October 28, 2024 • 50 mins
Send us a text In this episode, Lukas B. shares his experience, strength, and hope. Podcast Recovery is a forerunner in digitally accessible addiction recovery support. We provide ease and convenience to any and all seeking a message of recovery and hope. By broadcasting the stories of recovering addicts, we act as a complement to all other recovery services. We exist to create a global foundation platform, so that any addict may hear a message of strength and hope. We contribute education a...
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Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
Welcome back to podcast Recover Everyone.
We're your host, David O. Carly's.
And Eric V, Thank you. Yeah.
You're going to jump in there, weren't you, fucker?
I was going to. Stomp it.
Yeah, going to stop all over because.
You're in another stomp all overyou, motherfucker.
Jesus Christ. You hear, you hear that?
I do, and it's rude. Today we're joined by a very
special guest. Lucas, how are you doing today?
(00:24):
I'm so tired, how are you? I'm good, you know, drinking.
You got my coffee in me. I'm pretty good.
How are you, Carly? I'm OK.
OK, good. I don't care how you are, Eric.
It's OK, David, one day you will.
Where are you from? Even though I already know.
I'm originally from California, but I live here in Maryland now.
(00:45):
Hell yeah. And when were you first
introduced to recovery? Early last year, probably about
January when I moved down here, but I didn't actually get clean
that time. Yeah, and how much clean time do
you have? As of today, one year, one week
and one day. Yeah, A.
(01:07):
Hell yeah. And you know, for anybody
listening, this is actually Lucas's second time on the
podcast. But this time he is celebrating
one year. So you want me to bring people
up to speed or do you want to doit?
(01:29):
So first time he was on, he had 108 days clean.
It was about this time last yearand you relapsed.
I did. And so that was 'cause you're, I
was actually listening to it on the way over here.
Your clean date was April 25th. April.
April 5th. April 5th, yeah.
(01:49):
OK, so at 108th day, I'm I'm notdoing that math.
So it was around this. Time around this time.
But you relapsed and. Came right back.
Came right back and now you've got me.
You're clean, so starting with the relapse, take it away.
So well. How much longer after the
podcast did you relapse? Did we?
(02:11):
Were the Were we the catalyst? The same day.
No, it was I'd say like a month or so, a little over a month.
OK, I can deny culpability, all right.
That's. Fine, no.
So when I was first introduced to recovery, I was going to
meetings with a friend and she was like, yeah, you can smoke
weed. Just don't tell anybody like we
(02:36):
I don't. Think that's in the book?
No, no. Yeah, I didn't know that.
I'm brand new. I don't know what's going on.
So she would pick me up and we'dgo to her Home group and we
would just get stoned before we went.
And it always felt awkward. And I'm like, this is weird.
Nobody else seems to like be on our level.
How are meetings high? Terrible.
(02:57):
Terrible. I can I can imagine.
It is terrible. Eric, did you ever come to a
meeting high? Yeah, what do you mean?
Of course I. Don't know, like I'm supposed to
just know all the insurance and outs of your your relapses and
recoveries. I.
Don't know. I've been to, I've been to
meetings high. I've meet, I've met people to
buy drugs at meetings. Like, you know, like I think one
(03:20):
of the first meetings I ever went to, the reason I was there
is because someone owed me a script of Klonopin.
God damn. And I didn't get it.
I was pissed and I saw someone Iknew and then they were like,
oh, you're in recovery. I was like, no, I mean, I'm here
to just get drugs, you know? OK, fair enough.
OK. So you're getting high.
Wait, wait, I have a question. There's 108 days that you
(03:41):
whatever you racked up, were yousmoking weed during that time or
this? OK, so this was so.
This is this. This builds up for the relapse
OK. So wait, January?
Yeah, let's back up a little bit.
January 23, you get here. Yeah.
When did you start going to meetings?
January. OK.
So from January to April, you'recoming to meetings high.
Pretty much. OK, all right, cool and good.
(04:03):
Question. Thank you.
We need you to clarify that. But I was, I was going with her
to like one meeting a week till March and then I started going
to my Home group and I was like,these guys aren't doing what I'm
doing. Yep.
And like they started asking me to hang out and like I'd go go
on hikes with them and like I only think I went on one high
(04:27):
and I was like, this feels wrong.
It feels so wrong. And so I, I stopped smoking and
like picked up my actual like first clean, clean tag.
And that's when my time started the first time.
(04:48):
But what went wrong that time was I was like on my high horse
of I'm doing this to prove a point.
I was like, what's the point that I could do it?
I don't know. OK, that's a, that's a fine.
That's a fairpoint. Yeah, there's there's there are
worse reasons to get clean. It was a lot of ego.
Yep. And like, like, yeah, what?
(05:11):
Fuck you, I can do this. And like, yeah, I was going for
any rookie of the year. I was flying through the steps
buddy me. Too.
And like, I had finished my 3rd,my third step, and then I hung
out with this friend that I had gone to meetings with the first
(05:31):
time and like. Why did she assume it was OK to
get high and go to? I mean like.
She still does and I don't. Yeah.
Anybody out there listening? Like if you're getting high and
coming to meetings, good for you.
Like I'm not. Hold on, can we preface though?
Like if you need cannabis in order to like function due to
like a mental or physical, you know?
(05:54):
That's a different. That's a different thing.
But if you're smoking blunts before the meeting just to smoke
blunts, that's not cool. Yeah, you're still, you're still
welcome in the meeting. Like none of us are shaming you.
But it's also like, that's not really what we do.
What kind of mental issue? What?
For what in order to oh like in order to be on cannabis, it
(06:17):
could be a many different anxiety is like PTSD great for
like cannabis is great for. Anxiety just looking for
validation. Thank you.
OK, OK. Cannabis.
Nice, good for you anyway. Good for the people that it
works for. It made mine worse.
Yeah. So I hung out with this friend.
(06:38):
I just finished my 3rd step and I didn't like since it was all
going through ego, I hadn't really like taken in the steps
yet. Looking back at it, I'm like, Oh
my God, my higher power was trying to Get Me Out of that
situation the whole time. Like someone who never texted me
(06:59):
had called me and he was just like, hey, how are you?
And I was like, oh, I'm hanging out with a friend, like I'll
call you later. And we had gone to the gas
station. She went inside, I stayed
outside and her car alarm started going off for like 5
minutes. We couldn't get this car alarm
(07:20):
to go off. She's standing outside screaming
like, I promise, it's my car. It's my car.
And I'm like, you're making thisworse.
Somebody from the rooms is goingto see me and it's it's game
over. And yeah, so we smoked.
And the whole time she gave me atattoo while we were high.
(07:42):
What? Yeah, yeah, that makes.
Sense Wait. So hold on.
Stop, stop, stop. Question about fucking.
You're probably a little youngerthan us, Lucas.
Is that just the fucking thing now?
What? Like, yeah, tattooing your
friends, Yeah. Yeah, why the why?
When did this happen? I have no idea dude.
Don't you remember, dude? That happened.
(08:04):
It did. Not happen when we were younger.
I do. I do remember people doing it a
little bit. In the rooms, you remember
Nolan. I remember those fuckers, but
they were what was. Her name?
Tara. Yeah, I do remember them.
They. Blasted God.
They made some of the worst tattoos I've.
Ever seen myself? Ever seen?
Yeah, and they just covered. Everywhere And I remember, I
remember when I was younger, someone did buy a tattoo gun.
(08:26):
There was one person and the only thing I remember is he like
painted a what was it? What was tea bagging or
something? Was tea bagging a.
Thing right? Oh my God.
He like tattooed tea bagging on someone when they were passed
out like a tea bag That's and then they tea bagged.
An acceptable. Yeah.
Oh my. God, that's terrible.
OK, she gives you a tattoo. A wall high.
(08:47):
Yeah, but the whole time all I can talk about was how cool NA
was and like how much better my life is.
And she's like, do you have anything else to talk about?
I'm like, not really. Not really.
So I called friends that I had made and they came and picked me
up because we were already planning on hanging out.
(09:08):
And they were like, we're going to a meeting.
I was like, I'm so high right now, please don't take me there.
Yep. So we went.
I picked up a new Wakey tag thatwas August 29th, so I didn't
start my time until the 30th just because.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah it. Was a new day and all that.
(09:30):
New day, no drugs and that pointon, I got a new sponsor.
I restarted my steps, I stayed in my Home group.
They let me keep my service position.
I think it was because nobody else wanted to, Secretary.
No, they let you keep the position.
That's is. That the art meeting.
Yeah, OK. That is very UN.
(09:54):
Wow. That's very progressive of them.
Good for them. Well, it's an it's an art
meeting, dude. Well, good for them though.
I'm just saying that's good. Like, you know, usually there'd
be like a whole bullshit, like, group conscience, OK.
Like we we did, they were all like, well, none of us are gonna
do it so. So this is a one day relapse,
yeah. OK.
(10:14):
And. Why did you?
I would call that a slip, but we're a different fellowship.
Whatever. I switched sponsors, I don't
know, new start, redo everything, just start fresh,
start all over. Yeah.
(10:36):
Yeah, we started steps. I actually just finished my 4th
step the day before my celebration, so we finished that
on Tuesday. That was crazy.
Yeah. Never thought I'd tell another
human being half the shit I fucking told him.
Oh yeah. Yep.
I don't that feels like there's been so much in this year.
(10:58):
I got my driver's license which is.
Did you not? Have it?
No. Can I ask can I ask a personal
question like how old are you? I'm 26.
Wow, I just turned 26. So what was it like not having a
license for that long? I never wanted to drive.
I never thought I was going to be alive this long.
(11:19):
That's fair. I didn't think I would make it
past 24. Yeah, so like I've always
considered these my bonus years.And I was just like, I'm not
going to have to drive. If I ever drive, I'm going to
drive off a bridge. And yeah, so we finally got to a
point where it's like, I think Icould be a safe driver, which is
(11:41):
so weird. Oh yeah.
Feels a little morbid to laugh about, but it's like, oh I can
safely operate a vehicle. It's.
Better than today. But it is better than crying.
Yes, I. Still do that all the time.
Yeah, it is not better than crying crying.
It's fantastic. Keep going.
(12:02):
I started school with two weeks clean and I finish next week.
I have 3 days left. That has been a journey in and
of itself. I'm.
Aware Where are you going to Community College or are you?
I'm in Barber school. Oh dope dude.
(12:25):
So if you need to ever need a Barber.
I cut my own hair, but thank you.
Well, hey dogs. Yeah, poor Luna.
Yeah, probably. Luna and his dogs.
Luna, my I do cut my dog and my cat.
You guys didn't see Elliot? Elliot's a punk rock cat right
now he'll say he has a long likewhat it what is let's say the
(12:46):
fuck help me Mohawk. Just a long Mohawk down like his
spine. He looks so crazy this.
Is for animals. Oh.
Shit, so you're going to school?Going to school, got my license,
I moved into a recovery house. That is one of the weirdest but
(13:07):
best decisions I've made. Living in a house with 10 men is
not something I ever thought I was going to do.
But I mean, it's cool. Like we keep each other
accountable. We keep each other grounded.
Like you ever need to talk, somebody's always there.
You're never really by yourself.Yeah, at well, at least I'm not
(13:29):
because I'm in a double room. So yeah, even when you think
you're alone, you're never alone.
How do how do you how do you like?
I could never do that. How, how are you able to like I
live with another person in another room.
Like, I mean, I guess I'd do that with my wife.
Yeah, I'm like, you have a wife and child.
(13:51):
But you know what I mean? Just be like another random like
homie like I you know I could never get down with that for
myself in you. Really OK in recovery, in
recovery like? What hold on, I've lived with
people, but in recovery I I never lived in a recovery house.
So like, it just seems like there's so many people in like a
house, like, and there's so manypersonalities and I just hate
(14:15):
sharing rooms with people. Like I just had like the worst
experiences in treatment where I'd be with like the loudest
snores. But yeah, I mean like, how is
how's sharing A room? It took a lot of adjusting the
first couple months. I think we hated each other.
I. Bet fuck that guy.
Because like, we were friends before I moved in.
(14:37):
So like, we, I moved in and we're like, fuck, yeah, this is
going to be awesome. And then like, we live very
differently. And we had to like, establish
some boundaries. Some, yeah, mostly boundaries.
We have each other's location. You put tape down the middle of
(14:58):
the room. I haven't done that yet, but
he's getting real fucking close,OK?
I get it. Yep, you share locations.
That's that's, that's like a next level of the of the
relationship, that thing there. I used to get a text message
once a day of, hey, are you coming home?
And I'm like, yes, what? Well, it actually started 'cause
(15:20):
I walked in on him. Doing his thing.
Doing his thing. Yeah.
And I had a friend with me and I'm like, this is my room, get
the fuck out. Back up.
Please go that way. Wow and.
He's like, he came out. He's like, I'm so sorry.
I thought you weren't going to be home for another hour.
(15:41):
I'm like, bro, I told you my school schedule.
Yeah, I'm just going to give youmy location.
Yep. Or you guys could do like, you
know, the, the tie on the door or whatever, you know, do
something 'cause. That's too obvious, you know?
Yeah. He didn't want anybody in that,
anybody else to know. So if he does that for me,
(16:02):
everybody's gonna know, 'cause we're on the 1st floor, yeah.
That's hard, and I bet a bunch of people in early recovery
wanna jerk off all the time. So.
Man, things must be tough in that house.
Well, there's only two double rooms.
Everybody else has a single room.
So they got a little bit of privacy.
Yeah, it's a it's a totem pole situation.
(16:26):
OK. But we at least have our own
bathroom. That's a plus.
It's in our room. Nice.
OK, where were we? Recovery House.
Recovery House. OK.
And this is the traditions house, right?
Yes, I happen to have to go there one day because I think, I
think if I'm correct, that's thehouse I used to get high in.
(16:48):
What? Back in the day.
Back in the day, probably. Back in the day.
It's off. It's off like Woodlawn Rd. or
Arbutus Road, right? Like, yeah, yeah, it's if it's
the house I'm thinking of, I definitely used to get high at
that house. Full circle for that house.
Isn't that funny that that housethen becomes like a recovery
house? I mean in in this area, what
(17:09):
house hasn't gotten high in Likeyou know who has not gotten high
in some house? You ever thought about that?
Like who gotten high in your house before you owned it?
No. She is now.
I had a dead woodpecker in this house before I owned it.
So. What?
Yeah, a woodpecker broke throughthe window and we were going on
(17:29):
the House tour and, yeah, there was a dead woodpecker just in,
like, you know, the family room.Yeah.
OK, moving forward, school recovery house, Jesus, keep
going. Yeah, we went to world
convention. That was awesome. 20,000 people
(17:52):
from all over the world doing the same thing.
Yeah. That was fucking insane.
And it was my one year while I was there.
So we did we volunteered at merch for a little bit nice.
And Kirsten made me this little thing on my shirt that was like,
it's my one year today. So every time somebody saw it, I
(18:13):
didn't know this was like a thing, but like people would
yell. They were like, hey, this guy's
got one year today, and it made the whole room, like, roar.
And I got so many people runningup to me, like, I have social
anxiety. Yeah.
I, I can, I can see both sides of that.
Like, like it's super flatteringand amazing to feel that
connection, but also like there's too many people there's
(18:36):
too. Many.
People. Oh, but it was, it was really
cool. And like, yeah, just meeting
people from all over the world. We ended up running into the
main speaker from Friday that was from Sweden at Starbucks.
So we just talked to her for like 20-30 minutes and at least
(18:57):
seven people told me I need to go to the European World Convent
or European Convention. Why I?
Mean. I'm sure it's.
Because it's probably awesome. Yeah, it's probably awesome as
shit. They're like, yeah, it's a lot
smaller than this. It's like maybe 2500 people like
that sounds perfect. In all of Europe.
That go to it at least I'm like hopefully they didn't mean to
(19:22):
add another zero now that I'm thinking about it but.
Because that seems that. Seems.
Very small. Maybe they sell limited tickets?
I don't know, we get 2500 peopleat our area convention or like
our region, our. Regionals, yeah, you're talking
about. Ocean maybe because ocean
valley. Han Valley.
Han valley sucks, I hate. Han Valley.
(19:44):
God, why is it still there? I don't know it.
Should be involved. I thought it was back in
Baltimore finally. No, I thought they lifted the
restriction. Maybe.
I don't know. I could have swore they lifted
it. I know we.
Were in Baltimore last year. OK good.
Yeah, cuz we got kicked out for like.
Yeah, we got kicked out for likea decade.
Damn. Yeah.
It was right before I got clean,a whole bunch of people.
(20:07):
There was like a huge brawl in the middle of like the Ann Arbor
with NA people. And I remember the first you're
going. To you're fucking done.
Like you're NA, you're not coming back to the Convention
Center for ten years or whateverit was.
And Hunt Valley's not that cool that.
That. That like that little Convention
Center saw. Lame as shit anyway.
(20:27):
I'm on the on the regional subcommittee for registration.
So we are in fact back in Baltimore, OK.
Good, nice, good. That's where it should be.
But with the with the European Convention, like being in Barber
school, there's a Barber shop out there called the Holy
Ashtray that I want to go to so bad that look in your face means
(20:48):
you're coming with me. Yeah.
But they call themselves scumbagbarbers, but they're, they wear
it like the suits and like, they're just fucking awesome.
And so the European Convention is in the same place that the
Holy Ashtray is in. So I'm determined to go to both.
OK. It's in Rotterdam, Yeah.
(21:10):
Rotterdam. Rotterdam, Yeah.
In. Netherlands.
Netherlands. Yeah.
So. Awesome.
I mean, there's. Get your passport ready.
They're. Cut what?
A place to pick The place where you can literally get any drug?
Like we're gonna have a convention here.
I actually met a couple people from Amsterdam and I was like,
(21:30):
you're here, yeah, this is not where I would be.
Yeah, but. Well, I mean, we're from
Baltimore, so they probably say the same thing.
Well, see, yeah, I get that question a lot of like, why did
you move to Baltimore? I'm like to get clean.
And they're like, so you moved to Baltimore?
It's like, yeah, I don't know anybody here.
(21:51):
Yeah, it's gonna be a lot harder.
Yeah. Kind of.
So where? So where are you at today?
Today I'm happy, which is wild. Yeah, I got to see I get to do a
lot of things fun and clean. Like I was at one of my favorite
(22:17):
bands from like 14 to now last night, five hour mosh pit.
I've never been in a mosh pit clean, so that was cool.
About to be done with school. As many mosh pits now I know as
you can because I'm telling you,in 10 years it's going to hurt a
lot. More Oh no, I'm already hurting.
(22:38):
Oh, yeah, like I had a flashbackto being 14 and like talking to
people my age now at 26, and they were like, oh, this is
going to hurt tomorrow. I'm like, yeah, because you're
too fucking old to be here. And now I'm like, oh, God, it's
a little shit. But how I'm like, happy.
(23:00):
I wouldn't, I wouldn't trade thelife that I have today, which
is. Crazy.
Yeah. All right.
Well, we definitely have some questions for you who would like
to start. You would, David.
I'll. Go OK.
Carly would Yeah, why not? So what prompted the relapse?
Like, was there doubts prior to it?
(23:21):
Or was it just like you happenedto hang out with that friend and
it was on a whim? I was kind of struggling at the
time, but I wasn't talking aboutit.
I struggle with vulnerability, so I wasn't willing to open up
to anybody and I like had no intention of using when I went
(23:41):
and saw this friend, but that's just how it ended.
It was like, you're not listening to me sort of
situation, so why should I listen to me?
Maybe this is all bullshit. So just kind of caved.
Eric, would you like to go second?
Sure, look at me. What?
(24:05):
Look at me. I'm looking looking right at
you, David, as I'm talking. You're staring at a wall you
piece of shit. He keeps looking for you, Eric.
He does. We should get him on like a
monitor. So like, put him on the wall I.
Legitimately have thought about putting a monitor out Yeah, so
maybe I'll do that for you guys.Please don't.
Which will be he keeps. Working behind him and talking.
(24:25):
I know I keep talking to like, I, I turn around from the mic
and I'm like, oh, let me reference Eric instead.
Of just gonna make a little notehere, add monitor out there of
course, of course you. Would.
Anyway, that's going to be so funny.
OK, so Lucas, this question, I can't remember if I asked you
this last time, do you have a male or a female sponsor?
(24:46):
Male. Male, OK.
And how like has that gone? I guess like, and I know I asked
you this a little bit before, but like how has having a male
sponsor affected your recovery differently than, you know, if
you would have had a female sponsor before?
(25:06):
Like and does and I, I don't know anything about your
sexuality, but does anything like affect you?
Like as far as if it's a male ora female from a, you know, I
want to fuck this person. Perspective she's just.
Well, hey, it's a fair question.Sometimes you want to fuck
people. Like.
(25:27):
You know, David, you were talking about lusting over like
gingers the other day. Hey.
It's fair. Shut up, don't call me out like
that. First of all, rude.
It's definitely been interestingbecause when I first got here,
they were like men stick with the men and women stick with the
women. I was like, where the fuck do I
(25:48):
go? Because nobody looks like me and
sticking with the guys, like I have a good connection with my
sponsor and he's definitely liketaught me.
Like between him and the guys that I live with, like they've
definitely taught me how to be. Like I don't know how to make it
(26:11):
sound not weird, but like how tobe a man 'cause like I didn't
really have. It's OK to say.
That say the weird. Thing well, it's like I didn't
really have like a strong fatherfigure in my life.
So it's like I'm learning all the things that I should have
learned growing up that I didn't.
And yeah, they've, they've definitely helped me like be
(26:37):
more comfortable with myself. Like I'm just one of the guys,
which is what I've always wantedand like searched for.
But growing up, all my friends were always girls because the
guys didn't want to hang out with me because I was weird.
So it's like now I can be weird and hang out with the guys.
So it's it's pretty cool. Yeah.
(27:00):
Fucking heck. Isn't it nice being in your 20s,
Right? Yeah.
Who would have thought? Not me.
Things change, like around people.
Bump, bump, bump, bump bump. What am I going to go with?
Was there any like shame or guilt about your your relapse
(27:21):
and like how were you received coming back?
There was a lot of shame and I didn't want to go.
I did not want to come back. And I was like, well, I've
already done it. I should just like go back and
keep like stay out. But I had called a friend that
(27:43):
that I met here, and they were like, you sound weird.
It was Bren and Alex and Kevin. They were all together.
So we. I was supposed to hang out with
them. And ironically, like, the friend
I was hanging out with was in the same Home group as them.
So she was like, don't let them know you're with me.
(28:05):
I'm like, all of this sounds fishy as fuck.
Yeah. But like, it just didn't click
because I didn't know. And like, I was still learning
and like, pride and shit, but yeah, there was a lot of guilt
and shame and like, oh, shit. Like now I have to tell these
people that have like been so nice to me that I fucked up.
(28:27):
But I came back and it was like,it was only a day, but it was
like, nothing happened. No, I mean, something happened,
but it's like you're just met with the same unconditional love
of like, hey, yeah, you fucked up.
What are we going to do next time?
Like maybe pick up the phone before you do it, not after.
(28:48):
Yeah, I'm like, oh shit, yeah. Yeah.
Probably, probably a good idea. Probably should have stayed on
the phone when you called me thefirst time.
Yeah, all. Right, Carly?
I don't have anything. I'm very lost because I don't
believe I was here for the firstpodcast.
You weren't. So.
No, it's fine. I don't know.
(29:10):
OK. Eric, do you have another
question? Yeah, sure.
Of course he does. So OK, OK, OK, here's a good
question. We've we don't usually ask this
question. It usually just comes up.
But you relapsed and now you have your year.
Did you stick to the bullshit cliche of not being in a
(29:34):
relationship for your first year?
Yes, really. Not against, not not by my own
choice choices. Yeah.
That's the I'm still learning women.
But no, I mean, it's worked out because there's been a lot more
self growth. And I know that sounds cliche
(29:56):
but like I do want to be like I don't check my own boxes for a
relationship so why would I put another person through that?
OK, I like that. There's still a couple things I
want to achieve first. Yeah, I've never thought about
that and I don't want to really.I'm like.
David's like, do I check my own?Boxes and right after.
(30:19):
No, no, no, absolutely Nope. I'm not going to go down that
road. Sorry.
I know mental health is a struggle for you.
It is. So and I know you had an
incident. A week long in shepherd brat.
(30:41):
I was struggling financially andin school I've been getting like
through the government of my step dad's military.
I get paid to go to school nice.And they had told me that my
housing allowance was supposed to end last month and I was like
well fuck, I still have like a month and a half of school, how
(31:03):
am I going to do anything? And so I kind of spiralled and
because that whole week I had gotten into the honors program
at school, the job that I was working told me to take the last
month and a half off of work andfocus on school so that I could
(31:26):
come back and be a Barber. And then I got the letter that
was like, yeah, your funding is ending.
So I was like, how come it always seems like 2 steps
forward, one step, three steps back.
And I wasn't taking my meds for like 2 months.
(31:47):
So by then they were out of my system.
I was still going to therapy, but I wasn't being 100% honest.
Yeah, at any time. So it was like, I've been in
mental hospitals before and it was like, well, it's not the
(32:10):
same because I don't actually want to die and I don't actually
want to use, but that's the bestplace I know I can be right now.
Yeah. So one of the guys took me to
Shepard Pratt and they did intake and I was in the crisis
stabilization for a week, back on better meds.
(32:31):
They had changed my meds like six months prior.
I didn't like them, so I stoppedtaking them.
Yeah. And they got me back on what I
had been on for years, which I don't know why they messed with
it. Whatever.
I'm not a doctor. Yeah, but got me back.
Doctors make mistakes. Yeah, got me back on my my
(32:53):
regular meds and it worked out pretty well.
But of course now it's this month that my money stopped
showing and I didn't let myself spiral this time.
So working through that in a healthier way all.
(33:13):
Right. Absolutely.
You got anything? Carly, would you like to ask a
question? Nope.
All right, Eric, what you got? So far, what is your favorite
step? You have to pick a favorite.
Don't give me this bullshit thatthey're all beautiful, because
they aren't. They're all beautiful.
Yes, they are. Some of them are dirty little
(33:34):
whores and you know it, David. Why did you phrase it like that?
I I'll have to go with the four step right now because it used
to scare the yeah, it used to scare the shit out of me.
I'm like, I'm gonna do anything in my power to not get to the
fourth step. And now having done it, I'm
(33:57):
like, Oh my God, I feel so much lighter.
Like I'm not carrying all this shit with me anymore.
At first it was like, Oh my God,I'm a terrible human.
And like, having talked about itwith the sponsor, it's like, OK,
some of this actually is mine. Some of it I'm carrying shit
that's not mine. Yeah.
(34:19):
All right, all right, Bom. We were just at Worlds and we
got to sit through two awesome speakers at LGBTQ meetings.
How have you been to other LGBT meetings?
(34:39):
I made it to one. I only found one in Baltimore.
Yeah. They're not.
They're few and far between. Yeah, exactly.
And So what is the difference there versus just a normal NA
meeting? No, I mean, even in going there,
like there was no one in my situation, like I've still have
(35:01):
yet to meet another trans man, which is wild to me.
I'm like, come, I know we're here.
Where are you? I'm like.
That's you're you're not wrong. Yeah, I've only met trans women,
I guess in recovery. I have met one trans woman and I
love her to death. She's great.
(35:24):
But you're right, I have not. David.
Have you? I don't think I have in all my
years. Yes, I don't want to do.
The Yeah, you don't have to say their name.
No used to date Donnie. Yeah.
(35:46):
Yeah. I forgot about that.
Andrew. Yes.
Yes Andrew, yes I didn't want a dead name her cuz I'm like that
would be incredibly rude. So I was like, give me a second
so. She had, she had a second name
in there too, for a second. Yeah.
Got it, Got it. Yeah, yeah.
(36:06):
I forgot, but that's, I mean that's one.
He, yeah, he, yeah, yeah. That's one.
That's one person. So like how is there?
Is there more difficulty there? Yeah.
I mean, I don't know, like it has to be hard to relate, right?
Yeah, like I'm, I'm grateful to the guys and like how accepting
(36:29):
they are. And even the women are super
accepting and they're like, yeah, I mean, it really doesn't
matter whoever you're comfortable talking to in that
given moment. And yeah, I'm just grateful for
my network. And they try to be as
understanding as they can, but it's hard when there's no like,
experience, you know? Like nobody I talked to has any
(36:54):
experience and like going through all the surgeries I've
gone through and like, I mean, if we all kind of have a level
of self hatred, but like, I don't know, I try to find the
similarities and at first it wasall differences.
I'm like, these people are fucking crazy.
(37:15):
Yeah. I think I'm going to talk to any
of them. And that's not that like that's
not unique to your situation. That's that's everybody like
you. We come in and we just see
differences because, you know, that's how our mind is wired to
just constantly see how we're different from people and that
like, and that society, society is always like, oh, what's
(37:35):
different about us? What's different about us?
What's different about us? So like learning to search for
and really attach ourselves to what's similar and how like our
feelings and the way our minds work are like the common threads
between us. It takes work and it takes a
(37:58):
long time. And you know, 12 years in, it's
still like every once in a whileI'll see somebody who has 12
years, but their life is as quote UN quote ahead of mine.
And I feel less than because of that.
And it's, you know, attack comparing our outsides or our
insides to other people's outsides.
(38:18):
Well, it's like, even even at World, like I was super excited
for the LGBT meetings, I still didn't meet another trans guy.
Yeah, and that's crazy. Not on the panel either.
I'm sure they were there. But I'm sure there was in 20,000
people like you can't be like you.
Come here, I'll. Be honest, those two speakers
were the best speakers. They were incredible.
(38:38):
They were the best. Speakers I heard that day.
Yeah, they were incredible. Yeah, I still loved it.
Yeah, she should have been the main speaker.
Yeah, that would have been cool.Yeah, she was amazing.
I like I would have, I'd have listened to her for another like
the whole next hour. The two from the day before,
because they did one every day. The two from the day before were
(39:00):
really cool, too. Yeah, they had great stories.
Yeah, and like, honest and no, no offense to, you know, the
heteros out there, but the LGBTQcommunity has just a whole
nother level of acceptance and just universal just, you know,
(39:26):
unconditional love that a lot ofmen and women in, you know, the
hetero community don't understand.
And so tying that in with recovery just I, I, I think
creates a just a whole new levelof community that isn't there in
(39:47):
just normal recovery. But that's all I got.
I have no more questions. Does anybody else have any more
questions? I have questions.
I still have questions. Of course you do, Eric.
So, well, it's kind of a question, it's more of like one
of his kind of a statement is you're talking about these LGBT
kind of groups within, you know,recovery.
(40:07):
Have you looked outside of recovery to try to find?
You know, almost like Fight Clubstyle, you know, find a group
what that not Fight Club style. That's a bad because.
I'll talk about Fight Club. Yeah, we.
Don't talk about Fight Club, butI am John's Colon or whatever,
but you know, the like, are there groups where you could go
(40:30):
to meet other trans men that like you could connect with and
try to under like understand experience in the same way that
you do with recovery? You know what I mean?
Are there groups out there that could potentially fill that void
for you? Have you looked at that before?
I mean, there's pride. Yeah, there's pride.
But isn't pride just a party? It was awesome.
(40:52):
I went to that too. Saying it's not a great party,
right? But there are definitely some
like subgroups. I found one on Facebook that
actually my therapist gave to mebecause my therapist is also a
trans man so that's cool. I've never had.
That's awesome, yeah. Yeah, we have a good connection.
(41:15):
So he gave me a Facebook group, but they they're specifically
like 30 and older. And I'm like, I'm so close.
This is the only time I will embrace being close.
Yeah, but can I join your littleclub?
So I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I thinkI'm gonna see when their next
(41:38):
event is and check out. Check that out.
That's awesome. And I'm sure there are more
like, yeah, there's, there's gotta be more.
Yeah. So I just have to look more, but
that is something I'm interestedin.
Oh yeah, all. Right.
I do have one other question, David.
Shoot. OK, so you mentioned surgeries
(42:00):
and I love, you know, I love a good surgery.
I love a good surgery. I love a good.
Surgery, well, I've only had 7 or 8.
Is that? 8 Jesus, I had got maybe eight
I've. Had two, I think seven.
I'm not sure I have a lot. So I like with your surgeries,
like I I know the one surgery you had was top surgery, but
(42:21):
like how has like the recovery been?
And like, have you had issues with like the surgeries And are
there any other like surgeries that you've had?
Like, I don't know. I've I've broken both my legs,
for example, or I've had a doctor break both my legs.
That's how I should say yeah, fucking asshole.
You know he just. Did not know that about him.
(42:43):
No. Yeah, he had.
He had his legs medically brokenand lengthened.
Yeah, when in high school, that's.
Cool. I wish you could see the look on
my face. Right.
Yeah. 3 1/2 inches. It went terribly wrong.
I couldn't walk for about a year.
Like I got an I was supposed to get 3 1/2 inches over 3 1/2
months. I got 2 inches in a week.
(43:04):
Then they had to put external fixators in to stop the growth
so that it wouldn't like destroymy legs even more 'cause I was
stuck in this like position of like 65° on my knees of sitting
and like my hips were at 45, my ankles were at 35.
Damn dude, yeah I did not know this when I.
(43:25):
Took out the external fixators, they read the X-ray wrong.
They were like oh you're healed.So I got the rest of the inch
and a half in a week. So all that work at physical
therapy of like me trying to getmy legs back to normal just all
like got erased and I had to start over.
Again. Those are that's my introduction
to surgery. But how like Jesus, like how
(43:47):
have your surgeries gone? And like, I mean top surgery.
I I know other people who have gotten it.
Like, I mean, it seems that seems like a big decision.
Yeah. Like lengthening your legs like
a. Big decision, you know decision.
My first surgery started my active addiction like it wasn't
(44:12):
the IT wasn't the top surgery. The top surgery was second, but
my first surgery was my appendix.
Dude, doesn't appendix suck? Dude, it was.
It hurts so bad. It was gangrene.
I did. I got it clean.
Too. Yeah, it didn't rupture.
It was gangrene. Oh, God.
What? Yeah.
(44:33):
You are so lucky. I woke up from surgery and like,
that happened to be the time my mom went to go get my sister
from school or something, and the doctor looked me dead in the
face and was like, you should bedead.
I was like, oh, you're so lucky.Like, thanks.
My mom almost didn't bring me tothe hospital because she thought
I was lying. Yeah.
Aren't parents the best? They're so fun.
(44:55):
God I. Hope I'm not like that.
Dupe safe. We're breaking generational
curses, Eric. But yeah, before that surgery, I
was a big DARE kid. And then I woke up on a morphine
trip with the script for pain meds.
So that'll do it. But top surgery, I mean, all my
(45:18):
surgeries have been an active addiction.
So when I got top surgery, it was a big decision, but it was
something I had known I wanted since I started puberty.
And I was like, yeah, no, fuck this, this is terrible.
And I had to. I got that right before my 19th
(45:41):
birthday. OK.
And it's been a while. Yeah, seven years.
Wow. And then in 20/20/22, what year
are we in? Yeah, 2022, I had a total
hysterectomy, which that was crazy.
(46:05):
I mean, I had known I had wantedthat too.
And I had such a good doctor. Like she was such a great doctor
because when we first submitted it, that was covered by
insurance. When we first submitted it, they
were like, yeah, no, here's why.So she like refurbished her, her
(46:29):
paper a little bit and send it back and they were like, yeah,
OK, fine. And that was awesome.
The recovery process took a little longer than I thought it
was gonna. I was out of work for like 2
months, two or three months. But I spent the whole time like
(46:50):
drinking and using and that probably didn't help the
recovery process. Probably not.
I think there's there's a clausein there.
They're like, hey, you shouldn'tdo these things.
Right. They were like, yeah, you should
stay in bed the next three days.I think I stayed in bed like 3
hours. I'm just not good.
I'm not a good patient. Yeah, I'm not a good patient.
(47:12):
My girlfriend. Last surgery or Yeah.
Are you gonna have any more surgeries or?
You. Yeah, I actually just found out
that bottom surgery is covered in the state of Maryland.
No fucking way. Really.
All surgeries are really. Yeah, I knew my testosterone was
covered, but now so is top surgery, hysterectomy and bottom
surgery. Wow.
(47:34):
My doctor told me that and I started crying.
She was like, you didn't know that?
I'm like, bitch, I'm not from here.
No, I didn't know that. Yeah, California is the exact
opposite place right here. Yeah, yeah.
I was like, no, I did not know that.
So that's going to take a littlebit more planning because I am
going to be out of work for a hot minute with that one.
(47:55):
A while. Yeah.
But yeah, that's exciting. Yeah.
Gives me a reason to stay. Yeah.
Yeah. That's awesome though.
That's like, I mean, that's likeyour own goal.
Right and. To hear that you can get it
covered is just such a weight, probably off your.
Shoulders. I thought she was messing with
(48:15):
me at first. It's like $100,000 surgery.
Yeah. Dude surgeries surgeries are
expensive. My limb lengthening surgery was
like something crazy and the doctor did like the same thing
your doctor did where it was like you're you're a little bow
legged and it was like covered. Nice.
It's like what? Yeah, it's, it's amazing what
(48:39):
like a couple word changes can do.
It's like, yeah, you're good. You're good now.
Yeah. All right.
Well, I think. Do you have anything else?
Eric No, that was I I just, you know, when I hear the word
surgery, my ears perk up. I'm like, I've had surgeries.
Similarities. Wait.
Wait, look for the similarities there.
(49:00):
Fantastic. All right, well, we would like
to thank our guest Lucas for joining us today.
Thanks for. Having.
Me yay and congratulations againon one year.
Yes, one last quick minute to talk to anybody out there
struggling needs to hear messageof hope.
What do you have to say directlyto them?
Oh my God, keep coming back. Like it sounds cliche but even
(49:21):
even just showing like showing UPS, half the battle just keep
showing up. Yep.
Yeah. All right.
Well, we'd like to thank everybody for joining us today.
Go to all of our social media outlets, Twitter, Facebook,
Instagram, like share, subscribe, go to our merch
store, purchase some cool shit because Eric spent some time on
(49:42):
that. Become part of the podcast
recovery family. Join our join our Patreon
because we are self supporting and need help keeping the mics
on. But most importantly, everybody
out there. Stay safe and stay clean.
Welcome back to podcast Recover Everyone.
We're your host, David O. Carly's.
And Eric V, Thank you. Yeah.
You're going to jump in there, weren't you, fucker?
I was going to. Stomp it.
Yeah, going to stop all over because.
You're in another stomp all overyou, motherfucker.
Jesus Christ. You hear, you hear that?
I do, and it's rude. Today we're joined by a very
special guest. Lucas, how are you doing today?
(00:24):
I'm so tired, how are you? I'm good, you know, drinking.
You got my coffee in me. I'm pretty good.
How are you, Carly? I'm OK.
OK, good. I don't care how you are, Eric.
It's OK, David, one day you will.
Where are you from? Even though I already know.
I'm originally from California, but I live here in Maryland now.
(00:45):
Hell yeah. And when were you first
introduced to recovery? Early last year, probably about
January when I moved down here, but I didn't actually get clean
that time. Yeah, and how much clean time do
you have? As of today, one year, one week
and one day. Yeah, A.
(01:07):
Hell yeah. And you know, for anybody
listening, this is actually Lucas's second time on the
podcast. But this time he is celebrating
one year. So you want me to bring people
up to speed or do you want to doit?
(01:29):
So first time he was on, he had 108 days clean.
It was about this time last yearand you relapsed.
I did. And so that was 'cause you're, I
was actually listening to it on the way over here.
Your clean date was April 25th. April.
April 5th. April 5th, yeah.
(01:49):
OK, so at 108th day, I'm I'm notdoing that math.
So it was around this. Time around this time.
But you relapsed and. Came right back.
Came right back and now you've got me.
You're clean, so starting with the relapse, take it away.
So well. How much longer after the
podcast did you relapse? Did we?
(02:11):
Were the Were we the catalyst? The same day.
No, it was I'd say like a month or so, a little over a month.
OK, I can deny culpability, all right.
That's. Fine, no.
So when I was first introduced to recovery, I was going to
meetings with a friend and she was like, yeah, you can smoke
weed. Just don't tell anybody like we
(02:36):
I don't. Think that's in the book?
No, no. Yeah, I didn't know that.
I'm brand new. I don't know what's going on.
So she would pick me up and we'dgo to her Home group and we
would just get stoned before we went.
And it always felt awkward. And I'm like, this is weird.
Nobody else seems to like be on our level.
How are meetings high? Terrible.
(02:57):
Terrible. I can I can imagine.
It is terrible. Eric, did you ever come to a
meeting high? Yeah, what do you mean?
Of course I. Don't know, like I'm supposed to
just know all the insurance and outs of your your relapses and
recoveries. I.
Don't know. I've been to, I've been to
meetings high. I've meet, I've met people to
buy drugs at meetings. Like, you know, like I think one
(03:20):
of the first meetings I ever went to, the reason I was there
is because someone owed me a script of Klonopin.
God damn. And I didn't get it.
I was pissed and I saw someone Iknew and then they were like,
oh, you're in recovery. I was like, no, I mean, I'm here
to just get drugs, you know? OK, fair enough.
OK. So you're getting high.
Wait, wait, I have a question. There's 108 days that you
(03:41):
whatever you racked up, were yousmoking weed during that time or
this? OK, so this was so.
This is this. This builds up for the relapse
OK. So wait, January?
Yeah, let's back up a little bit.
January 23, you get here. Yeah.
When did you start going to meetings?
January. OK.
So from January to April, you'recoming to meetings high.
Pretty much. OK, all right, cool and good.
(04:03):
Question. Thank you.
We need you to clarify that. But I was, I was going with her
to like one meeting a week till March and then I started going
to my Home group and I was like,these guys aren't doing what I'm
doing. Yep.
And like they started asking me to hang out and like I'd go go
on hikes with them and like I only think I went on one high
(04:27):
and I was like, this feels wrong.
It feels so wrong. And so I, I stopped smoking and
like picked up my actual like first clean, clean tag.
And that's when my time started the first time.
(04:48):
But what went wrong that time was I was like on my high horse
of I'm doing this to prove a point.
I was like, what's the point that I could do it?
I don't know. OK, that's a, that's a fine.
That's a fairpoint. Yeah, there's there's there are
worse reasons to get clean. It was a lot of ego.
Yep. And like, like, yeah, what?
(05:11):
Fuck you, I can do this. And like, yeah, I was going for
any rookie of the year. I was flying through the steps
buddy me. Too.
And like, I had finished my 3rd,my third step, and then I hung
out with this friend that I had gone to meetings with the first
(05:31):
time and like. Why did she assume it was OK to
get high and go to? I mean like.
She still does and I don't. Yeah.
Anybody out there listening? Like if you're getting high and
coming to meetings, good for you.
Like I'm not. Hold on, can we preface though?
Like if you need cannabis in order to like function due to
like a mental or physical, you know?
(05:54):
That's a different. That's a different thing.
But if you're smoking blunts before the meeting just to smoke
blunts, that's not cool. Yeah, you're still, you're still
welcome in the meeting. Like none of us are shaming you.
But it's also like, that's not really what we do.
What kind of mental issue? What?
For what in order to oh like in order to be on cannabis, it
(06:17):
could be a many different anxiety is like PTSD great for
like cannabis is great for. Anxiety just looking for
validation. Thank you.
OK, OK. Cannabis.
Nice, good for you anyway. Good for the people that it
works for. It made mine worse.
Yeah. So I hung out with this friend.
(06:38):
I just finished my 3rd step and I didn't like since it was all
going through ego, I hadn't really like taken in the steps
yet. Looking back at it, I'm like, Oh
my God, my higher power was trying to Get Me Out of that
situation the whole time. Like someone who never texted me
(06:59):
had called me and he was just like, hey, how are you?
And I was like, oh, I'm hanging out with a friend, like I'll
call you later. And we had gone to the gas
station. She went inside, I stayed
outside and her car alarm started going off for like 5
minutes. We couldn't get this car alarm
(07:20):
to go off. She's standing outside screaming
like, I promise, it's my car. It's my car.
And I'm like, you're making thisworse.
Somebody from the rooms is goingto see me and it's it's game
over. And yeah, so we smoked.
And the whole time she gave me atattoo while we were high.
(07:42):
What? Yeah, yeah, that makes.
Sense Wait. So hold on.
Stop, stop, stop. Question about fucking.
You're probably a little youngerthan us, Lucas.
Is that just the fucking thing now?
What? Like, yeah, tattooing your
friends, Yeah. Yeah, why the why?
When did this happen? I have no idea dude.
Don't you remember, dude? That happened.
(08:04):
It did. Not happen when we were younger.
I do. I do remember people doing it a
little bit. In the rooms, you remember
Nolan. I remember those fuckers, but
they were what was. Her name?
Tara. Yeah, I do remember them.
They. Blasted God.
They made some of the worst tattoos I've.
Ever seen myself? Ever seen?
Yeah, and they just covered. Everywhere And I remember, I
remember when I was younger, someone did buy a tattoo gun.
(08:26):
There was one person and the only thing I remember is he like
painted a what was it? What was tea bagging or
something? Was tea bagging a.
Thing right? Oh my God.
He like tattooed tea bagging on someone when they were passed
out like a tea bag That's and then they tea bagged.
An acceptable. Yeah.
Oh my. God, that's terrible.
OK, she gives you a tattoo. A wall high.
(08:47):
Yeah, but the whole time all I can talk about was how cool NA
was and like how much better my life is.
And she's like, do you have anything else to talk about?
I'm like, not really. Not really.
So I called friends that I had made and they came and picked me
up because we were already planning on hanging out.
(09:08):
And they were like, we're going to a meeting.
I was like, I'm so high right now, please don't take me there.
Yep. So we went.
I picked up a new Wakey tag thatwas August 29th, so I didn't
start my time until the 30th just because.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah it. Was a new day and all that.
(09:30):
New day, no drugs and that pointon, I got a new sponsor.
I restarted my steps, I stayed in my Home group.
They let me keep my service position.
I think it was because nobody else wanted to, Secretary.
No, they let you keep the position.
That's is. That the art meeting.
Yeah, OK. That is very UN.
(09:54):
Wow. That's very progressive of them.
Good for them. Well, it's an it's an art
meeting, dude. Well, good for them though.
I'm just saying that's good. Like, you know, usually there'd
be like a whole bullshit, like, group conscience, OK.
Like we we did, they were all like, well, none of us are gonna
do it so. So this is a one day relapse,
yeah. OK.
(10:14):
And. Why did you?
I would call that a slip, but we're a different fellowship.
Whatever. I switched sponsors, I don't
know, new start, redo everything, just start fresh,
start all over. Yeah.
(10:36):
Yeah, we started steps. I actually just finished my 4th
step the day before my celebration, so we finished that
on Tuesday. That was crazy.
Yeah. Never thought I'd tell another
human being half the shit I fucking told him.
Oh yeah. Yep.
I don't that feels like there's been so much in this year.
(10:58):
I got my driver's license which is.
Did you not? Have it?
No. Can I ask can I ask a personal
question like how old are you? I'm 26.
Wow, I just turned 26. So what was it like not having a
license for that long? I never wanted to drive.
I never thought I was going to be alive this long.
(11:19):
That's fair. I didn't think I would make it
past 24. Yeah, so like I've always
considered these my bonus years.And I was just like, I'm not
going to have to drive. If I ever drive, I'm going to
drive off a bridge. And yeah, so we finally got to a
point where it's like, I think Icould be a safe driver, which is
(11:41):
so weird. Oh yeah.
Feels a little morbid to laugh about, but it's like, oh I can
safely operate a vehicle. It's.
Better than today. But it is better than crying.
Yes, I. Still do that all the time.
Yeah, it is not better than crying crying.
It's fantastic. Keep going.
(12:02):
I started school with two weeks clean and I finish next week.
I have 3 days left. That has been a journey in and
of itself. I'm.
Aware Where are you going to Community College or are you?
I'm in Barber school. Oh dope dude.
(12:25):
So if you need to ever need a Barber.
I cut my own hair, but thank you.
Well, hey dogs. Yeah, poor Luna.
Yeah, probably. Luna and his dogs.
Luna, my I do cut my dog and my cat.
You guys didn't see Elliot? Elliot's a punk rock cat right
now he'll say he has a long likewhat it what is let's say the
(12:46):
fuck help me Mohawk. Just a long Mohawk down like his
spine. He looks so crazy this.
Is for animals. Oh.
Shit, so you're going to school?Going to school, got my license,
I moved into a recovery house. That is one of the weirdest but
(13:07):
best decisions I've made. Living in a house with 10 men is
not something I ever thought I was going to do.
But I mean, it's cool. Like we keep each other
accountable. We keep each other grounded.
Like you ever need to talk, somebody's always there.
You're never really by yourself.Yeah, at well, at least I'm not
(13:29):
because I'm in a double room. So yeah, even when you think
you're alone, you're never alone.
How do how do you how do you like?
I could never do that. How, how are you able to like I
live with another person in another room.
Like, I mean, I guess I'd do that with my wife.
Yeah, I'm like, you have a wife and child.
(13:51):
But you know what I mean? Just be like another random like
homie like I you know I could never get down with that for
myself in you. Really OK in recovery, in
recovery like? What hold on, I've lived with
people, but in recovery I I never lived in a recovery house.
So like, it just seems like there's so many people in like a
house, like, and there's so manypersonalities and I just hate
(14:15):
sharing rooms with people. Like I just had like the worst
experiences in treatment where I'd be with like the loudest
snores. But yeah, I mean like, how is
how's sharing A room? It took a lot of adjusting the
first couple months. I think we hated each other.
I. Bet fuck that guy.
Because like, we were friends before I moved in.
(14:37):
So like, we, I moved in and we're like, fuck, yeah, this is
going to be awesome. And then like, we live very
differently. And we had to like, establish
some boundaries. Some, yeah, mostly boundaries.
We have each other's location. You put tape down the middle of
(14:58):
the room. I haven't done that yet, but
he's getting real fucking close,OK?
I get it. Yep, you share locations.
That's that's, that's like a next level of the of the
relationship, that thing there. I used to get a text message
once a day of, hey, are you coming home?
And I'm like, yes, what? Well, it actually started 'cause
(15:20):
I walked in on him. Doing his thing.
Doing his thing. Yeah.
And I had a friend with me and I'm like, this is my room, get
the fuck out. Back up.
Please go that way. Wow and.
He's like, he came out. He's like, I'm so sorry.
I thought you weren't going to be home for another hour.
(15:41):
I'm like, bro, I told you my school schedule.
Yeah, I'm just going to give youmy location.
Yep. Or you guys could do like, you
know, the, the tie on the door or whatever, you know, do
something 'cause. That's too obvious, you know?
Yeah. He didn't want anybody in that,
anybody else to know. So if he does that for me,
(16:02):
everybody's gonna know, 'cause we're on the 1st floor, yeah.
That's hard, and I bet a bunch of people in early recovery
wanna jerk off all the time. So.
Man, things must be tough in that house.
Well, there's only two double rooms.
Everybody else has a single room.
So they got a little bit of privacy.
Yeah, it's a it's a totem pole situation.
(16:26):
OK. But we at least have our own
bathroom. That's a plus.
It's in our room. Nice.
OK, where were we? Recovery House.
Recovery House. OK.
And this is the traditions house, right?
Yes, I happen to have to go there one day because I think, I
think if I'm correct, that's thehouse I used to get high in.
(16:48):
What? Back in the day.
Back in the day, probably. Back in the day.
It's off. It's off like Woodlawn Rd. or
Arbutus Road, right? Like, yeah, yeah, it's if it's
the house I'm thinking of, I definitely used to get high at
that house. Full circle for that house.
Isn't that funny that that housethen becomes like a recovery
house? I mean in in this area, what
(17:09):
house hasn't gotten high in Likeyou know who has not gotten high
in some house? You ever thought about that?
Like who gotten high in your house before you owned it?
No. She is now.
I had a dead woodpecker in this house before I owned it.
So. What?
Yeah, a woodpecker broke throughthe window and we were going on
(17:29):
the House tour and, yeah, there was a dead woodpecker just in,
like, you know, the family room.Yeah.
OK, moving forward, school recovery house, Jesus, keep
going. Yeah, we went to world
convention. That was awesome. 20,000 people
(17:52):
from all over the world doing the same thing.
Yeah. That was fucking insane.
And it was my one year while I was there.
So we did we volunteered at merch for a little bit nice.
And Kirsten made me this little thing on my shirt that was like,
it's my one year today. So every time somebody saw it, I
(18:13):
didn't know this was like a thing, but like people would
yell. They were like, hey, this guy's
got one year today, and it made the whole room, like, roar.
And I got so many people runningup to me, like, I have social
anxiety. Yeah.
I, I can, I can see both sides of that.
Like, like it's super flatteringand amazing to feel that
connection, but also like there's too many people there's
(18:36):
too. Many.
People. Oh, but it was, it was really
cool. And like, yeah, just meeting
people from all over the world. We ended up running into the
main speaker from Friday that was from Sweden at Starbucks.
So we just talked to her for like 20-30 minutes and at least
(18:57):
seven people told me I need to go to the European World Convent
or European Convention. Why I?
Mean. I'm sure it's.
Because it's probably awesome. Yeah, it's probably awesome as
shit. They're like, yeah, it's a lot
smaller than this. It's like maybe 2500 people like
that sounds perfect. In all of Europe.
That go to it at least I'm like hopefully they didn't mean to
(19:22):
add another zero now that I'm thinking about it but.
Because that seems that. Seems.
Very small. Maybe they sell limited tickets?
I don't know, we get 2500 peopleat our area convention or like
our region, our. Regionals, yeah, you're talking
about. Ocean maybe because ocean
valley. Han Valley.
Han valley sucks, I hate. Han Valley.
(19:44):
God, why is it still there? I don't know it.
Should be involved. I thought it was back in
Baltimore finally. No, I thought they lifted the
restriction. Maybe.
I don't know. I could have swore they lifted
it. I know we.
Were in Baltimore last year. OK good.
Yeah, cuz we got kicked out for like.
Yeah, we got kicked out for likea decade.
Damn. Yeah.
It was right before I got clean,a whole bunch of people.
(20:07):
There was like a huge brawl in the middle of like the Ann Arbor
with NA people. And I remember the first you're
going. To you're fucking done.
Like you're NA, you're not coming back to the Convention
Center for ten years or whateverit was.
And Hunt Valley's not that cool that.
That. That like that little Convention
Center saw. Lame as shit anyway.
(20:27):
I'm on the on the regional subcommittee for registration.
So we are in fact back in Baltimore, OK.
Good, nice, good. That's where it should be.
But with the with the European Convention, like being in Barber
school, there's a Barber shop out there called the Holy
Ashtray that I want to go to so bad that look in your face means
(20:48):
you're coming with me. Yeah.
But they call themselves scumbagbarbers, but they're, they wear
it like the suits and like, they're just fucking awesome.
And so the European Convention is in the same place that the
Holy Ashtray is in. So I'm determined to go to both.
OK. It's in Rotterdam, Yeah.
(21:10):
Rotterdam. Rotterdam, Yeah.
In. Netherlands.
Netherlands. Yeah.
So. Awesome.
I mean, there's. Get your passport ready.
They're. Cut what?
A place to pick The place where you can literally get any drug?
Like we're gonna have a convention here.
I actually met a couple people from Amsterdam and I was like,
(21:30):
you're here, yeah, this is not where I would be.
Yeah, but. Well, I mean, we're from
Baltimore, so they probably say the same thing.
Well, see, yeah, I get that question a lot of like, why did
you move to Baltimore? I'm like to get clean.
And they're like, so you moved to Baltimore?
It's like, yeah, I don't know anybody here.
(21:51):
Yeah, it's gonna be a lot harder.
Yeah. Kind of.
So where? So where are you at today?
Today I'm happy, which is wild. Yeah, I got to see I get to do a
lot of things fun and clean. Like I was at one of my favorite
(22:17):
bands from like 14 to now last night, five hour mosh pit.
I've never been in a mosh pit clean, so that was cool.
About to be done with school. As many mosh pits now I know as
you can because I'm telling you,in 10 years it's going to hurt a
lot. More Oh no, I'm already hurting.
(22:38):
Oh, yeah, like I had a flashbackto being 14 and like talking to
people my age now at 26, and they were like, oh, this is
going to hurt tomorrow. I'm like, yeah, because you're
too fucking old to be here. And now I'm like, oh, God, it's
a little shit. But how I'm like, happy.
(23:00):
I wouldn't, I wouldn't trade thelife that I have today, which
is. Crazy.
Yeah. All right.
Well, we definitely have some questions for you who would like
to start. You would, David.
I'll. Go OK.
Carly would Yeah, why not? So what prompted the relapse?
Like, was there doubts prior to it?
(23:21):
Or was it just like you happenedto hang out with that friend and
it was on a whim? I was kind of struggling at the
time, but I wasn't talking aboutit.
I struggle with vulnerability, so I wasn't willing to open up
to anybody and I like had no intention of using when I went
(23:41):
and saw this friend, but that's just how it ended.
It was like, you're not listening to me sort of
situation, so why should I listen to me?
Maybe this is all bullshit. So just kind of caved.
Eric, would you like to go second?
Sure, look at me. What?
(24:05):
Look at me. I'm looking looking right at
you, David, as I'm talking. You're staring at a wall you
piece of shit. He keeps looking for you, Eric.
He does. We should get him on like a
monitor. So like, put him on the wall I.
Legitimately have thought about putting a monitor out Yeah, so
maybe I'll do that for you guys.Please don't.
Which will be he keeps. Working behind him and talking.
(24:25):
I know I keep talking to like, I, I turn around from the mic
and I'm like, oh, let me reference Eric instead.
Of just gonna make a little notehere, add monitor out there of
course, of course you. Would.
Anyway, that's going to be so funny.
OK, so Lucas, this question, I can't remember if I asked you
this last time, do you have a male or a female sponsor?
(24:46):
Male. Male, OK.
And how like has that gone? I guess like, and I know I asked
you this a little bit before, but like how has having a male
sponsor affected your recovery differently than, you know, if
you would have had a female sponsor before?
(25:06):
Like and does and I, I don't know anything about your
sexuality, but does anything like affect you?
Like as far as if it's a male ora female from a, you know, I
want to fuck this person. Perspective she's just.
Well, hey, it's a fair question.Sometimes you want to fuck
people. Like.
(25:27):
You know, David, you were talking about lusting over like
gingers the other day. Hey.
It's fair. Shut up, don't call me out like
that. First of all, rude.
It's definitely been interestingbecause when I first got here,
they were like men stick with the men and women stick with the
women. I was like, where the fuck do I
(25:48):
go? Because nobody looks like me and
sticking with the guys, like I have a good connection with my
sponsor and he's definitely liketaught me.
Like between him and the guys that I live with, like they've
definitely taught me how to be. Like I don't know how to make it
(26:11):
sound not weird, but like how tobe a man 'cause like I didn't
really have. It's OK to say.
That say the weird. Thing well, it's like I didn't
really have like a strong fatherfigure in my life.
So it's like I'm learning all the things that I should have
learned growing up that I didn't.
And yeah, they've, they've definitely helped me like be
(26:37):
more comfortable with myself. Like I'm just one of the guys,
which is what I've always wantedand like searched for.
But growing up, all my friends were always girls because the
guys didn't want to hang out with me because I was weird.
So it's like now I can be weird and hang out with the guys.
So it's it's pretty cool. Yeah.
(27:00):
Fucking heck. Isn't it nice being in your 20s,
Right? Yeah.
Who would have thought? Not me.
Things change, like around people.
Bump, bump, bump, bump bump. What am I going to go with?
Was there any like shame or guilt about your your relapse
(27:21):
and like how were you received coming back?
There was a lot of shame and I didn't want to go.
I did not want to come back. And I was like, well, I've
already done it. I should just like go back and
keep like stay out. But I had called a friend that
(27:43):
that I met here, and they were like, you sound weird.
It was Bren and Alex and Kevin. They were all together.
So we. I was supposed to hang out with
them. And ironically, like, the friend
I was hanging out with was in the same Home group as them.
So she was like, don't let them know you're with me.
(28:05):
I'm like, all of this sounds fishy as fuck.
Yeah. But like, it just didn't click
because I didn't know. And like, I was still learning
and like, pride and shit, but yeah, there was a lot of guilt
and shame and like, oh, shit. Like now I have to tell these
people that have like been so nice to me that I fucked up.
(28:27):
But I came back and it was like,it was only a day, but it was
like, nothing happened. No, I mean, something happened,
but it's like you're just met with the same unconditional love
of like, hey, yeah, you fucked up.
What are we going to do next time?
Like maybe pick up the phone before you do it, not after.
(28:48):
Yeah, I'm like, oh shit, yeah. Yeah.
Probably, probably a good idea. Probably should have stayed on
the phone when you called me thefirst time.
Yeah, all. Right, Carly?
I don't have anything. I'm very lost because I don't
believe I was here for the firstpodcast.
You weren't. So.
No, it's fine. I don't know.
(29:10):
OK. Eric, do you have another
question? Yeah, sure.
Of course he does. So OK, OK, OK, here's a good
question. We've we don't usually ask this
question. It usually just comes up.
But you relapsed and now you have your year.
Did you stick to the bullshit cliche of not being in a
(29:34):
relationship for your first year?
Yes, really. Not against, not not by my own
choice choices. Yeah.
That's the I'm still learning women.
But no, I mean, it's worked out because there's been a lot more
self growth. And I know that sounds cliche
(29:56):
but like I do want to be like I don't check my own boxes for a
relationship so why would I put another person through that?
OK, I like that. There's still a couple things I
want to achieve first. Yeah, I've never thought about
that and I don't want to really.I'm like.
David's like, do I check my own?Boxes and right after.
(30:19):
No, no, no, absolutely Nope. I'm not going to go down that
road. Sorry.
I know mental health is a struggle for you.
It is. So and I know you had an
incident. A week long in shepherd brat.
(30:41):
I was struggling financially andin school I've been getting like
through the government of my step dad's military.
I get paid to go to school nice.And they had told me that my
housing allowance was supposed to end last month and I was like
well fuck, I still have like a month and a half of school, how
(31:03):
am I going to do anything? And so I kind of spiralled and
because that whole week I had gotten into the honors program
at school, the job that I was working told me to take the last
month and a half off of work andfocus on school so that I could
(31:26):
come back and be a Barber. And then I got the letter that
was like, yeah, your funding is ending.
So I was like, how come it always seems like 2 steps
forward, one step, three steps back.
And I wasn't taking my meds for like 2 months.
(31:47):
So by then they were out of my system.
I was still going to therapy, but I wasn't being 100% honest.
Yeah, at any time. So it was like, I've been in
mental hospitals before and it was like, well, it's not the
(32:10):
same because I don't actually want to die and I don't actually
want to use, but that's the bestplace I know I can be right now.
Yeah. So one of the guys took me to
Shepard Pratt and they did intake and I was in the crisis
stabilization for a week, back on better meds.
(32:31):
They had changed my meds like six months prior.
I didn't like them, so I stoppedtaking them.
Yeah. And they got me back on what I
had been on for years, which I don't know why they messed with
it. Whatever.
I'm not a doctor. Yeah, but got me back.
Doctors make mistakes. Yeah, got me back on my my
(32:53):
regular meds and it worked out pretty well.
But of course now it's this month that my money stopped
showing and I didn't let myself spiral this time.
So working through that in a healthier way all.
(33:13):
Right. Absolutely.
You got anything? Carly, would you like to ask a
question? Nope.
All right, Eric, what you got? So far, what is your favorite
step? You have to pick a favorite.
Don't give me this bullshit thatthey're all beautiful, because
they aren't. They're all beautiful.
Yes, they are. Some of them are dirty little
(33:34):
whores and you know it, David. Why did you phrase it like that?
I I'll have to go with the four step right now because it used
to scare the yeah, it used to scare the shit out of me.
I'm like, I'm gonna do anything in my power to not get to the
fourth step. And now having done it, I'm
(33:57):
like, Oh my God, I feel so much lighter.
Like I'm not carrying all this shit with me anymore.
At first it was like, Oh my God,I'm a terrible human.
And like, having talked about itwith the sponsor, it's like, OK,
some of this actually is mine. Some of it I'm carrying shit
that's not mine. Yeah.
(34:19):
All right, all right, Bom. We were just at Worlds and we
got to sit through two awesome speakers at LGBTQ meetings.
How have you been to other LGBT meetings?
(34:39):
I made it to one. I only found one in Baltimore.
Yeah. They're not.
They're few and far between. Yeah, exactly.
And So what is the difference there versus just a normal NA
meeting? No, I mean, even in going there,
like there was no one in my situation, like I've still have
(35:01):
yet to meet another trans man, which is wild to me.
I'm like, come, I know we're here.
Where are you? I'm like.
That's you're you're not wrong. Yeah, I've only met trans women,
I guess in recovery. I have met one trans woman and I
love her to death. She's great.
(35:24):
But you're right, I have not. David.
Have you? I don't think I have in all my
years. Yes, I don't want to do.
The Yeah, you don't have to say their name.
No used to date Donnie. Yeah.
(35:46):
Yeah. I forgot about that.
Andrew. Yes.
Yes Andrew, yes I didn't want a dead name her cuz I'm like that
would be incredibly rude. So I was like, give me a second
so. She had, she had a second name
in there too, for a second. Yeah.
Got it, Got it. Yeah, yeah.
(36:06):
I forgot, but that's, I mean that's one.
He, yeah, he, yeah, yeah. That's one.
That's one person. So like how is there?
Is there more difficulty there? Yeah.
I mean, I don't know, like it has to be hard to relate, right?
Yeah, like I'm, I'm grateful to the guys and like how accepting
(36:29):
they are. And even the women are super
accepting and they're like, yeah, I mean, it really doesn't
matter whoever you're comfortable talking to in that
given moment. And yeah, I'm just grateful for
my network. And they try to be as
understanding as they can, but it's hard when there's no like,
experience, you know? Like nobody I talked to has any
(36:54):
experience and like going through all the surgeries I've
gone through and like, I mean, if we all kind of have a level
of self hatred, but like, I don't know, I try to find the
similarities and at first it wasall differences.
I'm like, these people are fucking crazy.
(37:15):
Yeah. I think I'm going to talk to any
of them. And that's not that like that's
not unique to your situation. That's that's everybody like
you. We come in and we just see
differences because, you know, that's how our mind is wired to
just constantly see how we're different from people and that
like, and that society, society is always like, oh, what's
(37:35):
different about us? What's different about us?
What's different about us? So like learning to search for
and really attach ourselves to what's similar and how like our
feelings and the way our minds work are like the common threads
between us. It takes work and it takes a
(37:58):
long time. And you know, 12 years in, it's
still like every once in a whileI'll see somebody who has 12
years, but their life is as quote UN quote ahead of mine.
And I feel less than because of that.
And it's, you know, attack comparing our outsides or our
insides to other people's outsides.
(38:18):
Well, it's like, even even at World, like I was super excited
for the LGBT meetings, I still didn't meet another trans guy.
Yeah, and that's crazy. Not on the panel either.
I'm sure they were there. But I'm sure there was in 20,000
people like you can't be like you.
Come here, I'll. Be honest, those two speakers
were the best speakers. They were incredible.
(38:38):
They were the best. Speakers I heard that day.
Yeah, they were incredible. Yeah, I still loved it.
Yeah, she should have been the main speaker.
Yeah, that would have been cool.Yeah, she was amazing.
I like I would have, I'd have listened to her for another like
the whole next hour. The two from the day before,
because they did one every day. The two from the day before were
(39:00):
really cool, too. Yeah, they had great stories.
Yeah, and like, honest and no, no offense to, you know, the
heteros out there, but the LGBTQcommunity has just a whole
nother level of acceptance and just universal just, you know,
(39:26):
unconditional love that a lot ofmen and women in, you know, the
hetero community don't understand.
And so tying that in with recovery just I, I, I think
creates a just a whole new levelof community that isn't there in
(39:47):
just normal recovery. But that's all I got.
I have no more questions. Does anybody else have any more
questions? I have questions.
I still have questions. Of course you do, Eric.
So, well, it's kind of a question, it's more of like one
of his kind of a statement is you're talking about these LGBT
kind of groups within, you know,recovery.
(40:07):
Have you looked outside of recovery to try to find?
You know, almost like Fight Clubstyle, you know, find a group
what that not Fight Club style. That's a bad because.
I'll talk about Fight Club. Yeah, we.
Don't talk about Fight Club, butI am John's Colon or whatever,
but you know, the like, are there groups where you could go
(40:30):
to meet other trans men that like you could connect with and
try to under like understand experience in the same way that
you do with recovery? You know what I mean?
Are there groups out there that could potentially fill that void
for you? Have you looked at that before?
I mean, there's pride. Yeah, there's pride.
But isn't pride just a party? It was awesome.
(40:52):
I went to that too. Saying it's not a great party,
right? But there are definitely some
like subgroups. I found one on Facebook that
actually my therapist gave to mebecause my therapist is also a
trans man so that's cool. I've never had.
That's awesome, yeah. Yeah, we have a good connection.
(41:15):
So he gave me a Facebook group, but they they're specifically
like 30 and older. And I'm like, I'm so close.
This is the only time I will embrace being close.
Yeah, but can I join your littleclub?
So I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I thinkI'm gonna see when their next
(41:38):
event is and check out. Check that out.
That's awesome. And I'm sure there are more
like, yeah, there's, there's gotta be more.
Yeah. So I just have to look more, but
that is something I'm interestedin.
Oh yeah, all. Right.
I do have one other question, David.
Shoot. OK, so you mentioned surgeries
(42:00):
and I love, you know, I love a good surgery.
I love a good surgery. I love a good.
Surgery, well, I've only had 7 or 8.
Is that? 8 Jesus, I had got maybe eight
I've. Had two, I think seven.
I'm not sure I have a lot. So I like with your surgeries,
like I I know the one surgery you had was top surgery, but
(42:21):
like how has like the recovery been?
And like, have you had issues with like the surgeries And are
there any other like surgeries that you've had?
Like, I don't know. I've I've broken both my legs,
for example, or I've had a doctor break both my legs.
That's how I should say yeah, fucking asshole.
You know he just. Did not know that about him.
(42:43):
No. Yeah, he had.
He had his legs medically brokenand lengthened.
Yeah, when in high school, that's.
Cool. I wish you could see the look on
my face. Right.
Yeah. 3 1/2 inches. It went terribly wrong.
I couldn't walk for about a year.
Like I got an I was supposed to get 3 1/2 inches over 3 1/2
months. I got 2 inches in a week.
(43:04):
Then they had to put external fixators in to stop the growth
so that it wouldn't like destroymy legs even more 'cause I was
stuck in this like position of like 65° on my knees of sitting
and like my hips were at 45, my ankles were at 35.
Damn dude, yeah I did not know this when I.
(43:25):
Took out the external fixators, they read the X-ray wrong.
They were like oh you're healed.So I got the rest of the inch
and a half in a week. So all that work at physical
therapy of like me trying to getmy legs back to normal just all
like got erased and I had to start over.
Again. Those are that's my introduction
to surgery. But how like Jesus, like how
(43:47):
have your surgeries gone? And like, I mean top surgery.
I I know other people who have gotten it.
Like, I mean, it seems that seems like a big decision.
Yeah. Like lengthening your legs like
a. Big decision, you know decision.
My first surgery started my active addiction like it wasn't
(44:12):
the IT wasn't the top surgery. The top surgery was second, but
my first surgery was my appendix.
Dude, doesn't appendix suck? Dude, it was.
It hurts so bad. It was gangrene.
I did. I got it clean.
Too. Yeah, it didn't rupture.
It was gangrene. Oh, God.
What? Yeah.
(44:33):
You are so lucky. I woke up from surgery and like,
that happened to be the time my mom went to go get my sister
from school or something, and the doctor looked me dead in the
face and was like, you should bedead.
I was like, oh, you're so lucky.Like, thanks.
My mom almost didn't bring me tothe hospital because she thought
I was lying. Yeah.
Aren't parents the best? They're so fun.
(44:55):
God I. Hope I'm not like that.
Dupe safe. We're breaking generational
curses, Eric. But yeah, before that surgery, I
was a big DARE kid. And then I woke up on a morphine
trip with the script for pain meds.
So that'll do it. But top surgery, I mean, all my
(45:18):
surgeries have been an active addiction.
So when I got top surgery, it was a big decision, but it was
something I had known I wanted since I started puberty.
And I was like, yeah, no, fuck this, this is terrible.
And I had to. I got that right before my 19th
(45:41):
birthday. OK.
And it's been a while. Yeah, seven years.
Wow. And then in 20/20/22, what year
are we in? Yeah, 2022, I had a total
hysterectomy, which that was crazy.
(46:05):
I mean, I had known I had wantedthat too.
And I had such a good doctor. Like she was such a great doctor
because when we first submitted it, that was covered by
insurance. When we first submitted it, they
were like, yeah, no, here's why.So she like refurbished her, her
(46:29):
paper a little bit and send it back and they were like, yeah,
OK, fine. And that was awesome.
The recovery process took a little longer than I thought it
was gonna. I was out of work for like 2
months, two or three months. But I spent the whole time like
(46:50):
drinking and using and that probably didn't help the
recovery process. Probably not.
I think there's there's a clausein there.
They're like, hey, you shouldn'tdo these things.
Right. They were like, yeah, you should
stay in bed the next three days.I think I stayed in bed like 3
hours. I'm just not good.
I'm not a good patient. Yeah, I'm not a good patient.
(47:12):
My girlfriend. Last surgery or Yeah.
Are you gonna have any more surgeries or?
You. Yeah, I actually just found out
that bottom surgery is covered in the state of Maryland.
No fucking way. Really.
All surgeries are really. Yeah, I knew my testosterone was
covered, but now so is top surgery, hysterectomy and bottom
surgery. Wow.
(47:34):
My doctor told me that and I started crying.
She was like, you didn't know that?
I'm like, bitch, I'm not from here.
No, I didn't know that. Yeah, California is the exact
opposite place right here. Yeah, yeah.
I was like, no, I did not know that.
So that's going to take a littlebit more planning because I am
going to be out of work for a hot minute with that one.
(47:55):
A while. Yeah.
But yeah, that's exciting. Yeah.
Gives me a reason to stay. Yeah.
Yeah. That's awesome though.
That's like, I mean, that's likeyour own goal.
Right and. To hear that you can get it
covered is just such a weight, probably off your.
Shoulders. I thought she was messing with
(48:15):
me at first. It's like $100,000 surgery.
Yeah. Dude surgeries surgeries are
expensive. My limb lengthening surgery was
like something crazy and the doctor did like the same thing
your doctor did where it was like you're you're a little bow
legged and it was like covered. Nice.
It's like what? Yeah, it's, it's amazing what
(48:39):
like a couple word changes can do.
It's like, yeah, you're good. You're good now.
Yeah. All right.
Well, I think. Do you have anything else?
Eric No, that was I I just, you know, when I hear the word
surgery, my ears perk up. I'm like, I've had surgeries.
Similarities. Wait.
Wait, look for the similarities there.
(49:00):
Fantastic. All right, well, we would like
to thank our guest Lucas for joining us today.
Thanks for. Having.
Me yay and congratulations againon one year.
Yes, one last quick minute to talk to anybody out there
struggling needs to hear messageof hope.
What do you have to say directlyto them?
Oh my God, keep coming back. Like it sounds cliche but even
(49:21):
even just showing like showing UPS, half the battle just keep
showing up. Yep.
Yeah. All right.
Well, we'd like to thank everybody for joining us today.
Go to all of our social media outlets, Twitter, Facebook,
Instagram, like share, subscribe, go to our merch
store, purchase some cool shit because Eric spent some time on
(49:42):
that. Become part of the podcast
recovery family. Join our join our Patreon
because we are self supporting and need help keeping the mics
on. But most importantly, everybody
out there. Stay safe and stay clean.
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