February 19, 2025 • 32 mins
Unleash Your Inner Hero to Beat Porn and Anxiety
🎙 Guest: Tenya EickenbergEpisode
Highlights:
âś… How porn addiction and anxiety are connected
âś… Why unleashing your inner hero is key to breaking free
âś… Energy healing techniques to reclaim your power
âś… How to channel sexual energy into success
🔥 Powerful Quotes:
🗣 “Anxiety and addiction feed off each other—break one, and you weaken the other.” – Tenya Eickenberg
🗣 “Your sexual energy is your superpower. Learn to harness it.” – Powerful Eric
🗣 “Healing isn’t just about quitting—it's about transforming into the person you were meant to be.”
– Tenya Eickenberg
About Our Guest:
Tenya Eickenberg is an anxiety release coach who helps people let go of emotional baggage and step into their true power. She specializes in energy healing as an alternative to conventional therapy, guiding individuals to regain strength, freedom, and happiness.
🌎 Learn more about Tenya: 👉 DesignYourExistence.com
Resources & Links:
📲 Book a Free Strategy Call 👉 PowerfulEric.com
đź“© Join the Powerful Endeavors Newsletter
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/porn-talk--2930866/support.
🎙 Guest: Tenya EickenbergEpisode
Highlights:
âś… How porn addiction and anxiety are connected
âś… Why unleashing your inner hero is key to breaking free
âś… Energy healing techniques to reclaim your power
âś… How to channel sexual energy into success
🔥 Powerful Quotes:
🗣 “Anxiety and addiction feed off each other—break one, and you weaken the other.” – Tenya Eickenberg
🗣 “Your sexual energy is your superpower. Learn to harness it.” – Powerful Eric
🗣 “Healing isn’t just about quitting—it's about transforming into the person you were meant to be.”
– Tenya Eickenberg
About Our Guest:
Tenya Eickenberg is an anxiety release coach who helps people let go of emotional baggage and step into their true power. She specializes in energy healing as an alternative to conventional therapy, guiding individuals to regain strength, freedom, and happiness.
🌎 Learn more about Tenya: 👉 DesignYourExistence.com
Resources & Links:
📲 Book a Free Strategy Call 👉 PowerfulEric.com
đź“© Join the Powerful Endeavors Newsletter
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/porn-talk--2930866/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
People with porn addiction or any addiction, they were introduced
to these things at some point, right, somebody had to
introduce them to porn at some point. And if you
don't know that you needed that boundary, then of course
there you were never taught how to set boundaries in
the first place. You feel uncomfortable when something is presented
(00:22):
to you. People who are presented with watching porn are
probably feeling a little uncomfortable the first time that they
watch it.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Take control, control of your life.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Break the chains in us.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
No more feeling powerless, normal, shame, and take your power.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Break out of the plain.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Because it's more than fornication, more than pro creation.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
It's not just self stimulation. Six energies for.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Creation, they say, lemation.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Let's see a new destination.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
This is porn.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Talk, Like.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
This is porn talk. He was your host, Eric Zuzak with.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Us today we have Timya Eikenberg and she is an
anxiety release coach which I could use around right now.
Tinya is not just any coach. She's a modern day
healer who draws inspiration from the vibrant, heroic world of
(02:11):
eighties cartoons like he Man and Sheira. In this episode,
Tinya will share how she helps people channel their inner
hero to overcome anxiety, depression, and even poor an addiction.
(02:33):
So get ready to learn how you can tap into
your own superpowers to transform your life and become the
hero of your own story. Lets welcome Tinya to the show.
Welcome Tinya.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited me.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
Too, well, anxiety, I would you guys come to me.
They think they're coming to me for to overcome porn addiction,
which that's of course part of it. But what I
tell them when we start working the other is this
is not about the poor mm hmm. This is not
(03:19):
about the porn. This is not about the porn. So Genia.
If it's not about the porn, then what is it about.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Oh, it's about your It's about not feeling your feelings.
It's about the deep rooted anxiety, depression, loneliness, worry that
is just so rooted in your your body, your energy, bodies,
your your consciousness that it really does, in a sense,
(03:50):
start to control every aspect of your life. And it's
very hard if you don't know what it is that
you're looking for for, you don't know what it is
that is hooking you in each and every time that
you're drawn to turning on that video or you know,
(04:11):
other addictions. You know, this goes for all addictions. When
going towards that thing that makes you feel good, you're
moving towards that because there's stuff going on inside of
you that you don't want to feel. And until you
start feeling and dealing with that stuff, it's going to
(04:33):
be really hard to break away.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Yes, we numb cope and escape with alcohol, drugs, born whatever,
trying to numb cope and escape. But Tina, what in
the world does superheroes have to do with, especially eighties
(05:01):
superheroes like he Man and Sheira.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
That is how my imagination works. When I'm working with
a client Oftentimes, when I see things come up that
they need to address, or we've worked through something, and
I have this image of, you know, just an image
(05:26):
of like say a Scooby Doo scene where you know,
where the monster takes off his mask and it's just
just a human underneath it is it is? You know?
Oftentimes I will see my clients take off their mask,
and underneath of that mask of this monster that is
(05:47):
creating this havoc with themselves is them it's just another
part of them that is saying, oh, hey, I'm here
to cause you problems because yeah, you really need to
talk to me, you really pay attention to me. But
in my imagination, right, I mean, every a lot of
(06:08):
you know, healers and psychics and and those people in
the energy world get downloads or images. Mine just come
through like eighties cartoons. When when I tell someone you know,
you need to hold space for yourself or you need
to hold space for this person that you need to forgive,
(06:28):
I often see them with this this heart illuminated like
my care bear back here, that that they're just doing
this care bear stare, and that that is what they
need to imagine. As they're they're forgiving these people or
they're they're holding space for them. You send out this
love and this compassion. And when you're able to do
(06:54):
that for other people, when you're able to do that
more for yourself, you can do it for other people.
So I always tell my clients, imagine yourself standing in
front of you and I want you to care bear
stare to yourself. But the people I work with they
get that because they've grown up in the same same era,
(07:14):
and so it's it's easy for them to relate to go. Oh,
I totally get what you mean.
Speaker 4 (07:24):
The care bear stare should Yeah, you know that was
more of a girl show, but I still was very
aware of it, and it was on all the time.
And you know, I know just what you're talking about.
And of course I also know this, uh you're talking
about the Scooby Doo. I would have I would have
(07:44):
gone away with it if for those.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Meddling kids exactly exactly are are? Are are those aspects
of us, those parts of us that don't want you
to change. They don't they want you to stay in
that addiction. They you know, they're they're so they may
(08:07):
be so sad or so angry, but when you can
turn around and have a simple and I know this
sounds very woo woo like you're you're you're you know,
you're imagining yourself and you're having a conversation with yourself
and you're just like, you know, I'm so sorry that
(08:28):
this happened to you when you were little. I'm so
sorry that this kind of thing that you had to
go through was even a thing. And and understand that
that none of this is your fault, that that your
addiction is not your fault, but that it's a response
to things that you went through as a kid, as
(08:50):
a teenager. It's things that were passed down to you
from your parents that you had no control over in
rejecting because you trusted your parents. They they are there
to guide you, to support you. And when they talk
down to you, or they tell you that you don't
know what is good for you or what you're doing
(09:14):
is wrong, when you hear that enough, you start to
believe it.
Speaker 4 (09:20):
It doesn't sound Hulu to me at all. We do
a thing called voice dialog where you talk to your
addict self, and I just I love everything you're talking about.
I love the whole eighties superhero idea and the taking
off the mask, taking off the mask, the irony of
(09:43):
you know that you're you're really revealing yourself unto yourself.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, yeah, there. You know, we are not taught to
be vulnerable with ourselves. You know, it's it's hard enough
to be vulnerable with other people, but I think it's
even more difficult to be vulnerable with ourselves because we
don't have the knowledge to figure out what's going on
(10:11):
because we're you know, we come into this world as babies,
we come into this world as is almost a blank slate,
and up until about three or four years old, we
are carefree. We you know, we just have fun, We
run around, and around three or four years old, when
(10:32):
our conscious mind really starts to develop and we really
start paying attention to our environment, we're all of a
sudden kind of compressed.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
Right.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
We're taught by our parents and other adults what they
think is right and what they think is wrong. And
I'm totally to blame for that as well. With my kids.
My oldest is twenty eight and I've got twenty four
year old twins. And when I had kids, I compressed them.
I did because that's all I knew. It's the only
(11:06):
knowledge I had at the time. You only know what
you know, and you don't know what you don't know
until someone brings it to light. And so, you know,
I wish I could go back and not compress my
children into these molds that society says that we need
(11:28):
to conform to.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
Absolutely, you can't see this here, but I have a
statue that I'm looking at, and it's called the Self
Made Man. And he's got a big hammer and his
body's like all in the stone and he's chiseling himself
out of the stone. And I spoke to the creator
(11:53):
of this piece and she says, you know, it's carving
his character, he's chiseling his future. And she also made
a one called the self Made Woman's same idea. And yeah,
it's identity. So identity is massively, hugely important, right mm.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Hmm it is, it is, And and we have so
many different layers to our identity. You can you can
call them layers, you can call them aspects. You know,
there's lots of different parts of us. And there's there's
a great book called No Bad Parts, And I truly
(12:38):
believe that there are no bad parts. They are just parts.
I don't believe that we have faults because whose whose
opinion is it that we have a fault? Right, it's
really our own.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
We can believe what other people say, but once we
believe it, it's considered our own.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
So what what are some of the challenges with the
people that you work with that they have around identity
that is fueling either their addiction or their problem, whatever
it happens to be. What what's your experience?
Speaker 1 (13:21):
One of the one of the aspects is imposter syndrome.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
Oh, that one, you know, I know that one.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Well, yeah, I mean, you know it comes up a
lot in entrepreneurship, right, that that we all have this
imposter syndrome that we want to be like the the
influencers that are you know, have a million followers, And
that's what people kind of think impostor syndrome is. But
really we're all. We all have imposter syndrome. Because you
can tell how you change depending on who you're around.
(13:54):
You will you will shift yourself to conform or become
a chameleon around certain people so that you are more
acceptable to them. And we start doing this when we
get into school because our teachers want conformity, Our schools
(14:15):
want conformity. Now, I haven't been in school for a
very long time, so I don't know if that's how
it is now. But in order to have calmness and
control with thirty to forty kids in a classroom, you
really have to push that conformity, which then creates that
(14:35):
imposter syndrome and kids start to lose who they really
are because they have to conform so that their teacher
likes them, so that their principal likes them, so that
the other kids around them like them. But that also
goes for when you're at home. You change who you
are when you know around your parents. At eight years old,
(14:57):
I learned to be a people pleaser at home because
I didn't want to rock the boat. I didn't want
to have an upheople of emotions that I didn't know
how to deal with because I wasn't taught how to
deal with my emotions because my parents didn't know how
to deal with emotions. And so, you know, people pleasing
(15:20):
starts very very young, because we want our parents to
like us, we want them to be proud of us,
and our parents, you know, they grew up in a
world where they were taught the same thing. So you
can't blame them for it, you know. It's it's took
me a long time to come to that conclusion that
(15:41):
that I can't. I really can't blame my parents for
how they raised me because they only had the knowledge
that they had. And people will say, oh, well, that's
that's not that's a very unfair statement, Like they could
have sought out different ways. But if they didn't have
the knowledge to seek things out, how are they going
(16:04):
to seek things out? It's not an excuse, it's just
I just choose not to blame them anymore for it.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
Yeah, they did the best with the tools they had
at the time, and some but some people's toolboxes are
smaller than.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Others exactly, and some some toolboxes stay stay closed so
you can't put anything else in. There are absolutely times
when when people are presented with tools that can really
help them, but again, their knowledge, their acceptance of those tools,
(16:41):
there's still a block there. And and if they just
cannot see how how these tools are going to help them,
they may not even try. But that again, that is
just something that's going on within them, and you can't
blame them for it. You just say, okay, you know what,
(17:02):
the tools here. When you're ready. If you need help,
let me know. And if you have that boundary that
you need to set, because maybe you've helped them, you
tried to help them, and they just keep pushing you away,
you could say, you know what, here's the tool, but
you need to find somebody else to help them. I mean,
you have to set boundaries with people. You know, forgiving
(17:26):
people and accepting them for who they are. It does
not mean that you have to engage with them. It
doesn't mean that you have to let them in your life.
It just means that, you know what, I'm just there's
a boundary here, I'm not going to let you cross it,
and we're going to move on.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
Boundaries is a word that if someone is working in
addiction world knows that word very well. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries,
and you need to set appropriate boundary for others and yourself.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (18:04):
And how does anxiety, you're the one of the things
you do is help people with anxiety. How does boundaries
and anxiety play into let's say, porn addiction.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
So people with porn addiction or any addiction, they were
introduced to the to these things at some point, right,
somebody had to introduce them to porn at some point,
and that was the first time the boundary was crossed.
And if you don't know that that you needed that boundary,
(18:44):
then of course there you were never taught how to
set boundaries in the first place. You know, typically, if
somebody you feel uncomfortable when something is presented to you, right,
and nine times out of ten, people who are presented
with watching porn are probably feeling a little uncomfortable the
(19:06):
first time that they watch it because Typically, they're probably
presented to it by somebody else, whether it was as
they were a kid and it was presented to them
by a trusted adult who was like, oh, you want
to see this, And now they're thinking, oh, it's okay
because this trusted adult showed it to me, you know,
(19:31):
or these days you've got the internet, how freaking scary.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
You know this is. I've never for I don't think
i've ever verbalized this about being introduced to it. I
actually was introduced to it long before this, but I
was at work and I was I was probably the
youngest person I know. I was the youngest person at
(19:59):
this job at the time, and I was at in
someone's cubicle and this soldier guy, he wasn't like trying
to do anything to me anything like that. He was insilly,
but he pulls up on the computer a graphic image
and then it just so happens at that moment, the
(20:20):
president and CEO of the company walks into the cubicle.
Oh my gosh, I will never forget that, and uh,
the guy that was showing to me kind of just
laughed and turned it off, and the CEO kind of
just left laughed off, to which I was who I
(20:43):
just that memory came to me. Now it's like wow,
you know, so being being introduced to like you know,
I always tell people if you think your your your
darling child is never going to watch a pornography, I
guarantee you. If they don't go searching for it, a
friend's gonna show it to them. And the friend doesn't
(21:04):
show it to them, they're gonna stumble across it accidentally
they are going to see it or sure. So anyway,
I digress, So that anxiety.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
So yeah, So so when you know, watching porn it
gives you this this sense of acceptance because the people
even though even though like realistically we know they don't
see us, they but they look at you through that
(21:36):
camera lens and they make you feel good. They make
you feel wanted. And when you feel that, and that
goes with any addiction. Right when you start smoking and
you're smoking around your friends and your friends are you're
having a good time, You're feeling accepted by your friends
(21:58):
when you're drinking. You're feeling accepted by by your friends
when you're drinking. But but through that camera lens, those
guys and gals are like, we're here for you, look
how good this feels. This can feel good for you too,
And so you're watching it and you're getting you're getting
(22:20):
into it, and that can that that feeling good stems
from not having good feelings in other situations, not loving yourself,
not feeling loved by your parents, or feeling appreciated by
(22:40):
your teachers, or your friends, or your coworkers or or whatever.
But but not having that that love and compassion for yourself.
You look for it in outside sources, and watching a
porn can give you that same feeling those it can
(23:03):
trigger those same endorphins. And so when you're finally feeling
those and they feel so good, do you want more?
You want more? And you realize, oh my gosh, when
I feel like this, I don't have to deal with
how I'm really feeling. Yeah, And so then you start
(23:25):
trying to find all the different times that you can
you can practice your addiction, and then you start to
hide it. And the more and more you do it,
then it starts to become you got to hide it
because like you're doing it so much, and so you
know there's something going on there.
Speaker 4 (23:44):
Yeah, if you and I'm glad you brought up the
thing about hiding it because you know there's some people
it's like, well, you know, there's nothing wrong with it,
and it's it's fine at all. Okay, Well then you know,
do you hide like, do you tell people what you do?
Do you tell people what you watched? Do you hide it?
(24:04):
Do you feel like you have to hide it? I mean,
if you have to hide it, then there's something going
on there.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Right absolutely, you know, I was. I was. I'm a
former smoker and I finally quit for the very last
time this past May.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
Congratulations.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
You know a lot of people are probably like, oh,
you're an energy healing why are you smoking? You know,
you know it's it's but I had all of these
this stuff. It was so deeply ingrained in me because
my parents are both smokers, my grandparents were smokers. It
was just something that was was so deeply ingrained. But
(24:47):
there was there were all of these energetic reasons for
it as well. You know, I had to do work
between me and six other people who were smokers because
I had chords attached to them where I was just
I wanted what they had when I was trying to
quit smoking, and smoking covered up some you know, it
(25:12):
was it was you know, I've healed from anxiety, but
there was still stuff that that not just the smoking
was dealing with anxiety. It was there was so much
more to it. There were beliefs attached to it. There
were you know, the chemical endorphins from the nicotine that
would make me feel good. And and it can take
(25:33):
a lot of a lot of work to to heal
from an addiction.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
Absolutely all those endorphins, dopamine, all those feel good chemicals.
It feels so good in the moment, but then when
you're done, reality comes crashing.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Down right right. I heard a it was a quote
from Richard Simmons. I can't I can't say a word
for word, but his was a round food. But it
was like, you know, do you want to eat the
bad food and feel good for a couple of minutes
and then feel bad later, or do you want to
eat the good food and feel and feel you know,
(26:18):
bad in that couple of minutes that you have to
eat the good food because it doesn't taste very right,
it's not very tasty, but you feel good longer long term,
you feel good later. And it's the same thing, all right.
Do you want to watch that porn in the moment
and feel good for that, you know, twenty or thirty seconds,
and feel bad later because you know that that really
(26:41):
didn't serve you long term, or do you want to
stop and work on that, do that inner work, you know,
the energetic work, the conscious work, so that while you're
struggling in the meantime to feel good, long term, you're
going to feel amazing.
Speaker 4 (26:59):
That's short term, very short term pleasure can equal long term.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Pain, yes, and short term displeasure can create long term enjoyment.
Speaker 4 (27:14):
That's exactly right. In fact, on these studies they've done
in like billionaires and such, they have a long term perspective,
like they may wait years or even decades or even
a lifetime to get what they want, whereas the addict
(27:37):
their their time span is like seconds or minutes, as
opposed to the billionaire whose decades are lifetime.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Yeah. Yeah, and I learned. I learned that, you know,
when I when I started healing from my anxiety and depression,
it was not easy learning what energy healing was while
my anxiety and depression was ramping up because at that
point I'd come back off of the medication because I
(28:10):
just I couldn't feel anything, and I needed to feel
my feelings. I needed to know what I needed to
work with, and it was not easy learning energy healing
at that moment or going through it. And then once
I felt like I was about eighty percent heal, it
took me about four months of energy healing to feel better,
(28:35):
but it opened up that space to do the conscious work,
to do the meditation, the journaling, learning what boundaries were,
how to set them, feeling my feelings again and understanding
that my feelings might last ten or fifteen seconds once
I let myself feel them, and then they're gone and
I'm good.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
You've said many times feeling my feelings, feeling my feelings,
and someone may be listening to this as like, what
you know, what do you mean feel my feelings? I
just I just like doing this, you know, I like
drinking alcohol, or I like smoking, or I like porn.
(29:18):
You know, but I liked it and then I got
addicted to it. What are you talking about? You feel
my feelings? My feeling? Is I just it's fun or
I just enjoy the pleasure or would you see that person?
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Would I would challenge them to wait, to go to
their addiction and see what they're feeling when they're resisting
their addiction. Hmmm, because that's when that stuff is coming up.
It might be anger, it might be sadness, it might
be worry. Most of time, it's probably going to be
(29:55):
going to be anger or grief that's going to be
coming up.
Speaker 4 (30:00):
Anger is a big one for all the guys I
work with and myself, so much so that the mascot
for the show, he's a little weaner man. Call him
raging Richard, and the jokes don't be like raging Richard
Dick like Richard. When you're acting out with whatever the
addiction is, generally the person is not pleasant to be
(30:21):
around and so conscious. It's for me, it was never
like a conscious thing like oh, I'm feeling bad or depressed,
therefore I'm gonna use porn. It's usually just like I
find myself on it, like two hours later, I'm like,
how do I get here? You know, and I think, oh, well,
(30:42):
I was just must have been really horny or whatever.
It's like, no, my body was associating. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
You're you're disassociating from the from from your emotions, and
you know, and and there's you know, there's a lot
of energetic reasons that you might disassociate from from your
body and kind of step away from it. You know,
there's you know, we talked about about woo woo ness
(31:11):
and so there's you know, there's your there's these entities
and other offensive energies that feed off of our low vibrations.
And when we get into watching porn or angry music
or you know, violent movies, we we can zone out
(31:32):
and disassociate and then that's when they kind of swoop
in and go, we're gonna have a good time with
this one, and they just kind of pick on you.
Speaker 4 (31:40):
Disassociation and these entities will be an awesome place to
pick up when we have you back next week. So
and we will hear some of the talk about some
of the challenges here, but we'll talk about some of
the solutions and how you can use energy healing and
(32:01):
some of these other things in this next episode. So
we need to say goodbye today, but just real quick
because we'll have you next week. But if someone wants
to reach out to you, what's website to reach out
to you at.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
A Design your Existence dot com.
Speaker 4 (32:21):
All right, thank you, Tinya, We will see you next week.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
Thanks for listening. If you're struggling with porn or sex addiction,
reach out to Eric at powerfuleric dot com.
People with porn addiction or any addiction, they were introduced
to these things at some point, right, somebody had to
introduce them to porn at some point. And if you
don't know that you needed that boundary, then of course
there you were never taught how to set boundaries in
the first place. You feel uncomfortable when something is presented
(00:22):
to you. People who are presented with watching porn are
probably feeling a little uncomfortable the first time that they
watch it.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Take control, control of your life.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Break the chains in us.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
No more feeling powerless, normal, shame, and take your power.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Break out of the plain.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Because it's more than fornication, more than pro creation.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
It's not just self stimulation. Six energies for.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
Creation, they say, lemation.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Let's see a new destination.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
This is porn.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Talk, Like.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
This is porn talk. He was your host, Eric Zuzak with.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Us today we have Timya Eikenberg and she is an
anxiety release coach which I could use around right now.
Tinya is not just any coach. She's a modern day
healer who draws inspiration from the vibrant, heroic world of
(02:11):
eighties cartoons like he Man and Sheira. In this episode,
Tinya will share how she helps people channel their inner
hero to overcome anxiety, depression, and even poor an addiction.
(02:33):
So get ready to learn how you can tap into
your own superpowers to transform your life and become the
hero of your own story. Lets welcome Tinya to the show.
Welcome Tinya.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited me.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
Too, well, anxiety, I would you guys come to me.
They think they're coming to me for to overcome porn addiction,
which that's of course part of it. But what I
tell them when we start working the other is this
is not about the poor mm hmm. This is not
(03:19):
about the porn. This is not about the porn. So Genia.
If it's not about the porn, then what is it about.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Oh, it's about your It's about not feeling your feelings.
It's about the deep rooted anxiety, depression, loneliness, worry that
is just so rooted in your your body, your energy, bodies,
your your consciousness that it really does, in a sense,
(03:50):
start to control every aspect of your life. And it's
very hard if you don't know what it is that
you're looking for for, you don't know what it is
that is hooking you in each and every time that
you're drawn to turning on that video or you know,
(04:11):
other addictions. You know, this goes for all addictions. When
going towards that thing that makes you feel good, you're
moving towards that because there's stuff going on inside of
you that you don't want to feel. And until you
start feeling and dealing with that stuff, it's going to
(04:33):
be really hard to break away.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Yes, we numb cope and escape with alcohol, drugs, born whatever,
trying to numb cope and escape. But Tina, what in
the world does superheroes have to do with, especially eighties
(05:01):
superheroes like he Man and Sheira.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
That is how my imagination works. When I'm working with
a client Oftentimes, when I see things come up that
they need to address, or we've worked through something, and
I have this image of, you know, just an image
(05:26):
of like say a Scooby Doo scene where you know,
where the monster takes off his mask and it's just
just a human underneath it is it is? You know?
Oftentimes I will see my clients take off their mask,
and underneath of that mask of this monster that is
(05:47):
creating this havoc with themselves is them it's just another
part of them that is saying, oh, hey, I'm here
to cause you problems because yeah, you really need to
talk to me, you really pay attention to me. But
in my imagination, right, I mean, every a lot of
(06:08):
you know, healers and psychics and and those people in
the energy world get downloads or images. Mine just come
through like eighties cartoons. When when I tell someone you know,
you need to hold space for yourself or you need
to hold space for this person that you need to forgive,
(06:28):
I often see them with this this heart illuminated like
my care bear back here, that that they're just doing
this care bear stare, and that that is what they
need to imagine. As they're they're forgiving these people or
they're they're holding space for them. You send out this
love and this compassion. And when you're able to do
(06:54):
that for other people, when you're able to do that
more for yourself, you can do it for other people.
So I always tell my clients, imagine yourself standing in
front of you and I want you to care bear
stare to yourself. But the people I work with they
get that because they've grown up in the same same era,
(07:14):
and so it's it's easy for them to relate to go. Oh,
I totally get what you mean.
Speaker 4 (07:24):
The care bear stare should Yeah, you know that was
more of a girl show, but I still was very
aware of it, and it was on all the time.
And you know, I know just what you're talking about.
And of course I also know this, uh you're talking
about the Scooby Doo. I would have I would have
(07:44):
gone away with it if for those.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Meddling kids exactly exactly are are? Are are those aspects
of us, those parts of us that don't want you
to change. They don't they want you to stay in
that addiction. They you know, they're they're so they may
(08:07):
be so sad or so angry, but when you can
turn around and have a simple and I know this
sounds very woo woo like you're you're you're you know,
you're imagining yourself and you're having a conversation with yourself
and you're just like, you know, I'm so sorry that
(08:28):
this happened to you when you were little. I'm so
sorry that this kind of thing that you had to
go through was even a thing. And and understand that
that none of this is your fault, that that your
addiction is not your fault, but that it's a response
to things that you went through as a kid, as
(08:50):
a teenager. It's things that were passed down to you
from your parents that you had no control over in
rejecting because you trusted your parents. They they are there
to guide you, to support you. And when they talk
down to you, or they tell you that you don't
know what is good for you or what you're doing
(09:14):
is wrong, when you hear that enough, you start to
believe it.
Speaker 4 (09:20):
It doesn't sound Hulu to me at all. We do
a thing called voice dialog where you talk to your
addict self, and I just I love everything you're talking about.
I love the whole eighties superhero idea and the taking
off the mask, taking off the mask, the irony of
(09:43):
you know that you're you're really revealing yourself unto yourself.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, yeah, there. You know, we are not taught to
be vulnerable with ourselves. You know, it's it's hard enough
to be vulnerable with other people, but I think it's
even more difficult to be vulnerable with ourselves because we
don't have the knowledge to figure out what's going on
(10:11):
because we're you know, we come into this world as babies,
we come into this world as is almost a blank slate,
and up until about three or four years old, we
are carefree. We you know, we just have fun, We
run around, and around three or four years old, when
(10:32):
our conscious mind really starts to develop and we really
start paying attention to our environment, we're all of a
sudden kind of compressed.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
Right.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
We're taught by our parents and other adults what they
think is right and what they think is wrong. And
I'm totally to blame for that as well. With my kids.
My oldest is twenty eight and I've got twenty four
year old twins. And when I had kids, I compressed them.
I did because that's all I knew. It's the only
(11:06):
knowledge I had at the time. You only know what
you know, and you don't know what you don't know
until someone brings it to light. And so, you know,
I wish I could go back and not compress my
children into these molds that society says that we need
(11:28):
to conform to.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
Absolutely, you can't see this here, but I have a
statue that I'm looking at, and it's called the Self
Made Man. And he's got a big hammer and his
body's like all in the stone and he's chiseling himself
out of the stone. And I spoke to the creator
(11:53):
of this piece and she says, you know, it's carving
his character, he's chiseling his future. And she also made
a one called the self Made Woman's same idea. And yeah,
it's identity. So identity is massively, hugely important, right mm.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Hmm it is, it is, And and we have so
many different layers to our identity. You can you can
call them layers, you can call them aspects. You know,
there's lots of different parts of us. And there's there's
a great book called No Bad Parts, And I truly
(12:38):
believe that there are no bad parts. They are just parts.
I don't believe that we have faults because whose whose
opinion is it that we have a fault? Right, it's
really our own.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
We can believe what other people say, but once we
believe it, it's considered our own.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
So what what are some of the challenges with the
people that you work with that they have around identity
that is fueling either their addiction or their problem, whatever
it happens to be. What what's your experience?
Speaker 1 (13:21):
One of the one of the aspects is imposter syndrome.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
Oh, that one, you know, I know that one.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Well, yeah, I mean, you know it comes up a
lot in entrepreneurship, right, that that we all have this
imposter syndrome that we want to be like the the
influencers that are you know, have a million followers, And
that's what people kind of think impostor syndrome is. But
really we're all. We all have imposter syndrome. Because you
can tell how you change depending on who you're around.
(13:54):
You will you will shift yourself to conform or become
a chameleon around certain people so that you are more
acceptable to them. And we start doing this when we
get into school because our teachers want conformity, Our schools
(14:15):
want conformity. Now, I haven't been in school for a
very long time, so I don't know if that's how
it is now. But in order to have calmness and
control with thirty to forty kids in a classroom, you
really have to push that conformity, which then creates that
(14:35):
imposter syndrome and kids start to lose who they really
are because they have to conform so that their teacher
likes them, so that their principal likes them, so that
the other kids around them like them. But that also
goes for when you're at home. You change who you
are when you know around your parents. At eight years old,
(14:57):
I learned to be a people pleaser at home because
I didn't want to rock the boat. I didn't want
to have an upheople of emotions that I didn't know
how to deal with because I wasn't taught how to
deal with my emotions because my parents didn't know how
to deal with emotions. And so, you know, people pleasing
(15:20):
starts very very young, because we want our parents to
like us, we want them to be proud of us,
and our parents, you know, they grew up in a
world where they were taught the same thing. So you
can't blame them for it, you know. It's it's took
me a long time to come to that conclusion that
(15:41):
that I can't. I really can't blame my parents for
how they raised me because they only had the knowledge
that they had. And people will say, oh, well, that's
that's not that's a very unfair statement, Like they could
have sought out different ways. But if they didn't have
the knowledge to seek things out, how are they going
(16:04):
to seek things out? It's not an excuse, it's just
I just choose not to blame them anymore for it.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
Yeah, they did the best with the tools they had
at the time, and some but some people's toolboxes are
smaller than.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Others exactly, and some some toolboxes stay stay closed so
you can't put anything else in. There are absolutely times
when when people are presented with tools that can really
help them, but again, their knowledge, their acceptance of those tools,
(16:41):
there's still a block there. And and if they just
cannot see how how these tools are going to help them,
they may not even try. But that again, that is
just something that's going on within them, and you can't
blame them for it. You just say, okay, you know what,
(17:02):
the tools here. When you're ready. If you need help,
let me know. And if you have that boundary that
you need to set, because maybe you've helped them, you
tried to help them, and they just keep pushing you away,
you could say, you know what, here's the tool, but
you need to find somebody else to help them. I mean,
you have to set boundaries with people. You know, forgiving
(17:26):
people and accepting them for who they are. It does
not mean that you have to engage with them. It
doesn't mean that you have to let them in your life.
It just means that, you know what, I'm just there's
a boundary here, I'm not going to let you cross it,
and we're going to move on.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
Boundaries is a word that if someone is working in
addiction world knows that word very well. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries,
and you need to set appropriate boundary for others and yourself.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (18:04):
And how does anxiety, you're the one of the things
you do is help people with anxiety. How does boundaries
and anxiety play into let's say, porn addiction.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
So people with porn addiction or any addiction, they were
introduced to the to these things at some point, right,
somebody had to introduce them to porn at some point,
and that was the first time the boundary was crossed.
And if you don't know that that you needed that boundary,
(18:44):
then of course there you were never taught how to
set boundaries in the first place. You know, typically, if
somebody you feel uncomfortable when something is presented to you, right,
and nine times out of ten, people who are presented
with watching porn are probably feeling a little uncomfortable the
(19:06):
first time that they watch it because Typically, they're probably
presented to it by somebody else, whether it was as
they were a kid and it was presented to them
by a trusted adult who was like, oh, you want
to see this, And now they're thinking, oh, it's okay
because this trusted adult showed it to me, you know,
(19:31):
or these days you've got the internet, how freaking scary.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
You know this is. I've never for I don't think
i've ever verbalized this about being introduced to it. I
actually was introduced to it long before this, but I
was at work and I was I was probably the
youngest person I know. I was the youngest person at
(19:59):
this job at the time, and I was at in
someone's cubicle and this soldier guy, he wasn't like trying
to do anything to me anything like that. He was insilly,
but he pulls up on the computer a graphic image
and then it just so happens at that moment, the
(20:20):
president and CEO of the company walks into the cubicle.
Oh my gosh, I will never forget that, and uh,
the guy that was showing to me kind of just
laughed and turned it off, and the CEO kind of
just left laughed off, to which I was who I
(20:43):
just that memory came to me. Now it's like wow,
you know, so being being introduced to like you know,
I always tell people if you think your your your
darling child is never going to watch a pornography, I
guarantee you. If they don't go searching for it, a
friend's gonna show it to them. And the friend doesn't
(21:04):
show it to them, they're gonna stumble across it accidentally
they are going to see it or sure. So anyway,
I digress, So that anxiety.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
So yeah, So so when you know, watching porn it
gives you this this sense of acceptance because the people
even though even though like realistically we know they don't
see us, they but they look at you through that
(21:36):
camera lens and they make you feel good. They make
you feel wanted. And when you feel that, and that
goes with any addiction. Right when you start smoking and
you're smoking around your friends and your friends are you're
having a good time, You're feeling accepted by your friends
(21:58):
when you're drinking. You're feeling accepted by by your friends
when you're drinking. But but through that camera lens, those
guys and gals are like, we're here for you, look
how good this feels. This can feel good for you too,
And so you're watching it and you're getting you're getting
(22:20):
into it, and that can that that feeling good stems
from not having good feelings in other situations, not loving yourself,
not feeling loved by your parents, or feeling appreciated by
(22:40):
your teachers, or your friends, or your coworkers or or whatever.
But but not having that that love and compassion for yourself.
You look for it in outside sources, and watching a
porn can give you that same feeling those it can
(23:03):
trigger those same endorphins. And so when you're finally feeling
those and they feel so good, do you want more?
You want more? And you realize, oh my gosh, when
I feel like this, I don't have to deal with
how I'm really feeling. Yeah, And so then you start
(23:25):
trying to find all the different times that you can
you can practice your addiction, and then you start to
hide it. And the more and more you do it,
then it starts to become you got to hide it
because like you're doing it so much, and so you
know there's something going on there.
Speaker 4 (23:44):
Yeah, if you and I'm glad you brought up the
thing about hiding it because you know there's some people
it's like, well, you know, there's nothing wrong with it,
and it's it's fine at all. Okay, Well then you know,
do you hide like, do you tell people what you do?
Do you tell people what you watched? Do you hide it?
(24:04):
Do you feel like you have to hide it? I mean,
if you have to hide it, then there's something going
on there.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Right absolutely, you know, I was. I was. I'm a
former smoker and I finally quit for the very last
time this past May.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
Congratulations.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
You know a lot of people are probably like, oh,
you're an energy healing why are you smoking? You know,
you know it's it's but I had all of these
this stuff. It was so deeply ingrained in me because
my parents are both smokers, my grandparents were smokers. It
was just something that was was so deeply ingrained. But
(24:47):
there was there were all of these energetic reasons for
it as well. You know, I had to do work
between me and six other people who were smokers because
I had chords attached to them where I was just
I wanted what they had when I was trying to
quit smoking, and smoking covered up some you know, it
(25:12):
was it was you know, I've healed from anxiety, but
there was still stuff that that not just the smoking
was dealing with anxiety. It was there was so much
more to it. There were beliefs attached to it. There
were you know, the chemical endorphins from the nicotine that
would make me feel good. And and it can take
(25:33):
a lot of a lot of work to to heal
from an addiction.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
Absolutely all those endorphins, dopamine, all those feel good chemicals.
It feels so good in the moment, but then when
you're done, reality comes crashing.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Down right right. I heard a it was a quote
from Richard Simmons. I can't I can't say a word
for word, but his was a round food. But it
was like, you know, do you want to eat the
bad food and feel good for a couple of minutes
and then feel bad later, or do you want to
eat the good food and feel and feel you know,
(26:18):
bad in that couple of minutes that you have to
eat the good food because it doesn't taste very right,
it's not very tasty, but you feel good longer long term,
you feel good later. And it's the same thing, all right.
Do you want to watch that porn in the moment
and feel good for that, you know, twenty or thirty seconds,
and feel bad later because you know that that really
(26:41):
didn't serve you long term, or do you want to
stop and work on that, do that inner work, you know,
the energetic work, the conscious work, so that while you're
struggling in the meantime to feel good, long term, you're
going to feel amazing.
Speaker 4 (26:59):
That's short term, very short term pleasure can equal long term.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Pain, yes, and short term displeasure can create long term enjoyment.
Speaker 4 (27:14):
That's exactly right. In fact, on these studies they've done
in like billionaires and such, they have a long term perspective,
like they may wait years or even decades or even
a lifetime to get what they want, whereas the addict
(27:37):
their their time span is like seconds or minutes, as
opposed to the billionaire whose decades are lifetime.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Yeah. Yeah, and I learned. I learned that, you know,
when I when I started healing from my anxiety and depression,
it was not easy learning what energy healing was while
my anxiety and depression was ramping up because at that
point I'd come back off of the medication because I
(28:10):
just I couldn't feel anything, and I needed to feel
my feelings. I needed to know what I needed to
work with, and it was not easy learning energy healing
at that moment or going through it. And then once
I felt like I was about eighty percent heal, it
took me about four months of energy healing to feel better,
(28:35):
but it opened up that space to do the conscious work,
to do the meditation, the journaling, learning what boundaries were,
how to set them, feeling my feelings again and understanding
that my feelings might last ten or fifteen seconds once
I let myself feel them, and then they're gone and
I'm good.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
You've said many times feeling my feelings, feeling my feelings,
and someone may be listening to this as like, what
you know, what do you mean feel my feelings? I
just I just like doing this, you know, I like
drinking alcohol, or I like smoking, or I like porn.
(29:18):
You know, but I liked it and then I got
addicted to it. What are you talking about? You feel
my feelings? My feeling? Is I just it's fun or
I just enjoy the pleasure or would you see that person?
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Would I would challenge them to wait, to go to
their addiction and see what they're feeling when they're resisting
their addiction. Hmmm, because that's when that stuff is coming up.
It might be anger, it might be sadness, it might
be worry. Most of time, it's probably going to be
(29:55):
going to be anger or grief that's going to be
coming up.
Speaker 4 (30:00):
Anger is a big one for all the guys I
work with and myself, so much so that the mascot
for the show, he's a little weaner man. Call him
raging Richard, and the jokes don't be like raging Richard
Dick like Richard. When you're acting out with whatever the
addiction is, generally the person is not pleasant to be
(30:21):
around and so conscious. It's for me, it was never
like a conscious thing like oh, I'm feeling bad or depressed,
therefore I'm gonna use porn. It's usually just like I
find myself on it, like two hours later, I'm like,
how do I get here? You know, and I think, oh, well,
(30:42):
I was just must have been really horny or whatever.
It's like, no, my body was associating. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
You're you're disassociating from the from from your emotions, and
you know, and and there's you know, there's a lot
of energetic reasons that you might disassociate from from your
body and kind of step away from it. You know,
there's you know, we talked about about woo woo ness
(31:11):
and so there's you know, there's your there's these entities
and other offensive energies that feed off of our low vibrations.
And when we get into watching porn or angry music
or you know, violent movies, we we can zone out
(31:32):
and disassociate and then that's when they kind of swoop
in and go, we're gonna have a good time with
this one, and they just kind of pick on you.
Speaker 4 (31:40):
Disassociation and these entities will be an awesome place to
pick up when we have you back next week. So
and we will hear some of the talk about some
of the challenges here, but we'll talk about some of
the solutions and how you can use energy healing and
(32:01):
some of these other things in this next episode. So
we need to say goodbye today, but just real quick
because we'll have you next week. But if someone wants
to reach out to you, what's website to reach out
to you at.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
A Design your Existence dot com.
Speaker 4 (32:21):
All right, thank you, Tinya, We will see you next week.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
Thanks for listening. If you're struggling with porn or sex addiction,
reach out to Eric at powerfuleric dot com.
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