
to win this point or I'm going to lose it.
Yeah, I do. But like I also like.
Like playing Coed softball, likebecause there was no
competitiveness, like it was thefirst time that it was able to
just to play something for fun and not be like having to win.
So that's what I'm doing now. I guess finally, because I'm
just playing for fun. Where before I was like.

(01:15:42):
Even in my 20s, I thought that Ihad a chance to still like, play
platform tennis nationally, which, I mean, I could have, but
I tore shit. So you could be a cornhole
player nationally. You could.
Do that I think I could play pickleball.
Nationally or I could play something else like that
nationally or croquet. I could go on the croquet

(01:16:03):
circuit is if you're telling me there was a fucking.
Croquet circuit. There is a croquet circuit.
What are you talking about? I'm that's Croquet is a great
game. It's a wonderful game.
It's a game. It is a. 100% a game you didn't
you? Didn't know I was in a croquet
league. David, do you have any more
questions? Yeah, OK.

(01:16:24):
Why? Is there so fucking lame?
Answer your question. Answer your question where is
your pain management? Like what does your pain
management look like today? And like what maintenance?
Because I'm sure you have to do some sort of like physical
therapy maintenance, not obviously like like with

(01:16:46):
professionals, but you know, do you use therabands at home or
like I'm not as good as I shouldbe?
My goal is to start doing yoga with Evelyn and my wife, and
that is our goal right now is tostart, you know, doing yoga
Westside has. Yoga events every every month?

(01:17:07):
Isn't there a meeting? A yoga meeting.
There are yoga meetings but no we have a yoga.
Event where you know we meet in Centennial Park and do yoga on
Saturday night Saturdays. Do you do that?
I have not. I was going to say, you said we
like you're. Attending it.
Yeah, The royal we. We as a fellowship, yeah.

(01:17:28):
So I'm I'm starting. To do I want to start doing yoga
I stretching. I'm so bad at stretching, but I
like I've gotten a lot better I I'm I'm.
Actually a pretty good I'm getting.
Better. At stretching.
Because like recently I hurt my hip and I have no idea why.
So I've had to like stretch thatout and massage it.
Not wrong. I have theragun that I love.

(01:17:48):
I love my Theragun I. Love my theragun.
I literally. Like just had it on my hip for
like an hour. I don't have a chiropractor or a
physical therapist or an acupuncturist anymore.
Maybe one day. I've done all that stuff though.
I've I have done every. I used to have a strength
because and a nutritionist. And a guru and Yogi.

(01:18:08):
And you know you should have a nutritionalist.
Everyone should have a nutritionalist.
Oh, OK, let me just. Shoot off in a nutritionist
nutritionalist land where they just grow on nutritionist
Everything's every everything starts with.
Food, yes, I so, but I think everybody should have a
nutritional regimen. Of being able to hire somebody

(01:18:29):
to do it for you. You don't have to hire anyone.
Go to Martin. 'S in Eldersburg they have a
free nutritional list on staff. OK, I'm.
Serious when I lived in Sykesville.
Like they had someone on staff. I don't even know what Martin's
is. It's just.
A giant it's. A different giant.
It's giant. It's literally.
A giant. But with a different name and a

(01:18:50):
better and more stuff like it's trying to be a little bit like
Walmart but better but better. But what was what?
What was the rest of the like? So what else am I doing?
So I take meds. So like for the nerve pain, I
take either pergabalin or gabapentin.

(01:19:11):
I just switch back to pergabalin.
For the like chronic pain, I take cannabis.
And then I will eventually probably have to get on opioids,
more than likely not opiates, opioids, but that's hopefully

(01:19:32):
20. 30 years down the road, I don't think so, but.
Really. No, my hip is like, what's your
level of pain on a date? One to 10.
It depends on the day. It depends on that.
OK. Yeah, I'm saying, OK.
Over the past couple weeks because of.
My hips because of my left hip over the past couple weeks it's

(01:19:52):
been unfucking bearable. So it has been like an 8 for
most of the time and and that's just constant, constant pain.
Constant pain in my hip. Constant never ending pain and
it's like pulsating down my legssometimes which is why I also
take muscle relaxers. I mean, if you don't know what
your spine health is. You know some of it could be

(01:20:14):
there. You are a big chiropractor fan
I. Love my chiropractor.
Maybe I'll try a chiropractor. Why not?
I have never I'm a chiropractor because if you if you don't
know, then your spine. Is definitely out of alignment,
I guarantee you that, but the reason I stopped.
Doing acupuncture is because they kept wanting to hook up
electrodes to the pins and then just shut the fuck out of me.

(01:20:37):
What are you trying to make me cum?
What the fuck? Sorry, that was that too much
did. I go too far No did I go so that
garlic is. Yes, nodding her head.
Maybe too far so. I yeah, so I mean the cannabis,
I'm a horrible person. The cannabis helps.
The cannabis? Yep.
Definitely helps like and it's anoticeable effect too sometimes,

(01:20:58):
like when I'm doing yard work for sure like and I have to bend
down a lot like I can't do it unless I have cannabis like it
would it would not I wouldn't beable to do as much and we're
talking gummies like. Pills and tinctures and.
Stuff I don't really like. I actually think it's the
gummies, the whole food market, It's kind of horseshit.

(01:21:20):
And they should do more capsulesbecause like, why are you giving
people sugar? Sugar's a drug, I think as
addictive as fuck, but the well,I actually I'll.
After the pause I'll let you know, but.
Yeah, I mean, so it's, it's a it's like a it's a lot of

(01:21:44):
different things, OK, there's meds, there's stretching,
there's hopefully yoga one day, but.
Yeah, I mean I. I I know I have to take meds one
day, like, and I've, I've accepted that that's just part
of my life. It's part of like what it's
going to be. And yeah, that's what my parents

(01:22:09):
gave me. Well, fantastic way to be upper
middle class. Here here, here's chronic pain
in. Mental illness, child.
Yeah, here. Here's us, you know.
Changing. Changing the entire.
Trajectory. Of your whole life.

(01:22:29):
All right. Well, I thought you had another
question. No.
Not really, no. Probably pertains.
To Part 2. Or part three.
Yeah. Oh, does it?
Yeah. Yeah, it's about addiction.
Mental Health. Yeah.
It was more mental. Was it about?
Mental health in regards. To this because mental health in

(01:22:50):
regards to this could be different than mental health in
regards to mental health. I mean just like my last.
Question is just like what levellike of basically your mental
state after you know, like that whole 'cause I, no, this is a
great way to end so. And.

(01:23:12):
Actually, this will probably lead into your next episode,
which we'll we'll do the mental next.
So let's say after. So June 3rd what 2003 and let's
say full recovery is 2 years, let's let's call it, let's call.
Were recovered. Let's just Fast forward a year

(01:23:32):
to June 3rd, 2004. OK, so through so in.
That year you are have like you're you are on a roller
coaster of trying to psych yourself up when you're in PT
and then you're in this completelike isolation when you're at
home crying and benching out cold and then.

(01:23:53):
And then you're and then you're.Socially isolated when you go to
school and you know you're left out of so many things that you
just physically cannot like do like I.
Missed my. Friends like.
All my good friends first party,I missed it because I was yeah,
you, you missed out on. A lot of, I don't know, American

(01:24:14):
childhood things. So you know, that mental roller
coaster and how did that, how did you play through that?
And how was that sort of like the seeds of your mental health
in the future? Missing a year of school really
fucked. Me up and I I, I really think
even though I was in school for half that year, I wasn't there.

(01:24:38):
Like my friends didn't hang out with me.
No one talked to me. I remember during lunch I would
just walk the basement of Catonsville High School, which
is a depressing fucking place. Yeah, that's where all the
lockers are, so no one goes there.
I've never been, so I would justwalk the fucking like with my,

(01:25:00):
you know, fucking huge God damn crutches and try to get better.
Did you have the normal crutchesor like the?
Ones that like like clipped to your arms and like I had the
normal crutches. I don't think the ones that.
Clipped to my arms would have worked for me.

(01:25:20):
I don't know because of how my legs were bent.
I don't really know how I like the difference of it, but it
really, it really fucked me up mentally.
It's the catalyst. Of.
Change, in my opinion, for my entire life, my entire life
would be different if I never had that surgery.

(01:25:41):
I don't think I would have become an addict personally.
I don't necessarily think I would have the level of mental
health issues that I have now. I, you know, through that year
didn't really notice any issues with mental health or loneliness
or any of that. It actually came in the summer

(01:26:04):
of that year, strangely, when I started my first job working at
my grandmother's swimming TennisClub.
I kind of like I avoided the pool.
I I. I did avoid the pool.
I was actually a groundskeeper, so I just.
Did you have to clean any golf balls?
No, I. Didn't luckily.

(01:26:25):
Luckily, we didn't. Have golf, David, so I know you
would have laughed so hard, but I feel like I got a rich, I got
1. But.
The what do you call it? That was when I started to
notice the mental health issues was that summer.

(01:26:49):
I remember I stayed up there formost of the summer.
I got in a big fight with my parents because they were like,
you're not what? You have to come home.
And I'm like, I'm at grandma's house, you know?
And they're like, it's not your home.
You've been here for three weeks.
I'm like, I don't want to go home.
I've been in that fucking room for a year.
Yeah, but, and I remember I got my first girlfriend that summer.

(01:27:13):
What was her name? Her name was Caitlin.
Caitlin with. AC and we I think it's the right
way to spell Caitlin. Actually I just there is no
right way to spell. Caitlin, it doesn't matter.
I think it's wrong with AK for some reason, but.
I think Kate needs to be spelledwith AK.
Yeah, but so, you know had my and then Carly with AK is weird.

(01:27:37):
That's. That's wrong.
Carly with AK is. Wrong.
So that was like that summer I had that.
I can't agree. I have to be impartial.
Why do you? Because you're a Carly?
Yeah. Because my sister-in-law is
Carly with AK. The fucker.
Whatever, that's weird. But nonetheless, the fuck what

(01:28:02):
was I? Going to say I was going to.
Say that the like that summer was when I started to realize my
mental health issues. It was the first like, so I had
my first girlfriend that summer and then she broke up with me
because that's a that's just so much to.
Deal with mentally at 16. You know what all the, all the

(01:28:24):
all these physical problems, Yeah, you're you have like this
anger and resentment towards your parents that you probably
didn't have two, two years prior.
Not nearly. Not nearly like you.
Probably like you know there. Was anger and resentment, but
not nearly. Yeah, normal, normal 13. 14 year
old, none. Like, my parents are fucking
lame or whatever, but yeah, liketo deal with that.

(01:28:47):
And like, and you're a 16 year old boy, so you have all these
fucking hormones. You know, you're still going
through puberty at that point then.
Like, that's just a lot mentallyand physically to deal with and,
and to not have. And you weren't doing any sort
of mental therapy at that time. Nope.

(01:29:08):
Yeah. Mental therapy hadn't started.
And I hadn't started doing drugs, like any drugs yet
either. Well, you sort you were.
No, but I. Was off all that stuff.
But yeah, OK, so that's at. That summer.
I'd been taking off everything, I didn't replace it with
anything yet, so I didn't tried weed, I didn't tried alcohol.

(01:29:28):
I was just working all the time.I guess that was that.
That showed my workaholic tendencies later on to kind of
like work to avoid feeling. And then after the girl broke up
with me that summer, we only dated for like a month or so.
I did get my first kiss, which was cute.
Like after we went to Six Flags,we were like, your first kiss?

(01:29:51):
Was it 1516? 16 When was your first kiss
really? How do you not know?
I don't know. Well, how?
Wait no, how do you not know my first like French kiss was 6th
grade? What?
This episode is about. That's true, but I want to know

(01:30:12):
but this. Is now really.
Intriguing so but after she broke up with me was the first
time I had depression and it wasthe first time I ever
restricted. So I remember there was a period
of about 3 weeks where all I atewas bread and water and I didn't

(01:30:36):
do anything but work for like from when the sun came up at
like 5:00 in the morning till about like 9 at night for weeks
and you just played Love hurts. On repeat.
No, I was listening to. Like The Killers, Weezer.
My depressing album at the time was Big Head, Todd and the

(01:30:59):
Monsters. The one with imaginary ships on
it. Oh yeah, that one.
Yeah. I love Big Head Todd and the
monsters. Yep, all right.
But that is when my mental health issues, I guess started.
OK. All right, well.
That will be our Segway and cut off point for the follow up on

(01:31:22):
the saga of Eric B Eric BI was trying to come up with
something. Clever and nothing I.
Tapped out. All right.
Everybody. Well, we would like to thank our
guest Eric for joining us today.Yeah, way.
To go. I would say you have another
minute, but you don't. That's fine.

(01:31:43):
I. Don't I don't have.
Anything to say all? Right, everybody.
Thanks for joining. Us once again go to all our
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whatever. Like share, subscribe, please
become part of the Home group and help us keep the mics on
because we are self supporting and need help keeping the mics

(01:32:04):
on but everybody out. There.
Thank you for joining us once again, but most importantly,
stay safe and stay clean.