The Dead Dad Podcast

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
Welcome back to podcast Recover Everyone.
We're your host, David O. And Eric B.
And today we are joined by our three guests.
We have Carly to my left, as youall know, Donnie, who's been on
several times, and new guest of my coworker Eddie, how are you
doing? How's everybody doing, Carly?
Doing all right? Good.
I think they're kind of sad. Aren't fine I'm.
Here fine, you know you can rotate the mic.

(00:24):
Towards they're a little sad. Kind of.
Let us share it equally here. I know, but you can spin it, you
dingbat. OK.
Anyway, that's fine. You're fine.
Eddie, how are you? Oh, great.
OK, fantastic. All right.
See how you segue this? How I segue this I I'm fucking,
I'm a brilliant tactician. I got this shit.
So today we're doing a little bit of a everyone.

(00:46):
I feel like the spot's so bad. All three of you are staring at
me. And you're smiling as you're
saying it, like. All today.
It's a podcast, so it's a littlebit of a dark podcast today, but
you know, it's an an important topic that needs to be talking
about and it's, you know, dealing with grief, especially
with, you know, the loss of parents.
And all three of our guests, Carly, Donnie and Eddie, have

(01:08):
all lost their parents. So we're going to go through,
you know, their process, like how it happened and you know,
what they've done from, you know, point A to point B dealing
with that level of emotional grief and trauma.
And with all that out of the way, I'm going to start with
Donnie to, you know, get us rolling here.

(01:30):
Take it away, buddy. OK.
So just so happens that yesterday, 2/1/2020 was the day
that my dad died. So it's one five years and one
day since my dad passed away. Yeah, and.
That's pretty, pretty amazing. Yeah, if all remember, it's been
20. 20. It's been five years exactly.
Coincidental. And I'm wearing my like.

(01:51):
It's an amazing coincidence. I'm sorry, is this my turn to
talk? Not Jesus, I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding. So I wear, I'm sorry, I'm
wearing my SV Titan Polo. This is my dad's boat here.
Oh yeah, I was wondering about. That I've got a tattoo of the
same thing underneath on my chest.
So that was like my, one of my ways of helping to deal with,

(02:12):
you know, what to remember, honor him, put him on something
about him on my, you know, body permanently.
Yeah. That was the idea I had.
And I and I'm glad I did. But anyway, so five years ago,
this was like, right when COVID started to poke its head out
into my dad's name. My dad's name was Charles Ross
Collins Junior. He was born February 17th, 1951.

(02:34):
I. Appreciate the double middle
name. I have a double middle name.
No, no, there's there's one middle name.
What? Ross.
You just said. Collins, No.
Yeah. Collins Junior.
Junior. Junior Fuck yeah my bad.
Way to do math, asshole. Anyway.
Fuck you, David. So he was born in February 17th
20/19/51. He was 16 days short of his 69th

(02:56):
birthday and so. I know that was the dream.
I know, right? So let's see.
He died in a hospital in Washington.
DCI Can't remember which one. George Washington.
No, I don't think it was that. I don't remember.
There's a lot of them down there.
I went down and visited many times.
But it's an interesting story because the night before my dad

(03:20):
died, and this is a little bit funny, you know, and because
it's nothing to do with him. But I went on a first, I went on
a first date with somebody the night before he died.
And this was this was somebody that like, I was very, I was
like, really interested in from work and and we went, and so she
knew my dad was sick, but we went out and and we actually had

(03:43):
a really good time, you know, You know.
And so I had to text her the, I think the day, like I think, was
this Caitlin? No, no, no, this was, this was.
Yeah, Caitlin came along in September.
It's funnier. That it's not Caitlin.
Yeah, but but The thing is is that I had to text.
Her the day after. I had to, I had to text her the
day after and be like, hey, by the way, just want to let you

(04:04):
know my dad died and and that kind of put a squash on that
whole. Yeah, I think it would.
I think it. Would is it weird that I
wouldn't have done that? Like I would have like continued
dating this new person and then like after a month been like,
oh, by the way. Nope, that's called being
normal, Eddie. That's.
About being normal, but anyway, so I guess to to back it up, my

(04:25):
dad was just a short synopsis ofof his life.
He was he was a 21 year vet in the Coast Guard, made it to at
some level of chief in the CoastGuard before retiring and then
he was married once in the 70s. His first wife actually

(04:45):
committed suicide. What's Jesus Christ?
And that's this was like back inthe 70s when he was in his 20s
and then he married my mom. Why and how?
The details of that. Are I want to know?
The details of that are vague. There's not a I don't actually
know a whole lot about it. He didn't really talk about it
very much. My daddy's first wife died of

(05:06):
AIDS. Do you want to hear about that
too, Eric? Yes.
What do you mean? That's fascinating.
Let's talk about that later. Let's wait till your dad dies to
talk about that. Well, his dad is already.
Dead back to you, Donnie isn't. It isn't your dad already dead
to you? He could be dead.
I was going to say the David's dad dies.
That's going to be a joyous episode.
Do you? Know your dad could be dead.

(05:26):
No, he's alive. Are you positive?
Yes, I'm positive. Kind of like his first wife is
positive. Burned all.
Right. I'll see you later.
Anamount and going out on a high.
Anyway, so dad married my mom. They were married for 12 years.
They got divorced in the early or in the late 90s.

(05:49):
They split up and they stayed, you know, friends to the end.
My mom was very much by his sidequite a bit, you know, while
he'd dealt with his illness. So what was his illness He died
of? I believe he was initially
diagnosed with, I think, cancer,kidney cancer, and then it
metastasized a bit to like, I think into his lungs a bit.

(06:09):
But the story of how it came about is like, he just started
to come, like complaining about being like out of out of breath
a bit more. Like he was in I think Colorado
and talked about how he could like barely like walk without
being winded and stuff like that.
Just kind of wrote it off to like, hey, you're in Colorado,
high altitude, you know, thin air.
Thanksgiving 2019. We the whole family.

(06:32):
Was so when was he diagnosed? So this was shortly after
Thanksgiving 2019. So it didn't take very long
before he actually got some like, like medical attention
dealt to it 'cause he, we knew something was wrong because he
would like, he basically stayed in bed the whole time for
Thanksgiving. Like we were all, the whole
family was together. He stayed in bed like the whole

(06:54):
time, came down a little bit to eat.
Like his skin was just like there was no colour in his skin.
He looked like ashen, you know what I mean?
Like grey. And shortly after and he was
living on his boat at the time. Ashen.
Yeah, I've been. Playing a lot of Dark Souls
lately so I like. It yeah, it's just a, it's a
word that can be used to describe colour change.
And when we asked for colour change at work, you know, if

(07:16):
their skins change in color for work and ash and Gray is one of
the options. But anyway, that's why I know it
anyway. So he lives on a boat at the
time, which was by choice. You know, it's not like he had
to resort to living on a boat because he was a lifelong sailor
and people now crab people now crap anyway.

(07:38):
So he chose to live on a boat because that's he had just
recently retired from his job and that was his way of being
like I'm going to, I'm downsizing and retired now.
I'm living a life of leisure andand he said that was I remember
him saying that like it was his be his way to being like, you
know what to like fuck you to society or something.
It's like, I'm out. I'm going to go sail somewhere.

(07:59):
I'm out of here. And he did like the summer, the
winter of 2018, he sailed and stayed in on a mooring field in
Florida. And that to to to some, but some
people that seems like like pretty boring.
You know, he was by himself mostof the time.
It's a very quite simple life. And I'm glad he got to do that.

(08:20):
You know, I mean, he didn't knowhe was going to be the last time
he would be able to do somethinglike that.
But he always enjoyed being on the water and all that stuff.
And I think that might be why I like being around the water so
much too. He would say, I heard him say
something one time. It's like if you're lucky enough
to live by the water, then you're lucky enough, you know,
and, and I like that. But so after Thanksgiving, I

(08:45):
guess he went to get see the doctors or whatever, and it
basically turned out something'swrong.
Went through the processes, hey,you've got some sort of cancer
in your kidneys. The initial response was we're
going to go in, we're going to remove your kidney, we're going
to remove part of your colon, We're going to take it all out.
And right, cool, let's do it. Take it all out, clean it all

(09:07):
up. So then when they went in, they
did not remove his kidney. I guess they saw more material
than they expected and so they all they ended up doing was
removing bit of his colon, left the kidney, then I think they
were going to after that let himget strong enough for chemo and
all that type of junk, you know,that kind of cancer treatment.

(09:29):
So OK, I don't know the the details of that are hazy.
I wasn't super involved with allthe communication between, I
don't think. Any of us have enough medical
training to be like, why would you leave the cancer?
In like, I don't know, I guess they wanted to to be able to hit
it with the radiation and stuff I.
Feel like there's enough to be like why would you leave that
there? I I'd like.
That's a fair. Like it's a fair.
Question like a like. It's a fair question.

(09:51):
I don't know. Why?
Why? Why leave it?
Yeah, why leave it? If you're already opened it up.
Oh, there's more cancer than I thought, Yeah.
Fuck it. Well, even remember the the go
ahead. I think the reason might be I
forget. Did you say it's spread yet or
no? When that happened.
But it was metastasized. When they realized it.
Happened so obviously I'll go into more detail when it's my
turn to talk. Yeah, But with my father, they

(10:12):
kept it in because they were afraid if they removed a vital
organ, they were afraid. They were afraid of us.
They were afraid of us still going to spread.
And then he's down in Oregon. Whereas if they hit it with
radiation and chemo, there's a chance to save everything.
So I'm not sure if that was a similar situation.
Probably. That makes sense.
Now. That makes sense.
Now that you say that, that's exactly what.
Happened and that and that is the and that is the that is the

(10:35):
most of my medical knowledge so.That and that makes perfect
sense. So let's go with that.
Let's go with that. So anyway, they transport him to
a rehab facility where they weregoing to put him through PT
while he was recovering from this surgery he just had.
They did remove some of his colon, you know, so he would
have to make him strong enough for the chemo and the radiation.
So I remember this, he was thereand then it was a Wednesday, I

(11:00):
want to say, and I got a call from my aunt.
I was at work and my, and, and God bless my family, though
they, they were always like my dad had visitors every single
day, Like there was somebody with him in the hospital at some
point every single day, whether it was family members, friends
who flew in or whatever. And, and I will say that my dad
absolutely hated being in the hospital.

(11:22):
Like he despised being in there as far as like, you know,
because he lived on a boat, he could go whenever he wanted to,
you know, and he was stuck here in this hospital.
He couldn't go anywhere. He hated being there.
And he told us that, but you know, he had his own room at
least, you know, and then had some roommate bugging him about
whatever. But anyway, it was a Wednesday.

(11:43):
I was at work. My aunt called me and said, you
know, he took a, he took a steepdecline, like a real steep
decline down today. And they put him back in the
hospital and they did like a blood transfusion or something
like that. And then so that was a
Wednesday. I said, OK, I'll be there on the
weekend to come visit because, you know, we were all kind of

(12:06):
prepared. Like, we didn't know.
We were all super hopeful. Like, yeah, they were going to
pull through. It'll be fine, you know, and
we'll put this all behind us, right?
So I had that date on a Friday. Then on that Saturday morning,
my mom calls me and he's like, you need to get here now, like
you, you need to get here now because he is not good.

(12:27):
And so I was like, Yep, I'm on my way.
I'm on my way. Got down there.
There was a bunch of family, my mom, my aunt, maybe cousins,
uncle, his brother were there. And when I got there, he, he
wasn't even awake anymore. He is, he was just like out, you
know, his, his mouth was just like hanging open just in the
bed. You know, he was not lucid.

(12:48):
He wasn't conscious at all. And we were pretty much just
waiting, you know, and got to bethere.
I think that we were all just kind of around the bed when we
kind of just like, yeah, I think.
I think he's gone now, you know,and got the doctor in there.
They were just like, yeah, he isin fact, you know, passed away

(13:09):
and my and it's kind of sad. My brother missed it.
Like he was on his way and he missed it.
And, you know, we all were, you know, weeping, crying together.
You know, we're trying to basically internalize, you know,
what just happened, you know, because obviously everybody's

(13:30):
trying to be super hopeful when they have a family member who's
facing something like that. And then, yeah, so it went the
other way for us. So my his parents were both
Christian Scientists. Is this little bit of a side?
They were Christian Scientists religion wise so his both of his

(13:51):
parents donated their bodies to science when they died and my
dad did the same thing so he hasbody donated to science for
whatever purpose we don't know body.
Farm. Or to be studied at
myoliosaricoma or something was the name of the cancer he had.
So maybe he could be studied something like that.
Yeah. That's rad.

(14:12):
Yeah. Yeah.
And so we actually never got anyremains.
So I don't have any remains. I've got a lot of like stuff.
You know who got the boat? The boat was sold.
It was our, it was my brother's in mine for a little while.
Like he left pretty much everything to my brother and I.
The house, the boat, the cars would have you all the stuff in

(14:34):
the storage bin. That was all his.
But that day, you know, I, I made some calls like I called
Rich to be like, hey, you know, my sponsor be like, this is what
happened. I called a few other people.
We went down to the cafeteria just to kind of get something to
eat or whatever. And then since we weren't like
his, they were going to take hisbody to I think it was George

(14:56):
Washington University. I want to say I don't really
honestly don't know what happened to it after that.
Not not one clue, but they they did whatever.
But then then we all just kind of parted ways.
Funeral. No, no funeral.
No, we did a, we had a party like a month after, OK, like
celebration of like type of thing.
That's way better than a funeralin my opinion.

(15:17):
Yeah. And it just depends on like, you
know, whatever ceremonial tradition there is for whatever
religion people have to be buried like within like a.
Week. Yeah, something like a couple.
Sometimes even. Yeah, shorter like it's.
Got to be quick, but yeah, then we all just want our separate.
We parted ways, you know, I wenthome.
I was driving home up 95 and then the kind of the gravity of

(15:40):
it set in and I just was like the waterworks.
No, you know, Yep. And and and then that was so
that was a Saturday. I went to your old Home group
like going like God, I don't know why that I'm.
Hearing Forrest Gump She died ona Tuesday.
She got the cancer. That was what his mom about.
His mom, but. What about?

(16:01):
What about Jenny? She died of age.
We don't know that, Jenny. We don't know that.
Jenny died of a. She had some mystery disease
that they wouldn't go to, but anyway.
Jenny died of a. Yeah, mystery disease called
AIDS amongst. Heroin users, Yeah.
Ebola. Ebola.
Yeah, So. But yeah, so we went.
I went to the meeting. I didn't like, I didn't share

(16:22):
about it. People knew, you know, the
people knew. I mean, the people that that
needed to know knew. Yeah.
I didn't want to broadcast it, no.
And it was just like, hey, but then we went out to eat.
I remember distinctly going out to eat at Matthew 1600 after was
that. There.
Maybe you were. Is that the place that's like?
Yeah, it's pretty solid. Telling you about that place for

(16:44):
years. It's a great.
Rest. I went there on Monday.
It was fantastic. I've never been disappointed
with no, but for some reason people.
Consider they got old people go to can I say podcast.
Recovery brought to you by. They got rid of that sweet
potato like they had sweet potato French fries with like
some amazing like. Oh, they got rid of the cheese.
Like do they still have the meatloaf?
Fuck the meatloaf dude. The fucking sweet potato fries

(17:06):
had this dip that was like are? We really segwaying into this
right now. Yes, it was so good, Carly.
Carly knows what I'm talking about, right?
Yeah, I do. Fucking amazing I got rid of a
poached. Pear salad.
My dad loves sweet potato. A poached pear salad.
Like I know what it is, but thisis very it's, it's fantastic.
Just go fucking. Have it?
That seems pretentious culinary.Just eat a pear.
You all. Not you, Carly.

(17:27):
You're cool. Anyway, yeah, we went in 1600.
I remember talking to Jack. Jack was there.
Jack. Jack M, Yeah.
And because I know he had. His dad died, yeah.
And he's old, so. He's older, Yeah.
So he was older. He was in his 50s, I think, when
his dad died. And so I just was remember
talking to him. Just what?
32 when your dad died. 31, So I'm 37 now.

(17:50):
So you were 32? I was 32.
Yeah. Right.
Interestingly enough, my dad was36 when he had me.
So that's weird to think that I'm older than my dad was when
he had me. Because I feel like I'm in no
station in life to, to to support a child.
It's weird. Yeah, now you're kind of a.
Failure. Yeah, right now Caitlin's the
success. I'm I'm.

(18:10):
Just we all know. Yeah, we're talking about it
when you're not around. Anyway, I remember talking to
him because I think that was on my mind.
But you didn't have to do. That you guys are so mean, you
guys. Donnie, you do have it together.
You would be a great dad. Oh I'm fine, I know I would be.
I just don't know if I. We'll get to that.
You'll be fine, Donnie. Yeah, So I remember talking to
Jack specifically because the thing that was on my mind,

(18:30):
because, like, I was at that agenow in my early 30s, where like,
my dad and I had become like, peers almost.
Yeah, you know, not like friends, dad telling you what to
do, clean your room and stuff like that.
Because I remember in my teens where I was, like, embarrassed
by him. Everybody went through that
phase, like, Dad, stop embarrassing me in public.
You know, I'm just doing dad stuff.
Yeah, just like doing. Yeah, just like doing dad stuff

(18:53):
or like, man, I don't want to, like, do chores on a Saturday.
You. Just wanted them to get me a
Pepsi. Just tell them you know if your
parents tell you do chores on a Saturday you just tell them to
fuck off. See, I never had that that
mentality. One time, one time.
Eric, we had the shitty dads. They all had good dads, yeah.
I would just tell them to go fuck off and then they'd like
yell at me for a bit and then they'd.
Leave the. The funny thing is, I'm sure I'm
blocking something, but like, I don't even remember ever being

(19:15):
embarrassed about my dad becauselike, I went to shows with my
dad when I was in high school. Like, we did a lot of, like,
music shit. That's cool.
I mean, I'm sure at some point when I was like, I don't know,
between 10 and 14, I'm sure I was like, fuck you.
Yeah. But like, I just.
I don't know. I probably would have to repress
all that shit or something. I don't.
Know maybe it'll come up sometime but I remember one time
I gave my dad the finger and he saw me do it and he and I was

(19:36):
like I was mortified that he'd. Do it.
I've like, punched my dad in theface, like, all right.
Let's let's Donnie. Let's let Donnie and wrap it up
so we can move it, all right? But anyway, so I was at the age
where of my like, I would enjoy spending time with my dad.
Like whenever I'd visit home, I'd I'd sleep, you know, sleep
overnight on the boat. There's not really much to do in
the morning except sit and talk and like, drink coffee, you

(19:58):
know, like put on TV. Massacre under the boat, yeah.
Yeah, just look at the birds. Yeah, sit in the cabin and just
talk. So like it was going to point
getting to that point in life where it's like, it's time to
like learn things now, you know,it's time to to get fatherly
advice and stuff about being an adult.
And I, it was like, I didn't getenough of that.
So I was talking to Jack about like, I feel like I didn't learn

(20:20):
everything I needed to from him,you know, and, and, and now I'm
just like, you know, what do I do now?
Right. And, you know, he of course had
the, the share the similar experiences and stuff like that
too. And, and that's basically what I
did. I leaned on the, the people that
I knew who had gone through, like Carly, I knew Carly had
lost a parent. And and those are the people I

(20:42):
needed to, to kind of gravitate towards for, like, guidance in
this area, you know, but like all the stuff that has happened
since then, you know, you know, my Caitlin, my fiance is never
going to meet him. You know, all she'll ever do is
hear, talk about him, see pictures of him and stuff like
that. He's it's funny.

(21:02):
I feel like I definitely inherited my dad's sense of
humor because he was, he was, hehad a way of like insulting you,
but also like making it like redeeming, like, at the same
time. Yeah.
Like, I don't know it. I get it.
He has like, yeah, he had like adark sense of humor.
And I definitely think I inherited that from him, which I

(21:24):
think I'm glad for. It's.
Like no matter what people say about you, you're not as dumb as
you look so. What?
What does everybody really say that about me?
Yeah, and I, and I feel like I know Eric has heard this before,
but like, I remember when I was in 11th grade, I told him I had
a date for the prom. And his response was, I guess
that means you're not gay then? I love that answer.

(21:46):
Yeah. And.
It's like something my parents would say.
And I didn't know how to respondto that.
I'm like, yeah. What the fuck are you supposed
to say? I'm not gay.
Was your response Did you tell him I have a date to the prom?
Yeah, because he didn't think itwas assumed.
It was a one. Well, yeah.
Well, so if he said at least you're not gay, you could have
been like until he was with a. Girl.

(22:07):
Yeah, but so I definitely inherited that from him and I'm
glad I did. You know, we had.
So we did have a celebration of life for him a month later.
We held it at the Marina where he his boat was docked.
And so I got to meet people thatwere involved through in like
all periods of his life, people I never met before.
I was like, Oh yeah, I knew him back in the 70s when he was

(22:28):
like. I was in the Coast Guard with
him. Yeah.
Or yeah, all that kind of stuff.So that was nice.
We all shared about, you know, our memories and stuff like
that. The company he worked for, they
actually like named a conferenceroom after him with like this.
Yeah, the Chuck Collins and I get to hear from like some of.
His Co workers, did he work? For it, it was a small

(22:49):
government contractor, I think called CRL Industries or
something like that. It's cool, Yeah.
After his second career was in government contracting, he was a
logistician, he worked in logistics.
He explained what he did all thetime and I never fully
understood so. How do you pronounce that word?
Yeah, logistician. OK.
Cool. So he's essentially, was he

(23:09):
running supply chain or logistics?
Something like that, I don't know.
Logistics is fascinating. Anyway, anything else, I, I miss
him very much. You know, I'd give just about
everything, anything to be able to talk to him again.
Like I can't, like I can't stress that enough.
Like I've been, something has happened.
I'd be driving home from work orfrom the gym and be like, yeah,
I really would like to call and talk to my dad right now, but

(23:30):
damn. You still do that?
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Me too.
Absolutely. It's like this great thing
happened. I want to tell him about it.
Fuck, you can't do it. Weird dude.
I don't. I can't even relate to that.
Because your dad is alive. I know, but I'm talking about
the. Quality.
Like you call your parents firstwhen something special happened.
I call my mom. Donnie had a good upbringing.

(23:53):
Sorry. They didn't break his legs
medically like yours, Dick bag. That true?
Yes, listen to my podcast. Don't listen to me.
I guess it's sad, but the. Second podcast is all about
death. Yeah, it's really morbid.
Yeah, it's it's dark. It kind of makes sense that this
is the next one because I I justtalked about people dying for
about an hour and a half. OK, well, moving on.

(24:15):
So that's, that's my story. He's aware.
I mean, that's terrible. Oh, Carly, yes, I am.
Yep, Carly so boy. Carly, 1-2 Boy.
Carly. So my dad was born in 1950.
It was Charles Ford Reed Junior.Yeah.

(24:38):
Ford Reed. Charles.
No, but when was your dad's birthday?
February 17th. My dad's birthday was February
17th, 1962. My dad was February.
We're not talking about your dad.
February 22nd, 51. Yeah, August 23rd, 1950.
My mom was Janine Marie. What's a nice name?
It is, and she was born June 30th, 1953.

(25:04):
Wow, Your parents were older? Yes.
So my mom actually had me when Iwas she was 37.
Holy shit. Yeah.
And I had two older sisters. So we're actually my oldest
sister and I are 12 years apart.Whoa, I didn't know that.
Yeah. And then my other sister and I
are four years apart. 12 years, yeah.

(25:26):
Dude. It was wild.
She had her high school graduation when I had my
kindergarten graduation. Yeah, my my oldest sister is 14
years older than. Well, David, you and your, you
and your family. I mean, shit, like, how old's
your brother? Like 20 years older than you?
No, How much older? Ten years older than me.
Then your sisters are all in between that.
It's 78828587 and 92. My mom gave birth in three

(25:48):
separate decades. That's like, yeah, but that's
like fairly evenly spaced. Yeah.
Yeah. But just the fact that like from
oldest to youngest is 14 years is a bit like.
That's a lot had. A brother, David, I think you
only had sisters. No, we'll get into that later,
Carly. Yeah, my sister's 7987 and I was
91. What?
Your mom did the same thing? That's weird.
Wait. So your sister's my age, 87.

(26:10):
Yeah, Melissa. Oh yeah, I didn't know that.
Yeah. Oh, cool.
Yeah. But they were, they were happily
married. Well, I guess happily, but they
were married for I guess right before everything happened was
they either had just reached their 39th or 40 year
anniversary, like wedding anniversary.

(26:34):
But like growing up, my parents were very, very involved in
everything that we did. I played a lot of sports.
My dad coached a lot of my childhood, which is was a good
thing and a bad thing, having him on the sidelines or on the
bench or whatever. Did you get special treatment
or? Did you?
Oh, absolutely not you. Got treated harder than the
other. Absolutely not.
Harder for sure. Yeah, Better than that.

(26:56):
Yeah. It was.
You do this, you do that. Like you need.
At one point, I don't remember, it was like third grade, 4th
grade, he pulled me out of sports because he told me I was
not a team player. Was.
Was he right? Well, I disagree.
I disagree. We so he coached by like
softball teams and I wanted to play bat last and play right

(27:17):
field. To me that's being a team player
because nobody wants to fucking play this position.
No, and he told me that wasn't ateam player because I guess I
threw a fit if I wasn't batting last or playing right field and
he pulled me out and he made me play golf for a year.
Oh. God.
Yeah, I wasn't very good at golf.
So that's like a very, very, yeah, that was a very, very

(27:40):
vivid memory that I have. Totally different swing.
Yeah, I'm not very good at golf at all.
And then just even growing up, like when it wasn't them
coaching, they were always at all my games.
Even in college I played at Salisbury.
So they were traveling all the time to come down and watch

(28:01):
games and come to Virginia to watch games.
And my senior year when we went to the World Series in
Wisconsin, they drove all the way to Wisconsin.
They drove to. Wisconsin because my mom
wouldn't fly. Which OK, which division is that
D3D3 you made? You guys made the World Series
in D3? Yeah.
That's amazing. Good job.
Dude, no, we were, we were actually ranked #1 going into

(28:22):
that too Holy. But we didn't win.
Well, it's still a good job. Yeah, it was pretty cool.
It was a cool experience. Pretty fucking grad.
So that's where that's where I actually had my college
graduation because I missed graduation.
We graduated at the World Series.
It's. OK, I didn't graduate on stage
either. Yeah, it was pretty cool.
Yeah, college. Am I right?

(28:43):
You went to? No, you won't let me.
OK. So I would have.
So I graduated College in 2013 and at that point, like I had
moved home. So I was living at home with
both my parents and they were still very, very independent.
So my mom had worked for the like state government for God

(29:08):
knows how long. So she was still independent,
going to work everyday. And my dad at one point had
owned his own construction business, but then he kind of
moved around and did other projects for other companies,
but very, very active, very still involved in everything.
And they, it was a, it was September of 2015 and it

(29:36):
actually, so it's not their death day, but it feels like
that's when everything, when they kind of died because on a
Monday morning was in the September Monday morning.
I know I woke up to go to work and my mom was home, which was
really, really, really weird. She never missed a day of work
ever. And she said she wasn't feeling
well and I could tell something was wrong and oh, I'm losing my

(30:04):
voice. She's a frog in her throat.
It's not. I'm not crying.
So she had stayed home from workand I like went just about my
day. Came home and I remember her
sitting on the couch and something just wasn't right.
She was slurring her words, wasn't acting right and I had
called my sisters to be like something's wrong with mom like

(30:25):
we need to convince her to go tohospital.
So at some point I don't know ifmy like both of my sisters were
living, I think 1 was. They were both about 5 minutes
away at the time. Because now they're on like
Frederick and Hagerstown. Well, one's out in Hagerstown
now one's in Pasadena. But they were Lindsay was who's
the oldest was right over like the county city line, so like 5

(30:48):
miles. And then the other was and
Wilkins, so very, very close. So they were able to convince
her to go to the hospital. So my dad took her and I know we
just like had hung out at my sister's that night, just kind
of waiting to hear what was going on.
And we'd found out that she had had a massive stroke.

(31:08):
So I we hung out there for a while and then I decided to go
home. So when my dad came home, he
wasn't there alone. I remember talking to him that
night when he got home saying like something's wrong.
I don't feel good about this. Like I don't know what's going
to happen. And he was just very upset,
which I have never seen him likeupset and cry like like he knew

(31:32):
like something wasn't. I feel like your dad's was a
man's man. He was.
He was, and he was very suck it up.
Both of my parents were. It was tough love.
Suck it up. You're fine.
We don't cry. We don't talk about our
feelings. Things like that.
Baltimore blue count. Blue collar and so I luckily, I
mean, I thought about going to work that day because of the
next day because I was like, what else can I do?

(31:53):
And I decided not to. I called out and I remember so
like I woke up was getting moving for the day and my dad
had fallen asleep on the couch and I was like moving around the
kitchen. I was cleaning some things up.
I was like, well, maybe I'll go get breakfast and suddenly come
back, wake him up. And I'm really happy that I
didn't because like as I was standing there, like I could

(32:16):
tell something was changing likehe was, He went from sleeping
and snoring to just regular breathing.
And then all the sudden like it was like shallow breathing and
it almost like you could feel him gasping for air.
And then he just stopped. And I was standing right there
and it was I had to move the coffee table, pull him down off

(32:39):
the couch, call 911 and started CPRI.
So the fire department showed up, ambulance showed up every
like the whole they sent everyone police, ambulance,
fire. And they made me leave the
house. They made me go stand out on the

(33:00):
front porch and they worked on him on the floor of the living
room for it. What seemed like years.
And at some point, like I'd remember calling Melissa and she
ended up, since they weren't far, she and my uncle showed up
at the house too. And they were able to, they got
him in the ambulance. They were able to bring him

(33:22):
back. But at that point, that was the
last time, like that night before was the last time I he
was ever conscious. He never woke up from that.
And they had told me at the hospital like that I was the
only reason he had a chance for starting CPR.
But he was pretty much brain dead from there until he died on

(33:45):
New Year's Day. Heart attack.
Yeah. So it was a massive, it was a
cardiac event. And it turns out there was
something wrong with his other organs that he didn't tell
anybody about that he had, like,fallen down the steps and his.
Yeah. So it was like days and weeks
before he had fallen. And he was very bruised.

(34:08):
He told my neighbor this and I found this out later so I don't
know if his like organs were shutting down that caused from
the. Fall down the steps.
The weeks before yeah, holy crapand the like potassium levels
were all messed up and things like that.
If he. Like bruised his liver or
something, Yeah. And that's what ultimately they

(34:29):
think caused it. Yeah.
So he was, yeah. Yeah, I've never heard that
part. That's fascinating, Carly.
And so he was, that was the end of September.
So we had he was on life supportessentially from the end of
September until he died on New Year's Day.
And the reason we did that is because we were hoping that my

(34:51):
mom would recover enough to be able to make a decision.
Yeah. Or to be able to say goodbye.
But that night when she went into the hospital, they never
saw each other again. So my mom, her massive stroke,
she was completely lost, all mobility in her right side and

(35:14):
her speech never fully recoveredand her brain never fully
recovered. So she went from being fully
independent to relying on care for the next 4 years when she
died May 9th of 2019. So she was in a facility for

(35:35):
about a year like full care facility and then she moved home
where I was her primary caregiver for like 2 1/2 years.
But I remember like we didn't know how to tell her about my
dad's death and she got so she was so angry with us.
Can I ask a question? How much of your mom was there?

(35:56):
Like left there after the massive stroke?
You know what I mean? Like how much of her was still?
I mean, what? I don't know, because she was
like I said, she was fully independent.
She was always just kind of likethe life of the party.
She was always like supportive. And then part of it, like, I

(36:21):
think like her personality was still there in a way, but she,
her impulse was all over the place and she was just angry
because of having to have somebody do something for her
all the time. She's not used to that.
So she's pissed. About Yeah.
And she tried to, like, she wentthrough physical therapy.
She went through a whole bunch of stuff to try to get some sort

(36:43):
of mobility back, but she was ina wheelchair until she passed
away. And so I was like, I had to
transfer from the wheelchair to the chair.
I had to do, yeah, I had to do everything for her in the
bathroom. I had to change her.
She was in a wheelchair. Oh, wow.
So how like what? I know strokes have different

(37:06):
levels, right? So what was her level like?
Or like, how do they describe it?
It's like, I know like the womanwho lived up the street for me,
like my friend Adam and James, their mom, she had like a few
strokes when they were younger, but she was like, she was weird,
right? But like she could still do
stuff, right? She could still drive a car,
she'd still work. She.

(37:27):
Always kind of walked in circles.
Though, but but you know what I mean, there's people who've had
strokes and like they're still functional, but it sounds like
your mom had a massive. Yeah, it was massive.
They didn't tell us other than that it was just massive.
And then during that time too, she had an aneurysm.
What? What right next to her aorta?
Oh my. Gosh, but they didn't do

(37:48):
anything about it because of thestroke.
And it was just kind of like, let's wait and see, Let's watch
if it gets. Did she have an aneurysm at the
same time or was that? No.
So they found it later. Yeah, so it, it wasn't, it
didn't blow, but it was just, you know, way there.
Holy shit. It's like discovering a new
volcano. Like, well, it's not imploding
right now. So I think we're OK.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, I guess that's that's the analogy, yeah.

(38:10):
I can't think of anything better.
Yeah, so when my when my dad passed away and like that all
happened with my family, I was still in active addiction.
And that was kind of like propelled me to use more, I
would say. And then on New Year's Day or
New Year's Eve, I had gone up toJersey that night to spend time

(38:32):
with a friend. So like, I was coming back and I
was like, oh, should we just go to so and so?
And just like, I'll meet you there to see dad.
And they were like, no, we need you to come home first, like,
and then we'll all go together. So it was like I had to go back
to my sister's house for them totell me my dad had passed away.
But my mom was in the facility for another seven months after

(38:54):
that. I think she didn't get to come
to his celebration of life. We didn't do anything special
for that. And then she moved back home
with me where we had caregivers coming in and out.
But like I said, I was like her primary caregiver and I was in
active addiction until a little or a little like 2018.

(39:14):
So I had about a year clean withher until she passed away.
And at that time she was like that last six months of her
life. She had moved in with my sister,
so she was living at my sister'shouse because we were selling my
parents house at that point. But like at that point, like so

(39:37):
when my dad passed away, my grieving process was just using
and I had he was actually so I didn't know this growing up.
I knew there I had like a hunch of it, but he was always, there
was times where I remember wherehe would get really drunk or
really like fucked up and I could remember my parents
fighting. But it wasn't until later like I

(39:57):
had found out that he had like he was one of us.
He had problems with addiction. And at that time it was like we
had to collect medicine for the hospital to go over all his
pills and in within that meth medicine was methadone.
Wow. Yeah, I didn't.
For your pops, yeah, to treat. What pain?

(40:21):
But. Probably.
Not Donnie. I mean they do use methadone for
pain management but. I never asked, I never found
out. But I know when he, when that
happened, my sisters were worried that he had done it to
himself. Like the cardiac arrest episode,
like they we were just happy to,they were happy to find out that

(40:42):
it wasn't like self-inflicted cardiac arrest, like he didn't
overdose or things like that. Yeah.
But I remember taking when the hospital gave us all his pills
back, I took all of his pain meds for myself.
Right. And naturally, yeah, naturally,
these are mine. Now.
And it's funny because, like, Donnie said that he had gone on

(41:02):
a date the night before his dad passed away.
Well, my husband and I weren't dating at the time.
We were, like, still in the early stages of just, like,
hanging out and talking. So he didn't really ever know my
parents. Yeah.
I thought you dated Garrett yourdude for like ever.
So that happened in September 27th 28th 2015.

(41:24):
We started dating November 3rd 2015.
So he stuck around even like through all of that and then he
basically moved in and helped mewith my mom for years.
So he was like living at my parents house with the like
helping me care for my mom, likedoing the things that he could

(41:44):
do. Help.
That's good. Yeah.
So he would like fix meals for and things like that and that's
good. If I had to help like move her,
he would help with that. And that's a hard, we would make
sure like the two of us made sure that she got to Savannah
for my sister's wedding. Savannah, GA Yeah.
So my sister got married in Savannah, GA So we why?

(42:06):
Beautiful. Place because we we went there
growing up as a kid. You had a destination wedding
too? I did, but Savannah, like so
with all my basketball tournaments and things like
that, my mom wouldn't fly. So we drove and we'd go days
early and we'd spend a night or two in Savannah.
But. You were that type of travel
player. Oh my God, dude, I didn't know
that. So you very similar to me.

(42:28):
That's so. But yeah, she wouldn't fly.
So Savannah was something that we would do as kids.
So they got married in Savannah.So we made sure like we got, we
drove my mom down, we got her all settled and made sure she
was there at the wedding. So my sister, when she, my
sister got married, she at leasthad my mom there.
When I got married, I had neither parents, but just like

(42:50):
similar to Donnie, I still todayit was like, oh, I wish mom was
here or 'cause I was or dad was here 'cause I was 24 when all of
that happened. So I was barely an an adult.
Can I ask you a question real quick?
Just 'cause you talked about thewedding, who walked you down the
aisle? Nobody.
What? Your sisters didn't walk you.
I didn't want anybody to walk medown the aisle.
I offered you to know. Really.
I wanted to walk myself down theaisle.

(43:12):
OK, that's. Fine, yeah.
They were there. Yeah, my my uncle walked my
sister down, but I I don't know because honestly.
So this, I guess this is kind ofrelevant.
I felt very abandoned when all of that happened.
Yeah, I bet because my both my sisters had their own families
at that point in time. So my sister, so I have my

(43:35):
oldest sister has two children and at the time my other sister
had three stepsons. God damn it.
And but they were all well into their marriages or not, not yet,
but they were all with like, their significant other and
living their own life. And I was the one at home
picking up kind of all of that extra care.

(43:57):
So I had pretty much done the last what I got married in
20/21. I felt like the last, yeah, six
years of my life. I was just like me going through
it by myself. So I didn't want anybody to walk
me down the aisle, and that was kind of like my reasoning.
I think that's fair. I don't need you.
Guys, Yeah, in a way, because I was still, I got it, resentful
towards them. I was the bitter.

(44:19):
I mean, we have a much, much, much better relationship now.
It's actually kind of amazing how great our relationship is
now. So I'm grateful for that.
Yeah. Yeah.
My sister and I, Melissa. So, yeah, you know, I spent a
lot of time with her and probably primarily because of
what Peyton has gone through thepast two years, her niece with.

(44:40):
Yeah, with, like, going through chemo.
So that brought us a lot closer because she needed some support.
12. Months old, 18.
Months old when she started chemo, something like that. 14
months maybe? I'm so happy that she's in
remission. Yeah.
So, yeah, so she's better. I was around a lot for that

(45:04):
treatment and that has brought us closer.
But I guess like with my mom's death, like I was like I said, a
year and three months clean at the point.
So I or at that point in time. So I was just grateful to be
able to be present for her. Like last couple months, last

(45:24):
couple days, I remember sitting at the hospital with my family
and we just spent days and days and days there and we were able
to all be there together when she took her last breath.
And for her we did do some, we did a small like service and
then we did a celebration of life.
So but I do have their remains. I have their ashes.

(45:48):
They actually sit in my living room and travel everywhere with
me when I moved from house to house.
You ever? Have plans to spread any.
Of them, we've talked about it, but nothing concrete yet.
But like when we moved from our rental house to our house, I
they put them in the front seat and they came with me.
I think I would do the same thing.
But they're in any remains and we have an old piece of

(46:10):
furniture that's in my living room that got passed down
generations and they're both in there.
So they're like sitting in my living room.
So they're with everything that we do.
I will. Say.
I could buy you like a box. Has anyone thought about like
making a Have you ever thought about like making them into
diamonds or anything like that? No.
No. No, get our friends and turn

(46:30):
them into some piece of jewelry.Like I thought.
All we could, yeah, Yeah. So I wanted to just make a quick
aside. So my dad was also the when I
was in high school, he got a DUIand decided at that point that
he was going to quit drinking. So he got involved with his 12
step program for so I remember, can't remember how many years it

(46:52):
was, but then I kind of followeddown the same lifestyle, you
know, and so I got clean in 2010.
So I had we had that shared bondof like I had 10 years of
sobriety or clean time for. Both degenerate Alcoholics.
Yeah. So we got to share that he was
in a different program, you know, and so we got to share

(47:14):
that that that bond, I guess, I guess we.
Would share that we're. Both just kind of, yeah.
So that was nice, you know, because I was, when I was prior
to that, I didn't value the relationship, you know what I
mean? It's like because you kind of
just assume they're always goingto be there, you know?
So after I, you know, put everything down, the
relationship came much stronger with it through that, that bond,

(47:34):
you know. And so he I think he, I have all
of his like medallions and chipsthat he had that he collected
over the years and all that stuff.
And my mom is an artist. So she painted as part of her
grieving process was to paint a portrait of my dad, which was
actually of a picture she took of him, I think on one of their
first dates back in like the 80sor something, early, late 70s or

(47:56):
something. So that's cute.
Yeah. So did.
She give it to you or? Well, she made prints and
everybody in the family has. Oh, that's nice.
Yeah, so I have it in my living room.
Because your mom's an artist. My mom is a incredibly talented
artist. Yes, she is very good.
Yeah. And so.
She like does like really good landscapes.
She does really good everything,yeah.
You showed me one picture a while ago that I remember being

(48:17):
impressed by. Yeah.
And so in my living room, I've got the portrait of my dad,
which I think he was, I think like 35 at the time.
And then on the other side of the couch is the portrait of me.
So we're almost kind of looking at each other, you know, and I
kind of set it up that way. Do.
You like your portrait of you? Yeah, I'm wearing my Neil Peart
shirt and he'll appear 2016 shirt.

(48:38):
What else would you wear? I mean like if it wasn't brush,
what would you wear? Why?
But Donnie pronouncing the name correctly just sounds wrong,
even though it's right. What Neil Pert?
It's peer. Yeah, Donnie's saying it right,
but hearing him say it just sounds like it.
Doesn't. No, it's PERT isn't.
It No, no, no, he's he's, he's French Canadian.
He's peer, Yeah. Well, I will never say it that
way. He's Neil Pert to me forever.

(48:59):
That's fun. There you go.
Well. True fans will know that you're
not a true fan. I'm not a true fan.
Russia's overrated. Did I tell you that I'm trying?
I'm trying to do a 2112 Scala edition I.
Would absolutely listen to that.Yeah, it's going to ruin so
many. 18 minutes long. Yeah, I mean, is Rush not just
like a slightly better version of Genesis?
They're totally different. They're completely different.

(49:20):
I was just you're you're you're talking apples and oranges.
Yeah, we're going to talk. You're fucking yeah.
You're just trying to flame people right now.
I am trying to flame. And now going to last and
certainly least my Co worker andfriend Eddie friend is probably
a step too far. But you know, it's on perpetuity
now. We've only known each other five
years. We'll get there one done.
Yeah, yeah. So my dad also, I believe

(49:43):
February 17th. I'm really also named Charles.
I'm really, I'm really bad with with birthdays.
OK, I'm great with memorizing dates, but birthdays of people
that I know just I'm terrible with.
Yeah, I believe February 17th, 1962.
I know the the year is correct and he passed away.
Wait, your dad was born in 7262?Oh, I was like, what the fuck?
Yeah, born in 62. He passed away December 21st of

(50:06):
20, 16. He was 54.
He was like 2 1/2 months shy of his 55th birthday.
Yeah, I guess I don't know wheredid where did everybody else
start and was starting at? When he was born and what did?
He yeah, I mean, he was, yeah. So he was, he was born.
He was born in Milan. And actually he doesn't know
what happened to his. He was born in Milan.

(50:27):
Yeah. He, yeah, he yeah.
And he doesn't know what happened to his birth parents
because after his brother was born.
What? Yeah, My dad was three and his
brother was an infant. A couple months old.
They got adopted by an American couple in New York.
So he doesn't know what happenedto anyone in his, at least to my

(50:48):
knowledge. He never talked about it.
He never looked into. It wait but him and his brother
got adopted together. Yeah, him really got adopted
together. What was his brother's name?
Fettuccine. No, his brother's name is Joseph
Edward. OK, what is your dad's?
Name my dad. Oh, sorry, Yeah, my dad's name
was Marc Anthony Kalinowski. Marc Anthony, and he's from
Italy. Yeah, Marc Anthony.

(51:09):
Yeah, Marc Anthony. And then.
And then he has a Polish last name from when he was adopted.
So it was really funny how rude.Yeah.
Actually, Mark. Anthony.
Yeah, so his birth last name wasFuck Yosefa and Tony.
No, it's it's it's it's really, it's really, it's really similar
to oh, Puccian. It's Mazzolini.

(51:30):
OK, there we go. Yeah, it's not, it's not
Mussolini, it's Mazzolini. That was that was his that was
his birth last name. But yeah, so I mean, we had we
had a pretty great relationship the entire time that he was
alive. Similar to what Carly said.
He wasn't hard on me as a coach,but he was definitely he had a
way of telling me that I could do better without being an

(51:52):
asshole to me, and I don't really know how to.
Suit Wrestling. Coach, that sounds.
Nice is it? Wrestling.
So I played baseball and lacrosse heavily as a child, and
then I started getting into wrestling.
But then by the time wrestling picked up, I got a full time job
when I was 14, so I stopped wrestling.
But he was briefly my wrestling coach because he wrestled in
high school. But yeah, no, he, yeah, he

(52:15):
always tried to help out. Like I always wanted to be a
pitcher. And he was like, you're gonna
blow your arm out, you should bea catcher cuz you solder your
arm. Yeah, basically, yeah.
So I mean, you know, he was always great, the opposite of
me. Instead of constantly seeking
attention and validation, he wasalways very quiet.
But he was very much like SilentBob, where when he did speak, it

(52:38):
was fucking hilarious. Yeah.
Like, he would write. Yeah.
Well, no ticket. Yeah.
And like, and it was just a verydry sense of humor like that,
which is probably why I, you know, find the things that I
find funny. Yeah.
So he got diagnosed with liver cancer in 2013.

(52:59):
Yeah. I graduated College in 2012.
So that was 2013. And actually the way it happened
was interesting. He kept, he kept getting sick,
like he kept throwing up and waslosing water weight because it
wasn't keeping food or water down or anything.
And you know, my mom finally waslike, it's been 2 weeks of this

(53:20):
shit. You've lost like 20 lbs.
Go to the fucking hospital. They thought he had an ulcer
when they did. I forgot if it was an X-ray or
an ultrasound, probably an ultrasound.
But they thought he had an ulcerand they were like, cool, we'll
put you on this medication, get rid of the ulcer or whatever.
About a month of that, nothing happened.
So they were like, OK, we need to go and re evaluate.
And that's when they found it was a tumor.
And they're like, OK, well, the good news is it's far along, but

(53:42):
we caught it early enough where we know we can start doing chemo
and radiation treatment on you. So they started doing that in
2013. And he did that up until 2016.
So it was about three, 3 1/2 years, give or take.
And he, yeah, and he did it. It was every other week, every
other weekend chemo and I think it was every four months they

(54:02):
would do like a round of radiation on them.
And, you know, even he had like,you know, the port hooked up to
him and would still be doing like the home chemo stuff.
Yeah, it was, it was, it was really weird.
That's why like I, I hear these stories of people that are just
like, Oh yeah, my dad did 6 rounds of chemo and doesn't have
cancer anymore. And I'm like, well, that's wild.
Yeah. So what's that like?

(54:23):
I'm like, I guess good. Good for your dad, I guess, or
mom or whatever. So, yeah, 20/20/16.
So every four months for three years.
So that's what, 10 rounds of chemo?
12 rounds of chemo. No, that, no, that's, that's
radiation. He did chemo twice a month.
So he did it 24 times a month. Yeah, 24 times a month.
So let me ask you this, did he take because I know they do pill

(54:46):
form of chemo. Now, yeah, I don't know.
Or was it injections? Or I believe it was injections.
I don't know if the pill was an option or if they felt it wasn't
strong enough. I don't.
I don't know. I wasn't.
I was still living in New York at the time, but I wasn't.
Well, the pills, the pills newer, right?
Like because my aunt is on the pill right now and.
So, so maybe, maybe it wasn't, maybe it wasn't quite around.

(55:07):
I know when my mom had cancer, she had to have radiation.
So like, I know like, they didn't have a pill.
Like she had to go in OK. And that was like 10 years ago.
So maybe like there's been some changes.
You know my mom's ordeal, she also had to she did oral, oral
chemo as well. Thank you for specifying.
Why did you why did you have to use that word?
That you did. It what else did you She took it

(55:30):
by mouth took it by. Mouth.
It doesn't. Sound better?
And she's and she's. And she swallows.
And it's not better either. Sorry, Carly.
God damn. I apologize.
Keep going. So, yeah, like I said, I was
still living in New York at the time I met my wife.
The beginning of 2016 we starteddating and it was actually my

(55:51):
dad's idea. My dad was like, well you hate
your job up here and she just bought a house in Baltimore.
Why don't you just go get a job down there that you'll probably
also hate I was like, that's some good advice All right, so
I. So I moved down slightly warmer
where I hate it. I moved down actually on my
birthday, October 5th, 2016. My mom and dad came down to
visit the beginning of November.And I think I may have gone up

(56:14):
to New York once, like just for the weekend, just to see him and
hang out with them. And I, you know, I guess kind of
like, you know what Donnie was saying, Like, I mean, I texted
my dad every day. It might not have been a long
conversation, but, you know, we talked about hockey, you know,
you know, political stuff, you know, pretty much anything.
And I got a text from really quick sure.

(56:37):
Throughout the whole process. Was he like hopeful?
Yeah. And honestly, it, it turned into
this thing of like, I don't know, my, my, my dad was a
fairly, fairly positive person, or at least he like was a
reserved person. But it was also like any time we
talked to the doctors, it was always just like, yeah, like,

(56:58):
you know, the cancer is not getting worse.
They were like, it's not gettingworse.
So at least we're, you know, we're making some sort of, some
sort of progress. But actually, yeah, I'm sorry.
So I'm glad you mentioned that because there was one thing I
forgot. So in December, like 14th, 15th.
So it's about a week before he passed away, he actually texted
me and he said, Hey, I think I've got some good news.

(57:20):
I'm number one on a liver transplant list.
They think they can do a liver transplant and take care of, you
know, get, get rid of all the cancer that that's in me.
And I was like, oh, OK, well, that sounds fucking awesome.
And then five days later, it wasthe 17th because it was a, it
was a Friday. I was at work.
My, I believe I have an older half brother and half sister.

(57:43):
They're not my dad's kids, but he raised them.
I think it was my brother that texted me and said, have you
talked to mom? And I said no, why?
What's up? And he said dad's in the
hospital. And I was like, OK, well, that
could mean, like, a variety of fucking things.
What does that fucking mean? So I tried to call my mom.
She didn't answer. I texted her.
And I said, hey, Matthew said that dad's in the hospital,

(58:04):
What's going on? And she was like, I'll call you
in a minute. And I'm like, OK, well, now I
know it's probably not good. Hit you with the old Anthony,
huh? Yeah.
So so she finally calls me and says your dad went in for his
checkup. So basically every other week
that he wasn't doing chemo, he would go get blood work done
just to see what his white bloodcell count was like.
Yeah, my dad was in the hospitallike, just four or five days a

(58:25):
month ago. Yeah, pretty much.
Luckily, my dad had a remote job.
And actually, my dad never called out sick until three days
before he died. God bless him.
Which is fucking insane. What a warrior.
Yeah. Company man.
Yeah. Meanwhile, company man.
No, it's more of I think he's wanting the money.
Oh, well, yeah. So my mom actually got paid out
all of his sick time when he died.

(58:45):
So I think that's what my dad was planning.
He's playing chess with his cancer.
He was like, you motherfuckers are playing checkers.
I'm playing chess. But so.
So yeah, like I said, my mom called me that Friday and said
your dad went in for blood work this morning and he has no white
blood cells. Oh, God.
And I'm like, well, that's probably not good.

(59:06):
Yeah. Like, I think you should have
some. Yeah, I was not one.
I was like 2. I was like, I'm not a doctor.
What what can I do about that? And she said nothing.
So she was like, you should probably get up here.
So I said, OK, that's fun. So, you know, because at that
point, a common cold can kill you.
Yeah. Yeah.
So I, you know, I went into my my boss's office and I was like,

(59:27):
hey, I got to go to New York to go see my dad.
I'm pretty sure he's dying. I don't know when I'm going to
be back. I texted my wife and let her
know. And I don't know if any of you
guys remember this, but that night the plan was to leave at
like 6:00 and get up there around 10, like right around
rush hour when rush hour was over.
And on 95 at around 5:30, an oilfucking tanker crashed and

(59:52):
exploded. It just exploded and it shut
down 95. Yeah.
Remember that happening, too? Yeah, it was.
Yeah, It was December. It was December 2016.
Yeah. They had video on that.
Yeah. Awesome.
And I was like, well, this, I mean, I was like, well, this is
probably not a good omen. So we obviously, we obviously
couldn't leave. Yeah, that guy's definitely
super dead. Yeah.
So we, we definitely couldn't leave.
And then Monday, Monday morning,my my mom called me and was

(01:00:19):
like, you definitely need to getup here.
I don't know how much longer he's going to make it.
So I was like, OK, so you know, by that time they cleaned up 95
and everything. So drove up there Monday
morning. I had to take my dog up there
with me. My wife is going to come later,
so I dropped my my dog off at mymom's house, went to the
hospital and met him there just to appease Eric.
What kind of dog? Oh, Malamute.

(01:00:41):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was a she was a large,
fluffy lady. Is that the dog that I met that
one time? No, that's Yuki, who's also a.
Malamute. Malamutes are big motherfuckers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, I got, I got, I got, I
got to the hospital. He was, he was conscious and he

(01:01:01):
was talking and he was dealing with like just a lot of
paperwork that my mom needed, like getting everything in
order, like with the house and his will, his will and
everything. And we were there.
Let's see, I probably got there at like 11 in the morning and we
were there until maybe eight or nine O clock at night.

(01:01:21):
And similar to what Donnie said,because he was on Hospice at
this point, it was a double room.
He had the room to himself. So there was another just empty
fucking bed in there. And we're all getting ready to
leave. My brother and my sister I think
had already gotten had already gone back to my parents house
and my mom had just walked out and I was getting ready to
leave. And my dad goes, you know,

(01:01:43):
there's another bed over there. And I'm like, oh, OK.
Like, yeah, no, yeah, I know. But, you know, we want to give
you some, you know, quiet time and like all this shit and then
went went back to my mom's house.
The next morning, my dad called my mom at around 7 and said I'm
having a panic attack. So we all rushed up there.
He calmed down. He looked like he was, you know,

(01:02:06):
at least like relaxed and and fine.
At around 9:00, my brother and my sister decided to go down to
the cafeteria to get breakfast for everybody.
My mom, I believe, was talking to a nurse or a doctor on the
outside of the room. And I saw my dad look at me.
He smiled and then his eyes closed and he clearly stopped
breathing. So I was the only one

(01:02:27):
technically in the room when my dad died.
And I feel so bad about that, that my mom and my brother and
my sister were not there for that.
So obviously I started, you know, shattering for my, my mom
and the nurse. And yeah.
And then he didn't donate his body to science, but they asked
if they just stole it anyway. No, I, I, I guess, I guess they

(01:02:49):
can like if, if somebody just passes away, I guess they can
like use people's eyes for people that are blind.
I didn't know that was a thing. Wait.
What? Yeah, you can, you can donate
your eyes. Yeah, yeah.
And I, but they're still viable.Yeah, but I don't know.
I don't know what the time frameis.
It's quick because. Because the nerves die.
Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the, the the doctor like

(01:03:10):
right away was like, hey, I really, I really hate to ask you
guys this, but can I get a spoon?
Basically like, he was like, do you know, you know, would, would
you mind if we used his eyes to help somebody?
And my mom was like, no, of course, but I think either it
didn't make it there in time or something happened.
They ended. They ended up not being able to,
not being able to use his eyes the intention.
Was there? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(01:03:32):
That would be cool if like, you know, you always hear their
stories of like the heart that, you know, got kids in it to save
like this other person and then like that person's heart is not
part of that person. Dude, they've been doing that at
Ravens games like they, they tell, remember, they would, they
would do that, that little breakwhere somebody got this person's
heart and now here's the little kid that got this person's

(01:03:53):
heart. No, I don't remember that
there's. It's always like kids that get
like the parts and it's like, oh, you saved this kid from
like, you know. You have a dead guy's haunted
heart. Cool.
Sweet. Yeah.
So then later later that day, wewent to the funeral Funeral
Home. I did not realize that my dad

(01:04:13):
had already started, like, planning all this shit out.
So he had already talked to the funeral director about like, oh,
yeah, I want to be cremated. Like, this is the urn I want to
be put in. Like, like, all this.
Well, apparently he did not actually tell the mortician it
was about him. My God.
So we, we, we show up and we're talking to the mortician and
he's like, oh, where's Mark? And my mom's?

(01:04:34):
Like, he's the one that passed away.
And the mortician's like, so theentire fucking time I was
talking to him, he's planning his own funeral.
And we were just like, yeah. And he was like, huh.
OK, well, what? I'm very sorry.
So anyway, we, we, we, we, we get down to, you know, doing the
paperwork with him and figuring everything out and he goes over

(01:04:54):
the cost of everything. And I'll never forget, he was
talking about the, the cost of being cremated.
And I said, is it cheaper if we pour his ashes into the urn
ourselves? And here's, and his first
response was, are you Eddie? And I was like, yeah, why?
And he goes. Your dad told me you had a
really, really weird sense of humor.

(01:05:15):
You guys, there were Ralphs around?
So so yeah, because we're bereaved doesn't make a saps.
So yeah. So we haven't cremated.
He's up at my moms house with our family dog and my mom is

(01:05:35):
gonna be cremated too. Already has a plot picked out
for them both theirs to be buried.
Funny enough, I can't be buried there because I'm not baptized
and it's a Catholic ceremony. Fucking right dude, I'm not
baptized. Either I'm like, that's a,
that's a funny joke. He shouldn't be baptized.
Even I'm baptized, you second shit, don't.
Touch that evil water. Yeah, even even, even though,

(01:05:56):
even though my mom has all of his remains.
I wanted to try to get some of it separated because we're going
back to Scotland either next year or two years.
And I actually want to spread some of my dad's ashes at the
castle where they shot the Holy Grail.
Oh, so I thought you were going to say where they shot like a
human being. And I was like, oh, OK, yes,
yeah. They shot someone out of a
cannon. Yeah.

(01:06:17):
So yeah, that's my daddy's history, I guess.
Alright, it's nice that he had the wherewithal to make it
easier for you guys. For that.
So, yeah, I think, I mean, Eddiestarted planning his funeral
immediately the next day. I I, I lived out of state.
My brother's in the Coast Guard.He was out of state.
So it was really just my mom andmy sister.

(01:06:39):
So I think my, my dad was just, yeah, my dad had a fucking
notebook with like every password to every like, you
know, God, I don't even have that like for like, like for
like, like for all their bank accounts.
Really. The password shit.
Yeah, yeah, same thing with. Like.
Because companies don't want to help you.
They're like, oh, we're trying to protect their identity.
I'd be like, dude, his identity is dead.

(01:06:59):
Don't. I tried, I tried to cancel my
daddy's phone plan and Verizon wanted a fucking death
certificate and I was like, are you it?
Was. Like, are you fucking with me?
So I eventually got on the phonewith like a manager and they
were like, we're very sorry about what happened.
We will cancel your, your daddy's, you know, phone plan.
Very similar. I could see that being a common
scam, yeah. I'm pretty sure I had to send my

(01:07:22):
dad's death certificate to the Ravens transfers.
PSL that's why. That's kind of shitty.
Yeah. I can see it being a common
scam. Like I get it though, because
I'm sure there's assholes out there like, oh, they're dead.
Yeah, to get out of like, whatever.
Bill I. Will say like I remember I.
You can turn the mic, Donnie, You don't have to just, like,
lean awkwardly towards Eddie. So I remember there you go.
I actually had to go pick up my dad's death certificates because

(01:07:44):
I was in town and I took like, Ithink I only took like four days
off of work because I'm like, we're not planning a funeral or
anything. I was like I should have taken a
full like 2 weeks or something. Yeah, so we didn't, we didn't do
a celebration in a life, we didn't do a wake, we didn't do a
funeral because my dad hated anysort of attention.
So literally, like I said, it was the, it was the 20th, it was

(01:08:08):
a funeral pyre and a BBQ. It was the 20th.
I got up there on a Monday. It was a Tuesday that he died on
the 21st, dead on a Tuesday. And then it was, you know,
Christmas, the end of the week. So I literally only took off
like those couple days. And then I want to say we stayed
until New Year's. So maybe I took another like two
days after that, but I mean, I was a subcontractor at the time,

(01:08:30):
so I wasn't getting paid to be off.
So yeah, I went back to work on January 2nd.
Yeah. So yeah, I get it.
And I'll say like, we were very lucky, my cousin's a lawyer, so
he handled all of the he. That's good, Kate took.
Over as the executor and took care of all that stuff.
Yeah. Did you, did you have to, did
either of you guys have to sign any like because you guys have

(01:08:50):
siblings? I basically had, I think it was
with, I said I think it was withmy mom.
Basically I had to sign a thing like a witness of death.
No, it was basically saying I wasn't going to try to come out
through my momma's house. No, we didn't.
So yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess. I guess I don't know the
executor and my dad. Oh, you to contest the will.

(01:09:11):
Did your dad? Leave 'cause you can contest the
will, there's a certain period, there's a show up.
What was that, Eric? Did your dad leave everything to
like you and your brother? No my my dad left everything to
my mom which is why I thought itwas weird I had to sign that
but. Because my, my grandfather left
everything to my, my like my uncles and my dad, OK.
But they had to like, sign something to help my
grandmother. Yeah.

(01:09:32):
Like for, you know, until she dies so that they can't touch
any of that money. Really.
Yeah. Yeah.
So she's gone. Yeah.
That's. Yeah, that's why I don't, I
don't know why they had me sign.I don't know if it was just the
executive. It's like it's an uncontested.
Yeah, but I do remember feeling really bad because, like I said,
I had two older step siblings. My dad raised them but never
formally adopted them. So my older brother was like,

(01:09:53):
oh, do I need to sign anything? And the executor was like, no,
you don't gotta sign. You're not entitled.
Yeah. Basically they were just like,
you guys. Literally your signature is
useless. Yeah.
They were like, you have no claim to anything.
Like, they were like, sorry, butyou know, you guys don't have.
Yeah. Luckily the whole process of my
dad's belongings and stuff like I turn.
The mic Donnie, damn it. Everything was left to my

(01:10:14):
brother and I 5050. So it just made it easier.
So the boat, the house, my brother was already living in
that. House, I was just saying it
seems like you have a decent relationship with.
Your brother, Yeah, Yeah. And so I'll say this because
this was all down in Southern Maryland.
I live up here. My brother and my mom both live
down there. My dad had a storage unit packed
the gills with stuff. And God bless the two of them
because because no, it was a fish reference.

(01:10:37):
But anyway, they, they, they thetwo of them, they handled like
sorting through all that stuff. You know, I wasn't about really
available to be to help out withthat.
So like, I feel like, I don't know, they, they if if there was
anything that like, I was, I felt like such an asshole be
like, I think I'd, I deserve more or that, you know, it's

(01:10:58):
like, will you put in all this effort?
And I was just up here, I'd comedown every few weeks or
something like that. But yeah, that took a long time
to get rid of. I think I have a pair of his
shoes. I've got a lot of my dad's
stuff, Yeah. Luckily with with my dad, it
wasn't. My dad didn't have a lot of
stuff. So leaving all like leaving the
house and leaving his financialsto my mom was like, OK,

(01:11:18):
obviously that was 99% of like everything my dad was leaving to
anybody. So it literally just turned into
like, you know, my dad had a basement full of tools and my
mom was just like, whatever fucking tools you guys want to
take go take like that. It was it was fun of that I did.
I wanted to buy my my dad's car from my mom and she was like,

(01:11:41):
well, how much would you offer me for it?
And I said this and she was like, well, you know, I'm going
to sell it to a junkyard for this and that's more money.
And I was like, OK, well, cool. That's fucking.
Dude that sucks. Yeah, she she ended up
apologizing about it like a yearlater.
What? But I ended up buying that same
like version of the car just in 2023.
And I was like, oh, this car drives way better than the
fucking 2003 version ever would have.

(01:12:03):
Yeah. So I think I won, like I said.
My brother was living in my dad's house and so my brother
ended up just buying the house from the estate.
And so he owns that house now and he had to pay.
Yeah, he had to pay me out. Yeah.
He paid me out for half of the equity.
So I the I've got a good amount of money that I used to
literally erase all of my debt. My student loan debt was paid

(01:12:25):
off the instant that money got in my account.
I immediately paid that off to the Student Loans and freed
myself of all that. And it helped me with the down
payment for the house I currently live in.
Now you know, and. Dad helped.
Oh, yeah, he helped out. Yeah.
But don't get me wrong. Like I said before, I'll give it
all back for the chance, you know, just a phone conversation.

(01:12:46):
And my cousin, my cousin Katie, this is just a brief aside.
When the whole family came together for the celebration of
life, My cousin Katie on my mom's side, she talked about how
like, she, he like came to her. He came to her like in a dream,
you know, and like visited him her and, and basically was like,
you know, I'm OK, you know, everything's fine.

(01:13:10):
And like I was like I I was like, when's he going to visit
me? You know, is he going to come?
He might not visit you and. He might not.
That happened to my friend. Rob Rob conversation That could
have been a one sentence thing. Donnie.
Well, Donnie, no, no, But Donnie, that happened to my
friends. Like when my friend Adam died,
his brother, like was like got avisitation through, like, you

(01:13:34):
know, a dream. Yeah, from him.
And like, everything's OK. I feel like that was fairly
common. I feel like I think some people
and whether or not you believe in like mediums and stuff like
that, like some people I think have have do not have that like
wavelength or whatever. To be able to I, I didn't get a
a visitation, but I definitely within, I don't know, a year of
him passing away. I definitely had a a dream.

(01:13:56):
Where do you ever have a dream that stays with you the rest of
the day? So I've had dreams that have
stayed with me for the rest of my life.
Yeah. So that that haves me frequent.
I remember all of my dreams. And it's always been like that.
And I had a dream where something was happening with him
and I woke up and I was continuing my day under the
impression that my dad was, like, still alive.
And this was, like I said, a year or two after he passed

(01:14:16):
away. So it's not like it was, you
know, the next week. And then I was like, I like sat
for a second and my wife is like, you're OK.
And I was like, my dad is dead. And she was like, yes, go on.
And I was like, no, I had, you know, and I explained to her,
but I just said if I had a dreamand, you know, it just stayed
with me like the whole day. All right, well, we got some

(01:14:37):
questions for you for sure. Do you have any questions you
want to ask each other real quick?
Anybody 123? I don't think so.
No, no. OK.
Eric, do you have a? Question.
I didn't know I was allowed to prepare questions.
I just didn't know if anything had to like come up in your
mind. Eric, do you have anything or do
you want me to go? What did?
You say you can start first, David.
This the whole time you can all.Right.

(01:14:58):
You can start first. We'll.
Go back around this way, starting with Eddie.
Did you know witnessing that andgoing through that did.
Hold on. Wait, did.
Did. You.
Fucker did anyone? Did Luca really get traded?
Yes. What the fuck this is?

(01:15:20):
Real. This is not the time or the base
for that error, yeah. Jesus, I'm sorry, did you just
interrupt a very important question about death because of
football? NBA.
It's not even NBA. NBA, Shut the fuck up.
Wait, why? Wait?
Why are you shut up? Wait, why are you booing me?
'Cause you said you said NFL, but go ahead, ask your question.
I that's. A huge.
Yeah, that's NBA and we don't care.
Nobody cares. Huge.

(01:15:40):
Huge deal. So did going through that and
like, you know, really that's the biggest death you've ever
dealt with. Did that change your approach on
life at all? Probably only because OK, next.
No, no, no, no, no, only only because only because like I

(01:16:01):
said, my, my dad, like, you knowwhat I mean?
Like some people like, oh, my dad died and so I got into base
jumping. No.
So it, I don't think it was anything that drastic.
It was definitely I picked up hobbies that my dad had that I
fucking hated. And then I started to like enjoy
them. Like that's when I got into
cigars because my dad was a cigar guy for a while.

(01:16:21):
And like I had a cigar, I don't know, when I was in my mid 20s
and I was like, this is disgusting.
And then all of a sudden I triedit again.
I was like, Oh, I like cigars now, But it was more of like I
said, my dad, my dad never called that sick the entire time
that he was going through treatment.
And I always, like, tried to do that also.
Like, I was like, oh, if my dad can fucking work, Like, I can go
to fucking work. And now I'm at the point where

(01:16:43):
like, after that happened, I'm like, companies don't give a
shit about you. No, we don't give a shit on a
Thursday. And we're like, fuck yeah.
Because like my dad, like I said, my dad died at 54.
The union he was in, if he made it to 55, my mom would have had
free benefits the rest of her life.
So she missed it by 2 1/2 months.
And because of that, you know, now she has the, you know, paid

(01:17:05):
selfish bastard couldn't power through for one more year.
She, she, she, she, she did, she, she did joke about that.
Like like six months later, she was just like, your fucking dad
couldn't have made it 2 1/2 months.
I was like, yeah, I've got to pay for.
Healthcare. It's such the company wouldn't
like do that. I know, I know.
They're probably still don't. Care about you, but yeah.
I will to, I will to. To Eddie's credit, I remember
when we and you and I were working together, there was a

(01:17:27):
couple mornings when you text melike I got a horrible migraine
this morning. I'm not coming in.
And then like a minute later, you'd be like, all right, fine,
I'm coming in. This is like, damn, I'd have a
bad headache. I don't want to.
I've called out of my job for having a bad headache in the
morning. But as far as change the view on
life, I would say it definitely helped me appreciate my mom a

(01:17:49):
bit more, you know? Because I know she had a cancer.
She had a scare as well. Yeah.
So this was in 20/22. She had a bout of leukemia.
Can I ask you a 1B to that? AB.
Yeah, because this will actually.
Be for both of you. So like with that, shut up, you
said that, not me. So with that second cancer

(01:18:11):
scare, did did you like? Was there more fear going into?
That one, as soon as I heard about it, I was like, oh, my
mom's going to die now. Yeah, I was like, hey, there she
goes. You know, let's do it again.
Roll back. Yeah, roll it back.
Let's take 2. But yeah, so I definitely
because she could like we would Father's Day.

(01:18:31):
Like now mom gets a second a second holiday pretty much, you
know. Oh, nice.
Oh. That's funny, I just make fun of
my wife for having a dad on. Father's Day.
Well, I I definitely. She knows, like, I'm going to
go. I'm going to go to my dad's
house. Do you want to go?
And I'm like, it's not my fucking dad.
I mean, I have joked around withpeople on Father's Day.
It's like you and your living fathers.
Anyway, that's just our morbid sense of humor.

(01:18:52):
Hey, you got to deal with it somehow.
But anyway, yes, maybe appreciate my mom a bit more
because like we, I would call her every once in a while.
Now, I try to call my mom at least like twice a week, you
know, value that relationship a bit more.
She's in her 70s now. Yeah, she doesn't really do
much. Anymore.
She sits at home, she paints, asyou should, you know, she
watches, she watches TV, you know, But like, yeah, when she

(01:19:14):
had her bit of leukemia, it was,it's.
That was Eric. It was it.
Instant bit of just like here wego again.
And so we my mom was in the hospital for a a month straight
and she couldn't leave the unit.Yeah.
Because of her compromised immune system.
How? How long after your dad died?
Did that happen? I guess like 2 years?

(01:19:36):
Yeah, Yeah, this was 2022 that that came about.
That's right. Didn't you donate something for
her? Didn't.
You I donated stem cells to my mom so because I don't.
Remember, because when I when I met you like that was like, I
was just finished. I had to give my.
I had to give shots. No, I was still.
Are you still going? Oh, that's right.
Because you had to go down to DCfor that, right?
Yeah. Yeah, I remember.

(01:19:56):
Yeah, I remember. Yeah, so she had that.
She was in the hospital for a month while she like was on
chemo and all that stuff. She couldn't leave the unit.
I felt so bad for her because she had like one window to look
to the outside and I would visither every week and all that
stuff. But like that whole process took
about a year. But I was a match for her to be
able to donate stem cells to, tofix the the issue, you know, and

(01:20:20):
I feel like. Her blood type is now mine.
I think that because I gave like, yeah, yeah, she's got my
blood type now would be positive.
So. So that was it your.
Blood type would be B positive. Exactly.
Yep, only I would. Expect nothing else.
What does that mean? Only 8% of the people that B
positive blood. He's a golden retriever of a
human. Let's be honest here.

(01:20:41):
Anyway, I I mean I agree with that because golden retrievers
are awesome, but you? Nodded.
It was. Great.
Yeah, it definitely helped me appreciate the that relationship
because there's certain times when it's just like, I guess,
you know, if I'm hanging, if I go to visit my mom and I, like I
said, she doesn't really do much.
It's like we're going to hang out to watch TV or something,

(01:21:02):
you know? And then it's like, well, just
value this time now because won't be long, may not be long
before you don't get that chanceanymore.
So. But yeah, what was the question?
Yeah, what was the question? Say it again how you how it
changed your approach to life. Is it pronounced Peert or pert?
It's. I think it's Peert.

(01:21:23):
Peert. It's.
Peert, we call that a call back.Yeah, it's call back all right.
I don't think it did OK, honestly.
I mean, yeah, and. That's fine, Yeah.
I mean, if it it's that level, Imean, if it didn't, it didn't.
Like there's nothing to that. But also like, just like with

(01:21:45):
him, like with Peyton, because, you know, you've been through
traumatic medical shit. Like, was there ever like a fear
of like that not working out? Well, I mean, yeah, but like, I
don't think that had anything todo with my parents death, OK.
Like I don't think that's changed at all.

(01:22:06):
Shit happens and life sucks is pretty much yeah what it is.
You know what? I'm going for like because like
the. Correlating traumas?
Can you know ping pong? All each other, but like even I
would say October now and November, both my aunt and my
oldest sister have had to have abiopsy done because there was a
fear that both of them had breast cancer.

(01:22:26):
Turned out that that they're clear, they're good.
But so like when that happens, Iguess it was just like, oh,
great, I'm not going to have anyfamily left.
And then we're talking about, well, we're talking about
dreams. We went to bed the other night
watching the freaking coverage of the DC like playing.

(01:22:49):
Oh my God, that was awful. It was awful, and that's what I
fell asleep to. And at 3:30 in the morning, I
woke up in a panic because I hada dream that Garrett was on a
boat in the Potomac and the plane crashed down on him and he
died. I I thought that was fake when I
first saw it on Reddit at like whatever time like 11:00.
I'm glad you're getting your news from Reddit.
That's a spectacular. I I didn't dude, I wasn't

(01:23:10):
looking for my news. I wasn't looking for my news but
I saw a video of the airplane hitting the helicopter and the
explosion like it was all over Reddit and I would say the
helicopter, it's the helicopter's.
Fault. It's the helicopter.
It doesn't matter. It's. 100% the helicopter's.
Fault, but like I think with that though, like it's made me,
I don't know, because I woke up in the morning being like, do we

(01:23:31):
have life insurance too? Do we have this?
Do we have that? And just maybe so the fact of
planning for disasters, he does.He has life insurance so we're
good there. So if with anything, well then I
don't get it right only. If you get caught, babe, Yeah.
OK. Garrett, don't listen to.

(01:23:54):
This maybe with just that though, just the fact of like
planning because things are going to happen just.
Having some ducks in a. Row.
Yeah, yeah. Because it's always had that
mentality that like, yeah, they're not.
They're always going to be around, yeah.
Yeah, I know. Like.
When you're a kid, like when you're 5 years old, it's like,
yeah, my mom and dad's dude, this one's going to be around.
This last this last round of me like I, I upped my life

(01:24:17):
insurance coverage from 100,000 to 250.
Is that term or whole life? Whole life.
Nice. Have you guys answered this
before? I apologize but this just popped
into my head. Did either of you have a sense
of relief at all when either of your parents, any of your
parents away? Is my daddy's battle was short?
Yeah, that's true. It was only a couple months.

(01:24:38):
So there wasn't any extended suffering or anything like that.
So there wasn't really a sense of relief.
It was a sense of just like, well, what the?
Fuck yeah, Yeah, okay, that's fair.
In a way, yeah, Because I had tocare for my mom for so long.
And hindsight, too. Like, she passed away in 2019,
and then COVID happened. Yeah.
And like, through that whole thing.

(01:24:58):
Yeah. That I'm like, I'm so happy she
didn't have to experience that because yeah, it would.
Have been. It would have been a nightmare.
Yeah, and it would have just made things so much worse.
And I'm sure your mom didn't have the quality of life that
she. She wanted, yeah.
I mean, she, so she always talked about she was retiring at
65. She when that all happened, she

(01:25:20):
was 62. She did make it to retirement on
sick leave because she never took off work.
So she was offered three years with pay because of her sick
leave, because she was at work every damn day of her life.
So. In in my like, I'm such a piece
of shit. I'd be like, man, I'm getting

(01:25:40):
paid right now. Yeah.
But to go back like the originalquestion, I think just it made
me realize like things are always going to unexpectedly
happen because one day it was fine and the next it wasn't.
So just like that realization like things are going to
continue to happen whether we plan for it or not.
Yeah. Yeah, I definitely have some

(01:26:02):
sort of morbid relief right now.I'm just like, Oh yeah, that
person could also die in my life.
And I've just kind of accepted that about like everyone.
I'm sitting right here. You've been taking things very
personally, David. Well, if I die, Eddie has
nobody. Yeah, it's true, Jerick.
I'm sorry, I guess. You're gonna have to be best
friends with Broad Beginning. That's.

(01:26:25):
So you mention of COVID like. Start that one bitch, I'm going
for the next. Question.
I mentioned how my dad hated being in the hospital.
I remember this happened right before COVID hit.
If he was in the hospital while COVID was going on, none of us
would have been able to visit him.
Yeah, he would have. Yeah.
It would have been absolutely terrible.
Yeah, yeah. And his celebration of life has
been like the week before everything shut down.

(01:26:45):
I was there. It was probably.
Was at my dad's celebration of life.
You and Allison were there. Yeah, that was.
I'm glad you guys came. That was very thoughtful.
I was. I couldn't make.
It I think I specifically didn'tinvite you that.
Sounds about right. Sounds fair.
Nobody, I don't think. I think Ali was at my mom's
celebration at life, but my mom also did not know that I was

(01:27:06):
going through, like, addiction and recovery.
I kept that from her the whole entire time.
Yeah, because I didn't want to add anything else to her.
So I just hope that she was ableto see like the difference of
being present for her. Eric, I just wanted to let you
know that every time I look backtowards your nook in the back, I

(01:27:27):
take a look at this crab and I just assume you are that crab.
So what questions do you have? What crab?
Actually, I don't remember. What crab I?
Don't know are you talking? About all my there's a crab.
On the wall and I assume you're yeah, you're none of the cute
animals. You're the fucking 8 legged
freak. What do you want?
What? What's your question?
You you relate 8 legged freaks to crabs and not spiders.

(01:27:48):
That question question. Let me think about that for a
second. You've had 10 minutes.
Well, you're now like kind of being a little, you know, chill
out. I'm sorry.
I love you, Eric. Bossy let's so let's see.
So how do you guys feel like youknow, obviously I remember last
week Carly said she had a mid life crisis recently.

(01:28:11):
So with your parents all passing, I mean, you like you
guys have some living still, butlike with the parents passing
that like brings a lot of, you know, thought of your own
mortality. Now are you guys here we go,
David, go fuck yourself. But are you guys kind of having,

(01:28:32):
you know, issues with like kind of your own mortality that your
parents are now gone? Are you seeing like, are you
like, shit, no, I'm next or likeall that sort of shit?
So like, how do you guys feel about your own mortality?
Well, I feel that now. So I can start because of going
back to what I said last week. So a couple months ago I had a
midlife crisis. So I'm.

(01:28:53):
What does that mean for you? By for me I just went into.
Did you get wild and crazy? Buy a new car.
No, no, I just went into like a downward spiral about how
everything's going to end and what have I been doing for the
past 33 years? And I've already lived half my
lifespan because my dad was had just turned 65 when he passed
away and my mom was 62 when she had the stroke and to so she was

(01:29:20):
60, just shy as 66 when she passed away.
So I was doing the math. So they died at 65 and 65, so
I'm 33. So I was like, well, shit, I'm
already halfway through my life and I've done absolutely fucking
nothing. Have I like, is this going to be
the everyday for the next 30 some years until I just die?

(01:29:42):
Like what impact am I leaving? What am I even doing?
Am I on the right path? So just questioning, like
everything that I've done in my life up until this point is
pretty much where I was at. I have a can I can I jump in
real quick? You may OK choice.
Well, I asked you could you could have said no.
So going back, like calling backto my question, but also going

(01:30:04):
with Eric's, one of the things Ithink about along those lines
with people I love, like it sucks.
It's kind of like I have an Abacus in my head and every time
I see somebody it's like one daydown.
It's like. That's my God.
I think of that all the time, like all the time like you.
Think about. So say that again.

(01:30:25):
So imagine so my my. Sister people are Abacus.
No, Donnie, they have abacuses inside of that.
Yes, thank you, Eddie. No.
So my sister lives in North Carolina.
I see her about once a year. So.
Even that sister was dead to you.
No, that's the other sister. There's many many.
So no, My sister, my sister Emily, who you know, I love, I

(01:30:47):
get to see her once or twice a year at most.
OK, 30 years from now, whatever.That's about 6 50 times so
every. Time I see her, you're like my
fucking. Every time I see her, it's one
less time that I'm. Ever going to see her?
And it's stupid way of thinking.About that's not a stupid way to
think about things because it makes it that more that much
more important that like I need to value this time because it

(01:31:08):
there is a counter dude like there's only so many times that
like you're you're only going tosee your mom a certain amount of
times Donnie, that's just fact like there and like is it a
morbid way of looking at it? Sure, but it's also a very
positive way to look at it because is like okay I only have
15 times left, I better make this fucking count.
Sure. So.
I kind of think that's the worstway, dude, I'm going to be

(01:31:30):
honest. You're putting so much pressure
on each situation to be so amazing that you're not able to
capture genuine experience. I feel there should be pressure
dude. Why?
Because that 60 isn't even guaranteed.
It could be like it could be tomorrow.
I agree with Eric. I think that it's just, I think
it's not like, hey, I'm going tosee you.

(01:31:51):
This is going to be great. We're going to do everything we
can to make this time valuable. No, I don't necessarily like.
Just try to make the best of each time, yeah, You never know
when this is going to be the last one, so.
Yes, and I'm like, I'm not always consciously like every
time I go see her like this is one time less like it's not like
that. Oh, creepy cat.
Yeah, I saw something bushy likego through, like the exercise

(01:32:11):
equipment. I freaked out per second but.
Yeah, no, yeah, I, I think it makes me value the time I have a
little bit more and that's just me.
Person, it's definitely not. It's definitely not not valued.
Yeah, it's definitely valued. But it's just I try not to think
about like how many more times it's like, think about this
time, you know, and try to and try to, you know, just make it a

(01:32:33):
good time. But as far as like my own
mortality, as I said, my dad was36 when he had me.
And now that I'm older than that, it's like, well, yeah, I
and by your math, I have lived more than half of my dad's
lifetime now, you know, and and it is weird to think sometimes
that, like, what's going to be in the future, you know, 37.

(01:32:57):
Do I want. I still don't know if I want to
have a child, you know? And Caitlin's 35, you know, it's
her clock second, you know, And it's like, yeah, we both make
enough money to be able to support a child.
But it's just like sometimes when I think about all the
things that I like to do that I will not be able to sacrifice.

(01:33:17):
Anymore. It is a sacrifice.
It's like it's that selfish to it's.
The best sacrifice? Is it?
Yeah. Is it selfish?
Because like. Now the best sacrifice is a
human. In the old days, maybe back in
the old days. But yeah, I definitely think
about about that. But not too much.
Sometimes it can definitely dwell on it too much.
And it just makes me sad. It's like, because none of us

(01:33:40):
make it out of this alive, right?
Who said I don't forget who saidit?
None of us make it out of here alive.
Is it Chip to say that? Did Chip say that?
No, we all die dude. That's part of the game.
Some guy we know, Yeah. None of us make it out of this
thing alive. And it's like I sometimes I just
try to, I have that kind of nihilistic view.
It's just like none of this matters.

(01:34:01):
Like we're all going to die. We're all going to turn.
Into. Dust.
Yeah, exactly. And that's what allows me to
take things less seriously. Yeah, exactly.
I just live, live my life, do the best that I can because it's
like, yeah, 100 years from now, no one's going to remember
anything I did today or. See, but that gives me a drive
to try and create something thatpeople will remember.

(01:34:23):
Yeah. Like.
Just yeah. Exactly.
That's for me, should start sculpting or something.
Oh, yeah. So the original question from
Eric was what I think about my mortality.
Yeah. And then what was your piggyback
off of that? Or was that specifically for
Curly? No, no, no.
That was just, you know, just how I view like how how death is
because, you know, I've dealt with plenty of fucking deaths

(01:34:44):
over the last 12 years. Yeah.
It's just how I approach life. But also how I think about my
own mortality. So is both.
Yeah. I don't, I don't really think
about my own mortality. I don't think, not like
actually, OK, I know you and I fucking, you know, talk about
all I'm like, dude, we talk, we're going to talk tomorrow
morning about the, the, the, thethe closest I'll say that I

(01:35:05):
think about it is I clearly likeif I died, should I crash this
work van now or tomorrow? No, like if I, if I die
tomorrow, if I die tomorrow, I wouldn't want to leave my wife
in like an exorbitant amount of debt that would, you know, just
make her miserable. And then unfortunately, the real
thing was you and I have had this conversation before.

(01:35:25):
If it turns out that I get cancer like my dad did, my dad,
my dad had great health insurance.
That shit was all covered by hisjob.
I'm not going to be in that sameboat.
And I've, I've already told my wife if, if, if I'm told, Oh,
unless our chances are like 80%.Yeah, unless my chances like, Oh
yeah, you can probably get it, you know, get it taken care of,
then I'm like, alright, cool. I'm not going through that and

(01:35:47):
putting you in. You know, I have thought about
that in $300,000 worth of debt on top of, you know, everything
else that we have for, for another.
So I guess, I guess that's really the only time I've
thought about my mortality. But I don't, I also don't think
about like what Donnie was saying.
I don't I don't have it in me oflike, oh, I got to make the best
of it with this person while I'mwith them.

(01:36:08):
That's just never. I think if I I think if I
personally thought like that, I would never you'd probably cry a
lot. Yeah.
I would probably just be a mess like at all times if I thought
that way. But I'm weak willed.
So remember what it was back to you guys.
Do you have any any questions crop up for you guys?
No. I thought I had something but it

(01:36:29):
just went away, damn it. That was a boner.
You were thinking. I wasn't going to say it, but
about them there. OK, this is a heavy question,
and we're going to start with Eddie on this one.
God damn it. Are you the person?

(01:36:51):
Do you believe that you are the person that your parents wanted
you to be? Oh, God, no.
Well. Asking for him.
Or no. I'm just saying in general it's
probably a no. I don't have the relationship
with my mom that Donnie has withhis mom, so I'm going to say

(01:37:13):
probably not to her currently, but she's alive.
I do, however, get told from my mom once or twice a year that my
dad always talked about me and talked about how he was proud of
me for doing the things that I've done with like music and,
you know, career wise and stuff.But I don't think if I ever was

(01:37:40):
a disappointment in my dad or anything like that, I don't
think he ever would have told me.
Like he just, he didn't have it in him.
What's that like? Well, your dad never talked to
you. You talked to me with this.
But, but, but, but I, I, I don't, I don't know.
I can't answer that fucking question.
Like, you know, you, you want you want to think that the
people that you love think aboutyou in a positive light most of

(01:38:03):
the time. Yeah.
I mean, obviously, you know, we're all going to make mistakes
and we're all going to do thingsthat we probably regret.
But we like to think that overall the people that we love
think that we're doing OK because honestly, that's
something that'll make me proud or like make me cry is like
thinking I'm like, would so and so like, what am I making them
prouder right now? Yeah.
Like if I think about that like by myself while listening to

(01:38:26):
Jewel, I'm going to cry. I love Jewel.
Who doesn't? Donnie.
I can say like my Eddie's right,you know, my my mom and I have a
good relationship and my dad told me plenty of times that he
was proud of me. Even, you know, just all
throughout. I don't think there's ever a
time. I mean, I remember the time when

(01:38:47):
I told him I got, you know, charged with drug possession.
He didn't like, he didn't like jump down my throat or anything
like that. And of course he wasn't happy
that that happened, but he. Did you rat on anybody?
No. But he also had his run
insurance with with the law too.So, you know, I think that they
just tried to to be good parents, raised us the best they
can. I don't think that either of

(01:39:08):
them were ever disappointed in my brother and I.
Neither of us were really big fuck ups.
Yeah, in any way as far as like the person that they want us to
be. I I'd say so.
You know, I don't think they hadlike a plan in mind, like, hey,
I'm a doctor. You're going to be a doctor now.
Or I was in the military. You have to go in the military,

(01:39:29):
otherwise you're dead parents. Didn't do that.
No, my dad never pushed us to goin the military, Not at all.
I mean, his dad was in the Navy,so my dad followed suit.
I think it's because he had my dad had AI think he had a
similar path that I did in my youth.
Wait, I I might still be in my youth.
I'd like to think so, But when he was younger he did just.

(01:39:49):
Talked about your medlife. He sorry bud, he had an he, he
was definitely like a heavy drinker, you know, drug user
here and there. Like he definitely had a bit of
a hippie lifestyle. Like he hitchhiked across the
United States like multiple times back in the day, so.
You know, he, he had similar things.

(01:40:10):
So he turned out OK, you know, and I feel like I'm turning out
OK too. So yeah, they definitely didn't
have a plan. I certainly didn't have a plan,
you know? Clearly, Donnie.
Yeah, I don't think any of us have like are in where we.
Oh no, my plan is 20 years ago. Perfectly.
Like 20 years ago did none of usthought we'd be doing these
things where we are now? You know what I mean?

(01:40:33):
So. How about you?
I would like to think that they're proud of me.
Are. Now you're probably the most
religious out of everybody on this.
Just because I'm she's never received sacraments, she's never
really talked. About it, to be honest, like

(01:40:54):
Carly is very like she doesn't talk about.
It no, she doesn't talk about it, but like I, I don't know.
You work in a Catholic? I do.
Yeah. I don't know, I just feel like
you're, you're you. Intended to I do because I have
to. My question along that line is
like, do you like, do you believe like your parents are
like with you or are like watching?

(01:41:15):
Because I think you have, I don't know, a concept of a
heaven. I don't know.
I mean, I think I don't, regardless of heaven, I do think
they're with me, OK? I don't think that has to do
anything religious wise. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Because the Catholic Church is
really fucked up. So yeah, fuck them.

(01:41:37):
But yeah, I would like to think they're proud of me.
I mean, I don't really think they ever really expressed
through words as I was, like growing up that they were ever
proud of me. They were always, like, pushing
me to do more or do better. But I don't think that came with
pressure from them. I think there was a lot of
pressure for myself, but throughthem, just like support, I think

(01:42:04):
was them showing that they caredand they were happy with what I
was doing and proud of me like that.
And they never really had any expectations like Donnie was
saying of what I should do and what I should do it.
But they always just was more instilled, instilled like
working hard and like being a good person.

(01:42:26):
And I think based off of those two things that they would be
happy with who I am. Yeah, OK.
All right. Any any final questions Eric do?
You have another one, David. I'm sure he has like 4 more.
No. I remember the thing that I was
going to say is that my grandparents and I think

(01:42:46):
probably my dad, they were both DNR like.
So when they when they went, they were, they went, yeah, you
know, so I don't think that theyever were like when it's my
time, it's my time type of situation.
I have a question. All right.
So very morbid question here. Shocking.
How do you guys prefer to go? Oh my God.

(01:43:10):
OK, I actually do have an answerto this.
And we all know David's plan. Yep.
Plan has a plan. Mauled by a bear.
Mauled by a bear. I thought you just wanted to
walk into the woods and just die.
Well, no, I I actively want to find a bear and then fight it.
I think you're going to die fromstarvation before that, and then
the bears just going to eat you.Still a win, still a win.
Are you just going to get pickedapart by buzzards?

(01:43:31):
I know I would not want to burn to death or drown.
Yeah, burn to death or drown is terrible.
But other than that, I don't have a way that I would want to
go if. You burn to death.
You actually die from the smoke inhalation before.
Yeah, you suffocate to death, which is still, it's still
basically drowning. It's still going to be.
Very hot. Yeah.
It's still asphyxiation, Yeah, but I think your nerves burn off
really quick, so I don't think you actually feel anything.

(01:43:53):
Yeah, after the first couple seconds, but it'd still be oh, I
still would never want to. I think, yeah, I think that
probably drowning would be one of the most terrifying, those
seconds leading up to it. Oh yeah.
Yeah, because you feel so helpless.
But no. Like yeah, if.
I have no plan. Yeah, if 20 years from now
they're like, oh, you're you have terminal cancer.
I'm going to be like, cool, I'm going to Wyoming or fucking

(01:44:14):
Montana. I'm going to go find a grizzly
bear. I'm going to fight it until I
die. OK, anyone have a realistic
expectation? How is that not realistic?
I can buy a plane ticket. They are grizzly bears.
Those exist, David. I don't know how much money you.
Make not in Wyoming? Are there bears in Wyoming?
I can buy tanks of gas. In Wyoming, yeah, there should
be bears in. The OK, good, just I don't want

(01:44:34):
you to. I don't want you to go to the
wrong place and and. Where are the fucking bears?
Yeah, like, you find a brown bear and you're trying to fight
it, and the brown bear wants none of it.
There's like no. Fucking park Ranger just like
what you doing voting. You're like trying to find a.
Bear and you're like. You got to go to fucking this
state to do that, David, if you really lost, if you really want
to take a ride at Albuquerque. Damn it, if you really want to

(01:44:55):
be killed by a bear, go find a polar bear.
They will fuck you up. Yeah, that's.
True. Find a polar bear if there's any
left at that time. Yeah, those.
Just throw yourself somewhere ina zoo.
I don't think I've. Never thought of Harambe style.
Harambe style. Dude, you'd be famous.
No, but then they'll kill the bear.
They'll kill the bear. They will kill.
They will kill the bear just like.
That's not what you want. No, that's not what I want.

(01:45:16):
What if I'm there as a witness? But I want, but I want my.
Like, how did how did grandpa goout?
Oh, fucking bear took him out. Like, really?
He was like, yeah, I mean, he had cancer, but yeah, yeah.
Did he put up a good fight? Oh, not at all.
He was dead by two swipes. In fact, I believe the last
noise he made was. It's like, Hooray.
Yeah. Yeah, I don't have any preferred
method. Any you I'm going to be honest,

(01:45:40):
I kind of hope I die of work so my wife gets some life insurance
money, but I don't know. And the judge I really.
Thought about it. I'm the only one who wants to
die in their sleep. Is that it?
Is that I'm gonna be. Like I'm gonna.
Be a fairy tale ending but. That's clearly a best case
scenario. Come on, Eric, it's not
realistic. Yeah, everybody dies in their
sleepy nerd. No one dies in their sleep.
I don't want to fucking have true.
I don't want to have a fucking heart attack like a dude on that

(01:46:01):
one job site. You thought he was gonna die?
Dude, That's dude. That fucked me up.
Wait, did someone? Die on your guy's drop site.
No, no, but he was telling us about how like six months before
he had a heart attack and legitimately thought he was
dying at home and went into excruciating detail about it.
And me and David were like, dude, it's Wednesday.
We were like, what do you do? You're like, it is Wednesday at
7:00 in the morning. Me and David are gonna go cry

(01:46:22):
now. Yeah, dude, it was, it was
fucking intense. And he was like, just remember
when you have a heart attack, breathe.
Just remember to fucking breathe'cause that's what really kills
you. And we're like, who are you?
Do you been working like Ghost of Christmas suckage?
God damn. Do you guys know about Eric's
heart attack? Eric hasn't worked here in 90

(01:46:42):
years. He hasn't been here in nine.
Years all right anyway, yeah, that's the the no.
So nobody has a plan real. Quick, OK, when you say a plan,
stop saying I feel like. Preferred method.
I feel like you're like talking about like a suicide plan.
Like what's your plan? Eddie and I have that, but
that's not a separate issue. Yeah.

(01:47:04):
Also kind of like how both of our wives pass away.
We're gonna marry each other. And your son.
Yeah, 100%. Yeah.
I'm. We're going full gag.
Yeah. Both of us can cook, though.
At least. That's good.
Yeah, that'll be the dream. We'll be eating good all night.
Since my daddy's passed away, I can say that there's A at any
time that there's a like a heartfelt father son moment in
movies or TV shows. Sometimes I'm just like, yeah, I

(01:47:25):
definitely feel that sometimes, especially in the Santa Claus
like. In the Santa Claus.
Yeah, at the end of the Santa Claus, I have a funny Yeah, like
that. Like those are very much more
heartfelt. Wait, which part of the Santa?
Claus at the very. End like when he's explaining
like to his stepdad like $1,000,000.
Like, no, no, no, that's early on.
That's that's way early on here.God.

(01:47:46):
Knows a lot about the Santa Claus I used to watch.
I'm asking. What so?
At the end, that's Carly's favorite Christmas movie.
Sorry everyone. No, it's a great movie, but
like. For top 2.
But anyway at the end like when?So when his ex-wife is finally
accepting the fact that he's Santa Claus.
When Neil finally accepts the fact that he's Santa Claus, I.
Like that, you knew his name wasNeil.
Yeah, Judge. Reinhold.

(01:48:07):
Yeah, Judge Reinhold. Neil, it is Judge Reinhold.
Yeah. And so with that, with that
scene, when when, when Charlie goes and hugs Tim Allen and he's
like, he's like, I love you Santa Claus and all this stuff.
Yeah. And, and just every time now,
it's just like, yeah, 6050 something.
My, my funniest story about thatis so like, my dad died

(01:48:28):
December, January. Logan came out.
The Wolverine. Oh, God.
Yeah. My, my, you know, clearly I'm,
you know, I'm not, I'm not doinggreat.
And my wife goes, all right, we're going to this day.
We're gonna get yeah, we're gonna get out of the house.
We're gonna go see Logan. I know you want to see it as a
comic book movie. I'm like, all right, cool.
Like 75% of the way into the movie, you start realizing like,

(01:48:50):
oh, this is like a movie about like a father and like, you
know, a surrogate daughter. And I'm like, all right, this is
not a buddy cop comedy. I was, I was fine the entire
movie until at one point she calls him dad.
And I'm just like, oh, so I justnot loudly, but just start
weeping in the movie theater. And my wife looks over at me and
was just like, I've made a gravemistake.

(01:49:11):
One month later, Guardians of the Galaxy Part 2 came out.
Oh, God, Which is all about father and son shit.
Which again, I was fine throughout most of that movie.
And then at one point, Yondu says, yeah, when Yondu's dying.
Yeah. He was just like, I know I'm not
your dad, but I could be your father or like, I wasn't your
father, but I could be your daddy.
I was just like, oh, my. And literally my wife was like,
I am so fucking sorry. We're never going to the.

(01:49:33):
We're just not doing movies anymore.
Oh, God. All right.
Very last one quick minute, but any advice you have to anybody
out there in their grieving process, what do you have to say
to them? Talk about it.
OK, find somebody who's has similar experience.

(01:49:55):
Yeah. Yeah, share it with them.
Anything for you? Yeah.
Yeah. You know, there's always people
willing either to listen or talkto you about it.
So yeah, try to talk about. It and everybody grieves
differently in their own time. Yeah.
Like if you don't feel somethingright away, you will.

(01:50:15):
Yeah, don't. Don't feel bad if you don't.
Yeah, don't feel pressure, though.
I didn't cry at so and so so. Yeah, any of that right away.
It'll come when you least expectit.
I remember one time I was over in Middle River where we used to
live in like Bullies quarters area and just for some reason
being over there hit me as I wasdriving home.

(01:50:37):
That made me think about like the early 90s when we lived over
there when I was like, I was like 5 years old, you know, It
just took me back to there and it just kind of the gravity just
kind of hit me, you know? Were you guys the first of like
your friend group at all to be the ones who experienced
apparent death? So did you guys end up becoming

(01:50:59):
like the default shoulder? Yeah.
So I was the first person in anyof my friends whose parent
passed away. So because we all have to deal
with it. Yeah.
So I turned into the someones partner would text me and be
like, hey, so and so's dad has been dead now for six months and
I know they're not doing great. Can you reach out to them?
And that happens to me now all the time.

(01:51:21):
That's. Never happened to.
Me something but. That hasn't happened to me.
It's like. Hey, can you talk to this person
or this person? Going through it, yeah.
On the same vein, I saw this on the Internet the other day and
this, I'm sorry, it was a fucking bummer, but it was about
siblings. And it's like one of our
siblings is going to be at everyone's funeral.
One of our siblings is going to be at nobody's funeral.

(01:51:42):
And and one of them is like going to experience all of them.
And I'm just like, Oh my God, like I was, I never thought
about that. Like like with my sisters, like
like now what's your where wouldyou want to be?
I would want to be last. Yeah, I would.
I don't know, sorry. I want to make it to the end

(01:52:04):
guys. Yeah, no, I I do not want to see
my little sister die. I am.
I'm perfectly OK being upset andI don't want to be the reason
anyone's upset. I'm trying to become cybernetic
here so like I need to live as long.
As I honestly think I would be able to handle it best out of
any of my sisters so probably I would like to go be last.
I think me and my sister are going to be a.

(01:52:25):
Shame so. If my brother died before.
Me, I I would rather be second to last.
I like my little I don't know isthat a yeah, my little sister
Alexa, No, I don't want to be there.
I don't want to, I don't want toknow that.
I mean, that's, that's also. Yeah, like just don't go.
Like we're, we're all the youngest.
That's not the point. I like, I don't want to live.
I don't want to live in a world with like that.

(01:52:46):
My little sister is not in like that.
That is like. You've lived in that world
though, before. Before she was born.
Yeah, but I don't. Hey, I was like, where were you
76 when she was born? 5, I don't know.
Yeah. But when shit goes bad in my
family, I'm usually the one thathandles it the best, Yeah.
Like crisis wise, like I stay calm and I'm able to help, yeah.

(01:53:08):
You're the one that makes the. Decision, yeah.
Yeah. No, definitely.
I get that. Yeah.
All right. Any final words from anybody?
That's a really terrible way to phrase that.
At the end of this podcast, I would like to insult you and
then compliment you within 30 seconds of each other.
Please do so. First I want to say that when
David first told me he had a podcast two years ago, I

(01:53:30):
legitimately thought it was him sitting in his bathroom with a
microphone with just a sign on the door that said podcast on
air and podcast was spelled withAK and the K was backwards.
I love it. Yeah, But in realistically, I
would like to say as someone who's never, you know, talked to

(01:53:51):
you guys before, obviously Davidhas posted highlights on
Facebook before of your podcast.And while I've never listened to
a full episode, I genuinely think what you guys are doing is
awesome. Thank you.
And I'd, you know, I'd like to thank everybody for letting me
be a part of it today. Oh yeah.
It's. So nice, yeah.
Which? Is the most sentimental we
should ever get. Nice thing I really.

(01:54:11):
Heard you say. It makes me very uncomfortable.
And on that note, we will end the podcast.
So I'd like to thank Carly, Donnie and Eddie for joining us
today. Yeah, great job.
I'd like to thank Bluechew, but that's unrelated.
Yeah, totally unrelated. Yeah.
Everybody out there, thank you for joining us.
Go to all our social media outlets, Facebook, Instagram,

(01:54:34):
Twitter, go to our website, become part of our Patreon
because we need help keeping themics on because we are self
supporting. But most importantly, everybody
out there, Eric. Stay safe and stay clean.

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